IDENTITY CRISIS

Chapter 4- Meet the Demon

Chapter 5- Triangle

Buffy came downstairs to see William staring at the wall. “Hey, what are ya doing?” she asked.

“Nuthin, that’s the problem. I’m rather bored. Do you have an idea of what I could do to pass the time?” he stated.

She thought for a moment. “Well there’s always the TV or radio,” she suggested.

“Radio?”

“Yeah.”

She went over to her boom box that she had received for Christmas, and turned it on. A man’s voice came on, talking about the search for BinLaden. William perked up at the information. “Is there a war going on?”

“Well, sort of. Some terrorists are after the US. But you don’t need to worry about that. Let’s find you some music,” Buffy said.

He was excited to hear the songs of the current year. He winced as the loud sound of some singing boys hit him. “What kind of bloody music is this?”

“Oh, um, that’s Backstreet Boys. Dawn is like in love with them. I know, I don’t get it either.”

The tuner was turned to another station. This one let out twangy country music. Buffy groaned. She shut off the stereo.

Buffy held up a finger. “Wait just one sec. I’ll be back.”

When the slayer returned, she held up a case. She opened it up to reveal a CD. William eyed it in fascination. He had never seen anything like it. The round disk gleamed in the light. Buffy opened the player and laid the CD in. She pushed a button. All of a sudden a soft group started to sing.

“That’s amazing,” William said. He listened to the song for a moment. “They aren’t bad.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I like The Cranberries.”

William held out a hand. “Care to dance, my lady?”

A giggle escaped her. Why not? “Sure,” she replied, taking his hand.

Electric blue eyes, where did you come from?
Electric blue eyes, who sent you?
Electric blue eyes, always be near me
Electric blue eyes, I need you
(refrain)
Domine, domine deus
Domine, adiuva me
Domine, domine deus
Domine, adiu adiuma me
Hey, ay, Hey, ay
If you should go, you should know, I love you
If you should go, you should know, I'm here
Always be near me...guardian angel
Always be near me
There's no fear
None at all....

Buffy caught herself being sucked into his eyes. The song went along with them. She sighed in contentment. This is nice, she thought.

William twirled her around. She was so beautiful. His heart beat faster. There was a pang in his chest, that he hadn’t felt since Cicely. Oh God, he dreaded, am I starting to like this girl? He didn’t want this. What if she broke his heart? He couldn’t take another rejection. But then he looked at Buffy’s smiling face, and all his fears washed away.

++++++++++

Spike stood outside, puffing away at a Marlboro cigarette. He put his hands in the pockets of his duster. He looked once again in the windows of the Summers household. He couldn’t make anything out in the living room because the curtains were drawn shut. He noticed a light in the Nibblet’s room, though.

He wanted to go inside, see what had become of William. But he couldn’t do it. The last encounter with Buffy and his other self had been disastrous. He didn’t want a rehap.

Spike saw the light go off in Dawn’s room. He crept along to the other side of the house. Then he peered into the kitchen. Nobody was there.

Suddenly somebody tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around, arm going out.

“Oooof!” Dawn exclaimed. She landed on her butt. “Couldn’t you hear me coming up with your sharp predatory hearing?”

“I was distracted.“ He frowned. “Platelet, what are you doing out here?”

“I saw you outside my window. I could ask you the same thing.”

He stomped out his smoke. “I was. . .” He smoothed down his hair.

“You were trying to spy on Buffy,” she accused.

Defeated, he said,” Well, yeah. I’ll admit it.”

“You don’t have to lurk about. Come in and see her for yourself.”

He shook his head. “Nah, don’t want to start a commotion.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Then come in to see me. We can play poker or something and ignore Buffy all together.” She gave him a puppy-dog look. “Please, you never spend time with me anymore. I miss you.”

“Bloody hell,” he muttered. He could never resist the Little Bit. “Okay, I guess. But if Buffy gets mad, it’s your fault.”

