~~~Chapter Five~~~

~~Truth in Revelation~~

Spike sat at the front of the large glass conference table in his practice, he listened to the trade negotiations of the two large companies he represented. He didn't really listen to the people around him as they ranted and raved over each other, trying to forge the deal that was here to be constructed. His mind wandered back to 'home', and the situation with Buffy. They had in a strange way resolved some of their conflicting interests, the conversation about Lily had only been the beginning. They had come to agree that Spike could be involved in every aspect of the pregnancy and impeding arrival of their child. Somehow he had even gotten her to agree to allow him to come to her prenatal classes, and any investigation she may need for the pregnancy. That was something he was really looking forward to, as in a few weeks he would be able to actually 'see' the baby. Buffy had consented to him paying for a special ultrasound that would give them a 3-D image of the child.

So lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice his secretary duck her head around the door that led to the conference room from his office, or her drastic attempts and frantic waves to catch his attention. She had no option, as the people around the table began to mumble to themselves and each other that Spike apparently had his 'head in the clouds'. Opening the door, she walked in with an "Excuse me", moving straight towards her boss, she leant in and whispered something to him. He immediately stood, buttoned his suit jacket and walked to the door. He turned to look at the people in front of him, and not even saying a word he closed the door behind him.

In his office sat a young man clutching a briefcase, he was nervously playing with its handle. Spike could tell he was extremely uncomfortable being in the office, as it imposed the importance of the owner onto the visitor. Moving to the desk, Spike himself sat, as his visitor stood and attempted to greet him. He plainly rejected the greeting, making the man even more uncomfortable. Taking a pen in hand, Spike mentally summed up the young man, he could smell the fear running off him. He had no 'balls' at all, as Spike would put it.

"What do you want?" Spike's request was simple and straight to the point.

"Ummmmm...I.um", he fumbled to open his briefcase to retrieve some papers, predictably, with his state of being, he dropped most of the content of his papers onto the floor, "Sorry....sorry".

"Just pick up your papers, tell me what you want, and get the fuck out!"

His visitor was a bit taken back by Spike's use of language, not once that he'd been in his presence before had he heard him swear, he'd always been the perfect gentleman. Spike looked like he was about to bite the mans head off. Moving as quickly as he could, he picked up the papers and dumped them on the table. He arranged them into as neat pile as he could, then handed Spike the top few papers. Looking at them, he immediately understood what he was holding in his hands. He threw them straight back onto his desk, barely glancing at them. A small smirk filled his face, as he began to swing slowly in his office chair.

"So Warren sent you to do his dirty work?" Spike questioned the man before him, "Not man enough to face me?"

"Mr Freemantle, I am just doing my job, okay!" Finally he spoke, his voice broken with his obvious discomfort.

"So Andrew, explain it to me. What exactly is your job? Lackey boy?"

"Well usually I just handle the easy stuff, you know like conveyancing....things like.." Andrew stopped as he thought he heard a very quiet "stupid wanker".

"Well today it's messenger boy!" Spike leant over and looked ominously over the desk at his guest, "Tell your boss, that the message has been received, and it will be a cold day in hell that she gets anything!"

"But you haven't even looked at the papers!"

"I don't have to, you git!" Spike picked up the top paper, "I bloody well know what this paper is, I can read you moron!" Spike hurled the paper back at him. Andrew could not but read the 'Notice of Legal Separation, and Notification of Impending Divorce', spelt out on the forms, "You've done your job, now get out!"

"I'm just doing my job, Mr Freemantle! You will be hearing more from us, I am sure!"

"Don't make idle threats to me that you cannot back up!" Spike spoke in harsh tones, "And tell your client to contact her sister, she has some news to share."

"News?"

"Yes! Happy news. But then that depends on what your client will think as happy." Spike got up out of his chair.

Taking the hint, Andrew quickly removed himself from the room. Sitting down again, Spike picked up his phone and dialled the number of the best damn divorce lawyer in town. He was not about to let Lily get off scott free, and take everything that he'd worked for. He read the list of her demands that now lay in his other hand. She had just about demanded everything that they owned from the house, down to the damn silverwear, she might have as well have asked for his soul. He was not about give her everything, not after what she'd put him, and Buffy through.

Thinking of Buffy, he just wondered how she was going to react to the news of her sister filing for divorce. Deep down he hoped that she would in someway support him. Fate had dealt him some bad hands lately, but Buffy and the baby had been the only pleasant thing in his life. It had given him a reason not to fall apart, as much as he wanted to just crawl somewhere, and disappear for a while. He knew that he couldn't, he had responsibilities now to people who mattered in his life.

He frowned at the trail of his thoughts, he'd never would have even considered this situation at all, it was so contradictory that it just seemed inconceivable. Yet conceivable it was, especially the life that lay in Buffy, and he couldn't just separate the two. In a way they had become so entwined in his life and future, it was hard to think of one without the other, or his future without either of them. He picked up the legal papers again, still waiting on the phone for someone to pick it up, he finally realised that yes he'd be contemplating what was going on, but in fact he'd actually had something even deeper.........

A revelation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy sat in a café across town with her best friends since childhood, drinking coffee and making small talk. Willow, Tara and Xander talked about life and their latest happenings, but still Buffy remained quiet amongst them, just watching and listening. She contemplated telling them what was going on, as the obvious truth would make itself apparent in a few weeks or more. Buffy knew that her friends would support her no matter what, but it niggled at her that she knew that they probably wouldn't understand what, or why she had done what she'd done. Being a surrogate in the first place, after what had happened, or deciding to keep the baby. Trying to explain what was going on with Spike just made her feel ill, she didn't know if she could stand what they might say about that.

However, holding back would get her nowhere, telling them later would only put off the inevitable, and probably make things more complicated than they are. She knew that they would probably be hurt she hadn't even told them anything from the beginning, but she'd had her reasons and what they were she just wasn't ready to share. Looking at her friends, she silently summed up what each would probably think, Willow and Tara would probably be happy for her, considering that they both were a couple and could understand the need to have an unconventional pregnancy to have a child.

Now Xander would be another thing all together, ever since they were kids he'd never really let go of the hope that they would get together, as much as Buffy had put him off the idea, it had never really sunk in. If the truth didn't then nothing would. Buffy smiled with this idea, her friends stopped their conversation as a small laugh erupted from her. They looked quizzically at her, Buffy stifled anymore laughter and had a quick sip of her tea and took a deep breath. With some courage, she looked at each of them, and decided to get on with the task.

"Okay folks time for a little newsflash." Buffy tried to make light of the situation that would surely erupt.

"News Flash Buff?" Xander spoke first, "What get a new job, promotion or man?"

"Xander!" Both Tara and Willow spoke at the same time.

"No, no and no." Buffy nervously played with her cup, "Ummmm a bit bigger piece of news than that."

"What then?" Willow excitedly asked her friend, she had noticed Buffy's lack of enthusiasm for anything lately, "Come on I'm dying to know!"

"Umm okay", Buffy hesitated to tell her friends, she could feel their anticipation build up, "How do I tell you guys?.........Um.....okay...um......I'm pregnant"

"Pregnant!" All three spoke together this time, united in being dumbfounded.

"Yep, as in with child, up the duff and knocked up!" Buffy laughed half heartily.

All three just sat there, it was the last thing that they expected their friend to say. Buffy usually lived a very quiet life with no sudden surprises, like the one she'd just presented them with. Willow and Tara just looked at each other, and Xander just looked at his coffee, Buffy watched on, as they struggled to find something to say.

"Who's the father?" Xander asked quietly.

Buffy was stunned for a moment with the question, she began to have second thoughts about telling her friends those details. Even with the cat out of the bag, metaphorically speaking, she felt the sudden urge to clam up, and not say anything. Xander let out an 'ouch' as Willow kicked her friend under the table, and side stared at him to keep silent.

