Chapter Eight- Getting to Know You
Dawn found it odd that she was up before Buffy. It was nine o’clock and usually her sister was up at eight. Oh well, she wasn’t going to wake her. This gave her the opportunity to eat whatever she wanted for breakfast.
She traveled into the kitchen. The linoleum was cold on her bare feet. The refrigerator revealed a few slices of left-over pepperoni pizza. She took two and placed them on a paper plate. Then she heated them in the microwave.
“What ya cooking?”
Dawn shrieked, spinning around. A girl about her age, wearing what looked like her black shirt and blue-jeans, stood there.
“Who are you?” Dawn asked.
The girl smiled. “Alexis. I’m the reason for the Scooby meeting yesterday.”
The microwave dinged. Dawn went over and took out her food. She set her plate down on the island. Then she turned back to Alexis.
“So, you are staying here?” Dawn questioned.
“Until I go back home,” Alexis told her.
“Home?”
“To the future.”
“R-right,” Dawn said dubiously.
A sigh came from Alexis. She was getting tired of explaining the time travel issue. She took a deep breath and began to talk. Afterward, Dawn just stared at her.
Eventually, Dawn came out of her stupor. “The future. Major cool. Do I ever get my driver’s license? A boyfriend?”
“I’m not allowed to tell you,” Alexis informed.
“Oh come on, just a teensy bit of info,” Dawn urged.
Alexis smiled. “You don’t turn out bad.”
“So I get over my loser phase?”
“Definitely,” Alexis assured her.
************************
Buffy didn’t want to get up. She never wanted to move again. Finally, when ten o’clock rolled around she dragged herself out of bed. She dressed in black pants and a red top. She went into the bathroom and quickly brushed her hair and teeth.
As she made her way downstairs, the sound of giggles and murmured voices filtered through the air. A really awful smell accompanied it.
Buffy stepped into the kitchen. Alexis and Dawn sat at the island. They both were chatting, steaming mugs of coffee set before them.
“Hi, guys,” Buffy greeted.
“Hey, Buffy,” her sister said. “Alexis told me what is going on.”
“About the time travel? Good because I really didn’t want to have to.” Buffy took a hand and covered her nose. “What is that smell?”
“Huh?”
“Something is making me nauseous.”
Dawn held up her mug. “It must be the coffee. You always liked the aroma of coffee before.”
“Not today,” the slayer remarked. “I think I better go lay down again.”
Buffy went back to her room. She shut and locked the door. The bed was so inviting. She settled back down with a moan. The churning in her stomach dulled slightly as she stilled, and she no longer felt like she would heave at any second.
There was a knock on her door. “Buffy, are you all right?” It was Dawn.
“Yeah, my stomach hurts. Must be something I ate.”
“Oh.”
“Hey, Dawnie?”
“Yeah.”
“There is supposed to be another meeting at the magic shop this morning. Can you go down and tell everyone it is cancelled?”
“Sure thing. You rest and let that slayer immunity kick in.”
“Yeah,” Buffy replied.
Her ears picked up two sets of feet begin to retreat.
“How long has your sister been sick?” she heard Alexis ask.
“It must have hit her this morning. This is the first time I’ve seen her get sick in forever. It’s been about four years since,” Dawn informed.
It wasn’t true. It hadn’t hit her just this morning. Buffy had been feeling queasy for the past two weeks. She had been extremely careful about concealing it, though. She hadn’t told anyone. She knew if they found out they would demand she go to the doctor. And going to the doctor never turned out well.
The pain was almost gone now. Buffy’s eyes drooped. For some reason she couldn’t get enough sleep lately.
*************************
Dawn and Alexis walked to The Magic Box, getting to know each other on the way. Dawn found out that Alexis was a really nice girl. The topics of music and movies were a little hard, considering the time difference, but they found other things in common. They both loved peanut butter, boys, make-up, dancing, and the mall. They also both hated school and curfews.
They arrived at the shop, still talking as they entered.
“I don’t know what I was thinking trying on Buffy’s uniform anyway. Like I would actually try out? I mean, I should know better. Buffy was such a ditz when she was on the squad. I don’t want to be like that,” Dawn told her new friend.
“Why are you here?” Anya demanded. She was dusting a shelf with crystal balls. “You can’t have the meeting now. I haven’t even sold one thing yet. We cannot do the meeting until someone makes a purchase.”
Dawn rolled her eyes. “Relax, Anya, Buffy called the meeting off. She’s not feeling well.”
“The slayer’s sick?”
The girls looked over to see Spike. He was lounging in a chair, his feet propped up on the table.
“She has a stomach bug,” Dawn informed.
“Oh, well, tell her I hope she is right as rain in no time.”
Dawn smiled. “Sure, I’ll pass it on.”
The bleach-haired male took his feet down. He stood up. “Right then, if there isn’t any meeting I guess I’m off.”
“But you’ll be back,” Anya ordered. “At one. When you‘re scheduled to work.”
“Yeah, yeah. No problem. Be here on the dot.”
With that, he headed out the door. Alexis and Dawn followed.
“Spike!” Dawn called.
He stopped, spinning around toward her.
“Yeah?”
“Can Alexis and I come see your apartment?” Dawn asked.
“Yeah, can we?” Alexis added. “I never even knew you lived in an apartment for awhile.”
“I don’t live there anymore?” Spike inquired.
