Chapter 9

“You take care, okay sweetheart?” Joyce called to her daughter from the car.

Buffy leaned in through the car window from the curb.

“Of course I will, mom. I’ll see you in March okay? Good luck with the gallery show next week.” The clock on the dash board caught her eye, “Ah, look mom, I’ve gotta run or I’ll be late for my flight and Willow will never let me hear the end of it!”

Joyce smiled, “Go on then. And say ‘hi’ to Willow for me - I thought we would have seen her while you were both home.”

“I told you mom, she went away to see her cousins. I really, really have to go. Bye mom!” This last was called as Buffy made her way into the main terminal building of LAX to check in for her flight.

*~*~

“Will! Hi, thought you’d already be here. So, how was the vacation?” Buffy sat down next to the redhead who had been quietly sitting down at the gate flicking through a magazine. Willow looked up when her friend sat down and put the magazine back into her bag.

“Hi Buffy. Vacation was great. It was so nice to see everybody - you know, I haven’t seen them all for years. Last time I visited my cousin, Sarah, and her husband, John, had just had twins and now they’re 5! But they are so cute. Two little girls and they’re completely identical - I couldn’t tell them apart at first. It was so confusing, but they have totally different personalities.” Willow smiled as she told Buffy all about the wonderful time she’d had while she was home.

“And what about you - how was Christmas with your mom and Dawn?” Willow asked when she’d finished.

“Oh, the usual,” Buffy shrugged, then smiled. “Not really. It was great to be home - even if we did miss Thanksgiving. Mom made us a special meal to make up for it on the night I got back. I swear, I will never have to eat again - I don’t think I’ve stopped eating since I got home! But look, isn’t this cute?” She indicated the small silver horseshoe pendant that hung around her neck. “Dawn bought it for me! I can’t believe my bratty little sister actually bought me something nice for once!”

“Isn’t that a little unfair?” Willow frowned.

“Right. You’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Dawn, have you? Well, not really. She was away when you came to visit last summer. You need to withhold judgement on the fairness of that statement until you’ve actually met her. It’s not unfair. But it is lovely, isn’t it? Ooh, and speaking of presents…” Buffy reached down into her bag and produced a small gift-wrapped box. “I know you don’t do Christmas, being Jewish and all, but I saw this and couldn’t resist. It’s part not-Christmas present and half for snapping at you on the way back when you asked about Riley. I’m sorry.”

Willow’s eyes lit up as she took the small box from Buffy’s outstretched hands. She examined the gift from all sides. It was an unspoken rule between the two that presents were a luxury that neither could afford to give so this was completely unexpected.

“I, I…” she stammered.

“Look, just open it!” Buffy grinned.

Willow, needing no further encouragement, tore the wrapping from the package, revealing a small, plain, brown cardboard box. She gingerly lifted the lid of the box to expose several layers of filmy cream tissue paper. Willow peeled these back and gasped as she exposed what lay beneath. It was a perfectly worked piece of glass, about twice the size of the palm of her hand. It had been edged with piping and hand-painted with a delicate design of gold swirls, in-filled with lilac and pale green iridescent paint. Attached to the top was a narrow length of wire.

“You’re meant to hang it at your window so that it catches the sun.” Buffy explained tentatively as she watched her friend examine the piece silently. Willow looked up.

“It’s beautiful.” She declared. “Wherever did you find it?”

“I was shopping in Sunnydale and there was this new store I’d never seen before and it had these up in the window. They just looked so pretty and I thought of you straight away. You do like it, right?” Buffy asked nervously.

“Of course I like it, silly.” Willow pulled her friend into a hug. “Thank you.”

“So, you’ll forgive me for being such a bitch before? About Riley.”

“Already forgotten.”

Both girls looked up as their plane was called and they busied themselves with boarding.

*~*~

“You might have had a point.”

Willow jumped slightly at Buffy’s statement. She had been lost in staring out of the small window of the plane, thinking of Tara and wondering how she had fared over the Christmas period.

“Pardon?”

“I said, I think you might have had a point.”

Willow frowned, not understanding. “A point about what?”

“Me and Riley. What you said before Christmas. About whether there was anything wrong. I think you might have been right.”

Willow turn round to face her friend, realising that she wanted to talk about what had been going on, happy that she had finally decided to open up.

“Go on.”

“Well, the thing is, I’m not sure if you would call it a problem or not. It’s just that, well…” Buffy paused, biting her bottom lip slightly and staring down at her lap as she wondered how to phrase what she had to say next.

“Yes…” Willow encouraged.

“Well, he was really sweet when we first met. I had no idea what to do - I was in a new country, in a city much, much bigger than the town I grew up in and it was all so overwhelming. And there was Riley - so confident, so sure of himself. And it was like he took me under his wing. He showed me round and helped me find my feet. He was always there. He was interested in what I was interested in and wanted to do what I wanted to do. And my friends are his friends. And he is wonderful. And I can’t fault him. But…”

“But…” Willow echoed.

“But now I feel that I’m not a ‘me’ anymore. I feel like I’m one half of ‘Riley and Buffy’. He’s always there. Always. I’ve stopped going out because he always wants to come and acts all hurt if I try to tell him that he can’t. I mean, when was the last time that we went out anywhere together, just you and me, Will?”

Willow thought, *good point*. She shrugged.

“Exactly. So, the Spike thing - I guess you were right when you asked if I was avoiding Riley. I guess I am, but not because I don’t want to be with him, I do, just not all the time. And Spike’s is so easy because I’m already there, and I know that I don’t have to stay if I don’t want to and he won’t mind if I have to go. It’s just that, when I’m there and Riley’s not I feel like I can get back a bit of my life. My life, not ‘Buffy and Riley’s life.’” She paused and looked at Willow. “Am I making any sense or is this all just insane ramblings?”

Willow smiled slightly, “it makes sense, I guess. Have you talked to Riley about any of this?”

“I’ve tried, but it’s not easy to get things through to Riley that he doesn’t want to hear and I’m really afraid that it’ll come out wrong. I don’t want to break up with him; I just need a bit of space. God, Will, I really don’t know what to do about all of this. I guess I was hoping that if I ignored it all for long enough it would just all go away - you know?”

“I know. And I also know that that only actually happens in stories. Hate to be the one to tell you this Buffy, but this is real life and you’re going to have to deal with it.” Willow pursed her lips. “Do you want me to have a word with him for you? Maybe the whole ‘objective angle’ thing will work slightly better.”

“Oh, Willow. Would you? That would be so great if you could!”

“But, you have to do something too.”

“Of course, what?”

“Stop hiding at Spike’s every night.”

Buffy’s face fell. She loved the evenings she spent at Spike’s and not just for the few hours of Riley-avoiding they gave her. Willow watched the conflicting emotions play across her friend’s face as she made up her mind and wondered again if there wasn’t more brewing between the two than mere friendship.

“Buffy? See this, this is my resolve face. That’s the deal - stop hiding and I will talk to Riley.”

“Okay, fine.” Buffy knew that Willow was right - if she wanted to get this thing sorted out with Riley she had to stop hiding from him.



Chapter 10


The New Year had started out cold and, as January progressed, it had only got colder. Buffy had found herself waking each morning to clear blue skies, but, unlike those she was used to in her native California, she soon remembered what she had learnt in her first year - blue skies in a British winter meant only one thing. It would be bitterly cold. It was now the end of January and things were showing no sign of improving.

Buffy sighed as she caught sight of yet another note trapped under her windscreen wiper, threatening to be blow away in the gale that whipped around the corner of the tall building, icy cold and biting even through her warm winter coat. There had been a note on her car every day in the weeks since term had started, but Buffy, true to her promise to her friend, had ignored each and every one of them. She hadn’t even gone up to Spike’s flat to explain why she couldn’t come round. She knew that he would find a way through her carefully built armour and talk her into staying. He just seemed to have a knack for seeing through what she said to him.

