Disclaimer 1:

I just invented a couple of characters (Lilea, Navarre... the Gulthias demon), not much, all the others are created by the God Joss' mind... (THANKS GOD!) but when someone asked him how the fan could survive after the Buffy's end he said: “They can write fanfic.” so I'm using them now, because I love them, and I miss the TV-show soooo much.

Spoiler: The fanfic is set after Spike went in Africa, but he didn't come back in Sunnydale as he did in Season 7.

Disclaimer2:

Honestly when I started this fanfic I didn’t know about Dare Devil existence, so Lilea isn’t inspired by him at all! I started this a couple of days after the last episode of season six, and I based it on the spoiler there was around in the summer (Spike’s being back and Buffy having a job in the high school.)

Well I changed something:. Spike’s crypt is still available and his bed is downstairs, Wood exists, but since I hadn’t any knowledge of him apart from his name when I wrote about him, he’s quite a normal principal with a herbal-tea passion. (I made him a little British-like, but not too much)

I use the *word* in order to give emphasis on words.

Feedback are very welcome

Prologue

June 2002

Blood.

Her blood.

She could feel that it was flowing from the reopened injuries in her lower abdomen. She was so weak, she couldn’t fight anymore. Her arms were immobilized and so were her legs. They forced her to lie on the ground.

“Please… leave me… I didn’t do anything… PLEASE… I…”

“Shut up!” One voice told her. She couldn’t see anything. She didn't know where she was.

“Please…” She felt one hand check her stomach.

“The bitch is bleeding.”

“Who cares? She will be dead before the dawn.”

“Navarre...” she whispered

“I said shut up!” She felt someone hit her in the face. Others were binding her wrists securely.

“Navarre... Navarre help me!!!” She cried louder, trying to escape again.

She felt one hand close over her mouth to silence her.

She struggled helplessly to free herself.

*

A motorbike whirred flying faster and faster away into the silence of the night.

The darkly dressed biker didn’t care. He was trying to escape from something, most horrifying and to not avail. He couldn’t run fast enough to escape from himself, from his past. He rode with the speed of the wind but his memories flew even faster, he couldn’t escape them.

He saw a shadow not too far ahead the road, a motionless shadow. He decreased his speed a little, in order to look at it better. An animal was staring at him even though it was still quite far away.

The foolish beast didn’t move even when he got closer.

‘The first suicidal animal in history. Damn it!’

He swerved again, and again it followed, keeping its gaze fixed on his eyes.

The driver slammed on the brakes.

He stared at the wolf for a long moment. “Ok, buddy, what kind of demon are you?”

He stared at what appeared to be a wolf for a long moment.

The animal didn’t move, nor even flinched.

“I've had a bad week, so don’t piss me off, mate, get out of my way.”

The blond guy was about to try to ride off, when a scream shattered the silent night.

A woman’s scream.

The biker, instinctively turned his head in the direction of the scream. When he looked back again, the road was empty, no trace of the wolf-creature remained.

Again the dark rider heard the woman scream, louder and more desperate this time.

“Pleeeeeease no!!!”

Oh God. That scream, that plea. He had been running from the memory of such a scream, just such a desperate plea for over a month.

His bike whirred again, this time not fleeing but instead turning toward the haunting sound.

*

The blond biker drove closer, as fast as he was able to. He could see the girl on the grass, she was still yelling even as the guy bent over her was trying to shut her up. Both the guys were darkly dressed in a sort of black uniform, and well armed. It wasn't very difficult to understand who they worked for. He still remembered them too well.

Then suddenly, unnaturally, the girl's frantic cries stopped.

The two guys turned towards the noise of the engine, one of them aimed his gun, without any result, the headlight was blinding them. He fired a bullet but with an able gesture of his body the driver was easily able to avoid it.

The bike stopped near the unconscious body of the girl and the driver agilely got off. He dodged a couple of attacks, he kicked away one guy, screaming in pain. The other one hit him and the blond guy seemed to subside, then unexpectedly the wolf from the road appeared, snarling, showing his threatening fangs.

One of the guy shot it, but the wolf didn’t seem to notice it. No reaction, no blood.

The biker used this distraction to take the still unconscious girl and drive away as fast he could.

*

Blood

Her blood.

He could smell it. He could feel it flow from her. It was intoxicating him.

But this was definitely human blood. Why was the Initiative trying to take this girl away?

Her blood was on his hands, on his clothes, the smell was filling the air, and strangely he wasn’t tempted to taste it at all. Was this a side effect of his newly restored soul?

A few times driving towards his temporary refuge Spike was tempted to take her to the closest hospital, but he remembered the time the Initiative took the witch’s were-wolf ex-boyfriend. They had been torturing him.

‘Could I let her risk the same thing happen to her?’ The vampire wondered when he made her lie down on what was his new bed: one worn mattress covered by a formerly white sheet. A very worn blanket, or at least what once was probably a blanket.

No, he couldn’t. So the only thing he could do was try to care for her here. Spike undid the girl’s shirt and skirt, slowly, trying to not hurt her too much, he was forced to cut both the skirt and her underwear allowing him a better view of the injuries. The girl wasn’t going to be happy about this, but it was the only way. The most serious was the one in her abdomen, the others in the rest of her body were not so worrying.

The cut was strange: deep and regular, it didn't seem accidental, but studied, calculated. It had been covered with a coarse bandage, it was recent, but it hadn't been done tonight. It had probably reopened whilst she was trying to escape from the Initiative.

Whatever sedative they had given her was very strong because she didn’t even moan when they arrived here, and not even when the blond guy was treating her.

Sometimes being so old was very useful. Or maybe it was all the ER episodes he had watched since he had that stupid chip in his head? Whatever it was it seemed to work. The bleeding stopped.

The girl was unconscious for several hours, completely motionless. After he treated the injuries, Spike sat on a improvised chair, waiting, patiently, for her to wake up. Again, he wondered what he was going to do with her, after she regained consciousness. How could he explain to her they were in a crypt? And this one wasn’t as comfy as the one he had in Sunnydale.

Then eventually he saw the girl move her hand towards her stomach. She was mumbling something. The vampire moved closer, then realized the girl was still sleeping. She could hurt herself more, or make the wound open again with a wrong move.

“It’s my baby…you can’t do that!! It’s my baby you can’t! Navarre help!!! Please don’t take away my baby!!!” In her dream the girl was sobbing and crying.

And then Spike understood why her wound was so regular. It wasn’t an accidental cut, it was a surgical one. That’s how someone - the Initiative? - took the baby she was having nightmares about.

Her nightmares didn’t stop until the late morning. Even if the blond vampire had easily understood the first one, he wasn’t able to figure out what the others were about. Mostly she kept calling this Navarre guy.

The vampire sat near her watching her, and wiping the sweat from her face and neck with a wet towel until she calmed down. The girl was a brunette, her hair was ruffled and messed up, her face like the rest of her body was dirty and dusty, the hem of her skirt was covered in mud. She definitely hadn’t had a wonderful day. But she didn’t seem like a girl running away from home. The outfit was chosen with care, the color of the skirt was matching the color of the collar she had. But even under all that dirt she seemed beautiful, young and lost.

This damn soul! How could this girl’s pain affect him so much? He hated this. He stood up quickly and headed towards the exit, in the direction of the sewers. He was going to just leave her there, now. Who cared about this stupid girl? He had to leave the town as quickly as he could! What if the Initiative connected him with the guy who helped this girl to escape? He had to rush, drive as fast as he could towards… Towards what? Sunnydale? His home was there but he couldn’t. He simply couldn’t go back there after what he did to *her*. God! He loved *her*! How could he?! And how could he be so stupid thinking that a new soul would make him the one *she* deserved? It just made him feel worse. And into his head all the screams he was so flattered to hear when he was killing people were hunting him, screaming into his mind, always.

And *her* scream and this girl's screams.

He hated this! He hated not being himself anymore. Crap! He didn’t even know who he was anymore.

Shit! He couldn’t leave this girl alone. He grimaced, Buffy would never forgive him for abandoning an injured girl on her own. So he turned back.

“Hey! How in hell did you get in?”

The wolf’s eyes stared at him for a moment before it began barking.

“So you’re a friend of hers, aren’t you?” Another snarl.

The vampire looked at the animal. No sign of a gunshot wound on it. It was sitting a few inches away from the still unconscious girl.

“You’re a demon, buddy.” He turned. “Then if you take care of her, I can go.” The wolf started to growl threateningly. The vampire grimaced.

“I guess this means that I have to stay.” The wolf yelped turning towards the girl. Its nose caressing her wrist.

Spike strode up with big steps towards the bed.

