Chapter 13 - Lost to You

October 24, 2007 3:15 PM

A knock sounded on the back door interrupting the chaos in the kitchen. Raven and Sean were trying to make popcorn the old fashioned way to make treats for Halloween while Spike watched in amused silence.

“Come in,” he called while his children continued to make a colossal mess with the popcorn, corn syrup and sugar.

“Hi,” Tara said as she came in and her eyes widened at the experiment.

“It’s for the party next week and we were making a trial run.” Raven explained as she shrugged.

“I think that you’re supposed to heat the syrup before you add the popcorn.”

Spike laughed as the two teenagers looked at each other then at the recipe and realized their mistake.

“Get the trash can and we’ll start over,” Sean said.

“Hi, Tara, what are you doing here?” Spike stood and kissed the witch on the cheek.

“I’m here to spend time with Elijah. You know the meditations and powers practice.”

“Buffy hasn’t come home with him yet. Maybe they stopped somewhere on the way.” Spike glanced at the clock but relaxed when he realized they weren’t that late yet. “Take a seat. I’m sure they’ll be here soon. Would you like a drink?”

“No, I’m fine.” Tara took a seat on the other side of the table from where Raven was wiping it down. “Everything’s been…you know okay since earlier in the month?”

“Yeah, it has been. Nothing more than a few forgetful episodes but nothing to worry about. Sara must have been right about it being stress.”

“And the stalker?”

Spike ran a finger along the edge of the table then glanced back at Sean and Raven.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be asking about this.” Tara said as she followed his gaze. “So, what’s up with you two?” She asked the two teenagers.

Raven launched into a monologue about the sit in they were planning at the university on Friday afternoon to dispute the suspension of the students involved in their side of the protests. The club members hadn’t even been reprimanded and no one had felt it was right. Dawn and Josh had both been given academic suspension and had been unable to reverse it. They were hoping that if they could stop the afternoon classes they might get the attention they needed so their side could be heard.

Spike only listened with half an ear as he began to worry about Buffy and his son. She had been fine for the last couple of weeks and he hadn’t thought twice about letting her go alone to pick up Elijah like she always did. Nothing had really changed in their routines because other than that one incident there really hadn’t been cause for concern.

When the phone rang he felt his heart drop as he went to answer it.

“May I speak to Mr. or Mrs. Blood?”

“This is Mr. Blood.”

“This is Sunnydale Elementary School. Are you aware that your son hasn’t been picked up yet?”

His hopes that everything might be all right were destroyed by that one question and he felt himself choking up in the powerless frustration that overcame him.

“I’m sorry my wife left to pick him up. I don’t what happened. I’ll be right there.” When he turned around he saw the same fear he felt echoed in the eyes of the others. “Buffy didn’t pick up Elijah. I need to go.”

Tara stood quickly and laid a hand on his arm. “I’ll go get him while you figure out what happened to Buffy. Okay?”

He nodded as Tara grabbed her bag and hurried out the door. Spike looked around unsure of where to even start to look for his wife. Then remembering her constant lists he headed for the refrigerator to check to see if she had left something there. Sure enough there was a note that she had made to buy more bed sheets.

“I’m going to check the mall,” Spike announced as he looked at his kids. He knew his voice was coming out flat and emotionless but he was locking down so he that he could stay in control of the situation instead of screaming hysterically like he wanted.

“You want us to come with you, Dad?” Sean asked and as he realized what he said he looked away from the other two hoping against hope that they hadn’t heard him in the confusion.

Spike walked over to him and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for the offer but I’d appreciate it if you two would stay here in case Mum comes back or calls.” It was all he could do for the boy at the moment but found himself being hugged by both of them as they sought his reassurance. “It’s going to be fine.”

