Title: Half way to anywhere

Disclaimer: I dot own anything however much I wish I did

Summary: What if Buffy had come to her sense earlier about Spike? What if they had in fact secretly been ‘friends’ since their truce in Becoming? How different would things have turned out? I know it’s been done before but this is my spin on it.

Timeline: AU after Becoming part 2

Prologue

Sunnydale - 2003

“Buffy?” Willow called as she wandered down the stairs of the summers home where she had lived for the last two years. “Buffy are you here?”

*That’s odd* thought Willow, she was sure she’d heard Buffy come in the night before. If she wasn’t here why would the CD player still be running? Buffy was always saying money was too tight to leave appliances running unnecessarily. With a puzzled frown firmly in place Willow headed into the lounge just as the song coming gently out of the speakers began to repeat. Willow turned the volume up so she could make out the words. This didn’t sound like the kind of thing Buffy normally listened to…

//Dear my love, haven’t you wanted to be with me

Dear my love, haven’t you longed to be free

I can’t keep pretending that I don’t even know you

And at sweet night you are my home

Take my hand//

//We’re leaving here tonight

There’s no need to tell any one

They’d only hold us down

So by the mornings light

We’ll be half way to anywhere

Where love is more than just your name//

As the song continued to play its semi-mournful tune, Willow felt warm tears spill down her cheeks. *Oh Goddess No!* she thought as the words seeped into her mind.

//I have dreamt of a place for you and I

No one knows who we are there

All I want is to give my life only to you

I’ve dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore

Let’s run away I’ll take you there//

//We’ll leave here tonight

There’s no need to tell any one

They’d only hold us down

So by the mornings light

We’ll be half way to anywhere

Where no one needs a reason//

Willow knew she needn’t mumble the few Latin words under her breath as she was doing. She knew there was no one around to hear, just like she knew without doing the spell exactly what had happened a few hours ago. Yet she couldn’t take her eyes off the ghostly figures that now wandered hurriedly around the room in front of her now, mere replays of actions which had already taken place. Watching the scene draw to a close Willow let out a chocking sob and sank to the floor as the last words tumbled from the speakers.

//Forget this life, Come with me

Don’t look back you’re safe now

Unlock your heart, Drop your guard

No ones left to stop you//

//Forget this life, Come with me

Don’t look back you’re safe now

Unlock your heart, Drop your guard

No ones left to stop you now//

Numbly, Willow reached out for the phone lying next to the nearest speaker. Placed there as if her need for it had been anticipated, which it probably had been. Willow didn’t contemplate the thought too deeply however, there were more important things to do. She had to call Xander and Giles. They had to be told.

//We’re leaving here tonight

There’s no need to tell any one

They’d only hold us down

So by the mornings light

We’ll be half way to anywhere

Where love is more than just your name//

Buffy was gone, and she wasn’t coming back.

Chapter 1: It wasn’t meant to be this way!

Sunnydale - 1998

“You don’t really believe you can take us all do you?” Angelus sneered at the petit slayer in front of him. She must be dumber than he thought if that was the case.

“I really don’t!” She replied, confidence filling her voice.

Angelus was a little thrown off by the cruel smirk curling her lips, strangely reminiscent of…

“Hurts doesn’t it?” Spike commented coolly, no emotion in his voice as he beat his grandsire repeatedly with the crow bar. Intent on his work, he barely felt Dru’s fists as she hit his back, desperate to help her daddy.

Buffy half smiled, shaking her head as she watched the three vampires. It took her a second to remember she was there for a reason, alerted by Xander’s yell for help as he tried to fight off a vamp standing between him and Giles. Forgetting about the three Masters in the room, Buffy ran to the aid of her friend. Efficiently taking out all other threats in the room while Xander helped the badly injured Giles to safety.

Eventually Spike became aware of the fact Dru was still in the room when she tired of hitting him, tackling him instead, sending him flying across the floor. Scrambling back to his feet, Spike kept his eyes on the mad vampire as she circled him.

“It doesn’t have to be like this Dru!” He tried to reason with her.

“Naughty Spike!” She scolded, as if speaking to a particularly dim child. “Bad boys don’t get to play games after super!”

Spike shook his head, wondering not for the first time, how he’d ever been able to see logic in what she said.

“I’m Sorry baby.” He said simply, earnestly, just before hitting her with a hard right cross which landed square on her jaw, knocking her back several steps. Recovering from the blow, Drusilla turned wet eyes back towards the childe who adored her.

“It’s too late now Spike, I can already see the pretty colours. I’ll save some for you.”

Spike barely had time to try and make sense of what she said before she ran at him, screaming like a banshee, scratching at him with her nails. So preoccupied was he with trying to avoid getting his throat cut that Spike didn’t notice Angelus rise groggily and head towards Acathla.

Buffy decapitated the last vampire, turning back to help Spike, just in time to see Angelus pull the sword from Acathla’s chest accompanied by a blinding flash of light. Angelus spun to face her, sword in hand, grinning from ear to ear.

“Too late Buff!” he taunted “You’re going to Hell!”

“Save me a seat” She replied before rushing at him with her own sword. They fought furiously, matching each other blow for blow. As Buffy gained the upper hand, she noticed the portal beginning to open. *I am too late* she thought, tears unexpectedly stinging her eyes. Noticing her distraction Angelus took advantage and quickly swept her legs from under her…

Drusilla also noticed the opening of the portal. She suddenly stopped attacking Spike and walked towards it, as if she were a moth drawn to the flame. She easily brushed off Spike’s attempts to hold her back…

Just before Angelus could deliver the killing blow to the slayer sprawled dazedly on the floor, he was suddenly hit by a very familiar wave of pain. *Oh God no, not again* we’re Angelus’s last coherent thoughts as his soul was slammed back into his body, causing him to fall to his knees in front of the now rapidly expanding portal.

Regaining her feet, Buffy looked at the vampire who only seconds ago had been trying to kill her, confusion written all over her face….then she looked into his eyes and she understood with perfect clarity what had happened. She wasn’t looking at Angelus anymore; this was Angel, her love.

“Angel.” She whispered, smiling, tears falling freely from her eyes.

“Buffy?” He asked uncertainly, not at all clear about what the hell was going on.

Buffy began to sob. Her Angel was back, everything was going to be ok now…

“NOOOOOO!!”

Buffy’s movement towards Angel and all her happy thoughts were cut short at the agonised wail of Drusilla, whom neither had noticed getting closer, Spike someway behind her struggling to get to his feet - Dru was a lot stronger than she looked. Before anyone else had time to move Dru dived at Angel, his confusion, and the beating Angelus had taken from Buffy making him weak. She collided with him with such force as to send them both rolling back into the portal.

