You Mean the World to Me

by Brat

Chapter One

“Hello, luv,” a deep voice rumbled in Buffy’s ear causing her to shiver. She spun around and green met blue. She furrowed her brow and took a step back to take in the person pressing so close against her.

She couldn’t help the happiness that flooded her at seeing her best friend. If he even was that anymore. “Spike?”

He grinned saucily and spread his arms open wide, “in the undead flesh.”

She broke out into a huge smile and took the opportunity of his arms open wide to fling her arms around him and hug him.

He gently embraced her and enjoyed the warmth of her body against his. He allowed himself a sigh. He had missed her.

She broke away from him and studied him. “It would be really dumb to say you look the same wouldn’t it?”

He rolled his eyes, “yeah, luv, I think so.”

“Hey, you could have changed your style.” She giggled, “so the jeans and t shirt haven’t yet welded themselves onto your body huh?”

“Ha bloody ha,” but he was smiling. “How I’ve missed your sarcasm.”
She shrugged, “how could you not? So, the last time I saw you was…last year? About this time?”

“Yes, I believe you were on your way to England for a vacation. I got a letter that said you were staying indefinitely. But, funny how I never got the return address.”

She looked down and away. Then, she shrugged. “I liked it there.”

He cocked his head to the side and she met his gaze straight on. He was doing the classic look of trying to get to the bottom of what she was thinking. The best way to not give him any fodder was to meet his gaze.

“Hiding something, pet?” He asked.

“No.”

“Why didn’t you want me to know where you were?”

She shrugged. “What does it matter?”

“I missed you. I wanted to know where you were, if you were all right.”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I? And I’m all right. All in one piece.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t come after you.”

“Bit dramatic, don’t you think?” She raised her eyebrows.

His eyes flashed then, humor gone. “I had a half a mind to.”

“Why didn’t you then?” She challenged him.

“Figured you’d rather have me stay and protect those nearest and dearest.”

“You don’t have to do anything for me, Spike. You never had to.”

“No, but I choose to.”

“A vampyre with the deep-seated respect and desire for a family. How sweet.” She was being bitter now. Their reunion had gone from pleasant to horrid in seconds. It figured she wouldn’t be able to come back and have no questions asked. She had hoped that enough time had passed for her departure and her desire to not come back to be, if anything, forgiven.

“Don’t give me that. Just because you felt the need to abandon everyone-“

“Oh for Christ’s sake! I didn’t abandon anyone. I traveled. Everyone knew where I was—“she stopped then. Uh-oh. She hadn’t met for that last part to come out.

His eyes went from anger, to hurt and then back to anger. “You kept in touch with everyone? You mean to tell me I was the only one who was kept out of the loop as to where you were? How is that, Supergirl?”

“Don’t call me that,” she told him through clenched teeth. “I’m not Supergirl. I’m just Buffy.”

“Just Buffy, huh? Did visiting a different country zap you of your super powers then? Or can you still take out a few vamps, a demon and whatever else comes along without breaking a sweat?”

Her eyes flashed then, “shut up, Spike,” she hissed.

“Prefer Wonder Woman then?”

She glared at him, clenching her fists.

“I know you want to hit me,” he said darkly. “Why don’t you just do it?”

She straightened, “because I’m not that girl anymore. I left her here when I left. I became me and I don’t have any desire to be ‘wonder woman’ any longer. Good-bye Spike.” She stalked off, beer on the bar forgotten.

Spike watched her walk away and clenched and unclenched his jaw several times. Bloody chit. No, no this wasn’t right. There was no way she was going to walk away from him. There was no way she was going to up and leave for a year without telling him where she was and what she was doing. There was no way she was going to get away with keeping him out of the bloody loop. Not after he’d stood by her, fought by her side, been there for her…loved her. He stormed off in her direction. Pushing his way through the crowd he followed her scent outside. He took a right onto the sidewalk out of the bar and saw her halfway down the street, pulling her sweater tighter around her. He took off in a flash and grabbed her arm. She quickly twisted his arm so that she was the one grabbing his and flung him halfway across the street.

“Not Wonder Woman any longer huh?” He asked as he sat up on his elbows.

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Jesus Christ, Spike! What the hell are you doing?”

He got up, wiping blood away from his mouth and planted himself in front of his fuming Wonder Woman.

“Think I’d make it easy for you to just walk away from me?” He asked.

She rolled her eyes, “the real question is do you ever make anything easy? Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you where I was, specifically.”

He didn’t try to hide the hurt any longer. “Why? Why did you lie to me? Why did everyone else lie to me?”

“They were respecting my wishes.”

“And you? I can take their lying to me—sort of. But you? How could you do that?”

“I did what I had to.” She whispered.

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I wanted to get away from here for a while Spike. Boston wasn’t my home anymore. It was becoming something entirely different. And goddammit, I’m not the damn Slayer. It’s not my job to clean up the streets. I’m not a Chosen One. I’m just a girl that happened to be born with powers—”

“A witch with the ability to kick ass.”

“Exactly. And I didn’t want to be her anymore. I wanted to be me. The me without the powers. The me who enjoys the sun and hanging out with her friends. The me who has choices.”

He folded his arms across his chest and studied her. She was shaking. Obviously upset. “You always have choices, Buffy. No matter who you are or what powers you have.”

“I protected them the best I could as I was gone. I still practiced my magic.” She sighed heavily. “And I knew that you were here. That was another reason I asked them to not say anything.”

“Bloody hell, woman!” He threw up his arms. “You mean to tell me that you used me?”

She looked away. “Part of going away to be me meant leaving behind the vampyre that was my friend. Not exactly part of the normal life I was trying to…try on.”

Now, his hurt was more than apparent. It was broadcasted for any to see. He looked as if she had driven a stake through his heart.

“How could you?” He whispered. “After all we’d been through?”

Her eyes welled up in tears. She hadn’t ever wanted him to know the truth. She couldn’t stand the hurt apparent on him. It rolled off of him in waves and made her want to break down and beg forgiveness. Which, she realized, was what she should do. Instead though, she looked straight at him.

“I always have choices, remember?” She told him and walked away again.

He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. “I should be the one walking away from you after what you did to me. Not the other way around.” He ground out.

“Then walk away,” she challenged him. She stared defiantly at him and nearly faltered when she saw tears forming. Instead though, he grabbed her and pulled her against him and kissed her hard. It was a wholly carnal, demanding and possessive kiss.

She pushed at him and still he kissed her. His canines nipped her tongue and she pushed with all her might, but his anger and hurt gave him strength greater than hers. Usually, they were equals, but when emotions were running high—especially with Spike—he had insane strength. He growled at her as she pushed and for once in her life, she was afraid of him. He left her mouth as blood spilled into it and within a second she felt his fangs sink into her neck. She tensed with shock—no, no, no—oh god.

“Mine!” He growled fiercely as he sipped her blood, “You’re mine.”

Oh, God. He didn’t. He just claimed her. Marked her as his mate. Her fear gave her back the strength that seemed to leave her body after his assault. She pushed with all she had in her and succeeded in shoving him clear away. He landed in a heap in the alley and hit the wall. He slid down, eyes fixed and glowing on her. She swiped at the blood she could feel trickling down her neck. His eyes went wide with shock as blood dripped off his canines.

