Chapter 10: Passions and the Green Eyed Monster

"Willow, what ya got there?"

Willow displayed the bunch of daises Xander had brought her before walking her to the sorority house for the Monday night meeting.

"Aren’t they pretty? I think daises are just the friendliest flower. He promised to surprise me with a little gift after class every day this week - to lead up to my birthday party Friday night!" Willow beamed, obviously pleased with Xander’s thoughtfulness. Buffy chuckled to herself, Xander owed her big time, she had suggested the little gift a day scheme to him, knowing Willow would love it.

"Oh, Willow, that is so sweet. So, are you cool with us doing a movie night for your birthday? I know how much you used to love them and we thought it’d be a neat way to celebrate."

"It’s perfect Buffy. It’ll be like old times. You know it’s funny, we never hang out in a group anymore, this’ll be the first time we’re all together since that party after we first came back."

"I know, it’s like we see each other all the time, but never altogether. Anyway, it should be fun You are going to pick at least one movie to torture the guys I hope?" Buffy’s eyes twinkled, knowing the guys always dreaded the chick flicks they somehow managed to come up with when they had control of the movies.

"Never fear my friend, a sappy romance that will have the boys groaning will definitely be one of my selections," Willow responded.

"Cool." The girls settled in as the meeting began.

*********************************

As the meeting drew to a close, Buffy saw Cordelia across the room with some of the other upperclassman and swiftly made her way to chat with her.

"Hey Cordy, you all set to come to the little get together on Friday for Will’s birthday?"

"Sure am, wouldn’t miss it for the world. How are you guys tonight?" Cordelia looked around, knowing Willow was probably somewhere close by and saw her coming across the room.

"Good. I’m so glad you’re going to be able to come. I know Will is really excited about it." Buffy paused for a minute, hoping she wasn’t being too nosy, then decided to continue. "Cordy, I was going to ask you, Angel mentioned you were seeing a new guy? Who is he?"

Cordelia froze for a moment as she looked at Buffy, trying to gauge whether she knew something about her and Angel’s little assignation or really wanted to know about Wesley.

"Wesley? He’s so sweet. Thank Angel again for setting us up Buffy, that’s a very thoughtful guy you’ve snagged."

Cordelia managed to maintain her composure, told her a little more about Wes, then mentioned needing to talk to one of the sisters and hurried away. She felt immensely guilty for the past few weeks. She knew she shouldn’t have made that deal with Angel. It had been one thing when neither of them were seeing anyone seriously to screw around together. But for all his clever words, she knew there little trysts weren’t fair to either of the people they were with. And she really was starting to have feelings for Wesley. She hated the thought of having to admit what she’d been doing to Buffy, but she needed to find some way to break them up before Angel’s little scheme went much further.

Willow came up as Buffy stared at Cordelia’s retreating back.

"That was weird, did Cordy seem kinda jumpy to you? I wonder is all is not well with this new man?"

"I don’t know, Buffy, maybe she just had stuff to do. You know Cordy, she can be pretty abrupt when she wants to be"

"That’s true." Buffy shrugged and glanced at her watch. "I think I’m just going to head over to the library to study for a little while."

"Buffy, it’s almost nine. I mean, Xander said he’d walk us home, but he won’t stick around, you know you can study in the room. You don’t have to go to the library."

"Oh, I know Will, it’s not that. I just have some stuff I need to read and I have my little quiet carrel in the library, no distractions. I won’t be home late."

"Do you want Xander to walk you? It’s kind of late."

"No, I’m good, it’s all main paths from here, well-lighted. You have a nice stroll home with the Xan-man and I’ll see you later."

Buffy headed out the door, leaving Willow to wait for Xander, who showed up a few minutes later.

"Hey sweetie! Thank you again for the flowers. They’re a little droopy, but I’m going to put them in water as soon as we get back to the dorm."

Xander beamed. "I’m glad the birthday girl likes." He gave her a quick kiss, then looked around. "Where’s Buffy?"

"She’s gone to the library again to study. I swear, she like lives in that place this semester. I mean, she never spent that much time in the library before. Buffy’s never been that into books. I’m the book-worm," she pouted.

"Maybe she likes the quiet."

"I guess. I never can find her there though, when I’ve gone in the evenings. She won’t tell me where her little study area is, it’s always, oh you know, just one of those little carrels."

Xander snorted at her peeved expression. "Willow it’s a huge library, it’s not like you go through every floor. She probably goes to one of the higher floors where she won’t be disturbed. I mean come on, you think Buff’s having clandestine rendezvous with someone or something?"

Willow laughed. "I don’t guess so. Unless she and Angel think sneaking around adds some spice into their relationship. I’m kinda surprised she doesn’t hang with him more, you know? I always figured when Buffy got serious, she’d be a cocooner."

"A cocooner? Is she going to become a butterfly?"

"No silly, cocooners are those couples who bond and do everything together and just hang at home and veg. They get all wrapped up together, like a cocoon."

Xander laughed. "Well, Angel’s pretty busy and so is Buffy. I guess they haven’t had time to cocoon yet. I mean they still go out every weekend, right?"

Willow nodded.

"I’ll be honest, I think Buffy’s set a record with Angel. I don’t think he’s dated a girl for longer than a month at most since we’ve been in college and they are headed on what, two months now?"

"Yeah, that’s right, cause their first date was with us remember?"

"I sure do." Xander pulled her in for another kiss. "Well, I’m glad it’s working out for them as well as it has for us."

"Yeah, I guess so." Willow’s tone expressed doubt, but they had reached Stevenson Hall, and thoughts of Buffy and Angel were forgotten as Willow persuaded Xander to come in for a little while.

**************************************

Buffy headed off from the Gamma Gamma Phi house, making sure she was out of Willow’s sight before she headed over towards Spike’s. It was nearly nine, his telly time in his daily schedule, and she wanted to watch the day’s episode with him. *Tell yourself another one Buffy, you just want to see him, especially since you haven’t talked since he took you home on Saturday.*

She hurried down the path and through the woods, using the flashlight she had in her backpack to make her way along the uneven path. Spike would probably yap at her for coming so late by herself. Maybe she could tell him Xander and Willow dropped her off, so he wouldn’t be so fussy. Of course, then that opened a can of worms if Spike mentioned their dropping her off to one of them.

She didn’t know why she felt compelled to always tell Willow she was at the library, but she thought her hanging with Spike all the time could cause confusion and misunderstandings. She felt a little guilty, like maybe she shouldn’t be doing this so often, because of Angel. She’d tried to rationalize that she and Spike were just friends and had never done anything inappropriate, but she knew that if Angel was spending as much time with another girl as she did with Spike, she’d be very upset. She reached the steps to his apartment, telling herself for the millionth time that Spike was different than just any old guy, because of their past history, and knocked on his door, before using her key to enter.

"Hey pet, I wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight, How did the meeting of the sisters go?" He looked up as she came through the door.

"The usual. Blah, blah, sisterhood, blah blah, fundraiser, blah blah, party. I was on autopilot, I figured Will or Cordy will let me know if I’m supposed to do something. You got the tape?"

"Yeah luv, I’ve got it. You’ve become quite the little addict as well." He laughed as she tossed her jacket to the side and curled up next to him on the couch.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You’re just as bad. You know you want to see what happens with Chad and Whitney."

They settled in to watch, as the main characters they were rooting for to be together came to the brink of a passionate kiss, but were pulled apart by the arrival of Simone, Whitney’s sister.

"Wow. Good episode. But I’m starting to think they are never going to be together." Buffy turned to grab her bag, missing his expression as he looked at her and responded, "Me too, pet, me too."

She picked up her coat and turned back to him. "I hate to watch and run, but it’s getting late. Are you still going to have dinner with Jenny and Giles tomorrow night?"

"Plan to. I thought I’d drive over about sixish, if that works for you?"

"Sure. Thanks for letting me ride with you."

Buffy lingered at the doorway as he hunted for his flashlight to walk her back.

"Spike?"

"Yes, luv."

"About Friday night. Thank you for letting me stay."

He didn’t turn around and look at her, knowing what his face might reveal. He responded casually as he continued to root in the cabinet, "No problem Goldy, anytime."

"Really?"

He looked up from his search briefly, still slightly distracted by the AWOL light. *Where did the sodding flashlight go to?* He knew he put it in that drawer.

"Would you mind if I stay tomorrow night then?"

He stared at her, startled, the flashlight totally forgotten. Friday night had been a bit of an emergency, her going to Giles’ or her room would have been awkward. But she wanted to plan to stay with him? Was she trying to tell him something?

Buffy continued on as he failed to reply.

"It’s just that you know this is Willow’s birthday week and I thought I’d give her and Xander as much alone time as possible if he wanted to stay with her. And Giles gets to campus late on Wednesdays and I hate for him to have to bring me early, and I can walk home in the morning from here. I won’t bother you. I’ll be quiet and mouse like."

Spike was more than a little disappointed that he was a place to crash rather than someone she wanted to spend the night with. But nonetheless, Buffy voluntarily wanted to share his bed? He wasn’t passing that up, even if it was platonic. And he sensed there was more underlying her words than she let on. He knew Giles would have no problem bringing Buffy to campus in time for her class, if she really wanted to stay at home.

"You’re welcome to stay. I have swim practice early, so I’ll probably be gone before you wake up, but you can lock up when you leave."

Buffy smiled at him and he felt his heart leap. She was softening toward him, he knew it. Little by little he felt he was making progress with her and sooner or later she’d realize Angel was not the man for her,. Until then, he could wait and be content for small favors.

******************************************

"Happy birthday, Willow!" Buffy, Cordy and Spike chorused as Xander opened the door for her to Spike’s apartment filled with balloons and streamers on Friday evening.

"Oh, thank you guys! You didn’t have to, but this is so sweet."

"And look, we even have party hats!" Buffy sat a paper crown on her head, which tilted slightly and proclaimed Birthday Queen..

Willow surveyed the room. Surprisingly, this was the first time she had been to Spike’s place. Quite snug. She asked for the tour and Spike showed her around as Buffy and Xander organized the presents.

"Where’s Angel? I though he was coming?"

"He is, pet. He had a team meeting this afternoon and he said he might run a few minutes late. Don’t you worry, we’re all going to enjoy your birthday party. It’ll be just like old times, all the gang. Course I guess we won’t fight over movies tonight, eh? Birthday girl got her picks?"

Willow laughed and reached into her bag. "Yeah, but you guys are going to hate at least one of them."

"Monty Python. Now that was thoughtful, Will. Did you pick that one so I wouldn’t be miserable?"

She laughed and nodded.

"All right, you softened me up. What am I going to have to endure? There are chick flicks in there, aren’t there?

Willow grinned devilishly. "Well, Xander said I could pick anything. It is my birthday."

She pulled When Harry Met Sally out next. Spike groaned.

"Fabulous, Red. Oh well, I suppose I can deal. What’s the third?"

"Well, I thought we had comedy and romance, so I’d go for a drama."

"Memento. That’s one I haven’t had a chance to see yet."

"It’s really good, I think you’ll like it." Willow started describing the memory problems of the main character as they moved back to join the others.

Just as they reached the living room, another knock signaled the arrival of Angel.

