There was silence for a while, and Buffy just stood by the door, listening to loud the music, knowing that Dawn would let her in, eventually. They needed to talk, about her, about Spike.

I had a picture of you in my mind

Never knew it could be so wrong

Why'd it take me so long just to find

The friend that was there all along

Buffy sighed, blinking back more of her own tears. She had thought she'd cried herself out at the crypt, but apparently not. She wanted to blame it on Dawn's stupid mind reading radio. Her fingertips brushed the door, and she wondered how often Spike had stood outside this very door while she herself had been gone, waiting Dawn out. She knew he must have done it, could see it in her mind's eye. For every time he had tried to kill her, for every time that he had made her life miserable, it was nothing compared to every time he had made her mom laugh, saved her friends, or took care of her sister. She knew he had been there every step of the way during the hard times for Dawn. Willow had told her they were there for each other, because otherwise, they wouldn't have made it. And now, she'd driven him away.

Who'd believe that after all we've been through

I'd be able to put my trust in you

Goes to show you can forgive and forget

Looking back I have no regrets `cause

You'd be there, when I needed somebody

You'd be there, the only one who could help me

I had a picture of you in my mind

Never knew it could be so wrong

Why'd it take me so long just to find?

The friend that was there all along

Dawn knew Buffy was still there, waiting, being silent and letting her gather herself. She knew they needed to talk, and she tried to remember that she was supposed to be angry with her sister for driving away the one thing she didn't think would ever leave her. But all she could find herself to be was sad. A little lost. She wished he was here, hugging her in that awkward, but tender way he did, and murmuring in her ear, telling her it was all right. He could almost picture him there now, telling her to talk to big sis, because she needed to talk to somebody about what had happened. She could hear him telling her he'd be there for them soon; that he just needed a little time away. She heard him tell her he loved her, too.

You'd be there, when I needed somebody

You'd be there, the only one who could help me

Dawn sighed and turned down the radio a little, grabbing a Kleenex out of her box and wiping her face. "Come in," she said, her voice thick. She coughed a little to clear it.

Buffy didn't hesitate and slipped in through the door like a shadow. So many times Spike had done the same thing, Dawn mused. She sat on the edge of the girl's bed and looked at her, eyes luminous in the dim light of Dawn's beside lamp.

I had a picture of you in my mind

Never knew it could be so wrong

Why'd it take me so long just to find

The friend that was there all along

I had a picture of you in my mind

Never knew it could be so wrong

Why'd it take me so long just to find

The friend that was there all along

The slayer sighed and turned the radio off with a click after the song finished, and looked at her sister. "We need to talk about this."

He drove in silence for 30 miles, alone with his thoughts on the open road. It did not bode well for other motorists. He growled and searched around for the tape Dawn had kept in here, some odd collection of music she had made when she told him his cassettes were lame. He was missing her and big sis already, and he thought maybe something of hers would ease the hurt a little.

We've been walking in the same situation

We've been walking down the lonely road

Try to find the world, what can I tell you

All my feelings that you just won't let go

And I don't know how, and I don't know why

But I can't stop now until I make you mine

"Oh god, not another boy band," he muttered under his breath. To lazy to change it, he let it go. When Dawn played her music in his car, she'd bobbed her head along and more often than not sang along, though the poor girl really couldn't sing a note. For some odd reason it had been beautiful to him anyway. He groaned to himself. This wasn't helping any, thinking of her, and promises broken and failures, and abandoning her. Grabbing a beer, he vamped out and sunk his teeth into the top, before spitting the cap out the open window of the car. He supposed being a bloodsucker was good for something.

He nearly laughed aloud to himself, if his subconscious didn't tell him laughing to oneself was weird. That had been the first time since he'd been changed that he wanted to be human again. He suddenly realized how much he wanted to walk in the sunlight with Buffy, maybe give her that family. Create some life amidst so much death. It was a silly notion, he knew, but he'd always had an incredible imagination when it came to his fantasies.

Can you imagine you and me

Falling in love so tenderly?

Can you imagine that we are one?

That we are one

Every moment goes by

I find another reason why

That you and I should be lost in love

Can you imagine girl?

Before it had just been Buffy loving him. Now, it was about giving her everything possible that could ever make her happy. He dreamed as he drove, picturing picnics in the park, little blond haired boys and girls running around screaming, laughing, crying, birthday parties and coming home after a long day at work. It should have been disgusting and outright disturbing. Since when had he wanted more than just love?

Every night goes as I lay here dreaming

I imagine that you are here with me

Have to wonder do share this feeling

Have you ever thought how we would be

If you have a doubt

I'll make it right

Cause I can't stop now until I make you mine

Snorting, he downed half of his beer. He'd always been ambitious, he supposed. Always wanted something different, something more than what he was supposed to have. He'd wanted things he wasn't supposed to want, done things no vampire had ever done, just to say he'd did it. And maybe for something more. He never really thought about it, until now. He had just hated living inside some box or label someone else gave him. Boundaries were made to be broken.

I've been waiting for this perfect moment

I've been waiting I'm so lost

I gotta make you see that I need you here with me

In my arms is where you belong

He sighed. As much as he believed that, he knew that these particular boundaries were set in stone. But not in his imagination.

Can you imagine you and me

Falling in love so tenderly?

Can you imagine that we are one?

That we are one

Every moment goes by

I find another reason why

That you and I should be lost in love

Can you imagine girl?

The song ended, as did the flow of beer, and he tossed the empty bottle into the back, contemplating another one. He decided against it, because he needed a clear head if he was going to get into LA and find a hotel before he was to become a crispy critter. If he had been human, that wouldn't have been a problem, he mused. Then he realized he was a stupid wanker and he needed to get past his Grandsire-esque fantasies and think logically if he was going to survive outside of comfortable old Sunnydale for a bit.

He also wondered vaguely about the chip, but didn't dwell on it. It had become a part of him, a sort of referee if he were ever to need one. It couldn't be gone, as far as he was concerned. Perhaps the demon had thrown it out of whack for a bit. Maybe because he hadn't really intentionally hurt that girl very much, it hadn't worked. He didn't know. He didn't want to find out, even though a large part of him knew he was swimming along the banks of denial. The thing was short-circuited to hell, and he was free to kill and maim and torture anyone he liked. He made a face.

When it came down to it, he knew he'd have to let Buffy know. Possibly, let her kill him. He would let her, open up his arms, close his eyes, and tell her he loved her when she plunged Mister Pointy in, good and proper. He knew it, she knew it, and everyone else knew it as well. If she had to kill him, if he ever became his true self, the monster, again, he'd let her kill him. He couldn't risk hurting her, or Nibblet, or even the Scoobs, if his true nature started to show. He'd let her kill him. But he told himself that wasn't an option right now. The girl he had saved had just fallen on her rump, of course. He hadn't intended to hurt her. Well, maybe a little the second time, but it hadn't been life threatening. The chip was still there…the chip was still there…

Oh God, he was babbling in his thoughts now. Like some dazed schoolgirl who had just had the captain of the football team wave at her in the hall. He was an absolutely pathetic, disgusting, pitiful example of a once high and mighty master vampire. He had to be honest with himself. The chip was gone. The chip was gone. The chip was gone.

Buffy woke up the next morning more tired than she had been when she went to sleep. It was an odd sensation, and she walked around in a nebulous cloud all morning. Dawn didn't seem much better, but at least she had gotten her history homework done. Buffy realized in the middle of making her coffee that Spike had volunteered to help her with it. That had been sweet.

She packed Dawn's lunch without really thinking, tossing in a banana, some cookies, a juice box, and a peanut-butter sandwich. Spike had packed Dawn's lunches while Buffy had been gone, she remembered him saying peanut butter made his fangs stick. The comment had made both her and Dawn laugh.

"I'm going now Buffy. See you at the Magic Shop," Dawn stated briskly, grabbing her sack and walking out the door.

She remembered Dawn doing that one-day after Spike had packed her lunch. It had been just after Buffy had gotten back, and he had still come, just because of the routine of it. Dawn had snatched the bag and headed for the door, but the vampire had yanked her back by her backpack and demanded that "she wasn't going to bloody well leave after he'd gone through all that trouble without so much as a damn goodbye kiss." It had been really cute. "Bye Dawn. Have a good day!" she stated, realizing it was a little too late. Today was not going to be a good day.

Their talk last night had been awkward. Buffy would never be, no matter how much practice she got, as good as her mother had been in talking with Dawn. She vaguely wondered if she'd ever be as good at dealing with her sister as Spike had. Dawn had apologized for yelling at Buffy the way she did, but under no uncertain terms, had said she was no longer angry with Buffy. She'd stated quite clearly that her sister had better realize what Spike meant to her and let him know, because he of all people deserved that much. Whether Buffy loved him as a friend or more was up to her. But he had deserved to have a definitive, completely honest answer. The moment he got back, she would have to deal with him. The `if he came back' never quite made it into the conversation.

Dawn had also mentioned that she had to deal with Riley. Either take him back or make him go, because she couldn't stand to see him get strung along by someone who obviously didn't want him. It had been a short talk, kind of awkward, the answers short and to the point. It seemed surreal.

She jumped when the phone rang. Shaking herself to get over whatever her problem was, she headed over to the counter and picked it up off the wall. "Hello?"

"Buffy. Hi."

"Riley?"

"Yeah. Um…I was wondering, if you wanted to go out for lunch today? I know I haven't been here for a while, but Graham's roommate says that there's a great new French Café in town…"

"Um, sure," she responded automatically.

"All right! I'll pick you up at 11 then?"

"Kay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and headed back to the sink. She'd just agreed to have lunch with Riley. Something normal to an otherwise rather odd week. Spike wasn't here anymore. Who would she patrol with tonight? Alone again? They fought well together. And she liked talking with him. She'd just agreed to have lunch with Riley. It seemed normal. Truthfully… it felt like nothing.

X: Interlude (LA)

"It's a date then," Riley said to himself happily, hanging up the phone in Graham's apartment, where he was staying. He had decided this was a good time to remind Buffy that she and he could have sunshine together, and that Spike's unhealthy obsession with her would wash away in time. He was a stubborn bastard, but he wouldn't last. Not when he was here. Buffy and he had been together once, and maybe then, she hadn't been ready to fall completely in love with him, but now, things were different. And he forgave her for everything she had done to drive them apart. He hoped she forgave him for the incident with the vampires. They could start over. She deserved a normal life, after all.

