Summary: Buffy prepares for a perfect Thanksgiving with Spike. But of course, it’s the Hellmouth- nothing goes as planned. B/S fluff and angst.

Disclaimer: I own nothing; all the characters belong to Joss & co. I wish Spike were mine, but then again, who doesn’t? LOL Please don’t sue me, I have nothing to give you.

Timeline: set one year after Buffy’s “return”, just before thanksgiving. Assumes that everything so far from season 6 has happened, but after that, anything goes (spoilers through “wrecked”)

Prologue: Reflections

They’d been together for a while. After their fight, which now had taken place almost a year ago, Spike was sure that she’d kill him. The morning after, as they hurled insults at one another, each trying to come up with the most hurtful thing they could say to the other, Spike just knew that he would never again have the chance to wake up next to her ever again. He was certain that once she had really taken the time to think about it, and to process some of the things he’d said that she would show up at his crypt and stake him for sure. He just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t admit that she felt it too. He wasn’t demanding that she tell him she loved him (not yet anyway), he just wished that she would admit that she felt something when she was with him, and that it wasn’t wrong. He didn’t see much of her in the days following the fight. He usually waited until just after sundown and went by either the house or the magic shop, making sure that Buffy was not there, to check on Dawn. After her accident with Willow he had to make sure that his Lil Bit was recovering properly. But he made it a point to stay away from Buffy. Then, all of a sudden, one night in mid-December, the door to his crypt flew open, and in walked Buffy. He wasn’t surprised; he had sensed that she was near. So he calmly turned to face her, sure that she was about to come flying at him, stake in hand. Well, he was half right. She came flying at him, but he couldn’t see if she even had a stake on her. What in bloody hell is she thinking walking at night, unarmed, through the cemetery?? Spike thought as he watched the flash of her coming toward him. Before he even had time to think about fussing at her for coming ‘round with no weapons, that she’d get herself killed, blah, blah, blah, he felt her crash into him, wrapping her arms around his cool body and drawing him into one of the most passionate kisses of his existence. When she finally came up for air, he quipped, “Bloody hell, Slayer, is it that important to you that I die happy? Go ahead, stake me now, I know that’s why you’re here, what else could you possibly want from me?”

Buffy lowered her eyes, and he noticed a single tear rolling down her beautiful cheek. He resisted the urge to go to her, to take her in his arms and wipe her tears away. She turned away from him, and slowly slid to the floor, as her tears began to be a constant stream down her face. Spike was bewildered. As she fell into slow, violent, sobs and curled up on his floor, he wondered what brought about this rather odd show of emotions from the Slayer. Since her return, he had tried to make things as normal as possible for her, but he was slowly realizing that completely “normal” may not be what she needed right now. He choked back the urge to come out with some smart ass, big bad comment, and instead walked over to where she was lying on his floor. He had never seen her like this; she was crying so hard she could barely breathe. He slowly raised her tiny body up off the floor, and cradled her to him, hoping that he could ease just a little of her pain, and thinking that she would talk to him when she was ready.

As he held her there, in a whisper that Spike could barely hear even with his vampire hearing, Buffy said “Why don’t you love me anymore?”

Spike’s mouth fell open, as he tried to process where that question had come from. He slowly sat her up, and turned her to face him. When she wouldn’t look at him, he gently crooked a finger under her chin to raise her gaze up to his. “Luv, where in the world did you get an idea like that?” Although he knew the answer before the words had finished rolling off his tongue. He then realized his mistake in not sticking around and fighting for her love after that morning in the abandoned house. Even though he knew the answer, he waited for her response.

“How can you ask me that Spike?” came Buffy’s weary reply. “I admit that I totally did not believe you when you said you loved me before I died. But then when I came back, and saw how you had worked to keep your promise to me, I started to let myself believe that it might be true. But then, after we…” her voice trailed off as she started to cry again. He waited for her to start speaking again, and when she did he was horrified by her words. “I was really starting to think you were different Spike. I thought you would be the one to stick around in the morning, the one who wouldn’t leave, the one who would fight for everything he felt. But instead you just proved that you’re no better than Angel or Riley. Or even Parker for that matter.”

Her words stung as he heard them, breaking his unbeating heart with every syllable. “Well, pet, I wasn’t the only one hurling insults and running out that morning, you did your fair share too”. Old habits die hard, Spike resigned as the verbal jab slipped out before he realized it. In an effort to correct his words, he explained, “I was afraid that I was making things too complicated for you. And, judging by your reaction that morning in the abandoned house, I just figured that you didn’t want anything to do with me, so I left you alone. Buffy the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but I thought you could use some space to figure out what you wanted. I was not avoiding you to try and hurt you.”

“So then why the harsh words when I got here tonight. I just was hoping that you would be at least a little happy to see me, instead of assuming that I was here to kill you” Buffy said, the hurt still apparent in her voice.

Spike got up from his seat on the floor next to Buffy and started pacing around. Even if she doesn’t stake me, this girl will be the death of me, he thought to himself. He finally turned around to her and said “You never did tell me why you were here, Slayer”. He hadn’t noticed that as he’d been pacing around the crypt, Buffy had also gotten up and was crossing to him, once he stopped his pacing about.

“I though that kiss I planted on you would have been self- explanatory”

For the third time that night, Spike was amazed. Buffy could see that he might need more convincing. She crossed to him, and smirked to herself when she noticed the “deer-in-headlights” look on Spikes face. She stopped when she was inches away from him, and reached up to kiss him again. Before he had the chance to say anything to totally ruin the moment, Buffy started speaking. “Spike, these last few weeks without you around have been torture for me. I realize that I want to be with you. I’m not saying that I love you, that’s just way too confusing for me to even think about right now, but I do know that not having you in my life is only adding to the hell I feel everyday. But I do know that I have feelings for you, and I was hoping that you would be willing to give me the time to sort out my emotions, but not by myself. I need to be with you Spike”.

