Chapter 16 - Bad Moon Rising

Part 1

I see the bad moon arising

I see trouble on the way

I see earthquakes and lightnin’

I see bad times today

I hear hurricanes ablowing

I know the end is coming soon

I fear rivers overflowing

I hear the voice of rage and ruin

Hope you got your things together

Hope you are quite prepared to die

Looks like we’re in for nasty weather

One eye is taken for an eye.

J.C. Fogerty

It wasn’t the easiest thing for him to do but he had accomplished it.

Wesley reluctantly pulled his hand away from the phone, wishing he could pick it back up and tell her he’d been wrong. He wished he could have left her to deal with the already overwhelming load she was carrying without adding to her growing burdens.

“Is she coming?” Giles asked, twirling his glasses from his seat on the other side of the younger Watcher’s desk.

“Yes, she is,” Wesley said. “She always does. It’s her sacred duty and you’ve trained her well.”

“Now, that’s just bullshit,” Giles remarked with a growing smile. “Buffy has never listened to me or taken orders. Ultimately, it’s always been her decision as you’ve come to discover for yourself old chap.”

“Old age has indeed mellowed you. You never used to use such vulgar language even in the most trying or dire of circumstances.”

“It’s not old age, my friend. Far from it,” Giles intoned adamantly, annoyed at being labeled old by his colleague. “It’s living in this environment. They have a tendency to rub off on you,” Giles commented, with a small wave of his hand. “Two hundred head strong teenage girls all with the ability to snap your neck with one hand. You have to learn to be with it or they’ll plow right over you.”

Wesley nodded his agreement. Neither of them ever thought they would end up here with so many charges but it was like Giles said earlier, it was a Buffy decision. And one that the Council had adamantly disagreed with. He suddenly felt tired. It never ended. He stood to gaze out his window. His view was of the courtyard and of the young Slayers gathering there. Laughing, joking and talking about their training, about the current pop star they were crushing on, and always of clothes. Quite possibly as soon as tomorrow afternoon things could dramatically take a turn for the worst. This innocent idyllic period of their lives would be over...again.

Once Buffy knew, once everyone knew everything, it would be back to a hell worse than the days of the First. Until they had found the prophecy they hadn’t a clue that the First was only the beginning of the battle. From what they could tell the fate of the world rested in one unknown person’s hand.

“I wonder if this time we’ll survive,” Wesley commented more to himself than to Giles. An ominous sense of foreboding sending chills up and down his spine.

“I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore,” Giles said. His tone implying that he was just as weary as Wesley was.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy put the phone down on the counter. She stared at it for a long moment while Wesley’s words sunk in. It seemed that the battles she had hoped to avoid by sending Spike away was going to happen anyway. No matter which way she turned it was inevitable. Her only fear was that she would lose her husband the way it had been revealed to her. But hadn’t they always weathered whatever came their way? She sighed, pushed her shoulders back and turned to face her family. Connor along with three of her children sat at the kitchen table. Del was finishing loading the dishwasher from their lunch.

“What’s up, Mum?” Raven asked, looking up from the chemistry textbook spread before her.

“We’ve been called to Los Angeles for a meeting,” Buffy said. She was trying to remain calm but it wasn’t working. Her fear was echoed in Raven’s eyes and Elijah was picking up on it. “It seems they found a new prophecy that warrants immediate attention.”

The tension rose immediately. They all knew what it meant. Another apocalypse, another battle, more fighting and death, and none of them wanted to face it again.

A soft voice broke the silence. “Is it coming back?” Joy asked, with her lip trembling. Wide blue eyes scanned each one of them in turn waiting for an answer as her tiny fists kept clenching and unclenching. It was a habit that was reminiscent of her father.

The little girl was immediately scooped up into Connor’s arms and hugged.

“No, baby, it’s not,” Buffy said with determination. “It’s going to be stopped before it happens.” She gave Connor a grateful look for his quick response to comfort Joy. It was times like this that she really missed having Spike there with them. He was always the one who knew how to comfort everyone when she had to bear the responsibility of being a Slayer.

The glances exchanged between the four at the table were impossible to miss. It only confirmed Buffy’s suspicions that whatever Elijah and Raven knew had been shared with the other two. She needed a moment to think, to decide, before confronting them. So, she resorted back to Mom mode.

“We’re wanted there this afternoon,” Buffy said, taking a seat at the table. “Do you two want to go?” She looked at Elijah and Joy, but she already knew the answers. Joy was an enthusiastic yes that took away the lingering fear from her eyes. With Eli there was a slow shake of his head in response to her question. He would want to go but Los Angeles was too much for the young empath to handle. There were too many emotions and too much human evil that quickly overrode his walls. “Joy, go on upstairs and start packing, okay? I’ll be up in a minute or two.”

“How many outfits, Mummy?” Joy asked, sliding off Connor’s lap.

“Three to be on the safe side,” Buffy said, holding up three fingers. “And pack your bathing suit and one nice dress.” She had barely finished her instructions before her daughter was racing from the room with a quick “’kay” echoing in her wake. Shaking her head slightly, she turned back to her son. “Are you sure you don’t want to go? You can stay at the beach house with Cordelia.”

“No, I’ll stay here,” Elijah said with a resigned look upon his boyish face while tracing a finger along the table.

It broke Buffy’s heart to see her child have to be so grown up when he was so young. Eli knew his limitations and lived by them religiously. Dealing with others emotions sometimes left him dealing with things he should never have to. Filtering through people’s thoughts, fears and joys was too much of an emotional overload for anyone to process much less a child. She remembered the day that she had taken him aside to tell him about the time that she could read minds and the hell it had given her. His face had lit up as he realized that she really did understand what he went through on a daily basis. No longer did he have to hide his torments.

“I’ve got an idea,” Connor said. “It’s Friday so maybe Aidan can come over to spend the night. I’ll stay with you and we’ll camp out in the living room. Make tents, light a fire and roast hot dogs and marshmallows.”

“Yeah, we can turn the hallway into a swamp again,” Elijah added.

“Sounds good,” Del said, from where she was leaning against the wall. “I’ll make a trip to the store for supplies while you all are packing.”

“Thanks, Del,” Buffy said, reaching over to take the older woman’s hand. “We couldn’t make it without you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Del replied with a twinkle of merriment in her eyes.

They all laughed but it was true. Buffy stood to start her own packing. She saw the look that Raven gave Connor over Eli’s head. Making a note to talk to her daughter while they were gone, she moved to head upstairs. A corner was going to be turned in the next few days and she had a feeling that when she returned to Sunnydale, nothing was going to be the same.

~~~~~~~

Joy bounded up the stairs, excited that she was going to go to Los Angeles with her mother and sister. The little girl loved the city with the bright lights and all the people. Plus her Angel lived there on the beach. She just knew that she would get a chance to play in the ocean because Mummy said to pack her suit. Plus there was also going to the Hyperion with the grown up Slayers to look forward to. They always spoiled her, giving her what she wanted, playing dress up and training her. She just wished Candy could go too but Elijah would want the small dog to keep him company while they were gone.

It only took her a moment detour to pull her pink suitcase from the hall closet and haul it back to her room. She opened it up on her bed before turning to her own closet. Daddy had hung the rod low enough so that her clothes were within her reach. Everything was hung by outfits that were selected with the help of the older women around her. Mostly Mummy and Raven but everyone bought her clothes. It was one of her favorite presents.

Choosing which outfits to take was the hard part. Mummy had said three but there were so many that she wanted to take. It was warm so that meant shorts and t-shirts. She selected a purple matching terrycloth outfit with a cat on the front of the shirt. The next two were harder but finally she pulled out a pink and a baby blue outfit from the closet to lie on the bed. Her mother would give final approval before they actually made it into her suitcase. Joy grabbed some jeans and a sweater just in case she got cold. She was just turning to her dresser when her door opened and Elijah slipped in. He sat on her bed without saying anything and she felt that little curl of fear in her belly again. It was coming. She just knew it despite what Mummy told her.

“Is it going to be bad?” Joy asked, sitting next to her brother sensing that he needed to be comforted like she had been earlier.

“I think so,” Elijah said, hiding his face in his hands. “I’ve been dreaming about him every night. He keeps telling me how Daddy is going to fail.”

“Don’t believe him. He lies,” Joy said emphatically. “Daddy promised he was coming home to us. He doesn’t lie. I gave him my treasures to keep him safe.”

“They don’t understand, Journey, they don’t,” Elijah said, looking up at her. His grey eyes filled with such loneliness that Joy could almost feel it. She slipped an arm around his shoulder. “Every thing they do is changing what is coming. If they tell Daddy before it’s time…” He shuddered beneath her hand.

“Don’t give up,” Joy said. “He won’t let us be hurt. Daddies love their children more than anything.”

“And sometimes they go away anyway,” Elijah said, tears slipping down his cheek.

Joy ran her fingers through his hair like her Daddy did with her. She knew at one time her siblings had other parents. She didn’t understand everything but knew they had all been sad before they came to live with her parents.

“Daddy won’t go ‘way,” Joy repeated, unsure of how to help Elijah. It scared her for a moment to think that maybe her father wouldn’t return and let the bad things get them. Ultimately, though her belief in her father’s promise was stronger than anything else. He had kept her safe before and he would again.

The two children looked up when the door opened. This time Raven and Connor slipped in. They took seats next to each on the floor.

“We need to talk,” Raven said. “All of us.”

~~~~~~~~

The door closed behind the two young people making Buffy sigh in frustration. She had put this off for as long as possible. It was time. It had to be done before they left for Los Angeles and she wondered how a four-year-old was supposed to deal with this type of knowledge. Much less keep it a secret.

She knocked softly on the door then opened it before waiting for a reply. They all stared up at her in trepidation and she had an insane desire to laugh. The new Scooby gang was all she could see looking down at them. Stifling her amusement she took a seat on the floor across from Raven. She held her arms out for the two youngest. Joy took her place on her lap while Elijah sat next to her.