And as he walked out to look for Buffy he prayed that he was right.

~~~~~~~~

Spike didn’t care about the people staring at him or even the ones he bumped into as he ran through the mall. His only thought was to find his wife as he bounded down the escalator in only three leaps. He headed toward the center of the mall where there was a large fountain and that was where he found her sitting on a bench. In the moment that he spotted her a cry of anguish threatened to erupt from the very core of his being and he knew that whatever was happening to Buffy couldn’t be explained away by pregnancy or stress. Slowly he was going to lose her and if ripping his heart out would prevent it then he would do it gladly with his bare hands. But for now he blinked back his tears and made his way towards her.

Buffy hands were folded in her lap as she stared blankly into the fountain. She didn’t even turn to him when he sat beside her and when he brushed her hair back away from her face she put her finger to her lips.

“Shhh, they’ll know you’re here.”

“Who will, Love?”

Taking his face in her hand she pulled him until his chin was resting on her shoulder while she pointed with her other hand into the water.

“There they are. You’re lucky they don’t like other people to see them. Only me.”

“Yes, there they are,” Spike played along as he stared into only the waters that danced to the fountain’s tune.

“They want to tell me something.”

Spike laid his head on her shoulder for a moment, “It’s time to go home, Buffy.”

“No, I can’t go. They have a message for me.”

Standing he took her hands in his and pulled her to her feet. A look of confusion crossed her face as she finally broke the stare from the water to look at him.

“Are you sure that it’s all right for me to leave? The people in the water wanted to tell me something.”

“I’m sure its okay for me to take you home. You do trust me don’t you?”

Her hand caressed his cheek, “Of course I do. You’re my Spike, my protector and the one who always finds me when I’m lost.”

Kissing her quickly on the cheek he turned her toward the exit with an arm around her waist and with his free hand he picked up her purse and shopping bag. As he led her away she turned one last time to glance at the water.

“I was so sure they wanted to tell me something. I know that it was important.”

“I’m sure it was, Pet. Maybe another day they’ll tell you.” And as he took her home he wondered if he would be able to live up to her image of him. If this time he would be able to find her again.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy was at home sleeping and Spike was huddled on the couch at Giles’ house. After he had gotten her home he had immediately called both Kate and Sara who wanted to see her right away while she was still in the state of confusion. They had both examined her and they had wanted to talk to Spike first before they told her their conclusions. At this point they didn’t feel she was competent to make any decisions regarding her condition.

After he had gotten her home he had laid down with her until she was asleep. Raven and Sean were under strict orders to call him as soon as she stirred and he had dropped Elijah off at Xander’s on his way over. Kate sat next to him and when he glanced at her he knew that whatever was going to be said was going to be bad news.

“Spike, you need to listen to us carefully. Buffy obviously has problems and they are problems we can’t fully diagnose because of the pregnancy.” Kate hesitated as she looked to Sara and then to her husband. His gentle smile gave her the strength to continue and she laid a hand on Spike’s arm. “From what we can ascertain it can be and is probable that it is either schizophrenia or a brain tumor of some sort.”

“You’ve been saying its stress or the pregnancy. Now you’re saying she’s gone mad or has a tumor. Gee, if we wait until tomorrow what are you going to say then?” He pulled his arm away from Kate and leaned his forearms on his legs.

“I know it’s hard but like I said we can’t really make a diagnosis because of the pregnancy. If it’s schizophrenia we can’t treat it without it hurting the baby and we can’t run the tests to ascertain if it’s a tumor or not.”

Her words finally began to sink in leaving him with a horrible feeling of dread as Giles came to sit on the coffee table and took his hands in his.

“Son, I know it’s hard. Really hard and it’s killing me to say this.”

“Then don’t.”

“At this point it may be better if the pregnancy was terminated so that we can give Buffy the best possible care.”

His words were the final blow to an already fragile state of mind and Spike fell to his knees burying his face against Giles as his fear and grief took him over. The ones he had been holding onto since the night that Lorne had made his announcement. He could feel Kate lean against his back and she whispered words that made no sense to him. All he could see and hear was Buffy when she had found out she was pregnant. The joy and light that had filled her and now it might be taken away. He pulled back and his hands wiped at his face.

“What if it’s mystical? If the blackness that Lorne saw is causing this?”

“What if the blackness is either mental illness or something physical? That’s the thing we don’t know and we can’t rule everything out unless…”

“Our baby is murdered.”

“Spike, no one is suggesting this lightly or even saying it is the only way.” Sara spoke up as she leaned forward. “We just want you to know all the facts.” She sighed before meeting the vampire’s eyes. “If its schizophrenia and we wait to treat her we may never be able to get her back. And it’s a tumor then she could die before we even know for sure if it is or not.”

“Buffy will never go for it. She’d die for this baby.”

“That’s why we wanted to talk to you first,” Giles said as he pulled his glasses off and began to wipe them. “If you decide that it’s best to terminate and Buffy refuses then she can be declared incompetent and it can be done anyway.”

“Rup, old man, you have finally lost it.” Spike said as he stood. “We do that and after we get her all fixed up again she’ll never talk to me again.”

“But she’d be alive and healthy again.”

“And what happens if we take this child from her and we lose Buffy anyway. Then I’ll have lost my child and her, too.”

“It’s not going to be an easy decision no matter what you do but a decision is going to have to be made and soon. She has already displayed violent tendencies toward you and she may be needed to be kept from her children.” Sara said.

“No, you’re the one who kept saying that it was going to be all right. You’re the one who said it was stress or the pregnancy and because of it she has only gotten worse.” Spike yelled as he pointed at Sara then at Kate. “How can I know for sure that you’re telling the truth now because no one has had a clue what the fuck is going on until now?”

“Spike…” Giles started but Kate hushed him.

“It’s okay for him to be angry.” She stood and took Spike’s hands in hers and stared down the fury in his eyes. “We didn’t want to see it. None of us did. We wanted to find excuses for her behavior and I was wrong. I know it. But take her to other doctors if it will make you feel better just know that I love you both.”

“I know, Kate, I know. I’m sorry,” His apology covered both women and they smiled at him as he started to pace the room. “Can we have a couple of days? I want to talk to her.”

“Of course, sweetie, no one expects for this to be decided tonight.”

Before he could say anything else his cell phone rang and he scrambled to answer it. Raven’s frantic voice came through the line sending him into instant panic.

“Dad, she’s gone.”

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Spike turned to look at the others in the room and they all rushed to his side.

“She came downstairs with a suitcase, went into your study for a minute, came out, kissed us good-bye and said she’d return after the baby was born.”

“Shit, you couldn’t stop her?”

“I tried and she left anyway. She’s pregnant. I couldn’t very well tackle her. Hurry, she’s in the Desoto and she’s only been gone a couple of minutes.”

Spike headed for the front door as he hung up the phone. “Buffy knows something is up. She left and told the kids she’d be back after the baby was born. I’ve got to go find her.”

“Hurry,” Giles said. “I’ll call everyone else and see if they heard from her. Keep in touch.”

But he was talking to air by then because Spike had sprinted across the lawn toward his motorcycle. As the vampire drove off Giles said a silent prayer that Spike would be able to find her before it was too late.

TBC

Chapter 14 - Broken

Spike stood next to the Desoto. He had found it in a parking lot near the freeway. It was locked up tight indicating that she had parked it here for him to find. Unfortunately it was away from the airport and bus station effectively throwing him off her trail. For over two hours he had been driving around looking for her and with each passing minute he had become more distressed. If she had another spell anything could happen to her and he might never find her. No one had heard from her or had any clue that she might run. Willow was tapping into airport and bus computers to see if she could find any clues but so far nothing.

Hurrying he made his way from one store and restaurant to the next at the exit asking about her. Finally at a little convenience store he found a clerk who had seen her.

“Yeah, I saw her. She got a ride with the guy who drives the truck for the milk. As far as I know he was heading to LA to reload.”

“What’s the name of the company he works for?” When the puny man behind the counter hesitated Spike leaned toward him. “She’s my wife and I need to find her now.”

“Okay, okay, it’s Dairy Blossom but I hate to tell you this.” The clerk smirked. “The way she was flirting and hanging all over him she seriously wanted to get away.”

As Spike vamped out and roared his rage the man behind the counter fell backwards into the display as he begged for his life but he had already been dismissed from Spike’s world. The only thing that he could think of was that Buffy was taking rides from strangers and insinuating things that in her state of mind might get her seriously hurt.

He ran back to the Desoto and climbed in leaving his motorcycle on the side of the road. While he peeled out of the parking lot his hand was already dialing his cell phone.

“Angel Investigations,” Fred answered.

“Angel now.”

“Spike, is that you?”

“Yeah, get me Angel. It’s an emergency.”

“He’s not here.”

“Fred, I need help. It’s Buffy. Listen carefully.”

“Okay, go.”

“We’ve had some more problems with her. She got a ride on some dairy truck heading for LA to reload. Dairy Blossom. I need someone to be there when it gets in. And Fred?”

“Yeah, Spike, I got it. What else?”

“She may be dangerous.”

He hung up the phone confident that his message would get to Angel. He had just hung up the phone after filling Giles in when his phone rang with Angel on.

“I’m on my way to the dairy company but what happened?”

“She’s sick and the doctors are suggesting that the pregnancy…” Spike couldn’t say it. “Anyway, she found out somehow and ran before we had a chance to talk.”

“You said she might be violent?”

Spike could tell in his tone that he didn’t really believe him and he laughed.

“She thinks she has to protect her baby. Think about it.”

“Understood. I’ll call you as soon as we have her.”

After he got off the phone with Angel he pushed the old car to its limits as he drove toward Los Angeles. He kept berating himself for leaving her alone with the children. Even though she had snapped out of her delusional state he should have known that she was just too agreeable about going to sleep. Plus, he knew he shouldn’t have left the responsibility of watching her on Raven and Sean. They would be tearing themselves up in guilt over her leaving and it wasn’t fair to them to bear that.

The phone rang again and he was saying hello before he even got it to his ear.

“Spike, its Wes.”

“Did you find her?”

“Yes, yes, we have her. Angel is with her right now.”

“Is she all right?”

“Fine, as far as we can tell. Not a scratch on her but she seemed to…”

“What?” Spike snarled. There was something wrong and the Englishman seemed to not to want to tell him. “Tell me.”

“When we got there she was happy then when she saw us its like she collapsed within herself. She became very docile.”

“Okay, I’m still about twenty minutes away.” Spike hesitated then asked, “Did she…did she have sex with this guy?”

“I don’t know.”

“Put Angel on, he’d know.”

“Spike, I would assume not. Angel was threatening this guy and I wager if he had known something like that he would have done more then threaten.”

“Thanks.”

Spike hung up the phone and threw it across the seat. It was a crude thing to ask but he needed to know before he got there. He knew that Buffy in her right state of mind would never do anything like that but he wasn’t sure of the full extent of her mental problems and what she would do in one of her spells. Especially if she thought that it was a necessary bargaining tool or if she even forgot she was the Slayer and the guy forced her. All he knew was that if he found her and could smell someone else on her then he didn’t know what he would do.

When he finally pulled up in front of the Hyperion he took a moment to calm down before going in. Buffy would retreat even further if he was in an agitated state. Then he laughed and put his head back as a sob ripped through him. He was using his memories of how he dealt with Drusilla in order to deal with Buffy. He wondered if it was just his cards to play in this existence to have crazy women in his life. More to the point, could do it again after having a sane Buffy in his life. Someone who could really share his life not just be someone he had to take care of. But he supposed that was what ‘for better or worse’ was really about as he made his way into the hotel.

~~~~~~~~~

With only a cursory glance at Angel, Spike stepped into the room where Buffy was lying down. He knew she wasn’t asleep from the sound of her breathing. The door closed behind Angel and Spike made his way to sit on the bed with his wife. She was curled in a fetal position facing away from him and he sat facing the door. Only a few inches of space divided them but to him it felt like an ocean between them as he buried his face in his hands and tried to figure out what to say to her.

“I will never forgive you if you take my baby away from me,” she told him without moving.