*You could just tell him the truth* the little voice in the back of her head said.

*What, the fact that I can’t come round for tea anymore because I’m having problems with my relationship and I need to try and work them out instead of hiding round his house all the time? * She asked herself.

*That’s not the truth I was talking about, * the little voice said. *I’m talking about the truth that you’d prefer to spend all your time with Spike rather than any time with Riley. That truth. The truth you won’t let yourself admit. *

With that Buffy pushed the little voice far down inside with a mental *la, la, la - I’m not listening*. That wasn’t why she couldn’t spend time with Spike right now. It was all about not avoiding Riley - not about spending too much time with Spike. *Spending far too much time lying on his bed with him, teasing and flirting with each other* the little voice whispered up from where it had been banished to in the depths of her mind.

She plucked the note from the windscreen and screwed it into a ball, not even reading it, already aware of what it said. She would explain when he came round, she decided. After all, he spent almost as much time at her flat as she did at his and, as he hadn’t been round yet this term that meant that he should be appearing on her doorstep any day now. Then she would explain. She sighed, got into her car and drove home.

*~*~

“Hiya! Anyone home?” Buffy called as she dumped her bag in her room before venturing downstairs to the living room.

Riley looked up from his position on the sofa.

“Just me - all the others are out.” He said, getting up to envelope her in a hug.

Buffy frowned and pulled back from his arms. “Then how did you get in?” She asked.

“I’ve been here most of the day. I had some work to do, but I knew that you’d be back before everyone else, so I got Xander to let me in before he went out this morning and I’ve been working on your computer.” He shrugged. “Knew that you’d be home anytime, so I stopped about five minutes ago. So, just you and me, all alone - thought we could do with some quality time together.” He smiled down at her.

“So, you’ve been here for what,” she looked at her watch, “five hours now, on your own. Working in my room, on my computer? Why didn’t you just work from your own apartment - it’s only upstairs. I could have come round when I finished classes you know.”

Riley’s face fell, “I thought that you would be pleased and pleasantly surprised, not pissed off!”

Buffy sighed as she realised that Willow had obviously still not had a chance to talk to him yet.

“I’m not pissed off Riley. I’m just…” she contemplated telling him what was on her mind, but chickened out. “Tired, that’s all. I had a long day and was looking forward to a nice relaxing bath before I had to face anybody.”

“If you have a bath, can I come and scrub your back?” He asked, suggestively.

“Riley! That’s not the kind of bath I had in mind. I was talking about a hot, deep bath with lots of bubbles and on my own.” She smiled up at him. “Look, I won’t be long and I swear that the Buffy who comes out of the bath will be a much pleasanter Buffy than the one standing before you right now - okay?”

“Okay.”

*~*~

It was true as well, Buffy reflected as she dressed before heading back downstairs. Post-bath Buffy was a much more pleasant entity. *Not to mention warmer* she thought as she listened to the gale that howled round the exterior of the old building.

The house was busier now as the flat went through its usual evening routine. Xander had got an X-box for Christmas and Buffy had to laugh at the howls and cries of frustration coming from the sofa as he and Riley battled it out in some game or another. She followed the fabulous smells emanating from the kitchen to find Willow and Tara in the middle of cooking together. They smiled as she walked in and Willow offered her a spoon filled with the same stuff that was busy simmering in a pan on the stove.

“Here, try.”

Buffy took the spoon and blew gently on the mixture before gingerly tasting it. It was quite hot and spicy, but truly delicious.

“Mmm, what is it?”

“Chicken Dopiaza.” Tara explained. Seeing Buffy’s look of confusion, she continued, “It’s a type of curry. My brother bought me a book of Indian recipes for Christmas. Apparently he thought that that’s all we’d be eating living up here in Manchester.” Buffy still looked confused.

“You know,” Willow prompted, “because Manchester is famous for its curries.”

“Right. Er, tell me that this must be a guy thing, because I’m not really seeing the connection here.” Buffy ventured.

Tara grinned, “It’s a guy thing. I was just as confused as you are when he gave it to me. I mean, I know that you can get a great curry here and that there’s Rusholme and the ‘curry-mile’ and everything, but how he got from that to the perfect gift for a sister being an Indian recipe book I just don’t know! Anyway, we thought that it should be used so here we are, using it. Not bad for a first try, hey?”

“I’d say! You going to have any left over?” Buffy asked hopefully.

“Oh, definitely! The book only does recipes for 6 people so, once Oz gets back, that’s enough for a family meal.”

Willow caught the look that Buffy flashed her at this and smiled nervously.

“Oh, yeah. I haven’t actually had a chance to have that little conversation. But I will, don’t worry - as soon as I get the chance.”

Buffy smiled at her friend, chuckling somewhat at her obvious anxiety. “I know you will, Will.

“So, is there anything I can do to help?” She said, changing the subject and preparing to lend a hand with the meal.

*~*~

Oz arrived home just in time to sit down and eat the finished product. Between them the girls had managed to rustle up a veritable feast. Tara, who had masterminded the whole operation and, if they were being honest, was the only one who had any real idea of what each dish was, took those assembled round the table.

“This is Chicken Dopiaza, then this is Aloo Gobi - potatoes and cauliflower - here you have Cardamom Rice and then these are Chapattis.” She lastly indicated the large pile of circular flat-breads on a plate in the centre of the table.

The table fell silent for a few minutes as the hungry students fell onto what was essentially free food with enthusiasm, to be replaced seconds later by moans of gratification as they tasted the delicious food.

Oz was the one who broke the quiet.

“Well, this seems like a good time to make my announcement. You aren’t going to see much of me over the next few weeks.”

“Like we see much of you already.” Xander quipped.

“I’ll ignore that comment. Anyway, I’m going to have band rehearsals every night this month for most of the night.”

“Don’t you have school work to do?” Buffy asked, hoping that she didn’t sound too disappointed. No assignments meant no Spike, which meant that she wouldn’t get a chance to explain why she was ignoring his notes.

“Nope. We have no more assignments until the end of February.”

“Okay, I’ll take the bait,” Willow sighed. “So, Oz, why are you going to be rehearsing so much?” She asked in a pseudo-cheery voice.

“The Band has a gig on the last Monday of February!”

The table erupted into a multitude of questions.

“What…!”

“Where…?”

“Wow, that’s great…”

“It’s at a club called ‘The Boardwalk’ down on Little Peter’s Street, at the far end of Whitworth Street. It’s not very big and we’re only the supporting act but hey, a gig.”

“Who are you supporting?” asked Tara.

“A band called Slide Pheromone. None of you have probably ever heard of them. They’re usually based somewhere down South but they’re trying to get better known - I heard them over the summer when I was down in London. They’re amazing!”

Buffy let the chatter flow around her, trying to focus on what was being said, but failing. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy for her friend - it was great that the Band had got a proper gig at last, they were good and they deserved it, but her heart had dropped when she realised that she wouldn’t see Spike until the end of February.

She looked across the table to where Willow was merrily chatting away to Oz, determined to get every last bit of information out of him about the gig and what they would be performing. Tara was playing mum and dishing out more food whilst Riley and Xander were talking about the intricacies of the game they had been playing earlier. Buffy was thankful that no one seemed to have noticed her sudden quiet. She didn’t really want to have to explain the reason behind it and, after the thoughts that seemed to have come out of nowhere when she’d been standing outside his flat earlier, she didn’t know if she actually could.

She wondered if she should just forget about her promise to Willow and go round and see Spike - explain to him what was going on. *No.* She firmly dispelled the idea *That promise was made to Willow for a reason. We both know that if I get into the habit of hanging round at Spike’s again I’ll never sort out the problems with Riley and me*.

