*

William 'Spike' Giles walked into his kitchen in a superbly good mood. He slapped his employees on the back as he went, greeting them cheerfully. "Alright, people! Gather round."

The chefs gathered around the main table to listen to him speak.

"There was a blackout last night in the meat lockers and all that's gone off. So until they deliver fresh stuff, there won't be any meat on the menu. So Andrew, make sure the steak isn't on the specials for lunch. Xander, if you stuff up the Creme Brulee today I'll kill you. I'd also like the strawberry mousse on the evening dessert menu. All the rest of you get moving - Willow's away today, so Andrew needs a replacement su chef. Will one of the waiters stand in? Good. I want this place open by 11." Spike motioned for them to get moving and strode off towards the meat lockers. "Andrew? Help me out with this!"

"Hi Spike." Andrew said, grinning at him. "Did you have a nice night?"

"Yeah. We'll just throw these in the dumpster out back, you take the fish over there, I'll take the red meat." Spike sighed, and carried the trough of rotten meat towards the back exit of his restaurant - the hottest place in town, if he didn't mind saying so himself. He'd opened 'Spike's' five years ago now, initially as a small bar, but it had stretched into a gourmet dinery for the finer citizens of Sunnydale.

Off in his own little world, Spike barely noticed Andrew's screams of horror. "Oh, calm down, mate. It's just a bit of off fish."

"No.. get here now." Andrew sobbed, staring at something behind the dumpster. Spike instantly felt a sensation of dread wash over him as he approached an utterly hysterical Andrew.

"What is it-- oh god." Spike's eyes went wide as he stared down at the blonde girl lying amongst the trash. She was breathing, and he took that as a good sign, but her face was caked in dirt and blood. All the wore was a tiny leather skirt, tattered and torn now, a red bra, and a jacket. Her green eyes were still, lifeless.. dead. She simply stared into space, tears falling down her face. He then noticed something in her arms, and turned to see Andrew throwing up into the dumpster.

The girl carried a cat that was wrapped in a dirtied beach towel. The cat too, was caked in filth, a stench rising from it's fat frame. Unlike the blonde girl, the feline was still.

Lifeless.

Dead.

The dead-eyed girl seemed to barely notice.. she simply sat there, crying silently.

*
 

Chapter 2:

*

Spike felt close to being sick himself. He reluctantly knelt down in front of the girl and took her hand. She yanked away from him and stared at him with terror flickering in her green eyes. She seemed to be trying to talk, but words wouldn't escape her mouth.

Spike tried to pry the cat out of her hands and she screamed, cowering away from him, her pet still clutched in her arms. Spike glanced at Andrew and saw the boy had backed up against a wall and was crying. "C'mere, mate."

Andrew shook his head and Spike turned back to the girl. "Hi. I'm Spike. What's your name?"

She stared up at him with fear in her eyes, still speechless. Spike took her hand and helped her to her feet. He glanced at Andrew who said, "I think we should call an ambulance."

"No!" The girl shrieked, clinging to him desperately. "Please. I don't need to go to hospital. I'm fine."

"You're not, luv." Spike replied softly, staring at her worriedly. He took the cat from her and put it in the dumpster, blinking back tears.

"Hey! Blondie! Take your hands off my friend." A brunette stormed towards him, dressed in a tiny red leather dress. She pulled the blonde girl away from Spike. "You okay, B?"

The girl shrieked and fell back into Spike's arms, appearing terrified of this feistier girl, who was now looking at Spike with lust in her eyes. "Hey sexy. I'm Faith. Want a blow job?"

Spike backed away, staring at her in disgust. "No thanks."

"C'mon. Eight bucks for a bit of fun. What's the harm in that?" Faith grinned at him, thrusting her chest forward to display her cleavage. "Or you could have B over here.. she's only five for a suck, eight for a fuck. Cheap bitch likes to give it to anyone."

Hearing fresh sobs of pain escape her, Spike gathered the blonde girl into his arms and motioned for Andrew to follow.

"Hey, where are you going?!" Faith yelled as Spike carried her friend inside. Spike slammed the door shut and locked it before she could follow them inside.

Xander was rummaging through the fridge. "Do we have any-- oh god."

Spike ignored him and carried the girl into his office where he found his favourite leather coat and wrapped it around her. She snuggled into his embrace and whimpered when he placed her in his chair. "Wait here."

He found Andrew and said in a choked voice, "I'm going to take her back to my place. Are you okay?"

"Yeah.. it's just the cat.." Andrew whimpered.

Spike bit his lip. "If you want to go home-"

"No, I'll stay. You can't afford to lose any more staff today." Andrew forced a smile.

"Thanks, mate. I owe you one. Look, take it easy." Spike patted him on the back and went back to collect the girl. She stared up at him with confused eyes. "I'm taking you home, luv. Don't worry."

*

Spike carried her upstairs and into the third guest room.

"This is a big house." She said softly, staring around in awe.

"I bought it a little while ago. This is the best guest room." He placed her on her feet, steadying her when she wobbled a little. "Over there you've got your bathroom, and there's even a nice fireplace."

He watched as she walked over to the bed and sat down. "I like it." She spoke with a hollow voice, devoid of any emotion or expression.

"Would you like to have a bath? There's a spa in there." Spike looked into her eyes and saw fear in them. "Hey. You can have your privacy, luv. I'll go downstairs and cook you up a nice meal, eh?"

She nodded and disappeared into the bathroom. "How do you..?"

Spike hurried in after her and turned the faucet on. He found the French Vanilla bubble bath and poured it in, then handed her a loofah. "Get yourself nice and clean."

"Okay." She said softly and waited for him to leave before removing her ratty clothes. Sliding into the warm water instantly soothed her, and she reached over to turn the jets on, when the door swung open and she screamed.

Spike stared back at her. "Luv, I just came to-"

"Get away! Get away!" She yelled, jumping out of the tub, revealing everything.

Spike kept his eyes trained on her green ones and held out the towels he was carrying. "Fresh towels. I'm sorry if I frightened you."

The girl burst into tears. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay, luv." Spike said quietly, moving closer to her. He wrapped her in one of the towels and lifted her up, placing her back into the tub. "Come on, relax."

She continued to sob loudly. "I'm so disgusting.. I'm so filthy.."

"You aren't." Spike said soothingly, taking the loofah from her. "Here, lean forward."

She obeyed and Spike gently rubbed the sponge over her soft skin, moving over her arms as well. The girl laid back and stretched her legs up, and Spike took her left foot, studying the bloodied sole of her foot. "This must hurt."

She nodded, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Don't cry." Spike whispered and cleansed her feet, then her lower legs, and more reluctantly, her thighs. She whimpered slightly as he moved the loofah to her taut stomach and took it from him to clean her breasts.

Spike couldn't help but be aroused as the girl rubbed the sponge over her pert breasts, sighing happily to herself, and he looked away hastily. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

She sunk into the bubbles and sighed contentedly, and Spike left without another word.

*

He returned upstairs once he'd prepared her a nice morning tea, carrying the meal on a tray. He rapped gently on the door, and eventually, she replied, "Yeah?"

He went in and found her sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at him with the same blank eyes.

"Here. I brought you some tea and some cake. My own specialty - double chocolate." Spike smiled at her.

She gave him a tiny one and mumbled, "It doesn't take this much."

"What doesn't take this much?" Spike frowned.

"Getting me to sleep with you."

He frowned, suprised by this accusation. "I'm not trying to do that. I just thought you needed somewhere to stay."

"Oh. Most guys only want to.. you know." She went pale and tears filled her eyes again.

"We can talk about that later." Spike smiled at her. "Wait here a minute."

