Chapter 1:

____

Dear Diary,

My mom has just told me that she and Giles are going away this weekend, to some trip to Los Angeles or something. And guess what? William (or Spike, as the jerk wants everybody to call him) is going to baby-sit me! BABY-SIT? Do they think that I am 5 years old or something? That’s what I told mom, that I am a mature, and very calm 15 (almost 16) year old girl who can fully take on the responsibility to be home alone in the house in three days, and do you know what she told me? ‘Buffy, I know that this might be hard for you, but William is going to be so nice to you, and blah, blah, blah.’ Then she gives me the ‘oh, and honey, don’t give him such a hard time, you know that he really tries to be nice to you.’ Whose side is she on anyway?? And now ‘Spike’ has beginning to have this girl over, like, ALL the time. She’s so clingy and stupid. I just know that he is going to annoy me the whole weekend, like he always does. It’s a wonder how I have survived this long, living with him. Anyway, I should not waste my time and paper on him, he’s so not worth that. Oh, and Cordy told me today that Angel was totally checking me out at art-class, and that he likes me. Angel is so sweet. AND cute, not like other guys, who just cares about being all macho and--

_____


”Hey, what’s this?” Spike asked, and snatched her diary from her hands before she had time to protest. He’d stood there for quite a while, just watching her as she lay on her stomach on the bed, and feet in the air, as she was writing in something, he just couldn’t resist annoying her. And, he had a pretty good view of her tight little ass from here. ‘Uh, what the hell am I thinking?! Must be ‘cuz I haven’t seen that annoying chit lately, what’s her name again? Harmony? Right, that’s it…’

”What are you doing in my room?! Get out, freak!” Buffy yelled, angry, but still couldn’t keep off the blushing as he began to read from it.

”Angel is soo hot, and I am just soo in love with him. I just wanna listen to my womanly desires and kiss him like he never has been kissed before.” He said, faking her voice, as she was frantically trying to get her pink diary back, jumping up and down, as she was trying to snatch it from his hands. When she’d had it, she punched him-with her small fist-in his face, and he immediately let go of her diary, and began swearing and cursing, as he took his hands over his nose. It sounded like he said something like; sodding hell and bloody bint. Buffy quickly picked up her diary, putting it close to her chest, as she ran out of her room, and then went to the kitchen.

”MOM! Spike was in my room again! And he called me a bint, or something like that, is he allowed calling me that?” Buffy said, as she had reached her mom, who was sitting at the table, drinking her coffee. She was trying to get some peace and quiet, which really wasn’t that easy if you were living with two teenagers who hated each other.

”Buffy. We’ve been through this, now, I’m sure Spike didn’t mean it, and he’s probably sorry.” Joyce said, massaging her sore head.

”No I’m not.” Spike called from upstairs. “She bloody punched me in my face!”

That earned a disapproving look to appear on Buffy’s moms face, as she shook her head at Buffy.

”What? It’s his fault anyway, he was in my room, lurking around, and—“

”I was not lurking!” Spike said, as he also appeared in the kitchen, and went to stand right in front of Buffy, looking down at her. Not like he was that tall, he was just taller than her. His eyes had gone from the crystal blue colour they usually were, to a darker blue, as he stared at her.

”Oh yeah? What gives you the right to go into my room?” Buffy said angrily, putting her arms over her chest, in defence mood. Her golden blonde hair, falling down to above her chest, as she returned his glaring.

”Okay! Please, fix this somewhere else? The only thing I’m asking for is to get to drink my coffee alone, so take your fuss upstairs, okay?” Joyce said sternly, looking at them booth. Both of them mumbled something, before going to different directions. “Thank you.” Joyce muttered as she began drinking her coffee again.


___


”He what?” Buffy asked, wide eyed, not believing what her friend just told her.

”Uh huh, he totally likes you.”

”Angel, the captain of the football team likes me?” Buffy asked, as she was sipping on her ice tea. They had been walking around in the mall, shopping and such; before Cordy had proposed that they should take a break from the shopping, to gossip, which Buffy really didn’t mind since she HATED shopping. “This is so great! I mean, you’re going out with Xander, and maybe now we could go on double dates!”

”I know!” Cordy said, smiling at her friend. Actually, they hadn’t been friends for a very long time, since Buffy hadn’t been popular for that long. Cordy had introduced her to the cool gang, which after a while approved of her, even thought Buffy knew that she really didn’t have that much in common with them. They liked shopping and everything that was expensive.

”So, can you give me any pointers? How should I dress to make him know that I want him? Hello, earth to Cordy?” Buffy said, frowning and waived a hand in front of her face, as she save her friend look at someone behind her.

”Oh. My. God.” Cordy said, mouth hanging open as she stared. Buffy was till frowning as she looked beside her, not seeing anyone besides… Spike? What’s he doing here? He was standing talking to some other guy from school, in his usual attire, black tight jeans, black shirt, and the old duster to go with it. Probably thinking he was some kind of ‘badass’. She looked back at Cordy, and her face changed into disgust when realization hit her, like a smack over the head.

”Cordy! What are you looking at?” She said with wide eyes.

”That guy, he with the bleached hair, black jeans and, god I would just wanna feel his muscles—“

”Cordy, that’s my step brother!” Buffy said, and couldn’t help but blush at her friends words. She really didn’t wanna hear about any muscles, and feeling her stepbrother. That’s just- “Gross!”

”He is?” Cordy said shocked. “So I guess you would know if he’s together with someone, right?”

”Ew, I am so not fixing you up with that mental case. And besides, you’re with Xander!” Buffy pointed out.

”Oh… Right.” Cordy said and began to drink her ice tea, not taking her eyes off the bleached blonde guy.

”So, about me having the house alone - or almost – do you think that I should have a party? Although, I don’t really think that Spike would let me have a party.” Buffy said and sighed. “Oh well.”

”You can at least ask him. It can’t be that bad? I’m sure he’ll let you, besides he can also join in on the party, if he wants.” Cordy said and shrugged, finally taking her eyes of Spike, to look on Buffy.


___


”Come on! Pretty please?” Buffy asked, walking after Spike, like a lost puppy.

”Are you bloody daft? I told you no, no parties for you and your little girly gang, okay?” Spike said, clearly annoyed, as he began to walk up the stairs. She still followed him, until they’d reached the door to his room, that’s when he stopped and turned to her, making her crash into his hard chest.

”Ouch.” She mumbled while rubbing her nose. “Come on, pleeeasse?” She said, and put out her lower lip, pouting, as she tried to make her eyes as big and cute as possible.

”I’ve already made plans, so you’re whole, I’m-so-innocent-and-cute, isn’t going to work on me.” Spike said, and raised his eyebrows at her, as he leaned on the door.

”What? YOU’RE going to have a party? And I’m, what, not allowed to be here?” Buffy said angrily.

”Ooh, score for Blondie!” Spike said in fake cheery voice, as he smirked at her. Buffy hated that smirk; he always used it when he made fun of her.

”Please, I’ll do anything!” Buffy said pleadingly.

That made Spike interested. He looked like he was in deep thoughts, and when Buffy was ready to give up, he answered,

”You do anything that I tell you to do, for this weekend, and you’ll get to be on the party.” He said, and smirked at her. He knew that she’d never agree on it, although, it would be bloody funny if she did…

”What?” She said, not believing what he’d just said. He really thought that she was so desperate that she would be his slave for the weekend? He would make her clean his room, and things that are much worse, althought, his room was certainly up there with the top 10 of worst things that he could make her do. Just thinking about it made her sick. “I am so not—“

”Didn’t think so. Well, I’ll need you out by 5 tomorrow. See ya goldilocks.” He said, before he slammed the door in her face.

”What the…?” Buffy said. “Ah, that stupid dumbest, jerk!” She said angrily, and kicked the door. She would go to the party, even if she’d have to give away the last piece of dignity that she’d have left. “Okay, I’ll do it.” She said through the door, and didn’t wait for him to answer before she stomped her way back to her own room, and she could practically hear him smirk from his room.


 

Chapter 2:

”You look so hot; I mean, Angel have to be stupid if he don’t throw himself at you.” Cordy said, smiling as she walked around Buffy, as if inspecting her.

”You really think so?” Buffy said, and smiled back.

She took her hands to her small waist and turned around to look at her back. She had picked one of her red tank tops, which revealed a little cleaveledge, but without a bra, it would pretty much be nothing to show. She hadn’t been very gifted in that area, but other than that, she was pretty good looking. Her golden tanned skin, her small form, with curves in the right places. She then had decided to wear a skirt, wanting to look older than she actually was, so that maybe Angel would notice her. The skirt was black, and short. Really short, one of those short skirts that your mom would go all; ‘oh, are you sure that that skirt is very appropriate,’ when she saw it. Lucky to Buffy, her mom wasn’t here, only Spike. However, he was probably busy sticking his slimy and gross tongue down Harmony’s throat. That’s what he was doing the last time she’d seen him. The party had already started, and Buffy heard the music through the thin walls, as she looked at herself one more time before turning to Cordy, who was wearing a black tight dress, that ended a little above her knees.