“We do need to talk,” Buffy said softly. “May I join you?” This time she did wait. In turn each of them nodded their consent for her to be a part of their meeting. “Thank you. I feel it’s best that we don’t tell each other everything.” She held a hand up. “Let me explain then I will listen to you as open minded as I hope you will listen to me.”

“Go ahead,” Raven said, obviously taking the lead and accepting her mother’s terms.

It was down to the two of them, slayer to slayer. Each came to the battle and were willing to compromise for the good of their family, Spike and finally the world. Buffy nodded, taking her daughter’s position seriously. There had been times when she had to take orders from Raven and she would again if the situation warranted it.

“You know that I had the vision of a future without…Spike,” Buffy said, hugging Journey tighter. “It’s why I wanted him to leave so that maybe we could beat fate at her own game.” She sighed. “I also know that there is something else that you all know and that it’s not only connected to my vision but to the prophecy that Wesley found. Am I right so far?”

Raven nodded.

“This prophecy centers around Spike, doesn’t it?”

It was Elijah that nodded this time.

“Are you the one who discovered it?” Buffy asked.

Elijah turned to Raven to get permission to speak so Buffy turned back to her daughter for the answers. Apparently whatever Elijah knew he had passed it along to his sister to decide what to do with it.

“Yes, Mum,” Raven said. “The First showed it to him last year. It came in the form of our mother.”

Her heart ache was instantaneous as Buffy slipped her arm around her son and pulled him close. She kissed the top of his head. There wasn’t anything she could say to him. Whatever had been revealed to him had been taken to his sister where she had comforted and advised him. It hurt that she hadn’t known, that she and Spike weren’t there for him but she understood.

“I’m going to assume since neither Spike nor I were informed of this that there was a good reason?”

“Yes,” Raven said. “The First has implied to Elijah that whatever is coming is based on the choices that Daddy makes. If you know or he knows exactly what it says then,” She glanced at Connor. “We’ve deduced that it could alter things and create more trouble…”

“Then trusting that in the end he’ll do the right thing,” Buffy said.

“Yes, ma’am,” Connor said. “We all believe in him. It wasn’t hard for any of us to decide to let things unfold naturally.”

“All of you know?” Buffy asked.

“Yes, Mummy,” Elijah answered, leaning closer to her. “Joy knows, too, but…not everything.” The last two words were spoken telepathically to Buffy and she squeezed his hand to let him know that she understood.

“Do you all agree then that we should try and keep the others from discovering the truth?” Buffy asked, looking at Raven. She knew that whatever Raven decided the other three would follow. The secret had been kept for a year now. She was the one who was leading them now.

“Yes,” Raven said. “Neither Wesley nor Giles fully trust Daddy so I’m afraid their interference would create a situation that would end in chaos.”

“I agree,” Buffy said. “So, you and I will talk more on the way down. Give us more of a concrete plan for handling them.”

With Raven’s agreement they broke apart to prepare for the trip. Buffy pushed back her wayward emotions until she could afford the luxury of breaking down. Spike had always come through for her, starting all the way back in the days of Glory. He would do it now. She would believe in him until she had proof that she couldn’t.

to be continued…

Chapter 17 - Bad Moon Rising

Part 2

I see the bad moon arising

I see trouble on the way

I see earthquakes and lightnin’

I see bad times today

I hear hurricanes ablowing

I know the end is coming soon

I fear rivers overflowing

I hear the voice of rage and ruin

Hope you got your things together

Hope you are quite prepared to die

Looks like we’re in for nasty weather

One eye is taken for an eye.

J.C. Fogerty

The delicate snore from the back seat made her mother turn around and smile at Journey. It never failed. Strap the kid in, pop Sleeping Beauty in the DVD player, hit the highway and within thirty minutes Joy was sound asleep. Raven watched in the rearview mirror as Buffy took the box of juice from her baby sister’s hand to deposit into the bag they brought along for garbage. She smiled as Buffy adjusted Joy in her car seat then did the same to the teddy bear strapped in next to Joy.

“I don’t think the bear cares if he’s crooked,” Raven said with a grin.

“I know,” Buffy said. “But I always cared if Mr. Gordo was comfortable on his rides.”

“So, glad I don’t have any of these particular family tendencies,” Raven, with a smirk that she had unknowingly acquired after hours of watching one adorn her father’s face.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Buffy said, smiling. “Do you consider stuffed toys too much of a weakness for the big bad Slayer out to save the day and the world while still maintaining her tough with it ‘tude?”

Rolling her eyes, Raven retorted, “Ha, ha, funny, Mum, very funny.”

“By the way I love those boots you’re wearing? Who made them?”

“They’re Harley Davidson’s,” Raven replied, glancing down at her black boots with the red flame along the side and back <http://www.shoebuy.com/sb/s.jsp/br_Harley-Davidson/p_4/st_44606>. They made her look tough. So, yeah, her mother was right. Looking beautiful and tough was important to her. Thank god that Daddy gave her a credit card of her own. Sometimes she was sure that her spending far surpassed her mothers. She shifted in her seat, adjusting her black jeans then smoothed down her blue sweater that made it look like she had decent sized boobs.

I wonder if Wesley ever notices…

“So, what did Dawn say when you talked to her last night?” Buffy asked, interrupting Raven’s thoughts before they got too complicated.

It was a bitch being in love with the boy she’d always wanted but feeling butterflies every time she was around the younger Watcher. She was sure it was result of the one-on-one training that Wesley sometimes gave her. Faith was certainly right about the fighting making you horny. If only Connor was a bit more aggressive on the sexual part of their relationship then whatever the feelings she had for Wesley would go away. A smile flitted across her face as she remembered her boyfriend giving the okay for her to seek birth control. Soon, she thought. Their relationship would be what it was supposed to be for a slayer and a son of a vampire…passionate.

“Hello, mother to daughter,” Buffy called, snapping her fingers. “I asked you about Dawn.”

“Sorry, Mum, was thinking about something,” Raven said, with a nervous laugh.

“Shopping in LA, I’m sure.”

“Uh, Dawn’s fine. She and Josh are having a grand old time living the Ivy League existence that is Harvard. They spent last weekend with Clem and Flora out at the cabin.”

“I still can’t believe that Clem is married,” Buffy said, absently. She sighed longingly. “I’m happy for him being so happy.”

“Daddy loves you,” Raven said, reading her mother’s face. The separation was killing her mother slowly. She knew about her mother’s past and her fear of being alone was becoming more pronounced everyday. Buffy was tense most of the time now. “He’ll come back.”

“Yeah, if somebody doesn’t screw everything up.”

“I know,” Raven said. “We just can’t let them know that we know anything. And get as much information from them before we return to Sunnydale.”

“Oooo, we get to play the little spies,” Buffy said, with a giggle. It sounded forced but Raven let it go. Her mother was trying and sometimes that was all you could ask of someone. “Do I get to play the bad slayer or the good slayer?”

“Uh, Saint Buffy over there,” Raven said. “I mean all the lectures we, young followers, get about everything you’ve done to make the world a better place.” She laid a hand on her chest. “I mean, of course, I have to be the young upstart with the bad ass, jealous attitude.”

“Okay, you bad, me good,” Buffy grumbled, shifting in her seat. “I never get to have fun.”

“Yeah, right,” Raven said, with a wicked grin. It was the perfect opportunity to bring up going to the doctor. “Not like you and Daddy didn’t have the whole house rocking the last weekend he was here. No, of course not, and it’s not like you two were caught having a quickie on the washer downstairs by one of your best friends.”

”Angel told Max not to go down there,” Buffy said, primly but a flush was covering her cheeks.

“Having to wait all day was too much, huh?”

“None of my daughter’s business,” Buffy said.

Raven watched her mother wring her hands. The clear sign that she was unhappy, talking about Daddy always made her that way. Maybe it hadn’t been the best introduction to what she wanted to say. She sighed as she decided to wait till later. She was eighteen and didn’t need anyone’s permission to seek birth control anyway. All she had to do was talk to Kate, get what she needed, and the only two people who needed to know were she and Connor. Kate couldn’t tell anyone else and besides she doubted she would anyway.

So, it was back to business.

“Seriously, Mum,” Raven said, sitting up a little straighter as she maneuvered to pass a slow moving car. “How are we going to keep them out of this? Giles and Wesley are like bulldogs when it comes to this shit. The doom and gloom duo aren’t going to just accept our word to walk away.”

“I know,” Buffy said. “They both have this really bad habit of saying one thing to your face then going behind your back to figure it out anyway.” She looked out the window. “They are both interfering, uptight old farts.”

“Mother!” she said with a laugh. “I have never heard you speak like that about them before. It’s always been respect them. They have so much more education than we do,” Raven mimicked her.

“I lied. Look, play ignorant about the whole thing. I know you can act,” Buffy said, patting Raven’s leg. “Don’t let them know we know anything. We’ll find out what they do know then we’ll meet to figure out how to sabotage their research.”

“You can be such a bitch,” Raven said, giggling. She glanced over at Buffy in amazement. Sometimes her mother surprised the hell out of her. Buffy always tried to be super mom, doing the whole June Cleaver bit, but sometimes when she was in Slayer mode, Raven could see the girl she’d once been. She would never admit it but she could never hear enough tales about her mother’s heyday of slaying.

