Another day in the land of those who work for a living. It's a new experience for me. As a vampire, right up until I got the chip, my motto was simply want, take. It was difficult after that, but I still took what I needed when I could. Then, when I was human, I was a gentleman. Gentlemen didn't work for a living. I mean, being 'in trade' was to imply you didn't belong. Not that I sat back and let the world happen around me. There were duties. There were things I simply had to do, especially after father died. His responsibilities fell to me.

It's only day two at Sunnydale High School, and already I feel I've been here forever. The layout of the school is scorched into my brain. I haven't had anything too severe to deal with yet. One kid with a knife he didn't actually intend to use, but I spotted him showing his friends on one of my monitors. There's the usual pilfering too, but I haven't spotted who yet. I will. I've done too much pilfering myself not to spot it.

I've kept out of my office a lot today. I mean, I've been back, but only when I think Buffy will be busy. I'm avoiding her. I know. I'm a coward. But she looks at me, not with hatred, but with something I can't understand, and I can't cope with it. Hatred I can understand. Anything else might be hurt or confusion, or pain, and I can't bring myself to study her long enough to work out which.

Towards the end of the day there's a note on my desk. Apparently Giles is back, and he's convened a meeting at the Magic Box at eight, and he wants me there. Probably planning to stake me, or at least tell me to get out of Sunnydale. It doesn't hurt any less because I know I deserve it.

I consider not going. I think of the possibility of having to spend some time in the same room as Buffy, having to look at the pain I caused, and I'm desperate to find a reason not to go. But I haven't got one, and I know it.

So, eight o'clock finds me outside the Magic Box. I stand with my hand on the door for a few seconds before finally opening it. There's no one sitting at the research table which seems to have been reinstated towards the back of the shop. The shop is an empty shell, and I think back to what Clem told me about what happened after I left. I deserted my girls, and I almost lost them both. Anya is there, looking through some catalogues, and as the door opens, Giles walks in from what was Buffy's training room, followed by Willow.

"Spike, I'm glad you came. Sit down, I'm sure Buffy will be here soon."

I do as he asked, sitting at the edge of my chair and Willow comes to sit beside me. She looks as uncomfortable as I feel, and I give her a half smile which she returns. Anya joins us, looking entirely comfortable, and this only serves to make Willow and I look less so.

"Spike, it's good to see you. How've you been? You wouldn't believe the stories I've heard about you. Well, you know what the demon world's like. You just can't keep a secret!"

At that moment, the door opens again and Buffy and Dawn walk in. They are greeted by Giles who follows them to the table. I'm flanked by Willow and Anya, so I end up more or less opposite the two Summers sisters. I sneak a look at Dawn, and she smiles warmly at me. She elbows Buffy, and she looks up from the table. She smiles shyly, and goes back to looking down.

Giles clears his throat, and we all look his way. "I thought it would be a good idea to get together tonight, because of some information I came across while I was in England. But, before I get into that, I'd like Spike to tell us what happened to him. I don't know, but I think it might be relevant."

They're all looking at me, expectantly, even Buffy. I concentrate on the Watcher, keeping my eyes on his as I start to speak.

"The night I left, something happened. I did something I didn't think I could do. I hurt Buffy." I pause at that point, the memories still too vivid to be able to go on immediately. While I pause, the door opens again, and Xander lumbers in. He looks around the table, giving me a look of intense dislike, then shifts his gaze to my left, and Anya.

"What's she doing here?" he asks. His finger is pointing at her. Anya bristles as only she can. "Giles asked me to be here. And that's only right, since I'm going back to managing the store when it's ready to reopen."

"But, she's a demon!" Xander ignores Anya's words, and continues to talk to Giles.

"That is certainly true," he agrees, "but it is also beside the point. Anya's information has often proved invaluable in the past, and I believe it may do so again. You have a choice. Either sit down and listen, or leave. I must ask you to decide quickly, so we can get on."

This is obviously not what Xander expected, so he sits down, looking bewildered and hurt. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. After what he did to Anya, he deserves to hurt a bit.

The eyes return to me, and I try to continue. "As I was saying, I hurt Buffy. I didn't think I could, but I did. But, the thing is, I was confused. If I had been a man, I wouldn't have been able to hurt her like that. But, as a demon, I shouldn't have stopped when I knew I was hurting her. I realised I was nothing. I was neither man nor demon. I was so sorry about what I'd done, that I thought I'd lose my mind. But, despite that, the demon inside me was raging to finish what I'd started."

I stop and take a deep breath. This is harder than I thought it would be, and I never thought it'd be a picnic. "I had heard of something. A demon. In Africa. I'd heard he could grant wishes. I went, and asked him for a soul. I thought, if I had a soul, I'd be back on one side of the divide, not stuck on the fence any more. Anyway, to cut a long story short, there were some trials, but I passed. He gave me a soul."

I remember the physical pain of the trials, but I know my hand's starting to shake not because of that, but because of the memory of what followed. "He gave me a soul, and I started to feel regret, not just for what I'd done to Buffy, but to everyone I'd ever hurt. It built up, became overpowering, and then there was nothing. My body turned to dust, but, somehow I was there to see it. Don't exactly understand what happened."

I glance away from the Watcher to look at Anya, Willow and Dawn. They're all looking at me intently, and I see .. is that understanding? I glance at Xander, and I see disbelief. He looks like he wants to object, but he's keeping quiet. I look at Buffy, and she's not looking at me. She's looking down, but her cheeks are wet. She's crying at the memory of me hurting her, I know she is, and it cuts through me. I have to take several deep breaths before I can continue.

"Anyway, after a while, I'm on a beach. I've got a body of sorts, and I meet this girl. Little girl. And she tells me some things. She gives me the choice of going back as something different or not going back at all. I didn't want to go back. I reckoned I'd done enough harm already, but she said if I didn't go back, something would happen to Dawn. So, I agreed."

Another pause. The next part isn't going to go down well, but I've got to say it. "She told me I'd be like Buffy's been since she came back. Not human, but not so different that you can tell easily. She told me that I would be able to survive on human food, but that blood would help me heal more quickly. That I would live far longer than a human, but she didn't say I would be immortal. She set me up with a flat and a job - a whole past. I woke up some time after that, and found the offer of the job at the school in my mailbox."

Giles had been listening, his face expressionless while I spoke. Sensing that my story was complete, he started to question me. "Are you quite sure about the reason for you coming back? It was definitely to do with Dawn."

I nod, sneaking a look at the Bit. Her eyes are looking moist, but she's smiling. She's smiling at me, even though she knows I hurt her sister. I thought I'd lose that - her friendship. "Yeah, that's the only reason I came back. She said it would take both Buffy and me to keep her safe."

The silence of the next couple of seconds is broken by Anya. "Well, well. The rumours were true! I mean, I didn't really believe them. They sounded so improbable. Do you know what sort of demon you are? Because, I don't recognise it. I've seen just about every species there is, and I've never heard of one like you describe."

I look at the vengeance demon, and smile at her. Her sadness is so much a part of her, that I can't help but feel it, but she's hiding it well. There's no way Harris would know she still loves him. "She never gave me a name. And, I've never heard of anything like me," I look over at Buffy, realising fully for the first time the import of what I've said. "Like us, before."

I knew it was too good to last. Xander pushes his chair away from the table, his body is tense, ready to fight. "Don't tell me you believe him? All that about Buffy not being human? I mean, the rest of it is hardly believable. There's no way he'd have gotten himself a soul. How often have you heard him talking about Angel's soul? He knew that it took Angel what, fifty years before he could deal with a soul. He wouldn't do it."

To my amazement, it's Buffy who answers Xander. "You're wrong, Xander. It's exactly the sort of thing Spike would do. He's not one for half measures. The first time he tried to make me admit I cared for him, he chained me up and offered to kill Drusilla for me. And, after what I said to him, the way I treated him, it's exactly what he would do. I just don't know why I didn't realise it before."

The last few words she said were broken, like she was trying to hold back tears. I glance up, and I see Dawn putting her arm around her sister's shoulders, but she's looking at me.

Giles allows silence to reign for a short while, cleaning his glasses before speaking again. "I think I may be able to shed some light on the type of demon we're talking about, but I would prefer to start my story at the beginning."

Xander stands up. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I want some evidence. I want some proof that he's got a soul, and that Buffy's not human, and I'm not going to believe him otherwise."

To my surprise, Giles nods. "I suspected you might feel that way. Willow?"

Willow opens her mouth to speak for the first time. "G..Giles warned me we might need proof. I've got something I can do. I can't prove the soul-having thing, but I can do a test to see if Buffy is human."

"Giles," Xander interrupts. "You can't ask her to do that. It's not fair."

Dawn seems disturbed at the prospect too. She's gone pale, and is gripping Buffy's arm in what must be a painful grasp.

