She finally said it.

Those three little words were going though Spike’s mind as the light within him consumed his body. The pain was nothing, and even as he was reduced to ashes he kept on laughing, because she finally said it. And maybe, she did mean it... just a little. He decided, with his very last thought, to believe her.

And then there was nothing but darkness...

...for a little while.

***

“I’m glad it was you.”

“What?”

Spike was slowly coming back into consciousness. It was still pretty dark, but there was sound, a familiar smell, and someone was sitting beside him.

“I said I’m glad it was you. I kinda always wanted to meet you.”

Finally things were coming into focus. However inexplicably, Spike was sitting at a bar. There was a drink in front of him; his favorite, outside of blood. The man sitting beside him, saying things that made no sense, was wearing a shiny purple shirt, a zebra skinned vest and a black leather hat.

“Well,” Spike said, finally. “This can’t be heaven.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because no one in heaven would dress like you.”

This seemed to agitate the stranger. “Ya see, that hurts me! What is it with you vampires? You think you’re the last word in fashion? I have my own style.”

“Well, it’s very... you.” Spike rubbed his head. It was a little fuzzy, like he’d already had a few. “By the way, who exactly ARE you?”

“Name’s Whistler.”

“Oh. I used to have a picture of your mother in my drawing room.”

Whistler laughed sharply. “Again, I’m insulted. I think I’m gonna like you.”

Spike took a sip of his drink, savoring it before... “Thanks.”

“You’re not the curious type are you?” Whistler observed. “You haven’t demanded to know why we’re here, what’s happening, not even what happened to Buffy.”

“I know Buffy made it,” Spike stated, casually stirring his drink.

“Really. How do you figure?”

Spike turned to Whistler with a small, proud smile. “Because I know Buffy.”

Whistler took this in and, after a moment, shook his head. “Wow. I gotta admit, I’m impressed. I didn’t think I’d be this star struck, but you really live up to the legend.”

Spike’s smile became his evil grin. “A legend? Me?”

“Oh, come on!” Whistler pounded a fist on the bar. He seemed a little tipsy himself. “You have to know you’re the first vampire in the history of... well... vampires, to do accomplish anything even close to what you’ve accomplished.”

Spike’s smile faltered. “What? You mean the soul? You really aren’t very thorough are you? If you’re looking for legends there’s this git in L.A.--”

“Oh, me and Angel go way back.” Whistler interrupted. “But that’s not what I mean. You were a bad guy, a serious full-on villain.”

“I prefer ‘Big Bad.’”

“Right. The Big Bad. Whatever. But you changed up! You switched teams! By choice! Don’t you know how huge that is!?” Whistler was so excited he was leaning into Spike’s personal space.

Spike backed away slightly, a little wary of where this was leading. “So... is this my reward, then? One last drink in a bar with an oddly dressed stranger before shipping off to Hell?”

“Hell!” Whistler swatted the air. “Screw Hell! We’ve got plans for you, my friend.”

Uh, oh.

Spike didn’t like the sound of that. He was ready to go. It was his time. His last moments with Buffy left him feeling a sense of peace and contentedness. He had a very long life and was a right bastard throughout most of it. He did a little good toward the end there but now he was supposed to die and go to Hell where people like him should rightly end up. Instead there were “plans.”

“Who is ‘we?’” Spike eyed him suspiciously.

Whistler sat back a little, regaining his air of mystery. “A little group called ‘The Powers That Be.’ Maybe you heard of ‘em?”

“Did they ever tour with The Clash?”

Whistler frowned. “I’m sensing a reluctance to participate, here. And it’s hurting my feelings.” He took a drink.

Chuckling, Spike said, “Sorry, mate, but I have heard of the powers that screw with you and whatever it is, you can count me out. I’m done. Given a choice between an eternity in Hell and what’s behind door number three--”

“Not even to be human again?”

Spike stopped, tilted his head, “What are you talking about?”

Whistler looked discreetly over his shoulder, and leaned in to speak quietly with Spike. “Shanshu.”

Spike squinted at him. “Sam’s shoes?”

“Shanshu!” Whistler shouted. “It’s a prophecy. A vampire with a soul is supposed to fulfill his purpose on earth and then you know... get the reward. Being mortal.”

Spike tried very hard not to have a reaction to this. “And... you’re certain you’ve got the right guy? I mean, I’m sure Angel is all kinds of purposeful down there in L.A. He’s got his dark avenger thing and his brooding... He’s got a soul and he had it first, much longer than me. Done a lot of good with it too, I hear. I didn’t even--”

“Oh for the love of Pete, blah bitty blah blah blah.” Spike spun around looking for the origin of that familiar voice. He found Anya, sitting on the other side of him at the bar, sipping an apple martini.

