Chapter 16: Goodnight Sweet Girl

As Buffy came storming into Spike’s crypt having not been able to catch Riley and beat him to a bloody pulp, Spike had just been waking up. Despite his assurances that he was fine and just in need of rest and blood, Buffy had insisted on taking him back to her house and keeping him with her until he was healed, or at least not as weak from the operation. Spike had given in reluctantly, all to aware of how little he would actually be able to relax in the house of the slayer who unknowingly had stolen his heart. The look in her eyes when he had initially refused however had caused him to immediately back down - sometimes he really hated the fact that she had him wrapped round her little finger.

When it came to sleeping arrangements there had been another battle. Buffy had wanted him to take the bed and she would have the floor. Spike wanted the couch, but Buffy refused to let him out of her sight. Spike had offered to have the floor and let her have the bed, pointing out that he was used to sleeping on a stone sarcophagus so the floor was actually a step up. Buffy had countered with the fact that he was injured and needed to be as comfortable as possible. The hour-long argument had been settled by Dawn who had come in to yell at them to shut up so SHE could get some sleep sometime that night. She suggested that they just share the bed; it was big enough for both of them after all!

And so that’s how Spike found himself in a T-shirt and boxers (something he was very unused to since he usually slept nude), in the slayers bed, watching her sleep when he was unable to do so himself. Gradually, over the last few hours she had managed to snuggle herself closer to spike until he had her nestled in his arms as she slept.

//Are we done for now,//

It had been a while since Spike had considered himself a poet. Looking back now he could admit that his early works had been, to put it bluntly, crap. Never the less, every now and then he would feel the muse in the back of his brain nagging him to put his feelings into words. He liked to think that in just over a century his writing had improved. Last time he had felt the need, his words had transformed into the song he had sung at Caritas that had then led him to his discovery of Angel’s return. He’d been understandably reluctant to write again after that. But watching the beautiful woman asleep in his arms now, the words seemed to form unbidden and he found himself singing gently so as not to wake her.

//Only girl for me is you//

//There can be no other one//

//If I didn't have faith//

//I would come undone//

And it was true. For while seriously doubted that she would ever feel the same way as him, she was the only girl he would ever love, and while she didn’t know how he felt she could not reject his love. As long as he kept quiet, he could still dream that one day she would tell him she felt the same.

//So much promise in your eyes//

//Seems that I can only see//

//It always makes me wonder//

//If you save it all for me//

And there were times, when she would look at him just so. When she would give him that private little smile when no one else was looking. Those times when she would just seek him out to talk when she felt the other scoobies wouldn’t understand. The times when he would feel her watching him, but she would turn away as soon as he glanced in her direction.

//Maybe you do//

//Maybe you don't//

//Maybe you should//

//Probably wont...//

He wondered if he was a fool to hope so much. Maybe he wasn’t hoping enough. Maybe he was just insane!

//Because there will be...//

//There will be other guys//

//Who will whisper in your ear//

//Say they'll take away you sadness//

//And your fears//

No one who looked at Buffy could fail to see her beauty or be charmed by her spirit. Hell, he was a soulless demon, proud to admit it! But she had still enraptured him. Of course she would always have men hanging off her every word. It would be ridiculous to expect her to be alone all her life. They would all whisper sweet nothings as they held her, much like he was doing now.

//They may be kind and true//

//They may be good for you//

//But they'll never care for you//

//More than I do//

Despite her bad luck so far, Spike had no doubts that one day she would find her prince charming and ride away into the sunset with him…no, make that sunrise - the poof had that much right, she did belong in the sun. As much as he hated them, and hated to admit it, he did believe that Peaches and captain cardboard had loved the blonde beauty that was now reaching out to wrap her arm around his waist, smiling at what were obviously pleasant dreams. But none of them would love her with the same passion that he did. He didn’t want to coddle her or wrap her up in cotton wool. He didn’t feel the need to fight everything for her - he wanted to fight it right along with her, by her side, to love her while she was in her element.

//I'll be always there//

//There to the end//

//I can't do much //

//But be your one true friend//

He would be there for her in whatever capacity she would allow and he would never intentionally let her down. He would always be first in line to back her up.

//To the end//

//Through the end//

//Our lives to spend//

//With each other till the end//

//Of time...//

No matter what beastie reared its ugly head, no matter what apocalypse waited around the next corner, he would gladly follow her into hell and back. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that there was a high probability that he would outlive the already ‘old’ slayer (in terms of life expectancies that is). He was a vampire, technically he could live forever…but he knew he wouldn’t live forever without her in his unlife. Once she died so would he. So he would literally be there with her until their end.

//Still see the promise in your eyes//

//And still wonder if it's for me//

//But I know it's still there//

//Even when you sleep//

She seemed so peaceful as she slept. The normal worries of everyday life no longer weighed her down. Even though her eyes were closed he could still see the fire in them. He knew she walked in all of his dreams and wondered if he occasionally made an appearance in hers. Whatever she was dreaming she was enjoying it, judging by the contented murmurs that escaped her lips. Spike yawned, his exhaustion and fatigue from the strains of an overly eventful day finally catching up with him. With a small smile, he uttered the last words of his improvised song.

//So I say, good night sweet girl//

With a light kiss on her forehead, Spike settled down into the pillows that smelled so sweetly of her. “Love you.” He mumbled as he finally gave into the pull of sleep and dreams of his slayer, unaware of the eavesdropping, wide-eyed fourteen year old listening from just outside the door…

Chapter 17: I know something you don’t know!

Spike didn’t bother to take his head out of the fridge when the door to his crypt swung open. He knew who it was.

“What you doing here Nibblet?” He asked.

“How did you know it was me?” She asked, trying not to sound too impressed and failing miserably. Spike turned to face her, smile on his face and glass of blood in his hand. With his free hand he tapped his nose. Dawn nodded in understanding.

“So back to my question.” He said as he sat down on his sarcophagus, gesturing for her to come closer. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ll leave if you want me to.” She said, pouting.

Spike shook his head. “That’s not what I said Nibblet. You know I don’t mind you being here, but you usually get dropped off by big sis and since I don’t see her anywhere…” He trailed off and raised an eyebrow, indicating it was time for her to elaborate.

Dawn sighed. “I was just so sick of being at home. It’s like nobody knows how to talk to me anymore. You’re the only one who doesn’t look at me like an alien!”

Spike smiled kindly at her. “S’not their fault pet, they just don’t know how to deal with it is all.”

“But I’m still me.” She insisted sadly. “No one had a problem with me till they found out I wasn’t technically human. Originally anyway.”

Spike chuckled ruefully. “Well I was human. I got over it.” Dawn smiled at that. “Don’t worry about the others, they’ll get over themselves soon enough.”

Dawn took a seat next to him - not too close, that made him uncomfortable. “If that’s true then why do they still treat you like that?” She asked.

