I dont own nothing! Thanks to flames, zeta, smithers, and nikita


this is a finished story. I will update when my beta sends it back.
VIII
By Machine


Chapter One: Two years after the…….


When she felt the silver band slide on her ring finger, Buffy felt as if he had wrapped a platum noose around her throat instead. The precious metal seemed so tight against the tiny length of her finger, she almost wondered if it would cut off all the circulation. She couldn’t breath. Opening her mouth in an attempt to pull much needed oxygen into her lungs, Buffy’s gasp for air was cut off by lips pressed against hers.

“Ahem, it’s not time for that just yet sir.” The minister joked to the audience.

She closed her eyes to the sheepish sounding voice apologizing to the crowd. Buffy thought she may be sick when she heard them laughing. ‘Do they not see I can’t do this? Isn’t someone supposed to stop this? Can’t they see? Cant they see I am dying?’

Buffy looked around the room. Someone has to know, someone has to see. Buffy could see herself racing towards the exit. She was running far away from this awful church. She scanned the crowd, looking for support. That was when she saw him. Standing in the back away from the pews- Hazel eyes locked into blue.

“And do you Buffy Summers take this man to be your lawful loving husband?”

“I do”

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

She thought she may truly be sick as her husband leaned down to kiss his new bride.

“I now present Mr. and Mrs. Liam Angelus.”

She almost made it to the bathroom- almost made it before retching on her new husbands dress shoes.

A few minutes later Angel tried to calm down his bride. “It’s alright baby, shhhh now.” He said as he dried the tears from Buffy’s face using a towel brought to him by the minister. “Baby, lots of people get sick at their weddings. And everyone was still in the chapel, no one saw. It will be alright, you’ll see.” Buffy wanted to feel reassured by Angel’s soft soothing words. She wanted to feel the same sense of certainty Angel did. That everything would be alright.

But as the newly married couple had walked out of the sanctuary, Buffy saw him.

William.

Spike.

Standing in the shadows.

Dressed in black.

Was he mourning?



"You're not like other boys at all. You are totally and completely one of the girls! That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff."

"Oh great. I'm a guy. Kinda" She laughed at that, a large rumbling laugh. William smiled; he didn’t mind that she didn’t think of him as a man. Maybe one day she would.

And one day she did. They were dancing slowly, alone on a darkened night. She felt his body pressed against her own, sleek male lines- so firm against her softness.

He laid her down on the soft grass, kissing her lips– oh so delicately- as if asking for permission. Permission she granted with tenderness of her own. Clothes removed gently. Skin explored with fingers and tongues. Cries muffled with mouths. Two new lovers were learning passion within each other and themselves.

The two young lovers fell asleep in a tangle of limbs, so close they might still be joined.

A bittersweet passion- for in the morning- one woke alone.



He couldn’t remember why he came. Why he forced himself to watch her say vows to another man. Pledge her life to another man. Give her love to another man.

BE WITH ANOTHER MAN!

Dressed all in white, so delicate next that massive caveman beside her, Spike wanted to cry out to her. ‘Buffy! I love you! Don’t do this!’ His insides screamed. As if hearing his inner cry, she turned and scanned the crowd. He saw the blood rush from her face when their eyes met and for a moment he thought she would run to him. His heart stopped when her firm “I do” echoed in the church.

His eyes closed when the man leaned over his Buffy for a long searing kiss. (Mine damn it!) Spike had watched, shocked at the first kiss. The crowd’s chuckles made his stomach turn. Before the now married couple was even working their way down the aisle, Spike had moved to the outer door. He paused to see her one last time. Once more their eyes locked.

Then he was gone.

He forced himself to not look back. After all it was only fair. He realized now, she had left him two years ago, and she never looked back.

please review this story means alot to me

VIII Chapter 2: This tug of war. Feeling Weak.




She wished it wasn't like this. Him all sweaty over her, so big and bulky. Rolling hips against her, the rhythm one she never seemed to match. She wondered what he thought. All her moves were mechanical. 'May as well be a doll.’ She thought. ‘Yeah, may as well just be a doll.’ His name on her lips felt foreign, as though she had never spoken it before. Her body was well used. Knowing just when to get wet. Knowing just when to moan. Knowing just when to clench muscles. Knowing just how to fake what her mind needed him to feel, hear, taste.

It was cold. No Feels. No emotions. No…. nothing.

And he never knew.

It was her fault. She knew this. It was just as accepted in her mind as it was to her body. Angel is her husband. Angel is a kind man. Angel is nice. Angel doesn’t know she faked every orgasm, every time.

And that was her fault.

Buffy knew at anytime she could turn to him and say “Hey, tonight I want you turn me around, rip my panties off, and fuck me hard against the wall. Or table. Or couch, or shower.”

She didn’t. Never said a word. She never said she wanted him to lick her toes and finger her until she screamed. Never said she wanted to blow him while she pumped her fingers in his ass.

Never said a word.

If she were to be honest with herself, it was because she didn’t care. It was so easy to just lay there. So easy to make the moves, moan when it was time and cuddle in his arms after.

It was easy to just lay there.

Why change it?


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Anyone looking at him would never guess he was a morning person. He looked like the night. Black clothes. Moonlight white skin. Dark humor and eyes the darkest shade of midnight blue.

But he loved his mornings. He loved being up before anyone else. Being alone in the quite before anyone else was awake. It was like he was the only person alive in the entire world.

Sometimes he felt like that at noon.

Grabbing a cup of coffee (a sin in England, but he enjoyed the bitter taste in the cold mornings) he pulled out a piece of stationary and couldn’t help the smile that graced his face. A gift from Dawn. Solid black sheets with matching black envelopes that had to be placed inside white overseas mail envelopes. She sent the present with a card saying how sad it was that email was replacing the art of letter writing. Spike never went a week without using the stationary. And each week he received a response on pale pink with deep lavender ink. Each letter was treasured. He even loved the gel pens she sent along with the paper. The glittery gel pens were used with pride and happiness.


Dearest Bit,

I wouldn’t dream of missing your big walk. Can’t believe it has been four years since I walked it myself. Graduation day. I am dating myself here. Next thing you know it’ll be the ten year, and soon, I’ll be complaining about my creaking back. You do realize that you’re the only reason I would ever come back to ‘ol Sunnyhell right. Tell Joyce it will be just me. Dru can’t make it. Some cousin getting married that week. It’ll be nice, just the big bad with his best girls.

Gotta go. Sorry for the rush, but I will be seeing you soon anyway. Hell you may even see me before you get this letter.

