Thirty-One: And Then There Was...

By Annie

2003-05-17

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Day Twenty-Five.

11.39 p.m.

Their kissing was slow and deep, still the desire was growing clearer for every new moment that passed and it was building in heat as their hands kept moving over the other. She slipped her fingers under the duster covering his shoulders to make it slide down his arms and drop to the floor. The sound made tingles run through her and she grabbed the T by the hem located at the base of his throat, tearing the fabric apart; and his hands grabbed her, twirled her around and pressed her up against the wall as his tongue grew even more demanding.

She moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck and returning the kiss as his fingertips slid up under her top and didn't stop until they graced her hardened nipples. Then he pressed his palms down, beginning a slow massage and she took her lips from his as she tilted her head back, letting the approaching ecstasy have its way with her.

He observed her face, the curve of her jaw, the way she had her brow just slightly furrowed. And he listened to her erratic breathing, to the steady and incredibly hard beating of her heart, to her blood pumping through her. And he felt the power resting within her, he sensed the passion circling right beneath her skin, he let his love for this woman take him over completely in that moment and he saw her in a way he never had before.

She was everything. She was the one thing that made him get up in the morning... especially since he should be sleeping when the sun rose. But she was the single thing on his mind, no matter what he tried to tell himself. And so help him, he didn't want it any other way. If he lost her he'd be truly dead. She made him feel...

"Oh, God, I can't take anymore," she whined, moving her head forward and kissing him deeply.

He brought his arms to her back as she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Her skirt was hoisted up as she did. Her hands moving down over his chest to the buckle of his belt, beginning to fumbling get it open and then proceeding with the button and zipper of his pants. Their kissing was harsh now, deep but eager. His hands slid over her waist and to her thighs, moving up under the skirt and grabbing her panties. He ripped them off easily and she moved her arms up to link behind his neck again just as he moved his hips forward and entered her.

They both gasped, the kiss being broken for a few moments as they opened their eyes and stared at each other. Then their lips caught the others forcefully. He began to take her roughly and her pleasure couldn't be silenced, her fingers grabbing fistfuls of his blonde locks as she clung to him.

He let his mouth travel from hers and to the side of her throat as he couldn't help but groan as well.

She was gasping, her breathing heavy now.

What she did to him was indescribable.

What he did to her... she was out of her body and yet at the core of it at the same time.

In this they were growing into one being as they moved together, linking in a way they weren't fully aware of and yet somewhere sensed.

He swirled around and took the two steps taking them up to the bed. Falling onto it he made her crawl backwards as he followed, still buried deep inside her and her head threw itself back as she reached her arms out and clasped the bedspread tightly with either hand.

He let his hands glide up under her top again, this time pulling it with his caress in order to get it off her. Once it was done he didn't hesitate before he let his tongue lick the outline of her collarbone to travel out to her shoulder.

She was panting, and she was trembling beneath him. Her legs were spread wide as her hips moved with his and he moved his hands along her arms before letting his fingers lock with hers as they were both growing close.

Once they reached the climax together they both practically stopped breathing, their motions dragged out and then they began to slow. Buffy let out the air in her lungs for taking in a fresh supply. Her heart was setting a new record and her fingers were still tightly grasping his. She released her grip tentatively, feeling his lips against the skin of her throat as he rested his head by the right side of hers.

"More," she whispered and he moved his face to have it before hers.

Grinding her hips upward his eyes grew slightly and he hardened quickly within her. His mouth fell open and she put hers up to meet it, pressing her lips to his with the fervour picking itself up again.

He obliged.

Gladly.

***

12.23 a.m.

Their limbs were shaking as they once more reached the peak together, neither one of them had even the slightest idea for what number in the order it was; neither one of them cared.

She was glistening with perspiration and her skin was gliding against his as she rolled him over onto his back and placed herself on top of him. He ran his hands through her blonde locks to get it out of her face and she smiled just a little before she kissed him. Moving her hips slowly she then pulled back again, keeping eye contact.

He slid one thumb over her cheek, looking at her in that not-interpretable way and she felt her gaze grow questioning. He merely smiled and she returned it tentatively.

How was she supposed to give this up? She had tried so hard to stay strong, and for such a long time she had been able to resist him... But forever? For some reason the mere thought had her heart skip a beat in pure protest and a hole opened up somewhere behind it. She didn't like the feeling. After all, this was nothing more than... what it was. Because it could never be. She couldn't have it be. More.

She closed her eyes and then let their lips meet again. Kissing him deeply she felt as though she wanted to cry all of the emotions within her out of her. But she knew she couldn't do that. They were there to confuse her and turn her inside out and upside down. And his eyes kept stirring them; his gaze kept drilling into her... What was it trying to tell her?

He groaned into her mouth and she was brought out of her musings as the pleasure embraced her again.

She let it.

Gladly.

***

1.02 a.m.

"Buffy," Spike murmured, her forehead to his as she kept taking trembling breaths beneath him.

