Chapter Seven

Buffy endured hours of her mother badgering her about her sudden departure, about Spike, about her safety, about Giles and whatever else she could come up with to complain about. After a while, she found it difficult to listen.

“Mom, I love you, but I have things to do.”

“When am I going to see you again?”

“I don’t know, mom. I’ll be by in a few days.” She stopped then. The Slayer must have said something along the same lines as she went out to slay. She turned to her mother then and hugged her, hard.

“I’m not Spike, honey, that hug hurts.” Her mother complained.

“Sorry, mom.” She looked at her mother. “Mom, I love you. You know that, right?”

“I do, honey. Are you sure you’re all right? I’ve been so worried about you.”

“I’m good mom, I really am.”

“How’s Spike? Has he been taking care of you?”

Buffy nodded, biting her lip.

“I worry about you with all the vampires and demons…I never know when and if you’re going to come home in one piece.”

“I know, mom. I promise not to worry you anymore. There is some work I have to do though. Just make sure you don’t go out at night for a while okay?”

“Honey, what is going on?”

“I can’t tell you, you know that. Just promise me okay?”

Her mother looked so sad and worn. “I promise.”

She hugged her mother fiercely again and smiled encouragingly at her. “I love you mom. Just…remember that okay?”

“Honey you’re scaring me,” her mother looked about ready to cry.

“Everything is fine, I just think I don’t say that enough.” She tried to keep her tone light and smiled at her mother brightly. “I have to go now, mom. Spike must be getting ready to come look for me at Giles’.”

“Okay, honey. Call me tomorrow.”

“I will, mom.”

Buffy let some of her tears flow after leaving her mother’s house. She’d never taken the time to tell her mother how much she loved her in the past like that. It was scary what death threats made you think about what you were taking from granted.

Spike sighed heavily as he put on his duster. It was almost sundown, finally. He’d been climbing the walls all day. Not much on the telly, he’d read all his books and he’d done as much research he could on the new vampire gang. All the information given to him the day before, was all he had. In between all of that, he’d thought of nothing but Buffy. He could will her to come to him if he wanted to use the claim, but he knew she would not react kindly to that.

The night before had been a breakthrough for them and he felt their bond strengthen. She’d allowed him to be there for her, she’d released her fears and her anger and all he wanted to do was hold her until all the evils in the world went away. He’d spent a century with Dru and he’d never felt one ounce of what he felt for his beloved Buffy. He would literally die for her if she asked him to.

He paused. She was close by. He could smell her coming. The distinct scent of raspberries and something uniquely her.

She knocked on his door. He had to smile. After everything they’d been through, she felt the need to knock.

“Come in, luv,” he called out, a smile on his lips.

She opened the door and looked at him curiously. “Smell me again?”

He nodded and chuckled.

“Would you still know it was me if say, I didn’t shower for a week and rolled around in the mud?”

He laughed, “I would still know it was you.”

She plopped down on his couch. “I’m not going to lie to you, Spike. It’s weird.”

“You’ve been to your mothers?”

“Smell her on me did ya?”

He nodded. “How is she? I haven’t stopped by since…” Since I made you mine, he thought.

She looked away from him and frowned for a minute. “She’s fine. Worried about me, as usual. I hugged her a lot and told her I loved her.”

He looked at her sternly. “You’re not going to die, Buffy.”

She looked up at him, “I know. Well, sort of. Anyway, Spike, I need you to train with me a bit.” She stood and faced him. He studied her rosy cheeks and bright green eyes, her full lips and the small frame underneath her heavy coat. God, he loved her.

“Train? You mean, spar?”

“Yeah, that…plus, I was thinking we could take a walk in the cemetery together. Kill some vamps and whatnot. You could give me some pointers and help me hone my skills in sensing them. I can’t use you anymore to train me on that.” She let her voice trail off at the last sentence as she subconsciously rubbed her neck.

Right, the bite. “Have you been training at all, luv? Maybe we should warm up a bit before heading out?”

“I suppose. But, I don’t really have a whole lot of time to ‘warm up’. I trained a little when I was in London. Byron found a tae kwon do place—“

“Who’s Byron?”

“Oh, just some guy I met in London. He lived next door to me. He was very nice, very sweet.”

Jealousy bubbled inside of Spike. “Oh really? So, that’s why you didn’t want old Spike interfering. Afraid I’d deter your precious Byron?” He sneered.

She wrapped her arms around herself and burrowed deeper into her turtleneck and he caught fear in her eyes. Beneath his jealous addled brain he cursed himself. She was afraid he’d bite her again.

“That’s my cue to go,” she murmured and scurried toward the door. He ran with lightening speed at her and she turned suddenly surprising him and sent her leg out in a roundhouse kick. It sent him flying across the room.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” She told him through clenched teeth. He looked up at her in shock.

“Buffy, I wasn’t going to bite you.” He told her, getting to his feet.

“Just in case you’re thinking about it.”

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“So then use your words, Spike. God, I feel like I’m talking to a toddler!” She shouted at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

She folded her arms across her chest. “So, what did you want to say to me?”

That you belong to me. That Byron better be a faint memory. That I love you. Somehow he didn’t think she’d go for any of that.

“I don’t know anymore,” he sighed.

“I’m ready to put this little incident behind us and move on to business.” She told him and started for the door. She turned then and looked at him directly. “And not that it’s any of your business, despite the claim, but Byron is a seventy-year-old sweet, old man. If you want to even try to get back in my good graces, you’re going to have to learn to check your jealousy at the door.”

“Luv?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes?”

“I think you’ve warmed up enough.”

She bit back the ghost of a smile and Spike knew better than to let on he saw it. She turned on heel and walked out the door. Spike scrambled after her.

Chapter Eight

“Stop swinging!” He shouted when she swung at his fake and he ended up grabbing her and swinging her around so that her back was against his chest.

“Oh yeah?” She grabbed his arm and flipped him over onto his back and then used the plastic stake and poised it over his chest. She dropped it by his side and smiled smugly at him.

He couldn’t help but chuckle. He propped himself up on his elbows.

“Spike, what did you do last night?”

“I went out, why?”

“Did you have a date?”

He shook his head, “no, why?”
She shrugged. “Anya thought she saw you coming out of a strip club.”

“I wouldn’t take a date to a strip club,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, I know, but I figured I’d give you a way out.”

He jumped up and grinned. “Well, Anya was right.”

“You were at a strip club?”

He raised his eyebrows, “do you not remember going to one with Faith and Anya? I remember hearing something about thongs and Purple Rain.”

She let out a laugh, “yeah.” Her eyes got a far away look of remembrance.

“So, how is it that I’m getting beef for going to one?”

“Because it’s different.” She protested.

“How?” He challenged.

“Because women strippers are worse. They get completely naked and let you fondle and grope. They get all touchy feely with themselves. They’re pigs and I don’t like the idea of you going to see them!”

Could she be jealous? Please!

“Well, I’ll have you know that they did not get completely naked, I did not fondle and grope and they did not get touchy feely with themselves. Not that it’s any of your business if I do decide to see them. That’s kind of a double standard, don’t you think?”

She looked down. “I guess.” She kicked at imaginary dust on the floor. “You are a man. Men do that sort of thing.”

“As do women. Listen, luv. A friend of mine blew into town and he just broke up with his girl. He wanted to go out and see strippers.”

She looked up at him. “A vampire?”

He nodded, “with a soul.”

“I just got all Slayery on you, didn’t I?”

“Little bit.”

“I didn’t mean to get all…weird. You have every right to see strippers if you want to. It’s just…some are skanky. I don’t equate you with skank. I’m…protective of you. You’re my best friend. You always look out for me, and I know it’s your job to protect me and all that, but I want to protect you too.”

He swore his heart was going to start beating. “Thank you, pet. That means a lot to me.”

She nodded. “Okay, I’m done with that Hallmark moment.”