Raven nibbled a manicured fingernail that she had spent a fortune on as she worried over her father. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to protect him including lying outright to the two men she was supposed to blindly follow without question. She wondered if any slayer had really followed that rule. She doubted it; they were the ones who picked teenage girls to be the killing machines. Served them right to have to put with the volatile emotions of their charges.

~~~~~~~~

The room was exactly twenty-one paces long. Spike knew every inch of the peeling vinyl floor. He’d been walking it for the last hour and was becoming more and more agitated with each step. Surveillance work had to be the worst assignment with this job. Vampires weren’t meant to just sit and watch. He wanted the violence, the chase, and the adrenaline rush but, no, they were stuck together in this cramped room, watching the building across the street. There was nothing to do to relieve his boredom. So, he paced while Dylan took the pictures.

The year before after Angel and his team had beaten Jasmine, a goddess that seemed to spring forth from the very earth itself. In the wake of destroying world happiness, Angel had been offered the position of CEO of Wolfram and Hart. After considerable deliberation and midnight talks with the family, he’d accepted, hoping to find a means to bring the evil law firm down. A week ago, his Sire had overheard a conversation by some employees about a new apocalypse. It would bring about the end of human reign on earth and usher in a new age of demon supremacy.

Angel had done some more investigation and had uncovered the possibility of a secret society operating under the authority of Wolfram and Hart senior partners. He had come to Spike about it, and they had taken it to Jake, so here they were. Their assignment was to track down all the members of this society, find out their purpose, and hopefully avert whatever was coming. A study of W&H holdings had brought them to the office building across the street. It was empty, serving no purpose, in a suspicious part of town which would give excellent cover to clandestine meetings.

Three shifts to watch it and Spike and Dylan had garnered the evening shift.

It seemed they were right. So, far four cars had dropped passengers off. They had all subsequently disappeared into the building. Dylan had snapped all their photos while Spike paced. He wanted to go home. The brief time with Buffy only made him yearn for her even more. Maybe the old saying was right. The one about absence making the heart grow fonder. He was going crazy because her soft body wasn’t next to his every night, his body was screaming in need to sink into hers, his heart lonely because she wasn’t there to talk to about the day. The man and the demon needed their mate.

He sighed.

“Quit thinking about her,” Dylan said. “You’re only going to make it worse.”

“Can’t help it,” Spike complained. “She is so far into my very pores that even my sweat aches for her.”

Dylan laughed. “No wonder you got the nickname William the Bloody because if that’s the shit you were spouting back then, it’s a wonder you weren’t called a lot worse.”

“Pillock,” Spike said, with a grin. He sank onto the floor, leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes. “You’ll find out one day when you’re in love.”

“Never,” Dylan swore, softly. “Never turn myself into a mopey, horny, wimp.”

“It makes you stronger,” Spike said.

“Bullshit. Look at you. You’re acting like some lovesick puppy begging to be petted. Get it out of your system, get laid, have some bloody fun.”

Spike opened his eyes to stare at the young man across from him. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if Dylan was offering but he already knew the answer. The young man had been quite frank about his lack of sexual preferences. He didn’t much care about sex, race or species. Human or demon, if they could get him off then Dylan was ready, willing and able. Spike shook his head. If his partner was a woman, he’d be called a whore and an indiscriminate one at that. He just hoped Faith knew what the hell she was doing.

“No wonder my family doesn’t like you,” Spike said. His voice was deeper from emotion than before. “Everything they’re warning me about you is true.”

Dylan turned to look at him. They’re eyes connected and Spike could see what his family didn’t see in Dylan’s eyes, the intense pain, loneliness, and insecurity. Sometimes he felt like he was looking into a mirror, seeing a reflection he hadn’t seen for over a hundred years. But he could never forget that very same look from before he was turned and it still haunted him to this day. Spike broke the connection first. It was safer not to dwell on those things. He stood to resume his pacing. He tried to think only about his wife, laughing, on top of the washer crying out his name, lost in the passion. Her legs wrapped around his waist, squeezing the very life force out of him. She was his future. He had committed and he wanted to honor it with his very soul.

“Holy shit,” Dylan muttered, snapping wildly. “Spike, get your ass over here.”

Spike hurried over, kneeling beside him, to look at the newest car that was dropping someone off. He drew his breath in sharply as he recognized the man that glanced around him before entering the building.

It was Gunn.

To be continued…

Chapter 18 – What Can You Tell Me

What can you tell me?

Someone’s always pulling the rug from under your feet

And they’re pulling it away from you

And they’ve done it your whole life through

Everything you say

Everything you do

Anthony Steward Head

It never changed.

The hulking exterior, the old-fashioned design of the lobby, and the endless chatter of the occupants was a reassuring reminder that life continued. The mere act of walking through the entrance of the Hyperion calmed Buffy. In those walls was courage, hope and a well of life that was made up the strength of those who dwelled there.

She had sworn that no Slayer would ever be alone again. Despite the anonymity of their lifestyle, they would always have family with each other. This would be the home that they could return to. If there was no other legacy for her to leave behind then she would be content with this; to never allow any other Slayer to suffer the isolation they had once been condemned to. All, regardless of loyalty to their duties, was welcomed within these walls.

Shifting Joy in her arms, Buffy made her way across the lobby. A smile graced her face as she felt the welcoming of those they passed. The girls waved or said hello as they hurried through and Giles stood by the front desk waiting for them. His face was grim with worry, but that was her Watcher. In this aspect he hadn’t changed over the years.

“Hello, Giles,” Buffy said, stifling the small rush of butterflies caused by seeing him. Over the years their former affection had never fully returned. His desire to see her committed and thus forgotten still burned within her as personal betrayal. She knew it was nonsense at this point, because he had been the exemplary friend and Watcher since then. It was just something that she had never fully been able to let go of.

“Hello, Buffy,” he replied, smiling slightly at her then turned to Raven. “Hello, Raven. How is your archery practice going?”

Raven ducked her head. “Hello, Mr. Giles. It’s been a…”

“No, excuses,” Giles said, with his typical indulgent smile. “But we will discuss it later at a more appropriate time. Why don’t you get settled then we can meet to discuss the other?”

“The girls are staying here,” Buffy said. “I’ll be staying at Angel’s.”

“Of course,” Giles said, with a knowing smile.

It was where Spike was. Buffy wouldn’t be kept away if she was this close to him. Almost feeling like blushing in front of Giles, Buffy turned her attention to Joy.

“You still want to stay here?” Buffy asked, chuckling when Joy’s countenance went stiff upper lip.

“Of course, Mum.” The little girl turned to the Watcher. “’allo, Mr. Giles,” Joy announced, in a perfect imitation of the Watcher’s accent. “I’m staying with the girls. I’m going to train, too.”

“Well, that’s very good,” Giles said, smiling at the small child with obvious pride. “If there is anything that you need, please, don’t hesitate to ask someone.”

“As if she wouldn’t,” Raven said, holding her arms out for her sister. “Come on, squirt. Let’s go find everybody.”

They waited until the two girls had moved away before Giles led Buffy to his office. There were too many ears and eyes to try and have any kind of private discussion in the lobby.

“How is Kate?” Buffy asked, as they walked.

“She’s fine,” Giles said, “Busy trying to keep everyone healthy around here. Of course, it’s more of the teachers than the students. But there is always someone getting hurt or something.”

He closed the door behind them, waving at the chairs in front of his desk for Buffy to sit. She did, studying his face as he sat across from her. The worry that made the few lines on his face more pronounced and the shadows that filled his eyes told her of his conflicts. Whatever he and Wesley had found frightened Giles. Buffy wondered if there was more to things than even what she or Raven knew.

“Is it that bad?” Buffy asked, holding her breath and hoping for a reassurance.

The small shake of his head told otherwise. “Yes, I’m afraid it is, Buffy. Apocalypses and hell gods aside, I think this shall be the worse of the lot.”

“What did you find?”

“I’m afraid it’s the end foretold by the very ancient tribes that worshipped the gods in the first place.”

“Explain, please,” Buffy said, clenching her fists and drawing her lower lip between her teeth as she tried to squelch the nervousness that seemed to be taking over her belly.

“Armageddon,” Giles said, pulling his glasses off. “We are facing the final battle between good and evil and everything rests in the hands of only a few people or possibly just one.”

~~~~~~~~

The air was heavy with the stench of stale beer and cigarettes, the music loud and tinny, the girls seemingly bored as they gyrated on stage. It was a typical strip club on the wrong side of Los Angeles not far from Gunn’s old stomping grounds. Spike considered it poetic justice somehow that the circle was closing in on one of Angel’s team in almost the same place it had started.

They had watched the place for the last hour to ensure that none of Gunn’s cronies were taking a break. It was night though. Not the place for them to be when they needed to be taking down the baddies. They were safe in their choice of a meeting place. Angel was already waiting inside for them. He’d gone in first to make sure no one had slipped past Spike’s surveillance. There had been no warning phone calls so Spike headed in.

He moved through the almost empty place with confidence. He was wearing his duster again. It felt right. It was his armor against his own weaknesses. With it on, he could swagger again. His once perpetual smirk was curling his lips. The family man was hidden away beneath the bad ass exterior.

Dylan trailed behind him. Spike knew it wouldn’t go over well with Angel but Dylan was his partner. He had been the one to snap the photos. He was involved in Spike’s new job; and his life whether his family accepted him or not. They would have to deal.

Spike slid into the booth across from Angel, scooting over to give Dylan room to sit beside him. The glare from his Sire confirmed his earlier beliefs. Spike shrugged, leaned back, sliding his arm across the back of the booth. Dylan glanced between the two vampires before leaning back into his seat.

“Why is the pup here?” Angel asked, refusing to look at Dylan.

“He’s my partner,” Spike answered, raising an eyebrow. “He was there. He already knows. What the bloody hell difference does it make?”

“None,” Angel said, turning his gaze to the man in question. “Except that I don’t like him.” He laid a twenty on the table. “Go get some beers from the bar for the two of you.”

“Go on,” Spike said, when Dylan turned to him for instructions. “Personal shit to iron out and all that rot.”

Angel waited until Dylan was out of ear shot before turning back to Spike. “Buffy is in town along with Raven and Joy.”

“Why?”