Spike thought before he answered, not sure how much she remembered of his first stay in Sunnydale and his determination to kill his third slayer. “Because you never tired to kill any of them bit. They have plenty of reasons not to like me.”

“But I don’t believe that!” She insisted. “You’ve saved us way more times than you’ve tried to kill any of us. I think they’re just being mean!”

Spike was touched what she said, he felt his heart swell at the statement of acceptance in her words. He wondered if it was a trait of Summers women to be so adorable.

“Appreciate the thought bit.” He told her sincerely as he lit up a cigarette “But don’t worry too much. S’not like I can stand any of them anyway.”

“But you like Buffy though.” It was a statement more than a question.

“Well yeah.” Spike replied, confused. “She’s ok for a slayer I guess.”

“But you REALLY like her don’t you.” Dawn stated, a knowing smile on her face.

Spike frowned in puzzlement. “What are you getting at pet?”

Dawn grinned. “You’re in love with her!”

Hearing what she said Spike began to actually choke on his cigarette. “What was that?” He asked in disbelief.

Dawn began to bounce up and down in excitement at his reaction. “You do! You love Buffy!”

“No way!” He said weakly. “She’s the slayer. I’d never love her!” Even he noticed the lack of conviction in his voice but he refused to give in just yet. “What makes you say that?”

“I heard you singing the other night. I heard you tell her when she was asleep.” She told him simply and spike groaned. There was no way of getting out of this.

“Have you told her?” He asked, not sure what he wanted the answer to be.

“No.” She said. “But I think you should tell her.”

“No!” Spike stated vehemently. “And your not going to tell her either!”

“But...” She tried to protest.

“No dawn! You have to promise not to tell her!” He insisted.

Dawn batted her eyelashes innocently. “Would I do such a thing?” Spike growled at her in response…

Buffy was whistling as she walked through her front door, amazed at how much her mood had improved since Riley had left town.

“Dawn?” Joyce called from the kitchen.

“No mom it’s me.” Buffy replied taking off her coat.

“Is Dawn with you?” Joyce asked, coming out of the kitchen, a worried expression on her face.

“No.” Buffy replied. “What’s wrong?”

Joyce sighed. “She didn’t come home form school today.”

Buffy felt the panic rise in her gut. Images of Glory or God knows what else getting hold of her sister flooding through her mind. She quickly put her coat back on. 2I’ll go find her.” She declared, heading out once more…

“And the lady just invited you in?” dawn asked incredulously in a hushed voice. She sat opposite Spike on the lid of the sarcophagus, the whole crypt illuminated only by a few scattered candles. The whole image eerily reminiscent of campfire scary story scenes from hundreds of horror movies.

After enduring hours of ‘when did you know you loved Buffy?’, ‘why do you love Buffy?’, ‘Why wont you tell Buffy?’ and so on Spike had decided to try the only thing he could to get Dawn to shut up - scare the hell out of her!

“Well I had hubby through the throat didn’t I?” he replied in a quiet voice, matching hers. “Told her I’d let him live if she invited me in.”

“And did you?” She asked, “Let them live?”

“What do you think?” He grinned. Dawn gulped and paled slightly. “Too much for you?” He asked concerned.

“No!” Dawn replied quickly, determined not to be scared. “Go on.”

“Right. So I kill ‘em all right quick. But there’s someone missing. A little girl.” He continued.

“What did you do?” Dawn whispered

“Well I got real quiet and listened real hard.” He told her “The I heard this little sigh coming from the coal bin. So I stayed quiet and…”

BANG

Spike and Dawn both jumped up and yelped in surprise, both having been lost in the story as the door of the crypt was thrown open.

“Bloody hell.” Spike muttered, cursing his own ridiculous behaviour.

“Spike I need you help! Dawn’s…” Buffy paused as she took in the sight of her sister and Spike sitting cross-legged opposite each other in the centre of the crypt. “…Right here.” She finished.

Dawn looked at her watch and her eyes widened. She hadn’t meant to stay this long.

“What are you doing here Dawn?” Buffy asked, both relieved to have found her and angry that she had made her and her mother worry.

“Sorry.” Dawn replied sheepishly. “Spike was just telling this really cool story…”

Buffy sighed and shook her head. “Well Spike can finish his story another time Dawn. Mom’s been worried sick!”

Spike, who had until now been silent snapped his head towards Dawn at this. “You told me she knew you were here!”

“Sorry.” Dawn mumbled again quietly, not meeting his gaze.

Spike shook his head and turned to Buffy. “Sorry slayer. I wouldn’t have let he stay if I knew you’d be worried.”

“It’s okay Spike,” she told him. “It’s not your fault.”

Buffy rubbed her eyes as her tiredness began to catch up with her. The adrenaline and determination to find Dawn having kept her relatively alert until now. She wondered how long it had been since she’d had a proper rest. Her actions were not missed by Spike.

“You ok Slayer?” He asked quietly.

Buffy Sighed and looked up at him. She could really use the support of her best friend right now. “Dawn could you wait outside for a minute.” She asked her sister. “Just scream if something tries to eat you.”

Dawn grumbled in protest but did as she was told. She winked at Spike behind Buffy’s back as she reached the door, mouthing the words ‘tell her’. Spike growled at her in response and she quickly ran out, shutting the door behind her. The moment the door closed Buffy collapsed into Spike’s arms, allowing his strength to hold her up for now. He held her gently, stroking her hair.

“S’alright Buffy.” He mumbled reassuringly. “I’m here, talk to me.”

“Oh Spike.” Buffy sighed, pulling back slightly to look at him, seeing the friendly concern in his eyes. She smiled. She always felt better when he held her. That night he had stayed at her house, in her bed had been the best sleep she’d had in months…and the lusty dreams his proximity had caused hadn’t been unenjoyable either! “I’m just so tired.” She told him after moments of silence. “Mom being sick, Dawn being sick, Glory. Everything. It’s just wearing me out you know?”

“Yeah.” He said quietly, pulling her closer once more. One hand holding her head to his chest over his unbeating heart, his other hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. “I know.”…

A few minutes later Buffy emerge form the crypt feeling much better, the kind of better that only Spike could make her. As she and Dawn headed out of the cemetery she knew she should probably say something to the teen about running off and scaring everyone.

“What were you doing here Dawnie?” She asked

“Just hanging with Spike.” She replied simply.

Buffy roiled her eyes. “I could see that!” she said. “What I meant was why? It’s dangerous out here!”

“Spike wouldn’t hurt me!” Dawn cried angrily, startling Buffy.

“I know that.” Buffy replied calmly. “But the hundred and one evil things lurking between here and the house might.”

“Spike wouldn’t let them hurt me.” Dawn mumbled, looking at the floor. “He’s cool.”

