Title: Step Forward
Author: Nebula
Chapter: 1 of ?
Pairings: S/B, X/A, W/T, D/J (for now)
Time Period: After the summer following 'Back Track'
Summary: The sequel to 'Back Track'. The previous year has been
changed, and the Scoobies are ready for the next year. How much has
their 'fixing' messed up the year they're about to enter? They'll
be pleasantly (and unpleasantly) surprised... (A season 7 redo,
following a redo of season 6.)
Disclaimer: My wishlist still consists of those three boys. I own
neither them nor any of Buffy. Joss does, however, and he's so nice
to share.
NN: And so it begins. I know, the first chapter is very short, and
hopefully I'll be able to make it up to you guys later this weekend,
as opposed to waiting until next week. Let me know what you guys
think of the sequel, please?
< --- >
"YAHOO!!"
The exclamation resounded throughout the house, and all the way
upstairs. Buffy groaned, pulling the covers over her head. "S'too
early," she moaned.
"Bloody 'ell," was the only answer she got from her partner.
The pounding of feet was heard in the hallway. "C'mon guys, get
up!" Dawn yelled, peering into her sister's bedroom.
"Go 'way," Buffy grumbled.
Dawn rolled her eyes, before giving the people underneath the
sheets glares. "You're starting to sound like Spike."
Finally, a smile from the bed's occupants. "And what's wrong with
that?" Spike asked, sitting up. The covers that he let go of were
quickly snatched by Buffy. She covered herself even further, giving
a small sigh of happiness as she glanced up at Spike.
Spike, meanwhile, was making a show of checking for the fingers
Buffy might've snatched with the sheets. Dawn giggled at the mock
look of horror on his face. "Is there a reason you're interruptin'
our beauty sleep?" he inquired, once he was satisfied that he still
had all ten digits.
Buffy glared up at him for his giggle-inducing show. "Heaven
knows some of us need it more than others," she grumbled.
Spike gasped and pretended to look wounded. "How could you say
such a thing as that? I'll have you know I'm the cutest of us two."
A very un-lady like snort emerged from under the covers. "Hardly."
"That does it," Spike growled with a grin, leaping on top of the
pile of blankets, tickling mercilessly. Buffy squealed and shot up,
in an attempt to escape his hands.
Dawn smiled as she watched them wrestle. All summer long the two
had laughed, dated, teased, 'shagged', and fallen in love with each
other all over again. The teen couldn't begin to imagine a future
where they weren't together.
But there had been.
Spike ceased his tickling, and Buffy opted for laying against his
chest. "You still haven't told us what you're doing here," Buffy
said, narrowing her gaze at her sister.
Dawn narrowed her gaze right back at her. "A certain someone
promised me that today, we would go shopping for school supplies and
clothes. Remember?"
"Then that certain someone is an idiot," Buffy groaned, clenching
her eyes shut. If she pretended her sister wasn't there, maybe
she'd disappear. She was really tired, so maybe Dawnie would leave
her be...?
"Buffy!" Dawn whined. Guess not.
Buffy sighed. "It's three weeks until school starts." Her eyes
were so heavy, and...it couldn't be eight in the morning, could it?
Apparently it was, or the alarm clock was lying. She felt like she
could sleep for another twelve hours. Granted, the reason she was
so tired was her own fault, but...
"So?"
Buffy sighed again. "Give me fifteen minutes to not look dead,"
she said, suppressing a grin. Three, two, one...
"HEY!"
Dawn smothered her giggles, sure she could hear Spike scowling as
she headed back to get dressed.
The two shopped (for more clothes than actual school supplies, in
Buffy's opinion) before heading off to lunch.
"When are Wills and Tara coming back?" Dawn asked, as the waitress
set their sandwiches in front of them.
Buffy offered the girl a smile, before turning back to her
sister. "Sometime after you've started school, I think."
Dawn took a few bites. "Then you start fixing things again,
right?"
"We've been fixing things all summer," her sister pointed
out. "And trust me, it's been much easier this time around. We've
had a lot more help."
Dawn nodded, before glancing over at her sister's plate. "Uh,
Buffy?"
"Mm hm?"
"I'm, uh, almost finished with my sandwich."
"Your point being?"
"You haven't had a bite."
"I have to!" Buffy argued. "I, um, I had the um, I had
breakfast," she finished lamely.
Dawn raised her eyebrows, a trait she'd picked up from
Spike. "You had a few grapes. That's it. If Spike were here, he'd
kick your ass, and you know it."
"I'm just worried about him. That's all," Buffy said softly.
"So am I! But it's his choice to do this."
"Because of ME!" Buffy hissed. "He's doing it because of all
those things I used to say, and I can't go back and not say them.
Already used up my time-travel ticket, remember?"
Dawn sighed. "Buffy..."
The slayer was already on her feet. "Ready for more shopping?"
she asked, a too-bright smile on her face. Dawn clenched her fists
underneath the table. She had to stop this, and there was only one
way she knew how.
The minute they were home, Dawn hurried downstairs to Spike, who
was pulling out a duffel bag. He glanced up, frowning as she
pounded down the steps.
She reached the landing and bit her lip, worry creasing her
forehead. "She skipped lunch."
Spike's frown turned into shock. "Again?!"
"I thought she'd eat something because we were out, but..." she
trailed off miserably.
Spike was already moving. "Damn her," he growled, heading up past
Dawn.
The younger Summers watched him storm up to her sister. "Let him
get through to her, please," she murmured. If Spike couldn't, then
no one could.
Buffy jumped back on the bed as an extremely brassed off vampire
slammed the door open. "Come in?" she said, before scurrying
further back on the bed from the look on his face. Her book tumbled
to the floor, forgotten.
When she was up against the headboard, Spike stopped in front of
her, glaring down at her. "You skipped lunch," he accused.
Buffy swallowed. She was going to kill Dawn. "I wasn't hungry,"
she said, trying to sound casual.
It didn't work. "For the eighth time in a row?!" Spike yelled.
"Gotta lose that extra weight," she joked weakly, her small smile
fading at the furious look he was sending her.
"Seems to me that you didn't have any 'extra weight' to lose in
the first place," he said, his voice dangerously low. "All you're
losin' is the weight you desperately need to keep. Do you know how
thin you've gotten? Thin enough to keep me worried about you!"
"I'm worried about you!" she snapped suddenly, anger radiating on
her face as she stood. The two glared at each other as she
said, "Thinking about what you're going to do scares me to no end!"
"I need to do this, and you know it," he argued.
She snorted. "No, you don't. And no, I don't 'know it', because
I disapprove of the entire thing!"
"Doesn't matter. I'm still leavin'."
"Then I'm still skipping," Buffy said, crossing her arms.
Spike stared at her, his temper rising. "Oh no you don't. You
are gonna start eatin' and I am NOT leavin' until I'm sure that
you'll..."
With a sinking feeling Buffy watched as he realized what she'd
been doing. He turned to her, mouth open with shock. So much for
that plan.
"How long would you have kept skippin' meals if I'd stayed?" he
asked quietly, having found his voice at last.
"All year long, if I'd had to," she admitted, stepping forward.
Automatically his arms opened, wrapping her in his embrace.
"Don't go," she begged. "Please Spike, William, stay with me..."