Her last sentence echoed through his brain like chimes from a bell tower. Was this a dream? A cruel dream that was about to be snatched away from him, just when he’d heard the words he’d wanted to hear for so long? As if she was reading his mind, Buffy said, as she let her hands begin to explore the muscles of his chest and back, “Spike, you’re not dreaming. Please, I need to be with you”

With those words, Spike drew Buffy closer to him, and kissed her. Tenderly at first, then deepening as the passion rose between them. Spike scooped her up in his arms and carried her over to his bed, placing her gently down. A small whimper escaped her lips when he broke their kiss to place her on the bed, but then he started kissing her again, holding her close. He pulled back for only a moment, to look in her eyes and ask “Buffy, are you sure this is what you want?” Her reply came as a breathless statement “Yes, Spike… please. I want you”.

At that moment they both knew there was no turning back.

Spike could hardly believe that had been almost a year ago. Thanksgiving was drawing close, and he had to chuckle to himself when he thought about how excited Buffy was about the holiday. She was making such a big deal about it; planning a huge dinner for the gang, trying to make sure that everything was perfect. Giles was coming back for her Thanksgiving celebration, and she hoped he would stay with them at least until the New Year. She had even told everyone to come prepared to share what they were thankful for, although none of the scooby’s were really keen on making some elaborate mushy speech about being thankful for each other, and most of them were quite afraid of what random things Anya might come up with to blabber on about. But Buffy couldn’t wait. She had plans for this thanksgiving, an ulterior motive for her little “say what you’re thankful for” time. She was going to tell everyone exactly what she was most thankful for, and she was finally going to tell Spike that she loved him.

Chapter 1: Company’s coming

Buffy was frantically dashing around the kitchen, making her shopping list, even though the holiday was still a few days away. Buffy was determined to do her shopping that night, so she wouldn’t be so rushed to get everything together for her gathering. She was so excited about Thanksgiving, about the thought of having her closest friends, her family, with her. She wanted everything to be perfect, because she was hoping this would be a Thanksgiving she would never forget. Spike heard her scurrying around, and wondered what she was doing. She scanned over her shopping list, and laid it on the counter with one of her “drafts” of her speech she intended to make on Thanksgiving. The phone rang just as Spike sauntered into the kitchen. “Will you answer that for me, Spike? I’m just finishing up something here” Buffy said as she wrote down the last couple of items on her list. She could feel the change in Spike’s mood as soon as he picked up the phone and said hello. As soon as he started talking, she understood why.

“Peaches, what the bloody hell do you want?…. Well that’s just none of you business, now is it, mate? Yeah, Whatever. Ok, just a minute”

Great, Buffy thought. What in the bloody hell does he want? This had better be good. She took the phone from Spike as he shoved it her way, and said “Angel?”

Spike listened to her broken, mysterious one-sided conversation. He wished that he knew exactly what Angel was telling her, what crisis he’d come up with to hurt her feelings this time. He tried not to worry about it, though, knowing that Buffy would tell him all about it when she got off the phone. Just then, he heard Buffy say quietly into the phone “well, if you think that’s best, then get here when you can, and we’ll tell them together… ok, be safe, bye”. Now Spike’s interest was really peaked. Why in the world was Angel coming to Sunnydale? His attention then drifted to the list and the other piece of paper Buffy had been writing on when he’d come into the room. Just as he was about to pick it up and read it, Buffy snatched the papers up off the counter and stuffed them in her pocket. She leaned over and gave Spike a quick kiss and tried to convince him to come shopping with her. Even though he hated shopping, he agreed to go, hoping to get some information about why his grandsire was gracing them with a visit.

Once inside the market, Spike decided to approach the topic. “So, pet… what was it that you so desperately didn’t want me to see on that paper I was about to read in the kitchen?” He watched as her face flushed and she looked at him like a child whose hand had been caught in the cookie jar. “Nothing.” She replied, “just my shopping list”, which she then produced from her jacket pocket. Spike made a mental note that this little shopping list was not the only paper she’d stuffed into that pocket, but decided to let it go and move on to the subject of Angel. Trying to make his voice sound as calm as he could be, and stifle the anger that just the thought if his name conjured up, he said “Well, then, maybe you’d like to share what the poof called in regard to”. Buffy’s head snapped up, and Spike was afraid of what she might say in response to that question. “Oh, nothing really important. Just called to say that he was going to be coming through here on his way to investigate some new big bad near Mexico, and that if we didn’t mind…he might stop by” she rushed the words out in one breath. She could feel the tension and could tell that the anger was boiling up inside Spike. She decided to continue “Spike, he’s only going to be here for a few hours, probably on Thanksgiving day. Will you please, for me, try to be nice? He was a big part of my life you know, and he’s bound to pop back up from time to time.” She noticed a look of suspicion on his face, but dismissed it as some pent up emotion against Angel. Buffy didn’t realize that he had overheard the end of the phone call and what she’d said to Angel. Spike decided just to drop it, and to find out what the real reason for his sudden visit was later. He smiled at her and said “If that’s what you want, pet, then I’ll try. I would do anything for you if it would make you happy”.