"It's okay Willow! You guys were bound to find out anyway...but you need to understand that it's not what it seems. It's very complicated, and there is a lot you don't know, so don't get on you high horse till I get the facts all out, okay!"

"Hey Buffy, not all 'judgy' here!" Xander back peddled quickly.

"Yeah Buffy, no judgement passed! Juries still in!" Willow tried to reassure her friend.

"Let's just say it keeps it in the family." Buffy tried to keep her composure, "It's Spike's"

"What!!" Xander exploded knocking his coffee cup over, its contents going all over the table in different directions.

"Oh my god!" Willow's look of disappointment was written all over her face.

"It's not what you guys think!" Buffy tried to tell them.

"What isn't Buffy! You're pregnant by your sister's husband!" Xander tried to comprehend the thought, she could see the distain on his face, "I think it's called cheating, not pregnancy!"

"You think that I'm capable of that!" Buffy's angry voice filled the air.

"Well it wasn't an immaculate conception, was it?" Xander sarcastically asked.

"No Xander, it actually was an insemination!" Buffy threw back at him.

"Are you that desperate for a child that you had that done to you?" Xander accused her, "With your own brother in law? What's that Buffy? Wasn't an anonymous donor good enough? You could have asked me!"

"This has nothing to do with me having a child Xander! This was for Lily and Spike! You half brain! This was me being a surrogate for them!"

The 'ohh's' and 'awwhs' signalled that it was finally getting through to the group what Buffy was trying to tell them. Especially from the girls, Buffy had always told them what had been happening with Lily's infertility problems, but Xander had never been interested so never paid much attention, until now. He quickly settled down, apparently happy with the explanation, and tried to begin to clean up his mess of coffee. Buffy tried to reason with herself about not telling them the rest, but couldn't come up with a good enough rationale not to continue.

"Guys, there's more." Buffy quietly continued, "Lily and Spike have split."

The 'oh my god' returned, as Xander remained silent over Buffy's revelation, it was just too incredible for them to comprehend. Buffy proceeded to tell them the truth about what had happened, from Lily leaving, her letter to both her and Spike, to Spike taking up residence in her house.

"Do you think that's wise Buffy?" Tara asked her friend.

"What other choice did I have? He's part of this child's life."

"This is just too weird Buffy!" Xander had to put his two cents in.

"Maybe, but it's the way things are, and it's the best thing we could think of." Buffy tried to explain, "Xander, I know you care, but it's my life and this way I have some control over it."

"How can you have control over it with that man in your house?" Xander pushed the boundaries even further.

"It's none of you business Xander! This is up to me and Spike! If you cannot live with that, it's been nice knowing you!" Buffy made herself clear to her friends she hoped, that she wouldn't accept any interference from them, she could only hope they would come to support her.

"Okay I hear you!" Xander backed down.

"I need you guys to be with me on this one!" Buffy pleaded with them, "It's hard enough, can't you just accept things the way they are, and just be there for me when I need you?"

All three just looked at each other again, each remained quiet as they tried not to air their conflicting resolve about the matter. They could at least agree that they would be there for her, if and when she needed them. Buffy could still feel the shock and uncertainty hanging heavily in the air. Not wanting to continue this discussion, she stood and said her farewells, leaving her friends to digest the news.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy came home to find Spike sitting on the sofa, with papers spread all over her coffee table, she could tell by looking at him that something was deeply troubling him. Putting her bag in the hallway, she went to the kitchen to put on the kettle. She asked him did he want a coffee, or 'something', and with a tart reply of 'no', she made herself a cup. '~well someone's got the poops~' Buffy thought to herself. Full stop She took her drink into the living room and sat on the sofa opposite the T.V. Spike looked up from his papers, with a 'do you mind!' look on his face, trying to dissuade Buffy from even contemplating turning on the television, not amused Buffy threw the remote onto the sofa by her side.

"What's bothering you!?!"

"Nothing."

"Nothing sounds interesting." Moving around to his side of the living room Buffy put her cup down, and scanned the papers in front of him, Spike immediately began to pile the papers together, "Don't."

Taking the papers from his hand she looked at the top sheet, she could see that it was something about 'Legal Separation and Notice of Impending Divorce', it was clear what the papers were about. Flicking through the others Buffy caught her breath as she spotted the Surrogate Contract amongst them. She felt her chest tighten in anticipation, as her heart rate sped up with the adrenaline rushing into her blood stream, she gasped holding her breath.

"So Lily filed for separation?"

"So it would seem."

"Is Lily the only one in need of a lawyer?" Buffy separated the two papers, holding up the contract she had come to despise, "Can you recommend anyone?" Buffy laughed at the irony.

"Buffy!"

"Well Spike do I?"

"No Buffy, you don't." Spike moved the paper out of her hand, and placed it back onto the coffee table, "You have no reason to. I promise you."

"So.......' Buffy was unsure what to say next.

'In other words sweetheart, you have no reason to worry Luv. We agreed that we'd both be here for the baby."

"Did we?" Buffy looked confused, "When?"

"The first night. Don't you remember?"

"No!"

"Then be assured Buffy, no one's going to take the baby from you......no one!" Spike guaranteed her.

'I don't understand?" Buffy looked absolutely lost.

"Then understand this Buffy, it doesn't matter how the baby was made, no one will take him, or her from you. Like you said you're their mother. I won't take the baby from you."

"But you still have the contract! Who's going to say that you won't change your mind once the baby's here!"

"Look I said I won't!"

'Maybe I should see a lawyer." Buffy's voice lacked the confidence his had, she just didn't know if he'd keep his word to her.

"Not necessary Luv!"

Spike shuffled through the paper's until he came to a purple folder, with the name 'Summers' on it, taking out another bunch of papers he put them in front of her. Taking the hint Buffy looked over them to discover that Spike had indeed meant what he said, the papers stated that he would waver the previous document, and that they would share parental rights between the two of them, being the biological parents. Yet one factor was left out, she could believe that he hadn't thought about it, the obvious of course being Lily. She had signed the papers stating that she would accept parental rights to the baby.

"What about Lily?"

"She has no rights luv."

"Are you sure?"

"No." Spike was so quiet in his response, that Buffy felt herself shatter into a million pieces, "But I've sent her copies of this Buffy, she will sign them, I know that she will!"

"How can you be sure?"

"Because, she doesn't want anything to do with either of us, and especially the baby. I'm sorry to be blunt Luv, but she said as much in both our letters. She told you to get rid of it! "

"I know, but....."

"No buts!" Spike looked at her directly into her gaze, "Buffy I need a copy of your letter."

"Why?" Buffy looked suspiciously at him.

"Ammunition."

"No!"

"Buffy I need that letter!!" Spike almost began to plead with her

"No Spike! I can't she's my sister for god's sake!"

"Buffy I want the letter just in case!"

"Of what? You not getting a quick enough divorce!" Buffy spat at him

"No, stopping her from taking action against you or me for parental rights and visitation!" Spike bellowed, but quickly looked away as he continued, "But yes, if I have to use it in the divorce I will!"

"I don't know Spike, I just don't know?"

"I do understand Buffy, but you have to understand that I will protect everything that is mine! Including this baby! Lily gave up that when she left!' Spike stood up and extended his hand as he looked down at her, "I'm offering you that same protection now, with a promise that we will work this out Buffy, but you have to trust me. You have to decide whether we are a united front or not?"

Buffy sat flabbergasted at his little speech; he'd thrown down the gauntlet, and made his intentions clear. He wanted her loyalty and trust, at the cost of her possibly giving him what he needed to crucify her own sister in her divorce. Conflicting emotion rushed through her mind, despite his words of a united front, she never felt so alone in her life. Everything had come to this point. It was like walking to the edge of the cliff and being told there is a bridge in front of you, you cannot see the bridge, but you're being asked to step onto it, and maybe fall to your death. Uncertainty flooded her every cell, she was scared to make a choice, and she just had to go with her instinct as she made her decision.

Reaching out she took his hand, she had made her choice, just as he had made his.