Perhaps in time, she'd be convinced that Spike needed to be staked. As a former government employee, Riley knew that anything the government did never really lasted forever. He just hoped that he'd get to be the one to do it. Maybe then, Buffy's unhealthy obsession with the undead would finally be put to rest, and she could move on with her life. With him. He grinned at the thought and whistled to himself, heading over to his suitcase to find a suitable outfit.

Spike entered LA within record time. He pulled his DeSoto into a spot at the nearest manhole. He'd need to spend the daytime in the sewer until he could find a cheap hotel room willing to block the sun. He turned the car off, took his duffel bag, threw a heavy blanket over himself and ran for the manhole. He sizzled in the heat of day even under the thick wool blanket. He worked quickly, slipping into the manhole, dropping his bag at the end of the ladder. He tossed the blanket over his shoulder, hissing from his already scarred flesh as it grew hotter. He'd cool off soon enough. Ducking into the shadows, the blonde vampire and headed down the dark, dank sewer, away from the fatal sunshine.

After traveling down for some time, he found a cubbyhole big enough to rest in. He should've gone to Angel. The wanker would have put him up for the day, but then again, Spike didn't really want to deal with the grandsire-poof, no matter what he offered. Plus, there'd be questions and answers he wasn't in the mood to give Angel. Though the look on the Poofter's face when he told him he was in love with Buffy might have been worth the beating that would undoubtedly follow. He could see the fireworks now.

He sunk into the small space, pulling the blanket around him for comfort. He set his duffel bag to the side and without thought, pulled out his picture of Buffy. He traced her lips, her eyes, her nose. God, she was so beautiful. So precious, so amazing. So... so out of his reach. He was so not good enough for her. But then, no one else he could think of seemed worthy, either. And at least, he knew the girl, both the girl, and the slayer. He knew they were one in the same. Like him. The man and the monster. If only she'd see past the monster and look at the man. If only she just recognized it as a part of him and loved him anyway.

He snorted, setting the picture down so he could light up. He inhaled the smoke, flicking some ashes to the ground and pulled the blanket up further. It was only wishful thinking. He was able to see past the slayer in Buffy only because of her love. Her love, for her friends, for life, for the world, it made him believe he was more than just monster, that deep down, even without a soul, there was a man in Spike. He'd believed it over time and he only wished she would as well. He thought she'd be the one to accept him for what he was and love him anyway, as Dawn did. After all, the slayer only wanted the same thing. To be loved for all she was, and even, all she wasn't.

He leaned his head back, tossing the bud of the smoke across the sewer. He blew out the smoke after a minute and closed his eyes. His aches and pains that were more physical were making his body tired as it began to shut down and concentrate on healing. The emotional injuries were weighing him down. He took one last look at the picture of Buffy and closed his eyes tightly, eventually falling into a fitful sleep.

Buffy sat with Riley at the pretty little French cafe. They sat outside in the warm sun, much to Riley's liking. She stirred the straw in her drink, absently. Her eyes searched the streets, staring at people's faces.

Riley thought it a good idea to be sitting outside in the sun, as a reminder of his humanity. And hers. He watched her with impatience, studying her. She seemed to be in a totally different place, miles from here, and him. Her face was distraught and distracted, and she looked as if she hadn't slept well. He sighed. Would she ever totally be his? Would he ever be able to make her think of him the way she thought about whatever was on her mind right now? "Buff?"

She didn't answer. Just kept staring, as if searching for someone. Even if she'd never find him in the sunlight. It was like she was in a trance. "Buffy?" He tried again, leaning down to look her in the eye.

"Mmmm…" she murmured.

"Buffy, is everything okay?" Riley asked, reaching across the table to grip her hand.

The touch jolted her back to reality and her eyes finally focused on his. "Huh?"

Riley frowned. "You're a million miles away, instead of here with me. What's going on Buffy? Is something going on?"

"Why do you say that?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy, I thought we could go out to lunch and talk. Work on us. All we've done so far is order and that's it. I haven't heard a peep from you in over a half hour." Riley frowned. "If you didn't want to be here than why did you say yes?"

"It's...it's...not that..." she sighed. "I…" she couldn't tell him.

"What? What is it?" Riley urged. "Buffy, you can tell me."

She tossed her napkin on the table after a minute. "Riley... this just isn't working..."

"What?" His heart sank.

"I'm just not in the mood today to be sitting here having lunch," she shook her head, full of excuses.

"Okay, so we'll leave, but not till you tell me what's got you so bothered, Buffy. I'm worried," he squeezed her hand in a show of support.

She sighed, a part of her still happy he cared about her at all. "It's really not something I feel comfortable talking to you about," she tried honesty.

"Oh come on, Buffy. You know you tell me anything!" Riley wasn't going to let her give in that easily.

She bit her lip and sighed. "Ok, fine. You win." she stared at him. "Spike left Sunnydale last night."

Riley wanted to scream for pure joy, but he kept it built inside. But he couldn't help but smile. "About time."

She pulled her hand away from his. Anger flashed in her eyes. "See, I told you I couldn't talk to you about this!"

"I'm sorry! I really am... its just I always expected that news to be happy news to you." he paused. "Look Buffy, I know he's your friend and he's supposedly done a lot to help you and Dawn out, but he IS a vampire. A vampire on reprieve because of the chip. You do know that if he ever got that chip removed he'd kill you, Dawn, and the Scoobies. Spike's like a dog on a leash..."

"A serial killer in prison," she snorted, wishing she could take those words away.

"Exactly." Riley smiled; glad she was taking his point of view. "This is for the best you know. At least you don't have to watch your back wondering if he's gonna turn on you."

"Spike wouldn't do that," she defended.

Riley chuckled, disbelieving his ears. "Are you serious?" He sighed.

What had this vamp done to make her accept him so much? "Buffy, are you talking about the same Spike as me. Tall, extremely blonde hair, black nails, leather duster, FANGS...."

"He's not all fangs and gruesome you know. He..." she gaped at what she almost said. She was going to say he had a heart. "He…he cares about us. He does."

"He can't Buffy. He's a vampire! He has no soul! He can't stand in the sunlight, he casts no reflection...he's a killer. A neutered one, but still..." Riley argued.

She wanted to believe him so badly, because it was what she told herself all the time about Spike. But Spike's actions were louder than words. The vamp was not all monster and she only wished she'd realized it sooner. "Spike's done a lot for us! He risked his life for us. He'd have died for us."

"When Buffy? When has Spike ever put his undead life on the line for you?" Riley was tired of being left in the dark. She felt her heart accelerate. It was time to let Riley know the truth.

Dawn slipped into the magic shop an hour early. She walked over to the Scoobies table and plopped down. "Hey." she muttered to the group.

"Dawnie? You're a little early? Something happen at school?" Willow saw the girl's dim expression.

"Naw, just skipped last period. I couldn't take it anymore," Dawn shrugged, opening her schoolbooks.

"How'd your history homework go?" Tara smiled. "Spike give you a lot of help?"

"No, Buffy helped me," she kept her eyes on her book.

"Dawnster!" Xander smiled, coming from the back room. His smiled died on his lips, seeing her sad face. "What's with the pouty face, Dawnster?"

Willow frowned. "Spike and Buffy fighting again? Wouldn't she let him help you with your homework?"

Dawn's lower lip trembled with emotion. She didn't have the strength to answer.

Giles, and Anya gathered round the table, sensing something was up.

"Dawn, what's wrong?" Willow brushed back a strand of the girl's her long, brown hair.

Dawn's eyes filled with tears and she tried to blink them back, though a handful escaped and spilled down her cheeks. "Spike's gone!!!" she cried, burying her head in Willow's chest.

Willow gaped, pulling the traumatized girl into her embrace. Her friends wore the same shocked expression.

"Wha...What...what happened?" Xander's throat went dry. He'd grown fond of the bloodsucker.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Tara's voice was filled with sadness.

"Did...did Buffy??" Giles took his glasses off, starting his nervous cleaning habit.

Dawn cried, muffled from Willow's embrace. "He left Sunnydale. To let Buffy be happy with Riley. She chased him away! It's all her fault!" Dawn's cries grew.

"Sh..shhhh..." Willow soothed. She was in shock.

They'd all grown fond of Spike. Surprisingly as time wore on, they all found that they'd had traits in common with the vampire. He'd become a Scooby gang member in all their eyes. Well, all of them except for maybe Buffy. But she had been coming around!

Xander sat in his chair, feeling numb. He couldn't believe the vamp was gone.

Buffy caught him up on the info on Glory and Dawn he missed out on. "The night we battled Glory for Dawn's life..." Buffy started, her eyes darting all around. "We went as a team. The Scoobies, Spike and I." She paused, wondering what to say next. "I'd beaten Glory down, but this crazy man was determined to open the portals and he was about to cut Dawn. Willow and the others told me Spike went after the guy, tried to stop him. He was stabbed and throw from the 200ft drop." Buffy stopped letting that info sink in. She

was wondering how to explain the next part.

"He managed to cut Dawn and it was too late by the time I got up there..." she continued.

"But then how did Dawn live?" Riley frowned, wishing he'd been there to help. He'd let her down. Not that Spike didn't let her down as well.

"I...I...threw myself into the portal and closed the dimensions," she answered.

Riley's eyes widened. "I thought you said only when the blood stopped flowing the dimensions closed?"

"It did." She sighed, nervously. "Riley, I died that night."

Riley nearly passed out. He stared at her, afraid even though she was sitting here with him. He was speechless.

"Spike risked everything for us, and he did try. I'll never forget that. I don't blame him for not stopping the guy. I know he did all he could."

"But...but Buffy..." He was in utter shock.

"The others told me he wept that night, and he's William the Bloody. Crying... over me...his enemy." Buffy tucked back a strand of hair. "Guess we're not enemies anymore. He took over my slaying; he helped Dawn everyday. He looked out for her and my friends. He...he cared for us all Riley..."

Riley was beyond stunned. "Buffy, how...how?"

"The Powers That Be came to me, a while after my death, and I can't remember much, it's all blurry and fuzzy. They told me my death wasn't meant to be and I was still needed on earth. They brought me back." Buffy watched his face for his reaction. He looked positively stunned. "From that moment on, Spike and I have patrolled together as a team. He's done so much for me, and my friends and Dawn." she felt her eyes water. "I'll miss him."

Riley felt sick in his stomach. This couldn't be... It just couldn't.

"Buffy… tell me something..." She looked into his eyes. "Do you love Spike? Are you in love with him?" Riley asked, dreading the answer.

She blinked at him in surprise. "Why would you ask me that?" she questioned, trying to avoid the answer. She didn't want to think about it right now. The fact that she'd even think about it instead of saying flat out, "no" on the first place was disturbing enough.