“Anya! You too?”

“Yeah,” she sighed wistfully, “They got me, the bastards. And I was doing pretty well there for a while. Pisses me off.”

“So...” Spike was confused. “...but... you already were human. I don’t...”

“Euchh. I’m not going to be human again. I’ve had enough of that crazy roller coaster ride. It’s for the birds if you ask me. Although, I guess birds can’t technically be classified as human so that really doesn’t make any sense...” Anya got momentarily lost in her own thoughts before realizing Spike was still looking at her. She flashed him a brilliant smile. “Oh, but I think you should do it! Go, humanity!” She whacked him really hard on the back.

Spike turned back to Whistler, hoping for some type of explanation.

“Yeah, Anya has a different kind of fate in store,” he began to explain.

Anya leaned over Spike’s shoulder. “I’m gonna work for the Powers like this little man. Keep the balance between good and evil. Except I will, of COURSE, look much, much better doing it.”

“For some reason the powers think she’s got more charm than me,” Whistler said as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. “I ain’t seen it yet.”

“Well, she charmed the pants right off of me once.” Spike grinned at her. Anya blushed and swatted him playfully.

After a moment, she got a distant look on her face and sighed deeply. “I’m really going to miss having sex.”

Silence.

More silence.

Whistler cleared his throat. “Yeah, so... what’s it gonna be, Spike? You taking this deal or what?”

“I don’t know, mate. Human? I’ll be bloody useless, won’t I? I don’t know if you’ve heard about what I was like as a human, but it certainly wasn’t the stuff legends are made of.”

“Dude, you’re not going back in time. You’ll still be you... just human. With a hundred and thirty years worth of memories and experience. And, I dunno, maybe a little something extra.”

Spike squinted at the man, “What do you mean, something extra?”

Whistler bit his bottom lip, thinking for a minute, then, “Ahh, I can’t tell you. I shouldn’t even have said that much. You have to make the decision without my help. But I... I just really think you’ll want to do this.”

“Will I get to see Buffy again?”

“He can’t tell you, dumb ass.” This was from Anya. “You have to go into this blind, those are the rules.”

Spike raised an eyebrow in her direction. “I think you may need to work a little on your charming powers of persuasion.”

“You’re doing it, aren’t you?”

“Yeah!”

“Well then shut up and get going!”

There was a pause while Spike let his quick decision sink in. After a bit, he looked up at Anya and his eyes had a little shine to them. Softly, he said, “I’m sorry you died. And I’m sorry if I ever hurt your feelings... back when... I...”

Anya cut him off by kissing him on the cheek. “Don’t say goodbye. We’ll see each other again.” She smiled and added, “If you’re lucky.” She hopped off the stool and looked over at Whistler. “I’m counting this one as mine.”

The bar surroundings quickly faded and Spike was standing in a white room. Whistler was gone, but Anya remained, diaphanously. She said one thing before finally disappearing into the white. With a soft, wavering voice she said, “Take care of Harris for me, okay Spike?” And then she was gone.

***

***

Spike’s head was spinning as they left the briefing room. There was a tense silence hanging in the air.

Fred broke it. “So... uh, Spike? Do you still have to pee? Cuz the bathrooms are just up here on the left.”

Spike gave her a grateful smile. He hated to bring it up again, himself. It was just a big glaring reminder of what had happened to him. “Ta, love. Thanks. Ill just be a second, then... I hope.”

He jogged away from the group and was about to enter the mens room when three young men came bursting out, clearly in the middle of a lively conversation.

“What are you, high? Legolas is totally superior. He’s from a superior race, he’s got the cool weapon, and come on... the hair!” This was from a tall, nerdish fellow in a white lab jacket.

“Yeah, and plus, Aragorn is so dirty. I mean, he washed up from the river in Two Towers and he was even dirtier. Whats up with that?” This from a shorter boy that Spike could not see, although he thought he recognized the voice.

“Ahh, youre both crazy. Aragorn’s the real hero. Don't you see? Hes just a man. No powers, no superior race... just a guy with a sword. And look what hes accomplished! You dont snare Liv Tyler by being the second banana.” There was no mistaking that voice.

“Xander?”

Xander turned around. “Spike?”

Andrew stepped out from behind Xander. He sucked in his breath, “Holy crap! Spike!” Without warning, Andrew leapt forward and threw his arms around the former vampire. “Oh my God, we thought you died.”

Spike was rather uncomfortable with this turn of events. He gave a crooked grin over Andrew’s shoulder and patted the small boy a couple of times on the back.

Andrew pulled away, sniffling and wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “Im sorry. Its been an emotional time for me.”