“You think I don’t know that, Pet? Couldn’t you at least have trusted me enough to talk to me before running off?”

“It’s not a matter of trust. It’s knowledge.”

He glanced back at her before returning his stare to the door.

“Knowledge of what?”

“I know that if they had brought me back wrong then you would have hidden me away instead of letting them destroy the monster I had become. That night you thought I slept with Richard you would have killed him except for the chip. Three years ago when the First came back you would have let the world go into hell if you thought it was the only way to save me. Even when you were with Donna, if you thought that I was in danger you would have been there.” Her hand moved to cover her child. “And now, I know that you would destroy this baby you never wanted to protect me.”

“Is that so bad? Is it? That I love you so much that I would never let anything come before you.”

“Our children need to be first. Every one of them needs to be our first priority now even this one.”

“I can’t make it without you.” He knew there was a sob in his voice but it had always been Buffy. And he honestly didn’t know if he had the strength to live without her anymore. There was a time when he could have but after being with her for all these years it was as if they were one being.

“If the only way to save me was for you to put a gun to Raven’s head and shoot her. Could you do it? Or to Elijah? Or to Sean? Anymore than you could have killed Dawn all those years ago?”

“Buffy, don’t ask me that. Please?”

“Then why is this baby different? I can feel the changes in my body because of this child we created from our love. Elijah communicates with him. But yet because you haven’t felt it yet, you want to take him from me.”

Spike stood and started to pace the room. “I never said I wanted to destroy this child. Never. So, quit assuming I do. How the hell did you even know that they were suggesting termination?”

“I wanted to ask Kate something and followed her and Sara out and overheard them talking. And I knew you would agree so I did what I had to. Why do you lie to me and say that you don’t want to when you do?”

“Do you think that I am that cold and callous?”

Buffy laughed and finally turned to look at him. “I know who you are now. Remember? I know exactly what you were and who you are now. And you would if it would keep your world the way you want it.”

“If I am so selfish and cruel, why are you with me?”

She was ripping through all of his beliefs of who he was and who he wanted to be, down to the very core of his needs. And his greatest need was her. It had been her for a decade now and she was right, they could all die if it would keep her with him. She was his very reason for existing now and everyone and everything else was just extra that in the end didn’t matter as much.

“Because you love me.”

He laughed, “The way you make it sound its more like obsession.”

“It is that, too. But it goes both ways, my love, we are so entwined that I need to know that you are always there.”

Spike stepped from the shadows of the room to look down at her because he thought she was slipping away again but her eyes were the vibrant green that they were in passion. He sat on the bed again as her fingers explored the planes of his face. As he sighed in contentment from her touch, his hand was taken by hers to cover her lower belly.

“This child is destined for greatness. Even if he does nothing more than exist because it is a child born of a Slayer and a vampire into a new world of understanding. How can you even consider destroying him?” She kissed him softly then gently stroked his face with hers so that their tears would mingle. “I love this baby already. And I have no second thoughts of laying down my life or sanity for it. If there is a way to find me or bring me back then I know you will do it. Just like you did tonight. Like you always have and always will.”

“I’m scared, Love,” he whispered as he kissed her. His desperation and fear came through as his lips moved over hers.

“Trust us. Always trust us but you’re a father now. Not just to this child but to the three at home. They are precious gifts given to us and we need to put them before us.” Buffy cradled his face in her hands. “Promise me that you will let this child live and if it means letting me go then you’ll let me go.”

“And if I don’t?”

“You already know,” she whispered as she laid her hand over the heart she had carved into him.

Fear coursed through him and he knew that for her children she would destroy him. His eyes studied her face as he contemplated her words and in the end he nodded his head. “I promise.” It wasn’t a decision made from fear or desperation because he knew she was right. It was a decision made in the knowledge that if she in one of her spells attacked Elijah then he would protect Eli before her. Their children had to come first whether already there or still nestled in her womb. “I promise, Buffy, that I will put our children first. All of them but it doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you.”

“Asshole,” she said as she smiled. “You had better not give up on me.” Then she grew sober again. “As long as I have your promise that you won’t take this child from me, I’m going to trust you enough to come home. I know your promises are sacred to you.”

“I love you, Baby, no matter what.”

She pulled him down onto the bed with her and curled him against her. “It’s going to be okay. We have faced too much to let this separate us. Understand?”

