Collide

By: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-15

Disclaimer: The standard "I don't own; please don't sue."

Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff; anywhere else just ask.

Summary: What if that house-demolishing in Smashed was a metaphor with a different meaning than the writers gave it? What if that night marked a release of a different sort? Goes seriously AU immediately after Smashed, and makes reference to my short story, "The Promise I'm Keeping," written for summer_of_spike.

Chapter 14: Listen With Your Heart
 

"There you go making mountains/Out of such a little hill/Here I go mixing mortar/For another wall to build/There's a struggle in this life we lead/It's partly you/It's partly me (but)/Every road that's traveled/Teaches something new/And every road that's narrow/ Pushes us to choose/And I'd be lying if I said/I had not tried to leave a time or two/But every road that leads me/Leads me back to you/Here we stand in the middle/Of what we've come to know/It's a dance, it's a balance/Holding on and letting go/But there's nothing that we can't resolve/When love's at stake/When love's involved." ~Amy Grant, "Every Road"

 

Spike woke in Buffy's bed, the sheets and blankets still warmed by her body. It wasn't the first night he'd spent with her, but it was the first time he felt as though she wanted something permanent from him. That this wasn't just a fling.

The Slayer had come looking for him, and then she'd announced—to the demon community at least—that he was hers.

He wanted her to be his girl, but knowing that she felt enough of a proprietary interest to keep him in one piece was definitely a start.

The bedroom door opened, and Buffy walked in, carrying another mug. "You hungry?"

"Yeah," Spike said, taking it from her and draining it quickly. "You're bein' considerate today," he commented. "I'm not used to getting breakfast in bed."

"You'd probably better not get used to it," she warned, although there was enough humor in her eyes that Spike knew she wasn't entirely serious.

He raised an eyebrow. "Care to tell me what's going on?"

"Other than the fact that I feel bad because you've had a rough couple of days?" she asked, toying with her necklace.

Spike reached out to get a better look at it. He noticed faded designs etched in the gold, and he ran his thumb over them. It was a bit of luck that he'd picked up this particular necklace for her, and that Buffy's curiosity had led her to open the box and put it on. He found it strange, since his luck had been anything but good lately.

"Other than that," he finally said. "I've had a run of bad days before."

Buffy shrugged, uncomfortable. She couldn't explain it in words, but it felt wrong that Spike would have "heard" her say such cruel things to him and believed that she actually felt that way. They had come so far in the last few weeks; she had thought that he knew she cared about him enough that she wouldn't chase him away like that.

Buffy had believed that he knew she needed him, and for more than just the sex.

"I didn't like you being gone," she finally said.

Spike knew it wasn't the whole truth, but he decided to let it slide. As it always was with Buffy, her actions spoke louder than her words, and he thought he was reading between the lines correctly. "Didn't like being away."

"I called Tara," Buffy said. "She's coming over a little later to see if she can't reverse this whatever it is. I told Dawn that she can write notes to you, but you know Dawn. She'll probably say something. Until Tara gets this figured out..."

"I'll ignore everything everyone says to me unless they're wearing that necklace," Spike promised.

"I got your clothes cleaned, too," Buffy said. "They're not in very good shape, and your coat is out on the porch. I don't think that smell is going to come out of the leather any time soon."

Spike groaned. "Bloody hell."

"Sorry. Maybe if you got it dry-cleaned?"

"Maybe," he allowed. "That means I won't be able to wear it for a few days, though."

"I hate to say it, but you wouldn't be wearing it inside this house anyway. It stinks really bad."

Spike sighed. "I'd better get up."

"You don't have to," Buffy replied. "You can sleep if you want. I've got to run a few errands. Dawn's here, but—"

"What about school?"

"It's Saturday," Buffy reminded him. "They don't have school on Saturday."

"I knew that," he defended himself. "Just lost track of what day it was down there."

She ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Okay, I'll be back in a while. Maybe I should leave the necklace with Dawn? That way you guys could talk."

"Bloody stupid if you ask me," Spike muttered. "Dependent on a piece of soddin' jewelry just to have a conversation."

"We'll get it figured out," Buffy promised. "I'll talk to you later." She gave him a quick kiss and then left the room.

Spike got dressed, moving a little more slowly than he usually did. The blood and kip had helped, but the last couple days had been difficult, to say the least. He was still feeling raw.

Dawn was in the kitchen, looking in the fridge when he came downstairs. "Spike! How are you feeling?"

Buffy had apparently loaned the necklace out. "Good. Sorry I missed the movie the other night."

"It's okay," Dawn replied. "Buffy told me what happened. Sounds like the last few days have sucked."

"To put it mildly," he agreed.

"We could watch a movie today," Dawn suggested. "Since you missed it the other night."

Spike smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

~~~~~

"Thanks so much for coming," Buffy said sincerely. "I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. Every time we run into a problem..."

"Don't worry about it, Buffy," Tara responded. "I'm happy to help. Spike's my friend, too."

"I know." She was quiet for a long moment. "I don't understand," Buffy said unhappily. "I know that this is probably Willow's doing, but I don't get why she would want to hurt me like this."

"Are you sure it's because she wants to hurt you?" Tara asked. "Everything Willow does—she seems to have the best of intentions. It's more that she thinks she knows what's best, and she doesn't want anyone else's opinion."

"That about sums it up," Buffy admitted. "Still, Spike's been so helpful. If anyone was going to have a problem with my relationship with him, I would have thought it would be Xander."

Tara shook her head. "Xander feels guilty about the resurrection spell," she pointed out. "I think he wants to be as supportive as possible. Plus, he's still busy with Anya and the wedding plans."

"I never thought I'd have to be grateful to Xander and his wedding plans."

Tara chuckled. "Me neither." She looked pensive. "You didn't go by the Magic Box today, did you?"

"Should I have?"

"When I went by, the shop was locked up, and Anya wasn't anywhere to be seen."

"That's not good," Buffy commented. "It's not like Anya to miss out on a money-making opportunity."

Tara nodded. "I know. I think we ought to check on her as soon as we get this thing with Spike figured out."

"I just hope we can get this fixed," Buffy said, stifling a sigh. "Don't get me wrong, the necklace is nice, but we can't keep passing it around just so Spike can be heard."

Tara couldn't agree more. "Not to mention how it must make Spike feel. Like he's invisible."

"How come the demons could hear him?" Buffy asked. "The group we ran into last night had no trouble understanding his insults."

"I would guess that the curse only affects humans," Tara hazarded. "It's hard to say without seeing Spike, though."

They had arrived at the house. Buffy's errands had taken her past Tara's apartment, and so the Slayer had stopped by to see if she wanted company for the walk over. Buffy wanted this mess straightened out, and she wanted to not have to deal with Willow. Of course, if Willow kept throwing curses at Spike—well, Buffy didn't know what she'd do, but she would have to take action. What if Spike had needed to warn her about something? Or what if someone's life was in danger and he needed to step in?

Or what if Buffy just needed to have a talk with her guy? That was the worst part, she had to admit. Willow had disrupted her communication with one of the few people keeping her grounded. Buffy didn't care what her motivations might be; Willow didn't have the right.

"Hey, we're home!" Buffy called, hoping that those words were innocuous enough not to get twisted by the curse.

"Hey, Buffy!" Dawn called from the living room. "Spike and I were just watching a movie." She paused. "He says to say hey."

"Dawn, would you mind giving Tara the necklace so she and Spike can talk?" Buffy asked. She hadn't heard Spike say anything at all, which was odd in and of itself. When did Spike ever shut up?

"Buffy!" Dawn protested. "I haven't gotten to spend any time with Spike at all! Can't I just translate?"

"So Spike can hear himself being insulted right and left?" Buffy asked, standing firm. "Hand it over."

Dawn looked as though she was going to argue, and then she shot a pouting look at Spike. "Fine." She gave the necklace to Tara and left the room, flouncing.

Tara put the necklace on, smiling ruefully. "I never understood before how a person could flounce," she commented.

"She gets it from her sister," Spike commented, his eyes twinkling. He'd finally figured out how to use the curse to his advantage. Now that he knew what was going on, and had some inkling of Buffy's true feelings, it wasn't bothering him quite so much.

Tara had to stifle her snigger, since Buffy would definitely want to know what Spike had said, which would defeat the purpose of him saying it when she couldn't hear. "Maybe you could tell me what happened, Spike, and I'll see if I can't fix things."

Before he could respond, Buffy had walked over to the couch, leaning over him and kissing him softly, keeping it long and lingering. If he couldn't hear what she was really saying, Buffy would just have to say hello another way. She smiled when she pulled back and left to follow her sister to the kitchen, saying nothing the entire time.

Spike watched her leave, his eyes hungry.

"Spike?" Tara asked, amused. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"Not much to tell," he replied. "You left my place, Red shows up, and the next thing I know I'm waking up on the floor. I was late to meet Buffy, and when I showed up..." Spike trailed off. "I won't repeat what I heard, but apparently it wasn't what she said. I left, and then I got jumped by a bunch of demons. Spent the next few days in the sewers. Every time I poked my head up, someone tried to take it off."

Tara frowned. "What's changed, Spike?"

"What do you mean?"

"You helped us this summer. You've been helping Buffy for a couple of years now. Why would a bunch of demons be after you now?"

Spike shrugged. "They said there's a price on my head."

"Who would put it there?" Tara wondered.

"Beats the hell out of me," Spike admitted. "Can you do anythin' about the curse, though?"

Tara narrowed her eyes at him. His aura was the same as it always was, so the spell wasn't interfering with his persona. More likely, it was acting like a shield between him and the outer world, twisting others' words and silencing his own. She finally shook her head. "I don't know, Spike. I'm not seeing anything obvious. I'll have to do some research and try to figure out what exactly she did. Until then, I think you're just going to have to live with it."

She did not tell him that if Willow really was the one behind the spell, Tara wasn't at all sure she could remove it. Willow was incredibly strong, and depending on how she'd set the curse, Willow might be the only person who could lift it.

Something in her eyes must have given evidence of her doubts, though, because Spike's lips twisted in a rueful smile. "You don't know if you can lift it."

"I can't make any guarantees," Tara hedged.

Spike shrugged. "Then you'll do the best you can. That's all any of us can do, yeah?"

They were reassuring words, but Tara could see the anger in his eyes. She could understand his feelings. After all, she'd been rendered voiceless before, too.

