Title: Flesh and Blood

Author: Evil_Kitteness aka Kitten

Spoilers: Up to ''Older and Far Away"

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters besides, Spike (who is chained to my Jacuzzi tub), Buffy & Dawn (who are on sitting on my shelf) and Joss' brain's who are on display above my bed. Besides that "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" Belongs to ME, UPN, and Joss Whendon.



Summary: B/S!!! Spike dies. Buffy blames herself. But what happens when a guy who has Spike's name, looks like Spike, and acts like Spike appears, yet has no memory of Spike's unlife whatsoever? Could it be Spike? Later, Buffy starts having some stomach problems…



Rating: NC-17



A/N: PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE WITH SUGAR ON TOP REVIEW!



Prologue-Gone:





Spike, Buffy sighed. Spike, Spike, Spike. Would he ever stop constantly plaguing her thoughts? Every moment, second, hour, and minute of everyday? Or would it stop bothering her if she just gave into her feelings for him? Would that help?



Buffy sighed, realizing where she had ended up while lost in thought. Spike's crypt. She figured it must have been some subconscious reason that her feet carried her where she so desperately didn't want to be at the moment.



Yet, before she could turn around the door flew open. And, there he was standing, sexier than ever. He was leaning against the doorframe, and his silk black shirt hung open while an annoying smirk was plastered on his face.



"Why hello, luv? Come to visit me? What do you have in mind this time? Candles?" His smirk grew wider at the outraged look on her face.



"I am so *not* going to have sex with you now. Okay? I'm out here to patrol."



"Than patrolling it is." He ran a smooth hand down her arm lightly, visibly making her shiver. "Let me just get my stuff."



She nodded her head. The scent of her need already filling his nostrils. He appeared back at the door quickly, and Buff cursed herself for not leaving while she had that chance.



"Okay, luv." He made sure to brush against her as he passed her. She shivered from his touch once again.



For a whole thirty minutes they walked in silence looking for any signs of vampires or other demons. None seemed to be out. And frankly, dirty thoughts were starting to plague both Buffy and Spike's minds.



"Look, pet, I really don't think any demons feel the need to come out and play tonight. I supposse they've already had their share of dinner." He sighed, running his hair through his bleached blonde locks.



"Yeah, but you can never be sure." She replied, wanting despretely not to be helpless against their sexual attraction for each other, once again.



"Come on, slayer. Just come with me for a little?" He ran his hand down her back making sure it landed on her ass. Then, he leaned over a whispered seductively, "I know you want me."



Her breathing started to increase at a rapid pace, and her arousal intesified even more. She turned looking at him, ready to argue with him. But, she couldn't. The way he was looking at her. His blue eyes peircing her. Almost looking into her soul-



She surprised hersefl when she relized her lips seemed to have a mind of their own, and landed on his in a feirce yet passionate and hungry kiss. She felt him smile against her lips and his arousal was pressing firmly against her flat stomach. She moaned and hungrily kissed him deeper. She needed him. Here. Now.



Spotting a tall gravestone just a few feet from them, she pushed him right against him. Then, she jumped up on him quickly, hiking her skirt up in the process. Clusmisly, she fumbled with the zipper on his pants and yanked his hard length out.



Quickly, she lowered her opening onto his hard sahft making them both moan in ecstasy. What did he do to deserve such heaven? Rhythmically, she started moving up and down, rubbing her now swollen clit against his cock.



"Spi-" She was cut off by a gurgling noise coming from behind them.



She turned her head to see seven green alien-like demons staring at them. Obviously, ready to attack.



She groaned, and quickly slipped herself off of him, making a vow to finish what they'd started later. Then, she quickly did the zipper up for him. He smirked at her.



Suddenly, all seven of the demons attacked. Most of them running straight for Spike.



Buffy attacked the nearest one to her with a round kick to its head. It just made another gurgling noise, almost as if it were laughing. She kicked it again, and this time it grabbed her leg and spun her around so she fell face first on the ground. And again, it made another gurgling noise.



Six of them. All six of them were ganging up on Spike. He didn't think he could take that many alone. They were strong also. Strangely strong. Not Glory strong, but extremely strong.



One of the demons managed to grab the axe he was holding out of his hand and hit him over the head with it.