Over the next couple of days, though, Spike found that his thoughts were infested with wonderment over the real reason that Angel was coming to town. And it didn’t help any that Buffy continued to act so secretive. He would catch her sometimes, writing in a little book, but whenever she realized that he was there she would quickly put it away and try to act like nothing was up. He didn’t like the feeling of not trusting her, but then again she wasn’t really helping the situation any. The night before Thanksgiving, he found out the reasoning behind her sneakiness. Spike and Buffy were about to go out on one of their late night, post-patrol walks, and as she was coming down the stairs, Buffy called down to Spike and asked him to get her coat for her. When he picked up the coat, the mysterious little piece of paper from earlier that week fell at his feet. Before Buffy got there, Spike swooped it up and put it in his own pocket, deciding to read it later and try to figure out just what was going on. Later that evening, when Buffy was asleep, Spike slipped out of her bed and went to the bathroom to read the note he’d found. It was her Thanksgiving speech, about what she was most thankful for. It started out as your basic stuff, being thankful for friends and family, for the closeness they all shared, etc… But the second part almost sent Spike out to meet the sunrise. Tears formed in his eyes as he read the words, so delicately penned in Buffy’s handwriting.

So this is why he was coming to Sunnydale on Thanksgiving. This is what they were going to “tell everyone together”. As he sat there and felt sobs rising in his chest, he let Buffy’s note fall from his hands to the cold tile of the bathroom floor. Spike couldn’t stand to be in that house one more moment. He quickly went downstairs, grabbed his duster, and prepared to leave. Just as he was about to walk out the back door, Dawn appeared in the hallway, and called out to him: “Where you going so early, Spike? Trying to be first in line for fresh muffins at the bakery?” He did not turn to face her, but hissed over his shoulder “I have to leave for a while. Tell the Slayer I’ll try to be back later.” Dawn wondered what brought about his harsh tone, but she didn’t have time to ask him; he was gone in a flash.

Buffy woke up to the very odd feeling of being alone in her bed. She’d not woken up alone a single night since she’d gone to Spike to tell him that she needed him in her life. She still felt groggy from sleep, and called out his name as she was waking up. “Spike…Spike…where are you?” When he didn’t answer, she decided to get up and see if he was in the bathroom or the kitchen. The bathroom door was open, and when she glanced in she saw a single sheet of paper lying on the tile floor. When she picked it up and saw what it was, she mused aloud to herself “Hmph.. I wondered where this was. I must’ve dropped it in here last night. I sure hope Spike didn’t see it, or everything will be ruined.” Buffy made her way down to the kitchen, and found Dawn sitting at the table, munching on some Count Chocula and humming along to the radio she’d turned on. Dawn looked up and asked Buffy “Did you and Spike have a fight?”

“No. What makes you think that?”

”Well, I just thought you might have by the way he stormed out of here this morning. Definitely not a morning person, that vamp.” Dawn chuckled to herself, noting the irony of the joke she’d made.

“What do you mean ‘the way he stormed out of here’ Dawn, what did he say?” Buffy demanded.

Suddenly Dawn realized that maybe Buffy really didn’t know that he was gone, and she hated having to tell her sister what had happened. “Well, I woke up and came down for some water, and Spike was going out the back door. I asked him where he was going so early, and made some joke about him going out to bring us breakfast, but he just snapped back at me that he had to get out of here, and to tell you that he’d try to be back later.”

Buffy then told Dawn that he probably left because Angel was coming. Dawn was shocked at that news, and wondered why Buffy hadn’t told any of them that Angel was coming to town. All she would say even then was that Angel had some news for everyone and that he thought it was best to tell them in person. Dawn knew how much Spike hated Angel, and the Summers sisters decided that that was probably why Spike had left in such a hurry, he just didn’t want to be there when Angel showed up.

TBC…

Disclaimer: I don’t own them, Joss does… you know the drill

Feedback: I’d love know what you think of it, but please be gentle if you hate it. It’s my first attempt at a Buffy story. And thanks to those of you who reviewed my first chapter… it really inspired me to keep going with this!

Chapter 2: And baby makes…nine?

Buffy mindlessly moved about the kitchen, putting the final touches on her Thanksgiving meal. Suddenly her perfect dinner and plans to declare her love to the man she loved didn’t seem as bright as they had just 24 hours before. She really thought that she’d planned everything so that there would be no problems, then Angel had to call and screw it all up. And it made it so much worse that she knew what his big news for everyone was: he was coming to tell everyone about the baby, about his and Darla’s baby. He was worried that some evil forces were coming after the baby, and that he should give them a heads up, since the baddies were likely to come to the Hellmouth if they couldn’t find the baby in LA (which Angel was determined to prevent). She totally understood why he was coming to tell them; he had told her that he didn’t want to break this kind of news to her friends over the phone, and he thought that they might take the news better if she were there to sort of smooth things over with everyone. He’d said that he hated telling her over the phone, but secretly she was glad that he had, so that he wasn’t there to see the hurt in her eyes when she heard the words. Her heart broke a little each time she thought about the baby. Why did Angel deserve a child? The thoughts of the baby always brought her back to her relationship with Spike. They had overcome so much, and shared a love that was so deep, yet they would never know the joy of having a child together. It was the one dream that would remain broken for her; the one thing Spike could never give her.