The sleeper moaned, starting to move again. She opened her eyes. Her hand moved instantly to cover them. She breathed deeply when she brushed her stomach. Her eyes filled with tears. She started to hit her head against the pillow, as if she was doing it against the wall, trying hard to not cry.

“It’s all right, you’re safe here.” He spoke with the same tone he used to Dawn last year when she was scared about being evil.

She stopped abruptly, starting to tremble, her eyes moved around, as if trying to see if there were other people in the room.

“Who are you?” The girl’s voice shook badly.

“A friend.”

“Why am I still alive?”

Spike saw the wolf’s muzzle caressing the girl’s wrist again, but the girl moved her arm away as if this scared her to death.

“I’m… undressed.” Her voice trembled even more, her face blushed violently.

“I don’t wanna hurt you, I treated your wounds, that’s why, I didn’t peek… not too much.”

“We aren’t in the lab again, are we? ” The girls hand felt her bed trying to find a better way to sit.

“Does this place look like a lab? And you shouldn’t try to move. You stopped bleeding just a few hours ago.” He said abruptly, walking over to a bottle of bourbon he had nearby .

“Here smells different.” She noted with an absent voice, watching him move. Then she moved her gaze to the wolf, and again to the vampire. “The light, it’s you… why are you glowing?”

“What in hell are you talking about?”

“You’re sparkling… I can see you… that… and this light too…” She pointed at the wolf “But you’re different darker and brighter… Why can I see you?”

The vampire strode towards the bed moving his hand in front of the girl… she tried to move away vainly.

“You’re blind.”

The girl nodded, trembling.

Goddess. Navarre thought she was brave and fearless, and she was when he was near to her. But now… everything was different. And she was alone. Scared. And she felt so small, too small.

She bit her lips before asking again “How come I can see you?”

The wolf yelped trying again to catch the girl's attention.

“What is that?” she asked with a hushed voice.

“Isn’t it your wolf?” She shook her head slowly “Not your personal demon?” She answered again in the same way.

“Strange. This wolf demon made me stop to help you?”

“It has beautiful colors…”

“It seems like quite an ordinary wolf to me.”

The girl moved her hand towards the animal, who caressed it with its nose.

For the first time she smiled a sad smile, almost undetectable.

She turned to face the mysterious guy.

“Why did you help me?”

He shrugged, then he remembered that the girl couldn’t see that. “I don’t like it when girls are in trouble”.

“You… you’re not … human…” She said the word almost whispering, as if she was afraid to make him angry

“No, I’m not.” His voice became even more serious.

Again a ghost smile on her face. “Even Navarre wasn’t, but he was wonderful”. Her voice sounded heartbroken and distant.

The wolf yelped again.

The girl yawned and her eyes closed a couple of times. She was fighting to stay awake.

“Sleep. We can’t rest in this town much longer…”

“Are you leaving the town?” she mumbled

“Not me, we. Do you want to stay?”

“I have no reason to stay here.” She bit her lips until they almost bled. “Not anymore.” She added with a sigh.

The stranger moved closer to her. “I have to go now. I need to find some stuff. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Sleep, the wolf will stay with you.” His tone was quite sharp, but strangely this time he didn’t scare her.

She nodded.

“I’ll be right back.”

The girl tried to caress his face, but he had already moved away, and so she only brushed his arm

The guy took her hand, and she held it “Thanks… I would've been dead by now.”

“You need to rest. Do it.” the vampire ordered. Why he tried to be purposely disrespectful was a half mystery to him too. However it seemed to work. The girl took her hand away, turning her head to the other side.

She didn’t fall asleep, even though she was clearly tired. She breathed deeply, but her breaths trembled like a child who can't stop sobbing.

Stupid soul!

“Hey…”He paused before leaving “Everything will be fine.” He paused “I’ll be back. I promise.”

The last thing she remembered was the sound of his steps move away and her almost crash into a dreamless restoring sleep.

Chapter 1

September 2002

“Are you sure you don't need any help?”

Lilea smiled taking her suitcase and her big backpack from the bus driver. "I'm quite used to it, don't worry”

“We arrived late. The car crash on the highway slowed our journey a lot... It's already dark...”

The girl laughed and her peal of silvery laughter rang around. "It doesn't do any difference to me”

“No... Well... I mean...” The driver scratched his head with embarrassment.

“I know what you mean... I just was making fun of you.” She laughed again, wrinkling her nose.

“Little witch!” he said with a fake mad tone.

“Is that so obvious?” She replied with false astonishment.

This time the man burst into laughter.

“Hey, listen, I'll be again here in Sunnydale with the bus, Friday, whatever you need...”

“You are so kind! It's not prudent to be that way with strangers.”

“Hey, kid, you could be my daughter, you must be about the same age.”

“She's a lucky girl”

“Be careful, ok?”

“I will, I promise” The young girl smiled again. She held her white stick in her hand, the heavy suitcase in the other. She could feel the protective look of the driver still on her. He had to have a sweet expression, she could tell from the way his aura was shining.

Sam seemed unable to stop watching the strange girl, even as she was walking away, slowly moving her stick to test her way towards nowhere.

Strange this sweet girl seemed to be able to look right to the depths of his soul. It was such a pity that her smiling eyes weren’t able to see.

*

Lilea was still not far from the bus; people around her were still waiting for friends, lovers, or family. She could perceive love, but also other not so pleasant feelings. It was strange the energy you could feel in stations. If only people could just learn to listen to it. She had always loved the energies. She started to understand them better during her Aikido training, her instructor had forced her to start, when she put her feet on a stage for the first time. It was quite ironic that the only energy she could see now was the magic one. Usually the bad ones, but she could see also Spike’s and Navarre’s so it wasn’t just evil!

Abruptly she turned towards someone who was walking in the direction of the bus. Someone very dangerous. She could see him, his monstrous colors, and he seemed scared. Why would something scare a vampire? Was the Initiative here too?

The demon was walking towards Sam's energy.

“Please, please, please... make him take another bus..."

The vampire climbed onto Sam's.

The young lady put her hand into the little fabric bag she had tied at her waist.

She extracted a bit of powder

“Protect... protect him, " and she blew on her palm. People would see just ordinary powder, if they cared to look, but she saw a cloud made of shining stars flying away towards the oblivious driver.

She smiled again "Blessed be, Sam, Goddess protect you."

*

She walked slowly, after all she had nowhere else to go. She enjoyed every step of this stroll. Every town has a different smell: there weren’t two streets with the same perfume. She had that in the few months since she had lost her sight. The master where Spike had taken her to had taught her how. And her vampire friend was so supportive and helpful that she really never doubted herself. For the umpteenth time she wondered how she could have survived without him.

She breathed deeply “So this is Sunnydale. And now I would like to know why I’m here?” No answer, nor even breath of wind.

“What am I supposed to do here?” She asked to the night.

“Thanks for answering!” she said with sarcasm.

She walked on for a while waiting for any signal. She didn’t notice when her fabric bag slumped on the ground. She would probably have to stay out this night. Spike was supposed to arrive here tomorrow so even if she would find the cemetery she never could find the crypt her friend wanted to bring her to.

“It’s so not fair, by the way! Here alone, without even Navarre or Spike! You could let at least meet one of them! And I’m starving too! Ok, ok I won’t complain anymore… but it’s unfair!”

She rested her big suitcase on the sidewalk.

“I have to find another way to carry on this stuff…”

“Hey honey!” *The* signal, she thought. But the voice wasn’t familiar at all. The voice, almost covered by a car engine noise, seemed a little slurred - drunk?

“Who’s speaking?”

“Come on … We’re not that far away.” Definitely not sober at all.

“She has a white stick, she’s blind,” a second voice from the same car.

“Oh right the stick, that’s quite a big one, we could show you ours and you could play with us…”

She opened her eyes wide; she could hear the car noise every second closer and closer.

“Navarre!” she called “Navarre!!!!” She cried louder.

The men burst out laughing “Are you calling your protector?” The voice became more and more scaring.

Her hand moved toward her waist. The little bag with her powder had vanished.

Her suitcase was now abandoned on the ground somewhere.

Her big backpack was too heavy for her run with it on, so she let it slip down and slowly walked away from it.

Then she changed the way she was holding her stick. She couldn’t see them, or the car, she just could hear the noise of the engine move closer and closer.

“Navarre... They are human!!!”

*

Not far from there, another girl was fighting. Kicks and fists, without pausing a moment for breath against two very strong vampires.

“Is it a big day today? Is there a party and nobody bothered to invite me?” The monsters shared a what-is-she-saying glance “It’s been a while since there’s been so many of your kind all at once. So where’s the party?” she explained a little annoyed at having to explain.