"Well, you two seemed to have grown really close lately, and I know he has some twisted obsession with you. I just wanted to know how you feel about him. And where I stand."

She glared at him. "You're jealous? You're…you're actually comparing yourself to Spike? Riley, what is this?"

His eyes hardened slightly. "Buffy, I deserve the truth, you know that. And with the way you've been acting, and how I've seen you two since I've gotten back, I'm starting to have my doubts. I want to hear it from you. What do you feel for Spike?"

She looked away from him. "I don't believe this. Less than 24 hours back into my life and you've given yourself the right to barge in and ask questions on something you know NOTHING about?"

He looked hurt. "No, Buffy, I'm not forcing you to do anything except tell me the truth." He stared into her eyes, his beseeching hers.

She turned away with him. He was right, he deserved to know if she did or didn't. But so did Spike, and so did she. She needed to figure this out first, before she said anything that might come back to haunt her in the future. Looking at the tabletop a moment, she took a deep breath. "I don't know."

"You don't know?!" Riley looked so disappointed. He was hoping for a definite no, some sign that she'd gotten over that thing with Angel, that sick, fascination with the undead community. "So you're saying you…you might?" he asked, face crinkling before he could stop himself.

She wanted to be outraged at him. How dare he judge her? The reason they had broken up was because of HIS dalliances into the vampire underworld, not hers. But she couldn't find a way to be angrier with him than she was at herself. She knew it was wrong to have feelings for something she was supposed to kill. But she couldn't help it, not the first time, maybe not even now. She wanted to tell herself it was nothing, that her memory of Angel was fueling some weird yearning for Spike, though whether it was love or not remained to be seen. "I might. I don't know," she responded to Riley, automatically. She paused and looked at her glass of iced tea, the sunlight, and the people milling about around them. "Riley, I can't do this. I need to go."

Before he could stop her, she'd jumped the short fence surrounding the patio of the café and was halfway down the street. He cursed and crunched his napkin in hand. He would kill Spike if he ever saw him near Buffy or Dawn again.

That evening Spike had found a demon bar to hang out in, somewhere away from the human population. He didn't want to deal with his humanity tonight. He wanted to drink, smoke, listen to some music, and brood by himself. Oh God, he wanted to brood now. He cursed Angel under his breath and knocked back his drink, empting the glass easily before alternating it with a sip of blood.

"Well hey there, blondie, haven't seen you around before. You new in town?"

Spike was startled from his brooding about brooding when a smooth voice intercepted him, taking a seat on the bar beside his. He looked up to see a green demon with copper hair and red eyes. Wearing a bright orange suit that looked like it had leapt out of a 70's disco movie. "Can I help you?" he asked, looking annoyed.

"I couldn't help but feel a frustrated aura about you, my friend. I can help."

"Oh, so you're going away, then?" Spike shot back.

"Whoa, feisty. Look handsome, I can read your aura for you, help you find your path, if you want me to."

"How about I rip off your head and use it to decorate my car with instead? You know, like fuzzy dice?"

The demon took a step back. "Hey there, I don't allow violence in my club, bub. I just thought you looked like you could use some guidance."

"I know you don't want violence. Caratas. Good name," Spike commented. "As for guidance? Not interested."

"If you do, drinks and blood are on the house," the owner prompted, smiling largely.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "You want to tell my fortune then? And I get drinks…" he held up his liquor glass. "…and blood…" he held up the bottle of O positive he had ordered. "For free?"

"That's the jist of it darling."

"One more thing."

"And what's that?"

"You bloody lay off the pet names and I'll consider," Spike stated. He didn't have a lot of money with him, and he figured if this lunatic club owner wanted to poke his mind a bit he'd let him, for free drinks. It wasn't like he hadn't let anyone poke his brain before. He grumbled about the commandos somewhere in his subconscious. "All right then. Say I'm interested. What do I have to do?"

"Well, um…your name again?"

"Spike."

"Spike, all you have to do is…" the host motioned to the stage, where a Morha demon was belting out a hideous rendition of RESPECT.

Spike looked at the green demon incredulously. "You," he pointed to the demon. "Want me… to sing?"

They'd ordered pizzas. Lots of pizzas. Cheese, pepperoni, Mushroom, Ham, supreme, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, breadsticks. Willow and Tara had brought ice cream. It was time to console with the consuming of the food. Giles had even opted to pay for it. Xander had gotten movies. They were all at the watcher's house now, trying to cheer themselves up.

Anya realized she missed having her back and forth commentary's with Spike during the movies. Though everyone told them to shut up, she knew they enjoyed listening to him. He was witty, for a vampire.

Dawn had taken in an unbelievable four slices on top of three scoops of ice cream. She was miserable. Buffy had gone on patrol after Dawn had given her the cold shoulder, more or less. They guessed she needed to kill something, to get her mind off of Spike. Everyone was sort of edgy that way, today.

"This movie sucks," Dawn stated after they got five minutes into it.

"They're still running the opening credits Dawnie, give it a chance," Willow urged, trying to be sympathy girl.

"Like Buffy gave Spike a chance?"

"She was his…friend," Xander put up in the Slayer's defense.

"Was, is a good word," Dawn replied, shoving another spoonful of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough in her mouth. Spike preferred Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup, she remembered.

They all looked up when there was a knock at Giles' door. The watcher got up and set his tea aside before opening the door. "Buffy?"

"Um… I was sort of hoping you knew where she was," Riley responded from the other side. Giles had kept the door opened to the bear minimum, but everyone had heard the voice. Dawn immediately exited the living room with her bowl of ice cream. Willow went after her to try and talk to her.

"Can I, come in? Or is this a bad time?" the soldier asked, sounding awkward.

"Um, yes, of course. Come in." Giles opened the door.

Riley stepped over the threshold, rubbing his hands together. "So…what's going on everyone? Party?" he asked, smiling big.

Xander smiled back, albeit nervously. "Yeah, just watching a movie. Gaining 20 pounds," he explained, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth for emphasis. "Want some, Cap…er…Riley?"

Riley frowned a bit, hearing Xander's slip. "Um, no, it's okay. I just needed to talk to Buffy."

"She's patrolling," Dawn said coldly, from behind the kitchen cabinets.

"She's patrolling? Alone?" Riley was incredulous. "What if she needs help?"

"She did have help. Until Spike left," Dawn replied as she washed her bowl.

"I better go find her… incase she needs me," Riley excused himself awkwardly, feeling the ice in the room from Dawn's presence alone.

"Since when did she ever need you?" Dawn responded, loud enough for him to hear, though he ignored it and continued out the door. When had she?

XI: Karaoke

Spike downed another 4 shots of whiskey. He'd agreed to sing for the free drinks and blood, but only if they threw in one of those onion flower things too. If he was gonna get up there and make a total wanker of himself, he was gonna at least be off his bird when he did.

"Well?" The Host pushed. "Are you gonna sing or do I need to charge you for the 12 shots of whiskey, and 3 glasses of O Pos you've killed?"

"Don't push me, 'm thinking about what I wanna sing," Spike shot back swaying slightly to his feet. After another minute of regaining his equilibrium, he sauntered over to the small stage. He took the giant step up to the platform a little faster than he perhaps, should have in his state, and nearly fell over. After regaining his completely buggered sense of balance, the inebriated vampire picked up an electric guitar he found laying near the karaoke machine and strummed it, figuring it was enough in tune that he wouldn't be completely offensive. He slipped it around his body and wobbled to the microphone.

"Allo you demons and vamps..." He smiled, completely drunk. "I'm not one for a karaoke party..." he paused, swallowing one last shot. "But a bloke's gotta do what a bloke's gotta do..."

He strummed the guitar, and the karaoke machine behind him played along as well. Normally, he couldn't believe he'd do this, but he couldn't even think straight right now.

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame

Darling, you give love a bad name

An angel's smile is what you sell

You promised me heaven, then put me through hell

Chains of love got a hold on me,

When passion's a prison, you can't break free

You're a loaded gun, yeah

You're a loaded gun, there's nowhere to run

No one can save me, the damage is done

Shot through the heart and you're to blame

You give love a bad name

I play my part and you play your game

You give love a bad name

You give love a bad name

You paint your smile on your lips

Blood red nails on your fingertips

A school-boy's dream, you act so shy,

Your very first kiss was your first kiss good-bye

You're a loaded gun, yeah

You're a loaded gun, there's nowhere to run

No one can save me, the damage is done

Shot through the heart and you're to blame

You give love a bad name

I play my part and you play your game

You give love a bad name

You give love a bad name

Shot through the heart and you're to blame

You give love a bad name

I play my part and you play your game

You give love a bad name

You give love a bad name

He finished strumming the last notes of the song, prancing all over the stage like a maniac and too knackered to even care. He truly looked like the stereotypical rock star with his leather duster, black fingernails, boots, and peroxide blonde hair. The crowd gaped at the vampire. He was without a doubt, drunk and out of his mind... but at least it was entertaining.

He took another drink, this time of blood and wiped at his mouth. "Tha' wadn't so bad now was it??" Spike slurred, more to himself than the audience. "Ah well, one more song then, eh?" The crowd cheered their approval, raising their glasses towards the brightly lit little platform.

"Well then, what next?" Spike pondered allowed, not in his right mind at all. He grinned like a fool, strumming his guitar thoughtfully, once again.

Buffy staked another vampire with ease. "Ugh!" she growled, angry. The best way to release her frustrations was slaying, but right now she was slightly distracted. Normally when she was out slaying, even upset and fuming, it was with Spike. Then after a few good slays they'd sit and talk and he'd tell her what was what until she felt better. A lot of times it was about how frustrating raising Dawn was, or how hard taking care of her alone was. Spike always seemed to know the answers when it came to Dawn. And one thing she could count on from him was to always tell it like it is.

It was frustrating doing everything without him so suddenly. It bothered her further that she'd come to depend on him so much to help her with, well, with everything. At first, it had always been about killing something with Spike, or so she thought. It'd probably become just about helping her with her problems along the way. As it had been with helping her with Glory, and Dawn and...oh God... even with Riley. Another vamp jumped out and she turned it to dust with a flick of her wrist, not even really looking at it.

She sighed, sitting on a tombstone and tucking her legs under herself. "God, Spike... When did you become so good?" she asked herself, pausing to brush back her hair. "And why hadn't I noticed the change in you? I noticed you helping me, I noticed you taking care of Dawn, I noticed you thought you were in love with me and I thought it was sick and perverted." She looked up to the stars. "Now, I honestly don't know what to think of it..." She hid her face in the shadows, afraid of her own admissions. "Or of how I feel about you."

