Title: Baby Did A Bad Thing

Author: Mrs Muir

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: I own nothing it all things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, UPN and Fox. All song lyrics belong to their owners.

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Chapter 1 - Voices Echo

I really hadn’t meant to stay away as long as I did. But there wasn’t much choice. Dru had gotten into trouble and called for me. What could I say? She was my sire and had been my lover for a hundred years of evil bliss. So, I went. Got her out of her trouble with the vampire she was involved with. Took her to Europe and left her there. With relief.

There was only thing on my mind. A pair of green eyes. Green eyes looking into mine right before she kissed me. That one kiss had sustained me through six months of walking through the hell that had been my life before I met her. And if Drusilla hadn’t called there would have been more kisses. That night we had lost our memories. After the spell had been broken she had left hints for me. A candy trail for the Big Bad to follow to his little Red Riding Hood. Where there would have been goodies for both of us. But now I could only hope that there was some chance to start things going again.

There was something different. I could feel it even before I opened the door. Moving slowly I entered my crypt. Yeah, someone had been here while I was gone. There were fast food wrappers and soda cans on the table and floor next to the couch. Anger coursed through me as I thought about someone just helping themselves to my shit. Which was actually kinda funny because that’s how I had gotten most of the stuff myself. By stealing it.

I threw my bag down on the ground and kicked at a pile of clothes by the entrance. Then it hit me. Her scent. It was everywhere. That unique scent of musky spices that was always clinging to her. Like shadows did to night. Picking up the clothes I saw that they were hers.

"Buffy, you here?" I called out to her.

But there was only silence. I made my way downstairs to the bedroom thinking she might be down there and just hadn’t heard me. Her clothes were scattered around the room, makeup covered the top of the dresser and her comforter was spread across the bed. Walking over to the bed to see what pictures she had left propped on the nightstand. They were of Dawn and Joyce. Smiling I ran a finger over their faces. Something about those Summers’ women that got to me. All of them.

One of my t-shirts was lying on the floor I bent over to pick it up. Bringing it to my face I could smell her on it. A groan made it’s way from my throat and my body responded to the image of her wearing my clothes. It was a groan of passion and possessiveness. Of wanting to take it off her again. I quickly shook my head to clear my thoughts. There were other things to think about. Like why she was living here and where she was now. What had happened to Dawn?

"Well, there is only one way to find out." I muttered to myself before leaving the crypt again.

Her house was all lit up. She may not live there but someone did. When no one answered my knock I opened the door and started to walk in. And I hit a barrier. Someone had uninvited me.

"Buffy, Dawn, are you here?" I hollered into the house. At first there was silence then the sound of pounding feet on the upstairs hallway. Soon Dawn was running down the stairs. It seemed like she almost leapt from the middle of the staircase into my arms. Her arms wrapped around me in a vise like grip. It surprised me at first then it felt good to be welcomed. I put my arms around her and hugged her back.

"You came back. You came back." She whispered over and over into my ear. Her tears hitting my neck where her face was buried.

"Yeah, Niblet, I’m back. What’s going on?"

"Dawn, come back in the house." It was Giles. He was standing in the doorway holding onto the door.

Dawn wouldn’t let go though. Finally Giles reached out and grabbed her shoulder. She tried to shrug him off.

"Dawn, now! In the house!"

Finally she let go and backed up into the house.

"Giles, why can’t Dawn see me?" I know that I wasn’t a favored son or anything but they had never kept her away from me before.

"Dawn, go upstairs. I need to talk to Spike."

Giles turned to look at Dawn while she gave me one last pleading look before she turned upstairs. After she had disappeared back up the stairs Giles looked back at me.

"Dawn is in my custody now. And part of that responsibility is making sure she stays away from Buffy and her influence."

I couldn’t believe my ears. Buffy and her influence?

"What do you mean?" I kinda said it in a half laugh. This was ridiculous.

"They were going to put Dawn in a foster home. Buffy couldn’t handle it anymore. She signed her guardianship over to me."

Giles looked at me with sadness in his eyes. It had to be killing him for Buffy to have not been able to handle everything.

"Spike, stay away from Dawn." Then he closed the door in my face. Just like that I was dismissed with still a thousand questions.

I lit a cigarette as I made my back to my bike. Then I heard a window opening upstairs.

"Spike!"

Dawn was hanging out the window of Buffy’s old room.

"The Edge of Paradise. She’s there."

Then she was gone. The Edge of Paradise was a bar at the edge of town. It’s clientele not the best. Working men, bikers and a little bit of demon thrown in the mix. The thought of Buffy there made my stomach curl. There was only one type of woman that visited there or worked there. And if she was that sort of woman now somebody was going to be seriously hurt.

Chapter 2 - Bad Girls Go Everywhere

The bar was busy. The rock music poured out into the crowded parking lot. After leaving my bike on the side of the building I made my way to the front door. Handed the man my cover charge and wandered in. I stayed to the side in the shadows. Wanted to see her before she saw me. At first I couldn't locate her but then I spotted her. Standing next to a table apparently taking an order. One of the idiots had the audacity to lean against her as she bent down to hear him. Then she laughed at something he said and walked away.

I almost gasped in shock and desire when I saw her walking away. Her hair was wild and falling all over the place. Her makeup was heavier than I had ever seen. She was wearing a red shirt over a red lace bra. The shirt wasn’t buttoned just tied under her breasts. There was a long look at her stomach before the top of her cut off jean shorts began. The waistband had been ripped off and they just hung on her hips and the curve of her ass. Covering her legs were black leather boots lacing up to her knees. I never thought I would see her looking so hot anywhere but in my fantasies. I was beginning to wonder if I had come back to the right universe.

She made her way behind the bar to start pulling the draft beers for the guys. When she squatted behind the bar to get something I slid into a seat on the other side of the bar from her and waited.

"I’ll be with you in just a minute." She called up to me. A few seconds later her head popped back up with her hands full of napkins. I just smiled as her eyes flew wide with recognition.

"Spike?" She managed to squeak out before she started to drop the napkins. Making a grab for them she disappeared again as knelt to pick up the ones that got away. Laughing at her unease was probably a mistake as she came back up flashing fire.

"I have to take care of my customers. Arnie will take your order." She turned and stomped off with a full tray of drinks.

A rather large man with a gut to match came over and stood in front of me. He didn’t look real happy that I was messing with one of his ‘girls’.

"Sorry pal. Knew the chit a while back. Just got back into town and I guess I surprised her." I tried to explain to Arnie. Wouldn’t hurt to do a little male bonding with the guy because I planned on keeping myself right here until Buffy got off work.

"Don’t care. Don’t start trouble and if you’re sitting you had better be ordering." He told me.

Oh, well, so much for making friends.

"Whiskey. And a draft to wash it down." I laid my money down on the bar first so he knew I was serious.

After getting my drinks I moved to a table in the corner. Figured I would get out of the way but yet get a clear view of the action. Well, actually so I could keep an eye on Buffy. She seemed at ease here. It was clear that she knew a lot of the regulars and they knew her. But they also seemed to respect her. Not to say they weren’t feeling what they could when they could. It just wasn’t overly vulgar grabs. Maybe she had taken a few out along the way and word had gotten out.

