1:

Spike stepped off the train and lit a smoke. Inhaling deeply he took a look around. There wasn’t much to see and from the strange looks he was getting he could tell he wasn’t going to fit in at all.

He’d just arrived in Sunnydale. He shuddered at the towns name, it was upbeat and perky, everything he wasn’t. His mother had sent him to live hear with a friend of hers from college. They’d kept in touch over the years and the friendship was still strong, so when his mom, Jenny, had told Joyce how much trouble her son was getting into in England, Joyce had stepped in and offered to house him until his studies where completed. Spike had been kicked out of every highschool that he’d been too and nowhere back home would take him now.

“Excuse me, are you William Calendar?” a soft voice asked.

He shot his smoke to the floor and put it out with his boot. “S’ me.”

The woman smiled. She had a pretty face even though she was much older and a nice smile. He liked her right away. She put out her hand. “I’m Joyce Summers, I’ve heard so much about you William.”

He shook her hand gently and offered her a small smile. “I go by Spike now Miss Summers.”

“Well Spike” she grimaced at the nickname “Let’s get you out of here and get you unpacked so you can enjoy the summer before school starts.” Jenny had sent Spike over early in hopes that he would make friends before starting his senior year.

He simply nodded and picked up his two huge duffel bags and she picked up the smaller one, they walked in silence to her car. He listened as she talked on the way to her house. She told him about her daughter Buffy and about the house rules.

He liked the way she spoke to him, like he was her equal instead of just some punk kid she had to put up with. She pulled into the driveway and handed him a set of keys.

“These are for you Spike. I’ve got to go to the grocery store, do you mind letting yourself in? I won’t be long at all.”

“S’alright Joyce, I’ll be fine. Which room am I in?”

“Your room is in the basement, it’s fully finished though, no concrete floors.”

Spike laughed and thanked her as he got out of the car. “Let me know when your back, I’ll help you unload the car.”

Joyce smiled and drove away. Spike turned around and sighed. 1630 Revello drive, my new home he thought as he walked to the door and unlocked it.

Stepping in he took a look around. It was a nice place, very homey looking. He grabbed his bags and lugged them downstairs. It was a decent place, he’d go get some paint tomorrow and paint on the weekend.

He’d just finished putting all his clothes and stuff away when he heard some yelling coming from the outside. He took the steps two at a time and slammed open the front door. The first thing he saw was an over-sized nancy boy, the second thing he saw was a girl with blonde hair huddled on the floor holding her face with both hands, the third thing he saw was red. Without a second thought he threw a punch to the poofters face and sent him flying down the stairs. He jumped off the porch and grabbed the guy by his shirt and dragged him to the curb.

“Come near that girl again and I’ll kill you you wanker.” he snarled as he watched the bigger man run and turned his attention to the quietly crying girl.

“You alright?” he asked and knelt down beside her. When she didn’t answer he put his finger under her chin and tilted her head up so that he could see her, even though she kept the right side of her face hidden behind her hair.

Spike thought his heart had stopped. She had large green eyes, soft, red lips and her hair was like gold. She was tanned a golden brown and she was petite. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

“I’m assuming your Buffy, right?”

She nodded her head and gave him a small, bitter smile. “You must be William, well William, welcome to Sunnyhell.”

“Thanks. My friends call me Spike by the way.”he said, offering her a hand up which she ignored. She stood up and looked him in the eyes. He noticed the large welt forming on her cheek now that her hair had been moved slightly and winced. If he ever saw that bloke again there would be hell to pay. He didn’t tolerate men who hit woman.

“I’m not your friend William.”she stated coldly and walked into the house.

Spike sighed, this was gonna be a long year. Too bad she wasn’t his type though, he liked her spunk.

He could hear water running in the kitchen and walked in.

"S'he your boyfriend?"

"Ya."

"Does he do that alot?"

"That's none of your fucken buisness."

She wrung out the cloth she'd been soaking in cold water and held it to her face.

"It is when I'm the one who's trying to help."

She narrowed her eyes. "Trying to help? TRYING TO HELP?" she yelled. "All you've done is probably made it worse."

"Why do you stay with him?" he asked, not caring that this line of questioning was royally pissing her off.

"I said it's none of your fucken business."

Just then the back door opened and Joyce walked in, stopping cold when she saw the mark on Buffy's face. Spike could see the panic in her eyes.

"What happened?" Joyce demanded.

Buffy just stood there, frozen.

"S' my fault Joyce. I was rummaging through my bags and i went to toss a book on my bed, I didn't know Buffy had come downstairs to introduce herself. The book hit her."

Joyce visibly relaxed. "Well spike, accidents happen. I have some advil upstairs, I'll go get you some sweetie. It will help with the swelling."

Once she was out of the room Buffy looked up at him. "Thank you." she whispered.

"Not a problem pet."

"It doesn't make us friends though."
And with that she walked upstairs leaving behind a frustrated Spike.
 

2:

Spike tossed and turned, it was after three in the morning but he couldn’t sleep. He’d slept on the train and it was way too hot here. Throwing on a pair of boxers he got out of bed and went to get a drink from the kitchen. He walked to the fridge and poured himself a glass of water. He decided to step outside and sit on the back porch swing, at least there was a breeze outside. He sat down and lost himself in his thoughts.

Why do I even care about her? I don’t know her and she’s obviously retarded. Why the fuck else would she stay with a wanker like that? Pretty l’il chit though. She’s definitely got an attitude problem. Why are the pretty ones always stupid? She doesn’t want a friend, that’s fine with me. I’m not gonna go out of my way to get her to like me.


He was so deep in thought that he didn’t see the blonde peeking at him from behind the kitchen door.

She sighed deeply. She shouldn’t have been so rude to him, she knew that. But what was done was done. Besides, something about him set her on edge, gave her shivers. He was brave, she’d give him that. She’d never seen anyone stand up to Angel before. Hope rushed through her for a second but she pushed it out, he wouldn’t help her, no one could. She looked at him carefully. He was hot in that “punky” kind of way. Bleached blond hair worn slicked back. Deep blue eyes, amazing cheekbones. She couldn’t see his chest because of how he was sitting but from the looks of his cut arms she knew his abs must be just as nice. He must be stupid though, taking on a guy twice his size. Why are the pretty ones always stupid she asked herself as she walked back up the stairs.


Spike woke up at ten. He’d only slept for 5 hours and he was cranky. He dragged himself upstairs and into a cold shower. He really wasn’t used to this kind of heat so he left the water ice cold. After getting dressed he went to find Joyce. He found her rushing around the living room, searching for something.

“Can I help you Joyce?”

“I cant find my car keys and I have to leave for the airport ASAP.” She replied frantically. Spike took a quick look around and spotted them on the bookcase. Handing them to her he asked “Where you off too?”

“Oh sweetie I’m sorry. I have to go away on business for a week. I’ll be back next Saturday. I can cancel if your not comfortable though.”

“Don’t worry I’ll be fine” he assured her with a small laugh. “I’m seventeen not seven.”

Joyce laughed too. “I know, I just worry. Are you okay for money?”

“I’ll be fine, I have a bank card and an inheritance from a dead grand-da that should see me through life.”

Joyce nodded, she recalled Jenny telling her about her fathers passing. Jenny had also been given a large sum and had given Joyce some money to take care of the expenses of having her son stay there.

“Allright then I’ll see you next week. Don’t get into trouble.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and ran out the door.


He knew that the mall was only about a twenty minute walk from their house so he grabbed his keys and went in search of it, in hopes of getting his paint.



Buffy got out of bed late and woke up to an empty house. She went to the bathroom to take a shower. She stripped off her clothes making sure not to look at her legs, she wouldn’t cry today.


Spike was in the hardware store and he must have looked incredibly lost because a guy about his age came up and offered him help.

“Hey there, need help finding something?”

“Ya, do you work here?”

“No but I like to fix stuff up. I’m a carpenter. Just like Jesus but less with the holy and divine and more with the clumsy and oafish. I’m here a lot though so I can probably bring you to the right section.” The boy exclaimed.

Spike laughed and took an immediate liking to the guy. He wasn’t a “bad boy” by nature, he’d just fallen into the wrong crowd in England.

“Thanks mate, m’names Spike and I’m looking for some paint.”

“Xander and I can bring you there.” He smiled. “So are you new in town?”

“Ya I just got here yesterday. I’m staying with the Summers family.”

Xanders eyes widened. “Buffy and Joyce. I thought someone named William was supposed to be staying with them.”

“Spikes not my birth name whelp.” Spike teased.

