Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They all belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., and the other creators and performers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have written this for pure entertainment value and nothing else. I do not claim this is how it will be on the show or I have any affiliation with BtVS. I do not own the songs used in this series. They belong to Linkin Park, “In the End,” and Stabbing Westward, “Shame.” The poem, however changed to fit my story by gender, was written by W.H. Aulden.

Thanks: Thanks to Heather for reading and making sure I didn’t sound like and idiot. :o)

Summary: This comes directly from the events of the season 6 finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have changed it in the smallest amount to make it fitting for my story. All the important events that happened in finale are still the same, but the time line is just a little different.

Rating: At the moment Pg-13/R

Buffy reached her hand up out of the grave, looking back for her sister. Pulling herself up into the light took Buffy’s breath away, knowing that all this almost came to an end. After a year of pain and hurt, wanting to not be here in this world any longer, she realized in that fleeting moment that this is where she needed to be. Turning around to pull Dawn up out of the grave to stand next to her, and watch with a new fondness, a new sense of wonder as the world before her unfolded into a new day of life. Buffy took Dawn’s hand in hers as they walked through the cemetery, the sunlight beating down on them in the cool California breeze. Buffy looked at everything like it was her first time she really truly saw it all. The green of the grass, the scents that invaded her senses as they walked the path out of the cemetery. Dawn froze next to her sister, and Buffy stopped to look at her. She was so grown up, and for the first time Buffy actually saw it, and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Dawn, what is it?” Buffy asked.

Dawn’s voice was paralyzed with confusion as she stared out into the middle of the cemetery, into the middle of the sunlight. Releasing her hand from her sisters, she rubbed her eyes, trying to take in all she was seeing.

“Spike.” Dawn whispered.

Spike stood there staring at the two girls in the sunlight. Taking in a glorious vision he hasn’t truly seen in over a hundred years. The two women before him glistened in the sunlight, marvelous, en-comparison in beauty as the sun radiated on their bodies. His senses so high tuned into the smell of his fair Buffy, the day accentuating her scent. Buffy moved away from Dawn to see Spike, unbelieving he was there. Confusion and shock splayed across her face when she saw the faint whisper of a pale shadow roll behind the trees and out of sight.

Buffy shook her head in disbelief. It couldn’t have been Spike, not standing here during the day, not directly in the sun. It couldn’t even be Spike here. She refused to believe after everything that has happened he would show up now, right at the end.

“It couldn’t have been Spike, Dawn.” Buffy said.

“I know it couldn’t have been Spike, but it was him. He was standing in the sun right over there!” Dawn shouted, and pointed to where Spike stood.

“No, Dawn, it couldn’t have been. He is a vampire. They go dusty when the sun hits them.” Buffy shook her head.

“I know ALL about vampires Buffy, but I am telling you Spike was there!” Dawn demanded.

Dawn started her way towards where Spike stood when Buffy grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.

“Where do you think you are going?” Buffy questioned.

“I am going to go find him.” Dawn breathed.

“No! No you are not!” Buffy shouted. “Anyways, remember what Clem said? He is gone.”

Dawn ripped her arm out of Buffy’s grasp and stared at her. She took in a deep breath, and glanced back one more time over her shoulder to make sure he was really gone. A small tear ran down her face, and confusion struck through her mind. She stood there practically crying for Spike after knowing what he did. Everything he did. This was all too much, but deep down Dawn missed him. She knew him better then anybody else did, even Buffy, and he always treated her like a friend, a grown up. She turned back towards Buffy and grabbed her hand and began walking down the path again with her sister. Maybe I just miss him too much. Dawn thought to herself. She turned to look at Buffy as they exited the cemetery and caught Buffy staring back to the trees, where he disappeared.

Dawn and Buffy got to the Magic Box and Giles and Anya found their way to the back room. Really it was the only spot in the entire store that wasn’t ruined by the fighting. Giles was slouched over sitting next to Anya who was slightly holding him up. Buffy ran over to him, falling on her knees in front of him, wrapping her arms around him tight, not wanting to let him go. Anya smiled and leaned into Buffy and Giles not wanting to be left out. She looked up and saw Dawn standing in the corner and waved her over. Giles sat in the middle of a big group hug; tears started falling from his eyes.

“God Giles, you’re ok! Are you ok?” Buffy mumbled underneath the mass of people.

“I’m….I’m still a little sore, and you’re still a little strong Buffy.” Giles coughed.

Buffy moved quickly away from him almost knocking Dawn to the ground in her fast harsh movements. Anya moved away disappointed the hug was over, but stood up so Buffy could sit down next to Giles. She moved over to Dawn and wrapped one arm around the young girls shoulder, holding her tight, and Dawn just leaned her head down on her shoulder. Buffy sat next to Giles and started whipping away at the blood that stained his face. Staring at him like this, and knowing she almost lost him once again, she wanted to break down in his arms and cry, but not now. She couldn’t cry now.

“Wh..what happened?” Buffy stuttered.

“Xander!” Anya yelped.

Buffy turned; a look of confusion marred her face. “Xander? What happened to Xander?”

“Xander saved the world.” Anya cried.

“That’s right. Yes, umm…it was Xander.” Giles agreed. “Xander found Willow just in time, and it was he that saved us all. It was he that loved her enough to save the world.”

Buffy and Dawn looked crushed. Neither of them were able to stop Willow. They only seemed to infuriate her anger and hate towards everybody. They didn’t know that Willow took something from Giles, a little piece of humanity that was long forgotten in all the hate she was feeling. Giles just tried to sit back, his pain was slowly receding. They may never know, though.

Buffy hugged Giles one last time and rose to her feet. She walked past Anya and Dawn and stood at the door for a brief moment and turned back to the small group.

“Maybe I should, uh…” Buffy trailed off with her words as she walked through the door.

Buffy slowly moved through the Magic Box, with every step a torn memory flashed across her mind of the fight she had with Willow. Willow’s voice etched in her mind as Willow made Buffy face the truth of the past year. It was lightening pain as Willow’s words ripped through her body. The punches and kicks that were always thrown amongst friends. The threats, and magic’s used to try to kill one another. Every step that she took was another flash of painful memory as she walked to the door. She opened the door glancing back through the store, turning into the light it burned at her eyes. Blinking to adjust her sight in the sun, Buffy saw him. He stood there like a Romanesque statue in the sunlight, gorgeous and haunting and then gone. Before she realized it wasn’t the sun playing tricks on her Spike was gone. He once again disappeared into the shadows making the alleys of the buildings his sanctuary. Buffy shook her head at the thought of him being here, it was impossible, and in the daylight even more of an absurdity to think.

She walked through town watching everything, and seeing it all differently then she did yesterday. She felt more alive crawling out of the grave with Dawn then she did when she crawled out of her own almost a year ago. Everything before her was so different and new. Before she knew it, she had made her way across town to Devil’s Mountain, and saw Xander and Willow on the ground in each other’s arms. Willow was crying, and Xander was holding onto her so tightly, afraid to let her go. Buffy wished she could be over there, with her friends, consoling together in all their pain, but it wasn’t her place. Not anymore. She turned and left them alone, tears threatening to unfold from her eyes.

Buffy walked alone for hours contemplating the past events. Everything that has led to this precise moment in time went through Buffy’s mind. Before she knew it she stood before Spike’s door of his crypt. Her thoughts have taken her to places she really didn’t want to go, ever. And now she stood in spot that she didn’t really want to be. At least she thought. She sucked in a harsh breath and opened the door to the crypt. It was dark, things were thrown all over the place, some stuff was destroyed, and remnants of food lay around the cold stone floor and sarcophagus. She made her way down to the basement, where her Spike had recently spent plenty of intimate time. The same place that she was chained and threatened, the same place she found Spike’s obsession for her, and turned him down. If there were any place in the world Spike would be during the day, if he were in Sunnydale at any rate, it would be down here in the basement of his dark dank crypt. He wasn’t there though, not even Clem occupied this crypt. Buffy sighed then shook her head as she walked back to the ladder to leave. She looked over the basement again, remembering what it use to look like, with the colors, and carpets, making it almost look human before it was blown up. She shook off her thoughts and climbed to the top of the crypt, surprised all of a sudden by Clem sitting in the chair.

“Clem.” Buffy said.