“Am I losing my sarcastic touch?” The fight became breathless once more.

They were moving quickly, too quickly for them to notice that someone was staring at them - her, hidden in the night, between some bushes. A man transfixed by her movements was observing the scene with an amused and also slightly amazed expression.

He forgot even to breath, staring at her as if it was the first thing he had seen in his life or rather his unlife. Not just the Chosen One, but *The One* with both the capital letters, the only one he was on this Earth for. Or maybe not, but this wasn’t so important now. The girl who almost literally made him feel almost a man.

She seemed a little tired, but not so much as she had been in the last days before he left, and she seemed more serene. He hoped silently that the reason for this serenity wasn’t his departure, even if it had probably helped a lot.

God. He had been so similar to Angelus, with her. Angelus made Drusilla go crazy killing all the people she loved. Spike was more subtle and maybe even more evil: he made Buffy feel as if she wasn’t part of the “World of the Light” anymore. He had tried over and over again to persuade her that she belonged to the darkness with him. But that was so untrue. He used Buffy’s need for being comforted after having been torn from Heaven instead of being a friend to her.

A younger girl ran quickly up to her. “Buffy!!!!!!!! There are five of them … I can’t do it alone”

Little Bit. She had grown up in these few months. She dressed in a more feminine way, she still had some child-like gestures, but there fighting against demon she really seamed like a woman, still a very young one, but definitely she wasn’t a kid anymore.

“Are they behind you?” The older sister asked, without pausing from fighting.

“I guess so.”

“Ok, Dawnie, take these two, I’ll take care of yours.”

The younger Summers girl nodded .

The vampires who were following the girl eventually arrived. “You sure run fast, sis… they’ve only just got here, and you are the one who has to breath!”

“Well, ” she pushed one of them. “There were so many of them, it’s safer… and then I never would deprive you of the fun of a fight.” She dusted one of hers.

“This is really love, sis…thanks,” the older one commented with sarcasm and Dawn smiled.

The other one was quite tired from the way Buffy had fought him earlier. It was quite a relaxed training for Dawn, now.

Even thought the vampires were quite numerous Buffy had no problem with them, she was just letting the combat last long enough so that Dawn would not think she was taking too much time dusting her last vamp.

Dawn had improved a lot, Buffy was so proud of her, and they were sharing not just the daily patrol, they were friends now. Buffy was still the big sister and so really a mother-figure, but Dawn was no longer the kid she used to be.

The youngest Summers never told anyone what Willow said to her at Rank’s place but that had hit the teenager deeply. Whatever it was, it helped Dawn grow up.

A woman’s cry in the silence of the night distracted the two girls from the fight. The vampire tensed

“Navarre!” The fighting duo shared a glance. Dawn tried to run toward the cry but her enemy didn’t let her take the opportunity, and further more another pair was arriving from nowhere.

“I have a surprise for you, slayer. Stand by to be shocked.” The hidden staring man ran toward the cry.

*

The girl started to move her stick as her martial art trainer had taught her. The car was coming closer and closer, she could hear the engine noise approaching. They were coming to catch her with the car, they seemed to have no intention of stopping. Was it the Initiative again? She had seen a vampire run away from the city not long ago. She stepped back, a couple of times, and then she turned, starting to run into her darkness.

“Navarre, help!!!”

The car didn’t even try to avoid her backpack. She heard the sound of glass shatter under the wheels as it ran over it. She tried to run faster but she stumbled. She was able to regain her balance again, then in her blind escape she hit her shoulder violently against a tree. And she fell.

The pain was so hard that she felt she was close to fainting. She started to panic. She couldn’t let them take her again. Not alive.

The two guys slipped out of the car. They were on her in a seconds. She begged, “Please no, I don’t wanna go there again… I…” One of them moved closer. She tried to push him away, but her shoulder ached so much. She kicked him further away, and the guy seemed to become even nastier. He hit her right on the injured shoulder, she gasped. She heard the noise of her shirt being snatched, she tried harder to reject the boy’s assault but the pain, the shock, and the fear this time made her faint.

Spike was close now.

*

A car was chasing the running girl. She stumbled losing her stick but she was able to run anyway for several steps. She was now running with her arms outstretched, she probably tripped again and she fell hitting violently her shoulder against a tree.

The vampire saw one of the guys step out of the car, kneel on Lilea’s body and tear her shirt.

Now Spike was the one who was running faster and faster screaming her name.

They both saw the guy rush toward them. The one who was driving took a gun from the car, a beer into his other hand.

The guy sitting on the girl was bending over her, he smelled of alcohol too. He thought that it would have been more fun if the girl had been awake, but he couldn’t complain too much. She was quite gorgeous. It had been quite funny to see her scared expression earlier. It made him feel so manly.

The guy leaning against the car seemed to become quite impatient. “Hurry up, buddy, it’s my turn for fun later.”

“Well if you want to have fun, you have to try with me. ”

The two boys looked up toward the voice. The guy who had been running and screaming was there. The armed one pointed his gun toward him.

“You, English dork, this is none of your business. Go away. ”

The other guy bent over the girl again, laughing.

The blond Englishman pulled him off her without any effort and hit him violently, sending him crashing into the other guy.

The blond one screamed in pain. The other two guys thought for a moment that he was probably crazy, then they looked at him. And then they became unable to stop looking at him. They were horrified, hypnotized by him, with fear. Spike’s game face was more threatening than ever. The morphed features were emphasized from the way his eyes were shining. Hate, anger, and also something very close to madness.

The English man one took the beer from the guy that had been leaning against the car. What was left in the bottle was drunk in a sip. Then the vampire smashed the bottle on the floor, not far from the boys.

“Go!” He breathed deeply in order to have enough self control to not try to kill both of them. It was more than a century since he had died and yet he usually forced himself to breath. “Next time I find one of you doing something like this, you will both die, in the most painful way I can think of. And believe me I hope you do. It’s been so long since I’ve had a little fun. And now run. Before I change my mind”.

The two guys jumped faster than they ever had before, despise all the beer in their bodies, jumped into the car and with a loud screech of tires they vanished.

*

The squeal of a car made Buffy look toward the street

The cries abruptly stopped minutes ago. Whatever had happened earlier, now was calm. And she was not sure it was a positive thing.

She was able to hear a male voice “Go! Go faster, drive!!!!!!!!” The voice from the car seemed so scared: maybe they saw a vampire too, there were so many of them lately and they seemed to increase their number every night.

Buffy was starting to be tired of this life. She staked a vampire, then another one. Eventually Dawn dusted her last one and she also took care another of her sister’s ones. She didn’t complain anymore about being alive again, but this didn’t make things any easier. Every night, especially in the last few weeks, there hadn’t been any free nights, patrolling until late. And always more vampires. The positive thing was that they came from out of town and weren’t victims of a local serial vampire she had missed slaying. At least her work helped to prevent Sunnydale from becoming a Vamp-town like in the alternate reality Anya built.

*

The blond vampire was now bent over the senseless girl. He covered her chest with the edges of her shirt. If he had had his duster it would have been easier, but he forgot it the night he escaped… he left Sunnydale. He didn’t know when she had fainted, or if she knew what would have happened to her if he had just been ten minutes later.

His hands tied the torn borders of Lilea’s shirt, covering her exposed chest. He thought it would be less embarrassing, He remembered the way Buffy covered herself *that* evening. He still hated himself so much for that. This was his only real regret. He didn’t care about the people he had killed. He was a vampire, they were food, but *that* was different.

“Hey, luv, wake up… you can’t sleep here all the night, Lil.” He felt stupid, completely stupid. “Come on, pet, wake up.” He gave her some little smacks on her face, so light that his chip didn’t even activate.

The girl opened her eyes and looked at him.

“It’s all right now, they went away.”

The girl gulped before speaking “It’s not all right, and you know it! Were they soldiers?”

“No, just normal drunk guys.”

“I couldn’t fight them… I couldn’t see them… and they were in a car… and I tried to defend myself but I lost the stick and my shoulder is hurting like hell… and…”

Spike covered her lips with his fingers in order to make her stop blabbing. “It’s over. We’re not far from my place. Can you stand up?” The girl nodded “Good. I’ll take care of your shoulder when we get there. I hadn’t time to make the crypt ready for the two of us, I only arrived a few hours ago.

“Thanks… Spike, where… where are they now?” Her voice almost cracked.

“Trembling and crying somewhere.”

“Are they…?”

“Dead?” She nodded “What do you think?”

She thanked him again.

“You’re early, luv, shouldn’t you arrive tomorrow?”