Dawn jumped up and down. “All right!”

++++++++++

The two came in through the kitchen. Spike took off his coat and hung it on a chair.

“I’ll go get the cards,” Dawn said, heading to her room.

The sound of music and laughing came not far away. Curious, Spike headed in the direction. He peeked into the living room and spotted Buffy and William dancing. The slayer seemed really happy, her gaze never leaving the male. William was spinning her around.

Jealousy rose up in Spike. How could she be having so much fun with him? She hates me.

“Well now, aren’t we having a jolly good time!” Spike shouted as he stepped in.

The couple froze. Buffy turned her head to the vampire. “Spike?” she said. She went over and switched off the music. Silence fell over the room.

The two men gave death-glares at each other.

“What were you doing, mate?” Spike inquired.

William grinned. “Just passing the time,” he said.

“Yeah right,” Spike snarled.

Anger shot up through Buffy. She ventured over to Spike. “What the hell gives you the right to barge in here and disrupt us?”

“I was just going to play a game with the Little Bit. But then I saw this.”

“So, what? You decide to ruin it? That is always what you want to do, ruin my fucking life!”

At that moment, Dawn entered the room. She had a deck of cards in her clutch. She halted at the quarrel.

Buffy noticed her sister approach. “Sorry, Dawn, there won’t be any game.”

“What? That’s no fair!” Dawn burst out.

“Sorry, Nibblet, got into some trouble with the big sis,” Spike explained.

With a sigh, Dawn went back upstairs.

Buffy grabbed Spike’s arm. She pulled him toward the door. She glanced back at William. “Excuse me while I settle this problem.” He nodded back at her.

On the porch, Buffy started to shout. “I’m going to do that disinvite spell, I swear!”

He raised his scared eye-brow. “Really? And who’s going to do it? Willow?”

“I’ll do it myself if I have to!”

“Uh huh,” he said.

“I’ll put crucifixes up everywhere. I already did my room.”

He opened his mouth. Was she telling the truth?

“I want you out of my life, I already told you that. I don’t want you coming around anymore.”

“So you want me to stay away?” he questioned.

She snorted. “Haven’t I made that clear? YES! Keep away.”

“I can’t do that,” he said.

“Well you better!”

He inched toward her. He was so close that he could feel her warmth. He whispered into her ear,” I love you. It tears me apart to stay away from you.”

She swallowed. Why was it hard for her to breath? Comprehension came over her then. She threw him off her. “Go away and let me have my life back!” Her hands clenched into fists.

“Sorry, no can do. I won’t let you be seduced by that poofter inside,” he commented. He pointed to the door.

“I can dance with whoever I want to, Spike. And you don’t love me, you love how I make your adrenaline pump. I’m just the slayer to you, something to get you high. William sees me as a person. But you never will, because you forget what that is. Now your only a thing.”

Spike was speechless. His insides were twisting around with her words.

Buffy turned around. “I will never dance with you, Spike. You are beneath me in every way.” Then she left the vampire out in the cold night.

+++++++++

William heard it all. He had been near the door the entire time. Their voices had been so loud that it came crystal clear in the house. He had been all on Buffy’s side until he heard Spike confess his love. He listened in shock. Then she had to go and say that he was beneath her.

He moved away as Buffy stormed in. She stomped up the stairs to go to bed. She hadn’t even shut the door.

William looked out. He could make out Spike still on the porch. The vampire had fallen on his knees with his face in his hands.

That was when William finally saw, really saw for the first time. Spike was himself. He had been through the same things. Spike had loved Cicely. Spike had wrote her a poem. Spike had confessed his feelings. Spike had been rejected. Spike had come in contact with the vampire woman, saying she could make the pain go away.

They were the same. And they had yet again loved someone. This time, Buffy, the slayer. And they were beneath her, like they had been with Cecely.

+++++++++

The demon couldn’t take it anymore. Buffy was everywhere. Everytime he bit into a fresh vein, she was in his thoughts. He imagined that it was her white throat his teeth tore open.

