Chapter 18 - Pillow Talk

October 31, 2007 9:45 PM

Willow opened the french doors and stepped out onto their patio that overlooked the garden. She inhaled, letting the multitude of scents wash over her, calming her confused senses. It was here in this place of tranquility that she found her well of patience replenished. Ever since her bout into the blackness that dwelled deep within her, she had never had the patience that she once did, but surrounded by this beauty and with Tara behind her, she could stand strong against the negatives that lived in her.

“Jacob is asleep,” Tara said softly behind her. Her footsteps padded across the patio until she stood beside Willow. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes, of course…no, I just,” Willow said, her mind unable to focus on the words she wanted to say. She hesitated and looked into the well of her lover’s eyes and breathed deeply. “I was wondering once again if we, if I, did the right thing by bringing Buffy back.”

“Willow, of course we did. I know that things have been rough for her, especially that first year but look at how full her life is now.”

“And she may be losing it by going insane.” Willow retorted. “That first year we knew she wasn’t mentally strong and somehow Spike pulled her out of it but now it seems she is losing the battle.”

“We don’t know anything for sure, Sweetie, and until we do we can’t make judgments.”

“I know,” Willow said as she reached for Tara’s hand. “I just feel that she is my responsibility. She is just so trusting that we’ll always come through and fix everything. And sometimes I wonder if we have borrowed enough time and good luck.”

“I refuse to believe that,” Tara answered as she moved behind her lover and wrapped her arms around her. “Everything is fine, she is going to have a beautiful baby and they are going to live happily every after.”

“Always the optimist.”

“Someone has to be and speaking of babies.”

Willow turned her head slightly, “We were speaking of babies?”

Tara laughed softly, “I was thinking that maybe now would be a good time to start thinking of having another.”

This brought Willow out of her arms as the witch turned to look at her wife. Green eyes searched Tara’s for sincerity, and then she smiled when she realized that Tara was.

“You want another baby?”

Tara nodded. “If you agree then I was also thinking… that this time you carry the child.”

“Me?” Willow squeaked. “Oh, no, I’m not the carrying, well actually, the birthing kind.”

A kiss was placed on the red head’s mouth, and then another one as hands brought her closer to Tara’s body.

“What I was thinking, was that” another kiss, “if you combined your genes with someone who is similar to you then the baby would be a” another kiss, “very intelligent child with a penchant for magic.”

Willow giggled, “Are you saying that Jacob isn’t intelligent?”

Tara pulled her gently back into their bedroom, “Yes, he is but I think that you need to fully experience the magic of motherhood.”

As they fell back onto the bed, Willow raised up on her hands, a large smile dancing on her face, “You know this isn’t going to conceive a baby?”

“Yeah, I know but it might put you in the right mood.”

All else was lost as Willow claimed her lover’s mouth in a passionate agreement that maybe motherhood might not be such a bad proposition.

~~~~~~~

Two doors closed within seconds of the other and Xander and Anya met in the hallway, relieved smiles on their faces.

“Operation sleeping children successfully done for another night,” Xander said as he raised his hand for Anya to high five.

“And now to the second mission of the night,” Anya said as stepped closer to Xander and her hand wandered along the muscular planes of his chest, “orgasms.”

“Yeah,” Xander’s pulled his more than willing wife against him and let his hands move purposefully down her back to the swell of her bottom, squeezing the softness of her cheeks “sounds like a lovely idea.”

Anya took a short hop so that she could wrap her legs around her husband’s waist while her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him to her in a kiss. Their lips began their teasing as Xander carried Anya into their bedroom. From years of practice, he never had to open his eyes and could concentrate on the things Anya could do with kissing and still bring them slowly down onto the bed without breaking lip or hip contact.

As he ground his erection against her, Xander broke away from her mouth and trailed kisses along her jaw.

“Stop, Xander,” Anya said as she went totally limp below him.

“Huh,” Xander mumbled against the spot she liked sucked right below her ear. “What are we stopping for? “He pressed himself against her again. “I’m ready.”

“No, you’re not. Now get off.”

Xander found himself unceremoniously dumped on his back as Anya scooted away.

“What’s up?”

“Well, you’re penis for one but the rest of you is somewhere else. I want total concentration from you for the maximum orgasm experience.”

“And where was I? Besides with her…” Xander realized his mistake and ran a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, An, I’m just worried about her.”

“I realize this. This is what friends do. So, let’s talk and get it over with so we can pursue more pleasurable things.”

Xander sat up, followed his wife’s example by sitting cross-legged across from her, his hands plucking at their bedspread.

“And I’m more worried about him. Okay, not in a girly way or anything but he is my…”

“Best friend, after me. The first male best friend you’ve had since Jesse. And you don’t want to lose him or do anything that would make you responsible in the event that it would happen like you felt you were with Jesse.”

He laughed softly as once again his wife cut through everything right to what was really bothering him.

“If he loses her, I don’t think he’ll be able to hold it together. And I know how she feels but she is risking everything for this baby.”

“Xander, until males carry the offspring, they will never feel the power that comes from pregnancy; the power of carrying a new life especially if it is created from a very deep love. There is no way Buffy is going to give up that up. And I agree with her. She deserves and has fought very hard to get impregnated. She shouldn’t have to give it up.”

“I know. I just don’t know what to do. I want to fix everything.”

A tear rolled down his face as he felt the total inability to take care of his friends and the fear that he would lose them because of it. Anya wiped the tear away.

“Xan, we can only do what we can.” Her tone was soft and gentle, a state that she could only achieve for him in moments like this or with her children. In the times that called out to the maternal side of her. “We take of what we see needs to be done without stepping on their toes. We’ll start having Eli over one or two afternoons a week after school and letting him spend the night on the weekends to give them a break.”

“Yeah, Spike said she was worse when she was stressed or tired. You sure it’s okay with you?”

“Of course, it may have taken years but I finally feel that she is my friend, too.”

A sly smile crossed the man’s face as he recalled earlier times.

“And of course Spike has always been you’re friend.”

“It’s the demon thing.”

Now a chuckle came from him.

“Yeah, and you had better watch it. Like with what happened with Dawn tonight, could happen to you. Buffy knows exactly what you and Spike were up to in those days.”

“You two were being total asses to us and we were lonely and hurt and God is he hot.” She finished with a different look on her face and Xander laughed louder.

“Oh, yeah, do you still think about him sometimes when I’m making love to you?” Xander asked as he leaned over to kiss her on the shoulder but Anya playfully shoved him back.

“Like you don’t think about Buffy, like the night you came back from the Bronze and were telling me that Spike took nudie photos of her. Got you’re motor going, not that I minded, I got six orgasms out of it but still turnabout is fair play.”

Xander slowly walked his fingers along her thigh, “You know, Baby, if you’re fantasizing about him and I’m fantasizing about her…”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t we fantasize together?”

Suddenly Xander found himself on his back with his ex-demon on top of him.

“Ravish me you big, bad vampire.”

“Slayer,” he slurred in a really bad English accent as he rolled his giggling wife below him.