He jumped surprised that anybody was there. He was a demon but he didn’t have that kind of sense like vampires had. To have the Slayer sneak up behind him from the basement of where he was currently living sent shivers up his spine. He stood in front of her staring across the room at her, playing with his ears in an uncomfortable silence. Buffy only stepped closer to him noting how nervous he got with each step. She raised her hands to make a small gesture of peace, and he almost jumped out of his skin.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Clem.” Buffy whispered.

“So….ummm, so you’re like not mad at me for taking the little one to ummm, yeah…”

“No. I am not mad at you for taking Dawn to Rack’s. She can be pretty persuasive.” Buffy smiled.

“And you’re not gonna kill me then?” Clem asked hesitant for an answer.

“No Clem. I’m not gonna kill you.” Buffy sounded so defeated as she walked towards the door to leave him in peace.

Clem relaxed at her words and followed her movements, as she walked towards the steel door. He moved slightly from the light as it pierced in thru the open door, for need really, except he just liked the dark. He waved a little at her, afraid to move too much still around the Slayer, a small smile sailing over his features.

“So, uh…I guess I’ll see ya around Sla..I mean Buffy.” Clem stuttered.

“Yeah I guess so.” Buffy smiled as she walked through the door. She paused for a moment, and without turning asked her undying question. “Clem, do you know if Spike is back?”

“No. I don’t know when he is coming back.” Clem stated.

“Oh.” Is all Buffy could manage as she shut the door behind her and made her way back to her home.

A week later everything seemed to some what settle down, and get back to as normal as things did around Sunnydale. Willow moved back to her parent’s house for a while. She couldn’t handle sleeping in, or even being in the same room Tara died in. Anyways, that police still had the yellow tape on the room, and around advertising something bad happened here. It was hard to stay in the house for Buffy and Dawn. Dawn spent most of her time either at Xander’s or one of her friend’s house like Janice or somebody. Thank goodness for Buffy that Giles had stayed with her stay the Summers’ home. They would sit and talk for hours, occasionally going over to the Magic Box to help clean up there. Buffy told Giles everything all over again that has happened in Sunnydale since he had left, and most of the time they would laugh about it all. Today though was going to be different. Today the entire gang was getting together to bury Tara. Willow called her family, but after last time they were here they had a few words with Willow apparently. Needless to say her blood family wasn’t coming to her funeral.

Tara’s funeral was held at the same cemetery Buffy’s mother was buried. Not very far away from each other in fact. It was a gorgeous day outside. The sun warmed everybody gently, surrounding all of them in a blanket of summer. Lilies and roses covered every square inch around them with the white coffin perched in front of them all. They had a Wicca priestess perform the prayers and service. A few other people from school showed up to her funeral, but you could just tell they didn’t know her, not like we did. We barely knew her. Buffy and Xander thought. Xander held onto Willow as she cried in his arms, everybody else standing back mourning in their own ways. Gently every once in awhile placing small consoling hands on Willow, trying to comfort her a little more. Willow stood to say one last goodbye to her lover, her friend.

When Willow finished her speech she bent down carefully next to the coffin and placed a gentle kiss on the outside before it lowered to the earth. The flower in Willows hand dropped down on top of it, and she walked away. Xander moved to the coffin and put his flower on, turned around with a brief smile and then followed Willow. We all stood and watched him catch her before she left the cemetery then individually said our last goodbyes to our friend. Everybody left one by one leaving a hole in the cemetery and left over flowers marking the spot of a loved one. Buffy stayed behind wanting to be alone for a little bit. She made sure Dawn was safe and doing all right has she headed off with Giles and Anya. Buffy stood there next to where Tara was being laid to rest and watched as the crewman laid down the dirt on her coffin.

The pounding of the dirt hitting the wood thundered through her body making her shudder. Each scoop of dirt was like a boulder smashing into her heart making her wince. Buffy couldn’t force herself to move, she just stood there and watched. Wanting to say goodbye, but had no words to say it. She threw her single daisy in with the dirt and turned around and left. She walked over to where her mother was placing the small bouquet of flowers near her tombstone.

“Well Mom. You’re not alone anymore.” Buffy whispered. “Tara is up there to keep you company now.”

Buffy noticed a small envelope lying at the base of her mother’s tombstone. It only read Joyce on the front of it in unusual handwriting. Buffy looked around to see if she could see anybody and then open the envelope up. The letter unfolded in an egg white parchment paper, with script handwriting.

Buffy fell to her knees reading the poem Spike left to her mother and Tara. She couldn’t believe he could write such things. She couldn’t believe he would actually take the time to do so. Buffy read the letter one more time and a single tear fell from her cheek down to the paper. She folded the paper back up when she was done and placed it back in the envelope. Looking over to Tara’s grave Buffy’s breath was taken away. A small bouquet of yellow daisies laid on the now covered grave, and a tall figure in black walking away, moving to the shadows of the trees. Buffy dropped the letter over her mother’s resting place and ran for the trees.

“Spike!” Buffy yelled.

Nobody was there. Only a faint scent of cigarettes lingered in the air. Buffy walked back through the cemetery to make her way home. She looked over one last time at Tara and her mother’s grave. The yellow daisies lay over the fresh earth of one, and Buffy blinked at the small bouquet of yellow daises placed ever so discreetly next to her bouquet on her mother’s grave. The letter once again propped up on the ground against her tombstone. Buffy froze and looked around trying to see him, to sense him, but how could it be. Not during the day, but then again Spike was like no other vampire.

Buffy ran her hardest to Spike’s crypt swinging open the door with a crash. Darkness blanketed the empty crypt. No couch, no television, no small fridge that stored his blood bags, not even Clem sitting around. Buffy ran through the top over to the ladder, and jumped downstairs. Everything was gone. Nothing, just a crypt, nothing was left, no bed or bar, no Spike.

Buffy was wrapped up in her bed staring at Spike’s duster lying over the chair at her vanity. It had been days since she went to his crypt and found it vacant, not sign of him anywhere, or even Clem. She had been to Willie’s searching for him, but nobody had heard anything about him since he left. She tried everywhere she could think. At night she was haunted by the vision of him just as much as during the day. She would go out and fight in the cemeteries or blackened alleys always feel like she was being watched. During the day was the same way. Sometimes she would spot him walking outside her house during the day, but by the time she would run to him he would be gone. The allies at night concealed him in darkness when she thought she caught a glimpse of him. She was always wrong though, and he was never really there. Her slayer senses couldn’t even feel him, not like it use to anyways. The feeling now when she thought it was him was so different, so unusual that it just couldn’t be him.

Right now though everything else seemed to be getting better she guessed. Willow had still yet to come over to her house, but Buffy had gone to hers, and they would hug and talk. Not like old times really, but better then it has been in a long time. Sometimes Dawn or Anya would come with Buffy to see her, and it would be just the girls night out, though nobody said anything. Giles even went a couple times to see her; you know make sure she was doing all right and all. These last couple days though Buffy has tried to spend as much time as possible with Giles before he leaves again. She took off work for a couple days, even though they are still hurting for money. Giles gave her some to tie her over for a bit, and he paid for Tara’s funeral. The police said they haven’t found the shooter yet, and they finally came by today and took down that horrible tape. Giles paid for the new window installation, and the carpets were cleaned. Nobody else was able to go in the room with it still looking like that. Giles just took care of everything, and tomorrow he will be leaving once again.

Buffy reached out her hand and played her fingertips gently over the leather of his duster, then turned on her back and closed her eyes. Ever since the funeral and the flowers, the poem, everything, Buffy has been invaded with images of her times with Spike. She always seemed to drift to sleep with one memory or another of him. She thought of after she came back and she went to him, and they talked and laughed. She thought about their first kiss, and the kiss after that one, and the passion while they had sex, sometimes she liked to think of them making love. It seems to make her sleep with smile. Until that is the nightmares came. The look of desperation in Spike’s eyes, the fear scorching through Buffy as she try to free herself from his grasp in the bathroom. She would wake up in a nightmarish rage at the memory of what happened, the look in his eyes before he left, and she would dress and go out for the hunt. Every night it would be the same.