“Oh god, no, I didn’t—Buffy, I didn’t—Oh god, I’m so sorry—“ He started to stand but this time she ran as hard and as fast as she could. Away from the monster who bit her; ran away from the monster who claimed her so savagely. Away from her once best friend.

Spike sank back down into the concrete floor and sobbed. He’d hurt her. He hadn’t meant to, he was just so hurt…he felt so betrayed and he loved her so much. He had missed her while she was gone. Missed her so much his undead heart seemed to constantly ache. When he had been told by her letter that she was not coming home any time soon, his whole world had fallen apart. The only thing that had kept him going was the thought that one day she would be back and that by staying beside her family, he was doing her good. It hurt to know that she hadn’t even sought him out when she’d arrived home. He tried to be casual about it, figured she’d tell him in her own time. But, there was something different about her and if there was one thing Spike wasn’t, it was patient. Her betrayal of him cut so deeply, and his fear of losing her completely obliterated all rational thought. With his claim on her, she would be bound to him forever. She belonged to him now. Oh God, what if she left again? She could. She could up and leave…but he could find her this time. She hated him now. There was nothing stopping her from staking him this time! His thoughts jarbled, his feelings strewn, there was only one thing he knew he had to do: get her to forgive him.

Chapter Two

Buffy ran as if Satan himself were on her heels. It pretty much felt like it. She ran so hard and so fast, she felt as if she were flying. Her feet never seemed to touch the ground. She could feel the blood on her neck beginning to dry and it was a reminder of what he’d done. Spike, how could you? She kept seeing his face, sweet Spike, caring Spike, fighting by her side Spike. Vicious Spike claiming her? No, no, no. It couldn’t be true. The stabbing pain she could now feel in her neck told her otherwise. How could he do something like this? He was always on her side, fighting with her, vowing to always be there for her. Tears marred her vision, now he’d gone and done the unspeakable. He’d bitten her. Claimed her. Chained her to him for all eternity. What had possessed him to do it? Was he unable to control his bloodlust? He’d never had a problem before. His soul…oh god, did he lose his soul?

“Giles! Giles, open up!” She pounded on her High Priest’s door. His place was the only sanctuary she could think of.

The door flew open and Giles stood there in his robe, looking quite shaken and groggy. “Buffy? What is it?” Then he saw her neck and his jaw dropped. He grabbed her hands and led her in quickly, stealing a glance to see if anyone was following.

“Dear God, what happened?” He asked as he went for first aid supplies. “Who got to you? Did you dust it?”

She shook her head and wiped her tears away. “I-I wasn’t prepared.”

Giles’ eyes went wide. “What do you mean you weren’t prepared? Just because you don’t want to be hunting demons anymore doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be prepared.”

“It was Spike, Giles.” At the look of pure shock on his middle-aged features, Buffy promptly burst into fresh tears. “He bit me. He-he claimed me, Giles.”

Giles looked about ready to fall over, “he did—what?”

“Claimed me. Made me his,” she spat ‘his’ out as if it were contaminated.

“What prompted him to do such a thing?”

“He found out about my trip. How I didn’t want him to know. How I tried to cut ties with him…”

“You told him?”

“It kind of came out. He freaked on me. He was so angry and hurt. . .he kissed me and then he… he bit me.”

“Did he say the words?”

She nodded glumly, “he said ‘mine. You’re mine.’”

“Oh Dear God.” He pushed her gently into his chair and started to clean the infected area. He apologized when she hissed at him. “He wasn’t very gentle.”

“There’s a gentle way to be bit?”

“Yes, there is. When vampires mate, it can be quite an erotic experience. What Spike did…his anger is apparent by the bite. Did you feel anything at all?”

“I couldn’t register anything beyond shock and…sadness.”

“Sadness?”

“It’s Spike, Giles. Spike, whom befriended me when he should have hated me.”

“Well, he had a soul. He knew right from wrong.”

“Spike who was there when the Slayer thought I was a demon and wanted to take me out.”

“He cares about you.”

Buffy glared at him then and moved away from him. “Cares about me? Cares? Does someone do this,” she pointed to the wound on her neck, “because they care? No, Giles. He doesn’t care about me, not anymore!”

“When a vampire claims a mate, it’s not merely about possession. It’s about love. Their inner nature, the demon, calls out for it.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Are you telling me that Spike claimed me because he and his demon love me?”

Giles looked down at the floor, guiltily. “I’m afraid so.”

“And you, Giles?” She pointed at him accusingly.

His head shot up, “me…what?”

“You don’t seem so surprised by this. Did you know about it all this time? Did you want it to happen?”

Giles stood and tried to go to her, but she stepped back. He stood rooted where he was and looked at her, pain evident on his face. “No, I didn’t know he would do this. I-I knew, well, suspected at least, of his feelings toward you.”

Her eyes widened, “and you kept it from me? All this time, you kept it from me?”

“I never thought he would take it to such extremes. You say he found out about your vacation?”

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. “He interrogated me. You know how he gets when he wants to know something. I let it slip and he was so hurt…so…angry.” Her voice trailed off and tears started to roll again at the memory of his deed.

“Despite that, he shouldn’t have done it. It is unforgivable. He never even gave you the choice.”

“There is a choice when a vampire claims?”

“Yes, always. It’s like a ritual for them. It’s usually done…in the act of…well, in the act of…um—“

“Sex?”

Giles blushed and took off his glasses to clean them. “Yes, in the act of sex. A vampire claims another vampire—not very often is it a human—by biting them and the claim is reciprocated by a bite. It’s like a marriage. A stronger marriage than those of humans.”

“I know that part. So, then, this claim…can it be reversed? Can it be undone? Is there a spell?”

Giles looked at his spiritual child sadly, “I’m sorry, Buffy. There isn’t. A vampire claim is the strongest magic there is. Anything that involves blood is infinitely strong.”

“This isn’t happening to me. I haven’t even been home a week and I’ve gotten into more trouble than when I was hunting demons. I…he can sense me, he’ll know when I’m in trouble and all that, right?”

“Yes, he can sense when you’re in trouble. He can sense where you are, when you’re close. He can call to you and you will go to him.”

“Can he sense that I hate him? Can he sense that?” She asked, her voice whispering hatred and loathing.

“I don’t think he needs sense to tell him that,” Giles said quietly.

“What am I going to do now? There has to be a way to keep him at bay. A way to keep him away from me. He claimed me, but I never claimed him. The claim can’t be so strong without the other side.”

“Well, there is a missing link, but it is strong nonetheless. The demon in him will hunt you if you run.”

“Are you condoning this, Giles? It sure sounds as if you are!”

He stood up and stalked over to her. He went to touch her, but she flinched and he stopped. “It’s like he raped you,” Giles muttered.

“That’s how it feels, Giles. He took something that didn’t belong to him. He attacked me, Giles. And you are acting as if you’re conducting a simple science experiment! He tore my flesh, drank my blood and staked his claim on me!”

