Chapter 1:

"Hey Dawnie." A waiter passed her with a broad smile. "How are things in Manhattan?"

She grinned, flipping her hair back over her shoulder flirtaciously. "Great, Alec."

"Don't get why you're slumming it here." He winked at her and moved onto the next table.

"I love it here." Dawn called after him as the music began.

She loved New York. Six years in the Big Apple and it never failed to suprise. From the glitzy dining to the extravagant shopping, the city was perfect. And tonight, second-best on her list of things to do, Dawn was roaming the clubs.

Not long ago, she'd found a small one in Brooklyn, where they served delicious food and employed new artists to play music. One night it would be jazz, the next punk, the next, well, who knew? Like the rest of the city, it was a never-ending whirlwind of fun.

Dawn stared down into her drink and felt misery wash over her slightly. She'd tried desperately to get Buffy to join her, but her sister's automatic response was to yell things about babysitters and responsibility and how hard things could be for a single mother. That was practically the message on her answering machine. Buffy never seemed to have time for anything anymore, except motherhood. Because Dawn didn't know anything about it, she was automatically a stupid kid to Buffy, even though she was now 22.

Dawn took a sip of her drink and decided that there was no way Buffy was going to ruin her night. She turned around to see who was next on stage as the first band finished.

And then her world stopped spinning.

Her drink sloshed out of her glass as she bolted upright and stared at the performer on the stage.

"This is a song for a girl I loved." He murmered, raking his fingers through his blonde hair. Dawn let out a strangled gasp and felt her heart twist and turn in her chest.

I wish I had what I needed..
To be on my own..
'Cause I feel so defeated..
And I'm feeling alone..

And it all seems so helpless..
And I have no plans..
I'm a plane in the sunset..
With nowhere to land..

And all I see..
It could never make me happy..
And all my sand castles..
Spend their time collapsing..

Let me know that you hear me..
Let me know Your touch..
Let me know that you love me..
And let that be enough..

"Oh god." Dawn whispered to herself, suddenly feeling incredibly ill. She saw his blue eyes roam the crowd and suddenly realized there was no oxygen going into her lungs. She couldn't breathe, and her heart had stopped beating.

"Dawn? You okay?" Alec put his hand on her arm and whispered, "You're pale.. and you're shaking."

"I.. I'm fine." She shook her head to clear it and grabbed her glass, downing the drink quickly, her eyes still trained on Spike.

"You know that guy?" Alec asked curiously.

"I used to." She clawed her fingers through her hair and hissed, "How is he here? It's just.. it's not possible."

"He's a great singer." Alec whispered, and slapped his hand over his mouth. "Whoops. He's looking over here."

Dawn's head snapped up and she stared straight at Spike. His eyes went wide and his singing stopped for a split second. But as she looked at him, and he returned her gaze, the both of them shocked, it lasted for years.

Then, his voice shaking, he started again.

And I feel stuck..
Watching history repeating..
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy..

Let me know that you hear me..
Let me know Your touch..
Let me know that you love me..
And let that be enough..

And let that be enough..

The crowd cheered, desperate for another song, but Spike grabbed his guitar and rushed off the stage. Dawn's heart sunk and she slumped in her seat. Alec put his arm around her and asked gently, "You okay?"

"Has he ever been here before?"

"A couple of times. I've talked to him once or twice, this is just a gig he does from time to time for extra cash. It's been an on-and-off thing for the past four years. But normally, he's a writer for the Times."

"The Times? As in the New York Times? I read it religiously! And four years?" Dawn grabbed her jacket and sighed in frustration as Alec took it from her and helped her put it on. She slung her back over her shoulder and turned to him one last time. "Do you know anything else about him?"

"After he sings he goes down to this diner nearby." Alec cocked his head at the door and added, "Not far down the street."

"Thanks, Alec."

*

Dawn stormed into the coffeehouse and saw Spike was the only one there. His back was to her as he sipped at his coffee, and, letting her temper get the better of her, she stormed past him, whacking him over the head with her handbag on her way.

She sat down in the next booth and glared back at him as he smiled. She grabbed a sticky newspaper, now weeks old, and flipped it open. Reading it with all the nonchalance she could muster, she announced, "I'm not speaking to you."

His laugh sent chills down her spine and brought a smile to her face. Dawn reluctantly placed the newspaper aside and went to join him in his booth. She sat across from him and whispered, "Hey, Mr. World-saver."

"Hey, Dawn."

"Don't call me that." She pleaded, placing her hands over his. "You can call me Nibblet. Or Little Bit."

"You're not so little anymore." Spike pointed out. "But alright. How are you, Nibblet?"

"I'm okay." She smiled at him and asked in a hurt voice, "Why didn't you come see me?"

"I.. I didn't know you were living in the city." Spike lied, his face flushing as she frowned at him.

"You did so." Dawn sunk down in the booth and glared at him. "We all missed you.. and you've been alive.. and.."

He hung his head in shame and whispered, "I had stuff going on."

"Yeah." She grabbed his hands again and forced cheer into her voice. "Tell me what you've been up to. And.. why the hell are your hands..?"

"Warm? I came back human." He shrugged and continued, "It was kind of why I couldn't come see you. I had all this stuff to be doing. You don't get a chance like this every day."

"You missed out on lots." Dawn mumbled, snatching his coffee cup to her. She smiled down at it, realizing it wasn't coffee, but hot chocolate with tiny little marshmallows. She grinned at him and elaborated, "I graduated high school. In fact, just a month ago I graduated college as well."

"I'm sorry, Bit." Spike gave her hand a tiny squeeze and announced happily, "I went back to college too."

"You went to school? Voluntarily?"

"How do you think I got my fancy job at the Times, pidgeon? My musty 130-year-old degree wouldn't exactly have qualified." He chuckled and added, "I got a degree in journalism."

"Me too!" Dawn cried happily.

"That's my girl." Spike paused and seemed to sober. He stared into his drink and asked quietly, "How's big sis?"

"She's.." Dawn searched for words, and sighed, knowing it was what he wanted to hear, "She's good."

"That's good."

"She misses you." She added, biting down hard on her tongue to stop the flood of words. Tears stung her eyes and Dawn scooted around to his side of the booth. She snuggled into Spike and mumbled, "I think she needs to see you."

"She can't." Spike checked his watch and cursed beneath his breath. "Bit, I have to go. Someone's waiting for me."

"Girlfriend?" Dawn guessed with a sad smile, imagining how crushed Buffy would be.

"No. Jacob."

"Boyfriend?" Dawn asked incredulously.

Spike pulled a face at her and snapped, "No. Just.. it's just.. someone."

"What kind of a someone?" Dawn frowned up at him as he pulled his wallet out of his jacket pocket. Spike flipped it open and handed it to her so she could see the photo sitting in the plastic sleeve. Dawn stared at it and glanced up at Spike, wondering if it really could be.

As he watched the pained expression darken her face, Spike grabbed his wallet back and said hurriedly, "I have to go."

Dawn snatched the wallet back and stared into the little boy's big blue eyes. Her gaze turned to Spike again, and saw the same blue eyes.

Her stomach swirled around and the room blurred. Dawn tried to stand but collapsed back into the seat weakly. She stared at Spike and choked out, "Who's the mo-"

"There's no mother. Not really. It was a surrogate pregnancy. Complicated." Spike scooped her up and asked gently, "Are you okay?"

"You're a father." Dawn grinned at him and threw her arms around him, whispering into his ear, "Of course I'm okay."

Spike held her at arm's length and said firmly, "You can't tell Buffy. Not about any of this. Not about me.. not about Jacob.. not about any of it. Right?"

"Right. I promise. Walk me out, okay?" Dawn linked her arm through his and smiled up at him as he hailed her a cab. "I'll come see you some time?"

"My card." He pressed it into her hand and smiled. "Remember, not a word to big sis."

"My lips are sealed." Dawn promised, pretending to zip them up.

*

"BUFFY! LET ME IN! NOW!!!!!" Dawn bashed on the door frantically. "OPEN UP RIGHT THE HELL NOW!"

"Dawn!" Buffy grabbed her sister by the arm and yanked her inside. "What the hell are you doing? It's 2am!"

"You will never guess what!" Dawn screeched ecstatically, twirling around the living room of her sister's apartment, laughing happily.

"Will you shhhh!" Buffy slapped her hand over Dawn's mouth and hissed, "I have neighbours. Who aren't vampires! They sleep at night! Or at least they try!"

"I saw him!" Dawn giggled giddily and repeated, "I saw him! He's not a vamp, though! He's ALIVE! He lives right here, in Manhattan! RIGHT HERE IN-"

"Who the hell are you talking about?" Buffy snapped, again trying to silence her sister desperately as one of her neighbours bashed on the wall. "Jesus, you'll wake Amy."

"Spike." Dawn noticed Buffy pale but continued, "He's alive, really. I promise!"

"That's not even close to funny." Buffy said in a hushed voice, turning away.

"I know! It's amazing! But he's alive!" Dawn cried, hugging Buffy. "Look! See his business card?"

Buffy stared down at the crumpled card Dawn had shoved into her hand, and read out the name on it, "William Greene. Dawn, this could be anyone."

"It's not, though. It's him."

Buffy heard the sincerity thick in Dawn's words and suddenly felt very faint. She backed away and dropped down onto the sofa with a small whimper. "He's back?"

Dawn nodded and assured her, "He's back."

*
 

Chapter 2:

Dawn tapped gently on Spike's door and waited for him to answer. It was barely 7am but she couldn't spend another minute without seeing him. She wished he'd hurry up and answer the door before his phone rang with a furious Buffy at the other end of the line waiting to murder him.

As the door swung open Dawn threw herself into his arms and hugged him fiercely. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Bit." Spike smiled at her and placed a finger to his lips. "Shh, though, Jacob's still sleeping."

"Okay." Dawn paused and realized that if she were to tell Spike the truth now, he couldn't yell, unless he wanted to wake his son up. She smiled nervously at him as he let her into his apartment and announced in a whisper laced with guilt, "I told Buffy."

"You WHA--" Spike cut himself off and asked in a lower voice, "You what?"

