Chapter 6:

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“You’re an evil soulless human,” Leanna said as she smirked, “not a very pretty one for that matter…” She vamped out and walked towards Buffy menacingly. “Spike isn’t going to stop me this time. No one will even notice you’re gone, now that I’m back!” She began to laugh as her now flashing yellow eyes bored into Buffy. Leanna crept closer with each slow step, backing her into a wall. Buffy had nowhere to go. She was stuck, and Leanna was coming toward her ready to strike.


And then Buffy woke up. Jolting upright with a gasp, she panted as the anger bubbled inside her mind. ‘That bitch worked her way into my dreams!’ Buffy was outraged that she couldn’t get a moment’s peace. ‘I have got to find a way out of here!!!!’ Buffy cried to herself desperately. She burrowed her face into her hands, wishing that she could find the answers she was looking for. Finally pulling it together, she got dressed and headed out to the Magic Box. She only hoped Spike wasn’t there.


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“Hi Spike!” Anya chirped as he came in the door. She had already made lots of money today, sending her into a permanent good mood. But Spike didn’t look as happy as Anya.


“Hey,” Spike said, as he exhaled deeply. He looked troubled, and it didn’t go unnoticed. They stood there a second all exchanging a curious glance. While still not really looking at them, he asked, “How’s Red doing? Did she call Glinda?”


Willow came out of the back room, with a visible bandage wrapped around her arm where the arrow had pierced through. “I’m fine, Spike. And yea, I called Tara already. She said she’ll be back as soon as she can today,” she replied. She saw that he didn’t really react much, but rather was starring off into space, looking like something was on his mind. “What about you? Are YOU ok? …Spike?” Willow asked hesitantly.


“Huh? Oh yea, I’m fine. Right as rain. Just tired is all…”


“Okkkkk, you get into another fight with Leanna or something?” Xander asked inquiringly.


Spike snapped out of it to look up at Xander’s question. “No!… I mean yea…but we’re ok now. I told you, I’m just tired, alright!?,” Spike finished with anger and irritation.


“Alright, alright,” Xander put his hands up and backed off, “I would be in a bad mood too if I had to listen to her whining at me all the time.”


Spike didn’t even respond. Giles decided to change the subject so he cleared his throat. “I wanted to bring something up with you guys to see what you all think. I’ve been doing some thinking for the past few days, and I wanted to know if you thought something is a little off with…Buffy’s amnesia?” Giles inquired. Spike tried not to appear bothered by the sudden mention of that name.


Xander spoke up, “Yea, I DID notice something funny. She remembers all of us, but not Leanna. Those two are always scratching each other’s eyes out! Wouldn’t you think she’d remember someone she hates that much?”


“I agree. I don’t think she’s telling the whole truth. Do you think she’s faking it, Giles?” Willow asked.


“No. She went all crazy on me the first day and didn’t make ANY sense,” Spike continued with confidence, “there’s no way she’s that good of an actress.” He tried not to think of their short embrace on the porch.


“I think Spike’s right. She seemed genuinely clueless about many things,” added Anya.


Before they could continue the conversation, Buffy stepped into the Magic Box. Five faces shot up to look at her, and she stopped in her tracks as they all gave her an odd look.


“Speak of the devil. Your timing is impeccable, Buffy,” Xander jibed.


‘Damn it, Spike is here. Ok avert eyes, ignore stupid vampire.’ She walked into the shop as she asked, “What are you talking about? Why are you all looking at me funny??”


“We’re talking about how you’re clueless,” Xander said matter-of-factly.


“Hey! I’m not clueless!” Buffy was offended.


“Buffy, do you remember anything else that could help us find out more about your amnesia situation?” Giles inquired.


“Oh is that what you were talking about? Well, I dunno. I think I might have hit my head really hard?” Buffy offered hesitantly, knowing it sounded dumb.


“Again?” Xander added sarcastically, “Do we need to make a special Buffy helmet for you?”


Buffy never realized how annoying Xander could be. The comments were funnier when they weren’t about her. She rolled her eyes and ignored him.


“Buffy, you’re not telling us something. That part we know for sure, so either you come out with the truth, or you can find help elsewhere,” Giles said sternly. They all faced her with a look that showed they were waiting for some answers – even Spike had finally looked up to glare at her inquiringly.


It was ridiculous. They wouldn’t believe the truth, but they weren’t believing her lie. She didn’t know what to say. So she just told them.


“Sigh…ok well don’t say I didn’t warn you…you guys won’t believe me, but you asked for it. This world isn’t real. I’M from the real world, where humans are good – I am good! – and vampires are evil. All of you guys aren’t vampires, except for Spike. You guys are MY friends, and everything is actually the reverse. I’m a slayer and I kill evil soulless vampires. There.” Buffy finished hastily.


Disbelieving faces starred at her in silence. “PUHAHAHAHA,” Xander burst out into hysterics, followed by everyone else. They clutched their stomachs and howled over in laughter at her ridiculous explanation.


“That’s-,” Xander gasped for air, “that’s-, the funniest thing I have heard in my life!!!!”


“That is so bloody ridiculous! Have you gone completely MAD!?” Spike exclaimed, all the while still laughing along with the gang.


