Chapter 22 - Boys of Summer

A little voice inside my head said

“Don’t look back, you can never look back.”

I thought I knew what love was

What did I know?

Those days are gone forever

I should just let them go

But…

Dj Sammy

Her hips bucked upwards as he thrust deep into her cunt. A deep moan roared in his ears while fingernails dug into the flesh of his back. He gathered her legs over his arms, giving him the leverage to fuck her even harder. Everything in the world slipped away in these final moments. Sweat poured from him as every muscle he had contracted, forcing all of his power into his cock.

The bed bounced under the vigor of their coupling, the sound of their flesh slapping together, and her constant cries of ecstasy was the only thing that existed for him. They both were a symphony yearning for their crescendo. Her body was letting him know that she was almost on the edge, it rippled then tensed beneath him. She grabbed for the headboard. He was too slick to hold onto in this position. Her inner muscles clamped down on him, crushing him within those velvet walls. He gave rapid, shallow thrusts, continually stroking that one spot inside her, until she threw her head back, screaming his name. A loud sigh then she went languid, staring up at him with the merest trace of a smile gracing her sweet lips.

He winked and grinned down at her before resuming the thrusts that most pleasured him. He still had to reach his own orgasm. Closing his eyes and throwing his head back, he lost himself in the feel of her body. The smell of her sweet musk, her feet on his back, and the love vibrating between them was all it took. He came with a grunt as he pushed as far into her as her body would allow him. His seed spilled deep within her while she milked him until he had nothing left to give. Then he collapsed into her waiting arms.

“Good morning, Spike,” Buffy whispered drowsily, running her hands along his back as he tried to regain his breath. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, pet,” he whispered.

~~~~~~~

Something was vibrating. It was tickling her cheek, forcing her to return to wakefulness. Raven groaned, as she searched with eyes still closed, beneath her pillow to find the offending item. It was her cell phone. Once it was in her hand, she glanced at the caller ID then smiled. It was Connor.

“Hello,” Raven whispered, throwing back the covers. She stood, made sure that Molly and Amanda were still asleep before tip toeing into the bathroom. After closing the door behind her, she took a seat on the toilet lid. “What’s going on?”

“Missed you that’s all,” Connor said, with a chuckle. “Elijah and Aidan are still sleeping so I came out to the porch to call you. How is it going down there?”

“Okay, I guess. Daddy and I had a fight last night. He can be such a prick sometimes.”

“I hope you didn’t tell him that.”

Raven could hear the amusement in her boyfriend’s voice. It made her smile because Connor was always the perfect gentleman around Spike. It wasn’t that he was really afraid of her father. It was a respect thing that kept the trouble to a minimum.

“In a round about way,” Raven said, giggling. “I wouldn’t dare put it exactly like that.”

“Good, it would probably end up being my fault,” Connor said with a dramatic sigh. “Whenever you mess up, somehow it inevitably leads back to me.”

“It’s the Victorian in him,” Raven explained. “He still thinks on some level that women are chattel.”

“And very nice ones, too,” Connor said. “I wonder how much of a dowry I’m going to get for taking you on.”

He was teasing her but it didn’t stop a thrill from running through Raven. It showed that on some level he was planning a future for them. So, why was it taking him so long to treat her like a woman? She cleared her throat.

“I saw Kate last night,” Raven said, hesitantly. “I’ve got a few sample packets and a prescription.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. She waited for a few seconds as her heart dropped into her stomach.

“Are you planning on attacking me as soon as you get back?”

It was supposed to be a joke, but it rankled against her insecurities. The laugh he gave was stilted as he tried to cover up. Raven could feel tears beginning to gather.

“I thought you might want to know, that’s all.” She paused for a moment. “We are in this together aren’t we?” Her fingers crossed for the reassurance she needed.

Connor sighed. “Rave, you know I love you, but…sometimes I feel like you’re running the show. Shouldn’t I be doing that?”

“Are you like Spike? Want to be the macho cave man telling his woman what to do?” Raven laughed. Reaching out she grabbed the end of the toilet paper roll and twirled it around her finger. “I mean, don’t I get a say in this relationship?”

“Of course you do,” Connor said. “It’s just that I’m feeling pressured to get ahead of where we are. I want things to follow their natural course.”

“You want us married first?” Raven asked, incredulous that he might be harboring such old fashioned notions. It had never come up before, but then they didn’t really talk about the future much. And as she recollected, sex wasn’t really brought up that much. They made out, sometimes going to the brink, but Connor never would take them over the edge.

“Not necessarily that but,” Connor paused. “You’re still young and…”

“I’m not a virgin, remember?”

“How could I forget?”

Connor sounded disappointed, and a little resigned to the fact. It didn’t seem possible that her having sex once in her life was keeping them from being together. Could it?

“Do you think less of me?” Raven asked. She was afraid of the answer because she wasn’t sure where it would leave them if it was.

“Look, Rave, I just don’t want to rush this relationship and us…you know.”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

She had to bite back the sob that threatened to choke her. How could this be happening? Yesterday life seemed so good. Everything was planned out and she had so much to look forward to despite the prophecy. First it was the fight with her father, now this. The men she counted on the most seemed intent on letting her down.

“No, of course not,” Connor tried to reassure her or was he just placating her? “You know I love you.”

“Are you in love with me though?” Raven asked.

She had loved him since the first moment she had met him almost three years ago. Never had she lied about her feelings or what she wanted. She took people’s advice and dated others, made Connor her friend, but her heart had already decided. It had only gotten stronger with time.

They had finally become a couple after the fight with the First. She had been so lost and hurt. Connor had held her together, was with her for days on end until she could find her way back to the living again. They hadn’t been separated since. Her stomach lurched as she realized that maybe he was with her out of a sense of duty and not because he had fallen in love.

“I don’t know if I can ever really love anyone,” Connor said, simply. “Life with Holtz left me with memories I can’t out run. I’m afraid that one day that I’m going to lose it.”

“Do you want to be free?”

It was the hardest question she had ever asked anyone. And she already knew the answer. He didn’t trust or love her enough to share his problems with her. He had done his duty by standing by her in her moment of need.

“I need some time, Raven,” Connor pleaded. “Please, it’s just this…the sex, it would be a commitment that I couldn’t walk away from and I need to be sure.”

“I love you,” Raven sobbed.

She clicked the phone off then slid to the floor. It was over. The love of her life was gone in a twenty minute phone conversation. The years she had spent dreaming, planning and waiting were all for nothing. She couldn’t accept it.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Amanda cooed, coming to sit beside her. Arms held her while she cried. Nothing was ever going to be the same and anger over his deception began to take hold.

~~~~~~~

Faith took another bite of her eggs before looking up at Dylan. She wished she knew what his game was. Why was he so interested in her? It wasn’t love that was for damn sure. His eyes were so cold sometimes that it sent chills along her spine. Other times he could be the sweetest, most charming man she had ever met.

“You like ‘em?” Dylan asked, waving his fork over her plate. “You’re kind of playing with them, more than eating them.”

“Sorry,” Faith apologized, giving him an innocent look. “I’m just nervous about all this.”

“What is this?” Dylan asked, looking puzzled at her remark.

She laughed then shook her head. Her hand went to the pendent around her neck. The gift he had brought by the Hyperion last night. It wasn’t an expensive piece, even she knew that. It was pretty certainly. A silver and turquoise cross that he said seemed more her style than the other things she wore. She did like it, but wondered why it couldn’t have waited until this morning.

“You and me,” Faith said, honestly. “You giving me gifts. It’s not something I’m really used to.”

“Oh, so pretty boy didn’t shower you with roses and champagne,” Dylan said. The sarcasm wasn’t lost on her and she resisted the urge to slap his hand as he stole a piece of toast from her plate.

“He knows they aren’t my thing.” Faith shrugged. “And no, he hasn’t given me a lot of presents.”

“He should have,” Dylan said, drinking the last of his orange juice. “A woman like you should be pampered.”

“Like a poodle?”

“Ha, ha,” Dylan snarked. “So, question for ya?”

“The floor is yours,” Faith said, reaching for the salt. She poured it generously over her eggs, tasted them again, decided it would do and returned to eating. The little diner near the hotel was okay. The food wasn’t the best but it wasn’t the worst either. And nothing like the restaurant that Max used to take her to for Sunday brunch. Never would she think that she would enjoy something as fancy as Eggs Benedict but she did. She missed them.

“You said you were confused as to what you and I were doing together,” Dylan said, reaching over to stroke her free hand with his thumb. “But yet every time I try to get closer you push me away. So, what gives?”

“Told you I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing,” Faith said, pulling her hand free and sitting back. “I just want to have a good time without a lot of, you know…”

“Sex?” Dylan asked. “You weren’t giving it up to Maxy and now you won’t let me get close.” He waved his hands. “I thought you were Miss Independent and sexually free.”

“Maybe I turned gay,” Faith said, laughing. This game was getting a little more complicated than she had thought. Why did men always want sex? It made the whole life she was living more difficult. She shrugged. “Look, you want the truth.”

“Yeah.”

“I think you’re using me as a way to make it look like you’re not head over heels for Spike,” Faith said, deciding to see what a little pushing might reveal. “I would really hate for you to be fucking me and thinking about him.”

Dylan laughed. Her eyes widened with surprise. The little shit had more nerve than she thought he did.