He laughed and then sobered. “You do know that you’re not just a job to me, don’t you?”

“Well, it is your job to—“

“No, pet. Whistler gave me a choice if I wanted to do it. After I met you, I made my choice.”

“Why? I mean, you could be traveling the world, living the un-life.”

He shrugged, “I’ve seen the world pet. I’ve had my share of living the un-life. This is the best I’ve had it.”

She didn’t look like she believed him.

“I’ve got a family here,” he told her. His voice dropped with raw emotion.

She smiled at him. “That you do. A bratty little sister to boot.”

“Sister?”

She rolled her eyes, “me, who else?”

“Of course, pet.” He forced a smile. Never his sister.

“So, can I tell you what you’ve been doing wrong when we spar?” She chirped far too eagerly.

Bratty, definitely.

“You’ve got to hone your senses, luv. Feel it in your gut. Let’s try again. Close your eyes and try to anticipate my move.”

She nodded and closed her eyes. She breathed deep in her gut and shifted her focus from her head to her stomach. She reached out with her senses to feel him. She listened and waited. She felt an arm come close and she swung out, blocking him.

“Good, pet, good,” he whispered.

Leg coming close and she blocked it, round housing his leg away. Sensing him behind her, she spun, blocked, punched and kicked. He fell down with a ‘oof’. Her eyes flew open and saw him sprawled out on his back.

“Did I hurt you?” she asked.

He smiled at her. “I’m fine, luv. Vampire healing and all that.”

She nodded. “How’d I do?”

“Perfect. Help me up?”

Without thinking she reached out her hand and he took it. Instead of rising however, he pulled her down. She landed on him with an ‘oof’ and he started to chuckle.

“You’re a jerk,” she muttered.

“I know,” he shrugged. “Come on, I’ll help you up.” He started to get up, but quick as a cat she straddled him and flipped his arms up over his head. She smirked at him.

“Gotcha,” she said victoriously, her head bent close to his. She felt a tingle shoot through her at his close proximity and she found herself staring shamelessly at his lips. She made her eyes move away and found his eyes watching her.

His gaze met hers and there was no mistaking the look in his eyes: Desire.

She gasped as his bite began to ache almost to the point where she actually wanted him to bite it to make it go away.

“Spike,” she whispered, disconcerted.

“Yes, luv?”

“It—it’s aching.”

He groaned beneath her and ground his pelvis into hers. “I know.” He whispered. She jumped at the contact when she felt his very hard erection pressing against her.

“I don’t—how does it—make it stop,” she begged him.

“There’s only one way, kitten.” Somehow he had maneuvered her hands off of his wrists and entangled their hands together. He reached up and nuzzled her neck.

That was the wrong thing to do. Memories of how the first bite hurt took away all words Giles had used to describe it. Erotic was not how it felt the first time. She pushed herself off him and stood with lightening speed.

Then she did the unexpected. She burst into tears. Christ, why did she have to go and do that? Didn’t she know how much that hurt him?

“Buffy,” he said, softly, standing up quickly and reaching for her.

“Just don’t.” She told him, holding out her arm to stop him.

“I’m so tired,” she wept.

He wasn’t sure where she was going with that. Metaphorically or physically? Mentally or emotionally? He stood rooted where he was. Despite his intuitive nature, he was still a man that was clueless with a woman. Especially with the woman he loved.

“I just don’t know what to do. I want to…but I can’t. I feel it and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m so confused. I want you to tell me what to do, and yet I don’t,” she was mumbling to him and to herself.

This time he succeeded in pulling her to him. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest. “It’s all right, luv,” he whispered to her.

She shook her head, “but it’s not okay,” she whimpered, burrowing closer to him. He bent his head so that his lips were near her ear.

“What do you feel?” He whispered.

“Whenever you’re close by, I feel you around me, near me, surrounding me. My neck goes crazy and I just want you to…”

“Bite.”

She looked up at him. This time she did not move away, she stayed where she was. In his arms. She looked desperate. He studied her, trying to convey that whatever she needed and wanted, he would give to her.

“Spike…when did you…?”

He smiled softly, “immediately. With the risk of sounding clichéd, when I laid eyes on you.”

“I was seventeen.”

“I’m also two hundred and five years older than you. Everyone born in this century is jail bait.”

She chuckled and buried her face back in his neck again. He rested his cheek on her head. Sometimes, she just needed to be held.

“Am I anything like Drusilla?”

She was comparing herself to Dru now? Yes, she definitely was complex.

“Nothing like her. Except for the strength. Dru didn’t have a soul. She could be heartless and cruel. She loved to torture her victims. She loved me, sure, but only as much as she could for one so fragile. She was insane, quite literally.”

“Was she pretty?”

Spike smiled at the memory of his Dark Princess. “She was.”

“If you lost your soul, would you go back to her?”

“I doubt it, pet. Soul or no soul, you’re still my mate. The demon recognizes that and he loves you. Whether I lose it or not, he’ll still love you. Vampires don’t leave their mate.”

“Ever?”

“Not ever, pet.”

“You tied yourself to me for eternity. I knew that, but I never grasped it. Do you regret it? Do you wish you could be free of me?”

He bent down and whispered in her ear, making sure she understood every word. “I only regret hurting you and the way I did it. I do not regret claiming you. I don’t regret binding myself to you forever. It’s what I wanted for so long, pet.”

“So, you’re saying you would have preferred my consent, and while you’re regretful that it was done with such brutality, you don’t regret the end results of that which means I belong to you?”

“Right. You forget one thing, pet.”

“What?” She looked up at him, her green eyes questioning. He smiled tenderly at her. He pushed a stray strand of hair away from her beautiful, shining face and traced her jawline with his finger. Her skin was so smooth, he wanted to explore every inch of her.

“I belong to you too,” he said simply, gently.

“But I thought that I would have to…bite you.”

He shook his head, movements small and unassuming. “It would seal it further, yes. We’d be united in ways that no one could touch. But biting you made me yours as well. It’s my mark, my bite. Your blood is inside of me now, coursing through my veins. Your essence, your vitality, your life. It binds me to you as well. But luv…I already did belong to you. You knew that, didn’t you?”

She bit her lip and looked away. “I didn’t. I thought maybe a few times, but I just didn’t think…”

“Think what?” He urged.

“That you’d want me.” She burrowed her face again.

He was stunned. She didn’t think--? How could she not know? Had she been completely blind?

“How could you not know that?” He murmured against her hair. “How did you not know that you’re my world? You’re everything to me. All I need, all I want, all I desire and cherish, love and adore all in one woman.”

“When you say things like that, you make me dizzy,” she whispered.

He left a kiss on her head, “you make me dizzy too, you know.”

She looked up at him again, “Spike…you’ve been with a lot of women haven’t you?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question. She really wanted to know.

“I was faithful to Dru. That time with her, I wasn’t with anyone.”

“After Dru? Post-soul?”

“Post-soul…I was with a few. Nothing serious, nothing I remember. Mostly to satisfy a physical craving. Then, I met you.”

“Are you saying you haven’t been with any women since you met me?”

“Nope, haven’t. Haven’t you figured out yet that I’m loyal to those I love?”

Hiding her face again, she sighed. “You know that I…I’ve never…”

“I know luv,” he murmured in her ear.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” she muttered.

“Are you cold, sweetheart?”

“A little.”

“Why don’t we go to my place?”

Her head shot up, “I don’t know, Spike. Giles—“

“Has a phone and I can call him. I want to talk to you, sweetheart. You have questions, concerns…I want to help suss them out.”

She nodded her assent and he took her hand, entwining her fingers with his. She didn’t protest and he marveled at yet another step. He missed this, just the talking, connecting, exploring. When she had been gone for that year, he’d been utterly miserable. He’d missed his angel so much. He watched her as they walked to his apartment. Watched her deep in thought and he wondered what other questions and thoughts were swirling around in that mind of hers. He was happy they were talking, it was better than her taking off and leaving him or them yelling at each other. If they had just done more of that before, maybe she would never have had to leave.