After Buffy and the gang said goodbye to Giles, Buffy made sure everybody was doing fine. She needed a little alone time. She left the Magic Box hugging everybody goodbye for the night, assuring her sister she would be home later, then she made her way to the Bronze. She sat at the bar just like last time when Giles left and drank her drink. Tears threatened to cross her face, but she forced them to stay back. It really was no place to cry. Not here, not now. She glanced around the bar as she took sips from her drink listening to the music, and saw him. He stood in the corner, in the darkness of the club. His platinum blonde hair almost blinding glaring out from the black, and he smiled and walked away from her. Buffy dashed out of her seat trying to force her way thru the crowd, making it to the door. The blinding light from the sun making her lose sight for a moment. She looked down the alley, and he wasn’t there, nobody was there. She shrugged her shoulders, thinking it was just her imagination playing tricks on her again. I mean there was no way he could walk out of the Bronze into the day. She glanced back in the bar, not seeing anybody and closed the door as she started walking down the alley to her home.

When Buffy got to her house there was a single daisy lying at the base of her door. The light shinning on it like a diamond. A small note lay next to it written in unfamiliar writing. Just a simple, ‘You look stunning even when your sad’, written on the note.

Buffy burst through door and ran into the living room where Dawn was sitting on the couch watching TV. Buffy held the daisy in her hand and she stood silent pointing at the door looking at her sister. Dawn stood up and cautiously approached her baffled sister.

“Who is that from?” Dawn asked.

“Did you see him!?” Buffy shouted.

“See who? I don’t know what you are talking about.” Dawn said.

“Dawn did you see who put this there? Did you see Spike?” Buffy demanded and grabbed her sister’s arm.

“I didn’t see anybody! I don’t know who left that here!” Dawn demanded pulling her arm away. “Spike’s back.”

Buffy just turned her to face Dawn. Everything was so weird right now, and neither could explain anything that was going on. And now, now there was another daisy, this time at her door. The handwriting though, it was so…different. It couldn’t be Spike, there was no way. Buffy swore to herself for these odd visions she has been having lately and went into the kitchen lying the flower and letter on the island. Dawn followed her and watched as she silently shifted through the fridge looking for stuff to eat. Since Giles was here they went shopping and had more food to choose from, that wasn’t from the Doublemeat Palace, which was nice. Dawn picked up the flower and smelled it as she moved the letter around so she was able to read what it said. Dawn just smiled and placed the flower down on the table where it was and went over to help Buffy with dinner.

“So, uh, you don’t know who is leaving you those things?” Dawn inquired.

“What?! What things? There are no ‘things.’ Only one thing. One.” Buffy pointed out.

“Ok, ok geez. So you don’t know who sent you the one thing?” Dawn smiled.

“No.” Buffy whispered. “No I don’t.”

“I am sure whoever it is will show himself soon enough Buffy.” Dawn suggested.

“Do you know who it is?” Buffy asked.

“I already told you that I don’t know.” Dawn said. “I bet it is Spike though.”

The girls finished cooking and had a nice meal together. Afterwards they made their way to the Magic Box to do a little bit of training. Buffy guessed it was high time to start training Dawn how to fight, instead of her just picking it up from watching all the time. They spent a couple hours fighting, and mocking each other until neither wanted to keep going for tonight, so they cleaned up their stuff and made their way home. Buffy did a quick patrol with Dawn at her side for the first time ever, but to Dawn’s disappointment it was slow. Not one vampire showed its head. Buffy though was acting like they were being followed, always watching behind her, stopping and back tracking to see who was there. Nobody ever showed their face, and it was midnight before they knew it. They spent the whole night together talking about all kinds of things. For the first time Dawn actually felt like somebody important to her sister. Buffy told her about how her and Spike came to be and how they broke up. They even talked about memories long forgotten over the last year about their mother. When they got home Dawn hugged Buffy goodnight and went into her room.

Buffy got ready for bed, and wrapped up in her sheets and stared at the duster that laid over the back end of the chair. For a second the daisy and note caught her attention, but the duster is what kept her attention. It was always in the same place, only time it moved was in Buffy would carry it with her and smell the faint scent that it carried of Spike with it. She reached out and touched the leather lazily like she has every night, rolled over and closed her eyes. Her thoughts were more vivid tonight as she lay trying to go to sleep. That night in the house, after they fought, and she kissed him. All the passion and want that was in that kiss shook her to her bones. Her thoughts of him entering her that night carried her into her sleep, and soon the nightmares began. The ice blue eyes staring down at her, forcing to touch her. Each time it seemed the nightmares got worse, her own memories of the time didn’t even compare to what her nightmares showed her. Her nightmares showed her the monster she let invade her, her memories showed her a desperate man. Like always she woke from up in a fright got dressed and went out to hunt. This time the patrol was more satisfying then earlier. A couple new fledglings rose from their fresh grave, and she ran into a pack of nameless demons that just really pissed her off when they one of them kicked her in the face and she flew over a tombstone. After the fight she felt so refreshed, killing those demons always made her feel a little better. When she straightened her clothes she walked through the cemetery up to where Tara and her mother laid to check on them. On both gravesites she noticed a new set of fresh bouquets. Buffy just smiled, somebody was obviously taking care of them and keeping their promise, and she had a faint idea of who it was. When she made it home she sneaked upstairs into her room and changed back into her pajamas. She pulled the blankets down from her bed, not quiet remembering her making it, but right before she laid down she noticed a single daisy laying there with a small note written in the same hand as the one before. Don’t cry sweetheart. It will be better, promise. Was all the note said. Just as short as the one left at the door. Buffy walked over to the window with the note and the flower in her hand looking out into the empty darkness. She laid here new flower and note next to the other one, and covered back up into her bed staring at the black duster.

Buffy fell asleep staring at the duster in front of her. Spike sat out her window for a moment to make sure her sleep had no more nightmares this time. He watched as a single tear rolled down her cheek and crashed onto the satin pillow cradling her head. He felt her heartbeat slow, and her breathing calm as she drifted off to sleep and he jumped off the ledge and walked away from the house lighting a cigarette. He had to go before he went in there and comforted her, but he knew her tears were because of him, and right now them together was the last thing they needed.

Buffy sat at the kitchen table lost in thought. Steele blue eyes burned into her as he watched her eat her breakfast. Silence engulfed the kitchen as they stared at each other. No words needed to be spoken at the moment. Hints of yellow swam across his eyes as his face changed, his fangs grow, and a low growl emanated from his chest. Buffy’s body tightened in reflex at the sight of the demon before her.

“Buffy!” Dawn shouted. “Hey Buffy!”

Dawn shook her sister waved her hands in front of her face. Buffy lurched forward at Dawn with her spoon tight in her fist. Buffy’s hand wrapped around her sister’s neck and flung her over the kitchen table tossing the cereal and milk all over the floor. The spoon froze at Dawn’s chest as Buffy caught the fear and sadness in the dark brown eyes under her. Dropping the spoon and moving away cautiously, blinking in astonishment at what she almost done to her sister, Buffy felt tears form in her eyes. Dawn stood up rubbing her neck staring at Buffy in disbelief and just shook her head.

“Dawn, I….I didn’t mea…”

“It’s okay Buffy.” Dawn interrupted. “I guess I understand.”

”I don’t even understand. I almost killed you.” Buffy cried.

“Don’t you remember Slayer? You can’t kill a vampire unless it is a wooden stake.” Dawn said.

Buffy moved over to her sister carefully gently placing her hand in her hair, and pulling her into her arms. Hugging her to her, trying to comfort her. It was more of a comfort for Buffy then for Dawn to hold this tight to her.

“You’re not a vampire though, Dawn.” Buffy whispered into Dawn’s hair, kissing her softly.

“I know, but I know you wouldn’t kill me.” Dawn wrapped her arms around her big sister. “You’re not a killer Buffy.”

Buffy closed her eyes, and just stood there holding her sister. Trying to forget the images she saw. The dreams and even her nightmares have faded over now to when she wasn’t asleep, or even trying to go to sleep. To top it off she was seeing Spike everywhere, but nobody else was. Dawn only thought she saw him a couple times when she was walking home from Janice’s house right before dusk, but just like Buffy she could never catch him. Neither of them talked to anybody else about seeing him places because of the tension through the group anyways. The gang was just so different now.