Xander laughed. “I suppose not. Buffy and I are good friends, we met through Willow, our mutual best friend.” Spike thought he saw Xanders eyes light up at the name Willow but didn’t want to push.

“Ya well her and I don’t seem to mix.”

“Well that’s to bad cuz I’m gonna make sure you hang with us, theres not enough testosterone with me being the only male around those two girls.”

Spike laughed again, maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad here afterall.

“So have you met Angel yet?”

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Buffy’s college boyfriend. Real asshole, gives me the creeps.”

“I kicked his ass the other day, he hit Buffy.”

Xander frowned. “I’ve been begging her to leave him but she says she can’t. He’s done that before. I tried to take him on once but I got my ass kicked. She said if I went to the police she’d deny everything.”

Spike frowned. “Well then mate, it looks like it’s up to us to bring this prick down.”

Xander liked him. Anyone against Angel was a friend of his and he seemed like a decent guy. I wonder why he had to leave England? What could he have done? He didn’t let himself think too much about it, Spike would talk when he was ready. He had a feeling they would be good friends. He also thought maybe he could give him some advice about a girl he liked and how to get her.







“So Wills what are we up to tonight?”
“I thnk we should bronze it Buffy, not much else to do here.” Willow replied. “Oh wait, I have another line.
Buffy waited a minute before Willow came back. “That was Xander, he said he just met some guy named Spike, he invited him to the bronze tonight with us. Oh did you meet William yet?” she asked. Oh fuck Buffy thought before taking a deep breath and explaining the prior days events to Willow. Willow knew everything about her and Angel and hated him, but she couldn’t convince Buffy to go to the police. All Buffy would ever reply was “it doesn’t matter, no one else could want me now.”

Willow knew she was talking about the scars when she said that but couldn’t convince Buffy that it didn’t matter. She hated that her friend wouldn’t get help but understood it too. Buffy may be strong but she was also human, and she was scared. Willow would just keep trying to do what she could to get Angel out of her best friends life. After listening to her friends retailing of yesterday she couldn’t help but think that maybe there was an angel in her friends basement.



 

3:

Xander drove Spike home and offered to help him paint when he saw a flash of red hair fly by the living room.

“That’d be great mate, can use all the help I can get. Especially if I want to be ready to go out by nine tonight.”

“That’s what friends are for.” Xander replied casually and Spike smiled. They got the supplies out of the trunk and loaded their arms. When they got to the door Spike struggled to get his keys from his pockets, which was hard to do when your arms are full. Thankfully a cute little red haired girl opened the door wearing a sweet smile. She grabbed some stuff from each of their arms and talked while they dropped the supplies by the basement door.

“Hi Xander.” She said looking at their now mutual friend “hello Spike, I’m Willow. Friend extraordinaire to Buffy and Xan. Maybe to you too now.” She finished and shook his hand.

Spike was in love with her in a completely platonic way. Just like the Summers woman he felt the massive need to protect this girl.

“Nice to meet you Red, I’m sure well get along just fine.” The use of the new nickname and the added wink made her blush crimson. Something Xander didn’t miss.

“Buffy’s upstairs, do you guys want some help painting?”

“I don’t think Buffy would want to help pet, her and I don’t seem to get along just yet.” Spike explained.

“Oh that wont matter, Buffy’s great with art, if you want a mural done she’s the one to ask. You should check out the one in her room when your not nemesis.” Willow finished with a laugh and ran upstairs to get her friend.

Spike and Xander just looked at each other and walked to Spikes new room. The basement was huge and it had 3 large windows. It was handy so they could actually see what they were doing. Spike shot Xan a pair of shorts and a wifebeater and pointed him in the direction of the bathroom to change. He stayed in the open to do so figuring the girls wouldn’t be down for a while, he was wrong. As soon as his pants were down Buffy came bounding the stairs. She stood there like a dear in headlights and he did the same. After a minute he snapped out of it and pulled his shorts on lightning fast.

‘Okay Buffy, it’s no big. You’ve seen naked guys before. Well A naked guy at least, don’t say something stupid.’ Buffy mentally lectured herself.

“Wow” was what she spit out. ‘Fuck’

Spike just smirked. “Like what you see pet?”

“What I meant to say was ‘wow’, your incredibly pasty smart ass.” She retorted. ‘Oh my god, he’s so bi…’ Buffy didn’t have the time to finish that thought because Xander came out of the bathroom just as Willow came down the stairs.

“So gang ready to paint?”

Everyone looked at Xander and laughed. He was wearing hawaiin shorts that were almost as bright as the sun.

Spike and Buffy shared one last look before she broke the eye contact and started opening the paint cans. She was surprised at the choice of colors. She’d been expecting black, but he’d chosen two shades of blue. Navy and pale. They were actually really nice.

While they painted everyone chatted amiably except for Buffy and Spike, who just kept insulting each other.

“I’m going to get some drinks.” The two blondes said at the same time.

“Oh, I’ll have one please.” Willow said and Xander agreed that he was thirsty as well.

Spike and Buffy walked upstairs to the fridge. Buffy turned around and looked at him. Even though he had a shirt on that was hiding his killer abs she knew they were there and it unnerved her, so she did the only thing she could think of. She insulted him.

“You know you might do us all a favor and wipe the sweat off of you. It looks like your leaking, it’s gross.”

Spike quirked an eyebrow, took the paint brush he was holding and swiped a small section of it across Buffy’s face. “You know you might do us all a favor and relax a bit pet.” He said and walked back to his room with the drinks on a tray, leaving behind a pissed off Buffy.

‘Who the fuck does he think he is?’ she inwardly fumed. ‘Just cuz he helped me out yesterday he thinks he can talk to me that way. God I hate him and his chiselled abs.’ “Eeep, bad thoughts Buffy.” She said to herself in a whisper, ‘besides he’s just another guy. On the bright side he’ll be gone in a year.’ She sighed and went to the bathroom to wash the paint of her face.


“So Spike, wheres Buffy? You killed her didn’t you?” Xander teased his new friend.
Spike smiled. “No mate, just painted her pretty face a lovely shade of blue.”

Willow put down her brush and sighed. “She’s gonna be exfoliating for at least twenty minutes, I should go keep her company. You guys are almost done anyway.” She said and walked up the stairs to go find Buffy.

Xander turned and looked at Spike, about to say something but the blond cut him off.

“Red’s off limits, I know. You don’t have to tell me. So when you gonna make your move Casanova?”

Xander laughed. “I would but I don’t think she’s into me like that buddy.”

Spike snorted. “Are all Americans stupid or just the ones I meet?”

“Hey….” Xander started.

“Look mate no offense was meant” , Xander relaxed, “I just meant that she’s into you, it’s obvious. You should ask her to dance tonight at the Bronze.”

“I just might.” Xander replied softly, thankful to find such a good friend so fast in the foreigner.


Willow reached the bathroom and could hear Buffy talking on the portable before she walked in. Buffy saw her and motioned her to sit down.

“I said I was sorry Angel, I didn’t know he would do that…………………yes I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again…………………I know you could beat him in a real fight….” Buffy rolled her eyes at this. “ actually I’m going to the Bronze tonight….uh huh, I’ll call you when I get home. Bye.”

“Sorry about that Willow.”

“Everything alright?” Willow asked concerned.

“I quess. Spike doesn’t know what he’s started, I almost feel bad for the prick.”

Willow got angry. “You know Buffy maybe you should just lay off him, all he did was stop you from getting another beating. Why are you so mad at him?” the red head spat out and added “It’s about fucking time someone did something to help you since you won’t help yourself.”

Buffy sat next to Willow. She’d never seen her friend so pissed and she knew it was because she was worried. She 'd already told Willow that Angel beat her, raped her and cut her but she’d never told Willow the full story.

“Look Wills, I know I’m being harsh with him but I don’t need a knight in shining armour. Besides, I don’t want to be alone all my life and Angels the only one who would have me.”

“Why do you keep saying that Buffy? Your pretty and funny and smart. I know Angels cut you but no one would care that you have a few scars. Not a good person anyway.”

Buffy sighed and got up. She wasn’t shy in front of Willow and pulled down her track pants (she was wearing underwear though). Willows eyes widened and she finally understood why Buffy was so sure no one would want her now. It wasn’t true but she did understand why her friend would think like that. Both the girls broke down into sobs and held each other. Willow cried for her friend and Buffy cried for a life she thought could never have, a happy one.

Willow knew that the emotinal scars Buffy had ran much deeper then the ones adorning her legs and prayed to god to help her friend.