Love,
The Big Bad



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Stand there with those damn soulful puppy dog eyes; Get your damn hands off my woman. Otta bash your damn skull in. Rip out your entrails with my bare hands and turn them into artwork for my bathroom. What rhymes with “I’m gonna carve out your lungs.”?

“Spike this is Connor, my Boyfriend. Connor this is Spike.”

“Nice to meet you sir.”

Sir? Who the hell is he calling sir, I am not my da. More reason to hate you, you little piss-

“Spike, curb your inner demon. Mom won’t like it if you kill anyone at my party.”

Catching the amused look in Dawns eyes, Spike gave a bashful grin. “Sorry bit, this is just a little harder then I thought it would be.”

“Well, I think I will go grab a drink. Want one?” Dawn shook her head and both she and Spike watched the boy head to the kitchen

“Are you nervous?” Spike was startled by her question. His eyes squinted as they took in all the changes in this woman child. His lil’bit.

“All grown up aren’t we.” Dawn smiled. A wide warm smile graced her face. A smile that would take the breath away from any male who saw it, including William “Spike” Giles. It didn’t surprise him Dawn would see his fear. She always seemed to have a good grasp on the people around her.

Unlike her sister that is.

“When is she showing?” Spike asked not even trying to hide his anticipation.

“I am surprised she isn’t here already.” Dawn smiled again, knowing he was talking about Buffy. “She and Angel had to sit on the other side of the auditorium during the ceremony, maybe they had to sit through traffic. Let’s go outside for a few. I wanna talk to you about something, but there are too many people in here.”

“Might want to tell the boy.”

“Connor?” Spike pretended not to notice the dreamy look in her eyes as she said his name. It made his heart almost ache. Once again he wondered if he just fell in love with the wrong Summers woman. Taking advantage of Dawns distraction while she looked for her first love, Spike studied the younger woman. She was graceful curves. A dancer comfortable in her movement. No longer the gawky little girl he left before. No longer the tag-along little sister, but a woman moving with sexual ease. And it would have been so easy to love her. So easy to make her fall in love with him. Turn that school girl crush into a life long affair. Dawn was only four years younger than him. So full of life and energy. So much like Buffy. A sigh escaped his lips. ‘Would never work, mate. Face facts, you only have eyes for one Sunnydale girl. And she went off and married a-‘ He shook his head. Dawn was already across the room, a quick kiss and Connor was left behind. Another killer smile graced her face as she grabbed Spikes hand and lead him to the back steps.


“So tell me about the boy.” Spike said as he sat down on the top step. He tried not to remember all the times he sat here with Buffy. Gotta hate this town. Too many memories of her.’

“I met Connor at Buffy’s……. at her wedding. Angel’s mom and his are sisters. We started exchanging emails and then Connor started to drive up from LA on the weekends. We’re both gonna start UC Sunnydale next year.”

“Angel’s cousin.” His voice stayed smooth as he said the hated name. “Does he stay with Angel and Buffy when he comes to town?”

“Like Mom would let him stay here. You were the only guy aloud to stay over. EVER! Even after they were engaged Angel never spent the night here.”

“The newlyweds don’t mind losing the love nest for the weekend?”

Dawn smirked. He couldn’t help but answer it with one of his own. After all he was the one who taught her that look. “I don’t think they really care.”

“What does that mean?” ‘Damn that sounded too hopeful. What are you expecting?’

“Well, Connor is a nice guy. Plus he isn’t there much when he comes to town.” Another smirk “If you know what I mean.”

“Wait a sec? Are you saying your- I don’t know if I can finish that thought out loud.”

She didn’t even blush as she confirmed his thoughts. “Yup.”

“Oh god.”


There she was. Blond hair perfect. Figure perfect. Dress perfect. Standing next to her husband. That hurt. She was so perfect. So……… so………. Painful. Spike was caged. No exit, no latch, no means for escape. Trapped. Couldn’t run, couldn’t fight. Could hardly stand. He felt Dawn wrap an arm around him. Felt her lead him away. Felt her push him into a chair.

Both couple had walked in at the same time. Spike and Dawn from the back of the house, Angel and Buffy through the front door. One look and Spike hated her. She was perfect. Blended with no faults. And he was crumbling. A shattered wall, a cracked windshield, a broken wing. Nothing.

And she was perfect.
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Anyone looking would never know she was dying inside. She should have prepared better. Should have worn her ass kicking boots instead of the plain Jane flats. But clothes were the last thing on her mind when she dressed for Dawns graduation ceremony. Which would explain why Buffy made Angel turn the car around when she realized she only had on one of those plain Jane flats.

Buffy wished she had been able to skip the party all together. But Dawn would never have forgiven her. Once again in all black, Spike was the first person she saw when she walked into the room. Angels arm around her waist never felt heavier then it did right then.

“Awkward moment, my name is Buffy.” She thought as she saw Dawn leading Spike to a chair. He looked so good. So hot. Pale skin. Chiseled cheekbones and that shock of white hair. Angel didn’t notice the stiffness in her back. Or if he did he never let on.

“Oh look, there’s Connor.” Buffy grinned when she saw her sister’s boyfriend. She liked Connor. He was quite, and angsty, and full of teenage testosterone and right now she loved him more than any other male in the world. Because he was a nice distraction.

“Angel, Buffy, I was afraid you weren’t going to make it.” His voice was soft and clipped. Something was wrong. At once Angel caught the tone of something not right.

“Buffy we’re gonna head outside for a moment.” Angel said as he bent down and kissed her cheek. “Then I want to give Dawn her present.”

Buffy sighed. ‘He was supposed to be a distraction for me.’

“Ok. I’ll just go find Mom.” A quick glance to Spike and Dawn showed the two at the chair had watched the exchange.

She ignored them.



“So you’re Spike.” It wasn’t a question. Just a statement. Spike only heard the voice once, briefly but he would always know its owner.

“And you are Angel.” If he could just keep his cool, Spike thought he might make it through the night.

“Yea. Buffy’s husband.” Spike took a moment to look at the slightly older man. He could see the attraction. Angel was hansom enough. He had the build Buffy always seemed to prefer. Tall, thick cheated, muscles straining against his shirt. Yup, just like all the guys Buffy went for.

“Connor said you are an old friend of the families.” Angel had a grin on his face. And Even though Spike wanted to punch him, he grinned back.

“Dawn and I have been friends since I moved here.”

“Weren’t you a little old to be friends with her?”

“I was in the same class with Buffy. Is this your way of asking if I am after Dawn?” Angels grin got bigger.

