Q & A #37

“Daddy, why is Mommy crying?” Meredith peeked around her parent’s bedroom door. Her father had just woken from his afternoon sleep. Her mother was sitting on the edge of the bed, as Spike rubbed her back.

“That’s a good question, pet.” He picked a pair of leather pants off the bed. “Mommy wanted to wear these.”

“I like those pants,” Meredith said. “They’re shiny.”

“Mommy likes them too. But right now,” Spike continued, as Buffy started with a fresh sniffle, “they don’t fit Mommy.”

Buffy ‘‘harrumphed” and threw the pants in the corner. “Don’t tease me.” She stood up and ran her hands over her belly. “I’m fat.”

“Meredith,” Spike asked in a serious voice, “Is Mommy fat?”

“No, silly,” his daughter answered. “Mommy is beautiful.”

“I think so, too.” He pulled Buffy down beside him on the bed, and ran his fingers through her hair. “Very beautiful.”

“Really?” Buffy sniffed back her tears. “I don’t feel beautiful.”

“Oh, really. The most beautiful mommy in the world. Isn’t she, pet?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“There you have it.” He pulled his girls close. “Mommy is twice as beautiful now, because she’s a twice mommy.” He took Buffy’s hand in his, twining his fingers through hers. “And I think it’s time I married her. If she’ll have me.”

Buffy erupted in fresh tears. Meredith looked confused. “Mommy’s crying again.”

“Happy tears.” Buffy wiped her eyes.

“You haven’t answered me, love,” Spike said.

“Say yes, Mommy,” Meredith insisted, starting to bounce up and down on the bed.

“Well,” Buffy smiled, “you would make the prettiest flower girl ever.” She squeezed Spike’s hand. “And I love your Daddy so very, very much. There’s just one thing.”

“What’s that?” Spike asked. Maybe he had made a mistake. Maybe he should have waited for a private time. Maybe he should never have asked.

“I wish I wasn’t so darn fat.”

Q & A #38

“Drawing a picture, honey?” Willow looked down at her coffee table, and the papers strewn across it. “Sorry I don’t have any crayons.”

“That’s okay. I got a pencil.” Meredith scribbled intently.

“I see that.” Willow knelt down beside the little girl. “Whatcha drawing?”

“My brother.” Meredith held up the paper. “See. That’s me and that’s my brother. When he gets borned.”

“Very nice.” Willow walked over to her entertainment unit. “You know you have to wait a while. Lots of months left.”

“I know. Mommy said. That’s okay.” She looked over at her babysitter. “We gonna watch a movie, Auntie Willow?”

“I thought you might like this one. Neverending Story.” She opened the DVD package and sat the film in the tray.

“It never ends? Ever?” Meredith’s eyes went wide.

“That’s just the name, honey. It ends. Don’t worry, you won’t have to stay here forever.” She paused before picking up the remote to turn turn on the television. “How did your dinner with Uncle Riley and Auntie Sam go?”

“Okay.” Meredith looked down at the table, and pressed the pencil to the paper. “Daddy wasn’t happy.”

“I would guess he wouldn’t be.” She flipped on the television. “They have a baby, don’t they? Erin?”

“Poor baby.” Meredith looked sad.

“Why do you say that, sweetie?” Willow pressed the mute button. “What’s wrong with the baby?”

“She talked to me. You know.”

Willow took a deep breath. She walked over to her little friend and sat on the floor beside her. “The way you talk to me?” The child nodded. “What did she say?”

“She said she likes Auntie Sam, but she misses her real mommy.” Meredith looked up at Willow. “She said a man took her from her mommy and she was scared. And I got scared.” She threw her arms around Willow’s neck. “I don’t want a man to come and take me away from Mommy and Daddy. Will the bad man come, Auntie Willow?”

The witch held the child tightly in her arms. “Not if I can help it.” She kissed her forehead. “No. Nobody’s going to take you away from your Mommy and Daddy.”

Q & A #39

“So, everybody’s really busy. You aren’t too busy for me, are you, Puppy?” Meredith lay her head on her aunt’s bed, her eyes level with the kitten’s nose.

“I’m gonna have a baby brother, and he’ll be mine, and nobody can take him away like Nigel. And Mommy and Daddy are having a wedding. I’m still not sure what that is, but people are coming to our living room and it’s like a party I think and I get a new dress. Daddy says I will be very pretty. I hope Jackson doesn’t see me.

Auntie Dawn says Jackson is a pig.” She frowned at the cat. “Not like Mr. Gordo. He’s a good pig, even if Mommy keeps him on her shelf and I can’t play with him. Sometimes Mommy says Daddy is a pig, but he just laughs. Daddy is skinny, so I don’t think he’s a pig. You know, Puppy, Jackson even looks like a pig. I think Auntie Dawn is right.

I have to go to the mall with Mommy and Auntie Dawn and Auntie Willow. Mommy likes the Mall. I think it’s too big, and we have to go look at clothes all the time and that’s stupid but Mommy says if I’m good she’ll take me to the toy store and I can get a present. I want a Harry Potter doll, but maybe that’s too much so I’ll get a Harry Potter book. You can watch Harry Potter with me tomorrow because Daddy says if he has to watch it with me one more time his head will bloody explode, and I don’t want his head to explode but I want to watch Harry Potter.”

She rolled onto her back and pulled the kitten on to her chest. It dug its tiny claws into her chest, and she shrieked, before it made itself comfortable and lay down. “You hurt me, Puppy. But that’s okay. I love you anyway. ‘Sides, you’re cuddly too.”

She rubbed behind the kitten’s ears, as it purred. “Daddy says you have to stay out of sight during the wedding because Uncle Clem is coming and he likes kittens. I don’t know why he can’t play with you. Daddy says he likes kittens with ketchup but that’s silly. I like french fries with ketchup.

Auntie Willow says not to tell. I want to sometimes. When Mommy’s sad I hug her, but I want to tell her not to be sad, but Auntie Willow says I have to use my mouth, or don’t say nothing at all. It’s hard sometimes, and I almost forget.