~~~~~~~

Kate leaned against the railing of the crib watching her baby sleep. She gently stroked his cheek as she whispered her thanks for having him.

“Everything all right?” Rupert asked from the doorway.

“Yes, he’s fine.”

There was a slight hitch to her voice that brought her husband quickly to her side. His hand softly stroked her shoulder then ran down the hair that fell halfway down her back. She sighed under his caresses and leaned against the safety of his body. Here in this room was the majority of her world. The man she thought she would never find and the baby that was a gift that she never expected.

“I’m sorry, darling, I just feel so lucky,” she whispered. “And I hurt so much for Buffy. The poor girl has been through too much already and it’s not fair that she has to bear this.”

“Yes, it doesn’t seem quite fair, does it? That we have been so blessed with Benji and she has to wonder if her child is a demon or worse.”

Rupert’s arm encircled her waist bringing her closer to him and she returned the gesture until she held him tightly against her.

“They look at me like I betrayed them.”

“Do you still feel the same?”

Kate laughed softly, “As a doctor, I still stand behind my advice. It’s the only way we can properly take care of her right now but as a woman, it rips my heart out.”

She began to cry as she looked at her son, so innocent, sleeping on his back and knew that she would make the same choice as Buffy. Sometimes blessings could be disguised as heartache and they could only hope for the best.

“Come on let’s leave him to his sleep. Would you like to go downstairs? I could make us some tea.”

She followed willingly when he took her hand and led her from the room. “Actually Rupert, I want you to make love to me.” When he chuckled and changed directions to their room, she smiled and took one last look at their son, and knew that she wouldn’t rest until she found a way to help a young woman across town that for once deserved a break.

~~~~~~~~

The room was quiet except for the sound of drawers slamming shut as Josh packed a duffle bag. Dawn stepped from the bathroom, her eyes widening when she saw her husband, her mouth fluttering open and shut in disbelief.

“Where are you going?”

His eyes closed briefly in the knowledge that he was hurting her. Something he had never done before in all the years he had known her. He had spoiled her and now it was like his feelings and his pride didn’t even matter.

“I’m going to go and stay with Connor and Clem for a few days.”

“A few days? Are you coming back?”

Josh straightened and through the pain, took in his wife’s tears that were beginning to trail down her face, and somehow resolved not to back down on his decision.

“That will depend on you, I guess. I love you, but tonight, it just shook me.”

“I’m sorry, Josh, please don’t leave,” Dawn cried. She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him, almost purring in relief when he held her back. He buried his face in her hair and wept too. “I never meant…”

Suddenly she was alone again as he backed away. “You never mean, Dawn, it’s always someone else that caused it or made you do it. You react and you’ve never learned that you are hurting yourself as much as others. And I hurt too much right now to take care of you.”

“It’s you I love not him.” Dawn said. “No one understands. No one. And I hate it.”

“Hate what? That you couldn’t have him?”

“No, that no one understands why I put him on such a pedestal.”

Josh grabbed his bag and zipped it hurriedly. “I don’t care why, Dawn, not anymore. I know you love me but I need to protect me for awhile.”

“Don’t leave, please, Josh,” Dawn grabbed and held onto his arm. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He turned and left her crying alone and it ripped through his heart like nothing he had ever done before. He knew he would be back, Dawn was all he had ever wanted, but he needed to breathe for a few days and make sure that Josh was still okay.

~~~~~~~

October 31, 2007 11:15 PM

“Oh, hurry up, Dad,” Raven muttered. Her ear was pressed to the door as she listened to Spike in the bathroom. It took another couple of minutes before he left and moved across the hall. As soon as the door closed behind him, she raced down the hall, and into Sean’s room. Her hand was over her eyes, just in case he wasn’t dressed or something.

“Sean, can I open my eyes?”

He laughed softly at her dancing around in her pajamas and her hand across her face.

“Well, I don’t know. I’m naked but it’s nothing you haven’t seen before?” He joked. Although he had on sweat pants and a t-shirt, he couldn’t help but tease her modesty.