~~~~~

Buffy hated this. She really, really hated this whole thing. After Tara and Spike had finished their conversation, the witch had given the necklace back to Buffy. Spike had immediately begun looking for cigarettes, but the pack in his duster had been soaked through and ruined.

When Tara mentioned supplies for the ritual to check Spike out for the curse, since she said it wasn't something obvious, Buffy had offered to go with her to check the Magic Box. She had then passed the necklace off to Dawn, with strict instructions that the girl was not to leave the house. Buffy would have tried giving Spike the same instructions, but he'd gone upstairs, probably to try and get a few more hours of sleep.

Buffy knew that he was unhappy. Heck, she was unhappy. This whole thing was making her blood boil. Everything had been going so well between them. She finally was beginning to feel that she could keep her head above water. With the pressure of paying bills removed, at least for the time being, she could get the breathing room she hadn't had since being resurrected.

No, since her mother's death. Spike's presence, his help with the finances, all of it—Buffy was finally feeling that being alive might be okay.

Willow, if she was really the one behind this, was trying to take all that away, just because Spike wasn't the guy she would choose for the Slayer.

"It's still locked," Tara said unhappily when they reached the Magic Box, pulling Buffy out of her thoughts. "I wonder what's going on."

"Let's go around back," Buffy suggested. "I think it'll be easier to break in."

Tara followed the Slayer to the back of the shop, and Buffy easily forced her way in with Slayer-strength. Both girls picked their way through the dimly lit training room, and entered the shop. Anya was nowhere to be seen, and Buffy grimaced. "I don't get it, Tara. If Anya disappeared, shouldn't Xander have called us by now?"

Buffy rushed over to the phone, quickly dialing Xander's number. After the tenth ring, when he didn't pick up, she replaced the handset, looking over at Tara. "No one's answering."

Tara looked around the shop. "What do you think happened?"

"I don't know. We could go over there."

The front door rattled, and Anya entered. She looked tired, and her eyes were rimmed in red. When she finally looked up, she frowned when she saw Buffy and Tara. "What are you doing here?"

"We saw that the shop was closed, and we were worried about you," Tara replied gently. "Do you know where Xander is?"

"How should I know?" Anya demanded. "It's not like we're engaged anymore, or dating."

Tara, ever the comforter, rushed forward to put her arm around the other woman's shoulders. "Did you guys have a fight?"

"He wanted to cancel the wedding!" Anya burst out.

Buffy hid a wince. She had wanted Xander to think about what he was getting himself into, not break Anya's heart. Buffy might not always like Anya, but she didn't want to see the other woman hurt either.

And Buffy knew all too well what it felt like to get your heart trampled on.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Tara said helplessly, not certain of anything of the sort. "We'll talk to him, and we'll get this all sorted out. What happened exactly?"

"He came in and said he wanted to cancel the wedding, and I told him that I didn't want to wait around forever. And then we broke up!" Anya was crying in earnest now.

Tara patted her shoulder, giving Buffy a look that suggested that the Slayer ought to be helping her. "Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. I'm sure he still loves you."

"Xander probably has cold feet," Buffy offered. "Once we talk to him, he'll be fine."

"I don't want to talk to him right now," Anya declared. "What am I supposed to do? If he doesn't want to marry me, what does he want?"

"Xander probably doesn't even know that," Buffy replied, trying to lighten the moment.

Anya didn't appear to be comforted by that statement. She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Well, he'd better figure it out. I'm not going to wait around forever, and if he decides he wants to be with me, there's going to be groveling."

"That makes perfect sense," Buffy replied.

Tara patted her back. "Are you sure you don't want us to talk to Xander for you?"

"No," Anya replied. "Let him figure things out for himself."

Buffy made a mental note to see Xander when she had a moment. She had the sinking feeling that her friend was probably just as upset by this mess as Anya was.

"So were you two here to take things without paying for them, too?" Anya asked.

Buffy frowned. "No, and what do you mean 'too?'"

"Willow's always in here, taking things to do spells. She says it's for the Slayer, but some of the stuff she takes..." Anya trailed off, seeing the significant looks that Tara and Buffy were giving each other. "Did Willow do something?"

"Someone put a curse on Spike," Buffy replied. "We don't know if it's Willow or not."

"What did Willow purchase over the last week or two?" Tara asked urgently. "If I know, I might be able to find a way to reverse the spell a little more easily."

Anya stood, suddenly all business. It felt good to have something other than the breakup to concentrate on. "I kept a list with all the prices for Giles," she said briskly. "I thought he'd want to know how much Willow is spending for him when he checks the books. The last thing I want is for him to think I've been careless with the merchandise."

"I doubt he would ever think that," Tara said reassuringly.

Anya didn't reply, rifling through the receipt slips she kept in a box under the counter. "Here's Willow's list."

Buffy took it, glancing over the ingredients, her eyebrows going up as she saw the total at the bottom. "That much?"

Tara took the list from her hands, her eyebrows drawing together when she saw the items most recently purchased. "This isn't good."

"What's not good?"

"This stuff—" Tara gestured at the bottom of the list, pointing out two words Buffy couldn't even guess on how to pronounce. "It's only used in the strongest black magic. I don't know if I can combat that."

Anya's eyes narrowed in concentration. "I think I might be able to help."

 

 

Chapter 15: Letting Go

 

"This doubt is screaming in my face/In this familiar place,/Sheltered and concealed/And if this night won't let me rest/Don't let me second guess/What I know to be real/Put away all that I know for tonight/And maybe I just might/Learn to let it go/Take my security from me/And maybe finally I won't have to know everything./I am falling into grace/To the unknown/To where you are/And faith makes everybody scared/It's the unknown, the don't-know/That keeps me hanging on to you..." Lifehouse, "Unknown"

 

Anya had to go to the restricted section for the book she wanted. Tara and Buffy both eyed the dusty tome askance. "I don't think we need dark magic, Anya."