“Race you,” she said suddenly as she detangled her fingers from his and took off on a run.

He laughed and sprinted after her, his duster flapping in the wind. This was the metaphor of their entire relationship. He was always chasing after her and she always remained just out of his grasp. He wondered if he would ever catch her, and if she would ever stop running.

He trailed after as she ran up the stairs to his apartment and he grabbed her around the waist. She squeeled as he hauled her over his shoulder and unlocked his door. Shutting the door with his foot, he placed her down. Her cheeks were red, her blond hair wind-blown and she was slightly panting. She was beaming and he wanted badly to kiss her. He couldn’t though. The first time he kissed her it was brutal, the second was quick and the third, hard. He seemed to bollocks every kiss. Besides, he didn’t want to ruin this moment with her by trying to make a move.

“Call Giles. I’ll be right back.”

Instinctively he knew she was going to use the bathroom and he did as she instructed and called Giles.

“Where the hell have you two been?” Giles shouted into the phone.

“We did some training, and a little bit of patrolling. We’re at my place now.”

“Oh?”

“We’re talking, Rupert, that’s all. I’m not about to do anything stupid with her.”

“Don’t push her for anything, Spike and you should be all set.”

“Thanks, Rupert. We may or may not be coming round tonight.”

“Just take care of her.”

“Always.”

She came back in the room, practically skipping. “Did he yell?”
“A little. Nothing I couldn’t handle, pet.”

She wandered around the living room. “You moved it around,” she murmured. “Hey, where did you get this?” She held up a framed photo of them before she had left. Before he knew she was leaving. It was Halloween and she was dressed up as Wonder Woman. He’d done his usual black upon black. Nevertheless, her mother made them pose together. She was beaming and he had his usual smirk.

“Your mum gave it to me after you…after you left for England.”

She placed it back down with an “oh.”

“Did you want something to drink, luv?”

She smiled at him teasingly, “since when do you play host? I know where the kitchen is Spike. How many times have I been here?”

“You haven’t been here in over a year actually.”

Her smile fell. “I know.” She sat down on his couch and her smile returned. She loved the times when they would sit on the couch and watch TV for hours. She’d made him watch the Thursday night lineup and while he grumbled at first, soon he was laughing alongside her. She looked up at him.

“Sit with me?”

He didn’t have to be asked twice. He sat next to her on the couch and waited.

She began to toy with the pillow on his couch, settling it in her lap and playing with the fabric. “You know I wrote you a lot when I was away.”

“You did?”

She nodded, “I never sent them, obviously. But I did write you. I missed you.”

“Didn’t feel like you did,” he couldn’t help the bitterness that escaped.

She bit her lip and nodded. “Well, I did.”

Silence fell and if it weren’t for his enhanced vampire hearing he never would have heard her ever-so-silent apology.

“What?” He asked, not because he hadn’t heard, but because he was in shock that she’d said it.

“I’m sorry. I have a hard time saying it, but I’m sorry.” She didn’t look at him, she stared straight ahead.

“Don’t leave me again,” he said softly.

“I don’t think I could. I wanted to leave again after you bit me. I knew I couldn’t though.”

He shook his head. “I’d find you.”

“I know,” she sighed then. “What did you do while I was gone?”

“Patrolled, visited your family, drank. Visited Giles now and then too. Missed you, missed you and missed you.”

“Spike, could we watch TV? Like we used to?”

“We can do anything you wish, my love.”

He flicked the TV on and found some late night reruns of Friends. Instantly, she curled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her, inhaling her scent and resting his head against on hers. This was how it was meant to be. His witch nestled in his arms watching TV. There was enough normalcy in it to content her and all of what he needed at that moment to content him.

Chapter Nine

He flung the door open to find a tear stained Buffy. Instinctively he reached for her and wrapped his arms around her. He hadn’t seen much of her in two weeks. Giles told him she had started dating some ponce named Parker. He was in her English class or some rot like that. They had been talking for a while and studied together. Now, they were dating. Spike tried his best to accept it and not let it bother him. He thought that maybe if he pretended it didn’t bother him, it wouldn’t. Truth was he was so jealous he couldn’t see straight. He kept revisiting their kiss and it drove him mad to think of some grubby git kissing her.

“What happened, pet?”
“I got dumped,” she wailed against him.

“Parker?”

She nodded. “I saw him making out with some chick from class. Turns out he was looking to get laid and I wasn’t putting out so I got the boot.”

He inwardly sighed with relief. She didn’t have sex with him. She was still a virgin. That fact about her made him even more protective of her.

“He’s a fool. If you want, I could scare him.”

She chuckled a bit against him. “No.”

He pulled back and made her look at him. “You don’t sound convinced.”

“Because I’m not,” she admitted.

He smiled and kissed her forehead gently. “You’re a Goddess. He’s a peon.”

“I know. It just sucks. I mean I felt like a normal girl. I got all giddy and excited. I got butterflies in my tummy! Butterflies, Spike. I don’t know that I’ve ever had butterflies!”

“You’ll get butterflies again,” he promised. He studied her thoughtfully. “You sure it wasn’t the butterflies you liked and not so much him?”

“He read to me. I liked that.”

“Christ, I can read to you!”

She started to laugh as he pulled her into the living room and made her sit on the couch. He searched through his bookcase until he found Byron, whom he knew she loved.

“What shall I read? She walks in Beauty?”

She shook her head. “No, read Don Juan. You have sarcasm down to an art form. It’s my favorite and I always thought you would read it very well.”

He looked at her. “You thought about me reading to you?”

“Well, I mean you have the whole English accent thing. You were alive during the Romantics. I think Romantics, hell, I think British lit and I think you. You’re so smart and you always help me with my literature. You make me love it even more.”

He smiled proudly. “Thank you, pet.”

“You’re way smarter than Parker anyway. And your voice is soothing compared to his.” She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. Was he floating? He sure felt like he was.

Buffy felt something move under her and she moaned, willing it to stop. She tried moving away from it, but instead it pulled her closer and purred. Her eyes popped open. Spike. Her eyes drifted shut as she remembered the night before. Kicking him, patrolling, training, dancing—briefly, jealousy, crying, talking, watching tv, falling asleep. No wonder she didn’t quite feel like getting up yet. And Spike’s purring…it was lulling her into a trance. It was a good thing he didn’t need to breathe or she’d be crushing him. And it was amazing to her that she felt this relaxed sleeping on top of him. He didn’t feel cold at all, he felt warm. She supposed from her body heat. She nestled closer against him.

The night before had been therapeutic. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore. It had disturbed her on so many levels to fear him. She’d never had before—mostly because he’d never given her a reason to—and it hurt her to the core to fear him and mistrust him. Last night, however, she’d asserted her power. She’d shown the jealous vampire that she was not going to put up with his crap. She had thought after he bit her that she wanted him to feel horrible. Horrible enough to stake himself. She’d wanted him to grovel and beg and heartfully mean every word of his apology. Now she found she almost understood that while he was sorry about how it happened, he wasn’t sorry that it had. She wasn’t yet ready to take the plunge and fully accept what he considered a gift, however. That’s what confused her to the core. Did she love him? Was she ready to acknowledge him as the only man in her life? Well, man in her life that was in human terms her husband. Was she ready for that with Spike? God, she was only twenty-six! She was still a virgin, hadn’t dated all that much—and man, she was never telling Spike about the couple guys she did date in England. She really was never going to be normal, was she? The thought saddened her and tears began to leak from her eyes. She brushed them away hurriedly before they reached Spike’s shirt.

“What’s wrong, luv?”

Her head shot up. “How long have you been awake?”

He smirked, “woke up before you.”

She glared at him and shook her head.