“Um . . . No, you live in a house”
“So, can we?” Dawn prodded.
“Sure, bit, come on.”
He led them to a door marked 52B. He put a key in the door, unlocking it.
“Now, it’s nothing posh. But it’s not bad,” Spike remarked.
He swung the door open. The teens stepped inside, taking a good look around. It was kind of small, but not cramped. He didn’t have that many things that needed very much space anyway. He had the bare necessities in the kitchen. The living room held a standard quality color television and stereo. There was a blue couch, with a wooden coffee table in front of it.
Alexis spotted a stack of CDs. She went over to check them out. Sex Pistols, The Best of Woodstock, Billy Idol . . .
“Hey, The Rolling Stones!” She snatched it up. “Can I listen?”
Spike came over and took the CD. He turned on the stereo, placing the disc into the player. Music filled the room, booming out of the speakers.
“Come on, Dawn, let’s dance,” Alexis begged.
Dawn joined Alexis, swaying to ‘Paint It Black’. They giggled, clasping hands and swinging them back and forth.
“Come on, Spike, dance with us,” Dawn pleaded.
Spike shook his head.
“Come on,” Dawn reiterated.
“Bloody hell,” Spike muttered. What is it with Summers women? Couldn’t ever deny them anything.
___________________________________________
Chapter Nine- Ashes, Ashes, They All Fall Down
“Can you manage the store while I run to get a sandwich?” Anya asked.
“Gee, luv, and risk missing out on a customer?” Spike retorted.
“I trust you, Spike. I love dealing with the money myself, but I’m really hungry.”
“Sure thing, pet. Go get yourself lunch.”
Anya gave him a genuine smile. “Thank-you.”
The ex-demon seemed to be a in a good mood that day. A glow emanated from her. She had been very considerate, not giving demands, but rather asking Spike to do things. He found it odd, but refreshing. It put him in good spirits as well.
Just then the bell over the door sounded. Spike tilted his head to see a tall woman with long brown hair enter. She wore really short jean-shorts that showed off her long legs. It was accompanied by a tight black shirt. He watched her examine the merchandise. After a few moments, she brought her purchase up to the register.
The woman put down some polished stones. There were ten total.
“Are these healing rocks or something?” Spike asked, ringing them up.
She laughed. “That’s what they say. I just collect them cause they look pretty.”
Spike smirked, amused.
“Eleven fifty-two,” Spike told her.
The woman fumbled in her purse for her wallet. She took it out and counted her money. “Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed.
“What? Is there a problem?”
“I’m five cents short. Damn.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Spike assured her. “I’ll let you have em anyway.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks.”
Spike took a paper bag and put the stones inside it. Then he tore off the receipt and placed that inside too.
The woman began to leave. Suddenly she stopped, turning back around.
“My name’s Mindy,” she informed.
A little hesitant, Spike said, “Nice name, ducks. I’m Spike.”
Mindy smiled. “Do you like coffee?”
“I’m more of a tea person, but coffee’s all right.”
“Want some. Say tomorrow evening?”
Spike froze. He felt his heart rate speed up. A date? This woman wanted a date?
“I . . . I can’t,” Spike eventually said.
“Oh.” Her voice expressed her disappointment. She came over, revealing a scrap piece of paper. She scribbled something on it and gave it to him. “If you change your mind . . .”
Then she was gone. Spike let out a heavy sigh. He had the urge to hit his head against the counter, but put his face in his hands instead. A gorgeous woman comes in and wants to go out and he rejects her. What a git he was!
Buffy. It always came down to Buffy. When would he ever accept the fact that there was no hope in that aspect, and that he needed to move on?
***************************
Buffy shoved a couple stakes into her pockets. She closed the weapon chest, standing up.
“Dawn, I’m going out on patrol!” she yelled.
Her sister rushed into the room. “Are you sure? Do you feel all right?”
“For the last time, Dawn, I’m fine. It was food poisoning or something, but now I’m better.”
“I heard you throw up this morning.”
“That was this morning. I’m better. Promise.”
Dawn nodded. “If you start to feel bad come home immediately.”
“Sure thing, Mom,” Buffy joked.
Dawn smiled. It quickly disappeared. “What if you come across the Gestalt demon?”
“One thing I’ve learned as the slayer,” Buffy said, “If something is too strong to defeat on the spot, run.”
“Okay, but be careful.”
“Have fun with Alexis,” Buffy told Dawn.
“I will. We rented Dare Devil.”
“Don’t stay up too late.”
Dawn laughed. “Now who’s the mom?”
“Okay. Bye,”
“Bye,” Dawn said.
The walk to the cemetery was uneventful. She arrived, scanning the graves for anything to slay. She roamed, finding nothing.
“Here vampy, vampy, vampy,” she called out softly.
She sat down on a tombstone. The place seemed dead. Ha ha. Buffy took out a stake and twirled it.
“Buffy?”
Buffy got to her feet, spinning around. She raised the sharpened wood in her hand.
“That would work, pet, but it wouldn’t be done so cleanly anymore.”
The slayer lowered the stake. “Spike, what are you doing here?” she demanded.
“Takin a walk,” he replied.
“In the graveyard? Sorry to tell you this, but it isn’t so safe for you to do that. I know you probably have issues about your macho-ness now, but you are human. And vampires tend to eat them.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Worried?”