"This isn't dark magic," Anya replied, sounding a little irritated by their challenge of her expertise. "This is a book that's better not left out where anyone can get it. There is a difference."

Tara took the book from her, running her hands over the embossed lettering on the cover. "I don't understand Latin."

"We might have to call Giles for that," Anya admitted. "But I've seen this counter spell work. It's not always successful, but we've got a shot anyway."

Buffy stared at the book in curiosity. "What kind of a ritual is it?"

"A difficult one," Anya replied. "It requires someone who has never practiced black magic or spilled innocent blood to break the curse."

Tara winced. "I can't do that ritual. The resurrection spell..."

Anya gave Buffy a sharp look. "You don't have to be a powerful witch to cast the spell. You just have to love the person you're trying to save."

Buffy was silent, not knowing quite what to say to that. "How did you know about this?"

"Oh, a few people tried it with the men I cursed as a vengeance demon," Anya said blithely.

"Did it work?" Tara asked.

Anya shrugged. "Once. You'd be surprised at how many people don't trust the people they love."

"What does that have to do with the ritual?" Buffy asked.

"The person involved has to make a gesture of trust," Anya replied. "A big one. It varies with the people involved. I think the time that it did work, it required the woman to tell the man that she was about ten years older than he thought she was. She'd been afraid that he wouldn't love her anymore if he knew."

"What happened?" Tara asked.

Anya sighed, her eyes dark with memories. "She reversed the curse, he left her, and she killed herself. It wasn't pleasant. Of course, the woman's sister called me to get vengeance on him, so I made sure the second curse stuck."

Buffy was staring at the book, deep in thought. "Anya, would you call Giles and tell him what's going on? See if he can translate the spell. Since this isn't a sure thing, we need to have some kind of a backup plan."

"What about asking Willow to do it?" Anya asked. "That's the surest way to have a curse removed that I know of."

Buffy shook her head. "I can't. I'm too angry with her right now. I'll probably end up saying something that I'll regret, and make things worse."

"Why don't I ask her?" Tara asked. "She might listen to me."

Buffy frowned. "You don't have to do that, Tara."

"I probably have the best chance of anybody," Tara pointed out reasonably. "Besides, like I said, Spike is my friend. I'd like to try. Maybe Willow will see reason."

Buffy nodded slowly. "Okay, but be careful. This thing—we don't know what she's thinking."

Anya raised her eyebrows. "Isn't that obvious? Willow's thinking what she always thinks: that she knows best."

~~~~~

Spike lay in Buffy's bed, staring at the ceiling. He was still trying to figure out what the hell had happened to his plans. Not that they didn't get all shot to hell on a regular basis, but this time things had been going so well. Buffy was coming around, his relationship with Dawn was good, he had a new place, and he'd managed to successfully solve Buffy's money problems.

It only made sense that something or someone would come along and cock everything up.

He felt like a complete git for needing to be rescued. Sure, Buffy was the Slayer, but she had enough on her plate to worry about. He'd been trying to minimize her problems, not create new ones for her to solve. Instead, he'd ended up right in the middle of a mess again, and right before her birthday, too.

Spike couldn't go after Willow because of the chip, and he couldn't fight the entire demon population of Sunnydale, much as he might like to. He couldn't remove the curse by himself. In short, he was stuck, dependent on Buffy to clean this mess up.

On the other hand, maybe that was the way it should be, since it was her friend that had caused the trouble in the first place.

"Spike?"

He hadn't even noticed Dawn's soft knock, and he turned his head to look at her, standing in the doorway, eyeing him with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, Bit."

Once Dawn saw that Spike was awake and dressed, she entered the room. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," he replied, modulating his tone. It wouldn't do to upset the girl. It certainly wasn't Dawn's fault that he'd had a rough few days.

She watched him carefully. "Would you help me with my homework?"

Spike raised an eyebrow. "It's Saturday, Niblet. I thought you didn't do homework on Saturdays."

"Well, it has to be done," she replied. "Plus, it's Spanish. I figured you could help me with that, and since you're here..."

"And can't go anywhere else?" Spike asked, a bitter note in his voice that he couldn't hide.

Dawn sat next to him on the bed. "It sucks, doesn't it? Not being able to save yourself, I mean."

Startled, Spike met her eyes. "Dawn—"

"I get that, you know," she said. "I mean, I know how much Buffy hates having to get me out of trouble all the time, but it never feels like I have a choice."

"No, it doesn't," he agreed.

"It would be nice to be the strong one for once, so Buffy didn't have to worry about me," Dawn commented.

Spike sighed. "Yeah, it would at that."

"So will you help me with my Spanish homework?"

"Yeah, pet. Let's take a look at it."

~~~~~

Buffy stopped by Xander's place on her way back to her own house. She wanted to check on him and make sure he was okay before she did anything else. There was no answer to her knock, and she frowned. It was Saturday, and while Xander did occasionally have to work on the weekends, this was a slow time of the year for him.

She knocked again, a little louder this time. "Xander! Come on, it's Buffy. I know what happened."

After a few moments, the door swung open. Buffy watched as Xander immediately retreated from the doorway, not even stopping to ask her to come in. "Are you okay?" she asked, entering and closing the door behind her.

"Why? What did Anya tell you?"

"She said that you guys broke up." Buffy paused. "She seemed pretty upset."

Xander looked away from her. "We didn't break up. At least, I didn't break up with her. I said I wanted to wait to get married, and she said either we went through with it or we broke up."

"I see." Buffy watched him, seeing the telltale signs of a drinking binge. It concerned her. "Is this really what you wanted?"

"I don't know!" he burst out. "I love her, Buffy. I just don't know if I'm ready to get married, and I don't know if Anya's the right woman. How do you know? How do you really know if you're ready?"

Buffy was certain that she wasn't the right person to be asking. "I don't know, Xan. That's never been a question I've had to answer."

"And you!" he said, going on as if she hadn't spoken. At this point, Buffy knew he was still drunk. Probably very drunk. "You're with Spike."

Buffy didn't know how to answer that. She had a feeling that Xander wouldn't take her explanation very well, not when he was still inebriated. "Yes, I am, Xander. But that doesn't have anything to do with you and Anya."

"How could you do it, Buffy?" Xander demanded. "How could you be with another vampire after what Angel did? That's where it all changed. That's when it went bad, and you—"

"I'm with Spike because he makes me happy, Xander," Buffy replied firmly, rising to leave. "I feel better about being alive when I'm with him. I'm with him because I think he might be better for being around me, and I think I'm a better person when I'm around him. Maybe that's what you should think about when you try to figure out if you want to be with Anya."

Xander shook his head. "Why would it be Spike?"

Buffy sighed. "I don't know. I could ask you why it would be Anya."

Xander watched as she left, some of her words sinking into his alcohol-muddled mind. He wanted Buffy to be happy; he just hated that it was Spike that would do it for her. There was still a small part of him that wanted to be that guy for Buffy. Not that he was in love with her, but she was the golden girl. Xander thought he might always wish he could be the guy that got that sort of girl.

It was just so much worse that Buffy always seemed to pick vampires. It twisted him up on the inside, and at the same time, Xander just wanted Buffy to be happy that she was back.

His eyes closed slowly as he went over the conundrum in his mind again and again. Xander couldn't see any way out of actually supporting Buffy's decision, even if it was only with his silence.