 

4:

Xander and Willow left shortly after seven oclock. Willow had stayed and soothed Buffy the best she could, offering to forego bronzing and stay at home and talk instead but Buffy was adamant about going. She needed some “fun” time.

After they left Buffy decided to soak in a bath. The warm water felt good against her legs. She lightly ran her hands over the fresh scar and bit back the tears. She had to stop crying, things couldn’t get worse right? At least Angel had never left marks that could be seen on her before yesterday but that had been her fault. She’d pushed him too far. Opened her mouth when she should have kept it shut. She closed her eyes and thought back to the fight that they’d had yesterday on her porch.


“Maybe we should take a break Angel.” She said with lowered eyes, not needing to look up to see the rage on his features.

“We could do that if you wanted to Buffy.”

She had stupidly looked up with only to see the sneer on his face.

“But you know your damaged, that no one will ever love you now. No one but me. Your mine forever Buffy, I’ve made sure of that. I’ve marked you as mine over and over again. Do you think anyone would be able to look at your body but me? Everytime they did they would be reminded that you’re my property.”

“your right, I’m sorry Angel.” She lowered her eyes again.

“We belong together Buffy. Don’t question that ever again.” He finished as he raised his hand and struck her face.

That’s when he had come running out. That’s when he had helped her. That’s when he had given her a moment of hope, something she hadn’t felt in almost 2 years, but a moment wasn’t enough and she hated him for that.

Buffy pulled the plug and let the water drain. She wrapped a towel around herself and walked to her room to get ready. She picked out her black leather pants and a red tank, both clung to her every curve. She applied make up to the bruise on her face again, she was a pro at that. She loosely curled her hair and applied a smoky eyeliner with a light lip gloss. She’d heard Spike get out of the shower 20 minutes ago and walked down to his room to offer him a lift with her so they could meet Will and Xan at the bronze, it was easier that way.

He heard her coming and got ready for the verbal attack she seemed to love to give him. Instead he was given a small smile. God she looked gorgeous.

“You look good pet.” He offered, hoping she wouldn’t bitch at him some more.

“Thanks, you don’t look as horrible as you usually do.” She taunted.

“Ouch, cant just give someone a compliment can you?”

“That was a compliment.”

Spike raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“It’s a Buffy compliment.”she explained, laughing a little at the clothes scattered across his room. “Need some help getting dressed since mommy’s not here?” she teased.

Spike looked embarrassed but didn’t stop her when she started picking up articles of clothing.

“Here, wear this and I’ll give you a lift to the bronze with me when your ready.” She handed him a white wifebeater and a pair of faded blue, baggy jeans. Maybe she didn’t hate him he started to think before she added “Like, today moron.”and walked away.

He looked at the clothes. He hadn’t worn anything other than black and red in a long time. He contemplated not wearing what she’d picked out but decided he didn’t want to give her more ammo for their fights. He watched her ass sway while she climbed the steps and thought to himself again “It really is too bad she’s not my type.”



Spike got out of the car on shaky legs only to look up and see Red and Xander laughing at him.

“It takes time to get used to Buffy driving.” Xan explained while Willow nodded in agreement. Buffy got out of the car in time to hear that and looked at Spike who was as white as a ghost.

“I didn’t hit the cat Spike, you don’t have to look at me like that.” She said as she grabbed Willow and went into the club while the guys followed behind them.


The music was good and the place seemed decent. Spike and Xander grabbed a table while the girls went to the bar to get some drinks.

“So Xander, fast or slow song?”

“Huh?”

“Which are you gonna ask Red to dance too?”

“Oh I don’t know, I don’t think I will.”

“Bloody hell mate” Spike sighed, “you will or I’ll tell her how you feel.”

Xander looked scared. “But----“

“No but’s about it, you will ask her.”

“What if she doesn’t want to?”

“What if she does?”

“What if she says no?”

“What if she says yes? What if it’s a yes directed to another bloke because you didn’t have the guts to ask first. What if she falls in love with him. What if she gets married to him?”

“That’s a lot of what if’s.” Xan said smiling.

Spike smiled back “Life is one big ‘what if’ mate, don’t waste more time then you already have.”

Xander nodded and the girls joined them back at the table. They put their drinks down and a slow song came on. Xander stood up and offered his hand to Willow who looked shocked but took it as a smile came to her mouth. They walked to the dance floor and left Buffy and Spike alone.

“Well it’s about time.” Buffy stated.

“It is pretty obvious they fancy each other isn’t it?” Spike agreed. He noticed Buffy mouthing the words to the song.

“It’s my favorite.” She shrugged.

“Well seeing as how I don’t know anyone else would you care to join me on the dance floor luv’?”

Buffy bit her lip. She knew she should say no but she really liked this song, besides it was only a dance.

“Sure.” She gave him a smile as he led her to the crowd of couples swaying to the music.

It was awkward at first but somehow during the song they had gone from standing a foot apart to being pressed together, both enjoying the feel of one another in each others arms but neither one understanding why.

Buffy breathed him in, he smelled like smoke and cinnamon gum. She liked it. She felt so safe in his arms. She stiffened at that realisation. Here, in this almost strangers arms she felt safer then she ever had.

Spike felt her stiffen. He moved back a little so he could see her face.

“Something wrong pet?”

“This isn’t right.”

“It’s just a dance Buffy.” He was confused, why wasn’t dancing an okay thing to do if it was just for fun and then it hit him.

“Angel would get mad wouldn’t he?” he stopped moving to the music, stilling her at the same time.

“Angel would be furious.” She said.

“Angel is furious.”said an angry voice to the side of them.

 

5:

Buffy looked up with terror in her eyes and flinched when he held his hand out to her. She hesitantly took it and he pulled her away from Spike so fast that she almost fell. Xander and Willow rushed to Spikes side.

Spike looked at Buffy. “Do you want to go with him?”

Buffy didn’t answer and Angels grip on her arm tightened so much that she let out a small yelp.

“Buffy, do you want to go with him or stay here with all of us?” Spike asked again.

“I want to go with him.”she whispered, not looking at her friends faces that she knew where laced with hurt.

Angel smirked at them and dragged Buffy away. Spike went back to the table and Willow and Xander followed. He lit a smoke and sat down.

“How long she been with him?” he asked either one.

“Almost 2 years, since she was fifteen.” Willow said.

“How long he been doing that?”

“About two years.” Xander replied.

“Why haven’t you guys done anything to stop it?” It wasn’t said maliciously, it was just an honest question.

“We have.” Willow explained. “But Buffy said that if we went over her head to the police she would deny it.”

“Have you tried telling her mom?”

“She threatened to kill herself once when we did.” Xander said softly.

They remained quiet for a few moments, each thinking about the small blond girl. Spike smashed out his smoke and stood up.

“Come on.” He said throwing on his black leather duster.

“Where are we going?” Willow asked

“To get her the fuck away from him, do you know where he lives?”

Xander and Willow nodded and grabbed their things as Spike told them what to do when the time came.




“Angel I’m sorry.” Buffy sobbed as he clicked the handcuffs shut. She was fully bound, legs and arms and she was sore. He was always careful not to hit her face or arms so that people wouldn’t see what was happening so it was always her stomach, lower back and legs that took the beating. She hadn’t worn a skirt or gone swimming since they’d started dating.

“Me too baby, me too.”he answered and pulled out his pocket knife.

“Nooooo”, her body was wracked with sobs now.

“Yes Buffy, I want you tonight. Make you mine again.”

He sat on top of her lower legs and put the knife to her thigh. Adding a line next to the twelve others.

“Well Buffy looks like it’s our lucky thirteen.” He laughed as he pulled his pants off and straddled her again. Angel and Buffy never had sex often, he was usually too busy fucking someone else to screw her every night. And that way she stayed tight he had told her one night, just the way he liked it.

He thrust into her quickly, not caring that her body wasn’t ready to accept him and she screamed in pain. This just urged him to pump harder. He had his music blaring to cover her screams, not that it mattered, his frat brothers where out drinking somewhere tonight.

He never heard the doorbell ring, or the door open, or the footsteps pounding up the steps. He never even heard the door to his room open, all he could hear were her screams, and he loved those!


Spike, Xan and Willow stood at the door in shock. Xan had called the police 5 minutes before reaching Angels frat house like Spike had instructed him to. They had thought Angel would have beaten her but none of them (except for Willow) expected to find him raping her. Even though Willow knew it happened sometimes no one is ever prepared to see that happen to anyone, let alone a best friend.