She sighed inwardly, being with Spike was just so much easier than being with Riley, almost too easy and she knew that she wouldn’t just be able to call in for five minutes to explain. She knew that if she went then she wouldn’t want to leave. *So* she thought determinedly *I just won’t go. I’ll just have to hope he understands.* But she knew in her heart that it wouldn’t be that easy.



Chapter 11


The clouds hung low and pensive as Buffy made her way back to her car that day. It was well over a month since her promise to Willow and she’d managed to keep it. *Though I can’t say the same for Willow, unfortunately* Buffy thought rather bitterly.

Willow still hadn’t had a chance to talk to talk to Riley, despite her constant promises that she would. She just never seemed to be able to get him alone. Valentine’s day had been and gone *Valentine’s Day! * Buffy snorted derogatively at the thought. It had ended up being a complete nightmare for her. She’d been really looking forward to it, seeing it as the perfect opportunity for them to go out to dinner or something and basically have a nice romantic evening. For her to remember exactly what she saw in him and why she was going out with him.

It had all started to go wrong the day before Valentine’s Day. Cordelia had split up with her latest boyfriend and she and Anya had come round for an evening of girl’s movies, popcorn and a general moan about the evils of men. That was the night that Buffy discovered that Riley had had himself a key cut to the flat.

He let himself in halfway through ‘Dirty Dancing’. Buffy knew he had to have let himself in - all the guys were out and all the girls downstairs watching the film. When she asked him about it, Riley seemed quite pleased with himself. He declared that he’d found the spare key in the kitchen and didn’t think anyone would mind because he was here most of the time anyway.

Buffy was fuming, but she just couldn’t seem to make Riley see that she was upset. He was just so convinced that it was a good idea.

And things got worse the next day when she got home from lectures to find him moving his favourite stuff into her room. *No, sorry, * she thought resentfully. *It’s our room now, isn’t it? * She’d wanted to just scream at him there and then, but it was Valentine’s Day and they had a table booked at a lovely Italian for that night and she’d been looking forward to it for weeks. So she’d backed down. *And now, * She thought *I just don’t know how to approach the subject*.

So here she was, February drawing to a close. Oz’s gig was in three days and things between Riley and herself seemed to be getting worse rather than better. *But hopefully things will improve today* she thought as she rounded the corner and approached her car which was in its usual spot outside Spike’s flat. Willow was talking to Riley today. She’d finally given up trying to corner him in the evenings and had promised Buffy that she would skip classes this afternoon because she knew that he would be home. Buffy still couldn’t believe that her normally studious friend would willingly skip classes, but she wasn’t about to argue the point! It should be over by now. Buffy hoped that it had gone well and that Riley would understand. She hoped…

Buffy’s train of thought came to an abrupt halt as she reached her car. She had reached out almost automatically to pluck the note from her windscreen, only to realise that there was nothing there. No note.

She couldn’t believe it, there had been a note religiously every day since the start of term. She’d ignored every one, of course, but still he’d left them. She stared at the car; frown slightly creasing between her eyebrows, lump forming in her throat. She looked up towards his flat and swallowed, unsure about what to do.

She took a deep breath, *well, I can’t go up there now. I’ve truly fucked up this time haven’t I? God, how can I be so stupid! Things aren’t getting any better - no, scrap that - things seem to be getting steadily worse with Riley. The whole point of this was to work things out with him, but I can’t even get him to admit that there’s a problem! So here I am, spending what seems like every waking moment with a guy who drives me crazy half the time and I’m forcing myself to avoid the one person I’d most like to spend time with. Now, for my stupid boyfriend, I’ve lost someone who was fast becoming one of my best friends. *

*Just good friends? * the little voice echoed quietly in the back of her mind. Buffy firmly ignored it.

“This day just can’t get any worse!” She groaned before climbing into the car.

*~*~

Buffy found Willow in the living room, sitting on the sofa, alone.

“So, how’d it go?” She asked hopefully.

Willow looked up and smiled nervously, “Well, you see…”

“Will, tell me that you talked to him!” Buffy interrupted.

“Yes, yes, I did.” Her smile faded. “I just don’t know if he got it.”

“What do you mean?” Buffy sat down next to her friend and let her head fall back to rest against the back of the sofa.

“I gave him the whole ‘Buffy might need a bit of time occasionally to just be with her friends and not with you’ speech. At least, that’s what I think I was saying, but I’m not sure if that’s what he was hearing. He started to go on about how there was nothing wrong with your relationship, about how it was absolutely perfect, about how you were absolutely perfect. I’m sorry, Buffy, but I think you were right - that boy won’t hear anything unless he wants to.” She grimaced slightly.

Buffy sighed and stared at the ceiling. She had hoped that Willow’s plan would work, but she also knew deep down inside that it wouldn’t - she’d known that Riley wouldn’t listen.

“Thanks anyway Will, it was worth a try.”

“So, are you going back to hiding at Spike’s every night then?” Willow tried to sound cheery, but this only elicited another sigh from Buffy.

“No.”

Willow frowned; obviously there was something that she didn’t know about. Buffy turned her head to face her friend.

“He’s stopped inviting me over.” She sighed.

“But he knew that you had to stop coming over while you sorted out this problem with Riley,” Willow saw the expression on Buffy’s face, “didn’t he?”

“Well, you see, I knew that if I started going round again I’d just fall back into bad habits again, so I thought that if I just didn’t - go round I mean - then I wouldn’t.” She smiled hopefully at her friend, knowing what was coming next.

“Buffy! You mean that you haven’t seen Spike at all this semester? You haven’t explained why you’re ignoring him? That’s terrible - the poor guy. You spend hours round his house and then blank him completely? He’s probably furious at you!” Willow looked at Buffy unbelievingly.

“I know…” Buffy looked contrite.

“You’re going to have to explain all this to him you know.”

“Hey! Don’t have a go at me about this! You’re the one that was all ‘resolve face’ and ‘I’ll only speak to Riley if you stop hiding at Spike’s’!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean for you to stop seeing the guy altogether. Jeez! I mean - it’s a little drastic, don’t you think?”

*Not really* she thought. Her mind wandered back to the last time she’d seen him. It had been just before the Christmas break and she’d gone round with a small present. Nothing much, it was just a Manchester United mug, but she’d wanted to buy him a present and he’d seemed to like it. They’d lain there on his bed for hours. It had been freezing cold in his room and they’d ended up cuddling up to each other under the duvet for warmth. Ever since she’d tried not to think about how it felt to lie there in his arms, pressed up against him. How right it had felt - they just seemed to fit.

She thought of confessing all of this to Willow, but decided against it. *This isn’t happening* she decided. *It’s just because of Riley. Things are difficult at the moment, I’m bound to compare. Right? *

*Which is why you’re comparing Riley to Xander and Oz as well, right? Because they’re your friends as well, remember…* the traitorous little voice smirked at the back of her mind.

She could tell Willow, but to admit it was to make it real. And it wasn’t real - it was all just confusion. That’s all.

Buffy sighed and let her head bang back against the sofa.

“I know. I just… Argh!” She threw up her arms in despair. “What am I going to do Will? Life shouldn’t have to be this complicated. But you’re right - I know you are. I’m going to have to explain everything to Spike. And try to think of some way of getting through to Riley. Just, not right now because right now I really have to,” Buffy thought hard for something that could legitimately distract her from the problems in her personal life. “I have to go and tidy my room! Yes, that’s it. It’s really messy and I’ve been meaning to do it for ages and now it must be done - top of my list of things to do. So, I really must go.” With that Buffy made a dash for the stairs and disappeared, leaving a frowning Willow alone in the living room.



Chapter 12


Buffy woke the next day and stretched - smiling at the fact that she was alone. After her conversation with Willow last night she’d decided that she just couldn’t face Riley and so bribed her friend into telling him Buffy wasn’t feeling well and would talk to him in the morning. She’d had a long, relaxing bubble bath and an early night.