He shifted so they were facing each other and his hands slowly traversed her body as he gazed into the depths of those eyes he loved. They shone clear and bright and filled with love for him. When her lips parted as her breath picked up he smiled. There wasn’t a moment that he was going to waste with her until this was over. He refused to believe that the fates would be so cruel to take her from him forever and he decided that he would continue to fight for her and for them until he had no choice in the matter.

~~~~~~~~

Spike moved down the stairs of the Hyperion in search of some sustenance. He knew that Angel used to keep some blood in a small refrigerator behind the counter and hoped that he still did. As he rounded the corner he saw that the office light was still on. His first priority was finding blood though and after locating some and heating it, he made his way into the office.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey Spike,” Fred said as she vacated a chair and gestured him into it.

The other occupants of the room were Angel and Wes and he knew they wanted an explanation for the evening’s events. As he took a seat he smiled wanly at Fred, “So, how’s Max?”

Fred’s face lit up, “He’s fine. Still in Tennessee,” then when she saw the smirk on Spike’s face she realized that he was teasing her. “That wasn’t nice.”

“Just protecting my friend.” With a sigh he leaned back in the chair and took a long swig of his drink. His gaze drifted from one friend of his to the other. “She’s finally asleep. It’s been a long day and she’s exhausted. Hope it’s okay if we spend the night.”

“You know it is.” Angel replied. “We talked to Giles and let him know that the two of you are here. He said to tell you that Elijah is still at Xander’s and Raven and Sean are at his house.”

“Thanks, that was next on my things to do.”

“He also told us what happened today.”
“Good. Didn’t really want to go over the grisly details again.” Spike blinked back tears that he thought was dried up by now. “She made me promise that I wouldn’t hurt the baby. It’s the only way that I know that she would go home with me and won’t try to run again.”

“Do you mean it?” Wesley asked.

“Of course, I do. For her.” He noticed the glance that occurred between Angel and Wesley at his pronouncement and fear curled in his belly again. “Have you two come up with something?”

“It’s a theory. Only a theory.” Wesley said. “When Darla was pregnant with Connor she shared his soul giving her a touch of humanity.”

“And what does that have to do with Buffy?”

“Spike, if this child was conceived while you were still a vampire then maybe it was conceived without a…soul.”

“That’s impossible. Buffy’s human and I have a soul.”

Fred looked quickly at Wes and Angel before turning back to Spike. “Spike, you’re soul was forced into your body. It wasn’t there naturally.”

“Angel and Darla didn’t have a soul.” Spike said and then laughed sardonically. “Sorry, forgot, Angel is special. Of course his kid would be different.” He looked away from the others in the room then sighed. “I’m sorry. Okay, my baby is a soulless demon what does that have to do with Buffy’s state.”

Wesley took over again. “Darla was influenced by Connor’s soul and if this baby doesn’t have one then it could be influencing Buffy the same way. Or slowly taking over hers and when it is born that is why Lorne saw Buffy disappear. It will leave her without a soul thus making Buffy nothing more than a hollow shell after she has given birth.”

TBC

Chapter 15 - Necessary Evils

October 27, 2007 10:25 AM

The atmosphere was ominous in the Blood’s kitchen as the various parties took seats around the table. Buffy and Spike sat holding hands facing Xander and Willow while on either end of the table sat Morgana and her assistant.

“So, what’s up with you two?” Willow asked. “Asking us over on a Saturday morning is usually not a good sign.”

“Especially with your lawyer here,” Xander chimed in as he looked around the table.

“I need a favor guys,” Buffy said as she leaned forward on her arms with the one hand still clasping Spike’s. “You both know what’s been going on with me and the baby. After Spike and I talked we agreed that the baby’s welfare should come before mine. That whatever was necessary to keep the baby safe is what we would do.”

“Okay and what does that have to with us?” Xander asked.

“If I may explain,” Morgana said and after receiving a nod from Buffy turned her attention to their friends. “Spike and Buffy have already signed papers making him her power of attorney if she should become incapacitated whether mentally or physically and in that agreement is that the baby would come first in all cases.” She paused and took a deep breath. “If it would be physical and Buffy would become brain dead then her body would be kept on life support until the child was mature enough to live on its own outside of the womb.”

“Buffy just becomes an incubator?” Willow asked as her brows furrowed and her eyes darted around the table.

“Will, we’re hoping it doesn’t come to that. It’s just in case of.”

“And like I said before what does this have to do with us?”

“If something should happen to me then one of you would become the power of attorney.” Spike said.

“No, that’s ridiculous, Buf.” Xander said. “Spike is this really what you want?”

Spike couldn’t answer. Ever since they had come home all he could think about was that he was probably going to lose her. There was no part of him that could accept that. Not now. Not after everything they had been through together and every moment made him regret his decision a little more.

“Can’t you see how selfish this is? Spike doesn’t want this.”

“He agreed and if he doesn’t want it, then he should say so,” Buffy replied.

Fear slithered through Xander as he thought about the implications of what was being discussed. He inhaled deeply, trying to gain control over his emotions before he spoke and was only halfway successful. “No, because he’s afraid of hurting you. Aren’t you forgetting about the responsibilities you already have? The children that are here? Your husband and friends and family. You’re just going to throw it all away for a baby that isn’t born yet.”
“It’s my baby.” Buffy shouted. Spike reached for her but she shook him off. “And it’s my life. Why can’t I choose what I want to sacrifice? No, it always has to be dictated to me. You decided that I had to kill Angel.” Her fury turned to Willow, “You decided that I couldn’t stay in heaven. And now you’re telling me that I have to sacrifice my child for the lot of you. I’m sorry but I won’t.”

“What if it’s a demon like Wesley thinks? What if you destroy yourself for it and then we have to destroy whatever comes out of you?”

“Stop, please.” Willow pleaded as she watched her friends become angrier by the moment. “Can’t we talk about this?”

“No, we can’t talk about it. It’s my child. What if it was Aidan or Jessy or Jacob? Could you destroy your child?” Buffy cried as the tears fell down her cheeks. She had thought if anyone would stand by her choice it would be her oldest friends. Her defenses were being battered as she wrapped her arms around her. Even Spike now seemed distant from her.

“They are already here,” Xander said softer this time. “Buffy, I don’t want to hurt you but it’s not right that the rest of your family lose you for…”

“A baby that was conceived in love.”

“Spike, tell me what you want. If you can tell me that you stand behind this decision one hundred percent I’ll sign.”

There was a moment of strained silence as they waited for the vampire to speak. He was battling his own tears when he finally lifted his head. “I can’t. I wish I could but I can’t. I’m just so confused.” He knew that he had betrayed her and hurt her with his words as he buried his face in his hands and tried to hide from what was happening.

“You’ve already signed the papers.” Morgana stated. “Buffy, I’ll help you if they try to force this. I can tie it up in court long enough for the child to survive.”

“No, it’s not necessary.” Buffy said as she pulled Spike against her and kissed the top of his head as her hands ran up and down his back. “Make the arrangements then. I can’t fight everyone.” Her eyes closed in resignation as Spike sat back up.

“What are you saying, Love?”

“Tell me where and when to be and we’ll…” she stopped for a moment as a sob engulfed her, “terminate the pregnancy.”

The door to the kitchen opened and Raven, followed by Elijah and Sean, came in making it obvious they had been eavesdropping on the meeting.

“Since they get to decide the fate of our younger sibling, do we at least get a say so?” Raven asked. “Because I think I can already answer the question of whether or not this child is good or some evil monster.”

“How?” Willow asked.

“When are you people going to start remembering Elijah?” She scoffed. “When he first knew of the pregnancy he didn’t feel anything evil or bad, all he felt was good. So, I can’t see how this child could be hurting anyone.”

There was silence as everyone contemplated Raven’s words. It was too much to hope for that it could be explained so easily with Elijah’s empathic abilities. The adults looked at one another because they knew if Buffy’s soul was being shared then the goodness of hers would be within the babe also. Eli sensed things from the babe when he spoke to it but that still couldn’t give them anything definite on which to make this decision. It would still have to come from how much they wanted to trust and how much they wanted to hope that things would end up all right.

“Raven, that may be true but there is so much more going on that the decision isn’t based on just that.” Willow explained.

“Well, we had our own meeting and we decided that we would rather fight for this child instead of taking the easy way out.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said as she smiled at them. “But Xander is right. There is so much going on and it has to be mine and Spike’s decision to make as to what is best and I think we need to talk again.”

Buffy glanced at her friends to make sure they understood that the final choice would be made by her and her husband. Not anyone else.

“That’s fine.” Xander said nodding his head. “If both of you are totally behind the decision I’ll agree and support you but not when I can see it is so divided.”

“Me too.”

Spike stood, “I need to think by myself. I’ll be back later.” He looked at Buffy to wait for an okay from her before moving. When she nodded he kissed her quickly, thanked the others for coming before heading out the door. Since he had found Buffy in the mall, Spike felt like he had been going from one emotional torment to another without a break. And now he just wanted some time away and see that the world was still turning.

Eventually he ended up at the Edge with a whiskey in his hand. The sharp flavor of the liquid as his throat burned made him feel like he was still Spike. Time had taken its toll on them all. They had all changed from who they were when he first was with Buffy. It didn’t seem real that he was married and had kids with another on the way but it was natural progression wasn’t it? You fell in love, got married and had kids. The grand passionate love he used to believe in was now a warm glowing fire that was safe and real. Was he really happier in those five years when the days seemed the same with the same fights, the same sex and the same apocalypses? Or was life more now with the confusion, the noise, lack of privacy, and sex that was appreciated more because there was less of it?

He loved Buffy. Had for a long time and he always would. Finally she had what she had always wanted--a somewhat normal life. Even in that were still the demons, the evil that somehow always wanted the world to end or be swallowed by their blackness, the knowledge of what they had done, and what they had fought. Their nightmares would always be tainted by what they had seen and the sun would be appreciated more for casting out the darkness.

It was always her in the end. The hard steel of her body covered by the sweetest, softest flesh he had ever felt. It was those eyes that could light up his world or tear his heart from his body. In the first pact they had ever made over Angel they had both taken a new path that led them here to this place and time. Good or bad it was theirs. Created by a love that was never meant to be and two battle weary hearts looking for a place to be safe and she was home to him now. There were no regrets. Things he wished had gone differently but then he didn’t. The fighting, the bruises, the blood, the passion, the trust, were all things that had forged them together and as the man had said let no one pull asunder. He couldn’t and wouldn’t give up on her or her dreams. And that child that was creating so much turmoil and hurt was the culmination of her dreams that had taken seed that rainy morning in the cemetery when they had first made vows to each other. The ones they had held onto through everything. This child was proof that they were right in spite of every person that had tried to pull them apart. Even hell and heaven couldn’t separate them and this summer when they had both been willing to give up their lives for the other they had finally crossed to the other side.

To the side of no return.

And if he let the doubts of those people who hadn’t believed they could get this far influence them now then they had lost.

And he wasn’t ready to give up yet. Not on him. Not on her. Not on Raven, Elijah and Sean. Not on the family they had created from friends. And not on this baby.

If they gave up then he could see the beginning of an unraveling that would tear their whole world down and he knew that he would walk through the very bowels of hell before he would allow that to happen.

He was Spike and if nothing else then he believed in love and his promises. And it was time to make some new ones.