Since Angel had called to tell her about Conner and to ask if he could come in person to tell the others, Buffy had tried everything she could think of to not dwell on thoughts of Angel and his newborn son. She plunged even more deeply into her plans for Thanksgiving, hoping that it would be the most perfect day. She even wrote more than usual in her little diary- the one she was keeping for Spike. The book had originated as a way for her to deal with all of her newly realized and newly admitted feelings for him. But after she had decided that Thanksgiving would be the day she actually told him that she loved him, she started writing about just that- her emotions about telling him, every thing she was planning for the day, how she hoped he would react. And after Angel’s phone call, she even started to record her feelings about Conner, and how she was afraid his arrival would have a less than desirable effect on her and Spike. She was going to give this book to Spike at Thanksgiving dinner, so that he would know that she wasn’t just saying empty words to him, so he would have proof of how her feelings for him had grown and blossomed over the last year. He’d almost caught her with it a couple of times, too. She would be lost in some memory of them, or so excited to write down some new thing she’d realized that she loved about him, and just when she would be in the middle of writing it all down, he had appeared, as if from no where. Of course she’d managed to hide the journal, making some excuse that it was some ancient text that Giles had sent from England for her to read (she knew that if he thought the book belonged in Giles’s extensive collection, he would be less likely to ask to read it.)

But now, on top of everything else that had seemed to go wrong the past week, now she had to worry because Spike had left early that morning without so much as an explanation to her. She knew that he was less than thrilled about Angel’s visit, but now that Spike had been gone all day she was beginning to think that perhaps there was more to his disappearance than the impending visit of his sire. Just as she was about to let her imagination run wild with the reasons Spike had left and what could have happened to him, the doorbell shocked her out of her dazed thoughts.

Standing at the front door of the Summers home was Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara, all wearing their happiest Thanksgiving smiles. Buffy was glad that they were all there, being in the company of her closest friends would help take her mind off of her missing boyfriend. Dawn heard the commotion and bounded down the stairs, greeting everyone with a big Thanksgiving hug.

“Is everyone ready to eat lots of turkey and pumpkin pie and ramble on about what they’re most thankful for?” Dawn asked as she plopped down on the sofa with the rest of the Scooby gang.

Everyone smiled and began to talk all at once about how nice it was that they could all be together and celebrate a normal holiday for once. The laughter and giggles continued, and they even seemed to ignore (or at least disregard) the blatant comments from Anya, although in the back of their minds everyone was a little nervous about the sorts of things she would be declaring her thanksgivings for later at dinner.

Buffy was enjoying the scene, taking in the sights and sounds of her friends- her family- and wondered if this is what it felt like to have a normal life. As much as she hated to do it, she thought they deserved a heads-up about their soon-to-arrive visitor. Buffy broke the sounds of merriment with a simple statement “Hey everyone, I just thought I should let you all know that Angel is coming by tonight, he will probably be here in time for dinner”.

The jolly sounds of laugher faded as everyone registered what Buffy had just said to them. Suddenly the laughter turned into a barrage of questions, mostly from Xander, and mostly coming in one-word spurts of “What? Why? When? Why?” Buffy promised them that his visit was not of a totally catastrophic nature, and that he had some news to share with everyone, and that she hoped they would all try to be understanding.

Only Anya dared to speak what she was honestly thinking at the moment regarding Angel’s arrival; “I just hope that Spike doesn’t kill him when he gets here. Bloodshed would definitely put a damper on things” she stated simply.

Before anyone had the chance to explain to her, yet again, the virtue of thinking before you speak, a low growl came from the back of the living room. “ I won’t kill him right away, no. I want to be sure that he knows just how angry I am with him before I watch him turn to dust”.

Buffy spun around to see Spike standing in the doorway to the kitchen, and rushed over to wrap her arms around him. “I’ve been so worried about you all day. Where have you been? What happened to make you leave this morning? I was worried that you wouldn’t come back, and that I wouldn’t be able to share my very special gift with you” she said, relieved to feel him in her arms again. But just as quickly as the feeling of relief came over her, the feeling that something was terribly wrong washed over her body, filling her senses. He just stood there, making no move to return her embrace. As Spike pushed her away from him, she looked in his eyes and could see the hurt, anger, and disgust that filled them.

“Drop the innocent act, Slayer. I’m not buying it anymore”. He snapped out the words with more harshness than she had ever heard in his voice.

Totally dumfounded, Buffy could only find the word “What?” as a horrified reaction to his tone.

Spike continued: “This whole year I kept telling myself that it had to be too good to be true. Being with you, having you tell me over and over how much you needed me, wanted me, I knew that there was no chance that this was going to last. But lately, I started to believe it. Everything that I’d ever hoped for was coming true. I actually still held out hope that you would love me one day. And now, I realize that what you said on that very first morning we woke up together was true… I was just a convenience”. He continued on, ignoring the fact that all of their friends were sitting there witnessing his tirade, and ignoring the horrified look on Buffy’s face as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I see now that you were just using me as a substitute until your ‘great love’ found a way to come back, and as soon as he calls you up and says he’s coming you can’t profess your love for him fast enough. That’s right Buffy; I found your little musing about how thankful you are to have the great love of your life back, and how much you can’t live without him. And I’ve also seen you sneaking around to write in that little book of yours- I’m sure you were writing more sickening little love letters to him. You really should be careful, luv, leaving such incriminating evidence just lying around to be found”. * ok, so she hadn’t left it lying around, it had fallen out of her coat, but it was all the same to me * he thought as he studied her face when he said those last words to her, as he let her know he caught up with her little plot.

Buffy suddenly realized what he was talking about. She started shaking her head, and muttering “no. no. no. Spike, you misunderstood everything. That’s not what you read, and that’s certainly not why Angel is coming here today. Please, let me explain”

He cut her off, stating in a much calmer voice “Save it, Slayer. I’m tired of your lies. I really, really tried to muster up the strength to come back here and be supportive of you and your choices, but I just can’t. I will not stay around here and watch you make the biggest mistake of your life with HIM. I can’t do it, and I won’t. Thanks for the memories.” And with that he spun around, and stalked out the back door, into the night, with his duster swaying in the breeze, adding to his dramatic exit. Buffy fell to the floor, violent sobs wrenching through her body as she realized that she might not be able to get him to see the honest truth. She might not be able to get him to come back, so she could share with him her true feelings for him and fix the dream that he now thought was broken.