Her hand came down as she giggled, “It wasn’t really nakedness I was worried about.” She moved to crawl across his bed before she plopped down beside him. With a long history of mutual comfortableness they settled close to each other for one of their talks. “Do you think Mum is going to be okay? Eli keeps saying the baby is good but what if the others are right?”

“I’m not going to think of anything but the best.” He paused for a moment then offered with quiet resolve. “Everything is going to be fine. It has to be.”

Raven took his hand in hers and squeezed before pulling it onto her stomach.

“I’m sorry. Tomorrow after school, let’s go rent some movies and we’ll cook dinner.”

“Sounds good, I think anything we do to help out is appreciated. Do you ever feel that sometimes they don’t even notice we’re here? I don’t mean that like that they don’t care but…”

“That they got lost in each other; like they are the only two people who exist in the world.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Sean nodded his head to accompany his verbal agreement. “It’s hard to watch sometimes.”

“We can only hope that we find love like that.”

For a moment they remained quiet as they reflected on the home that they now found themselves residing in. It was a miracle to them that they had managed to find a home together. Their friendship had stretched over their lives and the time apart had been hard on both of them.

“So, who are you taking to the fall dance?” Raven asked to change the subject.

“I’m not going.”

The girl rolled onto her side so she could gauge her friend’s expression. It was a blank mask that left her clueless as to why.

“And why not? I know of at least ten girls that would love to go with you.”

“And I don’t want to go with them,” Sean answered as he continued to stare at the wall, hoping that she would read between the lines but when she only stared at him, he sighed. “Raven, there is something I need to tell you but I’ve been too afraid to.”

Her hand rested on his arm and stroked it gently.

“You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything,” she whispered.

His eyes closed briefly then turned to look at her. “Even if I was gay?”

Her brows furrowed together as she shot up and turned to sit so she was facing him. “What?”

“It’s fairly simple. I’m gay. Homosexual, queer…”

“Yeah, yeah, got the idea, but how long? And why haven’t you told me before.”

“Always, I guess but I really only accepted it in the past few months. And I was afraid you wouldn’t love me anymore.”

That was the crux of it. He was afraid that she wouldn’t be his friend anymore and he couldn’t handle any more loss. If this didn’t work then he had no where to go.

Raven burrowed down into the bed beside him, “I’ll always love you, Sean, you’re my friend and that’s not going to change. Besides I suspected.”

He laughed softly, “How?”

“You haven’t made any moves on me since you got here.” Raven pinched him gently, “And face it, I’m hot and you have to be gay not to try with me.”