Her mind went back to this afternoon with Riley and his question.

"Do you love Spike? Are you in love with Spike?"

She'd toyed with the question all day long, trying to figure it out, to figure Spike out. She'd never come to a resolution with the man gone though. The man… not the monster. She was utterly confused, her mind whirling on possibility after possibility. She played with Mr. Pointy absently as her thoughts wandered onto this already well-worn path in her head. There were so many cons against Spike. The whole vampire bit. The sunlight thing, and crosses and churches and the chip. The bad ass attitude... Okay no, that was a good thing. She smirked to herself a little. So were the accent, and the duster.

The black clothes she was used to. But the eyes... oh the eyes were such a pro... And the purring... oh God!! What was she doing to herself? She made a self-loathing expression and tried to stop thinking such unconstructive thoughts.

She'd once said to Willow that the bad boy thing basically turned her on, unhealthy as it was. But Spike was more than a bad ass... He was the walking, talking definition of the term. And on top of it all, a vamp. He was immortal. And when she thought about it, that had been the very reason she'd had to break up with Angel so long ago. Because of the whole no kids, no sunlight, no happy normal life...the whole growing old while he stayed young thing...

Was that really her reason though? Or was it the fear of Angelus? The whole not choosing his own path thing as Spike had... At least Angel wanted a soul. Spike wanted no part of that. But then, that's what made Spike who he was. He was himself and that's what Buffy lov...no...liked about him best. Was it love though? Was it infatuation, or just friendship?

"Buffy!!!"

"Spike?!" Her head shot up at the sound of her name.

Riley jogged over to her, his heart breaking when he heard her response. "No. Just me."

"Oh. Hi..." She avoided his gaze and pushed herself off of the gravestone.

"Buffy, I came to talk." he stated. "And I want you to listen."

She immediately met his eyes, glaring up at the commanding tone he took with her. She raised her brows. He had a serious look on his face, and when she looked hard, a frown that rivaled Angel's in its brood-worthiness.

"Look, I really didn't want it to come to this, but I feel like I've gotta say this. It's time to stop denying and running from me, Buffy. Do we have a future together or not? Is it Spike, or me?" He asked her in a strained voice, before he lost the courage. "Tell me the truth."

Spike had done 4 songs now and he was so drunk, he could barely stand. "Okay kiddies..." he chuckled dazedly. "How bout one more?" The crowd had thinned, as they all grew tired of the lovesick vampire who refused to relinquish the stage. They groaned as he started belting out another song in his thickly accented, alcohol-laden voice.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,

to never have sunlight on your face

You were content to let me shine, that's your way

You always walked a step behind

So I was the one with all the glory,

while you were the one with all the strength

A beautiful face without a name for so long

A beautiful smile to hide the pain

Did you ever know that you're my hero,

and everything I would like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle,

for you are the wind beneath my wings

The owner ran up pulling the drunken vamp off the stage.

"Wait, you wanker!!!" Spike whined, making a feeble grab for the microphone that was now out of his reach. "I wasn't finished you bloke!! Can't you hear me?!!"

"You're killing my customers. No violence, remember?" the demon chuckled, hustling Spike back towards the bar. .

"I am not! Are you bloody blind? I'm heartbroken!" the vampire complained, still reaching for the mic mightily. He whined once he realized it was futile. "That was gonna be our first dance at our weddin'!!!!" Spike cried out into the audience.

The crowd laughed, unsympathetic to his plight.

Spike frowned miserably, resting his drunken head on the owner's shoulder. "Bloody hell..."

The host dragged him to the back of the bar, taking him in a back room and dunking his head in cold water.

Spike shot up, game face on and growling. "Hooooly Shiiit!!! That's blooody coollddd you poof!"

"But it'll sober you up enough to hear what I have to say, gorgeous. And it's time to have your aura read. Trust me sweet cheeks, you'll want to be awake for this." The owner sat Spike down gently.

"What if I'm not bloody well ready?" Spike wiggled his head, poking the demon in the chest defiantly.

"Spike, if you don't leave LA now, you'll lose her forever." The owner stared him down, all pretense gone.

Spike went silent and still. He stared into the owner's eyes and he was scared.

"Riley, why are you here?" Buffy asked, avoiding the question.

He looked frustrated. "Because I was worried about you all by yourself out here."

She grew annoyed with every sentence that came out of his mouth. "So you came out here so I'd have SOMEONE to worry about as well?" she asked, glaring. She turned around and started walking.

"Buffy! C'mon…" He put his hand on her shoulder. "Why are you avoiding the question?"

"Because I'm on patrol. I need to concentrate," Buffy replied, trying not to sound as lame as the excuse itself was.

He deflated a little. "Oh, sorry. I didn't distract you, did I?"

"Yes! You did. I could have gotten killed," she replied.

"Geez, I'm sorry!" he responded, putting his hands up in front of his chest as a sign of surrender. "I just thought, you could use some help."

"It's all right Riley, I have it covered," she responded, trying to keep civil with him. She just wanted to kill something quickly and violently, was that too much to ask? Did she not deserve some reprieve from the soap opera that was her life?

"If you have it covered, why do you always patrol with Spike?" he growled, getting annoyed as well.

"Because he can take care of himself!" Buffy shot back.

Hurt flashed over the ex-commando's face. "Buffy, I can take care…"

She sighed. "Yeah, I know you can. Most of the time. But I can't deal with anything right now, okay? I'm just, slaying. Slaying is me right now. That's all."

"You don't mean that," Riley responded. "I mean I saw you and him fighting the other night together…"

She whirled on him. "That was you watching us? You were spying on me?"

"No! No! I was just, looking on, incase you needed help."

"Which I obviously didn't." She turned back around and kept walking, briskly.

"Obviously," he noted. "Now will you stop avoiding the question?" he lengthened his stride to catch up with her.

"I'm not avoiding anything," she stated, speeding up again.

"Then why are you practically running from me?" he asked, speeding again until he was alongside her.

She looked at him. "Riley, I'm slaying right now."

"I don't see any vampires."

"Well maybe because you don't have super powers, like me."

His eyes narrowed. "Or Spike."

She groaned. She'd walked into that one. "That's not what I meant."

"Okay, say it wasn't. You still haven't answered me. And be honest, Buffy, because it's not fair to either of us if you keep going on like this."

She stopped walking abruptly. "You're right," she sighed. Who would she choose? "I, well, I think that it'd be best if…"

Suddenly, Riley grunted and pitched over backwards as a dark form leapt out and attacked him. "Oh see!? I told you we had to concentrate!" Buffy remarked, poising her stake before tossing the ravenous fledgling vampire off of Riley before it ripped his throat out.

"What do you mean lose her?" Spike muttered, shaking his groggy, alcohol clouded head. "I never had her in the first place, mate," he growled bitterly, sipping at his warm cup of blood.

Lorne sighed and shook his green head. "Did you ever ask her that?"

"What, asked if she loved me?" Spike snorted.

The host nodded.

Spike sighed. "Not in so many words, but, I got the point, all right? She and I, we never could have happened."

Lorne looked at the lovesick vampire sadly. "You really believe that?"

William's laugh was bitter. "Yeah, me'n the slayer, that's a real fairy tale, mate. The princess never falls for the villain. We've got the whole bloody damn world against us, she and I. It would never happen."

"Because you're a vampire?"

"Because I'm a monster." Spike looked through his glass of blood, further proof of his belief.

The host patted him on the back. "You're a vampire."

"Exactly."

"But I don't think you're a monster."

Spike looked up at him. "Shows you what you know."

"Hey blue eyes, I've seen some real bad things, and whether you like it or not, I don't think you're one of them. Look pal, you have to get back to her, and I mean tonight. She needs you, whether you think so or not. But I guess I can only tell you so much. From here on out, it's up to you."

Spike looked at him and knocked back the rest of his blood, trying not to let his concern show. He eyed Lorne out of the corner of his eye. "Thanks for the fortune telling mate, but I'm out for the night." He got up and started towards the exit.

The host smiled after him knowingly. That was a good vampire.

Spike climbed the stairs to the street where the club exited, and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. He heard a noise behind him, but he gave no indication that he knew what it was. It seemed LA hadn't changed much since the last time he'd been here. He puffed on his smoke languidly, stuffing his hands in his duster pockets, looking loose and defenseless. The vampire began to walk along the sidewalk nonchalantly, noting that the street was empty. That was usually the case in areas with high demon activity. The humans stayed away after dark. He tested the air around him, using all of his heightened senses to filter out what was happening. Four, five things. Not human, definitely. He could only imagine what they wanted. He didn't have enough money on him to be much of a target, and he was certain they knew a well-aged vampire when they knew one. Well, it seemed his reputation preceded him. Word had spread from Sunnydale, then?

He stopped his walk and threw his cigarette butt down after he'd had enough. "If you'd just up'n tell me what you blokes would like, It'd probably piss me off a lot less," he announced into the night air, his voice loud and clear despite the alcohol he'd consumed. Nothing like a good fight to sober one up quickly.

Part XII: Decent Spot of Violence

Five creatures stepped out of the shadows, fanning out in a half circle around him. A large Ascaroth demon stepped up in front of him. He studied it. Nothing more loathsome than a demon who's soul purpose was to spy. "Evenin'. Can I help you? Kill you? Tear you apart, maybe?" Spike asked conversationally.

The demon studied him back. "You are William the Bloody?"

"Yeah, that'd be me. Sounds like you're lookin' for a good blood spillin' then?"

"My kind heard you went insane on the hell mouth," the demon hissed. "That you went mad and killed every underworld dweller you came upon. Slaughtered them like cows and reveled in their blood."

Spike flashed back. Mad? He'd gone pretty insane that first week after Buffy's death… killed everything he could get his hands on. But that was only until she'd come back… he growled. "Get your blood facts straight will you? I was just mightily pissed off."

"We've heard that you don't harm humans anymore," a Bucon demon piped up. "That you side with the Slayer."

"Yeah, there a problem with that?"

"Traitor," the smaller Andras demon scowled.

"That's me. So, you want to die or not boys? I'm a busy vampire. Places to go, demons to kill." He looked around at the five demons. "Or are you all scared? I did bloody `go insane' and whatnot…" He grinned, shaking himself into his vampire visage. "What do you think? Think I'll go nuts and rip your parts off and make your mate's eat `em fore I kill you?"

The Ascaroth demon muttered something in it's own tongue, enraged, and charged.

Spike decided he'd have a little fun in the City of Angels after all.

