A/N: I've been trying to think of a good plot for this setting for a very long time, and it finally came to me a few weeks ago when I was listening to the song "Sniper's Promise" (you can find it here: http://irelandsown.net/SniperSong.htm). I'm going to play a bit with the actuality of life in the SAS and as a member of the IRA, but I try to keep it factual until it messes with my plot. I'm not sure if anyone wants to see this continued, so please let me know if the idea intrigues you or if you hate it. Hope you enjoy.
"He went away from me
And he moved through the fair
And slowly I watched him
Move here and move there
He went his way homeward
with one star awake
As this swan in the evening
moves over the lake
I dreamed last night
that my own love came in
He came in so sweetly
his feet made no din
He came close beside me
And this he did say
"It will not be long Love
till our wedding day"
-He Went Through the Fair
"Is this it then?"
He could hear the tears in her voice and he turned to pull her to him again. "No, baby. I'm coming back, you know I am." He pulled back and kissed her like he was trying to memorize what it was like. "You could come too, wouldn't be SAS, but it'd be something, and we could be closer at least."
She shook her head as he knew she would. It wasn't the first time he'd asked her to come with him, at least to Wales for a bit, they could be on the same base even if they were in different programs. She didn't want to leave their little family, and he understood.
"I know, luv, I know." They kissed again and this time it was softer, more resignation than desperation. Her hands made their way under the back of his shirt and she pulled him closer to her.
"When do you have to go?" she murmured against his lips.
He pushed her back against the bed and when her knees bent he followed her down. "Tomorrow, morning, something like four-thirty."
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to cry in front of him. He was going off to do what they'd been training to do since they were freshmen in high school and she wasn't about to hold him back. Part of her wanted to go with him, get a transfer to be closer, but she knew it would hold him back and he may not make it through if she were there to distract him. She and Giles had made that decision without him, something he wouldn't have liked, but he didn't have to know.
He groaned when she arched her hips up to rub against him. She moved her hands to his belt buckle and tried to get it undone but he pulled her hands away.
"Last night, luv. Make it last, yeah?"
She nodded and finally the tears fell down her cheeks. Who knew when she'd see him again. She'd known him almost her whole life, been in love with him since they knew what love was and now he was going off to possibly get killed. If the actual training didn't do him in, the work he'd be involved in after was of the most dangerous kind.
She looked up when she felt his tears fall on her face as well. "I don't wanna leave you. You've gotta know that."
"I know, Will, but you have to. If you don't go for this, all our lives, we've just been wasting our time." She kissed him in an effort to reassure but she knew it didn't do much but tell him more of her pain.
"England needs lads like you," she said trying to lighten the mood. He tried for a smile but they both failed miserably. He moved them both until they were lying fully on the bed before he reached for the buttons of her shirt.
She did the same and sighed as he kissed each inch of flesh as it was exposed. He sat up and removed his shirt and pulled her up slightly to slip off her bra. He stared at her in wonder, her beauty took his breath away. "God, you're always so beautiful like this." He bent and took a nipple in his mouth softly. She moaned above him and he reached his hand up to caress her other breast. He kissed a trail from one nipple to the next and then moved his hand to undo her trousers.
She helped him get them off and her panties quickly followed. Her hand trailed down his chest to rest on the bulge forming in the front of his jeans. He slid his hand down her arm and pressed her to him more firmly. "God, Buffy, please touch me."
She ran her fingers through his hair and grinned. "Oh, but I am."
He glared up at her before kissing her hard. "You know what I mean," he practically growled into her ear, sending vibrations straight to her crotch.
"Yes, I do." She undid his buckle slowly and pushed his pants off completely with her feet. She wrapped her hand around him and stroked once. He let out a long, low groan and she gasped when he slid a finger inside her. He pumped two fingers in and out matching her own strokes and then kissed a path down her body until her came to the juncture between her thighs.
"Shall I kiss you here, pet?"
Buffy panted and moaned. She grasped at his short curls and nodded.
"I need an answer, luv."
"Will.. God, please do it."
He contemplated making her say exactly what he should do but decided to take pity on her. He licked the entire length of her pussy up and down once before he pushed his tongue inside her. She cried out his name and he had to grind his cock into the bed to relieve some pressure. He pumped in and out a few times before replacing his tongue with his fingers and kissing and licking around her clit. When her moans reached a certain pitch and he knew she was close he finally took her clit into his mouth and sucked hard.
She came hard around his fingers, shuddering underneath him and he moved up to kiss her. He whispered in her ear as she came down from the high and kept his hand lightly stroking her.
She finally was able to breathe properly and she kissed him softly before pushing him onto his back. She could taste herself on his tongue and it made her even hotter. She pulled back and looked at him seriously, trying to memorize the way his hair looked after she'd been pulling on it to keep his face where she wanted it, and the way his lips were swollen after so many kisses.
"I love you so much, Will."
He stared into her eyes and tried to bare his soul to her. "I love you too, Buffy, you'll never know how much."
She kissed him again and moved down his body, paying special attention to his nipples, knowing exactly how hard to bite so that it made him beg her to touch his poor neglected cock.
She smiled impishly up at him and kissed his navel before taking him in her hands. Just by looking at him she could tell he was going to blow in seconds. She made sure he was looking at her when she lowered her mouth onto him and took him almost all the way in.
"Oohhh, Jesus fucking Christ!" She cupped his balls and felt them tighten as she moved her mouth so that just the head was inside and wriggled her tongue just the way he liked. "Oohhh, Buffy!" He shot into her mouth and she swallowed while she watched him jerk under her.
When he finished she lay next to him and kissed his face softly.
"I'm going to miss this," she said softly.
"I'm going to miss everything."
***
Some days, Buffy Summers hated living in Belfast.
Okay, so most days she hated it. But she was here, and it was where she wanted to be more than any place. Well, any place that existed in the real world. She wanted to be in the South of France with the one person she could never have, raising a family that would never exist.
She sighed and sat up slowly. She only let her fantasies consume her thoughts just after she'd wake up. It was the only time she had to herself. She looked down on the bed next to her and smiled weakly at Liam's sleeping form. She loved him, she really did, and there was a time when she could have been in love with him, but then there was William, and after him she didn't think she'd ever love again.
Not like she had loved him anyway. It had consumed them both and they were slaves to it, but maybe God had seen a problem with that. Maybe love wasn't supposed to be all about each other and forgetting about the world around you. She'd learned only a few years ago that all her life she'd been ignoring, and even perpetuating oppression and violence. She thanked Willow everyday for bringing it all to light.
The minute she helped Willow get out of England and back to Belfast, she knew life as she'd known it was over. She'd been forced to leave everyone behind, Giles, Dawn, her mother, even William's memory. She consoled herself with the knowledge that this seemed to be the most likely path whatever higher powers there were had chosen for her. She was built to be in some military position, her whole life had been full of training of both the tactical and physical kind. She knew the inside of the British Army like the back of her hand, and now she was able to use that knowledge to the best advantage.