"Don't... stop," she whispered, moving her mouth to his. "Don't ever stop... touching me," she added, nibbling his lower lip and he kissed her.

She immediately returned it.

***

"And you spoke to Riley?" Giles asked and Xander nodded. "And what did he say?" the older added and Xander shrugged.

"That he hadn't seen her since they had a very short conversation right after she got to the party," he then replied. "So we went looking for her, but since half the rooms we checked had locked and - apparently - barred doors we thought we'd see you, figure out a less shoulder-hurting approach."

"And you have no idea where she might be?" Giles wondered and Willow hesitated.

He looked at her and caught sight of it, reaching up and taking off his glasses he kept his eyes on her as he polished them in silence - waiting.

"Okay, so I might have an... idea," she finally mumbled, refusing to look at Xander and barely even able to look at the Watcher - who was slowly replacing his glasses - as she added: "She might be with... With Spike."

"I dunno, it's kinda late for whacking him over the head with a stick, don't you think?" he asked and she swallowed, shaking her head a little.

"No, that's not what I meant," she murmured. "Lately there's been something going on between them, and tonight Spike was acting really weird when I told him that Buffy and Riley have... Well, I think he went looking for her. So, it's probable to assume that he just might've found her."

Now she was being stared at by two pairs of disbelieving eyes and then Anya's eyebrows rose.

"So THAT'S why he was so grumpy earlier!" she then exclaimed and Xander turned his questioning gaze onto her. "Well, he was acting all moping over something... I figured it was over Dru, but this makes a lot more sense to me. Though... still not. Buffy and Spike? Together?"

At that Xander got to his feet, his brow deeply furrowed as he shook his head.

"I don't believe that you're accusing her of this! Where's your loyalty?!" he demanded and Willow rose as well, shaking her head calmingly.

"I'm not saying that they're together - together, Xander. I just think that... I don't know. That something happened when they were trapped and now... Well, don't you think that house could've tapped into it?"

"Made them go bonkers?" he wondered and she put on an empathic face before she nodded.

"Something like that," she concurred and he finally smiled a little.

"It's just too sick to even... I mean, even with a spell... Why would Buffy ever let a thing like that near her? And... WHY would Buffy EVER let a thing like THAT near her?"

"Calm down, honey," Anya said, reaching up a hand and patting his arm.

"Wait, what's this about the house?" Giles asked and Willow turned her head to him as she answered:

"Well, people all over the party were starting to act weird... - sexually."

"In what way?" the Watcher inquired.

"You know," Willow replied, turning the page of the scrapbook before her as she added: "Ways."

"Well, it could be anything. A prank, some sort of disturbed practical joke - it could even be energy coming from the lab BENEATH Lowell's fraternity," Giles stated and Willow suddenly jerked, saying:

"It wasn't always a fraternity, look!" Giles got to his feet to come stand behind her and both Anya and Xander moved closer from across the table to have a better look as Willow recited what the aged article on the page before her said: "'Between 1949 and 1960 the Lowell Home For Children housed upwards of forty adolescents; runaways, juvenile delinquents and emotionally disturbed teenagers from the Sunnydale area.'"

"Children?" Tara asked carefully. "Did any of them...um...die in there?"

"If there's been death perhaps we're dealing with a fairly standard haunting," Giles said as he had a seat again.

"Possession," Xander nodded. "That would explain a LOT."

***

1.56 a.m.

His back was against the headboard of the bed and she was straddling him as their mouths wouldn't leave the others. His hands were loving her, so was his tongue and the fact that he was buried inside of her was the mere icing on the cake. Her fingers held tightly onto the edge of the headboard on either side of his shoulders and she was loving him back.

The silence around them was broken only by the sounds of this love making and they were completely lost within the other.

All Buffy could think was that she didn't want it to end. It never had to end. She wanted to be in his arms from this moment on. She wanted to learn all his secrets and keep them safe for him. And she wanted to hear all his stories. She wanted to know what kind of being he saw himself as. She couldn't believe that all he wanted to be was evil. Not when he looked at her like that, not when he caressed her so tenderly.

She wanted...

The door was torn open and she grabbed the sheet lying around her hips, pulling it up before she turned her head to the doorway, squinting against the light as she exclaimed:

"Hey! Don't you...?"

At the sight of Xander's shocked gaze she swallowed the last word.

"Knock?" Spike filled it in for her and Xander shook his head, eyes still in the Slayer's, before he turned and left.

Anya stared at them for a few moments longer until her boyfriend's hand came into the frame of the door and grabbed a hold on her upper arm, pulling her with him.

***

Day Twenty-Six.

10.03 a.m.

Spike swallowed the last of his blood and put the jar on top of the TV.

As the door of his crypt slid open he turned his head that way, cocking his scarred eyebrow at who entered.

"Slayer," he greeted. "Didn't expect to see you here. At least, for a while."

Her face was deadly serious and he stripped the rest of the sarcasm off as he met her gaze.

"So, Xander freaked?" he wondered, trying a smile and having it fade as she didn't return it.