"I assure you," Giles says calmly, "that the spell involved here is completely safe. During her time in England, Willow has been working on reconnecting with the earth roots of pure magic, white magic. The spell she has in mind is completely true to those roots. It will simply recognise those of us around the table who are of the earth, that is, human. The others, it will ignore."

He turns to Willow, and she nods her acknowledgement. "As Giles said, there is no danger with this spell. I … I know I was wrong before, and it's been hard not using the dark magic, and I know I've still got a long way to go, but this .. this is ok. Honestly. Giles wouldn't let me do it if he wasn't comfortable." At that point she looks straight at Dawn. "I .. I know you haven't got much reason to trust me, but I'm not asking that, not yet. For now, trust Giles."

No one speaks, but the tension in the room goes down significantly. When she senses the acceptance, Willow continues. "It's quite a simple spell, really. I've got some earth here. Not just any earth, it's been specially purified and blessed, and I'm going to sprinkle a little of it over each of us. Then I'll say the incantation - it's just a couple of words - and those of us who are human should glow slightly as the earth recognises its own."

She stands up, and goes around the table, sprinkling a little of the powdered earth over each of us in turn, finishing with herself. She returns to her own place at the table, next to me, and says two words I don't catch. The effect is slow at first. Then I see it. Giles, Willow, and Xander are all glowing slightly. I cast a glance at Anya, then at Buffy, and I see nothing. I look at my own arm, and again see nothing. Something draws my eyes to Dawn, and I see she's glowing too, but it's not like the others. She's glowing brighter than the rest of them, and unlike them, she's not glowing white, but a clear bright green.

The fireworks don't last more than a few seconds, and when they're over, Giles stands up again. "I think we have our proof. We are in the presence of three demons."

"What about me?" asks Dawn, and I can see in her eyes that she's scared. Buffy's holding her hand, and I want to rush over there and do the same, but with an effort I stay where I am.

"Well, as I understand the spell, the fact that you glowed at all proves that you are of the earth. You are human. The green, I believe that is the energy of the key shining through."

"Yes," Buffy says suddenly, "that's what Tara saw, wasn't it? After Glory stole her mind, she saw Dawn as green energy."

As she speaks, Buffy's eyes flit to Willow, and I follow her gaze to find the witch crying softly. The mention of Tara must be more than she can bear.

"I'm sorry, Will, I didn't mean…"

"It's ok, Buffy. You can't not talk about her. That would be wrong. We all need to remember her, to talk about her. That's how we keep her memory alive, and that's all I've got now."

I always did have a soft spot for the redhead. Even back when Buffy was just an exotic snack, I had a sneaking regard for Willow. She said that with such quiet dignity that I can't help but admire her more than ever. I catch her eye, and try to let her know, but I'm not sure she understands.

Giles clears his throat again. "To get back to what I found in England. The library in the estate where Willow and I stayed has an excellent collection of books, and I spent many happy hours there. I found something, some notes on the margin of a book I read on a previous visit. Those notes were not there during my earlier perusal, and I asked the librarian about them. She assured me that no one had read that volume since the last time I did. That intrigued me. I had one of the coven members check out the writing, and it appears that it was written a very long time ago, shortly after the book was printed, but hidden magically. We don't know exactly what happened to make the notes visible, but I read them with interest."

"The notes didn't give any information in themselves, but were in fact a series of references to other texts. The texts in question have a very interesting history. During the 800s, there was a seer who lived in Winchester in England. Now, he was generally accepted to be quite mad, but, the monks who had the care of him, found some of the things he said so intriguing, that they set someone to write down everything he said. Most of it was gibberish, but, every now and again, he would say something which made sense, and within a short while, things he prophesied would come true. In all, there were twelve volumes of these ramblings, and they were studied in great depth for a time. They are known as the Bartholomew texts after the seer himself. The last known prophecy to come from these texts came true about two hundred years after Bartholomew's death. After that, they were generally considered to be a spent force. The notes I found persuaded me to re-examine his words."

Giles picks up some notes as he waits to allow us to take in what he has said. I can't help myself, I've got to ask. "So, these notes tell you to look up page fourteen of volume one and read what it says?"

"More or less, yes, Spike. What I found startled me. Unfortunately, the coven had only five of the twelve volumes. I have a good deal of further research to do, but I think I should share what I have so far. The first thing I found is a reference to an evil more ancient than anything I've heard of. It claims there was an energy, a purely malevolent energy, which was loosed upon the earth thousands of years ago. At that time, long before the human race as we know it, some creatures, it isn't specific as to their nature, found a means to trap this energy. They call the vessel they used the 'Orb of Fire'. Now, there was no way at that time to destroy this energy, containment was the only option. However, they knew that the orb would eventually disintegrate, and therefore they needed to come up with something lest this evil take over the world. For this purpose, they devised what we now know as 'The Key'."

The surprise at what he said was palpable. Dawn paled noticeably. "I'm sorry, Dawn." Giles said. "I suggested to Buffy that you not attend this meeting, but she insisted that she wouldn't have secrets from you any more. She also said that you knew that there was some sort of threat to you inherent in the reasons for Spike's return, so I hoped this would not be too big a shock."

"It's ok, Giles. I need to know this. I mean, I'm the Key, and that's a dangerous thing to be. Been there, done that. That's why I've got Buffy as a sister, and Spike to help keep me safe. It's cool."

She's trying so hard to show us she's not scared, but I can feel the fear. I instinctively stiffen, readying myself to protect her from an unseen enemy.

"Very well. To continue. The plan was that the power of the Key would increase over the centuries, and that, by the time the Orb of Fire was due to disintegrate, the Key would be sufficiently developed to nullify the effect of the evil. That's as close as I can get to the meaning. Somehow, the Key energy and the evil will meet, and both will simply vanish."

"But, what about Dawn?" Buffy demands, just a fraction of a second before I was going to ask the same question.

"Well, Dawn is the Key, but she's also a human being. I hope that means that the Key will be destroyed, but that Dawn will emerge unscathed."

"You hope, Watcher?" I ask. "'Snot good enough. We need to know what 's going to happen. If Dawn won't be ok, we need to stop this thing before it happens."

Giles is cleaning his glasses again. "Quite, Spike. I concur. As I said, I need to continue my research. Now, to continue. There is reference in another book to two warriors. The volume in question referred heavily to things of a martial nature, so the passages were assumed to belong there. The two warriors are described thus. 'The first will be born pure and live for good. On her second passing, she will return altered, becoming the vessel required for the task. The second will also be born pure, but will succumb to evil. Yet, he will also learn to live for good, and will achieve a great prize. He too, will become the vessel required for the task. The essences of both will be unchanged.'"

"It seems to me, particularly in light of what Spike told us earlier, that the two warriors referred to are Buffy and Spike. Both have returned from death altered. We have still to discover their full capabilities. By the way, the full name given to those two warriors is 'Eternal Souls'."

He's watching Buffy and me. His eyes are flitting between the two of us, as if he's expecting us to do something. We both just look back.

"There are quite a lot more references I haven't been able to check yet. I'll be working on that as a matter of urgency, but you have to understand, that, apart from the Council of Watchers, I don't know of any other source of the complete set of Bartholomew texts. For obvious reasons, I would prefer to leave that source untapped unless it becomes absolutely necessary. I have some contacts, and I'm going to be scouring every source I know to try to find these texts. In the meantime, I can only suggest that we carry on as usual. It is fair to say that there are bound to be entities who don't want the Key to be available when the Orb of Fire disintegrates, so we have to keep the safety of Dawn as the first priority."

There is general agreement around the table. Even Harris is nodding. I watch him, and don't flinch when he turns to look at me. He holds my gaze, and I see, for the first time, a hint of understanding.

The meeting is over, and several smaller groups form. I watch Xander move towards Willow, and they're talking quietly. Dawn's staying close to Buffy, and I instinctively move closer to the Bit, feeling my natural inclination to protect her bolstered by what I've heard. Anya approaches too. She's talking to Dawn, her words falling over each other in their enthusiasm for getting out of her mouth, and Dawn seems to be listening. I'm not. I'm standing here, the two most important people in the world close to me, and I feel an almost overwhelming dread. It's so strong, it's almost a premonition. Somehow, I know, I just know, that Dawn won't survive the release of the Key. I glance at Buffy, and by the stricken look on her face, I know she feels it too.

Giles is leading Willow to the door, pleading tiredness for both of them, and asking Anya to lock up. Xander goes with them, casting a last, lingering look at Anya. I see the pain on his face and realise that, despite the anger he feels, he still loves her. It's almost enough to make me laugh. Hell, it is enough to make me laugh, but I control it. They both still love each other, but neither realises it. I think Xander's got a long way to go before it gets sorted, but I think he's taken the first step.