They both giggled as they settled down in each other’s arms. Their conversation continued late into the night before Raven left and when she finally returned to her room, their friendship was deeper than when she had gone down the hall earlier.

~~~~~~~

Spike stepped through their bedroom door and for some reason this night he felt like he had stepped into a new dimension. Nothing was out of the norm, his light still glowed on his side of the bed, and the two fans continued their droning noise as they blew air around the room, and his wife lie on the bed. She was motionless, on her side, her hands tucked beneath her chin while she faced away from him and a sheet was pulled so that it barely covered her ass leaving her naked back exposed to his view. He felt his cock tighten in anticipation, it had learned in the past few days, that any gaze upon her would most likely lead to him being buried somewhere in her body. Eagerly and quickly, or leisurely and slow, whatever, wherever there was privacy, and whenever, she wanted him as voraciously as she was craving certain foods these days.

He removed his clothes and as eager as his body was, his soul was reluctant and his mind unsure of whether or not they wanted to be as close to her as they would have been earlier today. Once he was nude he crawled into his side of the bed, drifting under the sheet, no higher on him than on her, his arms crossed behind his head as he stared at the intricate ironwork on their bed that formed the top. The top that at one point or another had found one of them tied to it and what once was a tightening was now an increasing hardness. He sighed and turned to finally look at her.

“Do you ever long for the days when you were more demon than human?” she whispered as she continued to stare out the window.

“I’ve told you, Pet, that I don’t have any regrets.”

“That wasn’t what I asked. Do you?”

“Sometimes but not very often.”

“Thank you.”

His hand, of its own violation, reached for her but froze in mid-air at her next question.

“Do you ever long for the days when you could act without guilt?”

His hand flopped to the bed only inches from her.

“Why the questions?”

“I know it shouldn’t but I enjoyed hurting Dawn like that.” A momentary pause before she sighed. “I’ve wanted to smack her for a long time. I mean really just smack the shit out of her but it was always the consequences, the knowledge of guilt to come that prevented me.”

“No worry about hurting and alienating you’re sister?” He couldn’t help the sarcasm tinged with slight fear that came through in his voice.

“It’s always the consequences, the guilt that stops us.” She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. Her own voice almost emotionless in its execution. “The feeling deep inside of us that tells us that it is wrong like you’re soul has a voice. The knowledge of guilt that prevented me from staking Angel when I knew I should, the consequences that prevented you from taking my life that night, guilt that kept me from Richard’s bed and guilt that pulled you from her bed. To be able to act without that voice, without the soul must be beautiful in its own way. To be able to take pleasure where you want, to exact vengeance without looking back and to take without worries that must be an addiction that still beckons at you even now.”

“And when you finally find that voice again it eats you from the inside out. Buffy, don’t romanticize evil. Because that is what you are talking about and if you let it tempt you or give into it for even a moment, you’re life will never be the same.”

“And therefore that’s where the guilt comes in, for hurting someone who dared to encroach upon my territory even if only in her mind, what right did she have for even thinking of touching you?”

“It’s more complicated than that, Love.”

“Why is it? She hurt me and I hurt back.”

“Love, it changes everything. And in the end you do love her, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she whispered as she rolled onto her back, her gaze coming to rest on his face, while she lay on his hand that hadn’t moved. “Didn’t say I wanted to be without guilt. Just was curious. Clem got me thinking and I guess as I went through the night it became more.” A smile danced across her face for a moment before retreating. “Yeah, before you ask, I really did want to hurt her but I’ve been angry with her for a while now and we kept tiptoeing around it without really talking about it.”

“Do you feel better now?” He extricated his hand out from under her and propped himself up on his elbow to look down at her.

This time she laughed as a flush covered her face.

”No, I feel like shit for hurting her and that’s why I was asking about the guilt.”

“Good, if you didn’t I’d be calling on some people to find that annoying soul of yours that I love so much.”

Her fingers ran across his face.

“Only my soul or does my body come in there somewhere?”

“Now that you mention it, I think you’re body is definitely loved, especially by my cock.”

She pulled the sheet from him and smiled at his erection, her fingers ran along the length.

“I have a treat for you tonight,” Her eyes returned to his, “well, for your demon, can he come out to play?” When he hesitated, looking at her inquisitively, she asked again. “Please?”

He switched to game face and when she cooed in delight, he smiled and moved closer to her.

“My treat?”

Her hand slipped behind his head and pulled him down toward her neck.

“I asked Kate and she said that you could bite as long as you only take a little.”

“Demon likes treat,” he whispered before he kissed the softness of her neck and as she pressed herself to him, he allowed his fangs to enter the flesh he craved so much.

TBC

Chapter 19 - Cravings

November 17, 2007 2:07 PM

Strawberry, Grape or Boysenberry? Buffy waved her knife over the three jars of jam on the counter, and she licked the left over peanut butter off the knife while she mulled over her decision. She shrugged her shoulders and systematically put a dollop of each on the bread, creating stripes across her sandwich. Yep, three sandwiches in one. Definitely of the good. Right, little one? Buffy thought as she put the two slices of bread together and regretted she hadn’t thought of the stripes when choosing smooth or crunchy peanut butter. We could have had six in one.

She returned the assorted jars to their proper places, wiped the crumbs up, wrapped her sandwich in a paper towel and headed back to the living room. Everybody is busy, means I get control of the remote for once. But as she passed the basement door, she could hear the thud of a body hitting the mat and then Spike’s frustrated sigh. Uh-oh Raven is screwing up. So, she headed down the steps, taking a seat halfway down and settled into watch the action. Spike glanced up at her and smiled as she took a huge bite of her creation. It was only a little over an hour since they had eaten lunch and she had eaten hers and half of his. She shrugged as she returned the smile and then licked some jam off the corner of her mouth and saw him roll his eyes.

As Raven and Connor faced off again, the couple turned their attention back to them. Since she couldn’t be involved in the actual physical training of their daughter, they had talked Spike into letting Connor help her train. Being evenly or better matched for her Slayer abilities, he was the logical choice to help and this was their first session. The two young people circled each other, then Raven tried to kick Connor’s legs out from under him but he caught her leg and knocked her on her butt again.

“Raven, you need to concentrate. This is ridiculous.” Spike bit out.

“She’s fighting like a girl,” Buffy contributed.

“Well, gee, Mum, I am a girl.”

“No, you’re not you’re a Slayer, act like it.” Buffy said. “Connor, why are you here?”

The three standing on the mat, looked up at her, and Buffy could see if they were wondering if she was having a moment.

“I’m fine, people, just trying to help.”

“I’m here to help Raven train,” Connor answered, “to help her get stronger and faster.”

“Raven, why are you here?”

“To train,” Raven answered almost flippantly.

“Anyone want my opinion or do I go watch a movie?”

Raven rolled her eyes but Connor and Spike waited for her to continue. Obviously, they knew where Buffy was going with this and both of them had been too uncomfortable to say anything and looked grateful that she was going to handle it.

“Connor, don’t give her any slack. Keep it tough and at full strength. Spike, you need to quit thinking of her as your little girl. You’re training a Slayer, not your daughter and if you don’t get on her ass, she is going to get killed out there.” Buffy waited a moment, took another bite and swallowed before turning her gaze on her daughter. She knew what she was going to say was going to hurt Raven but it needed to be said. “Raven, quit trying to show Connor how cute and giggly you are. If he is anything like your father, the better and harder you fight him the more you’ll tu…impress him. If you want to be a Slayer sometimes you have to quit thinking of yourself as a woman and just become a machine. Now try it again.” When Raven hesitated clearly embarrassed. “Now, Raven.”

Blue eyes met her mother’s hazel ones before nodding. This time Raven was on her game and the sparring between Connor and her was more intense. Spike hunkered down and gave Raven pointers on her kicks and jabs. After a few minutes Connor wrapped his arm around her neck, but she reacted by wrapping her foot behind his ankle and took them down to the ground. She landed sitting on his stomach and she brought her fist against his thigh, instead of what her actual target would be and as he rose up in pain she brought her elbow back and into his nose which instantly started to bleed.

She scrambled off of him apologizing profusely as he held his nose.

“Head back, Connor, come on,” Buffy said as she popped the rest of her sandwich into her mouth.

With Connor in the lead, Buffy followed him upstairs as Spike called a halt and began to fold up the mats. In the bathroom, Buffy took a washcloth and held it the young man’s nose then waited for it to quit bleeding.

“Are you showing now?”

“Not really. My jeans are too tight so I am starting with the stretchy clothes. A lot more comfortable especially since I’ve gained about ten pounds now.”

“It doesn’t look like it.”

“Thanks,” Buffy smiled as she lifted the washcloth. “It’s stopped. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

She got a new washcloth and wet it before wiping the blood off of him. She knew that he hadn’t had a lot of nurturing in his life and wanted to give what she could to the young man who was becoming important to her. Knowing that he turned out ‘normal’ even though he came from two vampires gave her hope for her own baby.

“Go upstairs to Spike’s dresser and get yourself a clean t-shirt. It’s okay.”

Buffy sighed as she watched him leave. Her hand softly ran over the slight swelling of her belly and smiled. Even with the sporadic spacing out and overly enhanced emotions, she still had faith that everything was going to be fine.

She made her way to the kitchen to find Spike on the phone.

“It’s Xander. He wants to know if we want to come over for dinner tonight then Eli can spend the night. They want to discuss Thanksgiving while we’re there.”

“Sure, no problem. Find out what they want us to bring. And Connor is coming with us. I haven’t asked him yet but I’d like for him to be there.”

She kissed her husband on the cheek before heading for the refrigerator again. As she rummaged through the contents, Spike finished his conversation and came to lean over her.

“Eating again, Love?”

“It’s not that I’m really hungry. Just want something and haven’t found it yet.” Buffy sorted through the pudding on the shelf. “Hey, who ate the last vanilla and chocolate swirl? I had dibs on it.”

Laughing Spike kissed her on the back of her neck while his arm encircled her waist.

“Why don’t you just take a vanilla and chocolate and mix them together?”

“It’s not the same,” Buffy responded as she grabbed a chocolate one. “So, what time are we supposed to be there and what are we bringing?”

“Five-thirty and Anya is making lasagna. So, they said nothing.”

“We’ll stop and get a bottle of wine.” Buffy said as she took Spike’s hand. “Come cuddle with me.”

She led them into his study, closed the door behind him and pushed him down on the couch. He smiled up at her as she put his legs up. Then when he was stretched out she straddled him, leaning down to kiss him while her hands pushed his shirt up and out of her way.

“My two favorite things to have in my mouth are you and chocolate.”

Slowly she spooned the pudding across his chest and stomach, taking the time to fill his belly button to capacity, and then with a smile began to lick it off of him as he lay back waiting impatiently for the time she would undo his jeans.