She pulled back the covers and slid under them, waiting for his return. When he did, he was carrying a bag. "Here. You can sleep in this."

He handed her a pale pink satin nightgown. The girl frowned at him suspiciously. "I'm not wearing something you fucked your girlfriend in."

"I didn't." Again a frown appeared on his face. "It's new."

"Fine, I'm not wearing something you'll want to fuck your girlfriend in."

"I don't have a girlfriend." Spike snapped, losing patience with her. "It was for someone, but she dumped me."

"Oh." She blushed and glanced up at him. "Sorry.. it's just.."

"The guys who only want one thing." Spike concluded.

"Yeah." Again, she looked on the brink of tears. "It's nice, thankyou."

"Hey.. what's your name, pet?"

She smiled at him. "It's Buffy."

"Buffy." Spike repeated, a smile growing on his face. "S'cute, luv. I'll let you get some rest, eh?"

"Okay." She agreed, and just as Spike was at the door, she asked in a childlike voice, "Where's Mr. Gordo?"

"Who?" Spike turned around and faced her with a confused expression on his face.

"My pet cat." Buffy replied.

"Sweetheart.." Spike took a deep breath. "He's dead, luv. When we found you.. the cat was dead. I'm sorry."

There was a long silence, broken by a long wail of pain from Buffy. She curled up into a tiny ball and sobbed, again revealing her naked frame to Spike. With no bubbles concealing anything this time, he saw how bruised and battered she was. He wrapped the doona around her and hugged her tight, listening to her sobs of total anguish.

Through her sobs, she whispered, "He was all I had left."

Finally, she gazed up at him with eyes that were finally alive. Alive with pain.

*
 

Chapter 3:

Buffy let out an ear-piercing shriek as she felt someone's hand come into contact with her arm. She opened her eyes and saw a blonde man staring down at her, wide-eyed.

"Luv, it's just me."

Then she remembered. "Oh. Spike. It's you."

"Yeah." He said softly, still startled by what had happened. "You okay?"

"Sure. It's just.. when you live on the streets.." Buffy trailed off, shuddering slightly.

"I made you breakfast, if you want to come downstairs?" Spike smiled at her.

"Okay." Buffy wrapped the doona around her and followed him downstairs. The entire kitchen had a heavenly scent wafting around it, and Buffy ran and sat down, waiting for him to serve her the meal.

"Eggs, bacon and waffles with chocolate-cappucino sauce. Again, my specialty." Spike put the plate down in front of her and smiled. "Look, kitten, I have to go to work. I'll try and be back after lunch, and then I thought we could go shopping for some new stuff for you."

"You don't have to do that." Buffy mumbled through a mouthful of eggs.

"Well, you can't just walk around naked, sweetheart."

"Are you gay?" Buffy blurted out.

"Excuse me?" Spike stared at her, unsure whether to take offense or just be really, really confused.

"It's just.. you don't want to fuck me. You don't want to see me naked." Buffy shrugged. "It's just, most guys.. they want all that."

Spike was silent for a while, then sighed quietly. "I don't want to take advantage of you, Buffy. I just want to help."

She nodded, and continued eating her breakfast. She felt totally unwanted all of a sudden.

"My number's on the fridge if you need to call." Spike said and gave her one last worried glance before leaving.

Buffy finished off her breakfast and decided to explore a little. She was still finding it hard to believe her luck - yesterday she'd been living in the gutters, suffering endlessly, and now some strange man had taken her into his house. Not that you could really call it a house - it was more like a mansion.

She wandered around downstairs, her first discovery being a huge library. Every wall was shelves laden with thousands of books, and Buffy almost shrieked with glee. This had been one of her childhood fantasies - a room with nothing but books, with a cosy sofa and fireplace. It seemed to be coming true right now. There was even a stepladder on wheels, and Buffy decided she'd have to come back.

The next room she found was an intimately decorated lounge, complete with a bar in the corner. It was chic and had a very classy feel to it. Buffy could barely wait to see the next room.

She slid open the frosted French doors and gasped - this was the best by far. This room was huge, and contained an indoor pool in a jellybean shape with frangipani trees and a rectangular spa fitted into the floor. Two of the walls were glass, and on the other side red roses climbed over the smooth surface.

It was a fairytale, she was the princess, and from the looks of it.. she was gonna live happily ever after.

*

"So how's the girl?" Andrew asked, still looking faintly green after yesterday's events.

"She's.. well, she's a closed book." Spike said as he fixed a cappucino for himself. "She's easily scared, and doesn't seem to trust me. Reckons I just want to shag her."

"What do you think happened to her?"

"She was a whore is all I can gather. I mean, that chit Faith made it fairly obvious.. Jesus, I hate to think of it." Spike shuddered.

"What was it she said?" Andrew thought for a moment. "Five for a fuck, eight for a suck?"

"Other way round." They shared a worried look.

Andrew finished arranging the dish he'd been preparing and turned his attention back to Spike. "So.. are you letting her stay?"

"I can't just let her go back to being homeless. And maybe if.."

When Spike trailed off and didn't speak for several minutes, Andrew jumped in and prompted him, "Maybe if what?"

"Maybe if I give her time, she'll open up, and I can make her all better."

"What, like you tried with Dru? I remember! 'Maybe if I give Drusilla time, she'll love me'." Andrew rolled his eyes. "Well, did she? No!"

Spike glared at Andrew. "Get back to work."

"Come, on, Spike! I wasn't trying to be mean."

He stormed off into his office, determined to ignore Andrew's feeble apologies as he went.

*

"Spike?" Andrew entered his office nervously. "I made you spicy buffalo wings."

"Bugger off." Spike muttered, lighting a cigarette.

"I'm sorry for what I said." Andrew said in a small voice, placing the dish on Spike's desk. "Are you going to fire me?"

"I don't know yet. But that's the first time in two years I've even come close." Spike narrowed his eyes at the boy. "When you came to work here, I didn't hire you because I liked you. I hated you! You were a geeky, nerdy little Trekkie who would start talking about his cooking talents and somehow branch off onto James Bond or some other rot. But you were the best bloody chef I ever employed, and that's why you're still here."

"So I'm not fired?" Andrew asked hopefully.

"I'm not done yet." Spike snapped. "You're a pretty good friend of mine as well, but if you ever say something to me like that again, you'll be the one lying behind the dumpster with a dead cat in your arms. Understood?"

"Yes sir." Andrew hung his head and mumbled another apology.

Spike nodded. "Good. Now get back to work."

*

Spike returned home and went upstairs to find Buffy's bedroom empty. Instantly panicking, he tore through the entire house, searching every room for the girl, when finally, he found her in the library.

She'd lit a fire and was snuggled up on the furry rug, wrapped in her doona, books surrounding her. She barely noticed him until he came and sat beside her, and said softly, "What're you reading, pet?"

She jumped and went bright red, pushing the book away. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay. You're allowed in here." Spike smiled at her, and picked up the rejected book. "Alice In Wonderland, eh?"

"It was my favourite when I was little." Buffy admitted shyly. "I hope you don't mind.. I went for a swim as well."

"Course I don't mind. Look, why don't I take you shopping for some nice new stuff?"

"You don't have to.." Buffy said, even though she was dying to go.

"But I want to, princess." Spike helped her to her feet. "I have some clothes that my ex left here.. and don't worry, they're clean. Why don't you wear them to the mall?"

"Okay." Buffy smiled at him gratefully. "You're really sweet."

*

He was really sweet. Spike bought her everything she wanted, and seemed to sense if she really liked something. Buffy would stop to simply finger the soft fabric on a top and he'd snatch it off the rack and take it to the counter, smiling at her all the while.