His dreams were haunted of her. He ravaged her, corrupting her soul. Then he drained her dry.

He was not a fool. He knew what was going on. Spike had loved the slayer, and so he did too. But he would handle this much differently than Spike did.

He would find Buffy and make her his. Forever.

Buffy lie on her bed and sobbed. She didn’t know why she was upset. Okay, that was a lie. But she didn’t know why it did effect her. She shouldn’t care, it was Spike.

The words had come out of her mouth automatically. She had panicked. Spike had been so close to here, and she had known that one more second with him and she would lose control. Just like the other tree times, the last leading to something unforgivable. So, she let out the insult, the most terrible thing she could think of.

Well, it had worked. She hurt him, gotten away without any physical contact. And felt completely horrible for it.

+++++++++

After a long moping, William decided to stop and do something about it.

Dawn was kind enough to help him find a pen and paper. He took them to the kitchen table and began to write.

Light out of reach

Darkness in my grasp

Love surrounding, but not within

With frustration, he crumpled up his lousy poem. He hung his head. Everyone was right, it was bloody awful. No wonder no one would love him, he was pathetic.

+++++++++

Spike didn’t know how long he cried on Buffy’s porch. Everytime he tried to collect himself and leave, he couldn’t. Damn slayer, she was tearing him apart. He let out a shrill laugh. Hell, she already had. If it wasn’t for her, he never would have wanted that bloody spell in the first place.

Ok, Spike thought, stop being a poofter and get up. He staggered to his feet, smoothed his hair back, and reached for a cigarette. As he did, a knowing ache in his side hit him. He doubled over, crying out.

+++++++++

The sound reached Buffy’s slayer ears. She got off her bed, drying her tears. The yell came again, and she recognized it as Spike’s.

Without thinking, she rushed down the stairs. She met William there. He gave her a questioning look.

“Who is that? It is coming from the front yard, I think,” he said.

“That’s Spike,” she told him quickly, continuing her path to the door.

She went out to find a barely standing vampire.

“What are you still doing here?” she demanded. She hated herself right then. He had cried out for some reason and her response was to be a bitch. And she didn’t want to be, not really. It just seemed to always happen when she was around him.

Spike weakly lifted his head. “Buffy?”

True worry came then. Something was really wrong with him. She moved toward him, but it wasn’t fast enough. He collapsed to the ground.

+++++++++

Willow was frustrated. Hours of research without any results. But she wouldn’t give up, she owed it to Buffy.

“Remind me why were are helping Spike,” Xander said.

The witch glanced up from her thick dusty volume. “What?”

“This is Spike, the vampire who wanted to kill us. Remember that?”

Willow sighed. “Xander, he’s helped us more times than I can count. Besides, I don’t think you understand the situation. There is a demon out there feeding off people. And probably more than normal vampires, out of the relief of being released. We can’t let this go on.”

He shut up then, and went back to reading.

Willow scanned page after page. Her attention fell on one that caught her eye. Her head shot upward.

“I found something!” she exclaimed.

Xander looked up. “So, what is it?”

Willow collected the book, and grabbed her coat. “I’ll tell you later, right now I have to see Buffy.”

Willow hurried out of the store.

+++++++++

Buffy carried Spike to her room. She tucked his unconscious body in the bed. She sat next to him, somehow unable to move.

Her sister walked in. “What’s wrong with him?”

Buffy looked down at the pale sleeping vampire. He didn’t seem to be in any pain like before. She was relieved by that.

“I. . . I don’t know, Dawnie,” Buffy stammered.

Dawn fiddled with her fingers. “Do you, do you think it could have to do with the spell?”

“I didn’t think of that. Maybe.” Buffy turned to face Dawn. “It’s time to go to bed.”

Usually, Dawn would complain. She’d whine, begging for at least a half-hour more. But instead, she nodded.