"Okay the gang’s all here, let’s get this party started." He announced as walked through the door and immediately found Buffy for a quick kiss. She tried to conceal her unease, but she felt awkward in front of Spike, in his home no less. She sneaked a quick glance at Spike to see if he had noticed, but he seemed deep in conversation with Willow about something, so she breathed a sigh of relief.

Everybody grabbed pizza and drinks, then settled in to watch The Search for the Holy Grail, quoting the familiar lines of the movie they’d seem together a million times. Spike realized that somehow he’d ended up on the couch beside Buffy, with Angel on the other side of her. Cordelia had grabbed the floor, refusing to take the couch, insisting she was more conformable propping herself up with a big pillow she snagged from Spike’s bed. Willow was comfortably nestled in Xander’s lap in the only armchair, looking very content in her party hat.

As the movie drew to a close, Willow jumped up to change to the next disk and everyone rearranged a little as they settled in for the next film. "Guys, thank you so much. This has got to be one of the best birthdays I ever had. It’s almost like old times."

She popped in the next disk and reseated herself on Xander’s lap.

"Almost, but not quite." She bussed Xander on the cheek and glanced over at Angel and Buffy, giving them a grin, surprised they weren’t more cuddlesome.

Angel draped his arm over the back of the sofa as the movie started and slowly pulled Buffy closer to him. She was being standoffish from him tonight. Maybe she had PMS. He’d tried to pull her into his lap when they’d first sat down and she’d declined, saying something about balancing her food while she ate. He’d let it slide then. But he’d got up to get a new round of drinks for her and him as Willow switched to Memento and when he returned, he tugged on her again. She sighed a little, glanced at Willow and Xander snuggled together and then crawled into his lap.

"There, Cordy, there’s room for you on the couch now. I’m sorry you had to sit on the floor."

"No biggie, Spike offered his seat, but I was fine. If there’s space, I’ll join you guys, we’ll be all snug."

Cordelia settled herself on the couch between Angel and Spike, taking Buffy’s spot. Angel noticed the smirk on her face as she watched him try to cuddle Buffy and grimaced. She was going to give him hell later tonight, probably do her Buffy imitation, which he had to admit he found pretty amusing. What was up with Buffy tonight? She usually was pretty pliable to him hugging and kissing her, he’d always kept things light so as not to spook her. But tonight she sat stiffly against him, her eyes glued to the screen, refusing to relax against him.

Spike sat on the other end of the sofa, also seemingly absorbed in the movie, which admittedly took a lot of concentration to follow. He refused to look over at the couple at the other end of the couch. It had been torture sitting on the couch beside Buffy, in the same spot they curled up nightly to watch Passions. Lately, she’d started leaning against him and putting her head on his shoulder as they watched. He’d put his arm around her, and they’d laugh and make snarky remarks and root for their favorite characters. And tonight, he’d had to sit beside her, afraid to look over, or brush against her with Angel just on the other side.

He’d sensed her nervousness as well. He’d seen her reject Angel’s offer to sit in his lap and had silently cheered, *You go Buffy, put the big lug in his place. He doesn’t deserve you.* His heart had sank when she’d finally given in. He realized that he really hadn’t seem them together as a couple since they’d started dating. He saw Buffy all the time, but never with Angel, and he realized that viewing the reality was a lot harder to take than just knowing they were dating.

Cordelia shifted as she glanced first from the pair to the right to the man on her left. Angel was such a big lummox. There was so something going on between Buffy and Spike. She’d come over with Buffy at 5:00 to help decorate and she’d watched the two of them together. She knew Spike was her tutor, so they clearly spent some time together, but Cordelia was willing to bet her best Prada bag that there was more to it than that.

Buffy knew where everything was, had found the scissors in the kitchen without having to ask their location, knew Spike kept some tape in the lower right hand drawer of his desk. And they’d seemed very comfortable with each other, little bumps and brushes that seemed casual but she suspected were not. This was going to be very interesting and she thought she saw an answer to her problem, without revealing her own less than angelic role in the affair. If she was reading the vibes right, Buffy was into Spike, not Angel, she just didn’t seem to know it yet. She needed a little push in that direction, and very few things would work more effectively than the green-eyed monster. Buffy probably thought Spike wasn’t going anywhere, since he wasn’t actively dating anyone. But… what if he suddenly became a little less available? She bet Buffy’s claws would come out then.

Cordelia smiled to herself. While she was immensely grateful to Angel for setting her up with Wesley, who had turned out to be quite a nice guy with a heart of gold (and purse as well, thought that was just a bonus), she felt a little gleeful at the thought that the overly cocky Angel might just get his comeuppance at the hands of Buffy and Spike.

She knew she had to stop sleeping with Angel. She was friends with Buffy, and Angel and she were clearly dating, even if they weren’t sleeping together. Buffy would be hurt if she ever found out. She also thought a lot of Spike. He’d always been kind to her, especially when she’d gone through some rough breakups, and she knew if she ever needed a favor, he’d be the first to offer help. That was just the kind of guy he was. It would be nice to see him get the girl.

She stole a few more quick glances at either side. Yep, there were some jealous vibes going on here. It would be so deliciously funny if Buffy was already messing around behind Angel’s back. But she was a pretty good judge of body language, and she didn’t think Buffy and Spike were quite there yet. Clearly some heavy flirting and a lot of unresolved sexual tension. She just needed to see if she could stir up some jealousy and help move things along.

"Willow, can you pause the movie? I need another drink and I think I’ll get confused if I miss a scene."

Willow obligingly paused the film and Cordelia moved into the kitchen, asking for orders as she went. She grabbed beers and wine coolers as requested , flipped the lights back off so the room was dark again, and settled back on the couch beside Spike.

"There we go." She looked around as Willow got ready to restart the movie. "Isn’t this nice, boy-girl, boy-girl, boy-," she looked coyly at Spike, "girl. Hey Spike, will you be my date tonight? I’m feeling all left out between these cute couples."

Spike glanced at her suspiciously. What was up with Cordy? He knew Wes, knew she was seeing him. But he read the humorous twinkle in her eye for the light hearted joke it was and he smiled at her.

"Sure, pet. You can be my snuggle-bunny tonight."

He threw an arm casually over her shoulders and Cordy leaned against him as the movie started. After a few minutes, Spike dared to dart a glance over at the other couple they shared the couch with and caught Buffy staring at him with a peculiar look on her face. She quickly looked back at the screen when she saw him looking and he wondered if that had actually been jealousy he’d seen on her face. He thought if just might have been. He tightened his arm around Cordy and pulled her a little closer. He was tired of seeing Buffy all plastered on top of Angel, two could play this game and Cordelia seemed quite willing to help out.

Buffy stared at the film. *Stupid movie. Why was is backwards?* At this point she was so lost she had no clue what was going on. The main guy was pretty hot, in fact he was a little Spikeish, nice cheekbones, pretty eyes. *Wait. Whoa, Buffy, no thinking about Spike over there. You are dating Angel. See, Angel, the man whose lap you are perched in. He is right here and you are lusting after another guy.*

She’d tried to be good. She knew she needed to spend less time with Spike, it wasn’t fair to Angel. She had stayed on Tuesday, and things had gone smoothly. They’d settled in, had a bit of pillow chat, but they’d stayed on their respective sides that night. Like he’d warned, he’d been gone to practice when she’d woken up on Wednesday morning, so there was no morning after possibilities of badness. She’d come back on Wednesday and Thursday night, but she had resisted the urge to ask to stay again, though every time she looked at that bed, she’d wanted to feign tiredness and insist the 10 minute walk home would do her in, couldn’t she just stay with him?

She had to decide what to do about Angel. She was increasingly wondering if she might not be with the wrong guy. But she wasn’t going anywhere with Spike until she officially ended things with Angel. And having a talk about whether you should see other people didn’t seem good right before Willow’s birthday. So she’d put it on hold, hoping they’d have a chance to talk in the next week or so.

She glanced back over again. What was Spike doing over there? Was he cuddling Cordelia? He was, right next to her, in their spot on his sofa! That was how he cuddled her when they watched their show together!

She could feel her admittedly irrational anger rising as she watched him pull Cordy closer. Maybe she’d been wrong about having a talk with Angel. She’d really started to think that Spike was into her. He wasn’t a big flirt, most of the time, so she’d assumed his actions towards her must really mean something. But maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe he liked to have lots of girls up here in this apartment, she was nothing special to him.

Buffy’s rational side wondered when he would be doing said cuddling of multiple women, as she was here almost every night, but watching his blond head duck to whisper something in Cordelia’s ear and hearing her light laugh in response to whatever he said, made her anger rise more. She always knew Cordelia Chase was a slut. Didn’t she have a boyfriend? Her rational side reminded her that she did as well, one who she was currently curled against. She saw Spike glance over again and she evaded his gaze. Well fine. If he was going to be all over Cordy, she’d have no qualms about kissing Angel in front of him.

Buffy leaned back against Angel, relaxing for the first time that night and curled her hand around her neck to play with his hair. Angel glanced down at her, surprised by the sudden show of affection, but smiled as she tugged him down for a light kiss. He kissed her back. Buffy generally didn’t make the first move, and he was surprised at how responsive she was as he deepened the kiss, especially given the fact they were right in front of all their friends.

Spike glanced over at the pair now snogging away. He looked away, clenching his free hand into a fist as he tried to control his emotions. He hated the sight of her kissing him. Cordelia saw his clenched fist and heard his ragged breath. She glanced over at the impromptu make-out session beside her and smiled. Oh, she’d been right. Spike and Buffy had it bad for each other. Now, what else could she do to Spike to rattle Buffy’s cage?

The second movie ended and Willow pulled out her girly movie that she’d saved until the end. Everybody took a stretch break as drinks were refreshed. Cordelia settled herself back next to Spike, watching Buffy out of the corner of her eye.

"Spike, is there anyway you could maybe massage my neck? I don’t think I stretched properly before practice today and I’m so sore." She batted her eyes at him, knowing she had Buffy’s attention. She really should get extra credit in her drama class for this little performance.

Spike agreed to try to work the kinks out and began kneading her neck and shoulders. She pulled her hair out of the way and proceeded to make quite a show of his attentions.

"Oh Spike, that feels so good, you have amazing hands." She looked back coyly at him. "I bet you can do all kinds of incredible things with those hands, now can’t you?"

Spike stared at Cordelia. Was the crazy bint coming on to him? He’d known Cordy for a long time, and she’d never tried anything like this. Then he caught her quick wink as she looked back at him and ever so lightly inclined her head towards Buffy, who was starting to turn red as she watched them.

Spike glanced over her shoulder at the wide eyed Buffy standing at the end of the couch and glaring at them. If looks could kill, he thought that one or both of them might be dead. He realized that one, Cordy had figured out something was afoot between them, and two, she was trying to assist in making Buffy jealous. He didn’t know exactly what was going on here, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Clearly it was working.

"Well, pet, I’ve never had any complaints. You have anything else that has some kinks you need worked on?"

Cordy had laughed and cuddled back against him as the next movie started. He’d continued to rub her gently. Buffy watched the entire movie seething, as she snuggled closer to Angel and attempted to stop herself from sneaking glances over at Spike and Cordelia, who continued to whisper and giggle throughout the movie.