They were almost done when Spike stopped outside the bank. He paused and said to her, "Look, I have to run some errands. How about I give you this," he handed her some money, "And you go anything else you need."

Buffy counted out the bills and thrust them at him. "I can't take this much."

"Yes, you can." Spike handed it back to her.

"I'd feel bad.. like I owe you something." Buffy glanced at all the shopping bags he was carrying and felt guilt rush through her. "I've spent way too much."

"I can afford it."

He didn't seem to be giving up easily, and Buffy reluctantly tucked the money into her new purse. "I will pay you back though. I'll try and find a job.. not that anyone would hire me."

Spike watched her face fall and felt his heart break a little. Then something occurred to him, and he smiled at her. "You can come work for me. I'll cut your wages a bit to begin with so you can pay me back as much as you see fit, and you can waitress. You have to serve some really snobby ponces, but it's fun, and you can start as soon as tomorrow."

Buffy grinned at him. "You're the best, Spike."

"How about you meet me back at the car, princess? My stuff might take a while." He handed her the keys to his Alfa Romeo and checked his watch. "I should be done in 45 minutes or so, eh?"

"Okay." Buffy grinned at him gratefully then hurried off to continue her shopping spree.

*

Spike was strolling towards the carpark, arms aching from the effort of carrying all of Buffy's bags, when he heard someone shout, "Hey blondie! Get over here!"

He turned and saw Faith and a pack of girls behind her, storming towards him. "Where the hell is B?"

"She's safe from the likes of you." Spike snapped.

"Kidnapping's illegal, you know!" Faith screeched as he quickened his pace.

"So's street prostitution!" Spike fired back as he opened the car door. Buffy was fast asleep, curled up into a little ball on the passenger side. Spike dumped the bags in the back as pulled out of the parking space, narrowly avoiding Faith as he sped towards the exit.

"This isn't over!" Faith yelled after him.

"Spike? Who was yelling?" Buffy gazed up at him sleepily.

"Nobody." He replied, faking a confused expression. "Must've been having a dream, princess."

"Oh. Sorry I fell asleep." Buffy sat up properly and stretched.

"S'okay. Sorry I took so long." Spike smiled at her, trying to stop thinking of Faith, and the last thing she'd said.

This isn't over...

*
 

Chapter 4:

Spike woke and stared at the clock, groaning when he saw how early it was. Only 4:00, and he knew he'd never get back to sleep now. But wait.. if it was only 4, why were there noises coming from downstairs? Spike reluctantly got out of bed, yawning loudly as he shuffled over to the door and stumbled sleepily downstairs.

He found Buffy in the laundry room, dumping sheets into the washing machine. "Sweetheart?"

She jumped and let out a tiny cry, startled by the sudden interruption.

"What're you doing?" Spike asked, stifling another yawn.

"Um.." Buffy went bright red. "It's kind of silly.. I had my period and it got all over the sheets. I'm sorry."

"Don't have to apologise, luv." Spike saw that she was utterly bewildered by the masses of buttons on the machine's panel and pressed the right one. "You think you can go back to sleep? I know I can't."

"Nah.. I'm up now. Can we hang out in here?" Buffy walked towards the library. "This is my favourite room."

"Mine too." Spike went and started to light the fire. "Tell me about yourself."

Buffy snuggled up on the couch, pulling the comforter over her, and shrugged. "I'm 21."

"That all?" Spike frowned at her.

"Well.. the rest is kind of.. not-sharing stuff." Buffy blushed again as he sat beside her.

"I know this is going to sound nosy and very, very intrusive.. but I have a fairly good idea of what you were. So why not just fill in the other details?"

"What was I, then?" Buffy challenged him defensively. "Just say it. I was a no good whore." Her voice cracked on the second last word and tears sprang into her green eyes. "I was a street slut."

Spike considered telling her not to cry, that it was okay. But it wasn't okay.. and he knew when he was a child and had been told not to cry, it was frustrating and all the misery just stacked up inside him. He put his arm around her and planted a tiny kiss on her temple. "Cry it all out, sweetheart. Just let it all go."

Buffy burst into tears and did as he asked - she let it all out, in a long session of tears, her angry rants interspersed. "I had to do the dirtiest things.. and for all of five minutes for men who just walked by... I got paid less than some pimply teen at the Doublemeat, and Faith got it all.."

Spike pulled her closer and held her, rocking her gently to soothe her as though she were a child. "I was such a slut.. I had to do everything they told me.. sometimes they beat me.."

Spike tensed, ready to track down every last man she'd been with and slaughter him.

"One of them broke my jaw.. and when Faith found out, she broke my nose! See the scar?" Buffy tilted her head and showed him the tiny mark, tears still streaming down her pretty face.

"Why'd he break your jaw, luv?" Spike asked softly, peppering light kisses over her face.

"Because.." Buffy went bright red again. "My period came while we were doing it, and I got him all messy.."

"Oh, luv." Spike held her tighter as she launched into more horrific stories that Spike could barely make out for all her crying.

When she was finally done, Buffy brought her tears to a halt and stared up at him. The look of disgust on his face was clear to her - Buffy whimpered and wrenched her way out of his arms, then raced from the room, humiliated.

*

"Princess? Your breakfast's ready." Spike said, knocking gently on her door. He was utterly mystified as to why she'd run out on him before, but had left her to rest and have some privacy. "Luv?"

"Come in." The mumbled reply came, and he reluctantly entered, carefully balancing the breakfast tray in his arms.

"You hungry? I made you crepes with cherries and chocolate sauce." Spike smiled at her, and placed the tray on her lap. "Eat up."

"How can you even look at me?" Buffy said in a mere whisper. "Knowing what I've been. Knowing the kind of stuff I've done."

"We all make mistakes." Spike fed her a cherry dipped in sauce.

Buffy purred slightly. "Yum. Another specialty of yours?"

"Yeah, actually." Spike chuckled.

"My mistakes are a little bigger than most, though. Some people forget to call their grandmas on their birthdays, I've.. well, I've done things trillions of times worse than that."

"Mm." Spike ran his hands through her hair. "But that's all over now, pet. You don't have to worry."

Buffy was silent as she ate her breakfast, simply staring down at her plate. When she finally finished, she looked up at Spike and asked, "Why do this?"

"Why do what?"

"Bring me here and shower me with richeries, presents and delicious meals? What do you get out of it?"

Spike gave her a small smile. "The knowledge that I saved you from a life of horror. Kind of makes me a hero."

She had to smile at this. "I still feel like I owe you."

Spike checked his wristwatch. "I have to be at work in half an hour.. want to come? We could have a kind of trial day for you as a waitress, or assistant to one of my chefs."

"I'd rather be a waitress." Buffy wrinkled her nose. "I can just see me being a chef's assistant having similar results to a train wreck."

"I doubt it'd kill people."

"You've never tasted my cooking." Buffy giggled.

Spike kissed her on the cheek softly, then blushed slightly. "Right. Meet me downstairs in twenty minutes, right?"

As he returned to his room, he gingerly touched his lips and wondered to himself, Did I just kiss her? Where the hell did that come from?

He was all the more confused when he realised it hadn't been the first time that day.

*

 

Chapter 5:

*

"Is this okay?" Buffy came downstairs in one of her new crisp, white blouses and a flowing black skirt.

Spike smiled at her in approval and took her hand. "You look lovely. You'll be the prettiest waitress in the place."

Spike almost kicked himself as he led Buffy out the door. Okay, mate, where did that come from?!