“You and me both, mate.” Spike gave him a friendly smile. He then turned his gaze to Xander. “Harris.”

“So, youre back.”

“That I am.”

“Bonehead move you pulled with the dying. Although it did save us all, so I guess I have to give you credit for it. “ Xander stuffed his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet, suddenly aware that everyone was now watching their exchange. Angel and his bunch had caught up to them.

“Well, I didnt do it for you, so you dont have to thank me.”

“Still... seems like the right thing to do.”

“That’s you, Harris. Always in the right.” He and Xander locked eyes. Eyes! Suddenly, Spike remembered something. “Hey! When’d you get your eye back?!”

Xander smiled for the first time. “Just the other day, actually.”

“How?”

“I had help.” Xander gestured to the young man in the lab coat. “This is Knox, he works here. They have this crazy lab. He made it for me, there.”

Knox smiled and waved shyly.

Spike nodded a hello, then stepped closer, peering at Xanders new eye. “Does it work?”

“Yeah, its even got a zoom feature.” Xander backed away a little, still uncomfortable with scrutiny. “By the way, your pores? Huge.”

Ignoring this, Spike stepped even closer, fascinated, “Youre like the Bionic Man.” He turned to Knox. “You did this?”

Knox shrugged, “Well, it was Fred’s idea.” He smiled at Fred who swatted the air, shrugging off the credit.

Spike smiled at Fred and then turned back to Xander. “That’s bloody brilliant! How do you like that, Harris? You’ve finally gotten your superpower and now Im just an ordinary jerk.”

“As opposed to the superhuman jerk you once were,” Angel mumbled.

“Kindly piss off.” Spike volleyed back.

Xander’s brows knitted. “Ordinary jerk? Wait a minute... “ He focused on Spikes face, then zoomed to a specific area. “Your temple is throbbing! Is that a pulse? Are you--”

“--human,” Andrew finished, resulting in an overly dramatic gasp from Xander.

“Human?” Xander asked.

“Looks that way... speaking of which, I cant wait another minute.” With that, Spike bolted into the bathroom.

A confused Xander sought out the elder watcher. “Giles? What the... how?”

“Shanshu.” It was Andrew who replied in a reverent whisper.

Giles seemed peeved.”Hang on. Andrew, YOU know about the ancient Shanshu prophecy?”

Andrew lost his far away gaze and smiled crookedly. “Yeah, totally. I always wanted to adapt it for a comic book. I was even thinking of using Spike’s look as a template for the main character... the irony, huh?”

All eyes were on Andrew now, in disbelief. Andrew shrunk away, uncomfortable with the attention. “What?”

Giles shook it off and explained for Xander. “Its a... a kind of... em... a reward. For a vampire who... has a soul and becomes a champion... of the slayer.”

Xander thought about it for a moment, cobwebs clearing. “Oh.” His eyes shifted to Angel who was standing there trying not to react. Xander’s lips spread into an understanding grin. “Ohhhh! Tough luck, eh, Dead boy?”

Angel frowned at him. “You know, technically, I own your eye,” he said menacingly.

Xanders grin fell immediately.

Lilah clicked her tongue and started to walk off toward her office. “Much as I hate to give up a ring side seat to this blatant display of homoerotic sexual tension, I have an in box piled up to here.” She pointedly leveled her hand at her neck, where a scarf concealed the scar underneath. She locked eyes with Wesley and smiled at his reaction.

Spike reemerged from the bathroom.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Spike,” Lilah called to him. “Im off to the salt mines. We should get together for a drink sometime and compare notes about the bossman.”

Spike smiled and nodded. Lilah turned and reveled in the fact that everyone was watching her sashay away.

“I’d better get back to the lab,” said a slightly shaken Knox. “I havent had this much excitement in a while. And I work with chemicals that could explode if I breathe too hard.” He turned and shook Spike’s hand. “It was nice meeting you, Spike. I hope I see you again. Good luck with the... humanity and all. Come see me if you want to... you know... make things more interesting.”

Spike tilted his head, questioning.

“Well... I’m just... Im sure we can come up with something super-powery for a guy like you--” Knox caught Angels glare. “Anyway, you know where to find me.” He quickly made his escape.

“I should go, too,” Fred said, without a scrap of subtlety. “I... he might need me... to help him... with experiments and things.” She shook Spike’s hand exuberantly. “It was very nice to meet you, Spike. Im sure Ill see you later at the hotel.”

Spike smiled sweetly and nodded. He was getting a little overwhelmed by all of these new people, all of whom were treating him... well... like a person. There was a bit of a lump in his throat and it made it difficult to speak above a whisper. “Okay, yeah, Ill see you.”

And Fred was off.