“Buffy, I do not condone what he did at all! I am in shock of how he could…you know that Spike and I never started out on the right foot with each other. He was quite the vicious monster before his soul, I quite remember warning you of it when you became friends with him. Did you listen to me? No. He proved himself time and again. He stood by you, protected you and your family—me—time and again. I’m in shock that he could do something like this. Did he—did he lose his soul?”

“I didn’t ask. He didn’t seem any different. It wasn’t until after I told him that I didn’t want him to know where I was that he…changed.”

“What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything you ask of me. You know I will.”

“I don’t know what I want you to do Giles!” She burst out. “I want—I want the claim to be undone and you can’t do that!”

Giles hung his head sadly, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! I want him to stay away from me. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to be his…”she started to sob and sank into Giles’ couch. “I want to be normal. I want to be me again. I was so happy in England. I was afraid to come back…I knew the insanity would start all over again…I did miss him, you know? I did. And I didn’t want to. I tried so hard not to. I missed him and I tried so hard to shut him completely out. When I saw how hurt he was tonight, I felt so guilty. I wanted to cry for him, with him.” She sprang up then, “and then he bit me! He was so vicious and uncaring! He wasn’t the Spike I missed and the Spike that I felt so guilty over. He hurt me and I am so angry at myself for caring that I hurt him. I don’t want to see him, Giles. Ever. You have to help me. You have to help me fight the claim. There has to be a way. If he calls to me, you can stop me. You can stop him. Please, Giles, please…please.” She sobbed in earnest now her constant plea forming as she was brought into the comfort of Giles’ arms. She didn’t see that, Giles too, wept.

Chapter Three

Giles sat and watched his spiritual child as she watched TV. She’d been doing that all day. She had refused to go home on account that Spike could show up. He had gently reminded her that Spike was a vampire and therefore incapable of going out in the sunlight. She had promptly reminded him that it hadn’t stopped him before. So, he had collected the belongings she needed and brought them to her. She had decided that since he was her High Priest, he was the only one that could help her. Her family wouldn’t understand. They loved Spike and depended on Spike. They had commented how good Spike was for her. She had blanched at the thought as she stared at her bite marks in the mirror. Yet, Giles wondered why she felt the need to protect his crime from her family if she was indeed truly angry with him. The more he thought about it however, the more incensed he became with Spike. He hadn’t trusted Spike’s intentions in the beginning, thinking he only wanted to find a way to destroy the powerful supergirl. Spike had argued with him time and again about his intentions with Buffy. He firmly vowed to her spiritual leader that his intentions with her was to help her, stand by her and protect her. After some time, Giles had come to grudgingly trust and accept the vampire. Aside from battling evil together, they had become fast friends. Everything Giles had heard about Spike was horrid indeed. He was a slayer of slayers, a killing machine; one that traveled and tortured the world with his beloved Drusilla. Until Dru left him.

Spike had made it his business to insinuate himself firmly in her life. Buffy had been hesitant at first, parts of her reaching to normalcy even though she knew she could never truly have that. Spike, for his part, tried to make it as normal as he could for her. Took her to movies, bars, clubs. Helped her study while she was in college, gave her advice and acted like her supreme confidante. Giles had noted that there was a period where Buffy had immersed herself in dating. She had wanted to take part of the normalcy of communicating with humans who held no special power. She had shut Spike out for a spell and he’d been devastated by it. He’d whined to Giles, of all people. When she came back around, Spike had acted as though nothing had happened and welcomed her back with open arms. As long as he had his Buffy, he was content to play whatever part she needed him to play.

Giles couldn’t help but not be completely surprised by the turn of events. Intuitively, Giles knew that one day Spike would lose his control and patience where Buffy was concerned. He thought that was why he had so many qualms about their relationship. Now, his fears had come to pass and Giles felt guilt. Guilt for not protecting her more strongly against him. Guilt for demanding Spike stay away from her. Guilt for not telling her of his intuitive feelings. If he’d told her, Buffy could have somehow protected herself against such an outright and blatant intrusion.

Suddenly, she jumped as if startled and looked towards the window. She was on alert for something.

“What is it, dear?” Giles asked.

“Spike. He’s near. He’s…I can feel him coming. Oh god, is this part of the claim?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“My neck, it’s throbbing. I want to…tie me up Giles.”

His eyes widened “what?!” He stood, facing her.

“Tie me up. I don’t want to go to him. Please, Giles!”

“I’m not going to tie you up, Buffy. I will go to him, talk to him.”

She pleaded with him with her eyes. He shook his head, firm in his decision.

“Hurry, Giles. Please? Tell him to stop calling to me or whatever he’s doing with the claim.”

“Yes, you need not worry about that.”

“Tell him to leave me alone. To leave town. To never come back.”

Giles paused. “Anything else?”

“Tell him I hate him.”

Giles nodded and strode out into the night. He didn’t have to go very far, just around to the back of the house and he came face to face with a very frightened looking Spike.

“She hates you, you know, “Giles told him.

Spike winced, “I figured she would. She tell you to tell me that?”

“She did. She wants me to find a way to stop the claim and short of killing you, I can’t think of any way to do that.”

“That would be the only way to do it. But, I’m not going to die. Not while she’s still alive.”

“I should stake you for what you did. You had no right.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I know. It shred me to hear her tell me she ran away, essentially, from me.”

“She didn’t run away from just you, Spike. She left to find herself.”

“Why’d she bloody have to go and do that for? I could have told her what and who she is!”

“She had to find it out for herself. She wants a normal life, Spike. You’re not part of the normalcy. You’re her vampire best friend that she relies on. She wanted to rely on something else—herself.”

“It was no excuse to do what I did.” Spike admitted softly.

“No, it wasn’t. It was a form of rape. You’ve changed everything. Ruined every hope she had to lead a normal life. What are your plans now, for her?”

“To get her to forgive me. Grovel if I have to. Anything so that she’ll…she’ll—“

“Be yours just as the claim intended?”

“I won’t deny it’s what I want. I don’t like the way I went about it, but if she had ever given me an inkling of a sign…I would have done it anyway.”

“She wants you to leave town. She wants you out of her life completely.”

“I know she does, Rupert. And it’s not going to happen. She’s my mate now and I stay with my mate.”

“And Dru? Was she not your mate?”

Spike looked away and then shook his head. “She wasn’t. I never claimed her. She never claimed me.”

“Why ever not?”

“Her heart always belonged to her beloved ‘daddy’. I always knew…always knew I was meant for something greater.”

“Buffy,” Giles said softly.

“Yes, Buffy.”

“I’m not going to help you. You should know that. I cannot betray her like that. She has entrusted me to help her. And seeing as how she is my responsibility—“

“You make her sound like a sodding rental car, Rupert! Do you help her because it’s your responsibility or because you care about her?”

Giles’ eyes flashed. Anger simmered just below the surface. He did not want to show the vampire how truly angry he was. It would be of no use Buffy to let his defenses down. “You know I care about her. You know I’d do anything for her.”

“Right. Because you love her too. You can hide it behind your stuffy British ways and long speeches about her being your spiritual child, but the fact remains Rupert that you love her and are too afraid to let yourself feel it. Which, I’m not going to lie to you, it works well in my favor. Because you see, she’s mine now.”