Spike went crazy. He went to the bed and grabbed Angel off of Buffy and shot him to the floor. He kicked him in the ribs once and then straddled him, repeatedly smashing his face with his fist. Spike didn’t know when Angel had passed out but it had happened and he was still hitting him.

Willow ran to Buffy after finding the key for the cuffs and covered her, holding her in a tight hug all the while. Buffy had stopped crying and was sitting there almost catatonic, staring into space.

Xan heard the police come in the house and grabbed Spike off of Angel, pinning his arms behind his back. Xan wished that it had been him to fuck Angel up so badly but was happy that it had finally been done none the less.


Spike drove Buffy home after leaving the police station. Angel was going away for a very long time. She was safe now.

She hadn’t spoken a word yet since they had found her in Angels room. Spike walked to her side of the car and opened the door. He picked her up and kicked the door closed, it took a while for him to unlock the front door but he got it done. He carried her up the stairs and up to the bathroom.

He placed her on the toilet and ran a bath, adding some vanilla bubble bath to the water for her. He looked at her and bit back tears. She was broken. This beautiful, fiery blond was broken and he wished he knew how to fix it.

He kneeled down in front of her. “The bath’s ready princess.” No answer. “Do you need help getting in? You must be sore….i wont look at you as anything else then a friend who needs my help right now.” He added, hoping she wouldn’t think he was hitting on her after everything that had happened.

“Yes please.” She whispered. Spike looked her in the yes the whole time he undressed her and placed her in the tub.

“Do you need help washing?” His heart bled for her when she gave a tiny nod and tears sprung to her eyes.

He grabbed the puff and squeezed some vanilla shower gel onto it and started at her feet. Talking to her all the while.

“You’re gonna be alright now princess, he cant hurt you again.” He moved to her ankles. “It’s gonna take time but you’ll heal pet, I promise. It wont be the same but it wont be like that ever again, not with friends who love you as much as Willow and Xander. Your strong Buffy, stronger then you know.”

He got to her thighs and froze. On her left leg was the name Angel carved into her flesh. It was jagged and crude looking, Spike realised he must have used a dull knife to do that. On the right leg there was thirteen lines, crude like the name. Spike was repulsed and it showed on his face, finally Buffy did something. She laughed. He had never heard anything quite as eerie as the sound that came out of her at that moment.

“Whats so funny Buffy?”he asked and ceased to washing her as she raised her eyes to his.

“He was right, no one else could ever want me now, please get out Spike and thank you for everything.”

“But….”

“I said get out Spike, I’ll be fine.”

Spike stood up and walked to the door, throwing her one last look before he shut it behind him. He knew that Buffy thought he was sickened by her scars but it wasn’t that at all. He didn’t want to argue with her after the night she’d had though. It was the malice behind the scars that made him ill. The knowledge that someone could have done that to her, someone who claimed to love her made him want to throw up. He didn't know why he cared so much about Buffy but he swore to himself he would do everything he could to make this new girl, maybe friend, understand that she was beautifull.
'In a sick twisted way i guess we have something in common.' Spike thought but quickly shook those thoughts away, not ready to relieve the pain he'd gone through last year.

 

6:

“Sorry Red, Buffy’s still not up, I don’t think she’ll be taking calls today, she’s gonna be off for a while pet……………..okay, I’ll tell you give your love…okay, bye.”

Spike hung the phone and sighed. His personal stuff had been delivered this morning from home and had been set up by eleven. It was now twelve and he still hadn’t heard a noise from her bedroom. Suddenly an awful image came to his mind. What if she had killed herself. Superman couldn’t have leapt the stairs as fast as he did in that instant. He flung open her door and let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding when he saw her curled up and fast asleep.

He tip toed into the room careful not to make too much noise, he didn’t want to startle her after all she’d been through. He settled with sitting on her rocking chair by the window, watching her sleep, she looked like an angel. So different from the girls he’d dated. Cecily and Dru. Cecily had broken his heart and Dru had just fucked him up. She’d been his dark princess. She was sick and twisted, yes, but she loved him in her own way and he desperately needed to feel that especially after everything that had happened.


He’d woken up late one night and overheard his parents talking. What he’d heard had sent him spiralling into a world of anger and shame, one he was still caught in, much like Buffy. His dad had been sick for the last few years and all of them knew that the end was near. They were discussing Ruperts final wishes and Spike couldn’t help but listen. Once the conversation was done he snuck back into his room and cried. He’d honestly thought about killing himself but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He’d found out that the man he had called Da’ for the last fifteen years wasn’t actually his father. He was in the most important senses of the word. He’d been the one to soothe William when a grade school crush went awry, the one to pick him up when he fell, the one to teach him to play sports. But he was not in fact the man who had helped his mom conceive him. Another man had done that. A sick, twisted man who was rotting in a jail cell for the next 20 years for rape. He had not been born out of love like every child should be, but out of anger, hatred and sickness. His mother though had not been able to terminate him. She believed that every living creature deserved a chance. His ‘father’ wanted to tell William before he passed, explain everything but Jenny refused saying that she wouldn’t let William ever see him as anything besides his ‘Da. He’d never told his parents that he’d heard every word, he spared his mother that at least. He could barely look at her anymore without picturing her screaming for mercy to a man who wouldn’t grant it. Rupert passed a week later. He’d told his girlfriend Cecily everything when he'd broken down after the funeral and she’d broken up with him disgusted. Her last words to him were “You’re beneath me William.” That’s when he’d met Dru and the others, that’s when he’d let go of William to become the Spike that his princess wanted, the man that wasn’t beneath anyone. He loved his mother dearly but he was thankful for the time away that staying here allowed him. It was too hard to be close to her and not ask her how she could love him when he was such an abonimation.



He’d never told anyone else, he didn’t know if he would but as he sat there looking at the little blond angel lying peacefully wrapped in blankets, he knew that if he ever did, it would be to her. He got up and quietly left the room, knowing he’d be back shortly to check up on her again.

 

7:

Spike went down to his room and cried. He cried for his Da’, for his mother, for his homesickness, for Buffy and for himself. He didn’t know how long he sat there holding his head in his hands and letting the hurt seep from his eyes. He could taste the salt on his lips and did what he did everytime he got this way. He got angry. He walked across his room to where his punching bag was hanging and let out his frustrations. After a few minutes he took off his sweat soaked shirt but continued beating the bag. The bag that represented all the wrong things in life. God he hated that fucken’ bag.

“Fuck” he roared angrily and threw one last punch to the battered bag before sinking to his knees and drawing in large gulps of air. “You fucken bastard.” He whispered, not speaking to anyone but to life in general.



Buffy woke up with a start. She panicked before realising that she was at home, that she was safe, that she was okay.

She laughed out loud at that. ‘Okay.’ She ran the word through her head a few times. ‘I’ll never be okay again.’ She thought as tears streamed down her face. ‘No one will ever love me now, I don’t even love me.’

She got off the bed and started hurling whatever she could get her hands on at her walls, feeling some satisfaction when she heard an item shatter. She didn’t know how long she’d been doing it or when he had come into her room. She just knew that now there were two strong arms around her. Arms she wasn’t afraid to be in, arms that offered the warmth her body couldn’t give her, they sank to the floor together and held each other. Each lost in their own pain but comforting one another at the same time. Their tears mixed together, silently binding them. Pain is the strongest thing someone can feel, there is pain in almost everything. Love, hate, passion, desire. It can make you weak or make you strong. It can urge you on in life or it can make you give up on it. Pain is necessary. And for the two sitting in the middle of a broken room, with their broken lives and their broken hearts, pain had given them each other. And their was hope in that.


 

8:

He let his thoughts wander to the small girl lying down across from him. He’d known her for 3 days and somehow he felt more connected to her than anyone else. Sure he had his so called friends back in England but they didn’t really care about him just as he didn’t really care about them. Maybe it was because they both had their demons to work through. Maybe it was because both of them blond hair, he really didn’t know why. But he had the sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the fact that every time he looked into her bright green eyes that still had a spark after everything that had happened, he felt as if he were drowning. There was only so long he could keep telling himself she wasn’t his type before he had to kick his own ass for being so stupid.

He could never be with her though. He wasn’t good enough, for her or for anyone. After Spike had left Dru before coming to America he’d sworn that he would never love again. It was too risky, he didn’t know how much of his actual father was in him and he wouldn’t chance hurting a woman the same way his own mother had been hurt. He hadn’t done anything of the sort to Dru but once that notion had popped into his head he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He wouldn’t let himself stop. There was monster in his blood.


Buffy cracked open an eye and groaned when she saw her room. “Hey there.”

“Hey to you too.” Spike answered softly.

