Hot Chocolate 4

Chapter 11: The Bronze

It had been one whole week since Buffy and Spike first had sex. And every night since then, they'd somehow ended up fucking. Fumbled, frantic sex mid-patrol in the cemetary. Loud, passionate sex in Spike's crypt. Secret sex in Buffy's bed, quiet so as not to wake Dawn.

Neither of them said anything about what they were doing. Buffy, because she knew if she thought about it she'd have to stop it. Spike, because he didn't want to risk ending this marvellous thing that was happening with Buffy. It wasn't just the sex. It was the everything else, the before and after times he got to spend with her. The times when she treated him like a lover, a boyfriend, a friend. The sharing, the talking, the stupid nothings. Spike didn't want to lose that. If Buffy would keep coming to see him, keep talking to him about the everyday crap that happened, keep curling up beside him to watch tv, keep treating him like a person, keep being with him, then he could live without the sex. Spike knew it meant more to Buffy too than just fucking. He knew what just fucking was, he'd been with Harmony. He also knew that she wasn't willing to admit that yet.

Spike sighed. He hated this. He knew he should just let things be. He got to shag the Slayer on a regular basis. When they were alone together he knew without a doubt that she loved him. Knew it from her actions, knew it from her words, knew it from the way she held him close. He hated this jealous, hurt feeling he had. He hated that he cared that they kept this, this thing between them, secret. He hated the part of him that said, you're good enough to shag but not good enough to hold her hand? He especially hated the part that told him he deserved more. He knew, well hoped, that eventually Buffy would grow used to the idea of being with him. He knew he should just wait, not push her until she was ready. Bloody hell, would it be such a big deal if he took her to the movies? He kicked open the door to his crypt and went inside.

They had been at the Bronze.

Spike was standing near the bar watching the proceedings. Willow, Tara, Anya and Buffy were dancing together. Xander walked over to him.

"Spike! Kill anything interesting lately?"

"Don't tempt me Harris," said Spike watching the four girls. One girl in particular.

Xander followed his gaze. "I'd join in," he said. "But it's more fun to watch."

Spike gave him a disgusted look.

"Oh and you aren't?" Xander said.

"Excuse me, but there's a band over there. Who happens to be pretty bloody good."

Xander slapped him on the arm. "Uhuh, you're watching the band."

"Want a beer?"

"If you're shouting."

Spike gave him a sour look and ordered two beers.

"So what's the night out in aid of?" he asked handing Xander the open bottle.

"Don't ask me. Anya said we were going out. I think it's R&R meets get Buffy a man."

"Slayer needs a man does she?"

"Apparently." Xander suddenly grinned. "Hey, Spike, if you're in the mood for some humiliation you could give it another shot."

Spike took a swig of beer.

"I'd rather stick my wedding tackle in a vat of holy water." He walked away.

"And let me just say, ow." Xander followed him to the pool table.

He picked up a pool cue and waited while Spike set up the table.

They were halfway through their third game when Buffy came over.

"Hello Buffy," said Spike.

"Hi Spike," she said briefly then walked past him to Xander. "Hey Xander, Anya wants you to get your butt over there."

Xander gave Spike a long suffering look. "Sorry man, I'd stay and enjoy your sullen company but well, you know." And he wandered over to the dance floor where Anya threw her arms around him excitedly.

Spike turned to speak to Buffy, secretly pleased she'd come over to see him. Buffy wasn't there. He spotted her blonde head bobbing through the crowd on the way to the Ladies.

Spike ignored the disappointment and finished off the pool game by himself.

Buffy was back on the dance floor. She was having fun. She, Tara and Willow danced like crazy women to the upbeat song the band was playing. The song finished and a less bouncy one started up. Buffy smiled at Willow and Tara.

"You guys dance together. I'm going to sit for a while." She headed off the dance floor.

"Slayer." Spike was suddenly beside her.

"Spike, didn't know you danced."

Spike held out his hand. "May I?"

Buffy bit her lip. "I - I don't know Spike. I don't know if it's such a good idea."

"One dance Slayer."

Buffy looked up at him. His expression was serious.

"Don't worry it won't be close. Just dance with me."

"Fine," she said and followed him onto the dance floor.