“Nice meeting you, too.” Spike added quickly as she trotted away.

After a moment, he realized that Xander was staring at him.

“What is it now, my nose hairs need trimming?”

“I was just thinking its good to have you back. Is that weird?”

Spike was stunned. Fully stunned. “Yes. It is.”

“Thought so.” Xander put an hand on Spikes shoulder and squeezed. “Lets go. I know someone who might want to see you.”

As they walked away together, Andrew followed behind, holding his hand to his chest and tearing up again.

Angel rolled his eyes. Giles and Wesley brought up the rear, trying not to laugh.

***
TBC
 

***

The Hyperion was buzzing with life. That quiet, old Los Angeles hotel was now filled with new people. Mostly, peppy young girls with newfound strength.

After Buffy and the gang had arrived, Willow immediately started telepathically contacting the new slayers. Giles decided that the large hotel was the perfect place for a mass gathering and more girls arrived every day. Some were excited, some frightened, some just curious, but all of them felt the incredible power that Willow and Buffy had bestowed upon them. At night, they shared stories about where they were when it hit them, and what they were doing.

There were a few slayers that Willow couldn’t connect with or who seemed to be refusing contact, which was inevitable, so Kennedy, Rona and Vi volunteered to go after those few who were trying to sneak over to the dark side.

Some of the new slayers that fought in the Sunnydale battle had moved on, back to their families for the most part, to try and live normal lives. Buffy watched them go with a little sadness in her heart. Not because she would miss them, but because she knew they would be back.

Not all of the newly arriving slayers were thrilled with their newfound gifts, either. A few asked what the return policy was on a thing like that. Buffy and Giles assured these girls that they would help them deal with their power as best they could, but the spell could not be reversed. Privately, Buffy sometimes wished she never came up with the plan in the first place, sentencing all of those innocent girls to a life of “great responsibility.” But if they hadn’t done it, the girls -- along with everyone else in the world -- would have died... confused, afraid and helpless.

Against Giles’ better judgment, some of the new slayers who were battle tested decided to move on to Cleveland, to keep order on the Hellmouth there. They heard all the stories of Buffy and the Scooby Gang and actually thought it sounded like fun. They couldn’t be stopped, and Giles worried that they were in danger without someone to guide them.

It was Dawn who came up with the idea to form a stateside New Watchers Council of which Robin Wood would be a member. He would be staying on a few more weeks in Los Angeles to train as a watcher before moving on to help the slayers in Cleveland. Robin was glad to accept the job, learning always came easily to him and his cover as high school principal was damn near perfect. But he planned on prolonging his stay as much as possible to try and convince Faith to come with him.
Faith, to Robin’s exasperation, had taken to flirting with Gunn as a defense against any real feelings she might be having for Robin. At least, that’s what Robin hoped it was. He remembered the first time the issue presented itself.

They were just arriving at the hotel and Gunn walked right up to Faith with a big smile. “Damn girl, you’re looking good as ever. I think I missed you!”

Faith knew Robin was right behind her and saw an opportunity. She gave Gunn a sexy smile and moved closer to him with her hands on her hips and her chest out. “Oh yeah? When will you know for sure?”

Robin stepped in, as expected, and put a territorial hand around Faith’s waist. “Who’s your friend, Faith?”

“Wood, this is Gunn. Gunn... Wood.” She watched them both with amusement, because she could tell the lions had already started circling. Sometimes being hot was funny. “Hey look at that. You both have names that are objects, you’re both folically challenged, and you’re both tall dark and fine. What IS a girl to do?”

That was a week ago.

Gunn had been spending more time with Gwen lately, which was fine with Faith because it was the perfect opportunity to keep everything at the flirting level. Gwen was this chick with wicked-cool superpower who reminded Faith a lot of herself. That was reason enough to hate the crap out of her, but it was nothing a good ass whupping wouldn’t fix. She knew Gunn was getting serious about Gwen, which suited Faith just fine since she couldn’t seem to get Robin off of her own mind. They didn’t have to know that, of course.

Faith wasn’t proud of the head games, but it was the only thing she knew how to do to keep herself... safe.

That night, at the Hyperion, Faith was about to go on patrol with both Robin and Gunn. They started to get into a pissing contest over who would be her “wing man” which was cute for about three minutes and then no so much. She actually had to get between them and put a hand on each of their chests... their rock hard chests. Not at all trying to disguise the subtext, she cooed, “Now boys, there’s no reason to fight. I don’t see why I can’t just... use you both... you know, like, at the same time.”

Robin simmered. Did she actually think she was fooling him with this act? “I’m sorry Faith, but I don’t play that way. You’re just gonna have to choose one or the other.”