Time dragged out as I waited. Another waitress named Mitzi came over once in a while to bring me more beer. Kept tipping her good. Not my usual style but I knew she would let Buffy know. A man has to make an impression anyway he can.

After about two hours Buffy made her way over to my table and sat down across from me.

"I’m on break." She explained as she reached for my pack of smokes and lighter.

I leaned back in my chair and watched her. There were no innocent moves on her part. She shook a cigarette out and lit it with practiced ease. Exhaling smoke in my direction she looked up at me.

"So, what’s going on, pet?" I asked her as she just silently watched me.

"Work here now. Have been living at your place. Other than that not much." She tried to explain in a nonchalant voice. It might have worked for someone who didn’t know her like I did. I could hear the pain hiding behind her words.

"Mmmm, so why have you been…Hey, that’s my shirt you’ve got on." The familiarity of the red shirt finally struck me as she was sitting so close.

"Sorry, went with the look." She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back.

"Matched the bra?"

"Yeah."

I couldn’t help it. Now that her shirt and bra had been brought up in conversation my eyes went down to her tits. She had to have been wearing one of those push up things because they were defiantly straining upwards and together. The bra only had the lace and I could see the whiteness of her skin under it. My eyes closed as the image of her burned its way into my brain and the message was being sent to my groin. I heard her laugh and opened my eyes to find her face only inches from mine. Her breath softly caressed my face and I inhaled just so that I could have a part of her in me.

"You doing okay there, Spike?" She asked me in a breathy little whisper.

Then as I tried to strangle out an answer she leaned back and took another drag of her cigarette. She was enjoying my response to her. Suddenly she switched gears and stood crushing out the remaining of her smoke.

"Are you going to wait until I get off?" She asked me looking at the wall behind me.

"Yeah, I’ll wait and give you a ride home."

Buffy looked quickly at me and smiled before she walked off. I waited and watched. Watched her moving around taking care of customers. Trying to become acquainted with this woman who had taken my Buffy’s place. She looked the same, smelled the same, walked the same but she sure wasn’t acting the same. I wondered what the hell they had done to her while I was gone to make her run like this. The girl I knew was self-righteous and a little priggish but this woman wasn’t. She knew what she had and she worked it to the max to make the tips that kept flowing her way. Not that I blamed her. You had to do what you had to do.

Finally, Arnie made the last call and the place began to empty out. The girls started clearing out and putting the chairs on the table. I stood and started to help them with the chairs. Mitzi was talking a blue streak at me. Telling me how nice I was to help and that I must really care to have hung around all night for Buffy. I just made little comments to let her know that I wasn’t ignoring her but I really could care less. After the chairs were up I went and waited outside for Buffy.

She came out of the building calling out to the other girls to have a good night. As she came up to me she pulled my flask out of her coat pocket and took a swig of whatever was in it. We made our way over to my bike. She climbed behind me scooting close enough for me to feel her against my back. Placing her hands on my waist she told me she was ready. As I went to kick start the motor her leg bumped against mine. Swallowing back my reaction I started to head for the crypt. The night air was cool as I concentrated on driving. Not allowing myself to indulge in the feel of her so close. Six months away and my nerves were doing a damn happy dance at her being so close to me.

Every once in a while her hand would move away from me and I knew she taking another drink from the flask. When we had to stop for a light I reached back for it. She handed it to me bottom first so our hands wouldn't have to touch. I took a long swallow of the fiery liquid after first running my tongue across the opening. Just wanted to taste her on the metal. The whiskey settled into my stomach with a slow burn unlike the feel of her, which was a hot fire against me.

Once we reached the crypt she walked ahead of me and slipped inside while I put the bike away. There was another crypt close by that I kept it in. I lit a cigarette on the way back to settle the uneasy feeling in my gut. Buffy was pouring a drink when I walked in. She was mixing whiskey and diet soda in a glass. I walked over to her as she stuck her finger in the glass and swirled the liquids together. As she started to move her finger toward her mouth I grabbed it and pulled it toward mine instead. Her eyes widened in surprise as I sucked the liquid from her finger. A jolt of electricity ran through my body ending at my cock. It had been in a partial state of arousal since I had found my t-shirt and now it was at full attention. But before I could do anything about it Buffy pulled away from me with a jerk.

"I'm going to go and get changed."

She picked up her drink and headed downstairs to the bedroom. This night was going to be a long one as I headed for the chair to wait for her.

Chapter 3 - Open Arms

I waited nearly an hour before I went looking for her. She wasn't downstairs in the bedroom, which left only one other place for her to be. The caretaker's house. It was an old abandoned house that was in the corner of the cemetery. At one time a couple would live on the grounds to maintain the place but vamps probably got them. Anyway the place was empty now. I used it to take showers and stuff. The water and the electric were part of the cemetery's system and were still usable. I had torn down the wall to get into the basement of the place and then had free run of the place.

Making my way slowly up the stairs listening for any sounds that would indicate where she was. The place was silent at first and then I heard water lapping. Buffy had to be in the bathroom. I walked as quietly down the hall as I could. The bathroom door was open and in the mirror I could see into the room. On the bathroom counter there were a few lit candles. Their flames dancing in the drafty air. At first I didn't see her but then she moved casting a shadow on the wall. She was laying back in the tub covered in bubbles. I froze. This woman was going to drive me right into an insane asylum soon. My tongue slowly licked my lips. Then threw my head back in frustration as the sexual need coursed threw me.

"Spike, are you going to stand there all night or come in and talk to me?"

I could hear the laughter in her voice. That was the second time in the last few hours that she had found enjoyment in my wanting her. I made my way into the bathroom and took a seat on the toilet facing her. My eyes slowly moved down the tub trying to see what the bubbles covered. She just watched me as she took a swallow of her drink. Looking back at her I started to ask the questions that were picking at my brain.

"So, what happened with Dawn?"

Buffy closed her eyes and put her glass down on the floor.

"It was about three weeks after you left. I had come over here to see if I could find where you had gone. And as I was leaving I grabbed one of your bottles."

She swallowed as my heart took a leap at her words. She had been looking for me.

"I went home and got drunk. Just sat on the couch and got myself plastered."

"You drank the whole bottle?" My eyes opened wide at the thought of her drinking so much. Right before I had left we had been drinking together. But she had been fighting the taste the whole time.

"Yeah." She looked up at me with so much pain in her eyes. "Then I passed out. I didn't walk up until the next morning. When Doris Kroger, the social worker was pounding on the door. The school had called her when Dawn didn't show up. Again."

The picture she was painting was beginning to become clear. My heart hurt for her and for Dawn. It had to have been a nightmare for both of them.

"She just told Dawn to pack a bag that she was going to go with her. Dawn refused at first but Ms. Kroger told her that she would call the police to haul her out in handcuffs."

"That soddin bitch." The thought of that woman terrorizing Dawn made me want to go and give her a little of my brand of fear. That is if I didn't have that bloody chip in my head. Buffy reached down to pick up her glass again. This time she drained it.