That baby’s like me, you know, Erin? But I’m glad I live with my real Mommy and Daddy. Auntie Sam is nice, but I think she’s sad but she loves Erin so that’s okay.

You’re going to sleep, aren’t you, Puppy? That’s okay too, because you’re really little and you need to sleep. I wonder if the baby will sleep a lot. I wonder if he’ll be like me. Daddy says he could be a sister instead but that’s okay too. Daddy sleeps a lot, and he’s really quiet. Jackson says his daddy snores like a grizzle bear but my Daddy doesn’t snore at all. I would like him to play outside with me but it’s okay if he can’t because he plays with me when he gets up.

You’re asleep now, aren’t you, Puppy? If I move I’ll wake you up, and that would be sad for you, so I will just lay here, really quiet like Daddy.” The afghan on the end of the bed floated up and covered them both. “I’m having a sleepy too, okay, Puppy?” She closed her eyes and napped.

Q & A #40

Meredith was getting cranky, after a long afternoon of looking through dress shops. “I want to go home, Mommy. Can’t we go now?”

Her Aunt Dawn picked her up. “I know, Merry. But your Mom needs to find the right dress, and she doesn’t have a heck of a lot of time. And they’ll probably need to alter it, which takes even longer.”

“Because Mommy is as big as a house,” Buffy despaired.

“Oh, right, Buffy,” Willow exclaimed. “You’re barely showing.” She pulled a dress from the rack. “What about this one?”

Meredith wiggled until Dawn put her down, and ran over to the dress. “That one will make you look like a mama’s girl.”

Willow held up the dress. “Huh?”

“She means it’s too frilly. And I agree.” Buffy looked around the shop. “I’ve seen everything here. Lets move on.”

Dawn tried to be helpful. “There’s a bridal salon at the end of the mall. We haven’t looked there.”

“I don’t think so.” Buffy took her daughter’s hand. “One kid, and another on the way. Fairytale white isn’t going to cut it.”

“They have other stuff,” Dawn insisted. “We could look.”

Meredith looked up at her mother. “We could go home.”

Buffy bent down to her daughter’s level. “I know this is boring for you, sweetie. But I want you to be part of it all. And we still have to find a dress for you. Tell you what. I’ll take you into the toy store and get you that Harry Potter thing you wanted. Then we’ll look some more. Okay?”

Meredith sighed. “Okay.”

They walked along, looking in shop windows. Meredith screeched as they passed the antique store. “That’s it, Mommy. Look, oh look.” She pointed to the picture window, at a dress on display.

“Wow.” Willow smiled. “I think she’s right.”

“And I bet it doesn’t need altering, with that cut,” Dawn added.

“You guys really think so?” Buffy asked. The other girls all nodded. “Good. Because I think so too.” She pushed open the shop door. “I just hope it fits.”

Q & A #41

“Night, sweetheart.” Spike kissed his daughter on the forehead.

“Night, Daddy. Night Mommy.” Meredith hugged her parents, then snuggled down into the sheets.

She waited until they had gone back to their room. She was supposed to go to sleep. Daddy said it was sleepy time for little girls. But she wasn’t at all sleepy. And they would hear her if she got up to play. Her daddy had very good ears, as she had learnt by experience.

She’d left her dolly Elsa in the corner of her room. She wanted to play with her. So Meredith concentrated and watched the doll float up from its resting place and hover over the bed. She tried not to giggle. This had to be silent fun. Slowly, Teddy rose off the bed and into the air beside the doll. She watched them as they danced, back and forth, dipping and twirling above her.

If she hadn’t been concentrating, she would have seen him, standing in the door, the book she had left in his room in his hand. He watched, not moving. Watched the toys hover and weave over his daughter. A chill gripped his heart. “Meredith?”

“Daddy?” The toys suddenly dropped onto the bed.

“What were you doing?” He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his daughter with new eyes. “How did you do that?”

Her face crumbled. “I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t supposed to show. Auntie Willow will be cross with me.”

He took his crying daughter in his arms. “Auntie Willow. Did she do this? Show you how to do this?”

She sniffed. “No. I just do it.” She hugged her father, burying her head in his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t hear you. I always can hear Mommy, but I can’t hear you. Don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad, my darling. Just concerned.” He patted her back. “How long have you been doing this?”

“Always.” She snuggled against him, calming as his voice grew calm. “I move things. And I hear things. I hear people, even when they don’t move their mouths. Auntie Willow says I have a gift. But I don’t like it.”

“What else does Auntie Willow say?” he asked, trying to keep the rage out of his voice.

“She says never tell. She says only she should know.” Her tears started afresh. “Stay with me, Daddy. I’m scared to sleep alone.”

“Okay, sweet pet. Lie down and we’ll cuddle.” He lay beside her, his mind racing. When her breath slowed and he knew she was asleep, he rose from the bed. First he would tell Buffy. Then they both needed to have a little talk with Auntie Willow.

Q & A #42

Dawn’s ghetto blaster roared, while Meredith played with her dolls. Try as she might, she couldn’t concentrate on the adults downstairs in the living room. “I want to have a nap now.”

“Really?” Dawn shut off the music. “All right. I’ll run into my room and get my book. I can read while you sleep.” She paused at the door. “Stay in here. I’ll be right back.”

Meredith climbed under her comforter and listened. She could hear Willow and her mother, even though she didn’t understand everything. Her father was a blank, as usual.

“You should have told us. What were you thinking?” Mommy was angry.

“You don’t understand. You don’t know what she is.” There was a pause. “I know, Spike. That came out wrong. But you have to believe me, it wasn’t me. I didn’t do anything. Just a little protection spell. It’s who she is.”

[Don’t cry, Auntie Willow.]

[Please stop listening, Meredith. This is grown-up business.]