Giles was seething. “She won’t forgive you for your callousness towards this. She’ll hold it against you.”

“What I feel about what I did is not your concern. It’s between her and me. What I am telling you is out of sheer jealousy. She’s mine now and you’d do best to remember yourself.”

Giles glided forward and glared at the insolent vampire. “And if something were to happen? Would you kill me?”

Spike’s eyes glowed brightly he bared his fangs. He growled at the man. “You would be loathe to try it.”

“You couldn’t kill me. If you killed me, you would lose her forever and you know it.”

Spike snarled at him.

“Leave him alone.”

Both men jumped at her voice. Spike moved around Giles and started towards his mate.

She held up her hands. “Don’t come near me.”

“Luv—“

“I’m not your ‘luv’ or your Buffy or anything else anymore.”

“You’re my mate now.”

She glared at him. “In blood only. Not in my heart. That’s where it counts doesn’t it?” She started to walk away.

“Wait,” Spike shouted and started after her. She broke into a run and sprinted to the house. Giles caught Spike’s arm.

“Leave her alone,” Giles ground out. “If you love her the way you claim to, then you will abide by her wishes and leave her alone.”

Spike glared at the man. “This isn’t over.”

“No, you’re right Spike. It’s far from bloody over.” And with that, Giles strode back in the house to comfort the trembling woman in his house.

Chapter Four

Spike watched intently as the girl with power staked a vampire without breaking a sweat. She was poetry in motion. What caught his attention most as he watched her work was not the agility and power she held in that tiny body. It was the look on her face. She might as well have been performing the most mundane task on the planet. She was stone-faced and concentrated, unmoved.

Brushing the dust from herself, she moved from behind the crypt and slammed into Spike.

“Hello, luv.”

She took a step back and held up her stake. Whistler moved from the shadows and she sighed with relief.

“I was hoping not to be late tonight. My mother worries.” She told the human-demon.

Whistler grinned, “don’t worry kid. I’ve got something here that will help you not be late any longer.”

She sighed, “oh really? What’s that?”

Whistler pointed to Spike. “Name’s Spike. He’s a vampire.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows. “A vampire is going to help me stake his own kind?”

“You see, kid, he’s a special vampire.”

“Special?”

“He’s got a soul. That’s how he’s special,” Whistler explained.

Her eyes widened. “A soul? How did that happen?”

“Long story, pet. I’ll be happy to relate it to you one day.” Spike finally spoke up.

She folded her arms across her chest. “And how exactly are you going to help me?”

“I’m going to protect you,” Spike said proudly. Gods, she was beautiful. Sure, she was seventeen, but he could see hints of the woman she was about to become.

“Protect me? You don’t even know me.”

“I will,” Spike promised. And he meant it. He wanted to know everything and teach her everything.

She looked at Whistler. “Why?”

“You need it. A Slayer has a Watcher, you have your own personal vampire with a soul.” Whistler explained.

She eyed Spike but spoke to Whistler. “What does he get out of this? How long is going to be helping me? Is there some big evil coming I need to be aware of?”

Spike was irritated that she wouldn’t ask him these things. “I don’t get anything out of this—as far as I know. Except to put my bloody soul to good use. Perhaps one day secure a spot for myself in Heaven.”

“So then, you do get something out of it. I’m your ticket to Heaven.”
”You’re more than that, luv.”

“And what is that?”

He didn’t know for sure yet. Just knew that she meant more to him in the few minutes he’d laid eyes on her than anything before. What he didn’t know yet, was that she’d mean more to him than anything after too.

“I’m going to be helping you for as long as…”

She smirked, “for as long as I’m alive.”

“Yeah, that. And no, there is no big evil coming. Cept, I’ll know when it is and I’ll be right here, fighting the good fight with you by your side.”

She looked at Whistler. “This is weird. He’s weird.”

Spike threw his hands up in the air. “Is there some particular reason why you won’t speak to me when you’re talking about me?” He was exasperated.

She looked at him, “because I don’t know you! I don’t even know if I like you very much!”

“You’re never going to know me if you don’t talk to me!”

“Stop shouting at me!”

“Stop being so bloody frustrating!”

“I would if you’d stop shouting at me!”

“I just started—“ Spike stopped and shook his head. She was bloody frustrating! He looked at her. Her eyes flashing, her whole body challenging him. He suppressed a groan. He was turned on.

Whistler chuckled. “You two are going to be just fine.”

Spike sighed as he took another shot of whiskey. This isn’t what he had planned—ever. He had hoped, wished, dreamed one day that Buffy would come to him and ask to be his mate. He never intended on just taking it.

“Is it a woman?” Willie asked.

“When isn’t it a woman?” Spike muttered harshly.

“That Buffy chick, right?”

Spike glared at him, “not that it’s any of your business, but, yes.”

“Did she come back?”

Spike was exasperated now, “yes. Yes, she came back. And, no, it’s not her fault what I did.”

“What’d you do?”

“Get me a tequila Willie and leave me alone. I’m not feeling very friendly tonight.”

“Big surprise,” Willie muttered and sauntered away leaving Spike to glare at him.

God, how had me managed to make such a mess of this? He had let his anger and hurt get in the way of his clear thinking. When she told him that she’d essentially used him and left him in such a way, it had tore him apart inside. She might as well have driven a stake through his heart and be done with it. His time away from her had been hell as it was. He’d missed her terribly and had been angry with her that she’d never even bothered to let her family know exactly where she was. A P.O. Box was the only way to reach her. He had thought that was a tad risky until her mother informed him that Giles was the only one who had a phone number of where she was. He thought her cruel and heartless. But, he still loved her. Then when she admitted that everyone had known where she was, it was like a knife to his heart. They had ALL lied to him. Kept her from him. They had ALL used him. It tore him apart inside. Because of her, he had a family for once in his undead life and she’d seen to it to destroy that for him. She wanted normalcy, she said. How could a witch with superhuman strength be considered normal?

He’d accepted his inability to be normal a long time ago. Well, he was unlike most of his kind. He accepted his dark nature, accepted his vampire life whole-heartedly. He’d been nothing before that. He and Dru traveled the world over. Killed, maimed, tortured…then his soul had been given to him by a gypsy tribe. They had wanted guilt to drive a stake through his own heart. He smirked, it hadn’t worked that way. He’d felt guilt and distanced himself from Dru, yes, but he hadn’t staked himself. Instead, he’d found a way to cope through a demon named Whistler. Whistler was a demon who thrived on changing people’s lives. He found Spike at a time when he couldn’t kill, could barely function and was lost without his Dark Princess. Whistler took Spike to Buffy. She wasn’t a Slayer. She wasn’t a Chosen One. She hadn’t been called for anything. She simply was. She was a girl who’d been born a witch in a non-witch family and had the powers of a Slayer. She had been 10 when she realized she wasn’t like other girls. She’d been 15 when she met Giles. She’d been 16 when she’d killed her first demon. It was at 17 she’d met Spike. Whistler told him he had a destiny to fulfill. She was to be protected and cared for as the Slayer was. Unlike the Slayer however, she had Spike. A vampire with his ear to the grind and a knowledge of otherworldly foes, not to mention superhuman strength of his own.