Anya starts talking about her vengeance duties, telling us that she's being called and hustling us out of the shop. I leave with Buffy and Dawn, and instinctively offer them a lift home. Buffy initially looks like she's going to refuse, but she glances at Dawn, and changes her mind. We head for my car, and Dawn climbs in the back, leaving the passenger seat for Buffy. Buffy pulls the hem of her dress down as far as it will go, and holds her hands in her lap demurely as I pull away.

We travel in silence, and I pull up outside the house. "Were you going to patrol?" I ask.

"I am going to patrol," she answers.

"Look, Buffy. We can't leave Dawn alone. So, either I patrol and you stay with her, or you patrol and I stay, and I know you're not going to be happy with that option."

"Why not?" She looks genuinely baffled.

"You mean you'd let me in your house? Leave me with Dawn?"

"Done it before," she reminds me.

"But that was …"

"I know. But Spike, after you left, when I had to go and find Warren, I took Dawn to your crypt. I trusted you with her then, and I still trust you with her."

I swallow hard. There's a lump in my throat, and I don't know where it's come from. I nod, and follow them to the front door. Buffy goes in first, and Dawn runs in ahead. I stand on the doorstep, not willing to feel the barrier that I know will meet me without an invitation. I remember the night she died. The barrier, and her invitation that destroyed it. Dawn looks back, her eyes questioning.

"I need an invitation," I remind her.

"No, you don't," she says, putting a hand on my arm and pulling me inside. There was no barrier.

Buffy comes down five minutes later, her dress replaced by leather trousers and a pullover. She kisses Dawn on the forehead, and heads out, leaving me on her sofa, with her sister.

My mind is reeling as I head out on patrol. There's so much to think about, but, despite the knowledge that Dawn's in danger, the thing that's uppermost in my mind is Spike. Despite everything he knew about Angel's soul, he went and got one. For me. It's such a huge deal I can hardly take it in. He got a soul for me, so that I could love him. He did it without a guarantee, just because it might be enough.

I think back to my meeting with Anya at the Mall. She told me that I already loved him. I didn't argue with her then, because the other things she told me pushed that out of my mind. But, I know it's true. It was true before he left. It was true before I kissed him that first time. That night when we sent the music demon back home without a queen. I was drawn to him, desperate to feel. But I was already feeling, it was just the demon in me, warping things, not allowing me to see what I was feeling. I'm not sure when it started, when I first loved him. It was there, but I was so scared. Angel hurt me so badly, and he had a soul. I guess I just thought Spike would hurt me worse without one. Then there was the problem of losing my friends. I knew I'd lose Xander if he knew. I thought I'd lose Willow and Giles too. So, I blanked out the idea, told myself I couldn't possibly love him. It was just lust, needing to feel, but it was so much more than that.

I took his love and threw it back in his face. The only man who's stayed with me. Stayed with me even though I've told him to go. Even though I've hurt him every way I could. When he did actually leave, it was so he could change, make himself acceptable to me. I am such an idiot.

Patrol is straightforward, but I miss the feeling that Spike's around. I'm going to have to make alternative arrangements if I want him to patrol with me. He's right. It's just like when Glory was after her. We have to look after Dawn.

I wonder what we can do to protect her. I don't know why, but I got this horrible clenching in my stomach when Giles talked about the Key annihilating this evil energy thing. I don't see how Dawn can survive that, and I'm scared. I'm so scared by this thing, and all I want is to be held, and the only person I want to hold me is Spike, the man I chased away.

I head for home, still lost in thought, lost in my guilt. I know I've staked some vampires, but it's a vague recollection, hardly impinging on my conscious at all. The light's off in the lounge, but I see the tell-tale flicker of the TV. I walk in, preparing to yell at both of them if Dawn's still up, but there's no need. Dawn is gone, and Spike's lying on the sofa. He's asleep, the movie on the screen is being ignored. I stand and watch for a while. Spike. He looks so innocent and young when he's asleep. I've never really spent time watching him sleep. Even when we were - you know, sleeping together. That's such a stupid euphemism. The one thing we didn't do much of was sleep. I was too busy running off before the afterglow had faded. Before I let something slip which could comfort him. Before he could see the love that I had for him. He looks younger without the sneer, without the hurt etched onto his face. Every muscle's relaxed. It's almost like looking at a child.

He must sense I'm here, because he's stirring. "Hey, sleepy," I say to announce my presence.

He opens his eyes, and sits up guiltily. "Sorry," he apologises. "I fell asleep. Guess I'm more tired than I thought."

I can feel myself falling back into my reverie, just wanting to stand there and watch him, so I force myself into action. "Hot chocolate?" I ask.

He's going to say no, I can see it in the way he's tensing, but he seems to reconsider, and surprises me. "Yeah, please."

"With marshmallows?"

That gets a grin. It's the first real grin he's sent in my direction since he got back. The grin flickers, and I know he's remembering who used to give him marshmallows in his hot chocolate. Mom.

"I still miss her," I tell him, and he nods.

"Me too."

I turn and go into the kitchen to get things. I'm half surprised when he doesn't follow. A few minutes later, I go back and put the steaming mug in front of him. I sit opposite him, and I remember what Dawn told me on the way to the Magic Box. She told me to stop being silly. That I had to get over things with Spike. That I had to forget what had happened between us. She even suggested that we just start again.

I look up, and I see he's been thinking too.

"Do you know what Dawn said while you were out?" he asks.

I shake my head. "No, what?"

"She said we should start all over again. Pretend we're meeting for the first time."

I giggle, and he looks surprised. "She told me the same thing. But we can't, can we?"

"Don't know. Might be worth a try."

He shrugs as he says that, and I know he's not sure whether to stay or run.

I hold out my hand to him. "Let me introduce myself," I say. "I'm Buffy Anne Summers."

He joins in quickly. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Summers. I am William Prescott, but everyone calls me Spike." He holds out his hand, and we shake. Then the smiles widen as we realise how ridiculous we must look. It's so good to smile around him. The smiles get wider, and we're laughing.

We drink our cocoa, and the laughter subsides. "Buffy, I'm sorry." His face is a picture of sorrow.

"I know, me too. But, we're supposed to be starting over. Let's make this the last apology, for things in the past anyway."

"Ok," he answers.

"Dawn took the news well, considering," I comment.

"She's more scared than she's letting on," he tells me. I look at him, and my surprise must show on my face.

"Vampires can feel fear. Like heat or cold, they can feel it. I still can. I 'spect you can too, but maybe you just don't recognise it yet."

I nod. There has been something about her since Spike's letter. I cast my mind back over the past year, and I think, yes, there were times I felt something, but I just didn't think in terms of feeling fear.

"Maybe you need to teach me," I say. "Teach me how to understand these things."

"Whatever I can teach you is small compared with what you can teach me. How do you control the demon? I can still feel it, inside me. I've got a soul, but the demon's still there. When you were hurt, I could feel it, telling me to feed from you. The scent of your blood was so strong. I don't need blood to live any more, but it would still give me strength, it would give me a buzz, make me feel good."

"I don't know," I tell him truthfully. "I guess I haven't given much thought to fighting my demon, 'cos I've only just discovered I have one. But, I suppose, yeah, I've been more inclined to beat on demons rather than just kill them. One demon in particular, but that's touching on things we're not supposed to be talking about. I've made other …. Mistakes. Maybe, it's just, I don't have a history of drinking blood, so that's not the way the demon uses to get to me. Killing, hurting demons, that's the way it comes out with me. So, I guess I haven't done much of a job of controlling mine either. Maybe we're just going to have to help each other."

"I'd like that," he answers, putting his mug down. "I suppose I'd better be going," he says, getting up.

I follow him to the hallway, and watch as he opens the door. As he walks outside, I grab his hand. "Take care," I tell him.

The look on his face is more reward than I deserve. The look is pure love, and gratitude, and not a little disbelief. He turns and walks to his car. I remember earlier today. "And, no more avoiding me at school," I call after him, and he turns around and smiles.

"Ok."

As I climb the stairs, I hear something moving above me. It's Dawn, I know it is. She's been listening in. I go to her room, and she's pretending to be asleep.

"Well, did you like what you heard?" I ask.

She opens one eye, then the other. "I was that obvious, huh?"

"Well, I heard you. And, where do you get off giving us both pep talks?"

"Duh. It worked, didn't it? You're talking again. Won't be long before you're doing more than talking."

"Dawn, stop that. We're barely friends, and there isn't going to be anything else. We've got to work together, and we'll do it. But, there's too much history to ignore completely. We're not going to talk about what happened before, but that doesn't mean we can just forget it."

"But he still loves you." Her statement is full of her confidence.

"Yeah, I think he does," I realise, remembering his expression when I took his hand.

"And you love him, don't you?" I pause. I did. I'm only just getting used to admitting that to myself. But now? I don't know any more. I'm not sure about admitting it to her. But I promised no secrets.

