Chapter 24 - Night Dreams

November 28, 2007 10:55 PM

Pulling the blanket tighter around her, Buffy settled into Spike’s chair in his study. Her sigh was as soft as the night and as deep as her love for her absent husband. She ran a hand over the small bulge of her stomach while dialing the phone with the other. Earlier Spike had called to talk to the children, and they had excitedly told him they were staying up to watch him on television and then without thinking had told him about the addition of Delores to the household. By the time the phone had been handed to her, she could feel his anger bristling through the phone wires. He had curtly told her that he loved her and for her to call him after he had gotten back to the hotel. In a way she hoped that he wasn’t back at the hotel yet and she could leave a cowardly message that she had been obedient and tried to call but that she was really tired and would talk to him later. Unfortunately, fate wasn’t going for that because he answered on the first ring, barking out a hello that made her wince.

“Hey Baby, how did the show go?” Buffy asked, hoping to head off any chance of an argument.

Spike chuckled softly and sighed. “I felt like a bleedin’ fool up there and probably looked it too.”

“I’m sure you did fine and the kids are all excited about watching their Daddy on the TV.”

“I miss you and I miss them.”

His voice held all the loneliness he was feeling being so far away and Buffy wished she was there to hold onto him.

“I’m feeling the same way.”

“So, what happened?”

Spike switched gears so fast that Buffy had to think to remember the calm speech she had prepared so that he wouldn’t be too upset on the change of plans.

“Its fine, Spike, everyone was uncomfortable being here and I was uncomfortable having them here. Delores offered and I hired her.” There was a deep sigh on the other end and she knew that he was running his hand through his hair before lying back on the bed to gaze at the ceiling. “Everything is as fine as can be and nothing for you to worry about. Having her here is actually great; she’s fixing the meals and cleaning up. The kids listen to her and everybody is actually relaxed.”

“I’m three thousand miles away so I’m going to trust that you made the right choice, Buffy.”

Buffy chuckled at his imparting wisdom. “Nice to hear that after all these years you feel that way.”

“Bitch.”

“Yep, that’s me. So, Baby, do me a favor?”

“What?”

“Quit worrying about all the things you can’t do anything about and just think about me for a minute.”

“Yeah, and what am I thinking?”

“That I’m lying in our bed and thinking about you.”

Buffy could hear him shifting on the bed and the soft thunk of his shoes hitting the floor. She waited until he inhaled that way he did when he first wrapped his hand around his cock like it was a treasure that he had just discovered. She smiled and closed her eyes to picture him waiting for her, and concentrated on trying to make him forget about everything that was worrying him. Her words led him through the first shivers of sexual anticipation, all the way to a climax that left her needful of some attention herself.

“I love you,” he managed to get out between gasping breaths. “You do amazing things to me.” He added a few moments later. “Be right back.”

Buffy smiled as she waited for him to come back to the bed, listening to the soft sounds carried over the phone. The water running, ice clinking into a glass, the muttered curse word as Spike bumped into something and finally him settling back onto the bed and picking up the phone.

“Hey,” he whispered. “You’re turn.”

“No, I’ll wait for you to return. The tease would be only that and besides,” Buffy chuckled, “I don’t have the energy; rather lie there and let you do all the work.”

“You okay?”

He sounded worried and she quickly reassured him.

“Yeah, just tired a lot, guess my body is going through changes with the baby. The books all say it’s normal to be tired at this stage.”

“I’ll be glad when I’m home. Take care of you myself.”

She stroked the phone and blinked back some tears as the loneliness made itself known. It was crazy when you thought about it, he was only gone two days and she felt like her heart was breaking without him.

“Come home as soon as you can, I need you to take care of me.”