Thinking about Buffy's choice of boyfriends was better than thinking about the mess he'd made of his own life.

~~~~~

Tara was a little nervous about seeing Willow again, especially with all that was happening. She couldn't understand what had happened to the sweet girl she'd fallen in love with. They had all changed over the last few years, of course, but Willow seemed to have changed most of all.

Or perhaps she hadn't. Maybe this part of Willow had been there the whole time.

Buffy was her friend, though, as was Spike. Tara felt like she owed it to both of them to ask Willow to lift the curse she'd placed on the vampire. She just hoped that she could convince Willow that Buffy needed to be able to make her own decisions about who to date.

After a split second's hesitation, Tara knocked on Willow's door firmly, bracing herself for the coming confrontation.

Willow's pleased surprise upon opening the door appeared genuine, and a smile lit up her face. "Hey, Tara."

"Willow," Tara responded, her own voice more subdued. "I need to talk to you."

"Of course," the other girl said, stepping out of the doorway. "I'm glad you came by. It's—it's been a while."

Tara nodded. "Yeah, it has." She was quiet, wondering if Willow would guess why she was there. After a few moments, it appeared as though Willow was going to wait for her to start. "I'm here because of Spike, Willow. We know what you did to him."

Willow had never been a very good liar, and her face gave her away before she could hide her reaction. "I don't know what you're talking about," she bluffed. "What's wrong with Spike? Do you need me to do a locator spell?"

"No!" Tara said vehemently. "We don't need you doing anymore magic, Willow." Her tone was sharp, sharper than she'd meant it to be. Tara was reaching the end of her patience, though. This was why she had left Willow. It hadn't been the magic use—it had been Willow's need to use magic to fix every problem, even when the problem could only be solved with time and care. "You've done enough. I want you to lift the curse on Spike."

Willow's eyes narrowed as she realized that Tara wasn't going to be bluffed. "I did it for Buffy's own good."

"You don't know what Buffy needs," Tara replied. "If you did, you would have left Spike alone."

Willow's face twisted in anger. "He's gotten to you, too, hasn't he? This is what he does, Tara! Spike gets in the middle of things and turns everybody against each other. He did that when we fought Adam."

"That was two years ago, Willow," Tara replied. "He's changed!"

"He's a vampire! He's turning Buffy away from her friends."

"No, I think you did that all by yourself when you brought Buffy back from the dead." The words were out of Tara's mouth before she could stop them. She hadn't meant to say that. After all, she had been involved with the resurrection spell too.

Of course, Buffy was still hanging out with her, maybe because she'd actually apologized for her part in things.

Willow stiffened, and then her expression went cold. "I did what I thought was right."

"I know, Willow," Tara replied, softening her tone. "We all thought it was the right thing to do, but it wasn't. It hurt Buffy, and she has to live with the consequences. Spike is helping her."

Willow shook her head stubbornly. She just couldn't believe that she was wrong. She couldn't deal with the idea that she'd hurt Buffy that badly. Willow couldn't believe that her judgment had been that far off the mark. If it was—if Tara was right—how could she ever trust herself again?

She knew what she was doing.

"There's no lifting the curse," Willow said, sounding very satisfied with herself. "I made sure of that. You'll understand that once Spike's gone. Everyone will be better off. Everything will go back to the way it was."

"Nothing is ever going to be like it was," Tara said, turning on her heel and walking out. She was fighting back the tears, knowing that this was the end. Willow wasn't coming back to her—she wasn't going to get better.

And even if she did, Tara was certain that she would never be able to trust her again.

~~~~~

Buffy stood in the kitchen, watching Spike patiently go over Dawn's homework with her. At least, that's what she assumed was going on. Dawn was speaking halting Spanish and pausing every so often, only to repeat what she had just said. Buffy figured the pauses were for Spike's corrections, since Dawn seemed to have less trouble on the repetition.

Spike had been right. Relying on a piece of jewelry to be able to communicate was frustrating, to say the least.

"Hey," she said, causing both of them to look up at her.

Dawn smiled. "Hey, Buffy. Spike's helping me with Spanish." She paused. "And he says hi."

"Are you guys almost done?" Buffy asked. "I'd like to get that necklace back from you."

"Give us a few more minutes?" Dawn asked. "And then Melissa wants me to come over for dinner tonight. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Are you planning on spending the night?"

Dawn smirked. "Do you want me to?"

Buffy gave her a dirty look. "Dawn—"

"Oh, come on, Buffy." She rolled her eyes. "Like I don't know what you guys are up to when you're alone."

Buffy sighed, deciding that she wasn't going to win this argument. "You can spend the night if you're invited and if it's okay with Melissa's mom. I don't want you inviting yourself over, even if it is to avoid being permanently scarred."

"Okay," Dawn said so cheerfully that Buffy knew she'd most likely already been invited and had accepted.

"I'll be in the living room," she said. "Oh, and tell Spike that I brought him some clothes."

Buffy had actually run quite a few errands in between seeing Xander and coming back home. She had been thinking about maybe getting a job, just part time, at least until school started. With Spike's trust fund, she could take her time in looking for something that she might actually enjoy. So she'd picked up some applications at different shops, and then she'd stopped by Spike's apartment and got some clothes for him. Buffy had no idea how long it was going to take to get the demons off of Spike's back, but until they did, she wanted him close.

At least until they took care of the curse. Then he'd have a better shot at getting some help if he needed it.

Buffy was idly flipping channels on the television set when Tara knocked on the front door and then entered. "Did you talk to Willow?" Buffy asked immediately.

Tara nodded, and then she burst into tears. Buffy was at her side immediately, leading her over to the couch and sitting her down. The Slayer had been good at this, once upon a time. Giving comfort, easing hurts. It felt as though it had been so long since she'd had the energy that it was something of a surprise to find that she had strength enough to offer Tara her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Tara finally gasped, pulling back. "I shouldn't—"

Buffy kept her arm firmly around the other woman's shoulders. "Don't worry about it. I take it that the visit was not a fun one."

"You could say that," she replied, sniffling, wiping her eyes and wet cheeks with her hands. "Willow pretty much admitted that she put the curse on Spike. She tried to deny it at first, but—"

"She never was very good at lying," Buffy supplied.

Tara shook her head. "No. She said it couldn't be lifted, Buffy. She—wouldn't even think about lifting it herself. I don't—I don't even recognize her anymore." Tara had to stop before she started crying again.

"I know," Buffy said softly. "I do. I'm so sorry, Tara."

Tara shook her head. "It's not your fault."

Buffy gave her a hug. "Maybe not, but I can't help but feel that I should have done something before this."

"You did, Buffy," Tara replied sincerely. "You told her that you weren't going to put up with it. That's a pretty big deal."

"Maybe," Buffy allowed. "Do you want some tea or something?"

Tara shook her head. "I—I need some time, but thank you. If you need any help..."

"I know where to find you." Buffy watched her leave, her heart sinking. She hated seeing Tara hurting like this.

Buffy was startled out of her thoughts by the pendent dropping down in front of her eyes. She took it from Spike and put it back on. "She going to be alright?" he asked, once he knew Buffy would hear him.

"Eventually," Buffy replied. "It takes time, you know?"

"I know." Spike flopped down next to her on the couch, giving a sigh of contentment when Buffy leaned up against him. "So how bad is it?"

"How bad is what?"

"Can we get rid of this curse, or am I stuck relying on that bloody necklace to communicate forever?"

Buffy sighed. "Willow either can't or won't reverse her spell. I'm not sure which it is, and..." She trailed off. There was another option available, other than asking Willow nicely to take care of her mess. The Slayer wasn't quite ready to treat Willow as an enemy, though. Not yet.

She didn't have the strength.

"Don't worry about it," Spike said, trying to sound nonchalant. "We'll get it sorted some other way." He understood why Buffy was unwilling to force Willow to help them, and he couldn't be disappointed. Besides, the witch was powerful enough to swat Buffy good if the Slayer did confront her.

"Anya thinks she might have another way," Buffy replied softly. "It's not a sure thing, and it requires Giles to do some translating from Latin, but—"

"I know how to translate Latin."

Buffy's head shot up. "Really?"

"I'm rusty, but I could probably work it out." Spike looked a bit ashamed of the fact, although Buffy had the feeling that he was more ashamed of the fact that he spoke Latin at all, not that he was rusty.

"When did you learn?"

"Long time ago."

Buffy got the same expression on her face that she'd had every time Spike managed to surprise her. Spike might have called it affectionate wonder. "So here you are, Mr. Language-Guy, and I never knew. How come I never knew?"

"Never came up before," Spike replied.

Buffy shook her head. "I'll give Anya a call and tell her that we've got our own translator, then. That way she won't have to bother Giles if she hasn't already."

"Buffy, I'm leaving!"

Buffy grunted, pushing herself up off the couch with some effort. She was so tired. All she wanted was to go to bed, but she should patrol, and probably alone. If any of Sunnydale's resident demons saw Spike—at least those greedy enough to want the cash prize for killing him—they would have a fight on their hands.

