Follows season 7 of Buffy through part of touched going slightly AU at the end of the episode and veering way AU from there on. Dialogue from Touched written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner. Dialogue from End of Days written by Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson.

Disclaimer Joss is a God and I am humbled in the presence of his art. He owns the known universe and all writing credit is due to people who actually wrote these words. I am just a lowly peasant and will try to make an entertaining story based on his genius while making no profit what so ever. It really is sad isn't it.

Chapter 1

Buffy awoke slowly the feeling of security and strength relaxing her body and her mind. She was loath to give that feeling up and let the real world in again. If only she could stop time and spend the next eternity here in this moment she would be forever grateful.

The fact that these feelings were being generated by lying next to Spike here in a strange bed in a stranger's house was not lost to her. But the reality of the last twenty-four hours and the emotional toll they had taken on her had wiped any thought of wrongness about these feelings from her mind.

She opened her eyes and gazed on the sleeping face of the man she used to think of as her mortal enemy. He looked so peaceful while he slept. She had rarely taken the time before to notice how innocent his features became while he was lost in slumber. It was her fault really, so used to the pressing need to deny that she had felt anything for him while she came to lose herself in his touch, that she couldn't let herself see him as anything but a monster. The evil soulless dead thing that she had accused him of being so many times. Now she knew of course how wrong she had been. He was the one who was alive. She had been devoid of feeling lost in thoughts of death and destruction not wanting to let herself step into the light.

The last year was a true test of what made her. She could have easily given up, let any big bad have that lucky day Spike had told her about in the alley. And yes at first she had wanted it. Wanted it so badly she could practically touch it. But she hadn't. There was something to be said for inner strength. Well it was more outer strength at the time. Her world had changed as she had accepted the fact that her friends had needed her. That Dawn needed her.

So last night was something of a shock. She could understand the lack of trust from the girls. They didn't know any better. They were trusting her with their lives. So in a way it was easy to see that with the loss of a major battle that they would doubt her leadership, question her decisions.

But the others. Well she easily would have dismissed the thoughts by Faith. After all there was history there. A lot of it. That in itself not such a big surprise. And hell Wood wasn't even really part of the group; he had no idea how things with them usually worked. And Anya. The girl was terrified and while others would have bit their tongue and held back she let any thought she had fly. Blunt and to the point just like always so no she wasn't the least bit shocked about her.

She had suspected that it would eventually be Giles that would be the vocal one in the group and he sure hadn't disappointed her in that area. He had doubted her since his return from England. She knew it was true. The second he had found out about her helping Spike it was written all over his face. And the chip. Oh that had sent him over the edge. He had looked like the world as he knew it had ended, convinced she had finally lost her mind. It was downhill from there. They had not really spoken since the murder attempt on Spike. Of course that wasn't what Giles and Wood thought it was but they were wrong. They had planned to kill him in cold blood. But it was their failure and her subsequent loss of trust in the man she thought of as her other father that had cinched it. Yeah, it was only a matter of time before he would turn from her.

Willow was a jolt of surprise. Buffy didn't know when it had started happening but she believed that her friend had started questioning her when Kennedy had finally been fully in the picture. She had no doubt that the outspoken potential had dropped none to subtle clues about how she thought Buffy was doing. No no doubt at all. But in her heart it hurt her to know that her best friend would suddenly find someone who could easily sway her opinion of her.

Then there was sweet fumbling protective Xander. The one person who always stuck by her side. Even if the times were rough. Tonight he had hurt her more than she thought imaginable. The only guy in her entire life that had never left, that had been her quiet support, her rock, and he had turned from her too. His words had stung. She had felt each syllable as if he had reached over and slapped her after each one for impact. The blows she had traded with demons and hell gods alike had hurt less. It was no comfort to her that they reinfroced the feelings of guilt she already had over his injuries. He had lost an eye because of her. There was no denying the fact that she had personally failed him. She hadn't been able to keep him safe and he had paid a price for it.

But the worst. Nothing compared to the feeling of betrayal she felt when she had listened to her sister tell her to leave. She had wanted so desperately to crawl into a dark hole and let the earth swallow her whole. It hadn't taken a rocket scientist to figure out that they had convinced her that she was a danger to them and herself. They had used the fear that had been lapping at their heels to show her sister that she was, what was it, reckless. Like she was just playing with all of their lives. Like she enjoyed this.

She hated all of this. It was not the life she had chosen but one that was chosen for her. How could she willingly lead some thirty odd girls who were barely in their teens into battle knowing that some of them would die? So they made the choice for her. Maybe it was better this way. Oh she had no doubt that she would go to that vineyard and find what that demented preacher was hiding. And she knew in her gut that she would not stop fighting until the First was no longer a threat. She still lived in this world and had no delusions about stopping an apocalypse. That was what she did. But this time she would do it alone. No Potentials following on her heals, no sister slayer suddenly back fighting the good fight, no more Watcher giving her quiet guidance, no group of Scoobies helping her and keeping her from losing the girl inside of her and no more sister to protect.

Buffy let out a deep sigh. It was time for her to let the moment end. She debated with herself for a second wondering if she should wake him or let him sleep. Although she didn't want to disturb him she knew he would be hurt if she just left without letting him know she was going.

She used the tips of her fingers to gently touch his cheek.

"Spike." He stirred ever so slightly but was still sleeping.

"Spike." She repeated louder this time, her hand now caressing his face.

His eyelids fluttered for a moment before opening and he gazed into her eyes.

"Hey." The comfort she felt as she stared into the azure depths of his eyes held her voice in check for a moment. She could feel a slight tightening sensation in her throat.

He had cocked his head at her in that questioning way he had. "You alright pet?"

She thought about that for a minute. Was she alright? Probably not. No this was something that was going to be bothering her for a long while she had no doubt about that. But was it something she could work around, a feeling she could bury inside herself so that she could do what needed to be done like always. Yeah she thought she could manage that.

"Not so much but I'll deal."

"Anything I can do?" She could feel the sincerity in his voice wash over her frazzled emotions. It was soothing.

Sometimes it scared her how easily some things could change. A year ago, well even a few months ago she would have been hurling insults at him and rushed off. But now she wanted to do anything else. It would be easy for her to slip back into bitchy Buffy mode like she used to do around him. She knew that they were past that now however, that somehow they had built a tenuous friendship, had let trust develop between them. It was familiar and comfortable the closeness they were sharing with each other. Strange for two people who had never really been close before.

"You already have." She gently brushed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."

His eyes held a look of wonder that she had never seen before. The sudden feeling of warmth in her chest caught her by surprise. It was genuine affection she realized, a pleasure she had taken from making him happy with a simple gesture. She let them enjoy the moment for just a little longer but it was over to soon.

"I'm going to the vineyard." It was fact not open for debate, but said without the harshness she had come to expect from her Slayer-in-charge persona.

"Want me to go with you?"

She gave him a soft smile. He was understanding, not pushing to help just offering the quiet support she so desperately needed right now.

"I think I need to do this alone." She watched his face for any sign of disappointment but saw none. The last word she spoke seemed to strike a nerve somewhere. There was a slight twisting in her gut, a painful tug at the thought of being truly alone. It wasn't the thought of facing Caleb by herself, she had every confidence that today was not going to go in his favor, but the thought of what would happen after he was gone that worried her. She had nowhere to go. In that second she didn't feel like going any where by herself.