"Yeah, well, I did. Maybe I still do. It's just, Dawnie, love isn't everything. I thought so. When I was with Angel, I thought that as long as we loved each other, everything would work out fine. But love doesn't work like that. Life isn't like that. Love often isn't enough."

"But, you didn't love Angel like you love Spike."

"Again with the bold statements. But, you're right. I loved Angel like he was my protector. My knight in shining armour. Ours was a fairytale love. It couldn't survive in the real world. But what I feel for Spike isn't up to the real world either. Not yet, and maybe never."

She's smiling at me. It's that smile that says she thinks differently, but has decided not to argue. She's just polishing her 'I told you so' speech for when she gets to deliver it.

"Go to sleep," I tell her, turning my back on her grin. "I'm for a quick shower then bed. See you in the morning. Love you, Dawn."

"Love you, Buffy," she answers, burrowing herself under her covers.

I wipe my face down with a towel, and leave it draped around my neck as I walk to retrieve my cell phone from where I left it. I wonder who'd be interrupting this. It's not as if my number is general knowledge. I smile as I see the display, and put the phone to my ear.

"Sam, honey, what's up?" I know she wouldn't interrupt a training session unless there was a good reason.

"Hi, honey. Sorry to interrupt, but our new orders came through. We're shipping out tonight."

"Where?"

"Sunnydale."

The implications of going back to Sunnydale flood into my mind, and I'm only brought back by Sam's voice in my ear.

"Riley, what is it?"

"Someone here trying to talk to me," I lie. Sam knows about Buffy, of course she does. She knows she's in my past. She just doesn't know how much of my present she occupies too.

"Ok," I continue. "I'll finish things up here and come back. Should be there within an hour."

"Love you, honey," Sam tells me.

"Love you too," I reply automatically.

The session was almost complete, and I dismiss the men I'm training. They look surprised, and well they might. It's a rare thing for them to get away with a short session from me. I head for the showers, strip off and get under the spray.

It's a bad move, because it gives me time to think. I love my wife, I really do. I love her more than I thought I'd be able to love anyone after … after Buffy. I thought I was doing ok. I started to believe that my feelings for Buffy had been exaggerated, made into some sort of fairytale, but I was wrong. Seeing her that last time, I knew it was all real.

The worst part was seeing her with Spike. Imagining what they'd been doing before they fell asleep made me physically sick. And Buffy, she was different. He's changed her in some way, I know he has. When I think about what he's done to her, I want to kill him, slowly and painfully. I would have too, if it hadn't been for Sam. I couldn't let her see how I was feeling.

She noticed though. She knew I wasn't myself. But, my wife's nothing if not resilient. She noticed, she asked gently, and she tried to help me get over it. Obviously I couldn't tell her the whole truth. That I loved Buffy more than I could ever love anyone. That memories of the time we were together are the barometer against which I measure everything in my life. That remembrance of holding her, loving her, making love to her, make every other experience in my life pale into insignificance.

Seeing what he'd done to her, it broke my heart. She was never mine, and now she never can be. He's seen to that. Or maybe the damage was done before him. Maybe it was Angel who made sure a mortal man could never hold her heart.

I remember she started to speak up for him over the eggs business. He told her not to, and she hit him. That's one of the few good memories of that trip. Funny thing is, when he said he was keeping the eggs for a friend, he was telling the truth. He wasn't the doctor. We eventually tracked down the doctor, and he turned out to have distributed the eggs around a dozen or more demons. It took us weeks to find them all. It seems one of the contacts heard we were on our way, and he palmed the eggs off on Spike. Offered to pay him. Didn't even tell Spike the eggs had to be refrigerated. Spike thought the eggs were headed for the menu of some new demon club.

Of course, I never told Buffy what I'd found. The whole eggs fiasco had put a wedge between them, and I wasn't about to remove it. That was the best result of that visit - I managed to split them up.

I finish showering, and pull on my clothes. I head out to the car, and drive home. Sam was calling from her office, but I know she'll be home when I get there. She is, her smile enough to lighten any man's heart. I've said it before, but my wife is the most amazing woman. Her love would be enough to complete any man. Any man who hadn't loved Buffy Summers.

"The orders are here," she says, handing me some folded paper. I open them and read. Sunnydale. Scientific examination of artefacts. An archaeological dig some twenty miles from Sunnydale. A lab being set up in an offshoot of what was the Initiative headquarters. Sam and I to head the investigation of what has been dug up, and any further finds.

I get to the bit at the bottom. Top Secret. No information to be shared with civilians under any circumstances.

"Sam?" I call.

"What is it, honey?" she calls back from the bedroom.

I join her there and watch her pack the bare essentials into a case. I start to do the same, something we've both done so often since we married. Home is just a base to store things until the next mission. Packed, I check the time. We've got an hour before we ship out. Sam's noticed the same thing. She walks towards me, holding me close and kissing me. I react, of course I do. I'm a man, and I do love her.

We fly into Sunnydale early next morning. We're transported directly to our quarters. I didn't realise some of the Initiative base had been left intact. It's not a lot, just some basic labs and living quarters. It's spartan, especially for a couple, but that's also standard. Two, narrow, single beds squeezed into a room intended for one. Just as well we both travel light.

We take time to shower and change before heading for the lab. I'm introduced to Professor Jose Garcia, the archaeologist in charge of the dig. He's a military man too, although he prefers to use his academic qualification. Fortunately for him, his CO seems to tolerate his eccentricity. He shows us a map of the area, pointing out the dig site. It's unusual, because it was actually discovered when an old gold mine collapsed. The mine had been disused for a long time, and it took a road with it when the underground supports gave way. A couple of odd looking things were found there, and somehow, they came to the attention of someone left over in the area from Initiative days. He alerted the military, and they took over. I look at the finds so far. There're a couple of effigies that look like demons I've come across in various parts of the world. There are some other things, things I can't begin to imagine the purpose of.

"Is this it?" I ask.

"Oh, dear me, no. There's much more. What you see here is more or less what we picked up within the mine itself. Because of what we found, we started excavating the area around the mine - finding our way through rock that hasn't been disturbed in thousands of years. We're bringing in new finds every day."

"I'd like to visit the site."

"Of course, of course," he gushed in reply. "Whenever you wish. Tomorrow?"

I look at Sam who's looking carefully at something black, shiny, apparently metal. She looks up and nods.

"Yeah, tomorrow sounds good. That'll give us time to have an initial look here. What time?"

"We normally send a truck there at eight. Would that be convenient?"

I agree, and he goes back to his office to continue whatever he was doing.

"What do you think?" I ask Sam. I majored in psychology but I did a lot of Initiative work on Demon physiology with the inherent chemistry and biology, but Sam's archaeology major. She's the expert in this sort of thing.

"I've never seen anything like it. It doesn't look old, but where it was buried, there's no way it could be recent. I guess we'll start with a standard chemical and physical analysis and take it from there."

The rest of the day passes in meetings with the rest of the small team that's been assembled. It's late when Sam and I make it back to our quarters. Without comment, Sam starts to rearrange the furniture, pushing the two beds together. I join in, doing my best to make the best of a bad job. One thing's for sure. Our sex life is of necessity going to have to be fairly basic until further notice.

The drive to the dig site next morning is spent listening to Garcia describing the layout. We're going to have to go a fair way underground. The dig's going lower, and they haven't found any slow down in the find rate. We don the hard hats required, and head down. There were another six people on the truck, and they all start to work immediately, carrying on from where they left off the previous day. The work is meticulous, tiny amounts of earth being removed to reveal a number of unidentified objects.

We spend some time watching and listening, or at least I do. Sam is itching to get to work and does so. I watch her as she brushes earth away from something that was discovered a few days previously, but which no one had had found time to excavate before. It's a curved shape, but there's no indication of its actual size.

Sam reckons she'd be best to work at the site for the moment, and I agree. There may come a time when she'd be better back at the lab, but we're not there yet. I arrange transport back to Sunnydale. On impulse, I ask the driver to drop me in the centre of town. I tell myself I'm just getting my bearings, but it's more than that. Last time I was here, Buffy was working in a burger joint. I take a look inside, but don't see her. I cringe when I remember how she was then. Working for minimum wages in that place.

I pass the Magic Box. Giles' store. It looks a mess, and there's a hand-written note in the window. 'Closed for Renovation' it says.

I bend my steps towards the Hellmouth. It calls to me in a way I can't understand. I know the school's no longer there. I heard Buffy tell the story of the ascension and how she and her friends stopped it, but, even when it's a wreck, it's still the Hellmouth.

I can see it while I'm still some distance away. They've rebuilt it. Why would they rebuild a school over the Hellmouth? I shake my head, unable to comprehend the folly that is Sunnydale town planning.