He growled and ducked, sending the first charging demon over his shoulder. The second and third attacked simultaneously and he flipped behind them and kicked out hard, spinning around and pulling a stake from his boot, impaling another of his attackers in the eye. It screamed and fell backwards, clawing at the bleeding hole that used to be its eyeball. Withdrawing his stake, Spike grabbed the hand of the half blind demon, which held four sharp claws, using it to impale the next of his charging adversaries. The Andras demon gurgled and died, its comrade's claws imbedded into its abdomen. The half blind demon joined its comrade when Spike whirled around to snap its neck. "Thanks for the hand, mate," he quipped, tossing the limp form to the floor. He looked at the remaining three demons, which were regrouping.

"Traitor!" the Ascaroth hissed.

Spike shrugged. "You do what you can get, I suppose. Who's next, then?"

They all charged at once, hissing and spitting, and growling.

"Okay, vampire is dust," Riley breathed, taking Buffy's proffered hand and letting her help him up off the ground. "Can we talk now?"

"So you can jumped like that again?" she replied.

He realized her wit hadn't changed any since he'd last seen her. Nor had her subtlety. "Look Buffy, this is important. I need to know what you feel for Spike. Exactly what you feel for Spike."

She turned around. "How can I tell you when I don't even know?"

"What do you mean? How can you not know? You either do or you don't."

"I don't think I love him," Buffy responded. "But I don't think I don't love him either. It's complicated."

"Why?"

"Why? What do you mean why?" she looked exasperated. Did he knot know her at all? Spike would have understood… she stopped that thought. Too complicated. "I just…right now? All I know, is right now, I miss him."

Finn's countenance fell. "Oh."

"I miss talking with him, and fighting with him, and working with him. I wish he were here."

"Buffy, you do realize this is Spike you're talking about."

"Who else?!" Buffy replied, growing exasperated. Spike did that to her. Whether she was talking to him or about him. It got her all excited and agitated inside. She loved it and couldn't stand it at the same time. "Why can't I miss him? Is it so wrong?"

"Truthfully? Yes. Buffy, he's a killer. Remember that in-prison thing we were talking about during lunch? Monster. If he ever got that chip out…"

"I don't want to hear it, Riley."

"But you're not denying it as a possibility."

"No, I'm not. But I just can't seem to think of him that way anymore. After I've seen him cheat at cards so Tara would win, and seen him make cocoa for my little sister before bed, and the way he looks at me? The way he looks at me, I feel like the most important thing in the world. I just can't see him like you do anymore."

Riley growled internally. "Buffy, I think you're seeing things that aren't there…"

She shook her head. "I know they're there Riley. Spike's a good man."

"A man? A man? How many men do you know with no soul and a set of fangs?" Riley sputtered.

"Truthfully?" she looked up into his eyes. "Only one."

Spike let the three demons charge him and he shook his head, ducking underneath as the demons all jumped up, crashing into one another and crumbling to the ground. Spike put his foot on the pile of demons and glared at them, his yellow eyes glowing in the dark alley. "Never mess with a master vampire you ugly, disgusting pile of demon garbage."

The demons all glared up at Spike, getting ready for a second attack. The snarling, scaly demon on top threw Spike's foot off, sending the half drunken vamp onto his rear.

They all stood, gathering around the fallen, vampire. The scaly one mumbled something only the other two understood.

A larger, purplish, horned demon grabbed Spike by his throat lifting him off his feet. He growled loudly, threatening Spike with orange eyes.

Spike turned his nose aside, glaring at the stinky demon. "You ever heard of mouthwash, mate?"

This angered him further and he tossed the vampire into brick wall. "Three on one, William. I think the odds are too overwhelming for a drunken, neutered vamp. You're a disgrace to all demons alike." The scaly demon's tongue hung from his mouth in a rather grotesque manner. Spike wondered how much the thing would like it if he ripped that drooling piece of flesh from its mouth with his bare hands.

The vampire glared up at the creature with absolute rage, growling furiously, as his temper surpassed boiling point. He was no disgrace. He was who he wanted to be. Shooting to his feet, he landed in a catlike crouch, despite the swaying his protesting head caused.

His eyes shot from one demon to the next. "I may have had this bloody damn chip in my head these past years mates, but nothing keeps me from killing you all like your lil pals here." Spike circled. "You've heard of me, William The Bloody. Then you know my reputation, eh?"

"Before you went soft and turned into a traitor," the purple-horned demon snorted.

Spike smiled wickedly. "A bloke's gotta kill somehow eh? And this lil chip in my head kept me from harming those innocent humans. So, why not rid the world of some really...bloody ugly wankers, like yourselves?" Spike shrugged. "Big Bad just loves a good thrashing, whether you're human or not. And like my reputation precedes... 'm a cold blooded killer...and just… just a little bit insane." He continued circling the demons.

"A little bit insane, and in the mood to rip off your limbs and use `em like pens to write my name on this here wall." He was having fun goading these blokes. He wanted it to be known, no matter what he was killing, that he was still killing. And he was damn good at it.

Something inside him felt it was violently wrong to be thinking this way, but he also felt something inside him, he hasn't felt in a long time. No remorse. "One of you will live tonight. Cuz you're going to let everyone know that the Big Bad's still something to fear." He made sure to growl, emanating low in his throat, then letting it accumulate and rumble into the night air. He snarled, licking at his fangs. "Too bad all you nasties are cold blooded..."

"Too bad you can only pick on demons and not humans..." The scaly demon gurgled back, not liking the look in Spike's eyes and trying to plan an escape. He could tell the vampire was brassed off from the threatening series of uncontrolled growls coming from his chest.

Spike smiled maliciously. If only they knew... His growls stopped with thoughts of killing humans. He couldn't. Buffy and Dawn, he couldn't bear to even think about seeing their faces if he were to kill humans again. That disappointment he'd see on their faces when they looked at him. He'd seen those expressions in his mind so many times in nightmares, and he would be damned if did anything to earn him the right to deserve that look from them in reality. Suddenly remembering Lorne's warning, the vampire he realized standing around with these blokes was getting him nowhere. He sniffed, shrugging his shoulders. He moved in one fluid motion and grabbed the purple demon by the throat, his hand gripping like a vice around the demons large neck. He laughed maniacally. He squeezed harder, snapping the bones in the demons neck. The satisfying feel of vertebrae crumbling into themselves and severing nerve cords greeted Spike's rejoicing inner demon. "I don't care who or what I kill mate..."

The one in the master vampire's hands coughed up blood before gasping to his death.

Spike dropped the lifeless body to the floor like an overused play toy that had just worn itself out. "Long as they bleed..." he turned to the two watching demons. "Next?"

The demons turned to regard each other for a moment, then decided against taking the one who had killed their comrades. Both bolted, making a run for it.

Spike grabbed the scaly one's wrist before it could slither past, flinging him hard into the brick wall behind them. It groaned in pain, clutching its long nose. Dark blue blood trickled from the gash that had opened in its face.

"I told you…" he growled. "…only one of you get to live tonight." He turned, seeing the last demon was at the end of the alley already. Then he looked back at his cowering captive, smile wide and fangy. "Guess that means you pulled the short straw, ducks." He stalked over to the demon, who was looking less and less scary as the vampire bore down on him. Spike knelt down. "Did I also mention it doesn't matter what color you bleed, either?" He asked conversationally, before grabbing the creature by his shoulder's tossing him like a rag doll. He walked over to where he'd thrown him, feeling so much like his old self, he almost forgot where he was and what he was doing. He lifted the demon, kicking at him, and throwing a few punches at him for good measure, but the demon was too small, and weak to fight back. "Oh c'mon mate! Make this SOMEWHAT challenging, will you?"

The demon breathed raggedly, choking on it's own blood, which oozed from numerous abrasions on it's face. He looked at Spike, speechless. It had had so much more confidence when it's big bad friends had been there, but now…now it was just, pathetic.

Spike sighed. "Bloody hell, ruin my fun why don't you?" he sighed in resignation.

"Aw hell, might as well bugger off like your mate then..." Spike crossed his arms. The demon stood, trying to make a run for it on its attacker's cue. Spike counted to three under his breath before grabbing the demon's neck from behind and shoving its face into the hard cement. "Second thought..." Spike took his foot and poised it against the

base of the demon's neck. He slammed down, snapping the spine right in half and flattening the flesh under the heel of his boot. Blue blood pooled around the sole shoe. "…Go to hell."

With that done, he smiled and dusted his hands off. "Well then..." he paused, wiping his shoe against the demon. "S'pose we've had enough fun." He shook off his demonic visage, and as he stepped over the carnage; a wave of guilt washed over him. He enjoyed that way too much. LA was changing him. Being chipless was changing him. He needed to go home. Home was in Sunny D with the slayer and her adorable lil sis. Yet, how could he go home chipless? Buffy would kill him; she couldn't trust him. Hell, he wasn't sure he could trust himself. What if he couldn't control the demon and something like tonight happened? Even if the victims had been demons.

Then there was Lorne's prediction. He took an un-needed breath and looked to the stars. Nothing frightened him more than losing Buffy, as a friend, or anything else. He feared for her life again. He'd find someway to control his demons, and he'd find someway to make Buffy see that he was still good, that he still wanted to be good, chip or no chip. He knew deep down going back was the right thing to do. He'd talk to her, tell her he was good, make her see. He had to. Their lives depended on it.

Thought after she finished kicking his ass for leaving in the first place, he was sure. Or more like, he hoped. She could be rejoicing his departure too. But something in the stars told him that wasn't so.

Riley couldn't believe this. Had something changed inside Buffy after she'd been...'reborn'?? He could not grasp the concept of her having any feelings for Spike that were other than utter disgust. "Buffy..."

"No, Riley." She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Look, you don't think I don't know how ridiculous this sounds? This is a vampire, who happens to LOVE being a vampire, and is the epitome of evil. But he's changed. He has and no one can convince me now that he hasn't. After you left, Spike took care of us all, even after we drove him away. He wanted to help us, wanted to protect Dawnie. He took a severe punishment from Glory to protect her. He was practically dead, but he wouldn't tell her what she wanted to know. I'll never forget that. He did something good, because he wanted to."

"To score points with you! Buffy, I've found Spike in your room, stealing your clothes and things so many times. He's sick and perverted! He showed you that vamp place that night just to get me out of the picture!" Riley argued.

"Maybe he did. But, he didn't make you go there, Riley. If I can forgive you for the mistakes you've made, I can forgive Spike for the ones he's made. At least Spike's more than made up for it. Spike stuck around when it got tough, not hightailed it the other way," Buffy pointed out. "He cares for us, and whether or not it's love on my end isn't the point. Spike's a part of my life, and if you can't handle that, leave." Buffy was through defending herself and Spike.