”Okay, so, did you invite Xander?” Buffy asked, as she fixed her skirt.

”Nah. He was busy.” She said and shrugged. “But I won’t cheat on him, I promise!” Cordy said, after seeing Buffy’s expression.

”Good. Cause I know that we’re friends and all, but Xander is also my friend so—“

”I know, I know. I shouldn’t hurt or break his little puppy dog heart under my shoe, jeez; you don’t think I know that already?” Cordy said annoyed, and rolled her eyes.

”Well… Just so you know.” Buffy said and nodded, before she walked to the door. “Let’s go and dance.” Buffy smiled, and opened the door, stepping outside with Cordy at her side.

”Yeah, let’s party!” Cordy said happily.


____


“Angel! Angel is here! Oh my god, what should I do?” Buffy asked, panicking, as she grabbed her friends arm as she saw him, who standing there, and chatting with some of the other guests.

“Maybe let go of my arm? Ouch.” Cordy muttered through clenched teeth, as she pulled her arm back.

”Sorry.”

”Ugh, don’t worry about it. Just, go over to him, talk to him, laugh at everything he says, and make those big eyes you always do when you… No, not those.” Cordy said, and frowned as Buffy’s eyes went wide. “You know, just ask him if he wanna dance with you. That always works.”

”What? I can’t dance!” Buffy said, shaking her head as she took her hands over her chest.

“You can’t dance? Seriously? Just, you know... dance? Oh, I know! You know all those sexy music videos that we’ve been watching when we wanted to know what was hot and not?” Cordy asked, and Buffy nodded, not understanding. “Well, you can just copy them.”

”So, you want me to take a chair and strip like Britney Spears? Seriously, Cordy, sometimes I just don’t know how you’re thinking.” Buffy said.

”I give up, dance however you want, I’m off to find some hot guy to—“ She stopped when she saw Buffy’s expression. “-talk weather with. It is so hard to find people who are truly interested in… Weather.” She finished, before leaving.

Buffy shook her head disapprovingly at her friend’s behaviour, before turning back to stare and drool at Angel, when she saw that he was looking at her too! She didn’t know what made her do it, but she was slowly walking up to him, and breathed in a deeply, before she was standing right in front of the man of her dreams.

“You’re Angel right? I’m Buffy.” She introduced herself, smiling warmly. Like she didn’t know who he was! She has had a crush on him in a whole year now!

”Yeah, that’s me. Pleasure to meet you, Buffy.” He said, and smiled back, before his eyes darted up and down her body, before finally stopping at her eyes. “Aren’t you Spikes sister?” He asked after awhile.

”Step sister. We are in no way related.” Buffy hurried to say.

”Okay.” He said. “Wanna dance, or something?”

’YES!’ “Okay, I guess.” She said, and tried to sound normal, without getting squeaky. He took her hand, and Buffy felt like a dream coming through. She was going to dance with Angel. Perfect, popular, and dark-haired Angel. She had dreamed about this moment since she didn’t know. She had wanted him to be her first boyfriend, and give her, her first kiss.

The song wasn’t the song that you put you head on the guys shoulder, but it was pretty slow. She now remembered that she couldn’t dance, and looked around her to find everybody dancing differently. One couple was practically dry humping each other on the floor, while the others had put their hands in the air while dancing with their partners. She saw a girl with blond hair have her back to the person, and slowly moving with her back against his front. I guess I could do that, Buffy thought, and took her back to Angel as she slowly began to dance to the rhythm of the music. She thought that she would pass out right then, when she felt his big and muscular hands move their way up her sides, making her tingle inside. She was just about to put her head on her back, when someone grabbed hold of her left wrist and pull her forward, making her yelp in surprise.

”What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The familiar voice asked her angrily, still keeping the grip on her wrist.

”What are YOU doing? I was just dancing!” Buffy bit back, before pushing his hand away.

”You are so…” He said, and closed his eyes, before opening them again, his eyes focused on Angel. “And what do you think you’re doing? She’s 15, and if you touch her again, I’ll kick your sorry ass all the way back to the hair-gel store.” Angel looked furious, but only glared at Spike, before walking away.

”See you some other time, Buffy.” He said, before he was standing with his friends again. The music was still on, and no one didn’t even seem to notice what’d just happened. Buffy was furious.

She felt her fist getting ready to punch him in the face, but tried to stay calm, as she angrily whispered in his ear, “You, outside. Now!” Spike only shrugged, as he followed her out, and really tried not to look at her bottom as she walked. Really, he did! When they were outside, he didn’t look up, until he saw her swirl around to face him. “Are you trying to embarrass me in front of Angel? Now he won’t talk to me since you, you sick mental case of a jerk, probably scared him away for a lifetime!”

”Hehe, I did, didn’t I?” He said, and smirked, but it instantly disappeared when he felt her fist hit him in his stomach, making him bend over in pain. “Ahhh, stop doing that!”

”You said that I could be at the party, and since yesterday, you’ve been bossing me around, ‘make me dinner, wash my laundry, get the remote to the TV, and blah, blah, blah!’” She said angrily. After a while of deep breaths, Spike was up again, looking angrily at her.

”Did you know how you looked? You look like a whore, Buffy. Moreover, the only thing Angel wants to do with you; is to use you, and then throw you away.” Spike was just about finished when he got slapped across his face by a tearful Buffy. When he saw her eyes full of tears, he immediately regretted his harsh and cruel words. He didn’t even knew why he’d even said it, just watching her with that guy made him sick to his stomach. “Oh, god I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean that.” He began to stutter as he saw that she took her hand to her mouth.

”Fuck you.” She said, and didn’t care what she was saying. She’d knew that Spike hated her, that she was a pain in the ass sometimes, even she could agree on that one, but calling her a whore? Did he really think that low of her?

When she saw him coming closer, she ran inside again, and went upstairs to her room, passing a couple who was making out, on the way there. She buried her face in her pink fuzzy pillow as she began to cry, trying to muffle her sobs and tears, until she couldn’t breathe anymore, and took away the pillow and threw it on the wall in anger.

Why did he even care if she was with Angel? He wasn’t even her real brother. He shouldn’t be protecting her, he should be laughing at her when she was sad, which he probably did, anyway. He was a jerk, and she hated him. She hated him for living in his house, why couldn’t he just move out already? He was 17, and Buffy was sure that he probably could make it in the McDonalds business. He was the most gross, disgusting, cruel, person she knew. She sighed deeply before she fell down on her back to the bed.


____


Buffy woke up, hearing someone entering her room. She tensed and sat up in her bed. She frowned when she saw Spike standing there, and then she remember what he’d said, and her face turned cold.

”What do you want?” She asked angrily. She was surprised when she saw him move closer to her, taking slow small steps to her bed, all the time keeping his eyes locked with hers.

”You.” He said, when he was standing at her bed.

”I hate you.” She said simply, and let out a yelp as she three seconds later, felt herself pinned to the bed by him, as he was dangerously close to her face.

”No you don’t.”

”I do.” She said, and whimpered as she felt herself his cold lips kiss her jaw, as she grinded wildly at him. “I do.”

”You do what, pet?” He said, and stopped kissing her, to look at her.

”I love you.”


___


Buffy woke up, startled, and then the dream came in full force to her, making her gasp, and cover her mouth with her hand. She’d had a dream with Spike in it. She’d told him that she loved him. Then there was kissing. What is wrong with her?! You do NOT have these kinds of dreams of you stepbrother, you just don’t! It was just a bad dream. Yes, a really bad dream, that will never happen in reality, NEVER!


___

 

Chapter 3:

_____


Dear Diary,
It’s me again. Like it always is. Like I wrote yesterday, I can’t stop thinking about Spike, which is really disturbing. He’s everywhere it seems like. Mom and Giles are coming back tomorrow. *Oh joy* Then this whole Spike deal will be off, thought I haven’t seen him today, I’m sure that he’ll come up with something evil for me to do. Hope it isn’t washing his socks again, because, ew… Anyway, I’m hungry, and I’m sorry, but I have to go now. I’ll write more tonight, if I get any spare time, because Cordy told me that she would call me, and boy, she sure knows how to talk…

______


I do not love him, I do not love him, I do not - Why do I still obsess with this? It was just a stupid dream, nothing more. No, it was more like a really bad dream, one of those who you wake up in cold sweat of fear, relived that you’re back to sweet reality. Only without the sweat thing, cause ‘gross’. But the other stuff was true. It was just because she’d been upset with him; you have the tendency to have weird dreams after fights. ‘Okay, from this moment, I will no longer think of Spike or any dreams that there was kissing involved.‘

”Hey.” She heard Spike say behind her, surprising her, and pulling her down to reality.

”Hi.” Was all she said, and tried to hold her anger and hurt out of it? She was not gonna show herself weak again. No sir. No weakness allowed here.

He’s so hot, her mind told her as she saw him go to the refrigerator and bend down to pick up the juice box, and drink right from it. If this was a normal day. Buffy would’ve been totally grossed out at him, and said something mean, but all she could do now was to look at his hard chest as he moved. How come she hadn’t noticed how hot he was? He’s practically like Brad Pitt, only more gorgeous and hotter.