"I had to, Spike. This is the best news ever."

"Did you tell her about Jacob?"

"No.. I thought you should do that. Over lunch today." Dawn grinned at him winningly.

"How did she react when you told her?" Spike asked quietly, raking his fingers through his hair nervously.

"Shocked. And then.. happy." Dawn lied, and sighed as she saw the disbelief in Spike's eyes. She shrugged and corrected herself reluctantly, "Okay, she was angry. But you should still see her!"

"Daddy?"

Dawn turned and saw a tiny boy emerging from one of the bedrooms, rubbing his eyes sleepily. She backed away as the boy rushed over to Spike and pleaded, "Bear hug?"

Spike grinned and swept the boy up into his arms, growling playfully as he hugged him. The boy shrieked with laughter and squirmed to get free as his father tickled him. Finally, Spike set him down and the boy noticed Dawn, regarding her with curious, wide blue eyes. Spike knelt down and said softly to the boy, "Jacob, this is Dawn. She's a very good friend of mine. Would you like to say hello?"

"Hello." Jacob whispered and stuck his thumb in his mouth, mumbling as he sucked on it, "Hungry, daddy."

"I'll get you some breakfast, tiger." Spike planted a kiss on the boy's forehead and suggested, "Why don't you go play with your trains for a bit? I need to speak with Dawn."

As Jacob ran off squealing, Spike glared at Dawn and yanked her into another room that turned out to be a kitchen. "I told you not to tell her."

"Well, she deserves to know!" Dawn grabbed the phone off the wall and thrust it at him. "Call her."

"No." Spike replied sullenly, turning the phone over nervously in his hands. "I mean.. she won't want to see me."

"She's spent the past six years wanting to see you!" Dawn grabbed the phone and dialled Buffy's number, then placed it back in his hands. "There. She'll be picking up any second, so you'd better start talking."

Spike held the phone to his ear reluctantly and heard it click as Buffy picked up, greeting him softly, "Hello?"

His mouth went dry and he couldn't speak. Buffy asked again, impatience growing in her tone, "Hello?"

Dawn kicked him in the leg and Spike yowled, then managed to choke out, "Buffy, luv, it's me."

He paused and then frowned over at Dawn. "She hung up."

"Try it again."

He pressed redial and waited for her to pick up. The phone rang for a good minute before she finally did, murmering a suspicious, "What?"

"Listen, pet, I-" Spike slammed the phone down and glared at it. "She bloody hung up again!"

*

Buffy sunk down against the wall, clutching the phone in her hands, his voice still ringing in her ears. Despite how angry she'd been with him all night, all she wanted to do right now was see him, and hug him, and never let him go. The phone started ringing again and she answered quickly, mumbling down the phone, "I'll meet you for lunch, downtown at this little cafe called Uncle Ben's. Alright?"

She could hear the smile in his voice as he agreed and glowed from head to toe. Buffy jumped up and rushed into her room, deciding today was the day for her prettiest outfit.

"Mommy?"

Buffy grinned as she felt her daughter's arms wrap around her legs and swept the girl up eagerly. "Hey, Amy."

"Who was calling?" The girl asked, rubbing her eyes with a yawn.

"Oh, I--" Buffy paused as she stared into her daughter's big blue eyes and sighed, setting her down gently. Buffy knelt down in front of Amy and announced, "A friend of mine. We're going to meet him for lunch, and I'd like you to wear something nice. Hey, do you still have those sunglasses?"

*

"Is that him, mommy?" Amy whined as another man passed by them in the restaurant.

Buffy pulled a face and whispered in a horrified tone, "No."

"I want to play in the ballroom!" Amy swung her legs back and forth under the table and struck Buffy in the knee.

"OW!" She screamed, clutching her injured knee.

"Sorry mommy." Amy mumbled. She glanced over at the door to the cafe and cried, "Is that him?"

"Amy, I swear to God, I'm not even turning around."

"Why not?"

"You've been asking me that for the past half hour! Not one of those people have been him!" Buffy scowled at her daughter as she rubbed her knee that was now swelling to twice it's normal size. "I do not see the ballroom happening for daughters who kick their mothers."

"I didn't mean it." Amy whined, cutting off as she stared up at the man behind Buffy. "Mommy, is that him?"

"AMY-"

"Hello, luv."

Buffy spun around as Spike's hand landed on her shoulder and stared up at him, totally speechless. A smile spreading over her face, she jumped up and threw her arms around him. A nervous laugh escaped her as he hugged her back and she whispered, "I'm so glad you're here."

She released him and noticed Spike was staring down at Amy. Her stomach flipped and Buffy announced shakily, "Um, Amy, this is my good friend William. Uh, Spike, this is my daughter. Amy."

If he'd been shocked at all, Spike didn't let it show as he took Amy's hand and shook it gently. "Hey Amy. It's nice to meet you, pet. I, uh.. I like your sunglasses."

"Thankyou." Amy smiled up at him and then turned back to Buffy, pleading, "Can I please go play?"

"Okay. Behave yourself!" Buffy called as Amy skipped off towards the ballroom. She smiled at Spike and explained, "I chose this place cause she can play while we talk and not bother-- um-- who's that behind your leg?"

Spike glanced down and saw that Jacob was crouching down on the floor, hidden behind his legs, peeking out at Buffy. He smiled at Buffy and said softly, "That's my son. Jacob."

He gave Buffy a look that said, I'll explain in a minute, and swept the boy up and perched him on his hip. "Jacob, remember when you met Dawn? Well, this is her sister, Buffy. Say hello?"

Buffy smiled up at Jacob and the boy blushed bright red, burying his face against Spike's neck. Spike jiggled him in his arms and murmered, "What are you doing, you silly boy? Say hello to Buffy. She's not gonna bite."

"You might have.. once." Buffy said quietly, warmed from the inside out as she watched Spike cuddle his son. Jacob leaned up and whispered something in Spike's ear, glancing at Buffy and giggling.

Spike laughed and set the boy down gently, and leaned across to Buffy, explaining, "He says you're very pretty."

"Really?" Buffy grinned at Jacob and he shrieked with laughter, wriggling his way under the table.

"Come here, you crazy little thing." Spike pulled Jacob back up and set him on his knee. "You want some lunch?"

"I want icecream." Jacob said in a stern voice.

"Well, you can't have icecream, pidgeon. I might let you have one later, but for now, you're having a proper lunch." Spike ruffled Jacob's chocolate-brown curls and held the menu out in front of the boy. "Look, they have sandwiches. You want a sandwich, mate?"

Jacob nodded and mumbled, sucking on his thumb, "Ham. With both butters."

"With both butters, I know." Spike kissed the top of his head and placed Jacob on the ground. "Why don't you go play in the ballroom with Amy?"

Jacob grinned and scampered off towards the ballroom, shrieking excitedly.

"You have a son?" Buffy asked meekly, turning to stare after the boy.

"He's almost four." Spike said quietly, and sighed. He took her hands and smiled. "You look amazing, pet."

"Thankyou." Buffy grinned back, caught in his blue eyes as they shone back at her. "So.. explaney time. How are you even here?"

"It's a long story."

"My child inherited my energy, and she loves playgrounds. We have ages." Buffy glanced up as the waitress came over and quickly requested, "Um, a glass of lemonade and a chocolate milkshake, thanks."

"A coffee, and a ham sandwich, with both sides of the bread buttered." Spike chuckled as Buffy gave him a strange look and shrugged. "I don't get it, but it's the only way he eats his sandwiches."

"Well, maybe he got it from his mom." Buffy babbled suddenly. She mentally kicked herself over and over for sounding so utterly stupid and glanced at him, asking reluctantly, "Who is she?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "He doesn't have a mum. I mean.. obviously there was a mum once, but I got Jacob through a surrogate pregnancy. The woman I found was willing to have my child, if I paid her."

"So.. she's not in your life anymore?"

Again he shook his head and smiled reassuringly at her. "She has her own family. She did it because they were having financial problems.

Buffy realized she was still holding his hands and smiled as she played with his fingertips. "So, has Jacob asked about her?"

"Not once. I keep waiting for it, but he never does." He frowned and added quietly, "It's strange."

"I've had plenty of those conversations with Amy." Buffy mumbled, eyes downcast as she realized that only minutes ago, the answer to all of her daughter's questions had turned up.

"Who's the father, then?" Spike asked gently, pressing a soft kiss to the palm of Buffy's hand. "If he's not here now, he's a complete tosser."

"I.. uh.. it's.." Buffy gulped as a tiny voice inside her grew louder, screaming, It's you. It's you. It's you. She forced a smile and shrugged, "Just a guy who left a long time ago."

"I'm sorry, pet. But you've done good for her."

"Yeah.. I hope so." Buffy glanced over at the ballroom and saw Amy helping Jacob across the monkey bars, laughing along with him as he toppled down into the masses of coloured plastic balls. She turned back to Spike and demanded, "Okay. Talk of resurrection, happening now. When, why, how?"

"When? Okay.. after I died, I was sent to heaven. About a hundred days into it, I realized that it wasn't all clouds and perfect eternities, and that I was nowhere near to happy. And somehow, they sent me back down to earth, heartbeat and all. So.. I've been here just under six years." He paused as he saw the pain daggered in Buffy's eyes and murmered, "Kitten, I'm sorry, I-"

"No, I'm fine. Just keep going." She blinked her tears back and waited for him to continue.

"Okay.. why? I reckon it was because I still had things to do here."

"Yeah, I mean, after the soul-getting and the world-saving, you probably had laundry to do, right?" Buffy giggled and shivered in delight as he laughed along with her.

"I wanted a real life, so I went to university, and got a degree in journalism. About half way through my studies, I decided that more than anything, I wanted a kid. So I found a way to get one.. and Jacob came into my life." Spike grinned and murmered, "He's the best thing that ever happened to me. God, I love him."

"You're really great with him." Buffy whispered, tears filling her eyes suddenly. This time she couldn't stop them and they flowed down her face as she hiccupped out sobs.

"Hey.. what's wrong?" Spike hurried to her side and wrapped his arms around her. "What'd I say?"