"Maybe you could walk with me? You know use the sewers to get there?" She hoped her voice didn't sound as desperate as she felt.

"Sure pet."

********

Together they had walked through the dark musty tunnels that connected all of Sunnydale without speaking. The lack of oral communication didn't disturb her though. It was a companionable silence something they were both comfortable with. She was amazed at how much his small gestures of unwavering support were strengthening her spirit.

If he hadn't shown up last night it was quite possible that she would have searched Caleb out this morning. There would have been too much fear, too many questions about what had happened with the night before for her to concentrate on fighting and beating the preacher. That would have been a disaster of course. Not being able to focus on the fight would only get her mashed into tiny slayer pieces, get her killed.

It was a serious revelation to herself. There weren't many people you could turn to at a moment like this and have the result she did now. How this vampire had become that person was still a mystery to her. She hadn't known when her feelings for him had changed. There was a time when she thought they were working through the things that had happened after her return from the grave, and suddenly the progress they made would be wiped clean. The night in her bathroom she thought that there was nothing either of them could ever do to get beyond that one horrible act. But she had been wrong. Not two weeks after he had left had she started to see why things had progressed the way they had. Neither of them were blameless for the actions that led to his desperation to show her how he felt and how he thought she felt about him. It didn't matter at the time that she didn't feel much for him besides a grudging trust and confidence.

Their footsteps thudded quietly against the cement tunnels as they neared the outlet to the culvert that would lead to the vineyard. It was time for her to focus and let the musings she had been dwelling on all morning go.

They stopped inches from where the sunlight entered the opening brightening the tunnel and letting her see her surroundings better. They both stared out of the tunnel at the green grass that was on the other side leading up a slight slope to the vineyard itself. It was time for her to get to work.

She turned to him not quite knowing what to say. How did you thank a person for moments like these? She was sure there wasn't a convenient Hallmark card somewhere for the occasion.

"Want me to wait here?" Why wasn't she shocked that he would offer to wait for her to return? Or at what her answer would be.

"If you wouldn't mind? I mean if you do you don't have too and all. Just if you want to."

"Don't mind pet." He gave her one of those smirks that always seemed to annoy and warm her at the same time. "Just don't take all day."

She gave him a soft smile. "Thank you." She reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a friendly squeeze before walking away into the light.

********

She hadn't had much in the way of obstacles as she had entered the vineyard almost as if the bringers were somehow distracted. Buffy made her way quietly through the building searching for where Caleb was hiding. She was a little impatient for this last fight to begin, knowing that he was just a stepping-stone for her to deal with the First.

The last Bringer had spotted her and charged straight at her. It still amazed her how well these guys could fight without being able to see. She easily twisted its neck and threw it down a set of stairs. There he was, the bastard.

"Hey. Heard you got something of mine." She started down the steps.

"Well if it ain't the prodigal Slayer." She really hated his cheesy accent.

"Where's it at? You know I'm gonna find it sooner or later." She glanced around the room looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"No you're not. I lay one hand on you and you're just a dead little girl." Asshole.

She shrugged at him. "So lay a hand on me. If you can."

As he swung his first punch Buffy bent backwards at the waist letting his fist pass over her harmlessly. Flipping over him as he recovered and swung again she used the momentum to roll forward in a summersault. Gaining her feet quickly she ran atop the wine barrels that lined the walls. Easily dodging his clumsy attempts at trying to hit her. She stopped as he tripped and one of the barrels opened.

She was kind of stunned when he seemed to be talking to someone in the corner of the room. Maybe he was losing it big time.

"Do you have to look like that?" Correction lost it.

"It's just a little confusing."

He pulled himself up and turned towards her taking a swing. She did a forward flip carrying her over his head. Running over a barrel she used her speed to step against the wall turning so she could face him as she landed. He swung his fist and she dodged hearing it connect with the shelf that had been behind her. She ducked and weaved his punches seeing the fury that was burning itself onto his face. She ran her back to him.

"You whore!" That made her stop and turn around.

"You know you should really watch your language. If someone didn't know you they would think you were a woman hating jerk."

She watched as he knocked over the nearest barrel in his anger. Behind it she could see a hatch. That had to be it.

Letting him come to her she ducked the punch he threw and rolled away letting her speed help her slide into the open hatch. She listened as the door closed behind her and was followed by some loud thumping. It was enough to buy her some time.

Getting to her feet she looked around the small cave that the bringers had excavated. In the center stood a large stone which had tools littered around it. In the center the stone changed to what looked like ebony. Deeply embedded in the ebony rock was a weapon of some sort. It had an ax like blade at the top and what looked like a wooden stake at the end. It was all red and chrome and Buffy knew that it belonged to her.

She could feel it calling to her drawing her closer. It radiated with a power that seemed to hum in her blood. Oh yes this was definitely what they were trying to keep her from. She smiled as she stepped closer to it.

Standing in front of it she could hear a thump behind her and turned around.

"So you found it. Not impressed. Cause the question now girly girl is can you pry it from solid rock."

It gave her no small amount of satisfaction as she easily slid her hand around it and gave slight tug freeing it into her grasp.
She admired it for a moment glancing along its sleek lines, testing its weight. It was the perfect weapon for someone like her.

She almost laughed when she heard the choking noise coming from Caleb.

"Darn." It was said quietly but Buffy didn't mistake the dread she heard in the simple word. "Now before you go hurting yourself with that thing why don't you do yourself a courtesy and hand it over now."

"Yeah you want it?" She turned in her hand and brought it up ready to use.

"You don't even know what you got there." He shuffled a few steps back as the words left his lips.

"I know you're backing away." She smiled a little as she took a step forward.

"You think wielding some two sided doodad's gonna make a difference?" His words didn't bother her but she noticed to his right was suddenly another her.

Oh not good in the least. The First.

"Let her go Caleb." It was strange hearing her own voice coming from somewhere else. "I said let her go."

"I let her go and she slices me open with that thing." He had a point it was what she was thinking of doing.

"No she doesn't. She hasn't got time. She has friends and her friends are in trouble. Faith go boom." For some reason Buffy knew that this wasn't just a tactic to get her to leave it was real and she had a really bad feeling about it.

"I'm not letting her outta here with that thing." He sounded really pissed. Good that helped.

"Sure you are and you'll come back for it later. When she's got her back turned."

Not waiting anymore Buffy headed forward and ran out of the room focused solely on the thought that the others were in trouble and needed help. She used her Slayer speed to run through the buildings and into the day outside. Running full tilt she made her way to the culvert where she knew Spike was waiting for her. Ducking inside she pulled herself up to where he was reclining against the wall waiting patiently. It felt good to know she could depend on him.

Panting she regained control of her breathing so she could talk.

"All done pet?" She shook her head negatively.

"Faith the others they're in trouble. I think they planned a trap for them."

"What do you mean? And where did you pick up that?" He pointed at her newfound weapon of choice.

"It's what they've been hiding. The First showed up and said something about them being in trouble and Faith going boom."

"Right. What now then?" Quiet belief. She was relieved.

"Could you find out if they're okay? I need to finish this but I can't not with them..."