"Shhh, hush," he whispered, rocking her back and forth. "I gotta
do this, luv."
Buffy tightened her grip on him. "You don't have to prove
anything."
"I know."
"I wouldn't think any less of you if you didn't."
A sigh. "I know."
"Spike, please, don't leave me..."
"You listen to me," he said softly, placing her at arm's length in
front of him. Tears welled in her eyes, and he smiled sadly. "I
want you to start eatin' again, and I want you back to normal weight
and health when I come back. Promise?"
Buffy nodded miserably, the tears spilling from her eyes. Spike
leaned forward and gently kissed them away, before enfolding the
Slayer in his arms. "I love you," he whispered.
She sniffled. "L-Love you, too."
He offered her a small smile as they pulled away. "Help me pack?"
Taking a deep breath, she nodded.
"That's my girl," he said, taking her hand. The two headed
downstairs, peace restored.
Title: Step Forward
Author: Nebula
Chapter: 2 of ?
Pairings: S/B, X/A, W/T, D/J (for now)
Time Period: After the summer following 'Back Track'
Rating: PG-13, with an occasional NC-17
Summary: The sequel to 'Back Track'. The previous year has been
changed, and the Scoobies are ready for the next year. How much has
their 'fixing' messed up the year they're about to enter? They'll
be pleasantly (and unpleasantly) surprised... (A season 7 redo,
following a redo of season 6.)
Disclaimer: My wishlist still consists of those three boys. I own
neither them nor any of Buffy. Joss does, however, and he's so nice
to share.
NN: Quite a bit more this time! ^_^ Hopefully this makes up for
the short chapter 1. All italics are enclosed in 'these'. Enjoy!
< --- >
The peace was broken later that night when Xander and Anya came
over. Buffy had tried everything she could to keep Spike from
going, including hiding his luggage. When Spike found it five
minutes later and pointed out to her that it was going to take a lot
more than that to keep him there, Buffy did the only thing she could.
She locked herself in her room.
Spike sighed again and knocked on her door. "Buffy, luv?"
"Go away."
"Buffy..."
"I said, go away!"
"But..."
"You wanted to go so damn bad, so go!"
Spike sighed yet again. "I'm leavin' in a bit. Got a plane to
catch and whatnot."
No answer.
"Isn't exactly fair, pet. What you're doin' to me right now. And
I am still goin'. I was hopin' you'd see me off."
Still nothing from behind the door. Spike glanced over at the
witches' room, an idea popping into his mind. "All right, then," he
said, sounding sad. "Didn't want us to part like this,
but...goodbye, Buffy."
He quickly headed behind the witches' bedroom door and waited. He
didn't have to for long.
Buffy slammed her door open, running out towards the
stairs. "Spike, wait!" she called. "Don't go, I..."
Spike stepped out from behind the door and grabbed her arm,
spinning her around until she was against his chest. She gasped at
the sudden movement, and he smiled. "Still here, beautiful," he
whispered, brushing hair from her face.
She blinked at him, confused. "Thought I was gonna leave without
a goodbye kiss?" he said softly.
Then she was moving, struggling to get out of his grasp. "Buffy?"
he said, frowning.
"You're not getting anything," she hissed. "Let me go."
"That's IT," Spike growled, pushing her until she was up against
the wall. "Why won't you let me go? I'm comin' back, and you know
it. So why are you bein' this way?!"
"Because when you came back before, you were insane, dangerous to
yourself, and gone!!" she yelled, before adding in a quieter
tone, "You were gone, Spike. And I couldn't get you back."
"Not gonna happen this time," he said gently, releasing her arms.
She immediately fell forward into him, the realization sinking into
her mind: he was really leaving, and there was a good chance he
wasn't coming back.
"Let me go with you," she begged, hot tears rolling down her
face. She'd come to care about this man so much, and now, to
possibly lose him forever...she swallowed past the lump in her
throat. "I can help."
"How, Buffy?"
"I don't know!" she yelled, frustrated with her helplessness. "I
just know that I could."
"I'll be 'fine'," he said with a sigh. "Trust me. Besides,
Willow and Tara will be there, 'member?" Gonna bring me home
with 'em."
"He'll be fine, Buff," a voice said from behind them. They turned
to see Xander standing at the top of the stairs, smiling at them.
Buffy tried to smile back, but couldn't.
Xander yanked his head towards the downstairs. "I think your
sister needed you for something."
Buffy nodded, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. Spike gave
her one last smile as she headed down to the first level. When she
had gone, Spike turned to his friend. "Did 'you' need somethin'?"
he asked.
Xander grinned, offering the vamp his hand. Spike returned the
grin as they shook. The handshake became a hug, as the two shared a
private farewell.
"What you're doing, I..." Xander swallowed. Stupid dust should
leave his eyes alone; someone might think he was crying. He blinked
the 'dust' from his eyes before continuing. "I think it's
commendable. I'm proud of you."
Spike smiled, though his bottom lip began to waver. "Thank you."
The two pulled away and shared lopsided grins, holding back
tears. "Take care of her," Spike said, his grin falling. "Hasn't
been takin' care of herself, and..."
"She's been skipping meals, I know," Xander said. "It's starting
to show in her patrolling and teaching."
"I'm worried about her," Spike admitted softly, his tone switching
into a Victorian gentleman's. He usually didn't know that he was
doing it, it so frequently happened. "I should've known what was
going on sooner." He glanced up at Xander, a pleading look on his
face. "Don't let her keep doing it, please?"
Xander nodded. "She'll be healthy and waiting for you when you
come home. Promise."
Spike smiled at the young man, his rough accent
returning. "Thanks. Appreciate it."
"Guys! Spike's flight leaves in half an hour!" Dawn yelled up the
stairs.
"Be down in a sec, Bit," Spike called down to her, unaware of
Xander's eyes on him. The young man stared at the vampire, who had
become his best friend over the summer, in almost silent awe.
"You're really gonna do this," he breathed.
Spike turned back to him, nodding with a smile. "Care to help
carry stuff down?" he asked.
With a slowly broadening smile of respect and admiration Xander
followed Spike to the waiting luggage.
"Passport?"
"In my pocket, pet."
"Cell phone?"
"In the other pocket."
"First Aid kit?"
"In my luggage."
"What about your..."
"It's all packed and safe. That is, unless you went and hid
things again," Spike teased gently.
"Just checking," Buffy grumbled. Glancing up, she swallowed at
the sign in front of her. Gate Fourteen. His departure point.
She turned to Spike, who was gazing at her with a worried
look. "Luv?"
"Can I talk to you alone? Please?" she begged, reaching out for
him. At the sight of her trembling hand, he quickly dropped his
bags and pulled her away from the others.
"Remember what I told you about you being my other half?" Buffy
said, running her shaking hands over his chest. This was her last
chance to memorize how he felt against her, how it felt to be in his
arms.
Spike cupped his hands around her face, lowering his head to
hers. "You think this is easy for me?" he said quietly, his
expression pained. "Want nothin' more than to stay with you."
"Then why don't you?"
"I have todo this," he said, watching the tears build in her
eyes. "Don't you start, Summers. You start, and then I'm gonna
start, and I'm a master vampire. Ruin my rep and whatnot."