"Spike's gone though, Buffy. He left too," Riley snubbed.

"He'll be back," Buffy walked away, her back turning to Riley. "He always comes back. He's good and you should know by now that Spike does whatever he wants. He always has. He chose to be good, for what reason I don't know, but I intend to ask him. I'm tired of running around in circles with men. Vampires, men and the whole male...male...group thing...." she trailed off dumbly. "I'm tired of seeing men run out of my life and for once, 'm not gonna let that happen..." Buffy assured herself with her words. She turned, a soulful pair of eyes in him. "I'd like for us to work on things too, but that can't happen until you leave Spike alone."

"I want to resolve things too, Buffy." He knew she was slipping from his grasp. He could see it in her eyes. And it was all because of a heartless, soulless demon. The very things she was supposed to kill. He stood stock still with disbelief, but she seemed quite adamant about how important Spike was to her. She just didn't classify what kind of important. "Until you decide what Spike means to you, I don't think we can talk about what we mean to each other." Riley was tired, but he wasn't giving up yet. "I'm staying in town till you tell me otherwise, Buffy. I love you and I'll fight for you, even

against demons." he started retreating into the shadows. He brushed her cheek softly. "I'll be around."

She watched him go into the cold shadows of the night, and shivered coldly from his touch. It didn't feel so good anymore. That's when she realized loving Riley again just didn't seem feasible. She sighed dramatically. Her life was worse than a daytime soap opera. She grunted, thinking of Spike and his obsession with Passions. She needed to find that damn vampire, kick his ass for leaving, and make him come home. Where he belonged. She looked at her watch and decided to head home. Tonight was not the

night to search for him. It would be sunrise in a few hours.

He drove hell bent back towards Sunnydale, trying to outrun the impending sunrise. He didn't know why Lorne's reading had unnerved him so much, but it had, and he was going back, whether it was good for him or not. He let his mind drift back to those demons he had killed, and he smirked to himself in satisfaction. After the brawl he had come upon a human walking down the street, and just to see if things were holding out, he'd punched the bugger. No pain. It was weird, not feeling some mind-numbing pain when he hit someone. It had almost been like a part of him for so long. Strange that it felt odd, rather than normal. He'd let the man live, complaining about a sore jaw. Spike figured he could have gotten out worse than that if he'd been in the mood. But he hadn't been.

He'd had plenty of action earlier with those ugly monsters that had jumped him outside of the club. Who needed to kill humans when there was a challenge to be had there? Demons were bigger, stronger and more importantly, deadlier than humans. They were a real challenge. Not one of Angelus's precious easy kills. Spike had always been a fighter, and tonight's battle had only confirmed the fact that he could still do it without killing humans. He was still a brawler. And he didn't need to kill humans to prove it. It lifted a tremendous weight from his undead heart. The choice was his. He didn't need to kill humans. He had his pig's blood, demon slaying, Buffy, the bit, and the Scoobs. He could be happy.

He realized he didn't EXACTLY have Buffy yet, per say, but he knew his chances were better with the whole, not killing humans. And he didn't have to. He rowed down the window and laughed to himself. He wasn't just some neutered vamp that couldn't hurt people. It was his choice now. And for Spike, that made all the difference. He didn't feed on humans because he didn't bloody well want to, and anyone who wanted to test his power because of his choice was welcome to step the hell up and see if they could back up their theories. No one could call him a bloody ponce without answering to him. He was the big bad. And how he chose to live his life was his own business, now. It was his bloody choice! He discovered that he'd be in Sunnydale within two hours; plenty of time to head back to the crypt for a nap before stopping by the house on Revello drive. He was going to see about his women. Spike grinned and turned on his radio, blaring the music loud and clear as he zipped on the California highway, his car the only one for miles.

Part XIII: Bloody Fool

Riley walked back to his car and jumped in. He would have offered Buffy a ride, but it would have been too awkward, and he wanted to be alone with his thoughts for now. What was it about Buffy that made him so crazy inside? And what was it about him that drove her back to her obsession with the undead? He shoved his keys into his ignition and the SUV roared to life, the radio at a comfortable level as he pulled out of his spot at the cemetery gate. He drove into the street slowly, his mind wandering all over the place, instead of concentrating on the small stretch of deserted Sunnydale road. The music played softly in the background. He sighed, seeing Buffy in his mind, telling him about Spike. He saw the far off look in her eye when she spoke about the vampire, the way her hand unconsciously rested on the curve of her stomach, like the mention of Spike's name made it ache and flutter.

Baby I know the story

I've seen the picture

it's written all over your face

Tell me, what's the secret

That you've been hiding

and who's gonna take my place

I should've seen it coming

I should've read the signs

Anyway, I guess it's over

He should have known this was what he'd return to, he supposed. He had been asking for it, looking for the attractiveness of a vampire himself. What was it that made them so alluring to Buffy, and eventually, to himself? What was it about them that was so irresistible? He wondered if it was just Spike. But recalling Angel, he guessed it wasn't so.

He groaned inwardly. Had his leaving driven Buffy back to something familiar? Or had she been playing him like that during their entire relationship? Had everything, past and present been in Angel's shadow, only to fall into Spike's as they progressed? He supposed he should have seen it coming. Her little Freudian slips. He distinctly recalled a, "if I wanted super powers, I'd be dating Spike," somewhere in the back of his mind. Or, the way they made fun of each other, how he'd smirk with all that sexual allure, and how she'd flush and turn away from him, calling him all sorts of names that she obviously didn't mean when push came to shove. The fire in their eyes when they fought each other, his fury seemed a little too strong at times, and her annoyance a little too vehement. There was passion there, amongst the raging insults and the flying barbs.

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

I thought this love would never end

How was I to know

You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

And I who thought you were my friend

How was I to know, you never told me

This was partially his fault. He'd seen bits and pieces of their tumultuous fire, and had ignored it, preferring to live blissfully unaware to the flame that was sputtering to life under his very nose. He'd been in too much denial to see it. Buffy, his precious golden, perfect Buffy could not fall for an animal. That had been his opinion at the time however. But, Spike had made him aware that perhaps that was exactly what she needed.

He displaced the blame again. If that's what she had wanted, all she had to do was tell him! He could be all about passion, emotion, flame. But he had thought she wanted a rock in her raging sea, something steady and always there. How did he know she'd fall for the raging wind?

Baby, you should've called me

When you were lonely

When you needed me to be there

Sadly, you never gave me

To many chances

To show you how much I care

And now? Now, it was obviously too late. The spark of flame between Slayer and vampire had grown to such extremes that apparently, their contact had to be evacuated. Spike had gone when the heat had overcome him and her both, only to have her missing every second of it. What a ride those two must be on, he thought to himself. He wondered why someone would want such an up and down relationship, so much hate and love all at once. He, personally, didn't like complication.

Maybe that was part of his problem as well, and with it, something innately unattractive about him to Buffy. Her life had always been a whirlwind of everything, all tossed about and thrown in at once, chaos and disorder. He'd thought he could fix some of that for her, be her steady, guiding hand. He'd thought she'd wanted that order in her life. He was wrong. And apparently, he was paying for it now.

I should've seen it coming

I should've read the signs

Anyway, I guess it's over

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

I thought this love would never end

How was I to know

You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

And I who thought you were my friend

How was I to know, you never told me

The ex-commando sighed, trying to stay optimistic. She hadn't said she hated Spike. She'd only said she'd missed him. But how could he ignore what every one of his senses was screaming at him? Just the looks they shared seem to have more heat than any of his lovemaking with Buffy. He felt so insignificant. And that made him angry. He didn't want to loose that way. Not to Spike, of all people.

About the pain and the tears

If I could I would

Turn back the time

I should've seen it coming

I should've read the signs

Anyway, I guess it's over

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

I thought this love would never end

How was I to know

You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

And I who thought you were my friend

How was I to know, you never told me

Turning onto the street that housed Graham's apartment, he slowed his car down, and lowered the volume on the radio. That look in Buffy's eyes tonight had told him so many things. The truth, for one, even when she'd said she didn't know. It hurt him, what he saw, and he convinced himself he needed to find a way to bring her back to him. They belonged together. For now, he'd ignore what he'd sensed, and he'd work harder on them, as a couple. He needed her. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, she'd need him just as much one day.

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

I thought this love would never end

How was I to know

You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again

And I who thought you were my friend

How was I to know, you never told me

Spike parked his Desoto behind the cemetery in its usual spot and hopped the fence, sprinting towards his crypt as the first rays of sunlight began to bounce off the horizon. He shut the door with a definitive clank behind him, smiling ruefully as he took in the place. She'd been here. He could smell her. It made him feel happy, knowing that she'd thought enough about what he'd said to come and say goodbye. He wondered if he should have taken longer to see that. Shaking his head, he decided that there was nothing he could gain from being nostalgic, and instead, he pulled the blood packets he had kept in the car from his duster pockets and stuck them in the fridge, along with his beer. He'd spend the day thinking. When the sun went down, he'd find her.

Sunlight streamed into Dawn's window, making her groan. She turned her head from the blinding light. She'd fallen asleep so quickly last night; she'd forgotten to pull in the shades. She threw her covers off and sat up, rubbing her sleep filled eyes. She turned to the clock and groaned again. If she didn't move now, she'd be late for school. With a sigh, she hopped out of bed to shower and change.

Twenty minutes later she knocked on her sister's door. "Buffy!! Wake up already! I'm gonna be late!" No answer, not even a tired moan.

"Buffy?" she knocked again, then opened her door. Her sister's bed was empty and made. Dawn turned and hurried down the stairs, her heart filling with worry. "Buffy?!" she called. It was totally unlike her to not be here.

Dawn sighed with relief, finding her sister asleep on the couch.

"Buffy..." Dawn called, annoyed at her brush with worry. She shook her gently. "Hey! C'mon!!" Dawn shouted.

Buffy groaned tiredly. She turned over, facing Dawn, still asleep. She smiled and mumbled, "Spike..."

Dawn's eyes widened and she put a hand to her mouth, holding in her bubbling giggles. "What did you say?" Dawn whispered, as not to wake her completely.

Her smile returned. "Spike..."

Dawn fell on her rump in disbelief. She couldn't believe it...

She stretched like a feline and sighed. Her eyes opened slowly. She looked over at Dawn and smiled. "Hey..." she said, her voice filled with sleep. Her eyes widened suddenly. "Oh my God! What time is it?" she jumped up, looking for the time.