[Okay.] Meredith stopped talking to Willow, but she didn’t stop listening. Dawn came into the room and lay beside her, opening the Lord of the Rings. Meredith pretended to be asleep.

“How could I tell you?” Willow asked. “I know you’ve been talking to Riley.”

“What the hell has that got to do with anything?” Another pause. “Shut up, Spike. None of this makes sense.”

“Let me start at the beginning.” Willow collected her thoughts. They were hazy. “I stumbled on some information on the Internet. About government operations. Secret operations. You remember Marci? Remember when she disappeared, I mean really disappeared? I think the government took her. And I found more evidence about the use of psychics as weapons and covert agents.” Yet another pause. “And how could you stop them, Spike, if they knew? Riley’s one of them.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Buffy snorted. “That’s totally different from the work he does.”

“Really?” Willow asked. “Then why did he take a psychic child away from her real mother? Meredith told me. He’s part of it.”

Her mother’s mind was a jumble of emotions. “My god. My poor baby.”

She wished she could hear her father through the others’ minds, but they were too far away. Everything was so mixed up. “I know, Spike.” Willow was saying. “Maybe I was wrong. But I love that little girl. I’d do anything to protect her.”

“Why, Willow?” Buffy asked. “Why is she like that? Is it something we did? And what about the new baby? God, Spike, I’m scared.”

“I don’t think it’s because you’re the Slayer, or Spike’s a vampire. It’s just the way she is. Like other children all over the world. Not even magic, really. Something else.”

“It can’t be true,” her mother was saying, over and over. “It can’t be true. Not my little girl. Not my ...”

“Mommy!” Meredith screamed, as she felt the stab of pain.

Q & A #43

“Mommy!” Meredith wrapped her arms around her mother, as she came through the door with her father. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, honey. I’m just going to go up and lie down.” She kissed her daughter’s head. “I’m fine. Auntie Dawn upstairs?” Meredith nodded.

“I’ll be up in a minute.” Spike took his daughter’s hand and lead her into the living room, taking her into the living room and sitting her on the couch. “The doctor says mommy’s going to be just fine.”

“And baby?” Meredith asked.

“Baby is fine too. Mommy has to get more rest, and avoid stress.”

“What’s strest?” Meredith snuggled against her father’s chest.

“Stress is when you worry too much about something. Mommy was worried. We have to help her not be worried. And you can help too.” He held her tight. “Auntie Willow told us some things. Now, she was wrong to tell you not to tell us. You know you can tell us anything. But I know why she did it.” He held his daughter away from his chest, and looked into her eyes. “The things you do, your special gifts, you are not to tell anyone about except for your family. You are not to read people, and you are not to move things with your mind. Do you understand?”

“I think so.” Meredith started to cry. “Did I hurt baby?”

“No.” He held her against him. “Oh, no, sweetheart. Mommy was just having trouble dealing with some things. It wasn’t your fault. And I told you, baby is okay.” He stroked her hair. “Don’t worry. A few things will be different, though. Mommy is going to stay home at night with you, and daddy is going to go out to work until after the baby comes. Auntie Willow, Uncle Xander and Auntie Dawn are all going to help. I won’t be able to play with you quite as much, but Mommy will be with you more. Is that okay?”

She nodded. “Am I bad, Daddy?”

“No, sweet darling. You’re just you. You’re my good little girl. But until we figure out what to do, we can’t have anyone else finding out your special gifts.”

“Are you still going to marry Mommy? ‘Cause I have a pretty dress.”

He smiled. “Of course I’m going to marry Mommy. And our friends will come and watch. It will be a special day.”

“Who will come?”

“Let’s see.” He shifted her weight on his lap, holding her hand as he counted on her fingers. “Auntie Dawn. Auntie Willow. Uncle Xander. Auntie Sophie. Uncle Clem ...”

“Nigel?” she asked brightly.

“We’re going to invite Uncle Giles and Auntie Anya, but England is a long way. Don’t be disappointed if they can’t come. I think that’s it. And the minister.”

She looked down at her fingers and realized a few hadn’t been used. “What about Uncle Riley and Auntie Sam?”

“That’s a good question. If they aren’t invited they’ll think something’s up, but if they are ... I don’t know, pet. But I think not.” He sat her beside him and stood up. “Let’s go see Mommy. I’m sure she could use a cuddle about now.”

Meredith took his hand. “Okay.”

Q & A #44

Meredith played with the kitten on the living room rug, while Clem twitched in his chair. “Meredith, I think maybe you should take that upstairs.”

“Why? Daddy says you like kittens.” She rubbed Puppy’s tummy as he lay on his back, giggling as he wriggled under her hand.

He tapped his claws on the arm of the chair. “Because it looks very taste ... very del ... Because I’m allergic.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Uncle Clem. You weren’t sneezing. My friend Georgia sneezes when she’s ‘lergic.” She picked up the kitten. “Come on, Puppy. You’re going to stay in Auntie Dawn’s room.” She ran up the stairs with her little bundle, as Clem sighed in relief. She was back downstairs in an instant. “Do you feel better now?” she asked.

“Much.” He looked around the room. “Want to watch TV?”

“Nope.” She thought a moment. “Want to play dress up?”

“Not really.” He tapped his foot. “When are your parents getting home?”

“I don’t know. They had to do stuff.” She jumped up and went to the shelf. “Want to play a game?”

“Sure.” He stood up and walked over to her. “Candyland? That sounds good. You’ll have to show me how.” He pulled the box from the shelf and sat it on the floor.

“It’s easy.” She opened the lid and pulled out the board. “Uncle Clem, what does a best man do?”

“Guess you’ve got weddings on the mind, huh? Let me see.” He scratched his bald head. “Give the groom a bachelor party.”

“What’s a bachelor?”

“The man who isn’t married. Like your dad, sort of. ‘Cept he’s not really a bachelor either, cause of you and your mom. Oh, and he makes sure the groom has the rings, and he just sees that he’s okay. Holds him up if he faints during the ceremony. Stuff like that.” He pulled out the game pieces. “Why?”