In all of the commotion of Spike’s heated monologue, only Dawn had heard the soft knock at the front door. She got up to open it, and her mouth dropped open when she saw who was there. She slowly, with a look of sheer disbelief, said “Um…come in”. She wandered back into the living room, and saw her sister in a small, sobbing heap on the floor. Just as the back door slammed behind Spike, she said to whoever would listen to her “Um, guys? Angel’s here. With a baby.”

TBC…

Chapter 3: Emotions run high

Everyone was shocked; torn between reacting to Buffy, who was lying in a sobbing heap on the floor, or Angel, who was standing in the doorway cradling a baby in his arms. Finally, the Scoobies silently decided to split up and deal with both of them at once. Xander and Anya went to Buffy, and tried to get her to sit up and get control of herself, while Willow and Tara crossed the room to where Angel and Dawn were standing.

Angel broke the awkward silence by asking Willow “What just happened here? Why did Spike storm out, and why is Buffy sobbing?” Willow nodded her head toward the baby and said “Listen, mister, I don’t think you’re really in a position to ask all the questions here.” Angel lowered his eyes, acknowledging that Willow was right, and that he owed them an explanation regarding the cooing child he held in his arms. But he also thought that it was more important to take care of Buffy before launching into his explanations about the baby and his sudden visit. He leaned over to Willow, and said “Let’s get Buffy taken care of first, then I will explain everything”. Willow nodded, and they went over to where Xander and Anya were trying to comfort Buffy, just as Conner started to cry.

**

Buffy was hysterical. Xander and Anya had managed to get her to sit up, but they couldn’t really get her to make sense of anything she was saying. She just kept rambling on about how everything was falling apart, Spike misunderstood, she had to get him back, she had to make him understand. She finally snapped out of her rambling sobs when she heard a baby cry. Buffy’s head snapped up, and she saw Angel standing there. Suddenly, Buffy left her better judgment behind and went with the only thought that came to her mind. As hot tears sprang to her eyes again, she hissed “This is all YOUR fault! If you hadn’t insisted on coming here, today of all days, this never would have happened. Spike wouldn’t have had any reason to doubt me, and I would be telling him how much I love him right now instead of…. Oh no…” her words trailed off as she realized that he was gone.

Everyone looked a little stunned at Buffy’s sudden outburst, only then realizing that everything Spike had been ranting about earlier had in fact been in reference to himself. Anya stated the obvious, as she could always be counted on to do: “Oh. You were going to tell Spike that you loved him, but he thought you were talking about Angel, since Angel was coming to visit.” Everyone rolled their eyes at her, and Dawn stepped up.

“Buffy, you have to find him, and make him understand” she said urgently to her sister.

“Yes. I have to find him. Now. You guys stay here, I’m sure you all want to hear what Angel has to say. I’m going to find Spike and bring him home.” With that, Buffy was out the back door in a flash, leaving her friends and her sister standing in the living room, all looking at Angel and waiting for his explanation to begin.

***

Spike couldn’t get the image of the look on Buffy’s face out of his head. How could she manage to look so innocent and horrified, when he’d found the evidence of her profession to Angel? To Spike, it seemed like there were a million thoughts running through his head, and he couldn’t really settle on any one for very long. Every now and then, though, he would allow himself to contemplate the possibility that he was wrong. What if Buffy had been telling the truth when she said that he had misunderstood what he read? He hadn’t given her the chance to finish what she was starting to say, and he wasn’t totally sure if he interrupted her because he was afraid of what she might say to him that might hurt him more, or because he wanted her to feel some of the hurt he’d been feeling all day. Just as quickly as he let this thought of being wrong slip into his head, however, he pushed it right back out. Spike knew that dwelling too long on a thought like that was traveling down a dangerous path, because it would be so easy to talk himself into staying, which he thought could only end in more heartbreak for him. So, as quickly as he could manage, he threw some extra clothes into a back and headed out of his crypt. As Spike got into his car, he realized that he had given little thought to where he would go, and as he began to drive away he knew that it really didn’t matter. The only thing that did matter was getting out of Sunnydale and away from so many reminders of his life with Buffy.

***

Willow looked at Angel anxiously, almost urging him to get on with whatever it was he had come to tell them. Angel was still reeling from what Buffy had said to him before she left, and he desperately wanted for someone to explain to him exactly what was going on with her, but he knew that the Scoobies expected and deserved an explanation from him. He started to speak slowly, wondering how to choose his words to explain the reason for his visit. “Guys, I think maybe we should all go sit down, and I’ll try to explain everything.”

The group moved to the living room, and each person took a seat, while Angel remained standing and paced around in front of them. He decided just to tell them exactly what had happened in L.A.- about Darla coming back, about Conner’s birth, and about how he was worried that some great evil was coming to try and take the baby away. He studied everyone’s face as he told them his story. Dawn and Tara looked totally confused, Anya was completely intrigued, and Willow and Xander seemed to land somewhere in the middle. Xander was the first to speak up as Angel finished his explanation. “Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t always been a huge fan of yours, Angel. But you have to know that we will do whatever we can to help you out. We all know how much it will mean to Buffy for us to pull together and make sure you and the baby are safe.” Everyone else began to nod in agreement, and Willow added “Of course Angel, you know that we will do whatever we can to help, but I have to admit that I didn’t even see this coming. Finding out about you being a father was the last thing I expected from this trip.”