She slapped a hand to her forehead and gasped. "Oh...oh go eat something fast, while I change! I made your lunch last night," she jumped off the couch, running for the stairs. She looked back at Dawn, who hadn't moved. She stared, perplexed. Then she groaned again. "Is it Saturday?"

Dawn had a giant grin on her face and she just shook her head no.

"Then why are you just sitting there with that silly grin on your face?! You'll be late Dawnie!" Buffy gaped. Dawn just beamed more brightly, finally starting to giggle. "What are you laughing about?!" Buffy sighed, tiredly.

Dawn had a 'I told you so' look on her face as she finally sat up, walking to Buffy. "You were sleeping on the couch..."

"And the humor in this, is?" Buffy wasn't following.

"And you were dreaming..." Dawn continued.

"Again, not finding any humor here." Buffy crossed her arms.

"You were dreaming about Spike!" Dawn let her grin split her face. "You were moaning his name!!"

Buffy raised her brows, staring at the girl. "Huh?"

"You were saying... 'Spike...Spike...' I heard you!" her smile not losing any flare, as she mimicked her sister's voice.

Buffy sank to the steps. She flushed red. "So... maybe I was finally staking him..."

"Or kissing him...or…or… doing...more..." Dawn hinted.

"Oh no. Don't even… you're only fifteen, what do you know about...oh...geez...Dawnie!!!" Buffy groaned unbearably embarrassed, head in hands. "I was NOT dreaming of Spike!"

"You were TOO!" Dawn argued. "I HEARD you!!!"

"Just cuz I said his name doesn't mean I was dreaming bout him! And...and...if I was, it was of me killing him!" Buffy argued back lamely. She'd been caught red-handed. Truth was, she was dreaming of Spike, but it was a sick and twisted dream. That's all...

"Sure Buffy," Dawn nodded sarcastically.

"It was!" She was losing the argument.

"Whatever you say..." Dawn crossed her arms, her grin not lessening.

"Ugh… I don't believe this... I was not kissing Spike!" she stood up, go eat before you're late for school!" Buffy ordered.

Dawn turned on her heel, walking into the kitchen. "Were too!!"

Buffy growled, stomping up the stairs.

Buffy walked Dawn to her building. "Okay, 'll see you later then, have a good day at school." She smiled.

"Don't forget my dentist appointment today!" Dawn told her.

"I won't, just don't you forget missy," Buffy said sternly.

"Oh, I won't... Don't get caught up daydreaming about Spike though!" Dawn teased, before running for her life towards the building.

Buffy growled and stomped her foot. The girl had bothered her about it the whole way to school! She couldn't believe she'd actually said his name aloud. Sighing, she turned and headed towards the magic shop, thoughts (not all clean) ran through her head before she could stop them. God, had she really dreamt of Spike like that?

After her ordeal with Riley last night, she'd gone home and crashed on the couch immediately, refusing to think about him, or his accusations, or that kicked puppy look he got on his face. She'd fallen asleep within minutes, and in hear dreams, found herself in a dark cemetery. She'd been dressed in a sheer black, knee length dress, and her hair hung loose, in curls. She carried Mr. Pointy at her side, poised and ready, and she was moving in and out of the thick fog and the shadows cast by the trees and the moonlight. She had been walking forward, searching for something, or someone.

Suddenly, out of the fog, she saw a flash of black and turned towards it, stake poised, but when she looked, there was nothing there.

Then, out of thin air, cool hands gripped her arms, pulling her body backwards from behind, sending her flush against something solid.

She gasped in shock, but soon relaxed at the sound of his voice as hands ran up and down her arms with feather light touches.

"Easy luv..." he purred, his cool lips tracing the back her hair. He took one hand and brushed away her curls, putting his cool lips against her neck, sending a ripple through her skin. He nipped gently along her neckline, purring softly all the while.

She leaned her head back, inviting him closer. She smiled with complete satisfaction as his tongue darted out of his lips, tracing the pulse point at her throat.

His hands slid down the length of her arms, circling her abdomen. His purring grew louder at the intense pleasure of the feel of her against him.

She dropped her stake and found his hands with her own. She squeezed them affectionately as he continued nipping at her neck playfully with blunt teeth. She leaned into his coolness, her body radiating heat from his ministrations. She felt one hand leave her body, only to have his fingertips trace her cheek, down her throat, along her shoulder blade, to the strap of her dress. He brushed it off her shoulder with ease, replacing the newly exposed flesh with his lips. His hand worked its way back to her body, and found her tiny hand again, entwining their fingers.

She turned to face him, wanting so badly to see him. Her eyes found his chiseled, beautiful face and she the planes of it intently. Then, giving up on finding the part about him that she loved most, she cupped his cheek, the warmth of her hand, burning the sensation into cool skin. His eyes were the color of the ocean after a storm. His lips were pale and pressed together, wanting to continue his onslaught of tender kisses. She smiled at him; eyes alight with barely contained love and passion. She leaned in closer to him, inhaling the scent of leather and smoke and spice that was uniquely his, smiling tenderly at the familiar sensation. She rested her head on his sculpted chest, burying her face in his soft, well-worn duster.

His hands played anxiously against her back and shoulders, pulling the other strap of her dress off her shoulders, his cool palms pressing against the sheer fabric, sending waves of coolness over her skin. He pulled at her heatedly, pushing her as close as he could, while he rested his cheek against the top of her head, his chest vibrating with a deep, rumbling noise. He inhaled the scent of her moaned at the sweet familiarity of it. "Buffy... I love you..."

She looked up to him and his lips crashed down on hers, cold and hot all at once. She moaned in utter ecstasy as his tongue traced erotic patterns on her now parted, swollen lips. His kiss was full of such intensity it made her head swim. She kissed him back, with as much fervor, perhaps more, darting her warm tongue along his cool lips playfully, before biting on his bottom lip gently. He growled low in his throat, and she pulled back slightly, wanting to see his haunting eyes, clouded with passion for her.

"Spike..."

He caressed her shoulder with his hand, smiling at her gently, hearing the lusty trembles in her voice. His eyes were warm and tender, and were full of such uncontrolled emotion. More emotion than she ever dreamed he could have. He kissed her forehead, gently his lips lingering there in a sweet gesture. "God, you make me feel so alive Buffy."

"Spike..." She looked up at him, lips slightly parted, a pleasantly mussed, dazed expression on her face. She had been about ready to explode if he didn't kiss her again. And then, she'd woken up…her dream had ended. Thank God. Right? Of course!

Buffy argued with herself all the way to the magic shop, feeling her heart race as she relieved the best moments of the dream again and again. And again.

Oh God... What was happening to her? Fantasizing about Spike?! She wanted to feel repulsed and sick by the mere thought of it, but it had been such a tender, sweet dream. It had been anything but the bad dream she kept telling herself it should have been. "UGH! Bad Buffy!! NO!" she chastised herself sternly upon reaching the shop. She

took a steadying breath, trying to force the dream out of her mind. But it wouldn't leave. The slayer stepped inside the store, grinning largely at the simple image of Spike in her mind's eye, though she didn't know it.

"I told you Spike could do it!" Xander tooted, full of himself, as he flaunted that shit-eating grin of his.

"He did it, and she didn't even make him!" Willow agreed. "He did it cuz he wanted to! I knew he would..."

"Spike do what? What are you guys talking bout?" Buffy interrupted.

"Slay Master General!" Xander looked up. "How's it going? How's the Dawnster?"

"She's fine." Buffy quirked an eyebrow warningly at her friend. He was obviously trying to change the subject. "Now, what are you guys talking about?"

Willow was more than happy to tell her. "Spike saved someone's life!"

"And you weren't around for him to try and score 'points'!" Tara added, proud of the vampire she had come to call friend.

"I..." Buffy paused. Was he back?? Had he come back to them?! "Spike's back?!" Buffy's eyes lit up.

"No, this was the other night, Buffy. Apparently just before he left Sunnydale..." Giles explained, a rather fascinated look in his eye from the strange events. A vampire voluntarily saving a stranger. Though Spike had done it numerous times in the past, one of the gang had always been present. They assumed he was doing it out of a need to for the further services of the humans. Yet here he had been, saving someone for the simple sake of saving them. Even though Spike had grown into a sort of friendship with the Scoobies it was still, for all intents and purposes, odd.

"Oh." She frowned. So he WASN'T back?

Giles watched the girl curiously. Why did she seem disappointed that he wasn't back?? He watched her slip into a chair at the table, looking somewhat saddened and just a little bit lost. "Is everything quite alright?" Giles asked gently, brow furrowing with concern.

"It's fine." She smiled short and sweetly.

Something was definitely wrong, the watcher knew. He knew the slayer, who was like a daughter to him, and consequently, could read her like a book. Written in English. With pop-out pictures. And large print.

"Yeah, so back to Spike saving people!" Xander grinned.

"I can't believe how much all of you have changed your opinions. You of all people Xander… When did you turn into a cheerleader for team Spike?" Buffy questioned.

"Right about the same time he went out, risking his undead life every night to slay and protect Dawnie." Xander shrugged. "Guess he kinda grows on ya... like mold." His smile changed to a stern look. "But... he IS still a vamp!"

"Oh, come off of it Xand. You know you like the guy!" Willow pushed. "You're just jealous cuz he beats you in pool all the time! Not that anyone couldn't beat you. Cuz you know, you really suck and stuff."

"Soooo not the point. But thanks bunches Wills...for pointing out my suckiness... because I'm sure before just now, no one noticed." Xander smiled sarcastically at his oldest friend.

She grinned, bouncing in her seat, eyes alight with mischief and good humor.

"Anyway..." Anya rolled her eyes at how childish they both could get. "We found out that this girl had been attacked in the cemetery the other night. She was going for a stroll..."

"An obvious newcomer to Sunnydale," Tara added.

"Or otherwise very stupid," Anya agreed.

"And it appears some type of demon...attacked her..." Giles continued.

"We've covered all that so far. My questions are, who told you, and how do we know Spike did the saving?" Buffy asked.

"And what kind of demon is important too!" Anya put in. "Because we'll probably need to kill it."

"It seems the girl had told a few friends, who also shop here..." Willow informed Buffy, ignoring Anya's statement for now, however wise it may have been.

"Way to go on spreading out the business Giles," Buffy grinned.

Giles returned the gesture, eyes scrunching up with fondness, before turning his attention back to the matter at hand. "It appears she saw some flashing lights nearby and went to check it out…"

"Checking things out is a major no-no in Sunnydale..." Buffy stated. "What was it?"