“Cause I heard Daddy tell Mommy he was going to ask you to be the best man, and I think Daddy is the best man.”

“Really?” Clem smiled. “Best man? Nobody ever asked me to be the best man before. Wow.”

“Say yes, Uncle Clem, when he asks you.” She beamed up at him. “I like you. You’re nice.”

“Thanks, Meredith.” He patted the top of her head. “I like you too. Oh, and don’t tell your dad you told me. I think it’s supposed to be a surprise.”

Meredith looked troubled. “I’m not supposed to keep secrets from Daddy and Mommy.”

“Oh, that’s a good rule.” He thought a bit. “But if you don’t tell him you told me, it’s not really a secret. It’s just not telling.”

The child was confused, but she didn’t want to argue. “Okay.”

Q & A #45

Buffy lay on her bed, her daughter curled up beside her. “Daddy’s at work,” Meredith said.

“That’s right, honey.”

“Don’t be scared. Daddy’s big and strong.” She snuggled closer, her head on her mother’s abdomen. “He’ll come home to me and you and baby. Cause he loves us.”

“I know. I won’t be scared.” She shifted in the bed, taking Meredith into her arms. “How do you know? When I’m scared. Do you feel it? Hear what I’m thinking?”

“Feel it.” The child’s face crinkled up in thought. “I feel things, and I know you feel them. I can know your head words, too, when I try. Auntie Willow says it’s not polite. Sometimes I can’t help it, but mostly I can.”

“And Daddy? Can you know what Daddy’s feeling?”

Her daughter shook her head. “Daddy’s all quiet. Daddy, and Uncle Clem, and Auntie Anya. And sometimes Auntie Willow, when she makes it be.”

“Can you shut us out?” Buffy remembered a time long ago, when she was flooded by thoughts. All the noise of all the minds in the world. She shuddered with fear that her daughter could face such a burden.

“I only hear when I listen. And move things when I try.” She looked over at the dresser, and a hairbrush rose into the air. “See, Mommy?”

“It’s amazing.” She stared at the brush. “Put it down.” It floated back to the dresser top.

“Secrets are wrong, right Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetie. Secrets can be bad. You mustn’t keep secrets from Daddy and I. But you still can’t tell the things you can do to other people. They wouldn’t understand. I’ll explain when you’re older.”

“I’m older. I know.” She sat up on the bed and looked at her mother. “I want to stay with you. Not like Erin. I won’t tell Uncle Riley.”

“Just call him Mr. Finn.” Buffy noted her daughter’s crestfallen expression. Something was wrong. “Any other secrets you want to tell me?”

“I told Uncle Clem. About he’s the best man. And I told a secret to Uncle Xander.”

“That’s okay, sweetie. Daddy’s asking Clem tonight, anyway.” She stroked her daughter’s hair. “Did you tell Uncle Xander about what you can do? Because we’re going to tell him. We can trust him, and it will be easier if he knows.”

“Nope.” She whispered. “I told him Auntie Willow loves him.”

“I think he knows that, honey. They’ve been friends since they weren’t much bigger than you.”

“No,” Meredith said with insistence. “She wants to kiss him. On the mouth. Like you and Daddy.”

“Really?” Buffy considered, smiling. “Thanks, sweetheart. That’s really ... interesting.” She caught herself. “But you still shouldn’t tell Auntie Willow’s secrets. They’re private.”

Meredith snuggled back down against her mother. “Okay.”

Q & A #46

The handful of guests gathered in the living room. Spike may have been overdressed in his black tuxedo, but he wanted the best for his girls. His daughter, all lavender ribbons and bows, held his hand as she bounced up and down with excitement. Clem rested his hand on Spike’s shoulder, and smiled.

“Is it time for us to get married, Daddy?” Meredith asked.

“Yes, love,” he smiled. “I do think it’s time.”

The classical CD on the stereo played “Ode to Joy”, as Dawn descended the staircase. She was beaming. Her sister was five steps behind her. Buffy held the stair rail as she walked to the music, careful not to trip. She clasped a nosegay of white roses in her free hand.

Spike smiled at Dawn, and nodded. As she stepped to the ground floor level, he could see his bride unobscured. She’d been coy at hiding her dress, despite his efforts to peek. He hadn’t expected this. She was wearing an ivory lace dropped waist dress, from the 1920s. A simple platinum circlet held the lace veil covering her hair.

“Isn’t Mommy pretty?” Meredith asked.

Spike squeezed his daughter’s hand. “Mommy is glorious.”

Buffy walked to her little family and took Spike’s hand. They stood before Willow’s friend, Reverend Annie of the Church of Universal Redemption, as she started the vows. “Friends and family, we are gathered in this loving home to witness the bond between these two special people. Marriage is the ...”

She was interrupted by a knocking sound. Buffy rolled her eyes as Willow pulled open the front door. The tall man standing there shrugged, as his girlfriend rushed into the room. “I am so sorry, guys, but Angel wouldn’t move until almost sundown, even though I offered him a perfectly good blanket to hide under, and then we got caught in construction and ...” She looked at the couple standing in front of the minister. “Oh, god, you’ve already started.” She turned around and slapped Angel on the arm. “See. I told you.”

Buffy waved. “Hi, guys.” Spike scowled. Angel quietly led Cordy to the side of the room.

Rev. Annie continued. “Marriage is the outward union of the inner bond that already exists between two hearts. Buffy and William ...”

Meredith tugged at her father’s coattail. “Who’s William?”

“I am, pet,” her father answered.

“Is that your groomed name?”

“Yeah. All right.” He looked back at the minister. “You were at ‘Buffy and William...’”

“Buffy and William express their love and bond today with all you loved ones present. If there is anyone here that has just cause why they may not marry, speak now ...”

There was another knock at the door. “Bloody hell,” Spike groaned between his teeth, as Willow once again opened the door.