Angel lowered his eyes and said “I know, but I just didn’t think I could do this over the phone, especially since some sort of great evil may be on its way here.” Slowly everyone smiled to show their support, and Dawn asked shyly “Angel, could I hold the baby?” “Sure, just be careful” he replied as he gently placed the child in her arms. Dawn sat down on the sofa with Anya and began to marvel over how small and cute he was. Angel took the opportunity to find out exactly what had happened before he got there. He asked Willow, and she motioned to Xander to join their conversation before she explained about Spike and Buffy. The two friends took Angel into the kitchen and told him everything about how Spike and Buffy had gotten together, and how they were actually quite happy. Then Willow told him about what Spike had said to Buffy just before he stormed out, and how from there they had all just had to sort of piece everything together. “But apparently, Buffy hasn’t actually said ‘I love you’ to Spike yet, and she was planning on doing it after dinner tonight. But when Spike found her notes for her Thanksgiving speech, he assumed she was talking about you, since you were coming and Buffy had been a little stressed out about your visit. So he jumped to conclusions and left”, Willow explained. In the back of her mind, she hoped that Buffy would find Spike before it was too late. They all had seen how much things had progressed between the two, and Willow knew how much Buffy had grown to love Spike. If he left, Willow was afraid that it just might cause irreparable harm to Buffy. Angel asked them if someone should go out and help Buffy look for Spike, but Xander thought that right now that might be a bad idea. “I think maybe we should just let her be for now. I mean, it hasn’t been too long since he left here, I’m sure Spike couldn’t have gone far. Let’s just give Buffy a chance to find him and get everything straightened out. If we haven’t heard from one of them in a little while, then we’ll go out and start looking on our own” Xander offered. Willow and Angel agreed, and the trio made their way back to the living room to check up on the others.

***

Buffy ran down her street and through town at lightening speed. The only thing running through her mind was that she HAD to find Spike, and she had to make him understand what had happened. Before she even realized it, she had arrived at Spike’s crypt. She opened the door and looked around slowly, letting her eyes adjust to the dim light of the interior of the crypt. As her eyes adjusted she noticed that there were a few candles burning in the corner of the room, and she made her way across the room and lit a few more candles so she could see more easily. As she looked around the crypt, she felt a little relieved. Everything was still in its place. That had to be a good sign, right? Maybe Spike hadn’t left town; after all his things were still in his crypt, it didn’t really look like he had frantically packed up to leave. After all, they shared such a deep connection, wouldn’t she know if he was really gone? Buffy began to hope that Spike had just gone out to blow off some steam and that he would be back later, and she would be there waiting on him to work everything out. But the longer she sat there, tiny little nagging thoughts crept into Buffy’s mind, making her doubt her certainty that Spike had not left town. She got up and started to plunder around the crypt, going from place to place as if she was ticking off items on a mental checklist. Buffy was looking for any shred of evidence that would calm her fears and give her hope that Spike would be coming home soon. She looked around the room again, and noticed that everything that was usually lying around the crypt was there, just as it always was. She went to the fridge; his usual supply of blood was there. She made her way down the stairs to his bedroom, and noticed that the bed was not made; in fact, it looked as if the sheets and blankets had not really been touched since the last time she was here with Spike. He never really made the bed up unless he was leaving for a long time or he knew that she was coming over and wanted to make things extra romantic. So far, all good signs… nothing pointing to his absence, other than the fact that he wasn’t physically there. But then, as Buffy began to open the drawers of the old dresser he used for his clothes, she felt her heart sink. All of his signature black t-shirts were gone; most of his button-downs, and almost all of his jeans were missing. She ran to his bathroom to find that his most of his things in there were not in their proper place, and finally she made her self look under his bed for the little duffle bag she’d given him to use when he spent extended time at her house. It was not in its place. Reality hit Buffy harder than any demon she’d ever fought. Spike was gone.

***

As a last ditch effort, Buffy decided to try some of the places that Spike used to hang out, hoping that she just might find him. She tried the Bronze, Willy’s and a couple of other bars that she remembered Spike going to, but he wasn’t at any of them, and no one had seen him. She knew checking those places was a long shot, and as she wandered around she didn’t even want to begin to imagine her life without Spike. Buffy eventually ended up at her mother’s grave, which really didn’t surprise her. In the days following her own return to Sunnydale, she had spent plenty of time there, seeking comfort from the harshness of being snatched from the paradise she felt while she was gone. For Buffy, coming here made her feel close to her mother, and she would pour out her problems hoping that somehow, somewhere, Joyce was listening. Buffy sat down, and gently traced the letters etched on the marble stone with her fingers. As tears slowly began to slip down her cheeks, Buffy began to speak.

“Mommy, can you hear me? I think I’ve really messed up this time, and I just don’t know how to fix it. I guess I really should have known better than to hope for a nice, normal Thanksgiving. I mean, what holiday has ever been normal around here? I had these grand plans to tell Spike how much I loved him. I was finally going to tell him, so that he wouldn’t wonder anymore about how I felt about him. But then Angel called and planned a visit to tell everyone about his baby. Yes, Angel has a baby. I was so worried about him coming to town, and so depressed at the thought of him actually having a child, knowing that Spike and I wouldn’t ever have children, I didn’t even realize that I was not paying attention to Spike and how much he was apprehensive about Angel coming to town. Then he found my notes that outlined what I was going to say to him, but he thought they were meant for Angel, and now he’s gone. Spike is gone, and I have to find some way to get him back. But I don’t even know where to start looking for him, because he’s left town, and I can’t even imagine where he might have gone.” Buffy continued to ramble on, not even paying attention to what she was saying, or how hard she’d started to cry. As she broke down even more and allowed herself to get lost in her overwhelming emotions, Buffy didn’t notice that there was a suspicious figure lurking in the shadows, and she didn’t hear his footsteps as he approached the spot where she sat beside her mother’s grave, and she didn’t even see it coming when he reached out and grabbed her.