And the bribe? Buffy smiled as she thought of the shopping trip they would be going on today. *Okay, so it wasn’t much of a bribe. But, hey - did the trick! * She rubbed her hands together, *Ooh, so many shops, so little time - this is going to be fun*.

She bounced out of bed and grabbed her robe before making her way downstairs to make herself some breakfast. *Nothing like a good shopping trip to help you forget about those little problems in life. * Suddenly everything seemed much less complicated.

She jumped down the last few steps and into the living room.

“Someone’s in a good mood. I take it that you’re feeling better?” Riley asked from the sofa before taking a mouthful another mouthful of cereal from the bowl he was holding.

“Riley? It’s 8 am - what are you…” She paused, frowning slightly. “Is that my cereal?”

“Yeah, I ran out, so I was just having a bite to eat and then I was going to come and check on you. You’re obviously feeling better - you fancy doing something today?”

“Can’t - have a shopping trip with Willow and Tara.”

“That’s okay - I need to go into town anyway. I’ll tag along.”

“Riley. You hate shopping. You’ll be bored out of your mind!”

“It’ll be fine - when do we leave?”

Suddenly, Buffy’s little problems all decided to come back with a vengeance.

*~*~

“Ooh, what do you think of that one?” Buffy pointed to a red dress hanging in the shop window.

“I think it would look great on you, sweetheart. But then, everything looks great on you.” Riley tried to sound interested. It had been his idea to tag along on the shopping trip in the city centre, but six hours later the crowded Saturday streets and Buffy’s seemingly never-ending ability to shop were beginning to grate.

“I’ll interpret that as ‘I don’t really care, but I’m bored and so I’m trying to say what you think I want to hear’ then shall I?” Buffy said sarcastically. She’d really had enough of him today. She hadn’t wanted him to come in the first place - she’d known he would be bored - but he’d insisted. So along he came and the complaints, moans and general digs on girls and shopping had started about half an hour into the trip.

At first the girls had laughed it off. It was, after all, a fairly normal guy response to a major shopping trip, but by lunchtime it had all worn a little thin and Willow and Tara had looked apologetically at Buffy and given thinly veiled excuses before leaving Buffy and Riley to shop alone.

Once they’d left he hadn’t gotten any better and Buffy was having a hard time controlling her temper. But this was her shopping trip and she was damned if she was going to let him ruin it for her. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Well…?”

Riley shrugged, “Sorry sweetheart, but we’ve been shopping for hours now and…”

“Look, why don’t we just go home?” She sighed deciding that she was obviously damned because he’d ruined it.

“Sounds good to me.” Riley looked instantly happier and they started the walk back towards the bus station.

“Ooh!” Buffy squealed and dragged Riley towards the shop window. Riley groaned, but gave in to the irresistible pull of his girlfriend’s hand on his. “Sorry, I know we’re on our way home, but this won’t take long. You know that it’s Dawn’s birthday in a couple of weeks and I thought that I could buy her a pair of earrings, a really nice pair. And look - jewellery shop.” She indicated the brightly lit display window in front of them before proceeding to examine what seemed to Riley to be hundreds of pairs of earrings looking for the ‘perfect pair’. He gave into the inevitable delay and wandered further down the window, hoping that there would be something more interesting to look at.

Several minutes later Buffy was once again at his side, clutching a small bag, which held her new purchase.

“Come on then,” she said as she took his hand. “Let’s go.” She moved to pull Riley away from the window, but was stopped when he didn’t move. She followed his gaze which was fixed on the display of small diamond rings.

“Riley?” She asked cautiously. He turned to her.

“Buffy. I’ve been thinking, about us. We’ve been going out for ages now and, well we practically live together and well,” He paused and she could see him thinking of the words to say *Oh, God, please don’t let him be about to ask what I think he’s about to ask* she prayed.

“Well, maybe we should get married.” He looked at her, expectantly.

*Shit, shit, shit! He asked it. Oh, how the hell am I going to get out of this one? * Buffy paused for a minute to internally examine her reaction. Sure, she’d thought about Riley proposing before, she’d even daydreamed about it. Surely she should be falling into his arms at the moment and accepting without a moment’s pause. But she wasn’t and it all suddenly seemed, well, so sudden.

She looked up at him, standing there, waiting for her answer and she suddenly realised that she couldn’t marry him. It would be wrong. A really, really bad idea *I mean, I’m not ready to give up on this relationship*

*Yet* her little voice added.

*I’m going to pretend I didn’t just think that. I am not ready to give up on this relationship, but I can’t agree to take it any further. God, I‘m already feeling claustrophobic as it is now and we’re not even officially living together. But if I turn him down flat he’ll think that I don’t want to be with him at all. Which I do. *

*Do you? *

*Yes! Yes, I do. Just not quite this together! *

No, she couldn’t marry him. Not right now. She just wasn’t ready for that yet, she was too young. But how to say ‘no’ without actually saying no? She looked again at the display in front of them and was suddenly struck with an idea.

“Riley, don’t take this the wrong way, it’s just that, ever since I was a little girl I’ve had the dream that when I got engaged I would be proposed to with a ring in a box and everything.” She smiled up at him and then quickly continued as she saw him start to eye up the rings in the window. “And everybody knows that an engagement ring is meant to cost a whole month’s salary,” she cringed inwardly at how materialistic this was making her sound, but it was all she could come up with at short notice. “And you don’t even have a job at the moment. I’ve never really wanted a long engagement either - I believe that you get engaged to get married, not just for the sake of being engaged - and we can’t afford to get married yet.” She hoped that he was buying this and looked up at him.

“I understand, Buffy.”

“You, you do?” Buffy suddenly looked surprised - she really didn’t think that anyone would buy the crap she just came out with - before forcing her expression into a smile. “You do? Good.”

“And you’re right - we can’t afford to get married, yet.” He looked back at the display. “But why don’t you give me some ideas as to what type of ring you would like, just so that I know for the future.”

Buffy forced a smile and turned her attention to the window, trying not to think about why she suddenly didn’t want to commit to a future with her previously ‘perfect’ boyfriend.



Chapter 13


Strains of heavy rock music hit Buffy’s ears as she entered the club. She looked around at her surroundings. Oz has been right when he said the club was small - after climbing up what seemed like impossibly steep stairs to pay the required entrance fee she now found herself looking down a short, narrow passageway which obviously opened up into the club proper. The walls were painted black and the floor was that dark wood colour that only came from countless years of spilt pints of beer and muddy shoes.

She followed the others into the club. The bar ran down the length of the room on the left hand side. The stage area was directly in front of them and the room opened up to the right, leaving a dance area of about 15” square in total. Definitely a small club and it was filling quickly, mostly with students from one or other of the universities.

“You want a drink?” Riley shouted over the music.

“Yeah, I’ll have a diet coke!” Buffy hollered back. It might not be live, yet, but it was definitely loud in here. She could hardly hear herself think as she scanned the crowds to see who was here.

The whole ‘marriage’ thing hadn’t come up again in the past couple of days. Riley hadn’t brought the subject up and Buffy decided that it was wise to just keep quiet. She hadn’t mentioned the proposal, or her rejection of it, to any of her friends either. She just wanted to forget all about it - it was just too much to think about with everything else.

“I can’t believe that Oz finally got a real gig!” Willow gushed excitedly in her ear. Buffy looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“And this from you, the girl who has been saying all year ‘I can’t believe that the Band hasn’t got a real gig yet’.”

“Yes, well, that was different - that was showing moral support, the way that friends should. This is different. This is real!” Buffy laughed slightly as Tara took hold of her girlfriend’s hand in an attempt to stop her from getting too excited.