She let out a humorless laugh. “Worried? No. It wouldn‘t matter to me if you walked this planet or not. But it is my duty to protect humans. And as much as I dislike it you have become part of that pool.”
Spike was stung by her words. It didn’t matter to her if he died or not. Why would it?
“I can do what I bloody well please, slayer! Captain cardboard went out on his lonesome and didn’t get eaten. I figure I can do the same. Besides, I have many more years of experience fighting than he does. So what if I don’t have super strength? I have the skill. I have better odds at surviving than your rebound boyfriend.”
He showed her the metal sword he carried. “I’m prepared.”
“Whatever,” Buffy spat. She started to walk away.
“I feel at home here. I know it is stupid, but part of me still thinks I belong,” Spike told her.
Buffy slowed, but didn’t stop.
“Some demons took over my crypt.”
Buffy glanced back. “Spike?”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
He gaped at her, hurt evident on his face.
“Go home. You don’t belong here,” she went on.
“That’s right,” he agreed. “I don’t belong anywhere.”
There was a span of silence. Their eyes met and a connection ran through them. Neither of them quite fit in anywhere. Buffy had her friends, but she would always be different than them. Spike was a man who had seen too much darkness, thrust into the land of light.
Suddenly, Buffy was knocked to the side. She hit the ground, pain spreading through her body from the impact. She sat up, disoriented. Her eyes focused, seeing a green-skinned demon. It had horns shooting out of its head, and a long tail.
She scrambled up. She threw a series of kicks and punches at the demon. He managed to toss her into a tombstone. She landed in a heap, moaning.
Buffy heard Spike battling the demon. She managed to prop herself up to witness it. Spike danced around the creature, his duster flowing around him. He swung the blade he carried, cutting off the head. Then he wiped the weapon clean on the grass.
Spike came over. He offered her a hand. Stubborn as she was, she refused it, getting up herself. She wobbled slightly. Hands grabbed her before she could fall. She quickly shoved them away.
“I‘m fine!” she shouted.
Buffy took a few steps toward the dead demon. The head lay next to the massive body, his white eyes wide and unseeing. Neon green blood flowed out of the neck. The stench hit her nostrils, making her gag.
Buffy doubled over, spilling the contents of her supper. Cheese lasagna. That stuff was expensive too.
“You’re not fine, Buffy,” Spike commented, coming up by her side. “Let me help you home.”
“No!”
“Please, luv, you’re sick. Why’d you come patrolling? You should be in bed.”
“What I do is not your business. Just like you taking a walk isn’t mine. Let me go my way and you go yours.”
Buffy stalked away, fighting the nausea her stomach still wanted to dish out.
“Buffy?”
She ignored him.
_________________________________________________
Chapter Ten- Harsh Realities
Buffy was able to make it home without puking. As soon as she entered, however, she couldn’t keep it in any longer. She ran upstairs to the bathroom, not having time to shut the door. She flung up the toilet seat, throwing up her stomach’s last contents.
She collapsed to the cold linoleum. Her stomach still hurt, but there was nothing left for it to refuse.
“How long has this been happening?”
Buffy’s head snapped to the side. Alexis stood in the doorway. She had her arms crossed, looking like she had authority.
“I don’t know,” Buffy confessed. “It seems like forever, but probably two weeks.”
“I know what is wrong, Buffy,” Alexis informed.
Fear crept into Buffy’s green eyes. “Am I dying?”
“God, no!”
“What then? It sure feels like I am.”
“Come on, Buffy,” Alexis said, harshly. “I know what is wrong and deep down so do you!”
The slayer shook her head.
“In the future, you have a daughter.”
Tears spilled down Buffy’s cheeks. She kept shaking her head, not wanting to believe it.
A smile came to Alexis’s face. “She turns out great. Or at least that’s what her parents say. You love her, Buffy. And so does Spike.”
“No,” moaned Buffy.
Alexis came into the bathroom. She knelt down before the blonde.
“I can’t be a mother,” Buffy choked out. “I’m a slayer. Slayers don’t have children. They can‘t. What kind of environment can they provide?”
“There aren’t any demons or vampires in the future. I cleanse the world, remember?” Alexis reminded.
“I’m not the slayer in the future?”
“You’re the slayer. You just don’t have to slay anything.”
A sob escaped Buffy. “I don’t want this right now.”
Alexis looked stricken.
“And Spike? Oh God . . .”
Alexis softened. “Sometimes good things are disguised as bad things. What you think you don’t want now may turn out to be exactly what your heart craves in the end.”
Buffy met her gaze, water blinding her vision. Alexis reached out and hugged her. She barely knew Alexis, but right then she seemed like someone she could lean on. She held onto the girl, crying until there were no more tears.
**************************
It was morning. Another day in 2001.
I can make it through, Alexis assured herself. She was rather proud of herself. She hadn’t slipped up once. Nobody suspected that she wasn’t telling the truth. The more she evaded the truth, the easier it became.
She actually felt like what she said. Just a girl that knows the slayer and her Scoobies.
**************************
She bought a home pregnancy kit. She believed Alexis, but she had to be sure.
The procedure was easy. She stuck the stick up inside her, and then sat on the toilet to wait for the results. No big deal, right? Yeah . . . no big deal.
When it was time, Buffy couldn’t look at it right away. Finally, she mustered enough nerve. She picked up the stick.
A pink plus sign stared back at her.