When Harry onscreen pronounced that men and women could never just be friends, Cordelia had glanced seductively up at Spike and announced, loud enough for Buffy to hear, "You know, I think there’s something to that, if you’re friends, you pretty much think of them as people you’d want to sleep with." She’d batted her eyes at Spike and Buffy had launched off the couch, excusing herself to go to the restroom, but indicating they didn’t need to pause the movie and wait for her. Angel stared at Cordelia and Spike as Buffy flounced off. Was Cordy trying to get Spike in bed? She had seemed like she thought Spike was attractive before. Oh well, he didn’t really care, as long as she didn’t cancel their little planned meeting tonight after he dropped Buffy off at Giles’ place.

Buffy closed and locked the door to the bathroom, then sat down on the edge of the tub. This was utterly ridiculous. Spike was his own man and if he wanted to screw Cordelia in that big beautiful bed after they all went home tonight, he was certainly not restrained from doing so. Had it only been a few nights ago that she’d been in that bed with him? He hadn’t been so suggestive with her. Did he like Cordy? Was he just waiting to see if she’d make him an offer?

This was nuts. She had to stop thinking about Spike and start thinking about Angel. Sweet Angel, waiting out there for her. His kisses tonight had been more exciting than usual, *maybe because you were already fired up about Spike* and maybe she’d underestimated him. He wasn’t coming on to Cordy, or rubbing on her. He’d had eyes for her only, all evening, and there was a lot to be said for that. Buffy composed herself, glad the movie was nearly done. She was ready for this evening to be over. The Spike and Cordy show had gone on long enough.

When she came out of the bathroom, she resettled herself on Angel’s lap and pulled him in for several more kisses before the movie concluded. When it was over, everyone proceeded to help dispose of the trash and gathered their things to leave. Buffy knew she was being rude, but she couldn’t seem to speak to Spike or Cordelia about anything more than a short, terse, good-bye before leaving. She knew she was acting oddly and drawing glances from her friends, but she couldn’t help it. She grew more upset when she heard Spike offer to take Cordelia home and heard her accept. She knew she wasn’t going to sleep well tonight, knowing that when everyone else had left, Cordy remained behind with Spike. She urged Angel to hurry, claiming she wasn’t feeling well and pulled him to the door with a final Happy Birthday to Willow.

As the door closed behind the other couples, Spike turned to Cordelia.

"How about we have a little chat, pet? Want to tell me what the little come hither act was tonight? I don’t think you were seriously trying to seduce me. So why the routine?" Spike pinned Cordelia in his gaze, wanting to know what she was playing at.

"Spike, what’s going on with you and Buffy?"

"Don’t change the question, I asked you first."

"Okay fine. Spike, there are some details that I can’t tell you, but I just don’t think that Angel and Buffy work together. Now, you and Buffy, that’s another story. Spike, you’ve been in love with her since at least high school, am I right?

He looked away, then nodded.

"And you’re clearly spending a lot of time together. She knows where everything is in your apartment, she must be over here all the time. I’m not judging you guys and I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but there’s clearly something between you. I just thought a little jealousy might bring you two closer together."

He looked at her, his blue eyes serious. "Cordelia, I don’t know what to do. I think we’re getting close, but she keeps dating Angel, and I don’t want to poach on someone else’s territory, even if she’s willing. I’ve been on the receiving end of that, and it’s not fun. I don’t like to share, I want Buffy all to myself, and right now, I just get little bits and pieces. But I have no clue how she really feels about me. So I can’t push and make her choose, I don’t want to lose her friendship, if that’s all I’ll ever have."

Cordelia stared. "Wow, I though you were into her, but Spike, you are seriously head over heels in love, aren’t you?"

He nodded miserably.

She sighed. "Well, given Buffy’s reaction tonight, I’d say she definitely feels something for you. I don’t know if it’s as strong as what you feel for her, but she was one unhappy lady over there tonight. And I don’t think she usually is all over Angel like that, I think she was putting on a show for your benefit."

His face brightened a little. "Really, you think so?"

"Spike, again, I’m giving you limited information and you don’t get the source, but I know two things for sure. Buffy hasn’t slept with Angel yet. In fact, she’s still a virgin."

Spike looked at Cordelia in amazement. "You’re serious, she hasn’t slept with him? Angel? He’s always so hot to trot to get them in the sack."

"Well, I think he’s trying something different with Buffy. But, the fact that it’s taking a while seems to indicate she isn’t sure about him, you know? So if I were you, I think I’d take a chance and maybe tell her how you really feel. If she doesn’t know, she can’t make a choice. But, I’m going to shut up now, cause I need to get home, okay?"

Spike stood up and helped Cordelia off the couch, before pulling her into a hug. "Thanks Cordy, for the advice. I really appreciate it."

He looked at her closely as he released her.

"Cordelia, I’m not stupid. I’m not going to presume anything based on what you’ve told me, but I’ll offer you some advice as well. Wes is a great guy, and he really likes you. Don’t screw it up by screwing around with someone else, okay?"

She nodded, sensing that Spike knew there was something going on with her and Angel, but she was never going to confirm that for him.

*************************************

Buffy knocked tentatively at Spike’s door. She knew she had behaved badly on Friday night. She’d tried to not be rude, but she’d been very cold to both Cordelia and Spike before she’d left. Then she’d pushed the slightly confused Angel away when he tried to get a little more touchy-feely than their usual good night kiss outside Giles’ house. She knew she was sending some mixed signals, the way she’d been macking on him at Spike’s, but her head had been aching and she just really wanted some sleep by that point.

She’d managed to avoid Spike the rest of the weekend and had left a message on his voice mail saying she couldn’t make it to his place on Monday. She’d chickened out again on Tuesday and left a message when she knew he wouldn’t be there, saying she wouldn’t be over. And now it was Wednesday. She hadn’t missed a tutoring session since the first week of school, and she knew she needed Spike’s help. She sucked up her pride and hoped he would forgive her rude behavior And also hoped that he hadn’t slept with Cordelia.

Spike opened the door and let her in with a quiet greeting, unlike his usual welcomes. Buffy made her apology for not being around much the last few days, and for her rudeness in general, and he said he understood that life got busy sometimes. The books were brought out and some of the awkwardness fell away as they lost themselves in their studies. They were already a little ahead and finished nearly an hour before their usual time.

Spike watched as she packed her books away. He knew flirting with Cordelia at the party had been juvenile and he knew the only reason he’d done it was to make her jealous. In some ways, he had been glad to see it bothered her, that she’d been steaming over there every time he looked at Cordy or whispered in her ear. It had salved his ego a little, that she at least felt enough to not want anyone else with him, but it had caused almost physical pain to watch her snogging away with Angel. He wondered if Cordelia had been right, he just needed to lay it all out for Buffy and make her choose.

He was more than a little afraid of that choice though. Sometimes he thought it was as if she wanted him on a leash, hers to play with and keep in this little apartment, but not someone she would acknowledge as anything more than a friend, while she paraded around with the BMOC. He fought down some bitterness. He’d wrestled with these feelings since Friday night and he didn’t know whether to encourage her to stay away more and end this torment, to lay it all out and force her to pick, him or Angel, or to beg her to come back and return to the way things were.

Buffy finished putting her books in her bag and looked at him across the desk..

"So, I don’t suppose you have the show taped for me do you?"

He smiled, glad for the excuse to keep her there a little longer. He was so weak. "Actually I do. And I haven’t watched either, I thought we could see it together."

She returned his smile with a tentative one of her own and they moved to the living room, where Spike pulled out the appropriate tape and rewound it. He noticed she had seated herself at the opposite end of the couch from him, not her usual location, but he didn’t comment and they both settled in to catch up on the sagas of Harmony.

Several hours later, as the final scene drew to a conclusion, Whitney moved closer to Chad. Suddenly the two were caught up in a passionate kiss that showed immense longing and lust wrapped together. Buffy watched the fictional embrace, knowing it was just acting, but couldn’t help wondering if that level of passion and desire were possible in reality. She didn’t realize she’d spoken out loud, until Spike responded.

"Oh, I think so, very much. I dare say if you have stayed and caught the Giles and Jenny show, you might have seen that," he nodded at the screen, "in real life." Buffy sighed. "You’re probably right."

Spike paused for a moment, then continued to speak. "So you haven’t experienced that grand passion yet, pet, the one that makes the whole world drop away and leaves only the two of you in it?"

Buffy continued to stare at the screen, afraid to look into his eyes. This was getting into some dangerous territory to discuss with Spike. "No, I can’t say that I have. But I’d like to one day. How about you?" She realized she was digging her fingernails into her palms as she waited for his response. Probably he’d had that kind of fire with Drusilla or maybe even here with Cordelia the other night.

Spike was pleased that she hadn’t mentioned Angel. He decided to take Cordelia’s advice.

He slid a little closer to her on the couch and turned her face to his. "I’ve felt it, love, but I’ve never had the chance to experience yet, until now."

Before she could respond, he crushed her lips to his and Buffy was overwhelmed at the emotions and sensations that rocketed through her as he kissed her more thoroughly than she’d ever been kissed in her life. This was so totally different than the few soft kisses they’d shared before, this was passion, heat, desire, a kiss that put the one on-screen moments before to shame in its intensity.

Without thought Buffy responded to the fireworks, encircling his neck with her arms and pulling him closer as they continued to devour each other. They broke apart briefly as they both panted for breath and then resumed the kiss. Spike shifted back and pulled Buffy onto his lap so that she straddled his legs.

She pulled back for a moment and stared into his eyes swirling with unnamed emotions. He pulled her back to him and began to nibble her neck, teasing kisses with occasional nips and sucks that soon had her writhing against him She felt him lick his way up the curve of her ear and nip her lobe, sending little shudders through her. Buffy closed her eyes again, not sure where this was going, but not caring for the moment.

She was suddenly very aware of their position, her short skirt riding high on her thighs, increasing her contact with the hardness she could feel through Spike’s jeans. She tentatively moved against him and was rewarded by his sharp gasp. Their mouths met again and she continued to undulate against him slowly, relishing the contact she received and wondering if she dared to take this further. Spike returned to doing lovely, evil things with his mouth against her collarbone and she realized he was slowly unbuttoning her shirt. As the top fell away, his lips trailed further down, kissing the tops of her breasts that rose above the cups of her bra. He paused and looked up, reaching for the clasp.

"Buffy?" It was a question, and she nodded as he flicked the closure and released her breasts into his waiting hands. She realized the breathless little moans she was hearing were her own as he suckled her nipples into tight peaks, massaging the mounds of flesh. She clutched his head to her, needing more, more contact, more touch, more Spike.

She began to pull at his shirt, trying to remove the offending garment that stood between her and his naked flesh. He pulled back and grinned at her, doing that wicked little thing with his tongue that she’d always thought was very sexy and obliged her by pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it behind the couch. She ran her nails up his chest, enjoying the feel of muscles at play beneath his skin. He let her pet and lick her way across his chest for a few moments, his head thrown back as she returned his favor by worrying his neck with her tongue and teeth.