“Connor is a little concerned you might be competition.”

“No worries there, Joyce is like a mum to me. My da and I lived next door when we moved to Sunnydale. It was right after my Mum died.” It was the truth. Spike wasn’t competition for some young punk. And Joyce was like a mother to him.

“Were you and Buffy good friends?”

Spike took a moment before answering. Were he and Buffy good friends? Yes. And if he said that then the next question might be something Spike wasn’t ready to answer. “We were friends. Same classes, lived next door, and all that rot.”

“Will you be in Sunnydale long?”

“I leave in a few days.”

“You should come over for dinner. Buffy and I would love to have you. Right Buffy?” Spike turned and saw Buffy standing just over his shoulder. Without thought, Spike spoke.

“I would love to.”



“So you just invited him? No thoughts to ask me? Just 'hey stranger, come on over to dinner?'” Angel wasn’t sure where this was coming from. Buffy hadn’t said a word about Spike coming over in the last few days. And now two hours before the dinner she was running all over the house striating and reorganizing everything in sight. “AND WHY ARENT YOU HELPING? This place is a mess! Angel?”

“Buffy, baby calm down. If you want we can cancel. I am sure he will understand. I’ll just call and tell him we had a change of plans.” Angel was confused. Joyce and Dawn both had explained how close the two were in school. He was a bit surprised she had never said anything about him before. But Angel realized along time ago that his wife wasn’t open about a lot of things in her life. She never seemed to be sentimental about anything from her childhood or high school years. She only kept one object from her childhood. A well worn stuffed pig which sat on the shelf above the television.

“No we can’t! He’ll know.” Buffy said as she sprayed another round of pledge on the coffee table. “Please, just help me clean this mess up.”

Two hours later Buffy had just stepped out of the shower when she heard the door bell ring. Hearing Angel greet their guest, Buffy sighed and ran to her closet.

Angel was in the kitchen when Buffy emerged from her room on the second floor. Spike was standing at the bottom. Once again all in black. Black jeans, snug fitting black shirt. Buffy felt hot, like she was standing over a hot spring in a humid room. Her crisp white shirt seemed too tight. Her head was starting to pound from the severe ponytail she had pulled it into. Suddenly it seemed they were in another place. Another time. And no one existed but the two of them. Spike reached out and pulled her hand into his.

“Buffy, I-“

“Oh good. Buffy just in time.” Angel said smiling. “Spike I hope you still eat red meat. Dawn said you liked your steak bloody. My kind of guy. Buffy won’t eat hers unless it is cooked very well done.”

Spike cocked his head. That didn’t sound right. “Oh really does she now.”


During the meal Spike took the time in between Angel’s polite conversation to observe Buffy. Apparently she preferred understated conservative clothes to her old ‘hot wear’. That he could excuse. People grow up. People change. She wore channel number #5 now, and he missed the old vanilla fields scent. Spike missed a few other things about her also. She was quite now. Every time she laughed or smiled, the happiness didn’t seem to reach her eyes.

‘Just wishful thinking, you ponce.’ Spike thought. ‘You just want to find a reason to come riding in on a big white horse and rescue her. Doesn’t matter if everyone says she is happy. Doesn’t matter if she tells you she is happy.’ But she hadn’t. Buffy hadn’t told him she was happy. And right now she was saying she was uncomfortable and he was the cause.

Both blondes were relieved when the dinner was over.

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Buffy wondered what Angel was dreaming about. She had been watching him sleep for over an hour. Since his last yawn, he hadn’t stopped smiling. She thought back to when they first met. Angel had been so unhappy. Now all he did was smile. He once brooded for hours on end. Reading books in French, and drinking scotch. They didn’t even have a bottle of scotch in the house now. Hadn’t for years.

She traced the curve of his neck. One finger moving down his chest and back up. Over his face and back down. Lower. He sighed and cuddled his body closer to hers. One hand now resting on her thigh.


Again she ran her hand lower. He wasn’t wearing anything to bed. Which was normal. He always slept in the nude. She, on the other hand always dressed in men styled pajamas. Except tonight.


Buffy moved the covers away from his body. Tri-weekly workout sessions left his body lean and muscled. Buffy took the time to explore each one as she leaned closer. Under her hands Angel whimpered. She took one nipple in her mouth and tugged it gently and her hand traced around his softly hardened cock.

“Buffy.” It was a breathy moan. Her first reaction was to move away, but his hands found their way into her hair. “What are-“ Another groan as she began to lightly stroke him. Angel now fully awake moved his hands down to her breasts. One thumb over her nipple, gently moving over and around it until it was taunt. His other hand moved to her hip. Pushing her softly. She understood his meaning and moved over him. She rubbed her cunt over him and he hissed in response. Buffy lifted herself over him until the tip of his erection brushed under her clit. “Buffy…. please.”

Suddenly she knew this wasn’t going to work. She was wet and swollen, but his voice …. His voice wasn’t going to help her get over the edge. She needed this. She needed a release. She needed something hard and rough and… and looking into Angels soulful eyes wasn’t enough.

“Angel, sit up.” Her tone was commanding. And Angel complied. “Throw your feet over the edge of the bed.” Knowing he was confused, Buffy pulled his legs where she wanted them.

“Wha-“

“Shhh.”

Once he was in place, Buffy moved in front of him. Her body facing the wall not him. She used the night stand next to the bed as leverage and settled her body over his. Once she was sheathed tightly over him, away from his face she realized she was wetter than she had been in so long. “Hold onto my hips.” Again he complied. She began moving.

“Oh god, Buffy.”

“Shhhh”

Again he complied.

She worked her body over his as fast and hard as she could. Only taking what she needed with no concern for him. He was touching her in places he never had reached before. And she was just happy he wasn’t making anymore sounds than a grunt or moan. On the other hand, Buffy was babbling incoherently. And when she came. She came hard. All energy seeped from her body and over his legs.

Angel lifted her slightly and pushed himself forward so fast Buffy had to grab the wall for support. Her legs didn’t touch the ground as she was pounded into. One hand gripped her hips, holding her in place, while the other ran around her chest and lifted her. “Oh shit.” Buffy yelped at the change of angle. A grunt was all she heard from behind.

With one last jerk of his hips, Angel let his orgasm flow. Boneless both slid to the floor.

Buffy was still impaled on him, as they made the descent to the ground. Angel’s knees and thighs cushioning under her, as he peppered kisses along the back of her neck.

“Damn.” His voice was shaky. His body was shaky.