~~~Chapter Six~~~

~~Baby Pictures~~

Six weeks had passed since Buffy had made her allegiance with him, she still had yet to hear from Lily. Not one word. Not one line. Total silence. This only served to give Buffy more strength to believe, that she’d made the right choice about Spike. He was everything that he promised he would be, and more. Spike was so protective of her, that sometimes she just wanted to punch him in the nose. He’d make sure that she didn’t carry anything too heavy, run to the store when she had 3am cravings, and hold her when she cried during silly sad commercials. She didn’t really mind when she cried from the hormones, actually she found it quite soothing, and would sometimes continue to fake it, just to keep him holding her. She knew that it was a mean thing to do, but she loved to feel some human comfort, even if just for a while.

It gave Spike a warm fuzzy feeling to be at someone’s disposal, especially somebody that had become such a good friend, over the last few months. He’d seen Buffy’s fragile side, a woman he’d always considered an extremely strong person. Buffy, in all the time he’d known her, had never backed away from anything. So he knew when she’d accepted his hand, she’d given some of herself over to him in trusting surrender, just as he had to her. He’d given her back the rights to her child, and in return given her some power over him. To meet her in the common ground, in which they now found themselves.

He didn’t mind that this meant carrying every damn heavy object that Buffy came into contact with, answering her call at 3am to get that whatever the craving of the night was, and he really didn’t mind just gently holding her when she cried at the television. Sometimes he would just put his arm around her shoulder and let her cry it out, and other times he would pull her to lay with her back on his chest, as they sat on the sofa. He would grab one of his forever available tissues, and hand it to her, sometimes wiping the tears away himself. This act had given him a closeness to her that was totally unexpected, sometimes he would just close his eyes imagining that…

He would always stop himself, too frightened to go there, too frightened to see where his imagination would take him. Yet this never stopped his curiosity getting the better of him one night, as Buffy began her tears, he gathered her up into the sofa, resting one hand on the arm and the other around her shoulder. Spike looked down at a teary Buffy, sitting in her yoga pants and t-shirt. They’d become the most comfortable thing she owned, she began showing her pregnancy. He could see the slight bulge of her pregnancy through her clothes. To him she looked bloody gorgeous in sackcloth at the present moment.

“Buffy?”

“I’m sorry Spike, I can’t help it!”

“It’s not that luv. Can I ask you something? You can say no.”

“To what?”

“Can…can I feel the baby?”

“No Spike, I can’t feel the baby yet.”

“No, I mean can I feel the baby?”

Buffy laughed through her tears, she hadn’t really understood what on earth he was talking about, until she felt the slow and deliberate movent of his hand from the sofa, as it came to land softly over her abdomen. Taking a sudden deep breath, she pulled her head back to see his gaze stuck onto her stomach, finally it dawned on her what he meant! She placed her own hand over his and allowed him to feel her ‘bump’, as she called it, knowing it would probably mean a lot to him. She pulled up her t-shirt slightly, and let their joined hands search the raised abdomen. Buffy could hear and feel Spike’s surprise at the turn of events, his hand glided over her warm flesh and the life that lay below it, the sharp intake of breath, and slight tremble in his hand gave him away. They just lay there together in a quiet moment, enjoying the feeling of tranquillity that flowed through and around them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy made her way around the kitchen making herself breakfast the next day, Spike sat at the breakfast nook on a stool, with a scowl on his face looking over a package that had been delivered the day before. One that he’d deliberately ignored, not wanting to deal with the contents yesterday, his day at the office had been busy enough. It was a rather large package from Lily’s lawyers’; he guessed that further demand documents and hopefully the waver to the surrogacy contract were in it.

Buffy watched him, as he tore the package open and pulled out its contents onto the counter top, it seemed to contain numerous legal papers. Which didn’t surprise her, but what caught her eye was the single letter that fell from the documents. It was yellow, the exact colour that Lily favoured, before she could react, Spike picked up the letter and read the front. Letting out a loud sigh, he turned towards her and put out his hand with the letter in it. Looking at the worried expression that covered his face, she took the letter from him, turning it over she saw it was addressed to her, in Lily’s hand writing.

Unsure what to do, she just stood for a moment, not certain whether to open the letter in front of him, or seek the sanctuary of the living room. Spike went back to the papers in front of him, averting his attention to his divorce papers. Taking this as a cue she walked into the living room and sat down. It was rather ironic to receive this letter today of all days, especially as it was the day that she’d have her first ultrasound scan of the baby. They’d decided to put the scan off as much as they could, as Buffy had promised Spike she would have the newer 3-D image scan of the baby, so they could get a better image/model of the life that lay within her.

Sitting for what seemed an eternity, Buffy finally opened the letter with a slight shake in her hand. She’d dreaded any type of communication with her sister now, especially since she’d made some kind of ties with Spike, she just didn’t really want to know anything anymore that was related to her sister. Buffy wanted things to stay like they were now. She felt cared for and protected, something her sister could destroy with a single stroke of a pen.

Opening the letter, she read…

Buffy,

I got the ‘happy news’ message from my legal people, and I suppose that means you are pregnant, and with the message coming via Spike, I guess you’ve decided to keep it. I must say the giveaway was the ‘Waiver of Parental Rights’. I haven’t signed it Buffy, I’m sorry but my lawyer tells me not to, so I won’t until he says. Please don’t think I’m being a bitch, but I’m doing it on his say so.

I know that I never called like I said I would, but it was on my lawyer’s orders once again, and maybe I might have made that decision anyway. I suppose that it’s probably obvious that I have left with Liam, and moved back to England, and here I will stay. Grandmother has let me stay in her London townhouse, so at least I have a roof over my head. Life has been hard for the last few months, trying to find a job, and as you can guess deciding to go through with the divorce.