“I’m sorry, pet,” Dylan crowed. “Your body is a little different than his, Buffy maybe, but not Spike.”

“Asshole,” Faith fumed at the Buffy remark. She was as angry at herself for being angry as she was at feeling the competitiveness return. It wasn’t supposed to be like this anymore, not for her and not now. Things had changed. She shook her head to dispel the emotions that were keeping her from what was important.

He winked.

“Knew that would tick you off,” Dylan said. “Let’s be honest. You’re with me to try and keep my attention from the happily married Spike. And I’m with you because I think you’re hot and I like you.”

“Oh, bullshit,” Faith exclaimed. “If Spike came up to you right now and wanted to fuck you’d go for it.”

“Hell, yeah,” Dylan said. “That man is unbelievably hot with a great body and tight ass. Have you gotten a load of those cheekbones?” He laughed. “And please, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.”

“Once for only a moment but then I realized how much he loves Buffy,” Faith said. “There is no one that can pry them apart and believe me some have tried.”

“I haven’t tried,” Dylan said. “Not yet anyway.”

“Won’t work because he loves her with everything he’s got.”

Dylan just smiled.

to be continued…

Chapter 23 - Cowboys and Angels

Cowboys and angels, leather and lace

Salt of the earth meets heavenly grace

Cowboys and angels tested and tried

It’s a long way to heaven

And one hell of a ride

Nothin’s changed since the dawn of creation

For you will find them together today

And only heaven above them knows why she loves him

But he must be the reason she don’t fly away

Garth Brooks

It was almost like being home again with Buffy, sharing the same bathroom in the morning. Spike carefully swiped the razor down his cheek while staring at the beauty next to him. Dressed in black lace panties and bra, Buffy was busy twisting her hair on top of her head. She turned her head to see if anyone would be able to notice what he had done to her last night. Guilt tore through him and he heaved a deep sigh in regret.

Buffy smiled at him in the mirror before reaching over and pinching his bottom. “Stop it. It was time for a change anyway.”

“I…,” Spike tried to explain that he didn’t have any right to do that to her, but he didn’t get the chance. Buffy pressed her hand to his mouth.

“I said stop it.” She took the razor from his hand then pushed him to lean back on the counter. He let her have her own way as she proceeded to shave him. It was something they had done for each other a hundred times before. It was an intimate act of trust that usually led to other intimacies. It wouldn’t this morning. They were both expected other places.

“What’s going on with the meeting this morning?” Spike asked, letting his eyes close as she tilted his head back.

“Nothing much,” Buffy said, rinsing the razor clean. “The usual prophecy, blah, blah, blah, slayers protect, blah, blah, watcher’s watch, you know.”

“Everyone is going to be there, right? Angel, too, so why didn’t I get an invite?”

“Because you’re already out protecting the world from evil,” Buffy said, smiling. She returned to shaving his cheek. “We can handle it.”

“I know you can,” Spike said. A part of him knew he should drop it, but a part of him wanted to get to the truth. The real reason why he had been pushed out of his home “It’s just that I know I’m not being told something and I’d like to know what it is.”

His voice was a little sharper than he intended. He didn’t intend to start another argument, not after the night before. But he wanted to know. Didn’t she trust him or was there something she was trying to protect him from? Whatever it was, he was tired of being left out of the loop like he had been years ago.

“Spike, it’s nothing,” Buffy soothed. “It’s just another prophecy that probably won’t come true and we’ll just have taken you away from your job for nothing.”

“A job that I don’t even bleedin’ want, Buffy,” Spike snapped. He grabbed a towel and wiped his face as he headed back into the bedroom. It got tossed onto the floor when he was through. “Why won’t you trust me? I’m starting to feel like your damn lap dog again.”

“Oh, please, I am so not treating you like that,” Buffy entreated, at his heels. “And I do trust you…with the house and the finances…”

“All the stuff that you don’t want to worry your pretty head about,” Spike argued, turning on her. She was almost standing on his toes and he held onto her arm to keep her there. “But when it comes to the prophecies, and the fighting, I’m still your second in command. Never good enough to actually lead anything or …”

“Ooh, don’t even go there,” Buffy shouted, through clenched teeth. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Did you every think that maybe it’s something I can’t tell you about? So, why don’t you just trust me and let me deal with it?”

Spike merely raised an eyebrow at her. It was enough. He could see the defeat in her eyes and the dawning awareness on her features of why he couldn’t trust her. She bowed her head, leaning against his chest while her arms encircled his waist.

“It’s a bitch being the betrayer, isn’t it?” Spike asked without malice in his tone. He hugged her, kissing the top of her head.

“Uh-huh,” was Buffy’s muffled reply. “I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t shut me out, Buffy.”

She looked up at him and sighed. “Not everyone knows. And it has nothing to do with my trusting you. I don’t even know everything. None of us do.” Kneading his sides, she let her forehead caress his chin. “Please, don’t force this. Not yet. I promise I won’t shut you out, if anyone is in danger.”

Spike cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. “Promise me, Buffy, no secrets that will hurt us.”

“I promise,” Buffy swore, and he believed her.

~~~~~~~~

They were late. Faith had been out with Dylan earlier and had lost track of time. Or so she said. Raven hadn’t questioned her about it. The older Slayer seemed to have something else on her mind and Raven already had enough to deal with. Yeah, it was selfish, but today that was how she felt. Since Connor’s fateful words, the anger had only been building. She needed something or someone to direct it to. Impatiently she tapped her fingers on the armrest on the passenger door.

“Okay, okay,” Faith muttered as she turned a corner with the wheels squealing. “I know we’re late. Don’t need you getting on my case about it.”

“Sorry, bad morning,” Raven answered. She sighed. “It sucked actually.”

“What happened, little Rave?” Faith asked, glancing over at her.

“Connor dumped me. All because I want to have sex and he thinks it means we’re engaged or something.”

“Maybe to him it does,” Faith said. “Gotta remember that he had a really different life than yours.”

“I just want to be close to him. And then I reminded him that I wasn’t a virgin and he got all upset about that, too. It’s not like I haven’t sat around waiting, knowing he was out fucking half of Sunnydale U.”

Faith laughed. “I don’t think he was ever that bad. He sounds like an old fashioned guy. You know the one where he likes to fool around a lot but wants the woman he marries to be a virgin.”

“Great, I wish someone had told me this at fourteen before I played what goes where.” Raven sighed, leaning her head back and crossing her arms. “I sure as hell didn’t enjoy it and it was over in about twenty seconds. Big whoop.”

“Maybe you should tell Connor that,” Faith said. “You know play it up that in all the ways that count, he will be the first.”

“He’s a jerk,” Raven swore. “He dumps me over the phone after I go and do what he agreed was the next step for us. Screw him.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Faith said, laughing again. “Well, we’re here.”

She pulled her blue Miata MX-5 car into the parking lot of the Red Dragon, coming to a screeching stop in front of the establishment. The valet attendant came running over as the two women hurried toward the restaurant. Faith just tossed the keys to him and kept going. Everyone knew who they were because the Chinese restaurant was part of Aurelius Enterprises. An upstairs private room had been heavily cloaked with magic to protect any conversations that were held within.

Faith took off up the stairs as Raven stumbled by the door. She reached down to pull the back of her jeans from her boot heel when a hand cupped her elbow.

“You all right, Raven,” Wesley asked, bending over to inspect the damage. “It looks like you ripped the hem.”

“Ah, damn it. These were new too.”

Raven stood up, inhaling the scent of Wesley’s cologne. She felt a tightening in her belly that had nothing to do with food. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she leaned back a little when she noticed his eyes drifting over her body. She was now thankful that she had taken a little extra time with her appearance. The jeans were low riding and tight while the pink sweater barely hung to mid-waist. There was ample cleavage and stomach on display.

“Um, maybe we really need to hurry and get upstairs,” Wesley stammered, staring at her chest.

“Oh, yeah,” Raven giggled. “I guess we should.” She took off up the stairs, letting her bottom wiggle a little more than necessary in Wesley’s face as she climbed. Maybe it was time she found out what she had missed that first time.

~~~~~~~

Angel’s eyes narrowed, making Buffy swivel around to see what was upsetting him. It was her daughter followed by a flushing Wesley. Raven refused to look at her mother which gave Buffy a clear indication that Wes’ uncomfortable state was something deliberate on her part. Buffy sighed, watching as the Watcher sat next to Fred and Raven sat on his other side. It was trouble waiting to happen. She made a mental note to talk to Raven later.

“Well, I see everyone is finally here,” Giles said, glancing around the large table. Also included in the meeting was Charles Gunn. Buffy knew that Angel wasn’t happy about having to include him in this, but without proof that he was a traitor there wasn’t a valid reason for him not to be there. At least with Spike, she had his job with Jake as an excuse to keep him away.

“So, what have you found?” Buffy asked, hoping that her tone was light enough. She didn’t want the others to be aware of how much her stomach was turning over with the possibility of them discovering the truth.

“Tanja, I don’t know if everyone knows her or not,” Wesley said, leaning forward over his stack of notes. “She was one of the Slayers who fought in Sunnydale in the last battle.”