She'd learned so much of the terror and injustice of life for the non-Protestant, non-Anglo half in Belfast since she'd come, and now she knew there was no way she could go back to the life she'd once lived even if she wanted to. She couldn't walk away, not when there was so much work to be done and so few people to do it. She was needed and she liked it that way, she liked to be useful.
Particularly since her period of restlessness and loss. Without William and Xander around to work with, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with her life, she hadn't felt the fervor for her work without her best friends there to share it with. She'd been discharged and she was happy about it in a way, because she hadn't needed to pretend to care anymore. But that had left her with nothing to do, and when Willow came along, life finally gained some semblance of meaning again.
She felt an arm wrap around her waist and pull her back down to the bed and against Liam's warm body.
"Morning," she whispered.
She felt him smile against the back of her neck and he pressed soft kisses there. "How long have you been up?"
"Just for a bit."
"Mmm... We have about an hour before anyone needs us."
She smiled and closed her eyes as his hands began a slow caress. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
A sudden memory flashed in her mind and she tensed slightly before forcing herself to relax into Liam again.
"I love you, Buffy," he whispered against her skin.
"I know." She hated this. It wasn't fair, not to anyone, especially herself. William was dead, he was gone and he wasn't coming back.
***
"I'm going to miss everything."
They were silent as he stroked her back and she drew nothing in particular on his chest.
"I want you to get through it, Will, no matter what happens."
He stared down at her head for a moment. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing... just, you can't give up on this for anything, nothing's worth that."
He rolled her onto her back and moved so that his forearms rested next to her head. "You are." She looked away and he felt absolute fear gather in the pit of his stomach. "Please tell me you're not ending this."
"Will-"
"Buffy, please. Don't fucking do this to me."
"I don't... I can't have you distracted, it could get you killed."
"Yeah, well having nothing to come home to's gonna give me little bloody incentive to make it home." He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "How can you do this?"
She sat up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek on his back. He was stiff and she sighed. "Will, I'm not saying that we should break up." The tension lessened a bit, but he was still wary. "I just want you safe, don't be worried about home stuff, focus on you, there."
He relaxed and turned around to hold her. "Baby, nothing you or anybody else can do or say's gonna take you outta my mind. Or my heart, you're always there, not a bloody thing I can do about it. But, I hear you, and I know that, I do. I'm focused, and I'm gonna finish this and be back, at least until they find a place for me to go. It's only for a few years, and then I'm out for good. That's what we always said right?"
She nodded. "Is that still what you want?"
He kissed her desperately and pushed her back onto the bed. "'S all I've ever wanted. To be with you." He moved between her thighs and looked up at her. "And you?"
"Yes..." He pushed inside her and they both gasped. "Three years, Will."
"Yes, luv. We'll do our time and then we're out." He thrust into her slowly trying to draw out their pleasure. She cupped his ass and pushed him harder, deeper.
"I don't ever want to leave here, Will."
He put his forehead on hers and sighed. "No, baby, me either." Their movements were picking up speed even though they were both trying to go forever.
Buffy felt her body begin to tense, she shook her head. "I don't want to yet, Will."
"Shh, lamb, this isn't the last time, I swear to you."
His voice was so determined that she had to believe him. Even so she tried to hold on.
"Let go, Buffy." She shook her head and he kissed her until she looked at him. "Come for me, baby."
Her orgasm immediately triggered his and they screamed together. He pumped inside her a few more times until he was through and then remained inside her. When he went to move she held him. "Stay here, don't you dare move."
"Anything you want, Buffy, I'm yours."
"Your mine..." She kissed him and he looked down at her. "And I'm yours."
She wrapped her arms tightly around him and they cried softly together.
***
Spike Giles hated having to wake up in Belfast.
This infernal city was the last place he'd wanted to be stationed. He hated the isolation of guerilla warfare. He couldn't even make limited friendly contact with those outside his fellow soldiers because anyone could be fighting on the other side.
He looked over in the bed next to him and smiled. At least Xander was there with him. After he lost Buffy, he'd needed a good friend, and as it turned out, a good shag.
He thought he'd been in love with Buffy, but now he wasn't so sure. What they had was passionate and crazy and intense. He couldn't see anything other than her and it had kept him blind from what he was capable of in his career. Even so, he knew that if she contacted him now he would crawl back to her with no regard for his dignity.
The least she could have done was tell him why. It was like she dropped off the face of the bloody planet. No letters, no calls, no form of communication whatsoever. At first he thought maybe she was trying to give him some space so that he could get done what needed to be done as he trained for the SAS, it was pretty brutal, but as he saw it, it was a time when he needed the connection to her the most.
After he finished with all that and he and Xander were now officially in one of the best military units in the world, he figured she would at least find some way to congratulate him, but there was nothing. And he noticed that his uncle's notes had stopped around the same time, and he wondered what if something had happened to them both, but his superiors had informed him that they were fine and that they'd both moved back to California.
It didn't make any sense, so he'd had to supply his own. Out of sight out of mind. They just didn't care about him anymore, he wasn't there and so they moved on. In a way he got it, this wasn't the life you lived if you had ties to the world outside, maybe they understood that and wanted to make it easier on everyone. Didn't change the fact that it hurt like hell.
He still thought of Buffy. Often. That's when Xander knew to leave him alone, or fuck his brains out, just depended, and he loved that Xander knew how to read him so well.
Sometimes he thought that he might even love Xander. Not in the way he cared for Buffy, he hadn't felt anything like that since he'd left four years ago, but maybe what he felt for Xander was the real thing. It was softer, safer, no less protective but he didn't feel wild and crazy when he wasn't with him. He didn't feel like he had to be constantly touching him else he'd go mad. He felt like they understood each other and it was enough for him then.
He wasn't sure he ever wanted that again. Losing Buffy had almost broke him. He only got through to SAS because he rationalized that if he was going to lose her, he best lose her for something that was going to happen.
He settled back down into bed with Xander and nuzzled the brunette's neck lightly. "Wakey, wakey, captain," he teased softly, his hand traveling down to grasp the growing length between his legs.
"Mmm, don't wanna." Spike squeezed gentle and Xander gasped. "Actually, it's looking more appealing."
Spiked smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly. "We don't have to be anywhere until tonight." Xander caressed Spike's sides and thrust gently into the hand fondling him. "But... we should probably be getting rest, gonna be a rough night." He stopped and rolled over feigning sleep.
Xander growled softly and forced Spike onto his stomach as he moved himself on top of him. "You know I love it when you play hard to get."
Spike smiled and opened his eyes. He looked back at Xander and was struck dumb by the love he felt for the man in that moment. Looking into his eyes he saw the loyalty and caring that was all directed solely at him.