Buffy knew it was coming, but nevertheless, she was now thoroughly pissed off because of Spike’s comment. With her arms crossed and her jaw tight, she said, “I TOLD you that you wouldn’t believe me! I-,” she was cut off as someone came in the door behind her.


“Tara!” Willow exclaimed as she ran to meet her girlfriend in a hug.


“Willow! Are you ok!?” concern was written all over Tara’s face, as she looked at Willow’s bandage and eyed her for other damages.


“I’m ok, don’t worry sweetie,” Willow said with affection as she gave her another hug, “I’m just glad you’re here now…”


“I’m sorry Willow – I know I was supposed to come back earlier, and I tried, but…but…weird things kept happening. And then I got your call, and got back as soon as I could…” Tara looked over at the gang. “Hi Guys!”


Everyone said hi, and Tara noticed Buffy was here. A flicker of hesitation went across Tara’s expression, as her eyes landed on Buffy. She had the slightest little feeling that something was off, but she didn’t know what.


Willow noticed the look. “What’s the matter?” Willow said as she furrowed her brow and looked to Buffy and back again to Tara.


“I just…,” Tara cut herself off and addressed Buffy, “Buffy, are you…alright?”


“What do you mean?” Buffy said puzzled. Buffy’s anger from before had dissipated when she had seen Tara walk in the door. Even when Tara was worried, she still had a sort of calming effect on everyone around her.


“Oh don’t mind her, Tara. She’s gone insane. She thinks the world is reversed and that she’s like some superhero in real life,” Xander interjected, trying to hold back the laughter.


Buffy turned around and gave him a fierce glare. But Spike had seen she was beyond pissed, and felt sort of bad for her, with all of them ganging up on her. He remembered the utter confusion etched on her face that night she came to his porch, so he jumped to change the subject, at something that had caught his attention earlier, “Wait, what do you mean weird things kept happening?” Spike looked towards Tara with an upraised brow.


Everyone seemed to look up in thought, as they became curious and turned to wait for Tara’s answer.


“Wait, where did you even go?” Buffy asked.


“Well…see…I went to visit my friend, who had called me and…and asked if I could go and help her with thi-…this spell that she had done wrong. I thought she sounded really urgent and…and she’s one of my only good friends from back home, s-…so I went to help her even though I thought something was wrong.”


“Well, was something wrong?” Willow asked concerned at her serious tone.


“Well I got there, and she-…she said she didn’t call me,” Tara finished.


Everyone looked alarmed and confused. “What? Who called you?” Spike spoke up with a puzzled expression.


“I…I don’t know,” Tara sighed. “After that, I tried to come back when I planned, but…”


“What?” said Buffy, anxiously curious.


“Well first, she…she kept begging me to stay and spend more time with her…she didn’t seem herself…and then my flight was cancelled. And all of a sudden they…they didn’t have another flight at all. The whole time, it was like…like something didn’t want me to leave…” Tara paused before looking at Willow, “But then you called and I just had to get back, so I took a bunch of buses instead…It could be all bad luck, but I had a bad feeling the whole time I was there and I still don’t know who called me…”


“That IS quite odd. But you seem to be alright, and you didn’t run into any physical danger I presume?” Giles added.


“Yea…I just think it’s strange…” Tara trailed off.


“What’s strange?” Leanna had suddenly sauntered into the Magic Box, wearing a leathery red outfit that was way too tight, and reminded Buffy of a hooker. She walked up to Spike with a sly smile and draped her arms on his, leaning into him. Spike tensed, suddenly uncomfortably with her public displays, especially after what had happened. Leanna became angry, when she realized why he had not responded the way he usually did. Spike was glancing over at Buffy, who was glaring at them in obvious hate and revulsion.


Leanna turned to Buffy. “Why the hell are you showing your face here again?” Leanna said in a dead cold voice. The gang felt the room turn icy, as the exchange seemed more malicious than usual. Everyone was eyeing them, waiting for the next move. “Why haven’t you made her leave?” she said as she looked at Spike while still draped on his shoulder.


“Leanna…” Spike began, frustrated that he was back to defending himself.


“YOU TOLD ME YOU WANT ME!” Leanna burst out in anger. The whole room seemed to jump back at her outrage, except Buffy, who stood there with an angry look. She was trying not to show that she was EXTREMELY uncomfortable, and was trying not to appear like she was avoiding looking at Spike, which she definitely was.


“LEANNA! Calm the bloody hell down! I do want you, you bint!” Spike hardly ever became that angry with her, which caused Leanna’s eyes to widen.


“Wait, rewind. Did we miss something here?” Xander asked, daring to tread into the battlefield.


Leanna looked at Xander briefly before turning back to Spike. “Why don’t you ask SPIKE what happened?” she finished before whirling around to glare at Buffy too.


Buffy was angry, but her angry expression had turned into panic and discomfort when she realized what they were about to find out. Her eyes shot up to Spike’s, questioning him silently with what he was going to say, but knowing that if he didn’t tell them, Leanna would anyway.


“What? Suddenly you have nothing to say?! Tell them that you kissed her!! Go ahead!!” Leanna ended with her arms crossed and eyebrows raised in angry impatience for Spike to speak up. He had made a fool out of her, and she wasn’t going to let them him get off that easily.