The girl’s eyes shone “I won a little fortune.”

The vampire grinned. “How little?”

“It’s enough for both of us, honey. So you haven’t got to do anything illegal this time. And I saved your poor soul some future regrets. And after the way you led me astray, buddy, I simply love cheating at games!” The girl winked at him and the vampire burst out laughing. She had never seen his colors so messy. For the first time, since she had learned to read his colors she wasn’t able to understand him. But never since she met him she remembered him seeming so alive.

“What about looking for my stick and bags? Not that I don’t love staying here flirting with you, but really this shoulder is killing me.”

Chapter 2

Spike hadn’t really had time to go back into the crypt earlier. He had to hide the trace of the car he stole in order to get to Sunnydale, and his bike. So when it was time to go back home he went to Clem’s. He needed his help. He didn’t want risk being discovered even before he had arrived and made sure Lilea could be safe here. He had to force himself in order to stay away from 1630 Revello Drive .

Priority. He had to keep his priority in his mind. Sometimes was so hard. He also had to fight against his own instinct to run away as fast as he could from this town, from its citizens, from one of them. From *her*.

*

The crypt was obviously dark; it hadn’t changed from the night he left months ago. No more shattered glasses on the floor. Clem! What a friend, he had cleaned the mess he left the evening he left town. A lot of dust around, empty fridge.

Some traces of popcorn on the floor revealed that his wrinkled friend was still came in order to watch some TV.

Spike lit a candle with his lighter, even thought Lilea didn’t need it and he didn’t really either.

Home.

He was home again. Even if, to be honest, without the Slayer this crypt seemed empty. He smiled, trying to guess Buffy’s reaction if, or when she would discovered that he was going to share his place, his furniture, his time, and even his bed, with another girl.

Probably some months ago she would have been jealous, like that day at Xander and Anya’s not-a-wedding. It hurts. He was never going to forget that Buffy said it hurt .

‘What the bloody hell are you thinking about?’ He mentally stopped himself from going further. ‘That was never going to happen again. So stop that. And help Lilea.’

He put the girl’s bags on the floor, near the coffin. He notice a dark thing on it. His duster, carefully folded.. Darn how much he’d missed it. It had been almost a second skin for him for so long.

“Lil, come here” The girl walked slowly toward the vampire’s colors, slowly tasting all the steps of what was going to become her new place.

“So... here we are…” The blond guy helped the girl to sit on the coffin, his duster as cushion. “I’ll be right back, I want to check downstairs, we have to live there.”

“Spike, are we hiding? I mean… more than usual?”

“No. It’s just that I don’t want people to know I’m back, yet” She nodded “I’ll take care about your shoulder in a couple of minutes.”

The underground tour wasn’t very long, it seemed quite dusty there, and all the mess he left was still there. He hadn’t really cleaned it up after that Riley had blown it up. That stupid boy-scout. Well he didn’t feel the need for a comfy crypt anymore. He had started to make it look nice when Dawn had started to come during Buffy’s absence, and the crypt had looked quite good when the Slayer was an almost daily visitor. But then, later, after they split up, he wasn’t in the right mood for taking caring of his place.

He gave a last glance, noticing that the bed was made. He remember clearly it was unmade the night he left, leaving some candles on.

Lilea could see him walking from the point where he emerged and another one of the crypt. With Spike’s exception, no light for her. She could see nothing magical here. Dark. As always. Since they had left the sorcerer’s place where almost everything was glowing, she had a problem with her complete blindness again. Funny that she could fight against a demon without any problem, and she did a lot, and still she had trouble with moving in new places.

The vampire walked into the kitchen, taking a napkin and a bottle of whisky. “Drink some of this.” He put the bottle into her hand. She did.

She coughed a lot “Another couple” She did obediently.

“Put this in your mouth, it will stop you crying too loud” He took the bottle from her hand drinking a couple of big sips too, and gave her the napkin.

She nodded holding the napkin between her teeth. She had seen this in movies when she was a kid, with a crush on Clint Eastwood’s eyes, and used to watch westerns with her father: the Far West doctors made people drink before extracting bullets from them. In the movies it works. She hoped this could work for her shoulder too.

It was just a second: she cried, biting the napkin tightly, closing her eyes, while unintentional tears rolled down her cheeks.

Spike fixed her shoulder and in the same moment his head seemed to explode. He shouted too, falling on the floor.

In the same moment outside the wolf howled all his pain covering the screams in they crypt.

“Navarre…” she whispered, then she turned toward the vampire. His aura was now showing all the physical pain he was now feeling. She could see the point in his head where his pain came from, because it was disturbing his aura, making his color change. And this was just increasing his rage.

So, as she had done the day after they met she knelt near him, took his head into her hand. “Look at me”

*

June 2002, the day after

“We have to change the bandages, are you ready for that?”

The girl nodded, and she blushed when the vampire helped her to take off the boxers he had lent her down a little, in order to have a bigger space for disinfecting her injury.

He must have noticed her embarrassment because he covered her with the sheet and strangely his colors were changing again. Lilea still didn’t know how this mixing colors worked but this time they were a range she never saw in him before.

“Do you want to know what I’m going to do?” The girl shook her head.

The vampire looked at the girl’s body and for a moment her blood was screaming to him again. He looked at Lilea’s face, and she seemed scared for a second, as if she could read his mind.

“What?” he asked bluntly.

The girl moved her head. “Nothing… your… your colors changed again and I don’t think they were good”

The vampire shook his head with a half smile ‘Women!’

“Believe me, it’s gonna to hurt me more than you’ll feel, luv, literally. Breath deeply,” he said and in the same moment Lilea did so he tore off the bandage.

The girl arched her back, trying to avoid screaming. Spike would probably have found her brave, if in the same moment his head hadn’t started to hurt him badly, so badly that he lost his equilibrium.

With all the strength she could muster Lilea rolled down the bed and moved toward Spike crawling on the floor toward his colors.

The light she could see were different from earlier, and there was a point that she figured could be his head, that seemed to be the responsible for what, she understood, was pain. It wasn’t hard for her to find his head.

Lilea took his head firmly in her hands, with all the spinning color there was no trouble finding it. “Look at me,” she ordered, Spike tried to move but she was quite determined, and even if she was visibly in pain she didn’t let him slip away.

He was going to push her off, the last thing you need when you’re in pain is someone glued on you, but suddenly a warm feeling expanded from the girl’s hand.

And the pain vanished.

Magically.

“How … wow…” She smiled sitting near him. Breathing heavily from her own pain.

“Better?” He nodded, then he realized she couldn’t see him. “It’s gone. What about you?”

“It still hurts… but a lot less than yesterday. I’ll heal in a couple of days.”

“Can you do this for yourself?” He pointed at his head, then he remembered “Curing yourself too?”

She shook her head.

“That sucks! ”

“Yeah”

“So, you are a fugitive and a spirit healer … any other secrets do you want to share?”

She smiled. “A lot of secrets… about the sharing part…I don’t think *you’re* ready for that.”

Spike raised his eyebrow with a smirk.

The guy stayed silent for a second, then he took Lilea in his arms and made her lie back down on the bed.

“I’m Spike,” he said staring at the girl’s face.

“Like Snoopy’s bro!” Her eyes were glowing, she was joking, and having fun.

If look could kill Lilea would be dead, but she was laughing lightly.

“Not, from the way I used to torture people who teased me.” She laughed for a while before her wound hurt again.

“Yeah... I’m dying of fear just now…” she was able to say fighting her pain.

“So... fearless girl, what’s you name?”

“Lilea… you are completely right to tease me back.”

“It’s a strange name…”

“It was an ancient region of Greece.”

“I know... I studied it…” then he added casually “a century ago…”

“What an impressive memory… I don't remember what I ate this morning.”

Spike looked at her, he was sure she was teasing him again, but this time her face showed she was sincere.

“You didn’t eat this morning.” He pointed out.

“Oh, maybe that’s why I can’t remember… Is this really a crypt?”

“Yes”

“Cool!” And she lay her head again against the pillow. Again the not physical pain filled her eyes.

Chapter 3

September 2002 - one hour later

Not far from Spike’s crypt Buffy and Dawn ended their patrol. They had dusted about 15 vampires just in the last two nights. Buffy was worried, she to had warn Giles again. When so many vampires arrived close to the Hellmouth it was never a good sign.

Suddenly a wolf howled ,breaking the silence of the night. By instinct Buffy looked at the sky: it was just a small slice of crescent moon. At least couldn’t be a werewolf.