It was news to Spike. There had been a couple of missed calls on his cell from Buffy but when he had tried to return them, she hadn’t picked up. There hadn’t been an urgent message or anything so he hadn’t worried. Until he heard they were in town. Panic lit briefly inside him.

“Wesley and Giles found a new prophecy or something,” Angel explained. “They called her up here so they could meet about it. The Watchers wanted to keep it quiet as much as possible.” He looked over at Dylan leaning against the bar, letting Spike know not to tell his partner.

“Sounds like a problem.”

“Probably not,” Angel said. “One of the slayerettes had seen something on the wall when they were fighting the ubervamps. She never said anything until a few days ago. Said she had forgotten until she dreamed about it. She told Wesley who went into research mode.”

“Probably nothing to worry about,” Spike said. “We’ll see what happens.” His eyes connected with Angel’s. In spite of their words to the contrary, they both knew that it was something to worry about but at this point they would let the others handle it. When they were needed, they would be called. For now they would continue to handle their own pressing business at hand. Spike did make a mental note to call Buffy again when he left to find out where they were staying. If his wife was in town, he wanted to see her and his daughters.

A mug of icy draft was slid along the table in front of him. Spike smiled in appreciation before taking a sip. It was what he needed. It was funny that all the years of living in Sunnydale had taken away his penchant for big city living. The air was thick, filling his lungs with its pollution. The cold brew was the perfect remedy. It washed away the grime that seemed to cling to the inside of his mouth and throat.

“What did you all find out?” Angel asked, glancing between Spike and his partner.

During the brief phone call between Sire and Childe, nothing had been revealed to Angel about Gunn. It was the kind of information that should only be shared in a face-to-face situation. Spike wasn’t sure how to proceed. Angel’s team counted heavily on Gunn for both his new legal knowledge and for his loyalty to the group. His betrayal would weigh heavy on all of them. Not wanting Dylan to be the bad guy, Spike reached into his pocket for the packet of photos. Not saying anything, he handed them to his Sire.

There was recognition in Angel’s eyes for a few of the subjects as he leafed through the pile. A few were passed back to them for them to find out who they were. Spike’s stomach clenched the fewer the pictures were. It was at the last few that Angel grunted. He laid the image of Gunn on the table. He ran a finger across it then looked up at Spike.

“See what else you can find out about him,” Angel instructed, seemingly without emotion but Spike knew better. “Have him followed, bugged, whatever. I want the truth.”

There was still a small hope that maybe Gunn was working to expose the secret society on his own. Spike hoped it was true as he gathered up the photos that had been passed back to them, slipping them into his coat pocket again.

“Will do,” Spike said. His eyes connected for a second with his Sire. The message sent and received to keep it quiet. Everything could fall apart with one wrong move. Illusions were going to keep them going until it was time.

Angel was ready to make a stand. He had seen evil in its rawest form possible. He shared nightmares with Spike that curled even a vampire’s hair. One moment was all Angel wanted to show evil that in the end it wouldn’t win. And he was gathering his people close for the Armageddon he was prepared to wage.

to be continued….

Chapter 19 – Eye of the Hurricane

Black clouds are rushing in
The storm is ready to strike
The lightening flashes through the wasteland
Caught between the earth and sky
Hear the thunder roar
Got to find the key to the open door.

Runaway, hideaway,
Into the eye of the hurricane
Find your way, to saving grace,
Inside the eye of the hurricane.

Impellitteri

“Daddy, Daddy.”

Spike turned to find Journey racing down the front steps of the Hyperion. She was dressed in her pajamas and clutching her teddy bear. It was almost eleven, making him wonder why she was still up. Amanda wasn’t far behind her. His daughter heard the footsteps of the trailing slayer and speeded up. He opened his arms just as she stumbled, catching her in mid-fall. She wrapped her small arms around him, her precious toy squashed between them.

“You’re here, you’re here,” Joy cried. “I knew you wouldn’t leave me here.”

“I’m here, sweetheart,” Spike soothed, rubbing her back. “It’s okay. Where’s Mum?”

“She at my Angel’s. She left me and I don’t want to be here.”

“Joy,” Amanda said, sharply as she stopped on the bottom step. “It’s not nice to lie. You chose to stay here.”

“She’s also four,” Spike bit out. “Not quite old enough to be making those kind of decisions.”

“They mean,” Joy said, tightening her grip on his neck. Tears were falling in earnest now. “Please take me with you.”

“Shush, baby,” Spike cooed, rocking back and forth in his continued effort to calm her. “Daddy’s here.”

Now, he was grateful that Dylan had twisted his arm to stop by the hotel on the way to dropping him off at Angel’s. His partner wanted to surprise Faith with a trinket he had picked up for her. He had received a message from Buffy while he had been with Angel. It said that she was in town to meet with the Watchers and that she was at the beach house waiting for him. He had assumed that his daughters were with her.

“Hey, Dad,” Raven called out as she bounded down the stairs. “What are you doing here?”

“Dylan needed to drop something off,” Spike said. His eyes swept over his eldest daughter fidgeting with the hem of her flannel pajama top. Something was off and despite her best efforts to hide it there was a shadow of guilt on her face. “How did you know I was here?”

“Oh, I was on my cell phone when Joy heard the jeep and took off,” Raven said, with a big grin. “It just took me a minute to hang up and follow her down. We’re staying in Amanda and Molly’s room.” She reached for her sister. ”Come on Joy. It’s past your bedtime.”

“No,” Joy screeched, kicking out at her sister. “Daddy taking me. Don’t wanna be here.”

“Shush, baby,” Spike said, hugging her tighter. “It’s going to be all right.”

“Daddy, Mum is waiting for you,” Raven said, avoiding his eyes. “It’s better that she stays here tonight. Amanda is taking her over in the morning to play on the beach until we’re done with the meeting.”

Their eyes collided as Raven realized she had blundered. She had mentioned the morning meeting as if Spike already knew. And there was no way for her to know that unless Buffy had mentioned the message she had left for her husband. It only confirmed what Spike had suspected all along. There was something going on between the two women. For a second he thought that maybe Buffy was planning a little rendezvous for the two of them but Raven wouldn’t be acting guilty.

“What’s going on, Raven?” Spike asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Nothing.”

“Let’s go, Daddy, please,” Joy begged, bouncing in his arms. “I want to go see Mummy.”

“Journey,” Raven said, softly. “Why don’t you stay here with us tonight?”

“No, you mean,” Joy said, turning on the tears again. “You won’t let me look at TV.”

“And that isn’t a bad thing,” Kate’s voice reached them. The small party at the bottom of the stairs turned to watch Giles’ wife approach them. “I got a call from one the girls that there was a problem down here. Are you the problem, little one?” Kate asked, reaching over to stroke Joy’s hair. “You were happy just a little while ago.”

“The girls talking bad ‘bout me. They say I spoiled.”

“Case in point,” Raven muttered, crossing her arms.

“Shut up, don’t like you,” Joy declared, her piercing blue eyes were angrily fixated on her sister.

“Feelings mutual, brat.”

“Stop it,” Spike demanded. “Both of you. What the…?”

“Now, now,” Kate said. “Amanda, go back to your room. It’s after hours.” She waited until the girl took off back up the stairs before turning her attention to Joy again. “Now for you, young lady, your Mummy and Daddy need some grown up time. How about you come spend the night with Benjamin? There are other teddy bears so that your bear doesn’t get lonely.”

Joy appeared to be thinking about the offer but then shook her head. She buried her face against Spike’s neck and offered up a couple of loud sniffles. Spike looked over to Raven who was standing off to the side still looking piqued. He decided to opt on the side of caution. He nuzzled Joy’s cheek before kissing it soundly.

“I bet Mr. Lido would love to go visit with Benjamin’s bears,” Spike whispered. “And you could stay with him in his room and then you two can play in the morning before you get to go to the beach. Maybe he could go, too.”

“Can he?” Joy asked, looking over at Kate.

“Yeah,” she replied with a smile. “I think we can do that. So, are you going to stay with us? I can make you some warm milk before I tuck you in.” This time when Kate reached for her, Joy let herself be transferred to the other woman’s arms.

“Don’t have to be with you,” Joy said, staring daggers into her sister. “I’m going to have fun while you be bored at meeting.” She stuck her tongue out at Raven over Kate’s shoulder as she was carried away.

“Yeah, whatever, kiddo,” Raven said. “Sweet dreams.” Her smile for her younger was anything but warm. Spike let it go. He wanted answers and was only waiting for Kate to vanish from view.

“What is going on, Raven?”

At least she squirmed a little, but not enough. Raven looked up at him, her arms still crossed and now one hip was thrown out for emphasis. “Nothing is going on. Maybe Mum would like some time with you alone. You know she doesn’t really see you enough.”

Spike arched one eyebrow, tilting his head at his daughter’s impertinence. “Is our marriage any of your business?”

“Well, gee, let me think, Daddy. Yeah, it is. Everything the two of you do affects us, kids,” Raven said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Maybe you’ve forgotten in your little ‘mid-life crisis’ head trip.”

“Excuse me,” Spike said, stepping closer to her. “I’d watch your mouth if I were you. You and Buffy were the ones pushing me out the bloody door if I remember correctly. So, don’t be trying to make me feel guilty.”

“Oh, yes, we wanted to make sure that the world was safe, not for you to be playing around with some little…”

“Stop right there,” Spike ordered. “I’d think very carefully before you finish that sentence.”

“Or what?” Raven yelled. “You’re going to ground me? Forbid me to patrol,” she flung her arm out. “Or tell me that I can’t put my damn life on the line anymore. Go ahead, Daddy dearest, punish me and maybe the pile up of dead bodies will get your attention.”

He snapped his mouth shut as he stared at his daughter. Something was really bothering her. He didn’t have a clue as to what it was. Guilt did wash through him. Both of his girls were having melt downs tonight and he was lost as to what to do.