They talked for a few minutes more about the children and the house and whispered of their love before finally saying goodnight. And after Buffy clicked the phone off, she wept because she needed him more then she ever thought she could. And she berated herself for all the time she had wasted running from them. Now every second was precious to her because she was afraid that one day she wouldn’t even remember who he was.

~~~~~~~~~~

November 29, 2007 4:37 AM

The phone ringing was strident in the early morning hours, waking the two sleeping in the master bedroom. Without opening her eyes, Raven fumbled around on the nightstand until she found the instrument that was waking them. Buffy opened her eyes and sat up, instantly on her mind was her husband so far away from them.

“Hello,” Raven mumbled out, a few moments of silence as she moved to lean on her elbows, “hello is anyone there?”

Clicking the phone off she threw it on the bed between them and gave it a dirty look before pulling the covers over her head.

“Who was it?” Buffy asked.

“They didn’t say anything.”

“What’s the caller ID say?”

Growling Raven came back out of her cocoon, turning on the light as she wiped the sleepies from her eyes then peered at the small box in annoyance.

“Unknown caller.”

Buffy worried her bottom lip as she picked the phone up. Earlier when Spike had called the ID had said the name of the hotel so she tried to talk herself out of calling him just to check. But she remembered that it was three hours later where he was, glanced at the clock and realized that he should be awake because the book signing started at 10 AM. As she flipped the phone over to dial, it rang again.

“Hello,” Buffy answered, as her hand sought out her daughters.

“Are you her?”

“Uh, her who?”

Trying to place the voice and still trying to wake up, Buffy just played along.

“The bitch who stole my William.”

It clicked and anger flooded through Buffy’s system.

“I’m William’s wife and how the hell did you get our phone number?”

“The same way I know everything about him. From him because I’m the one, he’s supposed to be with. He belongs to me and our love that is eternal.”

“Who the hell are you? And where did you get your delusions from, K-mart?”

“Don’t fuck with me, whore. I know William is easily seduced by pretty faces but if you don’t leave him alone, I’ll make sure yours isn’t so pretty anymore.”

Buffy laughed at the woman who was trying so hard to threaten her. In that moment she felt all powerful, like there was more than just her there to fight for Spike. As if she was infused with a possessive power beyond her and it made her foolish with it’s arrogance of surety of never losing her husband again.

“Yeah, try and I’ll eviscerate you slowly so you feel a pain like you never imagined.”

SB hung up on her and Buffy laughed again.

“Mum, do you think you really should have pissed her off? Because I don’t think that was such a good idea.”

Flopping back on the bed Buffy groaned and covered her face with her hands. It wasn’t a good idea and she knew it but at the time she wanted the upper hand and to show SB that she wasn’t afraid of her.

“Okay, next time you play his wife because hey, insane over here, and shouldn’t be allowed to piss off other insane people in a fight over who has the biggest crush on the shrink.”

“Funny, very funny; you’re not insane just a little unwell.”

They both giggled, remembering an old Matchbox Twenty tune that they had seen the video for on VH1 Classics the previous day. It had become a joke among the kids to label Buffy as unwell every time she said something about going insane. Raven cuddled into her side, entwining their fingers together.

“Are you going to call Daddy and tell him?”

“No, he’s signing starts in a couple of hours and he’d only blow it off to head home. I think we’re okay for right now but I am going to call Max. Let him know and get some advice. I’ll tell Spike this afternoon when I talk to him but let him do what he needs to do without worrying about us anymore then he has to.”

Buffy stirred enough to find the phone again and to dial Max’s cell phone number. It rang five times before she heard fumbling as he clicked the phone on and wrestled it to his ear.

“Max here.”

“Hey, Max, it’s Buffy. Can you talk?”

“Just a minute, let me get out of his hallway.” There was a moment of just him breathing in her ear before he came back on, “What’s up?”

“She called the house.”

“Shit. What happened?”

Taking a deep breath and trying to stay in control, she relayed the conversation to him then told him of her decision not to tell Spike.

“Buffy, you need to call him.” He hesitated for a moment. “I agree that you all are probably fine for right now but you need to call him in case she’s in New York. It was most likely from the show last night that she found out he had a wife. It made me cringe when they talked about you. Didn’t think about warning him in advance.”

“I’ll call you back,” Buffy hung up as her hands began to shake. There was no staying in control now, thinking about this woman that might attempt to take her life away from her. Her fingers wouldn’t cooperate as the tears filled her eyes and gratefully surrendered the phone to Raven. Buffy kept telling herself to breathe and that everything would be all right as she watched Raven dial the phone.

“Come on, Daddy, answer the phone,” Raven muttered as she brushed her mother’s hair back from where it was sticking to her wet cheeks. “Hello, Daddy? It’s Raven.” Silence for a moment and then, “Yeah, like no, duh, I know, I’d better be the only girl that is calling you Daddy.” A pause before, “Look, SB called here this morning. We’re fine but Mum probably pissed her off so you need to be really careful today. Hold on.” Raven handed the phone to her mother.

“Spike, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it. I just didn’t think and I wanted her to know that she wasn’t yours.”

“Shhh, Buffy, calm down, Lamb, it’ll be okay. It’s already arranged. There’s going to be a couple of guards there. Barney already planned it. It’s more to cover their ass if something does happen and someone else gets hurt. Liability and all that. What about you all? What did she say?”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy told herself to get it together. It wasn’t doing any of them any good for her to be hysterical. She had her children to think about and Spike didn’t need to be worried about them. When she felt that she was in control, she answered him.

“She told me to stay away from you and that you belonged to her. I threatened her back and she hung up on me. I called Max…”

“You called Max before you called me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. Then he said something about me putting you in danger and I hung up on him to call you.”

“Whatever, Buffy. Look you need to call the police and let them know what happened. Okay?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“I need to go. Do me a favor and keep the kids home today? I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.”

There was iciness to his voice and Buffy could feel it down in the core of her. She sniffled as she wondered what she had done wrong. They always called Max whenever SB made a move because he had connections to keep the investigation going.

“I love you, Spike, and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, Baby,” Spike, hanging the phone up without saying he loved her.

Handing the phone to Raven for her to hang up, Buffy snuggled down under the covers and hoped that sleep would come back so she could lose herself in oblivion. They had been down this road before and it hurt that he would even for a moment think that she would choose Max over him in any respect.

The phone rang and Buffy reached over her daughter to answer it.

“Hey, I love you,” Spike said, his voice held a trace of contrition and his forgiveness was given as quickly as his return phone call. “It’s just that I’m so far away from you. It’s my job to take care of you and I don’t like anyone else doing it.”

“You’re the only one I want taking care of me. I love you, too.”

“Call him back and see what he says, okay? I’ll talk to you soon.”

Buffy knew that sleep was going to come anytime soon. Turning she tucked the covers around Raven, switched the light off and made her way downstairs. She made herself a cup of tea before settling on the couch and turning the morning news on. She called Max and he agreed with Spike’s advice on keeping the children home from school for the day. It would also give them time to put into place the tracing of anymore phone calls to see if they could find out where she was calling from and finally find the stalker.

~~~~~~~~~

November 30, 2007 1:24 AM

Once again Buffy was the only one awake. The day had given no new phone calls or leads to who the woman was. No one said it but they were afraid that she was heading to California to press her case with Spike. The children had been excited about not having school and they had all spent the day being together. They talked about Christmas and wanted to get a tree to decorate that weekend to start the celebrations. Over all it had been a good day and everyone had gone to bed relatively happy. Except for Buffy. She wandered the house in slow circles, Candy following behind as she stopped at each window, peering out, her mind playing games with the shadows that crossed the yard. There was no rest for her tonight.

When her mind wasn’t making monsters from nothing, she thought about her children, her husband, and the baby that grew inside of her. She thought about her friends and the dreams she once had. She recognized and accepted the fact that she was letting go. From the time her mother had committed her, to the catatonic state after Glory and finally to the depression that had led to her cutting Buffy had always known the day would come when she would eventually break. How many times did she have to fight herself to stay in this reality? Even now she sometimes still longed to be able to return to Heaven. The peace and contentment she had known and couldn’t find here. The closest she came was in Spike’s arms, when he was inside of her, filling her, thrusting, and pushing her to an ecstasy that no one else had ever been able to give her but it wasn’t enough. Not anymore, as the darkness threatened her.

She couldn’t admit it to anyone, the secret that she held, that one of the reasons to keep her baby was that maybe she could finally let go. It wasn’t that she wanted death or even insanity but that she wanted to find an end. The last year had taken its toll on her and everyone and she was frightened. When she sat down and thought about it, her life overwhelmed her and it was too much for her to handle. Losing her mind would give her a reason to fail and it wouldn’t be her. She could finally lay fault to something outside of her control.

These thoughts only came as she drifted through their house, where in the darkness all her secrets could be inspected; even the ones that were horrid and pushed her soul to its limit. And the ones that could never be admitted during the vivid reality of her life were frighteningly loud in the night.

They were just thoughts, whimsical almost in nature, brought on by stress and worry and would vanish in the morning light or when she looked at her children or when Spike was there. Always Spike. Her link to life now and she wanted him home to banish the weakness in her soul.

The front door closed softly and she ran through the kitchen into the hallway to see who was there. Almost like an indulgent genie had granted her wish there stood Spike; putting his bags down upon seeing her and holding his arms out to catch her. It was all right again. The depression vanished like morning mist upon seeing the sun. His lips caught hers in a voracious hunger that she matched, no hesitancy, only urgency, born from knowing. Gone were the days of ignorance of what would bring the greatest pleasure as they needed no words to find the way. There was no fumbling, falling into the kiss, second nature now, needing as little thought as opening their eyes in the morning.