A choked giggle from her put a small smile on his face. "Just
come home," she whispered, gazing up at him. "William, please..."
Arms wrapped around her, comforting both of them. "I'm comin'
back, I promise. As fast as I can, I'll get this done and come back
to you. That's a promise, all right?"
Just as she nodded, his flight number rang out through the almost
empty airport. "Call the minute you land," she ordered, fussing
with his jacket. It was either fuss with something, or break down
into tears, and she didn't want him to worry about her.
He raised his eyebrows at her, letting her mess with his
collar. "Uh, different time zones? You'll be well asleep by then."
She snorted. "You think I'm gonna get any sleep tonight?"
Spike's gaze narrowed dangerously. "You'd better not start
skippin' sleep, or I swear to you, I'll..."
"Once I hear from you I'll sleep better. Okay?"
Spike sighed, surrendering. "All right. Just...be careful, all
right? Not gonna be here for patrols."
"I will, so long as you will," she whispered.
His flight was called once more, and with heavy hearts they walked
back over to the waiting group. Dawn launched herself at the vamp,
engulfing him in a huge hug. Once they'd pried her off of him, she
headed over to her sister.
"Willow's on the cell," Dawn informed her sister, while the others
said their goodbyes. "She just wanted to make sure Spike took off
all right."
Buffy nodded absently, her eyes fixed on her lover. Spike glanced
her way, and that one look into his baby blues was all it took to
put her in motion. She launched herself at him, her mouth fusing
against his. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer
against his body. Lips parted as their tongues danced, each
savoring the taste and touch of the other.
Finally they parted, tears rolling down both their faces. "I'm
comin' home," he whispered fervently. "I promise."
She nodded, reluctantly letting his hand slide from her fingers.
He walked towards the gate, and when he disappeared through it,
Buffy felt her heart break just a little more in her chest.
"Buffy?"
Slowly she glanced back to see Dawn offering her the phone. Cell
in hand, she walked towards the huge bay window, her eyes on the
plane. "Hello?"
"You okay, sweetie?"
Buffy swallowed past what seemed to be the millionth lump in her
throat that day. The passengers were already on the plane, and the
door was being locked shut. "He's leaving," she choked out.
She could hear Willow sigh sadly over the phone. "I know. We'll
be ready and waiting, I promise."
The plane's engines roared to life, and it began to make its way
down the runway. "Willow?"
"Yeah, sweetie?"
Buffy closed her eyes and let the tears run down her face as the
plane took off. "Take care of my baby."
Willow's response was never heard. Xander ran forward, catching
Buffy as she collapsed onto the ground. Dawn took the phone from
shaking hands, and it was in Xander's embrace where Buffy finally
broke down and sobbed.
For the next two weeks, Buffy started eating again, fulfilling her
promise to Spike. Every night she called him, if he didn't call her
first. He'd tell her about what England, then Africa, was like,
making her laugh with tales of Giles, Willow, Tara, or himself.
Then the calls stopped.
When Buffy had reached Spike's voice mail instead of the vamp
himself, she'd quickly dialed Willow. The witch had informed her
panicking friend that Spike was fine, but unavailable. She'd
abruptly said goodbye to Buffy, leaving the Slayer feeling
frightened and helpless for her lover.
Unable to help him, Buffy decided to keep going on with her life.
He was with people she trusted and loved, and there was really
nothing she could do.
So she took Dawn to her first day of school, and dealt with
Principal Wood. She'd warned her sister ahead of time about the
ghosts, so Dawn was perfectly safe in class when Buffy went to deal
with them.
When she came back up from the basement, she casually walked by
her sister's room, letting her know that everything was fine. Out
of the corner of her eye she saw her sister smile slightly.
Satisfied that her sister knew all was well, Buffy started towards
the door. Now she could go home and worry about Spike.
"Ms. Summers?"
Buffy slowed to a stop. Oh yeah; she wasn't done with Wood just
yet. Turning she plastered a surprised look on her face. "Yes?"
"I couldn't help noticing how much you enjoyed the school. You
have been here almost all day," Wood said, smiling.
Buffy smiled back, thinking fast. What if he offered her the
councilor position? She had a few days free in her schedule, and it
might help fix things that would happen in the school.
Or should she just come out and tell him that she knew why he was
there? He'd told her in the restaurant that he'd known about her
well before Sunnydale. Maybe it would be all right. She would have
his help fighting the First even earlier then.
Was the First even going to rear its head? Too many questions to
answer, and Buffy couldn't do it. Not when a certain someone was on
her mind twenty-four/seven. Goddess, she wished she could just hear
his voice, something to let her know he was all right. But each
time she called, the cell was pronounced 'unavailable'. Even the
Wiccans couldn't be reached.
With a start she realized that Wood had still be talking to her.
Talk to him now, then try calling Spike again later.
"...pay's, well, not the greatest in the world, but I'd..."
"I'll take it," Buffy said, giving him a big smile. 'Please, let
him have been offering the job...' "I can only work part time; is
that all right?"
"That's wonderful," Wood assured her, his smile broadening.
He 'had' been talking about the job; lucky her.
The two figured out schedules until the bell rang. Buffy glanced
over at the doors, watching her sister exit while talking to a few
girls. The blonde couldn't help smiling as she recognized Amanda in
the group.
She waved her goodbyes and hurried over to Buffy. "Make any
friends?" the Slayer asked.
Dawn nodded, beaming. "Quite a few." Her gaze landed on the
principal, and she blanched. "Whatever it was, I didn't do it," she
said nervously, earning chuckles from the adults.
"Principal Wood just offered me a job here, and I accepted," Buffy
explained.
"Oh great, so now I have to endure her at school as well?" Dawn
joked, dodging a mock punch from her sister. They said their
goodbyes to the principal before heading down to their car.
As Buffy took a seat behind the wheel, Dawn gave her a
grin. "Good thing Spike taught you how to drive over the summer,"
she teased.
Buffy smiled back, but inside, she could feel her heart wrenching
at the mention of him. 'No use worrying about him; you'll just make
yourself sick,' she scolded herself. So she made small talk with
Dawn, desperately trying to keep her mind off of Spike.
When they reached their house, they found Xander's car in their
driveway. Buffy frowned. He almost always parked by the curb.
Shaking it off, she took the spot by the curb and followed Dawn in.
She was greeted by not two smiling faces, but four. Buffy
blinked, shocked, as Willow and Tara came forward to give her
hugs. "You're...but..." the Slayer sputtered.
"Surprise!! We came back early, and brought lots of gifts,"
Willow said, grinning. Buffy stared at her friend, before glancing
quickly around the room. He wasn't there. But he'd been with them,
right?
Xander nodded, leaning against the kitchen doorway. "Lots of
really cool stuff, trust me. But your gift was too big to wrap, so
they brought it as is, Buff. Hope you don't mind."
Buffy could've screamed in frustration and fear. She didn't want
any gifts, she just wanted Spike! She was about to ask as calmly as
she could manage just where exactly he was when he stepped out of
the kitchen.
She was dimly aware of Willow going on about how her present was
standing right in front of her, but Buffy only had eyes and ears for
the man gazing at her. Black shirt, black pants, hair slicked back,
but his eyes...his eyes shone with a new light. "Spike?" she
whispered.