“Raven, talk to me,” Spike said. “I know I haven’t been home but…”

“Yeah, you haven’t,” Raven said. “We need you, too. Mum, especially.”

“Is Buffy okay?”

Raven shrugged. “She misses you.”

“Well, I miss her, too,” Spike said. “Is that all that’s bothering you? Buffy being upset?”

The elevator doors opening interrupted them. They turned as a slightly rumpled Dylan sauntered out of the car and made his way across the lobby. He wore a satisfied smile as he stared at the two of them.

“Hello, Raven,” Dylan said, but he barely glanced at the girl. His gaze fixated on Spike. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, I need to get back to Angel’s though,” Spike said. “Wait outside for me. I need to say good-bye to Rave.”

“Sure, man, whatever,” Dylan said, smiling as he looked at both of them then moved through the front door.

“Night, Daddy,” Raven said, hugging him. She kissed his cheek. “Be careful. Don’t leave Mum alone too much. She might learn that she doesn’t need you after all.”

And with that bombshell, Raven turned and ran up the stairs, leaving a stymied Spike behind. He could only stare at her.

~~~~~~~~

After watching Dylan’s jeep roar off down the driveway, Spike turned to unlock the door of the beach house. The sound of laughter greeted Spike when he stepped through the door. Buffy’s giggle echoed through the short hall leading into the living room. Having come prepared, with roses and champagne, for a depressed spouse, it was totally unexpected. His hands fell to his sides still holding the presents as he stood in the doorway.

All three of them were there. He shook his head to displace the images that burned there and see the actual persons that were in the room. Angel sat on the couch with one foot on the coffee table. Cordelia lay with her head on his lap while Buffy sat on the floor in front of the side chair. So, caught up in their joke they didn’t notice him. But he noticed them. The bottle of wine on the table, half-filled glasses in front of his Sire and wife, the state of undress the women were in and the smell of pot hanging heavy in the air. He felt sick to his stomach as his mind immediately thought the worse.

Logic took only a moment to interfere though. Angel was still dressed, Cordelia was in silk pajamas and although Buffy wore a negligee, she wore a robe over it. Only the silken material lent any kind of sensuality to it. She was covered from her neck to her toes. The pot was Cordelia’s. She used it to increase her appetite and to relieve some of the pain.

Relieved, Spike cleared his throat before walking in.

Buffy smiled a welcome at him and he took a seat beside her on the floor. He draped his arm around her, laying the roses in her lap and the champagne on the table.

“Oh, Spike, they’re beautiful,” Buffy said, smelling the flowers then turning to him for a kiss. “Thank you. What’s the occasion?”

“Just because I love you,” Spike said, pulling her close beside him. “What are you all doing?”

“Getting Buffy high,” Cordelia said, with a smile. “She’s such a prude that she wouldn’t do it without you but I think she’s got contact high.”

“Did you want to, Luv?” Spike purred, running his hand along her back. “Go ahead. I won’t care.”

“No,” Buffy said, looking at him perplexed. “I’m fine. Been drinking plenty of wine and pot with it would be very unmixy.” She giggled then Cordelia joined her.

“They’ve been like this for the last hour,” Angel said, dryly. He stroked Cordelia’s short hair. “Laughing over the stupidest things and making fun of everyone.”

Even though he knew Buffy wouldn’t, he wondered if he was the target of any of their jokes. He wondered if he had been discussed at all. Buffy was reaching for her glass of wine when she almost spilled it. She was a little drunker than he first realized. He still didn’t like it when she drank like this, especially if she had been depressed earlier. Over the years she only drank on occasion with him. And for her to expose herself to second hand marijuana was unlike her. It bothered him.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Buffy pouted, caressing his face. “I didn’t mean to if you are.” She kissed the corner of his mouth, letting her tongue dart out to taste his bottom lip. “Am I your bad girl that needs to be punished?”

It was supposed to be a joke. It wasn’t to him. It took him back. Back to the time he had seen in his mind when he first walked into the house. A time when he learned exactly how truly insignificant he was to Drusilla, Angel and Darla.

to be continued…

Chapter 20 – My Immortal

I’m so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all your tears

When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

Evanescence

Earlier before Spike’s arrival at the beach house…

She felt good.

But that was entirely due to the morphine shot that Angel had poked in her butt an hour before and the marijuana she was currently smoking. At the moment life was good and funny as hell.

Cordelia was curled up on the couch. Her head was on Angel’s lap while he idly ran his fingers through her newly grown hair. It was only about an inch long but it was enough for him. She slowly exhaled her latest puff, deliberately blowing it in Buffy’s face. Her friend wouldn’t actually smoke the stuff. Her excuses genuine; I’m a mother having to set a good example, Spike wouldn’t like it, and the best of all, it’s not good for me to do that stuff.

It was true. Buffy had fought for years to keep herself out of depression and away from her favorite crutch of alcohol. But now she seemed to be doing well. Better than someone should be in the position she was. The teenage girl that was only interested in boys and her defunct social life had grown into a woman with incredible strength and grace.

But Cordelia also knew what Buffy was going to have to endure in the near future. Exactly what price the Powers would ask from her.

The way she figured it, let Buffy have a few laughs before the tears came. And at the moment Buffy was giggling. Like a little girl. With all the buoyant exuberance that came from someone without any fears. It was good.

“Oh, my god,” Buffy said as she carefully put her wine glass down on the table. “The man is like nothing there. I mean, Spike has an average build but next to Dylan he’s huge.”

“And next to Angel he’s petite,” Cordelia said. “You know what they say…”

Buffy held her fingers up. Her thumb and index finger about half an inch apart.

“Yep, tiny dick,” Buffy giggled. “Probably couldn’t even feel it.”

“Who would want to find out?” Angel asked, dryly. “The man has the personality of a fruit fly.”

For some reason this set both women off in another uncontrollable fit of laughter. The conversation had started innocently enough over dinner. But over the course of the evening with the help of the wine and the marijuana, the discussion of Dylan had turned into a bitchfest about him. Everything from his clothes and now to his body was being torn apart by the three. Cordelia had tried to like the young man but his current activities concerning Faith and Spike had her on edge.

“Well, Faith says his tongue is ambi…ambidicks,” Buffy stuttered. She snapped her fingers while the other two started laughing again. “Ambidextrous. That’s it.”

“Buffy, please,” Angel pleaded, raising his hand and scrunching up his face. “I don’t want to hear anything about that.”

“Kissing, Angel, kissing” Buffy clarified. “She hasn’t slept with him yet.”

“Thank goodness,” Cordelia said. “If she had sex with him instead of Max, I would seriously question her sanity.”

“Been there done that,” Buffy said, laughing. “Yeah, and what is that Slayer’s problem? Can’t she see how hot Max is? I mean just look at that ass and abs he has. Dylan is just…just, I don’t know, doesn’t he remind you of a monkey?”

“A monkey?” Angel asked. “Yeah, I could see that. Tickling his armpits and making stupid noises.”

“Not to mention throwing shit at people,” Cordy added.

They were all laughing but Buffy got the giggles. She couldn’t stop. She held onto her sides and threw her head back as she tried to breathe. Cordelia and Angel were so into watching Buffy; they hadn’t heard him come into the house. Cordelia was the first to spot Spike standing in the doorway holding champagne and roses. The expression on his face was so lost and hurt that Cordelia wanted to tell him that everything would be all right. She remained silent.

Buffy caught sight of her husband in the next moment. She turned to him with a bright smile on her face. The giggles had vanished. The love she had for him was so evident in the joy on her face upon seeing him. For a second it was like no one else existed as he returned her smile. Spike took a seat on the floor next to Buffy, laying the roses on her lap and the champagne on the table.

“Oh, Spike, they’re beautiful,” Buffy said. Her nose was buried deep in the bouquet. She turned to him for a kiss. “Thank you. What’s the occasion?”

“Just because I love you,” Spike said, pulling her close beside him. “What are you all doing?”

“Getting Buffy high,” Cordelia said, with a smile. She could already tell that Spike wasn’t happy that Buffy wasn’t sober. She wanted to take the blame before the happiness between the couple became tense. “She’s such a prude that she wouldn’t do it without you but I think she’s got contact high.”

“Did you want to, Luv?” Spike purred, running his hand along her back. “Go ahead. I won’t care.”

“No,” Buffy said, looking at him perplexed. “I’m fine. Been drinking plenty of wine and pot with it would be very unmixy.” She giggled then Cordelia joined her.

“They’ve been like this for the last hour,” Angel said, dryly. He stroked Cordelia’s short hair. “Laughing over the stupidest things and making fun of everyone.”

Buffy was reaching for her glass of wine when she almost spilled it. Although he had just given her permission to indulge, Spike’s expression clearly showed he wasn’t okay with it. Obviously, he was trying not to be upset with her. It touched Cordelia that he wanted her happiness so much that he would deny his own.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Buffy pouted, caressing his face. “I didn’t mean to if you are.” She kissed the corner of his mouth, letting her tongue dart out to taste his bottom lip. “Am I your bad girl that needs to be punished?”

Everything changed with that one comment. It was evident in even the tensing of Spike’s body. It looked like he had seen a ghost…a very haunting ghost.

~~~~~~~~

November, 1880

It had been almost five months since he had been turned. During those months Spike had learned to survive within the family. His love for violence growing with each day that he was under their tutelage. Life since then had become a game. It was certainly more exciting than the rigid rules of the Victorian Society he had tried to live by as a human.

And he was Drusilla’s lover. Since his show of force with Drusilla, the two of them were constant companions. Well, except for when Angelus wanted her to amuse him. She didn’t seem to mind and as Angelus said, Spike could take but never have. So, he endured those times, usually going out to hunt by himself or to find other amusements to while away the time.