He reached out and brushed her tears away, “why are you crying?” His tone was so tender and caring it almost broke her heart.

“I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. I really hate it.”

“So then why don’t you tell me about it?”

“I’d really rather not,” she started to move off him, but he grabbed her and pulled her down to him so that her head was lying next to his and she found herself looking into his cerulean eyes. He twisted his body so that they were laying side by side and their limbs were entangled.

“It infuriates me when you keep everything inside and don’t talk to me,” he told her bluntly. “That’s when you hide from me and take off. No more of that.”

“Guess we’re even then. It infuriates me when you make me talk,” she attempted lightly.

Spike looked at her sternly.

“I was just thinking—“

“About the vampire gang?”

“Can I finish? Or shall we just let your imagination run wild?”

He grinned, “go ahead, luv.”

“I was just thinking about how not normal my life is and never will be. I was thinking about how I’ve barely dated—“she started to squirm and looked down at his tshirt covered chest. “And how you’re like my husband in human terms and how I’ve never even had sex.” She squirmed some more, oblivious to the effect it was having on certain parts of Spike’s anatomy. “Not that I haven’t had offers, because I have. There was Xander in high school, and then Parker in college. When I was in England—and I wasn’t going to tell you about that because I know how jealous you get—“ He cut her off with a kiss. It was gentle, loving and yet passionate. She heard herself moan and move closer to him. His arms settled on her waist and pulled her closer to him as his tongue swept across her lips and she instinctively opened her mouth, granting him passage. He swirled his tongue inside, it was as if he was trying to learn everything he could about the inside of her mouth. She wrapped her arm around him and started to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. He groaned and ground himself against her. She registered he had an erection, and instead of being afraid of it, she took pleasure in the fact that she gave it to him.

He broke the kiss and laid his forehead against hers, staring into her lust addled eyes. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” He whispered.

She didn’t answer and instead met his lips with her own again. His touch was feather light as his fingers moved under her shirt and rested on her hip, smoothing circles on her heated flesh. He moved so that he was half on top of her and she could freely wrap both arms around him. He groaned against her as she thrust her hips toward him and she knew her center had to be hot against him, she felt it. Becoming daring, she found the hem of his shirt and gently pushed her fingers underneath, caressing his sides. He moaned and his own fingers pushed further up her sides until they cupped her breasts. Her nipples were hard and he caressed them gently sending shivers of delight through her. She bucked against him again and he trailed kisses down to her ear and nibbled softly on the lobe before trailing back to her mouth.

His claim was driving her crazy and she wanted him to bite. Wanted him to show her how wonderful it could be. She was suddenly possessed then with fear. Not of him, but of what they were doing and what it all meant. Her earlier musings came back to her and she froze.

He lifted his head and looked at her. His eyes were half mass with lust. “What’s wrong?”

“I—I can’t go any further. I’m not ready yet to do this. I’m sorry, Spike, I—“
“Sshhh…don’t be sorry. I want you to want it as much as I do. I won’t enjoy it until you’re sure.”

She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready,” she told him truthfully. Her voice trembled, “I don’t know how I feel about you quite yet. I love you Spike, but I don’t think I’m in love with you.”

He moved off her and she quickly adjusted her shirt. She’d hurt him with that confession, she could tell. He sat up on the couch, his back to her and she felt his loss acutely. She wanted him to hold her and thought perhaps that was a childish, girlish wish. Fresh tears resurfaced.

“I know that you’re confused,” he said quietly. “I just hoped…I’m always hoping.” He turned then and she tried desperately to hide the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Pet—“ He immediately grabbed her and wrapped his arms around. “It kills me when you cry.”

“Goddammit Spike! I hate to cry and I’ve done nothing but sob like a baby for the past few days!”

“I’m sorry, pet. Tell me what I can do—did I hurt you?”

“I hurt you and I just wanted you to hold me after that heavy make-out session,” she sobbed into his chest. “I’m still a girl underneath it all.”

He stroked her hair, “I’m sorry, pet,” he murmured. He kissed her gently on top of her head.

“I need a shower,” she informed him after a while. “I should probably go to Giles.”

“Don’t go. Stay here with me. We’ll go to his place later and do what we need to do.”

“Spike, I—“

“Please? I want to be held too.”

She started to laugh then and he joined her.

“Knew I could get a laugh out of you,” he told her. He put his hand under chin and made her look at him. “Will you? Stay, I mean? Please?”

She nodded. “I’ll stay.”

He gave her a quick peck on the nose and wrapped his arms around her once again.

She yawned. “I’m tired again.”

He rolled off the couch and she looked up at him. “Where are you—“

She was cut off when he leaned down and scooped her up in his arms. “Let’s go to bed. To sleep.”

“You don’t have to carry me.”

“I want to.”

She smiled. “Okay,” and she wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled against his chest.

Depositing her on the bed, he curled up behind her and draped an arm across her stomach, clutching her to him. He left a feather light kiss against her neck and sniffed her hair.

“Good night sweetheart,” he murmured.

“Good night, Spike.” Just before she drifted off she thought about how she could get used to Spike’s arms holding her as she drifted off every night.

Chapter Ten

Spike awoke and reached for Buffy. She was not there. He bolted upright and relaxed when he heard the shower running. He immediately grew hard. The thought of her luscious body all wet…he shuddered. She’d kill him though and she wasn’t ready for that. Yet. He’d felt her desire for him earlier and knew that she was in love with him even though she wasn’t aware of it yet.

He lay there, willing his erection to stay down when she emerged, fully dressed, her hair wet. She was smiling as she entered.

“I thought you left,” he told her.

Her smile faltered a bit. “You sleep like the dead you know,” she chuckled lightly to herself at that and he groaned at her humor. He sat up against the headboard and she ran a brush through her wet hair. He got up then and moved to sit behind her. She jumped when he took the brush from her.

“I want to do it,” he murmured and ran the brush through her hair, delighting at the scent. She smelled like him. She was covered in his scent and it delighted him to no end. He ran his fingers through her hair, fingering it.

“Spike? You’re going to tangle it after you just brushed it.”

“Uh, yeah.” He put the brush down and dropped a kiss on her shoulder. “My turn now.” He swore her cheeks grew bright red and he smiled. Good, let her be bothered as he was.

When he was dressed he joined her in the kitchen. She was standing in front of the fridge with the door open and she was slightly bent, giving him a view of her luscious bottom. He suppressed the urge to bite it with his blunt teeth and sauntered over to her.

She jumped when she realized he was close and looked at him. “I’m freaking starving.” She declared.

“Do you want to go out?”

“Spike, you can’t.” She gestured toward the shut curtains. Daylight peeked through indicating a bright sun. “It’s two in the afternoon. You can’t go out for another 3 hours at least.”

He hated this part. The part where he couldn’t take his girl out to eat because it was the middle of the day. The fact that he couldn’t enjoy the sun with her.

“Now I finally get it,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“A normal boyfr—guy—could take you out. The time wouldn’t matter. A normal guy could take you out in the middle of the day with the sun beating down on him without worrying about turning to dust. I get it now. Why you’re so unsure of us.”

She looked down. She had nothing to say because that’s exactly what she had been trying to tell him. Normalcy. Normalcy dictated that her ideal boyfriend would be someone who was, well, human. Now she was mated to him. Mated to the non-human. Mated to the vampire and because of that she wouldn’t know what it meant to be out in the sun with a normal boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I took it from you.”

“If I had a nickel for everytime you’ve apologized to me in the past few days, I’d be rich.”

“I don’t know what else to say or do.”

“There’s nothing you can say or do. I’m not destined to be normal. You’ve been trying to tell me that for a while now. You didn’t give me my super strength or give me the powers I have. You also didn’t bring demons to my city for me to kill.”

“I can see how you want it though. Because now I wish I were, normal, for you. One less burden.”

“You’re not a burden, Spike.”