**

Chapter 4: Hanging by a moment

The demon Corcoran lurked in the shadows behind a crypt, just waiting for his prey. Corcoran was a large demon, very strong and very ugly (even by demon standards). He was tall, his skin was scaly and cast with a deep red pigment, his face was wrinkled and his eyes were a pale white color, with flecks of red. He didn’t know if they knew about him yet, but he had heard tales of them- the slayer and the vampire who worked together fighting demons. It disgusted him the way they trusted each other, and he was sickened when he thought of how they had fallen in love.

“I’ll show them just how wrong they were to ever believe they could have a life together. I’ll make them pay for their ‘goodness’… with their lives.” The demon vowed silently as he searched for the slayer and her vampire.

Suddenly, he heard someone speaking. The demon listened carefully, and could not believe his luck. The very slayer he was searching for was sitting just around the corner, blabbering on about some huge mistake. The slayer was obviously upset, and very off her game. Corcoran couldn’t have asked for this to be any easier. Just as he saw her shoulders slump into an even more vulnerable position, he decided to make his move. In a flash he was behind her. She didn’t even know he was there. He reached out and grabbed Buffy, pulling her to her feet, spinning her to face him.

“Corcoran…” Buffy squeaked out as a look of horror found its way to her face. His grip on her was so strong, so powerful; she couldn’t even manage to move in any attempt to free herself from his grasp.

“Well, Slayer, I’m impressed that you know of me. You must know then how repulsed I am by you and your little pet vampire. But you needn’t concern yourself with me- you won’t be alive long enough to try and save yourself or your lover.”

All Buffy could think of was Spike, and what this monster may have done to him. Subconsciously, she beckoned to him to save her, but she knew that he would not come. Buffy tried to break free from the demon’s grasp, but she still couldn’t move an inch. Corcoran held his firm grasp on her, and moved her so she was standing at arms length. Just as he raised a clenched fist, Buffy screamed. Her scream was cut short as Corcoran’s fist met her right cheek, and Buffy collapsed in an unconscious heap, the last thing she remembered being a flash of white light behind her eyes.

***

Back at the house on Revello Drive, the Scooby gang was really starting to worry. It had been at least a couple of hours, and they had not heard from either Buffy or Spike. Willow and Xander quietly chatted in the corner, trying not to alarm Dawn.

“Xander, I’m really worried. I mean, Buffy’s been gone so long and surely she would have come back by now to let us know whether or not she’d found him.” Willow stated.

“But, Will, don’t you think that if she couldn’t find him she would have wanted some time alone? I’m thinking that the last thing she would want if he really did leave was to come back here and feel like she had to put on a happy face for all of us.” Xander replied.

Angel walked up just as they were finishing their conversation. The two friends could tell that he was just as worried as they were. “Guys, I think we should maybe start looking for Buffy. It just can’t be good that she’s been gone this long without letting us hear from her.”

“See? I’m not the only one with the wiggins because she’s been gone for hours” Willow told Xander.

***

Willow, Xander, and Angel decided that they should go and look for Buffy. It was getting way too late and if she hadn’t found Spike, they felt sure that she would be in no emotional condition to wander the streets of Sunnydale. Conner was asleep, so they decided that Angel and Xander would go out and search for Buffy, and Anya would go to the Magic shop and wait in case either Buffy or Spike showed up there, while Willow and Tara kept watch at the house.

After dropping Anya off at the shop, Xander and Angel decided to split up and look for Buffy. Xander went to check downtown, searching in the spots that he thought Buffy might have gone if she had found Spike, and Angel went to check a few clubs and the cemetery.

Xander’s search was unsuccessful. He went back to the Magic shop to wait with Anya. He tried to act nonchalant about the whole situation, but he was starting to worry too. It just wasn’t like Buffy to disappear for hours and hours and not at least let them know where she was. Xander started to have a very bad feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Angel finished his rounds of the clubs with no luck. As he made his way through the cemetery, he decided to make a stop by Spike’s crypt, halfway hoping that he would find Buffy and Spike there and that they would have some crazy story about how they’d made up and lost track of time. As he approached the crypt, Angel heard a scream that sounded all too familiar. He sprinted around a few corners, toward where he heard the scream. As he looked up and saw a red demon running toward the edge of the cemetery, he realized that he was near Joyce’s grave. He looked over and saw Buffy lying in a heap beside her mother’s grave, and she didn’t look like she was breathing. Angel was torn between helping her right away and going after the thing that did this to her. His head snapped up, and realized that Corcoran had turned and was running back toward the grave.

Angel stood and faced the direction of the approaching demon. When Corcoran reached his destination he didn’t even have the chance to question who Angel was or why he was there by the Slayer’s side. With one angry punch, Angel knocked the red, scaly demon to the ground, and after several more pummeling blows, he delivered the fatal swing, and Corcoran disintegrated into a puff of scarlet smoke and dust. Angel immediately turned his attention to Buffy, who was seriously injured. He scooped her up and quickly took her to his car, and rushed Buffy to the emergency room.