"It's not what you said.. or what you did.. it's what you didn't do." She stared at him tearfully and sobbed, "I'm so glad you're happy. I always wanted you to be.. but it's been so hard without you."

"I'm sorry." Spike pressed a kiss to her temple and sighed, "I'm so sorry, princess."

"And Amy needed you so badly, I just--"

"What do you mean Amy needed me?" Spike asked, ice suddenly running through his veins.

"Mommy!" Amy raced towards her and asked worriedly, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sweetie." Buffy mumbled, dread filling her as she saw Amy had gotten rid of the sunglasses. Spike noticed too, and stared into the little girl's big blue eyes.

"Honey, I'll call you when lunch comes. Me and William need to keep talking." Buffy said gently, watching as Spike sunk back into his seat, his mouth hanging open as he watched Amy run off again. She clutched his hands in hers and asked urgently, "Spike? Are you okay?"

"How old is she?" He asked quietly, and when Buffy was too scared to reply, he demanded, slamming his fist down on the table, "How old is she?"

"Does it matter?" Buffy asked, shaking as more tears flooded from her. "You know she's yours."

"Don't cry." Spike pleaded, gathering Buffy into his arms again. "Please, sweetheart. It's me who should be crying, I'm the idiot who missed out on everything with Amy. I was just too scared to come and see you."

"You haven't missed out on everything." Buffy said gently, stroking his arm soothingly. "You can be here for her now."

"You really want that?" Spike asked in a wobbly voice as he tried to contain his tears.

"I have for six years." Buffy smiled at him and squeezed his hands. "And now we have a chance for it, and there's no way in hell I'm not gonna take it."

*
 

Chapter 3:

"So, is this a date?"

"No. It's a playdate, between the kids." Buffy replied tersely, almost sensing the smirk growing on Dawn's face.

"So it's nothing to do with you and Spike wanting each other. It's just about you wanting your children to bond." Dawn paused and added, "One of which belongs to both you and Spike. How is he about that?"

"Kind of upset. He thinks he's failed her." Buffy turned and faced Dawn with a curious shrug. "Well? How do I look?"

Dawn smiled and replied cunningly, "You're in a $300 Barney's dress for a playdate at Central Park. Of course you don't want him."

"I don't." Buffy insisted defensively. "I just think I should look nice for.. for Amy."

Dawn squealed and cried gleefully, "And little Jacob! Don't you love him? And don't you love Spike with him? They're just so lovely."

Buffy smiled and sighed. "I can't believe Spike's a father."

"Twice." Dawn murmered as Amy came rushing into the room, searching for a hug.

Buffy wrapped her arms around her little girl and said gently, "Amy, are you almost ready? We'll be meeting William and Jacob soon."

"Okay, mommy." Amy skipped out of the room, humming something to herself, that Buffy quickly identified to be a Disney tune.

"Are you going to tell her?" Dawn asked curiously, gazing after Amy. "She does deserve to know. I mean.. she's always asking."

"Oh, really? I didn't realise!" Buffy snapped, her sarcasm rich as she spat, "Why don't I just take Amy down to the park right now, shove her at Spike and announce, 'Oh, here's your dad, by the way!'"

Dawn pulled a face at Buffy and mumbled sullenly, "Well.. you can be a little more subtle than that."

*

"Can I set up the picnic?" Amy pleaded, trying to tug it out of Buffy's hands, at the same time, being tugged down the hill by Jacob.

"Sure, honey." Buffy handed Amy the blanket and the two bags of food with a smile. "You keep an eye on Jacob, okay?"

"Okay." Amy took Jacob's hand and they raced down the hill together to a nice spot under the trees.

"I hope the food I packed is edible." Buffy mumbled, blushing, as she admitted, "I haven't completely mastered the whole cooking thing."

She smiled at Spike and grabbed his hand, swinging it to and fro as they followed their children, taking the paved route instead. She even dared to rest her head on his shoulder as she asked curiously, "Why haven't you kissed me yet?"

He smiled at her and echoed in slight disbelief, "You want me to kiss you?"

Buffy nodded and leaned in closer to him, admitting in a hushed tone, "I miss kissing you."

"I miss kissing you too, sweetheart." He paused and cocked his head towards Amy and Jacob, down at the bottom of the hill. "The kids might see, though. And Amy.. well.."

"I know, we should probably phase you into her life." Buffy shook her head and, grinning madly, said, "But I'm not keen on the phasing. We've waited so long for this.. you've waited, what, almost a decade, for me? There's just no time for phasing. I want this now."

She placed a hand on the back of his neck, and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. Buffy clung to him as he kissed her back, emotions older than her child bubbling up all of a sudden. Her fingers laced through the soft curls at the nape of his neck as her heart slammed violently against her chest. What touched her more than anything else was the fact she could feel his heart beating too, and his lips were no longer cold. They were warm, and just as soft, and loving, and eager as they'd ever been.

As Buffy pulled away for breath, she smiled adoringly at him and whispered, "See? This is a whole lot better than phasing."

"I still love you, Buffy." Spike murmered, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "I never stopped. I just.. I needed to say that."

"DADDY!" Jacob's screech brought them both back to reality as the boy came racing up the path towards them. He halted in front of Spike and demanded, "Why were you kissy her?"

"Why was I 'kissy' her?" Spike chuckled and knelt down in front of Jacob, querying sternly, "When did you start spying on me, hmm? I'll kiss her if I want to. You nosy little rascal!"

He ruffled Jacob's mop of curls and swung the boy up onto his shoulders, smiling over at Buffy. He took her hand and they continued down the path to the place where Amy was setting up the picnic.

Spike leaned and pressed a soft kiss to Buffy's temple and murmered, "So.. she's mine from that night when.. you know, before.."

"Before Sunnydale went kerphlooey? Yeah." She snuggled into him and whispered, "That night was the most amazing night of my life."

"Me too, sweetheart." Spike made a small 'sshh' noise as they reached the blanket where Amy was waiting. He placed Jacob down on the blanket and smiled at Amy. "Good job setting out the food, pet."

Amy glanced away instantly, her cheeks flushing red. Spike glanced over at Buffy nervously and she shrugged, mouthing, "Shy."

Spike sat down and Jacob instantly squirmed into his lap. At the same time, Buffy grabbed Spike's hand and held it tightly in hers, as though she feared he would slip away for the slightest second they didn't touch. She smiled at him and asked curiously, eyeing the food hungrily, "What did you guys bring? Me and Amy prepared a fruit salad.. and we can go get icecream later."

"ICECREAM!" Jacob screamed and leapt up, racing circles around the picnic blanket.

"He'll tire himself out eventually." Spike noted, laughing as Jacob leapt up and down excitedly. "You want something to eat, tiger?"

"ICECREAM!"

"How about you, cookie?" Spike smiled over at Amy adoringly. "Jacob made up some sandwiches. He said you liked peanut butter."

"I'm not hungry." She mumbled and turned away from him. "Mommy, can I go play over on the swings?"

Confused by her daughter's suddenly tense nature, Buffy stammered, "I.. well.. sure."

Amy got up and raced over to the swingsets, both Spike and Buffy watching after her worriedly. Spike glanced at Buffy and asked quietly, "Is she alright?"

"I.. I don't know. I'll go see."

"No, wait." Spike placed his hand on her knee to still her and smiled gently. "I'll go."

Buffy kissed him on the cheek and watched as he followed Amy over to the swingset. She managed to grab Jacob as he trampled past her again and placed him down in her lap, pressing a tiny kiss to his forehead. He grinned up at her and she reached over to find his sandwich.

"Hey, pet." Spike sat down on the swing beside Amy and offered her a small smile. "You feeling okay?"

She shook her head vehemently and frowned up at him. "Why were you kissing my mommy?"

Taken aback by her question, and the anger contained in the little girl's words, Spike found himself speechless. When he couldn't find words, Amy launched into more accusations, staring down at the sand as she kicked at it. "I don't want you. I want my real daddy."

Tears gathered in Spike's eyes and he had to turn away from her. All he could do was murmer, "I'm sorry."

"Go away." Amy mumbled sullenly, scowling at him.

Spike stood up and brushed his hand through her golden hair, tears spilling down his face as Amy flinched away. He whispered another apology and strode back over to the picnic blanket, desperately trying to contain his tears as he heard Jacob yelling out to him.

Buffy was cuddling Jacob as he munched on his sandwich when she saw Spike returning. She smiled up at him as he sunk down onto the blanket beside her, and it was then she noticed the wet patches on his face where tears had trailed down. She turned Jacob in her arms so he couldn't see Spike and moved closer to Spike, whispering gently, "What's wrong?"

"She wants me to stay away. She wants her real dad." Spike said quietly, his head hung in shame. "I knew I'd buggered this up."

"No, you haven't." Buffy cupped his cheek and kissed it softly. She placed Jacob in his father's arms and started storming over to the swingset, where Amy was happily swinging back and forth. She grabbed the girl and insisted, "I need to talk to you for a minute, Amy Michelle Summers."

Amy instantly hung her head in shame and Buffy was startled at just how much resemblance the girl bore to her father. When she finally got over her shock, Buffy knelt down in front of Amy and started gently, "I know seeing me with William is difficult. You don't know him and this has all happened awfully fast."

Amy nodded and Buffy planted a soft kiss to her forehead. "Amy, I love you so much. I would never do anything to hurt you. You're my baby girl, alright?"

"Alright." Amy mumbled beneath her breath, fighting back tears fiercely.

"But that man over there, William.. I love him too. I have for a very long time, and I need him in my life. He's a wonderful, beautiful man, Amy, and he loves me very, very much. And I know, if you give him a chance, he'll love you too." Buffy stood up and brushed the sand from her skirt, taking in a deep breath. The words had felt so heavy when spoken, but they had left her as light as a feather, and somewhat exhausted. She leant down and kissed Amy on the forehead again and murmered, "You come have lunch when you're ready."

Buffy returned to the picnic blanket quickly and kissed Spike reassuringly, smiling against his lips. She settled herself in his arms, and watched as Jacob rolled about in the grass, giggling up at the blue sky. Her gaze turned to Amy as she came bouncing back to the picnic spot and sidled up beside Spike, regarding him warily as she asked, "May I please have a sandwich?"