Buffy leapt forward to try and stopped them as soon as she regained her senses, her hand reaching towards the portal to try and pull Angel back through. Before she could reach him however, she felt her wrist held in an iron grip. She turned her head angrily to see Spike, who it appeared was barely suppressing tears.

“You touch that thing and you’ll be sucked in too!” He told her, his voice wavering. “We’ve lost them Slayer.” Spike let out a choked sob “Oh God…what have I done.” He fell to his knees, releasing her wrist.

Buffy turned back to the portal, determined to jump in after Angel. They’d be able to find a way back, and if they didn’t…well she was the slayer, she’d be able to protect them. He had his soul, and he shouldn’t be in hell! Angelus should be the one in hell, not Angel! But before she could make the leap into God knows where, the portal suddenly blinked out of existence and she was left staring blindly at the now dormant Acathla. Behind her she could hear Spike’s sobs, and right now, breaking down didn’t seem like such a bad idea. She could just curl up into a ball and cry until the world saw fit to end her torment and let her die…but she knew that she wouldn’t do that. She was the Slayer; she would not give into that despair….well not yet anyway.

Spike didn’t struggle when Buffy pulled him to his feet, but he didn’t help either. He felt himself being dragged somewhere but didn’t care enough to ask where, and when he felt Buffy searching his pockets for the keys to his prized De Soto he didn’t even protest at the thought of someone else driving his baby. He just let himself be led.

A few hours later, Spike was aware enough to know that the skyline he was seeing was LA. He bloody well hated LA…not that he really liked anything anymore. What did it matter if Dru wasn’t there with him?

Chapter 2 - Life and death in LA

“Spike please!” Buffy exclaimed, her aching muscles screaming at her that she hadn’t had a rest since before…since before that thing she wasn’t thinking about any more. “Spike I can’t carry you all the way. You’re gonna have to help me a little here!”

The reason why Buffy had actually taken Spike with her when she fled Sunnyhell still eluded her. Maybe she couldn’t stand to leave him alone in his grief, so much like her own. Maybe she knew that he’d have just lain there till the sun came and ended his pain, and vampire though he was, she couldn’t bear to see a one time ally meet such an unfitting end. Maybe she just didn’t want to be alone, and even a mortal enemy…. were they even still mortal enemies?… would be better than being alone. Well whatever the reason, here they were in some crummy, run down excuse of a motel on the outskirts of LA and Spike was just being his usual pain in the ass self. At least he wasn’t doing it on purpose this time!

Somewhere, deep in the back of his grief addled brain, Spike was able to make sense of the slayer’s words. He knew she was trying to get him inside before the imminent sunrise, and that he was just making her task harder by being unresponsive. It must have been that same part of his brain that made his legs move under their own steam since the rest of his mind was still occupied with one very simple train of thought: *Dru gone, Dru in hell, my fault, no more Dru, Dru gone, Dru in hell, my fault, no more Dru, Dru gone…* Granted it wasn’t the most useful of thoughts, but it was all he had at that moment.

Buffy had been surprised when she’d found the large roll of bills in Spike’s duster when she’d been looking for his car keys. What would a vampire need money for? Didn’t they just steal whatever they wanted? Whatever the reason she was grateful it was there - it had paid for this crummy room they were holed up in, probably for the foreseeable future - it wasn’t exactly five star accommodations. Now she stood under the shower, waiting for the hot water to easer her various aches and pains. Of course it helped with her physical pains, but there was an ache in her heart that nothing was going to fix.

*Angel’s gone* and with that one simple thought, she gave in to the tears that had threatened to take her since she saw her lover fall into hell.

Distantly, Spike could hear the slayers cries. Part of him wondered if he should go to her, talk to her, try and make it better somehow. Another part of him wanted to go and taunt her, tell he she should cry, tell her it was all her fault. Another part of him understood her pain and knew that nothing he did could possibly make it better, probably couldn’t make it any worse either! Another part wondered why he should even care in the first place!

“The shower’s free if you want it!” Buffy called as she left the bathroom. Spike however, wasn’t in the chair where she had left him. In fact, he wasn’t even in the room anymore. Suddenly panic filled her. What if he’d gone out in the sun, what if he’d just upped and left her - she’d be all alone. Before she could collapse into a quivering heap however, the vampire in question came back into the room holding a large brown bag - ‘Art’s liquor’ printed on the side.

“Where did you go?” She asked, trying and failing to keep the relief at seeing him out of her voice.

Spike looked at her as if she were insane and held up the bag. “Needed to get supplies.” he explained before sitting heavily on the end of the only bed, pulling the first of many bottles of whiskey out of the bag.

“Did you pay for those?” Buffy asked nervously, truly hoping that she wouldn’t have another death on her conscience.

“Do I look like I’m in the mood to kill anyone right now slayer?” Spike replied without even looking up. Opening the bottle he drank nearly half it’s contents in one gulp.

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. She knew he’d eventually feel like killing again, but she’d deal with it when it came up. Right now she was too tired to think about it. Sitting down next to him, she began to look through the bag. She looked up at him incredulously.

“Didn’t you buy anything that wasn’t alcohol?”

Spike simply shrugged, taking another gulp to finish his bottle before answering. “Don’t know ‘bout you slayer, but getting pissed seems like a damn fine idea right about now!” He then reached into the bag and pulled out one of those fizzy alcopops. “Here slayer - figured you’d need to start off slow!”

Buffy shook her head but accepted the drink anyway. The shower hadn’t worked. Maybe Spike’s inebriation plan might help to dull the pain…

Several hours and many empty bottles later, Buffy thought Spikes plan had been the best idea in the world! She was sure she’d think differently in the morning, but that was then, this was now…and now she wanted another drink!

“Oi! Gimme that!” she shouted, snatching the last bottle of rum from Spike just before he could drain it.

“That smine shlayer!” he told her, trying to grab it back but failing miserably. Eventually he gave up and looked in the bag for a new bottle. “Greedy bint! You drunks it all! Snone left!” he yelled upon finding the bag empty.

Buffy stuck her tongue out at him. “Nayh nayh!” She taunted before finishing the rum, deftly avoiding one last ditch attempt from spike to grab it back. “Guess s’time for beddy byes then!” She stood up uncertainly from her spot on the floor and lurched towards the bed.

“Where am I s’pposed to shleep then shlayer?” Asked Spike, reaching out a hand to steady her as she stumbled.