"I told Dawn to go with her. That I would find a way to get her out." Her voice was cracking with emotion.

"That's when you called Giles?"

Buffy nodded her head in agreement.

"Yeah, and I begged him to help Dawn. He pulled some strings to get her out and in his custody. But I had to sign over guardianship to him. And then I gave him the house too."

"He took everything away from you? I went by the house looking for you and he practically slammed the door in my face."

Her eyes opened and looked at me.

"Don't be angry at him. They didn't want to let him have custody. They're watching every move he makes. He's just trying to protect her."

"And you, pet? Do you get to see her at all?"

"Every Tuesday at 10 AM for one hour. With a social worker supervising."

Her voice had become flat. She was holding everything in and must have been for a while. It was too much for one person to handle by herself. Where were her friends?

"What about the others? Where were they?"

"You have been gone a while, haven't you?" She gave a harsh little laugh. "Xander left Anya at the altar. Tara broke up with Willow because she was using too much magic. So, they have been dealing with their own stuff. They don't have time to deal with depressed girl."

Now I knew why Buffy was here. Her support had always been her mum and friends. Her mum was gone now and her friends weren't there for her. The fools had brought her back, expected her to be all happy that they had yanked her out of heaven and then weren't there to help her deal. Bloody typical of the selfish little bastards. Buffy was supposed to take care of everything and everybody. But not a one of them could be there for her.

"Oh, and here's a good kicker for the past few months. Riley came back."

My head jerked around to look at her in surprise. She was leaning back again with her eyes closed. Her hand was softly churning the water.

"And?"

"He's married. To the perfect woman. Totally unlike me." She sounded so heart broken which just stoked the jealousy.

"You are perfect, Love." To me she was.

She snorted rather unladylike.

"That's just because you want me." Her voice dropped to a teasing level.

"Yeah, I do."

If she was going to play so was I. I dropped my hand into the side of the tub slowly swirling the water around. My fingers encountered the calf of her leg and I softly caressed it with the back of my hand. When she brought her leg up I figured the game was over but she brought it over the edge of the tub. Her eyes met mine as her foot came toward me. She touched my knee with her toes pushing it to the side. Then her foot went between my legs and came to rest on my crotch.

I inhaled sharply as chills ran through me rapidly. Her toes were slowly outlining my hard cock beneath my jeans. My mind and body kept going yes. That before this night was over Buffy would be mine. Then my heart just had to voice its opinion and ruin everything. It whispered to the rest of us, asking us why Buffy was doing this. She wasn't that experienced when I had left. As far as I knew Riley had been the only person she had been with more than once. When did she become so comfortable about sex? As the jealousy and hurt took hold, my mouth just opened and really fucked things up.

"So, are you a whore now as well as a drunk?"

The foot was jerked away from my yearning dick and dropped back in the water. Buffy stood quickly grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her.

"That is none of your business."

She started out of the bathroom with me right behind her.

I danced around her and blocked her with my arm. She pushed at me but I wouldn't budge. Winding my fingers into her hair, I tilted her head back to make her look at me.

"It is my business. You are living in my crypt, wearing my clothes, using my things and sleeping in my bed. How many men have you fucked since I have been gone?"

I coldly pronounced each syllable. My heart was begging for my suspicions to be wrong. The thought of Buffy spreading her legs for anyone else tore at me. I had loved her for so long and wanted her so long there was no way I was going to let her go without a fight. And I sure wasn’t going to share. Done enough of that before.

Something in my tone must have told her not to push me anymore. She sighed in resignation. Her bravado was gone.

"There hasn’t been anyone, Spike. No one since Riley. Just the kiss between us."

She slid down the wall and under my arm. I let her go. She wasn’t lying to me. Her little sex act was just that an act. Trying to prove how bad she really was. She wasn't, she was just running scared trying to push the people who cared away. I just hoped she understood that if she offered I wasn’t going to refuse. I wasn’t going to play grown up games with a little girl.

Deciding to give her and myself a few minutes to cool off I went back into the bathroom. I let the water out of the bathtub and bent down to pick up her dirty clothes. As I picked up her shorts her panties fell out onto the floor. Red lace just like the bra. I picked them up and let them fall over my hand. Straightening up I fondled the damp lace. Looking quickly over my shoulder to make sure she wasn’t coming back I brought the material up to my face and inhaled deeply. I had never smelled anything so sweet before.

Unable to resist anymore I turned to lean against the counter. This way I could see or hear her coming. I dropped the rest of her clothes and just held the panties. My other hand dropped down to my crotch. I rubbed myself through my jeans then quickly unzipped them. My cock reached upwards straining for release. Wrapping my fist around it I started to stroke it as I inhaled the scent of her. My mind kept running pictures of her in the outfit from the bar, sitting behind me on the bike and her in the bathtub. It didn’t take very long, just a few strokes, before I came. The tension had been building all night and it felt good to release some of it. Not as good as cumming inside of her but for now it would have to do.

After I got cleaned up I headed back to the crypt. Buffy was busy putting stuff into boxes when I walked into the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"Getting out of your way." She didn’t look at me just grabbed another stack to put in the box.

"I know what your doing, pet."

She laughed but didn’t say anything.

"You can’t live up to their expectations so you came here. Started acting like a bad ass. You figured that by being in the evil vampire’s crypt they even might start hating you. Which means they will leave you alone and you don’t have to try to be their hero anymore."

She had stopped moving as I spelled out her own thoughts to her. I made my way over to her stopping in front of her. Taking the stack out of her hands I threw them back in the dresser. She was staring somewhere in the vicinity of the middle of my chest.

"Just think how much they will run with me actually being here." Then I relieved her next thoughts. The ones where her bluffs were taken and she actually had to be the bad girl she was pretending to be. "And as long as you stop the games nothing is going to happen until you want it to."

Turning I started up the ladder to the upper level. Her voice came softly to me.

"Thank you, Spike.’

This is how we came to share my place. It was going to kill me to have her here and not touch her. But I didn’t think it would take long before she wanted. She already did. She just wasn’t ready to admit it to herself. I could wait until she did. A grin settled on my face as I thought of the time when she did. It would be worth the wait. But I sure didn’t know that it wouldn’t take as long as I thought. And to think I could thank Xander for bringing it about.

Chapter 4 - Wicked Game

Do you ever have those times when all seems to be perfect? When you just feel like purring like a cat because you are so content? That’s the way I was feeling the next morning. I was lying in my bed with Buffy curled up next to me. Her head was on my chest and her arm and leg was thrown over me. Now don’t be thinking that we had started off that way. She was defending her virtue the best she could. Had gotten herself into a tizzy when I had crawled into my own bed naked the night before. Always slept like that. Wasn’t going to change and be uncomfortable because she had decided to put herself in the middle of my life. Well, anyway she had grabbed her comforter and trounced off to sleep on the couch. But it wasn’t long before she came crawling back down. That couch was about uncomfortable as any piece of furniture could be. She crept into the other side of the hugging the edge. Somewhere in the night she had turned to me. And who was I to fight it.