Buffy looked at her sister form the corner of her eye, half grin in place. “You have a crush on him!” She teased lightly.

“Do not!” Dawn insisted, the blush creeping over her face belying her words.

“You so do have a crush!” Buffy sing songed, laughing at her sisters now grumpy expression.

“I so don’t!” Dawn repeated. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter! He’d never notice in a million years. Not with you around!”

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, stopping Dawn with a hand on her arm. “What does it matter if I’m around or not?”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “You’re as clueless as he is!”

“Dawn what are you talking about?” Buffy asked confused.

“Oh come on Buffy you didn’t notice?” At Buffy’s confused look she continued. “Spike’s totally in love with you!”

Buffy blinked almost in slow motion. Her chest reacting very strangely to her sister’s words. Her heart felt almost like it was filling and compressing at the same time, and her breath caught in his throat. “Huh?”

Chapter 18: A secret revealed

Spike sat at a makeshift desk in the lower level of his crypt, scribbling in a notebook he had stolen from the magic box. It wasn’t great, but it would do. It’s not like anyone else was going to read the lines he wrote here. He wouldn’t have bothered to write them down at all but sometimes it felt as if his brain was so full there wouldn’t be room for anything else, so he wrote things down to get them out of the way. Buffy had left with Dawn an hour before and Spike couldn’t help but be worried about her. She seemed so run down, so stressed. He wished there was more he could do for her. So intent was he on his thoughts and his writing that he was surprised by the bang of the Crypt door being thrown open and the angry footsteps heading across the floor. Before Spike could reach the ladder however, a furious looking Buffy had jumped down.

“Buffy luv?” He asked cautiously as she stalked towards him. “What’s wrong? Did the nibblet forget something?”

All he received in answer however was a sharp slap in the face. It wasn’t a particularly hard blow, but it had been unexpected enough to snap his head around. When he recovered his senses hurt and confused stormy blue eyes turned to meet fiery hazel ones.

“What was that for slayer?” Spike asked, his tone much calmer than he felt.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded.

“Tell you what?” He asked, confused. “What am I supposed to have done?”

Buffy wasn’t listening however. “I spend months with that looser Riley to try and get over it, I spend nights crying myself to sleep thinking about what I can’t have! And then I find out that you could have stopped it anytime you felt like it!”

Spike watched her pace, getting more puzzled with each passing second. “Buffy...” he tried to break in, but she was having none of it.

“I felt worse than I did when Angel left after that spell! I was sooo angry at Willow when I should have been thanking her! AND I had to find out from Dawn of all people!” She cried “Do you know how badly she is teasing me for not noticing?”

It was of course a rhetorical question but Spike felt the need to try and get a word in anyway. “What…Dawn…” But the Slayer continued on her tirade, not hearing him.

“And do you know that the worst part was?” She asked, continuing before he could answer. “I had to settle for sex with Riley! And I gotta tell you, he’s nothing in comparison!”

“BUFFY!” Spike yelled, finally shutting her up as she stopped pacing and turned to look at him in surprise. “Right. Now what the hell are you talking about?”

Buffy tilted her head to the side, observing him as if for the first time. He really didn’t know what she was talking about! She shook he head, copying his trademark smirk. “Dawn’s right.” She told him at length. “You are clueless!”

“What…” He began, but was instantly cut off when Buffy suddenly flung herself across the room, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. For a few seconds Spike simple stood there, too stunned to move. But as the shock wore off he found himself relaxing into the kiss, his eyes closing, his arms coming to wrap gently around her waist. Buffy took the opportunity to pull herself closer to him. She nibbled on his full lower lip; Spike growled in response and she smiled against his mouth. Spike flicked his tongue out, gently pushing past her parting lips, pulling her tongue into play. The battle that followed was full of passion and strength, each of them pouring out months of suppressed feeling and desire into that one kiss.

When they finally broke apart due to Buffy’s pesky need for air, both were panting, resting their foreheads together. It was Spike who broke the comfortable silence between them. “So I guess Dawn told you.” He said.

“Yeah.” Buffy replied, still not moving from his tender embrace “But why didn’t you tell me yourself?”

Spike sighed, contemplating just how much he should tell her. In the end he settled for the truth, he figured she deserved nothing less. “I was afraid.” He told her simply.

“Afraid? Why?” She asked, surprised evident in her tone.

Spike took a deep unneeded breath before continuing, pulling her with him to sit on the edge of his bed and settling her in his lap. “I’ve been around a long time Buffy, I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of and even more things I’d do again in a second. But in all the time I’ve been on this earth I’ve only ever loved four people, or at least I believed it was love at the time, and I loved them all differently. The first was my mum…” he paused, swallowing the nausea that always arose whenever he thought about her. “I was her whole life and I did everything I could to look after her - I was a right mommy’s boy.” He chuckled but there was no humour in it. “Let’s just say the situation ended badly.”

“What happened?” Buffy asked softly.

Spike winced. “Lets save that conversation for another day ok pet?” Buffy nodded, letting it drop and urged him to continue.

“The next was Cecily. This high society bird I had a fancy for. It wasn’t real I don’t think, just an infatuation. Anyway she found out, got utterly disgusted and told me I was beneath her.”

“What a bitch!” Buffy declared

“That she was pet. Then there was Dru - you know what happened there.” Buffy nodded. “And then there’s you.” He unconsciously held her tighter. “So you can see pet my history with women isn’t exactly one to inspire confidence. I figured no good could come from your knowing how I felt.”

Buffy smiled turning so she was facing him, kissing him once more. Just a soft brush of her lips against his. It was a kiss for reassurance more than anything. Just the merest touch to let him know that she was here and that some good had definitely come out of her knowing. When they broke apart Spike was smiling, his sombre mood broken. “So why didn’t you tell me?” He teased “Why go off with captain cardboard?”

“Same reasons as you.” She replied, “Fear, not so stellar history, didn’t think you felt the same.”

Spike grinned. “We are both idiots aren’t we?”

“Yep!” she giggled “But I intend to make up for lost time!”

Several hours and many kisses later found Spike with his back against the headboard, Buffy tucked in his arms, her head leaning against his shoulder.

“So what are we gonna tell people pet?” he asked cautiously, unsure how she would react to the idea of telling her friends.

“Well…” Buffy paused as she thought, absently drawing patterns on his T-shirt clad chest with her finger. “I think dawn will have figured it out by now, she’s cool with it. I’ll tell my mom when I get home. I don’t think she’ll mind either - for some strange reason she likes you!”

“Hey!” Spike felt the need to offer a token protest. “I’ll have you know I’m very likeable!”

“Yeah baby,” she giggled, “You are.” She leaned up, intending to give him a simple peck, but as inevitably pulled into a passionate battle of tongues once more. Breaking away after a minute she continued. “As for the others I’m not sure. I know for a fact Xander will completely freak! He still hasn’t forgiven me for Riley leaving!”