*

Spike took Buffy into the kitchen and yelled for everyone to gather around. When his entire staff were assembled in one big group, he called for Andrew and Xander to come to the front of the group. He turned to Buffy and said softly, "These are your bosses, right?"

"I thought you were my boss." She frowned in confusion.

"Well yeah.. but you won't see as much of me as you will of these two." Spike smiled at the group. "This is Buffy, she's our new waitress. Andrew, you'll be taking care of her for the day, right?"

"Yes, sir." Andrew saluted him.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Xander, I've had a request for a birthday cake for a dinner party tonight. I'll speak to you re that in a moment, alright? All the rest of you, get to work. Can the waitresses please go and set up the tables?"

"Spike? Does that mean me?" Buffy stared at him helplessly.

"No, luv, it's just practice for you today. You'll be Andrew's new shadow, and he can teach you everything. Oi, Andrew! Get over here!"

"Spike.. why are there only female waiters?"

"Because he ogles them all day. Hi." Andrew smiled at Buffy nervously. "We've already met.."

"I remember." Buffy said softly, her eyes downcast and cheeks burning.

"I want you to take Buffy around, and - what, Xander?" He turned to the other chef who had been tugging incessantly on Spike's shirtsleeve.

"The birthday cake.. what do I have to do?"

"In a minute." Spike snapped. "Learn some bloody manners and say hi to Buffy."

"Hi. You're the hooker, right?" Xander said it jokingly, but Buffy clearly didn't take it that way. Her cheeks went an even darker red and her green eyes shone with tears.

Spike cuffed Xander on the back of the head, and hissed, "You fucking wanker!"

"Why don't Buffy and I go and.." Andrew trailed off and led Buffy away. "Sorry about Xander. He's an idiot."

"It's okay." Buffy said quietly. "What do I have to do?"

"Well.. Spike had something special in mind for you, he said you'd be working full hours and we don't need anymore waitresses at the moment, so you'll be my assistant. You just get stuff for me, chop it up, blah blah." Andrew chuckled. "It's pretty easy. At night, though, you'll waitress. We only have a selected amount at night, because that's when the really posh crowds come out and all. Is that all okay?"

"Sure." Buffy smiled at him.

"We don't open until 11 and all my stuff is prepared fresh. So we have a while.. I'll get you an apron, though, and we can start baking bread. Can you get me the flour from over there?" He gestured in the direction of the pantry. "Self-raising, the label's red."

"Sure." She repeated.

"You going okay, sweets?" Spike asked as he approached her.

She nodded and grinned at him.

"I think you'll like it here." Spike said softly. "With the exception of a stupid bloody whelp over there." He raised his voice slightly to alert Xander to the fact they were speaking of him, and added, "I must've been drunk when I hired him."

Buffy giggled and slipped past him. "I have to go get Andrew flour."

"Okay. You need me, I'm in my office." He disappeared and Buffy went to get the flour for Andrew. Xander watched on curiously, then followed Spike.

*

"Get out, Harris." Spike muttered without even looking up.

"So, Buffy, she's alright."

"Oh, the hooker?" Spike glared at Xander. "You're such a bloody idiot, I can't actually believe it sometimes."

"I was kidding!" Xander cried in exasperation.

"Well, Buffy was really laughing, wasn't she?" Spike yelled back.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Xander sighed and tried to swerve the conversation in a more positive direction. "How is she though.. I mean, do you guys get along?"

"Out. Now." Spike pointed to the door. "You have desserts to make, including a very special birthday cake."

"Come on, Spike! That thing's impossible! It's not a one-person job."

"You're right, you'd probably bugger it up. When Buffy's done helping Andrew, get her to help you. And you be nice."

"I wasn't trying to be cruel before!" Xander insisted.

"I know. You were just being a stupid bloody whelp. It's in your nature." Spike smiled. "Get moving."

Xander shuffled out of the office and went to find Buffy. He tapped her on the shoulder gently and said shyly, "Would you like to maybe help me with something?"

Buffy glanced over at Andrew for approval. To her dismay, he nodded, and she followed Xander over to his station.

"Look, about before, I was just being dumb. Or in Spike's words.. a stupid bloody whelp." Xander smiled at her. "He's probably right."

"It's okay." Buffy returned the smile reluctantly. "What do you need help with?"

"This cake, it's going to be a bitch to make." Xander grinned. "Hey, that rhymes!"

"You'll learn to ignore him eventually." Andrew muttered as he walked by, making Buffy giggle. She already really liked it here.

*

"I'll bring the car around the front, alright, luv?" Spike said, stifling a yawn.

"Okay." She smiled the same smile at him that had been plastered on her face all day.

"Oh, Buffy?" Andrew ran after her as she went to get her coat. "I just need to let you know one last, little thingy. You see.. about six months ago, Spike had this really ugly breakup, blah blah blah.. anyway, this is the girl." He held up a photo of a girl with dark hair. "She comes here a lot, to piss him off or whatever, and we have a little rule. She is much less important than any other customer. It doesn't matter if her drinks are late, or too hot, or too cold. Her meals are always a little less than brilliant. And if she asks to see Spike, don't be afraid to tell her where to shove it."

Buffy nodded, supressing a smile, for she could tell Andrew was dead serious. "Sure." Buffy smiled at him. "Thanks for.. today."

"It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure." Buffy buttoned her coat and went to see Spike, when Andrew tapped her on the shoulder again.

"Oh, and when you do tell her where to shove it? Just make sure nobody else hears." Andrew bit his lip. "And Spike doesn't need to know if she does come here. He's suffered long and hard enough."

Buffy was intrigued. "What happened?"

"What happened with what?" Spike asked, appearing behind her just as Andrew was about to reply. "Car's out the front, luv."

"Oh.. nothing." Andrew said in a squeaky voice. "See ya, Buffy."

"Bye."

She was just itching to ask Spike what was going on.. but something told her that she should leave it alone. As Andrew had said.. Spike had suffered enough.

*

 

Chapter 6:

"So.. tell me about you." Buffy requested the next morning as they ate their breakfast in peace.

He looked slightly suprised. "Me? There's not much to tell, sweetheart."

"Right.. the owner of the hottest restaurant in town must be pretty boring." Buffy sipped her coffee and studied him. "How old are you?"

"32." Spike replied.

Now it was Buffy's turn to be suprised. "You're 32? You just look so.."

"Old?"

"Young." She finished, and noticed the relief on his face. "When did you open the place?"

"When I was 27. It was just a little bar at first.. kind of grew over the years. Good location, good food.." Spike smiled. "It still amazes me how popular it is."

"Have you got a girlfriend?"

"No." Spike replied quickly and returned to eating his breakfast.

"Who was the girl who you broke up with, then?" Buffy continued her questioning bravely, even though she could see Spike was getting annoyed by it.

"She dumped me, and it doesn't matter." He pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and started to light one.

"Can I have one?" Buffy smiled at him as he handed her one and held the lighter to it.

"These'll kill us." Spike muttered as he exhaled smoke.

"One can only hope." Buffy replied quietly, and kept her eyes trained on the floor. She could feel Spike watching her, concerned by what she had just said. She looked up at him and forced a smile. "Let's go."

*

"Andrew, can I see you for a minute?" Spike went into his office and waited for the boy to follow. "Can you keep an eye on Buffy for me today?"

"Sure." Andrew went to leave when Spike stopped him.

"No.. I mean, she has to work with you, but can you tell me if she's acting funny?"

"Acting funny.. how?" He frowned as he tied his apron.

"Quiet.. she said something really strange this morning. I don't know if it's anything.. she just seems a bit down." Spike went to light another cigarette, his second in the past hour.