"BLOODY HELL!" He yelped. "BUFFY!"



She didn't seem to hear him, she was too wrapped up in her own fight.



"BUFFY!" He tried again.



Yet, his eyes grew wide when she saw what one of the demons was hovering over him with. A stake. He screamed for her again.



This time she turned around. And there the demon was. Hovering over her lover...or at least potential lover with a stake.



"NO!" She screamed. "SPIKE!"



She rushed foward, knocking the demon she was fighting out of the way. But, once she got there, it was too late. All that was left of Spike was a pile of dust. She fell to her knee's sobbing.



Spike was gone.

Chapter One-Oblivious

It was morning when Willow found Buffy. She was in the graveyard alone while her eyes stared off into blank nothingness. She looked as she had when Glory had taken Dawn away. Like she had gone into another coma.

"Buffy?" Willow asked, unsure if that were really the case.

But apparently it was the case. Because, Buffy did not move an inch. She just stared off into outer space. Her eyes glazed and watery.

Panicked, Willow picked up her newly acquired cell phone and dialed Xander.

"Hello?" Came a groggy voice from the other line.

"Xander. Xander I need help. It's Buffy she's-"

"Whoa, Will, slow down a second." She heard Xander apparently rushing around to get clothes on. "What happened to Buffy?"

"She...she's like in another coma or something. I came to the graveyard to go ask Spike if he's seen her because she's been gone all night, and I found her on the ground in another coma." Willow's panicked voice came out in a rush. It was thick with tears.

"Is it close to Spike's crypt?" He asked.

"Yeah, only like fifteen feet or so. Please hurry."

"Yeah, I'll be there in a jiffy." And, with a click he hung up the phone and he was on his way.

Willow paced back and forth, and every so often tried to wake Buffy out of her state oblivious to the world. Would she have to use magic again to get her out of her own little world? What if she couldn't stop if she started? What if Tara could do it for her and she could just help her channel the magic. Just using a little magic for Buffy couldn't hurt. Right?

The sound of frantic running footsteps on soft grass startled Willow out of her thoughts. She looked up to find Xander and Anya rushing towards where Willow stood, next to Buffy.

"Did another Glory take Dawn away or something? Becaue, I seem to recall the same thing happening last year." Anya spoke once she had spotted Buffy's form.

"No, no Dawn's safe a home...OhMyGod Dawn! What are we going to tell her? She'll...she'll freak...she'll..."

"Shhh," Xander put a comforting arm on Willow for reassurance. "We'll work this out. Don't worry."

Willow nodded, finding comfort in Xander's touch.

"Okay, we've got to get her out of here. And Ahn, I can't believe I'm saying this, but can you go tell Spike?" Xander asked. "See if he knows anything?"

Anya nodded and hurried off towards Spike's crypt while Willow and Xander carried Buffy into his car. Anya appeared by their side a few minutes later.

"He's not there." She stated matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean he's not there? Doesn't 'Evil Dead' usually sleep during the day?" Xander asked.

"Well, maybe he went to my house looking for Buffy. He does show up uninvited all the time." Willow added helpfully.

Xander nodded. "You're right. But, lets get Buffy to the Magic Box. And then, you can ring home. See if he's there. And, I guess tell Dawn. Also, it'd be good if you called Tara. We have to get into her head somehow."

Willow nodded. "Right."

And with that, they were off towards the Magic Box.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow paced around the shop nervously, trying to look for the exact spell components for Tara to use to venture inside of Buffy's mind. God she hoped she didn't need to use magic. She desperately hoped she didn't have to help Tara on this. What if she couldn't stop? What if she could *never* stop?

"Will? How're you doing up there?" Xander's voice rang from the lower level of the shop.

"Fine! I think I just found the book!" Willow called down, grabbing a worn- down old looking book, thick with volumes of spells. She blew off a layer of dust, before grabbing off a nearby shelf, the ingredients they would need. Then, quickly, she climbed down the ladder.

Willow quickly handed the book and the ingredients to Tara, making sure their hands brushed. Tara looked up at her for a split second and actually smiled. Willow blushed.

"Okay! Enough with the flirting you two! What if Buffy doesn't come back and the world gets plagued into darkness? What if we get hurt? What if Xander gets killed?" Anya asked incredulously.