Anya still made Dawn work at the Magic Box, but I think it was more to have company then for the debt Dawn owed her. Anya was pretty lonely during the day, and at night even worse. She always wanted to go grab coffee, or a movie, or just anything with Dawn or Buffy after she closed the shop, not wanting to be alone. Sometimes she would sit in the workout room while Buffy trained Dawn, and sometimes Anya would join in. All three girls together beating up the fake bad guys that surrounded the room. It was a sight to see actually. The Slayer teaching an ex-ball of green light and a 1000 year old demon how to fight bad guys, but these were the only three people that came back to the Magic shop after that day.

Giles helped out with some money before he left to fix up the shop and Buffy and Dawn worked there with Anya putting it back together. There were still some parts of the shop that weren’t completely back to normal, but then again nothing was back to normal.

Xander spent most of his time at Willow’s helping her get over the magic stuff, and letting her cry all the time. Buffy and Dawn would come and visit on occasion just to talk to her about nothing in particular. Sometimes they would talk about Tara, but it was rare, and Willow couldn’t even say her name. When Xander wasn’t there Anya would come by to see Willow, but somebody always had to be with them. Never wanted to take the chance of an ‘I wish’ slip up during a crying moment.

The only person that went on patrol with Buffy anymore was Dawn, but there never seemed to be anything major happening when Dawn would be with Buffy. Buffy watched one night as Dawn sat at a fresh grave and waited for the new vampire to rise. Buffy stood still and watched her sister get tossed around at first, and right when the vampire almost bit down on her neck, Buffy panicked for a moment until dust fell over top of Dawn. Dawn lay on the ground coughing, brushing the dust from her clothes as she stood up.

“I can’t believe you didn’t help me!” Dawn screamed.

“I thought you wanted to be a grown up and fight?” Buffy asked with sarcasm.

“I wanted to fight, not get drained.” Dawn protested.

“I wouldn’t have let him drain you.” Buffy said.

Dawn smiled for a moment then frowned at her sister. “But…but you would have let him bite me?” Dawn groaned.

Buffy just smirked and turned around and skipped away, swinging her stake between her fingers. Buffy enjoyed her time patrolling with her little sister, and it was always fun to watch her fight whenever she actually got the chance to, which was very rare, but it seemed to make Buffy smile. She would never put Dawn in any harm, but knew if she always stepped up in the middle of her fight, Dawn would just be furious at her. They always went home, and Buffy would always end up going out to patrol again. It seemed different when she patrolled by herself. More baddies always seemed to be lurking about when she wasn’t with Dawn.

When Buffy patrolled alone she always managed walking up around where Tara and her mother were. Always noticing, fresh flowers that were recently laid, and sometimes a small note to go with them. Most of the time though she spent her time outside of the old vacated crypt staring at it. She never knew why she would end up there, and she never even went inside. She always just walked around the crypt, or sat on a nearby tombstone staring at the steel door she has bashed through more then she could possibly count. Sometimes she would see him walking ahead of her in the cemetery, or hear him fighting in the distance, but she never could catch him, never see if it was really him. She just always felt he was always around. When she would get home from patrol a single daisy was always discreetly placed by a small note at her front door. Her dreams of him before she fell asleep became more romantic. Instead of the intense primal sex they had, it seemed to be more gently, more passionate. Her nightmares became more of him being gone, turned to dust to never to return, or just leaving her like everybody else always did, and she always found herself back out on the hunt.

He stood there staring into her green eyes, and he could see himself there. Reflected back at him, through her. Her blonde hair fell softly cupping her face with this new haircut of hers, and a gentle smile crossed her face. Then there was nothing but anger, as her hand swung from behind her with a stake aiming at his heart. Spike flew back away from her, dodging her attack, and Clem grabbed his shoulders, and shook him out of his thoughts.

“It’s okay man.” Clem said.

Spike shook his head clearing away the images of Buffy trying to kill him. “I guess.” Spike whispered.

“You guess? Things are different now Spike, you’ll see.” Clem smiled. “It is okay.”

Clem walked away from Spike and moved into the living room to sit with his chips again as he watched his show. Glancing every once in a while back at Spike in the bathroom to make sure he was doing fine, and the images of her weren’t plaguing him. He always had the same nightmare, and he always talked about it to Clem. For right now Spike had a plan, and had no idea if his plan would work, but he was going to die trying.

At night Spike would come home and bandage himself up right quick before leaving once again. Sometimes Clem would accompany him, but Spike was always afraid he didn’t move fast enough and Buffy would be able to catch up to him if Clem tagged along. Every night though he would find them, and move ahead of Dawn and Buffy clearing the path of any bad guys that might be in there way. One of the fights left Spike in pretty bad form, as some slimy green demon stabbed him with this sharp dagger that came from his hand. Even then it didn’t stop him from going out to make sure Buffy was okay after her late patrol alone. He always had to leave a note with Buffy. At least something small that said ‘Goodnight beautiful.’

Spike looked in the mirror, and the platinum blonde blue eyed man that stared back at him still amazed him. Every time he would stand there and stare at the man reaching out his hand slowly tapping at the glass making sure it was all real. Clem would sit back sometimes and laugh, as he would do silly things in front of the mirror, watching himself do these ridiculous things. On occasion his chuckling would stop and silence would fill the air, and Clem knew she was there staring back at him.

“What if she doesn’t forgive me?” Spike asked.

“Is she worth trying?” Clem replied.

“She’s worth dying.” Spike said, and tapped on the mirror one more time looking at his reflection. After all it has been over 100 years since he saw himself.

Buffy sat at her vanity putting on her makeup staring at herself. She looked very tired and worn down, black circles marred her blood shot eyes. She just hasn’t been sleeping well, and the stress of everything she was doing during the day, not to mention constantly seeing Spike everywhere was starting to tell on her young face. She stood and looked over her orange polyester pants, matching hideous stripped shirt and the stupid hat she had in her hand. This was such a degrading job for a Slayer, but she moaned as images of bills danced in her head.

Buffy strolled down the stairs calling out to Dawn, making sure she was ready to go to the Magic Box and be with Anya for the day as Buffy worked. They ate breakfast together, and Buffy walked Dawn to the shop before she had to get going herself. Today was the first day back to work since everything happened. The Doublemeat was generous enough to give her quiet a bit of time off, not knowing the full details but under the assumption that she had to fix her house and stay with her sister for a while because she found the body. They seemed to rather understand and actually gave her a paid vacation, which was really nice for Buffy. She took some of the time off to go find a better job, more fitting for a young woman, then greasy palace.

Buffy had to work today from opening until closing, and was very disappointed of another sixteen-hour shift in this cardboard setting. She called Anya sometime around nine to see if she could walk Dawn home and stay with her until she got there, which should be sometime around midnight or so. At least she hoped it would be around midnight. The day drug on for what seemed like eternity, and memories of the never-ending hour when she worked at the Magic Box for that one day flashed across her mind, and for some reason that seemed to make her laugh a little.

Buffy had to work for a couple hours at the drive-thru. It was a pretty decent change at least she was able to stick her head out the window sometimes to breath something other then decaying grease from the fryer. The sun shined down on her face warming her up. She loved to look out across the parking lot to the trees. Each time she saw them they just seemed more stunning, more perfect then the last time she saw them. The there he was right in the middle of the parking lot with the radiant sun beating down on his bleached blonde head, standing before the trees staring at her with those perfect eyes. The change in her hand dropped to the floor with loud clings, ripping thru the silence that paralyzed the air around her. She looked down to see the change on the ground, and then remembered he was there, only to look up for him to be gone.

After seeing Spike in the parking lot sometimes before the sun went down made her shift pass by even longer. Her mind was always fleeting everywhere but what she was doing at the moment. Finally after a long day in her most uncomfortable shoes it was time to close the place up and go home. It was already so late, and she still needed to patrol. Buffy made sure she patrolled every single night, just to make sure. To make sure she wasn’t going insane, to make sure nobody was getting hurt, just in general to make sure everything was fine here on the Hellmouth.

She made her way home after she closed up always looking around, feeling somebody there but never finding anybody. When she got home there was no note, or flower at her front door and her heart sunk just a little. Whoever it was must have forgot tonight. She walked in her house saw Anya on the couch asleep, deciding to leave her there she went upstairs and checked on Dawn before heading into her room to change. Pulling on something a little more comfortable, and way more her, she headed out again. She walked through the dark alleys, made her way down to the docks, and over to the cemeteries.