~~~~~~~~

He smiled at the pizza boxes on the table and was glad that she hadn’t bothered to cook tonight. Before he walked into the living room where he could hear his family he took a deep breath and told himself that this was for the best. There had been nothing they couldn’t defeat before and it wasn’t going to start now. He pushed the door open and stepped into the living room. Buffy and Elijah were curled together on the couch with her head resting on Raven’s lap and he smiled again as he remembered that only a couple of months ago Raven wouldn’t have been so close to Buffy if her life depended on it. And that only made him more resolved that all things could change no matter how dismal it may appear.

Sean was in his chair and as he started to stand to allow Spike to sit, Spike ran hand down the back of his head and told him to stay. Instead he took a seat at the end of the couch pulling Buffy’s feet onto his lap and slowly started to massage them. The strained silence was for him to break. They were waiting to hear his pronouncement. He waited until a commercial came on before reaching out for the remote that Raven was wielding with all the power she could. Reluctantly she handed it to him and as he muted it everyone’s attention turned toward him.

“Where have you been?” Buffy asked.

“Out and about. Went to the Edge for awhile.” And as she looked at him curiously, “Only had one, Baby. I needed to think not drown.”

She nodded and sat up still holding Elijah to her almost as if he was a shield that could protect her from any more hurt.

“My family made a decision this morning,” Spike said. “A decision that I now agree with. We fight for Buffy, and the baby and this family.”

Buffy beamed her happiness at him as the kids clapped and whistled. Spike reached out to pull her toward him, settling both her and their son against him.

“And with this decision there is going to be some changes around here.”

“Such as,” Raven asked suspiciously. She would do anything that had to be done for this family but she wanted a choice in it.

“From now until this baby is born the only thing I want Buffy to be concerned about is her happiness and health.” He kissed her temple. “Destroy your lists. Me and the kids will do everything. I told you that I wasn’t going to write for awhile and I’m not. I only have to do those appearances that were in the contract but other than that I’m here. Do you understand?”

Buffy nodded as she relaxed against him. “I won’t know what to do with myself but it sounds good to me.”

“You two okay with it?” Spike asked as he looked at Sean and Raven.

They both nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay, then Operation Safe Baby has started,” Spike said as he turned the volume back up. He never thought he would become Mr. Mom but if it would keep his family intact and Buffy safe he was game to try. As he settled back into the couch he watched his family relax around him. If anything would see Buffy through safely it would be the love of her family and that was something that wasn’t in short supply. Not around there anyway.

TBC

Chapter 16 - Halloween Pranks

October 31, 2007 11:15 AM

They lay together in the morning light that stretched lazily across the floor of their bedroom. Spike was pressed against her body while her fingers idly played through his blonde locks. Buffy stared out the window, letting the memories of these past few days drift through her conscious.

It hadn’t been easy to turn control over to her family. As far as she was concerned caring for them and the house was her responsibility, and her duty as the loving wife and mother, but they wouldn’t let her lift a finger and after a few meager protests she had relinquished her control. In only this short time, she now felt more rested and lazy than she had felt since she had been chosen.

The first day, Sunday, had been a disaster because none of them had any idea of the full scope of what she really did and even if it didn’t look like she was on a schedule she had been. Elijah had woken her from a nap at two in the afternoon and asked if she could break the rules and help him fix lunch. The others, Spike in his study, and Sean and Raven in her room, hadn’t gotten hungry yet and none of them had thought of the youngest member of the house that was forbidden to try and cook. Buffy after ascertaining where everyone was, and while holding Eli’s hand, had stood at the bottom of the stairs and proved to anyone within earshot that she was Dawn’s older sister by giving out a screech that probably woke the first few rows of the dead outside their backyard. When the others had run to find out what was the matter she had turned Elijah over to them and returned to her nap.

Sean had been the one to rescue the house and its humble members from total ruin by fashioning a spreadsheet of duties and responsibilities after interviewing the only one who had any clue exactly what it took to keep them all alive and healthy. Although they had all contributed by doing chores and such, none of them fully understood, what it was to run a household of that size and copies of this spreadsheet were now posted all over the house as Buffy returned to her retirement.

Boredom had been chased away when Spike had returned from a trip to the mall with every current magazine, best seller (excluding his own), and book on pregnancy and birth that was available. She had laughed gently at him and said if she read all that then she would probably still be reading by the time the baby was in college. But she had appreciated it, as she did all their efforts to keep her safe and happy. All of them allowed her to choose what she wanted to do and only came to her with small requests, mostly of time or token gestures, to make sure she knew she was still needed.

Time with Spike had taken on new meaning in these last few days, too. The period of not wanting to touch him had reversed itself with a vengeance with a need for reassurance that their love was stronger than anything else. Their physical desire rivaled that of when she had come back from Dallas and they couldn’t even pass in the hallway without giving even a minute caress or lingering look of a soon-to-pass rendezvous. The only way either of them was happy in these days was if they were naked and wrapped around each other as they were now and even more preferable was if he was inside of her.

And for the past few nights that was how they went to sleep, still joined as if the connection could ward off any evil force that would try to separate them. She just last night had teasingly whispered in his ear, “No demon or hell god would dare attempt to defeat your penis in a battle to possess my body because you leave no room for entry.” Which had only swelled him to epic proportions again and sleep had been chased away in their need for the other.

And in his attempts to care for her and everything in their lives plus valiant efforts to discover what was happening to her, Spike had found very little time to sleep. In his almost human state it was already beginning to catch up with him and there were blue smudges beneath his eyes marring the perfection of his face and when she had woken this morning she had let him sleep.

The children had protested her entry in her kitchen again but she had smiled and said, “It’s what makes me happy”. Besides this was their first Halloween together, their first somewhat major holiday, and she wanted to be there. To make sure that Elijah had his cookies for the class party and that Raven and Sean had the treats they had prepared for their own class celebrations. She had driven them to school, so the moment could linger a little longer, and they could plot strategy for their trick-or-treating activities for later and the small family party planned afterwards. The warm glowing feeling couldn’t even be chased away when she had come home and found Raven had called her father to let him know what Buffy had done.

As she had come back through their bedroom door and found him waiting for her, she had decided that this constant hovering over her shoulder wouldn’t be gone until the baby was born, and that she wouldn’t let it bother her. While those cerulean eyes watched her, she had quickly stripped to nothing again, and flew into his waiting arms. It was then that she had whispered of what she had wanted to give him. It was a decision born in the middle of the night when everything was clearer and more serious than in the dancing light of day.

Things in this time of inactivity had become more lucid and she had realized that in the next few months that literally, her mind, her body and her very life would lie in the hands of the one she called husband and she knew that she had to make a sacrifice on the altar of trust. To prove that she had no doubts that he would make the decisions necessary with reverence toward her and the love they shared.

So, to honor this trust she offered the last vestige of purity that her body still had to him. Unsure of her motives at first he had refused but once realizing that it was an act of bonding to take away the last barrier between them, he had finally accepted. He had taken her final virginity with a patience and gentleness that had left her humbled by his love. And in the aftermath they had both lain weeping and trembling as they held each other.

This was something that no other man had come before him in and she knew she had broken him once again by the knowledge that she could love a creature such as him. She had comforted him when it was over as they knew that there was nothing that had been unshared between them. Their bodies and their blood and their very souls had been mingled until there wasn’t a part of them that hadn’t been tainted by the touch of the other.

Wherever there was one there were now the impressions of the other upon them and she could now finally relinquish control to the fates with no doubts. If even the form that she now had would be lost, inside of Spike there would always be pieces of Buffy that could never vanish, and she knew that as long as he was there so was she.

So, now, she waited for him to waken again, time was short and she wanted to play some more before the children returned from school and the house became busy with activities.

“Spike,” she whispered as she kissed him amongst the curls that were now riotously twisted around her fingers.

“Umm?”

He shifted again as he stirred to life against her leg and Buffy tired of waiting, rolled them until she was straddling him, and his hands moved almost of their own accord to her hips to steady them in a protective gesture. Her lips moved across his as she brought him from the cradle of sleep and back to her.

“I want to take a bubble bath. Do you want to join me?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled as her tongue swept through his mouth almost choking him in her demand for occupancy.