This eve was one of those times. Angelus was bored with everything. They had been stuck in Gloucester for days. London had become troublesome for them and they had come to this quiet burg until things quieted down. Or until Angelus decided to take them traveling. A family had been eaten then stacked in one of the bedrooms so that they wouldn’t interfere with the new family of the house. After waking Angelus had summoned Drusilla to his side. She was basking in her Sire’s attention, crooning and acting girlish. Spike left when they’re play became sexual.

He stayed away until nearly dawn hoping that by the time he returned the others would be sleeping again. It wasn’t his lucky night. The smell of sex and blood was heavy in the air when he walked through the door. Not wanting to be involved he headed for the stairs.

“William, is that you?” Drusilla called. “Where have you been?”

“Yes, dear William,” Angel said softly. His anger at Spike’s leaving without permission was clear even in the calm of his voice. “What have you been doing this eve? We’ve missed you.”

Sighing, he turned and headed for the parlor. Angelus was sitting on the sofa with Darla curled beside him. At his feet and between his legs was his dark princess. None of them were dressed in much. The women wore undergarments which were only half fastened and Angelus only in pants.

“Where have you been?” Angelus growled.

“Hunting, playing,” was Spike’s terse play. He wasn’t in the mood for this.

“Without me,” Dru pouted. “I was a bad girl for wanting to play with Daddy instead. He did it to punish me.”

“No, pet, you were otherwise occupied,” Spike said, rocking on his feet. “I didn’t think that I would be missed.”

Darla drew a finger across Angelus’ chest. “I think he has grown cocky again. He thinks that he is one of us.”

“It seems that way,” Angelus said, smiling down at his mate. Although since Spike’s first ‘lesson’ on the floor of the cave he had become Angelus’ companion and lover, his unlife was on the older vampire’s terms or whims. Spike knew that but over the months he had hoped that he was becoming less thought of as a fledging. “Come here, boy.”

It seemed he thought wrong. With heavy footsteps he approached the threesome knowing that he was about to become their amusement. Drusilla slipped onto the sofa next to her Daddy. Angelus pointed at the spot just vacated by Dru. Spike swallowed. He did what he was told.

“Suck my cock,” Angelus commanded.

It was either do it or suffer a beating. He was to be humiliated as a reminder of his place in the family. Knowing it would be quicker and at least a little more pleasant, Spike undid the stays of his Sire’s trousers. He ignored the cackling by the women when he lowered his head. He ran his tongue along the underneath of the heavy member, enjoying the rush of power when Angelus couldn’t stop the quiver that ran through him.

Using his tongue he lavished Angelus’ cock with attention, swirling around the tip, ticking at the base and just licking it as if it was the best candy in the world. He rolled the balls in the palm of his hand, gently stroking it in the way he knew his Sire preferred. It didn’t take long before the cum ran down his throat. He swallowed like the good boy was supposed to be. Keeping his eyes down, Spike leaned back on his haunches after putting Angelus’ cock away.

The slap was unexpected. Usually after a good performance he would get some kind of decency in the way of a word or touch. He held his cheek as he reeled back hitting the chair. What surprised him the most was that it was Drusilla who had slapped him. She was angry with him.

“You are my prince,” she growled. “I made you to amuse me, to keep me company when Daddy was doing important things.”

“So, boy, how does it feel?” Angelus said, laughing. “You were only made to be a plaything for when she can’t have my attention. It wasn’t a bad choice because you have been a very astute student and have learned to be one of the best cocksuckers I’ve ever had. ”

“He is good with his mouth,” Darla said, laughing too. “It’s too bad that those horrid people at that party didn’t know. They could have just put him in a room and let him pleasure them. He could have been useful then.”

It was then that he swore that one day it wouldn’t be like that. That one day he would matter to them.