“Aren’t I? I made you my mate for eternity.”
“Well, in all fairness, eternity isn’t an option. If I don’t die by a demon or vampire, I will by old age.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

She shrugged, “it’s the truth. So, maybe you should have been more careful in your rash decision to make me your mate. Should’ve chosen someone immortal like yourself.” Her tone took on a bitterness at the end of that speech and her words stung him.

“I didn’t want anyone else.”

“You never really gave yourself the chance to really figure that out, did you? Spent a century with Dru, had a few one night stands, and then bam: here I am. You’ve spent every night with me. You’ve patrolled with me, trained with me, took me out. Did you even try to be with anyone else? No. Then you up and took the choice from me. From both of us.” She paused. “You know, I think on some level, I knew. I knew eventually it would happen. That’s why I left. I wanted to play at a normal life with normal relationships for a while. I knew I couldn’t stay away forever though. Knew I eventually had to come back and face my destiny. Face being a pseudo-slayer and face you.”

He didn’t know what to say. She went to grab her jacket.

“Where are you going?” He finally found his voice.

“I’m going to get something to eat.”
“Are you coming back?”

She sighed, “I don’t know.”

“Please come back,” he pleaded.

“I’ll try,” she whispered and walked out the door.

“Spike?”

“Yeah, pet?” He asked as they walked through the cemetery. It had been quiet over the past few days, but they still kept their routine of patrolling.

“Does it hurt to be in love with someone?”

He nearly choked at her question. Why was she asking him such a question? He looked at her curious face. “What brought this on?”

“Well, Anya claims she’s in love with some guy and she says she loves him so much it hurts. I’m thinking if I’m in love with someone, it shouldn’t hurt.”

“All depends on if they return the feeling.”

“So, if it’s unrequited, it hurts. He does say he loves her, so it’s requited. Are they just nuts then?”

“Personally, I’ve always found Anya to be off her rocker.”

She laughed and hit him playfully. “Did it hurt to be in love with Dru?”

He cocked his head to the side, thoughtful. “Yes because she was unfaithful.”

“So it was unrequited.”

“Yes.”

“So that’s why it hurt.”

“Before then, before she was unfaithful it hurt then too. Nearly broke me in half to love something, someone that much. It was, at the time, the most alive I’d ever felt.”

“At the time? So you’ve felt more alive than that after that?”

He nodded. With you, he wanted to answer.

She didn’t say anything for a long while. “I don’t know if I want to be in love. I don’t want to hurt.”

“The pain comes with the pleasure. The two go hand in hand.”

“Sounds masochistic to me.” She sighed. “I hope I never fall in love.”

“Oh you will, pet. You will.”

“I’m back,” she called out as she entered his apartment.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Spike sat up abruptly. He had been scared she wouldn’t come back. And here she was. He stood and she entered the living room.

She pointed at him, “were you…crying?”

He pointed back at her, “you changed.”

“I stopped by Giles’. I got some stakes and supplies for tonight. Were you crying?”

He looked down.

“Why?”

“It felt like you were leaving me again.”

“I promised you I would stay,” she said softly, looking down.

“I love you so bloody much that sometimes it chokes me.”

She looked up at him, startled, and met his gaze. “I—wow.”

He chuckled, “wow?”

“Well, I don’t really know how to respond to such an intense declaration. No one has ever said that to me before. No one has ever felt like that for me before—at least to my knowledge. Has anyone for you?”

“Said or felt?”

“Both, either, or.”

“Dru, perhaps. In her soulless, demonic way.”

“Wasn’t she unfaithful?”

“Like I said, in her own soulless, demonic way.”

“Thank God you have your soul.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Why? I mean aside from the obvious reasons.”

She blushed profusely and he found it absolutely endearing. He resisted the urge to gather her up in his arms and smother her with kisses.

“I wouldn’t deal well with infidelity,” she said so softly a human wouldn’t be able to hear her. With his vampire hearing however, he heard her loud and clear.

“Does that mean—“
“I don’t know what it means right now. Just a thought that popped in my head. I don’t want to analyze it. I put it out there, laid it out on the table and that’s all I want to do with it right now. Don’t want you to pick it up and dissect it. I certainly don’t want to either. Not now. Can we just let it be for now?”

He nodded solemnly, never taking his eyes off her.

“Good. Well, sundown is in about an hour. I think we should get to work. What do you say?”

Chapter Eleven

He agreed and they got down to work. Two hours later Spike and Buffy left his apartment. If his heart could beat, it would leap out of his chest. He was scared; scared of losing her. She seemed confident, but he wondered how much of that was an act. They walked in silence and Spike could tell she was using what he taught her to try and feel where the vamps were. Then he caught a whiff of something and stopped. Trying to decipher what direction the scent was coming from, he turned in a full circle.

“What is it?” She asked quietly.

“I smell…”

“What?”
“Vampires”

“Pray tell, Master Vampire, where could they be?”

“North. Rose Cemetary.”

“Off we go,” she muttered and started to go. He grabbed her arm.

“What?”

“Let me do it, Buffy. Let me go and take care of them.”

“Spike, why?”

“It’s my job as your mate to protect you.”

“Then protect me in battle. We’ve done this before, why are you suddenly frightened now?”

“I’ve always been frightened for you. Maybe because I’m closer to you now, maybe because I’ve tasted you, maybe because I just got you back after you were gone and the thought of you leaving again terrifies me. Maybe because I know these particular vamps are out to kill you. Maybe because I now understand what you need and want and want it for you, desperately. Maybe because I love you.”

She studied him, arms crossed. “Maybe you think too much.” She said and walked away.

They reached the entrance of the cemetery and Spike stopped her again.

“Stop it, Spike,” she hissed. “You can’t stop me from doing this. They’re after me. I have to face them. It’s my fight.”

“Our fight, love. Our fight.”

“Fine, it’s our fight. Just don’t stop me. Slayers have to be fearless, don’t they? Well, I’m going to learn to be fearless.”

“You’re not a Slayer.”

“No, I’m not. But I’m pretty damn close.”

“I get it now, okay? You wanted me to get it and I do—“

“Spike?”

“Pet—“

“Shut up.”

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the witch and her pet vampire.”

Spike and Buffy turned to see vamps. Three of them. Big, burly and most likely incredibly strong. All three wore jeans, t-shirts, cowboy hats and ankle length brown leather coats.

Buffy smirked, “guess we found our vamps. Guys are a little out of your element don’t you think?”

“You Northerners are quite tasty, despite your rudeness.” One of the vamps drawled.

Spike took his place in front of Buffy who pushed him aside. He glared at her and she faced the vamps.

“I hear you’re looking for me,” she told them.

“You heard right. Never tasted a witch before—“

“And you won’t. She’s mine.” Spike snarled.

The vamps had the decency to look shocked. “You claimed her?” One asked.

“Yes. You don’t get to taste her.”

“Guess we’ll have to find other ways to kill her then.” Another drawled.

“Can we do less with the talking and more with the fighting?” Buffy suddenly blurted out. “I have plans later.”

“Sure thing, witch.” And the three started toward them. Spike took his fighting stance close to Buffy. They wouldn’t touch her if he had anything to say about it.

“Kali…Kali…Kali…Be in Me!” He looked over at Buffy, about to ask what she was doing when a visible sheen of white light entered her body via her head. He could only stare. So did the vamps.

She turned and looked at him, and his eyes widened. Her eyes were glowing white and her hair had turned black. She turned to the vampires and charged. Kicking the closest one to her, she sent him flying to a nearby tree where a stray branch came from the middle of it. He fell on it and was dust in seconds. Spike could only gape in shock.

The vamps friends looked at each other in fear and started to run.

She turned to Spike. “You better hide.” It was her voice, yet deeper, with an echo.

“Buffy—“

“Hide, vampire!” She shouted at him. Spike figured it was better to do as she said and found the nearest gravestone to hide behind. He would hide, but stay close by in case.