"Go I'll see what's going on." He cut her off. "I'll take care of it. Don't worry everything will be okay." His words and the truth she felt from them sunk in. It was enough for her to know they were going to be looked after by someone she could trust.

"Meet me later in the tunnel in front of the house?" She wasn't ready to see them yet but didn't have any idea where else to go.

"Sure luv." She gave him a grateful smile and turned back to leave. "Buffy."

At the sound of her name she faced him, tilting her own head to the side in question.

"Be careful." She nodded at him touched by the simple words.

"You too."

********

Going back in to her enemies’ den had not filled her with any sort of trepidation at all. In fact she was almost relieved that she was taking the fight to him getting it done on her terms instead of his. Too many times in the past she had to wait for the big bad to make their move only finding that they had anticipated her attacks and made her work all that much harder to overcome them.

But today was different. Not only had they not suspected that she would show up and take the weapon that truly belonged to her but they had sent her off on a diversion thinking they could wait and gain the upper hand while she was distracted. So advantage Buffy for once. It was a powerful feeling to say the least knowing that things were going your way.

She moved along quietly her back against the wall, seeking the place where they had fought earlier. There was no one guarding the entrance to the stairway just as before. She peeked out to the floor below her watching as a furious Caleb paced back and forth across the room. He didn't sense her walk down the stairs and pick her way over to him. Stopping behind a few barrels she watched as he finally turned back in her direction his face betraying a barely controlled rage.

"You know maybe you should do some breathing exercises all that rage can't be good for the blood pressure."

She watched a thin smile form on his lips.

"You ready to finish this little girl?"

Her fist meeting his face was more than enough answer for her to give. As he twisted away they both circled each other. Tensing she swung her now what was she going to call it an ax? Didn't quite seem to fit. Maybe a scythe it kind of looked like one and she was hoping this one would bring death quickly to her foe. Scythe it was then, as it finished its arc while he ducked out of the way.

He threw a punch at her and it connected with her jaw, sending her tumbling away the scythe dropping from her fingers. Standing quickly she kicked out at him connecting with his stomach doubling him over. In return he punched out at her again this time hitting her in the face full out. She twisted and turned away diving for the scythe on the floor. Reaching it she picked it up and used the pike end in a staking motion against him. He had twisted his body away but her blow had been lucky and it sank into his shoulder. Ripping it away she turned adjusting her grip and spun the blade towards his neck.

He blocked her swing with his forearm and used his feet to kick her away. Landing roughly she lashed out with her leg knocking him to the ground. Swiftly she gained her feet and swung the blade down towards him. He caught it in his hands and pushed her back away. She hit the wall with a thud and slid down it.

"You understand nothing. I am more powerful than you can even imagine." She watched as he stalked towards her.

"Really seems to me that you’re the only one that's injured here." She tossed her head letting him see she didn't give a care about who he thought he was.

She pushed herself from the wall using a rapid series of punches and kicks to drive him backwards. Taking his momentary lapse to full advantage she swung the blade again this time feeling it sink into his stomach. She looked him in the eye and saw the disbelief staring back at her. Pulling the scythe free she watched as he slumped to the floor.

"Well that didn't take very long." She turned to the sound of the semi familiar voice.

"Whistler. What are you doing here?" She studied the rumpled messenger looking at him with distaste.

"Just doing a little wine tasting. California is good wine country you know."

"What do you want?"

"Now is that anyway to greet an old acquaintance?"

"Seeing that I haven't had the displeasure of laying eyes on you for the last five years tell me something must be up."

"I always thought you were a smart girl." Tired of his games Buffy grabbed him by the throat and shoved him against the wall.

"So do I get to make that hat now? You got something to say than spit it out otherwise I haven't got time for this."

"Okay okay don't get all huffy already. Yes I've got some news." Before she could back away from him she felt a fist connect to her side.

Rolling away from the suddenly reanimated Caleb she gathered herself to fight again. Looking at his face she saw black blood oozing out of his eyes and nose and his mouth. It was really gross.

He charged at her all rage and fury head ducked as he built up speed hoping to hit her. She turned easily away and punched out knocking him against the other wall. She turned the scythe in her hand and stepped forward to use it to impale him. He dodged and punched her face sending her reeling but upright.

She was tired of this and it was going to end now. She feigned a punch at his head, which he ducked, and with one arm she swung the scythe in a vicious arc slicing his head clean from his body. Now they were done.

Whistler's throat clearing drew her attention to him again.

"So talk."

"This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen."

"Things in general or are you being specific? Cause got to tell you I am so not into the cryptic anymore."

"This may take awhile."

"I'm all ears." She sat on one of the nearby barrels.

"I suppose your friends told you what the Beljoxa's eye told them."

"Yeah the First is able to take advantage of this time because of my resurrection."

"Well that was the simplified version but not quite accurate."

"Splain. And quickly please I have lots more to do today."

"More then you know. Your being alive again isn't the aberration that let the First start it's little death fest. It was a price that you paid in it."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing comes free you know. Magic has it's own price and a spell like the one your little friend used to bring you back to the living was very powerful. So the more power the higher the price."

"Could you just answer the question your starting to give me a headache."

"No one appreciates the drama anymore." She heard him sigh. "The God Osiris that she called on demanded a sacrifice but not one of blood. Right now it holds what it considers the dearest thing in all the universe. A part of the chosen warrior of the light. A part of the purest presence on the planet. A part of your soul Buffy."

She had no words for that revelation the only thing she could do was gape at him in open astonishment. It couldn't be true could it? How could a person only walk around and live with only part of their soul? He must be mistaken if she was missing such an important part of her wouldn't she have known it? Wouldn't there have been signs?

"I'll explain it as simply as I can. You came back missing a small slice of your soul. Osiris kept this part of you in a sacred urn and used it to call upon the powers of the First evil. Osiris was the keeper of the underworld after all and death and destruction not such a bad thought to him. But you were here living again trying to put a life together for yourself."

She felt the intensity of his gaze as she fumbled to make her brain work and process the things he was telling her.

"Maybe a bit more then." He nodded at her. "A soul is not what makes a person that's your personality. The soul is merely the essence of your being the part of you that transcends after this life. It holds everything you experience in life and what makes you you. The fact that you were able to function as much as you did shows just how strong you are as a person. The loss of a part of your soul is like gouging a body part out. You don't know what it is but you could feel something is missing. That was you. The loss of feeling wasn't the fact that you were pulled out of heaven, which I understand to be terribly traumatic by itself, but because you were missing part of what made you alive."

Images of the year before flashed through her mind. She could feel how distant she had felt from her sister and her friends. How much she had felt only pain and sorrow as she trudged through her everyday routine. The horror at herself for turning to Spike just so she could feel something even if it was simply intense pain and pleasure in his touch. The hate she had unleashed on him after thinking she had killed Katrina. It was then that she realized the rant she had shouted at him was really directed at herself. She was the one who was the soulless monster.

"Oh my God." Her eyes squeezed shut as the images swirled in her brain. "How? They said I was okay. Tara promised."

"It wasn't something anyone would think to look for. After all you weren't totally without a soul. And the clause for payment is not something that is really widely known. The young witch you asked to look into it wouldn't have known that the price was so high. But that small piece of you was enough to draw out the largest evil in all the world and make it want to be again."