Spike picked her up and started up the stairs.

“All the beds are taken, the study,” Buffy whispered, her hands cradling his cheek and her teeth nibbling on his neck.

Once there, the door safely locked behind them, they disrobed while watching the other. No time to tease as she pushed him down onto the couch and straddled him. Sinking down, taking all of him into her in one movement, she found her purpose and direction again. Gone were the desires to leave as she rode him. His arms encircled her and she leaned backwards so that she was bowed beneath him so that he could devour her breasts, sucking and biting as her fingers kneaded his upper arms, her hair flowing across his shins, reaching downward, straining to tickle his feet.

This was hello and everything she needed as they molded their flesh into one. Her soft cries as he laid her on the floor so he could have control again, her legs hooked over his shoulders, his eyes locked with hers as he drove them to find that place that belonged only to them. Spike filled her and hammered against her innermost core and she hoped he would never stop. Everything was forgotten except the beating of their hearts, the unceasing force of their coming together and the sweat that coated his chest and slid along her thighs. The smell of them filled her senses as Buffy threw her back and looked at the room upside down. Her nails dug into the carpet below her and she felt the burning across her shoulders as she was slowly pushed toward the wall by the power of his thrusts. Grunting resounded in her ears in harmonized tunes that came from both of them.

Naked and vulnerable she lost control under her husband, letting the splendor of their joining, take over her senses as her orgasm made her quiver and clench down on him. Words were beyond her as she tried to find a way to breathe again. There was wonder dancing along her nerves as she grabbed onto her anchor, staring into the depths of his eyes, cobalt in desire, and somehow she melted, lying languid beneath him as he poured his essence in her. He jerked and shuddered in his own cumming, slipping from her when it was done, her feet back on the floor and his face buried between her breasts.

Spike laughed as her hands fluttered across his shoulders.

“Hello, Baby, I’m home.”

Her giggle joined his as they accepted that this was it for them. This, their love, manifested in the physical sense, could bring the greatest power between them. It could chase away their fears, bring them joy, unite them into creatures of heaven and create life. It was their love and it was their barrier to the rest of the world. And here in each other’s arms the rest of the world slipped away as they worshiped each other.

“So, I see,” Buffy whispered. And for a while longer she was whole again and ready to fight to stay that way.

TBC

Chapter 25 - Spending Time

November 30, 2007 6:40 AM

It was another morning that Buffy lay awake waiting for the sun to peek over the horizon, giving her permission to finally rise and start her day. This morning, however, was a reluctant moving because her body was wrapped around the sprawled form of her husband. One leg was thrown over his, her toes tucked under his calf while her hand rested on his belly, enjoying the gentle rise and fall as he breathed and her ear listened to the steady beat of his heart.

Spike hadn’t fallen asleep until after three, as they had continued to make up for lost time by enjoying the pleasure of each other’s body. After they had regained their equanimity from the first session, they had pulled out the sofa bed only to find that it was broken. Spike had complained that Angel must have done it because he and Cordelia had been the only ones to have slept on it. After a few curses and a muttered threat that Angel could replace it, they had found that it being broken was actually a help to their continued games.

Buffy smiled as she remembered their passionate love making. It was like they had gone through the prerequisites of a bad porn movie, first they had done the face-to-face coupling, and since they had skipped the cunnilingus, instead of just the obligatory blow job, they decided to sixty-nine it. The bed’s continual attempts to curl up helped Spike in reaching her and to keep them from folding completely his feet pushed against the back of the sofa. His spread feet gave her the space needed to completely satisfy him with her mouth and fingers.

After they had both achieved satisfaction they had lain there, his foot resting on her belly while his toes fondled her nipple. While Spike thus occupied himself, Buffy would run her hand along his leg. They didn’t really talk, just basked in the glow of being together until he decided that one more time ought to complete their night and had attempted to drape her over the back of the couch for the finale of anal sex. Except as he moved behind her the bed collapsed beneath them and he found himself with his face against her bottom because she had held onto the back of the couch. Shaking with uncontrollable laughter they had climbed out of the ruins of the couch, pulled the mattress to the middle of the floor, and finished out with very routine, but very pleasurable, sex with her on top. Shortly afterwards, Spike had fallen asleep while Buffy had waited for the night to be over.

Now, as the sun began to light the room, Buffy untangled herself and moved about the room, shutting the blinds so Spike could continue to sleep. She pulled her pajamas on and hurried upstairs to take a long shower before the children had to be roused for school. Spending the night making love and laughing with Spike had given Buffy a renewed sense of vigor and she decided to put a little extra into her appearance than she had been. The new pair of faded maternity jeans fit snugly around her hips but was comfortable on her growing stomach and, the borrowed from Spike, black cable crewneck sweater hung loosely around her thighs giving her plenty of moving room. She ran her hand over the softness of the cashmere as she returned to her vanity. For the first time in days she applied makeup and blew dry her hair so that it hung tousled around her shoulders.

“Mum, is it time to get up?” Raven asked, peering out from underneath the comforter.

“Just about and no one else is up if you want to get to the bathroom first.”

That moved the teenager out from her cocoon as she hurried to take her own shower. Buffy laughed at the thought that poor Sean would probably have to take his shower downstairs since Raven took forever in the morning. She could hear Delores calling Elijah before moving downstairs. After giving herself one last look, Buffy hurried to the kitchen. The newest member of the household already had coffee brewing and Candy fed when she arrived.

“Just getting the tea kettle on,” Del said, smiling at Buffy.

“Thanks,” Buffy replied, heading for the pantry. “I think I’m going to make the kids pancakes this morning.”

“You’re in a good mood this morning. Wouldn’t have anything to do with the study being closed now would it?”

Giggling Buffy unloaded ingredients on the counter and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet.

“Probably does, he got a flight last night instead of waiting for this morning.”

“Dad’s home?” Sean asked, walking through the kitchen and carrying clean clothes.

“Yes, he is.”

“Cool,” Sean said. “And good morning,” he added, before going into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

After breakfast and a few complaints about not being able to miss two days in a row, especially since it was Friday, they finally got out the door. Delores drove while Buffy rode beside her in the passenger seat. They were adding Del to the emergency lists at the schools so that she could pick up the children and Buffy wanted to make sure that the elementary school was warned to be extra watchful over Elijah. Dropping Elijah and getting things settled at his school was easy. It was when they arrived en masse at the high school that things became more difficult. Raven wanted to run off to find her friends while Buffy wanted her to accompany them to the office. Clearly embarrassed and put out the teen reluctantly followed her family, tagging behind and trying to appear as if she wasn’t actually with them.