Dawn left Buffy to go to bed, even though she knew there wouldn’t be any sleep for her that night, no matter how hard she tried.

+++++++++

William was on his way to the bathroom. Technology had gone a long way. You just press down on a little handle and flush, all your waste was gone. He loved it, almost made him want to stay in this time.

He stopped. The sound of crying was coming from Buffy’s room. He peered in through the cracked door. He made out the form of Buffy. She was on the bed with Spike. Her hand draped over the vampire, her head buried in his shoulder.

Shocked and amazed, William stepped away, giving her privacy. Could it be possible? Did Buffy really care for Spike? She must to be so broken up.

He blinked, not sure how he felt. A part of him was mad, that she liked the vampire. Another was telling him that if he was part of Spike, Buffy must care about him as well.

William leaned against the wall for support. He wanted this all to end, to be whole. If he was supposed to be inside Spike, then he wanted to be. He suddenly felt very hollow and incomplete.

+++++++++

Willow stared at Buffy. She was so surprised, finding her friend curled up against Spike, fast asleep.

She went over to Buffy and shook her gently. The slayer stirred, holding tighter to Spike.

“Buffy?”

Buffy’s eyes fluttered open. She gazed at Willow as her mind sorted things out. Then she jolted to a sitting position. She glanced at Spike, and felt suddenly embarrassed. “Willow, I . . .”

Willow held up a hand. “It’s okay, Buffy, no need to explain.

“Okay,” whispered Buffy.

“I found something,” Willow informed. She opened a book in her hands.

That perked the slayer up. She got to her feet, walking to Willow. She took the book and examined the page.

“It tells about a witch who fell in love. She became devastated when he was changed into a vampire. Determined to get him back, she did a spell to turn him human again. Instead, it split him up into three: the vampire, the demon, and the human,” Willow said.

Their eyes met.

“The demon and vampire began to fight. Instead of killing him, the demon merged with the vampire. The witch and human got away. They were together for a day before he got sick.”

Buffy took in a breath. “Sick?”

“Yeah, he had major cramps. Then he uh. . . disappeared.”

“What? How can he just vanish?”

“I guess being separated for so long caused him to un-exist. The thing is, the vampire, now fully demon, came and killed the witch.”

Buffy looked over at Spike. Dread built in her chest. “Willow, Spike had a pain tonight. He passed out,” she muttered.

“God!” Willow said. All of this was making sense.

“I know.” Buffy’s voice was expressionless.

++++++++

Spike awoke the next day. He felt something squeezing his hand. He tilted his head to see Buffy. She gazed back at him with worry. For him?

He noticed the closed blinds and the clock that displayed 12:31. He was here, in the afternoon. Why?

“Buffy, why am I in your bedroom?” he asked.

“You passed out, remember?” she replied.

Then he recalled it all. Her harsh words, him crying on the porch, the strong agonizing attack. He pulled his hand away, out of her grasp.

She stared at her empty palm for a second, before speaking again. “We figure out what’s happened to you.”

“Right then, tell me,” he demanded.

She swallowed. ‘You are dying, or rather fading away. All three of you. Only, you’re the one that feels it.”

“Lucky me,” he said.

Anger shot through Buffy. She stood up. “Don’t you care!?”

“Why should I? I’ve lived 28 years, as a human, 122 as a vampire. I think that’s long enough.”

She slapped him. “You bastard!”

His eyes widened. He watched as droplets of water rolled down her face.

“I care!” she shouted. She pointed at herself. “I care!”

“I know I don’t act like it. I threaten to dust you all the time.”

Buffy touched his lips. “I don’t mean any of it.”

“So, I’m not beneath you, Slayer?” Spike questioned.

She swiped away her tears. She shook her head.

He smiled. She cared for him. Dying was okay then.

“There’s a way to cure you,” Buffy whispered.

He rose his right eyebrow.

“You can merge with one of them.”

“What?” he said.