A gentle smile graced his face. "Hello, cutie," he said softly.
Dropping her purse she flew at him, almost tackling him to the
ground. Spike was home, soul and all.
Chapter 3:
< --- >
Buffy sighed happily, curling up next to Spike on the sofa. He
glanced down at her, smiling at the sight of his goddess. Ever
since she'd first seen him that afternoon, she hadn't let go of him
once. Not that he was complaining, mind. He'd missed her so bloody
much...
Leaning down, he placed a light kiss on the top of her head.
Buffy's smile grew, and she snuggled even closer. Wrapped up with
her, it didn't feel like the past weeks had happened at all.
They certainly had, though. The first two weeks had been
wonderful, actually. Visiting his birthplace, telling the witches
secret tidbits about historic and non-historic spots. He'd even sat
down with the Watcher, and enjoyed a nice discussion with him on
Buffy. When they'd finished, Giles had been left confident in
Buffy's choice in a man. The only thing that made those weeks
difficult had been being apart from his girl.
Africa had been all right, he supposed. A little dry for his
tastes, but not bad. It was that last week that had been hell.
Willow and Tara had stuck by him through it all. Even at the
trials they'd insisted on sitting outside the cave, waiting for him.
When he'd finally passed every single challenge that had been
thrown his way, the demon had sounded confused. "You have searched
through time to find the love you desired and now have," he'd
said. "Why do this?"
"Because I believe it'll help her," Spike had replied. "And
because I believe it might just help me, too."
That had been the last thing Spike remembered before his world had
exploded into a haze of crimson memories.
When he'd come to, he'd found himself back at the hotel, the
Wiccans right by his side. Between the two of them, they'd brought
him back to health and sanity.
He remembered a night when he'd run away from the hotel, trying
desperately to find someone, something, that would stop the pain he
so rightly deserved. End his existence.
Willow had found him on the cliffs overlooking the bay, shivering
uncontrollably. She'd merely taken off her jacket, wrapped it
around his shoulders, and sat down beside him.
"Please," he remembered begging. "Make it stop..."
"It will," she'd promised. "Just give it time."
The look on his face must've showed her how much he believed
that. "Can I let you in on a little secret?" she'd asked.
He'd been surprised that she would've wanted to confide in a beast
like him. He didn't deserve their kindness, let alone their trust.
He must've said it out-loud, because she'd only smiled
sadly. "That's what I thought the first time around, after I'd
messed everything up," she'd whispered. "I learned a lot over that
summer. One of the things I learned is that you don't get a chance
to go back and fix it. Well, we did," she'd amended, making him
smile for the first time in days. "But we don't normally get that
chance. There's only so far back you can fix things, and you
shouldn't live in the past anyways."
She'd turned to him then, taking his trembling hands in
hers. "The only thing you can do is change the future. It doesn't
mean that for every person you save, it erases a bad thing from your
past. It means...it means having learned from your mistakes, and
doing right from then on out. Changing your life. You wouldn't be
a better man without mistakes, because you wouldn't know what to do
differently."
It had been those softly spoken words that had pounded on his head
like a sledgehammer, politely insisting that he wake up. She'd
offered him an embrace, a safe haven in her arms, and he'd gladly
accepted, happy to know that at least someone understood. She'd
made the pain stop, in a different way then he'd expected. They'd
headed back to the hotel, assuring an anxious Tara that they were
both just fine.
The following day he'd asked to go home.
"I think she fell asleep on you," Tara said, interrupting his
thoughts. He glanced down again at his Slayer, who had indeed
drifted off laying against him.
He chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. He could make
a list describing the ways he didn't deserve to have this little
piece of heaven wrapped around him, clinging to him as if he were a
lifeline.
"Yeah, she's pretty tired," Dawn agreed. "Chasing ghosts, talking
to principals, snuggling with her lickable boyfriend..."
"Ghosts?" Willow asked, frowning.
"Principals?" Xander asked, confused.
"'Lickable'?" Spike asked, incredulously.
Dawn rolled her eyes and launched into a brief summary of the day
and its events. Eyebrows were raised when she told them about the
school job offer and acceptance.
"Is something bad going to happen there?" the teen asked, watching
the time travelers' faces fall.
"At the school?" Willow replied, before sighing. "A few things
happen, but you guys have to remember this is the year we never
really finished, so we don't exactly know how it's gonna end."
Dawn nodded, not looking thrilled with this news.
Tara cleared her throat, trying to lighten the suddenly gloomy
atmosphere. "We brought lots of gifts," she said, watching the
teen's face glow. Bingo.
"A record of two point two seconds for her mood swings," Spike
muttered, as Dawn jumped up to eagerly glance into the bags.
Xander grinned. "I'd have to say it's shorter than that."
Glancing up at Tara, he frowned slightly. "I've never seen her hair
that long," he murmured.
Willow turned to her girlfriend, whose hair was currently braided
and almost reaching the middle of her back. "I know; every morning
I wake up and notice something different about her. Like the fact
that she's even still here with me," she added wryly, her eyes
darkening for a few seconds.
"Red," Spike warned.
Willow sighed and directed her gaze towards the two men. "I know,
I know," she muttered. "Warren's gone, we're all here, tiddy-boom.
Doesn't mean I still don't want to hurt the bastard for what he
attempted to do."
Their eyes widened at her language. "Why are you guys always so
shocked if something vulgar comes out of my mouth?" Willow said,
rolling her eyes. "Good grief."
"Hey look, guys!" Dawn said, holding something up from the
bag. "British flags!"
Buffy rolled onto her side, a feather tickling her into waking.
She blinked, blearily trying to place her surroundings. Right. Her
room. Her bed. Then why did she feel so tired?
She took a look at the clock and almost groaned. Three in the
morning. She rubbed at her eyes, wondering why she wasn't still
sleeping in Spike's arms.
Wait a minute. Quickly she glanced down at the place beside her,
staring at the rumpled sheets. No Spike. Wide awake now, she crept
out of bed and towards the door. After several minutes of frantic
searching, she found him on the front porch. He stood staring out
into the night, his face unreadable.
"Spike?" she whispered, stepping out to join him. No response.
She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself to protect her from
the cold night air. The slip-like satin nightgown she was wearing
was comfortable in bed, but was meant more for summer nights. Fall
was rolling in, and with it came the cooler nights she'd begged for
all summer long. She wasn't begging anymore.
She stood next to him, gently laying a hand on his arm. "Spike?
Sweetie?"
The blank stare on his face was beginning to creep her out. "Come
to bed," she whispered. "Nice and warm, and hey, I'm an added
bonus, right?"
Nothing. Buffy bit her bottom lip, wishing there was something
she could do. He'd been great all afternoon, like the Spike she
knew and loved, but now...he was gone. Gone, just like she'd known
he would be.
So wrapped up in her own thoughts, she never noticed Spike slip
out of his. He blinked, slightly startled at her sudden
appearance. She looked so small and fragile standing there, arms
wrapped around herself to shield her skin from the cool air. A
small breeze blew through, whipping her hair around her face, and
she shivered.
Buffy gasped as cool arms enfolded her in an embrace. "Thought
I'd make a better shield against the wind then your arms," he said,
smiling at her.