"Sure." Andrew went to find Buffy and studied her carefully as she cut up tomatoes. "How are you today?"

She glanced up at him and he noticed she was pale. Buffy gave him a strained smile. "Good."

"I need you to do the carrots as well." Andrew said, his eyes still trained on her. Buffy's hand trembled as she sliced the tomatoes, and in a split second, the knife slipped and caught her finger. She shrieked loudly, alerting everyone else in the kitchen to the only miniscule dilemma. Only tiny droplets of blood escaped the wound, but Buffy was almost hysterical.

Andrew took her over to the sink and rinsed her hand off. "It's okay. It's just a little cut."

"What's wrong?" Spike put his hand on Buffy's arm and she screamed again. He noticed all eyes were on Buffy, and hushed whispers were echoing. Buffy noticed as well and buried her face in his chest. Spike sighed and yelled, "Get back to work!"

He pulled her into his office and sat her down. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing." Buffy whimpered.

"You've been strange all morning, luv." Spike sat on the edge of his desk and stared at her. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know." Buffy gazed at him in sorrow. "And that's the problem! I can't tell!"

Spike gathered her into his arms and held her as she cried. "Want to go home?"

He felt her mumble a 'yes' against his chest, and ran his hands over her blonde hair to smooth it. "Okay, princess."

*

Buffy sighed as her head hit the pillows and she snuggled into the warmth of her bed. She gazed up at Spike and whispered, "Thanks."

"Sure you don't want to tell me what's wrong?" Spike said, playing with the fringed edge of the comforter on her bed.

"I just get down sometimes." Buffy said, tears in her eyes as she spoke. "I don't know why, and I don't know how to make it stop, but it hurts.. I guess in a way you'll never know."

Seeing her sad made him hurt in a way she'd never know. Spike brushed the tears away from her porcelain cheeks, and without a sensible thought in his mind, he kissed her.

It only lasted mere seconds before Buffy wrenched away and stared at him in horror. "I knew it!" She burst into tears and ran into the bathroom, screaming back at him, "I knew you only wanted one thing!"

Spike heard the lock click and collapsed against her pillows, close to tears himself. He had no idea what to say to that, for it wasn't about taking advantage of her, or wanting her with only physical need. It ran much deeper than a simple attraction to her. And although it had only lasted a little while, those few seconds had been absolutely blissful.

The phone rung, interrupting his troubled thoughts. He picked it up reluctantly, and mumbled a brief, "Hello?"

"It's Andrew. Is Buffy okay?"

"No." Spike listened as her sobs became louder and hurried out of the room, as the mere sound of her crying hurt him deeply.

"Why not?"

"Because I kissed her." Spike buried his face in his hands. "I'm such a bloody idiot."

There was a short silence at the other end of the line, but Andrew finally spoke. "You kissed her?"

"Yes."

"What was it like?" Andrew cried, practically bouncing up and down.

"Are you a fourteen year old girl or something?" Spike snapped. "It was terrible."

Andrew paused again. "Why was it terrible?"

Spike sighed and went into his bathroom to splash his face with cold water. "Because she didn't kiss me back."

"Oh." Andrew replied dismally, before reverting back to his cheery voice. "It's just.. I need an assistant, and we're running short on waitresses. It's getting really busy here."

"Get someone else." Spike growled, losing patience quickly.

"But I like Buffy." He whined back.

"I'll talk to her." Spike muttered and slammed the phone down. He went back into Buffy's room and knocked on the bathroom door. "Sweetheart? Can you let me in?"

Minutes passed and Buffy still hadn't opened the door. Spike knocked again. "C'mon, luv."

The lock clicked open and Spike entered to find Buffy huddled on the floor, crying to herself. He sat down beside her and put his arm around her. "I wasn't trying to.. it wasn't what you thought. I don't like you in that way."

Buffy stared up at him in shock. He doesn't like me in 'that way'? What way is that? Maybe he doesn't like me at all.

"Princess.. Andrew needs you down at the restaurant. Want to go?"

Buffy sniffled and glared up at him. "I'm only going for Andrew."

*

"She's pissed off at me." Spike muttered to Andrew as Buffy stormed past the two blondes, heading towards the sinks to wash her hands.

"Why?"

"Does it look like I know?!" Spike yelled. "Get back to work!"

Andrew slunk off, eyes downcast, embarrassed and hurt. "Hey Buffy."

"I'm sorry about before." She murmered.

"It's okay." He took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. "We have hundreds of people out there, so I'll need you to be my assistant for the next hour, then you can waitress. Is that good?"

"Okay." Buffy smiled at him. "What can I do?"

"Go take orders for a bit." Andrew smiled at her. "Is that okay?"

"Sure." She felt Spike watching her from across the room, and just to spite him, kissed Andrew on the cheek. "See ya."

She took a notepad and pen and went out into the restaurant, quite shocked at how many people there were. Another waitress came and smiled at her. "Hey. You waitressing?"

Buffy nodded shyly.

"Okay. Tables 28-35, all yours. Go for it." She disappeared into the kitchen.

Buffy found Table 28 and smiled down at the family. "Good evening, welcome to Spike's. How can I help?"

She scribbled down their order and was about to return to the kitchen when she noticed who was at Table 30.. the girl from the photo. She smiled up at Buffy with little cruel dark eyes. Buffy took a deep breath and stuttered, "How can I help you tonight?"

She sneered and hissed, "I'd like to see Spike. Tell him it's Drusilla. And if you give me that bullshit and tell me he's not here, you'll regret it. So scurry your pretty little self over to that kitchen and find him."

Buffy was frozen on the spot. "Um.."

Drusilla's eyes flashed with menace, and she growled, "Now!"

*
 

*

Buffy took a deep breath and raced into the kitchen to find Andrew, slamming straight into Xander.

"Whoa!" He smiled down at her. "You okay there?"

"Drusilla's here." Buffy whispered, glancing around frantically to assure Spike wasn't anywhere nearby.

"Shit." Xander hissed under his breath. "Look.. go tell her he's not here and take her order."

"But-"

"Go!" Xander pushed her out the door just as Spike approached him. Xander smiled nervously and said hurriedly, "Hey man, what's up, man?"

"Going to go mingle with the customers." Spike said and tried to push past. "Can you move?"

"Sure!" Xander jumped out of the way but grabbed Spike by the arm. "First, can you come check the meringue I just baked? I'm not sure if it's sweet enough for the kiddies."

He dragged Spike towards his station, glancing over at Andrew, to mouth, "Dru."

Buffy sighed and smiled politely at Drusilla. "I'm really sorry, miss, he's just gone home for the night."

Drusilla's eyes flashed with menace and she jumped to her feet. "Don't you give me that shit!"

She reached out and whacked Buffy across the face, smirking as the blonde girl backed away, whimpering and clutching her face. People stared as Drusilla continued to torment the waitress. "Did that lowlife tell you to lie? You are lying, aren't you?! Admit it, you vile little whore!"

"No!" Buffy cried, backing into someone. She turned and saw Andrew, who wrapped her up into his arms and hugged her as she wept.

"Leave her alone, Drusilla." Andrew said coldly.

"I'd like to see Spike." Drusilla sneered, glaring at the boy.

"He's not here. I'm very sorry." Andrew said with a fake smile. "But your meal is on the house to make up for it."

"I don't want any of the disgusting filth cooked here by a pathetic little perverted homo!" Drusilla screeched. Gasps and hushed whispers broke out around the restaurant. Buffy glanced up at Andrew and saw his brave face had slipped and he was about to cry.

"I want to see Spike. Now." Drusilla repeated, glaring at the two blondes she'd reduced to tears. "NOW!"