"No," she then replied. "No one freaked," she added and both his eyebrows rose questioningly. "There was a... poltergeist," she explained. "It caused the..."

"Buffy," he interrupted, praying with everything in him that she wasn't saying what it sounded as though she was saying.

That she wasn't finding an excuse, a way to dismiss what obviously was there between them.

She looked at him and felt a twirl of sorrow occur near her heart. Brushing at it she put on her brave face, for herself and for him. What she had felt the night prior... She couldn't have actually felt it. That was what she had been telling herself all morning after hearing Giles' recap of what they thought had induced the strange behaviour at the party. The fact that she herself had been part of fuelling it, for reasons neither Giles nor Willow could fully explain, was something she was willing to overlook.

She had wanted him, and having the emotion cooped up inside for nearly a month hadn't helped. But...

"I have to end it," she grumbled and he ignored the knife twitching in his heart as he observed her in silence.

"End what - exactly?" he merely inquired and she looked at him.

"It's not doing either one of us any good," she murmured and he shook his head at her.

"What bloody good would you have it do? You hate me, don't you?" he asked and her eyes widened slightly. He took a step forward as he added: "Don't you?"

"As stated on many occasions," she finally answered him.

"So we both went into this - head first - without any expectations to..."

"Don't," she shook her head and turned toward the door. "No persuasions, no rationalizations, no excuses. I can't do this anymore."

"I've heard you say this a few times before," he stated and she turned her head to him as she opened the door.

"And for some reason I've never listened," she replied. "This time - I am."

He watched her as she took the first step out through the door and then he said:

"I'm in love with you."

She froze in the doorway, back to him, and then she slowly turned around; the utter detriment in her gaze had him take a step back and he swallowed hard.

"What?" she asked. "What did you just say to me?"

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Thirty-Two: I Lose Myself

By Annie

2003-05-19

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Day Twenty-Six.

10.19 a.m.

He couldn't believe it! He had just blown his safety net straight to hell. With his only shield of protection gone - keeping the whole humiliating, awful, twisted truth to himself - he had completely wrecked his chances of slipping out of this nightmare unharmed. Well, maybe it hadn't always been a nightmare... but it sure was now! The way she was looking at him...

He would have given anything if he had only been spared that expression of shock and disbelief and absolute depredation.

"What did you...?!" she tried again and he interrupted her.

"Nothing!" he said and her eyes grew wide.

"Don't even ATTEMPT to 'nothing' me!" she exclaimed.

"Bloody hell, Slayer," he grumbled.

"Don't you DARE 'bloody hell' me either. WHAT did you just SAY to me?!"

He merely eyed her in thickening silence until it was filling her mouth and slipping down her throat and she couldn't take it anymore.

"Is THIS nothing?" she inquired, making a gesture to the atmosphere in general and he arched an eyebrow as he tried to figure the whole thing out.

He needed a reply that would throw her...

"I love you," he stated, rather the second before he could prohibit his sudden taste for truthfulness; biting his jaws together and steadying himself as he met her gaze. "I'm..."

"Stop," she cut him off, shaking her head and taking a step into the room, her brow furrowing slightly. "You can't mean that. You can't 'love' me...!"

He ground his teeth as he raised his eyebrows questioningly, his face growing defiant as he asked:

"And why's that?"

She stared at him, crossing her arms over her chest and he tilted his head slightly to one side, waiting.

"I don't believe you! What is this? Seducing-for-dummies? Have you completely lost your mind?!" she yelled, unfolding her arms and taking another step forward. "If you think a stunt like this'll make me fall into your arms you must be completely crazy!" she added and he took a step forward as well as he growled back:

"You think I would say those words to you if I didn't bleeding well mean them?!"

Her eyes were blank with something he couldn't determine. They were glazed over with what looked like tears, but he was pretty sure it in fact was not. She was trying to form words, but seemingly coming out short.

There were no thoughts moving through her head; just something vacant which filled her entire mind as she kept staring at him. This couldn't be happening.

"Oh, no," she finally got her tongue back, shaking her head. "No. You can't be serious!"

"Buffy..." he murmured and she put one hand up, stopping him.

"Oh, God, don't," she said. "Just don't even."

"I..."

"I don't wanna hear it," she once more cut him off.

"Well, you're bloody well gonna!" he burst out. "If you just dared open your eyes one teeny bit, love, you'd see that you're still in the sodding stone age of Slayerthinking. You need a soul to love?" he asked and she felt how she was stiffening as she kept her eyes in his storming gaze. "Guess you need a soul to hate too then 'cause if you look around you the world is bursting with it. And I'm not only talking about the demonic world here. You know I'm right, I know you do... And I know this isn't how it usually bloody goes down, don't you think I do?! But... you can't just shut me out."

"Watch me," she grumbled, about to turn from him when his hands grabbed her shoulders and he said:

"No, you FACE me. Look at me, Buffy."

She swallowed, shaking her head at all of it before humoring him and resting her eyes in his once more.