Xander looked shy under the scrutiny and Spike just laughed softly and kissed him. They gasped into each other's mouths as Spike felt him push inside. Xander began to stroke his lover in time with his thrusts. It was slow and soft and when they came they didn't cry out, just sighed and rested against each other as they tried to catch their breath.
"I do love you, Xander."
"Yeah, I know, Spike," he said a little confused at the desperation in his friend's voice. "I love you too."
Spike just turned his head and closed his eyes trying to will away the images of Buffy that usually came when he was happiest. Xander just stroked his back and was silent.
Chapter 1:
A/N: Sorry about the long wait, had a bout of writer’s block and then dealt with other life issues. Buffy is American in this, I think this chapter might make things a bit more clear. This takes place in the 90s before the Good Friday agreement. Also, I’m not really trying to forward any political views here, it’s more of a backdrop and I think the ending will make that pretty obvious. So I hope everyone enjoys this, and thanks for all the reviews I’ve gotten so far, they make it much easier to write.
“Now as I was a-walking down by the sea shore
Where the wind it did whistle and the waves they did roar
There I heard a fair maid make a terrible sound
Like the wind and the waves that did echo around
Crying "Ohh.. my love is gone
He's the youth I adore
He's gone and I never shall see him no more"
She'd a voice like a nightingale, skin like a dove
And the song that she sang it was all about love
When I asked her to marry me, marry me please
But the answer she gave: "My love's drowned in the seas"
-Constant Lovers
The pair on the bed stirred at the sound of a knock on the door. Xander groaned softly, kissed Spike and jumped into his own bed on the other side of the room as Spike rose and pulled on his uniform pants. He smiled at Xander who was doing a poor job of pretending to be asleep and opened the door.
"What have my naughty boys been up to?" Dru whispered as she stepped inside and shut the door behind her.
"Dru. To what do we owe this unbelievable pleasure?" Spike asked as he sidled up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
She smiled coyly at Xander and then turned in Spike's arms to kiss him. "Do I need a reason, luv?"
"You know, we could all be in a lot of shit for this."
"What? Getting to know our fellow officers? Being so close to one another that in battle we know just how to aide the other."
Throughout her little speech she had been rubbing up against Spike in such a way that he really had a hard time staying standing. "Dru," he said, his voice thick with lust, "no one is even supposed to know you bloody exist, let alone get that close to you."
Dru ignored his comment and pulled him to the bed. She knew that they could all be in trouble with their superiors for carrying on the way they did, but she really didn't care. She wasn't all that interested in her work anyway. Being a spy had it's advantages, good money, fun weapons, and a lot of skills she could use to make herself disappear whenever she wanted. They would all come in handy, but she could give a rat's ass about politics.
Spike and Xander believed in what they did, and they carried it out because they thought it was the right thing to do. Dru was pretty much available to the highest bidder, and she'd been bought out. Of course, her boys didn't know that yet, and she was sad to see them go, but it wasn't as if they had any kind of real relationship besides the fucking. Xander belonged to Spike and Spike belonged to someone long gone. She liked them well enough, but she liked money and freedom more.
The whole spy gig was getting too tiresome, she wanted to settle down, have a house and do whatever she liked whenever she liked. Liam Angelus had her ticket, and she wasn't going to pass it up.
***
"So what's the big deal about tonight?"
"Well... I've managed to reconnect with an old friend, she's in with the Brits, and she's going to hand us two of their best officers brimming with some info we need."
"Who's the old friend, and should I be jealous?"
Liam smiled and leaned over to kiss Buffy on the nose. "She's in pretty deep, but she wants to get out, and I'm giving her a ticket to ride."
Buffy grabbed the files on the desk next to him and opened the first one. "We don't know these guys' names then?"
"Nah, one of 'em, I think someone said they heard he went by Spike, but I have a hard time believing that's what's on his passport."
"You'd be surprised, kids these days."
"Please, Ms. 'I can barely drink in my home town'." He stole another kiss but was interrupted by not-so-subtle coughing behind him.
"Hey, Anya, what took you so long?"
The brunette with an patch covering her left eye sat down across from the couple and pulled a file in front of her. "Unlike some people I have more important things to be doing than trying to catch a nooner."
Buffy smirked as Liam looked slightly uncomfortable and moved her attention back to the photo in front of her. "So, we don't even have clear pictures of these guys, how are we supposed to know if it's them?"
"Well, if Liam's contact does her job correctly, they should be the only ones in the warehouse. She'll lead them in, knock them out and catch a flight to Jamaica before you can say 'traitorous bitch'."
Liam sighed. "Listen, I know you have a certain... aversion to getting help from Dru, but she'll do her job. We knew each other as kids and if she hasn't changed, and it doesn't seem like she has, she'll go to whoever pays her the most, and we've got that for sure."
"Liam, I know you had a hard time in mathematics, but I just checked some of our books, not a whole lot to give out to backstabbers."
Buffy smiled at that. So that was Anya's more important thing.
"She doesn't need much money, just protection until she gets out of the country. She wants to disappear, we can help her, and her government's not about to let someone with that much information get out."
"Whatever, I just don't want this blowing up in our faces. Again."
Liam flinched at that and Buffy squeezed his hand to reassure him. He still felt guilty about Anya's injury even though it had happened the year before and it wasn't really his fault. She of course loved to bring it up whenever she was in an argument with him.
"Listen, I'm sure he's got this all worked out. It's not the first time we've made a deal. I don't understand why we need them both though, seems like a bit much."
"Yeah, maybe just the one, we'll have to kill the other then, it's too late to get one alone."
Buffy nodded. "It'll be more convenient in the long run. Two of them, it'll just be too hard to keep them in check, and they might feed off of each other. Strength-wise, I mean."
"Ok, here's our plan: we're taking all of us, Willow, Tara, and Gunn. Fred and Cordelia will stay with Andrew and watch things around here..."
As Liam detailed the logistics of the raid on the warehouse, Buffy stared silently at the blurry photograph in front of her. There was something about these two men that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. I she didn't know better, she would say the dark haired one could have been Xander.
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the memories. Xander and William were dead, seeing them as the two soldiers she'd be capturing was only going to make things difficult. She focused back on Liam but her mind kept drifting to the image of her long gone two best friends.
***
Buffy sat on her back porch staring at the stars. This would be the last time for a long time that she would be looking at the night sky over California. She and William would go off to England with his uncle to attend some secret elite school for the militarily gifted, whatever that was. She didn't really care about the school part. Well, she did think it would be pretty cool. She could get even more into the martial arts stuff she liked now, and instead of screwing around with a paintball gun with Will and their less-able-to-aim friends, she would be in a real kind of battle simulation.
It would be fun, and challenging, and just the kind of thing she was looking for in school. But that really wasn't why she was going. She and Will made the decision together, and she would follow him to the ends of the earth. The best part was, she knew he would do the same.