“Whoaaaa, you kissed HER!?” Xander asked incredulously as he pointed at Buffy. “Have you totally lost it too? She’s a HUMAN. I thought you were over that with Drusilla?? At least Drusilla had a SOUL, even if she was crazier than Buffy is now!”


“STOP SAYING I DON’T HAVE A SOUL!!” Buffy cried furiously. She had heard that way too many times within the past few days. She was sick of playing along with this world – she knew she had a soul, damnit. ‘Wait a minute, Dru had a soul!?’ Her eyes widened in confusion. “What are you talking about Drusilla had a soul???”


Everyone ignored her. They were all waiting for Spike to answer Xander, and wondering how Spike could let this happen, or why. “You guys kissed?” Anya urgently got back to the matter at hand. “Did it lead to hot sex? Have you been hiding it from us all this time?”


“What!? NO! Look, it was a mistake, alright!? She kissed me and caught me off guard! And this has nothing to do with Dru! It was a mistake, and it meant NOTHING,” Spike defended. He didn’t want to look at Buffy in the eyes, but couldn’t help glancing to see her reaction.


Buffy’s chin began to tremble from anger. She was seeing red – they had not only ignored her and deemed her soulless evil, but also regarded her like some thing with no feelings. Most of all, Spike’s words cut her deep, and she was angry, hurt, and confused at why she had come to feel ‘these things’ she hadn’t felt before.


She couldn’t let them see her break her resolve. Tilting up her chin a bit and glaring at Leanna and Spike, she told the gang, “Spike’s right. It really meant nothing at all.” She turned around, and calmly, but still furious, walked out of the Magic Box, waiting until she was out the door to let her hurt expression take over.

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“I think you hurt her feelings…” Tara said hesitantly. Tara didn’t know what had happened these past few days, but something wasn’t right about Buffy…


“Oh who cares!? At least she’s finally gone!” Leanna rolled her eyes.


Tara opened her mouth, but closed it again. She didn’t want to argue, because frankly, she would lose at it, but she found herself constantly disliking Leanna’s negative attitude. She knew that Leanna treated her like she didn’t even exist, and even though she didn’t tell the rest of them, she rooted for Buffy in most of the quarrels with Leanna.


Giles finally spoke up, after remaining silent in thought through the whole exchange, “Spike, I think you need to be more careful. You know how dangerous it can be to let Buffy get that close to you. She’s a human, and she can’t deny her nature to want to kill us. I know she looks just like one of us, but she’s evil. You know that.”


“Yea,” Spike sighed in frustration as he ran his hands back through his hair, “I know…” But Spike didn’t know anymore. Buffy didn’t pose him any physically danger, but emotionally, she would be the death of him.



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“I thought you were going to keep the witch away longer?” the male voice asked.


“I tried! You know I have to follow the rules though! I can only cause what the vampire wished… ” cried the female in frustration. She calmed down and held her hand to her temple. “It’s ok. I don’t think the witch can fully sense what is wrong. The slayer is vulnerable again, so we’re right on track. I WILL get the job done. They won’t be disappointed.”


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She had gone to the cemetery, really not knowing where else to go. Before, she had gone to the Magic Box to try and find a way to get out of here, but she couldn’t go back there now – she couldn’t even go to her own house because it belonged to Spike now. Walking through the cemetery slowly with her head down, she thought of all the things that had happened with Spike. ‘I don’t know why I care at all…I shouldn’t care…He’s just Spike…this place must be messing with me’ she thought in frustration. Another part of her didn’t believe any of that, but wasn’t willing to ever admit it.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t hear anyone approach her. She froze as she felt a presence, and turned around ready to strike. It was Spike.


He caught her fist, as he watched Buffy take time to relax briefly, before turning angry once again. “Let go of me,” Buffy said with gritted teeth. “What the hell do you want now?”


He held her fist, forcing her hand to her side, and letting his fingers graze down her hand as she relaxed, pulling away reluctantly. “Look, I didn’t come here to argue with you,” Spike said with sincerity.


“And you came here to…?” Buffy asked irritated, crossing her arms so she didn’t have to think about the electricity that had coursed through her with just the brush of his fingers.


“I came here to apologize,” Spike had regret written in his eyes, something he had hid well from the others.


Surprised and speechless, Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but didn’t know how to reply.


“I’m sorry,” Spike sighed, knowing ahead of time that this wasn’t going to be easy, “I didn’t mean to have everyone gang up on you like that…I just…” he paused not knowing how he should continue, “it WAS a mistake, and it can never happen again, but I didn’t mean to…sigh…I guess I just want to say thank you for helping me yesterday, and bringing Dawn home.” He opted for the easy way out, not knowing what or how he should’ve finished that sentence.


All the while, Buffy was staring at him uncomfortably, at the apologetic words he was sending her way. Back home, she had always taken sensitive-Spike for granted, punching him when he professed his love for her. Here, things were different, and now his words just made her shiver in emotion. When he finished his sentence by thanking her, her disappointment was shown in obvious annoyance at his weak change of subject.


“Forget about it. It wasn’t about you anyway – it was about Willow, and Dawn. Thanks for the apology, you can go back to feeling good about yourself now,” Buffy continued, resulting to sarcasm to mask her disappointment.