What Spike saw when he first beheld Buffy was a girl with a big heart who was struggling to retain her ‘normal life’ whilst battling the forces of evil. Despite her abilities, she was still a girl with the same insecurities as any other girl. The only thing she hadn’t been told in her life was what she was. She wasn’t a Slayer, she didn’t have a Watcher, she didn’t have a Council to report to. All she had was her High Priest who assisted her as best he could and a mortal family who didn’t always understand her. And friends she could barely relate to. She felt alone and isolated.

Spike vowed to never make her feel alone. He wanted her to feel what she was—special. She only wanted to feel that she was a normal girl. She wanted to party, hang out with her friends, date, go to the movies and go to college. She didn’t have an expiration date like Slayers did, but she felt that she might as well have one. She did all the work a Slayer did without a Watcher or the training. So, Spike was her Watcher and her trainer. He was also the one who took her to parties, helped her study, took her to the movies and tried his best to make her feel normal and special at the same time. He didn’t realize however, that all his attention had secluded her further. He couldn’t go out during the day. He couldn’t be with her when she wanted to go to the beach or spend the day in Salem. He couldn’t be with her when she wanted to go to a Red Sox game. Not unless he came well after dark and that had saddened her. She couldn’t tell her friends what he was. Couldn’t explain to them why he’d never age and why he didn’t attend school with them. She couldn’t tell them anything. Her family knew, but that was only because she was forced to.

She wanted to marry one day, have babies and a family of her own. She had never said she wanted any of that with Spike, but Spike wanted to be the one to give it to her. The idea that some other guy could come along and be with her tore him apart. Especially since he knew he couldn’t be the one to give her children. And how normal would her life be being married to a vampire? He couldn’t be selfish, he had told himself. She deserved to have that life. She deserved all the things she dreamed about and more. He became whatever she needed him to be. In the beginning their friendship had been blissful and without hindrance. Then, as she grew older and the demons kept coming and it seemed she had lost all hope for normalcy, their relationship shifted. She went to Spike for help and assistance. She saw him less as her friend and confidante. She put space between them and Spike had felt it acutely. And one day, she came back to him. She didn’t mention the distance she put between them, didn’t mention the guys she dated here and there. She just started up their friendship one day as if nothing had ever happened. He never asked why she did it, how she could do it---didn’t she know how much she meant to him? He just let her figure out his place in her life and accepted it. It was a far cry from the life he had led with Dru.

“I thought you might want to warn your girlfriend—“Willie came back.

Spike glared at him “she’s not my girlfriend, you wanker.”

“Is that what the whole problem is?’’

Spike stared at him. “What did you want again?”

“Vampire gang coming into town looking for her. They managed to off the Slayer in Chicago and now want a piece of the other ‘slayer’.”

“She’s not a damn Slayer!” Spike growled.

“Doesn’t matter to them. She kills their kind. That’s all they care about.”

If possible Spike’s blood ran colder. “They come in here ,you give them a message for me: They touch one hair on her pretty little head and they will be torn limb from limb and scattered all over this damn city. And Willie, you tell me the second you get word they’re in this town.”

Willie nodded, eyes wide. Then he studied Spike as the blond vampire struggled into his black jacket and grabbed his cigarettes. “What is she then?”
Spike looked up at him as he lit his cigarette. “My mate.” And he sauntered off, leaving a very confused Willie. Whether she wanted him or not, she was going to listen to him this time. Her life was in danger and her anger and resentment was not going to rule out over protecting herself properly. A Slayer was dead because of this gang. She was going to need his help and he was going to give it to her whether she liked it or not.

Spike sat outside her window. He knew his invitation must have been revoked by now, so it was useless to try. Instead, he opted to stay outside her window until dawn. Who knew when the gang had made their way to Boston. They had quite a trip in front of them, coming from Chicago, but Spike was not about to take any chances. He would protect her with his unlife.

Chapter Five

“Come on Giles, you might even have fun,” Buffy pouted to her Priest.

Giles gave her a hard look. “I highly doubt it. What is so much fun about cavorting in a smoky, hot club filled with testosterone and estrogen at its highest capacity?”

Buffy frowned and turned to Giles. “Geez, when you put it that way, I don’t even want to go.”

Giles tried to hide a triumphant smile.

“Feeling passed!” She said brightly, suddenly. “Come on, maybe Olivia will be there.”

“What would a forty-year-old woman be doing in a club?”

“Trying not to be a stick in the mud? Having fun? Scoping out potential boyfriends? Getting drunk?”

“I get it, I get it. The possibilities are endless.”

“Please Giles? I don’t want to be stuck inside forever because of him. Just come with me, please?”

“Am I to escort you every night? I want to help you, you know I do. I just don’t see how I can be your personal bodyguard every time the sun goes down.”

Buffy sighed and sat down next to her old friend. “I know, Giles. You’re right, I know I can’t expect you to follow me around and protect me from him forever. Just…just until I’m sure I have a handle on this claim.”

Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “All right, Buffy.”

She threw her arms around him and he stiffened immediately. She frowned, that’s odd. Since when does Giles resist affection from me? Brushing it aside she bounded to her room to get ready.

“Buffy? Will you come here please?” Giles called to her after a while.

“Sure Giles, I’m just about ready!” She called back. She checked herself in the mirror. She smiled broadly. This might do the trick to help her forget everything that had happened over the past forty-nine hours. She looked good, and felt good. She wore black low-riders and a red sleeveless shirt with a high neck. It covered the marks left by Spike. She allowed her fingers to idly graze across the marks and gasped when she felt a tingle in her center. Arousal. Giles said it was an erotic experience. . . no. There was nothing erotic about it, she thought, bringing to mind the violent intrusion his fangs had done. As she made her way out of the room, she gave herself a pep talk to keep at bay all thoughts of Spike. She was going out with her friends to have fun tonight, not to dwell on Spike.

She felt it as soon as she entered the living room. The tingle in her neck that signaled his presence. There he was, sitting in a chair in the corner, eyes intently on her.

She looked accusingly at Giles. “You invited him in?!” She exclaimed, angrily.

Giles looked almost apologetic. Almost. “Yes, well, in this case, I had to. Spike has brought forth to my attention some very disturbing news.”

She looked at Spike and narrowed her eyes, “oh don’t tell me. He’s leaving the city? Moving across country?”

Spike smirked, only irritating her further. “Not likely, pet. You’ve got me whether you want me or not. For eternity.”

“Is that some mate thing? You and Dru were mates and you left—“

“Dru and I were never mated.”

She looked at him, confused. “You weren’t? Why not?”

Spike shrugged. “Didn’t want to.”

Buffy looked away from that implication. He’d spent over a century with Dru and didn’t feel the urge to mate with her. Her, he’d known her for nine years and wanted to claim her. The implication was there should she decide to acknowledge it. She chose not to.

She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. “What do you want?”

He stood and made his way closer to her. He stopped when she started to back away. Regret passed over his features and she felt a small ripple of victory pass through her.

“I was at Willie’s last night. Got some information about a vampire gang that offed the Slayer in Chicago. Rumor has it, they’re gunning for you next.”

Buffy stared at him. Threats against her life was something she never got used to.