I’m sorry that you are caught in the middle Buffy, but it’s the way it has to be. I deserve something in this divorce, and it might just get ugly. If I know Spike right he’ll try and butter you up, say all the right words, do all the right things, but there is always a motive to what he does. I know that I look like the bitch now but just be careful Buffy, he’ll manipulate you, and do anything to get what he wants. He can be a monster sometimes, so tread carefully or you could lose everything.

All I can really suggest Buffy, is that you get independent counsel, and stay low for a little while until this divorce is over. I can suggest the firm I’m using, they seem able in their job, maybe they might give us a family discount.

Love Always

Lily

Buffy sat and contemplated the contents of the letter, she ran the last few months through her mind. It was clear to her that Lily intended to use the surrogate contract against Spike, to get what she wanted. She’d hold it over his head until she got just that, everything. It hurt that she intended to use it against him in their divorce, and that Buffy was being used in Lily’s grab for cash. Buffy understood the message about how Spike would use all his charm, and everything at his disposal to get what he wanted, especially the baby. Lily had made that abundantly clear.

She didn’t want to believe that everything he’d done over the last few months, had been done with a motive behind it. Spike did want to play an active part in the life of her child, and he’d demonstrated in her eyes that he could be trusted. Yet with Lily she wasn’t so sure, Buffy was seeing a side to her sister that she never knew existed. She would have thought that Lily would have just signed the waiver, allowing Buffy to take control of the situation with the baby. Lily had made it so clear that she didn’t want the baby, but was willing to use it as a tool to get what she wanted. Keeping that in mind, she walked back into the kitchen and handed the letter over to Spike.

Quickly Spike read the letter and handed it back to Buffy, shaking his head, he went back to reading the documents in front of him, not uttering a single syllable. Glancing at the paperwork, she could see the lawyer’s letter of her demands, and it would appear that she wanted a lot for her to grant him a divorce. It angered Buffy, that Lily would use her own sister in her battle for ownership of their combined belongings; she knew that Spike had brought a lot of it into the marriage. With that anger deeply embedded into her brain, she thrust the letter back in front of him, and dropped it before him.

“Take it!”

“Buffy, do you understand what you’re doing?”

“I’m fighting for what belongs to me! She isn’t going to take my child, or use it as a pawn in this divorce case. This should be between you and her!!! She’s decided to make it personal!” Buffy was seething, “You promised to protect us from anything! So do it!”

“So you’ll let me act on your behalf, with anything concerning the baby?”

“Yes!”

“Buffy….could I use the letter….if…” Spike asked her again, like he had a few weeks earlier, with Lily’s initial letter, “Buffy the sooner I can untangle myself from this marriage, the more strength it will give us in the parental rights matter. We need to show everyone that we’re together in this, in every way we can.”

“I know Spike.” Buffy sighed heavily, “Do what you have to do! Just don’t drag it out.”

“Buffy, I don’t want this to drag out either.”

Buffy remained silent as Spike picked up the letter and tucked it into his coat pocket, looking at his watch he noted that they still had a few hours until their appointment at the Medical Imaging Centre. He could feel the tension coming off Buffy in ripples, flooding the area around her, knowing that this was not good for her, or the child, he decided to do something about it. Standing up, he packed his briefcase with the documents, then turning to her, he took her hand before leading her to the back door. He locked the door behind him and led her to the garage and the Jeep within. In silence, he opened the passenger door for her, and moved around to the drivers, opening and sitting himself behind the wheel. Buffy still stood outside the passenger door, astonished at being left on the passenger side, considering it was her car.

“Get in.” The request was quick and to the point.

Buffy did as he asked. Sitting herself down in the seat she fastened her seat belt, as he gunned the engine into life. Pulling out, he turned towards the main street that led to Sunnydale City Centre. They travelled along the road for a good ten minutes, before Spike pulled over at the local shopping centre. Pulling into a car space close to the entry, he got out and moved around to the passenger side

“What are we doing here?”

“What do you think luv?” Spike smiled at her, “Isn’t it a favourite female past-time to shop?”

“For what?”

“Hello, dad here!! What else, but for the baby!” Spike smirked at her, “Buffy the little one will be here before you know it, and you don’t have a thing!”

“Yeah, but….”

“No buts Buffy! Our kid needs a bed, clothes, toys, and nappies!”

Taking her hand, Spike led her into the complex, straight into a boutique baby store, and into the furniture department, stopping short in front of the cot displays. Buffy looked around herself surrounded by all the displays, not sure what to do or say. Spike moved slowly around the furniture, pulling cot sides up and down, looking at the craftsmanship of each, she noted not once did he look at the price tags discreetly attached. Buffy on the other hand, picked up one from the cot that stood directly before her, and felt dread come over her, as she looked at the price for the cot alone. Realising that there was no way she could ever afford this one, or any other one for that matter in this store.

She moved over to Spike, who now was looking more closely at what appeared to be an antique looking framed cot, something straight out of a magazine, with its patchwork quilt set, and beautiful mobile. The final addition was a coloured mosquito net that draped from the head of the cot. It was something that she would have loved herself, if she could only have afforded it. Lightly she tugged on his sleeve, trying discreetly to gain his attention away from his looking over the cot.

“Buffy what do you think?”

“It’s beautiful, but…”

“Then what do you say we take it?” Spike cut her off, as he watched her look awkwardly around, “Or do you like another one?”

“No, that’s not it,” Buffy quietly replied, “Spike there is no way I can afford this stuff! This cot costs what I make in three months!”

“Are you politely saying you don’t like it?”

“No, you idiot! I’m saying I cannot afford it!” Buffy felt belittled by her predicament, it was fine for him to choose what ever he wanted, but she still had to live within her means.

“Buffy, I’m not asking you to pay for it!” he quietly replied, trying to keep his voice down, “I’m sorry if I didn’t make myself clear, but this is my contribution to the baby’s things. Well one of them anyway.”

“One of them?”

“Buffy, please don’t argue with me! This is at least something I can do to make things a little easier for you. If we do this now, then we don’t have to worry about it later!”

Buffy let his words sink into her mind, she didn’t want him to spend so much on something, that the baby would only need for a few years anyway. Yet as she looked at the cot more, she really began to fall in love with it, and with a little hesitation, she gave in. Picking up the netting that lay on the side bar of the cot, she could imagine the little person that would sleep within it, surrounded by the beauty of the thing that he/she slept in. Spike smile turned into a smirk, as he watched her features soften on her face as she gave into his want to buy it for her. Moving to the other side of the cot, he leaned over picking up the quilt. He was about to ask her something when the sales assistant came over.

“Hello. Can I help you with anything?”

“Ummm well, we’re just discussing things,” Buffy replied to her first.

“We we’re just talking about sheet sets, and things?” Spike laid the quilt back where he found it.

“Well would you like to see our exclusive range? I am sure that you’ll find something that you both like for the baby. We sell everything in matching sets, from the pillow cases, bumpers and window curtains.”