Buffy found that she still knew a few teachers they encountered on the way and made conversation, introducing her children while Raven grew more mortified. Sean just joked along with Buffy and Del because he thought it was great to have family and secretly, he was enjoying Raven squirm. By the time the chore was done and they were standing in the main hall of the school saying good-bye, Buffy couldn’t help it. She grabbed her daughter in a tight hug and kissed her on the cheek, made a joke about her behaving and made a grand exit with a smiling Del, while the Slayer swore vengeance on her mother.

For Buffy, it was turning out to be a great day.

~~~~~~~~~

November 30, 2007 3:24 PM

The room was becoming unbearably warm as it did from the afternoon sun and Spike turned over, throwing the afghan off of him while his hand searched the mattress beside him. Buffy wasn’t there and he sighed. Since the pregnancy it was rare that they would wake up together. Her nights were too restless now and he was learning to just be grateful if she stayed long enough to fall asleep with him or until he fell asleep. He forced his eyes open to look for the clock and when he found out that most of the day was gone, he chuckled. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept this long. The time of leisure was almost decadent to him and he stretched lazily and yawned. The house was quiet and no one had woken him so everything had to be running smoothly.

Spike stood, searching for his jeans and once he found them, pulled them on along with his T-shirt and headed for the kitchen. His body was demanding not only blood but food. One of the pit falls of being a hybrid and it was always which hunger was driving him the most that was sated first. This time it was for blood and he opened the refrigerator to grab a packet out. He sighed when he realized one was missing from the last time he had been home. It meant that Buffy had drunk some while he was gone and it hurt that she had to make do with reheated blood instead of being able to drink from him. Because she would have needed his reassurance as much as or probably more than she needed the sustenance from it.

Taking a packet out and draining it into a mug, he then popped it into the microwave to heat. While waiting he grabbed the note that he had noticed stuck on the frig by a silly Mickey Mouse magnet Buffy had gotten at Disneyland. He leaned against the counter and read the note Buffy had left for him.

Hey, Gorgeous,

Didn’t want to disturb you, so I left
you alone. Del and I have gone to
the grocery store. Elijah is with us
and the two teen terrors should be
around somewhere. Don’t worry.
Del has a cell phone and has been
shown all the codes in case I go
psycho while we’re gone. Joke,
smile.

All my love,

Your wife,

Buffy

P.S. The cell phone guy wants
to go ahead and set the baby up
with a phone. I think we bought
his house for him.

Spike laughed after reading it and tossed it on the counter. He took the mug out and drained it in several gulps, satisfying the most pressing need he had. Deciding to find the ‘teen terrors’ before hunting down solid food, he headed upstairs. As he reached the top of the stairs, he could their laughter and voices coming from Raven’s room. Her door was slightly ajar, so he pushed it open and the grin on his face dissipated into a scowl at the scene in front of him. Sean was sprawled out on Raven’s bed while she stood beside it, pulling jeans over her hips. Her upper body was clad only in a lacy bra and they both turned frightened eyes at him as he growled and vamped out.

“You son of a bitch,” Spike snarled, grabbing Sean’s shirt front and throwing the boy out into the hallway.

Sean hit the wall, several feet from the ground, and fell heavily to the floor with a dazed look in his eyes. But Spike didn’t notice. His emotions never unleashed before on his children were out of his control as he headed for the boy again.

“We took you into our home and this is how you repay us? By fucking Raven again,” Spike shouted.

“Daddy, leave him alone,” Raven cried, grabbing his arm.

Spike shook her hand off and he bent to grab Sean again but instead found himself on the floor a few feet away. His eyes narrowed as he stared at Raven, unbelieving that his daughter had used her Slayer strength against him. He stood, shaking, and advanced toward them again. Raven crouched beside Sean, protecting him.

“Get out of my way, Raven.”

“No,” Raven cried, her eyes filling with tears, her gaze broke from her father to look at Sean. “Tell him.”

The front door opened but Spike ignored it. He was too intent on getting to Sean and then kicking him out. At this point he didn’t care where the kid went as long as he wasn’t in his house.

“Spike, what’s going on?” Buffy called.

Spike’s glanced down the stairs at his wife but returned his attention to his children. Their fear was heavy in the air and they were both crying. Reason was starting to seep into his brain but Raven’s defiance was only adding fuel to an already burning fire.

“For the last time get out of my way, Raven, or I’ll make you move,” Spike warned.

“No, I am not going to fucking move,” Raven shouted. “You get the hell away from us.” Turning she clutched Sean’s arm. “Please, just tell him.”

If this was the way his daughter wanted it to go, then he could do it this way. Spike wrapped his hands around her arms and pulled her away from Sean. She struggled against him but her emotions were strong and that was always Raven’s downfall in a fight. Spike easily pushed her away but when he turned back to Sean, he found his wife between them.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Sean was fucking our daughter,” Spike said, trying to step around Buffy, but was blocked by her arm. He sighed knowing that he wouldn’t lay a hand on Buffy in her condition. “Buffy, let me handle it.”

“We weren’t fucking,” Raven screamed and took advantage of Buffy being there to slip past her parents to be with Sean.

“Spike, calm down,” Buffy said, her hands stroking his face in an effort to soothe him.

Throwing his head back, Spike tried to gain control of himself. He had trusted the boy. He had trusted Raven. And he knew that the fault couldn’t be laid at just the boy’s feet because Raven was a flamboyant girl and loved showing off her blossoming body. But it was him. The human in him, William born in a repressed Victorian age that still felt it was the man’s responsibility for what happened.

“I want him out of the house now,” Spike said, looking at Buffy again.

“God damn it, Daddy, where the hell is he going to go?” Raven said. “Sean, please just tell him.”

“It doesn’t matter. Either way I am out of here,” Sean said, struggling to stand.

Spike watched the boy as he moved toward his room and noticed the slump of Sean’s shoulders and the heartbreak in his eyes as he looked at the man he had called father. Turning toward Raven’s room, Spike sniffed the air and realized that there was no smell of sex in the air or arousal on them. His mind began to rapidly put together all the things that had told him that Sean still had a secret from them and the answer slammed into him. Sighing, he looked down at Buffy and Raven and for the first time noticed Del and Elijah on the stairs watching.

“Go downstairs. All of you,” Spike said. “Let me talk to Sean alone.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you alone with him,” Raven said.

“Raven, finish dressing and go downstairs with your mother.”

“Raven, do it,” Buffy said, turning to Spike, she asked. “Are you okay?”

Raven flounced by both of them into her room.

“Yeah,” Spike answered, rubbing his eyes. “It will be fine. Just let me talk to him, okay?”