The stick fell from her fingers. Her eyes landed on the wall. Numbness spread through her. She couldn’t feel anything. Anything at all.
**************************
Buffy came to a halt before apartment 52B. She stared at it a long time before raising her foot and kicking the door open.
“Jesus, slayer!” Spike exclaimed, rushing over. “This isn’t the bloody crypt! I‘m liable for any damage.” He went over to examine the door, relieved to find it still on its hinges. He shut it before facing the emotionless slayer.
“How could you do this to me?” she questioned.
Confused, he asked, “Do what?”
She slammed him into the wall. His head smacked against it and he winced.
“How could you?” she asked again.
“Okay, Buffy, you’re scaring me.”
The expression on her face was chilling. Cold and vacant.
She stared at him with empty eyes. She was so close, her hands pinning him in place. All of a sudden she became aware of something poking her. She rubbed against him, discovering in full what it was.
“Buffy . . .” Spike tried to push her away. This wasn’t right. He knew it. She wasn’t herself. It was the basement all over again.
Buffy held him firmly, preventing him from moving. She smashed her mouth down on his. She devoured him, her tongue leaving no place untouched.
She hauled him into the bedroom. She threw him down on the black bedspread, jumping onto his middle.
“This isn’t right. Buffy, we should . . .”
She silenced him with her mouth. She moved against him, his bulge bringing her delight.
“Make me feel,” she begged. “Please, make me feel so I can escape. Make me forget.”
It wasn’t long before they had shed all their clothing. Spike pleased her not once, but twice. And they were about to embark on their third trip.
Spike slipped down her slick surface. His tongue found her tummy, licking her bellybutton. Then it darted back inside his mouth, his lips placing tender kisses all over her abdomen.
“Yum,” he said with a smile.
Buffy forcefully lifted his head away by the hair. “No! Don’t ever touch me there again!”
She rolled them over, taking dominance. She thrust him inside her.
“I want you one place and one place only. Do you understand?”
He couldn’t speak. He was overcome by pleasure and pain all at the same time. She lowered over him over and over again. She rocked like crazy, demanding release. They both came, screaming.
When they were through, Buffy turned away, her back facing him. He reached out to wrap an arm around her, but she swatted it away.
“Buffy?”
She didn’t answer.
“You have to stop this!” he commanded. “If you don’t want all of me please stop. I wish I could push you away myself, but I can’t find the will.” He snorted. “I love you. You know that. And I could never deny you. But, Buffy . . .”
She remained silent.
Giving up, Spike rolled over, going to sleep.
Sunlight streamed through the window. Spike winced. It took him a while for him to be able to open his eyes. Memories of last night flooded through his brain. His eyes fell on the unoccupied pillow beside him. He sighed.
This was the end. He couldn’t allow this to continue.
Spike reached for his discarded black jeans. He reached into the pocket, drawing out a small piece of paper. He grabbed the phone, dialing the numbers it had written on it.
“’Ello, is this Mandy?”
Chapter Eleven- Seeking Help
It felt weird for Buffy to be back amongst the Sunnydale dorm rooms. It was only a year ago that she had actually lived in one. Instead, it felt like an eternity ago. She wasn’t that unsure Freshman straight out of college anymore. She had been through a lot. She was old. Not physically, but mentally.
She took a hand and rapped on the door before her. There wasn’t an immediate response. Thoughts that the owner must not be home washed over her. She needed this person to be there.
The door opened. Tara stood there wearing a skirt and peasant top. She smiled when she saw Buffy.
“Buffy. I wasn’t expecting you,” she greeted.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” Buffy apologized.
“No, no, that’s all right. Come in.” Tara held the door open for the slayer.
They went over to the bed and sat down.
“It is nice to see you,” Tara told her.
“Yeah. Dawn misses you. We both wish you’d come by more often.”
“M-Maybe we should get together and do something.”
“That’d be great.”
There was a span of silence. Buffy reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. She gave it to Tara.
“Do you think you could do this spell? I mean, it isn’t dangerous is it?”
Tara looked over the spell. When she was done, her eyes shifted to Buffy with surprise.
“This is a time travel incantation,” Tara stated in amazement.
Buffy proceeded to tell her about Alexis. She filled her in about why she was there and how she knew them all from the future.
“I didn’t know time travel was a real thing,” the witch mutter, still in shock.
“Neither did I,” replied Buffy. “But Alexis knows things. Things she could only know if she knew us personally.”
Tara glanced over the spell once more. “The spell sounds easy enough. I don’t think anything bad can happen when performing it. But I’ve never done anything like this before. I can’t guarantee it will work.”
“You can try, though, right?”
“I can try. There is no harm in that.”
“Thanks. And I’m sure Alexis is grateful too.”
They sat there not know what to say for a moment.
Buffy built up enough courage to go on. The spell wasn’t the main reason she was there. Sure that was important, but it wasn’t what was occupying Buffy’s mind.
“This isn’t the only reason I came here,” said Buffy. “I need to talk to you.”
“What is it, Buffy? Has Willow . . .?”
“No,” interrupted Buffy. “It isn’t Will. She’s been doing good with the cut-down on magic thing. You’d be proud of her. No, this is something else.”
“Good. That’s . . . good. So, what do you want to talk about then?”
This was where the hard part came in. How should Buffy start? ‘Oh, I’ve been knocked up by Spike. What should I do?’ That wouldn’t work.