Coming across the crypt she saw some vampires walking into it like they owned it. She moved up behind the last vampire pilling into the crypt and plunged her stake right in his back. With a murmured curse word the vampire fell to dust. The others swung around in shock to see the Slayer standing there.

“I could be wrong.” Buffy said. “But I don’t believe any of you live in there.”

“Kill her!” The big ugly vampire at the door yelled.

Three vampires jumped at her at the same time. With a spinning kick she managed to send one flying across the ground. One of the vampires caught her with a backhand to the face, her weight shifting and she tripped over a rock on the ground. The attacking girl vampire leaned down and grabbed at her shirt lifting Buffy to her feet. Buffy grabbed the stake out of the back of her jacket and staked the girl before she got her footing, which made fall back down on her butt. She back flipped on the ground rising to her feet, preparing for the next attack. The next attack came with a vicious jumping front kick that sent her flying backwards once again this time over a tombstone. She always hated hitting those damn things. Buffy stood shaking off the pain that was ripping through her like lightning. The large vampire approached her and she punched him in the face, followed by a back kick to the groin sending him to his knees. A front kick to the face with a back flip caught the vampire before he made it to his knees. Reaching down to the ground and snatching up her dropped stake she sent it through is soft skin in his back making him dust.

A bolt of pain shot through Buffy. Her body shock violently as a vampire held a Tazer gun towards her, laughing at her violent display of pain. She dropped to her knees in front of the vampire. The pain was excruciating, but she held onto her screams of pain not giving in to what she knew they wanted to hear. A Slayer screamed in pain. The laughing vampire dropped the Tazer and his face dropped into a frown as he blew away in the wind. Buffy collapsed face down in the cemetery grass dust and wind blowing in her eyes, a blurred vision of white and black danced over her eyes before she passed out.

She was in her bed when she woke up. She was dressed in the same clothes she wore to go out on patrol, and she was covered lightly under her blankets. Her head throbbed as she sat up from her bed stripping herself of her sheets. Blurred vision blanketed the confines of her room as she tried to get her bearing to stand up. Her attempt was futile as she fell backwards on her bed from an initial rush of dizziness. She leaned over slowly and grabbed the black duster off of the back of the chair and lay back down on the bed wrapping herself up in the coolness of the leather. The material still held the faint scent of Jack Daniels and smoke, the unique scent that only belonged to her platinum haired vampire. Curled up on her bed under the duster she resigned herself to try to stand once again in a moment. She rolled over on her other side to stare out the window to watch the sun brighten up the day before her. Thankful once again she was alive, even if she didn’t know how she made it home. Deep down though she knew it was him.

On her windowsill was a single daisy and a small note. She scooted over and this time more cautiously stood to grab what was on the ledge. Lying back down on her bed with the duster over her she inhaled the smell of the small flower in her hand, and read the note. It was one of the longest notes from her secret admirer.

Later during the day when Buffy was feeling better and was able to stand without feeling sick or faint, she got up and went and took a shower. After the fight last night the shower felt pretty good, soothing some of her bruises and pain. Two little puncture marks that were now just scars were next to her belly button from where the Tazer darts inserted into her. She finished up cleaning up, and getting dressed, being invaded sometimes with his blue eyes staring at her. No violence in her visions this time though.

She went downstairs and sat next to Dawn on the couch with a loud thump. She had the day off, and even with the events of last night, she was in a good mood for some reason today.

“Why are you so cheery?” Dawn asked.

“Can’t I just be happy?” Buffy questioned.

“You never are.” Dawn stated flatly.

“Dawn!” Buffy was stunned. “Well…ummm, well things are changing. Is that all right?”

“You forgot about me last night.” Dawn said.

“I didn’t forget Dawnie.” Buffy answered. “You were asleep by the time I got home, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Did anything happen? You have been in bed all day.” Dawn wandered.

“Nothing I couldn’t take care of Dawn.” Buffy replied.

“I know he is gone.” Dawn said.

“I know you do.” Buffy whispered.

“No! I know he is really gone. I went to his crypt.” Dawn shouted and moved off the couch.

“You went to his crypt?” Buffy looked up at her.

“Yes.”

“Why? Why did you go there?” Buffy questioned.

“Am I not allowed to go there? Were you not going to tell me he is gone?” Dawn demanded.

“No. No, it is nothing like that.” Buffy whispered. “You two were friends. I….I was going to tell you, but I don’t know…I just…”

“You just weren’t going to tell me he was gone.” Dawn interrupted.

“I was going to tell you, but I don’t think he is gone! Okay Dawn!” Buffy yelled.

Dawn left the living room and stormed through the kitchen out the backyard slamming the door behind her. Feeling frustrated, Buffy ran her fingers through her damp hair and stood to follow here sister outside. She opened the door and watched from the porch as Dawn sat curled up on the bench outside crying. She moved over to her sister and sat next to her carefully putting her arm around her.

“Why did you go there Dawn?” Buffy asked again.

“I just wanted to know.” Dawn cried out in anger.

“Wanted to know what honey?” Buffy whispered.

Dawn shook her head and more tears ran down her face. Buffy cradled her close to her and began rocking her gently, making soothing sounds trying to comfort her baby sister.

“Come on Dawnie. Wanted to know what?” Buffy cooed.

“I wanted to know why he did that to you.” Dawn whispered.

Buffy tensed at the thought her sister was going to confront Spike about what happened. She wanted to be so protectful, she always wanted to know all the answers to everything.

“I wanted to know why if he loved you so much, why he would hurt you.” Dawn explained.

“Oh Dawn, sweetie.” Buffy answered.

She leaned her head down and kissed the top of her sister’s brown hair. Trying to calm her tears as she cried in her arms. Buffy squeezed her tighter to her, trying not to squeeze her too much so not to hurt her.

“I…I am not sure Dawn.” Buffy stuttered. “Maybe sometimes….sometimes you people just love somebody so much that they become blinded from what is right and what is wrong. I don’t know though. Feelings like love are funny things, very powerful. Sometimes too powerful.”

“Do you think he can?” Dawn asked.

“Can what?” Buffy wandered.

“Do you really think Spike, a vampire, can love?” Dawn questioned.

Buffy let go of Dawn and looked at her face. Her hand moved up to her sister’s face and whipped at the falling tears.

“I know he loves you. With all that he can, I know Spike loves you.” Buffy stated. “He would do anything for you, he loves you so much. You are his little ‘Nibblet.’”

”So even though he is a vampire he can still love?” Dawn kept prodding.

“I think Spike is just a very strange vampire, capable of many different things.” Buffy responded.

“It would have been nice if you would have thought of that before.” Dawn smiled and settled back into her sister’s arms.

“Before.” Buffy sighed.

“Do you think he loves you?” Dawn whispered.

Buffy and Dawn sat in silence. Dawn’s last question weighted on the air that surrounded both of the young women. They both sat on the bench in silence staring out over their garden. This was the first time Buffy had been in the backyard since she was shot back here weeks ago. So much of their house has been vacant since that fateful day that changed everything. Buffy kissed her sister on her head once again and unwrapped herself from her arms walking back into the house. She stopped for a moment at the door and glanced back at her sister still on the bench staring at the spot on the grass that was once filled with blood from her older sister.

“Are you coming in Dawn?” Buffy asked.

“Are you gonna answer my question?” Dawn never looked up at her.

Buffy just smiled back at her sister, left the door open and walked back into the house. She went over to the fridge and grabbed a soda making her way back to the living room to pop in a movie. She was going to make the most of her day off before she had to go back to work tomorrow. Buffy had just enough time to watch her movie, and get her and her sister over to Willow’s house for a big group dinner. It was only going to pizza, but they were all finally getting back together for a little bit. She finished watching her movie eventually Dawn joined her on the couch. The over hanging question wasn’t brought up again. At least not for right now anyways.

They both got ready to go over to Willows house, fighting for bathroom time just like sisters do. They stopped by and picked up Anya from the shop. She was closing down early so she could be part of the pizza party at Willow’s house. Nobody was allowed to miss this event. Halfway there Buffy needed to turn around and go back to the house. She bought a small little gift for Willow. Nothing big or anything like that, just a small thing she was even thinking about leaving it secretly behind when she left. She wouldn’t be long she just needed to run back to the house right quick.