It was still early when someone slammed through the door upstairs. Then he started yelling for her. Waking us up.

"Buffy, Buffy, you here?"

I opened my eyes to find him standing at the foot of the bed staring at us. He was pissed to find her next to me with my hand on her ass. I kind of snickered at him as Buffy pulled away and started to crawl out of the bed.

"Xander, what are you doing here?"

She was acting all nervous. Running her hands through her hair and pulling the shirt as far down as it would go.

"Looking for you."

He wasn’t looking too comfortable either. Buffy grabbed his arm and started to pull him toward the ladder. Guess she wanted to talk to him without me around. But I didn’t want to be left out. I grabbed my jeans and pulled them on, following them to the upstairs.

Xander was going full blast when I got there. Telling her that she couldn’t stay with an evil soulless creature like me. And that she definitely couldn’t do ‘that’ with me. As they were going back and forth I went to pour me some blood. Buffy was pretty quiet. Didn’t yell back or anything. Like she was taking a lecture from a parent when she was bad.

"Xander, what I do is my business. Please, don’t try to run my life. This is what I want."

"What to be a vampire’s whore?"

She looked like somebody had slapped her. Tears where starting to gather in her eyes. Having one of her best friends talk to her like that was tearing her up. I was about sick of the whole thing and was about to step in.

"Why the fuck is everyone so concerned about my sex life?" She turned to look at me then back at him.

I just raised an eyebrow at her and took a sip of my breakfast.

"Buffy, look you know I care about you. Just get your stuff and you can come stay with me."

Xander was offering for Buffy to live with him. I just couldn’t let this one go.

"What so she can be your whore instead? That’s a good alternative." Then I laughed. I looked him over kind of scathingly. Like he would be the last choice for her.

"Stop it both of you!" She had gone to lean against the back of the couch with her hands over her face.

I turned to tell Xander to get the hell out and leave her alone when he went and buggered things up. As only he could do.

"Well, gee, Buffy did he tell you that he has spent the last six months with Drusilla? Giles checked up on him. It wasn’t like he was lonely while you were here waiting for him."

Buffy’s head snapped up to look at me. My stomach clenched as I saw hurt in her eyes. He would just have to put the wrong tilt on things before I could explain.

"What do you mean waiting for me?" What Xander had said hit me. She had been waiting for me? Was that one of her games to alienate herself? Or was she really waiting?

No one answered me. Buffy turned to Xander and told him to leave. That she would talk to him later. As he was leaving he gave me a little triumphant smile because he thought he had fucked up my life. He knew he would never have her and he sure as hell didn’t want me to.

Buffy turned to look at me after the door had shut behind him.

"You were with Drusilla?"

She walked up to me and punched me.

"You had the nerve to question who I had been with and you’ve been with her!"

Then she punched me again. The anger started to build in me. She wasn’t giving me a chance to explain and she seemed to think it was okay to hit me whenever she wanted. As usual.

"You jealous, love?"

So, I baited her.

"No! I am not jealous of you and your crazy slut!"

"Don’t call her that. And nothing happened."

I tried to explain as I dodged another punch.

"Bullshit. You were lovers for a century and now all of a sudden she doesn’t do anything for you!"

As I was backing away she was advancing.

"No, because I love you!"

At some point she would have to believe me. She stopped only for a second.

"And like I have said you’re beneath me."

As I froze in her insult she punched me in the eye. And I had been pushed too far. I didn’t care about the pain anymore. It couldn’t hurt anymore then the pain in my heart. Pulling my fist back I punched her. It landed squarely on her jaw. She reached up to hold it when we both froze. We both knew at the same time. Hitting her hadn’t hurt me. I looked quickly up into her eyes and saw the fear. The fear that there was something wrong with her. The reason she couldn’t cope was because she had come back not quite human anymore.

But I guess I was cruel as I laughed at her. She was now on the same field as me. The tears started to fall as it began to sink in. Then she hit me again. Which was stupid in the aftermath of the revelation. Because I hit her back. We started to trade punches and blows as her tears fell and my pride was established again. But after only a few the hits weren’t quite landing on the target and our hands started caressing and grabbing instead.

As she turned to kick me her arousal hit me. It’s fragrance heavy in the air. My body had already responded to the past few minutes. My cock was hard and begging for it. Reaching out I grabbed her from behind and pinned her between me and the wall. Buffy was breathing heavy and I just leaned against her. She didn’t move. I slid my hand down her belly to tug up the hem of the shirt. Her eyes closed as my hand went down to her wet heat. My fingers slid beneath the elastic of her panties and into her curls. She was so wet as I dipped between the folds to find her clit. As I rubbed it softly she moaned moving her bottom back against my erection.

Buffy wasn’t saying or doing anything as I caressed her. Just responding to my touch.

"Tell me you want me."

She bit her lip and didn’t answer.

I pulled my hand away. She whimpered in protest. Moving my hands to her hips I slid my hands down catching her underwear in my fingers. Once I got them down around her knees she pedaled them off and kicked them to the side. Putting one hand back on her stomach my other hand moved to undo my jeans. I pulled them down around my hips. Holding my cock I guided it to her slick opening. Not entering just teasing her with it.

"Tell me you want me."

She was going to say it before she got it.

"Please, Spike."

It would do. I couldn’t wait anymore. Didn’t want to giver her the chance to change her mind.

I pushed forward into her tight warmth. I shuddered as I got lost in the sensation. It was like dipping myself into molten lava. Hesitating as I regrouped myself she moved back pushing me further into her.

"Slow, baby, don’t want to rush."

Her fingers dug into the wall as my fingers went back to caress her core.

"Now."

As she demanded to be taken I surged forward filling her completely. She whimpered as I stretched her walls to accommodate me. She shifted leaning back against me. My free hand went out to balance us on the wall. I started to rock back and forth in her as she started to make whispering sounds of pleasure. As my thrusts began to build she went forward again leaning her forehead against the wall. Her eyes had stayed shut the whole time and I wondered if she was even with me in her mind when she started to convulse around me.

"Oh, God, Spike!"

She screamed my name as her orgasm overtook her. And as I realized that it was me she was fucking I exploded inside of her as her body spasmed around me. Wrapping my arms around her I buried my face into her shoulder.

"I love you, Buffy"

As the words reached her she froze. She carefully extricated herself from my arms. Pulling the shirt back down she bent over and grabbed her panties. Then without a backward look she went back downstairs leaving me standing there like a chump.

I pulled my jeans back up and fastened them as I followed her. But when I reached the bedroom she wasn’t there. She must have gone to clean up. I was so confused. We had both wanted what had happened. There was plenty of time for her to pull away or say no. I knew she didn’t love me. Maybe my words were wrong but it was what I was feeling. The two of us being together was fate. She had been leaving plenty of clues. Living here, letting her friends think she was waiting for me, looking for me when I was gone and being jealous of Dru. Buffy just had to have feelings for me even if she wouldn’t say them.

She came back into the room and without looking at me she crawled under the covers.