And the mood was broken. Quickly Buffy crawled off him. “I’m gonna grab a quick shower.” She didn’t even look back as she scrambled from the room. Once in the shower Buffy turned the water on as hot as she could stand it. With her body wash in hand, she went over what had just happened in her mind.

She had just had sex. With her husband. While thinking about another man. Spike.

“Oh god.”



While Buffy was in the shower Angel made his way downstairs. Once in the kitchen he grabbed a glass of water. Quickly the water was drained, and he filled it once more. Buffy had never been like that before. Angel could admit that was the best sex they had had in years. It shocked him how amazing she had been.

It shocked him that she had screamed another mans name.

Unsure of what he should do, Angel sat the glass down and went back to bed. He pretended to be asleep when Buffy finally came back to bed.
 

Chapter 3. All the little blind Mice.




“Are you sure you’ll be fine Mom?” She didn’t look fine, and the doctors never said she was fine. The past month Joyce rarely complained, but everyone knew she still had severe headaches even six months after the surgery.

“Yes Buffy. I will be fine. I only have to go for a week and the doctors said I can go without any worries. So sweetie, no worries all right? Besides the trip isn’t for a month. ” Joyce cupped her oldest daughters face in her hands. “Honey, I know you are concerned, but everything will work out, you’ll see. Besides, I haven’t seen Spike in almost two years.” She smiled. “I can’t believe Dawn finished high school so long ago. And soon she will be getting married herself.”

“I don’t understand why they are rushing. I mean he just proposed a few weeks ago and now they are getting married in just a few months.”

Joyce laughed and Buffy was reminded of how long it had been since she last heard her mother sound so happy. “Maybe it is a family thing. Angel couldn’t wait to marry you, you couldn’t wait to marry him. And Connor and Dawn can’t wait to be married themselves. Now your father and I had a very long engagement, and look how that turned out. You and Angel are happy, and Connor and Dawn will be happy as well.” Buffy turned so her mother wouldn’t see her cringe.

“So when is Angel coming over? I told him he didn’t have to stay at the office long tonight. Buffy I am so happy with how well he is doing. I know you and Dawn have no interest in taking over the gallery, so having him around to help and take over when I need it is a blessing. You have a wonderful man.”

“Yes I do.” And it wasn’t a lie.

Buffy did have a wonderful man. Angel was an incredible husband. He never pushed or pried. He gave her so much. He loved her so much. And Buffy loved him. When Joyce needed to take time away from the gallery to recover from her operation, Angel had stepped in. He went from someone who just helped unpack boxes occasionally, to a full time employee. Angel even quit his job to help Joyce full time.

“So what is the special occasion anyway? You never did tell us why we all needed to be here tonight?”

“Do I need a reason to invite my two daughters and the men they love over for dinner?” Joyce said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Ok mom, whatever you say.” With her hands clasp together Buffy asked. “So what do you need help with?”

“Nothing in here, but why don’t you set the table.”

It was fun. A family coming together to enjoy a meal and just be with each other. For the first time in months the house on Revello Dr. was full of laughter and happiness.

Suddenly Joyce stood. “I have an announcement to make.” She had everyone’s attention. “I know that these last few months have been difficult on everyone. And I thank all of you for being so amazing during this time. When I first found out I had a tumor, I thought ‘this is it.’ But during the time before and after the surgery, I was comforted in knowing that my babies would be taken care of. Connor, I know in my heart that Dawn has chosen the perfect man for her. I am glad I have been given the privilege to be able to get to know you during the last few years. It may sound silly, but I feel that you two will have so many happy years ahead of you,” Joyce paused and no one commented when they saw tears well in the older woman’s eyes. “Buffy and Angel. I cannot believe you have been married for four years. I admit, it was a shock to me. You had only been in college for two years and then to get a phone call saying my oldest daughter was not only in love, but getting married… I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. I think I did a little of both that night. As well as some questioning about whether or not Buffy was on drugs,” they all shared a laugh at that comment. “But after spending the last six months really spending time with Angel, I began to see what Buffy saw in him. Angel, you are a wonderful man. Well deserving of my daughters love,” she paused again taking a deep breath. “I want you to know how much I appreciate how much your help has been during all of this. You gave me a chance to concentrate on getting better. You gave me a chance to focus on myself instead of the gallery or my children. I want to show you my appreciation. Angel I went to my lawyer a few weeks back and had him draw up some paper work for me. I would like to make you a full partner in my gallery.” Moving over to the china hutch, Joyce pulled out a thick stack of papers. “If and when I die. I would like you to have my-our gallery.”

Angel stood, a protest on his lips.

“No, I know this is a shock. And before you say it. I know you helped me because of the man you are, not because you thought this would be the results. I have always known that Buffy and Dawn have no interest in art. And I also know you do. I know that you put away your brushes to support yourself through college, and now in support of Buffy. I want you to have it when I am gone, and now, while I am still here.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have say anything, Angel, just sign the papers. Saves me and Buff from having to make up excuses as to why we don’t want it.” Dawn said as she grabbed the papers and pen from her mom and slide them over to Angel.

Angel turned to Buffy. “Buffy, what do you think?”

‘Shock, that’s what I think.’ “I think that it is your decision, but Dawn and Mom are right, I don’t see myself being able to run the gallery. And I have never been able to tell the difference between a work of art and a child’s finger painting.”

Unsure about what to do Angel stood with the pen in his hand.

“Angel,” Joyce said. “If you want to read it over I understand. Take it to your lawyer. Have him look it over. Take time to think about it. But I do want you to know that no matter what, I think you should have it.”

Buffy held her breath as Angel signed the papers.

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“And you have to go?” Buffy cringed when she realized how whiny her voice sounded.

“Yes, Buffy. Joyce doesn’t think she should go. You know how tired she has been lately.” Angel grabbed pants from his dresser.


“Why don’t you just cancel?”

“Buffy, your mom wants me to go on this trip. And if I am going to be a full fledged partner in this, then I need to get used to all aspects of the gallery, and that includes business trips.” He sighed as he zipped up the bag. “Buffy, come here.” Once she was snuggled in his arms he started again. “Honey, tell me what this is all about?”

“I just don’t want you to go.” Buffy said quietly into his chest. “I will miss you.”

“Oh baby. Look at me. I am going to miss you too, but this is something I have to do. Joyce gave me a lot of responsibility when she gave me half of the company. And I want to do a good job. We both knew what this would entail.” Angel kissed her lips. “How about this. Next trip we make it a second honeymoon. Or a first, since we really didn’t have one before.”