Okay, stop drooling at him, not like you have a chance with him or anything. Let’s see all the suggestions of why he wouldn’t like me. Number 1, because I am younger. Number 2, because he’s my freakin’ stepbrother and he probably doesn’t feel the same about me, anyway.

”Hey. Buffy?” That snapped her out of her haze, yet another time, and all she could say was,

”Huh?”

”I was saying that I was sorry for yesterday. I really am. I mean, I know that it’s none of my business and that you—“

”Yeah, I already know that. It’s really not your business, and I don’t even see why you care about me at all.” She said and glared at him, but her tone had softened a little bit, since he’d apologised, which was a really rare thing to do, since this is Spike we’re talking about.

”Still. I’m sorry.” He said sincerely, and smiled slightly, which made Buffy blush.

”It is okay.” She mumbled after a while, and bowed her head down to look at the table, not wanting him to see her flushed face. He tapped his fingers lightly on the table for a while, looking around himself, before saying,

”Yeah… Well, I’m gonna go to my room, so…” He said awkwardly, before he left.

She banged her head in the table in frustration. This couldn’t possible get any worse. She had a crush (possibly, but let’s just hope not) on her stepbrother, her mom was acting all strange and weird, and Cordy was really angry at her for abandoning her in her own house. Which probably sounded weird, but that’s hat Cordy had accused her for in the phone this morning.

Oh, and in all this, school was going to start in 2 weeks. Which meant homework, which meant a very Brainless Buffy. School was a pain. Especially since she had problems with, ah let’s just say, everything! Her mom had suggested that she would get some nerd (okay, that’s not exactly what her mo had said, but that’s what she’d meant, anyway) to help her with her classes and homework. But Buffy didn’t wanna think about school now, it was still summer, and she hoped that she could make the best of what was left of it. Like she said before, it couldn’t get any worse.


_____


”Spike?” Buffy called out from her room. She waited patiently, but he never responded, so she went off her bed, and out of her pink room, to look in the hallway. No one there. She saw the door to his bedroom, and wondered what he was doing in there, since he didn’t answer her. She shrugged, before she grabbed hold of the handle, and pulled.

Oh! My! God!! Her mind screamed at her as she stood face to face with a naked Spike. Her eyes travelled down, which really was a mistake. OH MY GOD!!! Do not look at his thing!! Stop it, don’t look! Look at the floor, oh my god, I’ve seen his thing!! Stop thinking about it, walk away, just walk away!! “Uh...” Was all she could get out, and what had seemed like 3 hours, was just a couple of seconds. Spike took one of his pillows to cover himself with, while Buffy quickly exited the room, never looking back. “Oh my god.” Was all she could manage to get out as she went inside her room, to lie down on the bed. I saw his… He saw me seeing his… Oh no… When she thought she would die in embarrassment, she heard her phone ringing, and breathed in and out for a while, before answering as steadily as she could,

”Yeah?”

“Hey, it’s me. Your former friend who you completely dumped at the party. Cordelia. Ringing any bells yet?” Cordy asked her, her voice full of sarcasm.

”Uh, we already talked about that. I said that I was sorry.”

”I know, but Parker was on me like a horny 14 year old boy! Seriously, he was whispering gross things to me, and you weren’t there, kicking him in the groin like a friend are supposed to do.” Cordy complained, obviously walking around in her expensive house, since Buffy heard her footsteps echo in the phone.

”Yea, I know. I’ll make it up for you... somehow.”

”What’s with the being all bad moody all of the sudden?” Cordy asked, still talking with her usual accusing voice, but sounding a little more concerned now.

”Nothing… Well, something… But still, nothing…” Buffy said, not sure if she wanted to tell Cordy what’d just happened.

”Come on! This is what I live for. Spill!” Cordy said happily.

”Well…” Buffy heisted. “I kind of… saw Spike naked…” Buffy said, and groaned as she heard Cordy’s high squeak through the phone.

”Oh my god? How? When? Was it big?” She asked all in one breathe.

”Cordy!” Buffy said, and blushed at the mention of his thing. She’d already had the picture framed in her head, which she saw every time she blinked or closed her eyes.

”Come on! You can tell… Oh, I get it. It was tiny right? I knew that there was something wrong with him, cause-“ Cordy said, but were cut off by Buffy.

”No, not tiny. Really not.” Buffy said and couldn’t help but grin at that.

”Oh really?” Cordy said and also grinned.

”Yeah…”

”So, how come with the nakedness? Did you snuck up on him in the shower? Cause that something I wouldn’t mind doing, if you know what I mean.”

”Unfortunately yes, I do. And no, I did not snuck up on him in the shower! I’m not a freak!” Buffy defended herself.

”But you did see him naked?”

”Well. Yes?” Buffy said. “So what if I did. He’ll forget about it in the next two minutes. He’s with that Harmony girl from school, and I’m sure that they’re past second base...” Buffy said, and couldn’t help but to sound miserable.

”I’ve heard that he’s been with four of the girls that go on our school, and one teacher.” Cordy said, matter-of-factly. “Which the teacher thing, is totally a rumour, since it came from that Faith girl, who said that she saw them going at it in the basement.”

”What?!” Buffy said, shocked and surprised, and a little bit of jealous that he’d already done it. But he was 17, and a guy so, what to expect? “You know what Cordy, I need to get some rest… And forget that this ever happened.”

”Okay, you go and do that, bye Buffy.” Cordy said, before hanging up.

Buffy sighed deeply, before she heard a knock on the door, and immediately tensed since she knew who it was.

”What do you want?” She called through the door.

”Just talk. Don’t worry, I’ mall dressed now.” He joked, and Buffy went to open the door for him.

”What do you wanna talk about?” She asked, as if she hadn’t seen his thing just 9 and a half minutes ago…

He didn’t say anything, just went to lean on her wall, before sighing.

”You know what I mean.” He said, and locked her eyes with his, making her blush once again. Why wasn’t he embarrassed?! He’d just flashed himself to his stepsister, and he didn’t even seem to care!

”No I don’t. Cause nothing happened. Nothing that we need to talk about, ever again. I didn’t even see anything – I mean, not that there was any thing to see, cause I really didn’t look at any of your things, I mean - oh god.” Buffy said, embarrassed and turned from him, missing his familiar smirk.

”If you say so…” He said and shrugged.

”Well. I do.” She said.

”Oh, and about our little deal…” Spike began, and his smirk was now fully visible on his handsome face.

“Ugh… I didn’t even get to be on the party, before you chased away my date.” Buffy reminded him.

”Still, deal’s a deal.” Spike pointed out.

”Whatever.” Was Buffy’s respond to that. “What do you want me to do this time?” She asked, clearly annoyed.

”I’ll tell you soon.” Spike said, before he was gone, and leaved Buffy alone to think about everything that’d happened for the last days.



 

Chapter 4:

“God, I am so horny.” Cordelia said with a sigh. She was sitting with Buffy on the couch in Buffy’s living room, and they had been discussing which new mascara that was the best, when Cordelia suddenly had changed the subject. Really, changed the subject.

”Ugh, okay Cordy. What have we said about telling the other about details that they really don’t wanna hear?” Buffy said and frowned, trying to hide the blush that was slowly creeping up her face.

”Yeah, well, it’s the truth… Oh and hey, where’s Spike?” Cordelia said, suddenly very interested in what Buffy would say.

”Well, ‘Spike’ a.k.a. the jerk, is probably off, making out with Harmony, also called stuffing his big fat and ugly tongue down that sluts throat.” Buffy said, and couldn’t keep her jealousy out of it, but to her luck, Cordy didn’t notice.

”Gee, hormones on fire? Don’t have to get all bitchy.” Cordy said, and faked getting hurt.

”Sorry, just angry at him, that’s all. I mean, I have to be his little slave for a whole day! It’s just… annoying to serve him!” Buffy outburst, and sighed.

”Well, personally, I wouldn’t mind serving him, if you know I mean?” Cordy said, and raised one of her perfectly shaped eye brows at her friend.

“Ew. Well, I wouldn’t mind changing place with you.” Yes, I would, Buffy couldn’t help but think. What is wrong with you? He is your stepbrother. Practically your own brother. Well, actually, you’re not in any way related, but still. It’s wrong and… probably forbidden.

“You’re lucky… I wonder what his room look like. Or his bed.” Cordy said dreamingly.

”Excuse me, could we not have this conversation about him, please?” Buffy pleaded, but couldn’t help the feeling she got in her stomach thinking about him… and his bed. Ugh, I am one twisted girl.

”I’m bored. Can’t we just… Look at his room? Please? For me and my horny fantasies?” Cordelia said, and used her puppy dog eyes, and pouted.

”I’m bored too.” Buffy said and sighed.