Spike growled. “Can’t I just kill the whelp?” Buffy’s glare was his answer.

“There’s so much going on right now what with mom just getting out of hospital and this Glory chick. I don’t think it’s a good idea to start this with the scoobies just yet.”

“I guess your right.” Spike agreed, still a little put out at the idea of having to love Buffy in secret.

“Don’t worry though.” She reassured him “As soon as she’s out of the way we’ll tell everyone! Until then…” She grinned at him devilishly. “I get to be your dirty little secret!”

Spike returned her grin. “How dirty exactly?”

Buffy’s joyful laugh could be heard through out the cemetery…

Chapter 19: The meaning of mortality

When you’re a vampire time moves differently than it does for humans, and you don’t usually give death much thought. At least not your own, and since most of the death you encounter was caused by your own hand you don’t think too much about that either. It’s so rare that someone you knew well enough to mourn dies, let alone someone you actually liked or cared about. Spike had only been in this position once before, and even then it had been a demon that died, the person she had once been was already gone before he even noticed. Now it was happening again he didn’t know what he should feel, whether he should feel anything. He knew he felt something. He just didn’t know what it was.

He’d been shocked when Buffy and Dawn had come to his crypt a little under a week ago and told him through their tears and confusion that Joyce had died. He’d thought she was getting better, the hospital had said they’d gotten rid of the tumour. Wasn’t the danger supposed to have passed? He thought in this great technological and medical age that people didn’t just die any more. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew there were sometimes when no matter what was down a person couldn’t be saved…but he’d celebrated right along with Buffy when they’d been told Joyce was out of the woods, he’d joined in with Buffy and Dawn’s teasing when she’d had her first date in much too long.

He really wanted someone to tell him what this strange sensation was in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t the kind of gut wrenching grief he’d felt just after he’d lost Drusilla, and it wasn’t the kind of life ending pain he anticipated if anything happened to the tiny blonde who was now huddled in his arms after she had come to him, just to be held and cried herself to sleep. He was sure that he wasn’t feeling the same thing that she was; he didn’t feel the need to break down and cry, but he didn’t feel like jumping around and bouncing off the walls either. No, lying here quietly with his girl in his arms seemed like a safe plan. He’d idly wondered if she would explain what he was feeling but guessed that she was in enough pain of her own without trying to analyse his.

He would have to wake her soon. It was the funeral today and she needed to be there. He wished he could be there with her, but nobody had had vampires in mind when they’d invented funerals. Buffy had told him that Giles had made most of the arrangements and since he didn’t yet know about their new relationship he hadn’t made accommodations for Spike to be included. With all the confusion around her, and all the other things she’d had to think about she hadn’t thought to mention that he might want to be there as well. And now, with everyone suspended in this bubble of grief, announcing that she and Spike were together hadn’t seemed like the most considerate course of action. Spike had shushed her, told her he understood, told her he only wished he could be there for her when it counted. She’d responded by telling him that whenever he was there it counted, and had asked him to hold her and never let her go.

And so that’s what had led them here. Dawn had appeared earlier to make sure that Buffy was with him and hadn’t tried to patrol in some kind of grief fuelled frenzy. At first he’d been worried that she had come out here alone, but she’d reassured him that she’d asked Tara and Willow to bring her on the pretence of letting him know about the funeral - they were waiting outside, giving her time alone with her friend. He’d relaxed a little then, knowing that the witched were quite capable with their magics. He’d told Dawn that Buffy was fine, just worn out and that he’d take care of her. Dawn had given him a small smile and pointed out that that’s what he was best at - taking care of Buffy. He’d beckoned her over to the bed when she’d begun to cry and had hugged her as best he could without letting Buffy go. Just letting her vent her pain as he had allowed Buffy to do. After half an hour she’d given him a small grateful smile, all she could manage right then, and had left with Tara and Willow.

When the sun was just starting to rise he’d shaken her gently to wake her. She’d looked up at him with such a look in her eyes it had made his heart break. They held such hope that this had all been one horrible nightmare and she had simply spent the night in her lover’s arms and the world was her friend once more. He hadn’t had to say a word, reality had grabbed her in a few seconds and she had that lost look she’d had for the last week firmly back in place. At that moment he’d wanted nothing more than to fight whatever higher power had decreed that this angel needed more pain in her life…

Buffy wasn’t sure how long she’d been stating at the grave that held what used to be her mother. Not her mother, her mother was gone, all that was left was the body…she knew that, yet she couldn’t will herself to move. She knew a lot of time must have passed; there was no one else left in the cemetery, just her…

After what felt like an eternity had passed she became vaguely aware that something was coming nearer, she wasn’t going to be alone much longer. She never took her eyes off the grave however, not even when she saw two black clad feet step into her line of sight, nor when she felt cool fingers wrap around hers. All she did was hold onto them tightly.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner.”

…

Spike didn’t look up from the television as his crypt door was thrown open, He didn’t even offer a greeting; he knew they’d speak when they were ready.

“What are you playing at Spike?” He ground out. If looks were stakes, Spike would have been dust already.

“It’s called watching the telly peaches, people do it every now and again. I figured even you’d know that!” Spike responded, boredom evident in his voice.

Angel growled and dragged Spike out of his chair and pushed him against the central pillar. Spike wondered idly why Buffy’s ex’s loved doing this to him. “I meant what are you playing with Buffy, William.” Angel spat the word, as if trying to goad the younger vampire into a reaction. Spike was happy to disappoint.

“I’m not playing at anything peaches. If you’d been around recently you’d know that.” He replied coolly.

“I saw you with her by the grave! Pretending to comfort her, holding her! Admit it, its all some elaborate plan to get her to trust you so you can snap her neck when she least expects it!” Angel accused.

Spike rolled his eyes and pushed his grandsire away from him. “One, I know you saw us - I heard you coming form a mile away, you’ve really lost your stealthy touch. Two, I’m not pretending anything, I love her!”

Angel sneered. “Whatever Spike! Try that line on someone who doesn’t know you’re lying. Vampires remember? You can’t love without your soul!”

“No peaches.” Spike countered angrily. “YOU couldn’t love without your soul! I’m perfectly capable of it. I always have been. I’ve been there for her! I’ve been the one to help her when there’s been a hell bitch beating down her door! Where were you? Letting Darla snack on a bunch of Lawyers! Very soulful of you!”

If it was possible, Angel paled. “Have you told Buffy?” he demanded.

“No.” Spike replied honestly. “I might hate your guts but she still cares about you for some insane reason, I didn’t want to hurt her by telling her. Besides Peaches, believe it or not, when I’m with Buffy you’re not exactly on either of out minds!”