"Buffy, we need to talk."

I sat on the bed facing her.

"About what?"

She didn’t move an inch. I gave a small laugh to cover my desperation.

"About what just happened. We made love."

My words were hesitant. But that’s what it was to me.

"No, Spike, we had sex. We both enjoyed it and that is it."

She didn’t move or look at me at all as she broke my heart again. I buried my face in my knees as the tears started to fall. The tension between us was very much in the air. I sniffled and wiped my nose on my jeans. I felt her move but didn’t look up then her hand was in my hair. Her lips softly kissed the top of my head.

She softly whispered in my ear.

"Spike, there’s never going to be an us. All we have is right now. Just enjoy it."

She laid back down pulling on my arm to bring me down beside her. I might not be much of a man for this but I cuddled into her like a newborn pup to its mother’s teat. My face buried in her hair smelling the flowers from the shampoo she used. This was the closest I had ever come to heaven before. Imagine an evil creature like me enjoying the fruits of divine. She was the light that could guide me home again. And thus on these lofty thoughts I fell asleep wrapped around her.

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Chapter 5 - To Make You Feel My Love

When I woke later that day I was still wrapped around her soft and warm body. Her bottom nestled against me. My arm wrapped around her middle. Shifting I moved back so I could watch her sleep. A soft sigh fell from her lips as she rolled onto her back following me across the bed. I moved a strand of her hair from her face. And gently traced her face with my fingertips.

For some reason I found the movements of her body fascinating. The gentle rise and fall of her breasts as she inhaled and exhaled. The way her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as she dreamed. Her gentle snore as she shifted again toward me. I laid my hand on her chest to feel the beating of her heart. Its rhythm slow and steady not like when we had made love last night. Then it had been a runaway train out of control. Moving slightly I caressed the outline of her breast with my fingers. Then rolled her nipple between my thumb and forefinger.

Her tongue darted out to lick her lips and a soft sigh broke the silence of the room. My hand moved down her stomach pushing the sheet aside to allow me room to roam. Glancing back up at her to make sure she was still sleeping I gently began to tickle her. My fingers barely touching her made paths across her skin. Goosebumps appeared in the wake of my exploration. Leaning forward I licked the side of her breast up across to her nipple. I took it into my mouth sucking it into hard responsiveness. I

She moved beneath me. Suddenly she was awake and pushing me from her. As I moved back to give her room I was suddenly slapped hard.

"You son of a bitch! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Buffy sat up pulling the covers over her body.

"Making love to you. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot. I was trying to fuck you." She winced at my words but I didn't care. My hand went to cover the cheek that was still burning. My pride was hurt more than anything.

Buffy shook the sleep from her and looked around the room then back at me. Her breathing began to return to normal as she became more aware. She reached for me and I pulled back away from her. What kind of fucking games was she playing?

"Spike, I’m sorry. I was asleep and everything has happened so fast. I woke up to you…touching me." She scooted closer to me. "Come on you have to admit it’s kinda strange for us to be like this. In the same bed. Being lovers."

She reached out a hand to pull me close to her. To kiss me.

"Forgive me." Just a soft whisper against my mouth.

My anger was forgotten as her lips soft and urgent kissed me over and over. Her tongue darted into my mouth begging for me to play. She plastered her body to mine. Her hands kneaded my back pulling me back down to the bed with her. She gave a soft sigh of satisfaction when I started to kiss her back. My hands began to roam the body that I had taken yesterday but didn’t really learn. She was so soft to the touch but I could feel her muscles rippling beneath the surface. There was a strength there that I admired.

I broke contact with her mouth and started a trail to her breasts. Her nipples puckered beneath my mouth and fingers. One hand moved between her legs stroking her spot making her wet for me. She bucked against my invading fingers. Crying out to me for more. My mouth moved down her belly kissing and licking. Finally I was between her legs.

Her scent bathed me telling me of her need. She moaned and moved restlessly beneath me. I reached out my tongue and lapped at her. Then separated her folds to find her need. Sucking at it, then licking it, then nipping it. Buffy began to make keening sounds that became louder with each stroke of my tongue. I shifted and went as deep into her as I could. Licking her inner walls then back to her clit. I kept building her tension until she was crying with pleasure. Then I stopped for a few seconds.

"Spike, Oh God, don’t stop, please."

Her hips moved off the bed seeking me out. Her hands entwined in my hair pulling me to her. I began to thrust my fingers in and out of her and returned to administering to her pleasure with my tongue. I smiled as she kept begging me to give her release. A few last strokes and she was cumming around me.

I moved away from her sex and up and over her body. Her eyes were closed and her breath heavy as I looked down into her glistening face. My hand moved between our bodies guiding me to her.

"Buffy, open your eyes."

She looked up at me as I surged forward and entered her. She gave a small gasp as I filled her still shuddering walls. Her hands moved to my waist holding me as I started to thrust into her. Angling myself so that I could tease her with each move. I never broke contact with her eyes. I wanted her to know who was giving her this pleasure. Who was the one here loving her. We moved together toward fulfillment. My thrusting became quicker as her breathing became more of a pant. As she came undone I let myself go. Collapsing against her as we found bliss together. Then I rolled over bringing her with me. She lay on top of me as I gently stroked her back.

As we lay there quietly the things that happened yesterday started to return to my mind. I wanted to talk about my being able to hurt her without pain. Whether the fault lay with the chip or with her. I wanted to explain to her about Dru and why I had been gone. But I couldn’t find the words to start. At the time it didn’t seem to matter as much as holding her.

Eventually, she moved and scooted off the bed. She pulled on her robe as she moved toward the ladder that led upstairs. Stopping briefly she turned to me.

"I’m going to get something to eat. Do you want to come upstairs with me?"

After she had fixed herself a sandwich and I had gotten myself a glass of blood we moved to sit on opposite ends of the couch. She ate her sandwich slowly never looking at me. But every once in a while her eyes would dart my way. Maybe she had been right and we had moved too fast. I had only been back two days. And already we were lovers. Living together.

She didn't have to return to work until the next day. We spent the rest of that day and the next at the crypt. Slowly we became used to each other. Marking out our space. Sometimes I felt like it was a dream. That I was going to wake up on that damn cargo ship to Europe. But I didn't. I was there and so was Buffy. And so was the heat between us. It seemed the more we gave into it the hotter it became.

During the next day I learned every curve of her body. Every spot that would make her sigh. Every spot that would make her scream. Sometimes our coming together was rough and sometimes it was gentle. And there was hardly a surface in my crypt that wasn’t baptized by us. And I never have figured out who exactly was trying to keep up with whom. She was as eager as me. Like once it was unleashed there was no controlling her. And I ate it up. The power of having the Slayer as my lover was heady. The sound of Buffy screaming my name in ecstasy was humbling. I had told her once I was her willing slave and it wasn’t any truer than now.

The next day when she had to return to work I gave her a ride in and then returned to pick her up. As far as I was concerned she was mine now. And therefore was my responsibility to take care of. While she worked I went to play poker with the guys. To visit with Clem and catch up on my side of the tracks. Clem had figured I would throw Buffy out when I got back. He was surprised to find I had told her she could stay. It was a strange combination for a vampire and a slayer to be living together.