Buffy scanned the room once more. She smiled and turned to Xander.

“Hey!” She shouted into his ear, making him jump and spill his beer down the front of his shirt.

“God, Buff! Scare a guy much?” He growled back, frantically rubbing at his top.

“Sorry.” She shrugged apologetically. “Just thought you’d like to know that I see a certain someone giving you the eye. And not for the first time.” She smiled teasingly at Xander as his head whipped round, trying to see who she was talking about.

“Over there,” she gently took hold of his chin and pushed his head round to the girl who was standing by the bar, eyes fixed firmly on him. His eyes bulged slightly as he realised just who it was.

“What? Anya? You’re wrong Buff - she’s not looking at me, she, she’s probably looking at all of us. You know, us busily chatting away. No way she’s looking at me, Nuh’uh!” He declared firmly.

“She’s looking at you, you dolt. The way she always is, you just can’t see it. Now, why don’t you go over there and talk to her. Try something original - buy the girl a drink, just put us all out of our misery. Please!”

“What? What are you talking about?” Xander looked perplexed.

“Are you totally stupid or something?” Buffy shouted over the noise, then flinched slightly at the slightly pissed off face Xander made at this statement. “You’re all she talks about to any of us these days.”

“But, how am I supposed to know - she’s never said anything to me.”

“That’s because I’m saying it - just go and talk to the girl!”

“Fine, fine - I’m going.” He declared and started to push his way through the ever-swelling crowd towards where the girl was standing at the bar.

“Here you go, one diet coke.” The plastic glass filled with dark brown liquid appeared in front of her with this comment and she took it gratefully, taking a large sip to sooth her throat which was by this time slightly hoarse from shouting over the music.

“Thanks.” She smiled up at Riley. “Do you know what time they’re due on?” She indicated the still empty stage at the front.

“They should be setting up at any time now, I guess, but things tend to be fairly flexible here, so who knows?”

Buffy scanned the crowd once more.

“I’m just going to take a walk around, see if there’s anyone else here we know, okay?” She said, almost having to shout directly into Riley’s ear to make herself understood.

“Want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s okay - too crowded, I’ll be able to get through better on my own.” She indicated the now packed out venue and Riley nodded understandingly.

*~*~

Buffy wandered around the club, scanning the face of every new person who came into view. She wouldn’t admit it to any of her friends but she knew exactly who she was looking for and her face lit up as she saw him.

He was standing alone in one dark corner of the club, dressed totally in black - worn, tight fitting black jeans, fitted black t-shirt and long, black leather duster He could have almost faded into the background if it were not for the shock of bleach blonde. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall of the club, nursing a pint to his chest as he watched the activity around him.

*Hot, isn’t he? * The little voice in the back of her mind spoke up and she suddenly wondered if going over to talk to him was such a good idea after all. Maybe she should just turn around and forget him. Maybe it would be easier - less complicated.

*No. I’m going to go over. This is silly. He’s just a friend, nothing more. People can think that their friends are hot. It doesn’t mean anything, * she told herself firmly as she made her way towards him.

Seemingly oblivious to her approach he looked totally at home in the loud and crowded environment of the club. She stopped in front of him and stood there for a second, frowning slightly as he seemed to totally ignore her presence.

“Hi!” She called at him. He turned his head to her almost casually and slowly raised an eyebrow.

“Hello, pet. Fancy seeing you here.” He turned back to his pastime of scanning the crowd for who-knew-what.

Buffy took a deep breath and tried again.

“Look, I…” She got no further.

“Did you want something in particular? Because you’re blocking my view.” She frowned as she looked at him.

“Spike, I’m 5’ 2” - I block no one’s view. I can’t even block the view of,” She thought, “er, somebody really small. Damn it! I had a really good comeback then and it just slipped right out of my mind!”

Spike laughed as he saw the irritation pass across her face, but then schooled his expression back into the carefully maintained ‘pissed off and bored’ look he’d assumed as soon as he noticed her approach.

“I saw that you know.” She smirked up at him.

“Saw what?” Spike’s face was a picture of innocence.

“The laughter. Look Spike, I know you’re mad at me. Could you just let me explain?” She was almost pleading with him now. He looked down at her face and almost gave in, but he had promised himself that he would be mad at her tonight. She’d ignored him for weeks and he had no idea why. If she wanted to talk, then fine. But not tonight - tonight was the night that he was mad at her and he wasn’t backing down on this one. *Even if she does do that pout-y thing with her bottom lip*.

“Sorry luv - can’t hear you!” he shouted.

“I said, I’m sorry. If you would just let me explain…” She stood on tiptoe and shouted into his ear.

“Oh, look - the band are setting up. Can’t wait to see them play.” He looked directly at her for the first time that night. “You see that’s why I came here tonight - to see my mate’s band play. Now why don’t you run along? Go back to your friends. That’s where you seem to want to be.” With that he turned back to the stage, intently watching the band prepare to start their set, jaw clenching slightly.

Buffy stated at him intently for a moment as she registered what he’d said to her. Even in the racket of the club she’d heard him perfectly and had winced slightly at the emphasis on the word ‘friends’. She had known that she had hurt him, but she suddenly realised just how badly he’d taken her disregard. She turned on her heel and made her way directly to the heaving bar, forcing her way to the front.

“What’ll it be?” The barman hollered to her.

“Double vodka and coke - two of them.” she shouted back and handed over her cash. She wasn’t usually big with the alcohol, but tonight she suddenly felt the need to get totally wasted.

*~*~

Three hours and countless vodkas later Buffy lent against the back wall of the club for support. The room just wouldn’t keep still - she was sure that it wasn’t meant to move like that. *And there was only one band playing a minute ago - now there seems to be two*. She raised a finger towards the stage and tried to focus properly, with little success.

Even in such a small club she’d managed to lose all her friends. She couldn’t understand it - she’d known exactly where they were when she went to the bar but somehow, after downing four vodkas in quick succession, finding her way back had been a little harder. Now the main band - *whatever they were called* she thought - were just finishing their set and Buffy had made really good friends with this piece of wall. Really good friends. In fact, she didn’t think she ever wanted to leave this piece of wall. *Except, maybe to slide down it slightly to sit on the floor*.

“Oh dear. Someone looks like they’ve had one too many.” Buffy looked up at the sound of the voice, trying to focus on where it was coming from. She broke into a grin as she recognised the form standing in front of her.

“Spike! No, no, you’re wrong!” She slurringly declared. “I have not had one too many - I’ve had a hell of a lot more than that!” She sounded quite pleased with her assertion, but then her face suddenly fell. “I don’t feel very well.”

“No, I don’t suppose you do. Come on,” he hauled her to her feet. “We have to find Red - she can take you to the ladies and you can get all that out of your system.”

“No! I’m not going anywhere!” She pulled herself out of his grasp and the momentum propelled her back into the wall as she desperately tried to find her balance.

“What the bleeding ‘ell are you talking about? Come on!” He tried to take her arm again, but she avoided him rather agilely for someone in her condition.

“No!” She waved a finger under his nose and looked at him seriously. “I am not going anywhere with you until you promise me something.”

“Right, whatever - I promise.” He sighed and reached for her arm again.

“I’m serious! You have to promise that you’ll let me explain.”

“Fine, whatever, you can explain - but not now. These are new boots and I really don’t want them covered in your puke!”

“Tomorrow night - I’ll come round. I’ll explain. Right?” She pushed herself off the wall and clung onto him, holding herself up.

“Right, fine - tomorrow night. Just let’s go and find Red - please?”

“Willow.” Buffy suddenly looked green. “Willow would be a good idea.”

*~*~

The taxi pulled up outside of the flat and its occupants tumbled out, Buffy clinging to Riley as though she couldn’t stand without him. *Which* she reflected fuzzily *is quite possibly true*.