“It’s about . . . It’s about Spike,” Buffy managed to get out.
Perplexity came over Tara. “Spike? Is he having problems with the humanity issue? I thought he was getting better about that.”
The slayer shook her head. “No, not about that. It’s about . . .” She swallowed. “About Spike and . . . me.”
“You? I’m confused.”
“He could hurt me, Tara. Before he became human.”
Tara gasped. “His chip wasn’t working!?”
“No, it still worked. It just didn’t react to me. I want you to check out that spell that brought me back. I need to know if . . . I’d ask Willow, but . . .” Her voice wavered.
Tara took a hand and placed it on Buffy’s arm. “You think it’s you?”
“I don’t know. I feel different. There are things I’ve done . . . I think I came back wrong.”
Firmly, Tara said, “No. That’s n-not . . . No. You didn’t.”
“Can you please check anyways? Just to make sure?”
Tara saw the pleading in Buffy’s expression. The woman was lost, begging for help. She nodded.
***********************
Buffy went through the whole day without throwing up. That is, until evening rolled around. She just never could keep supper down.
She flushed the toilet, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. Afterward, she stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t recognize who she was anymore. Was she the person that dove off the tower to save the world out of love? Or was she the cold, unfeeling, creature that used men who cared about her?
“How are you?”
Buffy turned around to see Alexis. She had forgotten that the girl was there. Willow and Dawn were out, and it had slipped her mind that someone else occupied the house.
“I’m . . . still pregnant,” Buffy answered, hollowly.
Alexis leaned against the doorframe. “And you what, thought it would go away after a good night’s rest? Like it was some kind of illness or something?”
“It sure feels like an illness!” Buffy threw back.
“Morning sickness is only temporary.”
“I went to the doctor today.”
“Good. How’d that go?”
“It was bad. I hate doctors. And I have to go again next month,” Buffy told her.
Alexis chuckled. “I know. When you . . .” She stopped herself.
“What?” Buffy asked.
“N-Nothing. Nothing important. I just know. That you hate doctors.”
Buffy frowned.
“He told me I’m two months and a half along.” She shut her eyes. “God. It must have happened the first time Spike and I . . .”
Buffy’s eyes shot open. She studied Alexis. “That was when Spike became human.”
Standing up straight, Alexis opened her mouth, but didn’t say anything.
“You are all knowledge girl. Why did Spike become human?” Buffy demanded.
“I-I don’t know,” Alexis stammered.
Buffy took a step forward. “You must know.” She touched her stomach with both hands. “Does it have something to do with the baby?”
“I don’t know!” insisted Alexis.
The slayer grabbed her arm roughly. “Tell me! I need to know! Is this baby special? Did Spike change because of it?”
Alexis snatched her arm back. “I don’t know!” she yelled.
Buffy looked shaken. She stood there, breathing in deeply.
“I don’t know.” This time the teen spoke gently. “You never figured it out.”
“So Spike turned human for no reason?” Buffy questioned, doubtfully.
“I . . . “
“And this baby isn’t special? It just happened because I decided to fuck my brains out with my enemy?”
Tears stung Alexis’s eyes. She looked away. “I don’t know.” Then she left.
**********************
Alexis ran outside. She ended up in the backyard. She sat down on the grass and sobbed.
She had been so close to spilling it all. She had wanted to tell Buffy the truth so bad. And afterwards, she wanted Buffy to hug her and be the Buffy she knew. This Buffy was someone she had never seen before.
How could this Buffy treat her baby like a virus? Buffy’s daughter was a miracle. It shouldn’t be a mistake Buffy wanted to throw away. No, she knew Buffy loved her daughter. She knew it. She’d seen it years from now.
Alexis told herself this as she cried.
***********************
Alexis stepped into the Magic Box. It was busy which usually didn’t happen unless there was a sale.
She walked over to the register. Anya got done ringing up a customer.
“Where is Spike?” Alexis asked.
“Oh, I gave him the day off. He had a date or something. The day I really need him too. Look at all these people.” Anya swept her arm around the store. “Isn’t it fabulous!? I love the life of commerce.”
“A-A date?”
Anya nodded. “Yeah. Some Mandy. Mindy. Something like that.”
Another customer came up to the counter. They put down a Tarot deck.
“These tarot cards are selling like hot cakes. I’m so glad I ordered them,” Anya said, beaming.
Alexis turned. She headed out the door. She went over to the curb and sat down.
What was wrong with this time? Giles had told her not to interrupt the order of things. Well, things didn’t seem to be in any order at all. The way things were going, she didn’t see how they could result in the future she belonged to.
____________________________________________
Chapter Twelve- Seeking Comfort
Buffy opened the door. She looked tired and worn out.
“Buffy. Hi.”
Tara stood before her.
“Hey.” Buffy let her friend in. “Everybody’s gone. Just you and me.”
The two women went into the living room. Buffy sat on the coffee table, facing Tara, who was on the couch.
“I checked everything. There’s . . . There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“There has to be,” Buffy insisted.
“Well, I said that there was nothing wrong with you, but ... you are different. Shifting you out of ... f-from where you were ... funneling your essence back into your body ... it altered you on a basic molecular level. Probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in Spike's chip. But it's all just surface-y physical stuff. It wouldn't have any more effect than ... a bad sunburn.”
Buffy was quiet for a moment, contemplating this.