The stood apart and Buffy started moving to the slow lyrics. Spike stepped in and took her hand. Buffy was startled as he took control and started moving her, moving with her in a very slow and graceful dance. Buffy found herself caught up in the dance, moving towards Spike, to his side, away towards him. Enjoying the intense grace and fluid movements of this old fashioned dance. He caught her waist with one hand, then let her go, catching her hand in his. There was nothing lewd or sexual in the dance but it was very seductive. Buffy found herself lost in Spike's eyes. Suddenly the music stopped.

Spike stepped back.

"Thank you Slayer," he said then turned and walked off towards the bar.

Buffy watched him go for a second. Then she took a deep breath. "Wow." She went to join Tara and Willow again.

"Hey Buffy," said Willow. "That was lovely."

Buffy shrugged. "Didn't kill me. Spike's an ok dancer for an old, dead guy."

Willow and Tara were sitting down. Anya had relinquished Xander for one song and the two of them danced with Buffy.

"Hey Spike!" Willow said as the vampire walked past.

Spike stopped.

"Red, Tara," he said in greeting.

"Come sit with us," said Willow. She felt sorry for Spike, he must be so lonely. Spike hesitated for a moment then sat down next to the witches.

He gave them a polite smile. The three of them sat there silently for a minute. Finally Spike took pity on the two wiccas.

"So how's the rabbits," he said.

"Oh! Fine! The vet said they'll be ok in no time."

"They seem happy," said Tara.

"Good, that's good. Wouldn't want our demons having unhappy endings now would we."

"You know Will, this could be a whole new way of fighting evil," said Tara.

Willow grinned. "Yes we could get a whole collection of cute and fluffy ex-demons."

"Yeah well just keep your spells away from me," Spike said darkly.

"But Spike. You're already cute and fluffy."

The vampire nearly choked on his beer. "Am not! Take that back!"

Willow grinned cheekily and Tara smiled.

Spike glared at them. "You women will be the death of me," he said.

Just then Anya, Xander and Buffy came over. Buffy sat in the chair furtherest from Spike

Xander was asking Anya what she wanted to drink.

"Ooh that one with the cute little umbrella that tastes like fruit juice," she told him.

"Do you want a drink honey?" Tara asked Willow.

"Some water would be nice, thanks."

Tara stood up to follow Xander.

"What about you Buffy?" asked Spike, noticing that she was trying not to feel left out.

She gave him a dirty look. "I'm fine," she said shortly. How could he be so obvious?

Spike sat back in his chair. "Die of thirst then, see if I care," he muttered.

Spike stomped around his crypt remembering. The Scoobies had been pleasant enough, asking him to sit with them. He'd tried not to insult them too much. But the evening had been awful. Buffy hadn't ignored him but she hadn't been with him either. Not like Xander was with Anya or the two witches were together. Spike wanted to sit next to Buffy with him arm draped over her chair. He wanted to whisper a private joke to her. He wanted to buy her a drink with a bloody stupid umbrella in it. He wanted to be the bloke that was with her. Instead he and Xander went and played pool again. Spike slumped down on his couch. He wanted to walk her home. At the end of the evening, she'd left with them. And he'd gone home by himself.

The door suddenly opened. Buffy walked in.

"You're still up?" she said. Spike hated how her voice made his heart leap. He wasn't good enough to go home with, but it was fine to show up at his place later.

"It's night pet, I'm a vampire remember," he said it a little harsher than he meant.

Buffy noticed the edge to his tone and frowned.

"What's wrong? Is something the matter? You were pretty quiet tonight."

Spike looked at her, suddenly severe. Strangely, the fact that she had noticed his behaviour hurt him more.

"What are we doing Slayer?" he said bluntly. "What are you doing?"

Buffy was shaken by his tone but she didn't let herself show it.

"What do you mean?" she asked a bit defiantly.

"You, me, sex," he said, throwing her words from that first morning at her. "I'm fairly bloody certain you've noticed."

Buffy found herself getting annoyed. "What about it?" she said.

"I want to know if this is something you plan on continuing, or whether tomorrow you're going to wake up and try to forget about our dirty little secret."

"Spike, it's not a dirty little secret."

"That's why you won't tell anyone about it then."

"Spike you know why I haven't told anyone."

He looked at her. He knew why, because he knew Buffy better than herself.