Her scream brought several children in the restaurant to tears.

"Alright, what the hell's going on?" Spike yelled, storming towards them with Xander at his heels, attempting to pull him back, shouting, "Spike, you need to check the meringue!"

Spike froze when he saw who it was. "Dru."

She seemed to melt, a charming smile appearing on her face. "Spike. My love. How I've missed you."

Spike turned to see Buffy and Andrew crying. He glared at Drusilla. "What did you say to them?"

Drusilla tittered, putting her hand on his arm. "Honestly, they burst into tears over nothing!"

"Nothing?" Spike asked angrily when he noticed the red welt striped over Buffy's left cheek. "Nothing?!"

"I don't know why you employ this rif-raf!" Drusilla sighed. "My poor love. So messed up."

"They aren't rif-raf." Spike snapped. "And you're the one who's messed up."

"One's a pathetic little gay boy, the other's just a whore you plucked off the streets. If that's not rif-raf, then what is?" Drusilla laughed heartily.

All eyes were on Spike, and he looked like he was about to smack her one. But he sighed and said quietly, "Get out, Dru."

She smirked and collected her handbag. She leant up and kissed him on the cheek, and whispered, "Goodbye, my love."

She walked out of the restaurant completely calmly, as though nothing had happened. Spike turned to Andrew and patted him on the back. "Why don't you go back into the kitchen, mate? People are waiting for their meals."

Andrew and Buffy disappeared back into the kitchen. All eyes were still on him, so Spike shouted heartily, "Hey, everyone - chocolate mousses on the house. Xander, you can organize that, right?"

Xander smiled. "Sure."

"Go back to enjoying yourselves." Spike said quietly and returned to the kitchen to find Buffy.

He approached her carefully and slid his arm around her waist and gave her a tiny squeeze. "You okay? I'm sorry about her."

"It's okay." Buffy glanced over at Andrew. "I don't think he is, though."

"What'd she say to 'im?"

"She said.. she didn't want her meals cooked by a filthy little perverted homo."

Spike looked over at his friend and sighed. "Jesus H. Christ."

"Spike.. can I ask you something kind of personal?"

"Sure." He gingerly touched the welt on her face and led her over to the sinks.

Buffy held still as he wet a washcloth and held it to her face. It cooled the wound and Buffy sighed in relief as the pain faded.

"Jesus, she's a bitch." Spike muttered.

She looked up at him worriedly and asked, "Why were you with her? She's horrible!"

"Because.." Spike was silent for a long time, before finishing, "I'm an idiot. Or at least I was."

Buffy giggled and smiled up at him. "Yeah, you still are actually. But you're a lovable one."

Spike's eyes went wide and his heart skipped a beat. Lovable. She thinks you're lovable.

Buffy smiled at him again and went to help Andrew. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He mumbled, still scowling.

He didn't seem to want to talk, so Buffy picked up her notepad and said softly, "I'll go finish taking orders."

She was walking out of the kitchen when she felt someone watching her, and turned to see Spike still gazing at her adoringly. She blushed and continued on her way.

*

"You okay, mate?" Spike asked as he tasted the sauce Andrew had just finished. "This is delicious."

"I'm fine." Andrew said quietly.

"Don't look fine." Spike sighed. "I'm going to make sure she can't get in here anymore."

Andrew looked up at him sadly. "The place kind of cleared out after she said what she did to me, huh?"

"No.." Spike said weakly, although they both knew it had. "Look, they're rich ponces. Ignore them."

Andrew shrugged. "I guess."

"How's Buffy working out, then?" Spike asked, changing the subject in what he hoped was a subtle manner.

"She's great." Andrew smiled. "How are things between you two?"

"Don't start." Spike glared back at him. "She doesn't like me like that."

"You never know." Andrew turned his smile to Buffy as she came back into the kitchen. "Maybe things'll work out."

Spike smiled at Buffy as she approached him. One can only hope...

*

 

Chapter 8:

"Gross!" Buffy cried when Andrew handed her the bucket of food scraps.

"Someone has to do it." He shrugged and smiled at her apologetically. "I'd make Xander, but he's already run off for the night."

Buffy glared at him and stomped over to the back exit. She bumped into Spike as she passed and he smiled at her. "Hey sweetheart. Whatcha doing?"

"Grotty stuff." Buffy thrust the bucket at him and pouted, as though to say, "Do it for me?"

Spike pulled a face and went to open the door for her. "Go on, then. Hurry up."

"Some gentleman." Buffy frowned at him and stormed outside. She opened the lid to the dumpster and held her nose as she dumped the bucket's content inside. The sickly smell of the garbage got to her, even though her nose was pinched shut. Buffy gagged, eyes watering as she wavered on her feet. It was all coming back to her..

"Hi. I'm Spike.. what's your name?"

Two blonde men, staring down at her, eyes shaded with concern. One suggests something about a hospital, she is horrified. She doesn't want more men poking and prodding at her, invading her privacy. For god's sakes, her insides must be rotting with all the drugs, the booze, the diseases she's picked up over the years of her life as a whore. She screams out in protest, and although the taller one disagrees with her insistance that she's fine, he obliges.

Her beloved Mr. Gordo is snuggled in her arms. He's been asleep for so long, now, she is getting worried. The taller man is blinking back tears as he takes the cat from her.

Where is he taking Mr. Gordo?! He can't take her cat, this is wrong.. what is he doing?!

The man turns back to her and helps her up. But where is her cat?

Oh, god, no..

Buffy stared at the dumpster and her eyes started to prick with tears. He's in there. Her beloved, adored pet is lying under all that rotting filth.

"Princess?" Spike was still waiting by the door.

Buffy turned and faced him, a look of total hatred painted on her face. "You bastard. You fucking creep!"

"What?" Spike backed away from her and slammed against the door. Buffy reached out and slapped him, hard. His face stung, burning red with pain.

"You just dumped him in the bin? How could you? An innocent, beautiful animal, and you just ditch him in a fucking trashcan!" Buffy felt hot tears of fury falling down her face, and a tiny sob escaped her. "You're a monster."

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do.."

"I had him since I was seven!" Buffy shrieked. "And you just ditched him in a-"

Spike placed his hand over her mouth to silence her. "I know. What I did was terrible. Please, princess, calm down."

She whimpered against his palm and Spike pulled her into his arms to hold her. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry."

She snuggled into him and Spike dropped a tiny kiss on her forehead. "Let's get you home."

*

"Hot chocolate?" Spike offered her the mug and Buffy took it reluctantly, resting against her freshly fluffed pillows.

"Spike.." Buffy gazed up at him curiously. "Why'd you kiss me the other night?"

He shrugged, sipping at his own cup of hot chocolate. "It was stupid."

"Oh." Buffy plucked a pink marshmallow out of the drink and sucked the froth off it. "I thought maybe you .."

Her pause concerned him. Spike could see sadness welling in her green eyes and he took her hand. "You thought maybe I what?"

"That I'd warmed up to you enough so we could have sex." Buffy glanced up at him shyly, her eyes now filled with fear.

Spike gave her hand a tiny squeeze. "Princess, you're very sexy. I think you're absolutely beautiful. But I'm not doing this to get you to be my sex slave or anything. I just want to keep you safe."

"You think I'm sexy?" Buffy smiled at him.

"Yes." Spike replied softly. "And also very beautiful."

"No.. really?" Buffy grinned, her entire face lighting up. "Me?"

"Yeah." Spike chuckled and planted a tiny kiss on her hand.

"I've never been called beautiful." Buffy whispered, practically glowing. "Except.."