But some things never change…

~~~~~~~

“No, pet,” Spike said, stroking Buffy’s hair. He kissed her cheek then gave a quick look around at everyone. “I’m pretty tired. I’m going to head off to bed.”

Without another word he stood and exited the room. Buffy watched him leave in surprise. Something was wrong. Guilt flashed through her. Standing she went to follow him. The other couple was forgotten in her need to make things right with Spike. They didn’t often get nights when they could be alone like this. She wanted to walk on the beach, holding hands and talking silly couple talk. Now, it was all mucked up.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. Spike was sitting at the end of the bed. His shirt was already off and he was in the process of pulling his socks off. He didn’t look up at her.

“Spike, are you angry with me?”

“No, Luv.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

This time he did look up. His eyes met hers and he held his arms out to her. She hurried to him, letting him pull her next to him, and lay his head against her stomach. She ran her fingers through his hair as she waited for him to speak.

“Everything is confusing,” Spike said. He pulled back, undoing her robe before pulling it down her arms. It fell, pooling on the floor forgotten as he rubbed his face against her belly. “You are always here,” Spike whispered. “You’ve never left.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Buffy said, caressing his shoulders.

“Who are you?” Spike laughed. “You feel like my Buffy.” He pulled her negligee up, pushing it up as far as he could. She finished pulling it off and dropped it on the floor. He wrapped his hand around her calf, directing her to put her foot on the bed. “You smell like my Buffy.” He buried his nose against her lace covered pussy, inhaling deeply.

His tongue swept along her slit, digging and separating her until he was able to flick at her small bundle of nerves. Her fingers dived into his curls holding on as he tasted her.

“Such sweetness,” Spike whispered, pulling back to nuzzle the softness of her mound. “I love you, tasting you, pleasuring you, drinking down every drop that you give to me.”

“I love it, too,” Buffy whispered, hoping that whatever was upsetting him was fading away. “I love you.”

His mouth trailed away to the thigh propped up beside him. “All of you is sweet.” Spike switched to game face and bit into the flesh of her leg so quickly she had no time to prepare. His first bite wasn’t enough somehow. She watched him pull back then gnaw deeper into her. His bite when given during the heights of passion was barely felt. This was almost cruel in the pain it gave her.

Buffy swallowed as she watched him drink. His eyes were closed, his Adam’s apple moving up and down as he sucked at her, while his hands were holding her up. She felt weak as he started to take too much. She swayed. He pulled away, looking up at her. A thin stream of blood ran down his chin, dripping down onto his chest. He waited. She knew what he wanted. Her fingers traced the ridges of his face before shoving him down onto the bed.

A smile graced his face as she straddled him. If this was what he needed then she would give it. She licked the blood from him, following it from his chest upwards to his mouth. The copper taste wasn’t wholly unpleasant to her. Since her pregnancy with Joy she had become more comfortable with this type of play. Spike’s demon rejoiced in her willingness to compromise.

Holding his face in her hands, she slipped her tongue into the warm depths of his mouth. There was more blood. His. He must have cut his tongue on a fang. The sensations hit her hard. The power of their combined blood, of her mate’s blood, mixed with the effects of the wine and pot, sent her spiraling into a kaleidoscope of sexual desire. Hungrily, she swept his mouth searching for every drop while his hands devoured her flesh.

He squeezed at her bottom, roamed along her back then became lost in her hair. The dark tresses were mussed and teased until it was nothing more then tangles. She reveled in the raw need between them. Her hips were spelling a cadence of their own as they ground down upon his hardened flesh.

“Do you want my cock?” Spike asked, yanking her hair to pull her away from him. He sneered up at her. “Will only I satisfy you?”

“You know that,” Buffy panted, not caring at how desperate she sounded. Spike was her everything. “Please, don’t turn me away.” She rained kisses along his chest until he wrapped his arms around her and flipped them.

A soft mewl left her when he stood to pull his jeans off. He picked her foot up, bringing it to his mouth. He suckled the big toe before biting the instep. He broke the skin and with his eyes never leaving hers he licked the blood from it. She moaned as his hand traced her calf. He placed her foot lovingly back on the bed. She watched as he walked around the room, lighting candles and turning the lamps off.

Spike walked to the french doors that opened onto the verandah. He opened them and stood there, arms outstretched. He inhaled deeply.

“She’s wild, free, no man shall ever break her,” Spike said. “Do you know, pet, that sometimes at night, in the darkness or in the semi-light my eyes plays tricks on me? I see her.” He looked over his shoulder at her.

His eyes were distant and Buffy knew that he was somewhere else. Although physically he was with her, his emotions and his memories were taking him elsewhere. The pain in his eyes was so deep that it hurt to look at him. She once more damned the ones before her that turned such a gentle soul into the creature he had become.

She didn’t need to ask who he saw. It was always her…Drusilla. The woman who would always be the one she was compared to. Buffy closed her eyes in resignation.

“Some nights I even fantasize that you are her,” Spike continued. His voice had dropped to a mere whisper. He walked to her robe, pulling the belt from its loops. “Some nights all I want is you.” He chuckled as he crawled onto the bed. “You never wanted to play when we were first together. You were always trying to act a little priggish and self-righteous, but ended up being such a wildcat in bed. Turn over, Luv.” He softly smacked her hip as she flipped. He pulled her hands up to tie them to the bars of the bed. “You tried so hard to please me. The books you bought. Do you remember them?”

“Yes,” Buffy whispered. “I remember. I remember checking off the positions until we had tried them all.”

“It took us almost two years but we finally did,” Spike said, slipping from the bed again.

Buffy couldn’t see what he was doing. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest. She didn’t understand what he was doing and why. It scared her. She tugged on the belt but it held steady.

“Shush, don’t you trust me?” Spike asked, crawling on the bed again, a knee on each side of her. He kissed her cheek. “I would never hurt you. Not like this. How many times have we gone to the edge and never once have I pushed you too far.”

Spike was right. Buffy took a deep breath forcing her mind to clear from her own overwhelming emotions. Logically she dissected the moments since her husband had left the living room. It became clear that something had hurt him. He was trying to work it out instead of fighting with her. His temper was under a tight rein beneath his insecure hurt.

“I trust you,” Buffy said, strongly. She did. If push came to shove she could break the bed apart then him. But she knew he wouldn’t harm her. Not like this. Not now in their relationship. Their days of beating the shit out of each other were over. Not since the children had arrived had they gone that far. Only a few sporadic times did they exchange punches or slaps that ultimately led nowhere.

She knew that whatever he was going through now, he needed to use her body as the canvas for his pain. And as he once did for her, she would let him.

“Thank you,” Spike said. He pulled her panties down and dropped them on the floor. She felt his kisses along the back of her legs. His tongue, licking at the back of her knees then the point where her legs curved into her bottom. His hands kneaded at her cheeks separating them and the wet flick of his tongue as he followed the crevice downward, stopping to poke at her anus.

A groan slipped from her as she spread her legs as comfortably as possible. He chuckled. His hand slid beneath her to tease at her clit while his thumb teased at the opening to her cunt. There wasn’t a part of her down there that wasn’t being stimulated. The tip of his tongue dipped inside her and she pushed her ass back toward him. On the precipice of an intense orgasm he left her. Buffy buried her face in the pillow, disbelieving that he would be so cruel.

“The Buffy I fell in love with would have thought that was too dirty to do,” Spike said in her ear. The words startled her and shame flooded her. He was right. “Her legs would have been clenched shut and yelling at me. Telling me what a disgusting pig I was for even wanting to do it. I wonder who I have in bed with me.”

“Your wife,” Buffy spat. “The one you taught to enjoy these things.”

Her shame had made her defensive. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She hadn’t been for a very long time. Spike had taught her well and now he seemed to dislike her for it.

Spike laughed. “Yes, yes, my wife. I still find that amusing at times. A vampire married with kids. Oh, good lord, I wonder how all the dead bodies I left behind would feel. I wonder how she felt.”

“She was happy for you,” Buffy said, a little more gently.

“No, no, no she wasn’t,” Spike muttered, leaving the bed again. “She hated me. I left her to rot in a prison. I wanted her to just go away and now she never leaves. She’s always here with us.”

“Spike, please untie me. Talk to me.”

“No, you little conniving bitch,” Spike barked, settling on the bed again. “It was you and her and the plans that you made. You couldn’t come to me. All I ever did was fucking love you.”

Buffy felt a cold liquid on her ass. Her stomach clenched as she realized what he was going to do.

All you have to do is say no. You know he won’t fight you.

She didn’t say anything. They were going to come through this…together. Spike settled between her legs. His cock positioned at the entrance to her bottom.

“Relax, baby, relax,” Spike cooed, as he carefully began to thrust into her.

This had never been one of her favorite sexual acts. Spike enjoyed it and over the years she had come to find pleasure in it too. He was always gentle with her until she felt comfortable enough for the quicker thrusting. He was no different this time. Despite his spiraling emotions he was still considerate of her.

Spike shifted onto his hands so that the only contact between them was him driving into her ass.

“Do you remember what I told you?”

“What?” Buffy replied, shifting so that it was more comfortable for her.

“Like this in the dark you could be anyone…female or male,” Spike said, throwing his head back. His eyes were closed. “You could be her…you could be him.”

Silence filled the space between them. She knew who he meant. Dylan. He was fantasizing about Dylan. Tears finally made their way down her cheeks. Drusilla she could compete with. Dylan she couldn’t. Her heart was breaking.

“I’m not thinking of anyone but you Buffy,” Spike said, settling on her back. “You, baby, all I want is you. Why does she torment? Why do you push me away? What do I have to do so it is only us again?” He continued to mumble his love, constantly calling Buffy’s name as he fucked her. His hand slipped beneath her bringing her to orgasm before he released himself deep within her.

It was then that she felt his tears on her back. He sobbed as he backed away. “I hate this. I hate her. Why? Why didn’t she love me? Why didn’t she just go away and leave us alone?”

Buffy turned her head to see him rummaging through the desk. Somehow, somewhere, he had put his jeans back on. A gasp escaped her when he pulled out a pair of scissors. Spike was out of his mind and she tried to roll out of his way.

Scream for Angel, Buffy told herself but found herself on her stomach again. Spike’s knee planted in the middle of her back. She heard the blades snapping together but there was no pain. No stabbing. She forced her eyes open just in time to see strand after strand of her hair fall to the floor.

“Spike, please stop,” Buffy cried. “You’re scaring me.”

“Oh, god, don’t be scared,” Spike said, dropping the scissors along with the last bit of hair that he had cut. “I wouldn’t hurt you, lamb. I just wanted to make her go away.” He untied her from the bed. Buffy sat up reaching for him. His eyes were wide with turmoil. “All I want is my Goldilocks back...,” He swallowed back a sob. “Buffy, I…”

“Spike don’t…,” but Buffy was calling to a shadow that was running onto the beach. She covered her face with her hands and wept for both of them.

to be continued…

Chapter 21 – One Last Breath

I’m looking down now that’s over

Reflecting on all my mistakes

I thought I found the road to somewhere

Somewhere in His grace

I cried out heaven save me

But I’m down to one last breath

Creed

All she kept thinking was that it shouldn’t hurt this much. There wasn’t a part of her that didn’t ache, even her heart felt heavy. Her eyes burned with tears that were falling in torrents down cheeks left raw in their wake. Buffy threw her head back in an effort to fill her lungs but another sob prevented the needed oxygen from reaching them. She wished Spike would return to her. His arms holding her would make things better.

It always had before. He was the glue that kept her together. She needed him. Longingly, she stared out the door he had run through, wishing he would return but she knew he wouldn’t. Not for awhile anyway. As always her husband retreated when the pain was the hardest, to a place that not even she could reach. It was better to leave him be to sort it out. Like any cornered creature he would lash out if threatened.

Unable to sit there on the bed that had seen another Buffy / Spike disaster, Buffy reached for her robe. She wrapped it around her, holding it closed as she moved to the door. A hot bath would chase away some of the throbbing that threaded through her body. She opened the door, stepping back in surprise when Angel’s large form stood there.

Fresh tears fell as he wrapped his arms around her. “Did he hurt you?”

Buffy shook her head. Words were impossible to push past the lump in her throat.

“I’ll have a talk with him,” Angel said, patting her back.

“No,” Buffy exclaimed. “No…you can’t.”

It was then that Angel realized that her hair was hanging in various jagged lengths. A growl emitted low in his throat. Buffy pushed him away suddenly ashamed. She was barely dressed. She reeked of sex, sweat and blood. His vampire senses would magnify each odor, each emotion, leaving her more vulnerable than she wanted to be.

“What did he do to you?” Angel asked. Each word fell into the air like a stone. His anger pulsed in the air between them. “Tell me, Buffy.”

“It’s none of your business,” Buffy whispered, staring at the ground. She clutched the robe around her like a shield. “Leave it alone.”

“How can I? He’s my Childe…”

“And he’s my husband…my mate, and he did nothing to me that I didn’t allow.”

“He doesn’t have the right to treat you like that,” Angel said, cupping her cheeks. “You don’t have to take it.”

“I want to,” Buffy insisted, pulling away from him. Her eyes snapped with indignation. “For four years he has repressed everything. Nothing has penetrated the hard shell he put around himself. Now it’s coming out and it’s going to hurt not only him but me as well. And I accept it so that I can have him back. All of him.”

“She’s right,” Cordelia said.

They both turned to look at the former princess as she made her way slowly down the hall. One hand was drifting along the wall as if she needed its support. Buffy watched the change come over Angel instantaneously. He softened with the love he held for his wife. The tile floor echoed the cadence of his hurried footsteps as he went to her. His arm slipped around her.

And the touching scene ripped through Buffy’s heart. She wondered if she and Spike would ever reach this level of devotion. A decade of fighting, loving, and living together still found them to be near strangers. Had they made a mistake in trying to make it work? Their hearts said one thing but their actions spoke an entirely different language. She turned her gaze downward, unable to bear watching for a moment longer.

“Pass me over to Buffy,” Cordelia said, slipping next to her friend. “Come on. I think you were headed to take a bath. Right?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, nodding her head.

“You can use ours. It has a whirlpool tub in it. You can just sink down into it,” Cordelia informed her. She slipped her arm through Buffy’s. “Angel go back to bed I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Angel hovered for a moment. He looked at Buffy with uncertainty.

“Go, Angel,” Buffy said, putting her arm around Cordelia. “I know you’re there if I need you. Just leave it for now. Please?”

He nodded then turned on his heel to head down the hall to the master bedroom. Buffy watched him leave. The girl inside her wondered what might have happened if things had been different. While the woman she was envied the man he had become.

“He’s mine,” Cordelia said, with a chuckle. “Oh, and of course Joy’s.”

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said, leading them down the hallway. “I just…it’s a…”

“I’m not worried. I know your heart is Spike’s, even if he doesn’t appreciate it.”

“Thank you,” Buffy sighed. “I’m all confused right now. I do love him and he does appreciate it. He just doesn’t understand it.”

“Defend him, hon,” Cordelia said. “He’s yours, but don’t let him become everything you are.”

“I think it’s too late,” Buffy said, turning into the bathroom. She stared into the mirror. “I don’t think I’d know who I am unless Spike was attached somehow.”

“You’re Buffy,” Cordelia said, softly. “And you’re the same girl who once told another vampire that when everything else was taken away, she still had herself.”

Buffy ran her fingers through her hair, gauging the damage, as Cordelia started the water in the bathtub. She poured a large amount of sweet smelling bath salts into it.

“Now, let me find something before I leave,” Cordelia said, rummaging around in a drawer. She pulled out a pair of scissors. “Give me just a second to even this out.”

Buffy’s hair was pulled back and she could feel the scissors against her back as Cordelia cut. More of her hair was dropped into the trash can. She felt like she had lost years of her life with the loss of her hair. It was so short right after Journey’s birth and her daughter’s life could be chronicled by the length of her locks. She closed her eyes unwilling to accept that the one who loved her hair the most was the one to destroy it.

“It’s not too bad,” Cordelia said. “It’s still a few inches below your shoulders. See?”

Opening her eyes, she gazed upon what was left. Cordelia pushed it over her shoulder. No longer did it fall to cover her breasts but instead brushed against the beginnings of their slope. Buffy tugged on it as if she could pull it out more.

It was gone. This time she didn’t know if she would grow it out. Maybe this time she would return it to the short, practical style. It would serve him right to lose it all. But revenge was cold comfort so she reached for a hair band and twisted it on top of her head.

“I’ll call my hairdresser in the morning,” Cordelia said. “Tell him it’s an emergency and I’m sure he’ll see you after the meeting.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said, turning to lean on the counter. “I appreciate everything.”

“It’s what friends are for. Now, take a hot bath, relax and holler if you need anything.”

With that, Cordelia slipped from the room, leaving Buffy alone. She let the robe slide onto the floor before she stepped into the hot water, sinking down into its comforting embrace. It was seductive and Buffy answered its call, closing her eyes and dreaming about happier times in Spike’s arms.