They'd been learning the tricks of the British Military's trade since they were kids from William's uncle. It started as a fun way to pass the time, but he saw potential in them both and they were accepted into this place that Buffy couldn't even really tell her mother about.
That was something she would miss. Her mom and sister and whole life on Revello Drive. It was going to be hard to give all that up, but apparently this was an opportunity not to be missed. So she wouldn't miss it, and with Will there, she really didn't care what they did.
She felt him behind her before she heard him and smiled. He sat next to her silently and she leaned into him. He grinned and put his arm around her.
"Lovely night."
"Mmmmm.... I guess."
"Sad, pet?"
Buffy shrugged. "Kind of. I mean, I'll miss mom and even Dawn. But in a way... we're going to be off together somewhere that will actually challenge us. Together being the most important part of that."
He smiled and pulled her closer. She moved to sit between his legs on the step below him. He ran his fingers through her long blond tresses and sighed contentedly.
"You know, we could never be challenged. Just stay here and live and love and go the easy way."
She looked back at him and arched an eyebrow. "When have we ever gone the easy way?"
"Good point." She turned back around and leaned into his chest. "How'd we ever make it here, Buffy?"
"What do you mean?"
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple. "Just... I can't believe we're going off to England to learn how to fight basically. You're not even British and they want you. We're young and we're in love and we're about to make a decision that we can't ever go back from. We won't be able to be together until we're out, and that will take years."
His grip on her tightened with each point and she felt his fear as if it were her own. "Hey, don't worry. We're good at this stuff, and we're gonna be even better." She ran her hands down his arms until she covered his hands with her own. "We've known each other since we were five and you and your mom moved in with Giles and made my life hell." He smiled against her hair and she turned to face him. "And we've loved each other for just as long."
She loved the way his eyes looked when he wanted her. Midnight blue and a little glazed over with lust. Always though, there was the love that outshone everything and when he leaned in to kiss her, that's all she could feel. He broke the kiss and leaned his head against hers as he tried to regain control of himself. Just the thought of her wanting him just as much as he did her made his blood sing, and a lot of it sang straight to his groin.
He shifted to make himself more comfortable and moved to kiss her jaw down to her neck, then back up to her ear where he knew she loved him to suck and bite gently. She moved her arms around him and under his shirt. The feel of her hands on his bare skin made him moan softly and she echoed him when he bit down on her earlobe.
She pushed up suddenly and straddled him, moving his hands to her thighs. She could feel how excited her was and she felt the wetness soak her panties. He looked surprised, but mostly aroused and she ground down on his erection a few times before she finally leaned down to kiss him.
"I don't want to wait, Will."
***
It had been a long slow day of fucking and sleeping. Something was bothering both Xander and Spike. They could feel that something was off with Dru and it was making them more nervous than they cared to admit. Something about the mission she was having them sent on wasn't right. They rarely went on something this deep without a large number of men.
This kind of work was better left to people like Dru, who could blend in and make nice with the locals. Xander and Spike were ok at the undercover thing, but the one time they'd fucked up remained with them and made it that much harder to have faith in their abilities again. Xander still had nightmares about the girl with half her face nearly blown off and her eye clearly missing.
Spike paced around their small room as Xander checked over all of his gear. Spike couldn't stand to check his things one more time, he would go insane if he looked again.
"Bloody hell, Xand, you've got it all, yeah?!" Xander looked up and Spike felt a little guilty for taking out his stress on his friend. "Sorry, mate. Just nervous."
"You're nervous. You didn't fuck up last time we did something like this."
"We all fucked up. I told you that." Spike sighed and sat next to his friend. "Nothing's gonna happen tonight that shouldn't. I won't let it, alright?"
Xander nodded and tried to still his shaking hands. "I don't know why I'm so freaked. Just feel like something's off."
"You got that too?" Xander nodded and Spike stroked his cheek softly with his finger. "Something with Dru, she was weird today."
Xander leaned more into the caress and Spike ran his hand through the brunette's hair. "We'll be fine. Could be she's just nervous too."
"Dru? Nervous? I think not, my friend. Not her style at all."
Spike knew it was true but he didn't want to admit it.
"Think maybe she'd sell us out?"
Spike looked up sharply and dropped his hand to his side.. "Why the fuck would you say something like that?"
Xander looked a little sheepish but he just shrugged.
"She fucking cares about us, Xander. She wouldn't do that, she cares."
Xander knew his friend was just trying to convince himself, but he let it slide. If they were going to get set up by someone, better Dru than anyone else. At least that way the person would have at least given them a little before they screwed them over. He leaned over and kissed Spike softly on the temple before standing.
"Ready?"
Spike nodded silently and grabbed his stuff.
***
Spike knew something was wrong the second he looked into Dru's eyes when they arrived at the warehouse. She was saying goodbye to him. She was fucking saying goodbye to him and he hated her so much in that moment for putting him in danger, even more for doing it to Xander.
He wasn't sure how to play it. If he told Xander and they ran, chances were they'd be caught anyway, as they were now alone with no communications as Dru controlled that aspect. Bloody stupid to come out here when he knew something was up. He looked at Xander and wished he could make it up to him.
All he said was, "what now?"
Dru looked him over and was silent for a moment. She knew he knew, and she felt a pang of regret, but it was quickly covered with images of her sipping martinis on a beach in the Bahamas. "Just follow me boys, we've got to wait. Some weapons deal going down inside."
Spike tried to catch Xander's eye, but the dark haired man was too preoccupied with not fucking up to focus on anything but Dru's instructions, keeping silent, and not tripping over his own feet.
Dru signaled for them to split up and Spike cursed frantically inside his head and she lead Xander off. If he could set himself up somewhere, he could probably snipe a few out and get Xander out of there while they dealt with Dru. They'd probably assume that she'd set them up if he did that, and maybe they'd have a chance.
Of course, this plan only worked if whatever group was coming to get them was as small as all the other little cells they'd been dealing with in this manner. The fact that they had all the information they needed from Dru made him think that they probably wouldn't be stupid. Bringing a lot of manpower and a lot of powerful weapons was probably the least stupid thing they could do.
Spike cursed again and decided he'd try to find Xander and get them both out the old fashioned way: running.
He took a step in the direction he saw them head and then turned fast as he heard someone step behind him. His gun was knocked away and he was knocked to the ground with what he assumed was the butt of Xander's gun. He looked up blearily and could make out the Dru's outline in the darkness.
"I'm sorry, Spike."
He touched a hand to his head and it came away bloody. "No you're not."
She raised the gun again and he shut his eyes. "You're mostly right, pet."
Then everything was black.
***
"I don't want to wait, Will."
He was sure that he had heard her wrong. Sure that in his highly aroused state he had made up a scenario where she would actually give to him the one thing he wanted most before they left to make whatever they could of their lives.
He stared blankly at her and she kissed him again. "I'm sure, Will, let's go to your room."