“You’re a vampire stupid!” She replied giggling sleepily as she hugged the threadbare sheets around her tiny form.

“Yeah I know but where do I shleep?” he asked again, sure he was missing a point of some kind.

“I get bed at night!” She explained as if speaking to a very stupid five year old rather than a 120 year old master vampire. “You do vampy things at night and you have the bed during the day!” She yawned before continuing, sleep rapidly taking its hold. “We’ll take it in turns.”

Spike suddenly felt very sober. “How long you plannin’ on hangin round with me then shlayer?” he asked. All he received as an answer were the quiet snores of a slayer shaped lump on the bed. He sighed sadly and shook his head. “S’alright pet. Don’ really feel like bein’ alone either!”

Chapter 3 - Can’t run from destiny

“Slayer will you get your bony ass in here already!” Spike called, strolling happily through the new apartment, peeping around doorways occasionally, wondering which room the slayer would want so he could lay dibs on it first.

“My ass is not bony!” he heard her yell from somewhere behind him and he chuckled softly. She was sooo easy to wind up, and he did it as often as he could of course! “And I’d move a lot faster if SOMEONE hadn’t left me to carry all the bags!!” she added after a few moments, followed by a loud ‘bump’, signalling the dropping of said bags.

Spike poked his head from around the doorframe of the room he was currently perusing to see a red faced slayer glaring at him. “I’m evil pet.” He reminded her for probably the millionth time.

“Stupid vampire.” She grumbled good naturedly “It’s not fair to use logic!”

Spike smiled as he approached her, picking up several of the bags and carrying them into the main living room, which also happened to be the only room with any furniture. Buffy followed him, looking around for the first time. When Spike had told her he’d found them somewhere to live she’d been only too happy to leave the rat infested hell hole that was the motel they’d stayed in since their arrival in LA. It never even occurred to her that it was slightly odd that her one time mortal enemy had actually looked for a place for both of them, and it didn’t seem the least bit strange that she was so willing to continue to live with him. It just seemed natural.

Buffy had no idea when she had actually started to consider Spike to be a friend. She’d long since decided that their initial arrangement after leaving Sunnydale and all its unpleasant memories behind had come about through a mutual desire not to be alone in their grief. But over time something had changed. Rather than tolerating his presence, she’d actually begun to enjoy his company. Sure he could still be an obnoxious creep when the mood took him, but it happened less and less these days. Instead of coming back to the hotel from her thankless job at a diner in one of the less reputable parts of the city to find a drunken vampire asleep in the room that he’d have trashed in a fit of rage, she would find a thoughtful friend who had a steaming starbucks cappuccino and warm foot bath (she deliberately chose not to ask where he had gotten it from), ready to listen to her tales of customers from hell! She shook her head, smiling wistfully - life was pretty strange sometimes.

Spike watched her from his position sprawled on the couch, a bemused expression on his face. If someone had told him six months ago that he would flatmates with the slayer he’d have laughed at them then snapped their necks for lying to him! As it was, that was probably how long it had been since he had actually killed anyone! Before…the unfortunate incident, he’d been stuck in the chair, relying on Dru to bring him his food. Now…well now he just didn’t feel like it. He blamed it on his apathy towards unlife since he had lost the other half of himself, but he did wonder - only when he was drunk of course - if he didn’t do it because he knew it would upset his unexpected new friend. Because there was no denying it - no matter what the circumstances were surrounding this new turn in their relationship, they had somehow become friends. Although she didn’t actively slay anymore, he knew she couldn’t just let him go out and kill the odd stranger here and there. So bagged blood it was…not that he wouldn’t kill if the opportunity arose…just…not unnecessarily.

“You workin’ tonight goldilocks?” he called out to Buffy as she explored the two bedrooms.

“Yeah!” he heard her reply before she came back into the room and picked up her bags. Spike got up to follow her, absently noting that she’d picked the room he liked - the one with the large bay windows and a view over the city…well he’d complain about it later. The other room wasn’t bad; the view just wasn’t as good!

“Want me to meet you afterwards so we can go pick up some furniture for this place? You know you’ll only complain if I pick everythin’ without you!” he added almost as an after thought “Bossy little chit.”

All Buffy did was turn around and grin at him. She knew it was just a token insult; hell she even called him fang breath from time to time. “Sure! I finish at ten.”

Spike nodded and turned to leave, but he tapped something with his foot. Bending down, he picked up Mr Gordo, Buffy’s stuffed pig. He studded it, taking in the various scents that adorned its plush coat - Buffy, Joyce, ink, xander, orange juice, Willow, fabric softener…Angel? The other scents could be easily explained, but why would the grandpoof have his scent all over it as well?

“You dropped this.” He said, handing her the pig, not giving it anymore thought - its up to her who she lets handle her pig!

As Buffy took Mr Gordo from him he saw her eyes begin to mist and could only guess at what she was thinking.

“I’m gonna go have a shower and get ready for work.” Buffy mumbled to Spike, hoping to get past him before the first tears fell.

Spike watched her leave. He knew she was going to cry about the things she had lost and left behind. He knew she avoided crying in front of him. She didn’t want to remind him of why she was crying, of why he used to cry. She didn’t want to send him into one of his violent rages he used to be so fond of when all he could feel was anger and grief.

“Bugger.” He said softly, shaking his head. He’d buy her some chocolate later. She liked chocolate, maybe it would help…

“Stupid late vampire!” Buffy muttered as she paced the walk in front of the diner where she worked a few days later. “Never on time!” She glanced at her watch once more. Ten thirty. *To hell with this* she thought, and began to walk towards the bus stop.

“Anne…Anne…Buffy?”

Buffy whipped around at the sound of her name. She found herself facing a girl she had served a few days earlier…Lilly was it?

“You are Buffy right?” the girl asked nervously. “From Sunnydale?”

Buffy shuddered at the memories invoked by such a simple phrase but nodded silently.

“Oh good!” Lilly breathed a sigh of relief “You have to help me!”

“I do?” Buffy asked, confused. She looked around, wishing Spike would hurry up.

“It’s Ricky. He’s missing, I can’t find him anywhere!” Lilly replied franticly

“Ricky?” Buffy asked, completely lost

“That guy I was with. Please you have to help me…you know about stuff!” Lilly pleaded.

Buffy sighed. She knew this wasn’t going to go away. She suspected that Ricky might have just gotten bored and gone off on his own. What harm would it do to just check a couple of places with this girl since Spike seemed to be a no show?