For once, Buffy wasn't in the mood for a fight. She wanted a quiet evening in with her guy, and a full night's sleep, in that order.

"Be careful," she said, seeing Dawn in the doorway, impatient to be gone. "Call tomorrow if you're going to stay past noon, okay?"

"Okay," Dawn said, with an eye roll, demonstrating what she thought about Buffy's tendency to be overprotective. "See you tomorrow."

Dawn was out the door in a flash, and Buffy spared a moment to wonder if she shouldn't walk her sister the block or two to Melissa's house. She dismissed the idea just as quickly. Dawn would never forgive her, and it was still light outside.

As soon as Buffy shut the front door, however, she heard a knock at the back door. "Who the heck would that be?" she muttered. "Be right back, Spike."

"Take your time," he called.

Buffy went into the kitchen and opened the back door to find Clem standing on her porch. "Hey," he said, obviously nervous about being at the Slayer's house. "Are you Buffy?"

"I'm Buffy," she replied warily. Buffy wasn't used to having demons show up on her back porch out of the blue like this. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Clem looked relieved as he saw Spike approaching over her shoulder. "Spike!"

Buffy turned to see the vampire. "Spike? Do you know him?"

"Sure, that's Clem, my mate," Spike replied, relieved that the curse didn't work on demons. "Clem, this is Buffy." He gave her a pointed look. "Maybe you could invite him in?"

"Come in, Clem," Buffy said. So much for a quiet evening at home. "What's up?"

Clem looked from one to the other. "I just wanted to drop in, see how you were." He shifted nervously. "There's been some trouble recently."

"We noticed," Spike said ruefully. "Spent a few days hiding in the sewers."

Clem gave a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're okay, Spike. When I heard that witch put a contract out on you, I—"

"What witch?" Buffy asked in a hard voice.

Clem blinked, nervous again. The Slayer didn't look too happy with him. "Uh, they say she's pretty powerful. I've never seen her myself, so I wouldn't know her."

Buffy shook her head. "Crap. This is just great. I can't believe her!"

Clem was starting to look really nervous. "Uh, there was just one more thing."

Spike frowned. Clem was harmless, but he heard a lot. "What's the one more thing?"

"The Slayer's sister?" Clem scratched behind one ear. "Word is, Rack wants to get his hands on her. I know that you like her, so I thought I'd let you know."

"Dawn," Buffy said, heading straight to the phone to call Melissa's house.

Spike's jaw clenched. "Thanks, Clem. Means a lot that you would let us know about something like this."

Clem shrugged. "No big deal. I probably should go, though. You guys look like you're pretty busy."

"We're going to be," Spike admitted. "I'll come by after this is sorted, yeah?"

"Sure thing, Spike," Clem said cheerfully. "Be careful out there."

Spike shut the door behind the gentle demon, and then turned to Buffy. He knew what had happened with one look at her face. "She isn't there?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. Not yet. I have to go."

Spike cursed, knowing that it was still too light outside for him to be of any help. "Once the sun goes down—"

"I'll be here," Buffy said. "I'll need your sleuthing capabilities." She didn't waste anymore time. She grabbed her jacket and flew out the front door, swearing to herself that she was going to have it out with Willow.

Just as soon as she rescued her sister and got rid of the curse on Spike.

 

Chapter 16: Find A Way

 

"If we can't find a way to live/It's that we don't know how to give/We're breathing but with iron lungs/Speaking but in separate tongues/Just find a way, a way to live/The walls are high but made of glass/The dye is dark but not yet cast/And though remorse comes easily/An act of love could set you free..." ~Heather Nova, "A Way To Live"

 

"Willow's done what?" Giles asked.

Anya took a deep breath. She thought she'd been clear enough the first time around. "Willow put a curse on Spike. No one can hear him, and he only hears bad things. Buffy has a necklace that dispels illusions, so whoever is wearing it can communicate with him, but the only way to remove the curse is a ritual. It's in Latin, and we need you to translate."

There. That ought to be simple enough for Giles to understand. Honestly, sometimes Anya really wished she could go back to being a vengeance demon. Men were evil. She should have remembered that.

"What did Spike do?" Giles asked, still sounding bewildered.

Anya rolled her eyes, even though she knew Giles couldn't see her. "Giles, Spike didn't do anything except be a better friend than Willow. She's just mad that she doesn't have the best friend role anymore."

Giles sigh carried clearly over the line. "Do I need to come?"

"No, you don't have to," Anya replied. "Since you clearly have better things to do." She paused. "Oh, and Xander broke up with me, and—" She stopped as Buffy came through the shop door. "Just a minute. Buffy's here."

"I need that book with the reversal in it," Buffy said. "Rack has Dawn, and I need to figure out what I'm going to have to do to get her back."

"Talk to Giles while I get some stuff together." Anya handed the phone to Buffy, quickly trying to figure out what she might have to repel a nasty warlock like Rack. She didn't have a lot ready-made, but there were some protection amulets that might do the job.

"Giles," Buffy said with some relief. "I hope you can translate that reversal spell quickly. Spike said he understood Latin, but he's rusty, and I need him helping me with Rack."

"What exactly is going on, Buffy?" Giles was getting a little impatient. It appeared as though everything had gone to hell while he'd been gone.

"Anya told you about Willow's curse?" Buffy asked. When Giles responded in the affirmative, she continued. "Short version is that Willow took Dawn with her to some sort of magic-crack dealer. Now he's got Dawn. Apparently, Willow also put a price on Spike's head, so he's got demons chasing him all over town. Oh, and Xander broke up with Anya, and he's busy being drunk, so of course he can't help me either."

"I'm coming," Giles said. "Have Anya fax me the spell, and I'll work on it while I'm on my way."

"You don't have to come, Giles," Buffy said. "I think we've got it under control." There was a banging in the background. "I have to go. I'll have Anya fax you the spell."

Giles hung up after he heard the dial tone. "Good Lord," he muttered. "I never should have left." He rubbed his forehead with weary fingers. He sighed, listening as the fax machine started beeping at him. His eyebrows went up as he saw the first page, and the opening words of the spell. "Oh, no. Not another vampire."

~~~~~

Dawn was scared. Actually, upgrade that to terrified and that would be closer to the truth. Partly it was the fact that it had been broad daylight when those goons had grabbed her. Scary things were supposed to come out after dark, when neither Spike nor Buffy allowed her to go out by herself.

Instead, the two men who grabbed her had gotten out of a beat up old van that looked like the one Oz used to drive. They'd hustled her inside, one of them clasping his hand firmly over her mouth. Her struggles had been completely ineffectual, and Dawn had realized then that there was no way she was going to be able to get herself out of this.

They'd bound her hands together with duct tape, and then shoved her in a corner.

All of that had been bad enough. When she'd realized where they were taking her—or rather to whom—Dawn knew it was going to get bad. She stood in front of Rack in his greasy back room. "It's nice to see you again," he said, running a finger down her cheek.

Dawn raised her chin, keeping her brave face firmly in place. "When my sister gets her hands on you, you are going to be so dead."

Rack just laughed. "I don't think so. See, I heard that her pet vampire is on the run, and Strawberry struck him with some serious mojo. Without him, the Slayer won't be able to find me, which is why I made sure I waited to make the grab."

Dawn really wanted to tell him that Spike was just fine, and that he was staying at their house, but she kept her mouth shut. As long as Rack believed himself safe, Buffy would have the element of surprise, and that would help. "You don't know Buffy," she shot back, hoping that her trembling knees weren't giving away her fear. "She'll find me, and then she's going to kick your ass into next week."

"So much fire," Rack murmured. "Do you know what people will pay to get a little of that juice? In a nearly endless supply, too." He seized her chin in his hand, ignoring Dawn's efforts to free herself of his grip. "Don't worry, Sunshine. You're not going to want to go anywhere."

The sensations that flashed through her were overwhelming. Dawn felt as though she was floating. Like nothing could touch her. There was a small voice in the back of her mind that warned her that it wasn't real, that Rack was using something to keep her calm, keep her pliant.

From somewhere very far away, he said, "Now, let's see how this works with you as the battery."

In the next moment, Dawn knew exactly why Rack had made sure she was going to be compliant. Without the distance his mojo had given her, she'd have been screaming in pain.