She stood up and tugged on his hand until he was walking across the street with her and climbing the trellis into his window. They got inside and he noticed she was shaking slightly. He pulled her to him and rubbed up and down her arms.
"I'm not cold."
He pulled back and looked at her. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and she loved him. Loved him so much that she wanted-
Wait, why...
"Not cold?" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He'd been too excited and it scared her off. "Oh. We can just sleep... or I can take you home."
He prayed that she would at least stay with him. How many nights had they slept together in his bed trying to keep themselves in check until they were ready to take that step? Too many for his tastes, but he was willing to spend a million of them in frustration with her if that's what she wanted.
"No.. no, Will I still want to. It's just... I guess I'm kind of nervous."
He let out a sigh of relief and pulled her to him. "We're in the same boat then, huh, baby?"
She smiled up at him. They were silent for a moment before he leaned down to kiss her softly. They moved slowly and hesitantly, much more so than they usually did. This time it had very little to do with just getting off.
They moved to his bed and lay down slowly. He slid his hands under her shirt and pulled it up and over he head while she unbuttoned his and slid it off his shoulders. He leaned forward and place reverent kisses to the top of her breasts not covered by her bra. They were both breathing hard and she moved his hands to unclasp her bra.
He kissed her deeply, his tongue caressing hers. He removed her bra and her hands fell to his belt buckle. He gasped and steadied himself as she brushed over his highly sensitive cock. He prayed that he could calm himself before the actual event or it would be very embarrassing for him and not near pleasurable enough for her. She pushed him to lay back as she removed his pants.
She stood up and took off her own before moving up between his legs and taking his cock in her hand. He panted while he watched her fondle him. He was going to cum very very soon, there was no way to stop it unless she poured a bucket of cold water over him, and even then he figured it would only go down a little.
She looked up at him and ran her hands up his chest, brushing over his nipples and making him moan before coming to rest again on his cock. "I love you so much, Will."
He threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut as his balls tightened painfully at her words. He held himself off barely and managed to look back at her. "God, Buffy, love you so bloody much..." He reached down and stilled her hand. "I'm so close, baby, gonna cum if you touch me one more time."
She moved her head and kissed his inner thighs slowly and he cried out as he felt his orgasm approach rapidly. "Please, luv."
She moved up and placed her hand around the base of his cock. "Cum on me, Will." He nearly screamed as wave after wave of pleasure rolled over him. Shots of thick cum erupted out of his cock and onto her breasts and stomach.
When he was finally done she leaned down and licked his cock clean before rubbing his cum into her skin. He pulled her up and rolled over on top of her. "Now you."
She was so turned on after watching him that when he ducked down all she needed was one long sweep of his tongue before she was cumming hard on his face as he sucked and licked feeling her spasm against him.
He grinned up at her and she pulled him up to lay next to her. She noticed he was almost at full hardness again and she reached down to stroke him.
"Where are they?"
He looked down at her for a moment before reaching into his bedside table and pulling out a condom. She took it from him and rolled it onto his length. His breathing had sped up considerably during all this and she knew he was as aroused as she was. She couldn't ever remember being this wet, and she knew half of it was from the look on his face.
He settled between her legs and brought his forearms up to brace himself. "You sure?"
She kissed him hard and thrust her hips up. He positioned himself at her entrance and looked into her eyes.
"Don't want to hurt you, baby." She nodded and he pushed inside slowly. She stretched to accommodate him and it wasn’t too painful until he reached her barrier. “Love you, Buffy,” he whispered as he pushed inside her fully.
They both cried out, though for different reasons, and he was quick to kiss her softly and stroke her as the pain receded. He whispered to her softly and she finally felt as if they were good to continue.
She moved her hips and he began to thrust slowly. “God, Buffy.. so bleedin’ beautiful.”
His thrusts began to speed up at her body’s request and soon they were nearing the peak. He was sure he’d never felt so close to anyone, not even her before this moment.
“Oohh, Will, God, I’m so...” He reached down and rubbed her clit in the way he knew she liked and she came around his cock screaming his name. He followed immediately emptying his seed into the condom though he wished it could be her.
He moved to pull out and off of her but she wrapped her arms around him. “Don’t go.”
“I’m not, baby, just need to get rid of this.”
She shook her head and he kissed her before resting himself on her, trying to keep as much weight off of her as he could.
“We could stay like this forever, Buffy, never leave this room.”
“Right now, Will, I’m thinking you could make a case.”
He pulled them onto their sides while remaining inside her so that he could pull her closer to him. “No matter what happens, we’ll come back to this place, yeah? We’ll have our kids and our house and our life here. What we’re going to play at Buffy, no place for a real life.”
She nodded against his chest. “I know. We’ll come back here, I promise.”
***
Dru heard the car stop outside and she stepped out smiling at Liam.
"My pretty Angel, I've got some presents for you."
"Usually don't pay for presents, Dru. But then, you were always barmy."
He handed her an envelope and nodded to Willow and Tara. "These two will take you to the plane and make sure it gets out with no trouble. We don't want to see you again, Dru, not in my country anyway."
She kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear. "Won't keep her for long, luv, things are changing as we speak."
He pulled back and looked from her to Buffy and then nodded at Willow who opened the door. Dru smiled, not a little crazily and got into the car.
Buffy nodded to Gunn and they entered the warehouse with Liam close behind. She motioned for Gunn to check the right and she made her way toward the back left corner where she could see a booted foot poking out from behind a box. She came around the box and aimed quickly. His face was covered with blood and turned to the side, so she couldn't exactly make out his face. He did seem familiar though, and she wondered if maybe she had gone to school with him.
She heard Liam's voice behind her and she sighed in relief. It seemed that things were actually going to plan for once. He came up behind her and crouched down to see if the man was alive. He looked up and grinned.
"They're both fine. The other's coming to, but this one seems a little weaker. Maybe we should keep him."
Buffy nodded and moved to see their other prisoner. He was standing now with his back to her facing Gunn. His hair was bleached and short but whatever tussle he'd been in had it sticking up in short curls. She nodded at Gunn and he motioned for the man to kneel.
Buffy moved to look away but something stopped her. The man turned and faced her and her heart seemed to stop for a moment, she couldn't breathe and all the blood rushed from her face.
The man seemed to be having a similar reaction but he found his voice first.
"Oh, holy Jesus Christ.... Buffy?!"
Chapter 2:
A/N: Don't get too comfortable everyone, this story is far from coming to a close. Also, for anyone reading Blonde on Blonde, I hope to update that either tonight or tomorrow. Reviews are always loved, and thanks to all who've given them so far.
"O words are lightly spoken",
said Pearse to Connolly;
"Maybe a breath of polite words
Has withered our Rose Tree;
Ore maybe but a wind that blows
Across the bitter sea."
"It needs to be but watered",
James Connolly replied,
"To make the green come out again
And spread on every side,
And shake the blossom from the bud
To be the garden's pride."