“I’ll kill you for touching her!” Angel growled, obviously having had enough with this argument. Before he could move to make good on his declaration however, he was stopped by an angry voice at the door.

“You won’t touch him at all!” Buffy told him, her voice cold, calculated.

“Buffy?” Angel asked gently, turning to face her, his stance softened immediately. Spike shook his head - as if she was going to fall for that!

“What are you doing here Angel?” She asked

“I heard about Joyce.” He told her in his most soothing tone of voice. “I came here to tell you how sorry I was.”

“And what?” She asked in disbelief. “You took a detour on your way to see me to come beat on my boyfriend? That’s so going to make me feel better!”

Now it was Angel’s turn to be stunned. “Boyfriend…Spike?”

Buffy shook her head. She really didn’t have the energy for this. “You’ve said sorry Angel. Now leave.”

“But Buffy…” he tried to protest.

“LEAVE!” She yelled. Angel spared one last glare at Spike and a mournful look at Buffy then did as he was told. Once the door was closed behind him, Buffy felt the last of her energy leave her. Before she could fall to the floor however, Spike was at her side, sweeping her into his arms.

“Buffy?” He asked quietly.

She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes once more. “Hold me?” She asked, and Spike did just that.

Chapter 20: Can of worms

“Are you sure about this luv?” Spike asked as he and Buffy stood outside the magic box. He was sure if he were human his palms would be sweating by now. This was it, the moment of truth.

Buffy sighed and grabbed his hand, as much to reassure herself as to comfort Spike. “It’s now or never.” she lamented.

With a deep breath, one needed, one for show, they walked through the door hand in hand, and were met with six pairs of eyes immediately fixed on them.

Dawn looked excited, bouncing up and down on her seat.

Giles looked apprehensive, wiping his glasses.

Anya looked curious.

Tara looked…supportive seemed the only way to describe it.

Willow looked concerned.

Xander looked positively livid!

Buffy let out a long-suffering sigh. “I guess you did hear from Angel then. What is he like five? Running to tell on me because I did something he didn’t like…Wanker.” She mutters, unconsciously imitating the vampire at her side who chuckled in response.

“Angel informed us of the situation because he was concerned Buffy.” Giles told her primly. Buffy could tell from his tone of his voice that he was trying very hard to remain calm.

“Well there’s nothing to be concerned about.” Buffy stated matter of factly. “Spike and I are together. End of story.”

“Buffy, I think there’s a bit more to it than that.” Said Willow, trying to keep the peace, Xander however, had other ideas.

“A bit more to it?” He practically yelled. “Buffy how could you be so stupid?”

“Don’t you dare talk to her like that whelp.” Spike growled. Buffy could feel him tense next to her and she knew that Xander was skating on very thin ice.

“I’m not stupid Xander.” She said as calmly as she could manage. “We’re not hurting anyone and we’re not doing anything wrong!”

Xander sneered. “Right because boinking the undead isn’t doing anything wrong!”

“Xander!” warned Willow as she saw Spike’s eyes flash yellow.

“I’m sorry Will,” Xander continued, heedless of the threat to his life “but I don’t see where she can get off putting us all in danger and claim she’s doing nothing wrong!”

“And how exactly am I putting you all in danger by being with the man I love Xander?” Buffy asked through clenched teeth. She felt Spike’s fingers grasp hers just a little bit tighter in support and she smiled at him gratefully.

“Well that’s just it isn’t it.” Spat Xander “He isn’t a man at all. He’s an evil killer!”

“He’s changed!” Buffy insisted. She was sure she’d had this conversation before with an equally thickheaded soldier boy.

Xander snorted. “Angel was bad enough! But at least he had a soul!”

“Meaning I haven’t got one to loose monkey boy.” Spike spoke at last. “And if I haven’t killed you yet after what you’ve just said to Buffy , I don’t think I’m likely to do it anytime soon…but please keep trying to prove me wrong.”

“See!” Xander exclaimed, “He just threatened me!” Even Giles rolled his eyes at that point.

“Buffy surely you can understand why we would be concerned for your well being.” Giles spoke carefully, not wanting to anger the vampire and slayer further.

“Giles, nothing is going to happen to me!” Buffy insisted, “I know what I’m doing. Spike isn’t going to hurt anyone.”

“I think it’s cool!” Dawn announced out of the blue, causing her sister and the vampire at her side to smile.

“Dawnster, how can you say that?” Xander cried, incredulous.

“Oh quite easily.” Anya contributed “Vampires make very pleasing orgasm partners. They have incredible stamina!”

Everyone in the room, except for Spike who was nodding, went bright red and stared at the floor.

“We haven’t…erm…we’re not…” Buffy tried to articulate, but she had been struck speechless by Anya’s usual bluntness.

“You’re not having sex yet?” Anya asked, surprise evident in her voice. “But Spike is a particularly pleasing specimen don’t you think?”

If possible, Buffy blushed even more. Xander on the other hand looked positively repulsed. “Come on Anya.” He muttered grabbing his girlfriend’s hand. “We’re leaving!” And with that he marched out of the shop dragging Anya behind him, throwing a last disgusted glance at the blond couple who glared right back…

“They’re never gonna accept us are they?” Buffy asked Spike quietly as he walked her home.

“I don’t know pet.” He replied honestly. “Does it really matter?”

“It shouldn’t.” She said miserably. “But they’re my friends Spike, I don’t want to loose them.”

“Do you want me to stay out of the way for a while?” Spike asked sadly. “Give you time to think about what you want to do?”

“No.” Buffy was quick to reassure him. “No Spike I need you with me. It took us so long to get here I don’t want to loose you now.”

Spike smiled at her and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. “You’ll never loose me pet. I love you too much. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried!”

Buffy smiled against his chest and tried to get just a little closer. “Love you too.” She told him before pulling back and lifting her head up to his, bringing their lips together for a tender kiss. So lost in each other were they that they never noticed the several pairs of eyes watching them from the bushes…

Spike was happily lighting candles around the crypt, waiting for Buffy to show up for their ‘date’ (read: make out session) when Xander walked in. Spike rolled his eyes, as if he hadn’t seen this coming!

“What do you want whelp?” he growled. “I’m kinda busy here.”

“I want you to stay away from Buffy.” Xander announced without preamble.

Spike laughed. “Yeah that’ll work. Say pretty please!”

“I mean it Spike!” Xander continued. “Stay away from her, she doesn’t need you!”

“And what does she need?” Spike growled, his amusement turning to anger. “You?”

Xander grabbed the front of Spike’s shirt, getting right in his face. “We’re her friends Spike, and we love her very much.”

Spike decided right at that moment he was sick of people trying to push him around, sod whether they found out about his chipectomy. He roughly pushed Xander away from him and grabbed him by the throat, pushing someone else against the pillar for a change! Xander’s eyes went wide as he realised that he really could be in trouble.