Faith’s mouth drew up in a wicked smile. “Come on Robin, don’t be a killjoy. How do you know you won’t like something if you don’t have a taste first?”

“That girl is a harlot with a capital ‘S’.” murmured Lorne, who was standing over by the office, chatting with Willow and Buffy.

“She’s just... emotionally confused,” Willow offered.

“Mmm hmmm.” Lorne shook his head as he poked at the ice in his glass of Long Island Iced tea. “Must be going around.”

He waited as Willow and Buffy both looked at him with blank expressions. Then, Lorne focused on Willow.

“Not for nothing, Shortcake, but you hum in your sleep.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, and your room is right next to mine.”

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry. Am I keeping you up?”

“Well, yeah... but not exactly the sharp end of the point.” He lowered his voice. “Somebody’s been making googly eyes at somebody else over the crab dip and I know why.”

Willow’s eyes widened as she realized Lorne had read her in her sleep. She stood up, outraged. “I do not make googly or... or any other kind of eyes. At anyone! Not since Kennedy... since she had to go... away... for little bit.”

Buffy pretended not to know what was going on, but she did know that Willow and Kennedy had some sort of falling out before the new slayer volunteered for her mission. She was waiting for Willow to bring it up, but even without confirmation, Buffy was pretty sure that Kennedy was not coming back.

Willow was starting to get worked up. Her chest rose and fell with her quickened, anxious breathing.

“Hey... easy there, Willow Tree. It’s okay.” Lorne soothed.

“Please don’t--”

“Look... I just thought you might like a little advice.”

“Well I DON’T!”

“Okay, okay! Sorry. Geez. I really put my big green foot into it this time, haven’t I?” Lorne put his hands up in a gesture of surrender, the ice in his glass jingled. “I’ll just... get out of your personal space for a while.”

He began to walk away but stopped and thought for moment. He just couldn’t leave it like this. Lorne turned back to Willow, put a hand on her shoulder and spoke very softly, “It doesn’t mean you didn’t love Tara. The thing of it is, Sweetness, is that sometimes we just love... who we love.”

With that, he walked away. Instead of being curious as to what the hell that was all about, Buffy could only think that it would have been awfully helpful to have Lorne around a year or two ago. *Sometimes we just love who we love.* It was so simple. How she wished she could have had these moments of clarity when it actually mattered.

And there it was. She was thinking about him again.

She tried not to think of Spike. It never worked, but she tried. Sometimes the sadness overwhelmed her and it was hard to concentrate on anything else. Often, she would go over in her mind what she could have done differently... what she could have said to him the night before... how she could have made him believe her that day and mostly... how she could have saved him.

The ubervamps were all dusted. Spike had done his job. It was enough. He didn’t deserve to die along with them in that dark place. It didn’t seem right that someone like Spike could be reduced to nothing but a pile of dust at the bottom of a crater in the Earth. He made such a huge impact on her life, it was impossible to think of him being just... gone.

Sometimes she thought she could feel him. Like right now, as Willow stood beside her thinking loudly about whatever can of worms Lorne had opened, and as Faith played her tiresome games with Gunn and Robin... she could feel him. She was imagining it, of course, but she hadn’t let herself think of Spike at all that day, so it was especially strong at that moment.

She had always felt a strange tingling whenever Spike was around. Even when he was evil. She felt it the very first day she’d laid eyes on him, which was probably why he was never able to make a move without her knowing about it. She had chalked it up to some kind of weird vampire warning system for slayers although she hardly noticed it with any other vamps and wondered if maybe she wasn’t imagining it like she was imagining it now. *Oh just go ahead an admit it! At least to yourself! It was kind of a sexy tingle! Because you were hot for him even back then you sick little monkey girl! Shame! Shame!*

More latter day clarity. Buffy laughed softly to herself. That was new. It had been a while since she could actually laugh at a memory with Spike in it.

“What is it, Buffy?” Willow was smiling at her.

“Sorry. I’m in my own little world over here.”

“That’s okay, I could use a chuckle. What were you thinking about?”

“Spike.”

“Oh.” Willow put her head down, almost reverently.

“It’s okay. I’m feeling okay today. About him.” Buffy took a deep breath and convinced herself to believe her own words. “It’s time we started remembering the good times.”

Willow understood and sat down beside her. “Okay, yeah. Yeah, like... remember that time when he was staying with Xander and had to wear his clothes? That Hawaiian shirt and those little pants?”

Buffy burst out laughing. “Oh God! I forgot about that! That was truly bizarre. He looked so ridiculous! I remember thinking... I was gonna marry this guy?”

Willow stopped smiling.

Buffy bumped shoulders with her. “Come on, you remember. You did that wacky spell where we were betrothed?”