"Of course, luv." Spike handed her a sandwich and Amy smiled at him. She still looked unsure, but as Spike gently put his arm around her, she didn't flinch at all.

*
 

Chapter 4:
"Spidey spidey spidey spidey!" Jacob giggled as he swung his new toy through the air, clinging to Spike as they returned to their apartment. "Spidey spidey-- Buffy!"

Spike pulled Jacob faster down the hall as he saw Buffy and Amy waiting outside his door, both looking utterly bored. "What're you doing here so early?"

"We said four. It's almost five." Buffy stood up and smoothed her dress, scowling at him.

"We did take ages, mate." Spike admitted, scowling at Jacob as he checked his watch. He smiled at Buffy apologetically and explained, "I took him toy shopping."

Spike quickly unlocked the door and let them past. Amy rushed into the apartment and collapsed on the couch with an exhausted moan.

"We were waiting hours." Amy announced dramatically.

Jacob rushed to Buffy and wrapped his arms around her legs, holding his plush Spiderman toy up to her. "Spidey, Buffy! Spidey!"

"That's very nice." Buffy knelt down and ruffled Jacob's hair as he cuddled the toy.

"I got something for you too, pet."

"Oh, you shouldn't ha--" Buffy halted as she saw Spike handing Amy a present instead and mumbled, "Okay, you didn't."

Amy tore open the present, wrapped in sparkling pink foil, and cried out happily. She hugged her arms around the box and grinned at Buffy, thrusting the box towards her. "Look, mommy! It's Princess Cinderella Barbie, and three different dresses!"

"That's nice, honey." Buffy replied quietly, a little miffed that Spike was showering her daughter with presents and she was left empty-handed.

Spike put his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek, murmering, "I got you something too, luv."

"Thankyou." Amy smiled at Spike and held her arms up in offer of a hug. Spike swept her up and hugged her, his heart flipping as he realized he was holding his daughter in his arms. The beautiful little girl who beamed up at him as he placed her back on the couch was his.

"Amy, play Spidey!" Jacob said sternly, waving the toy in front of her.

"Jacob, why don't you take Amy and show her all your toys?" Spike suggested, punctuating his request with a soft kiss to Jacob's nose. "Go on, cookie. You two play."

He turned to Buffy and said, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "I thought we could have a nice dinner tonight, like a roast or something. Jacob likes to eat around 6:30, is that alright with you and Amy?"

"Absolutely. Waiting outside in a corridor for an hour will create quite an appetite." Buffy teased, grabbing his hand in hers. "Hey.. you know.. in celebration of not phasing and doing things now, I thought we should have keys to each other's apartments. So.. I made you one to mine. This will also prevent the waiting outside in a corridor for hours."

She noticed him grimace as she dropped the pink key in his hand. Buffy smiled at him sheepishly and explained, "Amy chose the colour."

Spike smiled and pulled his keys from his pocket, quickly securing it on the chain. He led her into the kitchen and said softly as he pulled something else out of his jacket pocket, "I got this for you.. I don't know if you'll like it or not, I let Jacob choose. I wouldn't say he's the greatest connoisseur of women's jewellery."

Buffy smiled down at the velvet box he placed in her hands and flipped it open. A gasp escaped her as she gazed down at the necklace, a thin silver chain weighed down by a diamond heart charm. She grinned at Spike and gushed, "I love it. And I love you! I know.. I should have said it yesterday but I didn't, and I don't know why.. but I should have. So I'm saying it now. I love you."

She kissed him and murmered again, "I love you. So much."

"I love you too." Spike whispered and hugged her close.

"Does this feel weird to you at all?" Buffy asked curiously as she rested against his chest. "I mean.. it just feels so different to what we used to be. Like we've finally grown up."

"Yeah." Spike pressed a kiss to the soft patch of skin where her shoulder curved into her neck and added, "I'm glad we have grown up, sweetheart."

"Though evil vampire Spike is still in many of my dreams." Buffy murmered, a mischeivous smile on her face as she ran her hand down his chest.

"I can still be very, very bad." Spike growled playfully as he nipped at her neck, eliciting soft purrs from Buffy as she thrust herself deeper into his embrace. He smiled at her and whispered, "I can't wait to get you back into my bed."

Buffy blushed bright red to the tips of her ears as he nuzzled her nose, covering her lips with soft kisses. He pulled away and plucked her necklace out of its box, lifting her hair gently to secure it around her slender neck. Spike pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck and murmered as he turned her to face him, "It looks lovely."

"DADDY!" Jacob raced into the room suddenly, wedging his way between Spike and Buffy. He tugged on Spike's hand and pleaded, "Dinner?"

"Soon, cookie, soon." Spike promised, hoisting Jacob up onto his hip. "Buffy likes the necklace you chose out for her."

Buffy smiled at him and agreed, "It's very pretty, Jacob. Thankyou."

Jacob giggled and buried his face against Spike's neck, peering at Buffy shyly every few seconds. Spike placed Jacob down on the floor and questioned, "You want some chicken for dinner, tiger?"

Jacob nodded his head violently so his curls flew everywhere as he continued beaming up at Buffy. When she smiled back at him, he squealed and raced out of the room as quickly as he'd entered it.

"He gets awful shy around you, kitten." Spike smiled at her as he leaned into to kiss her. His lips lingering over hers for a second before they met, he added in a whisper, "Though you are the prettiest girl he's ever seen. I can understand it."

He pressed her up against the kitchen bench and kissed her passionately, neither of them willing to let go until they were both completely out of breath. When she lost contact with his lips, Buffy laced her arms around him and refused to let go as Spike went about getting dinner ready.

Every five seconds, as though she was both afraid he would forget, or just wanted to make up for lost time, Buffy would murmer happily in his ear, "I love you."

The three little words they both knew he'd been longing to hear for what was nearly a decade made them both glow for the rest of the evening.

*

Spike watched as his alarm clock ticked over to midnight. Buffy had insisted she couldn't stay the night, because of Amy and whatever, and he'd been expecting such an answer. But after an entire evening with her arms around him and her lips exploring his whenever possible, Spike couldn't sleep without her touch.

He stared at the clock as it turned to 12:01. His eyes were falling shut as Jacob's scream pierced the cold night. Spike bolted upright as Jacob's cries came closer, "Daddy! Daddy, daddy!"

He rushed towards the door as Jacob started banging on it hysterically. Spike flung it open and swept the screaming boy up into his arms, trying desperately to hush him as Jacob's tiny body heaved with sobs.

Spike placed Jacob down on his bed and wiped the boy's tears away, whispering urgently, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I had a bad dream." Jacob wailed, curling up into a ball as he wept.

Spike pulled Jacob back into his arms and kissed the top of his head gently. "It's okay, tiger. It was just a dream.. it can't hurt you."

The boy seemed to accept this and calmed, sniffling into Spike's chest as he rocked Jacob to and fro. Spike tousled his son's chocolate curls and requested in a soothing tone, "Tell me what happened."

Jacob gazed up at Spike with round blue eyes and cried, "There were vampires! Big monsters with fangs! Lots of them!"

Illness washed over him as Spike listened to Jacob announce, "They were really evil and they tried to bite me again and again! There was icky everywhere! It was red and gross and really, really, icky! And they were drinking the icky!"

Still wavering slightly from the heavy, sickening feeling in the pit of his belly, Spike knew what 'icky' meant from the time Jacob had fallen over on the street and scraped his knee open. What he didn't know was how his son had suddenly conjured up images of demons, and wondered with head-spinning dread if Jacob knew what he'd been once. He hugged Jacob close and whispered, "Did you see vampires on TV, cookie?"

Jacob nodded vehemently, but at the same time, scolded, "But mine were worse. They were bigger and more mean."

"That sounds awful." Spike kissed Jacob on the nose and insisted, "But they aren't real. They can't hurt you, okay? I promise.. they don't exist, Jakie. You're safe here with me."

Jacob sniffled one last time and crawled under the blankets, burying his face in Spike's pillow. He mumbled through it sleepily, his nightmare forgotten, "G'night, daddy."

"Goodnight, cookie." Spike kissed the top of Jacob's head and rested down beside the boy, holding him close.

But he didn't sleep for the rest of the night.

He was too scared he'd dream of what his son had dreamt of.

The big, bad monsters with fangs, biting children and drinking the blood.

The big, bad monster he used to be.

*
 

Chapter 5:

Buffy had barely opened the door when Jacob threw his arms around her knees and hugged her, chanting excitedly, "Buffy Buffy Buffy!"

"Hi, honey." Buffy knelt down and planted a kiss to his forehead. "How are you?"

Jacob stuck his thumb in his mouth, sucking on it as he smiled at her shyly. Buffy glanced up at Spike and her mouth dropped open in shock. She stood and pulled him close, asking gently, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Spike said in a gravelly voice, forcing a smile at her. "I just didn't get much sleep."

"You look like a truck hit you." Buffy announced bluntly. She caressed the side of his face soothingly and whispered, "What's wrong?"

Spike shrugged and admitted, "Jacob had a nightmare. Spooked me a bit."

"There were vampires!" Jacob yelled, tugging on Buffy's skirt until he got her to turn around. He stared up at her with round blue eyes and said somberly, "Vampires are very mean."

"Oh.." Buffy glanced over at Spike and saw the distress lining his face, so she grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly as Jacob continued, pouting as he cried,

"They had big teeth and they were drinking icky! And they had big claws too."

"That sounds awful, honey." Buffy kissed him on the forehead again and assured him, "But they aren't real. They can't hurt you."

"That's what daddy said." Jacob rushed over to Spike and held his arms up, searching for a hug. Spike swung Jacob up into his arms and hugged him fiercely, then set him back down with a small smile

"Jacob, Amy's playing in her room. It's that room over there." Buffy pointed to a door tucked away between the living room and the kitchen and smiled at him. "She has lots of toys."