“Me? Why me? Why not wait for the next Slayer to come?”

Spike moved closer, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” His voice was deep and full of promise. It caused her to shiver. He meant every word and she almost felt herself move to him to embrace him. She wanted him to protect her just as he had done before. But, she stopped herself as the tingling in her neck reminded her of what he’d done.

She balled her hands into fists at her side. “That’s rich, coming from you.” She balked at him.

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Sure sign that she’d annoyed him. Then he looked directly at her, his blue eyes dark and serious with their intent. “I know you’re angry with me right now—“

“Angry with you? There are not words to—“

“But,” he shouted above her, stopping her. “I am still going to protect you. And no, not just because you’re my mate. I protected you before and I will continue to do so. You being my mate does weigh heavily in this case, I won’t lie to you. It is in my blood to protect you. I know you’re still angry with me, but in lieu of what’s coming up, I think it would be best if you let me in.”

She sighed heavily and looked away. Silence ensued until Giles cleared his throat.

“I think in this case, with a very real threat against your life, you would do best to listen to Spike,” Giles told her softly. She looked at him with wide-eyes and Spike bit back a smile.

She looked stubbornly at Spike, “fine. Do you know anything else about them aside from the fact that they’re coming?”

“The Slayer was killed three days ago. Which means they are well on their way. Being vampires it’ll probably take sometime for them to arrive here.”

“Yeah, like a month,” she muttered and plopped down on the sofa.

“Don’t underestimate them though, luv.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Right. Remember how I used to drive around with tinted windows?”

“You mean windows covered with black paint with just a small spot to see the road,” she let out a short laugh. Then stopped herself. Giles took a seat by her. He took her hands in his, and Spike had to stop the growl erupting from him.

“We’ll be prepared for them. We’ll begin with protection spells. I’ll see if I can find where they are now, specifically. Magically, there are precautions we can take.”

“Kali, protection spells and of course stakes,” Buffy said absently. Her mind was already working on what could be done that she didn’t notice Spike sit on the edge of the sofa next to her. “Do we know where they’re from?” She asked Spike, looking up at him, “how many there are?”

“They are Southern. A gang that calls themselves the Cowboy Trio. They don’t have much of a purpose aside from killing the Slayer and anyone else that defeats demons. They must be feeling pretty lucky having killed the Slayer so my guess is with them gunning for you, they’re cocky. Which will make them slip up eventually. The Watcher I talked to doesn’t know too much about them. Nothing in the books. Which means that while they might be master vampires, the group they’ve formed hasn’t been around for very long.”

“Did you talk to the Slayer’s Watcher?” She asked quietly, looking at her hands.

“I did. She’s mourning. She expressed her concern for you.”

Buffy nodded. “What do you do in cases like that? Send a sympathy card? Doesn’t seem appropriate. Does she have any information on where the next Slayer is being called?”

“Not yet. She told me she’d keep me informed.”

She jumped up suddenly and faced the men. “Well, I suppose dancing is out of the question tonight. Giles, why don’t you work on the locating them and Spike and I will work on the protection spells?”

Giles raised an eyebrow at her, but she didn’t notice it. She set to work, going to Giles’ magical supplies closet with Spike in tow. Wordlessly they grabbed the necessary items having done this time and again before. Giles retreated to his bedroom.

“You could still go dancing when we’re done,” Spike told her.

She sighed, “I guess. Doesn’t seem right after what I’ve learned about the Slayer.”

“You still have to live your life. Are you scared?”

“I shouldn’t be. My life has been threatened before hasn’t it? Why should now be any different?”

“It’s not something you should ever get used to, Buffy.”

“Well, it’s no good to let your guard down. Because once you do…” Subconciously she rubbed her neck.

Spike was filled with all consuming regret. Her message, whether she meant it that way or not, was clear. Her guard was down with him and he’d hurt her. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t want it to be that way. I never wanted to hurt you.”

She looked at him. “Only protect me, right?” She snorted. “You protect me from all the evils in the world, now and in the past. But, I never thought I’d need protection from you, Spike.”

“I know I hurt you, but it came from a place of love. I know that’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true—“

“Love? How can you say that?”

“Because you have to know that what I feel for you is beyond ‘protector’ and friend. You have to know that I lo—“
“Just stop, Spike. I don’t want to talk about this with you right now. Despite the fact that I want to deny your help, I know that I can’t. I have every reason to mistrust you right now, so I’m sorry if that upsets your plans and your precious feelings—“

“Yes, what I did was brutal. Yes, what I did was wrong and I expect you to hate me right now and to mistrust me. But, you know, you’re not entirely innocent either. You lied to me—for a year! You had your family and your friends lie to me as well! I should mistrust you just as much.”

“So it’s my fault that you bit me? Because I went away and didn’t tell you my every move you decided that gave you the right to bite me?” She shouted at him.

“No, I know that was no excuse for what I did. But I can’t take it back. We need to move on from what’s been done and try to fix it.”

“Except there is no way to fix it, Spike. You claimed me, Spike! It’s not like you just bit me, you claimed me. That’s forever!”

“Are you two quite done?” Giles rushed down the stairs, exasperated.

“Sorry, Giles. Did we interrupt you?” Buffy asked.

“No, thankfully not. They are in Philadelphia. Which means at the rate they are traveling it should be at least another three days. Have you done any work in your protection?”

The pair hung their head.

“Right. I’ll take over from here. Your negativity will do no good for me here. Take a couple stakes, Spike and some crystals. Go do your…dancing.”

“Giles!” Buffy exclaimed.

Giles looked darkly at Spike. “If you harm her in any way, I will destroy you.”

“Not anymore, Rupert.” Spike promised quietly.

Angry, Buffy grabbed her coat and rushed out the door, hoping to lose Spike. She forgot about his vampire speed for a moment.

“Hey now, luv, you remember Rupert’s instructions. I’m to go with you.” He smirked at her as she looked up at him, indignantly.

“Since when do you listen to anything ‘Rupert’ says?”

“When it comes to your safety,” he told her solemnly.

“So, if he had told you not to ever bite me, would you have listened?” She challenged him.

“What did you have in mind for tonight? You mentioned something about dancing?”

She sighed and looked away. “I don’t feel like dancing right now.”

“What do you feel like?”

“I want to do something for the Slayer. Her name was Elizabeth, wasn’t it?”

Spike nodded. As much as he was saddened that the Slayer had died, he couldn’t help but be comforted in the idea that it was her instead of Buffy. Because Buffy wasn’t considered a Slayer, she had more of a fighting chance. For that, Spike was endlessly grateful.

“What did you want to do, pet?” He asked softly.

“I don’t know and don’t call me that,” she began walking slowly. They walked for several minutes in silence. Spike kept sneaking glances at her. He could feel her sadness and guilt over the Slayer coming off of her.

“Don’t feel guilty over it. There’s nothing you could have done.” He tried to assure her.

“I know…well, no, I don’t. I mean, if I was there with her—“

“Then you could be dead too right now.” He shuddered at the thought.

“Or we could both still be alive.”

“You’re not meant to be in the same place. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. Your duty is here.”