The woman became totally animated in her delivery of her sales pitch, as she was surely mentally calculating her commission from this sale, “When is your baby due?”

“In about five months,” Spike answered the woman.

“Are you just now looking for the baby?” Her look of shock astounded both of them, Buffy quizzically looked at the woman and Spike was just amused, “What about a pram, portable cot, baby seat or two for the cars, change table, high chair, baby bath, baby linen and clothing?”

Buffy opened her eyes wide at the list that the woman was spurting out her mouth, she hadn’t really thought about all the things that the baby needed. She knew that it was a sales tactic by the woman, but it was a damn good one to get people to part with more of their money.

‘Ahh, no we haven’t,” Spike looked around the store, mentally calculating what they needed, and it seemed a good idea just to tell the woman to ring up the entire store as a sale, and pack it for delivery, “Does the cot come with other furniture?”

The sales woman turned around and pointed to a change table, cupboard and side table, which she quickly demonstrated to them, showing all the mod cons hidden in the old style furniture. She then navigated them through the store, showing them two prams, baby seats, cot sets and clothing, that would probably cost the earth. By the end of a few hours, she’d given up any thought of buying the things herself, if Spike wanted to spend his money, well then she’d let him! She kind of had a naughty thrill knowing that he was paying way too much for the stuff, but it was his prerogative and she’d have the most beautiful nursery when they were finished. Then so be it, let him pay for it!

The sales woman guided them back to the register and arranged for the ringing up of the sale, taking the credit card that Spike offered her. She even threw in a few other gifts of toys for the baby, considering the small fortune that Spike had just spent in the store. Buffy ran her hand over a soft plush teddy bear, with large sad eyes, and moveable joints, a single tear ran down her face. Spike turned and watched as Buffy’s tear slid down. With his thumb, he wiped it away from her cheek, then taking her hand he pulled her away from the counter, and with the other picked up the bag with the toys in it.

“Thank you for shopping with us Mr and Mrs Freemantle,” The woman behind the counter spoke up as they began to depart, “I hope that you have a safe delivery, and have a wonderful time with your newborn. If we can help you with anything else, please don’t hesitate to come back and ask for me.”

Buffy’s mouth hit the floor, as she struggled in trying to answer the woman, to correct her about her assumption of them being married. Spike pulled her hand a little harder, as he walked out of the store with a ‘thank you’, dragging a dumbfounded Buffy behind him. He turned and looked at her as he tilted his head, silently begging her not to reply, and engage in any more conversation with the annoying sales woman. He lifted his other hand, showing her the time, indicating that they needed to get to their appointment. With a silent nod from her, she complied with his wish, and they made their way back to the car, to go see their baby via the wonders of modern technology.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Reaching the medical centre just in time for their appointment, they were quickly ushered into the sonography room. A young woman waited for them as she cleaned the examination bed and made it with fresh linen.

“Mrs Summers?”

“Yes,” Spike answered her, before Buffy could, as she watched him stare at the all the contraptions in the room. Buffy guessed that he wasn’t really paying much attention to the sonographer just yet, so hadn’t really heard what she had said.

“Mrs Summers, behind the curtain you’ll find a gown, you can leave your underwear on, thanks. Just come back out when you’re ready,” She gestured to Spike to take the vacant seat at the side of the exam table, next to one of the many screens that filled the room.

Buffy did as she was asked, moving quickly she placed on the white cotton gown, and with a slight hesitation she moved the curtain aside. Spike turned his head to see her, she seemed a little embarrassed to be seen so bare in front of him. With an encouraging smile, he patted the examination bed that he sat next to with his hand, and with a slight nod of her head she made her way to the bed and sat on the side, waiting for more instructions from the sonographer. The woman in question picked up a sheet from the linen trolley, and asked Buffy to lay down on the bed, taking the sheet, she covered her patient’s lower body.

“Okay Buffy, let me introduce myself. I’m Megan, and obviously the sonographer, which means I’ll be taking baby’s first picture,” Megan laughed, “I’m going to be putting a cold gel like substance on your abdomen, then I’ll be using this wand like thing with a flat edge to be take the scan, and voila we’ll see the baby!”

“Okay,” Buffy quietly responded.

“First I’ll take the standard 2-D scan, and then later I’ll take the 3-D image scan. It’s basically the same thing, but a different computer program, okay?”

Megan began to lift the gown away from Buffy’s abdomen, holding the sheet in place with her other hand, “So, do Mom and Dad want to know what sex the baby is?”

“No” and “Yes” came out of both of them, Buffy the negative and Spike the positive, Buffy looked at Spike with a furrowed brow, “Okay Buffy, no,” Spike conceded to her wish not to know.

“If you guys change your mind you just have to ask your Obstetrician, he’ll get all the results anyway,” Megan answered as she tucked the gown just under Buffy’s bra, and tucked the top of the sheet in her pants, “So Buffy how far along are you?”

“About 16-17 weeks.”

“Excellent, thank you.”

Taking the gel in her hand, Megan placed a generous amount onto Buffy’s stomach, turning towards the ultrasound machine, she turned it on and sat down. She punched Buffy’s details into the screen in front of her, and then took the wand and placed it onto her abdomen. A soft rapid ‘thud thud’ filled the room from the loudspeaker on the ultrasound machine, Buffy looked questioningly at Spike, then at Megan, who was playing around with the dials on the machine.

“Yes, that’s your baby’s heart beat,” Megan watched Buffy, as she still looked gravely concerned, “Baby’s hearts beat a lot faster than ours, and it sounds normal.”

“Ohh,” Buffy quietly spoke.

“Okay let’s have a look at bubby,” Megan moved the wand around Buffy’s abdomen, “Here they are….there’s the baby’s head….arm…..there’s the other hand….the baby’s spinal cord…leg and other leg.” Even though it was obvious to them what was what, she pointed it out on the screen as she continued with the examination.

Buffy turned her head away from the screen for just a minute to catch a glimpse of Spike, she saw that he was totally engrossed in the picture in front of him. His gaze never moved, and he didn’t seem to blink, even once, he was so totally wrapped up in the vision before him. Turning her attention back to the screen, she watched as Megan took other scans, like the diameter of the limbs, and organs of the baby. Buffy felt a warm hand take her own, as the scan continued, gently lacing its fingers with her own, and then giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Buffy returned her attention back to him, looking at him she saw the gratification he felt towards her, as he mouthed the simple words of ‘thank you’ to her.

“Okay, we’re done with the first scan. Time for the 3-D image,” Megan spoke to both of them, she changed the wand to another type, and placed more gel on Buffy’s abdomen, “Let’s get a good picture for mom and dad.”

Megan ran the wand over Buffy, and flipped a few switches and turned the dials again, adjusting the image until a clear picture of the baby’s head appeared on the screens around them. Spike’s fingers tightened around Buffy’s hand, as their baby’s face appeared; their little facial features clear on the screen. It was a sight that made both of them smile in wonder of the little life that was displayed for them.