There were some murmurs of recognition, but the majority of them didn’t know who she was. Unfortunately, Tanja was just another one of the girls who had lived and fought in the Blood house, but had never really become known. There had been way too many of them and not enough time to make them family. It was one of the reasons Buffy had insisted on giving them a place to call home.

“What about Tanja?” Angel asked, bringing the focus back to the topic on hand.

“She had a dream about a week ago,” Wesley explained. “Or rather a nightmare. It was a return to the cave and the fighting. She was injured there, not severely but it was enough for her to fear for her life.”

“Please get to the prophecy,” Giles interrupted. “As much as we would have like getting to know each of the girls, at the time it was too daunting of a task.”

“Is she all right now?” Buffy quietly but firmly asked. “Has she continued to have the dreams?”

“Several as a matter of fact,” Wesley said, turning grateful eyes to Buffy. “Each one becoming more horrifying than the last, you might wish to speak with her privately. I know that Faith has.”

Buffy turned her attention to Faith expectantly. Giles might wish to brush aside the importance of one of the girls, but she couldn’t. It reminded her of the long line of Slayers already gone and remembered only in the stuffy journals of their Watchers.

“I talked to her last night,” Faith said. “She is writing out details of the dreams and will give them to Wes when she is done. I’ve asked for a copy also. Maybe something in them will be familiar to me. I’ll have a copy sent to you, too.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said.

She leaned back in her chair when the door opened. Ling, the proprietress of the restaurant stepped into the room. Behind her were two of her servers. Tea and food were quickly placed on the table for them. It took awhile before they returned to the subject at hand. Buffy could tell that the wait was wearing on Giles, making her wonder what was bothering him. These meetings were rarely over quickly and one that included a meal could last for hours.

Deciding that she had more important things to worry about, Buffy dismissed him from her mind. And one of those was her daughter and her new fascination for Wesley. There was definite flirting going on between those two despite the fact that Fred was there. She turned to Angel when she felt his hand on her arm. He looked at the pair across the table then wiped at his nose.

“Eew,” Buffy murmured, shaking her head. Nothing worse than knowing you’re your daughter was in a state of arousal. But it did let her know there was a cause for concern after all. Trying to interfere in whatever was going on, Buffy decided to bring things back to the subject of the prophecy. “Let’s return to Tanja’s dreams. I don’t think this should be taken lightly. All slayers have been given these gifts for a reason.”

“I agree wholeheartedly, Buffy,” Giles said. “I think we’ve all become too lax in our commitment to the cause. We have become arrogant because we have so many Slayers to fight, but evil is not resting. This could be the next onslaught and we have been dilly dallying around it.”

“Let’s go then,” Faith said, around a mouthful of lo mein. “Tell us what you know so far so that we can start figuring out how to kill it.”

“Some things can’t be killed,” Angel said. Although his voice was low, everyone’s attention was turned to him. “Evil takes many forms, and fights us in many different ways. We have to be on our guard all the time and make the right choices everyday. I agree with Giles. By sitting on our laurels we have allowed evil to penetrate our camp again.”

“How?” Raven asked. “Is there something I don’t know about?”

Angel stood and started to walk around the table. To Buffy it appeared he was playing an elaborate game of ‘duck, duck, goose’ as he moved behind each member of the team. His hands pressed together as if in prayer. “We forget that our sins are a form of evil, too. Everyone carries the burden of keeping their own heart pure. Many of us as individuals seem to be falling into traps that could eventually hurt us as a whole. Temptations, lust, betrayal, lies, and greed have encroached against us. Are we doing everything we can to keep it away or are we embracing it?”

Buffy stared at him while chills ran along her spine. Silence reined in the room as everyone stared into their own hearts. Slowly, they began to look at each other, looking for the guilt that each carried on their face. They didn’t even know what they were facing yet, and already they were losing the battle.

To be continued….

Chapter 24 - The Scarlet Tide

Man goes beyond his own decision

Gets caught up in the mechanism

Of swindlers who act like kings

And brokers who break everything

The dark of night was swiftly fading

Close to the dawn of day

Why would I want him just to lose him?

We’ll rise above the scarlet tide

That trickles down through the mountain

And separates the widow from the bride

Alison Krauss

A break in the meeting had been called. The excuse given was so that everyone had the opportunity to finish eating, but they all knew the truth. They were all feeling guilty about something or wondering who had done what and how the hell had Angel found out?

It made Buffy realize that they had drifted apart in the last few months. Life had become almost lackadaisical without any immediate threats to either city. Everyone was wrapped in their own lives and their focus to the mission was no longer their priority. Guilt filled her because she knew she was a big perpetrator of this herself.

With Spike gone, she had become morose about her life. Things had to change and her mind started to immediately list the things she could do differently. It was the only way she could handle things anymore. The emotional decisions of her youth had given way to forceful actions that had to be held tightly bound.

“Hey, Mum,” Raven said, putting her hand on her shoulder.

Startled Buffy looked up to see her daughter holding out her cell phone. “What’s up?”

“It’s Dad for you. I got a little confused when I saw your name on the caller ID,” Raven said with a chuckle. “You two grab the wrong ones this morning?”

“No,” Buffy said, with a smile. “Your father decided to go swimming with his in his pocket last night. So, he’s borrowing mine.”

She took the phone from Raven and made her way out into the hallway for some privacy. Once the door was closed she brought the instrument to her ear.

“Spike?”

“Hello, pet. How’s the meet coming along?”

“We haven’t even got to the main event yet,” Buffy answered, sliding down the wall so that she was kneeling. Her fingers absently twisted a loose curl. “I’m just tired of all this. I’d much rather be home, playing with Joy on the beach.”

“Sounds good to me,” Spike’s warm timbre caused a chill to run down her spine. “Especially if you’re in a bikini and all oiled up.”

“Bad boy,” Buffy laughed. “How about you in speedos?”

“Bloody hell,” Spike scoffed. “You’re ruining my fantasy here. I’m not some poofy ponce.”

“Yeah, but think of the effect on me? I wouldn’t be able to stop drooling.”

“Still no on that,” Spike affirmed, laughing. “You can have me in the nude anytime you want me though.”

The door opened and Giles motioned for Buffy to return. She held her hand up and mouthed she would be right in. Sighing, she returned to her phone conversation again.

“Hey, they need me back in there,” Buffy reluctantly told Spike. “Did you need something or was this just a hello call?”

“I was wondering if you were staying the night or going back.”

There was so much loneliness in his voice that it made Buffy hurt. Even if she had been planning on going home that evening, she wouldn’t now.

“I’m staying. I have an appointment at three then I’ll be back at the house.”

“Good,” Spike replied. The relief that she was staying was evident even in that one word. “How about I stop by a deli and pick up some stuff for dinner?”

“Sounds wonderful,” Buffy said, standing back up. She smoothed down her black slacks, picking at a piece of lint. “You know me, the no can cook woman. Don’t forget to get something for Joy.”

“No problem. I love you and I’ll see you in a bit.”