“I am so sorry we’re late, but there were no rental cars available. So we had to call a cab. Terribly sorry.”

“Giles!” Buffy ran into her former watcher’s arms.

“Nigel!” Meredith ran to her Auntie Anya and reached up towards her little friend, perched in his mother’s arms.

“We really don’t have all night,” Spike said, as he led his family back to the centre of the room.

The rest of the vows continued without interruption. “I do now declare that they are husband and wife.” Spike pulled Buffy into his arms and kissed her, then reached down for his daughter. Her parents kissed her, one on each cheek.

“Are we married now?” Meredith asked.

“Yes, pet,” Spike answered, tears in his eyes.

Meredith smiled. “Okay.”

Q & A #47

The buffet style dinner over, the guests mingled in the living room, balancing cake plates and chatting. Giles carried on a spirited conversation with Clem, Buffy and Cordelia discussed the state of the Sunnydale mall, Angel and Spike compared soul notes, and Anya held Nigel on the couch, while Dawn and Meredith, sitting on either side of her, took turns tickling his tummy. There was a general air of festivity, happiness for the wedding and the reunion it brought.

Willow and Xander stood in the hallway. Willow held the white rose nosegay Buffy had given her, in lieu of throwing it. “Thank you for looking out for my little girl,” Buffy had whispered, as she kissed Willow’s cheek. The red haired witch twisted the ribboned handle in her fingers.

“You look great, Will,” Xander smiled. “Beautiful.”

“Thanks.” His friend looked up at him. “You don’t look half bad yourself.”

“Buffy told me. About Meredith. That’s just ... wow. So weird. And you’ve been looking out for her. Actually, it explains a lot. About things she said.”

Willow bit her lip and frowned. “I should have told them, a long time ago. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it wasn’t my place. I just worried so much about her. She’s a great kid.” Her brow furrowed. “What things she said?”

“Oh, you know,” he tried to brush his comment off. “Stuff.” He leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms. Tried to look nonchalent. “So, you seeing anybody new?”

“Nope.” She looked down at the roses. “I’ve dated a bit. You know. But nobody special. No one since Tara ....” He grasped her shoulder, and she looked up at him. “I’m okay. It was a long time ago. How about you?”

“Me? Ol’ ‘Love Em and Leave ‘Em Harris’?” He sighed. “Nada. But I’m okay too. I have work. I have my friends.” His eyes searched her face. “Good friends.” He sucked in a breath. “We should go back in the living room.” They turned, almost tripping over the little girl who had been staring up at them.

“You guys are silly. Uncle Xander wants you to kiss him. Auntie Willow wants you to kiss her. Why don’t you just kiss? Mommy and Daddy do it all the time.”

Xander knelt down beside her. “Listen, kid. You are one nosey little Parker. Why don’t you go give your mom a hug? And your dad, for that matter. He’s always up for it.”

“And one for you.” Meredith threw her little arms around Xander’s neck, then ran back into the living room.

He stood up and turned back to Willow. “Kids. Say the darndest things. Want some punch?”

But Willow was staring at him intently. “What she said. About what you want.”

Xander was flustered. “Look, Willow. She’s just a kid. And I know you aren’t interested in me that way. I mean, hey, ‘gay now’, right? I got that a long time ago.” He started to head back towards the others, but her hand on his arm stopped him.

“I’ve thought a lot, Xander. About who I am. I loved Tara. Loved her more than I ever had anyone. And I made certain assumptions about myself.” She took his hand in his. “But the older I get, the more I realize. I just love who I love. Next time might be a Fyarl demon. Who knows?”

“Next time?” Xander squeezed her fingers holding his, and looked down into her eyes. “What about this time?” She bent her head up, as he leaned down. The kiss was sweet.

“That’s what I mean,” a little voice said in triumph.

In the living room, the telephone rang. Buffy picked it up. “Hello?” Her eyes opened wide. “Ah, hi Riley.”

Q & A #48

Buffy tried to regain her composure. A call from Riley on her wedding day was the last thing she expected. “I’m just ... What’s up?” She looked around the living room at the guests. She knew Riley would find out, but she had wanted to handle things in her own time. “To be honest? Getting married. No, just a few people. Immediate family, really.”

Cordy was about to say something, when Willow clamped a hand over her mouth. Angel reacted, but at Willow’s glare, backed off.

“Well, you didn’t invite me to yours, either. Yes, it was very nice. Quiet and intimate. Nope, no helicopters. So, just call to chat?” Spike was twitching next to her, holding Meredith in his arms, trying to listen to both ends of the conversation.

“Is that Uncle Riley?” Meredith asked.

Buffy covered the receiver with her hand. “Yes, sweetie. Now let Mommy talk.” She put the phone back to her ear. “Thanks. I appreciate that. I think we’ll be very happy. We already are.”

The guests shifted awkwardly. Something was obviously wrong. Only Willow, Xander and Dawn had an inkling of the importance of the call. She held her breath.

“Sam?” Buffy shook her head. “Not since the day after you were here for dinner. Sure, I’ll call you if I hear from her. Something wrong?” She looked at Spike. Something was up. “No, sure, Riley. Yeah. Talk to you later.” She hung up the phone.

Cordy pulled away from Willow’s hand. “What the hell was that about?”

Angel gave her arm a reassuring squeeze, then looked at Buffy. “Do you want to explain to us what’s going on?”

Buffy sighed. “Not really. I can’t.” She looked at her guests. “Trust me, you guys. I can’t get into it right now.”

The guests nodded and went back to their discussions, occasionally glancing at Buffy warily.

Spike put Meredith on the floor. “Go play with Nigel.” He took a shaking Buffy in his arms. “What did he want?”

“He asked if I’d heard from Sam, but then tried to brush it off like it was no big deal. Something’s wrong.”

There was a cold edge to Spike’s voice. “Think she’s smartened up and left the wanker?”

“I don’t know.” She looked into her husband’s eyes. “But I’m not going to let him spoil our day.”