"It's okay, Ahn. They're working on it." Xander gave his fiancée a pointed look and she shut up right away.

Willow ignored the furious red color her cheeks must have been, and continued helping Tara mix the spell's ingredients together.

"Where the hell is Spike?" Dawn suddenly spoke up from the back of the room, startling everyone.

"I'm sure Evil Dead's around. Don't worry." Xander replied, concentrating on what Willow and Tara were working on.

"But, what if-"

"Dawn. They need to concentrate. Quiet please." Xander commanded, and Dawn shut up, but first crossing her arms in front of her chest and managing to look left out.

"I...I think we got it." Tara spoke. "I...I think I can do this."

"Good." Anya nodded. "So go ahead!"

Xander glared at her again.

"What?" She asked. "I don't wanna die! And, I don't want you to die either!"

Xander shook his head at his impossible and stubborn fiancée.

"Okay. I'm going to start. So, I need silence." Tara spoke, looking up at everyone in the room. "Wish me luck."

"Of light and dark.

And darkness thine.

Let me see.

What’s in thee mind.

Let my spirit go at will.

To see what they see.

Right now fulfill."

Tara's head suddenly, flew back. Her blonde hair sprawled out all around her head and her eyes grew glazed. It worked.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They probably would get Buffy back after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was dark. Yet, Tara could hear a faint crying coming from the corner of what appeared to be a room.

"Buffy?" She called, letting her hands fly out so she could feel her way along the wall.

Instead of an answer, she heard the sobbing grow louder. Than suddenly, Buffy appeared. But, she didn't look like the Buffy she knew today. She looked much younger. Around fifteen or sixteen.

"It's my fault you know?" She spoke. "I...I shoulda told him Tara. I should've told him. Now he's..." Buffy bent down and picked up a single wooden stake off the floor.

"Buffy?" Tara asked when she saw Buffy looked at the stake curiously.

She then, looked up at Tara and smiled. Ridges had appeared in her face. She was a vampire.

Tara backed away slowly, feeling her way along the wall.

"I won't hurt you." She replied. Then, quickly she plunged the stake into her heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The walls were shaking. She was in apparently in what looked like an abandoned building. The ‘scenery’ had apparently changed. Moans and groans could be heard, coming from around the corner.

Tara slowly made her way around the corner, only to find Buffy pressed against a wall with Spike pumping furiously into her. Tara blushed at the scene.

“B-Buffy?” She called, trying to get Buffy’s attention. She didn’t succeed. The only thing that happened is that the floor had collapsed under Buffy and Spike’s weight, sending all three of them crashing down.

She looked over at Buffy who was now ripping apart Spike’s clothes. His hard erection popped out of his jeans. And, Tara turned away.

Than, suddenly a thought hit her. Buffy’s coma-like state had something to do with Spike. What had happened to him?

“Buffy?” Tara tried calling the slayer’s name again, and this time Buffy looked up at Tara. Her eyes glazed from obvious lust for Spike.

“Tara?” Buffy looked at her curiously. “What are you doing here?”

“Buffy, you have to come with me. This isn’t real. We have to go home. You have to save the world and protect Dawn. Come with me Buffy.”

The scene, which was playing in front of Tara before, seemed to have frozen. Spike was motionless as well as rubble that was collapsing around them.

Buffy stood up and looked into Tara’s eyes, “But I don’t want to.”

“You have to Buffy. We miss you.”