“Yeah. Heh. So, are we at the stage of our lives were we can look back and laugh at that?” Willow asked tentatively.

“Totally. We are way past the laughing about it stage into the stage where we think about it, sigh and say ‘ahh, good times.’”

“Ahh.. good times!” Willow giggled happily, so glad to have her best friend back, at least for a little while. “Okay, what else.”

“Well, you weren’t there for this, but remember that truce I made with Spike to help me fight Angel? “

“Uhh... no.”

“What? Come on. I told you about this!”

“Um. No.”

“Oh my God. I can’t believe... well... anyway, Spike helped me defeat Angel. You know, when Angel was Evil Twin Boy,” Buffy rolled her eyes. After seeing Spike both with and without a soul, it was hard for Buffy to talk about Angelus as if he were a different person... at least with a straight face.

“Wait. Spike HELPED you?”

“Well, not exactly. He was still evil and everything. He wanted to make a deal. Giles for Drusilla. He was basically all jealous that Angel was trying to scam on Drusilla and wanted to help me kill him.”

Willow shrugged. “I guess those motives are... kinda noble. I mean, it was all for the love of a woman. At least he’s consistent.”

Buffy smiled a little sadly. “Yeah.” After a thought filled pause, she shook off the emotion, “Yeah, so anyway... he um... things were pretty bad. You were in the hospital, Giles was missing, I was on the lamb... and this cop stopped me in the park. He had his gun on me and everything. Well, suddenly this black and white blur just swoops in and wails on the cop. Knocks him totally unconscious... and I look up, and there, standing in the squad car’s headlights is none other than Spike!”

Willow gasped. Buffy figured she was a kick-ass storyteller and continued, excitedly.

“I know! So, I’m like, “What the hell?’ And he’s just standing there, grinning at me, you know, with that grin of his... and then he goes--”

“Hello, Cutie.”

Buffy stopped... stopped everything... talking, breathing, even her heart ceased to beat for a second. That voice from behind her... it couldn’t possibly be what it sounded like. *Who* it sounded like.

She looked at Willow who’s smiling face had faded into a mask of dull shock. Willow wasn’t looking at Buffy anymore. She was looking just over Buffy’s left shoulder.
Very slowly, Buffy stood and started to turn around.

She saw Xander first. He was walking toward her. “Xander? Was that you? How did you--” Xander took her hands in his as if comforting her. Buffy was very confused. And then, Xander turned his head in the same direction in which Willow’s eyes were focused.

Buffy’s heart started to pound... because suddenly she knew. Without looking, she knew. She let go of Xander’s hands and turned fully around. On the way, she thought she heard Faith say, “Damn,” with a little wonderment in her voice.

And then she heard nothing, because she was standing face to face with Spike.

***
 

The room was still.

Buffy and Spike stood face to face, their eyes locked on one another. Invisible energy hummed around and between them.

Xander wondered if maybe he should break the silence with a joke. He looked at Willow who seemed to be reading his mind. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, then reached up and took his hand, tugging him softly. He quietly sat down next to her.

Finally, but very slowly, Buffy started walking toward Spike. As she moved, she scanned her brain, trying to remember if she’d ever dreamt of this, and if this was, in fact, just another of those dreams. It didn’t seem real. Spike looked... different. His clothes were the same, his hair was the same, but something was different and she couldn’t put her finger on it. Were Spike’s eyes always that color blue? She couldn’t remember now. Everything was so...

Buffy stopped in front of Spike with only inches separating them and could feel him shaking. Without touching him, she could literally feel him shaking.

“Is this real?” she asked him, quietly.

It took him a second to find his voice again, and then he whispered, “I don’t know.”

It was him. There was no mistaking it now. The emotion is his shining eyes, that deep but gentle voice, the way his eyebrows jerked up unevenly when he spoke, the shrug of his shoulders, the curve of his mouth... this was Spike.

Her Spike.

Abruptly, she lunged forward and threw her arms around him, crying out as she did. Spike moaned in his throat and a tear slipped down his cheek as he buried his face in her hair. He held her tightly to him, lifted her and turned her once around. When he set her on her feet again, she pulled away and without any hesitation pressed her lips to his in an urgent kiss. Choosing to ignore the shock of it, he returned the kiss earnestly and pulled her impossibly closer to him. They kissed as though they were afraid they’d lose each other again and wanted to have something to remember. They kissed as though they couldn’t get enough of each other.

After a while, it seemed that the kiss wasn’t going to end any time soon and the scoobs were getting uncomfortable. All but Andrew, who watched excitedly as though Buffy and Spike were his favorite television super-couple. Everyone else looked away politely, but Angel couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away. He was trying to remember a time when Buffy kissed *him* that way... so desperate and so secure with each other at the same time. He was really trying to remember... wracking his brain... and nothing. Finally, he looked away.