“I call the light of golden rays, for protection, thus I pray!” She shouted and lifted her hands. With a spark of light, there between her raised arms was the sun. A smaller version of it, but the sun nonetheless. Spike gasped. Now he knew why she asked him to hide. She was protecting him. Bringing her arms down, she seemed to cradle the ball in one hand as it hovered above her right hand. She started forward and Spike followed safely behind.

“Here, kitty, kitty,” she called.

Spike could only gaze at the woman he loved. It was her, and yet not. He’d seen fragments of the power she possessed. Enough to know she was a force to be reckoned with. He’d also felt her strength. Both things combined made him nickname her Wonder Woman and sometimes Supergirl. Now seeing the power she held in that tiny body of hers, he knew she wasn’t worthy of such names. She could kill both with the blink of her eye.

Spike spotted one of the southern vamps crawling into a mausoleum. She spotted him too. Her glowing eyes followed the figure retreating inside and smiled maniacally. Spike shivered at the sight.

Walking up to the stone door, she kicked it right open. “Find my enemy!” She commanded the ball and it left her hand. Spike watched in fascination as the inside of the tomb lit up with bright sunlight. He heard a howl and knew instantly the vampire was dead.

She turned then, and Spike beheld her. Standing in the doorway, the wind billowing her long black sweater around her. All Spike could do was gaze at his beloved in awe. She moved forward, a branch snapping tugging her awareness. She swerved to the right and Spike followed. Her beam of sunlight gone, he followed closer to her.

She stopped and listened. Spike sniffed the air.

“South,” he said.

She turned to her left and walked. Then Spike saw it. A knife flying through the air, directed at her.

“BUFFY!” He shouted and leapt to it.

Raising her hand, she deflected him to the ground and in one swift movement, caught the blade in between both hands. Raising the blade she turned until a beam of light shot out of it and she followed it. Instinctively, Spike knew this light led to the source.

Ignoring the tremors coursing through him at the fear of almost losing her he followed, right behind her. The vampire was just ahead, running.

“STOP!” She shouted.

The vamp stopped and turned, paralyzed. His eyes wide with fear. She strolled up to him, grasping the blade tightly in her right hand.

She came up to him and walked around him. “Scared of little ol’ me?” She asked.

The vampire whimpered and behind him, Buffy wrapped her arms around the vampire from behind, cooing softly in his ear. She held up the blade.

“I would tell you to warn your friends, but you see, they’re dead.” She trailed the knife from his stomach to his chest, shredding the material in half. Blood seeped lightly and the vampire whimpered. Then, she leaned over and kissed the vampire’s cheek. In one swift movement, she slashed his throat. The vampire’s eyes widened. Then she stepped back and kicked it. The head tore off and the body dusted.

Spike stood there, transfixed. She looked up at him then. Her hair went back to its natural color, her eyes stopped glowing and the light that entered her left her the same way it entered.

She swayed and whispered his name before she dropped to the ground. Spike was on her immediately.

He could hear her heart, though slow. Her skin was on fire and her breathing slightly wavered. She was incredibly pale. Fear coiled through him and he lifted her lifeless body into his arms and ran as fast as he could to Giles’.

“Buffy—“ Giles stopped when he saw Spike cradling her in his arms. “What happened? Is she hurt?” The man asked ushering Spike in.

“I don’t know. She fought—hard.” Spike explained to her High Priest all that happened as he laid her down on Giles’ couch and Giles felt her head. “What’s wrong with her? Is she all right? Does she need a hospital?”

Giles took off his glasses and shook his head. “She’s going to be fine, Spike. What she’s experiencing is like a flu. She has a fever and her body is incredibly tired. What she did, it took a lot of energy. Usually does when you invoke a Goddess into yourself. She needs rest, perhaps a cold compress to her head and more rest.”

Spike was relieved, somewhat. He picked her up silently.

“Where are you going?” Giles asked.

“I’m taking her to her room. I’m staying so don’t bother telling me to get out. I stay with her, understand?”

Giles knew it was futile to argue and he wasn’t going to tell Spike to leave anyway. He nodded his assent. “I’ll get a cold washcloth to apply to her forehead.”

Spike nodded and carried Buffy to her bedroom. He laid her down gently and stared at her. Then, he tugged off her shoes and socks, took off her watch and necklace and her bra. He knew from experience that she hated sleeping with it on. Whenever she’d slept over his place before, she’d always take it off under her clothes when they’d settled in to watch TV. He respected her privacy and maneuvered the thing off under her clothes. She’d stake him if she knew he was trying to cop a feel or check her out in this state. He then untucked the covers and discarding his shirt, settled in beside her. His cold skin would help, he reasoned. It didn’t help however, that her skin being so hot heated him immediately. She wriggled against him and moaned softly.

“Buffy?” He asked. “Talk to me, baby.”

She fell silent again and he drew the covers about her waist. Giles walked in and cleared his throat. He raised his eyebrows.

“I’m a vampire, you nit. My body temp is always cool. I figured it would help.”

Giles merely nodded and pressed the cool washcloth to her head. Giles straightened and watched the vampire tenderly comb her hair through his fingers and whisper endearments to her. Spike looked up at him finally.

“You truly love her,” Giles stated as fact. He knew it, known it for a long time. He felt the need to let Spike know what he already knew however.

Spike nodded. “Always have. This whole time.”

“You won’t hurt her again?”

Guilt passed over the vampire’s features. “Not intentionally.”

“She loves you,” Giles stated.

Doubt crossed Spike’s usually confident expression. “Sometimes I think she does.”

Giles nodded firmly. “She does. She fights it because she’s scared. You ever hear the story of the turtle and the hare?”

“Slow and steady wins the race?”

Giles nodded. “I’m imagining that combined with the—events—of the past week and tonight’s invocation, that is the reason why her body is so tired. She needs time to rest, to heal. You must give her that space to do that.”

Spike nodded, “I know that now. Been alive for a long time Giles and no one has taught me as much as she has in a week.”

Giles smiled fondly at the sleeping girl he adored so much. “She’s something, isn’t she?”

Spike nodded and laid his head next to hers. “That she is.”

Feeling as if he were suddenly intruding, Giles bid him goodnight and left the room.

Spike watched her as she slept and absently stroked her arm. After a while he checked the washcloth, rewet it and laid back down with her.

“You’ll be all right luv. I won’t let anything happen to you. Not again, not ever again.” He watched her as she slept and soon, sleep claimed him as well.

Chapter Twelve

“Surprise! Happy birthday!” Noise makers sounded and confetti was thrown as Buffy, her mother and Giles jumped from behind different areas of the living room.

Spike jumped a mile. “Are you all trying to give me a bloody heart attack!”

Buffy giggled and ran up to him, throwing her arms around him. “Your heart doesn’t beat.”

He smiled. “What is this?” He asked as he took in the big birthday cake, the buffalo wings and onion blossom, the Happy Birthday banner in red.

She broke the hug and pulled him to the center of the room.

“Well, we’re planning a surprise Happy Birthday party for Anya next week and we figured we’d try it out on you first to see if we yelled ‘Surprise, Happy Birthday’ well enough. What do you think? Could we use more enthusiasm or was that just enough?”

“Smart ass,” he pinched her arm.

“Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers!” Her sister, Julie told him, wagging her finger at him.

“It’s your birthday Spike. Your real birthday. Not the day you were turned, but the day you were you know, born. It’s a milestone. You’re 195. You are almost two centuries old. Do you feel any older? Wiser? Like you deserve respect?”

He laughed out loud.

“We got all your favorite foods as well. If you want hot cocoa just let me know.” Joyce winked at him.

He smiled broadly. After all this time, he’d finally found where he belonged. He finally had a family and friends. He gazed lovingly at Buffy as she sampled an onion ring. This was all because of her.