Spike smiled. “Bloody right, wife.”

Xander and Willow went into the kitchen, getting two bottles of champagne and some ginger ale from the fridge. Willow picked up a tray of glasses. Her hands were shaking, and the glasses tinkled together. Xander put the bottles down and steadied the tray. “It’ll be okay. He didn’t think anything was up.”

“Is that what life will be for them? Walking on eggshells? Maybe it would have been better if they didn’t know.”

Xander wrapped his arms around her. “They need to know. And you couldn’t carry that on your back all by yourself, anyway.” He kissed her forehead. “Slayer and vamp. If they can deal with that, they can deal with anything. Now, let’s get this nice sparkly booze into the other room.”

Q & A #49

“What’s a honeymoon?” Meredith asked, pulling a chocolate chip out of the cookie dough.

Dawn flicked her bottom with the tea towel. “Hey! Those are for baking, not eating.”

Meredith pouted. “Daddy lets me eat them.”

“Yeah.” Dawn scooped the last spoonful of the dough and dropped it on the baking sheet. “I bet he does.” She pulled open the oven door, and shoved the tray inside. “But I’m not your daddy. And I say we keep the chips in the cookies.”

“Are they ready yet?”

Dawn threw up her hands. “I just put them in. Give them fifteen minutes, okay?”

Meredith considered. “Okay.” She climbed up on a kitchen chair to wait. “But what’s a honeymoon? Is that like the man in the moon?”

“Not really.” Dawn put the empty bowl into the sink and ran the water. She swished the water around in it and turned towards her niece. “A honeymoon is when two people get married and they want to spend a little time together. Alone.”

“They don’t want me,” the little girl grumbled.

“Oh, no sweetie.” Dawn through her arms around her niece and hugged. “They want you. Heck, I had to talk your daddy out of taking you. But they need a little time away. Just to be with each other. Cause that’s what married people do.”

“Did they go far, far away?” The child tried to put the pieces together. Her eyes widened. “Did they go to the moon?”

Dawn tousled Meredith’s hair. “No, silly. No rocket ship. They went to the Sunnydale Arms for the weekend. If I know your mom, she’s spent some quality time throwing up in their nice, fancy bathroom. And if I know your dad ...” The telephone rang. “I so know your dad.” She picked up the phone. “Hi Spike. No, just a hunch.”

“Daddy, Daddy ...” the little girl cried, reaching for the phone.

“Yeah, here she is. No, she’s been good. Mostly.” She handed the receiver to Meredith. “Here you go, kid.”

“Hi Daddy.” Her face broke into a wide grin. “When you coming home? Okay. We’re making cookies. I’ll save you one, and Mommy too. How’s baby? Oh, that’s good. I love you Daddy. Kiss Mommy for me. Okay.” She handed the phone to her aunt. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Hey, Spike. Oh, Buffy. How’s it going? Oh, sorry. I packed you some soda crackers in your bag. Are you getting any nookie time in? Well, that’s good, anyway. Yeah, she’s fine. Here she is.” She handed the receiver back.

“Hi Mommy. I love you. I have a cookie for you. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Mommy.” She listened to the buzz on the line. “She hunged up.”

Dawn put the receiver back on the cradle. “You can save her a cookie, but she’ll just toss it. Geez, I thought she’d be over all that by now.”

“Why would Mommy throw my nice cookie?” When her aunt just stared at her, she changed the subject. “What do people do on honeymoons?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” She went over to the oven. “But kissage is involved.” She pulled the tray out and set it on top of the stove. “Hey, they’re done. Let them cool for a minute, and you can have one. And I said one.”

“What’s nookie?”

Dawn stuck a cookie in the child’s mouth and steered her into the living room. “Let’s watch Monsters, Inc.”

“Okay,” Meredith replied, through her cookie.

Q & A #50

Buffy was finishing up the dishes, as Meredith sat watching her on a kitchen chair, swinging her legs. “Did you have a nice honeymoon, Mommy?”

Buffy smiled. “Very nice. Short, but nice.”

“Did you throwed up all the time?”

Buffy put the last plate into the rack and turned around, wiping her hands on a tea towel. “Not all the time. Why?”

“Cause Auntie Dawn said you would. It didn’t sound like much fun. You could have stayed home with me and done that.”

Buffy sat on a chair beside her daughter. “Auntie Dawn shouldn’t worry about me. It’s getting better, it really is. And it was very nice for Mommy and Daddy to have a pretty room all to ourselves for the weekend.” She took her daughter’s tiny hand. “But of course we missed you. We would always miss you.”

“You went away. Can I go away?”

Buffy was surprised. “Why? Where do you want to go?”

Meredith frowned. “You and Daddy said I could go to school. And my friends are going to school, and I’m not.” She looked into her mother’s eyes and pouted. “Did you forget, Mommy? Cause you said it would be good. And you said I should go. But I’m not going.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Buffy reached over and pulled Meredith onto her ever decreasing lap, and held her close. “Of course we didn’t forget. We just aren’t sure that it’s the best thing anymore. You would have to be so very careful all the time, not to listen to people’s thoughts, or move things with your mind. That’s a lot to ask a little girl.”

“I could do it, Mommy. I want to go to school.”

“I know.” Buffy combed her fingers through her daughter’s soft hair. “I want you to go. Someday. But not just yet. It’s safer.” So hard to see her little girl sad. “Stay here with Mommy and Daddy, for a while longer?”

The child sighed. “Okay.” The tears were welling up. “But I wouldn’t be a bad girl. Nobody would know I can do stuff.”

“Oh, honey.” Buffy held her tight. “You aren’t a bad girl. You’re my good little girl. It’s just that nothing is more important than keeping you safe from harm. Nothing. You and baby and Daddy.”

“And you, Mommy.” She nodded her head deliberately. “I’ll be a good girl. I’ll stay home.”