At which point, Buffy broke the kiss and jumped away from Spike. Her eyes were huge as she looked him up and down. Spike was panting and a little dazed. He tilted his head, questioning.

“You’re human!” Buffy gasped.

Spike almost forgot. It took a minute for him to get his bearings. “Oh. Oh... yeah. Um...” He looked to Angel and then to Giles, neither of whom looked anxious to step in and heft some of the burden of exposition. He turned back to Buffy and stepped close to her again, taking her hands in his.

“I - I didn’t even realize at first...” Buffy stammered, “...but you’re so warm. And...” She took her hand and placed it on Spike’s chest, where his heart thudded loudly. The strong, rapid pulse tickled her palm and she smiled. “How did this happen?”

Spike put his hand over hers. This was it. This was the part where reality came crashing down. The other shoe was about to drop. (No pun intended.) “Luv... we need to talk.”

Suddenly, Buffy became very aware that they were being watched. She looked around and found a few concerned faces staring back at her. Angel looked downright somber... even moreso than usual.

“Spike, what’s going on?”

As Angel observed Buffy’s body language, it was clear to him that although she had no idea why Spike was there or how it had come to pass, her instincts seemed to be telling her that if there was something or someone to distrust in the room, it certainly wasn’t Spike. She stuck close to him and seemed to almost shy away from the others. It was as if she wanted Spike to take care of her and tell her that everything was all right now. Angel had never seen this side of Buffy before. He had the unpleasant realization that it was because he’d never seen her with Spike before... not like this.

Angel could accept that Spike won the PTB door prize instead of him. He could accept that Buffy chose Spike to be her champion. He worked at his acceptance, every second he worked at it, and he thought he had perfected it. Until now. This, he just couldn’t deal with. “I gotta get out of here,” he mumbled, and before anyone could protest, he had slipped out the way they had come in.

It was a bit awkward for a minute, while everyone processed Angel’s retreat.

Finally, Giles stepped in. “Buffy... there’s a great deal to discuss. I think it’s best we adjourn to Angel’s office, where it’s a bit more... em, private?”

Faith, who had been watching with interest the entire time, along with a riveted Gunn and Wood, threw up her hands. “Hey, you don’t have to go away on my account. I’ll get the skinny later. Right now, we have work to do. Fellas?”

The men begrudgingly nodded and began to follow Faith out the door. Wood stopped. He turned to Spike and spoke without looking at him. “What you did... in Sunnydale... It was good.” He turned and left without waiting for Spike to respond.

It was a lucky thing for Spike, who had no response. His mind was blown. Again.

Giles’ eyes fell on Andrew who was still watching all of this with a goofy, contented grin. “I still think it’s best to...”

Buffy looked around. “Right, yeah, Dawn and the girls will be back soon and this place’ll be grand central. Angel’s office is quieter. Willow, if Dawn does come back... I’d like to be the one to...”

“Absolutely, Buffy. Don’t worry,” Willow said. She was still pretty freaked out, herself, so she wanted to make sure they broke the news to Dawnie as gently as possible.

Buffy nodded. “Okay then, let’s go.” She was getting a bit worried about why Giles thought it was so important to have a private “discussion” about this. Spike being alive should be a good thing. But this was her world, and good things never came without a price. She took Spike’s hand and squeezed it tightly, looking up at him. “You’re coming too, right?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Spike squeezed her hand back. He wanted to tell her he wasn’t going anywhere, but he bit it back. He wasn’t sure how thrilled she would be with his newfound humanity after finding out what it had cost Angel. He didn’t want to presume she would want him around after that.

***

It didn’t take very long to explain. Afterwards, the room was quiet, but thick with tension.

Buffy sat, wordlessly, with her hands in her lap. Why did the responsibility always seem to fall on her? She could never just be the happy bystander. She was happy... SO happy to have Spike back... but, because of her, Angel lost out on his one chance at freedom.

Did she do the right thing? Hell if she knew. The real question was, would she have made the same choice if she had known?

She looked up at Spike who was watching her carefully, like a child who was afraid of getting scolded by his teacher. She had the urge to laugh, but pushed it away, thinking it might be misinterpreted.

“Buffy, are you all right?” Giles asked, tentatively. He also seemed afraid of incurring her wrath.

What was she, the Hell Bitch? Okay... maybe a little on occasion, but what did they think she was going to do, start kicking ass? Wesley was inching his way toward the door with every passing minute. Guys are such wusses when it comes to the unpredictability of a woman’s emotions.