“Fine!” She said eventually, exasperated. “Where do you guys normally hang?”

Bugger, bugger, bugger, Spike thought as he ran towards the diner. Buffy was going to kill him for sure this time. He hadn’t meant to be late, but what does the girl expect if they show Monty python re-runs on cable. Hopefully the huge bar of Belgian chocolate he carried in his duster pocket would sweeten he up a little - no pun intended. When he reached the diner however, she was nowhere in sight. He glanced at his watch - ten forty-five. He’d been later than this before and Buffy normally waited. She gave him hell afterwards, but she waited. Spike didn’t want to consider why he suddenly became very nervous. She was the slayer; she could take care of herself…right?

What if she’d picked up some guy and had gone back to his place? (He was studiously NOT thinking about why such an idea made him nauseous) She’d be pretty pissed if he followed her and barged in on a make-out session. But that didn’t seem like Buffy at all. She’d at least call and tell him not to bother meeting her! Right! It was decided then. He’d pick up her scent, follow it, and if she were with some guy he’d just leave her to it and grill her about it when she got home! There settled!

Spike breathed in deeply, carefully singling out that unique scent that was Buffy. Yep she’d been here recently - and she wasn’t alone. There was another scent in the air that was faintly familiar. He couldn’t place it just yet, but he was sure it would come to him. At least it didn’t seem threatening. After about half an hour of walking, Buffy’s scent led him to a rather run down looking building, a sign that read ‘Family Home’ hung over the door. ‘Family Home’, why did that sound familiar?

Realisation suddenly filled Spikes consciousness. He’d heard about this place when he’d been playing poker with a couple of the local demons. It was a demon run workshop! They’d lure in unsuspecting runaways and work them in a hell dimension until they were past retirement age then spat them back out into this world where barely a day had passed. He remembered thinking it was quite cleaver when he’d heard about it. But surely Buffy wouldn’t fall for a scam like that; she wasn’t a run away…well not a homeless one anyway! But there was no doubt about it, the nose knows! Sighing, hoping he hadn’t lost too much time, Spike went quickly into the building to find it surprisingly empty.

When he saw the pool of what looked like murky water, he knew he had stumbled onto something. He’d seen the ‘disguise a portal as a paddling pool’ trick before. He almost sighed again before deciding that he sighed way to much as it was and jumped into the pool, not surprised when he went straight through and landed on his feet somewhere he just knew wasn’t the basement.

Further ahead he heard various cries and moans, the occasional scream. Thinking it was as good a place to start as any he headed in that direction. He couldn’t keep the smile form his lips when he heard a very familiar voice.

“I’m Buffy, the vampire slayer! And you are?”

His smile broke into an outright grin when the voice was quickly followed by the unmistakeable sound of a battle not too far ahead. Soon Spike saw people of various ages running from the fray, presumably towards the exit. That was when he spotted a very tired looking slayer holding up a gate, allowing the captured runaways to escape. He let out a low chuckle.

“Chaos, panic, disorder. Your work pet?” he called.

Buffy looked up, surprised yet pleased to see him. “Just shut up and help me hold this thing will you?” Spike shrugged and did as he was told.

When the last prisoner was free, Buffy and Spike went to leave themselves, followed by Lilly who seemed very nervous, hiding behind Buffy whenever he glanced in her direction.

“Is there something wrong?” Spike asked, more out of curiosity than actual caring. Buffy looked between the two, understanding hit her when she saw Lilly’s hand reach up to her neck.

“Ohhh!” Buffy cried. “Remember ford? The one who sold me out to you? Well Lilly here was in his cult - you bit her before I came in and kicked your ass!”

“I did?” Spike asked, at Buffy’s nod he turned to Lilly - so that’s why that other scent had been familiar. “Sorry ‘bout that ducks!”

Lilly mumbled something about it not being a problem before they were distracted by the moans of one of their demon captors.

“You bitch!” The demon formally known as Ken spat. “You ruined everything!”

Spike smiled. “Hey Slayer, why don’t you show him your Ghandi impression?”

Buffy grinned at spike and picked up a discarded club that she quickly used to smash Ken’s head into mush.

“Ghandi?” Lilly asked, mildly horrified by what she had just seen.

Buffy shrugged as they continued towards the exit. “Well y’know…if he was really pissed off!”

“Got everything Slayer?” Spike asked, appearing in the doorway to Buffy’s room a few hours later.

“Yeah, I think that’s it.” She replied quietly, turning face him.

“You sure you don’t want me to drive you to the bus station?” He asked for the twentieth time. Buffy smiled. She knew he was just trying to delay this.

“It’s ok. It’s best if I go on my own. But thanks.”

“No worries.” He replied, turning to leave. It was just too painful to watch his friend, his best friend if truth be told, packing up to leave him behind. Sure he’d been the one to tell her it was ok to return to Sunnydale, that it was the right thing to do, to not worry about him being on his own…but that didn’t mean he had to watch. He was stilled by Buffy’s hand on his arm.

“I mean it Spike.” She said softly “Thank you for everything. I wouldn’t have made it through these three months without you!”

Spike shrugged and looked at the floor, uncomfortable with the level of emotion in the room. “Same here pet.” He mumbled. If she had been anyone other than the slayer, she would have missed his quiet admission.

As Buffy hugged her friend goodbye, she vowed not to let him disappear from her life forever. No matter if he couldn’t be part of her life back in Sunnydale, she knew he would always hold a special place in her heart…

Several hours later as Buffy hugged her mother for the first time in months, Spike was trying to sleep. He tried to tell himself that he was sleeping in the room that had been Buffy’s because he liked the view better, because he would have taken that room if she hadn’t claimed it first. It wasn’t because it still smelled like her, it wasn’t because he felt comforted by the lingering after effects of her presence…and it definitely wasn’t because he missed her!

Chapter 4: Letters and dreams

//Hey Spike!

I know it’s been a while but you would not believe how hectic it has been around here! I mean seriously insane! Just last week I had to fight off a horde of zombies who were raised by this mask thing my mom had at her gallery. It was so gross! I had to shove a shovel through this zombie Gods eyes to kill it…come to think of it you’d probably have enjoyed yourself!

My mom’s doing okay now. I think she’s slowly coming to terms with the whole slayer gig. I mean she doesn’t like it but at least she’s accepted that it’s who I am, not something I have a choice in. I’ll do my best to get that cocoa recipe I was telling you about, but if I start asking cooking questions she’s going to get majorly suspicious. I suppose I could always tell her it’s for a friend, but then she’d ask loads of questions about said friend and if I told her said friend was actually a vampire she’d hit over the head with an axe, I think ‘freaking out’ would be a mild estimation of her reaction.