She actually hadn’t been in Spikes room alone, well, only one time, but then she had been 7 years old and he had strictly said that she was NEVER allowed in his room, but she didn’t care, so when she thought that he was gone with his friends, she had walked into his room. And found a note on the floor, which had said; ‘Do not move forward. Take one step and you’re dead.’ Buffy, curious as she was then, had gone forward, and then Spike (William as he had been called then) jumped out from where he was hiding behind the door, and screamed like crazy. Then Buffy had begun crying, so Joyce had come up and scolded at William, which Buffy really thought was funny. Since then, Buffy hadn’t taken any chances with going into his room unsupervised.

”Okay. But just one peek, then we can go to the mall or something.” Buffy said.

”Haven’t got any time for that, I’m just gonna check out the room, then I’ll be heading home, call you thought later.” Cordy said, as she moved to stand up.

“Okay.” Buffy said, as they began to walk up the stairs. When they were just outside his room, Buffy slowly turned the doorknob, and quickly walked inside, with Cordy right behind her.

”Wow, this is so cool.” Cordelia said, as she spun around d to look at all the posters and other stuff that was in his room. Almost everything was black, a big difference since the first time they had moved in her, and then everything had been baby blue and cute. Now it looked like a… macho room, Buffy thought and snorted. Who cares how his room looks like? It was Cordy’s stupid idea to see it anyway… She turned and found Cordy looking into his drawers.

”Cordy. Stop it! Don’t do anything so that he’ll know that we’ve been here.” Buffy said, almost panicking.

”Oh, come on. He won’t notice.” Cordy said and grabbed one of his underwear’s to inspect them.

”Okay, you’re twisted, we’re out of here.” Buffy said, and grabbed Cordy’s wrist, making the clothes she’d been holding fall to the floor.

”Well, I better go. See you later.” Cordy said, before she disappeared, leaving Buffy alone in his room. She quickly bended down to pick up the clothes, and went to put it in the drawers again. She had just stuffed the last clothing, when she found something. Something small… and…

”Oh my god.” Buffy said, clearly shocked, as she looked at the wrapped condom in her hand. She shook her head, trying to snap out of it. And why was she surprised? He had done it… He was 17… And he was with Harmony, why would I think that he was still a virgin? Silly me, Buffy thought, and then noticed that she was still holding it, and quickly put it back, as if she had been burned. The door suddenly closed softly behind her, and she sighed in relief, thank god that Cordy is here. I have got to tell her this; she is so gonna--

”Hey luv.”

”AHHH!” Buffy yelled, as she heard the whisper in her ear, and turned to see Spike standing there, smirking.

”You know, if you wanted to borrow my clothes, all you could’ve done was ask.” He said and raised his eye brows, making Buffy turn bright red, as she searched for an explanation.

”Please, don’t be flattered, I would never, EVER wanna borrow your clothes.” Buffy said, and put her hands over her chest defensively.

”Oh yeah? Well, why don’t you just tell me what you’re doing here then?” Spike said, and stared intently at her.

”I… I was just… It’s just that…” Buffy started, but then lightened up as she came up with something. “I was just gonna wash some of your shirts, since they were… dirty.” Buffy said and blushed, and bit her lower lip nervously. ‘Oh great Buffy, just remind him about you being his slave for the day.’

”Well, isn’t that sweet of you.” Spike said, and went to his closet, making Buffy frown, what was he up to now? When he was back five seconds later, he had his hands full of clothes. “Why don’t you just take these too, goldilocks?” He said, and couldn’t help but smirk at her, as he dropped all of the clothes down in her arms.

”Sure.” Buffy said trough clenched teeth. ‘Ooh, I just wanna punch that ugly, dumb ass—‘

”Can you maybe hurry? I would like to have it done by today.” Spike said, and then turned from her, before he threw himself on his bed, and took up a book.

”Sure.” She said again, before she went out of his room, struggling with all the clothes in her arms. ‘Jerk’, she thought angrily.




_____


Dear Diary,
This is starting to freak me out here. I can’t help but to think about Spike all the time and today I got caught going through his clothes! How embarrassing is THAT? Oh, and he has had sex. Probably with HARMONY! Or the maths teacher, like Cordy told me, but I don’t think that’s true. But who knows these days, who knows?? Yep, forget all about what I told you the last week, he’s not a virgin anymore. I feel so left out. Even Cordy has done it, and she’s 16. I’m turning 16 soon, too. Still, I feel so immature compared to her. At least I’ve finally got breast, that’s at least something… And about Cordy, she’s experienced so much, and what can I say? That I once in kindergarten, got together with ‘the snot boy’, who always used to eat leaf? No, thank you very much. I haven’t even kissed anyone!! How pathetic am I, really? I wish that my first kiss could be special. Okay, this is a secret that I’ve hidden in 4 years now, but now I am gonna tell it to you, diary. I have always wished that SPIKE would be my first boyfriend and my first kiss. I always used to follow him around, like he was my god or something, when I was younger, but two years ago, he showed his true nature, and got together with the biggest hoe in my school. Then I got my heart broken, and I had to watch them kissing and groping and do all other stuff that is revolting. But that will not happen again. Nope, I am SO over him. He’s forgotten. Erased from my memory. Uh, I am such a bad liar, I can’t even write a lie. Anyway, I have to go now, mom and Rupert just got home. Oh joy.

______

 

Chapter 5:

____

Dear Diary,

As I told you yesterday, mom and Rupert just got home. They were asking me if everything had gone alright, and was like, ‘Oh, everything’s fine, nothing to worry about.’ Spike didn’t even bother to go down and meet them. Sometimes (No, more like ALL the time!!) he’s just such a jerk. I wonder what he’s doing in his room all the time. Maybe he’s writing songs, because I’ve heard him play sometimes since we have the rooms next to each other. Oh, and do you know what my mom gave me when she came home? She gave me a book about SEX!! She just came in to my room, when I was about to sleep, and gave me the book, and said if I wanted to ask her something, I could. Ew, you don’t talk about sex with your mom, that’s gross. Anyway, I couldn’t help but to look at it, and there were pictures. It feels like everybody is on to me about sex. Why does everybody think, it’s no big deal? It’s a huge deal!! Anyway, I have to call Cordy now. Bye.

_____




“Can anyone explain why I have to be here again?” Buffy said as she stared angrily at her mother. Her mother turned her head to look at her, before giving Giles a knowingly look.

”Sweetie… Why don’t you want to go to the restaurant with us?” Joyce asked, and her frown was replaced by a concerned mother look. “Aren’t you feeling well?”

”No.” Buffy squeaked out, making Joyce roll her eyes at her. “It’s just… Mom, you and Rupert just got home… Why do we have to go away and eat, when we can be home? And talk about what you guys did in Los Angeles?”

”Please, I really don’t wanna hear their shagging stories, so count me out.” Spike spoke up from the first time, since they had gone inside the car. Joyce blushed forcefully, and turned her head back to look at the road, as did Rupert.

”William, watch your language.” Rupert pointed out.

”What’s ‘shagging’?” Buffy asked from where she was sitting next to Spike. Spike just rolled her eyes at her.

”It’s just 10 minutes left until we get there, and you know how you will do when we—“

”Behave.” Rupert cut Joyce off, still with his eyes on the road.

”We will. Come on, you’re talking to me like I’m 15 or something.” Spike said with a sigh, making Buffy glare angrily at him, before snorting and turning her gaze away from him.

”Well, we try to treat you after your age, but the older you get; the more childish you seem to be getting.” Rupert said seriously. “You really need to learn working together. You have lived together in many years now, and you are still fighting about who’s going to sit on which side in the car, that’s just—“

”Ewwww!!! You were shagging??” Buffy cried out in disgust, as Spike whispered something in her ear. “God, thanks for ruining my appetite. For three years ahead!”

_____


”Finally.” Both Buffy and Spike said, relived, as they were there. All four of them quickly went out of the car to look at the restaurant.

”Wow, this actually seems like an expensive place…” Buffy said, after inspecting the restaurants outside.

“Yeah, what’s the occasion?” Spike wondered.

”Well, nothing special…We just wanted to celebrate that you two still were alive when we got home.” Joyce said and smiled. “Come on let’s go inside.”

They went inside, and took a table in one of the corners. When they were waiting for the food to come, and no one still hadn’t said anything to break the awkward silence that had appeared, Buffy decided to say something.

“I’m gonna go… to the bathroom.” Buffy said.

”Yes, you go ahead and do that, honey, just don’t be away too long, the food will soon be ready.” Joyce said; glad that someone had done something to break the silence that suddenly had appeared. She was wondering if something was wrong. If this was a normal day, by now Buffy and William would be fighting about something, but now they were just… Silent.

Buffy rose from the table, and went to the ladies room. She pushed the door open, and was surprised to see Harmony there. Harmony was busy talking with another girl, so they didn’t even acknowledge her. Buffy quickly snuck inside one of the booths, to listen what they said.

”Don’t tell me that you don’t know who Spike is!” Harmony said, making Buffy interested.

”Of course I do. He’s like, the most popular guy in school.” The other girl said, while applying more of her make up.

”Well, guess whose boyfriend he is?” Harmony said, and grinned.