“I love you, too,” Buffy said, then clicked off the phone. A thread of excitement ran through her at the thought of a quiet evening at the beach house and Spike in her arms. Showing her love for her husband was one of the things on the list she had made earlier and she mentally checked it off as she made her way back to her seat.

~~~~~~

The effect of his words was clearly evident on every member of the small group. Faith kept staring off into space, Raven and Wesley wouldn’t even look at him and Gunn kept fidgeting. Angel rubbed his furrowed brow as he accepted that the first step had been taken. Hopefully, Gunn would think that Angel himself was as guilty as the rest of them. It was the only way that everything would fall into place. Life without Cordelia in it didn’t hold much hope for happiness or meaning. He was ready to sacrifice himself to make an impact on the powers that was taking his wife away from him.

“All right everyone,” Giles said, standing to gain everyone’s undivided attention. “I think we need to discuss the prophecy that was discovered by Tanja. Wesley, please, relay what we have managed to translate so far.”

“Translate?” Buffy asked, looking up sharply. “What language was it written in?”

“Tanja’s native language of German,” Wesley said, “Which is rather fortunate considering that Tanja barely spoke English at the time she saw the plaque.”

“It was on a plaque?” Raven spoke up. “I thought you said it was in the cave where we were fighting.”

It was too coincidental. The only two to speak up so far was Buffy and Raven. Their questions seemingly aimed to cast doubt on the prophecy. The hairs on the back of Angel’s neck stood up in suspicion. From beneath his lashes he looked from Buffy to Raven. He let his demon slip nearly to the surface, using all of his strength not to take the final step. Using his darker side’s senses he could sense their fear. It oozed through the air in a thick flowing stream between the pair. He inhaled it, letting it feed him, as he pondered what was up with them. Laying his head back against his chair, he decided he could wager everything he had that Spike didn’t know anything at all about it. It was a very interesting tidbit that he tucked away for future dissection.

“Tanja said that she remembers there was a part of the wall that seemed to be different from the others,” Giles explained. “And there was a section that held the prophecy in the middle. Almost like a plaque that was put there.”

“Were there gates?” Buffy smiled.

Bingo, Angel thought.

Buffy was overplaying her hand. He leaned forward so that the Watcher’s view of her was almost blocked.

“It does seem to be a bit fanciful,” Angel said. He hoped that his questioning the artifact would help to cover the Slayer’s blunder before anyone else picked up on it. “No one else saw this plaque or this prophecy. Are we sure that she isn’t just making this up?”

“No,” Wesley replied forcefully. “It isn’t. If you would allow us to continue, we might actually be able to tell you.”

Angel smiled, leaned back in his chair, pressing his leg to Buffy’s. She looked over at him. Her eyes widened briefly but he only nodded his head. Her fear rose between them. But he turned away without relieving her worries. There was time later to find out what was going on.

“Why don’t you just tell us what this prophecy says?” Faith impatiently asked. “Get it out before any more comments are made.”

“Thank you,” Giles said. “An excellent idea, Wesley, please proceed.”

“All right,” Wesley said, standing. He glanced briefly around the circle then looked down at his notes. “Unfortunately, we don’t have all the prophecy, but we have enough to know it coincides with information that is in an ancient text that was found in Istanbul twenty years ago. This text is in the hands of Wolfram & Hart so we are assuming that the senior partners are going to try and play their hand in whatever is coming.”

The mood in the room changed. Gunn suddenly was very interested in making notes on his legal pad. His every movement belied his nervousness. And the three slayers all stiffened as if preparing for battle. The information was something that Buffy and Raven weren’t expecting. It was easy for Angel to deduce that whatever was going on that they didn’t have the full story. They also didn’t look at each other making him wonder if they even knew the other knew something. It was getting more perplexing by the moment.

“What we have been able to decipher from what Tanja remembers is this,” Wesley said. He paused to pick up his notes. “Three hearts forged into one soul, two winged creatures, we’ve don’t have the rest of that line or the next one, then it goes, Thrice tempted, one convicted holds closed the gate by faith, One fallen and all is lost, then there is a last line that we don’t have yet.”

“The line about the gate being kept closed by faith,” Fred interjected. “Is that the gate that is in the pit?”

“The pit that isn’t there anymore?” Faith questioned. “Because we blew that bitch sky high.”

“We’re not sure,” Giles said. “If it was truly the gate into hell then it would still be there beneath the rubble.”

“Uh, excuse me,” Buffy said, waving her pen around. “Aren’t we living on the hellmouth, therefore doesn’t that mean it’s a mouth that opens into hell so isn’t it a gate into hell?”

“Well, yes, technically,” Giles said, with a wry smile. “But even if we closed the hellmouth in the fight with the First, hell is still below Sunnydale. If the prophecy is talking about opening this particular one…”

“Then it means we did diddly-squat in the fight,” Buffy reiterated, with a sigh. “It can just be opened again.”

“Something along those lines,” Wesley said. “The Istanbul text is a religious manuscript that was found in a monastery under lock and key. The prophecy is very similar to a battle that is mentioned in this book. This battle is between good and evil that is waged not in a physical fight but in a fight of the heart.”

“A fight of the heart?” Angel asked. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Giles said quietly. “The battle we could be facing can’t be won by weapons but by someone making the right choices.”

“Oh, that’s just great,” Faith complained. “We beat back the uglies only to find out that they could be set free again because someone says yes when they should have said no.”

“Exactly,” Wesley said.

“So, until we can finish translating both the prophecy and text,” Buffy said. “There isn’t really a whole lot we can do.”

“I’d like to know what we could do anyway,” Gunn said, breaking his silence for the first time that day. “If it all depends on one person, then all of us getting ready to fight sure isn’t going to help matters.”

“What if this one person,” Giles answered, “fails to do the right thing? It could unleash something worse than what we faced in the battle with the First. Being prepared to fight is all we can do.”

“Plus,” Wesley said. “If we can find out who this one person is then maybe we can help influence them to do the right thing.”

“So, it all goes back to what I was saying before,” Angel interrupted. “We, ourselves, are falling into the wrong choices. How could we ever hope to influence someone else to do the right thing?”

“Because in the end,” Buffy quietly said. “We are the right thing. We are the final force between hell and earth and I believe when it comes down to the line, we would make the choices on the side of good.”

It was then that Angel realized that Buffy knew who the person was. She believed in this person enough to try and interfere in the group finding out. He dismissed Spike from the equation because Buffy had sent him away. If he was the one, then she would have kept him close. His mind began to run through the people they knew who might be important enough to make a difference. He glanced around the room, his eyes settling on Raven. But then he shook his head. She wasn’t significant enough. He pressed his fingers together as he continued around the room, but couldn’t figure it out. He made a note to start paying more attention to who Buffy seemed to be molding.

The group broke up soon after that. Decisions and assignments had been handed out. But it wasn’t anything that wasn’t expected. The Watchers would continue to research, the notes of Tanja dreams would be given to the Watchers, Faith and Buffy to see if they could detect something that would help, and the others were to keep their eyes and ears open for any sign of trouble.

Deciding the present was as good as any time to put his plan into motion, Angel walked toward Gunn who was gathering his notes together.

“Hey,” Angel said, stopping next to his friend. Gunn looked questioningly up at him. “I rode into town with Buffy this morning. If you’re heading back to the office mind if I catch a ride with you.”

“No, that’s fine,” Gunn answered with a nod. “No problem at all.”

It was done.

~~~~~~~

Raven had barely paid attention to Angel’s speech. It couldn’t have anything to do with her because she hadn’t done anything. Well, at least not yet anyway. She doodled on her notepad as the others were getting ready to leave. The small talk didn’t interest her at all. Nothing seemed to be going right and for the first time she had doubts about her father doing the right thing. If everyone around her was screwing up, wasn’t the odds good that Spike would, too? It just didn’t bode well at all. And it would fit into the way her life was going right now.

A conversation interrupted her thoughts and without trying to appear conspicuous she listened a little closer to Fred and Wesley.

“I’ll be back in the office in a few hours,” Wesley said. “I need to stop at the Hyperion and drop off these notes.”

Fred made some agreement, kissed Wesley quickly before hurrying from the room. The woman always seemed to be in top speed for something, Raven surmised as she quickly formulated a plan. Standing, she made her way over to the Watcher.

“Wes, you’re going to the Hyperion?” Raven coyly asked, trying to appear as if she didn’t feel well.

“Yes, I am,” Wesley answered, even as he stuffed his notes and books into a briefcase.

“Would you mind giving me a ride there?” Raven asked, sitting in the chair vacated by Fred. “I was supposed to go with Mum this afternoon, but I’m not feeling too well and would rather go and lie down until she’s done.”

“Are you ill?” Wesley asked, in concern.

His caring made her feel guilty but she pushed it away. It was a good sign, she told herself. He cared and he wanted her. It was meant to be.

“I’ve got a bad headache,” Raven softly said, rubbing her forehead. “Please?”

“Of course you can,” Wesley consented. “Let me talk to Angel for a moment and then we’ll be on our way.”

Raven had to suppress the excitement that welled up within her. She closed her eyes to hide the glow she knew would be reflected in them and nodded in agreement. Now, all she had to do was convince Buffy that she wasn’t feeling well and everything would be set in motion.

Crossing her fingers as she made her way to Buffy, she hoped that the legends of her ancestry were true. If they were all she had to do was get Wesley alone, concentrate when she touched him, and he wouldn’t be able to resist her. Sometimes being from Lankasha wasn’t such a bad heritage after all, she decided.

to be continued…

Chapter 25 – Anticipation

We can never know about

The days to come

But we think about them anyway

And I wonder if I’m really with you now

Or just chasing some finer day

Carly Simon

Raven, I know something is going on, so talk to me…

If there is a problem with Connor, don’t just go after someone else…

This is only going to lead to trouble. I can feel it…

Her mother’s words kept echoing in her head. They warned of darker days that were to come. All of them had to be on to be on their guard against the evil that was trying to force its way back into their world.

And, then, there were the words that only spoke of the love Buffy had for the girl she had taken as her daughter. Raven knew her mother would be there for her if she wanted to talk about Connor. She would be held and petted as she cried out her pain. But a part of her didn’t want to care about the consequences of what she was doing right now.

Fear had been her constant companion ever since facing the First. It was like the boogey man her birth mother had used to keep her in line when she was a child. The First and the ubervamps had done more to destroy her soul than the humans that murdered her parents. Things she had seen and done that had been kept locked away, hidden deep inside of her.

She had to. She was the leader who led so many of the potentials to their death and then buried them in unmarked graves. Girls, who would never go home, or fall in love, or grow old. They gave their lives to protect people who would never know of their sacrifice. And they were rotting in the ground like useless trash.

So, she behaved. She was helpful to her family, did her duties without resistance, and loved the only boy she knew was stronger than she would ever hope to be. Now, in spite of all her industriousness, her world was falling apart anyway. Her father had left the family to pursue selfish desires, her boyfriend had dumped her and the evil of those days was returning.

It was too much for her to handle anymore. There was no one left strong enough to rely on to help protect her. The death wish that every Slayer had was tickling at the back of her mind. She was eighteen and her days were numbered. Buffy had already died once by her age and Faith only stayed alive as long as she had because she was serving time in prison.

Forcing her conscious to the back of her mind, Raven was determined to enjoy what life could offer her.

“Do you mind if we stop by your place and pick up that book you wanted me to read?” Raven nonchalantly asked. “I’ve decided to really focus on learning everything I can.”

It was a book about prophecies, and ancient predictions that the Watcher felt would be useful to Raven. She didn’t really like studying books, and avoided it at every opportunity. The delighted look on Wesley’s face let her know that she had pushed the right button.