"Except?" He pressed, waiting for her to continue.

"Except by my mom." Buffy's face fell and her eyes sparkled not with pride, but with tears. "She always used to call me beautiful."

"When was the last time you saw her?" Spike asked, resting against her headboard as they spoke.

"She died.. when I was only 17. I didn't want to stay with my dad, so I ran away. I just.. went downhill from there." Buffy snuggled into him, seeking comfort in Spike's strong arms. He hugged her close, caressing her body slightly as she cried.

"Why didn't you want to stay with your dad?"

"Because he wanted to move back to LA." Buffy sniffled and tried to stop her tears, face going bright red with embarrassment. Spike didn't need her acting like a baby constantly. "And because he made my life miserable, and my mom's. I always hated him."

"Why didn't they divorce?" Spike asked gently, trembling every so often as their bodies became closer.

"Mom didn't believe in it. She didn't want to put me through it, and my dad's the kind of bastard that would have left her with nothing. It all really started when I was five.. they weren't happy together. It went on until she died, and she just pretended everything was fine, but.." A sob hitched in her throat and Buffy broke down into more tears, mumbling, "He used to hit me. He took it all out on me."

Spike felt his own tears start to fall. "Buffy.. sweetheart.."

She gazed up at him sadly. "What?"

"I'm so sorry, luv. It must've been awful for you." He pressed his lips to her forehead again, wishing he could touch her sweet lips and admit his love for her. He wished that with a simple kiss, he could make it all better.

But in her eyes stood so much darkness, so much pain, Spike knew it would take a lot more than one little kiss.

*

 

Chapter 9:

Spike woke with Buffy wrapped snugly in his arms, and smiled to himself - it felt good to have her so close. He peppered kisses all down her shoulder, stopping as she started to stir. "Morning, princess."

Buffy rolled onto her back and smiled up at him. "Good morning."

Spike glanced at the clock and groaned. "Bloody hell."

"We'd better hurry up." Buffy wriggled out of his arms and went into the bathroom. Spike was instantly saddened at the loss of contact, and got to his feet reluctantly. He stumbled downstairs as the doorbell rung repetedly, and as he cursed, Spike opened it to find nobody there.

Except a small parcel, addressed to Buffy. He called out to her and disappeared into the kitchen to get coffee.

"What is it?" Buffy hurried after him, brushing her hair into a pony-tail as she went.

"Parcel for you." He handed it to her and frowned. "You send off for something?"

"No.. and nobody knows I live here." Buffy frowned and sat down on one of the tall kitchen stools. "Hmm."

It was tightly wrapped up with thick tape, and Spike watched in amusement as she struggled. "Want some help?"

Buffy handed him the parcel and he ripped it open quickly, and with equal speed, dropped it as though it were on fire. A bag of cocaine landed on the kitchen table in front of Buffy, and her green eyes widened. "Oh god."

"What the hell is this?" He glared at her accusingly, picking up the bag of white powder to inspect it.

"Cocaine." Buffy said weakly.

"I know that!" Spike snapped. "Why has it been sent to you?!"

"I don't know." Buffy said softly, colour rising in her face. "Spike, I-"

"Have you ever taken this stuff?" He asked angrily, his eyes boring into hers.

Buffy trembled as she spoke, a nervous stutter creeping into her voice. "Well.. I don't know..."

"Well, you fucking must!" Spike yelled, snatching the bag away from her. He went to the sink and emptied the contents down the drain, rinsing the basin with hot water. He gasped as he saw several tiny shards of glass fall with the powder and scraped them down the drain as well.

"Fine.. yes, I have." Buffy said softly. "A lot."

Spike sighed. "When was the last time?"

"It was over a year ago now." Buffy insisted, then faltered. "Okay, maybe not a year.."

Spike slammed his cup of coffee down and stormed out of the room as shards of china sprayed everywhere. Buffy let out a tiny sob and dissolved into more tears as she heard him slam things around upstairs.

She picked up the torn parcel and studied the handwriting. It wasn't familiar to her, but something did catch her eye. She raced up the flight of stairs, yelling out to Spike in a panic.

She ran into his room and slammed straight into him. "This wasn't sent to this address. It was brought here by a person, not by the post or anything."

He snatched it away and stared at it. "Well.. who usually dealt this shit to you?"

"This guy called Warren. But he died, a while ago, and now I'm not sure, but-" She noticed Spike wasn't in any mood for her ramblings and quickly summed up, "It was probably Faith."

"I'm going to call the police." Spike muttered and pushed past her.

"Spike.." She grabbed his arm. "I'm clean now. I don't do that stuff any more. I know you must hate me, but please.."

Her eyes pleaded with him to understand, and Spike softened slightly. "It's okay, luv."

"I'm sorry." She whimpered and buried her face in his chest.

"I don't hate you. We just have to call the cops and get rid of that bitch." Spike caressed her long locks of blonde hair. "I don't want her hurting you."

Buffy sniffled and gazed at him nervously. "You don't hate me?"

"No. Why don't you go take a bath, sweets? Calm down." Spike pressed his lips to her forehead and watched adoringly as she disappeared down the hall into her room. He went and sat down on his bed, then picked up the phone.

*

"Sweetheart? Can I come in?"

"Sure." Buffy replied, sinking further into the bubbles.

"I called the police and they're going to look out for her, and there's going to be more security around here. Some guys should be here soon." Spike smiled at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Buffy paused. "Wait.. I've done illegal stuff too. What'd you say about me?"

"I said you were her friend in high school and that she tried to get you to do all this crazy stuff, but you wouldn't, and she's been stalking you." Spike shrugged. "Little white lie, princess."

"But what if she tells them the truth?"

"Who're they gonna believe? A dirty little whore like her, or a beautiful princess like you?" Spike picked up the soapy sponge and ran it over her back.

Buffy wrenched away from him. "I used to be like her, or in your words, a 'dirty little whore'."

"Luv, I didn't mean-"

She got out of the tub and grabbed a towel to cover herself. "Get out."

"Princess, I'm sorry." Spike approached her slowly and kissed her on the cheek. "I didn't mean it like that at all."

"Stop it." Buffy snapped, pulling away from him. "Stop kissing me, stop hugging me, in fact - stop touching me all together! I'm not your whore."

"I never said you were." Spike muttered, and left without another word. Secretly, he was aching inside. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, and tell her it would all be okay. He wanted to tell her that..

No, he couldn't. He barely knew her.. it was too soon..

But, as tears sprung into his eyes, he realized it was true. This beautiful, mysterious, graceful girl that had somehow fallen into his life by pure chance, had him wrapped around her little finger. He wanted to tell her those three little words he'd always been so afraid to utter.. he wanted to be the one to hold her at night, to see her through good and bad..

Yes. He knew it for sure. He loved her.

*

"Hey." Buffy said softly as she came downstairs. Spike glanced at her and smiled, but she could see he was uneasy. "What's going on?"

"These guys are fitting in some security devices, pet. Cameras, alarms, all that rot. Just in case she comes back and tries to harm you."

"Oh." Buffy glanced over at the two men and smiled at them politely. "I'm gonna go make some lunch. Hey.. aren't we meant to be at the restaurant?"

"Called in sick for the both of us." Spike said, frowning as he noticed one of the men staring at Buffy. Buffy disappeared into the kitchen, unaware that the man was still watching her, a smirk on his face.

"What're you looking at?" The other one asked curiously. Neither realized Spike was listening.

"That girl.. I know her!" He snorted with laughter. "She's one of Faith's girls."

"She's a whore?" They both dissolved into hysterical fits of laughter. "This guy must've hired her as his mistress or something."