"You're a better shield against everything," she murmured into his
bare chest.
Spike let his smile linger, his fingers gently caressing her
golden hairs. "What're you doin' up so early?" he asked softly.
He felt her snort, her warm breath tickling his skin. "I was just
about to ask you the same thing."
"Just...couldn't sleep. That's all." At her raised eyebrows, he
sighed. "All right, maybe it was more than that," he admitted.
"You looked really thoughtful out here," she said, glancing up at
him. "Must've been really deep thoughts."
"They might've been," he allowed, giving her a suspicious look.
Buffy ignored it and kept on going. "Really deep thoughts about
fire?"
He frowned. Hadn't been expecting THAT curve. "Fire?"
She nodded casually. "You know, fire. Like flames, smoke,
sparks..." She put slightly more emphasis on the last word, causing
him to narrow his eyes at her. He opened his mouth to object, but
she beat him to it, letting her fury show. "What, you weren't
contemplating the possibility of staying out here until the sun rose
up? Tell me that the soul, the memories, all of it, isn't hurting
you, making you want to curl up and die?"
Spike flinched and looked away, giving Buffy her answer. She felt
the anger fade into sadness as she realized that if he wasn't going
to even fight back, the soul had to be destroying him inside.
"So that's it?" she whispered, curling her fists. She could feel
the tears building, and clenched her fists even tighter. "If I
hadn't come down and found you now, I would've found you later as a
huge pile of dust, because you gave up? Was Africa worth this?"
She turned to walk away, but Spike grabbed her, pulling her back up
against him.
"Yeah, maybe it hurts," he said, "All right, it does. It burns
inside me, and I can't forget. Maybe Africa wasn't worth this. But
I would've been back inside before the sun rose. You wanna know
why?"
Unable to speak, Buffy merely shook her head.
Leaning down until they were cheek to cheek, he whispered in her
ear, "You. You're the reason I'm still here, and the reason I wanna
keep goin'. The Scoobs and Bit keep me here, but you...you keep
me 'wanting' to stay here. Keep me wantin' to live. You're my
bloody everythin'. When I finally take a walk in the sunshine,
it'll be 'cause you're gone, not 'cause of the soul. Because I know
I can survive the soul. Done it before. It might burn and hurt,
but it's nothin' compared to what I'm gonna feel when you leave this
earth. Trust me, first hand experience there."
Buffy smiled, her eyes stinging. "Then don't expect to be taking
a walk into the sun anytime soon, because I'm here to stay."
Spike chuckled, placing a soft kiss on the top of her
head. "Good."
Chapter 4:
< --- >
"There's some things we don't have to worry about this time
around."
All eyes turned to Willow. "Splainy," Buffy said, from her spot
against Spike.
The time travelers were currently gathered in the Summers' living
room, while the others were off in the basement, either training or
watching the training. Jonathan and Andrew had popped in a little
after Dawn had come home, and they'd offered their 'welcome back's
to the vampire, albeit two days late.
"Well, for one thing, what about that worm guy that ate his
girlfriend's dog?" Willow said, raising her eyebrows. "That was by
Anyanka's hand, and Anyanka isn't around anymore. Anya is."
The others nodded agreeably. "True enough," Xander
acknowledged. "But I think the main thing we're still worried about
is the First. It shouldn't be arriving soon, right?"
Spike frowned. "How'd you figure that?"
"I thought we'd told you," Buffy said, glancing up at her
boyfriend. "It was a whole balancing of good versus evil scale
thingy, and since Willow didn't turn black, we have no threat this
year."
If anything, Spike looked even more bewildered. Willow
giggled. "We understood what she said, at any rate. You still have
to get your diploma in Buffy babble."
Laughs were shared all around as Buffy threw a small pillow at her
friend. "Thanks a lot," the Slayer grumbled good-naturedly. "But
seriously, guys; do you really think we won't be facing the ultimate
evil this year?"
Xander shrugged. "I'd like to think so. Everything went so well
last year, and it really has nothing to work with, like bad feelings
or whatnot."
Willow nodded. "That's what I was thinking. But, at any rate,
the patrolling has been pretty low so far, huh Buffy?"
"Actually, it kinda has been lately. Not really much happening,
which is good. I'm not complaining," she said, grinning at Spike.
Spike shared her grin, before glancing at Willow and Xander. The
two nodded slightly, and Buffy's grin turned into a suspicious
glare. "What is with you three? You guys have been hiding
something all day, and I demand to know what it is!"
Xander ignored her outburst and continued on from what Willow had
started. "Light patrols these days, right? Light enough that we
could probably face them alone?"
"I mean, we have lots of people now," Willow quickly added,
beaming at her friend.
"They have an excellent point, luv," Spike said with a nod.
"Whoa, whoa, time out. You guys want to patrol by yourselves?
What would I be doing, sitting and watching?"
"No," Spike replied, pulling away to look Buffy in the eyes. He
paused, before saying, "We thought you might take college up again."
Buffy stared at him, shocked into silence. "Dawnie can fight on
her own these days," Xander said, "And we can take care of the
rest. That's not a problem."
"But..."
"You could take night courses over at Sunnydale University every
other night, and let us handle the nights you're gone," Willow said
with a grin.
"I don't..."
"You're makin' enough money with the two jobs now to cover it,"
Spike said softly, before adding, "We've already talked to the
teachers at the university, and when Red mentioned why you'd left
and whatnot, they said they'd be glad to have you back. You should
do it." He sat back, exchanging nervous glances with the other two,
waiting for her to jump for joy or yell in anger.
What they weren't expecting was for her to burst into tears.
"Oh, sweetie, don't cry," Willow crooned, coming forward to join
the others in a group hug.
"It wasn't supposed to make you upset," Xander said with a cringe.
Buffy shook her head, trying to explain. "It's...it's n-not
that. It's..." She sniffled, looking up into their slightly
worried faces. Her bottom lip wobbled as she stuttered, "I-I
don't...I don't deserve y-you guys."
"Nonsense," Spike murmured, pulling her up against him. "We need
each other. You've been takin' care of us long enough; 'bout time
we paid you back."
Buffy sniffled again, but this time, she was smiling. "Thank
you," she whispered, giving them each one last hug, before settling
into Spike's arms.
"You guys tell her yet?" Dawn asked, swinging around the doorway
to glance into the room.
Xander nodded. "Just did. But the verdict is...?"
All eyes turned to Buffy.
She wiped her tears on the back of her hand, before breaking into
a broad smile. "I'm going back to college," she started, but never
finished. The gang burst into cheers and hollers, drowning out the
rest of what she was going to say.
"Do you seriously like the idea of goin' back to school?" Spike
asked while on patrol that night.
Buffy gave him a 'well, duh!' look. "I've been dying to go back
ever since Mom died," she said. "I hated leaving in the first
place, but...we didn't have the money," she added quietly.
"Thought you went back with the witches the first time 'round,"
Spike said with a frown.
She sighed, and his thumb immediately began to caress her hand.
The minute they'd walked out of the house her hand had latched onto
his, afraid that if she let go, he'd disappear. He'd clung to her
with the same determination, as if she were his lifeline.
Considering what he'd told her the other morning, she supposed she
really was.