~~~~~

Spike was waiting for Buffy on the front steps when she got back to the house. "Didn't find her?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. Nobody saw a girl get grabbed, either. I knocked on a few doors, but—" She took a deep breath. "Dammit, Spike! It was broad daylight! I thought—"

"We all did," he replied grimly. "We're goin' to get her back, luv."

"I know." She handed him a piece of leather with a charm hanging off of it. "Put this on."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "A talisman? You really think something like this is going to work against Rack?"

"I have no idea, but it's better this than nothing. I called Tara, and we're supposed to pick her up on the way to find Dawn. I didn't want to take the time, but—"

"We may end up needing the fire power," Spike supplied. "It's a good idea."

They set off at a quick pace for Tara's apartment. "Anya called Giles. He's going to work on translating that spell." Buffy made a face. "He suggested that he come, but I told him not to worry about it."

Spike gave a short laugh, the sound grim. "Yeah, right. You tell him not to worry, and he'll probably be on the first flight over."

Buffy made a face. "I know, but I didn't have time to argue with him, not with Dawn—" She stopped. "She has to be okay, Spike."

"She's goin' to be," he promised. "We'll make it be okay. We managed before, yeah?"

"We always manage." Buffy's eyes narrowed. "No one had better get in my way tonight, or they will be very unhappy."

Spike wasn't quite sure where that comment had come from, and then he saw the three demons approaching them. He and Buffy were going to have to go through them to get to Tara's apartment, and Spike groaned. "Bloody hell. Maybe I—"

"Don't even think about it," Buffy ordered him. "I am not leaving you behind. I need you with me for this one. We take them together. Do you know which one is the smartest one?"

Spike frowned, trying to figure out if he knew any of the demons, either personally or by reputation. "The one on the left is probably the most intelligent, but why—"

Buffy shook her head. She didn't have time to explain what she wanted. "Just leave him to me."

Spike nodded shortly, and then took off running to meet the demons. True to his word, Spike concentrated on the demon on the right, keeping a sharp eye out for the other two. Buffy was fighting the demon in the center, a big, bulky demon with green skin and odd blue eyes.

Spike had his hands full with the one he'd chosen. The demon was obviously very interested in the payoff, and he was about a head taller and a hundred pounds heavier than the vampire. Spike was doing his best to stay out of the way of the demon's fists, waiting for his chance to get in a few punches of his own.

He saw his advantage suddenly and moved to take it. His heavy boot connected with the demon's kneecap with a satisfying crunch, and Spike used his elbow to come up under the demon's chin.

The demon choked, clutching at his throat, and Spike rabbit punched him in the side, bringing the demon to his knees before breaking his neck.

Spike turned to see that Buffy had already killed one demon and was standing with her boot on the neck of the third. "So, can I trust you to relay a message?" Buffy asked cheerfully.

The demon—the one Spike had decided was the most intelligent—nodded desperately.

"Good. Here's the deal," Buffy said, her voice hard. "Spike is mine. I don't think I need to remind you that, as the Slayer, it's my job to kill your kind, but I have a live and let live policy most of the time. Do not make me kill every single demon in Sunnydale, because that is what I will do if that's what it takes to keep my boyfriend safe. I don't care who put the price on his head, because it's no longer a good offer. Do you understand?"

The demon nodded again. "Got it," he croaked.

"Now get out of here," Buffy said, removing her boot. "And don't you dare get in my way again."

The demon ran off, and she turned to look at Spike, who was watching her with a sort of amused awe. "So, I'm yours, am I?"

"Pretty much," Buffy replied. "Unless you've got a problem with that."

Spike shook his head. "No, luv, I think I can live with that." They started off in the direction of Tara's apartment again. "So you'd really kill every demon in Sunnyhell for me?"

"In a heartbeat," Buffy replied, knowing that it was nothing less than the truth.

~~~~~

"Get up, Xander."

Anya's voice came from above him, and Xander stared at her blearily. "An? What are you doing here? What—"

"Get up," she said sharply. "We have a problem, and we might need you." She gave him a disgusted look. "We certainly don't need you drunk."

He sat up slowly, putting his head in his hands. "Anya, I—"

"I'm still angry at you," she informed him. "And this doesn't mean I'm ready—or even willing—to take you back. But Willow's done something really bad, and Rack has Dawn. I don't know if we'll need you, but we might. So get up."

Xander struggled to his feet. He thought he was pretty much sober at this point, but he had the mother of all hangovers. All he wanted to do was to lie back down on the couch. He also had a pretty good idea that Anya wasn't going to let him. "What did Willow do?"

"She put a curse on Spike," Anya said. "Giles is translating the spell so we can reverse it, but Buffy's going to go after Willow after she finds Dawn."

Xander was still struggling to catch up. "Wait. What happened to Dawn?" Alarm was beginning to penetrate the fog.

Anya rolled her eyes. "You know what? I don't feel like repeating myself a hundred times. Go shower, and then I'll tell you."

Xander didn't have the energy to argue. He did as he was told, showering and changing into fresh clothing, as well as brushing his teeth. His mouth tasted like something had died in there. When he came out of the bathroom, Anya had a pot of coffee ready for him. "Get your coffee, and let's go," she said. "Buffy told me to wait for her at the Magic Box. Giles is going to call the shop when he knows something more."

"Wait. What happened to Dawn? And where have you been staying the last couple of nights?"

"I stayed at a hotel, Xander," Anya replied sharply. "Where do you think? And Rack has Dawn. He grabbed her this afternoon while she was walking to a friend's house. Buffy took Spike and Tara, and they're going after Rack. Then she's probably going to hurt Willow."

"I thought you said Rack took Dawn," Xander protested, taking the travel mug full of coffee and following his (ex) fiancée out the door. "What does Willow have to do with it?"

"Willow took Dawn to Rack's." Anya sighed. She was suddenly wondering how she'd put up with Xander for so long. Really, he could be so obtuse sometimes. "Rack wouldn't even know Dawn existed if it hadn't been for Willow."

Xander couldn't think of anything to say to that, so he changed the subject slightly. "And Willow put a curse on Spike?" he asked, thinking that might not have been such a bad idea.

Anya could read him better than he realized. "Yes, Xander. Willow cursed Spike, and then she set most of the demon population of Sunnydale on him. Just think of what would have happened if Spike had been with Dawn when that happened. Or with Buffy. Or with you, even. Someone else could have gotten hurt. So don't even begin to think that cursing Spike was a good idea. It wasn't. It was stupid."

Xander shut his mouth and sipped his coffee. Judging from Anya's tone, there was no point in disagreeing with her. Besides, it looked like he needed to save his strength for dealing with this thing with Willow.

When had everything gone so terribly wrong?

~~~~~

Spike couldn't help thinking that it had taken them too long to find Rack's. The magician had had Dawn for hours. He could be doing anything to her. Spike stood outside Rack's place, feeling the swirls of energy. Rack had done a better job of hiding himself, but Spike was still the Big Bad.

And Rack was about to find out just how bad he was.

"I want you to promise me that you will get Dawn out of there. No sticking around," Buffy said quietly.

Spike glared at her. "Buffy—"

"I'm serious, Spike. I know Dawn will be safe with you. I need to know that she's with someone I trust."

He swallowed his anger, knowing that Buffy was right. She needed to know that Dawn was safe, and the girl would be with him. "What about the curse?" he asked.

Buffy hesitated, hating the idea of going in there without being able to communicate with him. "You take the necklace," she said. "Dawn's going to need to hear you."

When Spike hesitated, Tara spoke up. She'd been silent up to this point, watching their exchange with a great deal of interest. She wondered if either Spike or Buffy realized that from the outside, their relationship appeared to be a very stable one. In fact, if Tara didn't know better, she'd have guessed that they'd been together for years, not just weeks or months.

"I have to agree with Buffy. The chip isn't going to allow you to do much harm to Rack, even if he is a pretty sorry excuse for a human."

Spike growled something under his breath when Buffy repeated Tara's message. Both women could see that while he might accept that fact, he certainly didn't like it. "Fine. Meet you back at the house, then?"