She cupped his cheek. “Merge with William. You’ll be fine and the demon will vanish.”

He snorted. “I can’t become that poncy nancy-boy!”

Buffy lowered herself to his chest. She cried into his black t-shirt, clutching onto him. “Don’t leave me, Spike, not like the others did. Please.” Her voice was slightly muffled.

Spike held her, stroking her silky hair. He stared at the ceiling, wondering what to do.

Buffy finally stopped crying. She was spooned against him, his arm around her slender form. They lay in silence, breathing in the other’s scent. Time had no meaning.

Buffy ran her fingers over his chest. She reveled in the feel of the tight muscles.

“So, pet, where are those crosses you spoke of?” Spike asked, breaking the quiet.

She looked confused for a second, then it was gone. “Oh, I took those down, and the garlic,” she informed.

He smirked at her. “Garlic?”

Buffy turned her gaze away. “Yeah.”

“You really thought that was necessary?”

“I guess.”

He rolled ontop of her. He grabbed her arms, pinning them over her head. “Trying to keep me away?”

A grin appeared on her mouth. “Not anymore.”

Spike crushed his lips on hers. Their tongues circled, hungrily. His hand slid under her shirt, desire filling his being.

Buffy grabbed his strayed hand. She met his gaze. “I want to, really. But Dawn and Willow are here. Not to mention William.”

The vocalization of his name sent them rushing back to reality. They had problems that needed to be corrected. The demon and William were still separate embodiments. And Spike was, well. . . wasting away.

Buffy sniffled, having the urge to sob once more.

He brushed her hair back. “Don’t, luv, please don’t cry again. It tears me apart.”

She shut her eyes, getting a hold of herself. She was strong, the slayer. And slayers turned their sorrow into anger. And anger was solved by killing.

In a swift motion, she wriggled from beneath him, and off the bed. “I’m going patrolling,” she stated quickly.

Spike glanced over at the window. It was night. They had spent hours laying there?

“Ok. I’ll. . . think about things while you’re away.”

An understanding stare passed between them.

Buffy rummaged under her bed. She found three stakes, pulling them out. She took her leather jacket from the closet, putting it on, then stuffed the weapons in the pockets.

Before leaving, she looked at Spike. Her face was expressionless. “Don’t disappear while I’m gone.” Without waiting for a reply, she went out.

++++++++

Buffy strolled through the graveyard. It was a dull night, hardly any vampires. She’d only gotten the privilege to stake one pathetic fledgling. That hadn’t satisfied her bottled up emotions. Not by a long shot.

Out of the shadows, came a figure. She raised her stake, ready for action.

“Put that away, slayer. We know you’ll never get anywhere with that thing.”

Buffy recognized that voice. The same British tone as her Spike.

The demon stepped forward. He flicked his cigarette to the side.

Buffy lowered her stake. “I can’t dust you, but I can hurt you.”

She swung at him. He moved out of her aim.

“Spike will merge with William and you’ll be history!” she shouted as she kicked him in the stomach.

He laughed. His hand came out and clasped her arm, twisting it. She whimpered.

He whispered in her ear,” Oh, I doubt that. Spike is not a weakling. He’ll choose darkness over light in order to keep his power.”

The demon thrust her to the ground. Her head hit a tombstone. She hissed in pain. A gash came to her forehead.

He knelt next to her. He grasped her head, harshly. “You will be mine, little girl.”

Then he smashed her head back against the concrete grave-marker. This time blackness engulfed her.

+++++++++

Spike cried out as the pain shot through him. It pulsed up and down his entire body. After what seemed like forever, which was actually only two minutes, it subsided. He relaxed, breathing hard from the encounter.

The door flew open. Willow popped in. “Are you all right?” she asked.

“Yeah, just another attack. It’s over, though.”

She nodded. “Can I get you anything?”

He shook his head. “No.”

She left.

He fell back on the pillow, exhausted. Something had to be done, and fast.