“Buffy, that’s not what I meant...,” Spike yelled out in frustration as Buffy looked at him with an upraised brow. “Listen, can we just call a truce? I’m sorry,” he finished with a whisper as he moved closer to her to show his sincerity.


She felt her heart skip a beat as she felt his breath lightly brush her face, and quickly darted her eyes downward, as she wasn’t willing to see what emotion he held in his gaze. Her voice was caught in her throat, but she managed to get out, “Ok…a truce,” before both of them backed away from each other, uncomfortably fidgeting.


Buffy looked anywhere but him, until a thought crossed her mind that had been bothering her before. It was a perfect time to ask. “Spike?” Buffy asked, forcing him to look at her.


“Yea?” Spike asked, hoping they wouldn’t have to re-visit that awkward moment.


“Can…can you tell me about Drusilla? And her soul?” Buffy asked with curiosity.


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Chapter 7:

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“Tell you about Dru?” Spike had an uneasy look on his face. He tried to turn her away from the subject, without getting into a fight with her, “….I’m not sure that’s a good idea, pet…plus you usually yell at me to not mention her anyway…”


Buffy knew Drusilla was a sore subject, but she HAD to know how it came that Queen of the Darkness had a soul. “I-, I really want to know, Spike. How am I supposed to remember anything if no one TELLS me anything?”


Annoyed that she had not backed off, he was starting to feel the defensiveness creep back into him. “Forget it – I don’t want to talk about it,” Spike had already put on his determined jerk-mode face. He was casually leaning back against a tombstone, lighting a cigarette, trying to appear strong on the issue.


“Why are you being such a doofus? I thought we had a truce?” Buffy starred at him with annoyance, and a slight bit of disappointment that their truce hardly lasted a few minutes. But Spike remained in his position, only slightly flickering his expression at the reminder of the truce he had offered earlier.


“You know what, fine. I’ll just go find out my information elsewhere. Maybe Leanna is up for some company – I think I’ll just drop by to catch up on old times…” Buffy had turned her back and begun to walk away, throwing in the bit about Leanna in the spur of the moment.


“Whoa! Hold on now!” Spike ran around to block her from stepping further. A thought came to his mind. “Wait a minute, you don’t even know where she lives,” Spike visibly relaxed at that, with a smug smile on his face.


“I’ll just follow the vapid ho smell and voila! Skanks R’ US!” Buffy said with cheerful contempt.


“I actually think you are getting more and more jealous of her…?” Spike raised an inquiring eyebrow.


“WHAT!? Of that ho? You have GOT to be kidding me! There is no jealousy period. I’m jealous-free Buffy!” She finished with an indignant raise of her chin.


“Uh-huh,” Spike, “I believe you as much as I believe that’s your natural hair color.”


“HA! Peroxide Boy is talking to me about natural hair color??” Buffy cried out mockingly. Spike had seemed to forget he bleached his hair more than people did white shirts. His caught look was priceless.


“At least my hair looks way better than yours does! The girls dig the bad boy look – it’s a bloody fact!” Spike finished.


“You mean the Billy Idol look?” Buffy raised an inquiring brow, “You REALLY need to get an update on the present day. Don’t you know you’re so outdated? I’m way hip-per than you are. Ask Dawn.”


“Dawn still wears pink colored pjs – what does she know?” Spike retorted jokingly.


“What’s wrong with pink?” Buffy said in an offended mock tone. She couldn’t help but begin to smile, because she was actually enjoying their banter. And that’s why she froze. Buffy realized she was having friendly banter with Spike. It wasn’t normal. The contempt that was supposed to be there was missing, and all she found was a very confused Buffy. She furrowed her brows at this thought, as the uncomfortable feeling from before crept back into her body.


Spike was confused at her reaction, as he saw her waver in some sort of doubt, but about what?


“I should go,” Buffy resolved, starting to back away hesitantly.


“What is it, luv?” Spike asked.


“Don’t call me that!” Buffy added quickly, his nicknames adding to her confusion.


Spike was about to ask ‘what’ but then he realized what he called her – he didn’t even consciously mean to call her ‘luv’ – it just came naturally, and suddenly, that thought scared him in return. When had he begun letting himself call her that? He didn’t even know.


“Oh…right. Sorry, wrong blonde,” Spike replied gruffly.


After realizing he meant Leanna, Buffy glared at him. “Why are you with her anyway?? I mean, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she’s worse than Harmony!”


“Harmony? Who the bloody hell is that?” Spike asked, annoyed.


‘He doesn’t know who she is?’ Buffy secretly felt an inner sense of relief that Spike had not gone out with Harmony AND Leanna – one was more than pushing it.


“Is that the ditzy human chit who keeps threatening me with her minions?” Spike inquired with a roll of his eyes.


“Oh…um…yea nevermind,” Buffy replied lamely, knowing that her explanation for bringing Harmony up would get her another laugh in the face.


Spike sighed frustrating breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. After a long moment, Spike broke the silence in a calm voice, “If I tell you about Dru, will you stop being such a crazy bint?”


Normally, she would have retorted with some angry comment, but curiosity held her back. She didn’t give him the satisfaction of a reply, but simply gave him a look that showed she agreed.