With a smile on her face, Buffy pulled herself out of his embrace. A honk outside told them the cab was parked outside. “I will call you as soon as I land, or as soon as I locate Spike.”

“Spike?”

“Yea, didn’t Joyce tell you? He is going to pick me up from the airport. I am going to stay with him while I am there.”

“Spike?”

With another quick kiss, Angel was out the door.






‘Sodden two hour layover. Good thing I begged off work. Damn it Joyce you should have called from NYC. I would have waited before I drove all the way over here. In traffic no less.’ Spike glared once more at the overhead monitor. “Damn it thirty more minutes.”


While buying time, Spike went to the gift shop and browsed the book section, as well as the magazine section, and the bottles of various drinks, and the candy display.

“Maybe mum would like a chocolate bar when she gets off the plan.” After grabbing several bars from the shelf Spike made his way to the counter. Behind the cash register Spike saw something he couldn’t resist.

After paying for his items, Spike checked the clock and saw that Joyce's plane would be landing in a few minutes.



Spike stood there like a moron. One hand full of sweets, the other full of roses. And Joyce never got off the plane. Even after Angel walked over to him, Spike kept looking for her.

“Awww. Flowers for me? Sweetie, you shouldn’t have.” Angel mocked as he took the roses from Spikes hand. “And chocolate, how did you know I had a craving.” Spike backed up, away from the crazy man.

“Where is Joyce?” he managed to stutter.

“She didn’t call you?” Angel said as he headed luggage terminal.

“Umm that would be a no.”

“Oh well she has to go in for some more tests, and she asked me to come for her.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, it will good for me to start learning this side of the business.”

“Again, why is that?”

“You mean they didn’t tell you?”

"Obviously, they don’t know my number, or address, or who I am.” Spike said gruffly.

“Aww Spikey, of course they know you.” Angel grabbed his suitcase and turned back to Spike. “You know about Joyce’s surgery?” And Spikes nod he continued. “Well she got a bill of good health, but a few months ago, or longer, I don’t know, she started having headaches again. I have been helping her off and on before the surgery.” They loaded Angels stuff in the back of Spikes car. Angel waited before they were in the car before asking. “Do you mind if we stop for a drink? I hate flying.”

“Yea, I think I could use a drink myself.” ‘Or the whole bar.’
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While they sat at the bar Spike took a moment to really look at the changes in Angel. Two years had past since Spike had last been in Sunnydale. Which meant that Angel and Buffy were an old married couple by now. Spike was 24 years old. Was he still in love with his best friend from high school?

“So, when I saw that Joyce was struggling, I decided to step in. I hated my job anyway, so I quit and went to work for Joyce full time. Last month she made me a partner.”

“What did Buffy have to say about that?”

“Not much. You know Buffy. Always keeps things to herself.”

Spike snorted and pulled out a smoke. “Buffy keep everything to herself? Sounds right. Always has to be stoic, always has to ‘do the right thing’, bloody superhero she is.”

Angel held out his beer. “To Superhero women.”

And Spike lifted his glass.


Many drinks past between the two men. And many words were spoken that perhaps should have been left silent.

“And do you know the best part? Or the worst? She left. I had it all planned. Fuck I still have the ring. I still have the letter. I still have everything. Everything but her. I have all the memories. All the……. Fuck. Everything but her.”

Angel didn’t know quite what to say. What do you say when a man breaks down?

“Look Spike, I don’t really know what you want to hear. I mean it was along time ago.”

“Who buys her perfume?”

“What?”

“Buffy? Do you buy her perfume?” Spike was suddenly sober.

“Buffy? What are you tal-“ Angel stopped. “Buffy, you’ve been talking about my wife?”

Spike laughed. “Where have you been all night? Cause that’s all I seem to be able to talk about? For years, every birthday, every Christmas, I gave her a bottle of vanilla scented perfume.”

“I do. Every year for Christmas a bottle of Channel #5. I thought, I mean, she never wore anything. And I thought she would like it.” Angel took a long drink. “She always wears it now. She loves it.” But she didn’t at first. Looking back, Angel could remember the first time she opened a bottle. Buffy had stared at the bottle. And when she looked up at him, she had such a lost look of longing on her face.

“And the clothes.”

“She does. I know what you’re trying to do Spike. I haven’t tried to change her. But people change and the way they dress and how they act change also. People change. She’s changed.”

Spike smiled a wiry grin. “I thought I could accept that. Yes, Angel your right. People change. She can change. You can change, I can change. But…. But…”

His grin was lost, but no frown marked his face. Angel could only read the emotions in his eyes. “Buffy doesn’t smell like an over priced woman. She smells like vanilla fields. She smells simple and complicated and when she smiles it lights the entire world. You said she was a superhero. You’re right. Her smile can save the world. Her heart can save the world. And her laugh. Oh god, CHRIST! when she laughs mountains crumble and oceans bubble. And she thinks she isn’t smart, but she knows so much. And she thinks she isn’t talented, but she could lead a small army, NO! a large army, the world’s army into victory.”

Spike leaned over so close Angel could smell the whisky on his breath.

“Is she happy?” Spike swallowed hard and turned away. “No. Don’t answer that.” He stood and threw a wad of bills on the bar. “If you’re staying with me, we go now. If not. I don’t think I want to ever see your face again.”

Angel, not moving from his seat, watched as Spike stumbled from the building. A few minutes later he found his bags just outside the entrance to the bar.

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Chapter 4. Tails all gone



She went to the couch and curled up against the cushions and reached out for the remote. Passions was coming on in a few minutes and she wondered if she had time to grab a drink. But her head was pounding and all she wanted was to fall asleep to the sounds of her favorite soap.

Joyce died on a Monday afternoon.

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Dawn met him at the airport.


After one tight long hug, the two moved silently to Dawns car. If he was surprised that she was driving Joyce's old Jeep Cherokee, Spike never let it show. They made it halfway to Sunnydale before Dawn spoke a single word. Spike almost smiled. Once she started, Dawn couldn’t even wait for a breath to disturb her words.

“The doctors said it was quick. That she probably just felt tired and decided to lay down. She liked to nap on the couch in the afternoons. At least since she stopped going to the gallery. You do know that she gave the gallery to Angel completely?” Spike nodded. Dawn had informed him of the change in a letter a few months back. Dawn didn’t even look at him before starting again. “Mom said that Angel was the best choice, because Buffy and I aren’t really into running the place. I mean I like art, but I don’t think I want to be stuck in Sunnydale my whole life. Connor and I are thinking about moving to LA after I finish school. You know he graduates this year, right?”