“It made me shiver” Dawn looked her sister uncertainly “It seemed quite close”

“True, quite scary, but I wouldn’t worry about it.” The slayer seemed absent, she knew it was late, and that Dawn needed to go to sleep, but she needed to check something. Something, a doubt, was insinuating into her head. “Dawnie, do you mind if we make a little detour?”

“It’s Ok.”

They walked slowly, the slayer looked was sad though if she tried to hide it. Dawn smiled sadly too when she stopped in front of the crypt.

The older Summers girl knocked.

“Buffy? Are you ok? You usually walk in…” Dawn’s eyes were wide with surprise and she take them off her sister.

Buffy avoided her sister’s glance. “I have this strange feeling…”

“Like what?”

“I feel him close.” She smiled at her with a sort of guilty smirk.

*

Lilea looked toward the door. “Someone… Something strong, is coming… Real strong.”

Spike looked at her then at the door too.

“I think you’re right. Don’t make a sound!” He stood-up quickly holding her wrist “Come on, fast!” They practically ran downstairs.

They were in the middle of the flight of stairs when someone knocked. They vanished into the underground.

*

“Spike? Spike are you in?” she asked loudly with an unusual uncertain voice.

It was dark in the crypt but unlike of other times there were a couple of candles burning.

Her heart was almost exploded when she saw the lights, scared and anxious at the same time, while she looked around trying to looking for something she didn’t know if she was ready for.

The duster, *his*, was on the floor near a white stick. She picked them up, holding the duster to herself for a while. She walked some steps toward the stairs “Spike?”

The young woman slowly walked down the steps a little way, glancing at the bed. Nothing. It was untouched. Clem made it the evening Dawn stayed there, the evening she found that he was gone. Buffy, went a couple… ok a lot of times to check the crypt. But never she felt this stupid ‘butterfly in her stomach’ feeling.

Her voice trembled when she called him again.

She stopped staring at the dark of the underground passage.

God, she could feel him so close. How in Hell this was possible, why was this impression so strong now? That idiotic vampire had been away for almost four months, and now how he dare be again in her life, or at least in her mind in so overwhelming a way?

She smiled sadly when she thought she was almost able to smell him.

“Stupid.” she said without knowing if she said it to him or to herself.

She left, taking with big steps, without looking back.

*

Lilea heard Spike jump down the stairs and a moment later she felt herself being taken in his arms in order to get her down the stairs more quickly. She had no idea where the vampire was making her walk, not many steps, but they were really fast. Then suddenly she felt herself pushed quite rudely against the wall. Spike’s body against hers.

Lilea started feeling scared. She had never seen Spike’s colors spinning in this way, she could see almost all the colors at once. Fear. She could feel it. Fear and desperation.

He was hiding. For the first time.

“Spike? Spike are you in?”

Lilea was stunned. A girl’s voice? And yet the colors of the guy was holding her wouldn’t stop changing.

Why did he seem so scared? Then she understood.

Spike was pushing Lilea into a crack in the wall, a favor left by Agent Finn’s bomb. He realized he wasn’t being fair to the girl in his arms, but he didn’t want to risk Buffy seeing him. And Lilea was frozen with fear, then exactly at the moment Buffy called his name, the girl relaxed, maybe she started even to smile, but he wasn’t very sure.

And Lilea *was* smiling.

‘So this is the girl you are hiding from since so long, buddy. Duh, love. It’s always so complicated’

Lilea wondered if a vampire’s heart could explode with emotion even if it wasn’t beating. If it could, Spike was going to die exactly at the moment the girl started to go down the stairs.

Lilea felt Spike’s body pushing her harder against the wall in order to avoid being seen.

The strange girl’s hand moved behind Spike’s back holding him to herself, the other hand moved toward his face. She stood on her tiptoes, and her finger stopped on his lips to silence him.

“Occulti tenebris” she whispered in his ear.

*

The slayer’s steps resounded through the cavern. She walked slowly, then stopped for a second exactly next to the invisible couple.

Lilea, without any effort, could see the girl’s colors spinning almost in the same way Spike’s were doing. And strangely the colors of the one she was holding in her arms and the ones of the mysterious girl’s were absolutely complementary. Even thought the blind girl had only been able to see such colors for a few months she had never seen anything similar.

The girl seemed human, her lights were completely different from the demons’, but they had a wide range of colors, and in this moment they were completely messed up.

The young witch could bet Spike’s eyes were tightly closed, and the other girl’s perceptions were altered by the spell, but their auras were reaching toward each other, their souls seemed to communicate.They recognized each other even without a physical contact.

Lilea was not sure, but she guessed Spike was trembling when the mysterious girl almost caressed his back. And in that moment the girl realized how she envied the vampire for that flow of emotions she was sure she’d never feel again.

“Stupid” the visitor said loudly, before leaving quickly. And Lilea smiled at that comment. And she agreed completely.

Both, the witch and the vampire, stayed motionless until they heard the upper door close.

“Mostrate!” Lilea declared, and in that moment the spell was broken.

She took her hand from Spike’s back.

“Was it ok? I mean I acted by instinct but maybe you would have preferred her to see… I’m sorry. I was too impulsive… I thought…” She could see his frustrations grow from his colors, and she felt responsible.

He moved away. She could hear his footsteps move away, she heard the noise of a click and a then smelled smoke.

He breathed in his cigarette deeply.

“Thanks” he simply said.

The silence between them was full of tension. But Lilea couldn’t resist. “Can I ask you a question?”

He inhaled another a deep drag of his cigarette. “You can. But I might not answer.”

“The girl who was here earlier… she… she is human… I can see that… but she is different. I mean you’re different too… from other vampires I mean, but she’s... she has this energy. She has something I’ve never seen.”

“Yeah. She is different” Lilea waited for him to speak again but he seemed to be concentrating on his smoking.

She was silent for some time, then she called him again with an uncertain voice.

“Spike?”

“What?” She barely remember him being so rude before.

“Where’re my bags? I would like to change my... shirt”.

Spike realized how short and plunging he had tied the shirt. It was covering her from showing too much of herself but he could easily understand why she didn’t feel comfortable.

“Oh sure” He walked out of the room, then he returned with the bags. She took them with no hesitation, and once Lilea heard him go upstairs, she opened the suitcase and extracted the first T-shirt she found. This wasn’t magic. She had no idea whether it fitted, but it felt comfy, so she decided it was ok.

The sound of broken stuff from her backpack left her little hope of finding anything undamaged.

She stretched her hand into it. “Ouch!” She pulled her hand into her mount: she tasted blood.

“Wonderful… Just I what we need. No magic stuff at all.”

“What?” Spike peeped out

“Sorry just…” she pointed the backpack “Have you got a bin? ” She fastened it and took it upstairs “Is there some place where we can find magic here in Sunnydale?”

“You’ll find even more than you need, luv. Don’t worry about that!”

Chapter 4

Dawn and Buffy walked silently, but when they were almost home the younger girl was unable to resist any longer.

“Do you miss him?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” the older sister said after a while. Even thinking seriously she wasn’t able to find an answer.

“I guessed he was in love with you… When I spoke with him, at his place, after Anya’s... Well you know…” The girl stopped. She didn’t know if her sister wanted her to continue.

Buffy didn’t say anything. She simply slowed down keeping her gaze toward the floor.

“Did you go there?”

Dawn nodded. “I told him he hurt you. He was sorry. I mean, really sorry”

“I know…”

“And then I asked him if he was in love with you, and I could swear he was sincere…” Buffy was staring at her now. “You know, I was sure he was going to say something: yes, no, I don't know, maybe. Everything. But he didn’t - he just looked at me, and I can’t believe he did that to you the very same evening…”

The older girl was silent, still staring at the floor.

Then she whispered, “Dawnie, it’s not easy to explain. He acted badly, but he…”

“Are you justifying him?”

“Not at all! But, you know, we… didn’t have a normal relationship… we pushed each other hard, we were used to hurting each other, verbally or physically…”

“A sadomasochist thing?” Dawn was shocked.

“No… yes… a sort of... But not in the way people think… it’s not so easy.”

Buffy was grateful for the darkness as she blushed at the memory of that time he wanted to play with the handcuffs.

“Do you trust me?”

“Never” was her answer, and now less than ever.

How can you explain to your sixteen-year-old sister a relationship like the one she had with Spike without making it seem dirtier than it was? How can you explain to her your need to feel alive without hurting her feelings? How can you tell her how alone you felt even when Dawn and the Scoobies were around, and how Spike made you feel understood and free to be yourself?

Her sister’s voice brought her back to the present. “Buffy… why did you bring me there the next night? After that…”

“He’d never harm you, Dawnie, you know that... I knew he could keep you safe…” How could she have any doubt about this?

“Sorry, Buffy, I’m finding it hard to understand.”