“Alright…where do I start…,” Spike sighed, scratching the back of his head.


“How about how she got her soul?” Buffy offered quietly.


“Well, when I found her, she already had her soul…I found her in the woods one day when I was walking by and heard some noise. I followed it until I found her there, on the ground, looking like a mess. She looked completely delirious, with bloody cuts all over her…so I carried her back to get help…” Spike raised his gaze away from the ground briefly and saw that she was just waiting for him to continue.


“It was Tara who told us Dru had a soul – she said she could see it burning inside her. We didn’t know how to react because we never heard of anything like it….”


“Why didn’t Drusilla tell you she had a soul?” Buffy asked.


“When I brought her back, she wouldn’t break deliria for a good week. After she came out of it, it took us a while to get the story out of her…” Spike let out a big breath before continuing, “Dru told us she had been cursed. Apparently, before her soul, she killed an entire vamp family, except for one girl who had watched her kill them all. The girl, who we assume was a witch of some sort, cursed Dru with a soul for eternity…” Spike drifted off.


Buffy’s eyes were wide. Not because the story was shocking and horrible, but because it resembled the story of Angel’s soul – the gypsy curse. She hadn’t expected it, though she should of, knowing the rules of this world. “Did…was there a way for her to lose the soul?” Buffy managed to stammer, thinking about how Angel turned into Angelus.


“No…not with consequences…she was stuck with it…and it drove her insane in the end…” Spike continued with his eyes averted.


“What do you mean not with consequences?” Buffy asked, puzzled. And a thought came to her. “Why didn’t you turn her if you loved her?”


Spike’s eyes darted up to Buffy’s, knowing that what he already revealed wasn’t going to be enough to satisfy her curiosity. He hesitated, before continuing, “I loved her. I was naïve, and she was so fragile and she had a soul…She became the only thing I wanted to protect, and I was her prince…” Spike’s expression became unattached, as if he was reliving the memories, “I thought about trying to turn her, more than once…but the others looked into it, and said that the soul would ruin everything…if I turned her, she would lose the soul…”


“Why did she leave then? I remember Giles said something about how she left for your own good…” Buffy knew she was starting to bombard him with questions, but she couldn’t help it, things weren’t piecing together…


“As the year went on, she was getting worse and worse. Soon, she just sputtered nonsense about tea parties and dolls. I loved her anyway, because I was the only one she let into her world…but soon, she started having bad streaks…throwing violent fits…” Spike looked into Buffy’s eyes, as if testing whether or not he really wanted to continue.


Buffy just looked at him in a quiet gaze, with a bit of sympathy in her eyes. She really should care less about Drusilla and Spike’s little twisted love story, but couldn’t help the part of her that knew what it was like to have a love shattered by violence.


It was in her quiet and understanding demeanor that made Spike begin again with his voice deep and serious, “They don’t know what really happened. I couldn’t tell them. All they know is that the soul was driving her crazier than she already was, and…one day while she was having a fit, she got violent…,” Spike’s voice was pained, “I told them that she felt immense guilt after she snapped out of it and wanted to leave for my own good…”


“But that didn’t really happen?” Buffy asked with a furrowed brow.


“Part of it…she did try to attack me one day in a bad episode…but I lied to them. I lied to them because she didn’t leave out of guilt. After the attack, she never came out of her rant...she was completely gone by then…I couldn’t save her anymore…She…” Spike paused, “…she killed a child before I could stop her…and I panicked. I knew there was no way I could excuse what she did, but I still loved her, and I didn’t have the courage to kill her myself, so I let her go…”


She wanted to ask if it was a vampire child or a human one, but knew that it didn’t really matter – not here at least. Dawn was a vampire here, and Buffy understood that either answer wouldn’t make the crime less severe. A part of her condemned Spike for letting Drusilla get away, when she herself had sent Angel to hell, but she couldn’t help the pang of sympathy she felt for him – she knew how it was like to keep a secret, like how she had escaped to L.A. to avoid dealing with everything. She also understood that he had just confided in her something he had never told anyone.


Buffy stepped closer to him, and put her hand on his arm lightly. Spike looked up surprised at her gentle touch and un-angered eyes. Buffy said simply, “I won’t tell anyone. I promise.” And her eyes conveyed the truth behind her promise, something that sent an inner flip of Spike’s stomach.


He took a moment, and relished the feel of her hand so gently on his arm. Everything about the two of them always screamed anger and hate – this was something new, something a lot scarier than lust he couldn’t control.


Spike had concluded from past experiences that there was no reason to trust Buffy, but her actions had constantly proved otherwise. Throwing all of those thoughts out of debate, he saw the sincerity in her eyes, and finally replied, “I believe you.”


Neither of them had sensed a third presence around them. They were too caught up in the moment to see glittering grey eyes watching them from afar, hearing every single word both of them had said.


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Chapter 8:

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Spike broke the intense moment and tried to sound casual, flipping the atmosphere of the serious Dru story, “Anyway, I should get going. I’m meeting up the gang at the Bronze tonight.”


“Oh, you guys are going to the Bronze?” Buffy’s voice slightly wavered with a hint of desperation. Being reminded that everyone was Spike’s friend instead of HERS distressed her still. Plus, it actually sounded like fun – she needed a break.