Buffy nodded and waited for Raven and the others to precede her down the stairs before following them. Taking a moment to get his emotions under control, Spike hesitated in the hall before stepping into Sean’s room. The teenager had the backpack he had shown up with, open on the bed, while he sorted through the dresser looking for the clothes he had come with.

“Stop packing,” Spike said, stepping over to him and laying a hand on his arm. He hated himself when Sean flinched. “I’m sorry. I…I never should have done that. Hurt you. Didn’t mean to.” Sighing, Spike sat on the bed, watching Sean frozen at the dresser except for one hand that ran nervously along the edge. “Always been a problem with Buffy and me. Both of us too hot headed and too used to fighting. And hell, until six months ago, never really thought of myself being a parent much less dealing with shit like this. Have no bleedin’ clue what I’m doing.”

“Never really dealt with this stuff either,” Sean said, looking back at his father.

Feeling better that Sean didn’t completely hate him at the moment Spike leaned forward on his elbows and buried his face in his hands. This conversation wasn’t going to be easy and like he said he had no idea of what to say except to be honest.

“Are you and Raven having sex?”

“No, only that one time.”

“Sean, I don’t know how to ask this, except just to ask. Are you gay?” Spike could see the fear in his son’s eyes and he no longer needed a verbal confirmation. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Thought you’d kick me out,” Sean mumbled. “That’s why my parents didn’t want me around.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” Spike said, his voice sure so that Sean wouldn’t have any doubts about it at all. Of all people who could understand the teen it would be him. Feeling unsure of fitting in, that was something that William could definitely understand and relate to. Even now with a family around him and women asking for his autograph and offering him sex, he still wondered why anyone would want him much less love and accept him. Only three people in the world knew who Spike really was, Buffy, Angel and Drusilla. Everyone else only knew pieces. And only Buffy understood the man who hid beneath the surface and loved him in spite of it.

Spike stood and wandered to the window, leaning against the frame, to stare out over the backyard. He smiled as he watched Elijah and Candy playing tag, while Buffy and Raven lay beside each on the hammock talking. The next part of this conversation was going to be hard but he knew that Sean needed it and he supposed that was part of being a parent.

“I was serious when I said that you weren’t going anywhere. So, you may as well quit hovering over there and take a seat.” Spike said, looking over his shoulder at Sean and waited until the brownie had sat on the edge of the bed. Spike sighed and returned his gaze to the backyard. “Buffy and me, we’ve seen too many things and lost too many people to judge someone based on something like that. I’m sorry that we didn’t get that point across too well.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I knew that there was something that you hadn’t told us but this place is always having a crisis of some sort and I let it slide. Like I said I’m taking this parenting thing on a day to day, you know what I mean?”

There was only silence behind him but he knew that Sean was listening. The fear was slowly losing it potency and hope was taking its place. Spike took a deep breath and figured that he may as well just throw it out there and they could sort their way through it.

“I’ve been with men myself.”

Spike almost laughed as Sean audibly turned and stared at him for a moment.

“You have? Are you…bisexual?”

“Never really labeled what it was. Back when I was human, I was pretty prissy but never had an attraction to men. Of course, back then, you didn’t talk about it. I doubted I even knew that men could do it with each other. It was after I was vamped that…it happened.” Hesitating Spike took a moment to think of how much he was going to tell Sean. He didn’t want to leave the teen with bad impressions but yet he wanted to tell him as much of the truth as he could. “It’s different with vampires. Sex, no matter if you’re with a male or female, can be about power and domination. Plus, there is the added bonus of no morals and taking what you want. I’m only telling you that so that you understand that it wasn’t a choice I made at first. But after I was introduced to that side of things, it was something that I enjoyed and even pursued at times. Vampires can be a rather passionate crowd and it was always like a candy store.”

“Hoping that I don’t think you’re gay?”

“Not that. Just want you to know where I’m coming from. Never thought of myself as gay or bisexual. Just liked sex and at times it didn’t matter who with. If that makes me bi then I guess I am.”

“How long has it been since you’ve been with a man?”

“Probably eleven years or more. Before I came to Sunnydale the first time. And after that it was me trying to hold onto Drusilla or impress Buffy. And there was Harmony to keep me company sometimes.” Spike said, deliberately leaving off that time when Angelus had returned for awhile. That was information that his son never needed to know.

“So, do you miss having sex with men,” Sean mumbled, the flush on his face giving away his embarrassment of asking his father something so personal.

Spike turned from the window and sat on the sill with his arms folded across his chest. He contemplated his son and knew what he was getting at; was sex with men good and was it different than being with women.

“Yeah, sometimes,” Spike answered. “Different approaches, different feel. Have you dated or been with someone?”

It was Sean’s turn to laugh, “No, not really. Raven, few minutes ago, nothing. The girls at school, nothing. There was a guy at school back home. We flirted and stuff but we never worked up to anything else because the shit hit the fan and exploded when I told my parents.”

“Same thing we told you before and what we’ve told Raven.” Spike said and came to sit on the bed beside him. “And this is all Buffy lecture, be open with us, sex is better with someone you love and don’t be in a hurry because it’s not worth the consequences. Oh, and get Buffy to elaborate on that because she has the ultimate story to keep you from wanting to have sex. This is me now but I’m sure Buffy will agree. Talk to Willow and Tara because they probably know more about gay life in Sunnydale. Don’t worry about the rest of the family. They’ll deal. You’ll get stories that will turn you gray on their dating experiences so be prepared. And we love you, okay?”

“Thanks, I love you guys too.”

“Forgive me for throwing you across the room?”

“Yeah,” Sean said, “This time. Next time let Rave get in trouble. She was the one prancing around half naked not me.”

“That girl is getting kind of risqué, isn’t she?”

They both shook their heads as they thought of Raven and her need for attention. Sighing, they looked at each other and laughed.

“Come on,” Spike said. “Let’s go join them in the backyard. Hopefully, Buffy talked to her.”

“Won’t do no good,” Sean said, standing and leading the way. “Rave is so positive that she is the queen shit.”

“Language,” Spike chided, following. “The two of you have the foulest mouths and need your mouths washed out with soap.”

“Get it from you, Dad, get it from you.”

Maybe it’s not too bad being a parent, Spike thought. He had gotten through his first official talk with Sean and it seemed to have turned out well. The boy didn’t seem scarred by it and maybe he helped him to feel more accepted with them. That had been what Spike had wanted. That Sean felt that he could be who he was and still be loved and he felt that he had accomplished his goal.