“Sorry about before.”

“Never apologise to me for that again pet.”

She gave him a small smile. “Why were you crying?”

“Maybe one day I’ll tell you luv’, until then will you settle for a ‘thanks for being there’?”

“Sure.” She smiled up at him, in the midst of all this pain maybe she’d found a friend and she was grateful for that at least. “So where do we go from here?”

“The path is always unclear Buffy. But I promise I’ll be there for you.”

“Why? I don’t need anyone Spike.” She was a little defensive, she thought he was pitying her.

“Maybe I do.”


Their eyes locked for a moment before they looked down.




(about 2 weeks later)

“Hey Wills, we still on for bronzing it tonight?”

“Of course, I cant wait to see you. Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“Ya. I am. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.”

Willow smiled at that. It had been a long time since she’d heard Buffy so perky and hadn’t expected it so soon. She knew her friend was still trying to make sense of it all. Joyce had returned and Buffy had sat down and told her everything. They’d both cried and apologised to each other. One for not telling what was going on and the other for not noticing the signs. Joyce had left again a few days later to make another business trip to L.A. Buffy and the others knew it was more then business when she told them she’d be gone for two weeks this time. She’d almost cancelled to stay with Buffy but her daughter had informed her firmly but lovingly that smothering her wasn’t going to help the situation. Also what daughter actually minded having no parental unit around for weeks on end. She was hoping that she’d get most of the summer to herself and her friends. It was only the second week of break and hopefully there would be 6 more of almost no mom fun. Her mom deserved to have fun and so did she. By the way things were looking Buffy was going to get her wish. Whoever the man her mother had met must be pretty amazing, her mom was glowing and she’d only phoned once in the last two days since she’d been gone to check up on her as opposed to the 700 phone calls per day she usually received from her.

“That’s good to hear Buffy.” Willow said cheerily. “So nine o’clock then?”

“You betcha, I wouldn’t miss this Friday night for the world!!!”

“Bye then.”

“Bye.”

Buffy hung up the phone and turned around to watch Spike finish drying the dishes, she started laughing.

“What’s so funny pet?”

“It’s just that my mom leaves and you replace her, tidying up and doing dishes. Aren’t we supposed to wreck the house or something?” she teased.

“Bloody hell Buffy, we’re not all pigs like you and Mr. Gordo.” He shot back with a smirk.

“Hey.” She pouted. “You leave Mr. Gordo out of this, he’s innocent!”she demanded.

Spike just laughed and shot some water at her, she ran away squealing. “You sound like him too!”


Buffy smiled as she made her way up the stairs. Truthfully she was still terrified to be alone but having Spike in the house made it easier. When she’d told him she’d been having nightmares he’d started to sleep on her floor every night so that when she woke up screaming he was there immediately to soothe her. ‘God it must be a killer to sleep like that.’ She mused and pondered that while she jumped in the shower to get ready.


Buffy tied her hair up in a messy bun and applied light make up. She decided to wear a cream colored tube top with low rise faded jeans. She looked casual but cute. She walked downstairs and smiled up at Spike, who she was getting closer to everyday. She didn’t know what he meant to her but she knew that he was in her heart.

“Hey stud.” She said perkily. Spike turned and smiled. She looked good, less withdrawn, more…..alive.

“Hey ugly.”he teased and she fake pouted.

“You know one day I’m gonna get that lip.”he laughed.

Buffy smirked. He looked…..hot, as usual. Actually hotter than usual. He was wearing black jeans with a black muscle top and his duster. “You ready for a night of much needed aloofness and fun?”

“You bet I am pet.”

“Good because I owe you a dance.”

Spike didn’t know how to answer that. The last time they had danced had been the night that Angel had been arrested. He cocked his head and looked at her.

“You want my body don’t you?”

He said it with such conviction that Buffy stood still for a whole minute, and then broke into a fit of giggles.

“HEY! What’s wrong with my body?” he sulked.

“Oh nothing a little something called daylight couldn’t fix.”

He growled.

“Down boy.”she said and ran from the house to her car with him close behind. He reached her and grabbed her in a tight hug, lifting her off the ground before she could unlock her door. He twirled her as she laughed. Buffy wished she could have frozen that moment in time, it was a carefree one and nobody got much of those anymore, at least nobody she knew.

He set her down and she smoothed down a stray curl that had come loose from the gel he used, letting her hand stay a second longer then necessary and she climbed into the car. They drove in a comfortable silence to the club.

Buffy didn’t know what was happening between them but there was something there. She just couldn’t explain it. Friendship for sure, something else? Maybe. She knew it was too soon to be with somebody physically, she didn’t know if it would ever be not too soon and she didn’t want to over analyse their situation. Besides, she didn’t even think she was his type.



“Buffy!!!!” Willow screeched and hugged her friend, who smiled and hugged her back.

“Hey Wills, wanna hit the bar? I’m parched.”

The two girls walked off catching up and left Xan and Spike to fend for a table.

“So mate, any new updates on the Red mission?”

“None so far but soon I hope.”

“I hope it works out for you mate.”

“Thanks Spike, see I told you having extra testosterone around would be of the good.”

Both guys cracked up and grabbed a table a bunch of airheads had just evacuated. They were sitting down for two seconds before one of the girls came running back.

“Hey, sorry I left my purse under the table.”she explained.

Spike reached under and handed it to her, giving her a friendly but dismissive smile. She didn’t get it though.

“I’m Harmony by the way.”

“Spike, this is my friend Xander.”

“Ya, I know who he is, we go to S.D.H together.”

Spike didn’t like the way she was looking at his buddy with such disdain.

“You go to school?”he asked.

“Ya, of course I do.Why do you ask?”she giggled.

“Because where I’m from you need an I.Q to attend.”he said with a smile that dripped with sarcasm.

“Well, aren’t you the little prick.”she puffed and was suddenly tapped on the shoulder from behind. She turned around and came face to face with Buffy.

“I know I didn’t just hear you call my friend a prick you bitch.”Buffy was seething.

“He insulted my intelligence.” Harmony tried to explain.

Buffy smiled coldly. “Harmony, ‘sweetie’, for Spike to have done that you would actually have to have intelligence for him to insult. Now be a good little girl and go away.”

Harmony turned beat red and stormed away, everyone laughed.

“You’re a girl after my own heart Buffy.”Xander teased. They sat there talking and laughing until the first slow song of the night came on and Xander asked Will to dance again.

Buffy looked at Spike and smiled. “I cant wait till they hook up, they’ll make each other really happy.” She had a wistful look in her eyes.

“You’ll make someone very happy too one day pet.”

“Ya well one day may be very far away.” She sighed, “so, wanna dance? Since I owe you and all….”she trailed off.

Spike stood up and took her hand. As they walked to the dance floor he turned to look at her.

“What?”she asked.

“Well I know it doesn’t count but you just made me very happy. I get to dance with the prettiest girl here.”

Buffy blushed. “Of course it counts Spike.” She answered as she moved into his arms and they got lost in the feel of the music and in the comfort of one another.


 

9:

They danced for a little while after that before Willow and Xan interrupted.

“Well where off, my mom wants to give me a lecture about the evils of withcraft in case I ever decide to try my hand at magick.” Willow said and gave a laugh that the others followed in. Her mom was always coming up with these crazy scenarios that involved her only daughter.

“Well Red, good luck with that, I’ll see you guys on Sunday.”

“For sure.” Will and Xan agreed , they hugged (well the girls did, Xan and Spike just nodded to each other, men didn’t do the hug thing.)

Spike and Buffy decided to head home as well. “What happens on Sunday?”Buffy asked.

“Movie night in my dungeon.”Spike explained.

“How come I wasn’t invited?” She was a little hurt.

“Of course you’re invited luv’”Spike smiled “wouldn’t dream of having a movie night if you weren’t gonna be there.” He slung his arm over her shoulder and they walked to her car, Spike a little nautious with the concept of being in a car with her twice in the same night.


Xan hopped out of the car and surprised Willow by opening her door for her. ‘Okay weirdness!’ she thought but linked her arm through his when he offered it. He walked her to the door.

“I had a good time tonight Wills.”he said softly.

“Me too.”she blushed.

“OH, I almost forgot. I got you something.”

He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small, yellow crayon.

Willow looked at him stunned. The first time they had met had been in kindergarden and she had broken a yellow crayon. It was her favorite color and she’d pushed to hard on it while coloring. Xander had seen her about to cry when the teacher had started walking over and had snatched the crayon from her, taking the blame.

“I um, thought you might like it.”