~~~~~~~

“Huh, what happened? Who’s hurt? What do we need to bring?”

The sleep addled voice mumbled over standard questions for someone who had been fighting evil for half his life. And in spite of the turmoil that filled him, Spike chuckled at Xander’s confused ramblings.

“It’s me, mate.”

“Spike?” Xander’s voice was suddenly a few octaves higher than normal. “What’s going on?”

“I need to talk.”

“Yeah, okay,” Xander said.

Spike heard him mumble something to a complaining Anya then shuffling feet against their wood floors, the creak of the swinging door into the kitchen then the opening and shutting of the refrigerator door.

“You ready?” Spike asked when he heard a chair scrape against the tile of the kitchen floor.

“Go for it,” Xander said. “I’m taking it that nobody is hurt.”

Yeah, someone was hurt, very hurt, but it wasn’t a wound that could be bandaged. Spike dropped his head onto his knees. His free hand dug into the wet sand beside him, almost wishing that the next wave would swallow him whole. Guilt was tearing through him and the confusion was making him dizzy.

“Why does she stay with me?” Spike asked, a sob accentuating his question.

“Because she loves you,” Xander answered. It was almost too simple but it was the truth. “What happened?”

With halting words, Spike unburdened himself from the confrontation to the moment he tore out of the house and down the beach. The only details left out were to protect Buffy’s modesty. There were some things that a man didn’t discuss with anyone but the woman he was sharing it with.

“Okay, buddy,” Xander said. “I’m going to channel my wife here. What is your frickin’ problem?”

“I’m an ass,” Spike said, with a laugh. He used the heel of his hand to wipe away the tears that were coursing down his cheeks. “I’m a son of a bitch, an evil bloodsucking demon that should have been staked years ago.”

“Well, yeah,” Xander agreed, laughing along with his friend. “But that doesn’t explain why you did it.”

“I keep seeing Drusilla in her. I just want Buffy.”

“Did you ever just tell her that?”

“No, might have been easier,” Spike said, then sighed. “I didn’t realize it until I walked into the house.” With hurried words he told his friend about the memory he had recalled upon seeing the trio. “I saw Buffy and all I could see was her.”

“Answer me honestly here,” Xander asked. “After you got through the first feelings, did you at any point think that Buffy would be doing that? I mean, fooling around with Angel. During the last few years has she given you any indication that she was waiting for Angel?”

“No, not at all,” Spike said. “That isn’t the point.”

“Yes, it is. It’s very much the point. It’s what you refuse to see, have always refused to see because your pride was on the line.”

“What the bleeding hell are you talking about?”

Oh, he saw. He just didn’t want to see it. Xander was right. Spike covered his eyes with his hand as if it would keep the truth at bay. But it couldn’t be contained any longer. It was demanding to be accepted. And he needed to voice it if he wanted any hope of keeping his marriage alive.

“Did Drusilla ever love you the way Buffy does?”

“No, she didn’t,” Spike whispered. He stood, making his way to the water’s edge. “No one has ever loved me like Buffy does.”

“About damn time you saw that,” Xander said. Spike could almost see the grin on his face. “Now, let go of every bit of garbage you’ve been carrying around, then run to Buffy, throw yourself on your knees and beg for her forgiveness.”

“Thank you,” Spike said. He didn’t wait for a reply, just clicked the phone off, and slipped it back into his pocket. For a moment he remembered the life he had once shared with Drusilla. The years after Angel had gotten his soul and it was just the two of them. They were mostly good times, filled with adventure and sex, and an unfathomable amount of love on his part. Oh, Dru loved him but never with the intensity that she had loved her Daddy with.

He had always been second best with Drusilla.

With arms outstretched he fell forward into the water. He swam outwards searching for a physical pain that would rival the one in his heart. Time passed as he used his muscles in demanding force, slicing through the icy water, heading back to the beach house. He saw the lights of his Sire’s home and turned on his back to stare up at the moon. He closed his eyes and let his senses take over.

Even here he could feel Buffy’s soul. It was battered and sad but still holding onto his. Like his personal siren, she called him toward the shore and to the refuge of her arms. It was too strong. He knew it was time as he walked toward the house. This time it had to be with all of him returning back into her waiting arms.

Spike hesitated at the bottom step. A wind sent a shiver through him making him shake from the cold but yet he couldn’t traverse the last few steps to a refuge. Instead he turned to the sea, eyes heavy with tears, his voice laden with regret, he whispered, “Goodbye Drusilla.”

~~~~~~

Buffy was curled on the bed with her eyes closed. The tempo of her heartbeat let him know that she wasn’t asleep. He didn’t deserve her attention. His jeans had been left on the patio so the carpet wouldn’t be soaked. But the water still dripped off of him, leaving footprints in the deep plush carpeting covering the floor.

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” Spike whispered.

“All right,” Buffy replied. Her eyes opened, giving him a quick perusal in the candlelight. “Hurry back.”

It was a good sign that she was waiting for him, wanted him beside her as she slept. He rushed through his shower, rinsing sand and salt from his body. Getting back to her was all he could think about as he quickly ran a towel over himself. It was only when he reached the foot of the bed, did he slow his movements. He gazed upon the woman lying atop the covers. She wore one of his t-shirts and a pair of black cotton panties that taunted him, peeking out from the under the hem of the shirt.

He knelt on the bed, kissing her thigh before pushing it away from its twin. With a light touch, he ran his finger over the bite mark before leaning down to kiss it. She murmured, and he licked it, tasting her with still a twinge of the coppery taste of her blood. He tried to move between her legs and she shut them, forcing him away. Abashed at the rejection, he sat back on his haunches, and closed his eyes.

“I don’t want sex,” Buffy said, pulling him down beside her. “I want you to cuddle with me.”

“I can do that,” Spike said, settling into the bed. He pulled the covers over them, wrapping Buffy up. He pushed her hair back behind her ear. “I’m sorry. I love you so much.”

“I know,” Buffy whispered, clasping his hand. “I understand.”

“I need to tell you something.”

“What?”

Her fingers traced his brow, coming down to cup his cheek. This sweet embrace was what he needed. Here he was safe from all the pain of his life. He kissed her lips chastely.

“I realized something tonight,” Spike whispered. “Well, actually Xander brought it to my attention.” She went to speak and he laid a finger on her mouth. “I need to say this before I…” His eyes closed for a moment then opened them. He wanted to be looking into those pools of his heart when he told her. “No one has loved me like you do. Not even Drusilla. If she had, she wouldn’t have conspired to use you as a pawn to give her what she wanted. It was about her. Not about me or you or the baby…not even Dagon. She needed…wanted someone to take care of her and she didn’t care who she used to get it.”

“I should have trusted you,” Buffy confessed. “I know that you would have protected us but…I couldn’t accept not being in control. It was about control. I let her lies inflate my fears and my ego. I was wrong.”

“I want to let go of it,” Spike said. “Make a fresh start.”

“No, we’re not going to erase the past. There have been a lot of good times, too. We’ll move forward…try harder.”

Spike pulled her closer, kissing her forehead, while kneading her bottom. “So, I was thinking…”

“Oh, boy that’s dangerous,” Buffy teased, hooking a leg over his hip.

“How about we go away for a couple of days, just us? Spend some time just talking, making love, sleeping and eating.”

“Four of my favorite things,” Buffy said. “Spike, promise me something?”

“What’s that, Luv?”

“No grand gestures that won’t mean a thing in a week or two.”

“I promise,” Spike whispered against her mouth. “Every day will be met with a new vow to love you more than the day before.”

“That I can live with,” Buffy agreed, with a smile. “So, can we rest in peace now?”

“Huh?” Spike asked in confusion. His brows met as he studied her.

Buffy giggled then broke out in song, “Let me rest in peace. Let me get some sleep. Let me take my love and bury it in sex…”

“Its six feet, pet,” Spike said with a laugh. “If you can’t remember the words don’t sing it.”

“Oh, please, I remember everything,” Buffy declared. “Even the corny line about me living so one of us is living…”

“Don’t be making fun of my little songs,” Spike argued. He tickled her, loving the peals of laughter that rang through the air. She fought against him until they twisted too close to the edge. Buffy fell first with Spike on top of her. They kept laughing as they wrestled trying to gain the upper hand. Their hands flew over each other then they forgot everything else but each other.

~~~~~~~

Angel settled Cordelia closer to him then reached over to turn the radio on.

“What’s that for?” Cordy asked sleepily. “They’re not fighting again, are they?”

“No, they’re not,” Angel whispered. He leaned down to kiss her. “They’ve made up.”

“Good,” Cordy said, pulling him down for another kiss. “Now, quit being concerned about them and tend to your own wife.”

“Anything you want,” Angel whispered, sliding down the bed. “Anything at all.”

to be continued…

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