“That’s an excellent goal,” Wesley praised, smiling warmly at her. “Learning about what you’re fighting can only make you more effective in your duties.”

“Thank you,” Raven replied, with a small smile. “I hope you’ll be there to answer any questions I might have.”

“Of course, I will. That is what a Watcher is for.”

She smiled as he switched lanes to head for his apartment while her lower belly cramped with anticipation. This afternoon she would take what she wanted. She would let herself gorge on physical delight without worrying about the dangers that would still be there later. Or even the people that would be hurt by her actions.

Like Fred.

Raven searched her mind looking for a justification for hurting the woman Wesley loved. There wasn’t one. So, she simply denied she cared.

~~~~~~~

“Nice car,” Angel remarked to Gunn, as they climbed into the titanium silver metallic 760i BMW sedan. He ran his fingertips along the smooth flannel grey leather of the interior. It was perfection. And very expensive. Not that Gunn couldn’t afford it on his salary from Wolfram & Hart. It was just the total polar opposite of what the man he first knew would drive. This car was representative of a lifestyle that Gunn once scorned.

“Yeah, I like it,” Gunn replied, turning the car on. He laughed. “Actually I love this machine. She goes very fast and you can take her anywhere.”

“Just like the perfect woman.”

“Yes.”

There was silence as Gunn maneuvered the car onto the city streets. The engine purred under his confident hand as he headed back to the law firm. Angel had to admire some of the changes in the man beside him. And then there were the things he hated about him. Like marrying a woman who didn’t like her husband to be part of Angel’s team then listening to her advice and changing his whole persona with tailored suits, fancy cars and a lifestyle that left the couple flirting with a society that demanded perfection.

He wondered what had been the final straw that took the last of the soul of the street kid that Angel first knew. In a way he wished he could try and reach Gunn, see if he could turn him back before it was too late. But there were bigger things at stake than one man who willingly signed his soul away.

“How is Delilah?”

“She’s fine, just fine,” Gunn answered, pulling the car to a stop at a red light. “Been driving me crazy with this party she’s putting together. Really hate that shit.”

“So, why are you doing it?” Angel asked with a laugh.

“Cause it makes her happy.”

There was almost a wistful tone in Gunn’s voice. A regret at how his life had turned out. It didn’t make things any easier on Angel. But his words were the perfect opening and he wouldn’t let them go to waste.

“I understand,” Angel remarked as the car moved forward again. He tried to instill as much sadness into his voice as he could. But it wasn’t a hard thing to do. All he had to do was pull up an image of Cordelia as she had been that morning, curled up in their bed, trying to bear as much pain as she could before asking for more morphine. She kept muttering that it wasn’t time and begging someone for mercy. But no one answered her pleas or his as he cried alone in the shower. There was no need to act. Sorrow was a constant companion these days. “If I could I would do anything to make Cordelia happy.” He laughed bitterly. “Or even pain free for one day.”

“Geez, I’m sorry, man,” Gunn said. “I’m such an ass.”

“No, you’re not,” Angel replied honestly. “The world continues to turn whether I want it to or not. I have to learn to live with that.”

“It’s got to be hard.”

“The hardest thing I’ve ever done. Nothing makes any sense anymore,” Angel said, staring out the window. “I’m at the point of not caring about what is right or wrong. I’m never allowed happiness. Everyone I’ve loved, I’ve lost. It’s all empty.”

“So, you’re going to give up the mission?” Gunn asked. “Walk away from the chance at the Shanshu?”

“It doesn’t mean anything if I don’t have her. Nothing matters and the whole world can fall into hell as far as I’m concerned. Once she’s gone, I’m going to live for me for a change.”

Gunn didn’t say anything. Angel really hadn’t expected him to. It was enough for now that the seeds had been planted. The senior partners wouldn’t let this opportunity pass if they truly thought they could get Angel playing on their side. It was what they had always wanted. And Angel was ready to hand it to them on a silver platter.

~~~~~~~

The house seemed deserted. There wasn’t any noise except for the ones Spike made as he entered. The quietness made him sigh in relief as he let himself into the beach house. No scene to happen upon that made him doubt himself or the life he had now.

He sighed.

Frustrated at his lack of belief in himself after all these years of being part of the team, married to the woman he loved and being a father. Sometimes when he was gone, or alone, the life he was leading seemed nothing more than a dream, or the results of a spell. That one day he would awaken and it would slip through his fingers no matter how hard he tried to hold onto it.

Trying to dispel the uneasiness curling in his belly, he headed for the kitchen with a determined stride. He glanced into rooms as he made his way toward the kitchen, wondering where everyone had disappeared to. Even Cordelia and her daytime nurse, Sylvia, weren’t in the house. Of course, there was always the possibility that Cordelia had gone to the hospital for some sort of treatment or doctor’s appointment.

He put the bags holding the large assortment of food he’d purchased down on the kitchen table. There was no doubt in his mind that everyone would find something within those four bags that they liked. He’d gotten enough to feed a small army.

Just as he was reaching to unpack the food, a shrill laughter from somewhere outside reached him. It made him smile as he recognized Joy’s shrieks of happiness. He hurried over to the sliding glass doors to look out over the beach. There was his small daughter running away from a wave that was quickly overtaking her feet. She jumped up and down, splashing water all over herself and Benjamin who was with her. Standing in the water with them was Molly and Amanda, laughing at the antics of the children.

His gaze followed Joy’s pointing finger to where a big umbrella was stuck in the sand. The people relaxing under it were not visible to him except for the toes that hung over the end of their loungers. He smiled because he knew one had to be Cordelia. It was good that she was outside getting some fresh air.

One of the persons with her stood and moved toward the children. It was a blonde girl with shoulder length hair. He furrowed his brows wondering who it was then his eyes widened in delight when she threw her head back to laugh at something.

It was Buffy.

His Buffy was back with the hair of gold that he loved so much. Transfixed by the sight, he opened the door to hastily make his way toward his wife. His earlier fantasy of her was being played out before him. A tiny red bikini was all she wore to cover her body that glistened in the afternoon sun. All it would take was two tugs and she would be naked for him to make love to. He growled deep in his throat at the thought.

She had just scooped Joy up into her arms when they noticed him. Joy shouted for him while Buffy smiled shyly at him. His footsteps quickened even more as they turned toward him.

All he could compare this moment to was that it was like coming home after four long years. He opened his arms, taking them both close against him, kissing his daughter on the cheek before turning to Buffy.

“Hi there,” Spike whispered, letting his fingers run through the locks that were swept to the side. Wispy bangs teased at her brows, falling softly to frame her face. He couldn’t take his eyes from her.

“Hi Daddy,” Joy said, demanding his attention. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Hey, little one,” Spike said, glancing at his daughter. “You having fun?”

“Yep, Benji play with me,” Joy declared, pointing at the boy. “We made a castle but a big wave,” she pulled her arms away to indicate the size of the destructive water, “came along and smashed it.”

“I wish I had seen it,” Spike said. “Why don’t you go make another one?”

“You come help?” Joy asked, wiggling to be put back down.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in just a moment.”

The little girl hit the sand running, the ruffles across the bottom of her bathing suit dancing with her movements. Once he was assured that Amanda’s attention was returned to her charge, Spike focused his on his wife.

“Hey baby,” Spike said, burying his face in her neck.

“Hey yourself,” Buffy said, sliding her hands under his shirt. “I take it you approve?”

“Yeah,” Spike said, looking down at her again. “I…maybe I shouldn’t make such a big deal but yeah, I’m glad that you’re back.”

“It’s the same me, silly.”

Not to him it wasn’t, but he let it drop with a smile. No longer would the shadows play tricks on him. When she walked away from him, he’d know who he was watching. This was the girl he loved with all his heart. Needing to imprint himself on her, he gathered a fistful of her hair, pulling her head back so he could kiss her.

There was no doubt though that it was his woman that was in his arms. Her fingers dived under the waistband of his jeans to touch that one spot on his lower back that drove him crazy. Her legs separated to allow his thigh to push against her center. And her tongue, it darted into his mouth, to tease him with its questing tip. A slow flame started where she was touching him, moving along his nerve endings until it burst out of control at his cock.

Spike reluctantly pulled away, throwing his head back to take a deep breath that maybe would help to clear his mind. He heard his wife giggle.

“I’ve still got it,” Buffy teased, her hands now on his chest. With a sassy smile she turned away. He watched the sway of her bottom for a moment before starting to follow her. Somehow he would find a way to get her alone tonight. Yeah, she still had it, but so did he.

With an evil grin, he started jogging toward her. He grabbed the string holding her top together and pulled. It came undone, leaving Buffy to clutch at her chest, as she yelped.

He moved past her then turned, jogging backwards.