“I killed him.” Those were Buffy’s final words before the scene changed yet again

~~~~~~~

It was sunny and Tara could smell the faint yet lingering scent of orange blossoms in the air. She hardly noticed anything around her though. The phrase kept lingering in her mind,…*I killed him*. Buffy had killed Spike.

Tara looked around her and spotted a sandbox. A little blonde girl was busy scooping sand into a bright pink bucket while trying to keep what looked like her baby sister, away from her.

“Buffy?” Tara asked.

The little girl looked up and smiled, “TARA!”

“Buffy. Please, please listen to me. We have to go. We have to get out of here.”

But, Buffy just smiled and continued playing in her sandbox, oblivious to Tara’s words. Tara, sighed and decided to take another approach.

“What happened to Spike?”

The young Buffy looked up and her hazel eyes seemed to turn to ice. Then, suddenly her ice-glazed gaze slipped and her sea-green eyes became water. Salty tear slid down her cheeks.

“Buffy?” Tara moved over to take the sobbing girl into her arms. Buffy accepted the hug and cried into Tara’s shoulder for a while.

“I killed him.” The words were so soft Tara could barely hear them.

“What did you do Buffy? How did you kill Spike?” Tara asked, brushing a strand of blonde hair out of the young-Buffy’s eyes.

“I killed him.” She uttered those three words and then suddenly Buffy had grown older. And, the playground wasn’t as cheerful anymore. It seemed old and abandoned. Sad.

“Buffy, please come back to us. Please.” Tara begged, still holding the girl in her arms.

“It’s so unfair.” The Buffy sobbed. “I…Tara, I want him back.”

“Buffy,” Tara whispered. “Just come back. Please. Then, you can tell me all about it. Buffy, I know for a fact. You *didn’t* kill him.”

“But, didn’t I? Wasn’t I already killing him even before he…he was gone?” Buffy let out a quiet sob.

Tara looked down at the sobbing Buffy and hugged her tight to her chest. “Come back with me and we’ll figure this out. I promise you.”

Buffy nodded letting a few more tear drops fall down onto Tara’s already soaked shoulder. “But, I want to be with him. Can’t I have this here?”

“You can,” Tara decided on the truth. “But you know staying here will slowly kill you? Everyone will miss you. We need you Buffy. Dawn needs you.”

Buffy let out a heart-wracking sob.

Tara sat up at the same time as Buffy did. Buff immediately started sobbing and Tara pulled her close for comfort.

“I killed him.”

 

Chapter Two- The Bronze



Tara held Buffy for what seemed like forever, as the slayer cried out her grief and sorrow for Spike. Her lost lover.

The Scooby Gang started approaching Buffy cautiously until Tara signaled for them to back off. And, give Buffy some space. Some time to cry out what had just happened to her.

Cautiously, the slayer lifted her head up and looked at the surrounding members of the Scooby Gang. Yet, no one pressed or bugged for answers they just looked at her curiousity yet pity on their faces.

“I…I have to go.” Buffy spoke up suddenly, not wanting to face everyone at this moment in time.

“Buffy?” Tara asked. “Would you like me to drive you home?”

“No, I’ll walk.” Yet, her intention was not to go home but to go somewhere and drown her sorrows. Preferably, with a bottle of alcohol. Something strong.

She than, hurried out of the shop and away from the worried and curious stares of her friends. She ran all the way to the Bronze. Passing by people she must of looked like a blur because she was running so fast. She just wanted to get rid of this hurt. This gaping hole Spike had left in her heart.

When she arrived at the door of the Bronze she finally slowed her speed down and quickly she walked past the guard. The guys in the Bronze admired her beauty as she walked pass. But, of course she had no intention of stopping. She had the intention of heading one place: to the bar.

“Something strong. Please.” Buffy almost seemed to beg the bartender once she had gotten to the counter.

“Why’s a pretty thing like you looking for something strong?” He asked, grinning at her toothlessly.

She pulled back slightly, disgusted but asked again, more politely. “May I please have something strong and alcoholic to drink.”

“And what would you like?” He asked while busily drying off a wet glass.

“Anything, as long as it’s strong and alcoholic.” She was back to begging mode again, while trying to force back the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes. She feared that if she started crying now, she would not be able to stop.

The bartender nodded and poured a thick golden liquid into a small glass for her, setting a pitcher next to her so she could have refills anytime. She quickly gulped down the first glass and started to work on the second glass, when she decided that just drinking from the pitcher would definitely be a better idea.