There was a rapping at the back door. “Who could that be?” Buffy asked. She put her daughter down onto the floor and went to the back door, peeking out through the curtains. “Honey,” she said, “go upstairs to Daddy’s room, and stay there until I get you.”

“Why, Mommy?” Her eyes opened wide. “What are they doing here?”

“I don’t know. Now, scoot.” She watched her daughter head out of the kitchen, then cracked open the door.

“Buffy, please, can you help me?” The visitor shifted the weight of the small child in her arms. “Please, can I come in? I don’t know where else to turn.”

Buffy opened the door. “Come in, Sam.”

Q & A #51

Buffy handed the mug to the woman on the couch. “Two creams, no sugar, right?”

Sam looked up with a look of gratitude. “Right.” She glanced down at her eleven month old daughter, playing contentedly on the living room rug with a set of brightly coloured blocks. “She’s so precious. So ...” The ex-soldier brushed away a tear. “I’m sorry. You don’t need this. I just didn’t know where else to go.”

Buffy sat beside her on the couch. “What happened. You and Riley? You seemed so happy.”

“I love Finn.” Sam shook her head, as if trying to shake out the pain. “I love him, but it’s just so strange. There’s something he’s not telling me. He’s changed.” She looked down into her coffee, but didn’t drink it. “And maybe I’ve changed.”

“Did something happen?” Buffy asked.

“Our life was perfect. Oh, maybe things weren’t as exciting for me anymore. No. Belay that. Having her was excitement enough.” She ran her fingers up and down the handle of the mug. “We were so happy. I thought I had everything I wanted.”

Buffy’s tone was calm, measured. “What did he do?”

“I found blood on the baby’s sock. Not much. And there was a little pin prick mark on her heel.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I asked him about it, but he said he hadn’t noticed. Maybe it was an insect bite, he said.”

“But it wasn’t?”

Sam’s lips were pursed, her eyes shut. “No. I walked into her room a few days later. I guess he didn’t hear me coming.” She sighed, a deep, troubled sigh. “He had a needle. He was injecting her with something. I saw it, Buffy. Saw it clear as day.”

“He was injecting her? That’s just ...”

“Bizarre? Insane? So I spun him around. Said ‘Finn, what the hell are you doing?’ But he must have shoved the hypodermic in his pocket. Denied everything. Said I looked tired, I should lie down. I was imagining things.”

“But you weren’t.”

“Things started to come together. Little pieces. We got her so fast. It shouldn’t have been that easy. And her doctor. Riley came up with his name. I didn’t know anything about him. Little things. Nothing things.” She took a long drink of the hot liquid, gulping it down. “I think he’s doing some kind of experiment on her.” She put her hand on Buffy’s, who tried not to flinch. “She’s just a little girl. Just a baby.” She squeezed Buffy’s hand. “Please don’t think I’m crazy. I confronted him, and he almost hit me. Then he laughed it off.” Tears were flowing down her cheeks now. “I took my car and drove to the closest city. Made a paper trail. Used charge cards for everything, gas, hotel. Took out just enough cash to buy a second hand wreck from a teenager and drove here. I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

“He did.” Buffy said softly. “He called. Looking for you. Last Friday night.”

Sam jumped at the voice from the doorway. “Company, pet?”

Meredith peeked her head around her father’s legs. “Hi Erin.”

Q & A #52

“You can’t sleep, can you?”

“I’m a vampire. It’s the middle of the night.” Spike rolled onto his side and looked at his wife. “What’s your excuse?”

She stared up at the ceiling. “I think you know.”

“Of course I know.” He took her hand and held it tight. “Why did you ask her to stay?”

“How could I ask her to leave? After what she told me?” She lay her other hand on top of his, holding to her chest. “Thanks for putting up the crib.”

“Had to do it eventually.” His eyes narrowed. “You don’t trust her though, do you?”

“Not in the least.”

“Good,” he smiled. “I was afraid you were goin’ soft on me, Slayer.”

“Me?” she chuckled. “Buffy the bitch? I think not.” She snuggled next to him. “Tomorrow, we get them to a shelter, and she can deal. I’d like to help more, but it’s just too dangerous. Having them here. Not with ...”

“Not with Riley Finn, Initiative’s darling, looking for them.” He sighed. “You think it’s a setup? Think she’s called him?”

“No. I don’t think he’s made the connection about Meredith. I think she’s probably telling the truth.”

“And if she’s not?” He raised his left eyebrow.

“Then we’ll just have to kill them.”

“That’s my girl.” He lay his hand on her belly. “Life’s complicated, innit?”

“When wasn’t it?” She looked up at him, concern in her eyes. “What if they’re something wrong with the baby? What if ... what if it has gummy little vamp teeth, and baby wrinklies?”

“Sounds right handsome.” He kissed her. “The baby will be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Did you hear something?” She looked at him, but he shook his head. “I’m on edge. That’s all. What do you think they’re talking about in there? Talking with their minds. I bet they are.”

“Erin’s eleven month’s old, love. Doubt she’s much of a conversationalist.”

The bedroom door creaked open. “Mommy? Daddy? You awake?”

“We’re awake, pet. Worried? Want to climb in?”

“Nope.” The child stayed at the door. “Erin’s thirsty. She wants her bottle.”

“Oh,” Buffy said, pushing herself out of the bed. “Sorry. I didn’t hear her cry.”

“She didn’t.” Meredith opened the door wider, as her mother stepped into the hall. “She told me.”

“Don’t tell Auntie Sam that. Please, sweetheart.” She headed towards the stairs. “I’ll get her a bottle out of the fridge.”

Meredith turned towards her room. “Okay.”

Q & A #53

“Will she be okay?” Meredith snuggled next to her father on the couch.

“Who? Mommy?” Spike lay the copy of ‘Yertle the Turtle’ in his lap. “She’ll be fine. I thought you wanted a story?”

“I thought I did. Now I don’t.” She closed her story book and watched her father lay it on the coffee table. “Erin.”

“Ah, yes.” He put his arms around his daughter. “Right as rain, I’m sure.”