“And I’m still the big bad,” Spike said, laughing as she fumbled with getting herself back together.

~~~~~~~~

Raven wandered around the living room as Wesley searched the shelves for the book. There were traces of Fred in the room, a picture of the couple on the side table, a soft, blue afghan thrown carelessly over the back of the couch, and a vase of flowers in the middle of the dining table. There was no doubt that the woman Wes loved spent a lot of time here with him.

Trying to sort through the thoughts jumbling in her mind and the emotions rampaging in her heart, Raven turned to stare out the window. Why couldn’t there be a place that held pieces of Connor and her? Things she could look at and know that he loved her and that others could see the evidence of their being a couple.

There was nothing. She still lived at home while he now lived in a dorm. They never spent much time together at either place. Sure Connor was at the house a lot, but it was like he was part of the whole family. It wasn’t theirs. She had a few mementos in her room of their time together, but it wasn’t the same. Her eyes filled with tears and she blinked them back. She refused to dwell on what was gone.

“Here, I found it,” Wesley triumphantly said behind her.

She turned to see him waving the book. It was now or never and she held her hand out to take it from him. She concentrated on the vibes she felt when they were alone, letting her fingers slide across his flesh as she took the book from him.

In amazement she watched the change come over him. His face hardened while his eyes grew brighter. He stepped closer to her and she tossed the book onto the table.

“I’ve wanted you for a long time,” Raven whispered, trailing her fingertips across his cheek.

His only response was to gather her close to him. The air crackled between them as he bent his head to kiss her. There was no gentleness, no love, no caring, only primal raw need in their kiss. She bowed under his expertise, letting him lead her as his hands rushed over her body. He cupped her bottom, grinding his erection into the softness at the junction of her thighs. It was like a storm taking her over as he bit into the curve of her neck.

“Now, you’ll have me,” Wesley said, bending down to throw her over his shoulder. He strode into the bedroom, tossing her down onto the mattress.

There wasn’t even a moment to take a breath before he covered her with his body. Harshness was in his kiss. No wondering if she was enjoying what he was doing as his hand covered her breast, tweaking her nipple with an almost painful grasp.

His hands moved downwards to tear at the fastening of her jeans.

And she wondered what the hell she had done.

to be continued…

Chapter 26 – Running Blind

Running blind

I’m running blind

Somebody help me see I’m running blind

Searching for nothing

Wondering if I’ll change

I’m trying everything

But everything still stays the same

I thought if I showed you I could fly

Wouldn’t need anyone by my side

Now I’m running backward

With broken wings I know I’ll die

Godsmack

“Mummy, are we sleeping at my Angel’s house tonight?”

“Yes,” Buffy replied, drawing the sudsy washcloth along her daughter’s back.

“I’m staying, too?”

“It’s what I just said, isn’t it?” Buffy teased.

“Oh,” Joy said, digesting the fact that she wasn’t going to go back to the Hyperion for the night. But just as quickly as she accepted that answer, she had another question. “Where am I going to sleep?”

“With Daddy and me,” Buffy answered. She cupped her hand, scooping up the bathwater, to rinse the soap off of Joy. Her daughter had been covered in sand and salt, so it was sensible to just to go ahead and bathe her before dinner. The others were in the kitchen setting up dinner. “Put your head back,” Buffy instructed, picking up the hose to wash Joy’s hair.

“In the middle, Mummy, between you and Daddy?”

“If you want,” Buffy absently replied. Another chill had just run down her spine. There was something wrong. A niggling feeling kept harping at her, but her daughter’s incessant questions and demands prevented Buffy from being able to decipher it. She just wished she knew what it was.

“Can my teddy sleep with me?”

“Yes, pet, teddy can sleep with us, too.”

Buffy worked the shampoo into Joy’s hair. This was a task she normally enjoyed. Always a moment of bonding that was theirs alone. Usually Joy had more toys than water in the tub, but because they were at Angel’s all she had was the mountain of bubbles from Buffy’s shower gel.

“I wish Candy was here,” Joy announced. “She could sleep with us too. I bet she misses me.”

“I bet she does too,” Buffy said, smiling. She kissed her daughter’s forehead while tipping her head back to rinse the shampoo out. “But I think we’d be a little crowded if she was in bed with us.”

“You need a bigger bed,” Joy decided as if that was an easy solution. She stood so Buffy could get all the soapsuds off of her. The moment the last bubble had slid off of her to plop into the water, Joy held her arms out to her mother. “Pick me up, Mummy.”

Buffy swung her out of the tub, wrapping a huge, fluffy towel around Joy’s wiggling body. Nothing had ever compared to this in her life. Holding the child she’d created with Spike, left with her a feeling of completeness. There was no comparison in the love she held for all of her children. It’s just that Joy let her know that even though she was made for killing her body could still create life.

Her only pain was that the pregnancy hadn’t been a time of love and reflection. It was an ugly time of regret, pain, and the near destruction of her marriage. Spike’s words before he’d left home about having another baby kept tempting her. He would love to fill their home with a dozen babies. It was her that held them back. It was fear of letting go again. Could she?

“Can I wear my new dress?” Joy asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Maybe you should save it for when you go out somewhere.”

“We’re going home in the morning?”

“Yes, Journey, we are going home in the morning,” Buffy said, resorting to her daughter’s full name as the irritation grew. It wasn’t really directed at Joy. There were a thousand thoughts running through her mind. And through it all the unease was becoming stronger. Every time she got close to wrapping her mind around it, Joy would ask another question and she would lose it.

“If I save it then Daddy and my Angel won’t see it when it’s new.”

Children’s logic, Buffy thought with a shrug. There wasn’t really any way she could argue with it, because she was wearing the new khaki shorts and pink pullover she’d bought during her afternoon shopping spree. She smiled. If nothing else Joy was her daughter. Buffy had the same reason to wear her new outfit. She wanted Spike to see her in it. So, she pulled the tags off the yellow sundress with a large pink flower on the front for Joy to wear.

Joy finished pulling her underwear up and clapped her hands when her mother held the dress out for her. “Yay, I get to wear it,” Joy exclaimed, pushing her hands through the arm holes. She did a pirouette letting the dress fly out. “Am I pretty, Mummy?”

“Always,” Buffy swore, grabbing the hair brush off the dresser. “Let me get your hair done so we can go eat dinner.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Me, too,” Buffy agreed, working the brush through the mass of black curls that Joy sported. It was going to be strange introducing her daughters and herself to new people. Each one had a different hair color making the resemblance between them harder to discern.

The payoff for being blonde was going to be worth it though. The smoldering looks Spike had been casting her way all afternoon told her how happy he was about it. There was a hunger there that she hadn’t seen in years. It made her wish that their daughter wasn’t sharing their bed tonight. They’d find a way to find some time alone and there was that trip with Spike to look forward to. It held even more promise now. Hours spent naked with her husband. It sounded like the luxury that it was.

“Are you finished?” Joy asked with an impatient edge.

“Oh, sorry, baby,” Buffy said, pulling the brush away. A smile danced across her lips as she realized that she had been lost in a sexual fantasy about the man she’d spent the last decade with. But just as quickly as she had returned to reality that feeling was back. “Let’s go eat.”

Joy didn’t wait for her. She ran for the kitchen, shouting for her Daddy and Angel, as she sped down the hallway. Buffy tossed the brush on the dresser. It clanked against the frame holding Raven’s picture. A wave of nausea hit her. She tried to clear her mind to figure out what was wrong, but the rolling of her stomach was taking precedence.

Straightening up, Buffy hurried toward the hallway that led to the kitchen. The sounds of loud conversations, laughter and the clinking of dinnerware were overflowing into the rest of the house. It was a homey feel that she hoped would dispel the fog in her head. She had just stepped into the kitchen when Amanda backed up into her. They collided. Buffy put her hand up to steady herself when everything became crystal clear.

The pain filled her heart, taking her breath away, and she gasped from its intensity. Her head was filled with a cacophony of noise. The music was loud, warring with the sound of car horns and an almost cruel laughter. Another wave of the torrential hurt moved through her, driving Buffy to her knees. She wrapped her arms around herself, rocking from the dizziness that made it impossible to think. She was falling. Lost in something she’d never known existed before.

Blessedly she passed out.

~~~~~~~~

Several hours earlier…

“Stop,” Raven said, pushing Wesley’s hands away from her pants. “Please no, don’t.”

“You wanted this,” Wesley said, struggling to finish dragging the zipper down. He leaned down and bit the side of her breast. “Remember always wanting me…”

“Don’t, Wes,” Raven pleaded, covering his hands with hers. “You’re not like this…I know it…you’re hurting me.”

In all of her fantasies, she’d never imagined something this ugly…this wrong. It brought all of her emotions clattering to a crystal clear stop. This wasn’t love. It was lust. A part of her wanted to sob, curl up into a ball, and pretend this wasn’t happening but it was.

Because of her and powers she had no idea of how to use or control. Much less what they exactly did. The succubus blood was a family legend that had never been called upon that she knew of. Damn her and her stupid ideas of revenge.

Wesley grabbed her wrists, pinning her to the mattress while he loomed over her. “It would seem that if you would quit struggling then I wouldn’t be hurting you. Now would I?”

“You don’t understand,” Raven cried. “I put a spell on you.”

“Yes, you did,” Wesley agreed, “with that sexy young body of yours.” He smiled before dipping down to grind his mouth against hers.

Clamping her teeth together, Raven tried to turn her head, but he seemed to follow her. His tongue was trying to force its way into her mouth while his knee went to separate her legs. He wasn’t going to stop on his own until it was over with. Until she’d given him what she’d made him want. She went still, letting him think that he’d won. She waited for the right moment then used her strength to shove him off of her. He went flying into the dresser on the other side of the room. His head made contact with the solid wood with a resounding thud.