She took a shaky breath. "You said things weren't supposed to be this way tell me exactly what you’re talking about."

"The Powers wanted something better for you. I know it's hard to believe but they have considered the sacrifices you have made already. They want to reward you."

"Could you vague that up a bit more? I think I might be able to find a point in that statement."

"We know how to stop the First and how to reseal the Hellmouth."

"Now that is information I really could use for once!" She couldn't help the little thrill of excitement she got from thinking all this could be ending soon. "Okay so how do we do this?"

"First we need to take away the thing that is fueling the Firsts power."

"What is it and how do we do that?"

"Thought you would have gotten it by now. That little piece of you is what is giving it the power it needs to stay in this dimension. If it had your whole soul or if you had died it would have lost the life force eventually and the First would fade on its own. But your alive which means that the energy your soul has is never depleted and the creep could go on as long as you're living."

"So what are you trying to say? I need to die again cause I'm so done with that. Been there got the t-shirt."

'No. I told you they want to reward you."

"Then what do we do?"

Without answering Whistler walked towards her and placed his hands on either side of her face. Suddenly there was a bright light surrounding them, a feeling of power surging through her body. As quickly as it began the light faded and he removed his hands.

Panting from whatever force had traveled through her she searched his eyes desperately.

"What?" She didn't know what else to say, or what other words to use to convey her confusion.

"We did the easiest and best thing possible. The Powers rejoined your soul and restored it to you."

"Just like that?"

"Of course this is the Powers that Be you know the force that guides the universe? There are very few things that they can't do. And of course this means that the First is now no longer a threat. Without the life force in your soul it will fade within a few days and with its loss of power the Bringers will retreat to whatever hole they crawled out of."

"And resealing the Hellmouth?"

"For that we're going to need a little help."

"What kind of help?"

"That vampire friend of yours. We have a simple incantation that is to be done over the seal but it needs two beings with pure souls."

"Um did you say pure souls and mention Spike in the same sentence?"

"Oh stop it isn't that unbelievable is it? He was turned as someone with a clean soul and he only recently recovered it this year. He hasn't done anything that would change that. The only killing he did was not in his control so his soul remains untouched."

"And mine?"

"How do you think the Powers choose the Chosen One hold a raffle? They find the purest soul with the best heart and gift her with this destiny. You are that girl. The soul you have is the purest in all the world."

"But if that's true what about the things I've done and what about Faith?"

"You haven't done anything that would affect your soul. Just enough to give you a few regrets nothing anyone else wouldn't have to deal with. And Faith was a glitch. You see since you were still alive there was no more room for such a pure being. They picked as best they could but she was never near enough to be what she should have been."

Her head was beginning to spin from all the details she was gathering. She could feel the headache beginning in her temples.

"How do we get started?"

*******

She had walked through town letting the sun warm her back as she headed to her meeting with Spike. There was too much to think about and she found that trying to let one coherent thought enter her brain was only going to make it hurt more. The fact that she didn't feel any different now that she had her whole soul then she did just before Whistler had done his laying on of the hands was kind of confusing. Did all the value she had placed on a soul really mean jack? Was everything she had ever been taught mean absolutely nothing?

Groaning at the pain stabbing her temples she let the thought lapse. Maybe it was better if she didn't fully understand right now. At least the First was now something she didn't have to worry about. And soon she and Spike could reseal the Hell mouth and everything would be back to normal.

Only it wouldn't and she knew that for a fact. For some reason she was sure this was going to be one of her last days in the town she had considered her home for the last seven years. There were so many memories good and bad for her here. But that was all they were now memories. Maybe it was time for her to do what she should have many years ago.

She entered the manhole that was two blocks from her house so she could meet with him without anyone knowing she was there. It seemed odd to her that he was now accepted into her home while she was not. That thought brought a sharp pain in her chest right near her heart. Yes that wasn't going to get better any time soon.

As she rounded the last bend she saw him leaning against the wall his head bowed and eyes closed. To someone who didn't know him it would simply look like he was resting. But Buffy did know him and it was that posture that told her that something truly bad had happened.

"What is it? Are they okay? What happened?" The words rushed out of her mouth, the concern she felt choking her voice.

His head had whipped up at the sound of her voice. She was still walking towards him her feet moving quickly as if the answers were only steps away.

"Easy pet. They're a little banged up but they're going to be alright." The calm in his tone was working its way into her harried brain. She really had had way too much to deal with lately.

"What happened?" This time she was calmer.

"You were right of course bloody trap it was. Dummies walked right into it too." He stopped and looked deep into her eyes. "There was a bomb."

"Oh God."

He reached out and touched her arm softly. She knew he was going to tell her something she didn't want to hear but had to know.

"Four of the little ones didn't make it. Faith's injured but she's gonna be alright. Everyone else is okay really."

She nodded her eyes growing shiny from the tears that she was refusing to shed. It was her fault after all. Her fault that all of this badness from the last two years had happened.

"Don't do that. Don't go blamin' yourself for this. They made their own choice."

How did he do that? Know what she was thinking all the time and comfort her. He could always see right through her. She took a steadying breath.

"They're going to be okay?" She hoped if she heard it again it would make it all better.

"Yeah the Potentials are tougher than they look right and Faith well you couldn't even take her out. Little bomb hasn't got a chance. The others didn't go with her they stayed behind for once."

She sighed. It wasn't the best news she had ever heard but it wasn't as bad as it could have been and she knew it.

"And you took care of Preacher man did you?" He was changing the subject letting her brain drift into denial land. He was a blessing this week.

"Oh definitely. No more sermons for him." She smiled at him truly feeling grateful for his presence.

"Knew you could luv."

She snorted. "Well you were the only one."

"Bollocks they just got a little scared is all." That was weird. Was he defending the people she used to think of as her family? The same people that had treated him so horribly.

"Spike it's okay. Well maybe not okay but it doesn't matter right now."

"No?" He didn't sound convinced.

"Something else has happened."

"Good or bad?" He was a little hesitant she could tell and she couldn't blame him. So much lately had been very much of the bad.

"Mostly good I think."

So she told him everything that Whistler had told her not too long ago. She held nothing back letting him know exactly what had been done to her and to them. His eyes had lit up when she mentioned the ending of the First and was pleased when he listened quietly as she finished her explanation.

"Told them there was always bloody consequences." He mumbled and she had to smile at his inherent distrust of magic. "So what do we do now then?"

"Now we get to reseal the Hellmouth."

"And how exactly are we gonna do that?"

"Well first we have to get to the school."

Chapter 2:

The distance they traveled was again in silence, not that Buffy minded. Her head was still pounding and trying to make sense of this crazy day. Never had they averted an apocalypse so simply. Was it possible that things could be done just like that? And if so what did they need her for? If they could take care of things so easily surely they could have taken care of Glory and Adam and the Mayor and Angelus and the Master? She could see the need for her to take care of the nerd trio and for Xander to have dealt with Willow but what did they need with a girl with super powers when they could just flick their fingers and right the universe.

It was too big a question for her to wrap her mind around. Still all things considered she couldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and regret that they had taken care of the First this way.

Spike held the door open that led into the school basement. It was eerily quiet seeing as though the place had been abandoned for almost two weeks now. Nothing like a coming apocalypse to make school go out of session. She stepped through the door and made her way to the hidden room that contained the seal. Her boots thumped on the cool ground echoing in the empty darkness.