"Stop," she then murmured. "This ends now."

"I never thought this would happen," he said, voice lowered as he kept his hold on her when she tried to step out of it. "Did you think I walked down into that basement thinking 'This seems like a good day to get trapped with the sodding Slayer and...'"

"Please. Don't," she said, looking up at him with the graveness painting her eyes forest green.

"I never bloody imagined that I'd feel this way about you," he continued without hesitation and she once again tried to get away from him, but failed as his words were weakening her, were making her feel out of breath as her heart kept pounding in her chest. "But no matter how hard I've fought this, I haven't been able to win. And now... I can't fight it anymore..." He paused, looking at her for a long second before he finished: "I love you."

His gaze was as serious as hers and she drew a shaking breath before she managed to tear free from him.

"No," she then said, voice shaking as she took a step away from him. "You don't."

Turning she rushed up to the door, pulled it open and continued through it. Once outside the crypt she picked up her pace and began to run. She didn't stop until she was outside of town, being met by low shrubs and dried grass and utter emptiness.

That vacancy where her thoughts had been missing was now filling with whispers and memories and tastes and sensations and with a thousand questions. A billion, even. They trembled and twirled about themselves, slick as they grooved to the heavy beating of her heart.

She tried to focus his voice out of her head, struggled to clear her mind of the expression in those azure blues of his, was compelled to shut out the low murmur of the night prior... and how he had made her feel.

She ran her hands through her hair and closed her eyes.

She hated him.

She hated him for doing this.

He was lying! He had to be lying. It was another trick. He couldn't love, it was impossible. Impossible! Without a soul love cannot live in a being. And he was soulless. He couldn't love her. He didn't love her. Of course he didn't! If he thought for one second that she could ever believe him... Whatever it was that he thought he was feeling - it wasn't love. It was not love.

Then why hadn't she been more shocked at hearing him say those words? Why hadn't she felt the disgust well up inside of her? Why had there only been an icing chill of fear down her back as her dream had been realized?

'I'm in love.'

'So am I.'

Truth is, a voice spoke up and oh, how she wanted to shut it up - but she couldn't. Truth is you've been watching the way he's been acting, and you've wanted to ask him what's been up with him for some time now... Was this the answer you were expecting? Or... hoping for?

She opened her eyes and shook her head.

"He's not... I can't..." she mumbled, tears forming in her eyes without her ever telling them they could and she tried to blink them away, but there was no use. "I can't," she repeated, tilting her head back and looking up at the sky.

Wishing for wings. Wishing for an escape. Just for a few precious hours she wanted to soar high, high above it all.

Flashes of her body entangled in his made her draw a deep breath and shake her head.

He's not freedom. He's another cage. He's just another cage. I can't be locked up within him. It's not even real. None of it is. Not this so-called partnership, not this phony state of having him under my skin and inside my mind, not the amazing sex bit, not the quiet need to be near him and definitely not him being in love with me! Just thinking it sounds strange! Spike's in love with me. It sounds so out there I can't even... I wonder...

She took a small breath and then said slowly:

"Spike's in love with me."

She blinked, fighting the small shiver of something close to nice sliding down her spine as she saw his face before her.

"But it wasn't even the blink of an eye ago that we hated each other..." she murmured, putting her arms around herself. "That he hated me as much as I do him," she corrected herself quietly, closing her eyes again.

She didn't know what to do. She had absolutely no idea what she should do.

What about what you want?

She opened her eyes and sighed.

That's never the issue, is it? she thought. And even if I did know...

The whole situation was too messed up now to even try to straighten out anyway.

So, there really were only two options, as she saw it.

All it came down to now was her making the right choice.

***

11.22 a.m.

He was pacing. He disliked doing it, but couldn't find another way to express his impatience with himself, his boiling irritation.

Left behind, eh? Once again branded the fool of this pathetic masquerade. He swore, if he could rewind time, he would take it all back. But he couldn't, and he couldn't stay in the crypt with nothing but remorse as a companion. He'd lose his mind... more.

Pulling his duster on and grabbing a torn blanket, which he had taken with him from The Basement - NOT as a token of a reminder, he tore the door open and almost stepped right into...

"Buffy?"

She pushed passed him and he blinked, hesitantly turning around to look at her as he shut the door with his left hand.

"If you're gonna scream at me some more and then bloody run away again..." he began, but she interrupted him as she looked up and met his gaze, stating:

"I don't want you to say anything. I don't want you to speak, or move, or even look at me. No. DON'T look at me. I didn't come back for you to do any of that... Now, explain."

He turned his eyes back in hers as he cocked an eyebrow and she rolled her own to the ceiling with a shake of the head.

"You know what I mean," she murmured and he tilted his head slightly to one side as he observed her for a few moments.

"How can I bloody explain any of this?" he then wondered. "You think it makes sense to me? I know I'm not supposed to feel like this. I know this isn't how it should be... But when I'm near you..."