She finished the pitcher quickly and asked the bartender for more. He shook his head sadly, knowing that she was upset about something and refilled the pitcher to the brim.

She sipped at this pitcher, the feeling of being drunk sweeping over her body. She swayed slightly and the bartender went over to catch her from falling.

“Be careful sweetheart.” He warned.

Buffy immediately started sobbing when she heard the name he called her.

“He called me sweetheart.” She sobbed. “He…He…” She couldn’t finish her sentence before she was bawling like a baby.

“Oh,” The bartender spoke. “Did your boyfriend dump you?”

She shook her head, fat tears slipping off of her cheeks and into the pitcher of golden liquid.

“He died.” She whispered quietly.

The bartender nodded looking pitiful towards the young slayer.

Buffy finished off the next pitcher and made a poor attempt to stand up. She ended up slipping, and luckily the bartender ran around the bar and caught her in time before she cracked her skull open.

“I miss him.” She sobbed, trying to get the bartender to release his grip on her.

“Hon, let me help you to a seat. You’ll fall if I let go of you.”

She nodded and let him help her onto one of the Bronze’s soft comfortable couches in the corner.

“Can I have another pitcher?” She asked quietly. Already starting to feel sick to her stomach but wanting more to drown her sorrows in. The pain was *not * going away.

“I think you’ve had enough tonight. You’ll be puking your brains out if you have anymore, hon.”

“But…” She started to beg.

“I’m sorry. I’m going to have to cut you off. But, wait here and I’ll get you water. On me.” He smiled.

She nodded, giving in, knowing she wouldn’t win this time.

She leaned her head back against the soft cushion of the couch and let fresh tears slip down her flustered cheeks. Why did he have to leave her? Why?

She sighed and closed her eyes trying to force more tears back. She knew that if she started crying now, she wouldn’t be able to stop.

Unluckily, alcohol hadn’t dulled the pain for her. It was just making her feel dizzy, weak, and naseous. She knew that soon, she would probably be throwing up yesterday and today’s food. She definitely had had too much to drink.

She swallowed the hot liquid that was threatening to surface itself and tried to focus on anything other than Spike or the way she was feeling.

Willow…Willow was a good subject. Willow was her best friend…Willow had told Spike about her party.

It was never going to work.

She tried to stand slightly, and swayed a little, but managed to make her way slowly towards the door to the Bronze. She had to get out of here. Now.

She kept running into people after people who would push her back and curse at her for doing so. She couldn’t help it though.

Suddenly, she felt even sicker. Not just from the alcohol though. From the way she had treated Spike. The way he would withstand all the shit she gave him.

Was this the Power’s way of saying she didn’t deserve him?

Trying to hurry along faster she accidently bumped into someone hard. She feel backwards, hitting her head in the process.

“Oh god, I’m sorry.” She heard a voice say. A strangely familiar voice.

She looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen.

“Spike?”

And with that, she passed out.

 

Chapter Three-The Magic Box

Buffy awoke with a start and clutched her head, moaning in pain.

“Buffy?” She heard Willow’s worried voice from beside her.

She looked over and found herself looking at the five faces of her closest friends.

The room she was in was white and the bright ceiling lights shone down on her face, making her squint. Everyone was looking at her worried, yet relived that she seemed to be okay.

Than, she remembered. The Bronze,…getting drunk,…Spike…

“Where’s Spike?” She asked looking directly at Tara.

“B-Buffy, remember what happened? H-He’s dead. I filled everyone in. Buffy, He’s gone.” Tara spoke, looking down at her blue-flowered skirt in sudden interest.

“No, but I swear, I saw him. At the Bronze. His face…it had to be him.” She looked over at Tara tears forming in her hazel eyes.

“Buffy,” Dawn’s voice quivered slightly. “I heard what happened. It…” She took a deep breath, determined to keep from crying. “ It must have been a dream you have. We heard you passed out at the Bronze and someone brought you here. But, how could it be him? I’m sorry.” Dawn leaned back in the chair she was sitting in, silent tears now slipping down her face.

Buffy nodded silently, letting silent tears slip down her face as well. She looked over at her five friends again. It would never be the same without Spike.



Buffy sat at the Magic Box, head buried in a research book she wasn’t reading. Last night on patrol a demon of some-sort had attacked her. It had big horns, and green slime oozing out of unseen pours in its body. Buffy didn’t really care though. She didn’t want to research. She didn’t even want to patrol. All she wanted to do was sit around pretending Spike was still around. Even if she went insane by this fantasy, she didn’t care. As long as there was some form of Spike. Even if he was in her mind.