Spike suddenly felt like he should invite her to come along, though he would have never given her a rat’s ass a couple days ago. They DID call a truce, and he felt an odd nagging emotion that told him he actually wanted her to be there. “Why…Why don’t you come?” Spike hesitated.


Buffy was happy that her desperate signal got through to him, but a thought crossed her mind. ‘If everything is reverse, do vamps go to the Bronze or humans?’ She couldn’t go to the Bronze with a bunch of vamps and her stupid chip…could she? “Won’t the vampires think I’m evil and get all fang-y on me?” Buffy said quizzically.


Spike chuckled at the stupid little words she always came up with. Leave it to Buffy to ruin the English language. “No, they know who you are, and know you’re harmless. You’ve been there before, you know.”


“I’m not harmless!! I’m just…chipped! I can be dangerous in other ways! I…” Buffy realized she was working against herself here.


Spike raised his eyebrows waiting for her to finish her sentence and reveal her ‘dangerous’ tactics.


“…Ok fine!…I’m harmless! Are you happy!?” Buffy yelled exasperated, ending with her arms crossed and a pout on her lip. ‘I hate being harmless! This sucks.’


The lip did not go unnoticed to Spike. He quickly darted his eyes away, and tried to put on his annoyed voice, “Are you coming or not?” But he made sure it was in an annoyed tone that showed he was just pushing her buttons.


Buffy reluctantly snapped out of her pouting and was about to agree when she realized she was wearing a sweater and long black skirt. She wanted to be more ‘Bronze-appropriate’ a.k.a. wear something hotter. “Yea…maybe later. I have to go back to my hou-, my crypt first.”


“Alright then,” Spike replied, before giving her a last look and turning away, heading for the Bronze.


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Buffy was walking back to her crypt, nervously thinking about whether she should go to the Bronze or not. She would be in a room full of vampires that thought she was their worst enemy, and Spike was right – she was totally harmless. Not able to hit any vampire…


‘I would give up all my clothes if I could use Leanna’s face for a punching bag!’ Buffy suddenly thought with contempt. Leanna was annoying - and worst, annoyingly gorgeous. Buffy felt really plain around her, and she wasn’t about to show up to the Bronze with some school-marm outfit. She could play “Who’s-the-Hooch?” too.


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*********The Bronze**********


As the band finished up the fast-paced rock song and started playing some dark and mellow music, the vampires swarmed slowly off the dance floor to get drinks while only a few couples remained embraced in a slow dance.


“So when’s Spike and Leanna getting here?” Willow asked the rest of the gang – Xander, Tara, and Anya.


“Well, I think Spike should be here soon, which means Leanna will come promptly attached to his ass,” Xander answered cynically.


Tara smirked at that, but quickly wiped away her expression when Willow looked at her. “Oh c’mon guys…we’re supposed to be supportive scoobies…and…she’s not THAT bad…everyday,” Willow finished lamely. She agreed with the rest of them – Leanna was beyond irritation – the only reason she tried to keep her mouth shut was because of Spike’s tirade not too long ago when they had confronted him, where he angrily made them feel guilty for forgetting all the times she helped them out in a fight.


“Yea we know. She helped us in the big fight, big whoop. She’s like this leech! Stuck there, but never shutting up. When I can’t decide who to hate more – Buffy or Leanna – you know that’s just wrong,” Xander finished.


“What’s wrong?” Spike asked, as he approached the gang.


“Oh…uhh…nothing…,” Willow stammered quickly.


Fortunately for them, the ‘leech’ was making her way over to distract Spike.


“Your girlfriend’s here, joy.” Xander commented dryly, as Spike turned to look.


Leanna looked piercingly mischievous. She looked like she had some sort of agenda and Spike didn’t think it looked like just her usual overly flirty self. He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with more jealousy and accusations.


To his relief and surprise, all Leanna did was plant herself against Spike’s shoulder and pull herself closer against his body. “Ready to have fun?” Leanna whispered seductively in Spike’s ear, as the rest of the gang tried not to grimace.


“Bloody hell, are you gonna make me dance again?” Spike said with a defeated voice. Except this time, he really didn’t feel like doing anything with Leanna, not just the dancing.


“C’mon Spikeee…” Leanna whined as she lured him out to the dance floor – more like practically dragging him.


The slow music played seductively, as Leanna tried to press herself against Spike and rub her hips against his, knowing what always worked on him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and began to nibble at his ear playfully. But Spike was hardly paying attention to her ministrations, not like he usually did. Instead he was scanning the crowd, as if looking for someone. But couples began to wander out onto the dance floor, effectively blocking his view in all directions.


Tara had seen the wandering look on Spike’s face. He didn’t seem very interested at Leanna’s usual advances. Turning back to the table and the rest of her friends, she asked, “Do you guys know if Buffy is showing up tonight?”


Surprised at the random question, Xander replied with a roll of the eyes, “She’s always here as long as Spike is.”


“Oh honey, don’t be jealous. I’d much rather sleep with you than Spike,” Anya finished in patronizing comfort.


“What? I’m not jealous of Spike! I’m just saying that those two never quit,” Xander replied in his defense.


“Well, at least Buffy is less slutty than Leanna is,” Anya jumped in.