"Because its something that keeps happening that you can't control, can't stop, something that part of you hates. Something you know you'll stop eventually, so why cause everyone grief by mentioning it?" The truth of his words cut Buffy.

Her eyes flashed. "What do you want me to tell them? By the way, you know that demon that tried to kill us all, like a dozen times, hey I'm screwing him?"

Spike's jaw worked angrily beneath his cheek. "Then stop this," he said quietly. "If it's so shameful, stop it. Do me a favour, get over it and leave me alone."

"Fine, I will, suddenly its not that hard anymore."

Buffy turned on her heel and walked out of the crypt.

Spike just stayed on the couch and didn't move. Angry at her and angry at himself. Fucked that one up royally didn't you mate.

Buffy walked home, half hoping he'd come after her, half thinking that it would be better if he didn't. It was over now. It had to end. It really did. It was for the best. Spike was right. Why did she have to tell anyone anyway? It wasn't their business. What was Spike's problem? Why did he suddenly want to start issuing ultimatums? They were having sex weren't they? Wasn't that what he wanted? Buffy ignored the guilt that had settled in the pit of her stomach. The guilt that told her that what he wanted was to be hers. The guilt that reminded her of all the times he'd whispered I love you to her. She hadn't been using him. It was just something that had happened.

tbc

Chapter 12: Choice

"Gees, Buffy, what's up your butt today?" Dawn demanded after Buffy had snapped at her over nothing, again.

"Nothing, I just wish you'd stop putting your feet up on the lounge like that."

It had been forty-one and a three quarter hours since her fight with Spike. She hadn't seen him or heard from him, he hadn't even shown up when she went on patrol. She knew that was supposed to be good because it was over and she really should have no need to see him. Buffy knew this but she still felt miserable.

"You've got your feet on the lounge!" Dawn hated Buffy getting mad at her and this time it was clearly unfair and for no reason.

Buffy looked at her indignant little sister. She wasn't being fair to her.

"Sorry Dawn," she said. "I'm just, just a bit upset today."

"Yeah, well don't take it out on me," Dawn grumbled. Then she became curious. "What's wrong?"

Buffy had already admitted she was upset so she couldn't say 'nothing'. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Is it because you never saw Spike last night?"

"No! And how do you know I didn't see him anyway?"

"Please Buffy, he's been over here like every other night this week, either that or you don't get home until 5 in the morning. And last night you were home at 10."

"How do you know he's been here?" Buffy asked, more than a little horrified. They had been so quiet.

"Duh, someone's been leaving just before dawn. The hallway creaks you know. You should just send him out the window."

"That, wasn't-"

"Buffy I saw him. I thought it was you the first time so I got up to see what was wrong."

Buffy was looking at Dawn appalled.

"Don't worry, its not like I heard you guys or anything."

"Dawn!"

Dawn raised her eyebrow at her sister. Buffy still treated her like a little girl.

"Buffy, I think its great you guys are together. Spike really loves you."

Buffy looked away, biting her lip.

"Well, its not like we're together anymore," she said.

"You didn't stake him did you?"

"No! Gees Dawn. We had a fight."

"Don't worry, you guys always fight. Spike will be around here in no time."

"I don't think so. He told me - we had a fight because he wanted me to tell the others about us."

"So? You guys are together now right?"

"Dawn, they'd totally freak!"

"So what if they do? They're your friends, they'll live with it. They got over Angel and Spike can't even lose his soul or hurt anyone"

"Only because he hasn't got a soul and he's got a chip, which might stop working who knows when."

"Then deal with that when it happens Buffy."

"Besides, its not like we were together, together anyway. It was just-" Buffy stopped remembering it was her impressionable little sister she was talking to.

"Buffy! You were just using him for sex?"

"I didn't say that! I mean, its not like I'm in love with him or anything. Its just something that happened." She remembered what Spike had said. "It probably wouldn't haven lasted so why cause everyone grief over it."

"So why are you being such a pain in the butt lately?"

Buffy was silent. She was miserable. It was true, she missed Spike. "What should I do?"

Dawn felt the importance of being asked advice by her big sister and considered the problem thoughtfully.

"You want to get back with Spike and he thinks you're embarrassed about being with him. So you have to prove that you're not."

Buffy nodded.