"I did," she said, answering his last statement. "Off of their
credits, though. It would've been for just a few classes. I could
never pay for the entire year." She smiled then, squeezing his
hand. "But now..." she trailed off, her eye having caught sight of
a woman that looked slightly familiar.
Spike thought she'd trailed off because of happy musings. "Now
you can head back to school, finish your degree, give yourself more
options for the future...lotsa doors openin' again."
Buffy nodded absently, concentrating on the sudden vibrations she
was feeling from the ground.
Spike frowned, picking up on the tremblings as well. He
continued, however, his gaze confused. "What do you think you're
gonna do first?"
"Save the doggie," she muttered, the trembling beneath them
increasing. She took off at a dead run for the woman in front of
her, her entire body threatening to shake apart.
The woman finally noticed the small earthquake and frowned,
reaching down for her dog. She'd just pulled the Yorkie into her
arms when Buffy tackled her. The Slayer twisted, allowing the woman
and her dog to land against her, unharmed. They were a good ten
feet away when Ronnie broke through the cement, jaws wide and hungry.
He hissed as he realized he'd missed his target. The woman
screamed, the dog barked, and Buffy groaned as Ronnie turned and
noticed them. "You might wanna run that way," Buffy said, nodding
her head in the direction of the street behind them. "Don't go too
far, though, unless I say so. Got it?"
The woman stared at her, shocked into a paralyzed state. Ronnie's
roar broke her from it, and like a shot she was off with her dog.
Buffy watched her go, before turning back to the wormy
boyfriend. "Okay, not sure how you turned into the slug you
probably really are inside, but I for..." She gasped as Ronnie
slammed into her, knocking her onto the cement. Stars danced in her
eyes, and the roar from Ronnie made her ears hurt. She cringed,
listening as Ronnie's roars grew louder, signaling his approach.
As suddenly as they had grown louder, the roars drifted away.
Buffy painfully pulled her head up to see what had stopped Ronnie
from taking a chunk out of her. Spike was battling Ronnie, trying
to keep the worm's attention on him and not Buffy. Judging from the
fight he was giving, Spike was going to win.
Normally. Spike also hadn't patrolled in over three weeks, and
with the new addition of the soul, he wasn't going to last
long. 'Move it, Summers; he's gonna need your help.'
Almost as if on cue Spike was thrown into a nearby tree, causing
Buffy's heart to thump in her chest. When he seemed to have avoided
the sharp branches, she breathed a sigh of relief, before turning
back to the worm at hand.
Ronnie was slightly more subdued this time, thanks to Spike.
Glancing around at the area, Buffy seriously hoped that worms kept
their brains near their jaws.
Taking a deep breath, she began to run, jumping side to side in
order to avoid the jaws of death. As she passed him, Buffy leapt up
and kicked off of the tree Spike was sprawled under, bounced off a
light pole next, giving her the height to give Ronnie a sharp head
kick. Ronnie tumbled to the ground, but so did Buffy. Ronnie was
stunned, however, and it was enough to keep him immobilized.
As soon as she knew that the worm wouldn't be any harm to anyone,
she hurried over to Spike. She knelt down beside him, lightly
fingering the cuts on his head. His eyes slowly fluttered open and
rested on her, causing her to smile with relief. "Hello cutie," she
whispered, placing a soft kiss on his head.
Spike chuckled. "That's my line," he rasped out.
"Hey, can't help it if it fits," she said with a grin.
"You all right?"
She shrugged. "Been better. I think the first order of business
would be the worm, if you're okay."
Spike nodded, glancing over at the worm. "Think the boyfriend'll
be out for awhile. Can use the time to figure out how the hell this
happened."
The word 'boyfriend' stuck in her head, reminding Buffy of the
woman and her dog. "Um...miss? You can come out now," she
called. "Perfectly safe."
The small dog came trotting out first, followed by a visibly
shaken woman. "What WAS that thing?" she almost whispered.
"Don't worry about it," Buffy said with a shake of her
head. "What you need to worry about is you. What's your name?"
The woman, busy wiping something from her skirt, spared her a
short glance. "Nancy. This is Rocky."
Buffy knelt beside the growling Yorkie and gave it a few
affectionate pats. Rocky promptly sat down and began to pant,
looking extremely pleased with the attention he was receiving.
Nancy finally looked up from cleaning her skirt off and frowned at
the two. "Who are you, exactly?"
Spike took Buffy's place in showering the dog with attention, and
the Slayer stood to deal with Nancy. "My name is Buffy, and this is
my boyfriend, Spike." Buffy couldn't help smiling as Spike's face
brightened visibly at the word 'boyfriend'. Every single time she
said that word, he practically glowed. It never failed to amuse her.
Nancy was still awaiting her explanation, so Buffy proceeded to
tell her how they were in the business of rescuing people from odd
behavioral types of things, and they'd received a call saying Nancy
needed help. Okay, so it was a little far fetching, but Buffy DID
have a job saving people from the peculiarities of the Hellmouth,
and Nancy was just one of them.
Nancy seemed pleased with the answer, and gave Buffy an approving
head nod. "Thank you for the save, by the way. I didn't mean to
sound rude or anything, but people these days don't usually risk
their necks just to save yours."
"Don't feel bad 'bout it; just be glad we got here when we did,"
Spike said, moving his attention from Rocky to the dog's owner.
Buffy could've sworn the Yorkie pouted as he whined, and Spike went
back to scratching behind the dog's ears, causing more happy panting
to ensue. Buffy rolled her eyes, turning back to Nancy. Now, how
to bring up the boyfriend issue?
"I shouldn't have been out here this late anyways," Nancy said,
wrapping her arms around herself. "I know it's a dumb thing to do,
but Rocky really likes it out here. My bad. I'm just trying to get
used to not having a protective boyfriend around anymore."
Buffy could've jumped up and down in glee. The perfect line had
just been dropped in her lap. "A boyfriend?"
Nancy nodded. "Ex now. I dumped him last week because he was
cheating on me. Found him making out with another woman in the
Bronze, so I poured his beer in his lap and left. I went back a few
nights later, had a good cry, a few drinks, some quality girl talk,
so I'm all right now. You can talk freely about Ronnie, and I won't
be bothered," Nancy quickly assured her.
"That was nice of your girlfriend to cheer you up, though," Buffy
said, smiling. "That's what friends are for, right?" Inside,
however, she was cringing. This HAD to have been done by wishing,
but Anya wasn't a vengeance demon anymore. Now what?
"Oh, it wasn't someone I knew," Nancy corrected her. "Just
another woman that had seen enough of guys. We got to talking, and
making silly wishes."
"Wishes?" Spike said, and Buffy could hear the trepidation in his
voice.
"You know, like that his intestines would fall out, or something
just as nasty. I wished that he would become the slug he really
was."
"Wish granted," Buffy murmured.
Nancy frowned. "What?"
The Slayer sighed. "You'd better come with us, and explain about
this woman you were talking with."
"Who, Hallie?"
Spike and Buffy exchanged looks. Mystery solved. "Never mind,
pet. We figured it out," Spike grumbled.
"You'd better come with us anyway," Buffy said, leading the
befuddled woman and her pet back to the house.
Chapter 5:
< --- >
Half an hour later found them at the Bronze, searching for a
familiar face.