~~~~~~~~~

November 30, 2007 4:17 PM

Elijah ran by them again, his arms out, imitating an airplane and Candy barked while continuing to chase him.

“He’s going to give that dog a heart attack,” Raven complained. “Come here, Candy, come here.”
Upon hearing her name, the dog looked up the two women on the hammock, then as if deciding the boy was more interesting, took off running again. “Bitch.”

Buffy sighed and pushed her hair away from her face. “I just told you to watch your mouth.”

“Oh God, Mum, she’s a female dog and a female dog is a bitch.”

“And that’s not how you meant it.”

“Whatever,” Raven said, screwing up her face before turning to look at Buffy again. She laid her hand on her mum’s burgeoning stomach. “Have you felt it move yet?”

“Not yet, and the baby is not an it,” Buffy said sternly.

“I know, Mum. Have you asked Eli lately the sex of the baby?”

“Don’t know if I want to know.”

Dr. Parker had said at the next appointment that she wanted to do another sonogram and this time they might be able to see the baby kick or suck its thumb and if it was positioned right, she could probably tell the sex. Buffy wasn’t sure she wanted to know, it was something that she and Spike hadn’t discussed yet. A sigh rolled through her because she had several things to discuss with her husband and wished that things were easier.

The back door slammed and the man on her mind strolled out with their son beside him and she couldn’t help but smile. The big bad walking in flip flops next to his son, it was quite a change from when she had first known him. The years had molded the evil vampire into this and she felt her heart skip at the love she felt. Spike lay on the hammock next to her, burying his face in her hair and his hand trailed along her hip and settled over their baby and Buffy sighed.

“Miss me?” He asked, kissing her neck, hair and all.

Buffy nodded and reluctantly turned her attention to their bickering teens.

“Fine, Mum didn’t even blink an eye when I told her you were gay. And now you get all this support and love and I get lectured,” Raven complained.

Sean laughed as he joined them on the hammock, laying on his back next to his sister and gently started to swing them.

“Gee, poor baby, what did Mum yell at you about?”

“Oh, let me see if I get this right.” Raven started, glanced at her mother for a second before turning on her side toward Sean. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Mum. Even if you are gay, I shouldn’t be running around dressing in front of you; especially in light of our previous relationship. Besides it’s not lady like.” She snorted before continuing. “Then it moved onto that I’m trying to dress and act older than I am. Oh, yeah, actually I am starting to dress a little too provocative and it needs to stop.”

“Amen,” Spike muttered.

“Thanks, Dad. I’m borrowing your wife’s clothes.”

“Raven,” Sean said. “She’s a grown up. You’re fifteen and my opinion; you’re acting like a bitch in heat lately. Try masturbating it might help take the edge off.”

Raven smacked Sean on the leg while Buffy tried to remain calm but Spike burst out laughing.

“Good God, tell the kid he’s loved and he completely opens up.” Spike said.

“Sean,” Buffy said, trying to use a parenting tone but lost to the giggles when Spike started laughing again. “Come on, stop it Spike. Don’t talk to your sister like that, Sean. I just got onto her about her language too. Besides its not nice to say things like that.”

“Sorry,” Sean said, trying to sound contrite but he couldn’t get rid of the grin as Raven continued to pout.

The back door opened again and Delores stepped out onto the porch.

“Sean, Raven, Elijah,” Del called. “It’s time to come in. Homework, chores, move it.”

Elijah ran for the house while Raven and Sean followed more slowly. They started to quarrel again about being lectured and doing chores as they went. Buffy reached out for Spike’s hand, entwining their fingers to let him know to stay. She had told Del earlier that she need to talk to Spike and knew the older woman was giving them time alone so Buffy could tell him what she needed to.

“I knew that I liked her. Too bad they can see us,” Spike whispered, curling closer to Buffy’s back, allowing his pelvis to settle against her bottom.

“Spike,” Buffy started, noting the tension that flowed into his body at just that one word. “It’s okay. Not too bad.” She waited until he relaxed again and mumbled ‘sorry’ before kissing her shoulder. “When you were gone, I was trying to meditate and had a vision.” Buffy went on and explained the farmhouse and the dead couple to him. “I talked to Sara about it and she agreed that it might have been one of your memories.”

“Could be. Dru and I pretty much kept to cities. More food and more shelter and besides too much silence made her worse but we went through a lot of farm country along the way. Don’t remember all the kills we did.”

Buffy nodded and said, “Sara wants to try hypnosis on me. She said that my subconscious still might be trying to process all your memories because they came so fast and everything. And by hypnotizing me she might be able to help me finish processing them and than put them away somewhere inside me.”

“You’d forget them?”

Buffy could hear the hurt in his voice. Her knowing his past so intimately was a link in the chain that bound them together. Turning onto her back, Buffy cupped her husband’s cheek. “I know. I don’t want to forget them. She says that she might be able to fix it so that I’d remember but it would be like you told me about them and not something I lived through.”

“She thinks this might be the problems you’ve been having? That by living my life its made part of you think that you’re a vampire or something.”

“It could be one of the explanations but I don’t know. She said that my mind might still be running scenarios and that’s why I saw the shadows on Thanksgiving.”

“When does she want to do this?”

“Next Wednesday. And she wants to talk to you and Giles about the ritual and have you there when she does it. Maybe when I’m under I might say something that would help us figuring out what’s wrong with me; something she wouldn’t pick up on.”

Buffy was relieved when he only nodded. She hadn’t really thought that he would have a problem with it but it was good to have him confirm it. Her eyes filled with tears as she pulled him closer to her. He rubbed his nose against hers before kissing her and she relaxed against him, wrapping her arms around him. It was safe against him and she hoped that by next Thursday that her problems would be gone. They lay there for a while just holding each other until they were called to come in for dinner and it was time to join their family. The only place they wanted to be.

TBC

Chapter 26 - Before I Come Undone

If the situation weren’t so serious, Buffy would have broken down into hysterical giggles at her husband and ex-Watcher. Spike was beating some tune against the wooden arm of his chair with his thumb while his head bobbed absently and Giles had cleaned his glasses at least five times in the last ten minutes. Their nervousness was distracting her from her own tension at the hypnosis session that would start in a few minutes. Sighing, she looked around the waiting room again before standing. Peering out the window, her eyes drifted over the tranquil ocean setting outside the house where Sara now had her practice. The distant rhythm of the waves and their graceful dance was a soothing comfort in what was otherwise a very uncomfortable place to be.