"I know, why don't you tell the others that Spike is taking you on a date!"

"A date?"

"Yeah, then you don't have to tell them you were boinking or anything."

"I guess, and I can tell them we're just seeing where it goes." Buffy saw the potential of the suggestion. Suddenly she laughed. "Its not like we're engaged again or anything."

"Yep," said Dawn. "Totally harmless."

****************************

"Oh no, I can't do it," Willow said turning around. She and Tara were standing outside Spike's crypt.

"Ok," said Tara and turned to go.

"Wait a second, it was your idea."

"Yeah but if you don't want to."

"I do, I mean, I sorta do, its just it suddenly seems so embarrassing now we're actually gonna do it."

"We'll both ask."

"Ok, no wait, it would be too weird. I've known him longer, I'll do it."

The door suddenly opened a chink.

"Are you ladies going to come in or were you planning on standing outside all day debating it?"

Willow blushed and she exchanged looks with Tara. Tara shooed her in.

"Uh, hi Spike," Willow said nervously. She slipped through the cracked open door so as not to let too much sunlight in.

"Red," said Spike surveying her carefully. "Need a ride to the beach again?" Maybe Buffy had told them about their relationship and now the little witches needed to give him the obligatory lecture about not hurting her. Spike knew that was wishful thinking. He hadn't seen the Slayer since that night. She was a stubborn chit too, so if she'd made up her mind about it being over, then it was.

"Ah no, thanks," said Willow.

"So why you here?"

"Spike, um can we sit down?"

Spike shrugged, if this was going to be a Buffy induced lecture it'd be worth putting up with. Maybe Red had some news about her anyway. He led the way to his couch.

"Ok," said Willow taking a deep breath. "Spike, I have to ask you something. And feel free to say no. I mean don't feel any pressure or anything." It was so much easier when she'd rehearsed it in her head. In her head, Spike hadn't been looking so cynical.

Spike looked at the red-head curiously. Willow was normally all nervous and breathy but now she was even more so. This wasn't what he had expected in the way of a lecture.

"What is it pet?" he asked kindly.

"Um, ok," Willow played nervously with the cuffs of her sleeves. "Tara and I, we were wondering, if you, just once though, not, not all the time or anything, if you -" Willow stopped, she couldn't do it. Embarrassment covered her face.

Spike cocked his head to one side, searching her face. "What do you want me to do Red?"

Willow felt pinned under his gaze. She drew herself up. She and Tara were attractive. They had very good reasons for asking Spike. Willow found her resolved face and put it on. "Be the er three, in a er, threesome?"

Spike blinked.

"I mean, say no if you don't want to. We just, it was just, well we thought it would be interesting to try, just once and you, well you can't get either of us pregnant or anything and its not like either of us are emotionally attached to you so it wouldn't be all weird like that, I mean I thought of Oz but that would be hard for Tara and Xander -"

Spike swallowed hard. The thought of two warm nubile bodies playing with each other and with him, using him as their anatomically correct sexual accessory, was, well, definitely appealing. It should have been appealing. Why did he keep thinking of Buffy?

"Now?" he asked Willow.

Willow blushed. "Er, if you want to…we thought maybe at our place, you know, we have accessories…" More blushes.

The idea was becoming more appealing. Buffy had pretty much made it clear how she felt. It wasn't like they were together or anything. She didn't want him.

Spike nodded. "All right," he said. It was just on dusk now anyway. "Lets go."

*********************************

It sounded so easy when she'd been talking with Dawn, Buffy thought. Now she was nearly at Spike's crypt and her stomach was full of butterflies. He had been so angry. What if he didn't like the idea of the date? What if he thought she was doing it because she was ashamed of him and didn't want to admit the true extent of their relationship to the others? What if he didn't forgive her, had already moved on? What if-

She pushed the door open.

"Spike?"

No answer.

Buffy looked around. There was no sign of him. With some trepidation she ventured down into the vault underneath the crypt. No Spike there either.

The feeling in her stomach was worse now. She chided herself, nothing had happened to him. He hadn't left. She wasn't too late.

**********************************

Spike pulled off his shirt and smirked sexily at the two witches.

Tara raised her eyebrow.

"So, uh, do you have any preferences about, about, how we do this?" she asked him trying not to let her embarrassment show.