“I love it!” she beamed.
“I love you.” He blurted out. They both stood there for a moment stunned at his admition.

“Since when?”she asked when she found her voice.

“Since a little red head girl broke a crayon eleven years ago.”

She stepped in a kissed him gently. He wrapped his arms around her and sighed.

“See you tomorrow night?”he asked resting his forehead on hers.

“I see you every Saturday night Xan.”she giggled.

“I know.”he smiled and almost skipped to his car. He hadn’t freaked her out and he had kissed her. He was two for two.




Spike ran from the car and shot himself on the pavement. “Oh sweet jesus.” He said thankfully.

Buffy walked passed him with her nose in the air. “Coward.”she mumbled.

“Coward?” he repeated. “I should be given a bloody purple heart for surviving that.”



Buffy turned off the water and dried off. She got into a pair of shorts and a tank top. Tonight was hotter then most and she didn’t want to have pajama pants on in this heat wave. She walked into her room and saw that Spike was in his usual spot in the rocking chair, reading one of his many books. She also saw that he felt the heat too because he was only sporting a pair of track pants, minus a top.

Buffy swallowed her drool. Goddamn, he had like 10 abs, she’d never get used to seeing that.

“Hot?”

“You know I am pet.”he joked.

“You know you can sleep on the bed with me Spike. I feel bad for letting you crash on the floor.”

“S’alright pet, I just like being there for you when you have a nightmare.”

“Well you’d be there for me faster if you were on the bed.”

Spike tossed his book on her night table and sat down beside her. Buffy began fluffing her pillows and he began talking.


“My ‘Da used to read me poems from that book when I was little. He was always doing small things like that, things that counted. He insisted on teaching me how to play every sport known to man even if he didn’t know how to himself.”

Buffy laughed at that.

“He was always there for me, a great man!!!”

“He must have been to have a son like you.”

Spike flinched visibly and Buffy didn’t know why but she apologized anyway.

“S’alright pet.” He looked into her eyes and knew that he could tell her. “He’s not my biological father.”Spike explained.

“Oh.”she answered softly, not pushing him.

“My real dad is some sick fuck who raped my mother. Rupert couldn’t have children.”

Buffy gently cupped his face. “I’m sorry to hear that but it doesn’t make you less amazing.”

“No”he agreed “it makes me a monster.”

She could see the pain and hurt and humiliation in his eyes. She could see that he was disgusted in himself and her heart broke.

“You are NOT a monster Spike, you’re a man. A really rare one. No one else I know would care so much about a stranger in an abusive relationship and don a halo to save her. You know what, I was wrong Spike, you’re not a man.”

A single tear fell down his cheek.

“You’re an angel.” She said and pulled his head down onto her stomach while he clutched her, she played with his hair until they both fell into a fitful sleep.

Willow brushed her hair while getting ready for bed. The lecture had been long and pointless. Magick didn’t exist, even if Willow wanted it to. ‘EEEEeeeeeee’ a small voice in her head shrieked, ‘I had my first kiss tonight with the only boy I’ve ever wanted to kiss. I think I love him too!’

Xander was watching Star trek and thinking about the nights events. Wow, he’d finally kissed her. Double wow, he’d finally told her how he felt. He was looking forward to showing her just how serious he was for as long as she would let him.



“I’m drowning in footwear.”Spike mumbled and jerked awake. ‘Well that was a weird dream.’ His eyes adjusted to the dark and he realized he was in Buffy’s arms. Well he’d finally told her. She hadn’t been disgusted but then again he’d known that she wouldn’t be. She’d called him an angel, but what kind of angel lived in a basement?

He felt so much for her. He was protective and couldn’t help but feel jealous when he caught a guy checking her out. She made him laugh and he could cry in front of her. She made him feel whole and he wished desperately that things where different. That they could be together. But they couldn’t, because of what he thought he was.

He sighed and shifted their positions, bringing her in to lie against his chest. Wrapping his arms around her he placed a gentle kiss that was feather light to her lips and sighed.

 

10:

Buffy woke up with the sun shining in her room. She hadn’t had one bad dream. And then she remembered she was next to Spike and knew that his presence had acted as a “dreamcatcher.” She snuggled closer to him, still dazed and not completely aware yet. Spike woke up when he felt her move and opened one sleepy eye.

“Morning kitten.” His voice was husky with sleep and Buffy smiled. Partly forgetting that this was reality and not a dream world and partly not caring for once in a long time she leaned up and kissed him softly.

Spike closed his ‘eye’ and melted into her, pulling her closer. The kiss wasn’t needy or passionate but slow and languid. She ran her hand over his chest and he groaned, nudging closer to her, desperate for a different kind of heat. Buffy lightly ran her hands across his stomach and toyed with the drawstrings on his track pants.

He pulled away as if he’d been slapped. “I’m sorry Buffy.”he said sitting up quickly and moving to the end of the bed, placing his head in his hands.

“I’m such a soddin’ idiot!”

Buffy didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking that he was rejecting her. Then she realized he was rejecting himself because he didn’t feel as though he was good enough. She laughed lightly.

“It’s not funny Buffy.”

“I kissed you Spike. You have nothing to apologize for. And it is funny.”

“How’s that kitten?”he asked, sparing her a quick glance.

“I don’t think I’m good enough for anybody and you don’t think you’re good enough for anybody. If anyone’s perfect for one another it’s us. You were right Spike, someone will make me very happy….can you let go of your fears and let it be you?” She reached for his hand but he pulled away and walked to her door.

“No princess, I can’t. You deserve better.” He closed the door behind him. ‘The only reason she’s saying those things is because she’s confused” he whispered to himself. “Best give her some space, some time to realise she doesn’t want me.”. He walked to his room and locked his door.

Buffy sighed. She thought she was the one who was royally fucked up but he had shown her that life was still worth living. That there was still hope for a 'happilly ever after'. He’d been there for her like no one else had, she’d opened up to him, come to depend on him, and even though it scared the shit out of her, she’d come to have feelings for him. Now she saw it was her turn to help him, she hoped he’d let her. She knew he was going to push her away, from the monster he thought he was. Try to keep her safe from him. She had to make him see that the safest place for her was in his arms, that the ONLY place for her was in his arms.


 

11:

Spike had managed to avoid Buffy for the rest of that day and most of the next but there was no way he could now. Will and Xand where on their way for the movie and Buffy hadn’t done anything wrong, he couldn’t be mean to her by dis-inviting her.

The bell rang and Buffy hadn’t even come downstairs. He let his friends in and they went downstairs to watch “The Grudge”.

Buffy came down a few minutes into the movie and Spike could see why she had taken so long. She was wearing a short, jean mini-skirt and a halter top that clung to her. Her hair was down and she looked hot. She knew it too he suspected when she gave him a coy smile.

“Oh my god!” she screeched. “You too are so cute together!” She was looking at Xan and Willow sitting on Spikes huge bean bag chair together, holding hands and cuddling. “Wills, we so have some catching up to do tomorrow. Girls day at the mall?”

“You bet.”her friend agreed.

She sat next to Spike on the bed (there was no where else to but the floor). After watching the movie for awhile she decided to play scared. She would gasp at parts she knew she should think were scary but didn’t. By the end of the movie she was leaning against Spike and using him as a shield from the t.v screen. He’d been tense at first but had relaxed when she didn’t try to pull anything, he’d even wrapped his arm around her like he’d always done before yesterday while they watched “the telly” as Spike so often called it.

Buffy and Spike looked down at their friends at the same time and let out amused groans of dismay.

“Get a room you too!”Spike joked.

“We are in a room.”Xan shot back.

“One that’s not mine whelp.”

Xan and Willow giggled before getting up to leave.

“Were going to grab a coffee before going home, you guys wanna come?” Both Xander and Willow had seen the sparkage between the two blonds and were dying to see if it would go anywhere. Willow decided to ask Buffy about it tomorrow when they were alone.


“Not me thanx.”Buffy chirped.

“Nah, im gonna get some sleep.”


“Alright so I’ll see you tomorrow Spike?” Xan asked.

“Yup we can hang here while the chits gossip and spend their money.”Spike laughed.

“Bye guys.” Will added as they let themselves out.

Buffy turned around and looked at Spike.He was wearing a big baggy sweater and big baggy jeans. She knew he was hiding his body on purpose and inwardly sighed. She turned her green eyes to him, going for a wide-eyed petrified look……….it worked.

“Scared pet?” He took the bait.

“I don’t think I’ll sleep for a week.”she lied, but it was just a tiny, white one. For the greater good she told herself. “Can you sleep in my room again?”