“Except it’s not really a duty, is it Spike? I mean, I slay like a Slayer. I fight demons like a Slayer. I do all the functions of a Slayer except I’m not one. I’m just a girl with powers.”

“So is the Slayer.”

“No, she’s chosen. It’s her destiny to be a Slayer. No one’s ever told me what my destiny was. So, here I am, fighting the forces of evil without being asked. I have all these powers that separate me from my friends and my family—even from Giles.

When I was a little girl I planned my wedding. Knew what kind of dress I wanted, knew what kind of man I wanted and everything. I had everything planned down to the car I would drive. Then came the day that I could move things by looking at them and thinking about it. Or blow on a candle and the flame would appear. When I met with Giles I learned that every spell I did, worked. Everything happened so fast and suddenly, there I was, with all these powers and my dreams fading further and further away. Children are supposed to hold on to their dreams and make them come true. Not wonder how much time they’ll have before they die at the hands of a demon.

So, in a sense, yeah, I am like the Slayer. Fighting for my life, protecting my loved ones. And I’m sad that she’s dead. How old was she? Sixteen? I killed my first demon at sixteen. I’m twenty-six and I’m still alive. And while I’m so sorry that she’s dead, I can’t help but feel happy that it’s her and not me. Except now, they’re gunning for me. A nobody. And I could have the same end all because of my powers.” Tears flowed freely from her eyes and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. She hadn’t wanted to fall apart. Not in front of Spike.

Spike stopped and gently took her wrists lightly in his grasp. She tried to pull away, but he pleaded with her with his eyes and words. “Please, listen to me.”

“Just let me go,” she told him.

He dropped her wrists.

“Just listen to me,” he commanded softly.

She looked up at him. She saw tears in his own eyes, but instinctively knew they weren’t for the dead Slayer. They were for her.

“What?” She pressed when all he did was gaze at her with so much tenderness and love it made her heart jump.

“I’m glad too. I’m glad that you’re alive instead of her. You’re not a nobody, Buffy. You couldn’t be even if you tried. You are somebody and just because those bloody wankers don’t recognize the fight that you do every night, and every day, then that’s their issue. Because of you, Boston is a safer place at night.

When Whistler took me to you, I saw someone I wanted to defend and protect with my life. I saw your heart, I saw your strength, your love and your kindness. I see how you hurt and yet try again. I see how you never give up on the ones you love and how loyal you are. You’re not ‘normal’ Buffy. You’re normal in the fact that you can be a right bitch when you want to be, and can be bloody stupid when it comes to your choice in men—but, you’re special. You’re a Goddess wrapped up in a very human girl.

It’s a rot deal, what you’ve got. But it makes you stand out, makes you shine. Gives you the chance to show the world how much heart and soul you have. And you’re full of it. Not because you’re chosen, but because you’re not chosen. You could choose to walk away from fighting the good fight, but you don’t. You stay and you try and you fight. That’s what makes me want to stay by your side, that’s what makes me want to be here with you no matter what.”

She held back a sob at his beautiful words as guilt once again took over. “And when I ran away to England? How was that trying? I gave up, I left and let everyone else—you—pick up the slack for me. Could I have killed one less demon that the Slayer wouldn’t have had to? Could I have saved her strength by killing one more demon that she wouldn’t have had to kill? I was selfish, not loving and caring. I wanted so badly to be normal that I gave up and left. There’s nothing extraordinary about me.”

He reached out to wipe away her tears but she flinched. He dropped his hands. “No,” he told her passionately. “You didn’t give up. You told me yourself you still practiced magic to keep everyone safe. You came back, you’re still fighting. You’re a human girl with very human feelings and needs. No one blames you for leaving and no one blames you for the Slayer’s death. If anything they are happy just as I am that it’s her and not you.”

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. “I hate them all, Spike. I hate them all and I just want them all to die,” she sobbed.

“I know, luv, and I want them all to die for you.”

“And you did blame me! You told me I abandoned everyone!” She suddenly burst out through her tears. “You think I’m selfish.”

He shook his head adamantly. “I was angry and hurt—“

“But you didn’t think it while I was gone?”

”If I had known that you were keeping in touch with your family instead of dropping out of their lives as I’d been left to believe, then no, I wouldn’t have thought you selfish. I would have supported you.”

“Oh come on Spike. Tell me I’m selfish and that it was my fault she died. Tell me I should have stayed here instead of running away. Tell me that I don’t have a heart—“

“It’s not true! If you didn’t have a heart you wouldn’t be here right now feeling so guilty about a Slayer you barely knew!”

Silence fell and even though he didn’t need to breathe, Spike sighed heavily to calm himself. “It was my penance, wasn’t it?” She whispered.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“You biting me. It was my penance for not facing up to my responsibilities, for those vampires killing the Slayer, for leaving everyone. That’s what I got for trying to leave it all behind. And these vampires coming for me. That’s my penance for not sticking around to help the Slayer.”

“No, no, no! Those vampires coming for you are not your penance.” He grabbed her arms and made her look at him. This time, she didn’t fight. “Don’t you dare let them kill you because you think this is your fault. Don’t you dare put yourself on the line because you think you deserve it for what happened to the Slayer! You couldn’t have prevented it no matter where you were. Vampires come out of the woodwork to kill the Slayer. Demons that pass through here are by chance. Demons that are near the Slayer are not. They have a purpose: To kill the Slayer. You couldn’t have prevented it.”

His eyes grew softer then, and his grasp, softer too. “What I did was out of hurt and yes, anger. I missed you while you were gone and to know that you kept it all from me, that you tried to distance yourself from me…it killed me.” He tentatively brushed some hair away from her face almost reverently. “What I did, I did so that you couldn’t leave me again. So, that you would belong to me and I could stay by your side forever. Because I love you, I’ve always loved you and I wanted to keep you by my side. I was selfish, not you.”

Stray tears fell upon her cheeks at his words and he lightly brushed them away. She let him as she watched him, studying him. In the nine years she’d known him, she’d never known him to be anything but brutally honest and gentle with her. No matter how many times she’d avoided him, he’d always come back with arms wide open. She’d never imagined him to be the one to hurt her and it killed her to know that this time her pain was because of him. He’d always protected her and tried to keep harm from her. When she was hurting it was him she turned to. And now, she felt as if she had no one because he was the one who caused it. She pushed herself away from him gently and he hung his head. She knew he was crying and it tore her apart but she couldn’t bring herself to comfort him. Instead she found her voice.

“Spike…would you, would you come with me to the florist?”

His blond head shot up and he looked at her questioningly.

“I want to send some flowers to her family,” she told him.

He gave her a small smile, acknowledging the crumb she offered and nodded.

Silently, each lost in their own thoughts they made their way to the florist and ordered a dozen white flowers to be sent to the Slayer’s family. Then, Buffy grabbed a white candle and a votive holder. They went to the harbor and sat upon the grass and lit the candle in honor of the Slayer. Buffy sat, legs bent and hugging her legs in front of the ocean, just staring at it. Spike sat near her, the candle in between them and alternated between watching the waves and watching Buffy. They sat that way until it got too cold for her and he walked her back to Giles’.

“Thanks, Spike,” she told him softly in front of the door. Those were the first words spoken in two hours.