“So am I, Dawnie, so am I,” the slayer whispered. Those were the last words they shared until they arrived home.

Buffy hated Xander for telling Dawn this. She’d never had to know. Buffy knew how much her sister loved the vampire. Buffy didn’t know if Dawnie still had a crush on him, but she knew how special the friendship they shared was, especially after her death. She knew how her little sister and Spike had become close. How he had been present in her little sister’s life, acting a little like the father, the big brother, the one she could trust, the one who would never blame her, even though the woman he loved had died to save her.

Strangely, though she didn’t trust the vampire enough to completely belong to him, even at their most passionate, yet she knew she could trust him with her sister’s safety. Fully believed it, why was that? He was still a vampire after all, and after Angel turned into Angelus that night, that first time…

He didn’t know if he really could say he had missed Sunnydale, but now walking again in the middle of the night in this town made him feel home.

In this park probably the first time in history, he - a soulless vampire - had saved the slayer. The police wanted her for the other slayer’s death, but he hadn’t know that then. He had told her people were ‘Happy meal with legs’. One of his best cracks. His sarcastic vein was a lot better than his bloody poetry.

When that damn demon gave him the soul back he screamed, screamed with pain, with guilt and above all he screamed with fear. Fear of becoming William again. He hated to think about his ‘alive’ life. What had happened the night Drusilla sired him was the only good thing that had happened to him. If he could just go back to that night, he would end it drinking from the necks of all those people at that party.

They were the real soulless things.

He wondered often how “humans” could be so cruel.

And he thought of Buffy. She had been cruel to him, but he had been cruel to her too. He had told her things he knew had hurt her deeply, and she had done the same. This made him crazy: two people loved each other, or whatever it was the feeling they shared, and still she hated him? Even during last winter? Was it possible?

Spike now was staring at the dark window. He had to resist the temptation of peeking into Buffy’s room. He was hidden behind the tree, dressed darkly, no one could see the gray eyes staring at the first floor.

The light movement of the curtain, the window opened.

And for the third time today, he felt as if his heart might break with emotion.

She was there, leaning against the window, breathing deeply. She whispered something he wasn’t able to understand. And, incredibly, she smiled.

Chapter 5

Her room was so hot today. The summer had already ended, but today had been a really warm day, and all that fighting hadn’t helped, though she had taken a shower some time ago.

It had been a pretty long shower too, going by Dawn’s “I need a shower too” look when she left the bathroom.

But she felt regenerated. She put on her pajama jacket without switching the light on, a thoughtful look on her face. She slowly walked to the window and opened it.

She stared at the sky for a long time.

“It’s a big day tomorrow. Dawn will start high-school. She’s growing up. I’ll start my new job there, too. At least being the slayer gives me real experience of Sunnydale teenagers’ school problems. It’s not a big deal but at least I can keep an eye on her even during the day. I had Giles to turn to at school, she has no-one.” She paused a moment. “I keep missing you so much, and Dawn too, even if neither of us admits about it. I pretend I’m being enough for her, she pretends I am too” She smiled “It was hard, mum, the last two years were so messed up and complicated… but we got over it and now we’re stronger, and we survived, somehow. I can’t say I’m happy, but at least I’m serene now. Mom, I wanted you to be proud of me, of us. Wherever you are now I hope you know we love you, and that we were proud of you…so much and you know that, Oh God, maybe I’m crazy for speaking to you, after so long… But now, just now, I’m ready to face it.” Buffy smiled again, feeling a little silly for this sort of spoken mail she sent to her mother. She moved slowly toward her bed.

Strange day, today, she thought. All her memories seemed so vivid.

His surprised face when she asked “Tell me you love me.”

“I love you.” And his eyes said that even better when he added, “You know that I do.”

“Tell me you want me.”

And the sound of his voice, hoarse with emotion answering, “I always want you.” And he didn’t ask, it wasn’t just passion that time. Not lust, but need, and he knew she needed him, with her, because her pain was unbearable.

And ok, he had had those strange ideas about violent sex, and a sort of perverse sense of being a couple, sometimes, but he was always there for her when she needed him.

“You can't understand why this is killing me, can you?” she asked him when she thought she had killed Katrina and he was trying to stop her from making a mistake.

“Why don't you explain it?” and he really wanted to know. And she hit him, over and over again.

“Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me.” And that was what he wanted. Spike let her hit him again and again. And now, months later, she realized she had hurt him in the same way Faith had hurt herself when she was trying to destroy the person she hated being. Not Buffy, but herself.

“There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real!” she accused him, but this was what she was afraid of herself.

How many times had she hit him? She couldn’t remember ever hitting him so many times even when he had wanted to kill her.

She could barely remember being so scared of herself, scared of being now a real Killer, not just the vampire slayer, but someone who started to kill human and not care about it. And he never complained. Never asked her to apologize.

Buffy closed her eyes tightly

Into her mind Spike’s voice was yelling at her “You can stop calling me that any time. If I may, the thing of it is, I'm holding these for a friend, who…”

And as usual her answer was a punch on his nose “No more games.” She was mad, for him betraying her trust, for her being so naive as to have put her trust in him.

And he answered “Well, that's bloody funny coming from you! No more games? That's all you've ever done is play me. You keep playing with rules you make up as you like. You know what I am. You've always known. You come to me all the same.”

She knew him, she knew how dangerous he was. A vampire. A normal vampire - well normal wasn’t the right word for Spike, he had never been a normal vampire.

But again, his face after she kicked him away *that* night. Buffy thought about it so many times….

And later, on that other, awful night, even with the rage she had felt in that moment, she could see his disbelief, his shame, his shock for what he almost did, and strangely she was sure he hadn’t meant to do it. She could read it in his eyes, but she was so mad with at him for that. Perhaps because it had been the most unexpected deceit she had. Perhaps that was why it still hurt her so deeply. She wasn’t in love with him, of course she wasn’t, - her mind quickly added - but she thought she could trust in him completely, even after she had broken up with him. And again she had let a man hurt her.

And then he left without speaking, even Clem didn’t have any news about him. She even threatened to punch the puppy-demon a couple of times but it was completely useless and made her feel even worse.

Spike AKA William the bloodier seemed to have vanished.

Buffy hadn’t realized that she had fallen asleep. In her dream she was in a place she didn’t remember, but it seemed to be a crypt, not Spike’s.

A young woman was there too, and Spike.

The vampire was near her, fighting with Buffy against others of his kind, while the brunette was walking through them almost unseen, as if she was walking in slow motion. She was approaching them holding into her hand a white stick. Buffy recognized it as the one she had seen at Spike’s place.

Then - she didn’t know how the scene changed - the brunette was lying on the crypt floor, very pale. Spike was drinking from her. He felt no pain, even if Buffy knows she was a human, in her dream she know the other girl. And the young woman was looking at Spike with a gaze full of unconditional love & respect, unafraid. He seemed to be almost crying, while he was caressing the girl’s head, but his mouth was covered in her blood.

Buffy gasped finding herself sitting up in bed, tears were streaming down her cheeks.

June 2002

She was walking slowly carrying two big paper shopping bags. Her mother and sister were parking the car.

The younger sister got out the car. “Hurry up, Lil! The movie starts in twenty minutes.”

“I’ll just be a second!” she yelled back from the kitchen, hurrying while she put the milk in the fridge.

Then a scream.

A bottle fell on the floor, but no one noticed.

Lilea ran toward the front door: six men were near the car. One had her mother in his hands. He seemed to be drinking from her neck. Her sister was running toward the house.

“Lilea help!!!” But the others ones were on her.

She could hear her own voice scream when she saw the first one sink his teeth into the young girl’s neck.

Then a strong hand covered her mouth and dragged her inside .She tried to struggle, her eyes couldn’t move from her now senseless sister, while other monsters kept drinking from her.

“It’s too late for them, I’m sorry. They are too many of them, I couldn’t do anything.” He was holding her tightly. He spoke sweetly, and he forced her to look away. They shared a look and he held her against his chest, letting her cry all her tears.

The dream changed suddenly and she found herself facing her mother and sister, both with vampire’s faces, trying to bite her.

She felt her sister’s cold teeth against her neck, in the same moment Lilea held a stake and pushed it against her sister’s chest. The youngest girl looked at her with astonishment in her eyes, while the face she loved became dust.

She turned toward the guy near her, exactly in the moment he staked her mother in the same way.

Dust.

Nothing else remained of her family.

And she felt cold. A cold which came from inside. She couldn’t stop trembling, even when Navarre held her again as he had done the previous night.

Again the scene changed, a demon was in front of them. Navarre was shielding her with his body. The demon appeared for a second, before vanishing again.