On the subject of friends things are getting back to normal with the gang! I can’t believe Xander and Cordy are still going strong. They fight and bicker a lot but that’s just them you know? It’s kind of like us really, fighting but in a good way! Now I know you are rolling your eyes at being compared to Xander, but it’s a compliment - honest! Then there’s Willow and Oz. To think that this time last year Will was mooning over Xander…I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cuter couple than those two…

I know this makes me sound like a total bitch but sometimes I just get so jealous of them all. They’re my friends and I love them, but they all have each other, they’re all in happy relationships and then there’s just me. Alone. I know, I know! I’m just a teenager and I needn’t worry about settling down just yet - I’ve heard the line a thousand times from my mom! But I’m the slayer Spike - I don’t have as long as everyone else does…

Ok I’ll stop with the moping! It’s just not as easy without my live in chocolate provider - here I have to buy my own, and I can’t afford the expensive stuff like you!

I’ve started training with Giles again. Apparently my skills didn’t slip too much over the summer - I suppose I have your pain in the ass self to thank for that. If you hadn’t provoked me as often as you did I don’t think I’d have had half as many fights! I think I miss it. Giles is a great watcher…but he’s not exactly up to your standards in a fight, it’s not much of a challenge to beat on him! That sounds so mean - sulking because my watcher doesn’t put up much of a fight! But you know what I mean don’t you? What good’s a fight unless you have to try your best?

They’ve been asking me a lot of questions about…what happened. I haven’t told them everything. They don’t now about the soul, they don’t know that you helped me. I would have expected Xander to figure it out since he was there at the time but he didn’t have a clue - I don’t think they’d believe me even if I did tell them now anyway. They were all like ‘Did Spike get away? Do you think he’ll come back?’ Besides, I know you well enough to be pretty sure that you don’t want you Big Bad reputation to be sullied!

Oh, I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you! There’s a new slayer in town - Faith! She’s…. well I don’t really know what to say about her. Everyone seems to like her, mom, the scoobies…She’s into the whole violence and sex thing…she’s kind’a like the female version of you really!

A guy asked me out at school today - I got back in by the way (I think Ripper made an appearance with Snyder). Well he’s asked me out a couple of times but I only just said yes. I got freaked out when he gave me a ring like…like the one I got for my birthday, but he was so sweet about it. We’re going out at the weekend. I’m nervous and excited at the same time. I wish you were here to tell me I looked pretty in whatever outfit I chose. I know you only said that stuff to get me to shut up so you could follow Passions properly, but it helps a girls self esteem to hear that from a guy! Xander wouldn’t be happy unless I was wearing overalls and had greasy hair - He wants me to be the man repeler!

I guess I better get going if I want to post this on the way to school. I hope you’re doing ok out there on your own. You really should get a phone so I could call you or something! Well you know my number if you want to call me!

Don’t be a stranger

Buffy xx//

Buffy finished the letter, signing off with a smiley face as always and carefully sealed it in the envelope. She looked at the name and address she had written on it earlier and smiled - William Summers. She laughed every time she saw that name. When Spike had gone to sign the lease for their apartment he hadn’t been able to remember his own last name and had signed hers instead! She’d teased him mercilessly of course - she was forever calling him Mr Summers!

With a wistful sigh she put the letter in her backpack and headed off for school, hoping to hear a response from her secret friend soon…

Spike tossed and turned in his sleep. This was normal for him in the weeks since Buffy had left. It had been like this for the first month or so after Sunnydale, but eventually the dreams had begun to calm down. Now however, they were back with a vengeance. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had a decent days sleep. Granted his hyperactive nature had always stopped him from sleeping for more than a few hours at a time, but now when he tried to sleep he would be woken by nightmares after no more than half an hour.

It was always the same few dreams. They seemed to have gotten together and formed a schedule to try and drive him out of his mind.

The first dream would always start at the mansion. He would be fighting with Dru. But instead of her jumping into hell, he would be the one who pushed her. He would be able to see her wailing on the other side of the portal, reaching out to him. Asking why he refused to help her, why he had condemned her so.

In the next dream he would find himself alone in a pitch-black room. So dark that even his keen vampiric eyes wouldn’t be able to pick anything out of the gloom. All he would be able to hear were the accusing screams of his lost love, tearing into him for failing her.

His third dream would be similar to the second. But instead of Dru’s accusations, all he would hear would be the heat-wrenching sobs of the slayer.

His final, and perhaps most disturbing dream, would see him on a beach, watching Dru and Angelus walking off into the moonlight, leaving him behind, despite his cries to get their attention. He would always turn around to find himself on the same beach, but during the day. He would watch as Buffy walked away from him, wrapped in the arms of a man whose face he could not see. No one would answer his screams, his pleas not to be left alone again.

Whenever he awoke from one of these dreams, usually screaming, his first instinct would be to run to Buffy and have her tell him that it was only a dream, that it was over now…like she had done so many times in the past. Like he had done for her so many times in return. But slowly reality would draw closer, and he would remember that the slayer wasn’t there anymore, that he had been asleep in the room that barely hung to the remnants of her comforting scent…because she was gone…and he was alone.

Lying back on the pillows, trying to still the unnecessary breaths he was taking, he wondered, now that he had no one to chase away his nightmares anymore, who did Buffy run to when she was alone in the dark?

Chapter 5: Pondering about angels

1471.

1472.

1473.

Buffy stared at the ceiling above her bed, twirling a stake in her hands, trying to stave off the 1474^{th temptation to pick up the phone or to reach for the special black paper and silver pen she used to write to Spike.}

*He deserves to know!* Commented the logical part of her brain that she had affectionately named Giles. *And if you don’t tell him he’ll find out somehow! You know he will!*

*Well if he finds out on his own I wont have to tell him!* replied the ‘Xander’ section of her brain, eager to avoid the inevitable fall out that would follow the revelation.

*But don’t you think it’ll hurt him if he finds out that you knew and didn’t tell him?* The considerate ‘Willow’ lobe pointed out.

Buffy grabbed a pillow, covered her face and screamed. How the hell had this happened? She had found out that Angel had miraculously returned from whatever hell dimension he had been sent to nearly a month ago - and she hadn’t spoken to Spike since. She was desperate to talk to one of her best friends about this sudden turn of events, to confide in Spike, to tell him how she felt about all of this, like she had done so many times over the summer! He always helped her make sense of what was going on in her head - he’d had over a century of trying make sense of a mad woman’s ramblings after all! And his own thought processes weren’t exactly always logical. He was forever going off on some weird tangent…kinda like she was doing right now! Unfortunately, she had a feeling that this was the one thing she couldn’t talk to Spike about.