“Carry me,” she giggled deciding she wanted to play helpless invalid to his masculine nursing skills and he didn’t fail her as he swept her up and took her to the bathroom.

After much deliberation on the variety of bath products and seeing that it was Halloween, apple scented bubble bath was liberally mixed with the water before they climbed in. They settled across from each other, their toes languidly caressing the other’s bottom or hips or in his case his foot settled between her legs so that he could play amongst her curls while she smiled seductively at him.

For awhile neither spoke but it was finally, Spike who ventured them back into the world of reality and away from the dreamy like quality of their morning.

“What was Eli talking about to the baby last night? You said he communicates with him, what do they talk about?”

“Last night he was talking about Halloween and all the plans we have.” She sighed softly, “I’ve asked him if the baby says anything back to him but he tells me that’s silly because the baby can’t talk yet. He says he knows if the baby is happy or sad though.”

Spike didn’t ask it but she already knew what the question was.

“Still nothing about the baby being bad or anything,” Buffy said quietly. “He says sometimes he feels like I am not all there but it’s like a light that is getting dimmer.”

She shrugged and they let it drop again. They were back to waiting again; waiting for a new clue or a new incident or for someone to find something that hadn’t already been explored. Wesley and Fred were still looking into the soul sharing theory while here their friends and family were divided into physical cause’s research and mystical cause’s research. But in the Blood household they were into living as much as possible in as short of time as possible in case there was no more time left to them.

Spike opened his arms and Buffy moved through the water until she was lying with her head on his chest and his arms closed in a vice around her. This time she let the warmth of his body and the heat of the water lure her into a short nap. Once they left the embryonic confines of the tub, the day would only be busy and she wanted these few moments of having him to herself before it was time to share again.

~~~~~~~~

He watched from his reclining position on the bed as Buffy and Elijah discussed his costume. She was making the last alterations before the big event of trick-or-treating. Eli was chattering about his day at school and the party they had. He told them smugly that he had gotten awe struck silence when he announced he lived on cemetery grounds.

His parents laughed as Buffy freed him so she could do the actual sewing. The child immediately ran to his father and bounced on his stomach.

“Hey, and did you tell them that you lived in the house where they used to hold funerals,” Raven teased from the doorway.

“They did?”

Eli’s eyes had grown wide in the thought that dead people might have once been in the house where he lived.

“Don’t tell him things like that?” Buffy scolded. “He’ll have nightmares.”

“Reality in this place will give him nightmares anyway,” Raven said as she plunked down on the bed next to her father. Sean finally moved into the room and took a seat at the edge with his feet hanging over the footboard.

“So, what are you being tonight?” Sean asked. “You’ve kept it a secret from us.”

Elijah laughed, “I’m a vampire. Like Daddy. I’m Dracula.”

“Dracula’s not real,” Raven scoffed.

“Well, he was until your Mum finished him off,” Spike stated slyly.

Buffy gave him a dirty look but he was enjoying the stunned faces of their children as they all turned to stare at his wife.

“Seriously?” Raven asked.

“Yep, she dusted him. But that was after she let him bite her.” Spike turned to look at her but she was trying to concentrate on her task and avoid the conversation around her. “Show them the mark, honey.”

“Stop it, Spike.”

“You killed Dracula. Whoa, Mum, that has got to be in the Slayer’s hall of fame.” Raven said.

“Where were you?” Elijah asked. “Did you help Mummy?”

“No, I wasn’t around. Mummy was dating the little Soldier boy then.”

“Jealous much, Dad?” Sean finally chipped in. Since he realized that it was all right for him to call them Dad and Mum, he hardly ever talked to them without using these titles. It was a way to remind himself that he was now secure.

“Oh, why don’t you ask him who he was dating that year?” Buffy raised her head with her eyes dancing in mischief. “His choice was a lot more…pathetic that year.”

“Who?” Raven asked.

“Harm? Yeah, she was pathetic.” Spike said to Buffy before turning back to the inquisitive gazes of his children. “Old schoolmate of your Mum’s who was turned on Graduation Day. A real bimbo.”

“Actually that wasn’t who I was referring to.” Buffy interrupted.

Their eyes met and as Spike broke the connection with pain clouding his face, Buffy stood and came to sit beside him on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she kissed him on the cheek. “That was a low blow.”

“It’s okay.” He glanced back up with a slight smile. “Make fun of my desperate need for you.”

“What are you two talking about?” Raven asked.

“Nothing,” Buffy said. “It was just the year that I wasted running from your father.”

Before the conversation could go any further the doorbell rang and Raven and Sean ran to see who could answer it first.

“Dad,” Raven called. “We need you down here.”

Spike followed by Buffy and Eli ran down the stairs to find a delivery man standing at their door.

“You Mr. Blood?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve got a delivery for you. Will you sign here?”

“Who’s it from?”

The man shrugged his shoulder. “It’s listed as anonymous as to the sender. The package is coming from someplace in Chattanooga, Tennessee.”

Everyone froze when they heard the state of origin.

“Can I refuse it?”

“Uh, I guess you could but it’s alive and I don’t know how long it would sit or what would happen to it back at the airport.”

“It’s alive. What is it?” Raven asked.

The delivery man returned to his truck and brought back an animal carrier and put it down on the porch. Spike motioned his family back as he went to inspect it. Inside the carrier was a small, whining puppy that started to scratch at the door when it realized someone was looking at her. When everyone else heard the sound, they rushed over to check it out. Raven opened the door and as the puppy came bounding out, overjoyed to be free, everyone cooed as they began to play with her.

“I guess you won’t be returning it then?” The man held his clipboard out and Spike reluctantly signed for the animal.

A package was handed to him before the delivery man bounded away leaving Spike with a new addition to his family. He emptied out the package and found papers for the puppy and a small card. He slit the envelope and pulled the card out. A shiver ran down his spine as read the note. “She is especially for you. A small orphan that needs a home. I hope she cheers you up.”

“What is it?” Buffy asked. “Is it from that…from her?”

“Not who you think. It sounds like it’s from Drusilla.”

His gaze returned to the puppy playing with his children and realized that the small animal resembled Sunshine, the puppy that Drusilla had once brought to him when he was an invalid. Leaving his wife confused, Spike headed into the house to make a phone call. His first call was to Angel and he lamented the fact that he had called his Grand-Sire more in the past month than he had in years.

When Angel answered the phone, Spike immediately told him that everything was fine but wanted to check on Drusilla.

“Why?”

“Because a puppy was just delivered from an anonymous sender and it looks like that wretched animal that Dru brought to me that time I was in the wheelchair.”

“What puppy?”

“The one we ate one night as a snack and she cried about it because we had taken away her sunshine.”

Angel laughed, “Oh, God, I remember now. You think Dru sent this dog to you?”

Spike read the note to him and told him that was pretty much what Dru had said when she brought the dog.

“You remember that?”

“I’m not the one with two personalities. It’s easier for me to remember these things.”

Angel ignored the dig with a moment of silence. “Drusilla is still secure. I talked to them only a couple of days ago. Besides do you really think that she would go and purchase a puppy and arrange to have it delivered to your home? Her modum operandi would be more likely to come to Sunnydale, kill an owner, steal the dog and leave it tied up on your porch.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. It just was like seeing her again.”

“I know.” Angel agreed. “What are you going to do with the beast anyway?”

“The puppy? It’s a Shih Tzu from the paperwork,” Spike replied absently as he sorted through papers that had come with the animal. “I don’t know I guess we are keeping it. The kids and Buffy are in the kitchen trying to feed it something.”

Angel started laughing and apparently couldn’t stop.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Spike heard the phone drop as Angel continued to laugh.

“What the hell is going on?” Cordy asked as she picked up the phone.

Spike heard Angel say in the background through his laughter, “Spike has a dog now.”

“You have a dog now?”

“Yes, we have a dog now.” Spike ground out.

“I can’t believe it. What’s next? Sweater vests and a pipe? Spike, you need to stop watching those old shows.” Cordy joked.

“You know it’s really too bad that you feel that way. I ordered those sweaters. Two of every color.”
Spike said and then hung up the phone. It was times like this that made him wonder why he was even trying to have a truce with them because it never really changed this game they played.

“Hey,” Buffy said from where she was leaning on the doorjamb. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Spike replied while he ran a hand over his face. “I’m going to call the police and then Max. Have him check into it too. I don’t think anyone is going to look into it on that end. Maybe his connections can help us out.”

She nodded.

“Hurry. The kids and I are going to start getting things ready.”

”I will, Baby.”

He watched as she turned and left him. It was surprising that this time she was taking another ‘gift’ so well after the bloodlust of the last time. Maybe whatever lingering doubts had been lost in the new level of trust she was giving him or maybe because the puppy was just too minor of a thing in the wake of everything else. Spike sighed and reached for the phone. It was time to get business out of the way so he could return to the family festivities that were planned.

TBC

Chapter 17 - Tricks and Treats

October 31, 2007 5:15 PM

Chaos was once again the ruling king of the Blood household. It was filled to capacity as the family arrived in droves to celebrate the holiday. Raven and Sean were both in costume already, playing to their heritage as a fairy and brownie, allowing them to feel in the spirit yet be themselves. Aidan and Elijah were having their makeup applied by the two teens. Aidan had chosen to go as a clown, giving his father the shudders every time he looked at him while Jessy had chosen to go as Snow White thus relieving them of any heavy make up to prepare her. Benjamin was in a Winnie-the-Pooh suit while Jacob was dressed as Eyeore.

Spike leaned back against the counter surveying the room filled with their family as everyone chattered and Xander was beside him marinating steaks for the adults and making hamburgers for the kids. His eyes briefly settled on his wife, dressed in a long denim skirt and a red thermal shirt, her face devoid of makeup and her hair pulled into a pony tail and decided that she looked more beautiful than the day he had met her.

She was busy talking to Tara and Willow when the back door opened and Dawn and Josh came bursting into the room. Apparently Josh had been chasing her as he reached out and pulled her back against him. His reason was the huge bag of candy that she was carrying and when Giles hollered at them to settle down, they immediately apologized and looked chagrined. And in the midst of all this, the new puppy, now dubbed Candy Corn, was running from one pair of shoes to the other looking for attention. Spike had told the kids that Candy Corn sounded like the animal should be in adult films to him but they had ignored him and the poor mutt would forever be a porn star to him.

Raven and the Scoobettes, as the younger Scoobies were now called, had volunteered to take the children trick-or-treating, to give their parents a break but Anya, Willow and Tara were going along just so they could be involved. Benjamin still too young for going out was now relaxing in a swing in the corner of the kitchen while his parents sat at the table.

Buffy had decided to stay at home but followed the crowd down to the end of the driveway to watch them on their way. She smiled as Elijah walked happily holding onto Raven’s and Connor’s hands while they went to their first house. Sean walked with Aidan while Jessy hung back with the women.

As she turned to make her way back to the house, Clem’s car pulled into the driveway beside her.

“Hi, Buffy, how are you?”

“Doing good, Clem. You still going to pass out the candy?”

“Yep, that’s why I am here. Your own personal demon to scare the kiddies.”

They both laughed as she waited for him to park the car so they could walk into the house together. Buffy hadn’t realized how much she had counted on the demon until he was no longer living in their house. The growing family was just too much for their friend and when Connor had needed a roommate it had seemed like an ideal situation. She also knew that the house held memories of Faith and it still hurt him to think of the Slayer.

“I miss you,” Buffy confided. “It seems like college days when I think of the three of us sharing space.”

“I miss you guys, too,” Clem said as he wrapped an arm around his friend’s shoulder.

They climbed the back steps and into the kitchen. Clem’s eyes grew wide when he saw Candy skid across the floor to check out the newcomers. As the puppy sniffed at him then barked, the demons eyes fell in disappointment.

“Gee, I thought you had a kitten for me as a treat.”

“I don’t think my kids would like you munching on their pet.” Spike said.

Clem shook his head as he stared at his old friend. “You used to be such a demon now you’re hardly recognizable.”

The room was silent for a moment as Spike chose to ignore the comment. His eyes immediately sought his wife for everything to be put back into perspective for him and found her gazing at him in a questioning stare.

“But I’m a happy man,” he stated to answer both Clem and Buffy.

With only a nod to acknowledge his friend’s comment, the demon turned his attention to Dawn and Josh sitting at the table with Kate and Giles.

“So, I heard you two got back into class with the little demonstration you all pulled.”

“Yeah, we did.” Dawn answered. “There was enough attention that they had to reinstate us or suspend everyone from the club so it was reinstating us that won.”

“I think the soldiers have pull with the dean or something.” Josh said. “Either that or someone in charge is a soldier.”

“Probably the latter,” Giles commented.

The others nodded their head in agreement but before further any conversation could take place the phone rang. Spike answered it, told the person to hold on, and then let everyone know that Max had called him back and he would be in his study for a few minutes. They watched as Spike left the room and a moment later Buffy pulled Kate upstairs with her for a few minutes to ask her some personal questions concerning her pregnancy.