Xander’s eyes widened, his gaze directed past his friends, “Whoa…maybe you spoke too fast…”


Everyone at the table turned in the direction of Xander’s gaze. Buffy had just walked in the entrance, wearing a very short red halter dress that plunged down in between her breasts and ended slightly below her ass, leaving her tan legs in full view. Her exposed skin was shimmering and her hair fell softly against her shoulders, teasing her bare back. Lips glossy and looking ready to kill, her entrance had all the guys drooling over the sight.


“Wow. Buffy looks great tonight. She must be declaring war,” Anya commented to Tara, Willow and Xander.


“Uh…guys…I don’t think this is going to end very well,” Willow said nervously.


At that moment, the crowd had parted slightly for Spike, and who he saw at the entrance made his jaw drop. Buffy looked absolutely gorgeous – he was lucky Leanna’s head was resting on his shoulder and facing the other way, because that sight would infuriate her. Thinking quick, he knew he had to try and keep Leanna facing the other way, even if he had to dance with her the entire time.


Buffy felt multiple eyes on her, actually hoping that they were just leering and not looking hungry. She quickly made her way over to the gang, spotting them almost immediately.


“Um…hi guys,” Buffy uttered awkwardly, not knowing if they would appreciate her presence.


“Hi Buffy,” Tara said as she smiled warmly, forgetting she was suppose to act annoyed.


“Whoa, Buff, what’s the deal? Are you and Leanna battling it out for Sluttiest Blonde?” Xander asked.


“Hey! I’m blonde now too! And I think she looks very nice. Good job Buffy, I think you might win today,” Anya commented.


“Win? What do you mean?” Buffy said in a pretend innocent voice, but she couldn’t help smirking at Anya’s comment.


“Where’s Spike?” Buffy asked, trying very hard to sound casual, but knowing that everyone knew her purpose behind the question.


“Um…dancing…” Willow gave her a sort of sympathetic look, before gazing over at Spike and Leanna. Buffy’s eyes followed Willow’s, and her happy mood over her outfit choice quickly disseminated, replaced by a disappointed pout. Her eyes met Spike’s for a brief moment as their gazes seemed to freeze time, but trying to quickly mask her disappoint, she turned back to the gang with a non-chalant expression.


“Do you guys want something to drink? I’m gonna head over to the bar,” Buffy asked, trying to ignore the blonde couple and the way Leanna was moving against Spike.


“No, we’re good,” Willow commented with a smile, feeling bad for Buffy. She was supposed to hate her, but whenever Buffy was around, she easily slipped into the habit of thinking of Buffy as one of her friends.


Buffy walked towards the bar, trying to occupy her mind with the task of getting a drink, instead of thinking about what the heck she was doing here dressed in one of her most killer dresses, hoping Spike would notice her like some desperate little girl. Her insecurities began to flood back into her as she leaned against the bar, waiting for the bartender.


The bartender came to take her order. “Hey Slayer, what will it be? the usual?”


“Uhhh…sure…” Buffy replied hesitantly, not knowing what her ‘usual’ was.


A few minutes later he plopped down a strawberry looking drink with an umbrella in it. “oOoOo pretty,” Buffy replied happily as she sipped her drink.


“You sure are,” replied a voice, as a guy came up next to her with a flirtatious smile.


Buffy was about to become defensive and deem him a creep, but she changed her mind as she examined the guy. He was tall with a medium build, brown hair and a slightly pale complexion (he IS a vampire). He had a great smile, and actually didn’t seem like a creep at all. ‘Kinda cute’ Buffy thought, her mood a little cheered up.


“How are you doing today, Buffy? You look amazing by the way,” he finished with a warm smile.


“I’m doing ok…and thanks, …uh…thanks,…” Buffy squinted at him, trying to figure out his name and hoping for a little help.


He looked at her with a funny expression. “Mike. You know - the guy who asks you to dance every time you come here? Did you forget me already?” his voice showed a bit of sad disappointment that Buffy was pretending to not know him.


“I’m just kidding Mike!” Buffy laughed, hoping to play it off as a joke. “Of course I remember you!”


His disappointment quickly disappeared and turned into a smile. “Well how about a dance now?” Mike asked hopefully, as he offered his hand to her.


Buffy starred at his hand for a brief second, wondering if she wanted to dance with this guy who was basically a complete stranger to her. She didn’t know what to think, considering she was sure he was a vampire and he knew she was human, since he could hear her heartbeat and all. But he seemed genuinely very nice, and Buffy liked the attention. Smiling back, she took his hand as he led her to the dance floor.


Spike was scanning the crowd, hoping to catch where Buffy had gone. He kept Leanna turned away from the tables and bar at all times, hoping he could avoid an outburst for as long as possible. And then he saw them – his stomach clenched, and sudden jealousy coursed through his body.


Mike was a regular at the bronze, and started taking a liking to Buffy a while ago, even though he knew she was the Slayer and human. Mike was obviously smitten, and started asking Buffy to dance, since she often hung out at the bar alone, not really invited to join the rest of the gang. Spike never cared about the two of them before, glad that Mike kept Buffy away and out of Leanna’s proximity, but this time, it was different.