“Where are they going? Why did Mommy go with them?”

“Mommy went because she knew a safe place to take them. A place where Sam can have some time to think, without worrying about being found.” He pulled Meredith on his lap, and she rested her head on his chest. “Thought you weren’t going to suck your thumb anymore?”

Meredith pulled the offending digit from her mouth. “I forgot.” She looked up at her father. “Why did Uncle Riley hurt his baby girl? You would never hurt me.”

“Don’t call him that. And I don’t know.” His eyes narrowed. “How did you know? And what do you know?”

“Erin told me he hurt her. He scared her.”

“And Sam?”

“Auntie Sam didn’t hurt her. She loves her. Anybody can tell that, Daddy.” She tugged the afghan off the back of the couch. “I’m cold.”

“Sorry, love.” Spike pulled the blanket over the both of them. “I’m glad her Mommy loves her. She needs that now. They both need that.”

“I asked Erin about her real Mommy. The one they took her from. And you know what she said, Daddy?”

“Tell me, pet.”

“She said, ‘What real Mommy?’ I think she forgot. She just knows Auntie Sam now. Isn’t that a sad thing, Daddy? It’s scary.”

“You’re shivering.” He tugged the blanket up and covered her shoulders. “Why does that scare you, sweetheart? Auntie Sam will take good care of Erin.”

“What if it was me, Daddy? What if the bad man took me from you and Mommy, and I couldn’t find you? And what if they made me have a new mommy, and I didn’t know you any more, and I didn’t know Mommy or baby or anyone.” She was crying, tears on her little cheeks. “Don’t let them take me, Daddy. Don’t let the bad man come.”

He rubbed circles on her back, the way he had calmed her when she was a tiny baby. “Shhh. My sweetest love. I will never let anyone take you. Never let anyone hurt you. Neither will Mommy. You know that.”

“Did Erin’s real daddy say that?”

His hand paused. “Your daddy is saying that. And your daddy means it. Nothing will happen to you. Nothing.” But he pulled the afghan tighter around himself.

When Meredith fell asleep in his arms, he cherished the feeling of her warm, even breathing. After a while, he lay her down on the couch, covered her with the afghan, and went into the kitchen to start dinner.

Q & A #54

The park was an oasis of serenity. In the midmorning sun, mothers watched their children on the playground equipment, as people walked their dogs along the path into the ravine. In daylight, Sunnydale seemed like any small American town, where normal people led normal lives.

Buffy watched her daughter from the bench, sitting next to Willow. She smiled as one of the mothers, Monica, Buffy thought her name was, alternated pushing her own daughter and Meredith on the swings. She waved, and Meredith waved back, laughing as she swept into the sky.

“You never heard from Riley again?” Willow asked.

“Nope.” Buffy kept one eye on her happy daughter, the other on her friend. “Sam covered her tracks pretty well. And it’s not like we’re best friends or anything. I’m hoping he figured she went someplace else.”

“And if he didn’t? If he calls again? Or shows up on your doorstep?”

“I’ll lie. You know I’m pretty good at that. Heck, I lied about my feelings for Spike long enough.” Buffy picked her tote off the ground and pulled out a paper bag. “Want a sandwich?” When Willow shook her head, Buffy pulled out a segment and took a bite, swallowing. “I’m so hungry all the time, now that the vomiting finally seems to be over. Anyway, Sam will be moving out of town soon. They figure at the shelter she’d be better off someplace where she has no connections. It’ll be hard, starting over, but they’ll help her.”

Meredith suddenly appeared at her mother’s knee. “Can I have a bite?”

“Sure, sweetie.” Buffy pulled out a piece of chicken from the sandwich and popped it in her daughter’s mouth. “Chew it up good.”

Meredith smiled as she chewed. “I’m going on the slide now, Mommy.”

“Sound’s like fun. The baby slide, right? The other one’s too big.”

Meredith put her hands on her hips, and Willow tried to suppress a laugh. Baby Buffy. “I’m a big girl, Mommy. But okay.” She ran back towards her friends.

“Erin’s adopted. Will that be a problem?” Willow asked.

Buffy nodded. “Could be. If they find her.” Her face hardened. “Though, if Riley finds them, that might not be her only problem. How could I be so wrong about him?”

“He changed, Buffy. I don’t think he was like that. Not before.”

“Which begs the question,” Buffy closed her eyes and sighed, “Is it my fault? Did I do something to him?”

Willow patted her hand. “It’s not all about you, silly. I wouldn’t discount the big bad government, and scary hush hush military stuff. Can’t be good for a guy.”

“Mommy!”

Buffy looked up at her daughter, and her eyes grew wide. “I told you the baby slide,” she called.

Meredith was standing at the top of the tall slide, waving her hands. “I’m a big girl.” Meredith looked down the long slope of the slide, and panicked. She stood at the top, frozen. “Mommy! Too high!” The line up of children behind her yelled at her to go. The boy behind her, impatient, gave her a shove, but instead of heading down the slide, she lost her balance and plummeted over the side of the platform.

Buffy rushed towards her. She wasn’t going to make it.

“Soft,” Willow muttered.

Meredith hit the ground.

Buffy screamed. She knelt beside her little girl, terrified of what she’d find.

Meredith looked up at her, giggling. “That was fun.”

The circle of mothers and children that gathered parted as Buffy carried her daughter away from the slide. “Is she okay?” Monica asked. “I was sure ...”

“She’s fine. Right honey?”

Meredith nodded with enthusiasm. “I’m fine. I want to go again.”

Buffy mouthed “Thank you,” to Willow, then put her daughter on the ground. “Don’t you ever do that again. Ever.” She took Meredith’s hand. “Time to go home.” A tear trickled down the young mother’s cheek. ‘I should have been paying more attention,’ she thought. ‘How can I watch two kids, when I can’t even look after one?’ But to Meredith she added, “Your daddy is not going to be happy about this.”

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