One more task to complete and then she was going to have to start thinking about the consequences of last night. It was not a thought that she wanted to dwell on. Yet it was one that needed serious answers before tomorrow. She wasn't one to plan or anything but going off without thinking was seriously not going to work this time.

Luckily for her they had reached the seal and she could push the thoughts away to the back of her mind.

"Now what pet?" He had been stealing glances at her the whole time she had noticed, like he was trying to figure out what was going on in her mind.

"Well from what Whistler told me we need to sit on the seal facing each other." As she spoke she walked over the top of the seal she had to push down the shudder of revulsion she felt for this thing. She turned and sat with her legs crossed watching him move in front of her and mirror her position.

"Okay now we have to hold hands while I say the words on this sheet." She dug out the sheet of crumpled paper that Whistler had handed her. It was in a language she had no knowledge of and he had worked on the pronunciation with her before she had walked to see Spike.

"That's it?" His eyebrow had shot up at the easiness of the notion.

"I know. But that's all that he told me." She looked on as he shrugged his shoulders.

She placed the paper on the seal before her and reached out her hands to his. She felt his cooler hands close over hers and looked into his eyes giving him a small unsure smile. The look of wonder in his eyes caught her off guard for a moment before she let herself focus on the task at hand. This last final job duty for today.

She chanted softly letting the words pour from her lips in an easy cadence. There was no thinking as she felt the energy surrounding them hum softly to life, making the hair on her arms stand straight up. As she continued it grew in intensity the slight hum changing into an active buzzing in her ears. It was hard to control the shiver that ran down her spine as she felt the power run through her hands, traveling between herself and Spike. Not stopping she glanced back into his eyes watching as he felt the same power flow through him. It never stopped to amaze her how expressive those eyes could be.

The air was starting to sizzle with electricity around them and she knew that the incantation was almost over. She was glad this was getting to her and she knew it. She had never felt anything like this before and it was starting to get a little creepy. Almost like she wasn't fully in control of her own body and was just a vessel for whatever force they were calling on to clamp this gate to hell shut.

It was because of this that neither noticed the other presence down there in the basement with them or how it had known that they were performing a ritual that would make sure it was the last of its kind in this existence.

As the final words of the incantation passed her lips she gasped as a piece of metal appeared in the front of Spike's chest. Their hands separated as he groaned, looked down at his chest and fell forward. Standing behind him was an Uber Vamp.

Buffy reached hurriedly for the scythe knowing she had laid it close by. This was not good. It was on her in a minute not letting her hand grasp her only weapon. She pulled her feet up and knocked it back off of her, scrambling again to grab the scythe. The Turok-han wasn't so accommodating though and kicked her away sending her sprawling against a cold wall. Straightening she let the anger she felt fuel her.

She came at it with her fists using her rage for the blows to strike hard and true. It reeled back from the constant assault but managed to strike her in the face. She recovered quickly using her foot to send the thing as far back as possible. The opening allowed her to finally grab the scythe and she felt comforted by feeling its cool weight in her hands. She didn't feel the tiny smile that found its way to her lips at the prospect of killing the last of these horrible ugly creatures.

Maybe it noticed the threat of that smile or maybe it recognized the weapon in her hand, something surely set it off when she heard it issue a terrible yell that sounded more like a scream. It raced forward charging her its quick feet eating up the distance between them. She spun quickly to the side and shoved the wooden stake into its chest drinking in the look of surprise on its undead face before it exploded in a cloud of dust.

She wiped the dust off of her hands as she looked back towards the seal. Looking at Spike's still bleeding form a metal rod sticking out of his back, she dropped the scythe and ran to his side. Touching his face gently she stared at the thing protruding from his body.

It wasn't all metal she noticed. It looked like the handle of a dust broom only the end of which held a metal casing that held the broom on. The rest of the handle was wood she realized.

"Spike can you hear me?" Her hand was gently stroking his face.

He didn't stir and he didn't make a sound. Buffy looked at the blood that was pooling on the seal under him. Remembering how the seal had reacted to blood before she gently began to pull him off of it and onto the dirt floor. Panting from the effort of moving him without doing more harm she once again kneeled beside his still form.

"Spike. I need to go get some supplies before I pull this thing out of you. I need you to lie still. Don't move okay?" She didn't really know if he could hear her but she felt it necessary to explain it to him anyway.

She scampered to her feet running at full speed through the basement and into the school proper. She turned and ran into the nurse’s office quickly pulling open drawers and cabinets. Grabbing gauze and adhesive tape she turned and ran back the way she had come horrible images of the wood in his back shifting closer to his heart.

Though only a few minutes had passed she felt like it had been hours and was in a near panic as she gazed at his still unconscious body. She fought the feeling down knowing that she needed to hurry and eliminate the threat the handle was causing.

Kneeling again she touched his shoulder gently.

"Spike I have to pull this thing out. It's probably gonna hurt a lot. I'm sorry." Satisfied she wrapped her hand around the wood and swiftly pulled straight up not wanting to give the wood a chance to do any further damage. Satisfied when it came free and her vampire was still there she threw the thing away from her. She cursed as she tried to take his duster off knowing that he would be pissed seeing as it had a gaping hole in it now. Finally freeing the garment she tossed it aside and easily ripped the shirt off his body. The hole in his back was horrible even though the blood that was pooling around it blocked most of her view. She packed the gauze against it tightly using the tape to hold it in place.

Done with the wound on his back she eased him over gently trying to do the same work on his chest. She stared at the hole that was glaring at her. It was right over his heart. A few more inches of that handle embedding itself into him and he surely would have dusted.

The thought made her shudder even as she packed his other wound with more gauze. With the last piece of tape securely in place she gave herself a moment to let what happened sink in.

Dear God she had almost lost him. Strangely the thought only reinforced what she had begun to think since that morning. She wasn't ready for him not to be a part of her life. There was a time when that thought would have been her undoing, when she would have thought she had finally let herself sink into madness. But now it was the truth. He was the one person in her life she suddenly couldn't be without. The one person who cared for her unconditionally and she knew that without it she would be lost.

She backed herself against a wall and cradled his head in her lap. Stroking his hair softly she thought about what she would need to do now.

His stillness was getting to her. It was difficult to see the very active and animated vamp lying as still as death. It wasn't like him at all. And she worried that his wounds were still bleeding when his rapid healing should have started them at least clotting. She thought back to the last time he had fed and was amazed when she couldn't think of anytime since she had left the morning after the first slaughter by Caleb. That had been almost three days ago. She seriously doubted he had found the time or the opportunity to feed while he was at the mission. That wasn't good he needed to feed in order to heal. And right now he was losing a huge quantity of his borrowed blood.

She carefully thought over the options available to her. She could run for the butchers but it would take at least an hour and she had no money with her. The hospital was also a no go considering how much they had beefed up the security around the blood stores. There was really only one other option. She sighed; it wasn't like she hadn't done it before. This wouldn't be the first time she had saved a vampire she cared about by letting him drink from her. She seriously wondered if there wasn't another person on the planet who had been bitten by so many vampires and still lived. She probably held some kind of record.