Buffy felt herself begin to tear up as she watched the screen, the wave of emotions flooded into her, ones of love, affection and protection. Spike touched the monitor that sat in front of him, and outlined the features of the baby with a single finger. Even though he had no physical connection with the baby, like Buffy, he felt the strong bond that lay deep within him, surface and sweep him away. He turned towards the woman that lay beside him, the feeling of overwhelming gratitude he felt at that moment was indescribable. He lent over and brushed her hair with his hand, she broke her gaze away from the screen as he caught her attention, he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, and returned to his seat.

Megan took the wand off Buffy’s abdomen, before cleaning the instrument with a cloth, and handing Buffy a towel to clean up the gel. She placed a disc into the computer consol, and a video tape into a VCR, and hit a few other buttons on the ultrasound machine.

“I’m running off a few copies for you. You’ll have a copy of both the scans on CD for your PC, video for the VCR and a few hard copies….ohh sorry, pictures of each scan.” Megan stated.

“Pictures?” Buffy replied a little vaguely, the sight of the baby had numbed everything else.

“Yeah, baby’s first picture! You can also make an image of the 3-D scan into a desktop, if you have the software, or I could recommend a place that does it,” Megan replied.

“No, I should be able to do that,” Spike looked at the sonographer, “I’m sure that I’ll work it out.”

“Buffy you can get changed now, back into your street clothes, you should find a container of Wet Ones, behind the curtain to clean the rest of the goo off,” Megan instructed Buffy. Doing as she was asked, Buffy got herself off the bed, and went behind the curtain.

“Mr Summers, here’s the CD, video tape and pictures. If you lose any of them let me know, we keep the tape for at least a year,” Megan handed him the things.

“Freemantle”

“Oh sorry…Mr Freemantle…my apologies…I just thought…”

“No problem Luv!”

Taking the precious items from her, he got lost within the baby’s scans, all time seemed to stop for him, as he admired the little image before him. He never heard Buffy call his name as she tried to get his attention, it wasn’t until she tapped him on the shoulder, that it broke his trance like state. Megan moved to open the door to allow the couple to leave, and let the next couple in, she wished them well, and reminded them to go see Dr Singer in a week for the scan results.

They walked out of the building, stopping outside the main doors of the complex, as Spike finally handed Buffy the pictures that he’d been admiring, and she’d had yet to see.

“So which side of the family do you think they’ll resemble?” Spike asked Buffy as she studied the picture that she held.

“It’s a bit early Spike for that!”

“Well maybe, but if it’s a girl, we need her to look like you, and if it’s a boy…….”

“What? Look like you?” Buffy laughed at him.

“And what’s wrong with that! I’m a fine English specimen, thank you!”

“Yes, that’s totally conceited and wrapped up in himself!”

“Hah!! Look who’s talking!”

“Shut up Spike! Let’s just go home, I’m all shopped and scanned out,” Buffy pleaded, “I need a shower! Ewww that goo she used is everywhere!”

“Ahh, but you still look pretty!”

“Pretty messy?”

“No, pretty…” For once, he was lost for words.

“Anyway, please let’s go home!” Buffy pleaded again, Spike looked once again at the pictures, still stunned by the amazing site.

“Thank you for today. You have no idea how much this means to me.” Taking her hand, Spike looked at Buffy. His face broke out into a large grin of happiness.

“I can guess, because it means the world to me,” Buffy replied.

“It is my world too Buffy! The baby is everything!” With that Spike did the last thing that Buffy ever imagined, he leant over her, and placed a soft kiss on her lips, it was just a quick brush of his lips on hers, but enough to startle her. “You and the baby are the most important things to me, and never forget it!”

“I won’t.” A quiet and sombre reply came from Buffy, as Spike led her through the crowds and towards the car park. Her heart raced as it thumped against her ribcage, she knew that it was just a friendly show of emotions, but considering what they just been through, it sent her into a tailspin of confusion and numbness. Just how important they were becoming in his life was beginning to plague her thoughts, she knew that they still had to look beyond the pregnancy, and decide just where they stood in each others worlds. Buffy just didn’t know how much or how little he expected her to be a part of his life, and how much she could give up of herself, to let him be a part of hers.

Old memories came to haunt her mind as she continued to walk by his side, memories and feelings that she’d buried along time ago. She never thought that she’d have to face them ever again, but it was evident now that she would have to exorcise her demons, and rid herself of these memories of false hope and ………..desire.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N Thanks to Kirsty and Darcy once again for beta reading the fiction!! You guys are the best!! Only five months till summer!!

TBC……..