It didn’t sit too well with a lot of the demons I knew. But they could be damned as far as I was concerned. But their words of being a traitor echoed in my ear. I had first been called that when I started killing my own kind and now in living with the enemy. They just didn’t understand. And I really didn’t fit in with them anymore. It was like I was drifting in this limbo somewhere between humanity and the demon world. Not really belonging in either. At the time I really didn’t pay it any mind. Maybe I should have. Might have saved some grief. But I was quickly learning not to question just to let things be. I was afraid if I rocked the boat it would all fall apart and she would be gone.

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Chapter 6 -I Feel Like a Woman

It was her next day off when things began to change. Reality started to intrude on our little fantasy time. I was trying to sleep but Buffy kept moving around the room. Sighing loudly to indicate I wasn’t happy, I flipped over onto my belly and covered my head with a pillow. She moved onto the bed and pulled the covers off of me. And before I could tell her to sod off the little bitch bit my ass.

"What the bloody hell does a man have to do to get some sleep?" I turned over and glared at her.

She just smiled and started to lace up her sneakers.

"Where you going?" She hadn’t left the crypt except for work since I had gotten here.

"Shopping." She said as she stood up and lingered over me.

"For what?"

"Stuff."

I slumped back on the bed with my hands laced behind my head. She was playing some kind of game and I wasn’t sure whether to be mad or not.

"And what kind of stuff are you shopping for?" I asked as I grabbed her hand.

Buffy leaned down to kiss me quickly before she pulled away. As she did I reached and grabbed her around the waist. I flipped us around until she was lying beneath me. She laughed up at me as she started to playfully push me away.

"Nosy are we? Just stuff. A surprise for later." She said it trying to keep a straight face but her smile just wouldn’t leave.

I leaned over and started to nibble at her neck making her break out in giggles. Then as I started moving my hand down her stomach she grabbed it.

"Spike, stop. Later okay."

She reached a hand up to cup my head so she could kiss me again. A little slower this time but it wasn’t long enough for me. Then finally pulling away she managed to roll away from me and off the bed. With a wave of her hand she was gone. Groaning I fell face first into the pillow and laid there willing sleep to come back. It must have because I woke later when Buffy jumped onto the bed. Her hands reached out to shake me by my shoulders.

"Wake up, sleepyhead. It’s time to play." Her voice had this sing song thing going on.

I opened my eyes slowly. Her cheeriness and evasiveness were getting to be annoying. And I wasn’t really in the mood to play. She pushed me till I was lying on my back then moved so she could straddle my middle.

"Time to play what?" My hands moved up her thighs then around to cup her ass.

"Not that, Spike. I want to go out." Buffy grabbed my hands to pull them off her butt bringing them around to rest on my stomach. Her fingers entwined with mine.

"And just where are you going?" I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Not me. Us. I want to go out dancing. Maybe play some pool."

Apparently, she wanted to go to The Bronze. I wondered if she had even been out since she had moved in here. But whom would she have gone with? She was trying to avoid her friends. And she seemed to be keeping her distance from her co-workers. Which was probably a good idea.

"Like on a date?" I decided to tease her a little. And there was a secret hope that was what she wanted.

She wrinkled her nose at my question.

"Yeah, I guess we could call it that if it will get you out of that bed and out of this place for awhile."

She slid off of me and headed toward the caretaker’s house.

"I’m going to take a shower. Wanna come?"

She threw her hair around as she turned to look back at me. But I was already on my way.

Once we got to the bathroom I was helping her to peel off her clothes when I saw it. She giggled at my expression. I reached a finger out and softly traced the skin around it. The girl had gone and had her belly button pierced.

"This the surprise?" I inquired of her.

"Only part. The rest after we shower."

Sometimes it’s hard to be a slave to a woman. I ended up coming out of the shower smelling like pears. She had all this fruity stuff that she insisted on bathing me with. But I lived with it because she had promised that I could lotion her down with stuff that smelled just like it. I guess it was a fair trade off.

But I should have known she wasn’t done with me. Once we got back upstairs she sat me down on the bed and dried off my hair with a towel. Then she reached for my hair gel and a blow dryer. I ended up with my hair all sticking up. She even trimmed some of it off from where it was getting too long. After she decided my hair passed muster she reached for some shopping bags and handed them to me. I looked at them like they were going to bite me.

"What’s that?"

"New clothes, silly. Now put them on."

I pulled them out and looked at them. They actually weren’t bad looking. She had bought me black leather pants with a studded belt. To wear with it was a cobalt blue silk shirt with a mandarin collar. As I was lacing up my boots I caught her reflection in the mirror.

My mouth dropped open at the sight of her. She was wearing a pair of black leather low rise pants with a black lacy stretch crop top. There was a ruffle down the front and bell sleeves that fell over her hands. She had curled her hair and had it pulled away from her face.

I almost asked her if we could just stay home but the girl had her heart set on going out. It was good to see her genuinely smiling again. Every since she had been brought back she seemed to exist in a cloud of depression. I vowed then to show her a really good time. To see to it that she relaxed and had fun that night.

The Bronze wasn’t that busy seeing it was a Sunday night. But there was a pretty good crowd enough to keep us from feeling on display. Buffy tried to haul me out to the dance floor but I refused at first. Her lip stuck out in a pout and she batted her eyes at me. What kind of guy would I be if I refused a lady? So, I took her hand and walked out there prepared to make an ass out of myself. Buffy started moving around me in abandon. I just stood there as she gyrated and shook her hair around. She turned to laugh at me then grabbed my hands pulling me close to her. Throwing one arm around my neck she started to move her groin against mine. This I could get into. I put my arm around her waist and started to lead. Buffy leaned her head against my shoulder as we moved together. All of a sudden it didn’t matter to either of us that we were the only ones slow dancing. It just felt good to be holding each other and swaying to the music.

A few songs later we decided to take a break. In unison we moved toward the bar. Both us needed something to drink. At the bar she ordered herself one of those fruity drinks and I ordered a beer. But I couldn’t help teasing her about her choice.

"Got yourself a manly drink there, pet." I smiled down at her as she grimaced.

"And you do? A big tall frothy glass of piss." I choked at her comment. She pounded me on the back while she laughed at my predicament. I knew that she liked beer and her teasing was just an attempt to get back at me.

Once I had cleared my throat I grabbed her hand and headed back to the bar. Soon there was lime, salt and two shots of tequila in front of us.

"Okay, Big Bad, how do I do this?" She inhaled and steeled herself for this. "Can’t we just stick with whiskey? I already like that."

"No, you need to try something new. This will put some hair on your chest."

"You want hair on my chest?" She made that cute little face she does when she is trying to act surprised.

"Not really. Quit avoiding. Now, pay attention. Lick, Slam, Suck."

"Excuse me. You want me to what?"

The bartender started snickering and rolled his eyes at us.