Buffy felt intoxicated, watching the bliss that played over his face as she teased him further. He really wanted her, just her, not Cordelia, not anyone but her. She settled herself more firmly in his lap, the now drenched crotch of her panties sliding against the rock hard erection she could feel straining against his jeans, wanting more connection with him. He pulled her closer, sliding her silky breasts against his chest as he kissed her again and settled his hands on her hips, finding a rhythm as she continued to grind against him. She whimpered with frustration and suddenly, she hopped off his lap.

A surprised Spike looked up at her. She could tell by his expression that he thought she might be leaving. Instead, she slid her hands under her skirt and slowly removed her underwear, dropping them to the floor. He was on her in a second, pulling her back down for mind-numbing kisses and caresses, then shifting her under him to sit on the couch as he knelt in front of her.

She could feel the little jolts of electricity as he continued to play with her nipples, and she arched into his touch. Then one hand ventured lower, reaching between her legs and beginning to stroke her, teasingly at first. She moaned as he kissed her again, his fingers matching the rhythm of his tongue stroking her mouth. Her eyes closed as she focused on the touch of his body on hers, until she heard his soft request that she open her eyes.

Buffy slowly looked into his eyes as he increased the pace of his caresses, feeling even more naked and exposed as their gaze locked than when he’d been staring at her breasts earlier. She saw love, adoration, desire, passion, everything she’d ever wanted in a relationship, all the things she’d held back and waited for, for so many years and wondered if he saw the same in hers. He lowered his forehead to hers, one hand bracing the back of her neck as they both shivered together. She was so caught up in his gaze and those entrancing eyes, staring at her as if she was the only think that mattered in the world to him, that she was caught off guard when her orgasm ripped through her, his fingers still working inside her as his thumb brushed that sweet spot that hadn’t been explored by anyone but herself before now.

She collapsed against him, panting, languid in the intensity and aftermath of all she’d just experienced. She felt his arms tighten around her and heard him murmur, "Knew you didn’t have that kind of passion with Angel, my love."

And suddenly the world came rushing back. What had she done? She was collapsed beneath Spike on his couch, half-dressed, his hard cock still pressed against her, recovering from an incredible orgasm. She’d just cheated on Angel. Shame filled here as she realized she was truly her father’s daughter. How could she have done this? What had she been thinking?

Spike leaned down to kiss her again and sensed something wasn’t right as she suddenly lifted her head, wide, startled doe eyes replacing the passion drugged look that had so recently occupied them. She pushed him away as she hastily refastened her bra and pulling her shirt together.

"Spike, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I have to go."

And before he could even react, she’d jumped up, pulling down her skirt, grabbed her books and was gone, leaving him to wonder where he’d screwed up.

Chapter 11: Choices

Buffy finished buttoning her shirt as she hurried through the wooded pathway back to her dorm, struggling to balance her flashlight in one hand. Her head was spinning and her heart was racing as she tried to calm herself. She hoped that Willow would be out with Xander or something, because she needed to be alone right now, to calm dawn and to sort out what had just happened.

She made it back to Stevenson, looking not too disheveled she hoped, and slid her card in the lock. She opened the door to her room and breathed a sigh of relief, it was quiet, dark and Will’s bed was empty. Buffy collapsed on her bed as her cell phone started to ring.

She ignored it.

It rang again.

She picked it up and saw Spike’s number on the caller ID.

She put the phone back down. She didn’t know what to say to him right now. She knew running out of his apartment like all the demons from hell were chasing her had not been good post, . . . post, . . . well, post very-heavy--foreplay etiquette. She was still on a high from the incredible sensations Spike had coaxed from her and she wished suddenly she was back over there snuggled in his bed, moving beyond the heavy foreplay.

The phone rang again.

She checked. Spike again.

What would she say to him, "Sorry I ran, I really enjoyed that, but I feel like scum because I technically have a boyfriend?"

The phone rang.

She breathed deeply. She couldn’t ignore him; they should talk about what happened, right? Communication made things better.

The phone rang.

She took a deep breath, and picked it up. "I’m so sorry."

"Well apology accepted, babe, did you do something wrong?"

"Angel," Buffy squeaked, realizing suddenly that she hadn’t checked the caller ID before she answered this time. "Wrong, oh, no, I though you were, um, maybe Willow, and we had a, a fight, a really bad fight about a shirt I borrowed and I was just going to apologize." *Jeez, Buffy, stammer much? Can you be more obvious?*

"Well, you don’t want to be fighting with Willow. Got to keep things peaceful with the roommate. Is she out with Xander or something?"

Buffy cringed, realizing that one’s roommate was probably not the best choice of excuse for expecting a phone call late at night, given Willow was generally in the room with her at this time of night. Fortunately, Angel moved on without pause.

"I just wanted to call to make sure we’re still on for Friday. I made reservations at the new place downtown, you know, the little French restaurant you said you really wanted to try? Quite the waitlist, but turns out the owner’s a fan of the team and he agreed to get us in, no waiting. So you just look pretty and I’ll pick you up at 7:00, okay?"

Buffy sat for a long moment. He’d gotten them reservations at considerable trouble; he already had the evening planned. *Tell him you can’t go, tell him it’s over.* She couldn’t seem to make the words come out. She wasn’t totally sure that was what she should do anyway. And breaking up over the phone just didn’t seem right. She needed to do this in person, no matter what conclusion she came to.

"That sounds great, Angel. I’ll see you then."

She hung up the phone and checked her voice mails. There were now ten from Spike. She listened to them swiftly, the first few were angry demands for her to pick up, a few insisting he knew she was there, a few more pleading for her to just answer the phone so he knew she was all right, and a final one, asking her to please call him or he was coming over. She composed herself and dialed his number.

"Hello, Spike."

"Buffy." Spike bolted off the bed and began to pace, relieved to finally hear her voice. "Pet, are you okay?"

"I’m fine Spike. I’m at home."

"Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or scare you. You didn’t have to run away. Buffy, I would have stopped at any time. I-" he paused, his voice breaking. "I’m sorry. I thought you wanted what we were doing."

"Spike, it’s okay." She started blushing as she remembered the way he’d felt against her, that look in his eyes as he’d stared into her soul. "I did want that, I really did. But I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bolt, but I just couldn’t be there anymore. It’s not you, you were," she knew if she looked in the mirror, she’d probably be flushed right now, "you were amazing. But I can’t do that, Spike. I’m dating Angel and you reminded me of that and I realized how wrong it was. I’m so sorry, I should have stopped you, it isn’t your fault. I just need a little time to sort this out, ‘kay? Look. I need to go, I’m okay, you don’t need to worry and," she paused, "it was good. Thank you Spike, for everything."

He realized she’d hung up and Spike banged his head against the wall. Why the hell had he mentioned Angel? He decided having an armful of Buffy must turn his brain to mush. He vaguely remembered the comment, but he’d had no idea she’d react that way.

He threw himself back on the bed. *Okay, William, think, think, think. You just had an incredible encounter with Buffy, which she seemed to really enjoy, clearly a breakthrough. She’s upset about Angel, but she’s not totally dismissing you. Time. She said she needed time. Maybe she just wanted a few days to sort things out, break it off with that ponce and then she’d be back...* He knew he must be grinning like an idiot as he suddenly realized that he might be very close to having the woman of his dreams. She’d said he was amazing.

He was going to have to thank Cordelia Chase. Seizing the day seemed to have definitely made some progress. Maybe he’d send her a nice bouquet of flowers tomorrow. And Buffy…should he send her roses? Were roses to overly romantic? Sod that, he was feeling romantic, red roses and a card.

He stopped for a minute. He realized he hadn’t told her he loved her, hadn’t said the words yet. He didn’t want her to think this was just some little fling. She needed to know how he really felt. Should he find her tomorrow, maybe see if she wanted to have breakfast first thing? Or was that too pushy? No. She wanted time. He needed to give her time to talk with Angel, to let him down easy, so she wouldn’t feel guilty anymore. Just the flowers then... He finally drifted off, happier than he’d been in a long time, sure that Buffy was coming around.

*********************************

Buffy sat on her bed staring at the wall, arms wrapped around her knees. How could she have done the thing she most despised, cheated on her significant other? Regardless of the fact that she and Angel didn’t have the perfect relationship, they had been going out for a while now. She buried her head and felt the tears start to fall. She didn’t know what had come over her tonight, but Angel hadn’t even entered her head once. From the moments Spike’s lips had touched hers, he’d been the only thing she could think of in the world.

She grabbed a tissue, trying to control her tears. She didn’t need to still be crying if Willow ever came home, but they just wouldn’t stop. She thought that she might be in love with him; in fact she knew she was. And it scared her so badly she could hardly breathe. Spike. The handsome, blond headed, blue eyed man, whom she’d watched grow up beside her. He’d always been a little different, always had to do things his way, even if it was the hard way. But underneath, he’d always been good. Good to her, good for her. She wanted to believe she could trust him with her heart and have the fairy tale romance.

But what if she was wrong? Men were so unpredictable. With Angel, she felt comfortable, a friendly affection that she knew would maybe smart a little if he walked away, but no more. With Spike, if he left her, if things didn’t work out, she knew her world would collapse. And she had no guarantee. Her dad hadn’t left, not physically, but the whole time she’d been growing up, she had heard the war between her folks, the extremes of emotion. Some days, they were so wrapped up in each other they almost didn’t know she was there. The next, they hated each other; throwing objects, cursing and fighting. There’d rarely been an in-between, a peace, in their relationship.

Buffy thought back to one of her most poignant childhood memories. She must have been seven or eight at the time. She remembered coming into her parents’ bedroom and seeing her mom sobbing her eyes out. She’d gone to hug her and Joyce had clutched her tightly.

As she’d hugged her mother, she’d whispered, frightened, "Mommy, what’s wrong."

"Oh sweetie, it’s nothing." Her mom had straightened, dabbed at her eyes and struggled for composure. "I’m okay."

She’d pulled Buffy into her arms and as she curled against her, Buffy asked, "Mommy, where is daddy?"

Her mom had half-sobbed as she struggled to respond to the question. "He’s out baby, he’s just not here right now, but he’ll be back soon."

"I miss daddy when he’s gone. Mommy, how did you meet Daddy?"

Buffy could still remember the look on her mom’s face as she’d told her about meeting her father at a dance in college and their whirlwind romance. Her mom had looked so happy for a few minutes, remembering those times, when everything was good and they were so happy. From that moment, she’d never doubted that her mother loved her father. And strangely, despite her father’s numerous infidelities, she’d seem him watch her mom with eyes that adored her, his Joycie. He’d always made sure they had everything they needed. Everything but his fidelity.

Buffy had watched that love destroy her mother through the next few years of her young life, as the constant back and forth of hate and passion between them had escalated. Her mom had never been able to let go and walk away, she’d just crawled deeper into a bottle, until their twisted parody of love had killed them both. Her parents had passion, fire, desire. When times were good and everything was right, she’d watched them together, entranced. She knew it was the reason her father never walked away, the reason her mother wouldn’t leave.

She’d thought about the day they’d died a lot over the years. She hadn’t been there that day, hadn’t seen what had happened at that hotel, but she could imagine the scene. She knew that spark must have flared between them again, it would have been the reason her father had gone after her mother and jumped in that car, to try to stop her from walking away, from leaving him. She knew from watching them that passion could make you ecstatic…exhilarated…intoxicated. It could also burn, destroy and consume you.