Another silent nod ignored.

“He has a 3.8 GPA. Major in communications. Which is funny because he doesn’t really talk a lot. I am still not quite sure what a communications major is anyway.”

Pause for breath.

”Angel is going to take care of the arrangements. I mean selling the house. He said that since he and Buffy have a house already and it is almost paid for and stuff that Connor and I should get the money for the house, to help pay for my school and stuff. And cause he and Buffy got the gallery. She gave him the place fully not long after he came home from London. Wow I can’t believe that was almost a year ago. Anyway, I don’t know how I feel about that. But I guess that is fair. I mean it will save me from getting more student loans. Right?” Another Pause. “He wanted to go ahead and start getting rid of some of the things in the house, but Buffy and I wanted to wait until you got home. Connor and I thought maybe you would stay with Buffy and Angel, since we don’t really have a lot of room at our place."

Pause. Breath. Breath. Breath.

“You do know she left some stuff to you right?”

Pause. Breath.

Spike glanced over and saw tears streaming down her face. He looked away.

“I think she started doing it last year when was having surgery. Or after. Or before, since you know- can’t do anything really during surgery, unless you’re the doctor. But as a patient you need to… to…” Suddenly, Dawn pulled the car off the road.

“Bit?” Spike wasn’t surprised to see her shoulders shaking. “Oh bit. Come here.” Spike unbuckled both their seat belts and pulled her into his lap. His hand traced circles along her back as he held her tightly.

“I am sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry.” Sniffle. “I have been doing so well, not as good as Buffy, I don’t think she has cried since she found Mommy.” Spike reached into the glove box. He smiled as he found the small box of tissues Joyce always kept in the car.

“Nibblet, you are more than welcome to cry on me anytime you need.”

He was rewarded with a smile.

“You know she thought of you as a son, right? When we first moved to Sunnydale I asked Mom to give me an older brother, and Buffy yelled at me for being silly because Mom already had two children and she couldn’t just magically produce another sibling older than me. But when you moved in next door she took to you right away. When Buffy and I were cleaning stuff up yesterday, we found your name on the bottom of some stuff in the house. Angel said after the funeral the three of us need to go and see what she left us.” Dawn turned away and moved back into the driver side.

“Do you think that is morbid?” Her voice was quiet. Her hands gripping the wheel lightly.

“To go through the house? No. First of all, it needs to be done. Secondly, it will give us a chance to remember the good times.”

“Remember the good times? While digging through my dea… dea.”

“Stop there bit, and look at me.” Once he was satisfied he had her complete attention, Spike started again. “Mum knew one day this would happen. She knew that she would be gone and we would have to live without her. I bet she knew how hard this would be.” His hands cupped her face, and Spike used his thumbs to brush away stray tears. “She wanted this to be as easy as possible, because this is the easy part. The stuff, the things, the objects, bullocks, who needs it. But we need her. And now we have to learn to not need her. So yea, after we go tomorrow to the…. After we leave tomorrow, the three of us need to go and spend some times with her. In her home, reliving memories of times when we all were happier. And bit, the longer we wait, the harder it becomes.” He handed a few more tissues over to her. “Now why don’t you change sides with me and let me drive.”

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In the end, Spike opted to stay at the lonely house on Revello Drive, instead of Angel and Buffy's. No one but Dawn protested.

“I’ll be ok Bit. I think I would like some times to myself with the old house. Give me some time to be alone.” Dawn smiled understanding.

“Get a chance to remember all those late night hot chocolate memories.”

Long after he was alone, Spike made his way into her bedroom. The room was quite. He was surprised by how warm it still was. As though the house was still was a home. As though the woman who lived inside it was only gone for a few hours, ready for her to return soon. He moved to the bed and picked up the old ratty blue robe, he sat down on the mattress and brought it to his face. The terry cloth soaked up his tears. He wished it wouldn’t.


After breaking into Joyces liquor cabinet, Spike made his way to Buffys room. So many things of hers were left n the room. Old posters hung on the wall. Trophies and medals graced the shelves. Spike noticed with humor the empty spot on the top shelf. Long gone was the old stuffed pig he gave her the first Christmas he lived in Sunnydale.

“So long Mr. Gordo, may you live a long life treasured wherever you are.” In a mock salute to the empty space, Spike pulled back the slightly dusty covers and fell into her bed.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He wished for rain. So sort of sign that the world was morning. It should. After all one of the most amazing women to walk the earth, walked no more. The heavens should heave in tears. His tears. The earth should shake in grief. His grief. The wind should howl in pain. His pain. The world was calm. He wasn’t calm. Standing in between his two remaing girls, each holding his hand.

He wasn’t surprised when Dawn reached out and took his fingers in hers. But when Buffy repeated the gesture his face turned slightly. Spike knew her sorrow matched his own. Sighing, Spike pulled her into his side and reached his arm around her.

They stood in silence as the final handfuls of dust were placed over the grave. The walked in silence to the cold black Limousine. The rode in silence back to the lonely house on Revello Drive. The sat in silence at the dining room table, and Spike knew he needed to do something.

Quickly he moved to the phone and ordered a pizza. When it arrived he once more opened the liquor cabinet and grabbed three glasses from the kitchen. After filling each glass with vintage red wine, Spike sat them in front of the remaining Summers women.

“To Joyce, for all the good times, for the incredible woman, mother, and friend. For making the most amazing hot chocolate-“

“And always remembering the little marshmallows” Dawn said smiling.

Spike matched it with one of his own. “For always remembering the little marshmallows. And raising two wonderful children.”

“Three.” Buffy reached out to her glass. “Three wonderful children.”

“Three wonderful children.” Spike and Dawn said in unison.


Hours were spent going over various items. Dawn and Buffy recounted the tale of how they were aquired to Spike, as Spike shared tales of his own. Soon Dawn was asleep in Joyce's old bed and Spike and Buffy were left alone in the dining room.

“Do you think we should have put a trash can next to the bed?” Buffy asked, face flushed by the amount of alcohol drink throughout the night.

“I grabbed one all ready.” They were sitting too close. Side by side at the long table. Empty bottles and pizza boxes surrounding them. Nothing surrounding them. Nothing between them. Two people, no longer children, lost in a world without boundaries.

Later neither would be able to tell who leaned in first. Who reached out first? Who kissed who first? Who removed clothes first?

Everything was rushed. No time for exploration, but no matter, they knew each others bodies so well already. The table shook under their combined weight. Their combined movement made the wood under them groan in protest.