How could she explain to the man who had been torn apart by the loss of his love that hers had returned…yet Drusilla was still gone? It would destroy him all over again!

She knew she would have to speak to him again soon…but not before she had worked out exactly what to say to him.

“Oh hey Spike,” She said out loud - testing out ideas. “Oh I’m fine, I miss you too! Oh by the way the love of my life is back fresh from hell! What? Dru? No. No sign of her but let me rub my happiness in your face!” She snorted “Yeah that’ll work!”

She knew it was unfair to just disappear without a word. She’d gotten a letter from him just this morning asking if everything was ok, wondering why he hadn’t heard from her in so long - well other than a couple of voice mails left on his cell phone when she knew he would be sleeping. She could handle talking to a machine, but she knew she would crumble the second she heard his voice and spill the whole sorry story. What would it do to him to hear that kind of thing over the phone or to read it in a letter when there would be no one there to comfort him? She had considered going up to LA to talk to him face to face, but that would be hard to do - her mom and the scoobies were still reluctant to let her go too far on her own due to residual fear of her running off again…well that and her covering up about Angel’s reappearance in the first place! She couldn’t see it going down too well with either party if she took one or more of the scoobies to go see William the bloody - he had tried to kill them all a few times after all!

Buffy suppressed another scream. Life had been so much simpler when it was Slayer + stake + vampire = vampire dust! Why had soulful vampire lovers and former mortal enemy turned unwilling ally turned best friend been added to what had once been a very uncomplicated equation? She hated math!

“Just bloody well get it over with!” she chastised her self, unwittingly borrowing one of Spikes favourite phrases - that’s what three months together with an Englishman will do to you! (A/N: yes I can say this because I’m English!) Picking up the phone beside her bed, Buffy dialled the number she now knew off by heart and hoped Spike would answer soon before she lost her nerve! …

The patrons in Caritas sat transfixed, staring at the stage. They all knew the vampire by reputation of course! Who hadn’t heard of Spike aka William the Bloody? But none of them had ever heard him sing before…and they’d definitely never seen him play the guitar! The strong, melodic voice that filled the bar was unhindered by the drunken state of the vampire that provided it.

// She comes home to me after a hard night's work//

//Falls in my arms and sleeps like a bird//

//Startle, wakes up, like she don't know me//

//Cocks back her fist like she's going to slug me//

//Like, who are you anyway//

//And what are you doing to me?//

Spike smiled at his own turn of phrase. He and the slayer had woken up like that many times in the early days - both of them falling asleep only to forget where they were in the morning! Spike’s voice may have been strong, but internally he felt like a mess. It had been nearly a month since he’d been able to speak to the slayer, a month of endless nightmares, another month where he couldn’t be bothered to kill anything. And it scared him senseless - he was William the Bloody - Slayer of Slayers, part of a quartet of vampires known as the Scourge of Europe! Now he was falling apart because one small girl wasn’t there to help him pick up the pieces anymore!

// She's an angel//

//But she can't see it//

//She's got wings,//

//But she can't feel 'em//

//She's an angel//

//But she can't see it//

//But she's flying above me every day//

//Every day of my life//

On some level Spike knew that it was probably a good thing that the slayer seemed to be distancing herself from him. After all, she was the SLAYER for crying out loud! He was supposed to kill her, not sulk because she wasn’t there to hold his hand! When had unlife gotten so complicated?

//Bright diamond eyes with daggers beneath them//

//She carries the chains of a million decisions//

//That weren't even hers to begin with anyway//

//But she carries them all//

//All the people around her//

//Never even notice that she's very very tired//

As Spike sang, he continued to think about the slayer - he needn’t concentrate on the song - he wrote it, he knew it by heart! He realised that it wasn’t just the comforting presence he missed. He missed being needed, he missed having her turn to him when she needed to talk about things, he missed the three hour phone calls he would get from her just after he had bought the cell phone, when she would tell him all the little things that she couldn’t tell the scoobies. He liked being the one she told all her troubles to.

// She's an angel//

//But she can't see it//

//She's got wings,//

//But she can't feel 'em//

//She's an angel//

//But she can't see it//

//But she's flying above me every day//

//Every day of my life//

With a flourish, Spike finished his song and jumped from the stage, heading right for the bar - he felt a desperate need to get very wasted tonight.

“Fan of irony aren’t you?” asked a voice from his left, just as he was about to down the blood and vodka he’d just ordered. Turning to face the voice, he saw a green skinned demon with little red horns peering at him intently.

With his 120 plus years of experience, rapier wit and three figure IQ, Spike replied with the most intelligent answer he could come up with. “Huh?”

The demon laughed. “She’s an Angel? It’s just funny on so many levels! And that line about slugging you? An absolute classic!”

Spike nodded cautiously. Sure he’d written the song about the slayer before she had headed back to Sunnydale while he had been trying to work out why the hell he didn’t want to kill her anymore…What he didn’t get was how this guy knew that!

“I can read your aura while you sing sweetie!” The demon said, as if answering his unspoken question. Spike’s eyebrow shot up about an inch before surprise was replaced by his trademark smirk.

“And what is my aura tellin’ ya then mate?” he asked, curious.

“She’s got something to tell you, something important.” The demon replied, all hint of humour vanishing from his voice. “The kind of thing you should probably hear in person. Get my point?”

Spike stared at this unusual creature a few seconds more. Panic washing through him at the thought that something could be desperately wrong with his slayer.

*Since when had she become ‘my’ slayer?* the drunk part of his mind asked.

The sober part of his brain, the part that was currently flooded with panic replied *Since she put you back together when you were happy to take a daylight stroll wanker!*

Without another glance at the demon and without paying for his drink, now left untouched on the bar, Spike fled the club and to his DeSoto, desperate to be in Sunnydale as quickly as possible, not hearing the quiet ringing of the cell phone in his duster pocket.

Chapter 6: Hearts divided

As Buffy stared at the newly decorated Christmas tree she wondered what all of her friends were doing right now.

Giles was probably cross-referencing - the man had a strange definition of fun!

Cordy was probably at some high society bash - fine if you like hanging around a bunch of stuck up snobs she supposed.

Willow had told her that she was doing something special with Oz tonight. Buffy blushed at the thought of what that ‘special’ something was. *God I’ve just been celibate too long!* she chided herself.