Knowing there really wasn't any other option she used her foot to drag the scythe closer to where she was sitting. Once it was close enough she reached over his head and picked it up. Using the blade across her wrist she made a single deep cut. Once the blood was trickling from the wound she held her wrist to his mouth.

"Spike I know you're in there, dammit. I need you to drink." She brushed the blood against his lips smearing them red. When he didn't move she used her other hand to part his lips and draw his jaw open a bit. Nodding to herself at her actions she let her blood drip into his mouth watching as it started to pool. Rubbing his throat she coaxed his body into swallowing. She kept repeating the process until her own clotting made the blood stop flowing from her. Picking up the scythe again she reopened the cut being careful not to go any deeper in fear of hitting her vein.

She began to repeat the process over again when he suddenly groaned. Encouraged by this tiny sign of life in his still form she pressed her wrist against his parted lips. This time he responded by sucking weakly at the flowing blood and Buffy let her body relax. If he was feeding he was going to be all right. She stroked his hair absentmindedly grateful to whatever force looked over vampires for helping her with this one. His suckling became stronger and she was startled a bit when his hand came to clamp around her wrist. She said nothing and continued to run her free hand through his hair.

After a few more pulls she watched as his eyelids fluttered and he tried to focus his eyes. His hand flexed against her wrist almost like he was trying to identify where the strange body part had come from. One more pull and she could see the dawning comprehension in his eyes. His hand dropped from her wrist like it was on fire and he turned his head away from the blood that had pretty much stopped flowing.

"Buffy?" His voice was quiet unsure about what had happened.

"You really have to stop getting hurt like this. I'm getting a little tired of saving your ass all the time." She kept her voice light even though she half meant the words she said. He had scared her more than she would like to admit.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

Okay not quite the response she had been expecting. She looked down into his face trying to figure him out.

"I was trying to help you after you became a Uber Vamp shishkabob. Vampire on a stick is not a good look for you." He was trying to sit up and Buffy was afraid that he would muck up the healing that had started. Using the palm of her hand she pushed his head back down onto her lap.

"By what trying to get me to drink you dry? Have you gone completely daft?"

"First off you needed to feed and seeing as I'm the only source of blood around here, well you know."

"No I don't. Why don't you explain it to me." Was she mistaken or was he pissed? He sure sounded angry.

"Spike. You were losing too much blood and there was no way I was going to make it to any place that had any and get it back to you in time. So I used mine."

"Do you have any idea what kind of danger you put yourself in? My God woman didn't you think about this?"

Now she was angry. She wasn't an idiot dammit.

"I know exactly what I was doing. Don't you think I know what happens when an injured vamp feeds? But what was I supposed to do? Watch you bleed out enough so that you finally dusted? Get up and just leave you here?" She struggled not to suddenly get up and push him off her lap. That wouldn't help matters at all. "It was the only way I knew how to help."

His eyes searched hers he was looking for something but for the life of her she didn't know what.

"Why?"

"What kind of idiotic question is that?" She took a deep breath steadying her frazzled nerves. "Because I've already had everything else in my life taken away and I couldn't lose you too." She had almost whispered the words to him not knowing if she was truly ready to have this discussion with him.

The stunned look on his face gave her a moment to change the subject and she jumped at the chance.

"How do you feel?"

His eyes narrowed. She knew that he had caught on to her diversion but he seemed like he was willing to let it go for now.

"Like I've been run through with a huge pole."

"Smart ass. Do you think you can move?"

He sighed. "Yeah think it will be all right."

"It should be dark outside by now maybe we could head to your old crypt and you can finish healing there."

"I think I can make it that far."

She let him slowly sit up and went to stand in front of him. Reaching for his hand she pulled him slowly to his feet and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Grabbing him by the belt loop on his jeans she helped him walk out of the basement.
 

Chapter 3:

It took them a bit of time to make it to the crypt with her half carrying Spike for most of the way. The pain was still getting to him and Buffy was sure he had almost passed out a couple of times.

She kicked the door open grinning at the familiar bang it made as it slammed against the wall. She had kind of missed that noise. Half dragging his body inside she pulled until he was in front of the sarcophagus that was the centerpiece of the crypt. Pushing him gently she lowered him down so he could finally relax. She watched as he fought a shudder against the obvious pain he was feeling.

"Spike are you going to be okay here by yourself?"

"I guess so. Why?"

"You're going to need more blood and I need to get something to eat." In response her stomach growled reminding her that the bowl of cereal she had the morning before was way gone.

He nodded at her and she took her time to look around at the crypt. She hadn't been back here since had left Dawn here with Clem after Spike had left to get his soul. It seemed like such a long time ago. The fridge and the chair were still there but the TV was gone. Why anyone would want to take that hunk of junk she had no idea.

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

As she closed the door behind her she wondered exactly where she was going to go. She still didn't have any money with her let alone any kind of identification. All of it was in her purse which happened to be, well it wasn't home any more was it. It was at the house where her friends and her sister lived. Eventually she was going to have to make a trip there just to get some of her things. And it would have to be soon wearing the same clothes was really grossing her out.

Picking a direction she headed for the hospital. Maybe with the exodus she had witnessed yesterday there wouldn't be so many people there.

She was pleasantly surprised to find the place deserted like everywhere else. Luckily there was enough light at the security guard station for her to locate a flashlight. Picking her way through the darkened halls she searched signs and finally found what she was looking for.

Pushing the door open she couldn't believe her luck as she found a styrofoam cooler and made a triumphant yell as she pushed the fridge at the back open to find still cool bags of blood lining the shelves. Grabbing as many as she could carry in the cooler she put the lid back on and picked her way back out of the silent building.

She wondered how long it would be before word spread that the threat in Sunnydale was gone. Once the news was out it wouldn't take long for everyone to come back. It was sad really cause she was getting used to the quiet. She had never known the town to be this peaceful before and it was a shame that it was going to end.

Once outside she headed to the nearest store secure in the knowledge that just about everyone had left town already.

She grabbed a few snack food items that could be eaten out of the package and headed back to the crypt a feeling of accomplishment radiating through her being. Maybe she would be all right on her own.

This time she actually opened the door like she was supposed to. She didn't want to disturb him if he was sleeping.

She hadn't needed to worry about that though she was greeted by the sight of him sitting up on the sarcophagus staring in the dark.

"What are you doing?" Oops that was a little too much irritation in her voice.

He just gave her a glare she could only half see since she didn't shine the flashlight in his face. She set the cooler and bag of food down on the floor and made her way around looking for some matches. Finding some on one of the ledges she used it to start lighting the candles around the room.

Task accomplished she shut off the flashlight and went back to the goods she had come back with. Opening the cooler she took out one of the bags and walked over to where he was still sitting watching her intently. Without saying anything she handed it to him and walked back so she could get something to eat for herself. She really was starving.

Tearing open a package she settled herself on the floor and began happily chewing. Why did it seem like everything tasted good when you were hungry?

"Where did you get this?" She looked up sharply at his irritated voice.

"Where do you think I got it?"

"It's human."

"Well duh."

"Buffy what are you doing?" She wondered when she was going to ever stop hearing that question.