The bell above the Magic Box door rang as a customer walked into the shop. Buffy didn’t even lift her head though. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Only her daydreams and fantasies of Spike being well and…well, unalive should she say?

She heard a woman’s thick New York accent carry its way across the room as she asked Anya for herbs of some sort.

Buffy groaned and got up, deciding that training sounded pretty swell at this moment in time. Something, just something to take her mind off of Spike.

The door to the Magic Box rang again and this time Buffy looked up. The most beautiful creature she had ever seen stepped through the door. It was Spike.

“Spike?” Buffy asked, surprise and tears evident in her voice.

He looked up at her. “Hey aren’t you the girl who I took to the hospital?” He asked raising at scarred eyebrow at her. Yes, it was him. It had to be! How could someone look and sound so remarkably like someone yet not be someone. But, the only thing that was bothering her was that, he didn’t seem to know her.

“Spike?” She asked again, hoping to spot some sign of recgonization in his eyes.

“Do I know you from somewhere besides the Bronze?” He asked.

And, that’s when she noticed it. A thick stream of sunlight was making it way through the window and right onto Spike’s features. Yet, he wasn’t burning.

Anya looked up from the woman she was helping for a split second to call to Buffy. But instead of calling out to the blonde slayer, surprise only registered on her features as she realized who was standing at the door and in a bright patch of sunlight.

“Spike?” She asked. “I thought you were dead.”

“Do I know you people from somewhere? Everyone seems to know me, yet I have no clue who you people are.” He asked, looking directly at Buffy.

“You are Spike right? William the Bloody?” Anya asked from the corner of the room.

“Hey! How do you know that nickname? You didn’t go to High School with me, did you?” He asked, narrowing his blue eyes at Anya suspiciously.

“Why would *I* of gone to high school with you? I’m a lot older than you, Spike.” Anya stated matter-of-factly.

He shrugged at Anya’s remark and Buffy approached him and touched him lightly on the arm asking him jump. “Is it really you?” She asked, trying hard not to cry.

“And again, luv, do I know you?” He looked at her trying to remember if he had seen her anywhere.

“We…Yes *we* know each other.” Buffy spoke, finding that her tears felt even more close to the surface than before.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember. You didn’t go to High School with me, did you?” He asked.

“No…” She answered truthfully, finding herself lost in the ocean-blue depths of his eyes. Wanting so desperately to kiss him in this moment of time. She silently, let a tear escape her hazel eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked, concern showing on his face.

She smiled slightly, just hoping he would recognize her. Praying, he would recognize her. She nodded in response to his question.

“So,…then where do I know you from?” He asked raising the same scarred eyebrow up at her questioningly.

“You…You…You love me.” She stated, looking right into his eyes.

He chuckled lightly. “ I’m sorry to break it to you pet, but I’m married.”

TBC…

A/N: Hey fellow fans of mine :::gins:::, Well I just wanted to say this wouldn’t say B/S in the summary if this weren’t a B/S story…I just needed to make this interesting…

Chapter Four-Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

Her Throat felt dry. She couldn’t breathe. Did he say married? MARRIED!?…This couldn’t be Spike…Spike wouldn’t be with *anyone* but her.

He looked at her strangely for a moment, cocking his head to the side, which always drove her crazy,…That’s when she realized she was hyperventilating.

“Miss, are you okay?” He asked, placing a strong hand on her arm, calming her down slightly.

“B-Buffy, it’s Buffy.” She managed to choke out, barely resisting the urge to let tears fall out of her eyes.

“Okay *Buffy*” He spoke, enunciating her name. “…I won’t ask why you think I love you. But, I originally came in here for some sort of seductive candle. It’s supposed to make a scene more romantic.” He paused. “Do you have them?”

Here it was again. That feeling that she couldn’t breathe…Spike having sex with someone else. Spike wanting to *be* with someone else. Those thoughts just made her sick to her stomach.

“For your wife?” She asked. Again, on the verge of tears.

“Well, yeah. Our anniversary is coming up.” A half smile formed on those beautiful lips. Lips she just wanted to kiss at this very moment.