~~~~~~~

Spike leaned forward on his elbows while Max reassured him that he would have the puppy’s breeder checked out and see if they could garner any information to help with finding the stalker. So, far Max was about the only one who didn’t find the new addition to the household amusing. He actually thought that it would be good for the children to have the animal around.

Spike turned his head slightly when he heard someone step into his study, his eyes opening wide when he saw that it was Dawn, and a sick feeling settled in his stomach as she started to close the door behind her. When their eyes met she looked nervous and stopped the door before it completely closed. While he finished his conversation with Max she wandered restlessly around the room and then stopped when she heard the phone clicking off.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hey, what’s up?” He answered as he leaned back in his chair, throwing his feet up on the corner of the desk. Hopefully, she would take this as him not welcoming any alone time with her just yet and that she would keep her distance.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be in here but I just wanted to ask about Buffy.”

She danced around a little and then her hands slipped into her back pockets as if to keep them from doing something that she would regret and he relaxed a little. Conversation about Buffy was feasible and definitely welcome if it meant that Dawn was going to help.

“She’s doing okay for now. No more incidents since the mall and she’s been relaxing, too.” Hoping it wouldn’t sound wrong, he added, “Dawn, it would be good if you could be around more. She could use the company.”

Their eyes met and Dawn nodded enthusiastically.

“I wasn’t sure…”

“How I would take you being around?” Buffy’s voice startled them and as they turned to look at her, she softly shut the door behind her. With a deliberateness born of confidence in what she was doing, Buffy went to Spike, bent over him and kissed him thoroughly and passionately, before standing again. Her hand ran gently across his shoulder before she made her way toward her sister. “Don’t you just wish you could do that?”

Dawn’s face had taken on a pink tinge as she had watched the couple kiss. Her sister’s question raised guilt that appeared in her eyes, telling on the young woman’s former fantasies, that yes she did wish she could do that.

“You can’t have him, you know?” Buffy asked. Her fingers ran through her sister’s hair, playing with it before hazel eyes met pure green eyes. “He’s mine.”

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dawn bluffed. Her eyes looked over Buffy’s shoulder to Spike, silently pleading for him to help her.

Spike came toward them, stopping behind Buffy with his hands on her waist. “Buffy, come on, nothing was going on. Leave her alone.” He looked up at Dawn. “Go on. Get out of here. We’ll be out…”

“No,” Buffy said as she clutched her sister’s arm. “Stay. Please. We need to have a little girl talk but you don’t mind if he stays, do you?”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Oh, the wiles that we women use to entice men. That is what you were intending wasn’t it?” Buffy laughed softly as she ran fingers down a soft cheek. “You are so young and innocent still but yet so,” she cocked her head slightly, “exacting. You came in here to ask about me. The sisterly concern. ‘Oh yes, Spike, I’ll do anything to help out. What do you need? Do you want me to bend over the desk?”