"I'm trying to get you better you dope. Human blood will help you heal faster. Besides with the electricity off all that stuff isn't even going to be able to be used for transfusions. So you're not hurting anybody." She continued to munch on the beef jerky she had opened and pulled a water from the bag.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Why did he have to irritate her this way? She gently placed her water on the floor and set aside the food.

"Look I'm trying to help you. What's with the twenty questions?"

"Let me think. Maybe cause you're trying to help me?" Had she really been that cruel to him that even now he had to wonder when she wanted to help him? She hung her head shamed with the thought that it was her fault that he felt that way around her.

"Spike really I just want to help you." She looked back up at him again studying how the candlelight played against his features. "I wanted to help you like you helped me last night."

"I didn't do anything Buffy." His voice had gentled she noticed and gave a sigh in relief that they had a chance to talk about this and not fight.

"You're wrong Spike. What you did was huge. Do you really think I could have faced Caleb today and beaten him without the strength you gave me last night? Or that I could have gone back and killed him without being able to trust you to help the others and make sure they were okay?"

"Of course you could have pet. You didn't need me for that." She shook her head at him sadly.

"I would have ended up dead and you know it. If I had gone in there with the stuff from last night rolling around my brain I would have been so distracted he would have killed me in seconds. I know it. But you, God you gave me a feeling of strength I've never experienced and all you did was be there for me. Don't you get it? You are the only one left who still believes in me."

She was shocked when he got up and strode over to her angrily. He kneeled in front of her, eyes locking with hers.

"Don't talk like that. They still believe in you."

She couldn't help it. The laughter, harsh and bitter as it was, bubbled out of her throat on its own.

"Don't you get it Spike? They don't want me. It was made perfectly clear to me last night. For what ever reason I don't belong there anymore." The laughter stopped as suddenly as it began. And now with nothing to focus on, every crisis averted her words sunk into her. The loud sob that tore through her throat releasing her tears.

She hardly reacted as his arms wrapped around her trying to steady her as she shook with the force of her grief. It was time for her to deal with this and God she didn't want to. But there was no getting around it now she needed to face facts. As of right now she had no home.

Buffy was thankful that he was able to hold her for so long. Without the support of his arms she was sure she would have sunk down into a puddle on the floor. With him there she was able to hold on to a little sliver of self-control and not lose herself entirely to grief. Feeling the sobs lessen she began to let her brain kick in and start thinking about the next step she would take.

She was surprised when he handed her a napkin. Giving him a grateful smile she used it to dry her eyes and blow her nose.

He sat down in front of her in much the same position they had been in on the Hellmouth.

"Thank you." He tilted his head at her and she wondered at what thought was going through his head. "What?"

"I don't think I'll get used to you saying that."

"Well hold on cause I've got one that will shock you more. I'm sorry." The change in his face almost made her laugh if this wasn't so serious. "I mean it Spike I'm sorry. I've been a royal bitch to you since the moment we met."

"Um I might have deserved it pet." She saw the gentle smile that tugged at his lips.

"Come on. Well maybe that first year and okay when you came for the Gem of Amara but after that? I'm sorry. I was cruel and heartless and generally just bitchy. Why you haven't just found a way to kill me I'll never understand."

"You know why." He said it quietly but she knew what he meant.

"I do know. Which is even more reason that you baffle me. I mean you have every reason to hate me." She looked deeply into the blue of his eyes. "I hate me for it."

"Don't say that. There isn't anything about you that you should be ashamed of or hate." She took his hand.

"You see that's what I'm talking about."

"Why are you really doing all this pet?" Time to face the music apparently.

"Really I just wanted to. I know that it might be hard for you to accept this but in my own way I do care for you. It isn't love and actually sometimes I'm really sorry it isn't, but you are someone I trust." She looked at the hopeful look in his eyes. "I like to think we might actually be friends. Maybe that isn't what you want to hear but to me that means a hell of a lot."

"Do you mean that luv?"

"Yeah you silly vampire. I treasure my friends and I'll protect them no matter what."

"I know. Tell me one thing pet?"

"What?"

"Why now? Is it just because of what happened last night?" How could someone with such a life span be so insecure?

"No. Haven't you noticed it since you came back? I don't know what caused it but I don't care. Everything that's happened this year has only made it more obvious. Couldn't you tell by the way I reacted to what Wood and Giles tried to do? How much I defended you to the others? And today. I really thought I was going to lose you."

"No chance of that. To stubborn to just dust."

She laughed. This time it was with genuine joy.

"So are you okay with this?"

"I think so pet."

"Good. How do you feel now?"

"Still a bit sore but its better. So what now?"

"See that's a good question." She nodded at him. "I've been thinking about it."

"And?" She let the mood turn somber knowing that this was a big step for her.

"Maybe its time I left."

"What here?" He was confused again.

"No I mean Sunnydale."

"Um care to explain that a little pet?"

"Look every year we face a new big bad trying to take over the world or destroy it or whatever right? And every year they get a little bit stronger and tougher. But there isn't any reason why they all choose Sunnydale as their little getaway spot. I know it's the Hellmouth but Giles told me it's not the only one. So why do they all migrate here?"

She watched as his eyes filled with understanding.

"Right cause this is the only place with a bona fide slayer. The one that's defied death twice. I must look like the biggest conquest since Everest. But if I relocate say maybe to Cleveland eventually word will spread and they will follow me there. Leaving good old Sunnyhell with a lot less demon activity and leaving this place safer for the people who still live at 1630 Revello."

"Even with what they did to you, you still want to protect them?"

"Just because they suddenly lost their minds doesn't mean I don't want to protect them. Especially Dawn. The way I figure it I'm probably the only Slayer in history that has guarded one spot for so long. Well none have lived as long as I have but that's beside the point. Most of the others traveled until they found something that needed killing. Maybe by being here I'm placing everyone in more danger than necessary."

"Is this what you really want to do?"

"Does that matter? I don't think there has been a time in my life when I've actually made a choice that I wanted. So again not the point. But I do think that this is probably my best bet." She paused in thought for a moment. "But there are a few problems with my plan."

"Like what?"

"Well the biggest of course is money. I don't have any and its not like I can wipe out the bank account I do have and leave nothing for Dawn. Then there is getting there. Not sure how I'm gonna work that. Then once I get there I need a place to live and a job and transportation and a zillion other things that I'm sure I haven't thought of."

"Buffy are you really serious about this?"

"Look at my face Spike."

"Right your resolve face, no joking." He sighed and moved his hand from hers. "I do know some people in Cleveland they owe me a couple of favors. Could get you set up with what you need."

"Really?"

"If its what you want pet."

"Yeah it is." She watched as a look of sadness crept over his features. "Spike would you want to go with me?" She didn't know why she asked but the thought of being in a strange city totally on her own was kind of frightening. "I mean I understand if you want to stay here and all. You don't have to. And I have to admit I wouldn't worry at all about Dawn if you were still here. And I'm babbling and I'll just shut up now."

"Did you just ask me to come to Cleveland with you?"

"Um yes." She gave him a nervous smile. "It would be nice to have a friend there."

"You know there isn't anything here for me. I'd move heaven and earth to be where you are Buffy." He gave her a smile in return. "When do you want to leave?"

"I think tomorrow night. I have to take care of a few things during the day."

"Tomorrow night it is pet."

"You should feed some more Spike and get some sleep."