Jacob ran off, squealing to Amy happily. Buffy moved towards Spike and wrapped her arms around him quickly, burying him in her embrace. She felt his tears leak onto her shoulder and led him into her room quickly.

Buffy sat him down on her bed and moved into his lap, pressing a kiss to his lips as he deteriorated before her eyes. Buffy peppered kisses over his face gently and whispered, "You're not like that anymore."

"But I was once." Spike snapped, shaking his head in disgust at himself. "You should have heard him. Talking about how evil and gross and horrid vampires are."

"They don't exactly belong on Sesame Street." Buffy smiled at him, hoping for him to laugh, but he just stared down into his lap miserably. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him gently. "Spike, you haven't been like that for a good six years. In fact, for the past three years of your demon life, you weren't even very evil. And look at you know.. you're amazing. You're a wonderful person and a great dad."

"What if I have to tell him?" Spike croaked, turning his bloodshot eyes to her nervously. "What if one day he starts asking questions?"

"Like what? Daddy, were you ever a vampire? Because I hear kids ask that a lot."

He glared at her and retaliated, "Well, what if he asks about his grandma? I bloody murdered her."

"Because you loved her." Buffy sighed and brushed her hands through his hair. "Come on, Spike.. this stuff is literally centuries old."

"I don't want him to know what I was." He insisted, his voice cracking as he added, "I killed kids just like him. And if.. if.. what if they had dads who loved them as much as I love him?"

"I don't think it's possible for any father to love a child like you love Jacob. You're really wonderful with him." Buffy kissed Spike on the cheek and murmered, "This stuff is so way in the past. Look how far you've come."

"Yeah, I guess." He smiled at her and mumbled, "Thanks, kitten."

"It's okay." Buffy slid further into his arms and kissed him softly. As she pulled away, she noticed the purple rings lining his eyes and frowned at him. "You need some rest, mister."

"I'm fine." Spike insisted weakly, standing on wavering legs.

Buffy was following him back into the main part of the apartment when she noticed him yawning and demanded, "How much sleep did you miss?"

Spike paused and frowned thoughtfully. "Well.. Jacob came in crying about midnight.. and he woke up at ten."

"Ten hours of lying there sulking?" Buffy grabbed him and dragged him back into her room. She forced him down into her bed and insisted, "You are going to get some sleep as of now."

"No, sweetheart-"

"No, don't you protest. I'll take the kids down to the video shop and to get McDonalds or something and then I'll wake you when we get back and we can all watch some movies together. But right now, it's sleeping time for you."

Buffy planted a soft kiss to his neck and smiled at him as his eyes started to droop shut. She curled her fingers through his hair affectionately and whispered, "Love you."

"Love you too, pet." Spike murmered in response as she pressed another kiss to his cheek.

He vaguely heard her yelling out to the kids, the apartment door slamming behind them as they left. Then everything faded to a very welcome black.

*

Buffy held Jacob on her hip and chased Amy around the store, tripping on her heels several times as her daughter tore around the shop in search of movies. She was absolutely exhausted from only ten minutes of browsing through DVDs - but then again, it wasn't wise to be wearing heels when in constant pursuit of an excited child. Buffy had also forgotten how difficult it was to constantly carry a child, but she could do nothing but smile adoringly at Jacob. As he buried his face against her shoulder, she asked curiously, "What movies do you like, honey?"

"Spidey." Jacob mumbled and Buffy quickly carted him over to the children's section in search of Spiderman cartoons.

"Mommy, this one." Amy pleaded, thrusting a shiny DVD under her mother's nose.

"What's that?" Buffy took it and raised her eyebrows at Amy. "Spongebob?"

Amy nodded and ran off again. Buffy waved the DVD at Jacob and asked wearily, "Do you like Spongebob, honey?"

Jacob nodded, giggling as she placed it in his hands. They'd announced him official DVD-carrier not long ago and Jacob had accepted the job proudly, clinging to every one placed in his hands protectively.

"Amy!" Buffy called, and when no response came, she yelled out, "AMY MICHELLE!"

Amy poked her head up from behind a shelf, smiling as she replied, "Yes, mommy?"

"You've chosen enough now. We have to get dinner and get back to Spike." She shifted Jacob in her arms and murmered to him, "You sleepy?"

He shook his head and smiled at her as she carried him over to the counter. "Jacob, can you put the DVDs down?"

Buffy leant down so Jacob could place them on the counter and he did so very carefully, beaming at her proudly. Buffy ruffled his hair and said with a grin, "Good job, honey."

"Mommy, what's for dinner?" Amy asked curiously, latching onto Buffy's arm as the shop assistant handed Jacob the bag of DVDs.

"I thought about McDonalds." Buffy said nonchalantly, supressing a smile as Jacob and Amy cheered.

Jacob snuggled into her further as they continued down the street and Buffy decided she couldn't wait to go home and tell Spike just how much she loved his son, and how much she wanted his son to be hers as well.

*

 

Chapter 6:

"Amy, why don't you put the movie in?" Buffy suggested as she set out their Happy Meals in front of them with a smile. "I'll go see if Spike's awake."

She left them to scoff down their burgers and fries and slipped into her room to find Spike still curled up, fast asleep. Buffy knelt down beside the bed and stared him in the face, waiting for him to wake up. Normally someone staring her in the face, most likely Amy who thought it was hilarious, would scare the hell out of her and have her awake in seconds. But Spike remained fast asleep, his soft breaths tickling her chin as she leaned in and kissed him.

He let out a small groan and rolled onto his back. Buffy climbed on top of him and straddled him, pressing herself into him as he started to wake. Spike smiled up at her as she kissed his forehead quickly and announced, "There are movies and junk food awaiting."

"Sounds good." He mumbled, yawning through his words.

"You look good." Buffy murmered, brushing her hand through his messy blonde curls. "I missed you while we were out. I wanted my boyfriend by my side."

"What's this boyfriend of yours like, kitten?" Spike asked curiously, sitting up slowly and stretching out.

Buffy smiled as he hugged her close and started, "Well, he's very handsome."

Spike nodded and said with a small smile, "Sounds suitable for a beautiful girl like yourself. Continue."

"He's very lovely and sweet and kind." Buffy kissed the tip of his nose and added, "He's always been like that."

"He sounds like a keeper, sweetheart. Anything else?"

"He's an amazing lover." Buffy whispered, smiling as she brushed soft kisses up his neck. "And I really want him back in my bed."

"I am in your bed." He pointed out with a smirk.

"I want you naked in my bed." She snuggled into him and whispered, "When can that happen?"

Spike opened his mouth to speak when Jacob and Amy's bubbling laughter rose from the other side of the wall. He smiled sadly, his face crumpling as he said quietly, "Probably when the kids aren't around, luv."

"Maybe we can organise that..?" Buffy wondered curiously, tracing patterns over his chest. "Maybe Dawnie can take the kids for a night or something.. just because we need to be alone for it.. because someone gets really noisy."

He burst out laughing and scoffed, "I get really noisy?! Please!"

"And what is that meant to mean?"

"Don't get all innocent with me. 'When did the building fall down?' The bloody building fell down when you screamed it down."

Buffy batted him over the head and scowled at him. "Well, I don't remember that, do I? Because someone went poof in the Hellmouth and I've been with out his scream-enducing love-making for six years."

"I'll make you scream again, sweetheart." He promised, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. "But right now I think those beautiful little kiddies are waiting for us."

"I got us some McDonalds." Buffy grimaced as she pulled out the paper bag from beneath him and mumbled, "History repeats with the burger-squishing."

"I wouldn't have eaten that anyway, pet." Spike swung himself out of the bed and pulled her up with him. He pecked her on the forehead and they returned to the living room with slow, lazy steps.

"DADDY!" Jacob rushed to Spike and flung his arms around his father's knees happily. Jacob grinned up at Spike and announced, "We're watching Spidey."

"You love your Spidey, don't you?" Spike chuckled and smiled over at Amy. "Hey, princess. How are you?"

"I'm good." She grinned up at him, offering her box of chips. "Would you like one?"

"No thanks, luv." He went and sat down beside her on the couch.

"Amy plays with her Cinderella doll a lot." Buffy said softly as she sat down beside Spike, hooking his arm around her shoulder, then snuggling deep into him.

"It's my favourite." Amy announced shyly, mimicking Buffy's motions by snuggling into Spike. "She really likes her pink dress."

"I'm glad, sweetheart." Spike smiled down at her, gently brushing his fingers over a dot of sauce staining her lower lip. "You enjoy your dinner?"

Amy nodded and rested her head against his arm gently, turning her attention back to the Spiderman cartoon playing. Jacob was standing directly in front of the TV, his hands reaching up to press against the glass screen, murmering, "Spidey", every time the red and blue masked character flashed across the screen.

"Jacob, get over here." Spike scolded, frowning at the boy as he came hurrying over. "You'll burn your eyes doing that, you silly little thing."

Jacob slapped his hands over his eyes and shrieked in horror at the idea of it. Spike pulled him into his lap and hugged him, burying his face in Jacob's messy mop of curls for a minute. It shocked him how deeply he loved the little boy, and how quickly that love for Jacob had spread to Amy as well.

By midnight, Spiderman had finished. Jacob and Amy were put to bed in Buffy's room, while Buffy and Spike remained curled up on the couch for the rest of the night.

*

"Of course she won't mind! Buffy loves suprises."

"Not the seven-AM suprises, Wills."

"Well, Amy loves suprises then. Especially of the Uncle Xander and Aunty Willow sort."

"That is true. That kid's beautiful."

"Okay, I found my key." Willow quickly unlocked Buffy's door and they slipped into the apartment. She glanced around and noticed Buffy sprawled out on the couch and was edging forward when she noticed who was curled up beside Buffy. Willow let out a loud squeal and fell back into Xander.

"Is that who I think it is?" Willow asked shakily, staring at Spike with eyes that felt like they'd tear should they get any wider.

"It looks like him. But.. it can't be."

"But it is!"

"But it can't be. Reason one," Xander began, ticking his first finger off, "Someone would have told us if Spike were alive again, ie, Dawn. Or especially Buffy. Resurrection of someone like Spike isn't exactly hush-hush. Reason two.. well.. it just can't be."