“You both make me sick, a demon and an human can’t love. You silly girl.”

“I love her, she feels the same for me… she can see beyond what I am, what I really am.”

“She can see beyond?” The demon laughed loudly. “The last thing she will see will be your death.” The demon threw an arrow that hit Navarre in the chest.

She screamed, sitting on the bed. Tears rolled unsuppressed down her cheeks. She was trembling violently.

“Hey, luv, what’s up? It was just a nightmare, it’s gone now.”

“It’s not gone. It never will. It happens again and again. Every time.” Spike barely understood her words. She was sobbing even thought she was clearly trying not to.

She felt Spike sit on the bed near her.

“Sorry… I’m calming down… I’m sorry”

“A couple of tears can’t hurt me. Do you feel better now?”

She nodded breathing deeply. “I hate this every time”

“This?”

“I saw vampires kill my mother and sister, I had to stake them, because they turned too.. They were my family…” She whispered.

“I’m the one who should be sorry…” She smiled lightly

“And now, I let that my boyfriend being killed by a demon instead of me, *because* of me. So the demon let me survive with this guilt and he made me blind because he wanted to punish me. Idiot of a monster. He gave me a new way to look at things and goddess forgive me, I like this *gift*.” She sniffed a moment as if she wanted to regain her self-control again. “Well if I’d met you last week probably I would probably have tried to kill you, because you’re a vampire, I’m quite glad I didn’t.”

“Should I be grateful?”

“Well,” she pointed out “I’m quite good at killing vampires, you know? Probably you’d be surprised… and in a dusty form.”

“Then I’ll have to introduce you to a friend of mine, she is quite good at that too.”

“Your girlfriend?” His color span and Lilea smiled at him. “The one you love. Forbidden Love?”

“How the bloody Hell would you know anything about that?”

“Let me say that demons in love shine in a strange and awesome way, at least for me” She stayed silent for some seconds “Oh Goddess, I have to be a monster” she wiped away her tracks of tears.

“You could be worse…at least you haven’t got make-up all splattered on your face”

“Yeah…”She paused a long moment “Spike?”

“What?”

“Do I have to get up? What time is it?” The vampire smiled, she seemed so young.

“Almost four, sleep!” he ordered.

“And you?” Her voice was hesitant.

“I’ll sleep too in a few hours,” he answered casually.

“Do you have another bed?”

He smiled. “No,” He said with a fake annoyed tone. “I’ll take the armchair”

“Spike?” Her voice was a breath.

“Sleep!!!” he said still pretending to be annoyed.

“We could share…” The girl blushed violently. “I mean… I don’t mean…”

“I know exactly what you mean… Share the bed not the passion.”

She nodded.

Spike saw embarrassment in her every little gesture. He couldn’t avoid teasing her a little. “Well my hot body… is so sexy, it’s a pity you don’t wanna share” he said, with his best lascivious tone.

Lilea took her pillow and hit him in the stomach.

Spike burst out in laughing “You don’t know what are you missing.”

Lilea lay back. “If I have another nightmare, kick me out of bed.”

“I will, and remember, girl, if anyone asks… We had great sex tonight. I’ve got a reputation”

Lilea turned on her side.

“I’ll tell her what *she* is missing.” Even thought she wasn’t staring at him, she could see his colors spinning crazily. The girl smiled. She probably had a point.

Emotions. That was the mystery: she could see emotions in this demon. She could see them in Spike and in the demon-wolf too.

Chapter 6

September 2002

Spike’s closeness helped Lilea to calm down. Her usual nightmares melted into a sweet dream, but a couple of hours later her dream changed again. She could see a couple, a young woman and a blond man, fighting against vampires. They were in a sort of quite empty crypt. The couple was winning, with no effort. Then she saw the Gulthias demon that had killed her Navarre fire his arrow against them.

The blond guy was wounded in his left shoulder while he protected the girl. He staggered, dusting a couple of vampires anyway, then he fell to the ground.

The girl screamed a ‘No’, dusting some vampires too. Then she hit the demon. She hit the demon over and over again, her rage was growing. She hit the demon once again, he fell, the girl took a sword cut off his head. The demon was dead.

Then she turned toward the hurt guy and, in her dream, Lilea could see the girl cry. She fought back tears crying.

The blond girl ran to her friend. He was definitely in pain, thought Lilea couldn't see his face. She never saw it. The girl cried holding the dying guy against her chest. “Please don’t leave me, I love you… You can’t die.”

*

June 2002

Lilea woke up a couple of hours after the nightmare. Four days of absolute rest she felt quite strong.

She decided to train with the stick Spike had bought for her, while the wolf was observing her training quite sleepily.

She made her katas over and over. It had been a long time since she had practiced the exercices. Her gestures were a lot slower than usual, but she tried to do the best she could. It wasn’t easy, it was the first time since she had lost her sight. It was her luck that her master in Aikido was a strange person who wanted his pupils to feel the energy. ‘Aikido means ‘art of union of energies’... then unite them!!!’ He yelled every time. At least she had been a good pupil.

“Do you need a trainer?” A familiar voice distracted her.

“I’d like that,” she smiled, stopping herself from making the little bow her master had taught her to do before starting a regular fight.

“Do the exercise again, I’ll tell you where you are wrong.”

She did and Spike showed her weak points. The vampire noticed how ready the girl was to learn. She had a sort of predisposition to fight - even without her sight she was able to move quite gracefully, parrying his attacks.

She was good, not good enough to be safe in a fight with stronger of media vampires, or bigger demons, but she was really talented.

Then suddenly he realized something.

“How are your injuries?”

“I’m almost like a new one.”

“You improve very fast.”

“Yeah lately I do.”

“How long have you been dusting vampires?”

“It’s been just over a year.”

“Let me guess, one year and two months?”

“Yeah… Something like that. But how do you know?”

“You said you ‘re escaping from people, who are they?”

Lilea lowered her head “There are several people I’m escaping from,” she moved. “There are militaries that you already met. And some Englishmen too. I don’t know what they want.”

“Why do soldiers want you?”

Her voice was whispered, but she fought with herself in order to stop it trembling. “I was pregnant with a demon’s child, Navarre’s. They wanted a little demon for their experiment. I guess they believe I’m a monster too, because I’m too strong and I don’t know what. I guess they think that only a demon can love another demon.”

“Too strong?”

“Well, not strong enough, I wasn’t even able to save our son…”

Spike held her shoulders shaking her lightly, “Don’t say that, I’m sure it’s not your fault.” But she wasn’t listening.

“They made me have an abortion. They took our son away in order to study him. I saw him on their table, they opened him up as if he was a rag doll, opened his chest, his head… And I didn’t do anything to stop them. It was his, our child.” Her voice trembled violently Spike took her in his arms.

“Wait, you said you saw!”

The girl nodded. “The demon killed Navarre and made me blind a couple of days before you found me… Good week that one, isn’t it?” She tried to smile but her lips trembled again.

Then suddenly Lilea moved away.

“Do you… Do you Have a shower?” She asked casually.

“Yeah, a sort of.”

“Can I?”

“Of course, come with me.” He took her hand. This time was different. Usually he wasn’t exactly kind, he simply took her wrist, without caring too much. This time he held her hand with sweetness, his movements were slow, allowing her time to follow him without difficulty.

He showed her the makeshift bathroom - it wasn’t any more than a tap with just cold water - and he gave her some clothes.

“I’ll bring you a clean T-shirt.”

“Spike,” she was speaking without facing him, her face was against the shower. “Thanks, I can’t normally speak with people about this…”

*

Spike listened to the water flow for a long time. He had no difficulties in understanding this girl’s pain. She seemed a lot younger but she had to be just a couple of years younger than Buffy.

The Blood, he should have recognized it! Ok, he hadn’t exactly tasted the girl, but its smell, it was so similar to a slayer’s smell… intoxicating, powerful an aphrodisiac in a certain way.

Was this his way to redemption? Helping a new Slayer to become a Slayer? There were too many coincidences. The blood, the demon-wolf, the girl’s strength, her skill with the cane, her ability to kill vampires, the speed with which she healed, not normal for a girl. No wonder that that stupid Iniziative soldiers of Initiative confused her with a demon. Idiots!

Wasn’t this girl a little too old to become a slayer? Maybe, but all the signs showed him she could be. And this made him reflect about the Power. Vampires never understood exactly how a Slayer was called. That foppish of Dracula boasted he knew everything, but since he never shared he could just be a very big liar. Whatever it was that picked the chosen ones wasn’t very fair. It forced them to have an unlife life similar to that of vampires, just without all the fun and the immortality. They lived in order to make the word a place where others could live, without ever having a break, without a normal life, without friends. In fact, Buffy was the first slayer he knew to have friends. Perhaps that’s why she was still alive. The darkness she was carrying with her since she had come back from the grave probably have killed her if she hadn’t found something as strong as her death-wish.