She didn’t think she wanted to love like that, so intensely that she was on a knife’s edge between ecstasy and destruction. Love didn’t have to be that way, it could be calm and quiet, comforting. She thought about the couples she knew, some just starting out, some further along, and knew it wasn’t always that deep and intense. But if she pursued this thing with Spike, they wouldn’t be calm or quiet, she knew that instinctively.

Tonight had opened her eyes. They’d been good up until now, as friends, because they both always sublimated the extremes of the emotion they had inside them. But it was acknowledged now, like a heavy current underlying the waves that could suck her in. She’d felt as though she was drowning in Spike tonight, like he could have asked for anything, done anything to her and she would have acquiesced and been delighted to make her lover happy.

He’d been right, she didn’t feel that kind of passion with Angel and she never would. But she’d never risk the kind of pain she’d seen that could come from it, either. Was it possible to love like that and not have it consume either one of them? Could she ride the knife’s edge and find the pleasure, without the pain? Did she dare take that chance? Or was something more tepid -less intoxicating but safer- a better way to go? She’d thought passion was what she’d been waiting for but she hadn’t really understood, not until she’d felt Spike’s lips on hers, their eyes locked, his revealing his heart and desire as he’d caressed her intimately, how consuming the passion could be.

She lay curled in a fetal position, staring at the clock as it edged later and later into the sleepless night. She needed to make a decision. She had to make her choice, take the chance with Spike or walk away. But either way, she couldn’t play games with either of these men. The one thing she would not do would be to follow her father’s example by torturing those she loved. She was better than that.

She finally gave up and went to shower, knowing sleep wouldn’t come that night.

*********************************************

She came back for her morning classes to find Willow smiling broadly.

"Buffy, look what you got… I bet they’re from Angel. But I didn’t want to be nosy, so I didn’t open the card. Aren’t they gorgeous?"

Buffy looked at the blood-red, perfect dozen roses artfully arranged in a beautiful vase that Willow had set on her desk. She realized she was trembling as she reached for the card and knew as soon as she slid it out that the script wasn’t Angel’s. She turned slightly as she read the card.

Buffy tightened her grip on the card. She felt woozy and she thought her heartbeat seemed erratic. Lack of sleep and stress, she was sure that was the cause. How did he know the perfect thing to do, how to say the things she wanted to hear? He really loved her. He wanted to make her happy. He was her William. She folded the card and sat down on her bed, staring at the flowers as if entranced.

"So, what does it say? Are they from Angel?"

Buffy blinked and looked at Willow, then back at the card. "No," she replied softly, "they’re not from Angel."

Willow looked at her harder, noticing for the first time how rough Buffy looked today. "Buffy, you okay?"

"I’m fine, just couldn’t sleep last night." She straightened up, trying to inject some normality into her tone. "The flowers are from Spike. I had a test I did well on and he wanted to congratulate me."

"Woo…that’s a heck of a good job, those sure are gorgeous. That was really sweet of him Buffy."

"Yeah, he’s a sweet guy." Buffy curled up on her bed, her back to Willow, still clutching the card. "I’m going to try to catch a few winks. I really need a nap."

"Sure Buffy, I need to study, but I’ll be quiet."

"Thanks Willow, I appreciate it."

Willow turned off the overhead light and turned on her small study lamp, glancing over at Buffy. She hoped she was going to be okay, she really didn’t look well at all. She settled in to study.

More than an hour later, Willow glanced over and saw that Buffy had turned to face her in her sleep. The card she’d been clutching had fallen from her fingers and now lay on the floor below her head.

Willow stared at the card. She really should pick that up; Buffy wouldn’t want it to get messed up. She softly tiptoed across the room, so as not to wake Buffy, and picked up the small scrap of paper. She didn’t mean to read it, not really, but a few words caught her eye and before she knew it, she was reading the entire message in shock.

Spike and Buffy? Well that certainly explained a lot. Buffy’s weird behavior at her birthday party for one. And she bet the "library" Buffy kept disappearing to, but was never actually at, was really Spike’s place. How long had this been going on? And why was she being so secretive?

She looked again at the sleeping Buffy. Something must have happened recently because Buffy was acting totally out of character and Spike was sending flowers and asking her to choose him. Where was Angel in all this? She really wanted to ask, but she hated to admit she’d been snooping and read the card. She carefully put it down and snuck back to her chair. This required some thought and maybe a little Xander help.

***************************************

Buffy woke up late on Thursday evening, no closer to a decision, but feeling slightly better for her nap. Her eyes fell on the roses as she sat up and she couldn’t help a small smile.

"You had a couple of phone calls while you were out of it," Willow said, noticing she was awake.

"Really, who called?"

"Well, let’s see. Angel called, just wanted to remind you to be a little dressier than usual for your date tomorrow night." Willow watched closely for Buffy’s reaction, but couldn’t really tell what she was thinking.

"Okay, you’ll have to help me pick something out Will; he’s taking me out to that new French restaurant in town."

"Oh really, for your two month anniversary? Cause you know we all went out for the first time two months ago Friday. Xander and I are going to have a picnic down by the lake."

Buffy’s eyes widened. "I didn’t realize it had been two months."

"Well, you know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun. Bet you’ll probably be getting some more flowers to go with those lovelies on Friday as well."

Buffy looked over distractedly at the roses again. Willow watched her stare at them, then added, "And Spike called for you."

Buffy bushed faintly and refused to look over. "What did he say?"

"He just wanted to see if you got the flowers and if you were doing okay. I told him you were sleeping, but that you liked them."

"Thanks, Willow, I appreciate that."

"He sure did sound happy. You know Spike’s not really the bouncy type, but he sounded pretty excited about something, you know anything about that Buffy?"

"Um, no, he seemed to be fine when he tutored me on Wednesday night." She blushed again, suddenly flashing back to the last bout of tutoring Spike had given her at the end of the evening.

Willow decided to not push the issue. Clearly something was going on and had happened last night. But Buffy was still going out with Angel on Friday. She needed to get to the bottom of this, but Buffy was obviously not going to volunteer the information.

"Willow, will you help me pick out something to wear tomorrow, for my date?"

"Sure Buffy."

"I think I’m going to go for a walk now, I’ll be back before it gets dark."

Buffy walked out the door and began to wander aimlessly around the campus. Before she knew it, she found herself outside Spike’s. He wasn’t there. She knew his schedule; he had a lab right now and wouldn’t be home for another hour at the earliest. She stared at the stairs, then decided to go on up.

She knocked softly and then unlocked the door. She wandered around, randomly picking up objects, straightening the pillows on the couch. She noticed he’d dropped another shirt on the floor and she found a pair of socks halfway across the room. She smiled to herself as she picked things up. He was such a slob sometimes, letting things fall wherever he disrobed. She dumped the clothes in his laundry basket and moved over to sit on the unmade bed.

She lay down in his usual spot, burying her head in his pillow and inhaled his scent. Why was she so nervous about this? Spike was everything she had ever wanted. They didn’t have to be like her parents. They could be more like Jenny and Giles, a truly happy couple if she’d ever seem one. Spike had always reminded her a little of her uncle and she suspected that much like Giles, Spike would always treat her with love and respect. She remembered the intimate scene she’d walked in on. Jenny and Giles had that passion, but they were happy. It could be done.

She couldn’t see Spike running off to other women; he barely even looked at other girls when she was around. She rolled over and looked through the skylight at the clouds drifting across the sky, imagining what it would be like to be here with him, nothing in between them anymore, no Angel, no fears, just her and him. Utter bliss.

She glanced down at her watch. She probably should leave now, he’d be home before to long and she needed to end things with Angel before she started them with Spike. She’d made up her mind; she was going to take that chance.

She moved off the bed and walked over to his desk, writing a very short note thanking him for the beautiful roses and promising to talk with him soon. She hesitated. Should she sign it with love? No better to wait, tell him in person. She decided to sign it just Goldilocks, after all she was rummaging around his house and in his bed when he wasn’t there. She left the note on his pillow and turned off the lights, relocking the door as she hummed happily on her walk back home. She debated telling all to Willow, but decided to hold off. She’d end things with Angel first. She cringed, a special anniversary dinner seemed such a bad time to do that, maybe she should call him tonight. Then she could go see Spike. She felt her heart start to race. Much better plan.

Willow was waiting for her when she entered the room. "Buffy, I think you should call Jenny. She called and sounded pretty upset."

"Is something wrong? Is it Giles?"

"I don’t know, but she sounded like she’d been crying."

Buffy grabbed the phone and dialed the number, wondering what could have possibly gone wrong.

"Hello, Jenny?"

"Buffy? Is that you?"

She could hear the sniffles over the phone. "It’s me, Jenny, what’s wrong? Is something wrong with Giles?"

"I don’t know. I mean he’s all right physically, I guess. Buffy, is there anyway you can come by the house tonight? Or better yet, how about I come and get you? I need to talk to someone…I’m going to pieces here."

"Sure Jenny, I’ll wait out front." She hung up the phone and explained to Willow she was going to go see Jenny, then grabbed a light jacket and walked back downstairs to wait. Jenny arrived a few moments later. Buffy jumped in the car, taking in Jenny’s tear-stained face. She pulled her into a quick hug.

"Jenny, are you okay? Listen, do you want me to drive? I’m not great, but I can do it."

Jenny nodded and they changed seats, Buffy getting behind the wheel.

"How about I head over to that little ice cream stand? You look like you could use some chocolate and then we’ll talk."

Jenny nodded again. Buffy looked at the woman who’d been both mother and friend for years and wondered what Giles could have done to upset her this badly…So much for the happy couple.

She reached their destination and went to get their order, returning with two hot fudge sundaes.

"Jenny, what’s wrong?"

"He’s seeing someone else. I saw them today. At lunch. You know that little pub downtown? Well I hadn’t planned on stopping today, but I had a headache and I decided to break for lunch. We had a big shipment come in today and I didn’t think I was going to be able to get away. Rupert had even called me and asked if I was busy, but I’d told him I wasn’t going to be able to leave the gallery. I guess that’s why he brought her there."

"Her? Giles was with another woman?"

Jenny nodded. "I walked in and saw them at the bar, talking and laughing. I was just about to go over and introduce myself, and then I saw him," her eyes welled up, "reach for her hand, like he does mine, you know, and start stroking it. It wasn’t a friendly gesture, Buffy. I just stood there frozen and then I ran outside before they could see me. I didn’t know what to say to him. So I waited until they came out. I just sat in the car and watched. He walked her over to her vehicle and she gave him something, it looked like her number maybe, and then he kissed her."

Jenny lost it in another torrent of tears. Buffy pulled the weeping woman to her.

"Are you sure it wasn’t just a friendly goodbye kiss? Maybe you misinterpreted it?"

"Buffy, he kissed her for, well it must have been minutes, but it seemed like hours. She drove away and I started to go after him, but I just couldn’t do it. Why would he do this to me? We’ve been so happy the last few months. I thought we’d worked it all out, all those little bumps. I never thought he’d cheat on me. I worried for years about his lack of commitment, but I never though I’d actually see him with another woman. I guess maybe he has a streak of your grandfather in him after all," she finished bitterly.