Willow jumped as Spike groaned in his sleep and ducked behind Xander, hissing, "He looks pretty alive to me."

"Maybe it's a bot. Maybe Buffy just got.. lonely." Xander winced and added, "I mean, think of how sad she's been over the past few years. Maybe she just decided a Spikebot was the only way to go."

"Maybe." Willow said slowly, peering at the two blondes on the couch curiously.

Xander stepped forward and poked Spike on the head several times. He turned back to Willow and announced, "He feels pretty real for a bot. I'm starting to see the appeal.. and blueprints for an Anyabot."

"He's waking up." Willow took another step back as Spike's eyes clicked open, noting he didn't look happy at being awoken.

"What the hell are you doing here, Harris?" Spike demanded with a yawn as he glared up at Xander. "And what was the poking for?"

"Willow, he knows me. How does he know me?" Xander asked in a panic, stumbling backwards.

"He's probably programmed to." Willow said with a sigh and asked Spike gently, "When did Buffy have you designed?"

Completely bewildered, his head hurting from all the poking, all Spike could do was frown and go stupidly, "Huh?"

"When did you come about, Spikebot?" Xander asked nervously.

Spike's face crumpled all the more in confusion. "What did you call me?"

"Um.. Mr. Spikebot Sir?" Xander provided weakly.

"I'm not a bot!" Spike cried indignantly.

"DADDY!"

"Hold on, you stupid whelp." Spike manouvered himself out from under Buffy and tucked her in again before rushing into her room to retrieve Jacob.

"What's going on?" Willow wondered, sharing a worried look with Xander.

"It's okay, Jacob. We stayed at Buffy's, 'member?" Spike kissed Jacob on the forehead and wiped a few stray tears from the boys cheeks. "No need to get upset, mate."

Buffy let out a long groan as she woke, frustrated at the sound of chatter and the absence of Spike's arms around her. She glanced around sleepily and saw Spike cuddling Jacob as the little boy sniffled with early morning grumps. Her voice croaky and coated in sleep, she mumbled, "Is he alright?"

"Just not used to waking up somewhere else, luv." Spike placed Jacob down on the floor in front of Xander and Willow. He took Jacob's hand and pointed it to each of them, explaining, "That's Willow, and that's Xander. They're Buffy's friends."

"Hello." Jacob whispered and rushed over to Buffy. He jumped up into her arms and hugged her with a big smile on his face.

"Introductions on his part, perhaps?" Willow asked meekly.

"And yours?" Xander added.

His face creasing slightly, Spike sighed and explained in a tired tone, "I'm not a bot, I'm human now. I came back a while ago, and that is Jacob. He's my son."

"Holey moley."

"My Goddess."

They turned and stared at Jacob, who smiled shyly at them and mumbled, "G'morning."

Spike returned to Buffy's side and kissed her on the cheek as she smiled sheepishly at Xander and Willow. "Can explanations wait until I've had coffee?"

Xander and Willow's mouths remained hanging open, no words existing at that current point in time.

Jacob giggled and mumbled, "Spidey."

*
 

Chapter 7:

"Xander?" Buffy poked her head out of the kitchen for a minute and saw he was perched in front of the TV with Jacob and Amy, all sets of eyes glued to Spiderman.

"Yeah?" Xander mumbled, eyes still focused on the TV.

"I've had my coffee, would you join us in the kitchen for the big talk?"

"But this is a really good episode." He whined, pulling himself up off the couch reluctantly.

"Come on. Delicious breakfast awaits." Buffy coaxed, pulling him into the kitchen where Spike and Willow were waiting at the table.

Xander sat down beside Spike and grabbed a bagel, smothering it in cream cheese as Buffy began, "Okay, well, in short.. Spike's human, he was sent back from heaven because he wanted to have a real life.. and over the past six years he's gotten a degree in journalism, a job at the NY Times, and he's had Jacob."

"Who's the mother?" Willow asked, glancing from Spike to Buffy nervously.

"It was a surrogate pregnancy." Spike explained quietly as Buffy sat down in his lap. "All done through a lab, and she's not in my life anymore. I didn't want any other girl in my life but this one."

Buffy blushed bright red and said softly, "We're back together."

"Daddy?" Jacob crept into the kitchen, eyes darting around the room nervously.

"Over here, mate." Spike leaned down as Jacob rushed to him and planted a kiss on the top of his head. "You alright?"

"Are we going shopping?" Jacob asked in a tiny voice.

"Of course we are, cookie. Just give me a little while longer, okay?" Spike smiled as Jacob crawled up into his arms. He now had Buffy perched on his knee, and Jacob on his hip. It was incredibly uncomfortable but at the same time, he felt happier than ever.

"So, what happened on that episode of Spiderman?" Xander asked, smiling at Jacob adoringly.

Jacob shyed away slightly and Spike coaxed, "Go on, tell Uncle Xander."

Sucking on his thumb, Jacob mumbled, "Spidey fought the Jackal."

"Was it the one with Hammerhead and Doctor Octopus?"

Jacob nodded and grinned at Xander. "Spidey's my favourite."

"I like Spidey too." Xander admitted, grinning back at Jacob, who squirmed free of Spike and ran from the room giggling.

"He's just adorable." Willow said softly, gazing after the boy in amazement. She turned to Spike and sighed, "I can't believe he's yours. I mean.. that sounded mean of me, but I can't believe it in the sense that.. you know. I never picked you for the dad type."

"I love him so much." Spike murmered, frowning as Xander leaned over and whispered something in Buffy's ear frantically.

Buffy listened and as Xander pulled away, rolled her eyes and cried, "Yes, he knows! Do you think I'd just not tell him?"

"Well, I didn't want to just blurt it out and make everything awkward!" Xander retorted defensively. He shrugged and admitted to Spike and Willow, "I was just asking if Spike knew about Amy."

As if on cue, Amy rushed into the kitchen with Jacob close at her heels. He stopped short in front of Xander and held up his stuffed Spiderman toy excitedly. Amy rushed to Buffy and said softly, "Jacob says he's going shopping. Can I go too?"

Buffy turned to Spike and, stifling a yawn, inquired, "Is that okay?"

"Of course it is." Spike smiled at Amy and said gently, "We'll go soon, cookie, so if you wanted to get dressed..?"

"Okay. Can I help Jacob get dressed?" Amy pleaded, quickly offering hugs to Xander and Willow.

"That'd be great, princess. His change of clothes are in his bag.. I can't think of where he's put that." Spike scooped Jacob up as the boy ran towards him and said with a smile, "We'll go shopping soon, alright, cookie? But you have to go get dressed now. Amy'll help you with that, just get your bag for her."

Jacob nodded and scampered out, dragging Amy behind him, his excited shrieks echoing through the apartment. Spike edged out from under Buffy and said softly, "I'll just go get dressed myself, sweetheart. Are you coming?"

"I have a date with my manicurist." Buffy said sadly and suggested hopefully, "Maybe I'll meet you for a movie?"

"Sounds great." Spike kissed her on the forehead and smiled at Xander and Willow, adding quickly, "Good to see you both."

As he left the kitchen they both turned to Buffy and she grinned at them, her smile speaking a thousand words for how happy she was.

*

"We have school photos next week." Amy announced happily as they ventured through the department store slowly.

"Is that right? That sounds like fun." Spike said, glancing down at her. He held Jacob by one hand and Amy by the other, but Jacob seemed to be in charge of their journey through the shop. He was attempting to lead Spike and Amy towards the toy section, his tiny feet scraping the floor as Spike held him back.

Amy screwed her face up and mumbled, "I never look nice."

"Now, that's impossible, for a pretty girl like you." Spike stopped in his tracks, much to Jacob's frustration, and announced, "Why don't we buy you something really lovely to wear?"

He nodded his head at the little girls' fashion section and smiled at Amy. "How 'bout it, princess?"

"Really?" She gasped, staring up at him in awe. "Did mommy say?"

"No, this can be my special treat." Spike led her over to the displays of dresses and asked, "Do you like any of these?"

"That one." Amy pointed at a soft pink one with a huge skirt decorated with beads and tried to reach it desperately, her tiny arm stretching up to it in vain.

Spike released Amy and Jacob and pulled the dress down, laying it in her arms. Amy smiled down at it and stroked the soft fabric in fascination. She grinned at him and pleaded, "Can I have it?"

"Of course you can, sweetheart." Spike turned and grabbed Jacob just as the boy began to sneak off and said firmly, "We'll go look at the toys in a minute. First, I think you need a new shirt, cookie."

Jacob stuck his lower lip out and regarded Spike with wide, sad blue eyes. He opened his mouth to complain but Spike cut him off and insisted, "No. No Spidey."

Amy giggled and linked her arm through Spike's, and said softly, "The boys clothes are that way."

"Thanks, princess." Spike pulled Jacob into his arms and kissed him on the forehead, noticing the boy's foul mood. He smiled and promised, "We'll get to Spidey. But Peter Parker had to wear clothes too, cookie. Now come on."

*

"MOMMY!" Amy screeched and tore towards Buffy, pushing through the people crowded in the cinema lobby. She threw her arms around Buffy and announced, "I had the best time ever!"

"What is this?" Buffy asked in amazement as she gazed at the dress Amy was wearing.

"Spike bought it for me for picture day." Amy smiled and whispered, "Isn't it pretty?"

"It's beautiful." Buffy smiled over Amy's shoulder at Spike as he approached with Jacob. Laughter bubbled from her lips at the sight of the little boy and Buffy giggled, "Where did you get him that?"

"The sodding boy's department." Spike muttered, frowning down at Jacob's new outfit. It was a Spiderman costume, covering Jacob from his toes to his neck in red and blue fabric that was padded out to make him look muscly. Jacob was grinning from ear to ear and cried joyfully, "Look, Buffy! I'm Spidey!"

"Yes, you are." Buffy laughed and set Amy down. As Spike set Jacob down, she wrapped her arm around him and murmered, "You're so sweet, did you know that?"

"Thankyou, sweetheart." He kissed her softly and murmered, "I bought you something extra special."