Buffy nodded. What she wanted was to initiate a make out session right then. She wanted to back Spike up against the wall of the alley, witnesses be damned, and have her way with him. She wanted to tell him she loved him, while he could still understand her. There wasn't time for any of that, however. They'd already wasted enough time trying to find the house, and pull together all the resources they needed.

So Buffy took off her necklace, gave it to Spike, smiled at him, and walked inside, Tara on her heels.

Spike watched her go, following the plan they'd worked up on the way over. It had been a simple decision on their part to ask Tara for help, even though Willow might be the more powerful witch. Right now, they couldn't trust Willow, and Buffy didn't want her anywhere near Spike.

Buffy and Tara would go in, distract or throw out anyone in the waiting room, and then they would do what they could to keep Rack busy while Spike went in and grabbed Dawn. Hopefully, they would manage all of this without Rack turning them into toads, or frying them, or something equally unpleasant. Tara was of the opinion that Rack had very little real power. He was a coward who leeched energy from others.

The only problem Spike saw with that theory was that Dawn, as the Key, might have given him a tremendous charge.

Spike waited a few seconds, and then followed Buffy and Tara through the door. The waiting room was empty, and the door to the back room where Rack had his office-of-sorts was closed. When Spike tried the handle, it was locked, and he nearly snarled.

Spike backed up and then kicked a hole through the wood near the handle, thanking his lucky stars that the building was of such cheap workmanship. The door wasn't even of real wood.

He snaked his arm through the hole and unlocked it with nimble fingers, throwing it open and looking around. There was no sign of Buffy, Tara, or Rack. There was, however, a large hole where the window used to be, and Dawn was sitting in the corner, shivering.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered, hurrying over to her. She cringed away from his touch when he reached for her. "Niblet—Dawn, luv, it's me."

Dawn didn't even react, just stared at him with unseeing eyes. Spike cursed when he realized that she couldn't hear him, and he pulled the necklace out of his pocket and clasped it around her neck. He pushed her long hair out of the way gently, touching her cheek, trying to get her to focus on him. "Come on, Dawn. It's just Spike. Look at me, Little Bit."

She seemed to come around a bit then. "Spike?" she whispered. "Are you really here?"

Spike pulled a knife out of his pocket and quickly cut the tape around her wrists and ankles. "Sure I am. In the flesh. We got to get out of here, okay?" When she just stared at him, Spike scooped her up into his arms. "Hang on, luv. I'm goin' to take you to the doctor, okay?"

"No! No doctors, Spike. Please, no doctors." Dawn was clutching at his t-shirt and beginning to cry. "Can I go home? Please? I can't tell anyone. Please don't tell anyone."

"We don't have to tell anyone," he assured her helplessly, starting for the door. "It's goin' to be just fine, luv. I promise. Everything is going to be fine."

 

Chapter 17: Absence of Fear

 

"Inside my skin there is this space/It twists and turns/It bleeds and aches/Inside my heart there's an empty room/It's waiting for lightning/It's waiting for you/And I am wanting/ And I am needing you here/Inside the absence of fear...there is this hunger/This restlessness inside of me/And it knows that you're no stranger/you're my gravity/My hands will adore you through all darkness aim/They will lay you out in moonlight/And reinvent your name/For I am wanting you/And I am needing you here..." ~Jewel, "Absence of Fear"

 

"Someone should talk to her."

Anya stared at Xander. "And I suppose that someone is you?"

"I am her best friend, Anya," he replied. "This is Willow we're talking about. If she knew what happened, she'd want to help. She'd be the first one here."

"She's the reason Dawn's in trouble in the first place," Anya replied. "Buffy doesn't want her involved."

"Buffy's still mad that Willow did the resurrection spell." Xander's jaw was set stubbornly. "I'm sure Willow will—"

"Curse Spike again?" Anya suggested sweetly. "Or maybe she'll do a spell on Buffy to make her feel better. Or possibly do a spell on us so we'll be happy again. No, Xander. You aren't talking to her."

"You can't stop me." He stood. "Willow loves Dawn."

"And if you love Dawn or Buffy, you'll sit down and wait for them," she said firmly. "Buffy said she didn't want Willow involved. We need to respect her wishes."

Xander sat back down, Anya's words beginning to penetrate his brain, which was still not operating up to full capacity. He was torn. Xander just couldn't believe that Willow meant any real harm. At the same time, if what Anya was telling him was true, it didn't matter what Willow's intentions had been. Dawn could be seriously hurt or killed—Buffy too.

However he might feel about the curse she'd apparently placed on Spike, Anya was right. If Buffy didn't want Willow involved in the rescue attempt, she shouldn't be involved.

Xander looked over at her. "What happened, An?"

He probably wouldn't have asked her that question if he hadn't been a lot hung over and horribly tired. Anya wasn't the person he turned to for answers to those sorts of questions. She was the only one present, the only one he could ask under the circumstances. Xander was beginning to wonder if she wasn't the only person he had left.

Only, he didn't really have Anya anymore, either.

Anya looked at him, compassion in her eyes. She still loved him. Call her crazy, but she did. On the other hand, Anya wasn't so sure that she was going to marry him at this point. Xander wasn't ready for her.

Maybe she wasn't quite ready for him, either.

"I don't know, Xander."

There was really nothing more to say, and so they sat and waited in an uncomfortable silence.

~~~~~

Buffy would have preferred to throw Rack out the window. She'd been able to spare a moment to look at Dawn, but no more than that. She wanted Rack. She wanted his head on a pike, to be precise.

Tara had been right, though. Rack was a coward. He saw her coming and jumped, the glass in the window shattering before he even hit it, the door to the waiting room banging shut behind them, as if he thought he could lock Dawn in. As if he thought he had even a chance of surviving this confrontation. One thing was for sure—he didn't want to face the Slayer.

Well, Buffy would just have to chase him down.

She didn't stop to wait for Tara, figuring that the other girl would do her best to keep up. It was pure luck on her part that Rack chose the wrong alley to run down, finding a dead end, rather than the escape route he'd been hoping for. Buffy skidded to a stop in front of him, and Rack raised his hands, green energy beginning to glow. "Good thing I had a chance to get charged up."

Buffy dropped when she saw the ball of energy come at her, gasping as the heat made her skin prickle. She launched herself at him from the ground, head-butting Rack in the stomach. She could hear the breath leaving his body, and she followed up her advantage with a fist to his face, knocking him down.

Rack recovered too quickly—much more quickly than a human should have been able to¾his laughter echoing in her ears and grating on her nerves. "Your sister was so sweet," he gloated. "So pure. Best thing I've tasted in years."

"I'm going to kill you," Buffy said, her anger rising. "I'm going to hurt you so bad—"

Tara's shouted warning had Buffy throwing herself to one side, and Rack's bolt of energy zinged harmlessly by. The Slayer could hear Tara chanting something in the background, but she wasn't paying much attention to that. She could see Rack bring his hands up again, but this time the energy seemed to fizzle, and Buffy rushed him, throwing him head-first into the alley wall.

The crack of bone told her everything she needed to know.

Buffy just wished Rack hadn't died so quickly.

~~~~~

Spike sat with Dawn on the couch, rocking her slowly. He'd done this for Drusilla, when the visions got bad, so it wasn't as though he didn't have experience with this sort of thing. It tore at him, though, to see Dawn so broken. She kept crying, asking him not to tell anyone. Spike had no idea what she was referring to—what she didn't want told.

All he could do was hold her and rock her, making promises that he didn't know could be kept.

He still wasn't sure what Rack had done to her. He could guess, of course. Rack was a power leech, so it was likely that he'd sucked up some of the power that was still inherent in Dawn's blood from her being the Key. The difference between Dawn and Rack's usual clientele was that his customers gave him tacit permission to take their power in exchange for the high he gave them. It was black stuff—nasty stuff.

Rack's clients asked for it, but Dawn was an innocent.

Spike had done virtually the same thing to girls just like Dawn. He'd taken without asking, had stolen their innocence and left death in his wake. Of course, Spike didn't often leave them alive to tell the tale, but those girls had left people behind. People like him, and Buffy, who would be devastated if anything happened to Dawn.

This was why vampires weren't meant to spend time with humans, to make friends with them, to become close to them. It forced him to think about them as something other than food—something other than prey.