“I love her too whelp.” Spike spat. “I love her so much that no matter how much I want to kill you right now I’m not going to because I know it would hurt her!” Spike let Xander go but didn’t back away.

Before Xander had a chance to respond however, the crypt door burst open and about ten of Glory’s scabby hobbit like minions rushed in.

“Friends of yours?” Spike asked a very surprised Xander. His question was answered when the first minion to reach them hit Xander over the head, rendering him unconscious…

“They took Spike.” Xander told the Scooby’s assembled in the magic box. “They’re taking him to Glory!”

“But Spike knows Dawn’s the key!” Willow gasped.

Buffy stood and went to the weapons chest in the training room, handing everyone who followed her a weapon. “We have to get him back!” She announced calmly.

“But Buffy if he tells Glory about Dawn…” Giles started but was cut off by a look from Buffy.

“We. Are. Going. To. Get. Him. Back.” She reiterated, daring him to disagree with her.

“There’s no way he’s not telling!” Xander exclaimed. “It’ll be safer to stake him!” The slap he received from Buffy and the shocked glares he received from everyone else in the room were enough to keep him quiet until after they had rescued Spike…

Spike didn’t think he’d ever been in so much pain as he propped up the bar in the bronze a week after his rescue. That Glory had really done a number on him. He felt like an articulated truck had hit him. So here he was trying to numb the pain with alcohol while Buffy hung out with her friends. She’d asked him to come along if he felt up to it when Willow had announced a Scooby outing. He knew she was trying to get the Scooby’s to used his presence in her life, but their uncomfortable looks when he and Buffy had walked in were enough to let him know that they were a long way off from acceptance. So he had told Buffy he would hang out at the bar and let her be with her friends.

He was on his fourth or fifth imported beer when he felt a presence beside him. He was surprised to see it was Xander with an expression other than the usual anger or disgust he had when looking at the vampire. Spike didn’t speak. If Xander had something to say he’d come out with it in his own time.

“I don’t like you.” Xander told him after several minutes of simply studying the vampire.

“The feelings mutual whelp.” Spike replied, wondering exactly why Xander had gone out of his way to tell him this.

“I’m never going to like you and I think Buffy’s insane not to stake you.” Xander added.

“Did you just come over here to insult me?” Spike asked.

“But I do believe you don’t want to hurt her, otherwise you wouldn’t have let Glory mess you up like you did.” Xander continued as if Spike had never spoken. “I wont forget that.”

Spike just looked at Xander curiously, unsure what to make of this little admission. He didn’t have chance to ask since Xander quickly walked off. Spike considered following him but he ached too much to move that far yet. Instead he just watched him walk back to the table where the rest of the Scooby’s sat. Buffy noticed him looking at sent him a bright smile that Spike eagerly returned. All was right with the world once more…

Chapter 21: Saying ‘I love you’

Spike hadn’t moved for three days. He hadn’t eaten and he hadn’t slept. All he did was think…which it turns out is a dangerous pastime. He hadn’t been able to face going back to his cold empty crypt, which reminded him of just how alone he was once more. So he’d come back here with Dawn. She’d understood, she’d left him alone; she knew something of how he felt because she was feeling it herself.

Xander had protested of course, but only minimally, even he could see how much pain the vampire was in. Of course the other Scooby’s had been reluctant to let him stay in the house with Dawn as well, he’d seen it in their faces. Xander was simply the only one bold enough to speak out directly. Dawn had stepped in in the end, saying she wanted him there, that Buffy would have wanted him there. Eventually they had reached some kind of agreement. Spike would be allowed to stay as long as Willow and Tara moved in as well to keep an eye on things.

Spike hadn’t been involved in these discussions of course. They had all gone on around him. He’d just absorbed whatever snippets of information had floated up from the living room. Had he been able to muster the energy to contribute he would have made some snarky comment about them trying to make him move if that’s what they decided. He didn’t have the energy. So instead he just lay still, on Buffy’s bed and remembered…

It had been a very long couple of days for everyone. First Glory brain sucks Tara, and then she finds out about Dawn forcing them all to go on the run in a Winnebago of all things. At least the Scooby’s had agreed to put their Spike hostility on hold while there were more pressing issues to be dealt with. As it turned out going on the run didn’t last too long. After those creepy knights attacked them they’d been holed up in that gas station for quite a while. When Ben showed up to help an injured Giles they’d never expected him to turn into Glory and take Dawn, and they certainly hadn’t figured on the slayers mental shut down. Willow had come through with that spell though, and now Buffy was on the warpath!

“You get the weapons from the living room.” Buffy instructed as she and Spike arrived as her house. “I’ll get the ones from my room.”

“Right.” Spike replied, this was no time for bantering. “Just a couple of good axes should do us. Don’t want to be weighed down.”

Buffy had stopped by the foot of the stairs when he had started to speak and was just watching him as he handled the weapons with practiced ease, testing them for their suitability. She watched him as he prepared to follow her into battle, as he’d always claimed he would. She knew at that moment that he would die for her…but she still had to ask.

“You know we’re not all going to make it.” She said simply. It wasn’t a question, just an unfortunate fact.

“I know.” Spike replied quietly, still studying the weapons intently, when he did turn to her it was with a barest of smiles. “Always knew I’d go down fighting!”

He was trying to make this easier for her, to let her know that whatever happened he had done it of his own free will.

“I’m counting on you.” She told him. “To protect her.”

“Till the end of the world.” He insisted. There was no hint of uncertainty in his voice. He meant what he was saying, and it was just what she had wanted to hear. “Even if that happens to be tonight.” He added with a hint of his usual smirk.

It was that phrase that struck Buffy; ‘if that happens to be tonight’. She looked at this man before and saw everything he had done for her, everything he had become. He was her best friend, he was her most trusted confidant…and he was the man she loved. She decided in that instant that if the world did end tonight, she wanted to die knowing that he had known how much she loved him. “Come with me Spike,” She asked quietly, turning and walking up the stairs towards her room. She didn’t look behind to check that Spike was following; she knew he would be.

Spike stopped in the doorway of Buffy’s room, unsure what was happening. She was standing in the centre of the room, looking around, taking everything in as if trying to memorise it.

“Luv?” He asked softly, “What’s going on?”

Buffy turned to him then, a look of resolve on her face. “Spike, I love you.”

Spike smiled uncertainly. “I know that Buffy, and you know I love you.”

“But I want to show you Spike, I want to show you how much I love you.” She told him.

Spike didn’t ask her what she meant, he didn’t need to. It hadn’t been a conscious decision not to take their relationship to this level before. It had been a mutual understanding that they both wanted to be ready. They knew that if they took this step there would be no going back, and they had both been hurt too many times in the past to risk themselves so quickly. He knew why she was doing this now. She was certain that either one or both of them wasn’t going to make it home in the morning. She wanted to do this because she thought it was going to be their last chance.