“I’d rather not pet.” He saw her look of sadness and added. “It’s much cooler down here and I hate the heat. You can sleep down here if you want.” He couldn’t stand to see her sad.

She perked up at that. “Okay, im gonna go change.Thanks.”

Spike watched her walk away and called out before she reached the top of the stairs. “What are FRIENDS for.”

She knew it was a warning not to try anything tonight but she also knew that she wouldn’t pay any attention to it.

She came back downstairs a half an hour later wearing a short, pink nightgown. She had put her hair in pigtails to keep it off her face and she looked adorable. She also had Mr. Gordo with her.

Spike pulled down the blanket and motioned her to join him. She crawled in next to him and they spooned. She shivered on purpose and as she’d hoped he’d pulled her in closer to his heat and wrapped a strong arm around her. She smelled like vanilla, he liked it.

“Nite pet.”he whispered and gave the back of her head a light kiss.

“Nite Spike.” She turned around when she said it so that she was facing him, they where only an inch apart. He could feel her breath on his face.

“Spike?”

“Hmmmmmmmm?”

“Do you think you’ll ever hate me?”

“Depends on what you do.”

“What if I did this?” She leaned in quickly and kissed him hard, and her tongue demanded entrance. He allowed it, he couldn’t even form one coherent thought with her attacking him like that and for a while he forgot that he wasn’t good enough.

She moaned into his mouth and his hands roamed over her shoulders. He broke away from her mouth to plant soft kisses along her neck. She dug her nails into his back and grinded against him.


She pulled away and kept eye contact while she removed the shirt he’d changed into fro bed. She looked at hi abs. “There the are”she whispered, causing Spike to smirk as she kissed her way down to his pants. He was wearing tracks (the kind that snapped off if need be and they needed it!) She tore open the first couple of buttons and was granted a full access view of her prize. Even though she’d seen it once before she was still in shock of it. It had to be at least nine inches long, and it was thick too! Not at all like Angels. Thinking of him scared her a little but she knew that she was in control this time. That Spike would never hurt her the way he had. Spike’s eyes where tightly closed and he jerked a little when she put her mouth around his head.

“Buffy.”he gasped.

She took as much as she could into her mouth. She’d never done this before, it was the one thing Angel couldn’t force her to do no matter how hard he’d tried, and she hoped she was doing it right. From the sounds of his erratic breathing she was.

He began to lift his hips in rhythm to her mouth and when he tensed and put his hands on her head she knew he was close.

“Buffy, move luv’, I’m gonna…..unhhhhhhhh.”

She’d never moved lik he’d told her too and he came in her mouth, she swallowed every last drop and licked him clean. When she looked up she was shocked at the lust in his eyes. He grabbed her and flipped her on her back.

“Spike, what are you doing?”she squeaked.

“Returning the favor.”

“Oh, um, you don’t have too.”she said quietly.

Spike looked up and raised his brow.

“Has anyone ever done this too you?”


“No and An…he thought it was gross.”she spit out.

“It’s the last thing from gross luv’”he said and ran his tongue over her clit, causing her to gasp. “It’s delicious.”he purred into her.

She grabbed his head in her tiny hands as he continued to lavish her with his oh so wicked tongue. He plunged two fingers into her dripping center and she arched her back in ecstacy.


Spike could feel her walls tightening around his fingers and started to suck on her clit, pumping his fingers into her faster.

She came screaming his name and he lapped at her juices greedily. When he was done he pulled himself up next to her and kissed her long and hard.

“Buffy that was…..”

“Amazing?”she cut him off in a breathy voice.

“A mistake.”he corrected.

 

12:

Buffy swung her tiny hand right into his face.

“Bloody hell”he roared in pain as blood dripped between his fingers as he clutched his face.

“You almost broke my nose.”

“And you broke my heart, were not even close to even.”she said and fled his room, going to hers instead.



(The next morning)

“So then I punched him in his face and I avoided him today. I just don’t know what to say to him right now.” Buffy said to Willow. She’d stayed true to her promise to go to the mall and now the two girls were sipping coffee’s in the food court.

The red head looked at her friend with compassion. “Honestly Buffy, I think he’s falling for you and cant handle it. Probably something that happened t him in his past….”

Willow trailed off when she saw the look on Buffy’s face. “Okay so I know something bad happened to him but I don’t know what. I know you didn’t tell me for a reason so I’ll let it go at that. But if something did happen to him and you know what it is can you figure out why he’s trying to push you away?”

Buffy nodded, she was so lucky to have a friend like Willow that understood when she couldn’t tell her something. “He’s scared to turn out like someone…..he’s related to.”she carefully phrased.

“Well from the sound of it this relative must be pretty awful. I wouldn’t take it too personally Buffy, just give him time to work over his issues.”

“Well that’s not fair. I didn’t hold back just cause I was scared.”

“Ya well we all know that woman are the braver of the two sexes.” Willow laughed and Buffy couldn’t help but join her.

“You’re right, I think I’ll apologise tonight. Ask him how he feels and if it’s the same way I do then I’ll tell him I’ll wait till he’s ready.”

Willow nodded in agreement. She was ecstatic to see that circumstances hadn’t ruined her friends spark for life.






“Well that’s the last of it.” Spike said giving a look to Xander. Thanx for helping mate.”

“No problem, are you sure you want to do this? It’s gonna hurt Buffy a lot.”

Spike had told Xander everything (except about who his father really was, he’d skimmed over that part telling him only he was afraid to end up like someone he was related too.)

“It’s for the best.”

“That’s what you think, what about what she thinks?” They sat on his bed.

“She’s too confused to know what she really wants.”

“Maybe she FINALLY knows what she really wants.” Xan said softly.

“I’m not willing to stay here for ‘maybe’s’ mate.”

Spike got up and picked up his duffel bag. “Care to drive me to the airport now?”

“No problem man, just make sure you come back.”

“Swear to god.” Spike took one last look at his room, he’d leave the rest of his things here so he wouldn’t have too much to bring back from home. He’d left Buffy a note on her bed and one for Joyce on the kitchen table.


He locked the door behind him and he left, just missing a phone call……the machine beeped with a message.




Buffy came home with Willow and went straight to the phone when she saw the flashing light.

“This is a message for Buffy Summers, I’m afaraid Joyce Summers has been in an accident. She didn’t make it…..”

Buffy collapsed on the floor in tears with Willow, her heart drenched in sorrow.


(Sorry for the people who like Joyce but I never did, plus the whole having a parental unit around in a fic when you want crazy Spuffy sex and crazy Spuffy fights is hard to work around, well not hard but I don’t have the patience lol…sorry! Let me know what you thought……i'll try to post again tonight!

 

13:

Spike got home about 15 hours later and crashed. His mom wasn’t home yet but she knew he had been on his way. He was dead to the world .He woke up a few hours later, skipped checking the messages and went somewhere he hadn’t been in a very long time.

“Hey ‘Da.”he said as he placed a flower on Ruperts stone. “I miss you so much. It still hurts, but I know you’re watching over me and mum, I can feel you.”
Spike sat down and leaned against the tombstone, staring at the night sky. He picked out an especially bright star and directed the conversation there. He always told himself that the brightest star in the sky was his ‘Da watching him, listening to him.

“I met a girl, I think you would have loved her. She’s smart and funny and brave.”

*So why aren’t you with her?* Spike also added what he thought his ‘Da would reply in their ‘conversations.

“Because I’m scared ‘Da.”he sobbed as the tears started to fall. “What if I turn out like him?”

**You wont. Your better than that. You always will be.**

“I cant let it go. I can’t forget what’s in my blood.”

**It’s not what’s in your blood that matters William, it’s what’s in your heart.**

“I think I’m falling for her but I don’t think im man enough to do anything about it. I already ran away from her once, I don’t want to do that again.”

**So don’t.**

“It’s not that simple ‘Da.”he sighed and stood up, “I’ll talk to you again soon.”he said to the stars as he walked away.


School was starting in a week, Spike and Joyce had been gone for 6 weeks but in two very different ways. Willow sat with Buffy at the coffee shop.

“Are you ever going to return his calls?”

“Ya, he’s still a friend Will, no matter what happened between us, it just wont be the same I think. I really needed him here.”

Willow touched Buffy’s hand across the table.

“He’s left you like a thousand phone messages Buffy. And you wont let anyone tell him what happened. You made his mom lie to him, that wasn’t right.”

Buffy sighed, she’d phoned Jenny to fill her in on the details of her mothers death and had begged her not to tell Spike. She had agreed reluctantly but hadn’t wanted to cause Buffy any unnecessary pain. She’d lied to Spike, telling him she had gone to visit an old friend in L.A.