“H-How long have you been married?” She stumbled over her words. And, this time a tear did fall out of his hazel eyes.

He looked at her, concern showing on his lovely features. But, he answered her nonetheless, “A year and a week.”

This couldn’t be possible. This couldn’t be *Spike*. Spike had only died at few days ago. Yet, this man looked so much like Spike. He even acted like him, using the words ‘pet’ and ‘luv’ in his vocabulary. Hell, he even dressed like Spike. Complete with his leather duster. Only,…The marriage,…The sunlight shining on him,…not loving *her*. Those things, they just weren’t Spike.

She stood there silently for a moment. Not wanting to get the candle. Actually, not even wanting to go near the display of candles on a nearby shelf. Especially, not wanting Spike to have sex with anyone else.

“Do you love her?” She asked suddenly, while gazing into the depths of his crystal blue eyes.

“My wife?” He asked.

“Yeah,” She replied, desperately wanting him to say no, but knowing that would probably not be the case.

“Well, yeah…I’m married to her.” He stated, looking back at her with the same intensity that she was looking at him. She could almost swear she so recgonization flash across his face. But, that look was gone within the blink of an eye.

“How much?” She couldn’t help herself. She needed to ask.

“Why are you asking me these questions, Buffy?” He asked.

She stood there for a moment, watching him watch her before she broke down sobbing. He really didn’t remember her…Maybe he really wasn’t even Spike. But, oh how she wanted him to be Spike. How she wanted to hold him in her arms and let her worries leave her.

“Spike…Please. Please remember me.” She choked out.

“I…tell me. Where do I know you from?” He asked, hating to see her break down before him because of something he supposedly *didn’t* remember.

“We, we’ve known each other for years, Spike. It…this has to be you. Spike, I miss you so much.” She spoke, more salty tears falling out of her hazel eyes.

A flash. It was brief, and it was dizzying. But, he felt something. Almost like he knew this girl from somewhere. Only, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Almost like he didn’t belong in the life he was having. But, he belonged with this strange girl who was crying for him.

The door to the Magic Box flew open startling them both and Xander walked in. He looked from Buffy to Spike and back.

“Hey Evil Dead, aren’t you supposed to be dead?” He asked, a confused expression on his face.

“Evil Dead?” Spike asked. “Who are you?”

“Who am I? Well, I don’t know, maybe you were tied to a chair in my basement for a while way back when…” Xander said looking at Spike.

“Tied to your chair?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow at Xander.

“Uh,…yeah.” Xander stated.

“He…if this is him, he doesn’t remember Xander. Look,” Buffy spoke, trying to stop her voice from quivering as she pointed to the stream of sunlight he was standing under.

“So in other words, Evil Dead isn’t Evil Dead anymore. Or, this isn’t really Evil Dead. Although, he looks a lot like Evil Dead to me.” Xander spoke, giving Anya a confused look. She shrugged her shoulders.

“How do you people know me?” Spike demanded, looking around too the three occupants standing in the Magic Box.

“He really doesn’t remember.” Xander stated, more to himself than anyone else.

“No, I don’t…” Spike said, suddenly feeling a familiar feeling of ‘annoyance’ while around Xander.

Suddenly, the chime above the Magic Box door rang again. And, in walked someone Buffy hated.

Her brown hair was framed around her face in a short shag and she stood hands on hips, looking directly at Spike.

“How did I know I’d find you here hon?” She asked looking directly at Spike.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” He replied, rolling his eyes playfully.

Realization suddenly dawned on Buffy and she couldn’t help from exclaiming, “YOU’RE MARRIED TO FAITH?!?!?!”

Everyone jumped at the sound of Buffy yelling and Faith looked directly at her.

“Do I know you?”

TBC…

1 A/N: If I have time, I’ll update over the weekend. But, mostly my updates take place during weekdays. But, hopefully I’ll be able to update! So check back.

2 Chapter Five-Fighting To Remember

Buffy sighed, her body quivering slightly. How could her life be so messed up? *Why* was her life so messed up? Even if Spike came back…and was married…why to Faith? Why did she deserve this?

Plus, Faith seemed to have no memory whatsoever of her ‘past’ life either. Should she call it that? Was it really a past life? Aren’t you a different person once your reincarnated? Okay…too many questions.

Xander walked over to Buffy and sat down next to the nearly sobbing slayer. She seemed to be crying a lot these days.

“Am I the only one who’s confused here?” He asked, lightly patting her on the back.