Anya was the first to spot her. "Do you want me to go over and
talk to her first?" she asked, pointing her out for Buffy.
Buffy sighed. "We might as well do this as a team." She stepped
towards her target, the group trailing behind her.
Halfrek glanced up and rolled her eyes. "'Scuse me, honey," she
said to the girl she was talking with. "I'll be right back." After
the nod from the girl, she hopped off of her seat and marched over
to Buffy.
"Hi, Halfrek," Anya said, smiling.
Halfrek wasn't. "I'm working, doing my job," she snapped. "The
one you gave up for this THING that probably would've left you at
the altar," she spat, glaring at Xander. Xander looked down, his
face flaming.
Spike stepped in front of his friend, glaring right back at
her. "What's got your knickers in a twist? Brassed off 'cause he
didn't abandon his girl on the big day like yours did?"
Spike's head whipped to the side, cheek stinging from the
slap. "Bite your tongue, William," Halfrek hissed. "You could
never understand."
The snide remark on Xander's account had been enough, but to touch
HER man was too much for Buffy. The Slayer whirled on Halfrek, and
the vengeance demon suddenly remembered who she was dealing with.
"We came here to see what you'd done to Nancy's boyfriend, not
make cheap shots because you're still upset over something that
happened a hundred years ago. You could've had a guy that would've
devoted his entire existence to making sure you were always happy,
but you threw that away. I gotta say, that was pretty damn stupid
of you, but hey, the guy with class and riches wins out over the
lovesick fool, right? As stupid as your actions were, though, I
have to thank you. Because of you, I got a chance at the lovesick
fool, and he's mine now. If anyone's the fool, Cecily, you are.
Now, kindly tell us exactly what you turned Ronnie into, and we'll
go from there."
The group stared at Buffy, stunned into silence. Halfrek finally
shook herself enough to answer. "I-It's a Sluggoth demon. Old,
extinct, but it fit the bill. She wanted him to be the slug she
thought he was, though I'm sure he really was one, and I just..."
"Did your job," Buffy finished for her. "Right. I need you to
undo your job."
"WHAT?! Are you insane?! I'll lose my job, my life, my
immortality!! It's not worth it!"
"Or maybe you'll just get your second chance," Anya piped in
suddenly. Halfrek turned to her, confused, so the blonde began to
explain. "There's a lot more eligible men these days, and not all
of them are scum. It's true. I found a perfectly nice gentleman,
and he worked out great for me."
Xander's face flushed not this time with shame and embarrassment,
but with pride and joy.
Halfrek chewed on her bottom lip. "Anyanka, you told me how..."
"It's Anya," her friend corrected her. "How many times do I have
to tell you?"
"You've also told me how many times you've hated being a mortal.
It's horrid. I should know; been there, done that, no thank you."
Buffy shrugged. "There's more to life than guys, actually."
"HEY!" came the predicted response from Xander and Spike. Dawn
and Willow giggled, and even Halfrek cracked a smile.
"The only thing you have to watch out for is their egos," Willow
teased.
Nancy stood by, watching the entire interchange with interest.
Halfrek sighed. "Well, there is ONE thing I can do. It's a
little stressing of my powers, but I can do it. I need Nancy's
permission, though. Do you want him back to normal?"
Nancy nodded almost immediately. "I think me pouring his beer
into his lap was probably enough," she admitted. "Though, I
wouldn't have minded embarrassing him in front of his friends..."
"That's within your powers," Tara said with a grin. "You don't
need magic for that one, trust me."
"All right, all right! I just need Nancy to wish him back to
normal."
Buffy frowned. "That's IT?"
Halfrek nodded. "That's it. It's stretching the 'do something
evil to him' thing, but one of the most evil things I could imagine
would be being a human, so it's a loophole, but it works. Just not
all the time; you have to be careful using it."
"Okay," Nancy said, clutching Rocky in her arms. "I wish Ronnie
were the same miserable, lowdown male he always is. And that girls
don't find him attractive at all," she quickly added.
Buffy shook her head. Had to get that last lick in...
"Wish granted," Halfrek said, turning back to the table. "Now go
away."
"Can I go home then?" Nancy asked.
Buffy nodded. "Head on home; the worm is in human form again.
Let's head on home ourselves," she said, addressing the gang.
Buffy glanced over at Spike, who hadn't said a word since they'd
gotten back. "Spike? Hello, earth to vampire...?"
Nothing. She sighed, tossing her shoes into her closet. Sparing
one last glance at Spike, who was sitting motionless on her bed, she
decided to snag his attention.
Twirling around, she fell back onto the bed, causing the bed to
creak and Spike to yelp.
He glared at her, and she giggled. "You weren't responding," she
said defensively.
"Just thinkin'," he said. "And yes, mostly 'bout sparks and the
like, so get over it, Summers."
"I'll settle with 'mostly'," she said, leaning against him. When
he wrapped his arm around her, she mulled over his words and
frowned. "What's keeping the rest of your thoughts, then?"
"Tonight," he said, turning to gaze down at her. "How'd you know
it was Cecily? I never told you it was her. Only told you 'bout
her."
Buffy glanced down at her hands. "I remember that you two
recognized each other at the birthday party, and you'd been amused
that she'd been a vengeance demon. Anya had told me Halfrek had
been scorned at the altar, and that's what had put her into the
demon gig. So when 'you' mentioned something about the altar jilt,
I put two and two together and...well...guessed, really. And when
she called you by your real name...that was the clincher."
"Should I be callin' you Detective Buffy now?" Spike teased,
laughing as she pushed him back onto the bed.
"Smart ass," she grumbled, grinning at him.
"You love it, though."
Buffy nodded, her grin softening into a smile. "Yeah, I really
do." She licked her lips, leaning down to kiss him.
He stopped her with his words. "Thank you, for that," he said
softly. "Had always wanted to show Cecily that I could be a man
that she would want. A man that wasn't beneath her. You showed her
that tonight, pet. Thank you."
"You did that on your own," Buffy whispered, placing her chin on
his chest. "But you're welcome."'
Spike smiled contentedly and shifted them so they were laying side
by side. He pulled her closer, and the two slept wrapped up in each
other.
The next few days were hectic, with Buffy not only trying to work
in two jobs, but patrolling and college as well. The first few
nights she'd come home miserably tired and cranky, and fallen asleep
right away. The others knew she was having a hard time adjusting to
all the changes and kept a blind eye to her snapping.
It was Saturday when she finally awoke from her tired state. The
night before Spike had given her a massage, which had put her to
sleep immediately. Yawning as she came down the stairs, she was a
little surprised to see that it was past ten.
"Good morning sleepy head," Willow said, smiling as her friend
stumbled into the kitchen.
"Why didn't someone get me up?" Buffy asked, yawning halfway
through her sentence. "I can't believe I slept in so late."
Dawn shrugged, swallowing her bite of eggs. "You were really
zonked out last night, so we figured you needed the rest. You've
been pretty tired, what with the double schedule these days."
"And the crankiness," Buffy remembered with a grimace. "Sorry."
"No worries," Tara assured her. "Would you like an omelet?"
"If you wouldn't mind," Buffy said while taking a seat. She
frowned, glancing up at Willow. "Where's Spike?"