He dug into one of the many bags strewn over his arms and pulled out a heart-shaped box wrapped in red foil. Spike smiled and announced, "Best chocolates in the city. All for you and me, none for that ridiculous little rascal down there."

"I love you, I love you, I love you." She whispered and pecked him on the cheek. "And I got us tickets and thought I'd wait for you guys to go to the candy bar."

"Sounds good." Spike scooped Jacob up and placed the boy high up on his shoulders, calling up to him, "How about some snacks, tiger?"

Jacob clung to Spike and yelled ecstatically, "ICECREAM!"

*

 

Chapter 8:

"I can't believe he's going to sleep in that thing." Spike muttered as he shut Jacob's door, leaving the little boy and Amy to go to sleep together.

"I think the costume's cute." Buffy kissed Spike on the cheek and murmered, "Thankyou for buying Amy that dress. It's lovely."

"She deserves something pretty, a beautiful girl like that." Spike nodded his head towards Jacob's bedroom door, his name decorated across the door in yellow letters, and admitted, "Jacob loves her. Letting her sleep on the top bunk is a big honour."

"Can I see your bedroom?" Buffy asked quietly, caressing the lapels of his shirt, a smile growing on her face.

"Of course." Spike pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and led her towards his room, two doors away from Jacob's. He opened the door and let her slip past, his eyes roaming over her hungrily as Buffy sat down delicately on his bed.

They'd gone out to dinner with the kids, to a family restaurant, but everything had been foreplay. From the way she sipped her wine to the way she licked her spoon, Buffy had wasted no time letting Spike know how much she wanted him. At one point, when her dessert had arrived, and the kids disappeared to play, Buffy had slipped her shoes off and ran her toes up his leg gently, all the while innocently licking the chocolate sauce from the cherries collected in her bowl.

Spike moved towards her and snaked his arms around her waist, scooping her up into his arms gently as his lips met hers. Her fingers threaded through his hair and her leg hooked around his waist, Buffy returned the kiss passionately, pulling Spike down on top of her. She pulled away to whisper, "I love you."

"I love you too, kitten." Spike murmered and brushed kisses down her chin gently.

Buffy leaned over and yanked his bedside drawer open, fishing around blindly until she found a condom. She fingered the foil packet and whispered, staring up at him hopefully, "Do you want to?"

"Very much so." He took the condom from her and sighed, "But the kids.."

"Yeah." She gave him a quick peck on the lips and murmered, "It's okay, we can wait."

"We should do it right." He whispered, tracing his hand up her leg curiously. It tortured him that all that was left of their passion was the barest whisper of a memory. For six years he'd wanted her, in his arms again, warm and sweet and soft. At first Spike had appreciated the fact he would always have the beautiful memories of what they'd had, but over the years, it slipped away from him. Right now he could barely remember how she was shaped. He used to see her so vividly in his mind he could map out her beautiful figure to the nearest inch. Spike curled his fingers around hers and insisted, "We should do it soon."

Buffy nodded, still turning the condom over in her hands. She glanced at him nervously and asked quickly, "Has there been anyone else?"

He laughed and replied gently, "No. Why would I want anyone else?"

"I don't know." She smiled at him and wondered aloud, "What if we did it.. but we didn't use a condom?"

"Well.. if that happened, another one of those might happen." Spike said, cocking his head in the direction of Jacob's room through the walls. Buffy shrugged, a small smile playing on her lips, and he asked incredulously, "You want another one?"

"Maybe." She shrugged again and mumbled, "One that's just ours."

"Amy is just ours." Spike pointed out, slightly confused.

"No.. I mean.. one that's ours. That we make together, and raise together." Buffy saw the sadness light in his eyes and cupped his cheek with her hand gently. "It's okay you weren't there for Amy, Spike."

"No, it's not." He shook his head and muttered, "She deserved better."

"Better than a dad who saves the world? I don't think you get that." Buffy kissed him on the forehead and insisted, "You're the best dad she could ever hope for. And she knows it.. she sees you with Jacob, and I think she wants to be as special to you as he is."

"She already is." He murmered, flopping back onto the bed. As Buffy curled up beside him, Spike admitted, "I'd love to have a kid that's 'just ours'. That would be amazing."

Buffy sighed into his chest and gazed up at him, asking, "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything and everything, kitten."

She smiled and leaned up to plant a quick kiss to his lips. As she settled back into his arms, she started in a whisper, "When I was pregnant with Amy.. I got so scared. I even considered having her.. you know. Gotten rid of. But she was the last little bit of you that I had. And I knew if you were still alive, you'd want her.. so I went through with it, thinking I'd be happy. But those nine months were just miserable. I cried every single night.. and I just had no idea how to get through it. I had no money, and I didn't have you."

"Kitten, I'm sor-"

"Shut up, this has a happy ending." She placed her fingers over his lips and whispered, "But when I had her.. I mean, after all the screaming and the pain and me wanting to kill the tiny little person coming out of me.. she was just so beautiful. And she was a little slice of you.. and for the past six years all I've done is stare into her eyes and be completely happy, knowing somehow it would work out, and it has."

"I love you." Spike whispered and kissed her gently, smiling against her lips as Buffy snuggled into him.

"Why don't we dump the kids with Dawnie tomorrow night?" Buffy blurted out, smiling at him adoringly. "I don't think this waiting is working. And the kids love Dawn.. they're happy, and we're definitely happy. It works for everyone."

*

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Jacob, please, cookie." Spike begged, cupping the boy's face in his hands. "You'll have fun with Dawn, she's wonderful."

"I DON'T WANT TO, I DON'T WANT TO, I DON'T WANT TO!" Jacob screeched, tears streaming down his face, coloured bright red with frustration.

Spike pulled the boy into his arms and hugged him, desperately trying to soothe away Jacob's wails. He smiled weakly up at Dawn and said softly, "It's not you, Nibblet. He's just hardly ever away from me."

"I don't wanna go, Daddy." Jacob whimpered, big fat crystal tears sliding down his face as he stomped his little feet on the ground. "I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Jacob, I brought some games ov--" Dawn was cut off by more of Jacob's screams and hung back.

"Shhh." Spike whispered in Jacob's ear as he cuddled the little boy, listening as his sobs turned to soft hiccups. "You don't have to go anywhere, Jakie. You can come home."

He set Jacob aside and turned to Buffy, who was staring down at the floor in defeat. She smiled at him and mumbled, "It's okay, you two go home."

"You're coming with me." Spike pressed a reassuring kiss to her lips and whispered, "We'll find away around him."

"I'm just not comfortable with it." Buffy murmered sadly, shaking her head. "It's not right."

"Kitten, if we're going to be together, we can't just ditch the kids on Dawn whenever we want to.. you know. Okay? We'll find a way. I'm not taking no for an answer." Spike took her hand and scooped Jacob up with his other arm, muttering, "When you're older we're going to talk about you almost ruining my life, mate."

*
 

Chapter 9:

"I wanna watch Spidey!" Jacob yelped, chasing around the apartment to find his video. His bad mood had disappeared entirely by the time they'd gotten one block in the cab - but it seemed to have descended upon Spike and Buffy. Buffy flopped down onto the couch, scowling down at the floor sullenly.

Spike swept Jacob up and kissed him on the forehead. He smiled and said gently, "No Spidey tonight. It's past your bedtime."

Jacob's lip quivered and he scrunched his face up, preparing to scream, but Spike shook his head and insisted, "No, Jacob. You have to go to bed. Come on, let's get you into your pyjamas."

Jacob squirmed out of Spike's arms and raced towards Buffy, tugging on her hand and pleading, "Read me a story?"

"Okay, honey." Buffy melted as Jacob threw his arms around her and kissed him on the forehead. "But you go get into your jammies first, like your daddy said."

Jacob scampered off in the direction of his room and Buffy turned to Spike as he collapsed down beside her. She snuggled into him and whispered, "How long will it take him to go to sleep?"

"An hour, probably." Spike noticed her face line with frustration and muttered, "I can't help it things are different now."

Buffy wrapped her hand around his and said gently, "I know."

"I know you probably think I'm still a mean, selfish, evil, sleazy-"

"I don't!" She snapped and turned away from him.

After a long, tense silence, Spike took her hand and murmered, "I'm sorry, kitten. But he's gotten me in a bad mood, interrupting our night like this."

Buffy moved back into his arms and murmered, "I want it to just be us."

"I can't choose between you and Jacob, sweetheart. And you want us to have another kid, how can it ever just be us? You're the one who gave that up back then, so don't go blaming me for it now." Spike frowned at her and mumbled, "I'm going to take a shower."

"Spike-" Buffy cut herself off as Jacob came running back into the room, waving a book in her face. She smiled at him and scooped him up into her arms, letting him rest in her lap. Buffy took the book and studied it, and broke out into a grin. "You know, Amy loves this book too."

"It's my favourite." Jacob mumbled as he sucked on his thumb, smiling up at her expectantly.

Buffy flipped the book open and began, "Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels as there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it. Anyhow, here he is at the bottom, and ready to be introduced to you.. Winnie-the-Pooh."

*

"After breakfast he had said it over and over to himself until he had learnt it off by heart, and now he was humming it right through, properly. It went like this - tra-la-la, tra-la-la.." Buffy laughed as Jacob started singing along and kissed him on the nose. She smiled and whispered, "I love you, Jakie."

He snuggled into her as she continued reading, and eventually, Buffy realized he'd gone to sleep. She marked the page they'd gotten up to in the book and carried Jacob into his room, placing him carefully into his bed. She tucked him in and planted a soft kiss to his cheek, waiting for a second to be sure he was okay.

When she turned around she realized Spike had been half an hour in the shower. She retreated to his bedroom and flopped down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as she waited for him.

When another ten minutes passed Buffy went into the bathroom and tapped on the sliding shower door, staring through the frosted glass at him. He turned and offered her a small smile, so Buffy opened the door and handed him a towel. Spike stepped into it and said softly, "I'm sorry for saying that stuff to you, kitten."