Once Spike was inside he vowed never to leave again. This was his home. This was his woman. This was his world. In. Out. In. Out. He moved. Words of love on his lips were swallowed by her own mouth.

Buffy never noticed the glasses fall to the floor shattering. All she could concentrate on was this man over her. Pushing her body like it had been asking for so long. When his teeth found her taunt nipple, Buffy arched her back bringing him closer. “WILLAIM!” She clenched around him, so tight, her flesh quivering as her peak filled her body.

Spike tried to hold off. To keep this moment forever in limbo. But as her nails dug into his back, Spike felt all resolve leave his body and he latched his mouth to hers.

Soon the couple found sleep on the hard bed made of wood.

Neither noticed the man in pain outside the window.


If Angel was hurt or upset by what he saw, he didn’t let on when he knocked on the door early the next morning. He came baring gifts of doughnuts and strong black coffee. He didn’t even flinch at the guilt on Buffy's face and the lack of expression on Spike's.

Dawn looked like hell. After spending the first part of the morning purging all the contents of her stomach she vowed never to drink again. “I can’t believe you two look so well this morning.” She said grumbling as she reached for a coffee. “You both drank me than me.”

"Experience love.” Spike said as he when to make some tea. He would be damned if he would take anything from the ponce.

“I see you have become an English gentleman Spike. Or should I say, William.” Dawn teased. At her nod to tea, Spike smiled.

“You do realize you are the only person in the world I let call me that.” Spike teased back.

“And Buffy, that is. I seem to remember hearing her say that last night.”

Everyone in the room but Dawn stopped moving. Spike stared at Buffy as Buffy and Angel stared at each other.

Angel cleared his throat. “Dawn why don’t you call Connor and tell him you’re all right. I know he was worried last night. He wanted to come over, but I said you three needed the time to resolve all your issues.” With the influx on the world all, Spike and Buffy knew that they were caught.

After Dawn left them alone, Angel sat at the table. “I am not going to shout. I am not going to be mad or upset.” He paused and for a moment Buffy felt his pain vibrate through her bones.

“Angel..I..” She started.

“No Buffy, you were in a… you were grieving… and I…. Fuck.” He swore as he stood. “I am not stupid. I know you two have some sort of… unresolved issues. I knew that and I left you alone while you were weak.” Spike watched Buffy turn red.

“I blame myself.” Spike said quietly.

“That’s good because I blame you also.” Angel said his anger showing.

“Angel, I am sorry, but it happened. Why it did or what it means… I don’t know.” Spike felt his heart break as she moved over to her husband. His teeth pierced his tongue as Spike saw Buffy lift her hand to reach for Angel.

“I know what it means.” Spike chose his words carefully before he started again. “Angel is right. You were grieving and it is normal to reach out for someone after loss. I just hope that what I did doesn’t affect your marriage.” Spike said as he left his seat and made his way to the bathroom, leaving the married couple behind.


A/N Also, I should have a new chapter for 7 lucky men today. I am going to post it after I am done before sending it off the to the beta. AFF.net will be the only place where i add any unvetaed chapters

and please review!

Chapter 5. Snakes in the basket. Listen to the flute play.



He left. She watched. He left and she watched. His bags were packed. His coat fluttered onto his shoulders. He left and she watched.

He left and she watched. Bags in hand, coat in place, the door shut with a resounding bang.

He left.

She watched.

But it wasn’t Angel she saw.

She was abruptly transported to a time and place one year before.



“I know what it means.” Spike chose his words carefully before he started again. “Angel is right. You were grieving and it is normal to reach out for someone after loss. I just hope that what I did doesn’t affect your marriage.” Spike said as he left his seat and made his way to the bathroom, leaving the married couple behind.


“So Buff. Wanna tell me what it means?” Angels voice was cool. She was surprised by the monotone inflectionless tone.

She knew it was time to be honest.

“I love him.” It was an important statement. “I love him.” Simple.

“And me?” The coolness was gone. In its place, was hope. Buffy wasn’t sure if she wanted him to have hope. She didn’t even know if she had hope.

“I-“

“Connor said he would bring Chinese. I didn’t think I could handle any more pizza after last night. He should be over this afternoon.” If Dawn noticed any tension she ignored it. Wasn’t it suppost to be hard to go through a lost mothers possessions after all?

“Where did Spike go?”

“Upstairs. I think he wanted a shower. Maybe you should grab one in your mom’s bathroom. It will make you feel better.” She looked once at both her sister and Angel. A long and careful look.

“Yeah. I hope so.”

And Buffy and Angel were once more alone.

Neither spoke for the longest time. Then both at once.

“Angel I-“

“Buffy maybe-“

“You first.””You first.”

It would have been funny.

But it wasn’t

Angel sighed. “Let’s just not discuss this today. We can wait till we get home. Presuming you are coming home.”

Buffy looked away. “Yes.”

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It took two days to go through and pack. Buffy and Dawn stayed close to each other while they sorted clothes, books, knickknacks, and dishes. Spike wasn’t far away. Always on hand with a witty comment or a tissue when needed.


Angel also stayed close. He never protested Spikes presence. He never said anything about what he saw. Even when he and Buffy were alone at home. He sank into the bed they shared and pulled her into his arms as though nothing had ever come between them.

Until the second night was over.

“He leaves tomorrow.”

“Are you going with him?” He hated having to ask. His eyes were dark with anger.

“Do you want me to?”

“Do you want to?”

That pissed her off. “Don’t do this Angel. Don’t act like this is all me here. Cause there is two of us in this marriage.”

“Really Buff? Were you thinking of our future? Were you thinking of our children? Our family? Were you thinking of our marriage when you fucked that shit on your dead mothers table”

Before she even knew what she was doing Buffy smacked Angel with a closed fist. Right across the face. The sound vibrated into silence as Angel and Buffy faced off. Their chests rising and falling with hurt and anger. Neither knowing what to do. Neither knowing how to fix the problem. Neither understanding what went wrong.

“I would ask if you love me. But I don’t know if either answer you could give would make me happy. If you say no, then you break my heart because I love you so much. If you say yes, my heart is still broken. Because no matter what I don’t know if I will ever be able to get that image out of my mind.” Angel pulled her into his arms. “Oh God, Buffy. I just don’t know what you want from me.” His lips found their way to the top of her head. “I just don’t know what I am suppost to do.” As he released her, Buffy saw the tears streaming down his face. She wished she could do something, say something to make all this better. No words left her mouth.