“Buffy we don’t have to…” He began, wanting to tell her there was no need to rush, that they would have all the time in the world…but all reassurances were stuck in his throat. He couldn’t tell her what he was unsure of himself.

Buffy walked up to him, gently taking his head in her hands, locking her gaze with his. “Make love to me Spike.” She whispered. He felt the warm brush of her breath against his lips and knew that he was lost. Closing his eyes, he brought his hand up and tangled it in Buffy's hair. He groaned when he felt her tongue dart out and touch his cool lips. Wrapping his arms around her, Spike pulled Buffy down on top of him onto the bed.

Buffy felt Spike's cool hands under her shirt, causing her to shiver. Her movement, in turn, caused Spike to become even more aroused than he was due to kissing Buffy. Spike began to nip and lick at her neck, and then pushed her gently into a sitting position straddling his thighs so he could remove her top. He immediately put his mouth over one exposed nipple, suckling it.

Buffy thrust her hips in response to the pleasure Spike was creating. She ran her hands through his short hair, pressing him to her. Spike moved from one breast to the other, kissing and licking a path down one full, tanned globe and up the other. He lightly bit her nipple with his blunt teeth, tugging on it, making her rub her hips forward again. Her fingers tightened around the material of his tee shirt, and she moaned in the back of her throat. Spike licked up from her breast along the column of her throat until he reached her mouth. He plunged his tongue inside the moist cavern of her mouth, sweeping her into a desire-filled kiss.

Gently lifting Buffy off his lap, Spike laid her down before stripping off his shirt and shoes, giving Buffy the opportunity to remove the rest of her clothes as well. Leaning over her, still wearing his jeans, Spike began kissing Buffy again, running his hands up and down her body, loving the feel of her warm skin. He felt Buffy's hand on his back, scratching him lightly with her nails.

"Please," Buffy said breathlessly, arching up against Spike with her hips when he moved his lips to her neck.

Spike leaned back and looked into her desire filled eyes. "You sure, luv?" Buffy nodded and reached for the fastening of his jeans. "You are so beautiful," Spike told her once he was divested of his clothes, running his gaze over her naked form before leaning into kiss her once more.

He moved over her, into her, not once breaking the kiss. The love he held for her he tried to show with each thrust, with each sweep of his tongue against hers, with each tear that fell silently down his cheek at knowing this could be their one and only time together, the salty taste mingling with the kiss.

Finally, he raised his head to look down at her. Her fingers brushed the tears on his cheeks, the gentle touch causing him to have to choke back a sob. He quickly hid his face near her neck, and he felt her hands stroke the back of his hair. Shifting, his hand found her most sensitive spot and he brought her to a quiet climax, her whisper of his name on her lips. After he'd followed her into his own climax, she held his trembling body close to her.

“I love you.”

…

When the Scooby’s had left, Willow and Tara promising to be back as soon as they had packed a bag, Dawn slowly walked to Buffy’s room. It was there that she found the quietly sobbing vampire curled around Buffy’s pillow, lost in a grief Dawn couldn’t imagine. She knew nothing she could say would make it better for either of them; she knew it wouldn’t even help to try. Rather than try to find some inadequate words to soothe him, she moved to the edge of the bed and shuffled back so she rested against the headboard. If Spike was aware of her presence he didn’t show it. Gently she pulled him closer to her until his head rested in her lap and stroked his hair, offering what little comfort she could.

Chapter 22: The high cost of living

It had been 147 days since Buffy had been gone. 147 fitful nights woken by nightmares. 147 days of watching over Dawn. 147 nights fighting side by side with the Scooby’s. 147 times he’d had to convince himself not to take a day light stroll! It hadn’t been this bad when Drusilla had gone. He tried to think of what he’d done to make the pain less at the time, then he remembered he’d had Buffy to make it better and that just made him feel worse. It had been Dawn who’d eventually managed to coax him out of Buffy’s room to eat. He wouldn’t have bothered himself but Dawn had broken down, yelling at him that she had lost everyone else and he wasn’t allowed to leave her as well. So he’d pulled himself out of his stupor for her.

He’d eventually gone back to his crypt; it had eventually become too painful to be there. Not to mention the hateful glances Xander sent his way whenever they were unable to avoid each other. Spike had tried to stay silent and let the whelp think what he wanted. He didn’t care if he had their acceptance and he’d never sought it…it had been what Buffy wanted and now she was gone. One day however he’d snapped, unable to help himself.

Xander had felt enough time had passed for the vampire to get over whatever fixation he’d had with the slayer and had told him to leave, to let Dawn grieve in peace. Spike hadn’t bothered to point out that he’d been planning on going back to his crypt anyway; he’d just shrugged and gone to find Dawn to tell her he was going. Xander of course had of course though that he’d won some kind of victory over the vampire and had used it as an excuse to taunt him, telling Spike he’d turned into a wuss now his girlfriend wasn’t around to stand up for him any more. That in its self hadn’t bothered Spike so much. It had been the whispered comment under his breath about Spike only having wanted Buffy as a bodyguard that had sent Spike into a rage.

It had been pretty pathetic as far as rages went. He’d only hit Xander once, breaking his nose. But it had been enough for the Scooby’s to withdraw any ground he might have gained with them. Spike tried to care but he couldn’t muster the effort. He’d found it almost amusing that despite their obvious distrust and subtle hints that he should get out of Sunnydale they still looked to him to watch over Dawn and to patrol with them every night. Good enough to use as muscle but not good enough to love Buffy. He would have laughed if it hadn’t been so tragic.

But now he wasn’t miserable, he was furious. He’d ordered Dawn to stay safe inside when the gang of biker demons had come to won upon hearing of the slayers demise, but naturally she hadn’t listened. She’d run off somewhere for God knows what reason and he was livid. He’d fought off the group that had been ravaging that neighbourhood and had returned to check on Dawn and she hadn’t been there. He’d tried to follow her scent, killing everything in his path but he’d found himself going in circles winding up back at 1630 Revello.

“Dawn!” he yelled, coming through the door. “Dawn are you there?”

“I’m here.” he heard her call and he breathed out a sigh of relief as he saw her coming down the stairs.

“Thank God!” Spike breathed unnecessarily. “You scared me half to death…well more to death. I could kill you!” It wasn’t an exaggeration. He’d already lost two Summers women; he didn’t want to loose the other one - unless he was the one who killed her for doing something foolish!

“Spike…” Dawn tried to interrupt to no avail, Spike was on a roll!

“I mean it!” he ranted, “I could rip your head off once handed and drink from the brain stem!”