Well, this seemed a too easy way of redemption. He was going to give the girl to the Council of Watcher and she would be their problem. Yeah, for sure they would have looked for her everywhere. He would give her, and then he was going to start his new life as… well he still had to think about that, but he was a smart guy, he was going to think of something.

Strange. He was starting to look the slayer thing under another point of view: killing the slayer he never understood that, or simply it was easier thinking the slayer as girls you have to kill to demonstrate how cool you are. But the day you are Chosen your life ends. It was like that for all the slayers. Ok, Buffy was an exception, but she died twice since she started. The girl under the shower wasn’t going to resist so long. Too much pain in her. And moreover she was blind. How long could she survive? Maybe he should save further agony and kill her just now.

He walked slowly toward the shower. The girl’s breathing was trembling and she was sniffing.

“Are you ok?” The vampire asked.

“I… I will be,” she whispered.

Chapter 7

September 2002

“Dawn!!! Hurry up! We can’t be late the first day!!!” Buffy checked her look in the mirror for the millionth time that morning.

“Nervous?” The red-haired witch gave her a friendly smile.

“Completely terrified, Will.”

“I remember the feeling. When I took miss Calendar’s class I was scared to death, but it went it all fine.” Willow smiled at her trying to calm her friend down.

“DAAAAAWN!”

“I’m here, no need to yell.” The younger Summers sister walked out of the kitchen.

“Ok, we go… Am I presentable?” The slayer looked at her friend with anxiety. Her dark skirt and white shirt were not the best outfit she had, but it seemed ideal for a meeting with a principal.

“It will be less scary what you think.”

“Really?” Buffy was scared. That was so unusual. She had always been the sort of person who thought that the best way to deal with your fears was to confront them.

“No, but it’s the right thing to say.”

Willow closed the door behind her. “Giles was great, pushing the council in order to let you have this job.”

“Oh God, my school-mates will hate me, I live with the counselor!”

“I don’t look like a teacher!!!” Buffy’s tone was a little outraged.

“You aren’t allowed to speak with me in school. I don’t exist for you at school…”

“You’ll change your mind the first time someone or something tries to kill you.”

Dawn raised an eyebrow. “I still wonder why they have built the school in the same spot. It’s crazy!”

“No idea, sis… Sunnydale’s people seem to forget all too quickly.”

“Apart from us.” She nodded smiling.

“Apart from us.” Both the other girls repeated almost at unison.

*

Mister Giles had spoken with the new principal of Sunnydale High School. He said he seemed a little more human than Snyder, but not that much.

He agreed with the former librarian to help Buffy, giving her a job. It was a job as a counselor, and honestly it was more than Buffy had hoped .The slayer still didn’t know if Council had intervened or if this employment was purely down to Giles.

This job didn’t keep Buffy busy too much, a lot of spare time for study and patrol during the night. It was easy to keep an eye on Dawn, and there was also enough time to check Willow, too. She knew, even if they never spoke about it, that sooner or later Giles would be gone again and she didn’t want to risk becoming too distract by everything - job, money problems, guys live or undead, to not notice when her friend or sister were in trouble again.

So she had to create the right situation for her life and Dawn’s.

She probably was the oldest Slayer in history. And she was going to stay alive for a really long time. Her death wish was further and further away every day, but she wanted to be sure Dawn would be safe, if, when something -death- would happen to her again.

Overall Buffy needed a life of her own, and since the day she left the Doublemeat Palace Job, her life had started again.

She could see the new building now. She tried to remember: her first day at school was so long ago, Los Angeles seemed centuries ago. She had just been a little empty doll, who craved attention, from people at school, and from her parents usually too busy in fighting to realize she needed their support.

But now university would be starting in a few days. The perfect time to sort out her life with its new commitments. This year was going to be a really busy one.

“Buffy, if you are going to come back to earth, we’re here.” Dawn was the first of two people that were staring at the new counselor, Willow simply giggled.

“Sorry I was just…”

“Daydreaming, come on…”

Willow escorted them right to the front of the new school and they watched her walking away after agreeing their were going to meet later at the Magic Box.

From the moment the red girl wasn’t anymore in sight the Summers sisters separated. Dawn saw a couple of friends from middle school and she stopped at the lower steps of stairway.

Buffy had almost entered in the long corridor when the her sister called her.

“Good Luck with the principal!” Dawn yelled at her. The older sister didn’t answer but her smile was clear enough.

And now the scariest thing ever. The principal’s interview.

*

Knock knock

"Come in."

Buffy couldn’t remember having been so nervous in all her life. She approached the man sitting at his desk, fighting to stop her hand from trembling.

"Mr. Wood? Buffy Summers."

"Summers, you're late." The new principal was a lot younger than she had thought. How old could he be? Late thirties? He didn’t look forty. Probably even thirty but he couldn’t be that young if he was already a principal.

"I'm sorry... I lost myself in the building, it's different from the old one," she tried to apologize.

"You're late and you haven't a ready excuse." The guy’s tone didn’t change, it was inscrutable.

"Yes, sir."

"Learn that you should never let students put you in such difficulties," he warned her.

"Yes sir… but actually you're the principal."

"Quite right." He stayed silent for a while. Was he trying to hide a half-smile? Then he put on his desk three dossiers with Buffy’s name on them.

"You know what these are?" The principal asked her when he realized she had seen them.

"No idea." The slayer hated herself for being so nervous. 'Can he be a demon? I kill him, end of story.'

"I made some searches on you." Again there was no tone to his voice. “The first is your school record from when you were in Los Angeles.”

"Oh." She was starting to wonder if a panic attack would save her from this man.

"This one is Principal Snyder’s notes about you."

"Oh." 'Ok I'm going to be fired even before I start my first day'

"But this is the most interesting." He held up a rather thick file. "This, actually, is what got you the job. I asked some questions to a lot of your former classmates. Most of them barely knew your name."

"And this is positive?" Buffy’s voice was unsure - she felt like a five year old kid.

"No." Again no tone to his voice.

‘This must be a nightmare... Now I'm going to wake up. Or I’ll find I can stake him.’

"The positive part is when they answered: ‘She saved my life...’ and most of them said it happened more than once, and someone said it happened even recently.”

Buffy couldn’t take her eyes from his face. "Open it and look at the first one."

Buffy did, and read aloud the name of the girl.

"Mandy Flinn." They had graduated the same year. There was an accurate story about what happened that day. It ended with 'She saved our lives.'

"Everyone helped that day," Buffy breathed.

"This girl is my niece, my sister’s daughter, so you saved her... and me too..."

"You? That day?"

"Also, but almost six year ago, at the parent teacher day. You shut me, your mother, Snyder and a couple of other people in a room."

"I remember..."

“I have quite a good memory, and I remember you told us to not go out, as if you knew what was happening there. Someone tried to do it anyway, and got killed. I remember my disgust when Snyder told a policeman he said that he was the one who said to not run away, even though he was the second one trying to escape from the window. I know it’s a silly thing but I noticed that.” The guy stood up, walking toward a little table not far from the desk. He poured a cup of pleasant smelling herbal tea.

“Do you want some?” For the first time his voice was quite jovial.

Buffy shook her head.

“You should, it tastes quite good.”

“Ok, then, thanks.” He gave her a cup and she sipped reluctantly. “It’s great,” she had to admit.

“I know.” He said with self-confidence. “So, now, about your job. I expect you to do your best.”

“I will do, sir.”

“And I hope you’ll do the same with your university work.”

“I hope so, too.”

“I spoke with Rupert Giles. He told me incredible stuff about you, and he told me why you had to interrupt your studies. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother.” His sympathetic look let Buffy know that he really meant what he was saying.

“Thanks.” She smiled at him, but then she looked away from him. She was never going to be comfortable with people speaking about her mother.

“All these circumstances make me think you deserve this job.”

“I really don’t know what to say.” Buffy’s eyes were on him again, while she was unable to find anything to say to thank him.

“You can go now.” He dismissed her again with a neutral, business-like tone.

“Yes, sir.” She rose from her chair.

“Miss Summers… This is for the University principal. Make sure you give it to him from me.”

“I’ll do it first thing, when college starts.”

Buffy moved toward the door and opened it.

“Miss Summers?”

She turned.

“You weren’t late, technically you were two minutes early.”

Buffy smiled at him, closing the door behind her. Strange one, this man.