“I’m not wrong?” Buffy finally asked.
“No. You’re the same Buffy. Just with a cellular tan,” Tara explained.
“If that’s true. . . Then why?”
Tara leaned forward. Her face was kind and understanding.
“Why what, Buffy?”
The slayer shook her head. “You overlooked something. Will you check again?”
Worried, Tara said, “I promise you, Buffy. There is nothing wrong with you.”
“There has to be! This just can't be me, it isn't me.” Tears swam in Buffy’s eyes. “Why do I feel like this? How could I do those things with Spike?”
Tara gaped. “What things?”
The slayer lifted her head. Her gaze met Tara’s and then shifted away again.
A frown marred Tara’s features. “Oh,” she said as she began to understand.
“He's everything I hate,” Buffy choked out. “He’s a murderous, unclean thing.”
Tara took Buffy’s hands in hers. “Buffy?” Buffy reluctantly looked at her. “Spike isn’t a vampire anymore.”
The tears in Buffy’s eyes flowed more freely. Her shoulder shook.
“Buffy, have you comprehended this? Deep down?”
“I-I went t-to him even after . . .” Choked up by sobs, Buffy could hardly get her words out. “I treated him like a monster.”
“But you won’t again,” Tara assured her. She stroked her hands. “It’s all right. Everything’s all right now.”
Sliding off the table, Buffy fell to her knees on the floor. She put her head in Tara’s lap. Tara seemed uncertain at first, but then stroked her friend’s hair.
Muffled, Buffy said, “Nothing’s all right. I don’t think anything will be all right again.”
“You made a mistake, Buffy. You can learn from it. Not do it again,” Tara told her.
“Things still won’t be all right. The damage is done.” Buffy raised her head. “I’ll still be pregnant.”
Tara’s eyes enlarged. “Buffy!?”
“Don’t tell anyone. Please,” Buffy begged.
Recovering, Tara responded. “I won’t.”
“The way they would look at me . . . I just couldn’t . . .”
“I won’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t do that. But you are going to have to tell them eventually. Have you told Spike?”
Buffy shook her head.
“Do you love him?”
Startled, Buffy backed away slightly.
“It’s okay if you do. He’s human now. And even before he’s done some good.”
“I-can’t,” Buffy choked.
Buffy had another crying attack. “Can you tell me now that I’m not wrong? How can you? This morning I contemplated destroying my baby! I thought about abortion, Tara!”
Tara fought crying herself.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Buffy confessed. “I never would have thought that before Glory. I never would have let this happen in the first place.”
The slayer reached out and hugged Tara. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
************************
Mindy (not Mandy) smiled at Spike. “I had a good time.”
“Yeah. The movie was fun,” he told her.
They stood outside her house.
“Well . . .”
“I better get going.” He began to turn away.
She grabbed him, bringing him toward her again. She smashed her lips down on his, kissing him with passion. She plunged her tongue into his mouth with fury.
When they separated, Spike was stunned.
“Call me, okay,” Mindy said. She grinned, heading inside.
**************************
There were four rings before her call was answered. Across the ocean, a voice said, “Hello?”
“Giles?”
“Buffy? So good to hear from you. How are things?”
Buffy twirled the phone cord with her finger. “They’ve been better.”
“What is it? Is there something you have to face?”
“Y-yes. There is a big bad after me. But that isn’t why I called.”
“What is troubling you, Buffy? Is there something I can do?”
“Yes. Come back to Sunnydale.”
There was a sigh. “Buffy . . .?”
“No, Giles . . . I need you.”
“What is going on?”
“I . . . I just need you. I can’t tell you over the phone.”
“Is it really that dire?”
She stifled a sob. “Yes, Giles, it really is.”
“Very well then. I’ll be on the next plane out.”
“Th-Thank you, Giles.”
____________________________________________
Chapter Thirteen- Confessions
The house was entirely silent. Dawn was at school. Willow was at college. Alexis was somewhere . . . other than there. Buffy was alone. It seemed like she was that way a lot lately. But then again, on second thought, she wasn’t really by herself ever anymore.
Sitting on the couch, Buffy let her hand roam to her middle. It was amazing when you actually comprehended it all. There was something inside her. Something alive and growing. So small that it wasn’t noticeable yet. But it was there all the same. The notion was petrifying and wondrous all at the same time.
She suddenly felt as if a veil of sunlight had materialized from the shadows. It bathed her in warmth, melting away some of the coldness. A few tears of relief streamed down her face. And she understood something for the first time. She loved this baby. No matter how it came to be. She loved it despite who its father was. She must not be completely consumed by death if she could still love.
The doorbell rang, making her jump. She got up and went to answer it. She opened the door, peering out. It took a moment for her to process the sight in front of her. When she did, she wrapped her arms around the older man.
Giles hugged the girl back. “Buffy,” he murmured. After a long embrace, she let him inside.
They settled on the sofa. There was a silence. Finally, Buffy said,” I missed you.”
A smile came to his lips. “And I have you. Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
Buffy’s gaze fell to the floor. “I hope you don’t think my calling you back is weak of me,” she whispered.
He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Not at all. Whatever it is, it must be important.”
Buffy turned her head to face him. Her face showed great pain. “You’re going to be so disappointed in me. I really let you down.”
“Buffy, what‘s happened here?” he asked.