I give up my wandering around town and head back to the lab. I spend the afternoon reading my way through what's already known about what's been found, and suggesting further tests where that seems appropriate. It's getting dark when I get a call from Sam to say she's going for a drink with some of her fellow-diggers. She promises not to be late.

I consider what to do. There was a time when darkness meant patrolling - with the Initiative, or with Buffy. I have to admit, I really feel in need of a work out. I get myself out of the headquarters and walk the short distance to the nearest cemetery.

It feels good. It's been a while since our last bit of active duty. We've spent the past three months at the base, training new recruits, and I've been getting rusty. I stake a couple of vampires easily, and remember watching Buffy at work.

I must have been out for a while, I don't know. I don't feel any inclination to look at my watch. I hear a voice, and I'm drawn to it, unsure of its source at first. As I get closer, I wonder that I didn't recognise it before. It's her. It's Buffy, and she's doing her usual ongoing discussion with a vamp before she finishes him off. I stand out of the way, just watching the show. I love to watch her fight. I always did. It's only as she finally stakes her opponent that I see she's not alone. Spike's watching her, sitting on a raised tombstone, swinging his legs. He's giving her a critique of her fighting style, and she's listening.

"You're still giving away your intentions when you use your left. You're lucky he was just a fledgling, or he'd 've spotted it."

"You think you could do better, do you?" she asks.

"'Course I could. Next one, I'll show you."

I'm frozen to the spot. That's one thing I didn't expect. They're just talking, patrolling together, but the fact that Spike's still able to patrol is what surprises me. I was sure she'd have staked him by now. Or if not her, Giles or Xander. Xander. I remember him. I liked him. Had his head screwed on right about most things.

I decide to follow them. I've got to know what's happening. They patrol a bit longer, but it seems like a quiet night. They decide to give up and head home. They go to her house. They chat outside for a while. It's different from what I remember. It's more civil and less intimate than before. She invites him in, and he declines. Says something about meeting someone. She goes inside, calling for Dawn as she does so.

I keep my distance, hiding behind a large tree, but he's not fooled.

He walks towards me, slowly, but without hesitation.

"What're you doing back in good old Sunnydale?"

The voice sounds civil, but there's a background of malice that's unmistakable.

"That's classified," I tell him.

"Is it now? Well, you go about your business, and let Buffy go about hers. She doesn't need you snooping around right now. She's got enough to worry about without you turning up."

"Oh, and you're doing what, exactly? Still pretending to help? Still wanna be part of the Scoobies? You never will be, and do you know why? Because you're disgusting. You're evil. I should have staked you last time I saw you. But, do you know why I'm not going to do it now? Because, your existence is so pitiful, I think it'd be a kindness to take it from you."

He's looking at me, and the expression has none of the assurance that Spike has always had.

"Hm, not bad," he answers. "I've heard it done better, though. Even the Whelp can do it better. Listen, mate. I know what I am. I know what I've done, and I've got to live with that. Tell me though, can you live with what you've done?"

With that, he turns and walks away. I can't help thinking it would be so much more dramatic if he still wore that long leather coat he loved so much. Even so, he leaves me standing there, wondering what he means.

I've been watching him for days now. When I can't be there, I'm paying someone to watch him. And he hasn't put a foot wrong. I was so sure I'd catch him doing something - anything - that Buffy would hate, but I haven't.

I have to admit, that night in the Magic Box, I was almost convinced. He looked at me, and I almost believed that the reason he came back was to keep Dawn safe. He goes to work. He patrols alone, or with Buffy, or he sits with Dawn while Buffy patrols.

They haven't asked me to sit with Dawn. They haven't asked Willow either. I'm feeling hurt by it, but Willow's more accepting. I've spent a lot of time with Willow lately - when I'm not on Spike watch.

He goes to work, and as far as I know, there hasn't been a single death in the school yet. He goes out some nights, after patrol, and has a few drinks. Sometimes to the Bronze, but only if he thinks he won't meet anyone he knows. Sometimes Willy's or another demon bar. But, as far as I can tell, all he does is drink. There's not even a suggestion that he's meeting someone to plan something.

Tonight I paid off the private investigator I'd hired. He hasn't found out any more than I have. I'm still trying to pay my dad for the wedding that wasn't, and I'm paying the rent on my apartment, and I just can't afford it. I'm not saying I trust Spike, it's just that I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt for now.

The interesting thing is that I know Riley's back in town. I don't think Buffy knows. I do know Spike spoke to him. I didn't hear the conversation, I didn't dare get that close. I don't think he's mentioned it. I wonder what Riley's doing back in Sunnydale. Whatever it is, it didn't seem to be anything to do with Spike.

I'm feeling a bit hurt that he'd come back and not look up old friends. I was his friend, right up to the end. I told her, Buffy, to run after him, to stop him going. It's just, I left it a few seconds to late.

So, as of tonight, I'm going to try to mend some fences. Not with Spike, it's way too soon for that. With Buffy and Dawn. I turn up at their house after work with pizza and every intention of finishing the decorating I started.

Buffy looks pleased to see me and I feel happier than for a while. I hate not being on good terms with my friends. We eat, and I start to go upstairs. With any luck, I'll be finished by the time patrol's over. Buffy says that Giles is coming over to sit with Dawn, and I tell them to let Giles stay at home. I can cover Dawn-sitting and decorating duties at the same time. Buffy looks dubious for a few moments, and I can see the silent Summers communication going on. Somehow, Dawn must have given Buffy a thumbs up, because Buffy agrees. She phones Giles to tell him of the changed arrangements.

Spike comes to the door, ready to go patrolling. I've watched them lately. There's been no sign of a resumption of their earlier activities. No touching, other than in a 'let me help you up' sort of way. She's ready when he arrives, so he doesn't come in, just promises Dawn he'll see her at school the next day. They go off, and Dawn goes back to the TV. I had hoped she'd come and talk to me as I work, but the allure of whatever she's watching is obviously too strong. Then again, she may have agreed to me sitting with her on the assumption that I wouldn't actually be sitting with her.

It takes so little time to finish upstairs that I wonder why I left it unfinished in the first place. The room looks good. Feminine, but not frilly. She's chosen aquamarine colours for the walls, and a darker, almost teal for the carpet. She's going to buy some new furniture, too. She told me she's already saved enough for a new bed, and the rest will be bought as she puts the money aside.

When I've finished, I go downstairs. Dawn doesn't speak when I go in. She's still mad at me. "Dawn," I start, trying to keep the begging tone out of my voice. "Look, Dawn," she turns to face me and the look is barely contained impatience. "I'm sorry about what happened with Spike. Really. I was just trying to keep you and Buffy safe. That's all I care about."

"If you had killed him," she says, coldly, "then according to what Giles and Spike said the other night, I would die."

"I know what they said. And I said I'm sorry. Please, Dawn, friends?"

I know I'm begging. She's a child, and I'm begging. It's not a pretty sight. I think she realises it too, because there's a ghost of a smile on her face when she answers.

"Maybe, but you're going to have to stop having a go at him. He's really upset about the soul and things. He's having to face things from his past, and he doesn't need you adding to that."

"Dawn, I don't like Spike. I never have. Maybe, the best I can do is to ignore him. If that's how it is, that's what I'll do. But, the first time I get any sign that he's hurting anyone I love, the truce is off. I mean it."

She nods, that teenager nod that says, "Yeah, yeah, I know, but I've stopped listening."

Ok, I think. First bridge rebuilt. Still pretty rickety, but built. Buffy? I think she sort of understands. That bridge never burnt all the way through, but it needs serious repair work. Spike? No bridge ever built, and no reason to start one now.

I think about the other night. Seeing Anya. That hurt. It hurt seeing her so together. She's going back to the way she was, except I'm not in her life any more. She's going to fit in running the shop with being a vengeance demon.

Suddenly, I'm surrounded by demons. The woman I loved, no, love, is a demon. One of my best friends is a demon. It's almost like being human is going out of fashion.

I remember my recent chats with Willow. She still feels so bad about what happened. She went crazy with grief and tried to end the world. She thinks she's got as much to be sorry for as Spike. I tried to tell her that's not true, but she just smiled that strange, gentle smile that she uses so often these days. It's as if Tara's taken her usual smile with her, and left her with one that kind of under-powered.

I think about this orb of fire thing. Another threatened apocalypse. Well, we've prevented them before, I guess we'll do it again. But, Dawn's the cure for the next one by the sound of it. Maybe the rest of us won't even be needed.

I hear the front door opening, and I realise Buffy's back. I glance at the time and realise Dawn should be in bed. I look up guiltily as she comes in, Spike reluctantly following. I heard her insisting that he come in. He spots me, and his shoulders square up. I don't even think he knows he's doing it.

"Dawn, what are you doing up?" Buffy asks.