Riley helped her up the few steps to the front door of the main building and into the hallway. She raised her head from his shoulder and looked at him.

“I’ll be fine from here. Willow and Tara will look after me, and anyway, I’m fairly sure that I can stand up by myself now.” She pushed off from his chest and, whilst wobbling slightly, managed to remain upright without help. “See!” she declared happily.

Riley was a little taken aback, “Don’t you want me to help you?”

“No. I just want to go inside and crawl into my own bed, okay?” Buffy sounded exhausted.

“Oh, okay then. I know, how about we go to the cinema tomorrow night - just you and me?”

“Sure, whatever.” Buffy frowned, trying to remember something. “Oh, no, I mean, I can’t - I’m going to Spike’s tomorrow night.” She nodded her head, pleased that she had managed to remember, but that set the room spinning and she fought again for the control to remain on her feet. Riley seemed oblivious.

“Spike’s? Oh, I’m sure he won’t mind if you don’t go,” he dismissed the idea with a wave of his hand. “It’s just that there’s this film out that I’ve been dying to see…”

“Well, then go with your friends or wait to see it another time because I’m busy tomorrow night.” Buffy said impatiently, really, really wanting to get to bed now.

“But I told you - Spike won’t mind…”

“Well, I do!” Buffy shouted. Willow, Xander and Tara looked at each other at this and decided that now was a very good time to make themselves absent, so they slipped into the flat.

“God, what is the matter with you? Don’t you understand? I’ve spent every night with you this semester - one way or another! I just want to spend sometime with my friends!” Riley stared at her in amazement. His girlfriend never talked to him like this.

“Fine, fine,” he calmly said. “I’ll just come with you. Spike’s a nice guy. We’ll have fun.”

“You just don’t get it, do you? I don’t want to see Spike with you. I don’t want to go shopping with you. I want to spend time with my friends, alone, without you.”

She wasn’t shouting anymore, there didn’t seem much point. Something that was confirmed when she felt Riley patronisingly pat her on the head and say, “I understand. You’ve just had too much to drink. You just take yourself off to bed and we’ll talk about this in the morning, okay?”

Buffy didn’t even grace that with an answer. She simply turned on her heel and marched into the flat, slamming the door in Riley’s face.

Author's Note: - Hope you like so far - promise there will be Spuffiness coming soon ;-) Please review! This is my first fic and I need the support!Also, thinks to my fab beta Martha for all her help and suppotr and for getting me this far!

chapter 14

AN: Thanks for all your comments, gotta love the reviews! I realise that the whole Spuffy thing is moving slowly and I’m working on it, but I wanted to establish a friendship first - torture, isn’t it? For those of you who might be vaguely interested, paracetamol is a mild pain-killer (possibly a bit like Tylenol) - my beta, Martha, told me I’d better explain as she didn’t know what I was talking about!

This is a really, really long chapter - more like one and a half - so bear with me.

And, review, yada, yada, yada - you know the score!

Chapter 14

Buffy groaned and squinted at the window. The bright morning sun was streaming in through her bedroom window and straight into her half open eyes. She closed them again and rolled over, throwing an arm over her face, but it was no use - she was awake and no amount of pretending otherwise was going to change that fact.

She peered at the clock and groaned again as she realised the time and that was when it struck. Her head felt like two small pixies had climbed in through her ears with very large hammers in the middle of the night and were now busy thumping away at her brain. Her eyes wouldn’t open properly either. She reached up and rubbed at them before looking at her hands which were now covered in black and she realised that she hadn’t removed her makeup before going to bed last night and her mascara had stuck to her bottom eyelashes. *How nice* she thought as she rolled out of bed, her mission being to find large quantities of water - and quickly. Her mouth felt like the bottom of a budgie’s cage.

She reached for her robe and then stopped as she caught sight of herself in the mirror - she was still wearing her clothes from last night. She’d slept in them. *Oh, this just gets better. What kind of a state was I in when I got home?* she thought. And then she remembered. It all came crashing back - seeing Spike, getting drunk, throwing up in that club, the argument with Riley - all of it. She slumped back onto her bed, her head in her hands and groaned yet again.

*And here we have the prime reason why Buffy Summers does not drink. It’s always a complete disaster.* She shook her head, and then winced as it made the pounding worse, and headed downstairs for that water.

The house was oddly quiet as she poured herself a pint of water. Normally at this hour she would be in classes, but she’d slept through her alarm that morning and it was now the middle of the day. As she downed the pint she vaguely considered going in for her afternoon classes, but then immediately dismissed that idea out of hand as her head began pounding again. She rooted through the kitchen drawers for some kind of painkiller and grinned as she came across a strip of paracetamol. She popped two of the white painkillers out of the strip - they might not be quite what she’d have chosen if she’d been in the States, but they were just as effective - and swallowed them down with another pint of water before stumbling back upstairs to sleep away the rest of the day.

*~*~

Buffy surveyed her wardrobe in disgust, rifling through its contents irritably. The sleep had helped, as had the paracetamol, but she still wasn’t at her sparkling best and now her wardrobe was refusing to co-operate.

“I have nothing to wear!” She exclaimed to no one in particular.

“Hot date?” A voice said from behind her. Buffy whirled round to find Xander lent against the doorway to her room. “Because I was under the impression that you were just going round to Spike’s.”

“I am,” she said distractedly as she pulled a short black dress out of the wardrobe and held it against herself. “What do you think of this?” She saw the slightly amused look on Xander’s face. “Too much, huh?” She placed the dress back in the wardrobe and slammed the door shut. She stalked over to the chest of draws on the other side of the room, pulled open the top drawer and started to root through her vast collection of tops.

“And I say again - it’s only Spike. What’s with the clothing crisis?”

Buffy pulled out a red skinny-fit t-shirt and held it against herself. She smiled and nodded at her reflection in the mirror and tossed the shirt onto the bed before opening another drawer to look for a pair of trousers to go with it.

“Just call it grovelling attire.” She said distractedly to her friend. “I fucked up and, well, I always apologise better when I look good.”

“Ahh, let me translate that for you.” Xander said knowingly. “What you’re actually saying is that if you look totally hot then Spike, being of the male persuasion, will be more likely to forgive you.”

“Not exactly.” Buffy hedged. “There’s also the reason that I am recovering from the hangover from hell and all this is show to help me feel up to facing the world.”

“Oh, yes. The hangover. Where exactly did you disappear to last night anyway? Apart from the bar, that is.”

“Er, that’s about it. The bar, mostly.” Buffy looked at her friend sheepishly.

“What! You mean to say that you, Buffy Summers, the girl not exactly known for her over-indulgence in the alcohol area, actually voluntarily spent the whole night drinking, just for its own sake. There weren’t any evil forces thrusting the drink down your throat?”

“No.” Buffy couldn’t meet Xander’s eyes and busied herself with her clothes. “Just felt like getting drunk, that was all.”

“Right. Whatever you say.” Xander replied, knowing full well that there was something that she was keeping from him. “Anyway, I have to be going. TV calls.” He turned to leave. “The black leather pants - definitely.” He called as she walked across the corridor to his room. Buffy pulled smiled and pulled the leather from the drawer.

*~*~

Spike opened the door to his flat to find Buffy standing there, pizza in hand.

“Mind if I come in? I bring gifts.” She indicated the box. For a moment Spike could only stare at her, open-mouthed. He couldn’t believe the vision that stood before him - Buffy, dressed in skin-tight leather trousers and a dark red top that hugged her curves in all the right places. Her blonde mane flowed freely around her shoulders as she smiled at him. *Stop it!* he thought sternly. * For Christ’s sake, this is Buffy! You know ‘Buffy of the boyfriend’? ‘Off-limits Buffy’. There is no way you are going to stand here speechless because she’s…* he tilted his head to one side and eyed her up and down *…wearing what is quite possibly the most gorgeous, stunning, mind-blowingly amazing get up.* Buffy frowned slightly as Spike seemed to gasp for air and then visibly shook himself.