”Oh, my god! You’re dating him? That’s sooo cool!” The other girl squeaked out and smiled brightly.

”I know. He’s so wonderful.” Harmony said dreamingly.

”Have you seen… you know?” The other girl said and giggled, making Buffy hold her breath.

”Oh yeah.” Harmony said. Buffy’s eyes widened, and suddenly, she felt this feeling in her stomach, pain. Buffy quickly opened the door, and ignored the looks that Harmony gave her as she saw her, but she did hear what she said.

”Ugh, that’s Spike’s stepsister. She plays the whole innocent act, when everybody know that she is the worst slut around, and she and Angel have even been—“

Buffy didn’t hear more, as she went back to the table, trying to look normal, but failing miserably.

”What happened?” Her mother asked concerned. Buffy was surprised when she even saw Spike looking up from his food to look at her.

”N-nothing.” Buffy said, as she sat down. Her mother was going to protest, but Buffy cut her off. “It’s nothing, really.” Spike kept looking at her funnily, making Buffy’s stomach do flip flops.

”You sure you’re okay?” He asked, as Joyce and Rupert had gone back to their own conversation about politics.

”Yes. I’m fine.” Buffy said and couldn’t help but smile to him.

_____


Spike was sitting at his desk when he heard the familiar bang on the door, and sighed.

“It’s open!” He called out, still sitting at his desk, reading. He looked up to se Buffy there, standing with her hands on her hips, as she walked over to him dangerously, while pointing a finger to him.

”Have you been reading my diary? Have you?” She asked, anger spurting out of her big green eyes. “I know you have; my diary was on my bed when I went in my room today.”

”I haven’t touched your stupid diary, so bugger off.” Spike said, annoyed at her for disturbing his reading. “Now, leave my room, before I actually will read your diary.” He said warningly.

”Oh, so you were in my room today?” She said, and inched closer to him.

”No.” He said simply, before he went back to his reading. He looked up from his book when he felt her hands on his thighs, and her face dangerously close to his. He swallowed hard, surprised at her sudden actions. “What are you doing?” He managed to get out weakly.

”I’m punishing you.” She said, and climbed on top of his lap and straddled him. “You have been a very naughty boy.” She said, and pouted, as she ran her hands over his hard chest. Spike’s attention was immediately drawn to her full pink kissable lips, and swallowed hard yet another time.

”You don’t say?” He said back. He couldn’t help the growing bulge in his pants, as she began to move on top of him, making him go mad. “You better stop that…” He breathed out as he closed his eyes.

”Stop what?” She asked innocently, as she kept up her movements.

”T-that.” He whispered.

”Only if you tell me the truth. Do you love me? Do you?”

”I love you Buffy.”

______


Spike eyes flew open as he woke up from the dream… the very disturbing dream… He saw where his right hand was, and groaned. What the hell was he doing? He was so into his own thoughts that he almost jumped right through the ceiling when he heard Buffy’s voice from the other side of the door.

”Spike, will you shut up? What are you doing in there?” She asked harshly, her voice annoyed. “You might be free tomorrow, but I have to be with Cordy in the morning, so whatever you’re doing, just shut up!” He heard her footsteps disappear, and her door shut softly, and he took his hand over his face, but immediately took it back down.

”Bloody hell…”
 

Chapter 6:

    ”Jerk.” Buffy muttered angrily as she watched Harmony and Spike having a make out scene on the couch, from the kitchen. She forgot that she was standing there, glaring at them, that she jumped when she heard her mother’s voice behind her.

”Buffy? What are you looking at?”

”That guy who is supposed to be my stepbrother, who’s practically humping that girl on our couch. Seriously mom, you’re the one who’s always telling me how young I am, I shouldn’t need to put up with this…” She said; her hand waving in the direction of the couple on the couch.

Joyce just shook her head at her, and didn’t even bother to look at the couple on the couch, before she went to the refrigerator.

”Spike is not a kid anymore. He can do whatever he wants, just as long as he, you know, uses protection.” Joyce said seriously, not noticing how Buffy winched at the word. “And they are not ‘humping’ on the couch.” Joyce said, and rolled her eyes at the word.

”Yeah, well that, to my eyes, looks very much like humping.” Buffy said, as she went to sit on of the chairs at the table.

”Just ignore them, will you, Buffy? Can’t you go over to Cordelia’s house or something, if they are bothering you so much?” Joyce asked, and went to pour herself a glass of juice.

”It’s kinda hard to ignore since I can hear the smacking and other gross noises coming from them, all the way in my room.” Buffy said, and then let out a sigh. “Besides, Cordy’s busy, dealing with her dad since he wants to spend some quality time with her, for the first time in 4 years…”

”Well, then I can’t help you.” Joyce said simply.

”Mom, would you accept me having a make out scene in the middle of our living room, with a guy you didn’t even know?” Buffy asked.

”Of course not!” Joyce said with wide eyes, and then sighed when she saw her daughter’s expression. “That would be different… You are younger—“

”Only two years! I’m soon 16, that’s not that young. In other countries, I would already own a cow, and have three kids.” Buffy explained.

”—and I don’t trust boys. I’ve been a teenager too, Buffy.”

”Ugh, I’m going to my room. Where I don’t have to hear all these nauseating sounds!” Buffy said the last a little louder, wanting to make Spike and Harmony hear, as she went up to her room.

____


Buffy was bored. She looked at her diary, but then she shook her head. She could write later, and so far, nothing interesting had happened. She sighed, and went to sit down on her bed. She chewed on her bottom lip, before she climbed off her bed, and went down on her knees, to get the book that lied under her bed.

She then went to sit down on her bed again, as she looked at it. ‘Sex, Hormones and Questions’ Buffy looked at the chapters and sighed. Like she didn’t already know all this. Too bad they didn’t have a chapter named, ‘what to do when you realize you’ve got funny feelings for your stepbrother.’ That would’ve been great to read. She was cut off her thinking, by the phone ringing. She quickly went over to the desk next to her bed, and answered,

“Hey, Buffy here.”

”Oh, hi Buffy. It’s Angel.”

Buffy’s thought’s seemed to be shattered by his voice. Oh god, Angel was calling her. Angel, who was cool and popular. She then frowned when she didn’t get those butterfly feelings in her stomach anymore, but she guessed it was because she couldn’t see him…

”Hi Angel.” Buffy said, and couldn’t help but smile.

”Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to do something… Sometime soon.” He asked.

”Oh. You mean like friends… or like a date, kind of thingy?” Buffy inwardly cringed at the word. ‘Thingy?’

”Well, a date would be cool.” Angel said after thinking for awhile.

”Cool.” Buffy said, and nodded into the phone.

”So, when can I pick you up?”

”Uhmm… Tomorrow?”

”Sounds good. Well, see you then. Bye Buffy.”

”Okay.” Buffy squeaked out, and put down the phone.

She was gonna have a date with Angel. Angel! She could finally go on her first date. Maybe even get her first kiss? Yes, she could see it all happen. The romantic light, the perfect amount of tongue kiss (not like Spike’s kisses, cause he seems more determined to choke Harmony, then to actually kiss her… not like I’m watching them kiss that much… just taking notes), the blond hair—Dark!! I mean dark hair! She quickly corrected herself in her mind.

She sighed. She would for sure screw everything up. And even if he would kiss her, which probably wouldn’t happen in this lifetime, she would just do everything wrong... But maybe, if she got a little practise before… no, don’t think like that, Buffy. You can’t just grab the nearest guy and kiss him, which would be weird and… well, weird…

”Hey, Buffy?” She heard Spike on the other side of the door. Her thoughts began to wander how it would be like kissing Spike. Would he kiss her like he kissed Harmony? With tongue and the sliminess, and the choking thing? She sure didn’t hope so. Why was she even thinking about him? Angel would be her first kiss. Yes, and it will be great and wonderful, and all kinds of heavenly stuff. “Are you deaf or something?” his voice seemed a great bit more annoyed, since she didn’t answer him the first time.

”Shut up and leave me alone.” Buffy said, annoyed at him for disturbing her kissing fantasies. Even if she did wanna kiss him, he would in no way in hell, wanna kiss her back…

____


Buffy quickly skipped down the stairs to answer the door. Before she pulled the door open, she checked her hair and dress to make sure that everything still was perfect. ‘Good enough,’ she thought as she saw the reflection of her short black dress, her blonde hair, which hanged loosely on her shoulders. Her make up was light, and gave her the natural beauty thing, which she hoped Angel would like. She opened the door to find a smiling Angel standing there, in all his glory. He looked her up and down, and his smile grew even wider.

”You look beautiful.” He said, but Buffy was surprised that she almost tried to hide from his searching eyes.

”Thank you. You do too.” She said, and then frowned at her own words. “In a very manly way, of course.” She looked at his faded jeans, and grey shirt. He looked really good.

”Who’s at the—“ Spike’s voice interrupted them, making Buffy’s smile instantly disappear. “What the hell are you doing here?”

”Spike.” Buffy said sweetly, but her eyes were as cold as ice. “Go away. Now please.”