~~~~~~~~

They were all gathered in the Harris living room watching the end of the movie that the younger kids had picked out. Raven, Sean and Connor were playing cards in the corner while Anya was sprawled out on the floor with the kids. Buffy was curled into Spike’s side, alternating feeding them from a dish of ice cream. Xander was stretched out in his recliner sleeping. He had fallen asleep almost a half hour before and his occasional snores had everyone laughing.

Suddenly he shifted in his chair and his hand flew up then flopped back into his lap. Everyone’s attention was drawn to him as he squirmed and made a moaning sound.

“Oh, God, Buffy,” Xander muttered and everyone stopped laughing. “No, please, Buffy, don’t.” He twitched again and screamed. His eyes flew open and he looked quickly around the room. “Where’s Buffy? Is she all right?”

“Yeah, she is,” Spike responded. “But after the moan fest and calling my woman’s name, you might not be.”

His friend looked around the room, looked Buffy over and ran his hand over his face. “I’m going to get a drink. Be right back.” He was clearly embarrassed as he stood and headed for the kitchen.

“Spike, go talk to him and be nice,” Buffy said.

“Am I ever anything else?” Spike replied as he stood and went into the kitchen. When he walked in Xander was leaning against the sink gulping a glass of water. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So, you dreaming about Buffy?” Spike asked as he put his hands in his pockets. He looked around the room instead of looking at his friend.

“Not like you think, man, it was totally, nothing, but it wasn’t like that.”

Spike nodded, “So, explain to me.”

Xander wiped his hand over his face again. “I was dreaming that she was like full term and she was lying on the dining room table.” He stopped for a second when Spike’s eyes opened wide and chuckled. “And her stomach started moving and then this alien thing popped out of her stomach. It was like totally…” **

“Gross. I’ve had the same dream myself, actually.”

They both laughed as they relaxed again and Spike moved to lean on the counter next to his friend. In light of everything that they had been researching and fearing, the dream seemed a natural process, especially considering how many movies with that scenario they had watched over the years.

“Sorry, for scaring you there.” Xander apologized.

“No, problem just thought you had the hots for my wife for a minute.”

“No, of course not, no such thoughts of the Buffster would ever cross my mind.”

Spike turned a raised eyebrow toward his friend because he was protesting a little too much. It was at that moment that their wives walked into the room.

“What thoughts of me?” Buffy asked.

“Fantasies of you,” Spike said as he enjoyed the embarrassment that he was putting the other male through.

“Really, never? Oh, because Anya had said something the other day about just that thing,” Buffy said while exchanging looks with Anya.

“And just like Xander says he’s never thought of you, I’m sure that Spike has never thought of me,” Anya said.

This time both eyebrows raised as Spike stared at the two women. They had to be joking about this and he didn’t even dare look at Xander, who he could feel squirming next to him.

“You know, An, if they are fantasizing like that,” Buffy said while her eyes raked over Xander. “Maybe I should take Xander home and leave Spike here and we’ll get together for brunch tomorrow and compare notes.

“Good idea,” Anya agreed as they turned and walked back out of the kitchen.

As they left the two men could hear them discussing which restaurant to meet at the next day.

“They’re joking right?” Xander asked.