"Get your mind out of the gutter. Now pay attention. Lick." I demonstrated by putting salt on my hand and licking it off. "Slam." The shot of tequila hit the back of my throat. "And suck." I picked up the lime and sucked its juice.

"Oh."

Buffy gave this big dramatic sigh and rolled her shoulders back. Like she was trying to talk herself into trying this. Then she put the salt on her hand and picked up the shot glass with her other.

"Lick, Slam and Suck, huh?"

"Yeah, Love, show me you’ve got the balls of a man."

That did it. The tequila was gone and the lime was between her teeth. As she finished the bartender started applauding her. Buffy started to blush then to cover it told him to bring another round. The next time wasn’t as awkward but the third round she was doing it like a pro. And that’s when I cut her off.

"No, Spike, I like. Let’s have one more." She started giggling as she slammed her hand down on the bar. The whole bar shook with the force and several people started looking at us.

"Okay, that’s enough for now." I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her away.

At this point she wasn’t too steady on her feet and if it wasn’t for my arm I think she would have been stumbling.

"Dance, Spike, Let’s dance." Buffy attempted to pull away from me and head for the floor when she put her hand to her head.

"Come on let’s sit for a while." I led her to one of the couches and sat down with her sprawled across my lap. She twisted so her head was under chin. Her hand reached for mine entwining her fingers with mine. We just sat there for a few minutes. Neither of us said anything.

"Spike, look." She was pointing toward the dance floor. "That girl in the purple she looks like a penguin dancing."

I followed the direction of her finger and watched the girl.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. But look at the guy she’s with. Not much better."

We both started laughing. After that everybody in the place was fair game for our insults and laughter. Okay, yeah, it wasn’t the nicest thing but Buffy and I were doing it together. I was feeling like a god that night with her. And everybody else was below my queen and I. So, they got laughed at.

After we ran out of victims she got real quiet. Buffy brought her head up so that she could look at me.

"I’m having fun. Actual fun with Spike. Who would have thought?"

Reaching over she gave me a long, wet passionate kiss.

"Yeah, baby who would have thought." I agreed with her when we broke for air. When we first met all we thought we wanted to do was kill each other. But time changed that and now all we seemed to want to do was be with each other and shag. Life could play funny tricks on people. It seemed that it did it just to keep them on their toes.

We ended up closing the place down. Buffy was having so much fun. It was like the old days. Back before life got her down. When they finally kicked us out we walked out of there wrapped in each other’s arms. She still wasn’t too steady on her feet. But it was the tiredness that comes after a good time and a few good drinks.

"I should have brought the bike." I told her as we started down the alley. We had decided to walk there tonight after we had done a quick patrol. But now I wish we had gone back to get it so she wouldn’t have to walk.

"That’s okay. I have a ride."

As I was wondering what she meant she slipped out of my arms. Walked around behind me she jumped up on my back. My hands went instinctively out to grab her under her knees. Her legs went around my waist and her arms around my neck.

"Ride Spike." She leaned forward and started to nuzzle the back of my neck.

"Yeah, Love, when we get home you can ride Spike all you want."

She giggled and nipped at my neck.

"Ride Spike now. Giddy up." She moved her hips up and down against me. And I groaned in response. At this rate we weren’t going to make it home. And I wondered how she felt about sex in public places. I was walking down the alley keeping an eye out for places that were dark enough when he appeared.

Right there out of the shadows as only he could. I felt her stiffen behind me as she saw him. Her voice was soft and hesitant as she said his name.

"Angel."

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Chapter 7 -Bat Out Of Hell

Buffy unhooked her legs from around my waist and slid to the ground. As her feet touched bottom I could almost hear everything we had built together in the last few days shatter. The depression wrapped around her again like a fog. She moved so that she was standing beside me and reached out to hold my hand. I gave it a squeeze to let her know that I was right there with her.

"Buffy, can we talk? Alone." Angel looked briefly at me and then looked away quickly. Like he dismissed me completely. As if I wasn’t even worth his time. All I wanted was to get Buffy away from him.

"What about?" She just kept looking at him with a funny expression on her face. It took me a moment to realize that it was guilt. I snorted at the thought that she had anything to be guilty about. They both turned at the sound to look at me.

"Come on, Buffy, let’s go. You don’t need to talk to him." I attempted to walk off with Buffy in tow. Angel reached out and took a hold of her free arm.

"I just want to talk. I was told that you were in trouble and needed help." He had this all-concerned-ex-boyfriend-but-still-care-about-you look on his face.

"Angel, it’s 2:30 in the morning. You couldn’t find a better time to talk to me." Buffy wasn’t too impressed with the fact that he thought he could save her. She pulled her arm free from his grasp and took a step away from him.

"Well, you weren’t home earlier. Found you here and waited." He shrugged his shoulders in this innocent way. He kept looking over at me as if he was waiting for something. I wish I knew what exactly he was up to. It couldn’t be good whatever it was.

"And you couldn’t walk in and say Hi like a normal person?" I snickered as Buffy kept throwing it back in his face.

"You seemed busy." Angel folded his hands in front of him.

"Yeah, she was busy. Having fun with someone who can satisfy her."

Angel turned to me and I could tell he was fighting to keep his game face in control. I guess my words had found their mark. Then I heard someone laughing and turned to find Buffy holding her middle as she giggled.

"Liked that one didn’t you pet?" Then I turned back to Angel. "Guess the lady agrees with me. Now, Peaches, why don’t you take yourself back to LA like a good boy. And leave Buffy to a real man."

I turned to start walking away confident that she would follow.

"Spike, watch out." Buffy yelled out a warning to me.

I turned quickly toward the alley and saw Xander coming at me with a stake. He was running like the hounds of hell were chasing him. I bent down as he got close and flipped him over my shoulder. He landed on the ground and rolled a few feet away. The pain ripped through my head and I fell to my knees. Buffy ran to me and helped me back to my feet. She then positioned herself between them and me. We both knew that I didn’t have a lot of chance against Xander. Not with the chip in my head.

"What are you trying to do?" Her voice was so cold and calm but her whole body was trembling in anger. I took a step forward and put a hand on her waist. She took a deep breath and leaned back against me.

"Taking care of your problem." Xander gestured toward me. "You’d be better off without him around."

"He’s not my problem. You are." Then she turned to Angel. "You came all the way here to kill Spike? When did my life become your concern?"

Xander kept trying to edge around her and we kept maneuvering out of his way. Angel reached his hand out to Xander to keep him still.

"Buffy, I came here to talk to you. Xander explained to me what’s been going on. I think you need some help."

I really wanted to punch him. No, actually I wanted to stake him. For a hundred years I had been putting up with his arrogant bullshit. It was time for it to stop and I wanted to be the one to do it.

"Xander, you called Angel for help?" She asked him clearly in disbelief.

"Buffy, you’re not seeing things clearly right now. Spike has somehow got your head turned around." Xander had put down his hand with the stake and I could feel Buffy relaxing a little.

I tried to start backing up but she wasn’t moving.

"Neither one of you have any right to tell me what to do!" She told the two of them with tears in her voice.