“What? Yeah, erm, yeah, come on up.” He turned and raced back up the stairs without looking to see if she was following. She smiled at his strange behaviour and followed his up the stairs. *Yup. This is going to be easy - the outfit works every time.*

*~*~

“So,” Spike said, taking a bite out of the last slice of pizza. “Let me get this straight: all that time you spent round here last term, that was you trying to avoid your ‘beloved boyfriend’?”

“Yes!” Buffy suddenly realised how that sounded. “I mean, no! You’re twisting my words. I was trying to avoid Riley, but I came round here because I also wanted to spend time with you.”

“I was convenient.” Spike said, a hint of bitterness palpable in his tone.

Buffy sighed - this wasn’t going how she’d expected. She’d decided to be totally honest with him. *Well, not totally honest,* the little voice that seemed to pop up every time she thought about Spike disagreed. *You’ve not said anything about your reaction to how he looked when he opened the door. * Buffy suppressed the small smile that threatened to play across her lips as she the image played across her mind. He’d obviously just finished showering when she’d arrived. He’d stood there at the door, barefoot, hair damp and messy, jeans hanging from his hips. The shirt that he’d thrown on had still been unbuttoned revealing the perfect body beneath. Beads of water still hung to the exposed skin of his chest and, as she stared at him, a single drop left the dip at the base of his throat and her eyes had traced its path down his body as it ran down over his chest, down his stomach, down… She’d had to wrench her eyes away from that drop of water. *Yeah, one hell of a lucky drop of water that.* the little voice commented before Buffy quashed it firmly. She’d decided to be reasonablY honest with him. She’d told him all about the problems she and Riley had been having - how she’d felt cornered and claustrophobic last term and about how she’d ended up spending longer and longer at his during the evenings as escape from her life. She’d ended by telling him about her conversation with Willow and her promise.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, Spike. I thought that I’d see you anyway - you were always around at our house last semester. I thought that I’d be able to explain then.” She looked down, unable to meet his piercing gaze that was directed at her with such accusation.

“And when you found out I wouldn’t be round? What then? Because I don’t remember you coming here to explain yourself.”

“No, I didn’t,” she said, her voice quiet and meek. “And that was wrong. I’m sorry, I really am. I’m a cow, a brat, a bitch - pick a derogatory term and that’s me.”

Spike looked at the girl sat meekly on the end of his bed, the girl who was almost pleading for forgiveness, and tried to suppress a smile. He’d forgiven her the moment she’d walked through his door. How could he not forgive the stunning entity that had stood there in front of him, looking so contrite? He knew he was a fool; that he was completely soft, but he also knew that he would do anything that this woman asked of him. *Not that she ever would,* he thought wryly. *She’d never think of me that way. She has him for that. And here am I, grateful for any scraps of friendship she’s willing to throw my way. God, I am such a fool!* He hadn’t even had to hear her explanation. He wondered if he should string her along a bit more - she really was quite fetching when she grovelled - but she was starting to get upset and he hated to see a woman cry. So he relented - a bit.

“Fine. You’re a bitch. Glad you accept that.” He mumbled, making her squirm a little uncomfortably. He watched her for a few moments and he couldn’t contain his laughter any longer.

Buffy realised what was happening as the sound of his laughter broke suddenly around the room.

“You, you… pig!” she exclaimed as she realised he’d been stringing her along. “You made me go through all of that! I grovelled! I thought you were really mad!”

“Oh pet,” he heaved between laughs. “But you should have seen you! I’ll carry the memories with me for eternity. Priceless, just priceless!” He lent against the wall, still heaving with laughter.

It was contagious and soon Buffy found her mouth twitching into a grin at the sight of Spike lying on the bed, helpless with laughter, arms clutching his middle as he fought to bring it under control.

“You know, if people could see you now, it would completely blow your ‘big bad’ image out the water,” she teased.

That got him. The laughter died immediately and he sat back up, running a hand through his platinum blonde locks.

“Oi!” he sulked. Buffy raised an eyebrow at him, eyes sparkling teasingly.

“Oh, come on! You put me through all of that and I’m not even allowed a little dig?”

Spike smirked at her slightly and surveyed their positions. It had all been a little awkward when she’d first arrived and he couldn’t exactly put his finger on why that was. Okay, so there was the whole thing that he just couldn’t keep his eyes off the way her arse moved encased as it was in that tight leather, but he was pretty sure she hadn’t seen that - he’d been fairly discrete. But when they’d got to his room she seemed, well, nervous - and not the kind of nervousness that could be explained away by her need to apologise for her behaviour. Normally she would have just thrown herself down onto his bed without thinking about it, but tonight she carefully placed herself right at the foot of the bed, almost as if she wanted to be as far away from him as possible. *Hell,* he thought *she’d even lasted a whole five minutes before crawling under the duvet, and that must be a first.*

So, here they were, as far away from each other as humanly possible on the narrow bed, tension palpable in the room as they started to flirt again for the first time in what was now months. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he suddenly felt uncomfortable and unsure how to act around her. It was just too confusing and he had to look away, turning to stare out of the window, as if the clouds roaming across the night sky were all of a sudden infinitely more fascinating than anything in the room.

Buffy frowned at his unexpected silence. This wasn’t the reaction she’d expected from her little comment. She thought that there had been a breakthrough, that he’d forgiven her, when he started laughing. For a moment things had been the way they always had been, with the flirting and the teasing and she was happy. But suddenly it had changed, he’d retreated back into himself and she felt him go. *This isn’t good,* she thought, feeling the tension rise once more in the tiny room. She knew the most obvious move to make would be just to reach over and poke him in the ribs. It would fit with her last comment and she just knew that it would break this tension.

*Any excuse to touch him, right?* her little voice sounded and suddenly she couldn’t move. She stared at him, willing him to meet her eyes, but he simply stared out of the window, unmoving.

It must have only been minutes, but it felt like hours to the two in the room as they sat there, almost completely motionless. Neither could say who touched who first, but unexpectedly a foot brushed another foot quite innocently. Buffy felt a shiver run through her body at his touch and suddenly she had to look away from his face, becoming abruptly engrossed in inspecting her nails. Spike’s eyes flickered to her face, unable to ignore her completely as he felt the contact, but soon looked away again as he realised that she was refusing to look at him. But neither of them moved away from the touch. They both knew that one of them would have to break the silence and each prayed that it would be the other. Buffy broke first.

“So…” she started, unsure of what she would actually say now that she was speaking. “You’re not mad at me anymore?” She smiled slightly and looked at him. He turned back to face her and raised his eyes to meet her gaze, his emotions seemed to race across the cerulean orbs as he tried to bring them under control.

“No. Of course I’m not mad at you. One of my biggest faults - can’t hold a grudge.” He shrugged and returned her smile.

“Well, from where I’m sitting, that’s not a fault. Friends again?”

“Friends.” He confirmed. *Well, did you ever really expect anything else? If you did you’re a bigger wanker than you first thought. Remember? She. Has. A. Boyfriend. And you’re just bloody lucky that he’s not trying to rip your arms off because his girl is currently sitting in your bed.*

“…what do you think? Spike?” Spike was wrenched out of his mental diatribe by a kick to his shin and he realised that Buffy had been talking and he hadn’t heard a word.

“You weren’t listening, were you?” Buffy sat with her arms folded across her chest and smiled knowingly at him.

“Er, well, you see…” He considered bluffing his way through and pretending, but one look at her face told him it would never work. “I wasn’t listening - sorry. What were you saying?”