So, what were her emotions? She heard herself mumble to Giles that she needed a minute. A minute for what? What was she feeling? It struck her as odd that she didn’t feel worse about Angel. This is what he’d been working toward for years and Buffy just up and plucked it from him. Even worse, she’d set it in the hands of Spike.

Of course, she didn’t know it at the time, so it hardly seemed like her fault. Although somehow she felt blamed, especially with Angel storming off in a huff like that. Okay, THAT’S what she was feeling... anger.

She hated to kick a guy when he was down, but maybe she did still harbor a little resentment toward Angel for being the one who walked away first... not just tonight, but years ago. He was the one who left her broken hearted and alone... the one who only showed up in times of great crisis to remind her that she would never find a better man, before fading into the darkness like an hallucination. Even this past week, he’d been evading her. Sure he had a secret, but that was just standard procedure with Angel. There was always a part of him that he refused to share, a great big iron gate that was always closed to Buffy.

And then there was Spike... who wore his emotions like girl scout patches. *This one is for my jealousy of Angel. This one is for loving a woman who dumped me. This one is for feeling impotent with a chip in my head. This one is for falling in love with my mortal enemy. This one is for getting a soul to make myself a better man.*

Spike... a vampire who changed his spots, through sheer force of will. A *man* who wouldn’t leave her... not even after she died, not even after HE died. Spike... who never gave up, and never let her give up, no matter what they’d been through.

He WAS her champion.

She had made the right decision. And if she had it to do over again, knowing the weight of her choice... she wouldn’t change a thing.

She finally looked up and met Spike’s eyes. He thought he saw a ghost of a smile play across her lips.

“I’m glad your back.”

Still apprehensive, Spike urged her to say more. “But...”

She smiled this time... really smiled. “BUT...” she teased, “You have to promise never to go away again, because if you do I’ll have to hunt you down and kill you. And if you’re already dead, I’ll kill you again... just for spite!”

He finally exhaled. Buffy was playing with him. That was a good sign but Spike wasn’t sure how to proceed. His heart was beating so fast. How ridiculous would he be to have a heart attack and keel over dead after all this? Calm down, Spike, he told himself. Stop being such a bloody nance!

“And you!” Buffy suddenly turned on Giles, who was just rubbing his tired eyes. Everyone jumped. Giles waited and she continued. “Communication, Giles. It’s key. Let’s have some of that from now on, okay?”

Giles nodded and waited. There would certainly be more.

He was right. “There will be no more secrets and absolutely no more tests. I’d say Spike has done more than enough to earn a little trust and respect... from all of us.”

Giles looked over at Spike who looked away, embarrassed. Spike didn’t really believe he’d earned anyone’s trust just yet, especially not Rupert’s.

“Buffy,” Giles said softly, “You must realize I had your best interests at heart.”

Buffy took his hand. “You always do, Giles, and I really do appreciate it, even if it doesn’t seem that way... most of the time. But... even if you can never bring yourself to trust Spike, you CAN trust me. You should know that by now.”

Giles nodded, but didn’t speak. He had a bit of a lump in his throat. She seemed so much older than her years, so much wiser than that little girl he’d met in the library so many years ago.

Buffy smiled at him with tears in her eyes. This is what fathers do, she thought. They make you crazy, they meddle in your life, they drive you to rebellion... but in the end, they love you no matter what. And you love them. She thought of saying it to him, “I love you,” or maybe “thank you for loving me so much,” but they were not alone and Giles was way too British.

She squeezed his hand instead and hoped he understood.

After a moment, she asked, “Do you think I could have a minute alone... with him?”

The hairs on the back of Spike’s neck stood straight up.

Giles hesitated a minute, then cleared his throat and nodded. “Of course. We’ll be just outside.”

On their way out, Buffy called out to Wesley. “Thanks for your part in this, Wes. You did good.”

“You’re quite welcome, Buffy.” He looked over at Spike and favored him with a wry smile. “Good luck, Spike.”

Spike returned the smile, albeit halfheartedly, and then he was alone in the room with Buffy.

She turned to him but her face gave nothing away. Spike tried to think of something to say, something sexy or charming or even sarcastic. Anything coherent would do. But as he watched Buffy walk over to him, his mind went totally blank.

Maybe it was for the best, because she didn’t seem to have talking on her mind. Without stopping she climbed right into his lap, took his face in her hands and kissed him, very softly, on the lips.

Okay, he was mute but not paralyzed. He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and pulled her closer to him, deepening the contact between them. After a few luscious moments, she pulled away, pressed her forehead to his and whispered, “I missed you.”

Spike closed his eyes and ordered himself not to start blubbering. “You did?”

“Yeah. I did... Welcome home, Spike.”

***
TBC