"Jenny, you have to talk to him. Maybe it was a mistake. Giles loves you."

"Buffy, he didn’t come home at his usual time today. He didn’t answer his phone at the office and he’s not answering his cell. Where do you think he is?"

"Oh Jenny, I’m so sorry. Giles is the last person in the world I would have thought would hurt you. Look, why don’t you go home and rest? I’ll keep trying to track him down, okay?"

"I can’t go back there. I can’t see him, knowing he’s been off with someone else all day."

"Well, is there someone else you could stay with?"

Jenny nodded. "I’m going to a friend’s house. She has a spare bedroom and said I could stay. I’m sorry Buffy, I know you love Giles too. I didn’t mean to unload on you, but you know him, you can understand. How could he have done this? Why would he do this to me?"

"I don’t know, Jenny, but I’ll find out. I’ll call you as soon as I talk to him. Please don’t jump to conclusions, okay?"

"I’m trying not to, but seeing him with someone else, I felt my heart start to break. I though it was real this time, I thought we were going for the whole thing. I though he might be going to ask me to marry him. I caught him checking my ring size last week." She stared out the window as Buffy drove back to the campus. "I thought maybe he was going to surprise me sometime soon."

"Look, just let me talk to him and I’ll call you. Don’t think the worst until we know all the details."

She pulled to a shaky stop in front of the dorm and got out. She gave Jenny one last hug.

As soon as she reached her room, she started trying every number she had for Giles. She could not believe he would do this. He was the one man she’d always counted on, looked up to as an example of what she’d hoped to find. After calling for nearly a half hour, he finally answered his cell.

"Giles. Where have you been?"

"Buffy?" He sounded tired and drained. "Do you need something? I’ve had something of a long day. I’d really like to get home to Jenny now."

"I bet you would. What the hell were you doing with another woman today, Giles? Jenny saw you. She saw you sucking face with some woman outside the pub at lunch. And she’s been trying to find you all day. She was crying like I’ve never seen her cry. How could you, Giles?" Buffy felt the tears well up in her own eyes as her anger at his betrayal spilled out.

"She saw me, today?" Giles blanched as he realized the conclusion she must have jumped too. "Buffy, it’s not like that."

"Care to explain?"

Giles sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Buffy, this is my personal life. I don’t interfere with yours anymore. However, as Jenny has pulled you into this little mess, I’m going to explain. Buffy, I love Jenny very much. I’m sure you’ve figured that out. I’ve never loved anyone more. I want to marry her."

He paused, trying to find the right words. "I don’t know if you can understand this, but going from being a confirmed bachelor to an almost married man is a bit of an adjustment. I’ll admit I’ve been nervous the last few weeks as I contemplated doing this, making this permanent. And yesterday, out of the blue, I got a call from Sabrina. Next to Jenny, she’s the woman I loved most in my life. We were together for a while in our 20s, while we were at university, but we drifted apart and she married someone else. She called me this morning. She just completed her divorce and she wanted to see if there was something still between us."

"Buffy, I don’t know how to explain the effect of someone’s first love once you’ve moved on. It’s someone you can’t ever forget and you always wonder about if you leave them behind. So when she called and told me she was in Sunnydale, I knew I needed to see her, to close the door once and for all and make sure I had no lingering doubts. I don’t want to marry Jenny and think it was a mistake because of what might have been."

"So I met her today for drinks. And I did kiss her. I suppose we were trying to see if the magic was still there. She offered for me to come back to her hotel room. But I knew she wasn’t the one. What we’d had was beautiful back then, but she wasn’t Jenny. So I declined her offer. I’ve been out for most of the day, looking at rings."

"Giles, are you serious? Nothing happened with that woman? And you’re going to pop the question to Jenny, assuming she’ll take you?"

"No Buffy, nothing happened. And yes, I am going to ask her to be my wife. I can’t believe she saw me. I never wanted to hurt her like that. Buffy, where is she?"

"She went to stay at a friend’s house. Look, why don’t you give her some space tonight? I’ll call her and reassure her. Then I recommend you spend tomorrow doing some serious sucking up. Take the day off, take her away, but make her understand that you were not ‘with’ that woman and that she’s the only one you’re ever going to want."

Giles agreed and after they’d hung up, Buffy called Jenny. She reassured her that it had not been what she thought but refused to tell her more, promising only that Giles would be coming to get her tomorrow and that he had a lot to tell her, warning her to keep an open mind and to give him a chance to explain. Jenny still sounded hurt, but she agreed to talk with him and sounded calmer than before.

She hung up the phone, glad the crisis was averted. As she added water to her roses, she realized her earlier enthusiasm for rushing back to Spike tonight had dissipated. She felt the old insecurities creeping back. It sounded as though Giles and Jenny would be okay, but once again she was reminded of the thorns along the way. She sighed heavily. Suddenly jumping into a relationship with Spike feet first seemed like less of a good idea. Maybe they should just take things slow.

She got ready for bed and turned off the light. Tomorrow was a big day, the talk with Angel, which clearly wasn’t happening tonight, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for it.

Chapter 12: Misunderstandings

Buffy flipped through her closet. She needed something nice, but not too sexy for tonight. She was dreading the evening. This wasn’t going to be easy. She finally found a dress she thought was appropriate. It was black, always a good color, or non-color. Long and fairly form-fitting, with a high neck and long sleeves. She always thought it made her look very grown-up. But it didn’t seem suggestive, just sophisticated. Should be perfect for the upscale crowd sure to be at the restaurant. She pulled her hair up into a French twist and started applying her makeup as Willow came in.

"Oh, it that what you’re wearing tonight? Very pretty, sort of classic looking. Sorry I wasn’t here last night. I’m getting over my annoyance at staying at Xander’s. Was everything okay with Jenny?"

Buffy pursed her lips as she applied her lipstick. "I think so. It’s a long story, but I think it will have a happy ending. I’ll just say that Giles made a mistake, fortunately not a very serious one, and he’s doing some groveling right now to make up for it."

Willow starting rummaging through her own closet for an outfit for the picnic Xander was taking her on. "So has Angel asked you to the formal yet? I assumed you guys were going. Apparently he’s already got the tickets, and he and Xander have booked us rooms at that cute little bed and breakfast down by the lake, you know Cumberland’s B & B? The really pretty old house? The formal’s at that pavilion built out over the lake, so it’ll be nearby. They’ve really gone all out on their plans."

Buffy stopped mid application of her mascara. She’d had no idea Angel had made all these plans. She remembered some talk about the KET fall formal, but it had slipped her mind. Could it be worse timing? She hated to break up with him right before this. Angel could probably get another date if he wanted, but it might put him in a difficult spot. Maybe she should wait. A few more weeks wouldn’t hurt and it would give her a little more time to sort through what she was feeling for Spike. Jenny’s crisis last night had really shaken her confidence in herself and her ability to have a solid relationship.

She realized she was finished with her primping, so she sat down to wait and found herself looking at the roses again. Maybe she should just tell Angel adios this evening. He’d find another girl, another date. But her guilt over what happened with Spike popped back up. She was the one who messed up what little relationship they had, he shouldn’t be hurt by it in any way, if she could help it. She really owed it to him to wait until afterwards, just so things were less complicated. Her thoughts bounced back and forth like a ping-pong ball as her emotions warred within her.

There was a knock at the door and startled out of her inner conflict, she jumped to open it. Angel stood in the hallway, looking handsome in a dark suit, roses, as predicted by Willow, held in his hand. She accepted the light kiss on the cheek and the flowers, and then panicked as she remembered the other fragrant bouquet around the corner, shielded from view by the door.

"Um, Willow, we should probably go, would you put these in water for me?" Buffy titled her head slightly in the direction of the other flowers out of Angel’s line of sight.

Willow caught her look and realized Buffy didn’t want to explain the "congratulatory" flowers to Angel. She shrugged and took them.

"Sure, you crazy kids have a good time tonight."

They reached the restaurant and as promised, they were seated with speed at one of the outdoor patio tables. Angel seemed at his most engaging tonight, charming her with funny stories of the coach at practice earlier that day, which drew her out in spite of herself. She soon relaxed. She couldn’t break up with him in the middle of dinner; she might as well enjoy the ambiance.

*********************************************

As Buffy warmed to Angel’s conversation, Spike watched from across the street, feeling anger and a sense of hopelessness build inside him. He’d headed over to Buffy’s dorm tonight; sure she must have talked with Angel by now. He’d found her note on his pillow and taken it as a sign. He was going to see if maybe he could surprise her and take her out tonight. He’d driven over and had just pulled into the small parking lot when he’d seen them coming down the steps, her all dolled up in a beautiful dress that hugged her curves lovingly, smiling up at Angel as he helped her into his car. Spike saw red for a minute and had to control himself from getting out of the car and demanding to know what was going on. He’d ended up following them into town, feeling like a stalker, as he watched the woman he loved enter the restaurant and settle in for a romantic date.

He’d been sure she was going to call things off with Angel. How could she be there with him like this, smiling and laughing? Spike took one last look and walked away, his dreams of the last forty-eight hours falling to pieces. A quick stop at the liquor store and he was fortified for a night of wallowing in self-pity. He made it home, opened the first bottle of whiskey and proceeded to drink away his troubles.

**************************************

The evening flew by and they had just ordered dessert when Angel brought up the formal. She was about to try to explain why she couldn’t go when two of his frat brothers showed up at the table with their dates to say hello.

"Hey guys, I was just telling Buffy about the formal. Penn’s the head of the planning committee and he’s done a great job. Buffy and I very excited about the dance, Penn, we’ve got big plans." He gave a quick wink at Buffy that seemed to be an inside joke she didn’t quite catch.

Buffy miserably realized she was being backed into a corner. She couldn’t turn Angel down now, all of his friends would wonder why she dumped him so close to the formal. The fact that Spike was a member of the same fraternity only made things more complicated. Angel didn’t deserve any ridicule for her infidelities. She sighed, and resigned herself, she could make it through another few weeks, go to the dance and then call things off. They’d finished their meal soon after that and left the restaurant.

Angel drove her home and accompanied her back up to her room. She let him in, not surprised that Willow was still missing. He sat on her bed and patted the spot next to him and she sat nervously beside him. She glanced over and realized that Willow must have put Spike’s flowers away, as Angel’s were now the only ones visible.

Angel leaned in for a kiss, skating his lips across her jaw gently and slowly reaching her mouth. She tried not to stiffen. It just didn’t feel right. She pulled back a little.

"Angel, I’m so sorry. It’s been a lovely evening, but I’m not feeling very well." She used the old standby, the headache, and he agreed to go without anymore encouragement. She thanked him again for the dinner and flowers, then locked the door behind him.

*****************************************

Angel left Stevenson, whistling. He was a little disappointed that Buffy had been headachy tonight. He felt like they were far enough along that a little groping would be in order and she had looked incredibly hot tonight. That dress had just screamed to be removed and reveal all it covered up.