Dawn yanked her head towards the basement. "Putting the duffel
bag away, I think. Why, did you miss him when you woke up?" she
teased.
Buffy rolled her eyes, but didn't disagree. When she'd gotten up
and felt around for her lover, she'd become instantly worried when
she hadn't found him. She'd told herself to calm down, knowing
there had to be a logical explanation, but at the moment she hadn't
been able to think of any.
'Spike told me he wouldn't let the soul weigh him down, and that
we'd talk about it if things got too hard for him,' she chastised
herself. 'He's fine, he'll turn up eventually. He always does.'
'Then where is he now?' The annoying voice in her head said.
Buffy hadn't been able to answer that, and that fact had prompted
her to find out.
"You look like Hell," Spike said, breaking through her thoughts.
She stuck her tongue out at him, causing him to chuckle. "Such a
sweet thing to say to your girlfriend," Dawn said, raising her
eyebrows at him.
"Just teasin'," Spike protested, before kneeling next to
Buffy. "Seriously, luv," he said in a softer tone that the others
wouldn't catch, "you don't look well at all. You feelin' all right?"
Buffy nodded, smiling. "I'm fine, don't worry about it. Missed
you when I woke up," she added with a pout. "No one to wake up to;
very not nice."
"Just downstairs, puttin' things back where they belong. Thought
I'd stepped outside to take a mornin' stroll?" he joked, his smile
falling at the fear that flickered across her face.
"That's not funny," Buffy mumbled.
"You actually thought I would do that? After everythin' we
talked 'bout?"
Spike got his answer when she turned away, her gaze anywhere but
on him. He stared at her, unaware of the kitchen going silent. The
only thing on his mind was the fact that after everything they'd
been through together, she apparently didn't trust him.
Willow suddenly had a migraine, and Dawn, being the intelligent
teen that she was, decided to show her smarts and lead Willow to the
medicine cabinet all the way upstairs. Tara finished the omelet and
placed it on a plate for Buffy, before heading to help her
girlfriend with the headache. That left the miserable couple all to
themselves.
Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her chair, and Spike paced silently
on the tiles. The vampire broke the silence and not-looking rules
first, glaring at her. "Why?" he fumed. "Why did...no, that's not
right...why DO you think that I wanna burn so bad, huh? Think I
can't stand this mortal life and oh, please, let it be over," he
went on in a melodramatic tone, laying the back of his hand on his
brow.
Buffy shot up from her chair, fists clenched in fury. "Don't
you 'dare'," she hissed. "Don't you fucking dare!"
Spike immediately stopped, staring at her with a combination of
shock and awe. He'd never heard her use language like that before,
and he suddenly realized that if she was using words she'd chastised
Spike about, this had to really be serious.
Buffy continued, unaware of the thoughts in his head. "You think
this is funny?! You talking about...about dying, making jokes about
it?! Dammit, Spike, how could you...you just..."
"Making jokes?! Is that what you bleedin' think I'm doin'? This
isn't funny at all!! You're tellin' me that you actually doubted me
and my word? That I'd just walk away from you and into the sun?!"
"Yes!!!" she screamed. "Yes, YES, 'YES!!!'" Her nails dug into
her shaking hands, and she was sure she could feel the blood
dripping down her hands. But it didn't matter. Nothing did,
compared to the thought of waking up and finding that Spike was no
longer there.
It mattered to Spike, though. Slowly he approached her, as if
afraid to startle her. He reached and pulled her injured hands to
him, keeping eye contact with her the entire time. Buffy said
nothing, merely staring at him with an unreadable look on her face.
As gently as he could he pried her nails from her palms, wincing
at the damage done. "Do you trust me?" he asked quietly, raising
her hands towards him palms up.
Her gaze softened at his words and tone. "More than anyone else,"
she responded.
With his eyes still locked on hers he brought his lips to her
skin, lapping lightly at the blood pooled there. He placed a kiss
on each wound, having effectively healed them.
Suddenly his arms were full of a teary-eyed Slayer. "It's just a
surprise to see you still sane each morning," she murmured, rubbing
her nose into his shirt.
"I was really that bad?" Spike asked softly, slightly surprised.
Buffy nodded against his chest. "Each time I went down into that
basement, I was sure I was going to find blood puddles and dust,"
she admitted quietly. "And it really...I remember one time of
running around, screaming myself hoarse for over an hour trying to
find you. You ended up being curled up in a corner, lost in your
mind, with blood seeping through your shirt, and I...I just broke
down. Curled up across from you and sobbed, because this person in
front of me couldn't be the Big Bad Spike that I'd known for so
long, and yet in the depths of my heart and mind I knew it was, and
that really scared me, you know? Because you were always the one I
could depend on, the one that kept me sane throughout the entire
previous year, and to see you so broken and...and 'dead' just scared
me, because I had to do something because I was responsible for you,
but I didn't know where to start, and the only thing I could do
was..."
"Shhh, hush," he whispered, pulling her closer. "M'fine. Safe.
Happy. All 'cause of you. All right, Scoobs have done their share
of good things in my unlife too, but it's all you, luv. I wouldn't
give that up for anythin'. It doesn't matter what happens; you're
worth fighting for. You always have been," he said, and Buffy was
holding William again, if only for a little bit.
He glanced down at her, a thought striking him, and she was back
to Spike. "What did you mean, you were responsible for me?"
She snorted, though it came out as a rough sniffle. "What do you
think, Spike? That crushing feeling I felt when I realized how
damaging our relationship the previous year had been."
"You think my insanity the first time 'round is 'cause of you?" he
asked incredulously.
"Why else, Spike? Here comes Detective Buffy again, this time
with the process of elimination. You didn't go crazy this time
around, but you have the soul. You didn't have the relation...no,
the 'abuse' from the previous year weighing down on you. Let's
think really hard here..."
"Oh luv, you really don't get it, do you?" he murmured softly.
When she glanced up at him, confusion in her eyes, he couldn't help
smiling sadly. "It's because...I was insane because I knew what I'd
done to you. All the hope, trust, and love I'd promised to you were
torn apart by my actions that night. 'That's' what ripped me to
pieces; not your actions. Mine. I should've stopped the
relationship from becoming as damaging as it did. The fault lies
with me, Buffy. Not you."
Buffy stared at him, mouth slightly open. Spike frowned. "What'd
I do now?"
"That's the longest speech in William-speech I've ever heard," she
breathed.
Spike fidgeted uncomfortably. "Yeah, well..."
"I think it's downright sexy," she purred, earning a grin from
him. Men's egos were so easy to build...
"You think so, or are you just tryin' to feed my ego?"
Damn. He chuckled at the 'caught red-handed' look on her face,
before becoming serious once more. "You all right now? Sure I'm
not goin' anywhere?"
She sighed and nodded. "I am. I knew that, too. I'm sorry. I
just keep seeing the image of you in the basement, and I..." She
shuddered, not bothering to finish the sentence.
"Now you know how I felt when you got pulled outta heaven," he
said gently.
She blinked, startled into silence, before smiling
ruefully. "It's not a nice feeling, I'll give you that."
"We all right?"
Her smile became genuine as she leaned into his embrace, the
omelet long forgotten. "Yeah. We're all right."