~~Chapter Seven~~

~~~Let Chaos Reign Over Me ~~~

The next few weeks flew by for Buffy. She was into somewhere between the fifth-sixth month of her pregnancy, her 'bump' became more pronounced with each day that passed, well at least in her mind it did. Each day the little life nestled within her became more of a reality, and something that she began to hold on to in the chaos that was her life. Spike had been more than the perfect gentleman, protector and good friend, but that was it. That was all that lay between them, and it was beginning to bother her to no end. He seemed to be only thinking of the here and now, not the future, and not a day past the arrival of the baby. It seemed to have become his obsession lately; he would make sure that all arrangements for the birth were in place and perfect. That she took all her prenatal vitamins, coffee was banned from the house, with no bad food or drinks lying with 10 feet of the Summers-Freemantle's home. He would not even allow the chocolate that she craved everyday, nothing would persuade him to supply even a piece. He seemed to know when she snuck in a little bit; it was like he had a sixth sense, his radar on, tracking her every move.

The only place she felt total freedom was in the deep recesses of her mind, where old memories came out to haunt her days, and wreak havoc with her dreams. Buffy didn't know whether to blame the pregnancy with all its hormones, or her deep consciousness telling her something that she didn't really want to hear. In the end it all came down to long ago lost feelings that she'd had when she was young and impressionable. Feelings that were wrong and forbidden. She could still feel the rush of adrenaline, the increased heartbeat, and the feelings of desire, they flooded her body every time she remembered. For what seemed the 100th time that day she tried to shake them off, tried to think about something else, her job, the grocery shopping, the washing, anything she could so she didn't think about the baby, because then it always came back to him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~First Sight~

Buffy remembered the first time Lily brought him home to meet the family, to impress them with her new boyfriend. Lily had insisted that they go to one of the most expensive restaurants that the town boasted to impress her parents, as he was going to foot the bill therefore showing the great success that he appeared to be, from all Lily's accounts of her mystery man. He also appeared to be very punctual, right on 7pm as the hallway clock chimed the doorbell rang, announcing his arrival. Buffy heard her sister's clear yell of, "I'll get it!" from her bedroom as she put on the last bit of make-up, and flattened her best dress against her small frame. Making her way down the stairs she stopped mid-step on the topflight, her mouth agape staring at the man that stood in the doorway.

He stood not much taller than herself, sporting a dark blue suit, blue shirt with a red tie, and flaming peroxide blond hair. Yet what really caught her eye was the bright azure blue of his eyes, and the cocky grin that lay on his face as he embraced her sister in greeting. The jolt in her system was instantaneous, he moved into the hallway giving her a more clear view of him. She could feel the rush of adrenaline race through her body, jealousy permeated alongside its companion in her bloodstream. Jealously of her sister like she had never felt before. Buffy had been fortunate in her life, never to be jealous of anything that came her sister's way, but today was different. Today she wanted what her sister had, and the sad fact was she knew that she just wouldn't be able to really compete for this man in front of her, only an idiot would be unable to see how besotted he was with Lily.

Begrudgingly she walked down the stairs, and shook the hand of the man that was introduced to her. The same man who didn't give her a second glance as he took the hand of her father, and presented the bunch of flowers he had to her mother. He spoke with an obvious English accent, much to the happiness it would appear, of her father, and had impeccable manners so it would seem. All the family bar Buffy joined in the small talk that surrounded the new member of the group, her parents politely integrated him, yet still he never spoke to the somewhat shy younger daughter. After a short time, he motioned them to move out to the car that waited to take them to dinner. The limo only further impressed her parents, and made Buffy even more jealous, that he would go to such lengths to impress them.

The evening dragged its feet well into the night, Buffy just wanted to escape home and stick her head under her pillow. It was hard to deny the fact that, the more she got to know her sister's boyfriend, the more she could feel her attraction grow and nourish itself within his presence. He was turning out to be every young woman's fantasy, good natured, a great sense of humour, manner, and a divine body to go with it. He even on occasion tried to engage her in conversation, but Buffy couldn't find the words, they stuck to the roof of her mouth, she lost all her usual confidence, which he mistook for a dislike for him, and defiance of her family. Her parents blindly mistook it for insolence and rudeness, which her father would probably have a few words for her later that evening. Yet to her it didn't matter, if it was the only way that she could build up a kind of protective armour, to stop her from making a complete and utter fool of herself, then so be it.

Later on, Lily and Spike's relationship grew out into marriage. Buffy forced the feelings that had surfaced in her life, to the bottom of the abyss of her heart. It had only been 'a simple crush' on her future brother- in-law, one from a young woman yet to experience the real thing, Buffy thought to herself, 'Damn' whom was she deluding. She had been kidding herself then in the past, and it would seem this present moment in time. Her feeling for him had grown like her sister's, but he never saw it, as she hid it so well within herself. Not even her folks had guessed this development in her life.

Over time Buffy learnt not to think of him, she avoided him at family gatherings, at times she was bluntly rude to his face, anything to make him leave her alone. Her family would shake their heads in disapproval at her, still deaf and dumb to their daughter's desires. Buffy eventually began bringing her own boyfriends home for the family to meet, much to the amusement of Spike, who would make it a point to make their lives as uncomfortable as possible. He even scared one or two off, as he thought them not good enough for her, sometimes he would just do it to get under Buffy's skin, revenge for the years of awkwardness that she caused those first few years with Lily. She'd learnt to accept them as a couple a long time ago. For a while, Buffy thought it a pity that he never had any brother's, things may have been different. The early years became easier, as time progressed and in a strange fashion a truce was formed between them, with the deep feelings she felt for him so deeply buried, Buffy had been able to develop a comfortable friendship with her brother-in-law.

Buffy thought she'd left all those forbidden feelings behind her. Until now.

She sat on the sofa evoking long lost thoughts and feelings, she could feel her heart crying out not to be put through it again. Things maybe different now, but her and the baby were at their most vulnerable. Nothing had been settled between Lily and Spike, despite the divorce being in motion, Buffy knew that there may never be a chance, of any type of feelings or advances from her, would ever be reciprocated. It was unrealistic to even consider that he may ever. Yet that little voice in the back of her head kept telling her evil thoughts, that 'he was free now', and 'what do you have to lose?'

What did she have to lose? She had everything.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike arrived home that night to find Buffy in the kitchen preparing the evening meal, 'bugger' he thought to himself, he knew that he should have called her. "Buffy, don't worry about me for dinner. I won't be here."

"Oh, what a business meeting?"

"Um, kind of."

"Kind of?"

"Yeah, I'm taking a new client out to dinner."

"Who?"

"Harm Kendall."

"I haven't heard of him. I don't think you've mentioned him before.'

"Her."

"A her?" Buffy stopped chopping the vegetables in front of her, "Oh a her. But not a date?"

"Well I suppose it is, I guess."

"A date."

"Yes, a date."

"A date." Buffy moved away from the bench, she put the knife down and walked into the lounge room to sit on the sofa. Her mood just hit rock bottom, after such a topsy-turvy day, this was the last thing she wanted to hear. Spike followed her into the lounge room, and sat across from her. "A date."

"Buffy, you're beginning to sound like a broken record."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I should have called you and let you know, but I had a bitch of a day. I'm sorry."

Buffy began awkwardly to pull at the apron that she wore to protect her clothing; she played with the single thread that was beginning to unwind from the edge of the tie. She looked at it funnily enough like a reflection of her existence now, a thread unwinding itself, destroying the fabric of her being. Spike just watched her, wondering what was going on in her head.

"You don't mind do you?" Spike asked her quietly.

"Why should I mind?"

"Well, I thought with the separation only being a few months ago," Spike sat back more into the sofa. "That you might think that it's too early."

"No."

"Then what Buffy. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"It can't be nothing?" Spike watched as a pained expression came across her face, the first thing he thought of was the baby, rushing over to her side he slumped himself in front of where she sat. "Is it the baby? Are you in pain? Do you want me to get the car?"

"No!" Buffy pushed her way passed him as she got off the sofa, and walked away back into the kitchen, with Spike following her. "All you care or think about is the damn baby! Well hello!! Human incubator has thoughts and feelings too!"

"Buffy!"

"What!" Buffy screamed at him, "What!"

"I don't understand, Luv? What's wrong with you?"

"You!"

"Me?"

"You!" Buffy had enough; it was time for the course that they were on to change, even if it was only to make sure that they began focusing on their lives beyond the birth of the baby. "All we ever do is talk or live around the birth of the baby! But what about after he or she is born? What then?"