He trailed off as she rested her eyes in his, her face solemn and he bit his lower lip as he was attacked by a shower of shivers, his nerves tangling themselves up. If there was even the slightest chance that she had come back for anything but to give him the final brush off... The hope was too strong to even try to suppress and he felt his thoughts elude him as he looked into her gaze.

"'When you're near me...'?" she repeated questioningly. "When did all this change from 'I'll wring your neck' to... And I... I don't understand," she added, looking away from him.

"I don't either. And I bloody well don't know when this went from... to..." he stuttered, trailing off. "Why are you here?" he then asked and she turned from him to walk up to the armchair, putting one hand against the back-support's cushion.

"You know, ever since I had to spend a few days in the company of your precious self my whole world's been turned upside down," she stated, still not looking at him as he couldn't take his eyes off her. "And I don't mean that in the woo-hoo-let's-do-that-again kinda way," she added and he smirked.

"Then what've we been doing over and over... and over?" he asked and she turned her head to him, the small sign of her face softening and her eyes growing a tad more gentle made his heart stop... more.

Then she shook her head.

"I should've stayed with Riley," she murmured. "He... he made me happy and..."

Spike approached her, making her trail off as he stopped before her.

"Give me one chance," he mumbled and she drew an unsteady breath as she held his gaze as firmly as she could manage.

She shook her head again, this time slowly.

"This can't ever work out, Spike. You have to know that," she replied and he stepped into her as he reached up his hands and placed them on either side of her face.

"One chance to make you happy," he mumbled and she put her hands up, placing them on the leather covering his upper arms.

"You can't," she stated simply, and though he could hear her voice wavering he released her, taking a step back.

They watched each other in stillness for nearly a minute and then he began to speak.

"The first time I saw you as anything but a mark, was the first time I saw you," he said silently and she didn't move her eyes from his as he continued: "You were dancing, with Willow and Xander, and you were glowing. Vibrating. You pretty much knocked me over right then and there... but I got back up on my feet pretty bloody quick and then you were just another target... The enemy. It was easy enough. In that basement, with you... God, how I tried to resist you. I was shocked outta my sodding mind once it dawned on me that I wanted you; that I had to feel you... I convinced myself that was all there was - desire..." Buffy swallowed, still listening with her heart beating terribly slow in her chest as he went on: "But then... Then something happened. Something clicked. Once we were outta there all I could bloody think about was you... How I could get you close to me again. And when everything I saw was your face, when every single thing I touched was the softness of your skin..."

"Spike," she mumbled, and he granted her a small smile before he continued with:

"I realized that I felt alone without you; that I wanted to wake up beside you; that I wanted to listen to your crazy blabbering and your pep-talks and be close to your buggering never ending optimism. I want to know what gets you real mad - apart from ME, and what brings you... calm? I want to know you, Buffy. To learn OF you... Your life."

"Spike," she tried to get him to stop once again, and once again he merely smiled.

"We're different, I know that. But on another level we're... compatible. You may not bloody like it - but we are. If we weren't, we wouldn't work - period. I'm in love with you..."

"Spike..."

"...and something tells me a part of you...a small part of you...can see that."

She swallowed, once more having a hard time breathing properly. Why had she gone back to this cursed place?! Why? Why? WHY?!

"Can't you? ...See it?" he mumbled and she tried to take a step back, but couldn't.

Instead he took one forward, standing two feet away and his being beginning to reach out to dance around her.

He hesitated a moment, and then he said, voice low, sincere and powerful:

"The only time I ever feel truly alive... is when I lose myself in you."

She stared at him and he observed her face. He couldn't read it and it was unsettling.

Oh, God, why did he manage to move her like this? How could he dig inside her with confessions that should make her shudder, should have her running as far away from him as possible... again? Why did his eyes go so deep?

The choice had been made when she turned and set her feet on the course leading to his crypt, and not to her dorm room. And now it was too late to ever take it back. He ruled her... he broke her down so easily...

She took a small, trembling breath and then she diminished the space between them as she took a step forward.

He stared down at her as she cautiously reached up one hand and let it gently touch his cheek before it slid up and through his bleached curls.

"Spike," she practically whispered and he let the smile grace his lips tentatively before he moved his arms around her and pulled her close.

As he bent forward she stood on her toes and met his lips with her own. Deepening the kiss she linked her arms behind his neck, pressing herself to him and knowing that she just might be falling into the hands of one of the most devious fiends she had ever had to deal with.

Then again... a part of her - a small part of her - did see. And it could do nothing but believe in what it saw in that warmth so clear whenever he had his gaze in hers. A part of her refused to ignore its belief in his love for her, because it had been waiting. It had been wanting. And no matter how hard she needed to deny that - that small part of her knew the truth.

***

3.45.p.m.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, running her finger along the scar located slashing through his left eyebrow.

He reached up his hand and slid it into hers before he removed it from the spot, kissing her fingers tenderly and then letting both their hands rest against his torso. Her head was propped up in her right hand where she lay beside him on the sarcophagus; her body leaned against him and partially placed on top of him as her chest graced his.