But where can we draw water",
Said Pearse to Connolly,
"When all the wells are parched away?
O plain as plain can be
There's nothing but our own red blood
Can make a right Rose Tree."
-Yeats, "The Rose Tree"
Buffy sat staring forward in the car on the ride back to base. She couldn't move, couldn't speak, she was surprised she'd been able to keep herself together long enough to tell Liam to bring them both back unharmed. The look on her face must have said enough, he didn't argue and he and Gunn had restrained the soldiers and put them in the back of the car while she walked over to sit next to Anya.
The final clue that she looked just like she felt was Anya's conspicuous silence. The woman she'd known well for years never kept her mouth shut unless it was something big.
This was the biggest of the big things.
For the first twenty minutes the only thought in her head was: He's not dead, thank God he's alive. This was followed by a shitload of questions she had no answers for. Why the hell was he alive, why was Xander alive? Why were they fighting on that side when she was on another? Why did he lie to her? How could he have lied to her? Did she mean nothing to him? How could he look at her like she was the most precious thing in the world still? Why the hell was his hair that color?
She sneaked a glance in the rearview mirror and wished she hadn't. He looked terrible, his face was swelling and there was blood all over, Xander looked worse, in face, Xander was still out. She worried about them, she wanted to care for him. What she really wanted to do was jump into Will's arms and have him swear he was never going to leave again.
She couldn't have that though. He was a right bastard for leaving her like that, letting her think he was dead. He couldn't even have the decency to tell her that he wanted to focus on work instead of a life with her. She would have been just fine with that.
Ok, so not just fine, but it wouldn't have left her the broken mess that she had been when she thought he was dead and never coming back.
Ok, so she might have still been a broken mess for a while, but she would have been able to move on maybe. Realize that it was just puppy love on his part. First love, first lay, it means something, and sometimes people think it means more than it does....
But God, she still loved him more than anything in the world. More than life, and she needed him to tell her that he felt the same way, it had all been a misunderstanding.
It couldn't have been just a simple misunderstanding, though. There was no way you could just forget to tell someone, "hey, guess what, I'm not dead." Didn't he notice the lack of mail, how it must have just stopped. Did he think she would leave without saying goodbye to him?
She'd gone back to California to try to live out what she figured his wishes would be. Tried to raise a family in Sunnydale, hang out at their old haunts, see their old friends. But without Will it was nothing, meaningless, and she hated it there more than in England.
She caught Liam staring at her and she looked away. She wasn't ready to face that yet. Things were totally different now, he must have sensed it. She loved Liam, but she was in love with William, and there wasn't a single time yet when she'd been willing to give up the love of her life. Not even when she thought he was dead.
***
Spike sat in the back of the car and stared at nothing. She was here? In Ireland? Fighting with these bastards?
It hurt him so much that she'd left him and all their dreams to rot so that she could fight with terrorists intent on killing innocent people. Had she forgotten everything they'd ever learned about the IRA? About how brutal and cold hearted they were, how they killed innocent children just to take some land from people that rightfully owned it?
Had she gone completely crazy?
Fuck it all, he still loved her more than anything. He ached for her so badly that he felt as if his heart was about to rip itself out of his chest to get closer to her. He wanted to hold her to him and smell her hair, taste her skin. God, he could still remember the little noises she made when he touched her just right. The way she moved when he was above her, the way her face radiated beauty and love when she came around him.
He hit his head on the seat behind him and grimaced. She'd been his everything. Who was he kidding, she still bloody was. Nothing could get him to forget her, not a single thing about her. Seeing her again made him realize how foolish he'd been to think he could be truly in love with Xander.
He looked over at his friend and his anxiety and guilt ratcheted up another notch. He'd sworn they'd get out of this safely, and now, unless Buffy had retained a little sanity, they'd be killed and by the woman they'd both loved, if not with the same intensity.
Silent tears made their way down his face as he thought of how fucked up everything he'd been playing at with Xander really was, and how fucked up Buffy had been to leave him like she had. Not even a fucking letter to let him know she was alright. Just packed it up and headed back to sunny Southern California and forgot all about the boy who loved her enough to die for her a million times over.
Maybe it was just a good time for her. Maybe it was just the fact he was the only one around who could even come close to challenging her. Maybe she just felt sorry for little William all her life and she couldn't bear to break his heart to his face.
He slammed his head back again and got a glare from the black guy. He returned it and then looked back out the window. He wanted to curl up next to Xander and pretend none of this had happened. Knowing what Buffy was now was worse than just imagining her with another man. She was with another man, and she was fighting a war he was on the other side of.
More than the comfort Xander could give, though, he wanted Buffy. To cuddle up with her in his old room at the base, or better yet, in her room in Sunnydale. Just the two of them, with their whole bloody lives ahead of them, talking about what they'd name their sodding children.
Looks like all that was a pile of shit she'd made pretty for William when he was around.
Guess what, bitch, William's dead.
***
If it weren't for the cargo being quite possibly the most painful pair of human beings for Buffy, she would have assumed that things were going too well. As it was, not getting stopped for a search seemed like just enough good to nearly balance out the overwhelming badness of this situation.
As soon as they were safely back she jumped out of the car and ran to her room. She ignored Liam's cries for her to wait and slammed the door. She stared at herself in the small mirror they had and all she could see was the girl who'd given up her whole life to follow her lover only to have him die.
Only he wasn't dead, he was just a liar, and as much as she wanted to hate him, she couldn't. She reached over and locked the door before she allowed herself to weep.
***
Buffy heard William before she saw him. She also could smell him before she saw him. He reeked of liquor and her heart clenched again for him. He was trying so hard to be quiet as he climbed in her window, but he was doing a terrible job.
Finally he landed with a thud on her floor and called out her name softly.
"On the bed, Will."
He remained on the floor while he pulled off his shoes, duster, and shirt. He crawled under her covers and molded his body to hers. She felt his tears on soak through her shirt as he lay his head on her stomach.
"Shhh, baby, I've got you, Will."
He shook against her and held onto her for dear life as she stroked his hair and back and tried to soothe him with her words.
"She's gone, Buffy."
"I know, Will."
"What if... I could've been better, what if she didn't-"
"Shh, no, she loved you so much, Will. She was so proud of you. You couldn't have done anything any better. Perfect son, she told me that."
He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face back into her stomach. Buffy couldn't imagine what he was going through. She'd loved his mother almost as much as he had, and it had hurt, but the sounds William had made when he found her, the way he would just stare at nothing for hours in the two days since, it made her own grief seem meaningless next to his.
After the funeral he'd gone into a rage, breaking quite a few things in his uncle's kitchen before Giles had to physically restrain him. He'd fought with him, come to her and fought with her, then stormed out into the night to, she guessed, and it looked like she was correct, get totally plastered.
She didn't blame him, even if he really hadn't had much of an excuse she'd probably forgive him without much reason. She could never stay mad at him for long, even if she wanted to.