Buffy kept telling herself that everything was going to be all right, she trusted Sara and besides Spike and Giles would be there if something went wrong. It was just the thought of what might or might not be accomplished with this that bothered her. Would she lose all of Spike’s memories, thus creating a rift between them, or would they find out that it wasn’t the memories at all?

“Come sit, Love, it’s going to be okay,” Spike said, standing behind her, his hands drifting along her upper arms.

“I’m fine.” Buffy answered, leaning back against the comfort of her husband’s body and pulled his arms around her. “Thank you for being here.”

“Always be here for you, Pet.”

They both turned at the sound of a door opening.

“Hi, Buffy, Spike,” Sara said, at the door. She turned and greeted Giles in the same way before nudging her head to the back room. “Ready to come on back?”

Following Sara, they made their way into what used to be the master bedroom of the house. It was a large room with a bathroom attached and two sets of sliding glass doors along one wall. The doors opened onto a verandah that stretched along the back of the house with steps leading down to the beach. A tranquil theme prevailed over the place where secrets were told, the walls were painted a dusky rose while the furniture was dove gray with burgundy pillows and throws.

The two men settled on the couch where directed by Sara, while Buffy made her way to the counter behind her therapist’s preferred chair. Only half listening to the conversation between the other three, Buffy set about making cups of tea for Giles and her. While they were brewing she opened a soda for Spike and took it to him. Sara was taking notes on her pad about the ritual and their impressions of Buffy’s illness. Once the tea was prepared, she returned to the grouping of furniture and after handing Giles his refreshment, Buffy settled into a large chair facing away from the couch.

“We want Buffy to be comfortable and undistracted during this session and that’s one of the reasons she is facing away from you. Knowing that you are here and seeing you are two different things.” Sara explained.

Buffy kicked her shoes off and pulled her feet beneath her, then drew an afghan over her legs. Leaning her head against the back of the chair she continued to listen to the end of the questions that were posed while she watched the ocean. Her hands unconsciously wrung the edge of the covering as her mind jumped around.

“You ready?” Sara asked, coming to sit across from her. After Buffy nodded, Sara began to speak in a low and controlled voice leading her patient from the obvious anxiety into a relaxed state.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike watched as Buffy relaxed under her therapist’s instructions. The only time he had seen humans hypnotized was when Drusilla would draw them under her thrall to ‘play’ with them. If he hadn’t been invited he wouldn’t have allowed Buffy to consent to this. There was no way he was going to allow anyone to have any power over his wife without him being there. Shaking his head, he forced himself to focus on what Sara was saying.

“Can you tell which memories are Buffy’s and which ones are Spike’s?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I want you to separate the two. Take all of his memories and put them on one side and yours on another.”

Buffy nodded and her hands moved as if she was physically doing as requested. A few minutes later, she smiled, “Done.”

“Now, we are going to put all of his memories away. There in your mind is an enclosure with a glass wall around it. Put his memories in there while keeping yours separate.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“If I forget them I won’t be able to play anymore.”

Without being aware of it, everyone leaned a little closer to Buffy.

“Play with them? Explain that to me.”

Buffy tilted her head to the side, like she was thinking of something, before answering. “I like to run them through my head when I’m alone and Spike isn’t around. It makes me feel closer to him.” She nodded her head as if satisfied with her answer.

“The enclosure is just going to hold the memories. It doesn’t mean you can’t see them anymore. The wall around is clear so you can visit them any time you want to.” Sara said.

“Like going to the zoo,” Buffy laughed. “I can walk around and around. Feed peanuts to the monkeys but avoid the hyena cage. Bad Xander. Did you know pigs make good BBQ but not principals? Principals feed to the big snake. Do we have a reptile section? No, no, Glory makes big snake, find key.” She trailed off from her fantasy and her eyes brightened from unshed tears. “Spike, my Spike, saw them and took care of me and I didn’t even know. It’s there now. somewhere in there. I’m looking and can’t find it. Why can’t I find it?”

“Buffy, you need to let go of them. It’s unhealthy for you to focus on them so much.”

“All done. All gone. My poor Spike, so much unhappiness, need to make it all better.”

Listening to Buffy dealing with the remnants of the ritual was hard on Spike. The bonding it had created between the couple had seen them through that terrible time last summer but watching what it was doing to her now was tearing him apart.

“It’s not your responsibility to make Spike happy.” Sara reminded the Slayer.

“I want to make him happy but I always seem to mess it up and I hurt him when I don’t behave.”

“We can discuss all that later but right now, I need you to put a lid over the enclosure, and finish putting his memories away.”

“I’m a good girl. The top is on.” Buffy sounded like child looking for approval as she stared wide eyed at Sara.

“Are the memories now put away in the enclosure?”

“Yes, they are.”

Sara nodded her head in approval and started to make some notes on her pad, “How do you feel about putting them away?”

“I miss them. They were there, comforting me,” Buffy stopped for a moment and looked around before leaning forward and whispering. “They kept it away but now…”

Startled Sara looked up, “Kept what away?”

“It’s there all the time. Never goes away, sometimes it’s so loud, that it chases me away.” Buffy closed her eyes and started to hum.

“Is it a humming sound?”

“Singing, humming, it resonates, murmurs, almost voices, sometimes screams, thought they were memories, movie couldn’t turn off, then sometimes they go all quiet and they leave me alone.”

“These voices and sounds, do they tell you things?”

“Feelings that flood me, hunger and need, sometimes so lonely, Spike has gone away. Won’t hold me and the mermaids won’t share their secrets and the seashells are washing up on the shore one by one.” Buffy’s eyes filled with tears and one escaped caressing her cheek before falling from her chin.

So, focused on the conversation between Sara and his wife, Spike jumped when Giles next to him frantically signaled the therapist holding up his notepad. Sara glanced their way, read the note, nodded and returned her attention to Buffy.

“Buffy, is there someone there with you?”

“There’s only the baby and me.”

“Can you talk to the baby?”

“Baby can’t talk back.”

“Can you feel the presence of something or someone else?”

Buffy shook her head, “It’s getting darker all the time and it frightens me.”

“Does the baby bring the darkness?”

“The baby changes everything. Will make it shiny and new. All the wrongs will be made right.” Buffy smiled, “We’ll have a party, ummm a shower, to celebrate the baby. With balloons and streamers, a lovely cake to be shared with all. They’ll bring gifts for the baby.”

“Is the darkness an entity? Can you find a way to push it back?”

“I fail. I’m bad and need to be punished. Plays games with me and I never get the right answer. Sometimes it’s there and sometimes its not. Sometimes I run and hide but it always finds me.”