"Buffy, it's Friday night. I can stay up later on a Friday, can't I?"

"A bit later, but …."

"Please. Are you going to make some hot chocolate? 'Cos, I'd really like some."

I hear the wheedling in her voice, and smile to myself when I hear Buffy give in. "Ok, Dawn. Hot chocolate, then bed. You want some?"

The question's addressed at Spike and me. He answers yes, and I do the same. I might not be watching him any more, but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn down opportunities like this.

When she comes back, Buffy tries hard to get a conversation going. The silence is strained, and in the end, I come to her rescue. I'm not much good at coming to her rescue in a cemetery, but this requires words rather than muscle.

"So, how's the job, Spike?"

He looks at me, surprise and caution in his eyes. "It's good," he replies. "Nothing too difficult to deal with so far."

Dawn snorts at this, starting to laugh. "That's so not true. You know you've got half the senior class lining up outside your door wanting to report things to the security officer. They're all, like, swooning. You're going to have to start fighting them off."

"Dawn," Buffy warns.

Dawn looks anything but contrite.

"It's true. Mary Perkins and her cheerleader cronies fall over their feet if they meet him in the corridor. It's because they're not looking where they're going, they're looking at Spike's …"

"Dawn, stop it. You're exaggerating, and you know it."

Spike has been squirming a little while Dawn was speaking. It's almost like he can't decide how to react. There's the old Spike who'd see a bit of female adulation as his due. Then there's the one who feels responsible for Dawn, and he wasn't happy about what she was saying.

I turn the conversation to Buffy, and she tells me a bit about her week. She's remembering something funny that happened, and I'm watching Spike. She's not looking his way, and he can't take his eyes off her. It's hard to watch. I don't know what he feels for Buffy. I mean, demons can't love, can they? But it's strong, whatever it is.

Our drinks are drunk, and we two of the male variety get up to go. Buffy follows us outside, seeing us both into our cars. It's like she doesn't trust us to go home without inflicting bodily harm on each other.

She goes inside when she sees us both safely encased in metal and glass. As I drive away, I spot someone lurking across the road. I know who it is immediately. It's Riley. I just wonder if Spike spotted him too.

I'm putting my things in my locker at the end of another day. All in all, High School could have been worse, but today has not been good. I'm working with two others on a science project, and we weren't allowed to choose groups. I got landed with Josh Handley and Dave Buerk. They think they're a comedy act, they really do. Anyway, even though I've been working hard on the things I have to do, Mr. Winston decided the project was failing, and we need to work on it tonight. I told him it wasn't my fault, but he said that with my record, he found that hard to believe.

Oh, I was so angry. Buffy would be too, if she knew. Not that I'm going to tell her, though, because, the last thing I need is to end up with the rep of getting my sister to fight my battles for me. So, now I'm stuck with those two clowns in the science lab for a couple of hours.

I had to tell Buffy about staying late, of course, and she didn't look happy. I almost felt a grounding coming on, so I pointed out the work I'd already done on the project, and she eventually agreed that I hadn't been slacking. She offered to talk to Mr. Winston, but I asked her not to. She just shrugged, and said she had plenty to keep her busy. I also noticed the way she headed straight for Spike's office when she finished talking to me. They're taking this joint responsibility thing very seriously. I mean, there was a time Buffy would have yelled at Spike for even suggesting she needed him for anything. Not that that stopped her asking for help when she needed it.

I smile when I think of earlier today. I heard Mary Perkins sounding off in the toilets earlier. She's obviously gone off Spike in a big way. I don't know what he's done, but I'm gonna find out. I should have known he'd do something after I told Buffy what was going on. Oh, it must have been good, to hear her talking about him now.

I reach the science lab, and, surprise, surprise, I'm all alone. I go in, and start to get things set up. I'm so involved in what I'm doing that I almost missed it. There's a noise, a slight scratching in the distance. I look up, trying to identify the source of the sound. I gasp as I see it, a huge shadow, it's coming round the door towards me. I scream, wondering if Spike will hear, and then hear two idiots dissolve into convulsive laughter.

Another practical joke. I don't believe it, and as usual, Winston's not here to see it. I'm so angry, I can hardly speak.

"Did you hear that scream?" Dave gets out between bouts of incapacitating laughter.

The laughter halts suddenly as footsteps approach. Mr. Winston is standing there, his glasses too far down his nose, and his frown almost obliterating his eyes. "You two, are coming with me to the Principal's office now. Wait outside." He turns to watch them leaving, then faces me. "And Miss Summers, I had been told that your behaviour was now better. It seems I have been misinformed. That scream was completely out of order as a reaction to such a childish prank. However, in view of this incident, I am going to relieve you of the necessity to work with those boys. You will work alone, and I will not accept any excuses regarding the quality of your project on the grounds that it is a solo effort. I will assign them alternative time to complete their work, as I suspect the Principal will have something with which to fill their time this afternoon. You may carry on now."

At least half a dozen times while he was speaking, I tried to explain, to tell him that I was really frightened by what happened, but Winston has a way of carrying on regardless, not allowing interruptions. By the time he's finished, I realise that I'm best to say nothing. How can I explain to him why I'm so jumpy? Telling him that I'm this mystic ball of energy that's due to avert an apocalypse is really likely to impress him, now isn't it?

He leaves me to get on with my work, taking the others to see the Principal. Too soon he's back, going into his office at the back of the lab. He can look out of there and see what I'm doing, so it's kind of like being in a goldfish bowl. I pick up where I left off. I'm actually relieved. Sure, it would have been more fun to work on this with some people who were actually willing to contribute, but this way, at least I know where I am.

Next time I look at my watch, I'm surprised to see that my two hours are almost up. Winston's been watching me, but hasn't interfered at all, so it seems he approves. I'm just about finished. I mean, I'm going to have to write the report, but I've got all the information I need, so I start to pack up. Looking at my watch, I know Buffy will be expecting me, unless she's been side-tracked by something. I hear footsteps approaching, and I bend down to pick up my bag from the floor. When I look up, I see, not Buffy, but three, no, five vampires.

"There she is," the one in the lead tells the others. "You know what we've got to do."

They walk towards me, and I drop my bag and start to back away from them, towards Winston. He comes out as soon as he sees what's happening, spluttering at the intrusion. They ignore him.

"Hey, boss, why did they send us to get her? She's only a girl, even if she is the Slayer's sister."

"I guess they just wanted to be sure."

My back is against the wall, and I'm screaming. I remember with despair when I screamed before. Only Winston heard, and he's not going to be a lot of use against these. I scream again, but the closest is reaching out a hand to me. He's stroking my face, and the others are grinning stupidly.

"Such a pity he told us not to play. We could have had such fun."

Winston tries to get to me, crazy man actually thinks he can stop them. One of them reaches out to him, snapping his neck in a single movement, and drops the lifeless body to the floor.

I try to scream again, but something's wrong with my voice. "Why did he say we couldn't drink?" one asks.

"I don't remember," the leader replies. "But it can't hurt to have a little drink, can it?"

With a horrifying leer, he pushes my head over, turning his own head to bring his fangs down to my neck. I feel the sharp pain as they pierce my neck, then feel the blood flowing into his mouth, and down my neck, onto my sweater. My heart's hammering in my chest, louder and louder. I close my eyes to banish the picture of the creature in front of me, and I see red. The red's getting darker, and darker, and …

*-*-*

I'm doing a walk around, checking for anything out of the ordinary. It's been a quiet day, well, unless you count that little bint coming to my office, and locking us in. I couldn't believe the nerve of her. I felt like teaching her a lesson, I really did. Coming in, looking for trouble, I've seen too many of her type before. I've killed too many.

I was deliberately dense. Pretended I didn't know what she was offering, and treated her like she was a little girl. I managed to get between the door and her, listening to her splutter her indignation, and walked out. She hadn't been in there more than a minute.

She stalked out after me, and I made a note to fix my door so that it can't be locked from the inside without a key. The last thing I need is for someone to try that again, and someone to think I engineered it. If that happens, Buffy'd never let me near Dawn again, and I can't protect her if I'm not around.

I'm just checking the basement, and I've found something. Someone has broken through the wall next to the boiler room. For some reason, the wall there is only made of plasterboard, and it leads to the infamous Sunnydale tunnel system. As soon as I notice that, I smell blood. I follow the scent, and go into the corridor. There's a door opened a few yards along from the boiler room. I remember the Principal saying there were some boxes in there that needed to be unpacked and sorted. I go in, and see two, twisted bodies. They're students here, or at least they were. I recognise the faces, even if I don't know their names. It doesn't take a genius to work out that they're dead, and that they were killed by vampires.

I start to walk away, thinking I'd better check on Dawn, when I feel it. It grips me in my stomach, and I start to run. Dawn is afraid, and I feel it like my own fear. I follow the sensation, running faster, remembering the nearest staircase, going up it two, no, three steps at a time.