There was no going back now. Spike knew he'd changed. When he'd been testing the chip out—after it had stopped working on Buffy—when he'd cornered that girl in the alley, Spike hadn't really wanted to hurt her. He'd wanted the blood. He had wanted the taste, had craved the hot rush, the sense of power—but he hadn't wanted her dead.

It had been a relief when the chip prevented him from harming the girl.

Now, though, Spike knew he wouldn't—couldn't—go back to what he had been. It wasn't because of his love for Buffy, or because she'd dust him. It was because he hated the way he felt, holding Dawn in his arms, helpless to do anything other than utter meaningless words of comfort.

It was because the way Spike felt right then—he might wish it on his worst enemy, but not a stranger.

Humans weren't just happy meals on legs anymore. Spike wasn't quite sure how he felt about that.

Dawn's sobs were slowing into deep, hitching breaths, her hands still clutching his t-shirt. "Is he dead?"

"Your sister was goin' to do the job," he replied softly. "An' if she doesn't, I swear to you I'll take him out, even if it kills me."

"He wasn't going to let me go," she whispered. "He was just going to keep—"

"Hush now," Spike soothed. "You know we wouldn't have let that happen. Should have been there sooner, Dawn. 'm sorry. Failed again, and—"

"No." Dawn met his eyes for the first time. "You saved me. You always do. You always keep your promises, Spike."

"You know it." Spike stroked her hair out of her face. "I will always come for you."

And he held her until she finally fell asleep.

~~~~~

The body was easy enough to dispose of. Buffy simply hauled Rack's still form back to the house, depositing it in the waiting room. She hoped that the cops wouldn't look too hard into his death. Of course, given the fact that it was Sunnydale, the Slayer knew that the cops didn't often scrutinize strange deaths, and no one was likely raise a fuss about Rack.

Unless it was one of his junkies, but they probably wouldn't carry much weight.

"Are you okay, Buffy?" Tara asked quietly, once they were well away from the now-visible house.

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know. I—I don't know what he did to Dawn, and I don't know if he would have come after her again. I feel like I had to do it, but—"

"You did what you had to do," Tara assured her. "Rack—the world is probably better off without him."

"He was still human," Buffy murmured. "I never thought—" She fell silent. "I have to get back to the house, make sure Dawn is okay."

They were across from the Magic Box, and Buffy looked across the street through the lit window. She could see Xander and Anya moving around inside, and she wondered if they'd made up yet. "I'll let them know how everything turned out," Tara said. "Do you want me to come by tomorrow?"

"That would be great," Buffy replied. "I'd really appreciate it."

Tara hugged her, feeling Buffy's arms tighten around her. "Call me if you need anything."

"Thank you." When Buffy pulled back, her eyes met Tara's, and the understanding that she saw in the other girl's eyes allowed the Slayer to smile, however briefly.

Buffy hurried home, feeling a flash of terror when she entered the house, not seeing or hearing either Spike or Dawn right away. What if something had gotten to Spike while he was getting Dawn home?

A noise from the second floor caught her attention, and Buffy went upstairs. Spike was sitting on the edge of Dawn's bed, watching the sleeping girl with haunted eyes.

"Spike?"

His head came up and he looked over at her. Buffy belatedly remembered that she wouldn't be able to hear him, as she entered the bedroom, and leaned over her sister. She could see the marks of tears on Dawn's face, and Buffy touched her cheek. Being careful not to wake her, Buffy removed the necklace, then put it on.

She held her hand out to him. After a moment's hesitation, Spike took her hand, following her out of the room and into Buffy's bedroom. "Did you have any trouble?"

He shook his head. "No. I kept out of sight as much as possible on the way back here."

"How is she?" Buffy asked.

Spike shook his head. "Dunno, Buffy. Whatever he did..."

"What did he do?" Buffy demanded.

"Couldn't get a clear answer on that. She just—she was hysterical for a while, cryin' and such. When she finally calmed down a bit, she went to sleep. Figured it was for the best."

"It probably was," Buffy agreed.

"Is he dead?" Spike asked, his eyes blazing. "If he's not—"

"He's dead." Buffy turned away, walking over to the window. "I wanted to kill him, Spike, but—it was mostly an accident, you know?"

"Yeah. Happens that way in the middle of a fight sometimes."

Buffy could sense him standing just behind her, but there was a distance there that wasn't just physical. "I told my mom I would take care of her, Spike. I should have done something. I knew that Rack might—"

Spike grabbed her shoulders and turned her around, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Wasn't your fault, Buffy. I told you I'd protect her. I—"

"This wasn't your fault, Spike. You can't be with her all the time."

"Neither can you," he replied, angrily.

Buffy pulled his head down, kissing him roughly, feeling his hands begin to jerk her shirt up. She pushed him away, ignoring his muffled protest, shoving him back towards the bed. Buffy was on top of him immediately, impatiently pushing his t-shirt up.

Spike ignored her fumbling hands, pausing to pull it off in one smooth motion, then doing the same for hers. The rest of their clothing followed in short order, their hands and mouths desperate, rough.

It was over quickly, but Buffy still clutched at him, unwilling to let him go. His hands ran soothing circles over her back. They were both silent, the darkness of the bedroom a warm cocoon.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know." Buffy sighed. "I know," she repeated. "What am I going to do about Willow, Spike?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you're the one she hurt."

Spike grimaced. "I'd say that'd be Dawn. I'll be fine."

"You also have good ideas on occasion," Buffy said.

"Just on occasion?"

"I'm not going to answer that."

The silence that fell was almost comforting. "I don't know, luv. I'd suggest doin' something to get through to her. Make her leave us alone."

"Maybe Giles will help," Buffy said. "He's supposed to call Anya back with the translation for that ritual."

Spike snorted. "More like he's goin' to tell me to go to hell."

"Then you can translate it," Buffy suggested sweetly.

"You do realize he's goin' to be on the next flight over, don't you?"

Buffy pressed a kiss to his chest, which was warm with borrowed heat. "Then I'll tell him what I've told everyone else up 'til now."

"And that is?"

"That you're mine."

There was a long pause. "What about you, Buffy? Are you my girl?"

She raised her head to meet his eyes. "Yeah, Spike. I'm your girl."

~~~~~

Tara entered the shop, watching as both Xander and Anya swung to face her. She found it odd that she was the one with news, the one who had been off on the mission. Usually, it was Willow and Xander providing Buffy's backup, with Spike as the muscle. This time, Tara had been the one to be in the middle of the action.

It had been scary, but she felt a sense of accomplishment that lifted her spirits. She'd managed to keep Rack from summoning more power so Buffy could engage him.

"How is Dawn?" Anya asked immediately.

"I'm not sure," Tara admitted. "Buffy and I took care of Rack, and Spike got Dawn home. I'm supposed to go by tomorrow."

"Buffy's okay, then?" Xander asked.

Tara nodded. "She's fine."

"What's going on with Willow, Tara?" Xander demanded. "Has anyone spoken to her?"

"I have," Tara said quietly. "She's not ready to listen to reason."

"About Spike?" Xander asked. "Why should she? Buffy's—"

"Buffy is making the best choice she knows how to make," Tara stated firmly. "I think he's changed."

Xander grimaced. "You can say that because Spike never tried to kill you."

"He hasn't tried to kill any of us for a long time," Anya said sharply. "And let me remind you that I was all set to kill you for Cordelia."

That shut Xander up fairly quickly.

The phone rang, cutting off the rest of the conversation. Anya picked it up, greeting Giles by name. "Spike and Buffy got her out of there," she replied to his immediate question. "I don't know. We haven't seen them yet." She paused. "Xander can pick you up. See you tomorrow."

"Giles is coming back?" Xander asked once Anya hung up the phone.

Anya nodded. "He'll be here tomorrow, with the translation for the spell."

"That's good." Tara sighed. "This whole thing is getting old."

"I still don't see why not hearing Spike could be a bad thing," Xander muttered.

"Well, next time Spike tells you to duck before some huge vampire brains you, I'll make sure he keeps his mouth shut," Anya said sweetly, referring to a particular episode from the summer.

Tara had to hide a smug grin.