Buffy ran up the couple steps to her porch, key in the door, and she froze. Her muscles tensed, her eyes shut and his words fluttered through her body.

“I know things won’t ever be the same, and I don’t want them to.” Spike said. “I want you to know I am sorry.”

Her head dropped and tears started swelling up behind her eyes. Her hand gripped at the key almost snapping it. She was afraid to turn around. Afraid he wouldn’t be really there standing there talking to her, and afraid also he was there. She has seen him so many places, during the day and at night, all over, but it was never true. This was different. This was him standing so close to him she could feel him, but he felt so different. This was him taking to her with the same old accent he has always had, but different words dripped from his lips.

“There are not enough ways, or enough time in this world to apologize for what I have done. I would understand if you didn’t ever forgive me. I would understand if you didn’t want to turn and look at me right now.” Spike whispered.

Buffy let go of the key slowly opened her eyes looking down at her feet. The tears blurred her vision, and she brought her hand up to whip them away so she could see if this was true. She turned around gracefully and looked up. He wasn’t there.

Of course not Buffy, not during the day… Spike moved out from behind the tree standing in the light of the sun. He was covered with no blanket he only wore the same old black jeans and a tight black shirt. His alabaster skin glistened in the sun like a marble statue. Buffy was lost in the vision of him before her.

“I can understand it all Buffy. Nothing you ever did or didn’t do made you deserve what I did to you. I broke a trust, something I can never fix. I know I destroyed what was between us, and I should never ask for your forgiveness. I have no right, and I would walk away from you if I could, but I can’t. I never could walk away from you. You have invaded my entire being. I have no right to ask you for forgiveness for what I have done, but I am different now.” Spike moved closer to her, standing on the stairs of her porch in front of her. “I did it all for you because I love you enough to be the man you need to be.”

“You aren’t real.” Buffy stammered. “You can’t be in the sun.”

“I am real. I am here and still in love with you.” Spike said.

Spike carefully reached out and grabbed her hand placing it on his chest. She flinched from the feel of his heart beating beneath her hand and she stared up into his eyes.

“How?” Is all Buffy could say.

He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips and she closed his eyes at the feel of him. This was so different it was almost, almost warm.

“I can’t exist without you.” Spike pulled from her lips, and with a whispered, ‘I’m sorry’ in her ear he left her on the balcony.

Buffy opened her eyes, and he was no longer there. Licking her lips she could still taste his sweetness. Dropping her head to cry she saw a single daisy and a small note at her feet. Bending over to pick it up she walked over to the swinging bench on her porch whipping the tears from her eyes, so she could read the note. Breathing in the daisy like she always did, she couldn’t stop her tears this time as they fell from the words on the paper.

Buffy and Dawn stood at their mother’s grave together. This was the first time they have both come to visit her together. Two fresh bouquets laid at their feet, a dozen purple roses and six yellow daisies. The letter between them looked worn, the small ink of their mothers name faded into the paper. Dawn kneeled down running her fingers over the fresh bouquets and placed her lily across them. She rose back up to her feet dancing her fingers over the engraved words on the stone of her mother’s tombstone.

“I love you mom.” Dawn whispered as she stood.

Buffy wrapped an arm around her little sister tugging her into a small hug. Dawn glanced over at Tara’s grave and then looked back at Buffy. Buffy stood there staring at the tombstone before her, and the fresh flowers. Every time she would walk by and see them here a smile would cross her face, this time was no different. Dawn nudged at her a little breaking her from whatever thoughts she was having. Buffy noticed Dawn was fidgeting in her arms, and shook her head letting Dawn go so she could go over to be with Tara for a little bit. Dawn leaned in and kissed her sister’s cheek before turning and walking away.

“She really misses her, Mom.” Buffy said as she watched Dawn walk across the cemetery. “Probably as much as she misses you. Those two were so close.”

Dawn walked across the cemetery over to Tara’s grave. The closer she came the slower her strides were. She became almost hesitant as she walked up and cautiously reached her hand out and laid it on Willow’s shoulder. This was the first time since they buried Tara Willow has come to visit. It has been almost two months too, and pretty much the entire time Willow stayed inside her house, never wanting to come out. So today, was a big group outing, supporting each other, mainly supporting Willow as she talked to Tara.

Willow looked up in Dawn’s face, and started crying reaching her hand up on top of Dawn’s squeezing it softly. Dawn leaned down and sat next to Willow, wrapping her arm around her. Willow laid her head down on Dawn’s shoulder and tried to whip her tears from her face. She just hasn’t been able to stop crying since she took her first step into the cemetery. Dawn rocked with her gently, making soothing noises, trying to reassure her friend. Both of their conversations to Tara were spoken in silence as they sat together at her grave.

Buffy sat at her mother’s grave still saying everything she needed to tell her. She needed to tell somebody about everything happening with Spike, and she knew her mother would enjoy the fact that Spike was able to stand outside in the sunlight. It was still unbelievable to Buffy that she saw him that day, even though she hadn’t seen him since she knew it all really happened. She wanted to tell Dawn so badly about it, but didn’t want Dawn trying to go out find where he was. Telling her mother though was just different. Buffy jumped when she felt a warm hand graze over her shoulder. Turning around Xander stood behind her smiling down at her. Buffy took his hand and he helped raise her to her feet.

“Goodbye Mom, see you soon.” Buffy said as she glanced back over her shoulder, and out of the corner of her eye there he stood holding a single daisy between his fingers.

“What is it Buf?” Xander asked looking back at her frozen form.

“Uh?” Buffy mumbled.

Xander placed his hand on her chin and turned her to face him. “Buf, what is it?” Xander smiled letting go of her chin.

Buffy turned her head to see him one more time but he was already gone. “Oh, uh, nothing.” Buffy turned back towards Xander. “Nothing.”

Xander and Buffy walked over to Dawn and Willow sitting at Tara’s grave. Buffy let go of Xander’s hand and kneeled down next to Willow wrapping her arms around her friend and Xander sat behind the three girls and wrapped his arms around all three of them. Willow turned her head into Buffy’s shoulder and started crying harder, broken tears of ‘I’m sorry, and ‘please forgive me’ came out in muffled sobs. Buffy embraced her a little tighter and tried to calm her again. All her friends knew this was going to be hard for her to deal with, but they knew she needed to come.

“It’s alright.” Buffy cooed. “Everything is alright.”

They all sat in a huddle of hugs at Tara’s grave, holding each other, letting Willow cry until she felt, at least for the day anyways she had no more tears to cry. One by one they stood up, and let Willow say her final goodbye for now laying her flower down next to the fresh bouquet on the grass. Buffy wrapped her arm in Willow’s and they turned around and started walking away. Dawn moved in step with the two friends and grabbed Willow’s pale weak hand in hers. Over the past two months Willow had barely ate, or barely done anything at all and she has grown so tired and weak all the time. Nobody said anything to her about it, but in subtle ways tried to get her to eat and do stuff. Xander walked behind the girls, and they all headed back to Willow’s home. For today this was enough, tomorrow they will try to get her to do something different.

Dawn and Buffy stayed over at Willow’s until the sun went down, leaving Xander there with her until she goes to sleep. That is the way it has pretty much been since it all happened. Somebody always stayed with Willow until she fell asleep. Just recently has she been letting Buffy or Dawn stay with her. Somebody was always with Willow all of the time, even Anya had come over to make sure she was doing okay.

Buffy and Dawn walked up their front porch and a single daisy and a note lying next to the front door. Dawn reached down and picked it up smelling the daisy then handing it over to her sister. A small smile creped up on Buffy’s face as she took the flower from Dawn, and tried to reach for the note. Dawn spun out of her reach and moved away from quickly taking the note from the small card it was in. She read the note with a smile and then stopped and stood staring at her sister. Buffy reached out and grabbed the note from her, read it and moved over to the door. She unlocked the door and walked in leaving Dawn on the porch frozen silence.

Buffy was at the top of the stairs when Dawn walked through the door and looked up at her departing sister.

“It’s from him, isn’t it?” Dawn asked.

Buffy stopped walking and took in a deep breath. She grabbed the railing in her fist and tried to still herself. She didn’t know if she should tell Dawn what is going on, at least not yet. Buffy walked down the hall and heard Dawn running up the stairs as she stepped through the doorway to her room. Dawn stopped just short of her sister’s door and stared at her back. She wouldn’t even turn to look at her; she just threw the note and flower at her vanity and grabbed the door handle.