She looked up at him, “I know you’re not into the whole birthday thing because you think it’s lame or whatever, but I don’t care. Everyone deserves to have a birthday party. And if you’re part of this family, you’re going to have to deal.”

He swept her up in a bear hug. “I love you.” He nearly choked on the confession, so full of love, adoration and tenderness was he.

“I love you too,” she giggled. “Come on, you need to cut the cake so we can open presents.”

She slept most of the day. Spike was worried and kept a vigil by her side. Giles assured him time and again that she was going to be fine. That once she awoke she would feel good as new. Spike knew the girl could sleep, but it had been well over twelve hours.

“Spike, do relax, please. She’s going to be fine. She’s getting some much needed rest—“

“So you keep saying. It’s been almost fifteen hours Giles! She doesn’t even sleep that much when she has the flu!”

“Spike?” A timid, groggy, hoarse voice called out. Spike flew to the bedroom.

Buffy looked up at him curiously. “Why are you yelling at Giles?”

Spike started to laugh, releasing the tension he’d been feeling and fell into bed beside her, wrapping her in his arms and planting a soft kiss upon her head.

“Did we wake you, Buffy?” Giles asked from the doorway.

“No, I’d been up for a little bit before Spike yelled at you.” Buffy answered, her voice muffled against Spike’s chest.

“How do you feel, sweetheart?” Spike asked, pulling back enough to look at her beautiful face. He studied her until she screwed up her eyebrows in frustration and pushed at him. He smiled. She was back to normal all right.

“I’m starving. I could eat a horse.” She replied, sitting up in bed and looking at Giles.

Giles sat on the bed near her, “Buffy,” he breathed. Emotion overtook him at the sight of her well and alive.

She smiled gently at her mentor. “I’m okay, Giles.”

“Do you remember anything?”

“Yeah, I do. It was like I was there as an observer. I know it was my body doing those things, but it almost felt like I was watching myself do them. Do you know what I mean?”

“Perfectly,” Giles smiled at her. “How do you feel—about it?”

She frowned then, “I don’t know. I don’t know if I like my body being taken over like that.”

“It kept you safe.”

“It did. I’ve killed demons and vampires before without invoking Kali though. I guess I just felt I needed to do it. I mean, they were able to kill the Slayer.”

Giles nodded. “In the future, power can be invoked inside you in different ways. We’ll work on that.”

“Not now though okay?”

“Heavens no.”

“I’m starving.”

Spike grinned and brushed back some of her hair off her shoulders. “So you’ve mentioned. What do you want?”

She smiled, “everything under the sun. Waffles, eggs, bacon, home fries-“

Giles cleared his throat and stood up, “I get it. Famished. I’ll see what we have.” He left and Buffy turned to Spike.

“How long was I sleeping?”

“Over fifteen bloody hours, pet. Thought I was going to have to rouse you.”

“Ha! You do know that would have been fatal for you, right?” She told him lightly.

“You had me worried, pet. After it all happened—you just passed out.”

“I’m sorry I worried you,” she told him softly.

He shook his head, “don’t be sorry. I’m just happy you’re well. And alive.” His intensity deepened. “You changed. It was you and yet not you. It scared me for a bit.”

“I protected you.”

He smiled, “you did. I tried to, but I don’t think you really needed me.”

“I did, Spike. I did need you. We were a team and Kali recognized that. She just has a tendency to take over and be bossy.”

Spike laughed, “not like you at all, right?”

She laughed, “well, maybe a little.”

“What do you feel like doing today, pet?”

“Hanging out for now. What time is it?”

“Two in the afternoon.”

“I need to shower and get dressed and eat and—“ She looked at him. “Do you want to go see a movie later?”

He tried to keep his shocked expression down to a minimum. She wanted to be in his company!

He managed to nod.

“Good,” she started to move out of bed, but Spike stopped her.

“I’ll go help Giles.” He stood up and handed her the TV remote. “Why don’t you watch some TV?”

She smiled up at him. “Okay.”

He leaned over and gave her a quick peck on her forehead before helping Giles make her the feast.

The day was spent eating, watching TV, talking and laughing. Buffy felt calmer, more at peace. She figured it had to do with the fact that her life was no longer threatened. She had managed to defeat the vampires, Spike and Giles were with her and she felt content. She even called her mother and promised to visit soon. She’d cried a little when talking to her mom, the events of almost not being alive to hear her mother’s worry again making her happily relieved she still could.

“So, when is the movie again?” She asked Spike.

“Well, which one do you want to see? The seven or the nine?”

“How about the nine?”

“Want to get food first?”

They both broke out into wide smiles and at the same time said “Buffalo wings!” Giles looked at the pair, chuckled and shook his head.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him in a daughterly hug from behind as he worked on the computer. He patted her hands affectionately and smiled warmly as he looked up at her.

Spike looked at the pair and was surprised to realize he was not jealous at all. The exchange of affection between the pair was purely that of a father and his daughter. He knew Giles was relieved to have her alive and safe. He also knew after their conversation last night that Giles knew exactly where he stood with her. On the same end, he knew where he stood with Giles. He accepted Spike as long as he didn’t hurt her. Giles knew he loved her. He just wanted to make sure Spike did right by her. And by God, as her mate, he was going to do everything he could to make her happy, keep her safe and make sure she knew just how cherished she was.

“Spike? You ready to go there, slick?” She asked, already in her coat and waiting patiently for him.

He looked at her and frowned, “Slick? Is that some comment on my hair?”

She laughed, “no, but I can start if you want me to.”

He groaned, “no thanks.” Then brightened. “Unless you want me to start on your ever changing hair color.”

She smiled, “yeah, but I don’t look like Billy Idol, do I?”
He narrowed his eyes and lunged for her. She squeeled and ran out the door out of his grasp.

Giles smiled to himself as he heard them laughing and out of his yard. Yes, maybe now things would be back to normal around here.

Chapter Thirteen

“Spike, for Christ’s sake! How many buffalo wings have you inhaled?”

He stopped chewing and looked at her guiltily. She looked at him sternly. He swallowed. “Would you like me to order some more, pet? It’s all on me, I don’t mind—“

“You’re paying?”

“Well, yeah. Why, did you want to?”

She shrugged, “I thought we were going Dutch. Like we usually do.”

“I want to take my—you out.”

“I asked you out, remember?”

“Well, I offered dinner.”

“So how about you pay for dinner and I’ll pay for the movie?”

“Why can’t I just pay for it all?”

“I don’t know,” she said, dumbfounded.

“Then it’s settled. I’m paying. Do you want more Buffy’s?”

“No, this means I’ll just actually have room for dinner.”

He smiled and took a sip of his beer.

She wanted to ask him, but she didn’t know how. She hadn’t thought of it earlier when she’d asked him to the movies. Then dinner was suggested and now…now she thought maybe. Did she want it to be a date? Was she opposed if it was? Why should it change anything anyway? They were going uber slow with whatever they had between them. Despite the claim, there was no reason to rush into things. Course, they’d known each other for nine years now. Well, one of which was spent apart.

“Luv?”

She looked up at him, “what?”

“What’s on your mind?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve shredded the coaster in a million pieces, you’ve been gnawing on that bottom lip of yours and your eyebrows are knit together like they do when you’re concentrating very hard.”

She gaped at him.

He smirked. “Surprised I know you so well, are you?”

She guffawed. “No.”

“Are you lying?”

“Of course I am.”

He laughed and sat back. “So? Tell Uncle Spike what the problem is.”

Now she let out a full laugh. “Uncle Spike?” Tears sprang to her eyes and he couldn’t help but laugh with her. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t kiss my uncle the way I kissed you—“She stopped and slammed her hand over her mouth. She flamed red and Spike laughed harder.

He wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it, so she decided to follow suit and shrug it off.

“Spike?”

“Yeah, pet?”