Hank Summers had paid for everything and had arranged for Buffy’s name to go on the deed to the house, which he’d paid for in full. He’d also given her a credit card for everything she’d need to pay and get. He’d given her everything except for his presence. But he’d never really given her that. Buffy was dealing as best she could and doing better than anyone had given her credit for. She wasn’t upset at the loss, she just missed her mom. She wasn’t upset because she knew that in so many ways her mother was still with her and that she was in a good place. But the missing was terrible, she’d never felt so alone.

“Hey, you still with me Buffy?” Willow asked concerned.

“Ya, just spaced out I quess. I’ll talk to him when he gets here on Friday, k Wills?”

This seemed to appease her friend and she wouldn’t have to talk to Spike for another four days, they where only Monday.

Just then a soft voice interrupted them.

“Um Hi Willow, Hi Buffy.” The girls looked up into the shy face of Riley Finn.

“Hi.”they both answered.

“Um, I was just wondering if youd like to join me at the Bronze this Friday Buffy?”Riley asked looking down.

“I’d love too.”she answered brightly, shocking everyone, including herself.


 

14:

Spike got out of the airport and hailed a cab, he tried calling Buffy a bunch of times but she’d never answered. He called Xander but whenever he asked about Buffy he got evasive. He knew something was up but had no clue as to what. He shut his eyes and drifted into a light sleep in the cab after giving the driver the address.





“Dear Buffy,

I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this, it’s not what I wanted to do. But it’s what I felt I have to. I understand your mad at me, I shouldn’t have said what I did last night, it was rude. I’m a sodding idiot sometimes. I do have feelings for you kitten, they just wont ever go anywhere further than friendship. They can’t and if anyone can understand why it’s you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I love you with all my heart in that sense. But I cannot love anyone more than that. I’ll be home at the end of the summer and I pray to god that I can salvage our once great friendship. You will always be in my heart and thoughts no matter happens. If you don’t forgive me I will understand and respect whatever rules you set while I’ll be staying with you and Joyce. She’s a great lady, please give her my love. If you don’t want me to talk to you I wont, if you don’t want me around you I’ll stay as far away as possible. I’ll do whatever you ask. I’m sorry that I wont be there if you have a nightmare, it saddens me that you will be alone if that happens so I’ve something of mine on Mr. Gordo, in case you need something to calm you down.
I’m sorry and I’ll call you during the summer.
‘Spike”

Buffy laid down the letter, she’d read it a thousand times since she’d found it on his bed the night of the horrible phonecall that told her she’d lost her mom. He'd left his silver cross around Mr. Gordo's neck. She knew she should have told him, called him right away but she couldn’t. He had pushed her out of his life in a way and this was her payback. After re-reading the letter she realised just how sick her payback had been. She knew there was going to be hell to pay when he found out. He had really liked her mom, especially after she’d made him hot chocolate with those little marshmallows in it. Buffy sighed. It was Friday night and she was on her way to the Bronze to meet Riley in a few minutes. She didn’t know why she’d agreed to go on a date with him, he was more friendship material (if even that) then he was boyfriend. But Angel had hurt her and now Spike had. In very different ways of course but for some reason Spike’s rejection had hurt more. She had wanted him, she had opened up and let go of her fears to try and be with him and he had pushed her away.

He wanted to be friends, she would give him that. She couldn’t bring herself to hate him no matter how hard she tried but that didn’t mean that they would be good friends like before. She wouldn’t let him hurt her again.

Her doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts and she raced down the stairs to meet Riley. Right on time, somehow she had known that he would be. She gave herself a once over and opened the door.

“Wow” Riley smiled, “ You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” She returned his smile, it wasn’t that he was a bad guy, just plain. Well I’m gonna give plain a chance since nothing else has worked out for me she thought and linked her arm through his. “Let’s go have some fun.”


Buffy and Riley drove away not seeing the taxi pulling into her driveway. Spike got out of the car after paying the man and walked inside. He put his duffel bag down and went straight to the fridge for a glass of milk. He flicked on the lights and saw a note on the table. He picked it up.

“Spike,

Sorry I didn’t take your phone calls but I wasn’t ready to talk to you then. I’ve gone to the Bronze so I quess well talk when I get home. Theres a lot to tell you. We can still be ‘friends’ Spike, just not like how it was. I know you’ll understand that……Anyway, welcome back. Your class schedule came in the mail today, school starts Monday. Xan said he’d go to the mall with you tomorrow to pick up the supplies you’ll need for Monday and to phone him when you get in.


Buffy”

Spike put the letter down and walked into the living room to drink his milk. Looking around he saw that something was off. His eyes scanned everything until they focused on a card sitting on the bookshelf. What he read made him rush to the bathroom and throw up. Joyce was dead, she hadn’t even told him. She’d let him find out from a sodding sympathy card from his own mother, who had also lied to him. He put on his coat and called Xander.

“Hello?”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” he yelled.

Xander winced. “I’m sorry she wouldn’t let us Spike. She didn’t want to have to see you at such a hard time, didn’t want to feel worse then she already did.”

It was Spikes turn to wince, had he hurt her that much?

“Take me to the bronze.”

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

Spike hung up without saying goodbye. He was pissed at Xander but he would get over it. His friend had only been looking out for another friend and in a way he respected that.

He looked at the picture of Joyce and Buffy on the living room wall and sunk to his knees. Poor Joyce….poor Buffy….




Buffy was dancing with Riley and having an alright time, which was fine by her. There was no bad vibes coming from him, boring ones, but no bad. And she could live with that. Suddenly the hairs on the back of her neck raised and a shiver went down her spine. She looked around to see if someone was staring at her and she gasped. There he was, his hair was a mess of spikes/curls and his face was streaked from tears. He was dressed all in black with his leather coat and she couldn’t help but think of how gorgeous he looked. Wait! Streaked with tears….oh shit! Buffy realised what had happened.

“Something the matter?”Riley asked when he felt her tense.

“I have to go talk to someone, do you mind?” Her heart was going a mile a minute, she knew he was gonna blast her.

“Of course not, I’ll go get us some drinks at the bar.”

“Thanks”she whispered as she walked over to him.

“Spike…”she started but was cut off when he rushed at her and grabbed her into a tight embrace, she could feel his tears on her cheek as he clung to her. Why wasn’t he yelling, why was he being nice?

“I’m so sorry”he mumbled between choking sobs.

She rubbed his back as he continued to mutter apologies and he finally calmed down. He pulled out of her arms and looked into her eyes. She looked away.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyes held a hundred different emotions.

“I……I couldn’t be around you right then. You really hurt me.”

“So it was payback then?” He was getting pissed now.

“In a way.”she mumbled.

“Look me in the eyes pet. I want you to see my face when I tell you this.”

She looked up.

“I truly am sorry for your loss and in a way I understand why you didn’t say anything.” He cupped her face and sighed before letting it go, dropping his hands to his sides. “But keeping something like that from me is unforgivable, I really liked Joyce, loved her in a way even. Just like I loved you in a way.I never held back from you, I was always honest.”

Buffy flinched when she noted the past tense of the word loved. “You did hold back Spike, you held back feelings. We could have been happy. But you threw it away and ran to the closest plane. I could have loved you” If he could use past tense then she could too.

“I could have loved you too,” he said softly and placed a small kiss on her forehead before he continued, “but we both made mistakes. Frankly Summers, the way I found out was disgusting. Walking into an empty house and seeing a sympathy card from my own mother who didn’t even tell me that Joyce was dead….” tears fell from his gorgeous blue eyes “frankly, you both make me sick.”

Buffy stared at him in open shock. He was right. He had hurt her but she had gone one step farther and broken him. Just then Riley walked up and slung his arm around Buffy protectively.

“I don’t think you should be talking to her that way.”he said trying to sound menacing.

Spikes eyes popped. “And who the fuck are you captain cardboard?”he demanded.

“Hes my boyfriend.”Buffy blurted out, she didn’t even know why. Maybe it was because she knew that she had ruined any semblance of a possible friendship with him and it killed her on the inside. As much as she’d been telling herself that it would never be the same between them again she had hoped for a “happily ever after” with the blond in front of her. But that was the little girl inside her, the little girl that knew what ‘grown up Buffy’ wanted even though grown up Buffy didn’t know, the little girl that had died the second Spike told her how much she disgusted him.

Spike snorted and looked at her one last time. Love, hurt, anger all flashed through his eyes but it was the last thing she saw there that she would never forget. Disappointment.


 

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