They spent the remainder of the night eating in silence until Spike rested again on top of the sarcophagus and Buffy settled into the chair after blowing out the candles.

"Goodnight Spike."

"Night Buffy."

Chapter 4:

Dawn opened the front door slowly glad that the living room was empty for once. The entire household had been out today after Giles had told them about the phone call he'd gotten the night before. Taking in deep breath she savored the silence. Even if she was a teenager that many girls in one house was too much.

She took a moment to wonder about the news they had received from the Coven. Caleb was dead, the First was history and the Hellmouth had been sealed. Although they were at a loss to explain it Dawn knew exactly what had happened. Buffy had somehow found a way to defeat the big bad just like she always did.

The thought of her sister sent a pang through her heart. How could they have been so heartless to her? Why didn't she stand up and defend her like she had wanted to do. It shouldn't have mattered what Giles had said. Buffy was the one that always without fail, kept the world from ending. Who were they to question her when she knew what needed to be done. But she hadn't she had stood there and asked her only family to leave the house they shared.

During the course of the last two days they had searched for her but they always arrived too late. She had already gone by the time they got there. They had found Caleb's headless corpse of course and inwardly she had done a little happy dance that her sister had managed to take out the crazy priest. But she had been long gone by the judge of things. And it had continued like that. They would arrive somewhere maybe see a clue about what went on or maybe not but she was nowhere to be found. Today she had even managed the trip to Spike's old crypt the locator spell telling them that she was there. But again by the time they arrived no Buffy.

She was really starting to worry about her sister. Sure she was an adult and able to take care of herself but it wasn't like they had ever been apart for this long. Not in her real memories. So she worried. And she was not really willing to admit that she was worried about Spike too. No one had heard from him since he went to go find her sister and for him to stay away that long was unheard of.

So everyone had been out of the house either helping to search, or doing a grocery run, or going to the launder mat (one of the girls had finally broken the washing machine) or any number of other chores. Leaving a nice empty house for Dawn to come home to.

She stopped as she neared the stairs noticing that one of the pictures of her mom was missing. That seemed odd to her. Shrugging she made her way upstairs heading towards her room.

Reaching the top step she paused looking at the door to her sister's room. Like she did so many times when her sister was dead she couldn't help the sudden urge to open the door and look in. Turning the knob slowly she let the hinges swing open on their own. What she saw made her gasp.

In the center of the bed was a shiny red weapon of some sort. She had never seen it before and knew it wasn't part of the others collections. She stepped closer to the bed and noticed an envelope propped up against it. In her sister's handwriting she saw her name scrawled across it.

She reached out with a trembling hand and grabbed the envelope. Turning it in her hand she opened it slowly and drew out the pieces of paper inside.

******

Dawnie,

I just wanted you to know that I'm okay and everything is all right. I gather from the emptiness of the house that everyone knows that Caleb and the First have been taken care of. Surprisingly it was easier than we all thought it would be but I don't want to bore you with the details. Maybe some time soon I'll tell you.

I wanted to tell you that I'm not mad at you or the others for that matter. I love you Dawnie and I always will. I understand what happened the other night and while I may not agree with it I'm okay. Don't get me wrong it still hurt and probably will for a long time but we're family and nothing is ever going change the way I feel about you.

That said I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear or read I guess since I'm writing this but anyway, I'm leaving town. Don't try to run out and find me I'm on my way as we speak. Or I write. Whatever. I'm doing this because I think it's for the best. I'll let you know where I am as soon as I get settled.

There are lots of reasons that I'm going and I just want you to know that it wasn't you. Don't ever think that okay? I finally realized that my living in the same town was actually drawing more of the big bads instead of getting rid of them. So this is safer for everyone. Remember I only do what I need to protect you. I realize that you're growing up and it sounds like I don't but this is what I am. I hope you understand that.

I've taken care of a few things that I need you to tell Giles about. First I've petitioned the court to make Giles your legal guardian. This will keep you from having to go into a foster home and believe me when I tell you I want to make sure that doesn't happen. There shouldn't be a problem but he'll have to stay in the states until you turn 18. Also I went to the bank and had them put the bank accounts in your name. You have full access to them not that we had much but there's enough in there to pay the bills that are due this month. The account numbers are on the back of this letter. I also had them put the house in your name and gave Giles power of attorney over it. That way he can help take care of it until you turn 18, but it also means you'll have to take over the payments. He can look up all the other stuff but this should leave you in good shape until you can legally live on your own. I'll probably send for the rest of my stuff so if you want to pack it up that's up to you. The extra bedroom might be nice for Giles to use since he'll have to stay there now. Of course it would be kind of fitting if you had him stay in the basement. Just a thought.

I guess your wondering about the scythe on the bed. It was the weapon that Caleb was hiding from us. Used the thing to slice his head off. Trust me when I say it was so worth it. I don't know what it is for sure and I'm sure Giles can figure it out. I want Faith to have it. I know its supposed to belong to a slayer its something I can feel and she might need it.

You can let the others know that I still care about them and while I'm not holding any grudges I seriously don't think I can face them right now. That's why I'm only leaving you a letter. I'm truly hurt by what they did and I don't know when I'll be able to look any of them in the eye without a lot of yelling and general anger.

Make sure to tell Willow to take it easy on the magic (I know you guys have been doing locator spells like crazy, you can smell the stuff all through the house). Tell Xander that I'm sorry I failed him. I know I should have protected him better. Let Giles know that I know he's disappointed in me and while it hurts to say but I'm kind of disappointed in him too. I thought so much better of him than the stuff he's done this year. And tell Faith no hard feelings; guess its just another bump in our rocky relationship.

I know this is an awful lot for me to dump on you but I really am not comfortable showing up with everyone around. And it’s probably easier on everyone if I just leave like this. Pretty much everyone got their chance at saying goodbye don't you think?

One last thing. Don't worry about Spike. He's agreed to come with me and help get me set up. I know that the others will be up in arms about that but without his help I wouldn't have been able to face Caleb and win. He believed in me and I needed that. He's not sure if he's coming back or not but he told me to let you know that he's sorry you guys didn't get a chance to try and make things right between you. He still cares about you a lot and you're the only thing he's going to miss in this God forsaken hell hole (His words.). We've come to an understanding so to speak and its good to know that I'll have a friend when I get to where I'm going.

I love you Dawnie and I only want what’s best for you. I hope this gives you the opportunity to make your own choices in your life something I never got to have. But that’s the point isn't it? I want you to have it better than I did. So I want you to promise me that you'll go back to acting like the teen you are and worrying about being popular and boys and clothes and schoolwork like all the other girls your age. Please don't let that stupid town steal your childhood like it did mine.

That's it for now I guess and I hope to drop you a letter in a week to let you and you alone to know where you can reach me. Don't ever think that I don't care or that you can't depend on me in an emergency. I refuse to act like that sorry excuse for a Father we have. But I've gone on long enough and Spike is waiting for me to hurry my ass up (again his words).

I love you always,

Buffy

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Dawn looked up from the letter in her hands and glanced around the room. She noticed that Mr. Gordo was gone from his spot on the bed, there were a few pictures missing from the vanity mirror and she could see the closet door was open.

She really had packed what she wanted and left.

Dawn sank to the bed and let the tears wash down her face.

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