"Buffy, let’s get out of here." I tried pulling on her hand but that didn’t work either. She was staying for whatever reason. Her sobbing was becoming louder.

Angel reached out a hand to her. I hoped she would reject him but she let him run the back of his hand down her cheek.

"Let’s go somewhere and we can talk. Okay? You know I just want to help."

Buffy sniffled at Angel’s words but took a step back further into my arms. Relief poured through me as she did. She wasn’t going to fall for his tricks. Suddenly he grabbed her and pulled her away from me. We were both startled for a moment as he separated us. Xander came toward me again with the stake raised. But before he could get a step closer someone grabbed him and pulled him away from me. All I could hear was Buffy screaming the word no. I looked around at her and found her struggling against Angel. I started to go to her but he suddenly just released her.

She flew at me wrapping her arms around me. I looked up to see who was helping us and saw Giles standing next to Angel. When Buffy realized who was there she turned again standing in front of me.

"Are you here to kill Spike too?" Her eyes glared hatred at the three men who had always been so important to her.

The three of them started to talk at once but Giles took precedence.

"No, Buffy, I didn’t come here to kill Spike. Cordelia called me about the their plan and it took me a while to track you down. Are you okay?" Giles took a step toward us then as we tensed he stopped.

"Cordelia called you?" Angel asked Giles.

"Yes, she did. What the hell were you two thinking?"

Xander and Angel looked like two little boys who were caught by Daddy doing something bad. Giles reached out and took the stake away from Xander.

"Giles, why are you protecting him? He’s an evil soulless thing and Buffy, not to mention, the world would be better off without him in it." Xander tried to defend his position.

"Yeah, like your some kind of damn prize. At least I’m here for my woman." At the reference to him leaving Anya he had the good sense to look ashamed.

"She’s not your woman. You’re not good enough for her. It’s only because of the chip that you’re not out killing people." He turned his gaze from me to her. "Buffy, did you forget that? Do you really think if he was free from his leash that he wouldn’t be trying to hurt you?"

Buffy put her hands over her ears to shut out the sound of his voice. She was crying so much she was having trouble breathing.

"Stop it. Stop it. I don’t care. Do you hear me? I don’t care. He’s the only thing that makes life bearable." Somehow she managed to get the words out around her sobs and hiccups.

Suddenly a small sedan pulled up next to us. Tara and Willow came running from the car. Having to face all of her friends at one time was too much for Buffy.

"No, why can’t you all leave me alone. All of you. I hate you." Buffy started to scream at them. She was on the brink of total hysteria.

Willow and Tara stopped next to Giles. It seemed we were surrounded and if they banded together I would never make it out of this alley alive.

"Buffy, I’m not here to fight you. Cordy called us too. We just came to help you." Willow tried to calm Buffy down.

As much as I hated to admit it I realized that they were all genuinely worried about her. Didn’t have a clue how to help her though. Their actions had destroyed whatever headway had been made earlier. And had sent her running out of control for the edge.

"Help me. Haven’t you helped me enough? It was over. I didn’t hurt anymore. Now all I feel is pain. And they…" She threw her hand out to encompass Xander and Angel. "They want to take away the one thing that makes me feel good."

Her last few words were almost lost in the sound of her crying. Her knees buckled out from under her and she fell to the ground. I knelt beside her everything else became unimportant in my fear for her. She didn’t even try to get back up. Her face lay on the dirty ground with her tears creating a pool around her. My own tears had started to fall in frustration and rage. Reaching below her I picked her up and cradled her against me.

Xander and Angel started forward as if to take her away from me. Giles’ arm came up to stop them.

"Spike, let us give you two a ride home."

I looked over at Tara as she made the offer. Her eyes showed nothing but concern for Buffy. I nodded my assent and started for the car. Willow crawled into the backseat and with her help I got Buffy into the car. As soon as she was in she collapsed sobbing against her friend. Shutting the door I took the keys from Tara’s hand and opened the front passenger door for her. After she was in I started around the back of the car when Giles placed his hand on my arm. I looked over at him.

"Spike, I don’t know why she is clinging to you. I don’t like it either but it seems for now we have to live with it. But do anything to hurt her and you will pay." Giles informed me in his best father voice.

I opened my mouth to give one of my usual smartass answers but I all I could see in his eyes was his love for Buffy and just nodded my head instead.

The only sound on the way back to the crypt was Buffy crying. My heart was breaking from the sound of it. It was almost like she was broken or something. I saw Willow’s eyes in the rearview mirror and could see my emotions reflected in her eyes. Confusion, helplessness and a big helping of what-the-hell-do-I do-now.

Buffy had calmed down a little by the time we got back and walked with the girls to the crypt while I parked the car. When I got inside the three of them were downstairs. After pouring myself a healthy glass of whiskey I sat on the chair and waited. And listened.

At first the conversation was just nonsense. They were helping Buffy get changed into pajamas. She didn’t try to tell them she only slept in my t-shirts now. Then they talked about her belly button piercing. And then it was how Cordelia had called Tara to find Willow and they had been looking for us before anything bad happened. Which started Buffy crying again.

"Why did they do it? Why can’t they leave us alone?" Buffy asked them.

"Buffy, Xander loves you. He just has this thing with Spike that he just can’t accept him." Willow told her. After a brief pause came the questions. "Are you happy here with him? Do you love him?"

"He makes everything better. When I’m with him nothing else matters." But there were no words of love or happiness. I took a long swallow of my drink and waited. Even though my hurt was getting worse by the moment.

Buffy was sobbing again and her words came out in jumbles. She just started saying over and over that she had loved Angel and he had hurt her. Was still hurting her. My glass shattered in my hand as I squeezed it in my anger. Angel. It was always Angel. Angel that Drusilla preferred. Angel that always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Angel that had been Buffy’s first love. Angel that had taken her virginity. I was always coming in second to him. I couldn’t take it anymore and left to take a walk. I walked in circles around the cemetery trying to calm down. Kept telling myself that Buffy was there with me now. That I could love her more than Angel could ever dream of. And that one day she would love me in return. That love was already there every time we touched. Every time I was inside of her.

The crypt was quiet when I returned. No sounds of crying or talking. Moving downstairs I found them asleep. All three of them curled up on my bed with Buffy nestled between them. Reaching for the comforter I covered them up with it and left to go back upstairs. I made myself a bed on the sarcophagus even though I knew I wouldn't sleep that night. Lying there I smoked one cigarette after another. The last few days running through my mind over and over. A soft movement made me look over. It was Buffy coming to me. Without a word she crawled up to lay on me and began to rain kisses on my face and neck. I quickly ground out the cigarette and let it fall to the ground. Putting my arms around her I pulled her closer to me. She reached up to cup my face.

"Spike, I need you so much. Without you I can't feel anything. Maybe that’s not enough but it’s all I can offer right now." Her eyes were large in her face. There were no games there and no lies. She bent her head and resumed kissing me. Moving slowly down to my chest and stomach. Her words weren't what I wanted to hear. But it was a beginning and I grabbed onto it. And as her small mouth took me in it was enough.

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