“I’ll be by tomorrow,” he informed her.

“I know.”

Chapter Six

“Are you serious?” He was shocked.

She moved away from his embrace. She was angry. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She was embarrassed.

He felt guilty. He hadn’t meant to make her feel embarrassed. He rushed to her and grabbed her arm. “Don’t go.”

“I can find my way back.”

“No, you can’t. You can’t find your way out of a paper bag with both ends open.”

Her eyes widened. Dammit Spike, he berated himself, keep your bloody mouth shut.

“You’re an ass!” She barked at him and started to leave again. He took her hand and brought her closer to him until she was back in his embrace. She stayed there, woodenly.

“It just surprised me is all. I mean, you’re…”cautious Spike. If you let on too much, you’ll freak her out. “Bloody gorgeous. How could you not have been kissed before?” And I’m glad, so glad. You’re untouched.

He looked at her and cupped her face in his hands. She looked at him in shock this time. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

He nodded, smiling tenderly.

“It’s not like I’ve really gone out all that much, ya know. I don’t really get a chance to date. I seem to spend a lot of time with a certain vampire.” She grinned at him.

He smiled and resisted the urge to kiss her right then and there. Everyday it was a little bit harder not to tell her he fell in love with her. Everyday it was a little bit harder not to give into his baser instincts and kiss her, hold her, love her wholly.

“So, you want me—to teach you?”

She nodded and then looked away, shyly. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to. I mean, I’m just a kid. You’ve been around, you—“

“I want to,” he told her honestly, almost breathlessly.

She blinked. “You do?”

He nodded. More than anything.

“Um, okay. S-so, what do I do?”

He was falling apart at the seams. He wanted to taste her so bad, he couldn’t think straight. She was looking at him expectantly.

“Lick your lips,” he instructed. He nearly groaned when her pink tongue came out and swept across her mouth. “Now, close your eyes.”

She closed them and he marveled at how much she trusted him. She knew all his stories, knew all about his presoul days and she still trusted him with her life. He was humbled by her on a daily basis. Everytime she graced him with a smile, every time she wanted his company when it had nothing to do with vampires or demons, every time she made him part of her family. She was his heaven.

He pressed his lips to hers and she jumped a bit. He continued, stroking a hand down her arm to calm her nerves. She relaxed and followed his lead. He moved his lips against hers and she instinctively imitated the action. When he swept his tongue across her lips, she immediately opened her mouth and he swept inside. He pushed at her tongue and she withdrew it. He sought it out and she moved it away again. It was duel with their mouths and Spike could feel himself grow more and more aroused as they continued. He knew he should stop, but he didn’t want to. He couldn’t seem to make himself. When she did, he would and not a moment before. She pulled back a second later, panting for air.

He watched her flushed cheeks and heaving chest and wondered how long until they could kiss again. He wanted to sink inside her and lose himself. If his heart was alive, it would leap out of his chest.

“Was I good?” She asked sheepishly.

He nodded, unable to find words.

“You mean that? You’re not just saying it?”

He shook his head. “N-no. You’re a natural.”

She smiled wide then. “Thank you Spike.”

She walked to his bike with a big smile on her face.

“Anytime,” he mumbled.

Giles thoughtfully watched Buffy as she sipped her hot cocoa and ate her waffles. He’d been waiting up for her the night before, wondering what happened with her and Spike and found that she was not forthright in her answers.

“I know you’re wondering if he bit me last night, Giles. He didn’t.” She said without looking up from her breakfast.

Giles cleared his throat. “I expect you would have been shouting from the rafters if he had.” He attempted lightly.

She looked up at him then. “Are you angry with him Giles?”

Giles nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“Why?”

“That’s a silly question.”

“You still trust him.”

“I know he loves you. Despite how he did what he did, I know for him it was because he loves you.”

“So, it’s the fact that we didn’t have an erotic experience before he claimed me that has you bothered.”

Her bluntness shouldn’t have shocked him, but it still managed to after all these years. He coughed and took off his glasses to clean them. She smiled at his reaction.

“Well, like I told you before, when a vampire claims a mate it’s not on a whim, it’s not to gain control. It’s because they wholly love that person and want to spend their eternity with them. It’s rare for a vampire to claim a mortal, but Spike is a rare vampire. Always has been, from what I understand. I presume that’s why Whistler chose him to protect you. Whistler doesn’t just choose anyone. He knew you and Spike would work well together, he saw something in both of you that would work well together.”

“I’m sensing that there is more to this arrangement than Spike and I working well together. Giles…do you think Whistler wanted us to mate?”

Giles cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t rule out the possibility.”

“You know, you never really seemed all that surprised that he did it.”

“I always had a feeling he would do it one day,” Giles admitted softly.

She jumped up from her chair. “Why didn’t you tell me? Warn me? Did you want him to do it?”

“I didn’t have concrete proof that he would…what was I supposed to do? Deny his help to save your life based on my own feelings of mistrust? And no, I didn’t want him to do it! Why would I want that?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry Giles, I’ve just been questioning a lot of things lately. Motives…life.”

“You feel guilty about the Slayer?”

She rolled her eyes and hopped off her chair. She put her dish in the dishwasher and turned to him. “Is part of being British being psychic as well?”

Giles smiled. “I am psychic to an extent Buffy, you know that. Be that as it may, I also happen to know you well.”

“Yeah, well, I’m working through the guilt.”

“You can’t be held responsible for what happened—“

“What protection spells were you able to put together last night?”

Giles stared at her. “I presume you’re done talking about it then?”

“Yes, all done. All talked out about it. Spent the better half of last night talking about it with Spike. I should write an article. ‘You know you’re not normal when…’ and at the top of the list will be ‘you seek counsel from a vampire.’”

Giles grinned, “I rather think you should put ‘you know a vampire’ as number one.”

Buffy laughed and Giles smiled widely. It was a sound he hadn’t heard much in the past couple days. He’d missed it.

“I’ve been thinking I should go home today and protect the fam. Just need to know what kind of work we need to do.”

“This house has been protected as well as the uh, ‘fam’. The only work left to do is on you and Spike.”

“And you, Giles.”

“The house should suffice.”

“You too, Giles.” She insisted.

He shot her a quick smile and nodded briefly. “Yes, if you insist.”

“I do.”

“I suppose you should go home, however. Check in and let them all know you are in fact all in one piece.”

“I know, I know, I know. I’m on the way. You don’t mind, though, if I—“

“You can stay as long as you need, Buffy. You know that.”

She smiled broadly. “Thanks, Giles.” And with that she bounded off.

Spike was right in his assumption. He did love her with his whole heart and would do anything to protect her. The point of the matter was, however, Giles knew it was useless to hope and dream. Whether she knew it or not, she had always belonged to Spike and he had always belonged to her. When Spike accused him of loving her, he had at first felt frozen and outraged by his find. But, that had given way to acceptance and understanding. He accepted his place in her life and held onto it; it was the lot that had been carved out for him. It was fruitless to wish and want for more. He’d always be her mentor and friend, her spiritual advisor and a father figure. The only wish and want he had now was for the lost couple to make amends and do right by each other.

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