Faith claimed she was at some party… which roughly translated as ‘I’ve gone to kill things and get laid’!

Xander was camping out in his yard trying to avoid the annual Harris drink fest. She felt a twinge of sympathy for the boy.

Angel was studiously not thinking about the fact it was Christmas and had told her specifically not to get him anything. She pouted at that. So what if they weren’t exactly together anymore? What harm could a present do between friends?

And then there was Spike. The latest and most unexpected addition to her list of friends. She smiled as she thought of the peroxide pest as she’d affectionately dubbed him. She felt a little bad that her other friends knew nothing of the support he had given her over the last six months, that they had no idea about the softer side that he allowed so few to see…but another part was glad that he was her ‘secret friend’. It made it seem more special, like he belonged to her and she didn’t have to share him with anyone.

*Whoa Buff! Since when did you think of Spike as yours?* She quickly shook the thought off as she fingered the small box in her hand. She still hadn’t Spoken to him except to leave a few voicemails, not that she hadn’t tried, he just didn’t seem to be answering her calls. Still, she would try again later, and put his present in the post tomorrow! *What are you doing right now Spike?* she asked silently, as if expecting the angel on top of the tree to have some kind of answer…

Spike was, right at that moment in fact, hiding from the sun in the burnt out factory. He’d arrived in Sunnyhell just as the sun was rising. He’d considered going to the mansion but decided against it - too many bad memories. So instead he sat on the destroyed bed, staring at the remains of Miss Edith the first, bemused by his lack of tears. Maybe the pain was finally beginning to lessen…that or he had bigger things on his mind. Things he was going to find answers for as soon as the bloody sun set…

“I wanted to schedule a college talk for later tonight.” Joyce was saying on the other end of the line. Buffy rolled her eyes and suppressed a groan. This was all she’d heard all day from everyone. It was as if they were desperate to got rid of her or something!

“Mom…” She tried to interrupt, eager to get back to the simpler task of training, but her mother was on a roll.

“You don’t have to go away. We can talk about some near by colleges. Ok?” said Joyce, amiably.

Buffy was about to say just how not ok it was when another startlingly familiar voice interrupted on her behalf.

“Hello Joyce!”

SPIKE!!!!

In the space of ten seconds, several thoughts flashed through Buffy’s highly shocked brain:

Buffy dropped the phone and ran as fast as she could…

Spike had been pleasantly surprised when Joyce made him welcome. She knew he was a vampire, and from what Buffy had told him, she hadn’t been told about his friendship with her…yet here she was, sitting him down and making him cocoa - the stuff Buffy was forever ranting about!

He’d been relieved when his subtle questions as to the well being of the slayer had been answered, informing him that Buffy seemed to be doing fine. Settling back in, getting good marks in her SAT’s. In fact, Spike realised, she seemed to be doing a lot better without him than he was without her. He felt a slight pang at the thought that perhaps their time over the summer had been easily forgettable for her, but mostly he was just happy that she seemed to be happy. So instead of sulking, he decided to make the most of hospitality while it was offered and wait for the slayer to show up so she could yell at him for showing up out of the blue. Cheeky grin that no sane woman could resist in place, spike looked up at Joyce and asked in his most innocent voice:

“You got any of those little marshmallows?”

Joyce smiled, happy to have someone to mother who appreciated her efforts. “Let me go look!” she told him, standing and heading towards a cupboard. Grabbing the bag and setting it down on the counter she set about questioning this mysterious young man…well…vampire. She remembered that much from the night Buffy had left home at least. When she had first seen him standing at the back door she had been petrified, until his first question had been about her general welfare, asked with such honesty that she couldn’t doubt his lack of evil intentions. Joyce guessed that he thought he was being sneaky with his subtle questions about Buffy, but she could see right through him. Whenever he asked about her, there seemed such concern in his voice, as if he was worried about the answer, and such relief whenever she confirmed the positive. Joyce had no idea what Spike’s relationship was to her daughter, but he obviously cared deeply about her. And Joyce had a sneaking suspicion that Buffy hadn’t been as alone as she claimed over the summer.

“So how have you been?” She asked, simple questions first.

“So so.” He answered and Joyce sighed. It was going to be hard getting information out of this one!

“How’s that girlfriend of you yours? Drusilla was it?” Joyce instantly regretted her question the instant she saw the pain flicker across Spike’s face, some of the light that had grown in his eyes in the half hour he had been in her company began to dim.

“The slayer didn’t tell you?” He asked and a less than steady voice. He already knew the answer; he was just trying to buy time.

“I’m sorry Spike.” Said Joyce sincerely; guessing that what Buffy hadn’t told her had a dusty, or at least very unpleasant ending. She reached out to touch his shaking hand that clung to his cocoa as if for dear life.

“It’s Ok.” He said, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.” He hadn’t realised that it was the truth until he had said it. However, he wasn’t left time to ponder this wondrous realisation as a very unexpected voice sneered at him from the open backdoor.

“So it doesn’t hurt that the love of your unlife took a stroll into hell? Spike I’m shocked!”

Spike leapt to his feet, instinctively pushing Joyce behind him. His shock and disbelief sending him for a loop. This wasn’t possible…was it?

“Angelus?”…

Buffy arrived in her kitchen and cringed. She could see Angel in the doorway, fighting against the barrier, snarling.

“You touch her Spike and I’ll rip your head off!” He growled at the younger vampire in his most threatening tone of voice.

Buffy looked to where Spike stood, a terrified Joyce protectively placed behind him. She didn’t need to ask exactly which vampire she was actually scared of! She looked back at Angel incredulously. “Angel don’t you think if he was going to hurt her he would have done it already?” As she spoke every eye in the room became fixed on her. She gulped, reading the expressions in their eyes.

Joyce looked at her disapprovingly, silently asking ‘why didn’t you tell me?’

Angel looked at her in confusion. ‘Why are you standing up for Spike?’

But Spike…Confusion, hurt, fear…and just the tiniest bit of hope that she knew she was going to have to destroy all over again. She swallowed, fighting back tears at the pain she knew was about to be inflicted. Right now however, she had her mother and Angel to placate…*No I’m not delaying this, not at all…liar!*

“Angel, why don’t you come in?” Before Angel could lunge for Spike however, Buffy stood between them. “No Angel. Behave!”

Angel looked at her as if she were insane. “But Buffy it’s Spike. SPIKE! You remember him? The one who tried to kill you so many times!”

“I remember Angel.” Buffy replied calmly. “I also remember that he and I had a deal, a truce.”