"Why are you bringing this up, Buffy?" Spike sat himself down in one of the stools in the kitchen, "I thought we agreed that we'd each play an active part in the baby's life."

"But how? What's you're bit, huh? Part-time dad, coming to see his child on the weekends, nominated by a legal agreement?" Buffy exploded, "And me? What about me? Full-time mom to our child, running my life around yours! While you work and play? I don't think so!"

Spike was dumbfounded by her swing in conversation and mood, he thought it must be a pregnancy thing. Nevertheless, she still had a valid point, even if she chose to bring it up this way, he would have hoped that this discussion would have happened at another time and place. Looking at the clock above the doorway, he looked again at the distressed woman that stood before him, he didn't know how to tackle this subject right know, and he didn't know if he really wanted to. The relationship between the two of them up to this point had been perfect, they had been living quite harmoniously and he didn't know if he could say anything that would make it better, or change her mood.

"Buffy, how did we jump from me going out to dinner, to what are we going to do once the baby's born?"

Buffy stood in deathly silence, she couldn't keep smothering her feelings anymore, she had so many unanswered questions floating around in her head, it was hurting so much she ached with it. It had stunned her into the dull quietness that poured from her, he just didn't get it, and she doubted that he ever would. Buffy was concerned about more than the here and now, she wanted a clear direction of where they were going. As hard as it was and as uncomfortable it made her, she needed definition and direction in her life.

"Forget it." Buffy moved out of the kitchen, up the staircase and into her room, slamming the door behind her, leaving Spike to follow her to the bottom of the staircase, scratching his head in wonder about what was going on in her head. Taking the slamming door as a cue, Spike turned and opened the front door, closing it as quietly as he could behind him. He never heard the quick and shallow sobs that just above the top flight of stairs, or the silent tears that fell onto a bunched up pillow, clutched tightly against a face that reflected a mirror of hurt and pain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Later that night.

Spike sat at the dinner table, absolutely bored out of his brain, as his date blabbered on about something, he took absolutely no interest in what she was saying. He had to admit that this was the worst evening that he'd had out in ages, ~now if Buffy had been here, she wouldn't have been blathering on about~..stopping himself in that thought, he caught himself wishing that he'd stayed at home for the decent conversation he would be getting from her at least. He couldn't help but think and reflect on the conversation and scene that had played itself out before he'd left.

He knew deep down in his gut that he was missing a vital piece of some puzzle, he couldn't put his finger on it, he just knew that something was drastically wrong in the Summers-Freemantle's household. That was obvious considering what had happened in the early part of the evening. Maybe the whole pregnancy deal was creating such a heavy burden for her. Life hadn't been pleasant for him either over the last few days. Hence the thought of rejoining the human race again seemed a pleasant one, when Harm had asked him out. It was proving to be a big mistake, instead of locking himself in his home office, as his usual routine dictated, he had decided to go out with her, to distract him from the chaos that presided over his life at present.

He wondered if he should tell Buffy what had been happening in his life lately, but in a strange way he wanted to protect her, he had been trying to think of their future, nothing like how Buffy had accused him. The truth was that he had yet to untangle himself from the web that Lily had snared him into with the divorce, and because of this, he couldn't really think beyond anything but the present moment. The birth of the baby was the one thing that gave him real joy, and gave him hope for a new day, and hopefully a new life soon, beyond all this mess.

Lily's lawyers appeared to enjoy making his life a living misery, as they continued to try and part him from more of their joint assets and his belongings . It was with some professional pride that he withstood their daily attacks, and refused to budge on some points. In addition they continued their advice that Lily not sign the waiver of paternal rights over the baby, despite the fact that she walked away from this marriage for another man, and did not intend to ever be a part of the baby's life. It was like the blade in a guillotine, that they were willing to threaten him with, and chop his head off if he didn't comply with their demands. It was getting to breaking point, he was willing to give it all away, just to have some peace in his life, and get rid of the bitch.

Spike knew that it could threaten not only the outcome for himself, but more importantly Buffy herself, for if Lily wouldn't sign then Lily could walk in and demand the child. This was something that Spike didn't want, he promised Buffy the right to her child, to bring it up in this world, and he never wanted a woman like Lily to take over

He had to admit to himself that she was right about one thing, they had to make plans about after the birth of the baby, despite the obstacles that she didn't know about. Maybe even if he shielded her from the truth, he could still smooth the path, from the rocky road that they'd found themselves on tonight. A plan of action was needed, with clear definitions of what role they would play in the baby's life and each others. Maybe they could come up with some compromise about everything, to suit each other like living arrangements and time with the baby. Maybe.

The thought of not living at the same house as his child made him cringe, not being there for the baby's first words, or footsteps, and all those other important milestones made him feel sick. The thought that they would probably be reported to him by Buffy over the phone, or recorded on video to be watched later by him, just didn't seem right, he was the kids dad, and should be there for every moment, every millisecond of the baby's life he could be.

"Spikey?" A loud whiney voice interrupted his train of thought. "Are you even listening to me? You're not, are you!"

"I'm sorry Harm, what did you say?"

"What are you thinking so deeply about, Spikey?" Harmony moved around her chair to his side of the table, and laid her hand suggestively over his own, "Maybe about a little fun we could have?" She carped, her bright pink fingernail drew lines up and down his arm.

"I'm sorry Harmony but I was thinking about something important." Spike just wanted to go home and talk to Buffy, to reassure her, and not lose what they had worked so hard to establish.

"Sounds like a naughty boy needs to be taught a lesson!" Harmony continued to move herself more snugly up to him, rubbing her thigh next to his.

"I'm sorry Harm but I have to go home and do something important!" Spike tried to gently untangle himself from her grasp, but she didn't seem to want to give him up just yet.

"What could be more important then little old me and a little fun?" Harmony began to blow in his ear, he tried to pry her off more.

"Look Harm thanks for the offer, but.." Spike ended up physically lifting her hands of him, and moved his chair away from her, which deeply offended his companion.

"Oh my god! Who do you think you are turning me down?" Harmony let out, the saccharine sugary voice gone.

"Harm, I'm sorry but I'm not interested! I have bigger fish to fry than you, and more important things to do than play little games!" Spike quietly told her, with heads beginning to turn in the restaurant; he tried not to make a scene.

"Like who? Do you know who I am?" The real Ms Kendall decided to make an appearance, "I'm a lot of business to your firm Spike and I will not be treated like this!"

"I don't care Harm!" Spike was getting tired of her, "You could be the Queen for all I care! As for any of your business you bring in for the firm. You can shove it!"

"What!"

"I said you can shove it! I will not work for a pompous, primped, self- centred, self-glorifying, stuck up little bitch!" Spike let her have it, he'd had enough of her.

"And I wouldn't want to fuck a stuck up pig like you, William Freemantle!" Harmony let it fly, "You're beneath me!"

"You wish Luv!" Spike stood up, taking out his wallet he made his way to the Hostess's Desk, he took out a wad of cash and gave it to the woman at the desk, apologizing for his behaviour to her. He then turned back to Harmony and said, "That's a stuck up dad-to-be pig, thank you!" Harmony's jaw fall even further, and the hostess's silent clapped her two hands together with glee. He walked to his car and drove himself home, where he finally realised he should be tonight, with his future.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Letting himself in via the back door, he found the kitchen the way that Buffy had left it, with half chopped vegetables on the counter, and cutlery lying on the bench ready to be put out. He found the upstairs light on, and Buffy's bedroom door still closed. He walked up the stairs and down the passage, until he stood in front of her door, he lightly tapped on it and opened it up just a fraction. With no reply he walked in, and sat on the edge of her bed, Buffy lay on her side facing away from him, he watched her take in slow shallow breaths, but still he asked, "Buffy, are you awake Luv?".

"No. Go away!" Came an equally quiet voice from the other side of the bed.

"Buffy, we need to talk."

"I said no." Buffy turned her head a little, her eyes puffy from long ago dried tears, and a lack of sleep. "Please not now. Go away!"

"Tomorrow, Buffy? Tomorrow we have to talk!"

"Okay, tomorrow." With that, Buffy turned her head back into her pillow.

Happy with that, because he knew that he couldn't get anything more from her, and he didn't want to push his luck, he moved off the bed, and towards the door. Taking the handle, he said one last thing, "I'll see you in the morning." He finally felt her despair and pain, as he heard her almost silent reply.

"You never see me, and you never have."

TBC

A/N: Thanks so much to Kirsty and Darcy for editing and beta reading this fic. I am so lucky that I have such great friends.who will rip a fic limb from limb, then put it back together again...lol just kidding ;)

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