The first man smirked, watching Buffy as she came back into the room. "She was damn good."

"You boys had better shut the fuck up right now." Spike warned.

Buffy stared at the man and her eyes went wide. She raced upstairs, tears escaping her as she heard them burst out laughing again.

"Get back to work." Spike hissed and hurried after Buffy.

"Go away." Buffy mumbled as he opened the door.

"Princess-"

"I'm dirt. I'm absolute fucking dirt." Buffy's mournful whimpers turned into wails, and despite what she'd told him before, Spike gathered her into his arms and cuddled her.

"You're not, luv." He said in a hushed voice.

Buffy trembled in his arms, staring up at him with rounded green eyes, filled with crystal tears. "Spike.. I want to be.. I want to.."

"Want to be what?" Spike asked gently.

"I want to be better, I do. I want to be the lovely princess you always make me out to be, but I'm not. I'm filth."

"You aren't." Spike insisted.

"I probably have millions of diseases." Buffy sobbed out, worming her way out of his arms. "You shouldn't even look at me, let alone touch me. I'm vile."

"You aren't." Spike said firmly and pulled her back into his embrace. "You're beautiful, luv. And if you're worried about all that, I'll take you to a doctor. Okay? I'll make it all.."

Her lips landed on his and he fell silent for a second. After letting it linger, and when she finally pulled away, Spike hugged her closer and whispered, "I'll make it all better. I will."

Then he kissed her again.

*
 

Chapter 10:

"Oh." Buffy sighed as they pulled apart. Spike smiled at her adoringly, and Buffy edged away. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay." Spike leant in to kiss her again but Buffy yanked away. "Okay, it's not. What's wrong?"

"I can't do this right now." Buffy whispered shamefully, avoiding his gaze deliberately.

Spike was speechless for several long, excrutiatingly clueless moments. He finally choked out words, "You mean..?"

"I mean.. I'm sorry, Spike." She stood up and raced into the bathroom, wiping his touch from her lips as she went.

Spike felt the cold feeling of rejection wash over him and he was sure he was about to be sick. Or cry. Yeah, the lump in his throat was definetly one of tears, and not illness. He left her room and disappeared into his own, locking the door behind him.

He rarely cried. He rarely had anything to cry about. But this was a pretty damn good reason. The tears started before he even knew what was happening.

*

"Do you want me to wait, or come back and pick you up later?" Spike asked as they turned into the parking lot.

"Do you mind waiting?" Buffy voice wobbled as she spoke, unfallen tears stinging her eyes. Spike had barely said a word to her for two days, and when he did speak, he refused to meet her eye. Any question she posed as to what was wrong resulted in Spike glaring at her or disappearing to sulk for hours on end.

"It's fine." He replied distantly as he parked the car. "Dr. Matthews is excellent, I'm sure you'll feel comfortable with her."

"She's a girl?" Buffy sighed with relief. The last thing she wanted was some guy doctor pawing all over her.

"I thought it'd be best." Spike muttered and grabbed her hand roughly. Buffy frowned at him and he released his grip on her. "Oh, that's right. Can't touch you, can I?"

"Spike-"

He glared at her again. "Come on, hurry up. We're late already."

*

"Mr. Giles?" Dr. Matthews smiled down at him. Spike was almost asleep - two hours had passed and he'd never been so bored. "Buffy will be out in a moment. We've done a series of tests, and the results should be ready in a few days."

She sat down beside him. "Now, Buffy's told me a bit about her past.. is she seeing a therapist?"

"No." Spike stifled a yawn.

"It might be an idea. I've also done some fertility tests.. she's been wondering, because after several miscarriages-"

"What?" This woke him up properly. Spike stared at the doctor in complete shock. "She's had miscarriages?"

"Several, apparently. How long have you two been together now?"

"We aren't a couple." Buffy piped up as she emerged from the examination room. She met Spike's gaze and gave him a weak smile. "Can we go?"

"Sure, I'll just pay." Spike said quietly. He noticed his hands were trembling slightly and stuffed them into his pockets for the time-being. "Is Mastercard okay?"

*

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't any of your business." Buffy replied quietly, not tearing her gaze away from the book she was reading.

"Yes, it was. I thought you trusted me." Spike took the book from her and frowned at her. "Do you want to see a therapist?"

"Why, because I'm so twisted?" Buffy spat out bitterly. "I'm not seeing a fucking shrink."

"It might help." He said calmly, trying to remain patient. "When did you lose these babies?"

"It doesn't matter." She snatched the book from him and buried her nose in it, trying to hold back the rivers of tears struggling to escape.

"What's your problem with me?"

"I don't have a problem with you." Buffy looked up at him and saw the pain in his eyes. "Spike.. if this is about the other day.."

Spike sighed frustratedly. "Yes, it's about the fucking other day. It meant a lot to me and you're just pretending it didn't happen."

"It shouldn't have happened." She said softly. "You don't want to do something stupid like fall for me, Spike. It's not worth it."

"I already have fallen for you." He whispered, cupping her face in his hands. He pressed his lips to hers in a sweet, soft, lingering kiss that almost melted the both of them. "I'm in love with you."

Buffy whimpered and gave into his lips again. This was her first real kiss, this wasn't from some stranger or one of Faith's perverted friends. This was from a man who loved her.. he must be crazy to, but it felt good. She'd never known any kiss to be so addictive, so tender and innocent, yet so full of fire.

"I love you, Buffy." Spike whispered again. Somehow these four words brought her spiralling back to reality and she pulled away.

"You don't want to love me." She said in an equally quiet tone. "I.. I'm not good enough."

Spike pulled her into his arms again. "You're amazing, Buffy. You're beautiful.. and sexy.. and lovely.."

He punctuated each sugary sweet compliment with another soft kiss, this time softly tracing his tongue over her plump pink lips. "I love you, princess."

"You barely know me.." She protested weakly, still spellbound by the touch of his lips.

"I know you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you've had a hard life.. but I'm gonna make that all better, luv. I'm going to make you happy, I promise." Spike looked at her and saw raw fear glinting in her green eyes. "I love you, princess. I'll never hurt you."

He ran his hand up from her hip, to the swell of her breast, but Buffy slapped his hand away. "Not yet. I want to know you first."

Spike kissed her again. "Alright. What do you want to," his lips hit hers again, "know?"

Buffy crawled into his lap and smiled at him. "What did you want to be when you were a little kid? I wanted to be a ballerina."

"Why weren't you?"

"My dad wouldn't pay for lessons." She frowned. "Hey. I'm asking the questions."

Spike chuckled softly and kissed her on the tip of her nose. "Alright. I wanted to be a singer."

"Why weren't you?" She sighed as he kissed up and down her neck. This did feel really, really, really good.

"I learnt to play guitar, but I didn't really ever chase it up. I love my restaurant anyway.. it's much better than being a singer. Much more stable. Plus, I can't sing a bloody note."

"I'm sure that's not true." Buffy kissed him softly, the first that she'd initiated that day. "You should sing for me some time."

"Maybe I will." Spike whispered. "Maybe I will.."

*

Buffy woke the next day to the gentle strumming of a guitar, coming from Spike, who was sitting on the edge of her bed. She felt something wet wipe against her nose and bolted upright. A tiny ginger kitten stared up at her. She stared at Spike and he smiled. "Check the collar."

She brushed the fur away and stared at the red velvet collar. Tiny black letters spelt out, Mr Gordo Junior. Buffy felt tears sting her eyes and she jumped out of bed to go and kiss Spike.

He patted the spot beside him and she sat there, snuggling into him as he started to sing.

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again


*
 

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