She took a deep breath. “Willow’s been abusing her magic. She almost let Amy take her to an evil warlock. Spike’s human. A girl named Alexis has come from the future. She informed me that some demon from her time period is after me. And . . . I’ve been sleeping with Spike.”
The slayer looked away, embarrassed. She heard something she never would have anticipated. Giles was laughing. She slowly looked back over. He was covering his mouth, trying to stop.
“Terribly sorry,” he apologized. His laughter didn’t cease, however.
Buffy stared at him. Her eyes began to sting. She fought to quell the need to break down. She couldn’t understand why her ex-watcher was acting this way. Didn’t he care?
Seeing Buffy’s distress, Giles instantly stopped his outburst. Shame came over his expression. “Things must be difficult for you. I’m sorry I laughed. It’s just your speech sounded so unreal.”
“I really screwed up,” she whispered.
“Sleeping with Spike is a mistake. But you are an adult and are entitled to make some. I can‘t pass judgment. And he‘s human you say?,” he commented.
“I’m pregnant,” she managed to get out. She couldn’t meet his eyes.
Of all the things Giles had been prepared for this was not it. Shock hit him with great intensity. He swallowed, wondering what to do. He had never been in a situation like this. He saw a young woman needing someone to take care of her. That should be the father’s job. Where the hell was he?
“B-By Spike? Where is he?” Giles demanded.
Shimmering green eyes met his. “I haven’t told him yet,” she confessed. “Tara is the only one besides you to know.”
His gaze was severe. “How could you be so irresponsible!?”
Buffy wished he’d go back to the laughing. That was better than this.
“There are means of protection,” Giles said.
“I know. But he was a vampire, Giles. He changed while we . . . we were . . .”
Giles reached for his glasses. He removed them to begin his ritual of cleaning. He wiped the lenses on his shirt.
“This is a rather peculiar situation,” he said, while replacing his eyewear. “I’m afraid they didn’t cover this in watcher training. Pregnancy in slayers is quite a rare occurrence.”
“But it has happened before?” Buffy questioned.
“Y-yes, I believe so. I’ll have to check my journals.”
“Could you research Spike’s humanity as well?”
“Of course. It happened while you were . . .?” He let out a cough, not being able to continue.
“Yes. Alexis, the time travel visitor, told me that his change had nothing to do with my pregnancy. But I think she might be lying.”
Giles nodded. “If there is anything to find, I will,” he assured her.
Buffy reached out and hugged him. “Thank-you.” She sniffled. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Her sergeant father held her back. “Oh, Buffy. I never should have left you.”
She continued to cry, savoring the contact. Maybe things wouldn’t be all right, but maybe they could be better.
**************************
“Mmmm,” Mindy moaned, while kissing Spike.
Spike could barely take it. Mindy had her tongue shoved down his throat, almost choking him.
He felt hands lift up his shirt. Sharp nails scraped his stomach. He shoved them away, stepping back.
“Mindy,” Spike said, “I can’t.”
“Why? Is there something wrong with me?” his date inquired, worriedly.
“No. I just . . . I love someone else. I thought I was ready to move on, but I’m not.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
She nodded. “So am I,” she told him.
So, that was the end of Mindy and Spike. Not that there really had been a Mindy and Spike to begin with.
Spike walked home, lost in his thoughts. This human thing sucked. You couldn’t just exist. No, you had choices to make. And each one had a consequence. It was a gamble rather it turned out good or bad.
He came home to find his door ajar. Alarm came over him. He had left his apartment locked. Thinking it must be a burglar (even though he couldn’t understand why someone would want to steal from his meager possessions), he prepared himself to fight. As he had told Buffy before, he may not have the strength, but he certainly still had skill.
Spike burst inside, scanning the place. His eyes fell on Buffy. She was on the couch, as if it was perfectly normal for her to be there.
“What are you doing here? Did you kick my door in again!?” he shouted.
She stood up, crossing her arms. “Where the hell have you been?”
“None of your bloody business, slayer. Now, how’d you get in?”
“I-I kicked the door in. Sorry, but I really needed to get in. Now, tell me, where have you been? I’ve been waiting for almost two hours.”
“I had a date,” he threw out. Satisfaction filled him from the words.
“A date? With who?”
“Mindy. We went out for dinner. You know, that new Italian place?”
Buffy plopped back down on the couch. “Mindy, huh? Well, you can’t see her anymore.”
Anger spread over him. How dare she tell him what to do!
“And why the hell not!?” Spike demanded.
“Because I’m pregnant!” she yelled back.
_________________________________________________
Chapter Fourteen- Impact
Spike froze, her words not registering in his head. “Repeat that, I don’t think I got it.”
“I’m pregnant,” Buffy repeated. Thinking he needed a little push, she added, “By you.”
“Th-That’s not possible,” he stammered.
“Oh, it is. Those swimmers are . . . well, they’re swimming,” she assured him.
Realization sunk in. His blue eyes widened. Not being able to stand any longer, he collapsed on the other side of the couch.
It couldn’t be. He wasn’t able to . . . The full impact of being human hit him like a bomb. His sudden change wasn’t just lack of freedom and obligations. He had a working body now, complete with functioning organs. ‘All’ organs. The implication of this hadn’t entered his brain when they had coupled. He imagined it hadn’t for Buffy either.
“When?” Spike got out.
“When what?” Buffy asked. “When did I find out? A couple days ago. When did we do this? A little over two months ago.”