She bit her lip. “Is this a date?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be.”

“What do you want it to be?”

“A date.”

She nodded, processing the idea. It didn’t scare her. “Ok, then it’s a date. Finally, I see our food coming. I’m freaking starving. Somebody ate all the buffalo wings.”

FLASHBACK

“He’s really hot, Buffy,” Faith whispered to her friend as she gathered her things. Spike smiled to himself as he waited patiently for Buffy to see her friend off so they could train. He knew Buffy would be angry with him if she knew he was listening, but it wasn’t like he could help it with his super hearing and all. Still, he couldn’t help but place himself near the doorway so he had a perfect view of Buffy as she stared at her friend.

“What?” She asked.

“Spike, he’s hot. How old is he?”

Buffy’s face turned hard. “He’s older, much older.” She grinned devilishly then and Spike bit back a chuckle.

“How much older? I mean, do you think he would go out with me?”

Buffy shook her head, “no, I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”

“He’s…he’s gay.”

Spike nearly flew in the room to correct that statement.

“Gay? Are you serious? He doesn’t seem gay.”

“Well, he is. He’s my best friend, don’t you think I should know?”

Faith sighed, “it’s always the good ones.”

“Don’t you have to go now?” Buffy urged, slightly annoyed.

Faith nodded, oblivious. When the door closed, Buffy stopped and then a small devious, victorious smile spread across her lips. Spike knew that look. It was the universal female pride smile. It took Spike a bit to figure out why she was so happy. Then it dawned on him. Buffy had been jealous of Faith. Jealous. She had been jealous. She made for the room and Spike jumped on the couch, pretending to flip through the TV Guide. She flopped next to him and Spike fought the urge to hug her.

“Spike?”

He pretended to look at the TV Guide still.

“Yeah, kitten?”

“Do you think Faith is pretty?”

He bit back a smile. “She’s pretty,” he said thoughtfully.

She froze, “you think so?”

He nodded and looked at her crestfallen face. He couldn’t keep up the charade. Not when she looked so sad. “But she’s not my type. Why?”

She exhaled and shook her head. “Just wondering what you thought is all.”

“She’s a bit too man-hungry for my taste.”

“That’s what I think too.” She smiled then and he grinned at her. She was so cute when she was proud of herself. “I’m going to change. I’ll be right back,” and she bounded off again. He reclined back, content. Yep, she had the hots for him, whether she knew it or not.

**END FLASHBACK**

As they walked to the theater, Spike took untold pleasure when Buffy allowed him to take her hand in his and entwine their fingers. He glanced at her and found her grinning.

“What are you thinking about, kitten?”

She looked at him and shrugged. “Nothing in particular. Just happy…and really well rested.”

“I can imagine. How are you feeling?”

“Good. How about you, Spike? How you doing?”

He grinned at her and squeezed her hand. “I’m good, pet.”

“Spike, do you know what ever happened to Dru?”

Her question caught him off guard. “No, pet, why?”

“Just wondering. Do you think she’ll come for you someday?”

“I don’t rightly know. Don’t rightly care either.”

She looked at him, “you don’t? You spent a century with her.”

“Didn’t have my soul then either.”

“Yeah, but, you must feel something for the vampiress who made you. You must feel something for her even though you have your soul now.”

“I feel an affection for her, yes. She’s my Sire, and we took care of each other. My soul allowed me to see her as a killer. My soul rejects that. My demon recognizes her as only my Sire, nothing more. Not a real bond there anymore. My demon’s attached itself to you now. If I saw her, I would hope that we could talk kindly and then move on our merry way.”

“You wouldn’t kill her?”

Spike paused. “I don’t know. I never thought about it.”

She looked at him. “You know I’d have to kill her, right?”

He nodded slowly, “I know, luv.”

“You wouldn’t hate me if I did?”

He stopped and made her look at him. “I would never hate you. For anything, ever. Do you understand me?” He asked fiercely.

She nodded, wide-eyed.

He gently slid a hand down her face, “’sides, she has a thing for Slayers. I’d imagine she’d have a thing for you. If she threatened you in any way, I’d kill her myself.”

“Parts of me wish that I’d known you pre-soul.”

He cocked his head, “why?”

“I don’t know. I feel like there’s a lot about you I don’t know. A lot of it has to do with before your soul. You’re a Master Vampire, Spike. You spent most of your undead life without a soul. Although, you probably would have tried to kill me, so that wouldn’t work.”

“I’d like to think I wouldn’t,” he said softly, cupping her face in his palm. “I’d like to think that my demon and myself would know just how rare and special you are. I’d like to think you would have inspired me to give up my violent ways and instead do what I was meant to do.”

She cocked her head now. “What’s that?”

“Love you, protect you.”

She blushed and looked away shyly.

“Look at me, luv,” he purred.

She looked up at him.

“Can I kiss you?”

She nodded and their lips met instantly. She pulled on the lapels of his jacked and drew him closer as his hands cupped her face. He kissed her deeply, trying to emit every emotion he had for her in it. When she opened her mouth, he deepened the kiss and engaged her tongue to dance with his. She moaned and he parted to let her breathe.

She looked dazed and Spike hid his smug grin. He’d done that to her. He rested his forehead against hers as she caught her breath. He took her hand and put it over his chest where his heart would be.

“It doesn’t beat, but if it did, it would beat for you.”

“We’re going to be late for the movie,” she whispered and took his hand again.

As they sat in the semi-dark theater, Buffy took his hand and flipped it so it was palm up. She opened it and studied it.

“Reading my palm?”

She nodded. “I wonder though…are these things that would have been true of you before you were turned or are the lines for now?”

“Humor me. Tell me what you see for me.”

She giggled, “a really long lifeline.”

“That it?”

“Well, I’m not really good at this, but let me see…okay, here.” She traced the tops of his palm, “it says that you are going to marry and settle down with one woman and be married to her until you both die.” He stared at her and his nerves were on super drive. Her words and her touch was driving him crazy. “And here,” she traced and M shape on his palm, “says that you’re going to marry and it will be your soul mate.” She turned his hand to the side, “and you’re going to have three kids. Two girls and a boy.”

“Well, vampires can’t have kids, so I guess that answers your question on whose palm it’s for.”

“Yeah, but Spike…William is dead. I mean, he’s you, but, he’s dead. Your dead.”

“Sorry pet, I just don’t see it happening.” And he truly was sorry. He liked kids. “What about yours? What does it say?”

“Oh, I already know. I had someone read my palm a long time ago. I too am supposed to marry to one man. To my soulmate. And, have three kids. Two girls—“ she paused. “And a boy,” she murmured.

Now he felt half possessive and half depressed. There was no way any other man except him was going to marry her. He was her bloody soul mate dammit! And kids…not in the cards for a vampire.

The theater darkened then and she sighed, burrowing into her seat. He took her hand and kissed the back of it before resting their hands on the armrest between them.

Spike noticed she looked a bit worn out as they left the theater and wanted to get her home right away. She scolded him of course, but she didn’t deny that she was tired. He even caught her hiding a yawn.

He stopped suddenly as they walked to Giles. “Stay with me.” It wasn’t a demand or a question, but lay somewhere between the two.

She looked up at him, “no.” She rushed on then, apparently catching the hurt look on his face. “Not because I don’t want to—“

“I’m not asking for sex.”

She raised an eyebrow and then dropped it, shaking her head. “I know that. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that this is our first date. I’ve had a really good time and I want it to continue to be like a real date where you walk me home, tell me what a good time you had too, ask to see me again real soon and kiss me goodnight.” She smiled wide at him.

He nodded, “that does sound nice.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Do I have to do all those things in order?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I was thinking I could walk you home, kiss you. Tell you what a good time I had, kiss you. Ask to see you again real soon, kiss you again. And then maybe again.”

She giggled, “I think that could be arranged.”

He nodded, satisfied. “Good.”

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