“I hope so because I’m not going to go for it. Nothing against Anya.”

“With you there, buddy, talk is one thing but no, I don’t think so,” Xander said as he led the way back into the living room.

The two women were now talking about maternity clothes when they came back in and none of them brought it up again. A short while later, Spike cleared his throat and said that it was time to leave. As he walked out the door, Buffy’s hand firmly clasped in his, he didn’t notice the wink between Buffy and Anya, as they smiled about their little joke.

~~~~~~~~~

For once the house was totally quiet. Elijah had happily stayed to spend the night with Aidan. Connor had taken Raven and Sean to the movies leaving only Spike and Buffy at home. And, of course, Candy Corn who was sleeping on Spike’s chair in his study. The last time Buffy had looked, Spike was on his computer talking to Xander about the plans for the attic. It had already been cleaned and chalk outlines were drawn where everything was going to go. The materials had been ordered and the two men were outlining what they were going to do in what order.

Buffy had slipped away upstairs to take a bath and to slip into some pajamas. Now, clad in her favorite pair (the ones adorned with kittens) she headed toward the kitchen intent on finding something else to eat. She had tasted everything in sight all day and still hadn’t discovered what her body was craving. As she opened the refrigerator door she sighed, knowing the contents hadn’t changed and she doubted she would find anything that appealed to her.

This time however something caught her eye and with a look around to make sure that Spike was still in his study, she pulled it out and put it on the counter. Hesitating, she ran a finger over the lid before popping it open. Okay, just a taste. Find out and then go from there. She told herself to work up the nerve, and then a finger dipped into the thick liquid before bringing it to her mouth. Her tongue flicked out and tasted it. Tears formed in her eyes as she realized that this was what she had been hungry for. Blood.

She contemplated whether to heat some up and hide to drink it but the thought of drinking the pig’s blood made her shudder in distaste. She wanted it warm from a body and her mind flashed back to the few times she had tasted Spike’s blood and knew that was what she wanted. Salivating at the thought, she licked her lips and put the container away before turning toward the study.

~~~~~~~~

He and Xander were playfully arguing over what type of bathtub they needed to order for the attic bathroom and he chuckled as Xander insisted they needed a tub for four. Anya had confessed the plotting that she and Buffy had done about the swapping joke and now the two of them were carrying it to the fullest extreme that two men could. Of course, it helped that they were on the computer and couldn’t see the other’s face as they joked.

Buffy entered the room and came over to him. He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her down onto his lap. Squeezing her gently, he laid his head on her shoulder as she snuggled into him.

“I’m hungry,” she said.

“Again, Love? Do you want me to go and get you something?”

Her hand cradled his cheek and turned him to face her. A tear slipped down her face as she ran her thumb over his lips.

“No, Spike, I’m hungry.”

She drew her other finger along the vein on the inside of his wrist and he closed his eyes for a moment as it clicked what exactly she meant. He nodded and reached over to type in that he had to go. After the computer was shut off, Spike picked her up and carried her over to the couch. He settled her across his lap and pressed his lips to her, and for a moment they allowed themselves the connection.

“Are you sure?” He asked when they had drawn apart.

“Yeah, I tried to drink the stuff in the fridge but…”

“It’s okay, Pet, you and the baby need the fresh stuff.”

She only nodded and he switched to game face. His heart ached that it had come to this for her. It had to be the baby that was creating this need and he watched the intense concentration on her face as she watched him. Her tongue darted out as he bit into his wrist so that the blood would flow freely. After taking a swallow to make sure that it was flowing he held his arm out for her. Tenderly she took his arm in her hands and pulled it toward her. She slowly licked the blood that had escaped down his flesh before fastening her mouth around the puncture wounds. Softly she began to suckle at it as he settled them a little more comfortably.

He only hoped that this wasn’t a constant need because he knew he couldn’t feed her properly from him. And it wasn’t just tasting or part of a sexual game that she was doing now. It was feeding and he only hoped that he would be able to satisfy her without hurting himself. His fingers softly played through her hair and knew that he would do what he had to do to keep her satisfied and was grateful that the chip was now deactivated.

TBC

November 21, 2007 5:15 AM

Spike was falling through space. His hands flailed about trying to find an anchor… when he felt hands on his waist. Buffy’s hands, soft and strong and he knew he was safe. Relaxing in the knowledge that all was right with his world, he allowed himself to slowly come awake as Buffy stroked his flesh. His hand tangled in her hair as she rained kisses across his abdomen before raising her head and his free hand was taken by hers. It was nothing but a small tensing through his body as she nibbled on the puncture wounds.

“Do you want me to open them for you?” Spike asked as he ran the silky strands of her hair through his fingers. Each day since the first night of her feeding she had desired less blood until yesterday when she hadn’t drunk at all. The decision taken out of his hands on how to handle her if she needed constant nourishment. He had chosen not to let anyone know what had happened. She was feeling like a freak enough without putting her on display even more. If she had reached the point of not needing more then it was mute.

“No, I am just drawn to them.”

Like a Childe drawn to her Sire’s blood and he couldn’t suppress the shudder that went through him. Each day was a new change, a subtle difference from the woman she used to be. The cruel displays of emotion, the forgetfulness, loss of time and now added in the last week, the feeding and nightly wanderings. In the last few days she had taken to only sleeping in short naps and she would wander through the house in the middle of the night and he would find her downstairs playing video games or watching television or sometimes just sitting on the couch. Compliant like a child she would follow him back up the stairs and curl into his side until the next time she woke. And he was afraid that she would slip into one of her moments and leave again.