”I don’t remember you saying anything to you mum about having a date, now did you?” Spike asked harshly to Buffy, but his eyes were on Angel.

”Yes I did! Don’t you remember the whole, me having a date, conversation yesterday at dinner?” Buffy said, hands on her hips. “Come Angel, let’s just go.” She said, and took hold of Angel’s big arm, and then began walking out of the house. But not before pulling out her tongue to an angry Spike, and then mouthing the word ‘idiot’.

____


”So, I guess the date is over?” Buffy said, and almost smiled.

It actually hadn’t been that bad… well, it hadn’t been good either. Who was she trying to fool here? The date had SUCKED! It hadn’t been romantic at all, because Angel had decided that they would go to one of these parties, were they served beer. Beer, which is illegal to serve to someone who is under 18! Then, when she didn’t accept getting piss drunk and humping at his leg like every other girl was doing, he had the nerve to get angry with her!! But then, when she had threatened to leave, he was soft as a puppy, begging her to stay, so she had. Then he had actually paid her attention, but they had left shortly after that. And now they were standing here, outside the door of her home.

”I’m sorry again, for getting drunk… I didn’t mean that to happen.” He said sadly, and Buffy thought that his eyes couldn’t possibly get any bigger than this.

”Uh… It’s okay…” Buffy managed to get out, and shrugged, like it didn’t matter.

Then, then it happened. Angel leaned in, and before she had any time to protest or back away, he had smashed his lips against her own. She tried to push him away from her, and her lips, but he took his big hands on her back, pushing her closer to him, letting Buffy feel his growing erection. She then bit his lip, hard, and then pushed him away as he groaned in pain.

”You-you stupid jerk!! You can’t just think that you can kiss me! The only thing you can possibly kiss is my ass, you stupid asshole!” She said angrily, before throwing the door open, and smashing it closed in his face.

”Ah, fuck!” She heard him swore.

Buffy thought that she saw someone enter the room, but before she had any time to check if she was right, she ran up the stairs and into her room. Then she closed the door behind her, and went over to lie on her bed, a pink fluffy pillow over her face. This sucks. Dates suck, and Angel sucks the most. She sobbed, as she felt a tear making its way down her cheek. She was no longer a kiss-virgin. Her kiss virginity had been brutally taken by Angel, that asshole.

How could she have been so wrong? He had seemed so nice in school, always sending these adorable looks. Was it because he just wanted to use her? She couldn’t believe that he actually thought that she’d wanted to kiss him, on their first dates, when he was drunk, when he had been staring at other girls the whole time.

She groaned as she heard a soft knock on the door, but didn’t look up from her pillow. Buffy heard someone entering her room, and she closed her eyes as she felt the weight on her bed shift.

”What happened?” Spike asked carefully, as if he had known it all along. Buffy still had her face buried in the fluffy pillow, and didn’t answer him. “Did he do something?”

”H-he kissed me!” Buffy choked out, between sobs and hiccups.

”He did what?” Spike’s voice seemed harder, but his tone was still calm.

”The stupid jerk kissed me. And he was drunk, and then—“

”He was drunk?” Spike asked; his voice cold.

”Leave me alone, you don’t understand. This is girly stuff.” Buffy explained, as the sobs and hiccups had almost stopped.

”Well, I can be girly too.” Spike said, and Buffy couldn’t help but to smile at that. “Just don’t tell anyone I said that.”

”I won’t.” She promised, and then took away the pillow that had been covering her face for the last few minutes. She smiled weakly up to Spike. “I look awful, don’t I?”

Spike tucked away a strand of hair that had fallen into her face. “You look beautiful, Buffy. You always do.”

”You’re just saying that so that I’ll stop crying.” She said softly and rolled her eyes, and couldn’t help but to stare into his eyes. She didn’t know what made her do it, but she was slowly leaning into his face, keeping her gaze locked with his. She closed her eyes, and parted her glossed lips slightly, waiting for him to kiss her. Only it didn’t happen. She opened her eyes, confused, and saw Spike standing next to the bed, nervous.

”Uh, I’ll just… leave then…” He said, and almost bolted for the door.

”This is just... Great.” Buffy said to herself miserably, and couldn’t help the new tears that were formed in her big green eyes. Not only had she been kissed unwillingly by a drunken Angel tonight, oh no, god had to make Spike let her know that she wasn’t even worth kissing. Life sucks big time.



____

Dear Diary,

Life is a pain. Nothing is going like I wanted it to go. The date with prince charming (not so much after I went on the date, but whatever) was a disaster. And then, listen carefully now, THEN I actually tried to kiss Spike!
But now I know that it wasn’t actually ‘me’ who was trying to kiss him, it was my weaker and twisted self, who was just seeking comfort… Not me, it was weaker me. Get it? Well, anyway, after the ‘kissing (the one that didn’t happen, and the one that did happen) drama’ everything didn’t went back to normal. Spike is avoiding me, and surprise, surprise, is still dating Harmony. How could I be so stupid to actually think that he would kiss me?
Now he knows how incredibly twisted I am, wanting to kiss my own stepbrother, and I will probably suffer from hearing him remind me of that moment for the rest of my life.
My 16 - birthday is in four days. I hope I can survive until then.
Mom keeps asking me how the date went yesterday, and when she can meet Angel? How about ‘NEVER’!
I’m sorry dear diary, but now I have to get depressed and listen to sad music, while eating so much chocolate I can bear. My new moto is, you don’t need guys, what you need is chocolate, and loads of it!! Bye.

_____
 

Chapter 7:

“Cordy, I’m so depressed.” Buffy groaned into the phone, as she was lying on her bed, just finishing her third chocolate bar. “And I think I’m beginning to look fat. You’ve gotta over. Like, right now.”
”Well, I won’t come over until you tell me what’s happened. Oh, I get it. Did you see Rupert and your mom… you know? Cause then, I totally understand you for being--” Cordy asked.
”What? No!! If I would have, I would be dead by now, in embarrassment. And I would probably don’t have my eyes left, since I would’ve clawed them out.” Buffy said seriously and then sighed. “Nope, they are not the problem.”
”Then who is?” Cordy pushed.
”Spike.” Buffy said simply.
”Buffy,” Cordy began, rolling her eyes. “Spike is always the problem. That’s nothing new.”
”I know, but now he’s just… a jerk.”
”He was a jerk last week too, remember?”
”Hey, can you stop being so smart for a second? I’m in pain caused by depression and ditching-ness here, and I need a friends support, not advise. Advise suck.” Buffy said, and rolled over on her stomach. “Come on, please come over and share my misery.
”Well, I had planned a day with my aunt Kirsten, shopping, and then finishing my day with a trip to the beach, but sure. I’ll do anything for you.” Cordy said, with a hint of sarcasm in her words.
”Okay, good!” Buffy said enthusiastically. ”Thanks for being the best friend ever. Bye Cordy!” Buffy said and hanged up.
The only thing that she had done for the last two days had been moping, crying, and writing in her journal. But she had decided that it wasn’t working that well, since the only thing she could come up with to write was, ‘SPIKE IS AN ASSHOLE!! I WISH HE WAS DEAD!!’ And it only made her even angrier, so she had decided to take a pause from writing. She looked down and was met by her pink and fuzzy bathrobe, and her white fluffy slippers. She went up from her bed, and was just about to take hold of the handle, when someone knocked. It was either her mom or Spike. And she wasn’t that enthusiastic about talking to anyone who wasn’t Cordy.
”What?” She asked harshly, looking at the white and plain door.
”Uh… It’s me, pet.”
”Well, I don’t wanna talk to you, so leave me alone.” Buffy snapped back angrily, and crossed her hands over her chest, even if she couldn’t see him.
”I’m sorry Buffy. Can I come in? I really need to talk to you, love.”
Buffy winched at the word as if it had been an insult. Why did he keep calling her that?
”I’m not your love, pet or goldilocks. I’m Buffy, can you say that Spike? B-U-F-F-Y!” She spelled out, a little louder than she had meant to.
”Well, you can’t stay in there all day.” Spike said simply.
”Yes I can!” Buffy said a little too quickly, and then remembered that Cordy was coming over, and that she really needed to shower. “Go away.” She said instead, annoyed.
”Now why should I do that, my lovely Buffy?” Spike asked sarcastically, and Buffy was angry to hear that he seemed amused by her annoyance.
”Cause I’m naked and wanna take a shower.” Buffy said and rolled her eyes. ”And unless you want me to come out there, and kick your sorry ass, I suggest you back away, and return to your own room.” Buffy snapped back. It was quiet for awhile, before she heard Spike’s footsteps, and his door closing. Buffy breathed out a sigh in relief, before she quickly made her way to the bathroom…
___
”Oh, you poor thing! You weren’t kidding when you’d said that you hadn’t gone out for two days. I mean, if you’re gonna be depressed and eat chocolate, you can’t just sit and moan over stupid guys. You should be working out!” Cordy said and smiled brightly.
”Gee, I can really feel my confidence flowing inside me.” Buffy said sarcastically as she sat on a bench in the middle of the mall. “Normal people would’ve said, ‘don’t worry, you’ll get over him, he was a jerk anyway, and you’re so much better than him.’ But you’re telling me that I’m fat and need to work out?” Buffy said, and raised her eyebrows to Cordy, questioning.
”Hey! I never said that you were fat.” Cordy defended herself.
”Ugh, I feel so sad.” Buffy groaned.
”You know what you need to do?” Cordy asked. “You need to change, Buffy. Do something shocking. I always do stuff that my mom would freak if she knew that I’ve done it, which is why she will never know about it… But anyway, do something that’s very unlike you.”
”Like what?” Buffy wondered.
”Well,” Cordy said, then smiled wickedly, before she pulled up her shirt, making Buffy frown in confusion. “Look.”
”Look at wha--wow.” Buffy said with wide eyes as she stared at the tattooed red heart her friend had on her stomach. “When did you get this? Are you crazy? What if your mom found out?”
”Please, Buffy. She has already seen it, and I just told her that it was a fake. One of those that you can paint on. She’s so clueless, it’s almost sad.” Cordy said and shrugged, before pulling her shirt down again.
”How could you get it? It’s illegal, you know?” Buffy said, and was surprised that it actually seemed kind of appealing, getting a tattoo, since it was forbidden and all that. Like a secret. Ugh, like she needed more of THAT.
”Well, I know this girl, she’s really good at it, and it doesn’t cost that much.” Cordy said. “I think her name’s like… Faith, or like, Fran. She’s cool, though.”
”Really? Wow… But I don’t think I can do that. I mean; a tattoo? My mom would freak if she knew. She would do more than freak; I would be grounded for years.”
”If she knew, yes. But if she didn’t…” Cordy said and grinned at her friend. “It would be so cool, Buffy. We could be like, the tattoo sisters. Only with me having better hair. But else, total sisters.” Cordy said and beamed at Buffy.
”You’re silly Cordy. And besides, a tattoo will not heal my broken and crushed heart.”
”Well, that’s how I got over Liam.” Cordy said, and flipped her dark hair. “Come on Buffy. I promise, it won’t hurt at all!”
____
”Aaahhhh!! Pain! So much pain!!” Buffy cried out in her room, five hours later.
She had just stepped out of her black skirt, and jumped around in her room, as if it would take away the pain. She went to her mirror and turned to look at her tattoo. Why had she agreed on this again? And Cordy had promised that it wouldn’t be that painful. It hurt more than getting her heart broken. And as fast as Faith (the girl that had done the tattoo) had put the nail or whatever the sharp thing was, at her skin, Buffy had sobbed like a baby.
But she didn’t regret it. No, it was actually kinda cool to have a tattoo, which no one else would see. Unless she got a boyfriend, then she guessed it would be kinda hard to hide. But that would be many years ahead. Although, maybe she had picked the wrong spot to have it on. Since she didn’t want it on her stomach, or her arms, cause then her mom would notice if she wore a tank top, so she had chose to put it above her bum. Well, it was a little lower than the waistband of her pants, but a little higher than on her bum. Anyway, the important thing was that it wasn’t noticeable if she wore pants.
She sighed, and went to take her skirt on again, when she heard knocking on her door, again.
”Who is it?” She said in a pained voice, as she zipped up her skirt again. She was gonna kill Spike if it was him again.
”Um, it’s Rupert. A-are you okay in there?” He asked awkwardly from the other side of the door.
Buffy frowned. What did he want? If her mother had sent him to explain about sex and hormones, they Buffy swore that she would jump out the window. “Uh. No, no I’m okay.” She said, before she went to the door and carefully opened it. “Did you… want something?”
”Um, well. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Rupert said, and smiled slightly. “Can I maybe come in?”
”Oh! Of course, um sorry.” Buffy said apologetically and opened the door fully, so that he could step inside. She closed the door after him, and went to sit on her bed. “Well?”
Rupert cleared his throat, before he went to sit on the chair at the desk.
”Joyce and I have decided to do something, go on a trip—“
”Again? I thought you just came back from a trip? And you know I can’t stand Spike for more than two hours.” Buffy cut Rupert off. “It would be the death of both of us, if you two left again.”
”Yes, I am well aware of that. That’s why Joyce and I thought that you might as well come with us.” Giles explained, as he took off his glasses to clean them.
”What?!” Buffy yelled in surprise.
”We’re leaving tomorrow.” Giles said and nodded. “And you and William are coming with us.”
”What!?” Buffy yelled again, but now because she was pissed off. “You’re telling me that on my 16- birthday, I have to go away on a trip, with Spike?” She practically spat out the name, as she looked with big eyes at Rupert.
”Oh, well… We can have a party for you when we get home. Nothing to worry about.”
”Yes, there is! Aghh, I can’t believe this! And let me guess, we’re going on a camping trip, right?” Buffy said getting even angrier when she saw Rupert’s slight nod, and stood up, and began to pace around in her room. “This is just perfect.”
”I’m sorry, Buffy. But this is nothing you can change. You’ll just have to make the best out of the situation.” Rupert explained.
Buffy sighed, before she went to sit down again on the bed, which was a terrible mistake.
”Ahh, freaking hell—“ She said angrily as the pain from her ass cut through her body like a knife. She then turned and saw Rupert looking concerned and… well, kinda frightened at her. “Uh… Nothing to worry about…. Just having some pain from working out… you know?” She replied weakly, while rubbing her sore bottom. She was slapping herself inwardly at her stupidity. She couldn’t even lie if her life depended on it.
”Okay… well, I think I’ll just leave…” Rupert said, and wore a funny look on his face, as he made his way to her door. “And I promise that your birthday will be just as good as last year.” He said before he left.
“Yeah. Right.” Buffy said sarcastically to herself.
____
Dear Diary,
Right now I’m sitting in the car, which will ruin my 16-birthday. Yep, I’m 16, and still nothing special has happened (well, unless you count that morning trauma that happened today. Spike’s beloved duster, had a stain on it, well a big sticky stain, if you know what I mean. *Oh horror* So he freaked out at his dad, and blamed him about the stain. Oh, and by the way, it was my fault. Oh yeah, yesterday, just before I was gonna go to bed, I snuck inside his room, and emptied a cup of coffee on it. Weird that he didn’t know that it was me. But, oh well.) Everything is just as it was yesterday. It’s actually kinda depressing, if you really think about it. Spike still does the avoiding thing, but I guess that it for the best for both of us. My ass still hurts, and Rupert and mom are still *way* too peppy about this trip. Hmm, I wonder if they have something planned. And eww, not in that way. *sigh* I just know that trip is gonna suck… Spike is looking at me. Why is he looking? God, I wonder what would happen if he ever found my diary. I would so die in embarrassment… Anyway… Why does Spike keep looking at me? Does he want me to kick his skinny, but muscular, ass (don’t go there Buffy!) or something? Never mind, he just started arguing with Rupert again… Guys are so hopeless… Oh, and let me add, clueless.
____
 

Chapter 8:

Buffy stared with disbelief on her home for the weekend. ‘This is just some sick dream. Yes, soon I’ll wake up in my own bed, and this will all just be a bad dream…’

”Don’t you like it? I think it looks really comfy, and fairytale like.” Joyce said, smiling as she had her hand on Rupert’s back, making Buffy wanna hurl.

”Yeah, I would like it. If I were a hobo, and blind.” Buffy said and couldn’t keep her anger out of it. ‘In that ugly little brown cabin, she was gonna celebrate her 16 birthday. This is just sad.’

”I don’t appreciate that tone at all Buffy.” Joyce said, and her smile was instantly gone, as she pointed a finger in Buffy’s direction.

“This is my birthday! And you drag me out in the middle of nowhere, and then you accuse me for using ‘the wrong tone’? Thanks mom, thanks a lot.” Buffy said, her eyes cold, as she held her big bag, which contained her clothes, and other important things. Joyce looked like she didn’t know if she was gonna be upset, angry or sad over that, so she just kept quiet. The three of them just stood there, looking awkwardly around them, when Spike suddenly appeared, with three bags on his shoulder.

”What… are you …waiting for?” He said through pants as he struggled with the bags. “Let’s get inside sometime today, people!” Spike said, and made his way to one of the cabins, as Buffy walked over to the other one.

”Well… That’s one of the problems.” Giles spoke up, making both of the teens stop dead in their tracks to look at their parents with a confused look on their face.

”What do you mean by that, exactly?” Buffy managed to get out. It couldn’t possibly get any worse than this.

”Well, since they only had two cabins, then we have to share…” Joyce said, to the still confused teens. ”And since Rupert and I wanted some alone time…”

”Oh, no bloody way!” Spike said; his eyes wide as he finally got it. “I am NOT spending this weekend with THAT!” Spike said, pointing an accusing finger Buffy’s way.

”Hey, what did you just call me?” Buffy said, and dropped her bag, letting in fall to the ground as she walked up to Spike.

”I didn’t call you anything, Blondie.” Spike said, and couldn’t help the smirk that was slowly appearing on his face.