Willow grabbed her hand. This was too awful. They were both painfully embarrassed. She had to admire his chest though. Spike must work out.

"You ladies lead the way," Spike told them. Then he took pity on the embarrassed wiccas. "Just pretend I'm not here, if you want. You know, get started."

"Uh, no we're, it's just…Ok," said Willow. It was time to take charge. Willow might have been in a very happy, satisfied lesbian relationship but she could appreciate an attractive male body.

"Candles. I'm going to light some candles and -"

"I'm going to change," said Tara and disappeared into the bathroom.

"Spike do you want a drink or something. Sorry I don't have any blood." Willow lit the candles that were placed around the room.

"No thanks Red." Spike wished they'd get on with it. He wished the uncomfortable feeling of guilt that had settled in his stomach would bugger off.

"Ok, I'm going to go get changed too. We'll be right out." She switched off the light and went into the bathroom as well.

Spike looked around the little student apartment. Lots of wiccan imagery. He sort of liked it. The bed had dark pink and purple sheets. Different to Buffy's room. Buffy's room was light and white and had tiny flowers. Spike sat down on the bed and pulled off his boots. He thought about taking his pants off, then decided he'd better not terrify the witches.

In the bathroom Willow and Tara looked at each other.

"It's a bit you know, erotic," said Willow. "And he's being all nervous and sweet."

Tara smiled at her. "He is sort of pretty."

"If you still want to?"

Willow nodded. "But only if you do."

Tara nodded.

Then Willow bent forward and kissed her. Feeling a lot more in the mood they left the bathroom.

Spike turned when they entered the room. He suddenly caught himself shaking. What was wrong with him? The only thing he needed to think about right now was what was under those sexy little nightgowns. Not Slayers and their smooth curves and pert breasts.

Willow and Tara looked at each other. The candlelight was showing off Spike's muscles to good effect. Willow walked over to him.

"Still want to do this?" she asked.

Spike nodded. Willow very tentatively reached up and kissed him. Spike decided to ignore the lead feeling in his stomach. He wrapped an arm around Willow's slim figure and slid his tongue into her mouth. He suddenly felt Tara's put her arms around his waist from behind. Tiny kisses flitted down his backbone. Lead feeling was definitely going away. And then Willow pulled away from his kiss and Tara slipped around to the front. She kissed Willow passionately then turned to Spike. Spike shut his eyes, feeling her tentative, soft kiss. Spike was suddenly reminded of Buffy's kisses. Buffy's kisses could be painfully soft and sweet. Spike decided his now throbbing erection was the result of what the witches were doing, not this unwanted memory.

Willow nuzzled Tara's neck, her arms wrapped around both her and Spike. Spike deepened Tara's kiss, and was pleased to find the girl respond in kind. Spike moaned when he felt Willow's mouth on his chest, flicking his nipples with her tongue. The image of Buffy's long pink tongue sliding down his chest suddenly flashed into Spike's head. He let out another moan. Tara pulled away from his mouth and nibbled at his neck and earlobe. Willow stopped tormenting Spike's chest and turned her attention to Tara. Spike was very impressed. Spike nuzzled wicca neck as the two women kissed other. And then Willow was unbuckling his belt. Buffy tugging on his belt. Suddenly Spike stopped. Everything was clear.

"Willow, no." His hand stopped hers. Willow looked up at him.

Seriously thinking of being with anyone but Buffy suddenly seemed impossible. He wanted Buffy, he realised. Buffy was all he wanted.

Spike stepped back running his hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry. I can't."

"Spike what's wrong?"

Spike looked around for his shirt. "I can't do this to B- " He stopped. "I'm sorry. I want to. See how much I want to." He indicated the bulge in his pants. "I just can't."

"It's ok, Spike," Willow said. He seemed upset. "You don't have to."

"It was nice anyway," said Tara her expression one of concern.

Spike pulled on his shirt. "I've got to go."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

Spike suddenly grinned. He knew what he had to do. "I'll be fine." He pulled on his boots. Then quickly kissed both witches.

"That was lovely," he said gently.

Willow and Tara looked at each other as the door shut.

"Oh well, it's just us then," said Willow.

"I think I like it better that way anyway," said Tara and she kissed Willow. "I don't like sharing you."

tbc