Buffy had returned to raining kisses down his body while her hands stroked the way. His mind was too filled with other things to lose himself in her seduction and finally she realized that even though his body had responded, he was somewhere else. She gave up and came to lie by his side.

“Talk to me.”

Spike turned to look at her with a smile that wasn’t really filled with gladness. It was an attempt to give her reassurance that he was still there and would always be there. But she knew in that way she did and unhurriedly her fingers traced the planes of his face.

“There is nothing to say because there isn’t anything wrong.”

“Other than your wife is going insane.” She quipped as she tickled his side, causing him to jump and chuckle. His smile faded and then an intense sadness flooded his features. “It’s all right to joke about it, Baby, and its okay to tell me if it’s too much for you.”

“It’s the family thing tomorrow, probably. Still not used to these big events with all the human desire for eating turkey and stuff.”

“Not you’re holiday, I know but it will be fine.” She grinned mischievously. “Maybe we could get a bear to make it more festive for you.”

He swatted her bottom. “Funny, very funny.”

“But you were so cute screaming, ‘undo it, undo it’.”

“Yeah, and that’s the day I found out you had a thing for bondage, tying me in that chair.”

She giggled and crawled on top of him, as his hands ran along her thighs and over her bottom. For a moment they just smiled and gazed at each other before he rolled them over. The sheet tangled around her legs as she wrapped them around his waist and pulled him down to kiss her. As his tongue eased into her mouth he entered her slowly and she curled up to receive him. For a long while he stayed motionless while buried inside of her, enjoying the intimacy of being joined and they kissed repeatedly, allowing the new day to bring a reminder of the connection between them. Finally Spike started to rock slowly, giving the stimulation they needed to complete the act and she cried out in his ear as he opened the bite on her neck and drank from her bringing them both the fulfillment they needed.

They stayed entwined enjoying the peaceful post-coital awe they still felt after making love and allowed them selves to be drawn back to sleep, content to be held in each other’s arms.

~~~~~~~

Buffy wouldn’t leave. They had been standing in the front hallway since Dawn had arrived to pick her up which had been almost ten minutes ago. Spike finally put his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward the door but she slipped out of his hands.

“Are you sure you’re going to be all right?”

“I’m fine, Buffy, go shop, have lunch, discuss baby stuff, buy baby stuff. Just go.”

Dawn giggled at his side and without thinking he looped his arm around her shoulders. They both froze for a second but the sight of Buffy chewing her lower lip and looking for another excuse not to leave him home alone made them relax.

“Okay, fine, but call me if you need me.”

“Of course, I will, Pet.”

Buffy gave Spike a quick kiss before walking out the door and Dawn moved to follow her but Spike turned her toward him and hugged her tight. It felt almost natural to be affectionate toward her again. Like the wounds had been completely cleaned of any festering poison the night Buffy ripped the scab away. There was nothing left to hide or secrets to keep and Dawn had returned to being his Niblet again.

“Call me at any sign of trouble,” he whispered in her ear and then kissed her temple before releasing her. She smiled at him before nodding and following her sister out. “Have a good time and I’ll see you two later.”

He waited until the two women were in the car and pulling out of the driveway before he dropped the curtain. Whistling he made his way toward the kitchen and within fifteen minutes had the stereo blasting at a level he would have punished the kids for, a plate of snacks by his side, Candy curled in his lap and his hands on the controller playing his favorite game. For the first time in a long time he was alone in the house. The tension drained away as he felt no pressure to be alert to anyone else at the moment. For the next four or so hours he could do anything that he wanted to do and he was determined to enjoy it.

Almost two hours later when the doorbell rang, he muttered an expletive and paused his game, picked the dog up and headed for the front door, promising death to anyone that was ignorant enough to interrupt his day with anything trivial. Spike yanked the door to find Max on the doorstep. His face must have shown his irritation because Max took a step back.

“You want me to leave?” He asked and then looked down at the animal cradled in Spike’s arm and smiled. “So, is this Candy Corn, the new sensation of the adult film world?”

“Yep, this is the little bitch, here take her,” Spike dead panned as he handed his pet over. He smiled as Candy made another conquest as she wiggled and licked his friend’s face. Max began to make cooing noises and speaking baby talk to her. “You want to watch it there, mate, she does belong to me.”

“You already have a woman. I don’t.”

Two pairs of blue eyes met and Spike knew why Max had shown up a day early. Something had happened to the burgeoning relationship between Max and Fred. Doing the only thing he could, he gave up the rest of his morning of alone time and stepped back so the other man could enter. It didn’t take them long to decide to head to Willy’s for lunch and some male bonding. They settled into a booth and ordered a couple of beers and hamburgers. Until now they had only made small talk, both waiting for this time of no interruptions before beginning the heavier catching up.

“What brings you to Sunnydale a day early?”

After taking a long drink of his beer, Max sighed.

“Fred is in love with Wesley. So, I left to give them time to adjust to her sudden enlightenment and subsequent outburst about said revelation.”

“Uh oh, and what brought on this almost biblical change of heart.”

“Him catching us making out in Angel’s office,” Max supplied as he began to peel the label from the bottle. “She got all flustered and out it popped. And I’m alone again naturally.”

“Tough break.”

“It’s okay. Wasn’t in love with her yet and she deserves to be with someone who can give her everything. I can’t. And I know that. So, this holiday weekend, may I beg to be the weird uncle who sleeps on the couch?”

Spike laughed, “You’re always the weird uncle and the couch missed you. Are they still coming tomorrow?”

“Nah, decided to be alone. The only ones coming from LA is Angel and Cordelia. And did you know he’s a little touchy about people being on his desk? Or is just me?”

The picture of Max and Fred on Angel’s desk and his Sire’s reaction to the whole scenario made Spike laugh even harder. The poof was probably acting all self righteous about it when he had probably used it a few times himself.

“It’s Angel, believe me.”

The waitress brought their sandwiches and conversation halted for a moment while they started eating and then Max looked back up as he waved a french fry around.

“I heard that Dawn and Josh broke up?”

“Well, temporarily. They have decided to date awhile.” He smiled while Max rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s what we thought too but when you think about it. It’s not really ridiculous. They were living together at sixteen and haven’t been separated since. Maybe a little time apart and a little effort to see each other might just make them see what they are missing.”

“True. And how is Buffy doing?”

“Good days, bad days and days when you don’t know from one minute to the next but she’s remaining optimistic which all her doctors say is the best thing for her. Right now she and Dawn are out shopping for maternity clothes. She’s got this little pooch thing going on that’s really adorable.”

A grin lit up his face as he talked about her and it reminded him that not everything was centered on her ‘illness’. And he made a decision that he was going to enjoy as much as he could and try to lose the stress. It was beginning to depress him and he knew the others were feeling it too.

“I’m glad for you, Spike, I really am. Things are going to work out.” After he took another bite of his burger and gotten it chewed and swallowed, he looked over at Spike again. “I went to go check out the puppy breeder.”

“And?”

“Nothing, well a little but not enough. Woman showed up, blonde, driving non-descript car with Georgia tags, night time, said she needed a puppy. Described what she wanted and had cash on her. The guy gave her the dog and took the money. Didn’t even bother to get a name or address. Jerk.”

“Another dead end in the SB mystery.”

“SB?”

“Yeah, Buffy nicknamed her.”

Max shook his head at this friend. “That’s not good. Nicknames lead to a comfortableness that can lead to sympathy which leads to not taking things seriously enough…”

“Max, SB stands for slut bitch. Don’t think it’s going to endear her to anyone.”

Eyes dancing, Max smiled. “Buffy is getting a cruel streak to her. Not sure if I admire it or want to mind my p’s and q’s around her.”

“I know the feeling,” Spike agreed. “Should probably do both just to stay on the safe side.”

Both men laughed and turned the conversation to more banal matters as they finished their lunch. Spike was relieved to have someone a little more objective around as they talked. Maybe they would get through this holiday unscathed.