“Do you want me?” He asked. Not long. This wasn’t about love anymore. Angel was too afraid of asking about love. He wasn’t even sure it mattered anymore.

At her nod he continued. “Do you want to… to.. god this is so hard. Do you want to try and fix it? This? Do you want to try and repair the damage?” She flinched but he refused to retract his words. “It isn’t just from this. I don’t know if I have been the husband you need. I think if I had been then you wouldn’t have ever cheated on me. What happened was just as much my fault as yours.” His heart broke a little more when she didn’t protest. “But there is something you need to do first. You need to go to him. And tell him that you made a mistake and that we are going to work on our problems.” Buffy walked over to the window and pulled the curtain aside. “You have to tell him that whatever was between the too of you is over.”

“Ok.” It was softly spoken, but Angel heard her.

“I mean it Buffy. If we are going to try to out back together our marriage, than he needs to understand that.”

“Ok.”


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“I can’t believe you went through all this alone. Buffy why didn’t you tell me?”

“God Dawn. I don’t know. I just thought… I don’t know. It was such a hard time on both of us. Mom had just…” One year later Buffy still felt the loss of her mother. “And Angel was working so hard on the gallery. I was just so…. lost. I didn’t know how to tell anyone what was going on. Later I just thought that Angel and I would just get counseling and we would be fine.”

“Did you?”

“Go to therapy? Yeah, for a while. But Angel isn’t the type to just open up like that.” Buffy bit her lips as she fought tears. “Who the hell am I trying to fool. Angel was the one who fought for seeing someone. I was the one who couldn’t open up. I kept so much inside. Away from him.”

“What happened with Spike?” Dawn asked.

Buffy tried to steady the phone in her hand.

“I told him that Angel and I had some problems, but we were going to work them out. And then I left.” It was a lie. A lie, but Buffy wasn’t about to tell the whole truth.

“So just like that. You have some problems. Issues to work out and as soon as that is finished, all will be right in the world?” His back was turned to her. As though he couldn’t bear to see her face. He wanted to. He wanted to turn around grab her up, and show her all the reasons her plan would never work.

He didn’t move.

“Spike please.” She was crying again. Crying more tears than she ever thought was possible. So many tears cried for the life she knew he could offer. If only…. If only…. She hadn’t made the choices she had. But Buffy knew she couldn’t change the past. She was married to Angel. And she would do everything she could to make her marriage work. She owed Angel that. “Don’t make this any harder than-“

“Spare me love. Spare me all the crap. You need to make your marriage work, but you know what.” He turned then. He stared her down, his blue eyes burning. “I have needs too. I need to not be treated like a whore.”

She tried to interrupt but he waved his hand to silence her.

“Don’t deny it. You. YOU BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS. You treated me like a whore. You fucked me and left me. All I am to you is a hard dick.”

“No!”

“YES!” His moves were stealthy, a panther moving in for the kill. “You did it then, and you did it again. And you'll do it again. That’s all I was to you.FUCK! That is all I am to you!” He was close to her now. Nothing separated them. He could reach out and grab her and make her his.

Buffy shook with want. She was suddenly wet and needy. As though he knew this, Spike leaned forward.

His lips were so close, but neither moved. Just stood. So close. So far away.

“Maybe that is good enough for you. ‘ol William was a pounce. I know that. He was a slave to you. Anything you wanted he would have presented. Any dragon to slay, he would have held a sword to. But you know what?” One hand snatched her arm. Another followed. Quickly Spike chased away the distance between them. His lips attacked hers. Mouths and teeth and tongue struggled to connect them.

The he was gone. Buffy opened her eyes, when had they closed?

“Maybe Willam is your whore. But I am not him anymore. And Spike will not be waiting to slay your dragons. Or scratch your itch. Any of them. I admit. A little of the pounce William has stayed around. Waiting for your command.” He was close to the stairs now, but she could hear him clearly. “But all that is gone now. William is gone. Your William is long gone. And all that is left now is Spike. And he’s not waiting for you.” He was up the stairs. Buffy could hear him moving around in her old room.

Within moments he came down in a flash. “I mean it. I am not waiting anymore. Not for you.”

And then he was gone.

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“Spike must have known ‘cause his bags were already packed.” On the other side of the phone she could hear her little sister crying.

“Oh, god. He never told me.” It was a soft whisper, but Buffy could hear the grief. “But Buffy what happened with Angel. I mean, he isn’t the type of man to just give up.”


Buffy sighed and asked herself why she had even started this at all. She should have just waited to tell Dawn till the papers announced their divorce. “Things did get better for a while. It was like it was when we first started dating. I thought everything would be fine.”

“But it wasn’t?”

“He wanted to have a child.”


“ I just don’t understand it Buffy. We have been together for close to six years now. Do you just not want to have children?” It was an argument they had been having for months. Angel wanted to start a family. And Buffy didn’t.

“I do but…” She wanted to say she wasn’t ready. She knew that would be a lie. They had promised not to lie to each other. So she didn’t.


”You act like you want kids. You always get all excited to see a baby.”

“Angel please.” She pleaded. And she hated pleading.

“Is it just me? Do you not want to have my kid!” He was yelling again. She was so tired of him yelling.

“It’s no-“

“But I bet you would have Spikes brat.” He spat.

“DON’T YOU DARE BRING HIM INTO THIS AGAIN! I am so sick of this. You don’t say his name for months then all the sudden its ‘you won’t do this for me but you would for him wouldn’t you.’ You know what Angel. I won’t have a child right now, because I don’t even see us being married in a year. How the hell do you expect me to bring a life into all this fighting? How the hell could I bring an innocent child into this?” She waved her arms wide. “All this yelling and mistrust. And this hurt and anger. I won’t do it.” She paused, trying to find the courage to say what needed to be said.

“Is that how you really feel Buff? You don’t see us together in a year?” She searched his eyes. Those soulful brown eyes always showed everything he felt. And she was taken back by what she saw. Or what she lacked to see.

Hurt.

Angel wasn’t hurt by the idea of them separating themselves from each other.

“I don’t think this is working for either of us. I think you should leave.”

He didn’t say anything as he calmly walked to their bedroom.


He left and she watched. Bags in hand, coat in place, the door shut with a resounding bang.

Buffy watched him leave. When the door was securely shut, she sank into the nearest chair.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wow. I never knew things had gotten like that.”

“We didn’t…” Buffy stopped. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“But why?”

“I just, oh god Dawnie. I guess I didn’t want to admit I made such a big mistake.”

“By marrying Angel?”

“By leaving Spike.”

Next