”Excuse me? You are WAY blonder than I am, you stupid dumb-ass.” Buffy said, as she put her hands on her hips to look at Spike.

”Of course I am. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, Blondie.” Spike said sweetly, and patted Buffy’s head like she was 5.

Then Buffy had had it. She had a cramping butt that hurt like a bitch, and Spike being another pain in her ass, didn’t exactly help. Especially if you were gonna spend three nights in the same room as him. Instead of making a smart-ass comment, like she usually would’ve done. She took up her fist and punched him in his stomach.

”Jerk!” She shouted angrily, as Spike went down like a fruit fly, to sit on the ground, holding his stomach.

”Buffy!” Her mother said angrily, as she made her way to help Spike to get up again. Buffy just snorted, before she went to take her bag and made her way to the door of the cabin.

“I’ll take this one.” Buffy said simply, before she pushed the heavy door of wood open, to reveal an even worse inside. “This is just unbelievable.” Buffy muttered under her breath as she looked at the room.

There were two beds, in each sides of the room, and then there was a drawer… and that was pretty much it. Oh, that is if you don’t count the window that you barely could see through, because of all the dust and dirt that had gathered on it. Buffy rolled her eyes as she heard her mother’s voice behind her, before she closed the door. Sharing room with Spike would also make the whole tattoo thing more difficult. She hadn’t exactly expected it to be so much work with it. Oh well…Buffy made her way to the shitty looking bed, and put down her bag. She then sat down, and looked at the clock. They had been driving for two hours, and it was almost dark. Buffy lifted her head to see an angry Spike walking in.

”I’ll take this bed.” Buffy said, and didn’t bother to meet his eyes as she lied down and yawned.

Spike looked like he wanted to strangle someone, but breathed in and out for a couple of times, and then went to sit on the other bed.


_____


”OH GOD!!! SPIKE, OVER THERE!! SOMETHING’S THERE, IN THE CORNER!” Buffy shrieked as she jumped up and down on the squeaking bed, pointing at one of the dark corners in the room.

”Where? I can’t see it?” Spike said as he looked around himself, searching for what made Buffy so upset. “What are you talking about?”

”It was something grey and fluffy, and it was running! Oh my God, what is this for kinda place??” Buffy shouted as she was practically crawling on the wall to get away.

Spike just rolled his eyes at her, as he bent down to look under the beds. When he saw nothing, he just looked at Buffy with this look that said, ‘are-you-insane?’ Buffy noticed that look and waived her hands wildly as she was trying to explain,

”I swear I saw something!!” Buffy said sincerely; her eyes big as plates, as she looked around herself, as if afraid that the thing might eat her up.

”It was probably just a mouse or something like that.” Spike said, as he went to sit on his bed again. God, he had only spent one hour sharing the room with this girl, and he was already sick of it.

“A mouse?! There are not supposed to be any mice, or rats or anything that have teeth and can crawl up my body when I’m asleep, and slowly eat up my skin!” Buffy said; her voice on the line of panicking. At that Spike just rolled his eyes, for the seventh time that day.

”Scared, are you love?” He said, and tried to hide the amusement in his voice. He really didn’t know that she was scared of mice… Now this could get interesting…

”No!” She said defensively. Spike just looked at her. She was the most stubborn person he knew. She could never just admit the truth; she always had to make up excuses and such. “I am *so* not afraid of mice… That thing was NOT a mouse… This was like, this big, a-and had these huge teeth…” She stopped when she saw the smirk on Spike’s face. “Hey, you wouldn’t have thought it was that funny, if you’d seen it!”

”Of course.” Spike said, and tried to look serious. “I bet it was just a duck who had walked into the wrong house.“ He said, and couldn’t help but smirk as he saw Buffy’s annoyed look.

”It was NOT funny!” She said, her eyes sparkling with anger.

They were interrupted by a soft knocking on the door, making them frown. The door was carefully opened and a flushed Rupert stuck his head inside, to look at them.

”What happened? Joyce and I heard someone screaming and—“

”Buffy saw a rat and went mad.” Spike said simply.

”I-It was NOT a rat or mouse, for the fourth time!!” Buffy said defensively. Her cheeks were slightly pink in embarrassment, after knowing that Rupert and her mom had heard her panic attack.

”It was a fluffy little mouse, nothing to be worried about.” Spike said, and turned to look at his father, who just nodded slightly.

”Oh, well, if you want anything, just knock on the cabin next door, we’ll be there the whole time.” Rupert said, and was just about to leave, when he turned again, this time facing Buffy. ”Oh, and before I forget, you mother wanted me to ask if you had enough... ehum, panties, as she said it.”

”Yes I have, God, could you please just leave now?” Buffy said, now her cheeks had turned a bright red in embarrassment. This is just her luck. Rupert once again nodded, before he turned and closed the door behind him.

”So… wanna do something?” Spike asked, as he sat on the other bed, facing her.

”Like what?” Buffy questioned, and frowned.

”Well… We could play cards…” Spike suggested with a shrug.

”Um, why?” Buffy questioned, again.

”Maybe cause we’re bored?” Spike said, and it was his turn to frown.

”Well, I’m not. You can play with yourself—I mean by!! By yourself!!” She said quickly, her face once again lighting up in red, as she chose to just look at her hands.

”Yeah, maybe I’ll just do that.” Spike said and smirked at her. She was so adorable when she blushed, he just wanted to capture her lower lip and--

”I’ll just go to bed…” Buffy said, and grabbed one of her shirts that were too big for her, before she noticed that Spike was looking at her. “Gee, stare much?” She said, and smiled when she saw him snort and turn away from her. She changed as fast as she could, trying to avoid the tattooed area. “You can look now. Not that there is any reason that you should look at me… cause there isn’t… that’s why you should stop looking at me.” Buffy warned him. He just shrugged at her, before he stood up, and began tugging at his black shirt.

”Whoa, what are you doing?” Buffy asked, her eyebrows high in her forehead, as she watched (no, more like staring and drooling) him began to undress.

”Well, I’m changing clothes. Like you just did? Remember?” Spike said.

”Well... Could you at least wait until I can turn away?” Buffy said, and tried not to think about the little glimpse of stomach she’d just seen. Ugh, she had already seen him naked. She had even seen his… Oh no!! Now I can just think about his… Arg!! Think about fluffy cats… yes… cute and innocent kittens… “I might actually throw up, you know.”

”Look away then.” Spike said, annoyance leaking through his voice, as he tugged at his shirt and threw it on the floor when he’d got it over his head. He then removed his jeans, and threw them next to the shirt, before he went to lie down in his bed.

”Uh, you’re not naked…right?” Buffy said, as she looked around, and frowned when she saw his pants on the floor. What exactly was he sleeping in?

”Nonce of your business.” Spike muttered, and turned away from her.

”Jerk.” Buffy mumbled, and was just about to remove the covers, when she spotted something black on the sheets. “SPIKE?” She squeaked out.

”What now?” Spike asked, tiredly, without even bothering to face her.

”There’s a spider in my bed!” She said, making it sound like someone just had peed in her shoes.

”So? Take it away then.”

”No, it’s mashed on the sheets. I don’t wanna sleep on a dead spider!” Buffy whined. “Let’s change beds.”

”No. Why would I wanna sleep in your bed if there’s a mashed spider in it?” Spike asked.

”I’m not gonna sleep in this bed.”

”Then sleep on the floor. See if I care.” Spike muttered back.

”Are you crazy? I’ll probably freeze to death!” Buffy complained.

”I don’t care what you do, just as long as you shut up.”

*Silence*

Spike heard Buffy sighed deeply, then thought that he would pass out, when he felt the beds weight shift, as she sat down next to him. He turned to look at her, confused.

”What do you think you’re doing?” He asked, as Buffy snatched the covers, making him tense as the cold air breezed over his almost naked body.

”What does it look like I’m doing, idiot? I’m sleeping in your bed.” Buffy said surly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “And don’t flatter yourself. It’s not like I have any other choice.” Buffy said.

”Yes you have!” Spike cringed at his desperate words, as he snatched his covers back. “You can sleep in your mums and my dads bed. Making sure they don’t do the nasty.” He really didn’t want to have any 16 year old girl, who he had dreamed of and jerked off to, sleeping in the same bed as him. All innocent and… Stop it or she is gonna notice it, Spike thought and tried to bite his lower lip to make the sudden erection go away.

”Ugh, that’s revolting.” Buffy said, disgusted. Spike sighed in relief when he realized that she meant his dad and her mom doing the nasty…

*Silence*

”Why are you still here?” Spike asked.

”Can you just shut up and let me sleep?” Buffy asked.

”Whatever.” Spike muttered.

*Silence*

”So… Nice day, huh?” Spike asked.

”No. It’s one of the worst days of my entire existence.” Buffy said.

”Oh-kay.” Spike said. “You don’t snore, right?”

”No!” Buffy said a little too quickly. “I mean, of course not.”

*Awkward silence*

”Buffy?”

”WHAT?” Buffy asked tired of his questions.

”Happy birthday.”

 

Next