~~~~~~~~

Even the loudest volume on the remote couldn’t drown out the screaming coming from Dad’s study and Raven kept trying to make it go higher. She was huddled into Max’s side and Sean into hers as they tried to ride out the storm. She kept praying that Elijah would continue to sleep through the fight but if they kept this up, pretty soon things would start breaking.

“I’m sorry,” Max said. “I just didn’t think of talking to Spike first.”

“Not your fault,” Raven answered as finally something crashed and broke.

It was such a simple suggestion and it shouldn’t have come to this. But her overwrought parents had finally reached their limits. All Max had said was, “Let’s go play some pool.” Mum had taken to it like a starving woman since she had pretty much spent the last month cooped up in the house. Dad didn’t want her out in public in case she slipped into one of her episodes and Mum had accused him of being embarrassed to be seen with her. And it had escalated into a major fight from there. There were screams about Drusilla, and doing too much, and cooperation until finally the study door banged open and the three on the couch jumped in unison.

“Come back here, Buffy.”

But Mum was on a run toward the front door, turning slightly so she could watch, she saw Buffy pick up her purse and rummage through it. Raven winced because she knew what was coming next.

“Where are my car keys?” Buffy asked and then turned to rummage in the basket for Spike’s keys and they weren’t there either. “Where the fuck are the keys to the cars? Even the spares are gone.”

They were hidden in a place that only Spike and Raven knew. And she hated having the burden of that and what she knew was the next thing that would enrage her mother. Buffy started to punch the code in to turn the alarm off and when it beeped the message that the code was no longer valid, Raven gave up watching and hid her face against Max. Let him be the look out.

“Buffy,”

“Quit calling me Buffy, damn it. You only call me that to be condescending. Message gotten, I’m an incompetent woman that you have to take care of. Well, quit trying to be my warden and my keeper and my nurse. I don’t need it. I don’t want it.”

“I only changed the bleedin’ code so that if you wander off in the middle of the night, I would know it.”

“Screw you,” she screamed as she pulled the door open and ran out.

The alarm started to beep its warning and she heard Spike punching the codes in.

“Stay by the phone in case I need you,” Dad called out and she told him she would as he followed his wife.

“Great fucking holiday,” Raven muttered before she burst into tears and hated herself for being selfish.

~~~~~~~~

Spike followed Buffy down the street, not really trying to catch her, just watching as she moved at an almost run and when she hesitated at the corner, he ran to catch up.

“Buffy, please, stop.”

“Why should I?”

They faced off and he gave up and told the truth.

“Because I’m too knackered to chase you all over town and tomorrow’s Thanksgiving and the kids shouldn’t have to deal with us fighting.”

Then she was in his arms and both of them were too weary and heart sick to even cry as they huddled together.

“I’m just trying to keep you safe,” he whispered as he nuzzled her hair.

“I know,” Buffy answered. She hated that he had to watch her and she knew it was going to get worse; soon she would become nothing but a burden to everyone around her and that thought terrified her to no end. “Let’s go home and try to have some fun with the kids.”

And neither completed the sentence. Leaving off the ‘before it’s too late’.

TBC

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