“No, I would imagine not.” She looked up at Spike who was whispering something into Faith’s ear. “And, that has to be *Spike*. I mean, have you ever seen a coincidinse so great that two people you *knew* don’t seem to remember you?”

“Well, this is the hellmouth. And, some certain beings called The Powers That Be exist. I would think this is *their* fault!” Xander directed his last comment towards the ceiling, as if looking up at them. “But,…I mean Buff, look at the bright side. At least you don’t have Evil Dead hanging over your shoulder anymore confessing his undying love for you.”

She glared at him, “Shut up.”

“Ouch.” He muttered. “Sorry, must of hit a nerve there. You liked him doing that?”

She didn’t answer, just stared at Spike who had been flirting with Faith for the last fifteen minutes.

“I hate her.” She muttered on the verge of tears once again. “I fucking hate her.”

Xander swallowed a lump in his throat as realization sank in. And, memories came flooding back to him. “That…that day when I came in Spike’s crypt and you were invisible, Spike wasn’t doing push up’s was he?”

Buffy looked over at Xander, yet didn’t answer for a while.

“Does it matter?” She asked, still keeping her eyes firmly on Spike.

“I guess not,” He muttered quietly.

Something felt out of place. Something just was *not* right. Just, being around these people he could almost swear he never met before, brought up a feeling of familiarality. It was strange.

And, even while flirting with Faith…for a second he could swear he felt…disgust? But, that *couldn’t* be right, could it? She was his wife. The love of his friggin life. Right?

He glanced over at Buffy who seemed to be staring at him. She glanced away quickly when he looked over at her.

He slowly approached her and sat down by her side. Xander took one look at him and slowly got up, moving away from them. Weird.

“Hey, Buffy.” He spoke, not knowing exactly why he had come over here.

She looked up, surprised to see him there, “Spike…”

“Yeah. I’ve just…Maybe you are right. Maybe we *do* know each other somewhere. This seems so…familiar to me. I know it sounds weird, but…”

She actually smiled. A real genuine smile. Something just about her smile…it made him happy to see it. “No, no Spike. It’s not weird. It’s good.”

He smiled, “It’s a weird feeling. It’s like I know you…but I don’t.”

Her smile grew wider, “Thank you.”

“For what?” He asked, puzzlement on his face.

“For starting to remember. You’ve made my day.”

For a while, he just watched her watch him. She seemed to be taking in every bit of him. Savoring every inch of him. Just the way her eyes roamed over his body…He just wanted to reach out and touch her.

He looked back at Faith, trying desperately to shake these thought out of his head. He *couldn’t* think this way about another woman. He loved Faith. Yet, he just couldn’t seem to shake these feeling off for this other woman. What was wrong with him?

Buffy couldn’t help but grin. Spike was staring at her. Actually staring at *her*. The look he was giving her…it reminded her of when he did fully remember her. When he loved her.

Her stomach dropped to her knees at that thought. But he didn’t love her now, did he? He loved *Faith*. Somebody she despised. And, that brought another thought to mind. Did Faith die too?

She looked over at Faith was now deep in conversation with Anya over some sales item. Anya just didn’t care who she talked to, did she? As long as they were interested in her store she was happy. Buffy whished that little things like that could make her extremely happy.

The door to the Magic Box flew open yet again, startling everyone, for what seemed like the gazillionith time today. And, of course, Dawn walked in, her bookbag slung over her left shoulder.

She dropped her stuff when she realized who was sitting at the table next to Buffy.

“SPIKE!” She yelled excitedly, not caring how he got here. As long as he *was* here. She quickly flung herself into his arms, pulling him into a warm hug.

“D-Do I know you?” He stumbled a bit over his words, surprised that yet another person seemed to know him.

“You don’t know me?” Dawn asked, her lip trembling slightly at the realization that this might not be Spike afterall.

“Dawnie, he doesn’t remember any of us.” Buffy spoke softly to her upset sister. “And, he’s married to…Faith,” She pointed to the x-slayer who was chatting away with Anya across the room. “Apparently she doesn’t remember anything either.”

Dawn wiped a stray tear away, avoiding Spike’s eyes so she wouldn’t break down. “Weird…”

“I know Dawnie,” Buffy replied. “I know.”

Spike suddenly looked over at her, curiosity on his face. “I’m just curious,…what you said before about me loving you…”

She smiled and replied, “You really wanna know?”

He nodded. Obviously, interested.

She took a deep breath to speak and than suddenly yet unexpectedly doubled over in pain, “Oh god…”

TBC…

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