"I got it in a fight," he answered her. "A long time ago," he added and she smiled a little before she pulled up and placed her lips against it.

"I'm glad you won," she then said and he swallowed at the gentleness in her eyes as she slid down and back into her previous position.

"Yeah?" he murmured and she nodded.

"Yeah," she confirmed before she moved her head forward and kissed him softly. "It's not everyday that someone 'loses themselves in me'," she added, mouth still to his though hers curved in a teasing smile as his eyes opened and he grabbed her with a growl, making her give a cry of delight as he tilted her over and placed himself on top of her.

She giggled as he held her down, and she fought to get loose as his lips crashed down on hers. She met his kiss the next moment.

"I pour my heart out to you and you bloody ridicule it?" he murmured as he broke the kiss and moved his head so that he could meet her gaze.

"No," she said with a small smile, kissing him on the lips before she added: "Not 'ridicule', just prompt."

He raised his eyebrows and she smirked, moving her hips up against his and he clenched his jaws together.

"As in 'prompt' you to lose yourself in me again," she mumbled and he returned her smirk as he entered her, filled her and made her moan.

Putting his forehead to hers he closed his eyes.

"You don't have to prompt anything for me to do that," he whispered, his hands letting her wrists go and hers moving to glide over his back and into his hair. "All I have to do... is look at you."

She smiled at that, tilting her head back as the pleasure kept building. It was heavier than ever before, shattering her cells as it spread, and still making her feel that freedom she had craved mere hours earlier. Granting her those wings, having her soar.

He felt it too. She was sure of it. She made him feel it too.

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Thirty-Three: Just a Little Bit Of

By Annie

2003-05-21

**************************************************************************** **

Day Twenty-Seven.

9.35 a.m.

Buffy stretched and yawned, her head resting on his arm and she turned it as she relaxed again, opening her eyes to look at him. She watched him for a minute, a small smile playing with the corners of her mouth and then she sat up straight.

"Darn!" she exclaimed, getting off the sarcophagus and beginning to gather up her clothes. "Damn it!"

Spike shot up into a seated position as well, blinking sleep out of his eyes and looking around the room until his gaze found her form as she jumped into her pants. He rested back on his hands as he watched her, cocking an eyebrow.

"I had hoped that we sorta moved passed this last night," he grumbled as she pulled her boots on and then got her hair out from under the hem of her sweater.

"What - the whole me-rushing-out, leaving-you-high-and-dry, see-if-I-care deal?" she inquired and he nodded, still watching her as he swung his legs over the edge of the sarcophagus and ran one hand through his short curls. "Well," she added, looking around to see if she had forgotten something; concluding that she hadn't she hurried up to him, eased herself in to stand between his thighs and then finished: "Here's a new clause."

She kissed him deeply and he returned it, wrapping his arms around her. She smiled hesitantly as she pulled away. He kept his hold on her, his head tilted back slightly as he looked up at her.

"I'm late for class," she stated and he smirked.

"Think I care?" he asked and her smile broadened.

"I have to go," she murmured, her face sinking closer to his and he smiled back before he moved his head up to catch her lips with his.

Leaning back he pulled her with him and then rolled her over, making her suppress the giggles as she shook her head.

"Spike," she tried, meeting his gaze with one beginning to fill with silent desire. "I can't miss this class... Willow said we're having an exam next week and..." His left hand trailed down her neck and over her shoulder, making her close her eyes. "And I have to... take notes and..." She once more lost track as he kissed her jaw line tenderly. "And would you stop?!" she exclaimed, pushing him off her and getting to her feet.

He merely smiled devilishly as he sat himself up again. She glared at him without anger, crossing her arms over her chest in an attempt at a firm expression. It didn't stick.

"I'll come back," she said as he got to his feet. "I will," she added, looking into his eyes as he came closer.

"You'd bleeding well better," he mumbled, stepping into her and she ran her hands up his torso as she once more smiled a little.

He leaned her back against the wall behind her and joined their lips again.

***

10.33 a.m.

"...with the following three years taking him all over the world. There was really no way of telling..."

Professor Johnson's voice drifted out of her mind again, like a cloud in the sky simply gliding by. She stared at the blackboard with her chin resting in her left hand, her right hand drawing circle upon circle in her notebook without her eyes watching the procedure.

She was crazy. It was official. She was completely and utterly deranged.

But it had had her smiling to herself every five minutes. Remembering his words... The way he touched her... The way he looked at her... His kisses...

She cleared her throat, blinking as she pushed those thoughts out of her head. She had to stay away from him for the rest of the day; otherwise he would know exactly how much she wanted to be near him and how much she actually longed for the slow hours of school to be over.

Every time she admitted that, she jerked with the self-consciousness spreading through her. One minute she couldn't believe she was actually indulging herself further in something that couldn't possibly be going anywhere! The next she wanted to sigh, happily... which was even stranger.