His sobs were slowing down and getting less intense and he climbed up her body until his head was next to hers on the pillow, their arms around each other and legs entwined.
"I'm so sorry, luv."
"I know, Will, it's ok."
"I didn't mean to-"
"Shh.." She moved to kiss him and he sighed into it. She wanted to comfort him and she didn't know any other way to really help him, but she wasn't sure it was appropriate. She waited for him to make the next move.
Their lips moved gently against each other for a few moments before he rolled them so that he was half on top of her and his tongue swept across her lips. She opened her mouth to him and he moaned softly. The longer they kissed, the harder she felt him get against her leg. She moved her hand between them and squeezed him gently, unsure if he wanted anything more than kisses.
He broke the kiss and moaned deep in his chest. "Buffy..."
She felt his hand covers hers and press her tighter against him. She stroked him a few times under his instruction then brought his hand up to cover her breast while she unbuttoned his pants.
He squeezed her breast tenderly then rolled her nipple between his fingers at the same time as she pulled his cock out of his pants. They gasped together and she kissed him gently, trying to give him as much love as she could through the kiss alone.
He tried to lift her shirt but she stilled his hands. "Let me take care of you, Will," she whispered against his lips. He nodded slightly and she pushed him onto his back and kissed a trail down his body, pausing at his nipples.
He gasped and moaned above him and she was happy that he at least seemed to be focused on something pleasant. She pulled his pants down to his knees so that she could reach all of him. Her hand reached under and she stroked gently against his anus. His hips came off the bed and he gasped out her name.
She looked up at him and saw him staring down at her with love and lust in his eyes. "Love you, Will," she whispered before she licked the precum that had gathered off of the head of his shaft.
"Ohh, God, Buffy, love you too, so much."
He watched her as she sucked a finger into her mouth and coated it liberally with saliva. He didn't think his cock had ever been harder. She took his shaft in her other hand and stroked him up and down before sliding her lubricated finger into him.
"Just want to make you feel good."
"Luv, oh Jesus, I never... only you, Buffy..." She took him in her mouth and began to pump her finger inside him. "Oohh, Christ.. Jesus Christ... Buffy, love you.. oh pet, so fucking good.."
He continued to babble incoherently while she went to work on his cock. As long as he was talking about how good he felt, he wouldn't be thinking of the pain. His release came too soon for both their tastes, but she swallowed him down and cleaned his cock before pulling his pants back up and tucking him in.
She moved up his body and he pulled her to him, capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. "You always know.. just me and you.. and, God, you always know."
She knew others wouldn't get it, but to her, he made complete since. "Always like this, Will."
"Yes, baby, always."
***
Spike slowly realized that as they hadn't been blindfolded for the ride to the base, they probably weren't meant to leave alive. Maybe if he played his cards right, they'd take him and let Xander go as he was out for the entire way. That was if he woke up any time soon.
He watched them take him out and carry him off somewhere where Spike was not to follow. He wanted to scream at them, fight them, do anything to keep them from hurting Xander. It was his bloody fault they'd been taken, he couldn't let his friend down.
Especially when he thought about how he'd been using the poor bastard for years to get over someone he would never get over. Buffy wasn't going to go away, no matter how much he tried to reinvent himself. He couldn't think he away, fuck her away, most of all he couldn't hate her away. He'd toyed with Xander and now he was going to get him killed.
He was in a daze as the big, dark haired, broody one pulled him out of the car and into the large compound. They weren't in the city so much as some farm looking place on the outskirts. He'd never been out this way before. It was strange. He looked up at the man dragging him through the place and knew that he must be the one Buffy was shacking up with.
He didn't like Spike, and it wasn't in the "get the fuck out of my country" kind of way. It was more of a "don't even think about touching my girl again" thing. Spike hoped to do more than touch. God, the grass was so pretty in here. Wait a minute, weren't they inside. He looked around and noticed the edges of his vision were blurry. He closed his eyes and shook his head, and nearly fell down.
Tall, dark and broody straightened him none too gently and they kept walking, though at this point Spike was really staggering. He could feel the warmth of his blood trickling down his back, it tickled. He giggled, and that's when he realized that he was losing a pretty good amount of blood, and he was probably suffering from a little shock, and he was about to pass out.
He turned to give his captor the most self-satisfied smirk he could muster before he fell to the floor.
***
Buffy heard the knocking at her door and she hurriedly washed her face and took a few deep breaths before answering.
"Buffy? Liam's asking for you downstairs."
Willow looked up and Buffy could see understanding flood her features. "Jesus Christ you're perceptive."
Willow smiled slightly and brought a hand up to cup Buffy's cheek. "You wanna talk for a minute?"
Buffy nodded and let the red head in before shutting the door behind her. "How did you know?"
"Well, Liam's pacing around looking more angry than I've seen him in quite a while, Anya's running her mouth off about how you freaked out about the hostages, you look like you've both seen a ghost and attended your lover's funeral, and I've seen a picture of him." She looked up at Buffy and smiled sympathetically. "His hair's different."
"Yeah, I noticed that." She was silent for a minute. "I think maybe... he's different too."
Willow pulled her friend in for a hug and Buffy let the last of her tears stain her shirt. "All these years... I thought he was gone.. dead... And now..."
Willow pulled back and brushed the hair out of Buffy's face. "He's hurt, Buffy. He lost a lot of blood, and the other one, we're not sure about him."
"What am I supposed to say.. or.. or do? I mean, they're the enemy, but they were also people I loved."
"Loved?"
Buffy looked down and closed her eyes. "Yeah, I know."
Willow stood and moved to the door. "Either way, we still need information. Convincing Liam to keep the dark haired one alive, that might be tough, but they are giving William blood. He'd going to be ok."
"For how long?"
"I think it's mostly your call, Buff. Liam would do anything for you?"
Buffy looked up and studied her friend for a moment. "Even give me up to a guy from the SAS who, if he hasn't changed, is pretty damn committed to his country?"
"Maybe not that, but giving you up to a guy from the SAS who was pretty damn committed to you, and might still be.... Liam just wants what's best."
"I do to, for this place, for your kids, Willow. You and Tara and Gunn and Fred, everyone. We've been fighting too long and hard, lost too much to give in because I'm in love with the enemy."
"What about you Buffy, your kids? You deserve something too."
Buffy looked away and squeezed back the tears that threatened. "Just talk to him, then decide. We can do this together. We'll always be here for you, Buffy, you've done so much to help already."
She nodded and Willow held out a hand to help her up from the bed. They stood and walked downstairs.
***
Willow took on the task of convincing Liam to care for Xander while Buffy went to find William. He was hooked up to an IV on a cot in a room they used for interrogations. She pulled up a chair next to him and watched his face as he slept.