As I reach the ground floor, I feel her terror intensifying. I increase my speed. I round the last corner, skidding as I do so, grabbing onto the wall to pull myself around, and down the corridor. I go into the science lab, and I see them. There are five of them. Four are watching, laughing, getting a kick out of seeing my Bit having her blood drained, and the fifth is …

I launch myself at the first, and then things become blurry. I mean, I see what's happening, it's just like it's happening to someone else. The detail's gone, it's just an all-consuming need to get to Dawn.

The next thing I see clearly, dust is falling around me, and Dawn is in my arms. She's so pale, and her heartbeat is weak. I stumble to my feet, lifting her as I do so, and head towards the car park. I almost stumble over the body of a man. I hadn't even noticed him before. All I could see was Dawn. He's obviously dead, beyond help, so I ignore him.

As I turn the corner towards the front entrance, I almost bump into Buffy.

"Dawn!" she screams.

"She's still alive, but she's lost a lot of blood. I'm taking her to hospital."

She nods, her skin almost as pale as her sister's. She follows me, and when we get to my car, I tell her to take my keys from the pocket of my jacket.

"Get in," I tell her as she opens a door to the back seat. I place Dawn in with her, her head on Buffy's lap, and run round to the driver's door.

As I pull out, she gasps, "What happened?"

"Vampire attack. There were five of them. It looks like they got two others before they went upstairs. I found two bodies in the basement. And, one of the science teachers. He was dead in the lab."

I can still hear her, although she's no longer talking to me. She's crooning at Dawn, telling her she's going to be ok, telling her she's on her way to hospital, telling her she's safe.

Safe. I've let her down again. I was nearly too late, I may have been too late. I feel the cold, clammy feeling of fear inside me. She can't die. The Bit can't die, and I'm not in the least concerned with the fate of the world. She can't die because Buffy couldn't take it. I couldn't take it.

I stop in a screech of brakes outside the hospital, and run around to help Buffy out of the car. She takes Dawn this time, reluctant to allow me to take the burden. As we're going inside, someone tells me to move the car. Can't they see we've got an emergency going on? He's insistent. Dawn's on a trolley now, and the medical staff has taken over, Buffy running along behind. Mr. Move-Your-Car isn't about to get out of the way, so it's either hit him or do as he's telling me. I very nearly go with the hitting him option.

I move the car to the car park as quickly as I can, and run into the building. I see Buffy, standing at a desk where someone's asking questions. The usual things - name, address, medical history. Buffy's answering as well as she can, but she keeps looking along the corridor. At last, the questioner seems to realise she's not going to get any more, and we're released. We continue along the corridor, stopping outside a room with glass panels in the walls. Inside, we can see Dawn, surrounded by the team of people who are trying to save her life. As Buffy tries to open the door, she's stopped again, told to wait outside, pointed in the direction of some chairs.

I put an arm around her, and lead her to the suggested area. She's shaking, I can feel the tremors as I lead her away. We sit down, and she doesn't pull away, so my arm stays around her shoulders.

She's looking at her hands, and they're in perpetual motion. Rubbing, scratching, entwining, over and over. The only thing that's keeping me sane is the contact. I know I shouldn't be touching her, but I know she needs to be touched. It's grounding both of us.

I don't know how long we sit there, silent, fidgeting, wishing for news as long as it's good. At last, someone approaches.

"Miss Summers?" She's a doctor, I saw her in that room with Dawn before we were told to get out of the way.

Buffy stands up, and I follow.

"How is she?" Her voice is barely more than a whisper.

"She's lost a lot of blood. We're transfusing her now. She should be ok, but I've got to say, if she had lost any more blood, or if you'd wasted any time getting her here, I doubt I'd be able to say that."

"Can I see her?" Buffy's voice is less even than before.

"You can go in for a minute, but she's unconscious, and I think she'll stay that way for the rest of the night. Put your mind at rest with a quick peek, then go home and get some sleep is what I'd advise."

"I'd rather stay," Buffy insists.

The doctor nods, and leads us into the room where Dawn lies, blood dripping into her arm. She's still so pale, she looks dead, but I can hear her heart beat, and it's noticeably stronger than before.

We sit for a while, just watching her, listening to her breathing, but then we're hustled out again. They're going to move her to a room, and we're in the way again.

We leave, returning to where we waited before. "Can you call Giles and Willow, ask them to call Xander? Let them know what's happened."

I nod, but I'm reluctant to leave her. I make sure she's sitting where I can see from the phone before I go to make the call. While I'm there, I call the authorities about the other bodies.

When I get back, we're given Dawn's room number, and we make our way there. My arm's around her shoulder again, and again, she's not pushing it away.

We go in, and it's a relief to see her without the tubes. She looks like she's sleeping peacefully, just the dressing at her neck to show for her ordeal.

"What happened?" Buffy asks, without taking her eyes off her sister.

"Found two bodies in the basement. I was on my way to check on her, when I knew she was scared. I ran, and found five vampires. One was feeding. What happened then isn't too clear, but when they were dust, I picked her up, and then bumped into you."

She's quiet for a while, then looks at me, a puzzled look on her face. "How did you know she was scared?"

I shrug, trying to find the words to describe the sensation. "It felt like I was scared. A clenching in my stomach, feeling slightly sick. But I knew it was Dawn."

"Funny, just before I left my office to try and find her, I felt a bit sick. I thought it was just something I'd eaten. Do you feel like that for anyone who's scared?"

I think about that. As a vampire, you feel fear, and it's a bit like I described, without the nausea. The demon loves to feel that, it's not too fussed whether it's the host who's scared or someone else. Either way, you get a huge buzz. Since I've been back, I have still felt that, the general feeling of fear, but only when I'm close to someone. In another room, or even across the street, I wouldn't pick up on it. "No," I answer, "I mean, I can tell if someone's scared, if they're close. But at that distance, it's only happened with Dawn."

We're silent again, but it's a silence based on comparative peace, rather than panic. Soon, the door bursts open, and Giles and Willow come in. As soon as they do, Buffy jumps up, running to them and hugging them. She sits again, but this time, she doesn't sit next to me.

I repeat the story, this time giving Giles all the details he needs. Willow looks shaken, listening to everything I say. Within five minutes, Xander crashes in. He takes in the group around the bed, Buffy surrounded by Willow and Giles, and me sitting apart. He takes a chair from beside me, and goes over to the others. The inevitable question is asked, and the answer is given.

To my surprise, he doesn't start yelling at me. He looks at me, as if he's trying to see into my mind, trying to get a direct line to my memory. It's obvious that Buffy's planning on spending the night, and the conversation shifts to who should stay with her. No one asks me if I want to be there. In the end, Giles agrees to stay, and Xander offers to take Willow home. They stand to leave, and Xander looks pointedly at me.

"We're going now," he states unnecessarily.

I ignore him, turning to Buffy. "Are you going to be ok?"

"Yeah, I think so. She's going to be ok. You go home and get some sleep. You'll have enough to do tomorrow without being here all night."

It's a dismissal, and I recognise it. I don't want to go, but she doesn't seem to want me here. If there had been any hint that she had, nothing would have moved me from her side.

Xander escorts me to my car, at least that's how it feels. It looks like he doesn't trust me not to go back as soon as his back's turned.

I drive back to school. I've got work to do. I need to arrange to have the basement secured. Then, I'll have to find out if there are any other walls on the school plan which don't actually exist.

Inevitably, while I drive, I think. I've always felt something for Dawn. I don't really understand it. I know it wasn't just because of Buffy. I've felt protective of the Niblet from the first time I saw her. I think she reminds me of my own sister a little. Eyes, hair colour and the shape of her nose. Then, there's the attitude too. She was about Dawn's age when Drusilla got her hands, or should I say her fangs, on me. I remember Katherine better than all the rest of my family. We were close. She used to come to me when she was scared. She really thought I was important. Strong. Brave. I wasn't any of those things, but my little sister thought I was. I was her hero.

It's after midnight before I get away from the school. I managed to get someone in to do a temporary fix on the wall, and did a survey of the rest of the walls. I found another four places where there doesn't seem to be any wall behind the plasterboard.

I head out to do a quick patrol on the way home. To my surprise, I meet Xander and Willow in one of the cemeteries. Xander claims to be surprised that I would bother without Buffy. Willow says nothing. I ignore him, and leave them to get on with it. Well, not exactly leave them. I stay where I can hear if they're in trouble. I know Buffy couldn't cope if one of then got hurt, but there's not much about tonight. I hear them agreeing to call it a night, and follow them back to Xander's car. When I'm sure they're safe, I head home.

I'm feeling the relief in every part of my body. She's going to be ok. It was close. Too close. Even with me working at the school, she nearly didn't make it. She wouldn't have made it if it hadn't been for Spike.