“Buffy, pay attention, you are the one in control. It’s your mind and body. Tell the darkness that it has to go away.”

Buffy shifted, pulling her knees up to her chest and her hands resting on her thighs. “Go away, go away, go away, go away, don’t want you here, mine, its mine and you can’t have it.” She sobs and lays her head on the back of the chair. “It’s stronger than me. I’m weak, bad, I see things, disappointed my mother, slept with vampires, slutty, not good enough to stay in heaven, hurt the sweet boy who only wanted to love me, spilled my blood, loved the pain more, let me go, just let me go, tired, tired all the time, Spike won’t love me if he knew all my secrets.” Her head fell forward and she started to cry in gulping sobs as her fingers tangled in her hair. “Make it stop, make it stop, its screaming at me, make it stop.”

“Buffy, let go of it and start focusing on my voice.”

“No, no, it wants everything,” Buffy wailed.

“Buffy, let go of it now and come back to the present.”

Ignoring Sara’s earlier instructions of not becoming involved in the session, Spike rushed to Buffy’s side. No one knew her or her problems more than he did and she was becoming lost to whatever was going on in her head. He knelt on the floor beside her and let his fingers barely rest on her arm. Just enough so that she had something physical to focus on to fight her way back.

“Buffy, I’m right here. I know all your secrets and it doesn’t matter to me. I’m always going to love you”

“Spike?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I need you to wake up and come back to me.”

Buffy’s reached for him and he covered her hands with his own; his thumbs soothed the soft flesh of her wrists.

“Find me, always find me,” Buffy whispered breathlessly and blinked her eyes before retreating again. The fear returned to her eyes as her fingernails dug into Spike’s palms. “It doesn’t want to let me go.”

“Buffy, it has to let you go.” Sara said. “Now wake up, we are all waiting for you.”

There in her eyes, it was just a glimmer at first, than the blankness of her stare changed as she took in the room around her. Spike released a breath that he hadn’t realized he was holding as those hazel eyes drank him in. Relieved that she had returned so quickly, he ran his fingers down her golden locks and twirled the end around the end of one digit.

“How are you doing?” Giles asked.

Buffy turned to look at the older man and she offered up a smile. It was small but it showed her need to return to them fully instead of succumbing to the darkness that was slowly filling her.

“Sleepy, like I haven’t slept in days.” Buffy murmured, releasing Spike’s hands and pushing her hair back. She fussed as she sat up straight again and began to fold the afghan. “Spike, would you hand me my tea?”

Spike handed her the tea and retreated, following her unspoken request for some space. He settled on the couch again and realized that they were all staring at her draining her beverage. They were all waiting for her to say something to explain what had just happened. If in her wakened state she would still have knowledge of the darkness. His hands ran along his denim clad thighs, wiping the nervous moisture from his palms, and wished that they were at home and if not there than somewhere safer than this office that had officially ended Buffy’s good days.

“I’m fine and ready to get out of here,” Buffy stated and stood to take her cup over to the small sink. She washed it and put it in the drainer to dry before turning around to look at them.

“I’d like to talk to you for a few moments,” Sara said.

Buffy returned to the chair but this time she sat on the edge. Her hands folded in her lap like a recalcitrant schoolgirl.

“What about? We all know what this means. It wasn’t the memories so I am officially crazy.” Buffy ranted. “It means nothing other than that. There isn’t anymore hope or cures. I’m insane and unless I abort my baby, I will only get more insane, possibly to the point of never being cured before anyone can do anything for me.”

“Buffy, let’s talk about this.” Sara said. “There are always alternate choices.”

“We have gone over all the choices a hundred times before with no new answers. I’m tired of it. I’m just plain tired.”

Buffy grabbed her shoes and stormed from the office. The others waited until the door slammed shut before breathing again and with shaky laughs looked at each other. Spike felt like a traitor sitting there about to discuss his wife behind her back but she wasn’t willing to talk about what happened. Besides he wanted to know as much as he could and wanted to hear the opinions of her therapist and the Watcher.

Sara was doodling on her notepad while Giles fiddled with his tea cup when Spike decided to break the uncomfortable silence. “So, what do we do now?” He asked.

“I kept getting the feeling she was protecting something or someone.” Giles said.

“Possession?” Spike asked.

“I don’t think so.” Sara commented. “Not ruling it out entirely but the other symptoms don’t spell out possession. And I would think if there was another entity inside of her or even another personality they would make themselves more known. They would want the world to know that they have control.”

“We’re back to schizophrenia?” Spike asked.

“I still think that’s the culprit. It fits with the changed personality, the forgetfulness, paranoia and now she’s telling us of whispers and being told things to do.” Sara said. “Spike, I hate to suggest this but since she is going ahead with the pregnancy…maybe you should consider putting her in a hospital.”

“I am not putting her away.”

“Spike, just listen to Sara,” Giles said. “I know it’s not what either of you want but it might be what Buffy needs.”

“She needs to be with me.” Spike almost shouted. He moved over to the window and stared the waves crashing on the shore. “Was this a set up? To get us here and show us how bad she’s become. Was it?”

“No, Spike, it wasn’t,” Sara replied in a tone that was both neutral and professional. “In a hospital she could get constant care. They would be able to handle the problems that come up as the disease progresses. And be able to monitor the baby.”

“Forget it.” Spike said, turning back to look at them. “She would consider it a betrayal and I wouldn’t do it to her. We’ll figure out a way to manage.”

“Everyone is too emotional right now,” Giles said, standing. “Let’s wait and we can discuss this later.”

Spike could only glare at someone he had considered a friend and father figure. Giles’ recent behavior toward Buffy angered the vampire; it was like he had already given up on her. Suddenly, his offers to help were becoming circumspect. Were they only a way to gather evidence to force them to commit Buffy? Deciding that he had to find out what was going on, Spike thanked Sara for her time and hurried outside to find his wife.

The afternoon sun was bright and it took Spike a second to get his bearings. With a quick glance around the parking lot he spotted Buffy leaning against Giles’ car. He wished they had taken their own vehicle, suddenly unwilling to spend a moment longer in Rupert’s company than necessary. It took him only a few strides to reach her and only another moment to pull her into his arms. When Buffy clung to him, Spike reaffirmed that he would never let her be taken away from him.

The ride home was quiet. Giles concentrated on driving. Buffy sat in the backseat and stared out the window while Spike tried to figure what to do. But no matter how many different angles he tried to look at it from, no easy answer came to him. He just hoped that he would have the time to try to find out what to do before things got any worse.

to be continued…

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