Spike. Happy. Somehow those two words still didn't quite fit. And there was an underlying fright mixed in with the allure of him, of this - whatever it was turning into. Slayer and relationship were two words that seemed to fit together even worse.

Oh, good grief, girl! she muttered in her mind. It's not like that... Is it?

The confusion wasn't exactly dying away simply because she had come to some sort of a decision. Her head was as mixed up as ever. But she knew one thing for certain - she felt better, in spite of everything going on, than she had in quite some time. And Spike was the cause of that.

He harbored such immense strength. He was such a powerful, charismatic being. And yet he had made love to her the night before in a way that had been caring; and it had been soft; it had been...

"Perfect," she mumbled.

"Ms. Summers?"

She looked up, meeting Professor Johnson's questioning gaze and she swallowed.

"What?" she asked and he furrowed his brow slightly as he eyed her.

"Did you have something else to say about the exam next week? Or will 'perfect' be your final comment on the matter?" the teacher asked, low giggling being heard from the assembled students of the class and Buffy smiled meekly, shaking her head.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I don't know where my head went off to."

"Oh?" Professor Johnson wondered at that. "Having an exam isn't worth being labeled as 'perfect' to you, Ms. Summers?"

"Well... it's not that it's not 'worth' being labeled...per say, but I..."

"Ms. Summers," he interrupted and she swallowed, cocking an eyebrow. "I'm pulling your leg."

The bell rang and she let out a sigh of relief as the entire class rose as one, gathering up their trinkets and belongings. She gave the professor a small glare for 'pulling her leg' in front of her peers, for a second wishing that he'd be turned into a vamp so that she could pull HIS leg good and hard. Then she shook her head at herself, picking up her bag and slinging it over one shoulder before she scraped together her notes and collected them.

"You know, Mrs. Auberry in math would probably be rather impressed by those circles there," the professor's voice said behind her and she rolled her eyes before she turned around. "They seem very... accurate dimension wise," he added with a calming smile and she returned it.

"I'm sorry if I seemed a bit distracted during class," she said. "I've just got a lotta balls in the air right now and I can't afford to drop one 'cause then another's really sure to follow and if I drop all of them, just 'cause I dropped that first one then... that would be bad," she finished as she noticed the rising eyebrows of her teacher.

"It's okay," he assured. "I just haven't been able to ignore the fact that you've been absent - both in mind AND in body - quite a bit for the past few weeks or so. I hope everything's all right with you; you were doing very well in the beginning of the semester."

She swallowed, then plastered on another smile.

"Oh, everything's just fine with me... There's just some stuff - personal stuff - that's needed my... attention," she answered and he smiled. "But, when you say 'WERE doing'... Does that mean that I'm not doing it anymore?" she then wondered and he grew slightly more serious.

"I think it would be important for you to do well on the exam next week," he stated. "I just wanted to let you know that."

She nodded slowly.

"Thank you," she said.

"And..." he stopped her as she was turning to leave. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you just now. I merely strived to wake you up a little," he added and she smiled again, giving him a nod.

Leaving the classroom she headed for the dorm, wanting to see if she could get a hold on Willow and ask her for the bliss of her company as a study- buddy later.

***

4.15 p.m.

Spike leaned back in the armchair.

He was climbing the walls and had been doing so since about fifteen minutes after she left. Telling her how he felt had just about been the most dumb- smart thing he had ever done. He wasn't sure how many other dumb-smart things he actually HAD on his list, but there were a few.

Where was she? Why wasn't she there yet? How long did the sodding classes last? He could've gone to campus, he supposed. But he had wanted to wait. To trust her statement that she would return. To be there and not somewhere else once she came...

But where was she?! What was taking so bloody long?

The door slid open and he got to his feet, then quickly flopped himself back down, directing his gaze as lazily as he could manage on the TV-screen as she entered the room.

Buffy looked at him, closing the door again and letting her bag slide off her shoulder to thump against the floor. She moaned tiredly as she dragged her feet up to him.

"Rough day?" he asked, the nonchalance he forced into his manner made her arch one eyebrow, stopping to his right and looking down at him.

"Yeah," she replied. "And it has yet to get to the kind I like," she added, making him give her a sideway glance and as his eyes met hers the attempt at acting cool slipped off him like water off a goose and he reached out a hand to grab her right wrist, pulling her onto his lap.

"Let's see if I can help," he mumbled and she smiled as their lips locked together, the kiss deepening as she slid her arms around his neck.

They broke it slowly and she curled herself up, resting her head by the side of his throat and turning her gaze on the TV.

"What are you watching?" she asked. "Is this...? I know what this is - my mom watches this soap! Oh my God!" she then giggled, squirming as he grabbed her.

"Enough of the teasing, love," he warned and she calmed down, though the smile was still wide on her face as she looked up at him - her head now on the left armrest.

"I can't believe you watch that," she stated, not able to hold back the chuckles and he smiled before he bent forward and kissed her harshly.