“I’m sorry, Wesley, please I’m sorry,” Raven said. The tears were coming now, in regret and in embarrassment. She backed up, prepared to run, before he could regroup.

The sound of the front door opening made her freeze.

“Wes, where are you?” Fred called. “I left a folder here that I need…”

Raven whimpered and Fred saw her for the first time. She immediately wore an expression of concern.

“Raven, what’s wrong?”

The older woman rushed to her side making Raven shrink back. The bad dream was becoming a nightmare of great proportions. She tried to get around Fred, but the recovery of Wesley made her stop.

“What the hell is going on here?” Fred demanded, looking from Wes to Raven. She looked horror stricken as she immediately thought the worse. “Wes, what did you do?”

In spite of the urge to lay it all on Wesley and get out of there with her reputation intact, Raven knew she couldn’t, especially when Wesley was coming at them like a charging bull. She shoved Fred behind her then swung with a right hook that caught Wesley on the chin. He staggered back. The second blow was too much and he fell unconscious to the floor.

“Raven, did he hurt you?” Fred asked, grabbing her arms while inspecting her face.

“No,” Raven responded, shaking her head. “It was my fault. I...used my powers on him. I didn’t know it was going to turn out this way. He was…out of control.”

“You used your powers to what?” Fred asked, stepping back from Raven. “What did you do to Wesley?”

“I’m part succubus,” Raven sobbed, hoping for a little understanding.

But she’d gone too far. The slap rocked her back on her heels. Raven covered her face with her hands. She deserved it.

“You manipulating, selfish bitch,” Fred snarled. “You have no idea of what you’ve done to him. Get out of here before you cause anymore trouble.”

The rest of her world crumbled around her. Everyone would know and she would face the ridicule, the reprimands and the disappointment of her parents. Raven ran without direction. The overwhelming emotions that were tearing her apart gave power to her feet as she traversed the city streets.

~~~~~~

Spike handed Joy over to Angel so he could prepare a plate for his daughter. She was chattering like a blue jay that was greeting the day. He smiled as he heard the sleeping arrangements for the night, thinking bloody likely that it was going to happen. Not when all he’d been thinking about for hours was shagging his wife into orgasmic bliss.

He was just spooning potato salad onto a plate when he heard Buffy’s approach from the hallway. With a grin of anticipation for the coming hours, he turned around.

“Amanda, watch it,” Molly hollered as the taller girl backed up into Buffy.

“God, I’m sorry…,” Amanda started to apologize but was stopped by the sounds Buffy was making.

They sickened Spike. They were sounds that torture victims made just before they were broken. He dropped the spoon, hurrying to her side when she fell to her knees. She screamed then fell backwards. He caught her just before her head hit the tile floor.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Spike asked desperately, but received no answer. Buffy was out cold. He picked her up, carrying her into the living room, ignoring the family that was trailing behind them. He laid her gently on the couch and sat beside her. The skin beneath her twisted mask of pain was ashen. She moaned then her eyelids fluttered.

“Come on, Buffy, wake up,” Spike pleaded. “Tell me what’s wrong?”

“Is Mummy hurt?” Journey asked, crying and struggling to get out of Angel’s arm. “Let me down. I want my Mummy.”

The little girl wiggled her way of Angel’s arms then darted over to Spike. She threw herself into Spike’s arms.

“It’s going to be okay,” Spike whispered, hoping he was right. He kissed her forehead, nuzzling the sweetness of her before pushing her away. “Stay with Angel so I can take care of Mummy.”

“Come here, baby girl,” Angel soothed, taking the child back, but this time he sat on the edge of the coffee table so she could still be near her parents. Cordelia came to them, laying her hand on Angel’s shoulder.

“Raven,” Buffy murmured. She shook her head as if she was trying to clear it. Her eyes opened slowly.

“Buffy, are you all right?” Spike anxiously asked, brushing her hair back from her face.

“Oh, god, oh god, oh god,” Buffy lamented, her hand covered her mouth as she tried to sit up. Spike tried to keep her lying down but she pushed him back. “Spike, it was Raven. I could feel everything…she’s in trouble.” She threw her arms around her husband’s neck while sobs racked her body. “Spike, help my baby…she’s so hurt.”

to be continued….

Chapter 27 – Sin Wagon

He lived his life

Now I’m gonna go live mine

I’m sick of wastin’ my time

Well now I’ve been good way too long

Found my red dress and I’m gonna throw it on

‘Bout to get too far gone

Praise the lord and pass the ammunition

Need a little bit more of my twelve ounce nutrition

One more helpin’ of what I’ve been havin’

I’m taking my turn on the sin wagon

Dixie Chicks

The music was raucous, filling the room with its driving beat, seemingly casting a spell on the hundreds of people filling the dance floor. They all moved to the rhythms piped through the sound system and blaring through speakers strategically placed around the room. Lights flashed in brilliant hues over the moving flesh that sparkled under their glow.

It fit her mood exactly. Raven held Rona’s hand, pulling her into the gyrating mass of people. Some human, some not, but she wasn’t on duty and right now she didn’t care. She just wanted to forget. Forget about her broken heart, her huge mistake that afternoon, the boy in Sunnydale she loved, the fault line of her parent’s marriage and that never ending duty of hers. She flipped her hair back as she caught the eyes of a man that was giving her the once over.

Tonight was hers. And tonight she planned on doing some living.

“He’s so cute,” Rona shouted in her ear.

“Very fuckable,” Raven returned with a bashful smile that showed the innocent girl that still existed beneath the woman in leather she was displaying. She positioned them where she would be the most on exhibit. Not only to the man whose attention she had already caught but to the others that surrounded them. With a laugh she began to move to the music.

For the first time in over a year she felt free.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy paced the kitchen floor, listening to Spike on the phone. They were trying to trace Raven’s movements since she had left the Red Dragon that afternoon. There hadn’t been an answer when they had tried to reach Wesley on his cell phone. Spike was now on the phone with Kate and from the sound of it, there wasn’t any good news.

“Okay, thanks,” Spike said distractedly. He clicked the phone off and turned to everyone gathered waiting for information. “She didn’t show at the Hyperion. Giles and Kate haven’t seen her. But then Wesley hasn’t shown either.”

Spike didn’t look at her but at Angel. They didn’t speak but their gaze spoke volumes. If Wesley had done anything to harm Raven, Buffy didn’t think he would survive the night. Both vampires had amber flashing in their eyes and she knew they wouldn’t hesitate to protect Raven. No matter what the cost.

“Call Wesley’s apartment,” Buffy said firmly. “Maybe something happened and she’s still there.”

Spike nodded and dialed the phone. His fingers drummed his impatience on the kitchen counter. The concern for his eldest daughter was evident in every move of his tense body. All he was looking for was a starting point. Once he knew where Raven had been, he and Angel would take off to track her. Buffy hugged herself as she waited. Her stomach was tied in knots as the link between the two Slayers grew stronger. If only the connection would give her a clue where she was instead of just taunting her with the pain her baby was in.

“What the bleedin’ hell are you saying?” Spike snarled to whoever he was talking to. “Raven isn’t a damn witch. So, how the fuck could she do that?”

Suddenly Spike punched the wall with a display of fury that made everyone in the room jump. Something was seriously wrong and Buffy rushed forward to grab the phone. Fred was still giving a steady stream of angry babbling.

“And your daughter put the spell or whatever on Wesley,” Fred said. “Not the other way around. It’s torn him up in guilt. Stay away from him. Your daughter is the problem. She manipulated him without any concern to how anyone else felt. The lying little…”

“Watch it, Fred,” Buffy warned. “I don’t know what happened but you had better give me something to go on if she’s in trouble.”

“You’re daughter is a succubus.”

And with that bombshell the phone was hung up in her ear, leaving Buffy staring at it in mute shock.

“How could she lie like that?” Spike demanded, vamping out. “Is she daft? Trying to lay the blame on Raven for that bastard boyfriend of hers trying to rape my little girl.”

It was only Buffy grabbing a hold of his arm that prevented Spike from leaving the room. He snarled at her as he tried to pull away. Spike was ready to kill and ask questions later. And later would be too late for the Watcher.

“Spike, stop,” Buffy demanded, putting her hand out to stop Angel from interfering. “He didn’t try to rape her.”

“Bollocks, she’s a child…”

“No, she’s not,” Buffy said, cupping his face. “She’s eighteen and very much a sexual being whether she’s actually having sex or not. Fred could very well be right. We have no idea of what powers are inside Raven. She’s never indicated anything about wanting to explore that side of her and we’ve never insisted either.”

“Quit excusing that sorry son of a bitch,” Spike growled, grabbing Buffy’s arm and physically removing her from his path. “He’s dead when I get a hold of him…”

“Angel, tell him,” Buffy pleaded. “Tell him what was happening at the meeting earlier…about Raven and Wesley.”

“It’s true, William,” Angel said, placing a hand on Spike’s arm. “Your daughter was very much…into Wesley. And while I agree that he shouldn’t have been encouraging her in any way. There was something different about Raven today. So, many emotions flowing through her.”

“You all don’t know, do you?” Amanda spoke up. She took a step back as the three turned their attention to her. She visibly swallowed as she glanced at each of them. “Connor broke up with her this morning.”

It suddenly made sense. All the pain that Buffy could feel from Raven. The confusion, the hurt, and the need for sexual attention. Buffy blamed herself. She had kept putting off talking to Raven about her relationship with Connor. They had seemed so happy together that it didn’t seem to be a priority. Now, she wondered how much Raven had been keeping from her.