I know it's not the first time I've had reason to thank him, but it's so much bigger than anything else. He's given me back my sister. I feel guilty too. The thing is, I finished my work twenty minutes before I left my office. One of the English teachers, Steve Jenssen, came in for a chat. He started by suggesting I keep a particular eye on one of the students, but that was just an excuse. He just wanted to chat to me. He even went so far as asking if I wanted to see a movie with him.

It's been so long since I've had someone show that sort of interest in me. Unless you count Spike, of course, but he was never into the ‘Movie and Dinner’ type of date. Come to think of it, he might have been, but I never gave him the chance. There was Richard at my party last year, but he really wasn't my type. Steve was very different. True to his name, he's a Nordic type - tall, blonde, blue eyed. He plays just about every sport invented. I suppose, physically, he's a bit like Riley. It did me good to see he's interested. It's not good in other ways. I don't feel up to embarking on a relationship just now, even without the added need to protect my sister. I'm going to have to get used to so much, I'm different, and Spike is too. I don't want to muddy things up by introducing another person to the mix. So, I told Steve I couldn't see a movie with him, but I get the feeling he's not going to give up.

I watch Dawn, sleeping peacefully. I don't know what I'd have done if she had died. The funny thing is, it would have destroyed Spike too. If I ever doubted his feelings for my sister, I couldn't after tonight. He was as scared as I was.

I think back. After he described how he knew Dawn was scared, I knew I felt it too, I just didn't recognise it. After that, though, I felt it again, but I knew it was Spike's fear I was feeling. Somehow, something has linked the three of us.

It's just Giles and me now. The others have gone, and I'm glad. Except, I wish Spike was here. Giles is great, but somehow, his presence isn't as comforting as Spike's was. I don't understand it. There was a time when it would have been different.

Spike wanted to stay. I know he did. But, Xander would have made a fuss, and I couldn’t take that tonight. So, I told Spike to go. It’s like before. I’m too weak to stand up to my friends, and he takes the brunt of it. He was hurt, I saw it on his face. The difference from before his soul was that he wasn’t angry. He took the rejection as his place, and that almost broke my heart.

Giles knows I don't need chatter. He's been listening as I've told him how scared I was, but he hasn't felt the need to talk to me. Now the drama is over, I know I should ask him how the research is going.

"I've found another passage," he says in response to my question. "The first couple of books I found only had restatements of what I had already found. Earlier today, Anya brought me a copy of volume eight. It had some further writing, but it's pretty cryptic. I'm not sure I understand all of it."

"So, what does it say?" I ask.

"Well," he pulls a folded sheet of paper from the pocket of his jacket, and reads.

"There will come a time when the key must be hidden from those who wish to expend its power before due time. The Key will be given human form, but the human chosen for the task will live out of her time. She will be given to those who will protect her with everything that they are."

"Not so cryptic," I tell him, taking the paper from his hand and reading it again . "I mean, we already know that. The Key was hidden, and Dawn was the human they made to hide it. She was given to me because they knew I would protect her."

"But what about the statement that she will live out of her time? What about her being given to those, not one person, but those, who will protect her?"

"It just means all of us. You, me, Willow, Xander, and Spike."

"I think it's simpler than that. I think it means you and Spike. He's a major player in this. I don't understand why, but he is. He certainly wouldn't have been my first choice if I had to give the job of protector of the innocent to someone."

"Giles, I don't know why either, but you can't fault what he did today. He knew she was scared. If he hadn't recognised that, she would be dead. He saved her life today."

He doesn't say anything to that. I can see he's thinking about the implications of what has happened. It certainly means that Dawn can't be allowed to get far from us.

We sit quietly for a while longer, and I can tell by the way he's fidgeting that he's got something on his mind.

"What is it?" I ask. "You're squirming in that chair. I know it's not the most comfortable seat in the world, but you're not usually so squirmy."

He takes a deep breath, apparently deciding whether or not to tell me. I can see he's considering not saying anything else, but then I see the realisation that he knows I won't let it drop. I'll keep pestering until I find out.

"Buffy, since we heard from Spike about the changes in, well, in both of you, I've wanted to do some tests. I’d like to check both of you out in terms of strength, speed, agility and so on. Similar to the standard Slayer appraisal tests that I’ve done before."

"No problem, Giles. But that’s not what was on you mind, was it?"

"Well, partly. There’s another series of tests I’d like to have done. I have a contact. He’s a doctor, but he’s also interested in the non human population of Sunnydale. He’s helped me on things before. I’d like him to do a complete physical on both of you. See what’s changed. It’s important that we understand your new strengths and weaknesses. You never know when it might be important. And, ..."

"And, ..." I mimic him. This is the crunch.

"And, I’d like to do the same with Dawn."

"But why? She’s human. The spell proved that."

"Yes, she is. The reason I want her included is as a baseline. She’s your nearest blood relative. I want to compare her with you. I need to understand how you would be if these changes hadn’t happened. I know you were the Slayer before, and if we could get some DNA from then, that would be ideal, but even with that, the information I can get from Dawn will be essential."

"I’m not the person you need to ask. It’ll be up to Dawn. And Spike, for that matter, since you need to get him tested, too."

"Naturally I’ll ask them. I just wanted to get your approval first."

"Well, I can’t really argue with the logic. It does make sense that we understand our capabilities now."

We sit in silence for a while, contemplating the young woman on the bed. I remember when she came home for the first time. I remember her excitement on her first day at school. I remember her childhood, the times she spent with Mom and Dad. And none of it was real.

Giles heads off to get some coffee, and I put my head on Dawn's bed, pulling her hand into mine. I'm surprised how tired I am. I know I'm drifting off, but I don’t care.

*-*-*

I come back bearing two cups of coffee, and find Buffy sleeping with her head on Dawn's bed. It's good to see her sleep. She was so tense earlier, not surprising really. Naturally she was frantic with worry about her sister. But I felt so inadequate. It’s the Watcher’s role to watch while others do the fighting and dying.

I almost let her see what was on my mind. I thought she was so wrapped up in relief about Dawn that she wouldn’t see my guilty conscience. Just as well I had the whole thing about the tests to tell her about. I’ve been meaning to mention it for a while, but, with everything else that’s happened, it kept being forgotten.

The thing is, I've exhausted my contacts regarding the remaining volumes of the Bartholomew Texts. The only other option I've got is the Council of Watchers. I know Buffy won't like the Council knowing anything about Dawn. They never did find out that she was the Key, and they're not going to now.

I've come to the conclusion that I need access to the Council library. Now, if I fly over there, someone is going to ask some questions. And most of the people I could ask to check for me, will report my interest to people I'd rather not be involved at all. Then I remembered Jimmy Donaldson. He's a friend of sorts. I mean, he's not someone I've ever socialised with. He's very, well, down to earth is Jimmy. But, he's good. He can find his way through ancient texts like no one else I know. Thing about Jimmy is, he's not interested in the whole picture. He gets so involved in the detail, he never actually understands what is really going on.

I'm sure I could come up with a good enough cover story to get him to check the texts I'm interested in. And, he'd do it, and send me the results without worrying about it. I know he would. I'm so sure, I had intended to call him in the morning. I think I still will.

I spend some time watching these two girls sleep. Buffy's been like a daughter to me for a long time. And Dawn, well, I know I have memories of her from before she existed, but she's my other daughter. The thought that Dawn could have died today, and what that would have done to Buffy, is enough to scare me. I've already lived in a world without Buffy. As the Slayer, she came with a short expiry date. The recent information received courtesy of Spike suggests that she may do better that the others, but there is no guarantee. And I'd like to think that I'll die an old man and leave Buffy and Dawn to mourn me. That is as it should be.

What did surprise me was Spike. Maybe it shouldn't have surprised me. I remember the night Buffy died. He was broken. The rest of us, well, except Dawn, we were bereaved, wondering how life could go on without her. But we knew it could. Spike and Dawn weren't like that. They were completely torn apart by her death, and I don't think either of them would have survived without the other.

Seeing Spike tonight was a little like seeing Spike after that awful day at the tower. It shocked me. The Council has always insisted that demons cannot feel the finer human emotions. I started to reconsider that dogma when I saw his reaction to Buffy's death. Then, knowing that Buffy is no longer human, that sealed if for me. I don't know how general my new theory is, but I know that demons can love. Two of them at least.

The connection between the three of them is surprising. They're like a family. It hurts a little. I consider Buffy and Dawn to be my family, the daughters I never had, but with Spike there, I don't feel I belong any more. I think that's what upsets Xander so much. He feels his rightful place has been usurped, but maybe it was never his in the first place.

Now, there's a surprising thought. It almost implies that Spike is meant to be central in their lives. Now, that's something I'd rather not consider right now.

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