***

The phone at the Summers home rang, and Willow jumped to answer it before it woke either Dawn or Conner. Tara watched as Willow’s expression melted from one of concern, to one of shock, to one of horror. As she hung up the phone, she started to cry when she told Tara about the call. Angel was at the hospital, and Buffy was in the ER, in serious condition. Willow was too hysterical to think straight, so Tara managed to call Xander at the Magic shop. He and Anya were back at the house as quickly as they could speed there in Anya’s little car. Xander woke Dawn and told her that they had to go to the hospital, that Buffy was hurt. Dawn was too stunned to say anything. While Willow and Tara helped Dawn get ready to go, Xander and Anya gathered some things for Conner in a small bag and actually managed to get him to the car without waking him.

At the hospital everyone poured into the ER waiting area, looking for Angel to get an update on Buffy’s condition. Angel came out of a small exam room and joined the others in the waiting room. Buffy’s doctor explained to them that she was unconscious, due to the trauma she’d suffered. She had a deep gash above her left eye, and had several bad bruises on various parts of her body. She also had several lacerations on her arms and chest, and had lost a considerable amount of blood.

The doctor told them: “Ms. Summers is lucky that Mr. Angel found her when he did. It appears that whatever attacked her had left her for dead, and she just may have been if she hadn’t gotten to the hospital when she did. Right now all we know is that the next few days will be critical. You should all talk to her when you are visiting with her. We have all evidence that victims who are unconscious can hear you, so talk to her. Encourage her to fight, remind her of what she has to come back for. If you have any more concerns, please contact me.” If he only knew how hard that would be…

***

Spike had been driving for about three hours, with absolutely no idea where he was heading. Somewhere deep inside he felt sure (or maybe he was just foolishly hoping?) that he’d barely missed Buffy, that she had most likely come looking for him and that she’d arrived at his crypt moments after he left. But now he was just driving, trying to get away from Sunnydale. Away from Buffy, away from any reminders of her. The more he thought about it, he was glad that he’d packed and left in such a hurry. In his haste to leave, he hadn’t brought along any real reminders of her- no photos, no little mementos of the time they had spent together. It was better this way. It was the only way he could ease the pain he felt whenever a thought of her crept into his mind, breaking his heart into even more pieces. Out of sight, out of mind. If she was happy with Angel, then so be it. No looking back.

That was great in theory, but it proved to be much harder than he planned. As Spike switched on the radio, he realized that it was playing one of those silly mix tapes that Dawn loved to make when she was bored. She had made two copies of this particular edition, one each for Buffy and Spike. She’d said that the songs reminded her of the two of them, and their relationship. As the words to the song blared from the speakers, Spike resisted the urge to eject the tape and throw it out the window. Instead, he resigned himself to listen to it and allow himself to grieve for the dream he’d lost with his Slayer.

**

The words swam around in his head, conjuring up more emotion than he really cared to feel at that moment. The meaning of the song described so much of his past, but also now seemed to describe so much of his future. Forgetting Buffy was going to be the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

Spike saw a blue road sign that read: Rest Area, 1 mile. He decided to stop and figure out exactly where he was, and exactly where he would go from here. After studying the maps inside the building, he figured out that he could be to Las Vegas in a little over another hour. ‘That might be an interesting destination’ Spike thought to himself. Hardly anyone in that town would be suspicious of him sleeping all day and staying out at night; plus, there was plenty of activity there to hold his interest in his waking hours. Spike decided not to linger long at the rest area, since he could easily make it to Vegas and be safely inside before sunrise.

Suddenly, just as he was getting into his car, Spike could have sworn that he heard a scream in the distance. He spun around, but saw no one in the area. There was only one other car in the parking area, and it was driving away. Did he really hear that scream? As he contemplated the origin of the scream he was so certain he had heard, he felt a sharp pain in his left temple; it felt like someone had sliced his flesh open just above his scarred eyebrow. Spike felt very dizzy, like he may loose consciousness, but he didn’t. Just as quickly as the feeling washed over him, he saw a bright flash of white light and the feeling was gone, and he unexpectedly felt completely empty inside.

***

Dawn would not leave her sister’s side. As soon as the doctor told them Buffy had been moved to a regular hospital room and could have visitors, she rushed into her sister’s room and stayed there, refusing to move. The doctor had told them to talk to Buffy, and Dawn did just that. In fact, not one of their friends could get her to shut up; she just kept on talking to Buffy, reminding her of stories from their childhood, telling her about every little thing she had been doing at school; basically Dawn was just rambling on about whatever came to her mind.

Finally, Willow convinced Dawn to try and get some rest. She knew that Dawn would not leave Buffy’s room, but luckily there was a recliner in Buffy’s room so Dawn could rest without actually having to go anywhere. As Willow sat down at her friend’s bedside and took her tiny, frail hand in her own, she thought about just how pitiful Buffy looked lying in that hospital bed. She looked so broken, so defeated. She silently wished that she wasn’t still recovering from her overuse of magic, because if she could she would do a locator spell to find Spike and go and kick his ass for leaving Buffy so vulnerable. Just as she was getting way too caught up in her own thoughts, she heard Dawn mumble something from her curled up position in the recliner.

“What was that, Dawnie?” she whispered.

“Talk to her, Willow. Remember, the doc said to talk to her. She can hear us. Maybe if we keep talking to her she will wake up.” Dawn said sleepily.

Willow began to talk to her friend, a little uneasy at first as to what to talk to her about. Eventually her words came without hesitation, and Willow found that it was rather easy to find reasons for Buffy to wake up and come back to them, while still avoiding the whole subject of Spike. But even though her words were coming more easily, Willow could sense that her friend was far, far away, and that she may not be coming back to them anytime soon. Willow just hoped that wherever she was, that she was happy.

TBC