She kissed him back as the passion tore loose from its restraints and rushed through her, making her groan and bury her fingers in his hair. She moved herself to straddle him, her mouth still planted against his, and he let his hands glide inside her sweater and up her back. His caresses got her all the more hot and she pulled the sweater over her head before she grabbed the red shirt he was in and ripped it open.

"Hey," he grumbled. "I went through a lotta bother breaking the window and picking this out," he added and she gave him a look before she leaned forward and began to trace the taut muscles of his abs with her tongue.

His mouth dropped open as he closed his eyes, the sensations taking him over. Then the sound of soft giggling reached his ears and he opened his eyes again, looking down at her and she moved her head to meet his gaze - the wide smile again on her lips and her green orbs sparkling with humor as she said:

"I just can't BELIEVE you watch that soap!"

"You're gonna pay for that one," he stated, grabbing her and getting to his feet; her wrapping her legs around his waist with the smile turning mischievous as she asked:

"Promise?"

He smirked, kissing the tip of her nose before he answered:

"I'll promise you anything... Just name it."

She smiled sweetly before she moved her head to place her mouth by his right ear, whispering softly and making his eyes widen.

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" he asked as she pulled back again.

"Not like I kiss you," she murmured before she crashed her lips against his.

"I'd hope not," he grumbled, mouth still to hers, and she giggled once more as they sunk down on the sarcophagus.

***

9.49 p.m.

"What's it like?" she asked and he blinked, turning his head to look down at her and she met his gaze; her cheek resting against his chest. "To be alive and still... not," she elaborated hesitantly and he thought about it for a short while before he answered:

"I'm not sure anymore... remember?"

She couldn't help but blush slightly at that and then she pulled up, kissing him gently.

"You need to stop doing that," she mumbled, making a smile grace his lips as he cocked one eyebrow.

"It's getting to you, eh?" he wondered and she smiled back, kissing him again before moving to lie on top of him as he added: "Well, don't bloody blame me - blame yourself! You're the inspiration for this sudden honesty, and frankly - I blame you entirely! And what is this?" he then wondered, looking down at her as she moved her arms and placed them on either side of his head, pulling up so that she could have her face right above his and he finished his question with: "You going into attack-mode, darling?"

She laughed quietly, shaking her head.

"I think it's too early for you to 'darling' me, sugar-lumps," she teased and he slid his hands up her buttocks and further up her back, making her bite her lower lip before she added: "And I didn't think you had to ASK me when I'm on 'attack-mode'?"

"Ohh," he cooed, smirking.

She returned it.

"I don't know anything about you," she said silently, resting her forehead against his. "Except that your greatest fear is to be alone forever, and that you look absolutely incredible without one piece of clothing on... and that you kick ass" she added and he laughed at that.

"What do you wanna know?" he asked and she gave a small shrug before she kissed him on his right cheek.

"Well... What's more important? Making with the Big Bad or..."

"Making with you?" he filled in and she smiled a little, kissing his left cheek as she nodded slowly. "Which is a sugarcoated way of bloody asking me how badly I wanna...bite?" he added and she moved her head back slightly to meet his gaze. "I wanna bite, Slayer. A part of me misses it and still feels the craving for it... I'm sorry if you can't understand it," he grumbled as she looked slightly disappointed.

She shook her head then, giving him one of those small smiles as she said:

"It's like an addiction."

"It's a lifestyle that's been mine for a century," he corrected glumly. "It's my bloody instincts haunting me, love," he added, reaching up a hand and softly letting it slide down her locks. "It's not something I can just get passed."

She swallowed, leaning her cheek into his touch and then she shook her head a little, holding his gaze.

"I know that," she stated.

"No, you don't," he disagreed gently. "If you did you wouldn't have asked me," he added and she closed her eyes before she bent her neck and kissed him on the lips.

"It's just... hard," she grumbled and he nodded, his eyes closed as well.

"But you're soft," he mumbled, lips brushing against hers and she smiled slightly.

"So are you," she said silently and he smiled as well, their mouths joining in a by now very familiar game.

***

11.25 p.m.

She watched him as he slept. She had been watching him for nearly half an hour. Fascinated by how peaceful he looked, and it reminded her of that moment in the basement when she had glimpsed him - as he had been - as a human. He looked kind, gentle... Quite the opposite to the master vampire who had come into her life like a fist in the face. What bruises hadn't he given her?

And now?

Now he was trying to soothe them.

No.

He wasn't trying; he was succeeding. It seemed half the time she completely forgot that she had ever wanted to have him away from her. Far away. Way away. Well, a small reason might be that all she really did want right now was to be close to him. This close. The way she was.

It was astounding.

How in one second the perception she had had for so long, of her life and of how it seemed to be panning out, had changed.

He made her feel in a way that had her close to petrified, because when she thought of what he was, how he should stand for absolutely everything that she truly loathed - but now really didn't, and the fact of her actually sensing the truth of the words that he spoke to her... It was unbelievable.

Still...

She moved her head and gently slid her nose up his cheek before granting it a kiss.

Where was this leading? Where was this taking her?

There was only one way to find out.

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