For the first time she could really examine him again. It had been so long, but he still looked almost exactly the same. She didn't understand the hair, but it wasn't too bad. The scar was still there on his eyebrow from the accident when he'd climbed into her window after too much to drink. His skin was still smooth and a little pale, he'd never liked the sun too much. His cheekbones were prominent and made him more gorgeous than she remembered.
She avoided looking at his lips. She'd tasted their sweetness too many times, and they'd tasted her everywhere. She closed her eyes and tried to beat back the wave of love she felt sweep over her. God, it would feel so good t just touch him a little. She bet her body still fit against his perfectly, all her curves slipping in just right. He loved running his hands up and down her thighs when she rode him, loved to let her work him into a frenzy while she covered his hands with hers.
They were just so perfect together, she thought he'd loved her.
She put her face in her hands and tried not to feel so unbelievably weary. She didn't think she had many tears left, she was just so damn tired.
"This is him, then?"
She turned quickly and saw Liam standing in the doorway. She rose and walked toward him. Part of her wanted him to hold her and take her away, part of her felt guilty for being with him when William had been alive all this time. He didn't move to touch her at all and she felt cold.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play stupid with me, you never talk about him, but I know. Someone can't love you and not know him. He's always there."
Buffy hurt for Liam. She didn't want him to think that she loved him any less because of it, and she didn't. It was just that she'd never really loved him at all, at least, she hadn't been in love with him.
"Liam, it's complicated."
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, it's not really. Are you going to leave us and go with him?"
"Are you letting him go?"
"Answer my question first."
She pulled him out into the hall and closed the door. "He's... I'm not going back to England if that's what you mean. I know too much and I care too much to ever fight on that side."
He let out a sigh of relief and pulled her to him, she didn't resist, though it felt wrong. "But you don't know about him yet?"
Buffy was hoping he'd missed that part. She didn't know what to say, so she pulled something out of her ass. "He's in my past, I don't l... I can't be with him again. What he did, I don't think I can forgive him. But, Liam, I can't kill him either, or Xander. We've got to figure something else out, because I can't do that to them. I've known William since I was five years old."
Liam nodded and kissed her head softly. "We'll figure something out, Buffy. Don't worry about that. But we still need any info they have, maybe now they'll give it to us with less of a fight."
Buffy doubted it but kept silent. Liam stepped back and brushed the hair from her face. "Go on and talk to him, I'm sure there are some things you need to say."
Either he was incredibly confident in his position in her life, or just really stupid. Buffy nodded and squeezed his hand before going back in and closing the door.
William was sitting up and awake when she turned around. They stared at each other for a long while before anyone moved. Before either of them realized what had happened they found each other huddled in the middle of the floor in each other's arms.
"God, Buffy I missed you so bloody much-"
"Will, I thought.. God, I thought-"
She pulled back from him and saw the tears in his eyes and she knew she'd never really be able to let him go. He tried to kiss her but she held him back and checked the bandages on his head making sure he was safe. His eyes were both swollen and his lips was cut. His nose looked a little swollen too, but she didn't think it was broken. Most of the damage was to the back of his head and his left temple. She pulled him close and kissed his wounds before she moved to kiss away his tears.
He closed his eyes and couldn't stop the sobs that racked his body and shook them both. He couldn't remember a time when he'd been so relieved and so depressed at the same time. He'd found her, but nothing was going to be the same. She'd left him and she'd switched sides, and he still didn't know why.
After they both began to calm a little and their grips on the other lessened a bit, he felt her begin to tense and pull away slightly. He sighed softly and let her go.
Neither knew what to say so they just sat, still touching, but it was almost subconscious, just reassurance this wasn't a half-terrible, half-wonderful dream.
"I thought.... Heard you and Giles went back to California."
Buffy wasn't sure whether she was relieved or enraged that he chose the safest topic available to them. "Umm.. Yeah.. I was, for a while. I couldn't," she sighed and looked up at him. "It was too hard there without you."
She was hoping she'd get an explanation after her admission. It had taken a lot to convince herself to be honest about her feelings for him, that they still existed. He just looked away.
"So.. How'd you get here?"
He didn't understand how she could say something about feeling for him when she'd left him with nothing all those years ago.
"I had to get out of there, so I came back to London, and I met a girl. Next thing I know I'm smuggling her into Belfast and joining up with Liam Angelus and his famous crew."
Spike had heard of Angelus, and his little band of fighters. In fact, now that he thought back on it, he remembered hearing about Buffy, though he hadn't known it was her. "The Slayer", they'd called her, he thought it brought up more bad hair images than terror. She was vicious and tough as hell, and no one had ever been able to take her or Angelus, they were the best at getting into and out of tough spots.
"You've made quite the name for yourself among us."
She didn't miss the bitterness in his voice. "Yeah well, 'when you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose'. After you, I didn't have much fear of anything. I learned everything from you guys, I could fight pretty well that way."
He still didn't get why she kept talking about it like he'd left her. She'd gone without so much as a "Dear John" and it was like she was laying it all on him.
She sighed when he didn't respond to her last effort to draw out his story. "How'd you let this happen, Will?"
"It's Spike."
"What?"
"William, I don't use that. I'm Spike now."
She stared at him for a minute then sighed again. "I'm not calling you Spike, Will, now answer my question."
"Will," he said with a snarl, "doesn't bloody exist anymore." She turned away so that he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. "Don't really think Buffy does either."
"Why are you doing this?" she yelled at him suddenly. He looked at her blankly and she covered her face in her hands. "Why are you treating me like I'm nothing to you? Dammit, Will, you're something to me."
He kissed her hard and without any warning. She responded without thought for a moment before pulling away, but he didn't let her get far. He pulled her to rest her head against his chest and stroked her hair. "I... Fuck, Buffy, you know I love you."
She clutched him harder and sobbed into his shirt. "God, Will, I love you too. I could never stop loving you."
Neither wanted to say anymore about it then. They knew each other well enough that they could sense that emotional share time was over. They got up and sat side by side on the bed holding the other's hand tight enough to grind the bones.
"I don't see how that crazy bitch got the better of you," she said after a few moments of silence.
Spike chuckled before his laugh turned into a choked sob. "Oh God..."
"Will?"
He shook his head and wiped his eyes with his free hand. Suddenly she understood. "Oh."
He looked over at her. "I did know, she'd been weird all day. Xand knew too, but..."
"You didn't want to believe it."
"Something like that."
They were silent for a while longer until Spike yawned. Buffy moved to the edge of the cot. "You should sleep. We haven't quite decided..." She didn't finish her thought and Spike grabbed her other hand.
"Don't go."
"Will."
"No, just.. I know we haven't figured..." he trailed off and just looked at her. "I just... just found you again."
Buffy knew she was playing with fire here. She didn't want to hurt Liam, but honestly, she couldn't leave William alone. She sat back down and he lay by the wall and pulled her against him. It wasn't long before she was crying softly again, but no matter how hard she tried he felt it.
"I know, baby. God, I know."