“You did?” Angel was confused. “When?”

“When we teamed up to take out Angelus.” Angelus. Not Angel, Angelus! Buffy saw the hurt flicker in Angel’s eyes at the direction this conversation was going, but she couldn’t help that right now. “He agreed to leave and I agreed not to kill him. He hasn’t hurt anyone so the truce still stands!” *And he’s my best friend!*

“But he’s back now!” Angel practically yelled.

“Are you really surprised Angel?” She asked, trying to keep her voice casual. A difficult task considering the blow she was about to deliver. “He probably heard you came back and wanted to see if Dru was back too!”

“Yeah.” She heard Spike from behind her. “You didn’t think nobody would tell me did you peaches?” To Joyce and Angel, the comment was made with the usual snarkyness of Spike; only Buffy heard the hidden accusation in the words. She felt terrible.

“Well she’s not so you can just go crawl back to the rock you were hiding under can’t you?” Angel spat hatefully. He wasn’t happy about letting Spike get away again, but he knew Buffy wouldn’t back out of a deal.

“You right.” Replied Spike, his tone of voice painfully dull. “I guess I can.” And with that, he was gone…

“I better go after him.” Said Buffy, already grabbing her coat. She was halted however by Angel’s hand on her arm.

“Why Buffy? What does it matter as long as he’s gone?” he asked, a hint of something in his voice that Buffy didn’t want to identify.

“Just to make sure he actually leaves.” She covered quickly. “You know Spike!” *No you don’t. You don’t know anything about him!*

Angel must have accepted her answer however since he nodded and released her arm. Buffy ran as fast as she could, hoping that it was enough to catch up with Spike. She didn’t question how she knew which direction he had gone in, she just ran…

Chapter 7: Diverging paths

Spike was sure the tears were going to fall any second now, and he wasn’t particularly inclined to stop them. As he ran as fast as his vampire speed would allow back to the factory and his car he wondered what the main reason was for his distress, there seemed to be so many. Angel, the poof, the eternal pain in his ass, the one creature he loathed with all his being, the man who seemed to take everything from him - dignity, Drusilla, power…the slayer, was back from the hell Spike truly felt he deserved. His dark goddess was not, and if Spike were honest with himself she probably never would be. The Slayer knew all of this and hadn’t told him. Logically he reasoned, she probably found out around the time he had stopped hearing from her, meaning she had known for a month. That’s probably why she had suddenly cut herself off - the love of her life was back and she wanted to forget about the substitute vampire in her life. True he and Buffy had never been more than friends; both of them still too wrapped up in their grief to even consider anything else, but he thought he was at least important enough to her not to be cast aside so easily. Obviously he was wrong…and it hurt like hell!

Spike didn’t stop running until his hand was on the door handle of the DeSoto. He was about to yank it open and get the hell out of town, to crawl back under his rock like Peaches had suggested, when he felt an iron grip on his arm spin him around and slam him against the car. Before he could blink he found him self with his arms full of weeping slayer.

“Oh Spike…please…I’m sorry, so sorry…never meant…didn’t want to hurt you…was so scared…so sorry…please don’t hate me…” Her words trailed off into incoherent sobs as she clutched him tightly, as if afraid he would vanish if she let go.

Spike was stunned to say the least. He felt some of the anger he had been building against the petit blond huddled in his arms begin to dissipate. He could never stand to see her cry!

“Here now pet, hush. Come on luv, talk to me.” He said gently, trying to calm her down. She pulled back slightly to look up at him with wet eyes. Tears ran silently down her cheeks still, but her sobs had stopped.

“You’re not mad?” she asked cautiously in a small voice that sounded so strange coming from the usually strong and self-assured slayer.

Spike sighed. “I’m not mad slayer. I’m hurt but I’m not mad.”

“Hurt’s worse right?” she asked dejectedly. “I am sorry Spike. I really was going to tell you! I was! But I didn’t know how to say it and I didn’t want to tell you over the phone ‘cause I knew how upset you’d be and I couldn’t get up to LA to come see you and…”

“Slayer calm down.” He said smiling slightly in spite of the emotional blows he had received only half an hour ago. “Take a breath!”

Buffy smiled weakly. “I really am sorry Spike.”

“I know pet, I know.” He told her before pulling her into a gentle hug, reassuring her that they were fine, that he didn’t hold it against her.

After several minutes spent in comfortable silence they pulled apart and Buffy moved to lean against the Desoto. “So what now?”

“Now,” said Spike, moving to stand beside her “I head back to LA and you go back to your mum and Peaches, assuming they’re both still alive since I get the feeling she doesn’t like him too much, and you tell them the bad, naughty vampire ran away.”

Buffy smiled at his assessment of her mother’s feelings towards Angel. “You don’t have to-”

She was cut off by Spike. “Yes I do have to slayer! You have your whole life here and me being around just complicates things. I think your friends would stake me as soon as look at me for one thing!”

Buffy knew he was right but still felt the need to protest. “My mom likes you!”

Spike smiled and shook his head. “And I like your mum, she makes great cocoa. But it’s not enough slayer. I can’t be in this place, not yet…still too many painful memories for me here.” Buffy nodded, seeing the sense in what he said. It didn’t make her any less miserable about it though. “Besides,” he added “I think it’s pretty clear that you’re doing ok for yourself here without me, where as I’m still having trouble. I need to get used to being on my own again. I can’t keep relying on other people to put me back together. You helped me, you really did! But I have to do the rest alone slayer, if I stick around I’ll always have the temptation of running to you.”

“I like it when you run to me.” It was a simple truth and neither of them disputed it.

Spike smiled. “I’m not gonna vanish of the face of the earth slayer. You can still call or write if you need me. I’ll always be there for you.”

“Promise?” She asked, feeling a fresh wave of tears threatening to break free

“Promise.” He said gently, leading forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead. Once again they stood in comfortable silence for a minute or so, before Spike reluctantly said that it was time he got going if he was to get back to LA before sunrise.

“Ohhh let me give you your Christmas present first!” said Buffy excitedly, pulling the hastily wrapped box from her coat pocket and handing it to him.

Spike unwrapped it, marvelling at the first Christmas present he had received in over a century. When he saw what was in the tiny box however, he burst out laughing.

“No need to make fun!” pouted Buffy; put out that he didn’t like it.

“No, no, it’s not that Slayer I love it it’s just…here!” Spike reassured her, taking a similar small box out of his duster pocket and handing it to her. Buffy opened it, a puzzled frown on her face. Until she saw what was inside and burst out laughing herself…

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