“We’ve been throwing about the idea of doing a house meal sometime. Willow suggested a Chinese banquet type thing. We’d do it so that everyone would cook a dish each and then we’d all share it. I was wondering if you wanted to come.” She looked at him hopefully. She and Willow had discussed the idea but nothing was organised yet and she just hoped no one would mind her inviting Spike.

“Sounds good. When?”

“Don’t really know - we haven’t got as far as the whole ‘when’ thing yet. That takes organisation and planning and, well, not necessarily my best attributes.”

“Oh.” They lapsed back into an awkward silence. Spike started to examine the patterns the poor plaster job formed on the ceiling and Buffy returned to inspecting her nails.

*Since when have our silences been awkward?* Spike thought. *Our silences were never awkward. Comforting, yes, awkward no. Before Christmas we could sit here for hours and now…* He rose, feeling the sudden need to be elsewhere.

“Fancy a drink?” he blurted out. Buffy looked up at him.

“Sure, a drink would be, nice.”

“Beer?” Buffy suddenly looked a little pale.

“A world of no.”

Spike smiled, “Hangover?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe - I swear I thought I was going to die. I will never drink again!” she declared. Spike laughed.

“Yeah, like I don’t say that every time I get the hangover from hell. Never lasts more than a few days though.” He walked out of the room before she could think of a witty and cutting retort.

*He hates me.* She thought to herself. *There’s no other explanation for the way he’s acting. He’s only pretending to forgive me, but he’s still really pissed off. Oh, god, what am I doing here? This was a big mistake.* She started to rise, but then changed her mind and slumped back down. *No, no! I can’t just leave like that. He’s mad - and he has every right to be, I treated him like shit. So, I will stay and take the heat…And hope for some more footsie... No! And not hoping for any more anything - bad, bad, dirty mind! Get out of the gutter and back on track!* She shivered slightly in the cold room and huddled down under the duvet some more, bringing it up round her chin. She inhaled deeply *Mmm, Spike smell…*

Spike leant against the kitchen worktop, gripping the edge firmly. *Get a hold of yourself mate; stop acting like a lovesick puppy.* He abandoned his position and started pacing up and down the length of the room. *This is Buffy and she’s never going to notice you in a million years. Friendship. Keep that word firmly at the front of your mind ‘cause that’s all she wants from you. Friendship, friendship - make it your mantra.* He stopped by the window and stared up at the night sky, smiling slightly as he recalled the thrill that had passed through his body when they touched earlier. *Meant nothing. Just a touch - I’ve touched the chit before haven’t I? Friendship. And drinks. God - she’s probably wondering where the hell I’ve got to.* He pulled a beer and a can of Cola out of the fridge and started the short walk back to his room.

“One drink - guaranteed 100% alcohol-free!” he declared as he handed her the drink. He hovered slightly by the bed, unsure of where to sit *Bugger it!* he thought and lifted up the duvet, crawled underneath and settled himself right in the centre of the bed. Buffy scooted her legs out of the way, curling them up underneath her as she took a sip of her drink.

“Pet? You okay?” Spike frowned.

“What? Yeah, fine, of course - why wouldn’t I be?” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“You don’t fool me y’know. You’ve been quiet and distracted all night. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No, it’s nothing. Just the residual hangover I guess.” She looked at him almost optimistically and hoped that he wouldn’t pry any further.

“Nope, not buying that. There’s something wrong. Is it Riley? Are things still not right between you two?” *Friends, friends, friends,* Spike repeated his new mantra.

“No, it’s not that really - though things between me and Riley really aren’t that great at the moment.” She sighed. “We had this really big fight last night. Well, actually, it was less of a really big fight and more of me screaming at him for a while.”

“Oh. So, you two haven’t sorted out your problems then?”

“Very definitely not.” She sighed. “It really doesn’t help that, as far as Riley’s concerned, there isn’t a problem.”

“No?” Spike asked in his very best ‘concerned listener’ voice.

“No.” Buffy looked down at her hands and knew that there was something she needed to get off her chest. “He proposed to me.”

*And there she goes - one step further up on the ‘Completely Unavailable Ladder of People Way Out of Spike’s League.’*

“So, you guys are engaged now?” He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. Buffy looked at him, shock evident on her face.

“What! Are you mad? Of course I didn’t say yes! I’ve just sat here and told you that Riley and I are having problems. I’m not going to marry the guy. I mean, not yet. Maybe, if we sort this out.”

“So you said no?” Spike was now a little confused - and a little relieved, he admitted to himself.

“No, not exactly, I kinda put him off.” She smiled sheepishly at him.

“You put him off?”

“Yeah, I told him that I wouldn’t marry him unless he proposed properly with a diamond engagement ring - you know, the whole ‘romance’ thing.”

“Right. And this was all to sidestep the issue?”

“Well, not totally, I mean I would like to be proposed to with a ring and everything.”

“Don’t you thing that it would have been kinder just to say ‘no’?”

“But I wasn’t sure that I wanted to say no. I just knew that I didn’t want to say ‘yes’. It all came as a bit of a shock, you know! Completely unexpected.” Buffy glared at him. She’d opened up to this guy and now he was giving her a hard time. Spike saw the look on his face and immediately realised that he’d said the wrong thing.

“Look luv, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have a go.” Without thinking, he reached over and put him arm around her, pulling her into a hug, wrapping her into his arms.

Buffy tensed ever so slightly at the contact, unsure of how to react. *But isn’t it nice?* the little voice asked evilly in the back of her head. *No, no, no - this is not good! What? Are you insane - this is great! Just feel his arms around you… No! Not good. Have to do something.* She moved her arm down and snaked it round his waist, resting it by his side. Slowly curling her fingers she moved in for the kill, tickling what she knew to be one of his most sensitive spots.

The reaction was immediate. Spike sprang away from the hug and glowered at her from the other end of the bed.

“Oi! What was that for?” Buffy smiled evilly at him.

“Just thought that it was all getting a little serious in here.” She explained *Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie, was it?*

“Oh, it’s gonna be like that…” Without warning, he pounced on her, pinning her hands to the bed with one of his hands, legs atop hers so she was effectively immobilised, his free hand tickling her mercilessly. He leaned down closer to her face and whispered, “See, I remember what you like to do with your legs.”

Unable to move she stared up at him, straight into his blue eyes, which were sparkling with mirth. He was so close she could smell him. *Mmm, Spike smell* little voice echoed her earlier thoughts. She licked her lips unconsciously.

Spike caught the movement and glanced down at her lips. They were so near and so plump and moist they just called out to be kissed. *No! Friends, remember! Be good!* He sat up slightly and she wiggled in his grasp.

*And now would be a good time to move of her lap before she realises just how much you’re enjoying this little game,* he thought and quickly released her legs.

“Ha! Bad move Spike - I’m not defenceless little Buffy anymore!” She declared as she kicked a leg up towards him, the odd moment forgotten in her determination to win.

He easily caught the leg in his free hand and smirked at her as he tucked it under one arm, releasing her hands.

“So, what’s so bad about the feet?” He asked as he reached out and tickled the soles of her feet.

His question was quickly answered in a blinding shot of pain that flashed through his face a moment later. Buffy had kicked him, hard.

“Jesus, woman! I think you broke my bloody nose!” He swore through the blood that was now gushing down his face.

“Oh, Spike, I am so sorry!” She said, wincing at the blood and hunting round desperately for a towel. “I really didn’t mean to - it’s like a knee-jerk reaction. Someone tickles my feet and I lose all control and kick out.” She handed him a towel. “I just never broke someone’s nose before!”

“Well, now I know what’s so bad about the feet. They could have been a bit more bloody specific with the warnings. Look, you’re going to have to take me to the hospital.” He stood up and walked towards the door, turning when he realised she wasn’t following. “Well, come on - I’m bleeding here and the stuff’s a nightmare to get out of the carpet.”

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