Still, it was probably for the best he was sticking with his plan. Things were working just as he’d hoped and he thought moving to the next stage was just right around the corner. Getting the room at that quaint B&B out by the lake for the night of the fall formal had been genius, a perfect place to seduce her. Very romantic. He give her a fabulous memory, she’d feel they were soulmates, and then he move things up a notch.

He thought popping the question to her in the spring would work, and they could get married after he graduated. He’d have to be sure they avoided any nasty prenuptial agreements or anything like that. He probably needed to find out a few more details about that trust she was coming into, wanted to be sure what he was he signing up for. Still, he could hardly ask for a prettier package. Buffy was sweet, beautiful and rich beyond his dreams. He was just glad he happened to be charming and attractive enough to snag her and her money, ensuring life on easy street.

He looked at his watch, realizing he was going to miss his rendezvous with Cordy if he didn’t hurry. She should be back from her date with Wes pretty soon. She hadn’t showed up last week, claiming she got to talking with Spike about some girl he was interested in. He’d been a little upset, but he figured they’d make up for it this week.

*******************************

Her heart was hurting. She didn’t think she could do this, play the attentive girlfriend to Angel for two more weeks. She realized she suddenly wanted to talk to Spike, to see him, more than anything in the world. She owed him more of an explanation about what was going on and she hoped he’d understand. Almost without thought, she grabbed her jacket and headed for his apartment, hoping he’d be home.

She stalked along the little path in the woods that gave her access to Spike’s place, realizing she should have taken the time to change clothes. It was dark and she couldn’t see well without her flashlight. She tripped, ripping her hose and gouging something painfully in her leg and she cursed herself for not changing as she continued to totter on the rough path in the high heels of her stylish shoes.

She almost turned back, knowing Spike would probably chew her out for coming to his place after dark, but she just really needed to talk with him, explain what was going on. He’d understand, he always did. The glow of the street lamp appeared through the trees and she quickened her steps, to the street and up the stairs that led to his apartment, to knock at his door. She looked at her watch, it was after midnight now. Was he home? She waited.

The door opened to reveal a tired looking Spike clad only in jeans. "What the sodding hell…Buffy, pet are you okay?" She frowned, realizing there was a slight slur to his words.

He pulled her into the room, looking at her ripped hose, dirty shoes and disheveled state. "What happened to you? Did he do something to you? Did he?"

He grabbed her arms and looked her up and down for signs of damage.

"Spike, I’m fine."

He looked at her again, then led her to the couch. "All right pet, then what the bleeding hell are you doing here in the middle of the night, wandering about the woods? Shouldn’t you be with Angel?"

She blinked, confused by his animosity.

"Spike, have you been drinking?" She sniffed delicately; he had a very distinctive aroma.

"What’s it to you, Blondie? Saw you out with Angel tonight. All dolled up and pretty. What, he not doing it for you? Need a real man to get you off?" He sneered and flung himself back on the couch, watching her with narrowed eyes.

His words sunk in, and she realized he must have seen them at dinner tonight. And then proceeded to go get completely smashed. He was as bad as Jenny at leaping to conclusions.

"Spike, we just had dinner. He asked me like a week ago. I couldn’t cancel without being rude. It didn’t mean anything."

Suddenly, she found herself desperate to prove to him that he was the one she cared about.

She knelt next to him, running her hands up his bare arms. "Spike, you’re wasted, come to bed. You’re going to feel horrible tomorrow."

He opened one bleary eye and stared at her.

"What’s that princess? You want me to come to bed with you? Did you just come from his? Thanks, but no thanks, I don’t do leftovers."

She controlled her impulse to slap him. She remembered how angry she’d been with him at the party when she’d thought something was going on with Cordelia. He was just drunk and upset. So much for the talk tonight.

"Spike, honey, don’t be that way." She reached for his arms again and tried to tug him up. Maybe she could coax him to the bathroom and throw him in a cold shower, though she doubted that would improve his disposition.

He shrugged her off again. "I’m not your honey, Goldilocks. If I was, you wouldn’t be having dinner with bleeding Angel O’Connor."

He stood up and staggered back to his bed. "You can let yourself out, you clearly have no problem coming and going as you like."

That did it, he’d told her she could come when she wanted. He was being ridiculous. She jumped off the couch to follow him and stopped in her tracks at the sight of Spike shucking his jeans before he climbed into bed. Spike went commando. She felt her mouth go dry as she watched his very attractive backside disappear under the covers.

She watched as he pulled the covers over his head, completely ignoring her. This was silly. She was sorry she’d hurt his feelings, but she’d told him she needed a few days. He shouldn’t be so upset that she’d had dinner with Angel. She wasn’t leaving here until they talked this out.

She stalked to his dresser and grabbed a t-shirt, glanced defiantly over at the lump on the bed as she stripped off her dress, not bothering to go into the bathroom. She hastily unhooked her bra, realizing the bravado in her little strip tease would evaporate if he popped out from under the covers. She glanced in his direction and realized he was still buried.

She shrugged on the t-shirt, shook her dress out and hung it in his closet. She double-checked the lock on the door and turned out the lights before finding her way back to his bed. Buffy crawled up beside him and found he must be clutching the pillow she liked to sleep on. She reached under the covers and tugged. She heard his muffled voice from under the depths.

"Go away, Goldilocks."

"No. I’m staying right here until you are sober enough to talk about this like an intelligent person."

"Fine, but if you try to steal my covers, I’m gonna be a mean bear and eat you up."

He released the pillow and rolled away from her.

Buffy sighed. This was not the way she had anticipated her next time sharing Spike’s bed when she’d snuck over here yesterday. But things would be better in the morning.

**********************************

Angel stared at Cordelia in disbelief. Two women were blowing him off in one night? What was going on? Cordelia had been waiting when he’d gotten there, but she’d not been as welcoming as he had hoped.

"Angel. I can’t do this anymore."

"Cordy, baby, what are you talking about? We had a deal. I’d help you get Wes, you’d help me with Buff, we’d see to each other in the meantime." He paused, "Cordy, did you sleep with Wes?"

Cordelia looked away.

"Not yet. We’re getting closer; he’s started to try a little more each time we go out. I try to act shyly excited, yet reluctant at the same time. You were right Angel, he’s definitely got a Madonna/whore complex, and so far I seem to still be on the Madonna side with him. He invited me to go home with him for the Thanksgiving weekend to meet the parents. I think he really likes me, even without sex."

She didn’t want to admit that the feeling was mutual and that she was starting to care about Wesley to Angel, he’d probably make a joke of it or use it against her. She had to play this right.

She moved closer to him. "Angel. I am so going to miss you. But we need to call it quits while we’re ahead. Wesley and I are getting more serious and it’s really not fair, to him or Buffy. You’re planning on making your big play at your formal, right? And that’s just a few weeks from now. You don’t want to take a chance on someone finding out, do you, when you’re so close?

Cordelia looked up at him, hoping her words would sink in. The thing was, she wasn’t lying to him, she would miss their relationship. She’d always had mixed emotions when it came to Angel. She knew that he was an inveterate womanizer, probably always would be. Once, a very long time ago, when they’d first starting messing around, she’d thought she might could fall in love with him, but she hadn’t been stupid enough to open herself up to that prospect.

And she was glad now. Wesley was a sweet and thoughtful man, who seemed to genuinely like her. It was a novel feeling, the way he treated her, and she felt like she could be happy with him in the long-term. Whereas with Angel, he’d have been one hell of a ride, but it would have always been a roller coaster.

He reached down and kissed her softly. "I understand Cordelia. You’re probably right, don’t want to make it almost to the end zone and drop the ball. I’m going to miss you though, Wesley is a lucky man. I don’t suppose I could persuade you to stay with me tonight, one last time for the memories?"

Cordelia looked at him for a long minute. She knew better, she should just walk away now. When she didn’t respond, he dropped to her lips again and she returned his kiss, hating herself for being so weak. It was bittersweet, knowing this was the last time she’d share his bed. For all Angel’s faults, he’d been a considerate lover to her and she’d learned a lot from him. It was like closing the door on a part of her life she knew she couldn’t go back to, not if she was going to be with Wes. She shut her thoughts off and gave in.

"Last time, Angel. And I mean it."

As they lay together afterward, she listened as he outlined his plan for the formal. She figured that sometime between now and then, they’d fall apart, because Spike must be making a move. She thought about the pretty yellow roses she’d gotten, with a card that just said thanks, from Spike yesterday. She hadn’t seen him or Buffy in the meantime, and she had clearly gone out with Angel tonight, but Spike must have something in the works. She was startled when she heard him say Spike’s name. Did he know what she was up to?

"I’m sorry Angel; I was drifting, what was that?"

He repeated his question. "Can you think of anyone I can set Spike up with for the formal? He’ll be there, and I’d rather he not be glowering and hovering over me and Buffy the whole time. I need to find someone who can keep him occupied. Who was this girl he was talking to you about the other night? Do you think she would go? "

"Oh, I don’t know Angel. This girl is, well she’s not from around here. I doubt he’ll ask her."

"Well, is this something serious? Could I set him up with someone casual?"

"I really don’t know Angel. He sounded sort of serious, but who knows with Spike."

"Well, that’s true."

Cordelia pulled away from him.

"Listen, Angel, Spike’s a big boy, he can find his own date. I wouldn’t worry about it." She reached for her top. "I really need to go. I drove over tonight, so I’ll be okay going home."

She turned back to him, reached out and touched his cheek. "Angel, don’t sell yourself short. You can be a great guy. Think before you do this thing with Buffy, okay? Do you really care about her? Do you really want to be with her for the rest of you life? Is money worth that?"

He shrugged away from her touch. "Don’t get philosophical on me, Cordelia. I don’t see you fleeing from Wes’s arms. Are you in love with him? If he didn’t have a dime, would you still want to meet his parents?"

She pulled back, hurt, and he bit his tongue. He didn’t want to end things with her this way.

"Cordelia, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way." He pulled her close and kissed her one last time. "It’s been good, babe. No regrets, okay?"

She nodded. "No regrets."

And then she was gone. Angel watched the closing door, feeling an odd gap at the thought of a life with much less Cordelia in it.

****************************************

Angel woke up surprisingly early, given how late he’d been up with Cordelia. Despite her comments, he really wanted to make sure Spike was thoroughly occupied at this formal and no interference to his plans. He was ready to have Buffy in his bed, especially now that Cordelia was gone. He figured she’d need some encouragement and training at first, but he was looking forward to being her teacher. ‘Should be interesting.’ He’d made the reservations, Buffy was an affirmative. Now the Spike situation.

He pulled out his little black book and flipped through the pages until he found the number he was looking for. Faith. She’d be perfect for Spike, very hot, tallish brunette, maybe a little like Drusilla. Now he just needed to see if she’d be interested. She had something of a reputation for liking KET guys, their fraternity seemed to be her thing. He just hoped she hadn’t already hooked up with someone for the formal yet.

He dialed the number.

"Hey Faith, babe, how are you? It’s Angel."

"Angel." There was a long pause. "Long time, no call."

"I’m sorry about that. You know how school gets, and the season has been really busy. How are you?"

Small talk was made, and then Angel moved to his point.

"Listen Faith, I was wondering if you might do me a favor. I have a friend who needs a date for our Fall Formal and I was wondering if you could maybe help him out?"