"The demon who attacked her," Xander told.

"The flashy lights were a demon? What? I've got to worry about General Electric making demons now, too?" Buffy joked.

"Yes, something like that..." Giles took off his glasses. "It appeared to the girl as some type of... electrical demon... in any case…"

"Okay, and wackiness ensued..." Buffy shook her head. "How does Spike fit in?"

"Well it seems, the girl began to scream and out of nowhere Spike pops in to help. Like Superman. Except without the cape. And the tights. But hey, his name starts with an S, too!" Willow babbled excitedly, though with a keen eye on Buffy. There was something her best friend was keeping inside. She'd have to talk to her later. "It's a little foggy from there. Apparently, Spike told the girl to run but she came back later to see if he was okay. Said he seemed a little... out of it? I don't know what they called it, really. Maybe he was drunk or something… Anyway, the girl said she thought he'd been hurt, but he insisted he was fine and made her go..."

"After he called her Buffy and tried to kiss her..." Xander added, smirking. Boy, was he gonna tease Flashlight head when he got back. You know…if he got back.

"That's the 'how we know it was Spike' part."

Buffy lowered her eyes, and coughed. "Oook..."

"Not to mention, she said he had the coolest white hair..." Willow added, grinning.

"So score one for Spike, eh? Go Team Spike! And other stuff you say to celebrate," Anya rambled, watching some customers over in the front of the store. "Whoops... Hey! I'm here to help! Lemme help you!" she called to them, getting up. "I can show you the expensive stuff if you'd like!"

"Still working on that 'let's not be blunt' thing with her, huh?" Buffy chuckled, changing the subject.

"And people say it pays to go to college. I'm a learning machine!" Xander cracked, and then winced when Anya pushed a statuette into one of the customer's faces. "Or not. Well, maybe she needs the remedial course."

"Back to the matter at hand..." Giles cleared his throat, hoping Anya wouldn't permanently traumatize one of the customers. "No one's seen Spike since then and you're pretty sure he's left Sunnydale, right Buffy?"

"His place sure left enough evidence to back that up, yeah..." Buffy thumbed through a book. "So what do we know about the electricky demon?"

"He's electrifying..." Willow teased.

Buffy smiled gently. "Other than that?"

"Nothing that research can't uncover," Giles sat at the table, book in hand.

"Research...yay for research!" Buffy drawled, though she immediately buried her face into a book. At least if she was reading, she wouldn't have to think of Spike.

Willow watched her friend from across the table, wondering just what was up with her.

Part XIV: Forgotten

Hours later, Dawn stood outside her school building, impatiently waiting for Buffy to pick her up. She glared at her watch for the umpteenth time and sighed. Her sister was already a half hour late picking her up, and her dentist appointment was slowly ticking away. She sighed, hoping her sister was okay. Something must have come up. She paced the steps for a little while longer, watching the cars and people go by, until it slowly died down to a trickle, and there was just Dawn. Waiting. Still.

"Okay, this is fine," she said to herself, taking the steps down two at a time. "I'll just take myself to the dentist." she shook her head. "It's bad enough I have to go..." she shook her head. But if she skipped it, Buffy would still kill her. If she didn't kill her for leaving the school alone first. But hey, it was getting later, and Buffy she forgot then it wasn't Dawn's fault. Right?

She stalked down the sidewalk, headed for the dentist.

Buffy stood in the training room; book in hand. She walked lazily in circles as she read, because she couldn't stand to sit any longer. In the hours of research that they'd done, they'd turned nothing up on any type of demon that could harness electricity, let alone one made OF it.

"Hey..." Willow's voice echoed in the quiet room as she joined Buffy inside.

"Hey," Buffy greeted back, looked up. "Find something? Anything?"

"Nope," Willow shook her head. She stared at her friend, wondering what to say.

"What is it, Wills?" Buffy asked, setting down the book.

"Well... I was wondering...what's bothering you?" Willow questioned, deciding to just get to the point. Like Spike always said to. Cuz, she had this habit of rambling, and over the summer, she'd done a lot of it, and Spike had always been the one tell her to get to the point and stuff, so she figured she'd try it and see if it worked and… oh wait.

"Nothing at all..." Buffy lied, eyes darting away.

"C'mon, Buffy. I know something is bothering you..." Willow pressed her friend gently. Buffy bit her lip, wanting to share with Will, but not knowing where to start. How could she tell her friend that what was really bothering her was that dream about Spike? It was driving her to complete distraction! She couldn't stop thinking about it. And then there was Spike in general, for that matter... Than she'd have to admit there was feelings there for her to be bothered by in the first place. She faked another smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm fine, really..."

"Okay, yeah, and I'm really straight," Willow snorted. She gripped her friend's wrist gently, trying to ease her into conversation. "C'mon Buffy, you've been acting strange all day..."

"I have? How?" Buffy argued.

"Researching? Actually reading the stuff? Instead of skimming pictures? Sooo not the Buffy I know..." Willow pointed out.

"I miss school…" Buffy lied lamely. "The whole college thing."

Willow's eyes widened. "Okay, now I KNOW something's wrong. Very wrong." She tugged her friend down onto the small couch to the side of the room. "It is Riley?"

Buffy didn't answer.

"Or Spike?"

Her head shot down, eyeing the floor. Willow smiled (or frowned, she wasn't quite sure) to herself. Bingo.

Dawn smiled at the dentist with relief, three hours later. She'd had no cavities so there was no need to see him again until it was time for another cleaning. A definite ray of sunshine amidst all the clouds today. Now she had to head home and do her homework. Joy.

"Are you sure you don't need a ride, Miss Summers? It is dark out now..." the dentist, Doctor James, asked.

"Oh, no thanks, Doctor James. I'll be fine, my house isn't too far from here..." Dawn responded.

"I'm surprised your sister isn't here to pick you up..." the dentist frowned, disapprovingly.

*Me too*... Dawn thought, growing slightly worried. Maybe Buffy had run into trouble? Of the slimy, green, scaly, fangy, oozy type? She forced the thoughts from her head. "Um, she was...uh…food shopping…so since home isn't too far, she figured 'd be okay. I'm a big girl."

The dentist smiled. "Yes, you are. Just be safe."

"I will," Dawn nodded, grabbing her backpack. "Goodnight..."

"Good night, Dawn," the dentist called as she left the offices.

She stepped out into the cool night air, straightening the straps of her 50 lb. backpack as she did. She sighed, a bit frightened at the completely bare, silent street that greeted her. The smarter residents of Sunnydale were inside locked doors at this point, she surmised. She suddenly wished Spike was around. Well, she had been wishing he was around all day, but she wished he was here even more than before right now. He had always been there to protect her, when Buffy wasn't.

And with that, she began wondering just where the in the bloody hell Buffy was, and if her sister was okay... She started down the block, her fears relenting slightly. At least it wasn't a long walk to home. Once she was home, she'd call Giles to ask him if he knew where the slayer was.

Riley strolled into the magic shop, ringing the little bell on the door as he did. The members of the gang all looked up, half expecting to see William the Bloody waltzing into their mists after realizing that he had become an integral part of the group and couldn't just LEAVE like he had.

"Hey Spike, we found…" Xander trailed off as he realized who it was. "Oh. Hey Riley!"

Ignoring the younger boy's slip and giving him points for the cheery greeting, Riley smiled smally. "Hey everyone. Um… so, is Buffy…"

"Training room," Giles responded, not taking his eyes off of the fascinating book he was looking at. Riley wasn't someone he worried about often. As long as he wasn't terrorizing Buffy, everything was fine. Though, the watcher wondered if the boy wasn't the reason Spike had left recently.

Riley nodded and headed back towards the training room, straightening his shoulders and setting his jaw. He ignored the offhanded way the Scoobies had dealt with him. To them, he was just harmless, old Riley. Good old, dependable Riley. Well, he needed to be different from here on out. Fiercer, more passionate, more tumultuous. He could do that. He really could.

The ex-commando creaked the door open, revealing the training room, where Buffy and Willow sat, talking deeply about something or another.

The girls looked up at the sound of his footfalls on the tile, and abruptly ceased their conversation; bathing the room in silence, save for his footsteps and their breathing. He pretended not to notice how silent they had gotten upon his arrival. "Buffy." He tried to put force behind his voice. "We're going to talk."

"Um…I'll go," Willow stated quietly, looking from her best friend to her ex, then back again. Buffy nodded, and with that small motion of consent, the witch quickly made her way out of the room, smiling awkwardly at Riley as she passed. He smiled back just as awkwardly, and she hurried out the door, closing it behind her. She had research to do, anyway.

"Hi, Riley," Buffy greeted, regarding him curiously.

He tried not to do anything awkward, like run his hand through his hair or fidget. He tried to exude confidence, ferocity. If that was what she wanted, that was what she'd get.

She was puzzled now, not seeing any of his usual foibles. He didn't rub his neck with his hand or fidget with his arms or hair. You know, those little things that made him Riley to her. "What's up?" she asked, slightly worried.

He didn't respond at first, completely blanking on what he had planned to say to her. He only knew it had been something passionate, a declaration of love more heated than anything he'd ever been known to do. But it had suddenly left him in her presence, and his throat momentarily went dry. Noting the look she was giving him, he decided it would be best to say SOMETHING. Anything.

"I can be what you want me to be," he blurted before he could stop himself. He mentally smacked himself the second he said it, noting her immediate, bewildered reaction. Whatever happened to cool aloofness to sudden passion, to nothing again? That had been his plan, in any case.

She looked surprise. "What?"

He decided to be straightforward. "You want some monster? You want an up and down ride? Heat? Passion? Hate? Love? I can give it to you. Just give me the word. And it's yours."

Buffy realized Riley was sounding desperate, and it sort of scared her. Good old, reliable Riley wasn't so good or reliable right now. "Are you okay?" she asked. "I mean, I know what I said last night must have been weird…but… it didn't DO anything to you, did it?"

He looked at her. "What do you mean? It did EVERYTHING! I know what you want now. You want someone who drives you nuts and up and down and all over the place. You want something unpredictable and crazy."

His words stunned her. She didn't want that… did she? Inwardly, she sighed. What did she know? She never knew what she wanted. Or she wouldn't admit to herself what she wanted. In ether case, his words hit something. Pushing that little twang of panic and shock back, she tried to face him with reason. "What are you talking about, Riley? That's not what I want."

He was immensely frustrated right about now, and he couldn't help but run both hands through his hair simultaneously, emitting a high-pitched sound of frustration as he did. "Fine. Fine, let's say for a second, that ISN'T what you want. What DO you want, then?"