“Please Buffy.” Dawn implored.

“You should get ready so we can go.” Buffy said as she shut the door to her room.

Dawn stormed down the hall to her room, shouting at her sister as she slammed the door. Buffy leaned against her closed door and shuddered at the sound of the loud thud that thundered through their house. She walked over to her vanity and picked up the flower to take in its scent. Putting down the flower and picking up the note she walked over to her closet to pick out some clothes for tonight’s training and patrol. She grabbed a pair of workout pants, and a comfortable short sleeve shirt and threw the clothes on her bed. She threw the note on the vanity with the flower and got dressed. Tonight she was going to tell Dawn about Spike.

Both the girls were training in the back part of the Magic Box. Tonight Buffy made Dawn work on the punching bag as she tried to meditate in the corner. The sounds of the punching bag stopped abruptly and silence took over the training room.

“Can I ask you a question?” Dawn inquired.

“Does it have to be now?” Buffy asked.

“Yes.” Dawn said.

“Is it about the notes?” Buffy questioned.

“No! Like you would tell me anyways.” Dawn mumbled.

Buffy opened her eyes and looked at her sister standing next to the punching bag almost out of breath. They both stared at each other until Buffy broke the silence. “Are you gonna ask Dawnie?”

“Where did the fresh flowers come from at mother’s and Tara’s graves?” Dawn wandered.

Buffy uncrossed her legs and leaned back a little wrapping her arms around her legs. Dawn watched as her sister tensed and hugged herself into a small tiny ‘Slayer ball’ and sat down on the ground next to the bag cross-legged. She looked into her older sister’s eyes as she took in a big deep breath.

“Dawn, now if I tell you something, you have to promise that you won’t freak out or anything like that.” Buffy stated.

“Why would I freak out?” Dawn asked.

“Just no kinda freakin. I mean nothing, and you have to promise.” Buffy forced.

“Fine. Fine. I promise no matter what you tell me I won’t do any kind of freaking.” Dawn whined as she raised her right hand over her heart.

Buffy glared at her small sister and took in another deep breath. She didn’t know why this was so damn hard to tell her sister.

“Okay, here it is.” Buffy inhaled. “Spike is back.”

“Yeah I kinda already know that one.” Dawn smiled.

“You don’t know though that he is back and can walk in the sunlight.” Buffy said.

“Well he has always walked in the sunlight with a blanket.” Dawn said.

“Are you going to keep interrupting me Dawn?” Buffy asked.

“I’m sorry, go on.” Dawn said.

“Okay. Well you know how we have been seeing him everywhere all the time. Well he is back, but I don’t know where he is. Remember that day we went to Willow’s a couple weeks ago and I forgot that gift and ran home. Well he was there behind the tree. He stepped out from the tree in the sun, no blanket, no cover, nothing and just stood right in the sun. He came up and talked to me on the porch. He has a heartbeat and breath, and he feels so different, and he is the one…..the one, that…well the one that….” Buffy stuttered. “He’s the one that has been leaving the bouquets with mom and Tara. He is the one leaving me the notes and the flowers. He’s the one.”

“The one what?” Anya interrupted.

Buffy looked up in surprise. She didn’t even hear Anya walk through the door, and before she knew it Dawn was speaking.

“Spike’s the one.” Dawn whispered.

“Spike?” Anya muffled became uncomfortable and walked back out of the weight room.

Buffy and Dawn just looked at each other. Neither of them noticed Anya walking back fidgeting with her hands. She stood between the two sisters’, turned towards Buffy and looked down at her.

“I’m sorry Buffy. I didn’t know you two were….well you two were a thing….”

“Not a thing.” Buffy interrupted.

“Well whatever, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. It was just, just…..it was just we both needed to feel better, and if I would have know he was talking about you. I should have known he was talking about you, he always talked about you….I should have known. I’m just….just sorry, okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep with him.” Anya rambled out, and before Buffy could say anything she was back out in the shop with the door shut behind her.

Buffy looked over at Dawn and rose to her feet. She walked out of the room shutting the door behind her, and Dawn stood up and started punching at the bag again. A small knock at the back door shook Dawn from her concentration on the bag. She grabbed a sword off the wall and warily moved towards the door, opening it cautiously. She stepped in front of the open door and froze, she couldn’t move. The sword fell to the ground with a thundering echo.

“Well aren’t you going to invite me in Nibblet?” Spike asked.

In the shop of the Magic Box Buffy found Anya moving around the shop cleaning up what all the customers of the day messed with. Buffy moved over to the table and sat at one of the benches and stared as Anya walked around to the other side of the shelves. The place looked a lot better, it still needed a little work here and there, but it didn’t look a tornado came down inside of it anymore.

“Will you please sit down An?” Buffy questioned.

She could hear Anya stop moving behind the shelf, and felt her moving closer to her. Now that Anya was back to being Anyanka, Buffy has been able to sense her a lot better, just not all the time. Anya came around the corner fidgeting her finger in the feathers of the duster. She looked up at Buffy for a moment, then blushed and looked back down at the floor as she moved over to the other bench on the other side of the table. Anya threw the duster on the table and folded her hands together.

“So, ummm how’s Willow doing?” Anya wandered.

“She’s doing the same as when you saw her yesterday.” Buffy smiled. “I didn’t come in here to talk about her though.”

“I…I know. You want to talk about Spike.” Anya said.

“Well, yeah.” Buffy whispered.

“I did not mean to sleep with him. It is not because I hate you or anything.” Anya said. “I did it because…”

“I know why you did it Anya. It’s okay….well I mean it’s not really okay, but I understand. Spike and I are….well are in a difficult situation.” Buffy said and began fidgeting herself.

“If I would have known you have feelings for him….”

“I don’t…I mean I do, but…but things are just complicated.” Buffy stuttered.

“Because of what happened?” Anya asked.

“A lot has happened, but it is me. Things are just complicated because of me, and now…now things have changed.” Buffy said.

“Because he has a soul?” Anya questioned.

“Yea…..what, how….when did you see him?” Buffy looked shocked, confused. She had no idea anybody else knew he was here.

“Well….I mean he has come here and apologized for, well you know, and we talked about it, and he helped me fix up some stuff.” Anya replied.

“You have talked to him?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah, we talked. He told me what happened in Africa…”

”Africa?” Buffy interrupted.

“Yes, that is where he got his soul. He came here and we just talked one day. He said he was going to see you. He hasn’t seen you yet?” Anya wandered.

“Well he has seen me, but…..but it was…it was kind of brief and he…..he had the heartbeat and the breathing and things are so…..so different now.” Buffy stammered over the words.

“He doesn’t feel like he deserves you anymore, but he still loves you.” Anya offered.

“You know about that?” Buffy cried.

“I was able to feel the pain inside him, and see what happened. He was hurting…and…” Anya said and gestured at herself making a small demon growl.

Buffy whipped the couple tears that fell down her cheeks aside and stood from the table and walked over to the door. “I don’t really deserve him either.” Buffy said as she opened the door.

Anya stood up from her seat looking at Buffy. “You know demons can love!” Anya shouted and Buffy turned in the open doorway and stared back at her. “I still love Xander.”

Buffy smiled back at her demon friend standing in the middle of the Magic Box. She didn’t see Spike hugging her sister goodbye and walking out the back door. Just as Dawn turned from the steel door leading into the alley, Buffy walked in the room and shut the door. She moved over to the couch that had her bag in it and grabbed it up indicating to Dawn it was time to leave. Dawn couldn’t stop smiling as she followed her sister out through the shop saying goodbye to Anya for the night. They both walked thru the cemetery on patrol together finding a couple vampires here and there to stake. Dawn actually got to dust a couple tonight and Buffy couldn’t be more proud of her then she was tonight. Both a little tired from the events they headed back to Revello Drive.

“I know you shouldn’t forgive him, but you both need each other.” Dawn blurted out.

“Where did that come from?” Buffy asked looking at her sister, for the first time noticing her smile.

“He stopped by tonight.” Dawn smiled.

“He was at the Magic Box? When?” Buffy questioned.

“When you were in talking to Anya.” Dawn told her.