"Who is it Angel? It’s not like you KETs have a hard time finding women. I’m not going with one of your pledges."

"No, no, no. You know Spike, right?"

"Spike?" He could hear the interest in her voice. "Are you serious? He’s like Mr. Unapproachable."

"Well, yeah, but I think he might be a little more approachable right now. Anyway, I’m just playing cupid here, because I’ve recently found love and I just want everyone to be happy. I know you’re quite…special, and Spike’s not seeing anyone right now, so I thought I’d see if you were interested?"

"Well, I tell you what. Why don’t you give him my number and we’ll see. Thanks for the offer, Angel and have him call me, if he’s seriously interested."

Angel hung up the phone. With the call to Faith out of the way, he just needed to get Spike on board to be sure everything was set.

He decided to just drop by and have a chat in person, maybe see if Spike wanted to go play a game of basketball or something. Sometimes he’d wondered if Cordelia had been right about Spike with Buffy. He’d been a little distant since he’d started dating her, clearly not entirely happy with the idea. But, he had to be used to by now. And besides, according to Cordy, he had some possible long-distance love interest. He started out the door and walked the few short blocks to Spike’s apartment.

*****************************************

A knock sounded on the door and Spike rolled away from the warm body curled against him, still groggy with sleep, his head pounding as the aftermath of last night’s activities hit him full force. Who was here so early on a Saturday? He peered blearily over at the clock. Okay, not that early, it was after 10:00AM. He rolled back against Buffy’s warmth and pulled the covers over his head. Whoever it was, they’d come back later. Suddenly the soft flesh beside him registered. Buffy was still here? In bed with him? They hadn’t, had they? He snuck a glance under the covers. He was naked, that was not good. He glanced over at her. She seemed to be mostly clothed in one of his shirts. Good, that meant they probably hadn’t. Surely he’d remember?

Buffy murmured and rolled closer to his warmth. "What was that?"

"I don’t know luv, they’ll go away." She murmured agreement and cuddled back down, content to sleep longer. Spike decided this wasn’t a bad thing and curled back around her. They could talk when they’d both woken up and his head hurt a lot less.

And then Spike heard the sound of the key in the lock and Angel’s voice.

"Spike, get up, man. I’m coming in."

Spike froze and he felt Buffy stiffen against him. She rolled over and stared at him, her eyes huge. Spike immediately clamped his hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear.

"Buffy, I think the deadbolt’s turned, he can’t get in yet. Listen to me, luv. Go into the bathroom and get in the shower. I’ll get rid of him as soon as I can. Don’t make a sound and I’ll come get you as soon as he’s gone. Got it?"

She nodded silently, trembling slightly. This was not the way she’d planned to end things with Angel.

"Buffy, its okay. We didn’t do anything last night, right?" She nodded and he felt relived. When and if they had a first time, he really wanted to be able to remember it. "Okay, so nothing happened between us last night, you know that, I know that. It just looks bad and it would be hard to explain, so we just aren’t going to. Now hurry pet, before he gets suspicious."

They both leaped from the bed and Buffy raced for the bathroom as Spike grabbed his jeans and yanked them on, yelling at the door, "Coming you wanker, keep your pants on."

He reached the door; made sure the bathroom door was shut, then turned the deadbolt to find Angel standing on the landing.

"Hey Spike. Long time no see."

"Angel. Man you’re out early for a weekend. Come on in." He blinked against the harsh morning light.

"Spike, you look like shit. Did you get wasted last night?"

"Something like that. So keep it down if you will."

"Sure. Listen I just wanted to stop by and talk with you. You’re coming to the formal, right?"

"Well, yeah. I don’t really have a choice, do I? All the brothers have to go. So I’ll be there."

"Great. Well, I’m trying to get some stuff together, make it kind of a special evening, it being our last one and all. I’m booking some rooms at the little bed and breakfast out there for a little quiet after-party and thought you and I and Xander could take our dates out to dinner together before hand."

Spike suddenly focused in on Angel. "Dates? Are you taking Buffy?"

"Well, of course. I asked her last night, in fact."

"You asked her last night? And she agreed to go with you last night?"

Angel looked at Spike. What was his problem? "Yeah, last night at dinner. I took her to that new French place down town, for our anniversary, you know. We’ve been dating for two months, now.

"Is that a fact?"

"Sure is. So I’m taking Buff, and Xander will take Willow. Since it’s senior year and all, I just thought you might want to bring a date, too. Now I know you can find a date if you want to, but there’s a girl I know, Faith, and I think she’s interested in you. She said that she’d like you to call her."

He stopped. Spike was still staring at him strangely, but he responded. "Faith, tall, dark hair and eyes. I know her. Likes KETs, a lot. She’s one of Cordy’s cheerleading pals, right? Speaking of which, how is the cheerleader, mate? Haven’t seen much of you or her since the party. Had a nice little chat with her then."

Angel eyed him suspiciously. Did he know? How could he know? They’d been very discreet. He decided to bluff it out.

"She’s good. Got a new boyfriend, Wesley, she seems pretty serious about him. Thought you knew about that. Anyway, I was hoping we could all go together to the formal, with the dinner before hand? But I need to know how many reservations to make and if you’ll have a date."

Something about the look of Angel, standing there so smug, Mr. Matchmaker, let’s find poor Spike a date, galled him. Knowing that the woman huddled in his shower, who’d shared his bed last night, was still involved with this prat tore him apart. Why had she come to him if she hadn’t called things off with Angel? Had she planned to just run from one to the other?

He’d really thought she felt something for him. He’d thought he knew her. She wasn’t the type to play people off against each other. And yet she clearly hadn’t ended things, wouldn’t make the leap and let go of Angel and take a chance on what could be the most glorious relationship either of them could ever hope to have. One full of passion and fire, with fights and making up and laughter and love. They might burn out fast, though he doubted it, or they might be together forever, but either way, he’d thought it was worth the risk.

But not anymore. He’d had it. His heart could not take it. She’d clearly made her choice. It was time he moved on and Faith was as good as any other.

Spike focused back on Angel.

"Sure, give me her number and I’ll give her a call."

"Why don’t you call her now? That way I can go ahead and make the reservations."

Spike rolled his eyes at the demand and snatched the scrap of paper, making his way to the phone. He dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Faith, this is Spike."

"Spike, hey, how are you. Angel said you might call."

"Yeah, well, so I am. Faith, I’m not going to beat around the bush with you. I think we both know why I’ve called. Are you interested in going to the KET formal with me in a couple of weeks?"

"Well, Spike, I have to say I appreciate a man who’s direct. I’d love to go with you," she purred.

"Fabulous pet. The formal’s the Friday after break. I’ll give you a call next week, when we have our reservations worked out and let you know when I’ll pick you up. Thanks for agreeing to go, Faith."

"Thanks for asking, Spike."

He hung up the phone, feeling a little hollow now that the step was taken.

"All right Angel, make the reservation for six, she’s going with me."

"Cool man. I was going to see if you wanted to come play some B-ball with me?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I’ve got some things I’ve got to get done today. Working on my applications and such. Deadlines getting close."

Angel shrugged. "Well, I’m glad things worked out with Faith. I just want everyone to be as happy as Buffy and I are."

Spike stifled a small snort as he walked Angel to the door and sighed as he finally turned the lock. Yeah, they were the happy couple all right. That’s why she keeps coming to me, mate. He went to the bathroom, knocking lightly before opening the door to a somewhat angry looking Buffy.

"So he’s gone."

"Yeah, he never knew you were here."

"And you have a date for the formal now."

"Yeah, Goldilocks, just like you."

He stared at her, his eyes cold. He hated this, hated feeling like he was betraying her somehow. But he couldn’t do it anymore. He’d bared his heart to her and she’d asked for time. And then she’d run right back to Angel, straight back into his arms. He wasn’t her brother, and he was far more than her friend. If she’d given him any bit of a chance, come to him alone, he’d be her lover. But she didn’t want him; he was clearly just the substitute for whatever she wasn’t getting from Angel. And it was ending now.

"Oh."

She turned away so he wouldn’t see the tear in her eye. Spike was taking someone to the formal. Not her. Well stupid, that’s because your boyfriend of sorts was out there setting him up with someone. Her life was so messed up. He’d called that girl in an instant, with no hesitation. She wasn’t all that special. Despite what had happened the other night, the flowers, his anger at seeing her with Angel, he clearly wasn’t pining after her. It had all just been a pipe dream. She got herself under control and turned back to him, face drawn and composed.

"Well, that’s great Spike. I’m happy for you. I can’t wait to meet her." She fought to keep the edge out of her voice. "Thanks for covering for me with Angel. You’re right, he wouldn’t have understood at all. I guess I need to get dressed and get home now. Don’t want to keep you from your applications."

He nodded and left the bathroom, returning with her clothes, the dress she’d worn the night before on her date. She was going to look so morning after walking home in that. Almost as if he read her mind, he tossed her the outfit and told her he’d drive her home when she was ready.

He exited the bathroom and she turned on the shower, letting the falling water mask the gush of tears. Why hadn’t she just told him it didn’t matter this morning, that she didn’t care if Angel found her with him, that she wanted to be with him? She had come to tell him so last night, but he’d been too drunk and angry to listen to her. But he was even angrier now than he’d been last night, and there was no alcohol to cloud the issue. She’d hurt him by not breaking things off with Angel and he was clearly not interested in what she had to say. She finished her shower and dressed quickly.

They exited the apartment in silence and very little was said until they reached the dorm. She thanked him politely for the ride, almost as though he were a stranger. She mentioned that since they had Fall Break staring next Wednesday, she supposed they could skip the tutoring session this week. He agreed and she got out of the car and watched him drive off without another word.

She opened the door to her room and was relived to find that Willow was gone. Probably out with Xander, maybe over at the lab. She changed clothes quickly; throwing on a pair of old sweats, and curled up on the bed, clutching her William bear so tightly she was afraid the seams would split.

*****************************

Willow shook her awake.

"Buffy, hey Buffy, wake up. You’ve been sleeping for a long time, you aren’t sick are you?"

"Sick? Oh, well, I’m, um, I’m not feeling very well. Maybe I’m coming down with something, the flu or something like that."

"I’m sorry. I should have let you sleep. I just wanted to see if you were up for a trip to the mall to check out some dresses for the bash. Xander told me we are all set now to go as a group, Xander and I, you and Angel and Spike and some girl named Faith. It’s too bad Cordy won’t be there, it’s almost the entire gang. They made the reservations today for the restaurant and bed and breakfast. Cool, huh? Should be quite the weekend."

Buffy stiffened. Was Spike getting a room with Faith? She stifled the jealous surge as she sat up.

"I’m fine, Willow, I think that nap did me a world of good. How about we hit the mall? I want to find a knock ‘em dead outfit that’ll really wow everyone."

Or more specifically Spike. Suddenly she knew what she had to do. She had to win Spike back. He had to give her a second chance. She’d screwed up yet again, but she could make it up to him.

"So does that mean Buffy and Angel are going to finally do the deed? I wondered when Xan told me about the hotel rooms."

"I wouldn’t say that Will, but I intend to look good for this thing, no matter what. Let’s go shopping."

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