"Do you know how much it hurts me to think about how much I gave up with you back then?" She kissed the spot on his chest where she could feel his heart tremor and whispered, "I wanted you so much and I never did a thing about it."

"I wouldn't say that." He ran his hands down the length of her body and murmered, hoping to get a smile out of her, "We knocked a building or two down in our time."

Buffy frowned at him and led him back to his room. She continued drying him with the towel and muttered, "That's the problem. It was only ever sex, and I never wanted it to be anything more. And now we have something more, and it's wonderful, and all I can think about is sex."

He started laughing and Buffy slapped him with the towel and snapped, "It's been six years, Spike. What do you expect? Or maybe you decided to see to whatever needs arose over the years.. you already forgot enough about me to go and create this whole life for yourself."

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't know." Buffy slumped down onto the bed and clutched her head in her hands, repeating, "I don't know."

Spike went to his closet and dressed quickly, glaring back over his shoulder at her as he spat, "Well, maybe take some time to figure it out."

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked worriedly as he stormed towards the door.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch." He snapped and spun around to face her one last time. "I don't get it - do you not like Jacob being around because he's not yours?"

"That is so unfair." Buffy buried her face in her hands and started to cry, whimpering, "I love him. And I love you. And I just can't believe we're still like this."

The next thing she heard was the door slam shut. Buffy glanced up and saw the room was dark, and she was alone.

She cried the rest of the night away.

*

Love, love me do
You know I love you
I'll always be true
So please, love me do..

Buffy groaned as she woke to the blasting music and stumbled out of the bed, her entire body sore and cramped up. She tried to shake it away and almost collapsed back onto the bed, just as Jacob came racing into the room. Buffy smiled at the sight of the sleep-ruffled boy, his curly hair wild and his eyes drooping. He yanked on her hand and shouted, "Come dance!"

She followed him into the living room and watched as Jacob leapt up into Spike's arms and bounced around happily to the music. She smiled hopefully at Spike as he swung Jacob around and he reached his arm out to pull her close. Buffy buried her face against his neck and danced along with them, losing herself in the moment.

As the song finished Jacob ran off to choose the next one and all Buffy could do was let her tears fall and plead, "I'm so, so sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I was a complete jerk." He kissed her softly and whispered, "I've been talking to Jacob and he's going to go and stay with Dawn and Amy tonight. He promised me that. And I'm going to bring you back here and make up for everything we've missed these past six years."

"Do you promise me that?" Buffy inquired, smiling as he dipped her down and kissed the length of her neck, instantly knowing his answer. She gave a soft moan as his lips met hers and whispered, "Jacob likes The Beatles, huh?"

"Yeah." Spike glanced over at the little boy as he bounced around by the stereo. He smiled at Buffy and announced, "He woke up this morning and asked for you."

"I do love him." Buffy promised, smiling adoringly at the boy as he rushed to them and wrapped his tiny arms around their legs. She kissed Spike on the cheek and added, "I'll spend every minute of every day with him until you know how much."

Someone to love
Somebody new
Someone to love
Someone like you

Love, love me do
You know I love you
I'll always be true
So please, love me do
Whoa, love me do..

*

 

Chapter 10:

"Maybe we should go back and check on Jacob." Buffy said in shrill voice as Spike slid his key into the lock.

He opened the door and stood back to let her past, asking in confusion, "Why would we do that? He was fine when we left."

Buffy hung back and scuffed her feet over the creamy carpet coating the hallway, and mumbled, "Because maybe he isn't now. He might not have realized we were going."

"Right.. I told him he'd be spending the night with Dawn and Amy, and that I'd see him late tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that's a clear cut message to him that I was leaving." He smiled at her and prompted, "Come on, get inside."

"I think I left the stove on." Buffy yelped and took another step back. "I should go.. do that."

"If you left it on, Dawn'll turn it off." Spike took her hand and dragged her inside the apartment, frowning over his shoulder at her. "Are you alright?"

She nodded and forced a smile at him, glancing around the apartment to find some excuse to get out of there. She spied a pile of laundry on the sofa, and laughed nervously, babbling, "Look! Jacob forgot his Spiderman pillowcase. I guess we'll have to take that to him."

"That's the spare one Amy used the other night." Spike pulled her close and kissed her on the forehead gently, suddenly noticing how tense she was. He ran his hands down her back soothingly and asked curiously, "Are you feeling alright?"

"Sure." But she started backing away from him again, and squeaked, "I just remembered Amy has school tomorrow and I have to help her get ready so I should go-"

"Tell me what's wrong." Spike pulled her down onto the couch with him, sitting her in his lap where she could feel his erection. He smiled at her and whispered, "I got hard just thinking about touching you when we were in the cab."

"Okay..." Buffy jumped out of his arms and backed away slightly. She hung her head and mumbled, "I want you too.. but I'm going to be different."

She reluctantly sat down beside him and whispered, "I've had a kid and I'm older.. and I'm saggier and just.. not how I used to be. And I know you say you love me no matter what but when you see me--"

"Buffy, you're beautiful." Spike kissed her softly and caressed his hands up the length of her body, stopping to cup the swell of her breasts. He smiled at her and whispered, "You've had our kid. That's amazing."

"Amazing how saggy it made me." She mumbled, still resisting his touch slightly.

Spike lifted her top and peeked under it curiously, tracing his fingers over her stomach gently. He pressed a tiny kiss to her shoulder and murmered, "You're still as soft and as warm and as lovely as ever. And I want you in my bed right now."

He scooped her up and tossed her over his shoulder, carrying her towards his bedroom, her laughter ringing through the apartment. Spike threw her down onto his bed and was about to pounce on her when Buffy scrambled back up and pleaded, a sheepish smile on her face, "Can I just have a minute to freshen up?"

"You're as fresh as I need you." Spike whined, groaning as she pushed past him and made way for the door. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him, murmering in her ear as he threaded his fingers through her long locks of hair, "Do you know how much I want you?"

Buffy smiled mischeviously at him as she dipped her hand between his legs and cupped his erection in her hands, stroking the hard bulge straining against his pants. She kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "You've waited six years.. you can wait another few minutes."

*

She rushed into the bathroom and collapsed against the tiled wall. Suddenly her memories of Spike were so vivid - the crumbling walls, the echoing screams, the writhing passion of it all. And then there was everything after the sex - the endless wanting and needing that seemed to last years, and now, in reality, it had.

Buffy walked over to the basin on wobbly legs and stared at herself in the mirror. She traced her hand down her face and wished she were young again. After six years of not being with a man, she'd lost her confidence. Buffy doubted she'd even know what to do now.

But he still thought she was beautiful. He still touched her like he used to and he still looked at her with the flaming lust and burning love.

Buffy smiled to herself and started slipping out of her clothes. She dug into her handbag and pulled out her new satin nightie, letting the cool fabric slide through her fingers as she imagined Spike waiting for her, twitching with impatience. If it was eight years ago and it was vampire Spike she was teasing like this, Buffy knew she'd be facing a furiously horny vampire on her in seconds. But this was different. He felt so different. Buffy didn't know what was going to happen now, and it scared her.

"I'm dying of old bloody age in here!" Spike shouted through the wall and Buffy giggled,, relaxing slightly as she stepped out of the bathroom. When she returned to his room he was pacing around, shirtless, and incredibly frustrated. Buffy snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, peppering kisses over his back. He swung around and scooped her up into his arms, his eyes roaming over her hungrily.

"Spike.." Buffy whispered in protest as he placed her down on the bed and went to kiss her. She put her hand to his chest and stilled him, murmering, "I'm kind of nervous."

He smiled and kissed her on the cheek, admitting quietly, "So am I."

"Maybe we should wait." She mumbled, hanging her head in shame."

"Yeah, we probably need to talk about it." He agreed, sitting down beside her on the bed. He placed his hand on the small of her back and caressed it gently, murmering, "We'll wait, luv. I understand."

A second passed and Buffy pounced on him, kissing him with passion that flooded through her entire body like fire. She moaned as he flipped her onto her back and mounted her body, his hands grasping her close to him as Buffy raked her hands through his hair. This wasn't scary at all - she loved him more than ever now and knew exactly what to do. Her body ached for him and her heart throbbed as Spike reached down to unzip his jeans, his hand grazing the plane of her stomach as he did so. Buffy tremored at his touch and thrust her hips up, hooking one leg around him as he kicked his pants off.

Everything was a haze of lust as Buffy continued kissing him, her tongue dancing with his as they became lost in each other's touch. She heard the tear of the satin as Spike ripped her nightie off, his fingers desperate to come into contact with her skin.

His fingers traced down her stomach and dipped down to stroke the patch of soft curls covering her sex. Buffy gasped, sucking in a deep breath as two of his fingers slid slowly inside her, his thumb tracing slowly around her clit. He peppered kisses down her neck, his erection painful as Buffy wriggled beneath him, moaning his name as his fingers explored her.

Buffy was on the brink of a heated climax when Spike's fingers left her. She cried out in frustration but soon found his fingers replaced by something else. She smiled, breathing his name from her lips again, lifting her hips up invitingly as his cock nudged against her, dipping into the juices pooled between her thighs. Buffy slung her arms around his neck and scraped her nails over the smooth surface of his back, staring up at him lustfully as she whispered, "Make love to me."

Spike slid inside her slowly, groaning as he thrust deeper and deeper. Buffy bit down on her lip and shivered as he moved inside her, his hands exploring the length of her body, cupping her breasts gently. It felt perfect being so close to her again. He never wanted to let her go, not ever.

Buffy writhed beneath him, her nails scraping down his sweat-sheened back as they moved together, lost in fits of passion, a mess of hungry touches and kisses. They came hard, screams echoing into the black of the night as they melted together, resting in hazes of ecstasy.

"You know we just did that without any protection." Buffy murmered as she snuggled into him, smiling up at the ceiling in a daze.

Spike glanced down at her and asked worriedly, "Is that a problem?"

"No." She pressed a soft kiss to his lips and whispered, "It's you. You're amazing.. and I love you."

He smiled and bumped his nose over hers playfully. "I love you too."

She rested down against him and they passed the rest of the night away talking, laughing, and making love.

*

 

Next