“What did he say?” Buffy asked.

“He said a lot, but what’s important is what you said not too long ago.” Dawn said.

“And what was it that I said that is about to bite me in the ass?” Buffy smiled.

“Love makes you do the crazy.” Dawn offered.

“You heard that?” Buffy laughed.

“Just because I don’t listen, doesn’t mean I don’t hear.” Dawn smiled. “You both deserve each other even though neither of you think you do for one reason or the other, you do. He is what you need Buffy and now he has a soul, a heartbeat, and breath.”

“That is no reason to love somebody.” Buffy said.

“No its not. You love somebody because you love somebody, because you need them and want them. You forgive somebody because it hurts too much not to. He changed to be a better man for you, and even that isn’t a reason to love somebody, but loving somebody shouldn’t be a regret that wears on your shoulders because you are afraid.” Dawn said.

“How did you get so smart?” Buffy smiled.

“From listening to you and Spike.” Dawn laughed.

They walked inside their house both heading to their individual rooms. Dawn stood watching, as Buffy was just about to shut her door and stopped her, pulling a daisy and a note from her pocket.

“Buffy! He wanted me to give you this.” Dawn said handing her the small tokens.

Buffy took them from her and said goodnight to her sister one last time before heading back into her room. While shutting the door Dawn’s voice echoed through her mind with her last words of the night.

“Demons can love.” Dawn offered. “Spike loves me.”

Buffy sat on her bed holding the new daisy and note in her hand. Over the past month and a half she has at the very least gotten this at least once a day. She hated throwing the flowers away but she had to throw some of them away. A small box began to fill with the left notes and a few small dried daises inside. She smelled the flower in her hand and placed it on the lid of the box and opened the small note.

Buffy could barely sleep through night. She tossed and turned with images of the times she has spent with him in the past. She went over everything in her mind. The first time she met him in the dark alley behind the Bronze applauding her for dusting his minion, the threat of killing her spilling from his lips. Their first fight, many of the others they have had since. Their first kiss when she felt so sorry for him after the pain he went through for her, and then when he told her he loved her. The words he used, he was so passionate. The first real passionate kiss, not counting the time they were under the spell, but the one that was behind the Bronze. Kind of a fitting place to have their first passionate kiss she mussed, you know it being the first place they met. The thoughts of all the times they spent alone, intimately alone. Her body tensed and shivered as she started remembering what it felt like for him to be buried inside her filling her up. He was so amazing being inside of her. He knew how to move in her, was able to handle the strength she bottled up when she was with a human.

“Oh my God!” Buffy shot up in her bed. “He’s human now.”

The next morning did not come quick enough for Buffy and all she did all morning was change her clothes and stare at the clock, watching it click by very slowly. Time seemed to absolutely stop as her and Dawn sat in the kitchen.

“You know the clock isn’t going to move any faster if you stare at it like that.” Dawn said.

Buffy just sat there then got up and ran upstairs. A few minutes later she came running down the stairs blowing into the kitchen with yet another outfit on. Red leather pants and a white spaghetti strap shirt, her hair down and curling under her face.

“How does this look?” Buffy asked.

“It looked just as good as the outfit before that, and the one before that one, and the five others before that one.” Dawn smiled.

Buffy moved over to the fridge and grabbed the orange juice out and poured herself a glass. Putting it back away and walking to sit down at the table with Dawn. Dawn sat staring at her tapping her fingers on the table. A few minutes of that and Buffy slapped her hand over Dawn’s quieting the room once again.

“Do you have to do that?” Buffy asked.

“What are you gonna say?” Dawn ignored her question.

“Are you going to stop with the tapping?” Buffy asked.

“I’ve already stopped.” Dawn smiled and slipped her hand out from under Buffy’s. “What are you gonna say?”

“I don’t know.” Buffy said and stood up running back up the stairs.

Buffy ran down the stairs this time in a pale yellow sundress. Her tanned body seemingly darker under the garment, and white low strappy heels, making her look taller then she really was. Her hair pulled back away from her face with little bit of strands cupping around her face. She stood in the kitchen and noticed Dawn wasn’t there anymore and ran into the living room.

“How about this one?” Buffy asked as she spun around and the dress lifted slightly from her legs.

“You look beautiful Buffy.” Dawn said. “Stop changing it is almost time for you to leave.”

“What time is it?” Buffy asked.

“It’s 11:30. You need to leave really soon.” Dawn stated.

Buffy moved to the door grabbing her keys and sunglasses from the end table and opening the door.

“What are you gonna say?” Dawn hollered.

“I don’t know!” Buffy yelled back shutting the door as she walked out of the house.

Buffy walked through the park impatiently looking around to see where Spike was. She stopped for a moment and looked around at all the children playing in the park and watched as they all ran around chasing one another. Spike moved out of the shadows of the tree and stood behind her in the sunlight.

“I’m glad you came Buffy.” Spike smiled.

Her knees felt weak as her name dripped over his lips. Spike felt like his chest was going to explode staring at her gorgeous body in the sunlight. She was so amazing, but the light made her look like a fallen angel the gods were asking to come back home. Both of them caught their breath in their throat as their thoughts took them away for a moment. Buffy turned on her heel to look at him and her heart began to race as his pale face lit up in the sun. She lifted her glasses to see him better and he got lost in her eyes. He could tell she wanted to say something.

“What are going to say, luv?” Spike questioned.

“I….I don’t know.” Buffy whispered.

“Maybe you wanna ask me something pet?” Spike wandered.

Buffy laid her small hand on his chest and felt his beating heart thunder under his warm flesh. “Are you….are you…”

“Am I human?” Spike interrupted.

“Yeah are you human?” Buffy mumbled.

“Just because I have a soul and heartbeat?” Spike asked.

“Yeah…I mean…I mean no.” Buffy muttered. “I was just, just wandering.”

“Would it change anything if I were human?” Spike inquired.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Buffy said.

“Would you miss this?” Spike asked shaking his head morphing into the vampire he is.

Buffy gasped and slid her hand up his chest, feeling his pulse at his neck as she grazed her fingertips over the lumps of his face. Feeling the monster that lurked behind the man he is.

“It’s part of you and I…..I would miss you.” Buffy cried. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Spike said. He shook his head again shaking off the demon. His face was perfect, pale from over a 100 years of darkness as he leaned into her lips hesitantly.

Spike stopped right before he touched her lips with his. Buffy moved her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down caressing his bottom lip with her tongue asking for entrance. Spike obliged and opened up to her tasting her purely for the first time, out in the sun, the way she deserved to be tasted. She poured herself into him, gave him what she has been holding back since their first kiss. She gave him all of her, her pain, her want, her need and passion, and her love. Spike broke from her lips needing to take a breath.

Buffy leaned into his chest and listened to his heartbeat and began to cry in his arms. Spike held her a little tighter to him.

“What is it luv?” Spike asked.

“It hurts.” Buffy whimpered.

“What hurts?” Spike was concerned and moved her face to look down into her eyes.

“It hurts not to forgive you. It hurts not to forgive myself.” Buffy cried.

“I know it hurts.” Spike offered. “I hurt too. I will walk away if you want me to Buffy. I know I hurt you.”

Spike let go of her and started to back away, and Buffy stood there staring into his blue eyes. He moved into the shadows of the trees, fading away into the darkness.

“Spike!” Buffy yelled before he was gone.

Spike stopped in the shadows and watched as Buffy began walking towards him slowly. Each foot moving in front of the other as her hips swayed in the light. The few strands of hair bounced around her face as she moved closer to him and into the shadows with him.

“Do you really want to walk in the shadows with me Buffy?” Spike asked.

“Do you really want to walk in the daylight with me Spike?” Buffy retorted.

“I would want to walk through Hell if I thought for one moment I would be able to do it with you.” Spike said.

“I guess love just make you do the crazy.” Buffy smiled.

“Love hurts.” Spike whispered and moved closer to her dipping his head down to hers. Buffy closed her eyes and felt his lips gently caress her bottom lip warming up her senses, sending shivers down her spine, making her heart melt. He pulled away moving his lips to her ear nipping at the tender skin of her earlobe and at her neck, feeling her pulse beneath his lips.

“It hurts in all the right places.” Spike whispered to her.

When Buffy opened her eyes he was gone.

Next