“Buffy, stop it,” Spike warned. “She didn’t mean it that way.”

Tears gathered in the younger woman’s eyes as she tried to leave again but found her arm still grasped by the determination of the Slayer.

“Yes, she did. The hands in the back pocket pulls the blouse taut over ripe young breasts still perky in their youth and the button opened just so the shadow over the cleavage invites you to wonder what it would be like to travel into its depths.”

“Stop it, Buffy.” Dawn cried. “I didn’t come in for that.” She struggled against her sister’s grasp as Spike tried to loosen Buffy’s hand. “I didn’t. Please. Let me go.”

Buffy pulled her closer for a second, “If you persist, I won’t hurt you. I’ll let you have what you want. The cruelest pain of all, let you have a taste of what you want, and then you can’t hold onto it because I’ll never let him go.”

She released Dawn and watched as she ran from the room. Releasing the tension in her, Buffy leaned back into Spike’s arms while she laughed softly. Her hand reached up to stroke Spike’s cheek.

“You were too cruel, Pet. She didn’t deserve that.”

“And you enjoyed every moment of it.”

Her laughter grew as Spike didn’t say anything for a moment. She was right, a small part of him did enjoy watching Buffy fight for him, and the demon applauded the cruelty that was almost evil in origin but the man in him knew that Dawn had been devastated in her embarrassment and he didn’t want his Niblet hurt like that. It almost made him wonder what it would do to the relationship between the sisters because he hadn’t known that Buffy knew of Dawn’s attraction to him.

Spike turned Buffy around, grasping her face between his hands as she encircled his wrists with her own small hands.

“Buffy that was malicious. You really hurt her,” he said slowly as if speaking to a child. “She didn’t deserve that. Her intentions were to help you not seduce me.”

He watched as his Buffy seemed to fight to the surface again. The coldness that had been her only a moment ago, crumpled inward, and her eyes filled with tears.

“Oh, God, what did I do?” The green eyes, filled with anguish, shuttered closed as tears broke through and slid down her cheeks. “It was like someone else was in control, taking my feelings and acting on them. I couldn’t stop myself.”

Spike gathered the petite body of his wife against him as she sobbed both for the hurt she had caused her sister and the loss of her own self. It was beginning to feel like he was living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, never knowing from one minute to the next how she would be.

“I need to go and find Dawn. To make sure she is all right.” Spike said as he eased Buffy away from him. She seemed a little calmer and when she nodded, he kissed her forehead and turned to find Dawn. Her earlier words began to seep into him, taking my feelings and acting on them, was there a cruel part of Buffy he didn’t really know, or did she mean they were acting on her jealousy and expanding on it? Later, when things weren’t so complicated he decided he would ask.

~~~~~~~

They were sitting silent, slowly swinging, on the back porch when Spike found them. Josh with his arm around his wife, trying to comfort her for something that Spike was sure he didn’t know. The vampire came to lean against the railing and stared at the wall instead of looking at the tearful face of his sister-in-law.

“Dawn, she didn’t mean it.” He said softly.

“Yes, she did. Somewhere she did.”

“Buffy would never deliberately hurt you no matter what her feelings on the…situation.”

Dawn didn’t reply only sniffled and hid her face behind her hand.

“Is that what this is about?” Josh said. “Buffy finally called you on your feelings for her husband. It was a bit much to be alone with him after declaring your feelings. It kind of pissed me off too.”

The other two turned to stare at the young man in astonishment.

“You know?” Spike asked.

“Yeah, I do.” Josh laughed bitterly. “She’s my wife. I think this might be the best thing. No one is denying that we know anymore and we can get it all out in the open.”

“There is nothing to get out in the open,” Dawn ground out.

“Well, maybe not for you, but maybe Buffy and I, hell, possibly even Spike, we still have to deal with the fact that you have feelings for your sister’s husband.”

“It’s over, whatever you think was going on, is over.”

Josh ignored her and turned his attention to the now very uncomfortable Spike.

“I have one question.” And when he received a raised eyebrow in return, he continued. “Do you have any intention of following through on this? I mean do I have to worry about the feelings being returned and that you and my wife might decide to have an affair?”

“God, Josh, shut up,” Dawn said. Her eyes flickered between the two males, as her humiliation deepened even further. There wasn’t even a moment of titillation that Spike might say yes. And it was then that she realized that she had finally let go of whatever those emotions once were.

“No, we deserve to have whatever catharsis that we need.” Josh replied and then returned his attention to Spike. “Well, do I?”

“No, you have nothing to worry about. Dawn is my sister.”

Spike watched as the young man seemed to visibly relax with his answer and he wondered if their relationship was ever going to be the same. He tried to figure out an excuse to get out of there and when Kate poked her head out, he wanted to sing the Hallelujah chorus.

“Dawn, Buffy wants to see you for a minute.”

“Oh, just fucking great,” Dawn said but she stood and made her way inside. It was just what she wanted, another run in with her slightly deranged sister. Halloween was turning out for Dawn what Buffy’s birthdays were to her. Next year she vowed to stay home.

As the door banged shut behind Dawn, it opened again and Xander, followed by Giles came out, giving Spike another reason to sigh in relief.

“Thought we’d get these puppies cooking. No offense to Candy.” Xander said as he flourished the platter of meat around. “Me, I’m starving.”

“Sounds good, man, sounds good,” Josh said as he and Spike went to join the other two males around the grill.

Giles was carrying some extra beers which he handed to Spike and Josh before sitting on the top steps.

“Another lovely holiday on the Hellmouth,” Giles imparted. “Hopefully, the dead,” he gestured with his bottle toward the graves, “will stay dead and we can at least go home intact tonight.”

~~~~~~~

Buffy watched as the children rounded the corner of the house, their bags overflowing with treats, and the adrenaline forcing them in kinetic games of tag around the back yard as the fathers tried to get their attention. She heard Dawn enter the room and without turning around, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s all right,” Dawn answered.

She turned and made her way toward her sister, and when Dawn visibly took a step back, Buffy stopped, resting her hands on the back of Spike’s chair. Slowly, she smoothed the material down as she tried to decide how to approach this.

“Spike never betrayed your confidence or any of your talks,” Buffy said with a glance up at her sister to make sure she believed her. “I think in some ways I’ve always known but when we did the ritual I knew for sure then. Seeing you through his eyes.”

Dawn nodded. “Thanks, it’s good to know that he didn’t.”

“He should have though. Secrets between people who are married aren’t good, Dawnie.”

Their eyes met in a clash of will but Dawn lost as her eyes returned to the floor. No matter how understanding her family was, it was still her fault.

“It would be good to have you around more. I could use the company and maybe we could get close again.”

Dawn smiled, “Yeah that would be good. Are you coming back out?”

Their talk was through and when Buffy replied that she would be out in a moment, Dawn headed for the door but as she was opening it, Buffy stopped her.

“Just remember though, Dawn,” Buffy’s voice had returned to the coldness of before. “I meant what I said if you decide to pursue this.”

A chill ran through the former key as she hurried out toward the noisy confusion of the backyard. A thought had occurred to her in her talk with her sister and she wanted to speak with Giles. He was still sitting on the top step with Spike beside him. She sighed softly and went to kneel beside them.

”Giles, can I speak with you a moment?”

The two men looked back at her while Spike asked if it had to do with Buffy. She nodded her head.

“Talk then,” Spike said.

“Look, it’s just a thought and I may be totally off base here,” Dawn said and then quickly looked over her shoulder to make sure Buffy wasn’t coming out before she turned back. “Did we ever think about the ritual? I mean, I remember Giles saying that it caused insanity in some people. What if it did something to Buffy and it’s just starting to show now?”

Both men sighed simultaneously as their gaze returned to the children and the puppy playing in the yard.

“I guess I’ll add that to the list of things to be researched,” Giles said.

“And now if the dead will only stay dead…” Spike added.

TBC

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