Dawn winced at the imagery and held little doubt that he was serious. Spike rarely got angry with her and whenever he did it was serious. Fortunately she was pretty sure she had something that would calm him down this time. “Look.” She instructed softly, indicating the figure that was slowly descending the stairs behind her.

Spike looked behind Dawn and instantly did a double take. Any anger he had been feeling suddenly disappeared, replaced with wonder and confusion. Walking towards him was none other than Buffy. Part of him wanted to run and grab her in his arms and never let go. Part of him screamed that this was some cruel nightmare and wanted to fall to the floor in a quivering heap. All he could do was watch her, an expression of overwhelming awe on his face.

“She’s kind of erm…” Dawn began, unsure how to explain this more subdued Buffy. “She’s been through a lot, with the death. But I think she’s ok.” Dawn looked back to spike to see his reaction, but he hadn’t moved. He was simply staring at the impossible vision before him. “Spike, are you ok?” Dawn asked when the vampire had been silent and motionless for far too long.

“I am.” He muttered quietly, not taking his eyes off Buffy. “What did you do?”

“Me?” Dawn squeaked, surprised. “Nothing!”

Letting his gaze drift to take all of her in, spike frowned. “Her hands.” They were cut and bleeding. As soon as she heard him however. Buffy was quick to hide them from him.

“I was gonna fix them.” Dawn insisted. “I don’t know how they got like that.”

“I do.” Spike said quietly, not really speaking to anyone in particular. He knew what she had had to do and it made him feel sick to think about it. How could anyone have put her through that? “Clawed her way out of a coffin that’s how! Isn’t that right?”

“Yeah.” Buffy mumbled, obviously uncomfortable. “That’s what I had to do.”

“Done it myself.” Spike told her, the barest hit of a smile on his lips. Spike sent Dawn off to get bandages and cream for her hands while he led Buffy into the living room. He knew just from looking at her that something was very wrong. Before she had been gone, whenever he walked into a room she would greet him with a smile and a kiss. She was bubbly and full of life. This girl now sitting opposite him barely even seemed to recognise him. He was desperate to grab her in his arms and tell her how much he had missed her, how happy he was that she was back, how much he still loved her…but he got the feeling it wouldn’t help to hear that right now. But he’d tell her as soon as she was more like her old self.

Gently he lifted her hands to inspect them more closely, he was really gonna kill whoever had put her through this!

“How long was I gone?” She asked suddenly, startling Spike out of his thoughts.

“147 days yesterday, 148 today.” He answered quickly, not even needing to think about it. “Except this morning doesn’t count does it?”

Before either of them could say anything else, Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara ran through the door as Dawn came back with handfuls of bandages. Suddenly there seemed to be a hundred voices speaking at once.

“Is she here?”

“She’s here!”

“You’re here!”

“We didn’t know where you were!”

“You ran away!”

“Buffy!”

“Are you ok?”

Spike felt like snorting at the last one. *Does she bloody well look ok? * he thought to himself. Instead of voicing his opinion and adding to the noise of the room however, he simply stood up and moved to the doorway, giving her more space.

“You knew she was back?” Dawn asked the assembled Scooby’s. She was answered by a series of head nods. “How did you know?”

Spike didn’t have to wait for the answer to that one. He knew exactly how they knew. He was glad he’d moved away else somebody would have been dead. He knew they didn’t trust him, but even after he had worked beside them all summer they hadn’t told him what they were planning. They knew how much he had grieved for her and they had kept this from him!

“We did a spell.” Willow informed Dawn.

“You’re not a zombie are you?”

“ANYA!”

“Are you in pain?”

“What do you remember?”

“What do you know about what happened?”

Spike growled at this latest round of questions. He could see Buffy shrinking back into the couch. This powerful girl seemed so intimidated right then by the humans surrounding her.

“Back off!” He ordered. Couldn’t they see what a state she was in? Xander sneered at Spike and looked as if he was about to come up with a comeback when he was cut off by Dawn.

“He’s right guys. Give her some room!” Xander reluctantly nodded. “Is she going to be ok?”

“I’m ok.” Buffy mumbled but none of the Scooby’s seemed to hear her, too busy wrapped up in their questions to actually hear the answers. Buffy glanced over to where Spike stood leaning against the doorframe, his anger coming off him in waves. Buffy gave him a pleading look and he nodded imperceptibly, knowing what she meant without having to ask. He slipped out of the door unnoticed by everyone else…

Spike sat on his newly acquired motorbike and waited. He didn’t have to wait long. Soon he glanced towards the house and saw Buffy climbing out of her bedroom window having made her escape. She quickly ran over to where Spike was and jumped on the back of the bike, wrapping her arms around him. Spike started the bike and headed away from Revello. He didn’t tell her where they were going and she didn’t ask. All she wanted was to be somewhere else.

Some time later Spike brought them to a stop along the hills over looking Sunnydale. He came up here sometimes to think. There was a beautiful view on clear nights like tonight. You could see the whole town. For the longest time neither of them spoke, just sat and looked at the world in front of them. Both were silent for their own reasons.

“Spike?” Buffy spoke at last.

“Yeah pet?”

“If I ask you something will you promise to tell me the truth?” She asked quietly.

“I haven’t been able to lie to you for a long time Buffy.” He reminded her. She nodded, accepting this as truth. She took a deep breath before asking her question, and Spike knew that whatever she was going to ask was important. He only hoped he could give her the right answer.

“Were you involved in bringing me back?” She asked, her tone serious. “Did you have anything to do with it?”

“No.” he replied. “I didn’t know a thing about it until I saw you tonight.”

“Good.” She replied quietly. “I don’t think I could handle having to balme you as well.”

Spike was puzzled. “What do you mean Buffy?”

When she looked at him there were tears in her eyes. “I was happy Spike. I was in heaven and they pulled me out of there!”

“Oh God.” Spike choked, the sick feeling from earlier coming back tenfold. The happiest day of his life was the worst day of hers. The worst part was that as much as he tried, he couldn’t force himself to be sorry that she was back and he felt terrible for it.

They sat in silence for a long time after that, both lost in their own thoughts. Eventually however, the sunrise came close enough to force Spike to find shelter. As he dropped Buffy off out side of her house on his way back to his crypt he could stay silent no longer. He felt so selfish for asking yet not doing so was tearing him apart.

“Buffy,” he began quietly. “Do you…” Before he could finish however, Buffy silenced him with a finger against his lips.

“Yes Spike,” she told him, knowing what he was going to ask, “I do still love you. But things can’t just go back to the way they were before. I need…” She trailed off, unsure how to explain.

“Time?” Spike suggested.

Buffy nodded. “Wait for me?”

Spike smiled softly. “Forever if I have to.”

Buffy smiled back. “It wont be forever.” She told him.

“However long you need.” Spike reassured her. “I love you, I always will.”

With a last squeeze of his hand Buffy leaned forward she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and headed back to the house.

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