“That was when . . .”
“That’s right. The abandoned building. When you became all humanized.”
They sat in silence, both unable to speak. Their thoughts swam, too much for them to sort out. It was Buffy who composed herself first.
“I’ve thought about this and I’ve come to a decision,” the slayer informed.
He shifted his gaze to land on hers. His expression was scared, uncertain as to what she would say.
She went on, unaware of his fears. “I’m willing to let you into my life. I’ve been without a father and I know how awful it is. I don’t want our daughter to go through that.”
“D-Daughter?” Spike choked.
Buffy almost smiled, but not quite. “Yeah. Alexis told me that we are gonna have a little girl.”
Spike fought to control himself. His eyes wanted to spill tears of gratitude.
“So, I want you around.” Buffy took a deep breath. “But I can’t guarantee that things will ever change between us. I can’t tell you that I’ll ever love you. You understand that, right?”
Nodding, his heart squeezed. He had accepted this, but to hear her say it out loud was agonizing. To have her permission to take part in her life was more than he ever hoped for, though.
Buffy got to her feet. “Feel free to come by anytime. You’re welcome.” She headed to the door, but abruptly turned back. “Don’t tell anyone! They’re my friends and I’ll break the news.”’
Spike didn’t reply. He watched as she left, leaving him in conflict whether he wanted to smile like an idiot or cry like a heartbroken fool.
************************
Buffy entered the magic shop. Anya was at the counter, setting a pricing gun. A box of merchandize was beside her. She let out a frustrated sound.
“Uh, something wrong?” Buffy questioned.
Anya looked up, startled. “Oh, Buffy, you’re here.”
It wasn’t like Anya not to notice someone entering the store. She was usually alert, awaiting her next customer.
“They sent me the wrong number of candle holders!” the ex-demon complained. “I wanted seven and they sent me only five.”
Buffy shrugged. “That’s the way it goes in the world of retail. Mistakes happen.”
The other woman put down the pricing gun. She turned her attention to Buffy. “Mistakes don’t always happen just in retail.”
The intense look Anya was giving Buffy made her want to shiver. It was as if she knew what mistake Buffy had made. But she couldn’t. There was no way.
Buffy cleared her throat. “Uh, Anya, have you seen Giles? Is he around?”
Anya’s eerie stare turned into Anya’s normal lively smile. “Oh yeah, Giles is back! Good thing too. I needed help lifting this heavy box. I would have asked Spike, but he had to have more time off frolicking with that new girlfriend of his.”
The term girlfriend filled Buffy with anger. It shouldn’t. Just because they were having a baby together didn’t mean he couldn’t have a real relationship with someone else. Still, for some reason she felt she couldn’t allow it. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn’t want their daughter growing up knowing her daddy was with another woman.
“Anya, Giles. Where is he?”
“Oh, right. He’s in the back. He took a few books with him, saying he didn’t want to scare customers away with demonic research. I don’t see why, he was never worried about that before.”
Buffy went into the training room. She found her ex-watcher on the sofa in the corner. A stack of books was near him on the floor. He didn’t lift his head as she came in, involved in the text he was reading.
She stepped in front of him. “What did you find?”
He jumped. “Oh, Buffy, hello.” He reached over and grabbed a notebook. “I managed to find a few references of pregnant slayers.”
“All right. Give me what you got,” Buffy said.
“Well, there were three. Two were able to make it through childbirth.”
“What happened to the third?” She had to know.
Giles shook his head. “Are you certain you want to know?”
“Yes,” she told him, firmly.
“She had a miscarriage, Buffy. She was out fighting and a vampire kicked her in the stomach. Her watcher documented it as a mixture of great loss and relief.”
The horrifying image that played in Buffy mind made her want to vomit. Her hand cupped her stomach protectively.
“The others?” Buffy asked.
Giles scanned his notes. “Their pregnancies were normal. There was nothing mystical or unnatural about them. The girls made it to term and had completely healthy children.”
Buffy sat down beside her mentor. Her hand remained on her stomach, green eyes misting.
“She’s going to be okay?” the slayer whispered.
Giles smiled. “Your baby’s going to be fine as long as you let us patrol for you.”
Six and a half months without fighting. She didn’t know if she could do it. Patrolling was how she let off steam.
A groan escaped Buffy. “This isn’t going to be easy.”
Giles’ smile widened. “You’ll make it through, I assure you.”
“I told him today.”
“Spike? How did that go?”
“I’m not sure,” Buffy confessed. “He was in shock.”
“A natural response for anyone. Especially an ex-vampire.”
“Speaking of ex-vampires, did you come across anything about his change?” Buffy inquired.
“Sorry, no. I found a few spells on bringing back the dead, but nothing about returning the undead to life. I will keep looking.”
“Thank you.”
Giles reached out and squeezed her hand. “I want you to know that I’m always here for you. And your child.”
Her lip quivered.
“I want to help you in any way I can.”
She threw herself at him, embracing him in a hard hug. “I love you, Giles. You know that, right?”
“Y-Yes, Buffy. I love you too. But if you could release me just a tad . . .” he choked, hardly able to breath.
She loosened her hold. “Oh, sorry, Giles.”
“No, quite all right.”
“You’re going to be the best grandpa ever,” Buffy declared.
“Gr. . . Did you say grandpa?”
Buffy simply grinned.
______________________________________________________