~~~~~~~~

His tongue was ramming down her throat making her want to gag, but she didn’t. She pushed back on his shoulders and laughed up at him. He had the most beautiful green eyes she’d ever seen.

“Slow down a little,” Raven said coquettishly. Her eyelids fluttered as she accepted his embrace. “We’ve got all night.”

Not that she intended to stick with him that long. Or even much more than a dance or two. He was cute, could move well on the floor, and he was buying her drinks without asking her age. It was all she needed at the moment. Her confidence in her Slayer powers made her unafraid of taking risks. The guy was human after all.

“I swear your eyes are glowing,” he said, in her ear. His hands cupped her bottom, pulling her closer to him and she capitulated. It felt good to be wanted.

“It must be you,” Raven returned, nibbling on his ear lobe.

She caught Rona’s look behind her. The rolling of the other girl’s eyes and she just laughed. It was her night. She was the one in control.

“Let’s go get a drink,” he asked, kissing the side of her mouth. “Find someplace to sit the next one out.”

“Sounds good to me,” Raven replied, allowing him to pull her out of the crowd.

~~~~~~~

The adults stood in stunned silence at Amanda’s confession. The two vampires tensed visibly as they eyed each other with what amounted to blame in their eyes. They had never wanted the couple together and had only tolerated it because there didn’t seem to be any choice. Connor and Raven had been determined to be together despite all the differences that should have kept them apart.

“Don’t even start,” Cordelia warned, from her spot on a bar stool in the corner. “You two fighting isn’t going to help the situation. Angel call Connor, find out what happened and see if he’s heard from her.”

“Uh,” Molly spoke up. “Let me call Rona. See if she’s heard from Rave.”

“What are you thinking?” Buffy asked, hurrying over to the two young women that seemed ready to bolt. “Raven’s in serious trouble. We need to find her now. And anything could help.”

Amanda and Molly turned to each other then nodded before looking back at Buffy. They had given each other permission to break a pact among them.

“Rona’s room is over the fire escape,” Molly said. “We use it to sneak out of the school sometimes.” She hung her head and continued. “We all have fake ID’s.”

“Where do you all go to hang out?” Spike demanded.

“Clubs, the pier,” Amanda answered, stepping closer to Molly. “Wherever…just to get out from all pressure sometimes. Faith knows the local places pretty well…we listen to her sometimes and goes where she goes.”

“I’ll kill her,” Buffy muttered. “Some things never change.”

“Oh, it’s not her fault, Mrs. B,” Molly insisted. “She’s always lecturing us on being good and sh..stuff. She talks to Max and to Dylan and we just overhear things.”

“I’m heading for the Hyperion,” Spike said. “Call Faith then call me with whatever information you can get.”

“I’m coming with you,” Angel said, then added before Spike could protest. “I care about her, too.”

Spike only hesitated for a second before nodding his acquiesce. Breathing a sigh of relief that they would be working together to find Raven, Buffy squeezed Spike’s hand. He cupped her cheek before giving her a hard kiss.

“I’ll find her, Luv,” Spike promised before striding away. Angel followed him with a determined stride. She knew they wouldn’t return until they had found the wayward teen.

“I’ll call, Faith” Cordelia said, reaching for the phone. “Have her check out Rona’s room and warn her that the boys are on their way.”

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and tried to send reassuring thoughts to Raven. Suddenly a wave of dizziness crashed through her again and she stumbled as she reached for something to hold her up.

~~~~~~~~

Maybe she shouldn’t have had the last drink, which had been her fifth by the way. In the past she had only had a few glasses of wine or a beer but never anything with this bite. Rum and coke had sounded so easy to order, but it was packing quite a wallop on her system. The room seemed to be spinning around her. That is, it would be if her eyes were open.

They were closed because he was kissing her again. Her legs were across his lap and his hands seemed to be everywhere on her. Raven wished for the hundredth time today that she had just gone with her mother this afternoon. But no, she had to prove that someone…anyone could want her. And now, the control didn’t seem to be in her hands anymore.

Where was Rona? She whimpered as his hand cupped her breast and she feebly tried to push him away. He stopped for a second, smiling down at her.

“I think we should get out of here, don’t you? Some place where we can be alone.”

“I need to find my friend,” Raven said, trying to slide away from him. He held on. “Let go of me,” She demanded trying to stand but the room swayed beneath her and she fell back onto the small couch. “Please find Rona for me.”

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll take care of you,” he promised, pulling her close again.

~~~~~~~

Angel brought the Viper to a stop outside the Hyperion. Faith and Dylan were waiting for them. Both their faces filled with concern, but Angel suspected that Dylan’s was just an act. He wanted to snap at the pup to get away, that this was a family concern, but decided that maybe Spike would want him there. Why he didn’t know and wished he had more time to deal with this wayward childe.

“Hey,” Faith called to them as soon as they stepped out of the car. “I talked to Cordy and got the scoop. No one has seen Rona for a few hours and the window in her room is cracked. It looks like they did sneak out.”

“Where?” Spike asked, walking toward the side of the building.

“This way,” Faith said, leading them around the hotel to the side that was away from the street. The ladder for the fire escape was down. “So, they came down here but they could have gone anywhere from here.”

Spike lifted his face to the breeze, sniffing for the scent of his daughter on the air. Even in the city of thousands with all the smog, Angel didn’t doubt that Spike could trace Raven. It wasn’t just the scent alone that would guide him, but the blood oaths made between them during Buffy’s pregnancy. Raven was a part of Spike by blood…family in so many ways. Her very essence would call to the vampire that was her father. Spike just needed to return to his roots and once again leave behind his desire for being human in order to find her. Angel smiled when Spike took off.

The others followed Spike as he wound through the city streets towards where a lot of clubs made up the LA scene. Raven didn’t have the pull by herself to get into any of the more exclusive clubs but there was plenty where just a pretty face would grant you entrance. It was one of these clubs on a side street that Spike led them too. Hookers paraded up and down the street along with unscrupulous men looking for a cheap thrill. Angel’s hackles rose at the thought of the girls being here. Slayers or not, they were a lot more innocent than they wanted to be.

~~~~~~~~

Nothing was in focus. She kept trying to sit up but her body wouldn’t move. She couldn’t even cry. She couldn’t do anything but fight desperately to stave off the darkness that was trying to drown her. Male voices surrounded her and hands kept touching her.

“Daddy,” Raven slurred, but he wasn’t there. No one knew where she was. There was a ripping sound and she realized what was about to happen to her. And she gave up, allowing herself to sink in to the darkness.

~~~~~~~

Spike growled low in his throat as he rushed through the front door of the club. Raven was there. He’d heard her call for him. Not with his ears, but with his heart. The closer he got to Raven the more he could feel Buffy pouring through him, leading him toward their child. It was as if the three of them were connected and he opened himself to them.

The others were following him but he moved through the crowd with a single minded determination. Her scent was overwhelming here among these people. So, was evil. It permeated every plank and stone that held the building together. There was blood in the very foundation of this building and he resolved when this was over to see it burned to the ground.

“Oh, god, Spike,” Rona cried, running up to him and grabbing him. “I can’t find Raven. She was with this guy…”

Spike looked through the girl in front of him. He pushed her aside as he spotted a staircase with a bouncer standing guard. The guy never knew what hit him as Spike picked him up and tossed him aside. He could feel Raven’s fear as he ran up the stairs. Angel was beside him and he was grateful for that. The two of them moved as they once did down the hallway. Both were in vamp face as the emotions overcame them.

There was another locked door that splintered easily under their boots. A room meant for only ugly business by a human that was more evil than most demons. On the bed lay an unconscious Raven and a man in the process of disrobing her. He looked up at the intruders, scrambling upwards before he hit the wall with a thud. Spike was there to catch him when he fell. His hands wrapped around his head ready to break his neck for the nerve of touching his daughter. The sight of this man on top of Raven would burn through him for eternity and he wanted to make sure that the last thing in life he saw was Spike’s vampire countenance.

Arms locked in his, pulling him off the human before he had the satisfaction of ending his life. Spike roared his rage as he tried to pull away from his Sire’s and Dylan’s grasp. The sneer on the human’s face only increased his ire and he used the leverage from those holding him to kick upwards into the man’s face. The crunching of bones was a satisfying sound until he was pulled backwards.

“No,” Angel said. “We can’t take the heat. We need to get Raven out of here and to Kate. He’ll pay later.”

It was a promise from one father to another father. Spike knew that Angel would keep that promise, but it wasn’t enough. He nodded a lie then once free pounced on the man, raining his fury down on him.

“Spike, no, cops are coming,” Angel said, grabbing his childe around the chest and neck. “We have to get out of here before we have to explain who we are to them.”

“I want a piece of him,” Spike said, kicking the man in the groin, enjoying the scream it elicited. It would have to do for now. He knelt beside the groaning man. “That’s my little girl and she’s the last female you will ever touch. Count on it.”

He turned to where Faith was holding Raven. His daughter now had a blanket wrapped around her to hide the nudity of her upper body. He picked Raven up in his arms, kissed her gently on the forehead before turning to follow the others from the room.

to be continued…

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