Spike had an overwhelming feeling – one where he felt like he wanted to go over there and tear Mike’s head off. As Mike’s hands came in contact with Buffy’s bare back, Spike had to keep himself under control from growling out loud. He was trying not to tense up too much, or Leanna might snap out of her advances and notice what was wrong.


Buffy was enjoying the dance. It was nice, but it wasn’t great. She rested her head on Mike’s shoulders, not wanting to hold his gaze. Exhaling, she scanned the crowd of couples and her eyes met with blue ones.


Their eyes locked with one another, as the rest of the room seemed to float away from their reality. Swaying to the slow music in different people’s arms, they could not look away from each other, secretly knowing that they wished to be in each other’s arms, but not admitting it out loud. Spike needed to look away, but he couldn’t – he was transfixed on Buffy. The sparks flew between their eyes, never breaking contact, and it was as if they WERE dancing with each other and no one else mattered.


Spike was snapped out of the trance with Buffy by Leanna.


“Spike, let’s go back to my place and have some real fun,” Leanna whispered seductively in his ear.


“Leanna…” Spike said in an exasperated tone, “We just got here.”


“Whaaaat, we’ve been here for a few minutes! They understand. They’re probably too busy talking about books or tv show characters – they won’t miss us…” Leanna tried to convince him. Before he could answer, she began pulling him towards the back entrance.


“Leanna…c’mon now pet…slow down…” Spike was trying to reason calmly, as she pulled him past Buffy and Mike, past the gang, out of the Bronze into the alley. She began kissing him fervidly as he struggled to maintain control of the situation.


“Leanna! Will you bloody stop!?!” Spike roared, pushing her off of him.


She was struck with shock, eyes wide, starring at him for a second. “WHAAAAT!?!!? DID YOU JUST PUSH ME OFF OF YOU???” Leanna screamed furiously, flailing her arms as her grey eyes penetrated Spike’s.


Spike took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to avoid outbursts tonight after all. “Calm down, Leanna. I just didn’t feel like leaving yet.”


“You have NEVER pushed me off of you. I seem to remember plenty of times where we ditched out on the Bronze to go have some fun. You weren’t struggling then! What the hell is going on?” Leanna was still seething, but at a less high-pitched nature.


“Nothing, I just…” Spike ran his hands through his hair, his mind sifting through what he was trying to say. And he realized what he had to do. Looking back up to meet her impatiently waiting gaze, he said, “I think we should take a break.”

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Chapter 9:

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Back inside the Bronze, Buffy was still dancing with Mike, but with a troubled look on her face. It was all too obvious where Spike and Leanna had gone, or rather WHAT they had gone to do, and the thought made her sick to the stomach. Luckily, the slow songs had ended, so she pulled away from him, and offered a grateful smile, “Thanks Mike. I really enjoyed the dance.” As she was pulling away, he gently grabbed her hand.


“Do you think you would want to go out sometime? I know I ask you every time, but you can’t blame a guy for trying,” Mike said as he looked at her with a hopeful gaze.


Buffy didn’t respond immediately, not really knowing what to do, considering she didn’t even know this guy but was supposed to. “Mike...I…don’t think that’s a good idea…I’m sorry…” Buffy said with an apologetic expression.


His disappointment was obvious, but he quickly rebounded and asked, “Well will you save me a dance next time, as usual?”


Buffy smiled timidly, “Sure.” With that, she turned and walked back to the table where the gang was sitting. Feeling down, Buffy plopped herself down on a chair at the table, not caring if she was invited or not.


“Mike is totally smitten with you. Why don’t you go out with him already?” Willow asked Buffy after watching the little display.


Buffy looked up. “Honestly? I don’t even remember him at all,” Buffy said with a despairing tone, feeling bad that this guy obviously had been trying for so long.


“Ah yes, I’m sure all you remembered was Spike,” Xander said cynically, as the band suddenly switched to a new song.


But before Buffy could reply, Willow interrupted, “Let’s go dance guys! I love this song!”


Xander, Anya, and Willow got up to go dance, but Tara and Buffy were still sitting. “Aren’t you coming with us, Tara?” Willow asked with a pout.


“No…I think I’ll sit this one out,” Tara gave her girlfriend an apologetic look, “but I promise I’ll come join you guys for the next song.”


“Ok,” Willow said with a satisfied smile.


Leaving Buffy and Tara at the table alone, the three of them went out to dance.


Tara turned to look at Buffy. She had purposely not gone out to dance with the rest of them, because she wanted to get a chance to talk to her. “Buffy…are…are you ok?”


Buffy broke out of her momentary daze, and looked up at Tara. “What do you mean?” Buffy asked cautiously.


“Well…I noticed there was something off...when I first came back. But you ran out before I had a chance to ask you about it…” Tara said in her caring demeanor.


She wanted to tell Tara everything, but knew she still wouldn’t understand, even if Tara was usually very understanding and insightful. “Oh…um it was probably just Leanna, you know? She makes me want to beat her to death with my shoe,” Buffy said in an exasperated but slightly comedic tone.


Tara smiled. “Yea, sometimes Leanna has that effect,” she paused for a second, “You really love him don’t you? Spike, I mean…” She asked with a knowing glance.


“What!? NO! I don’t love him – no love!” Buffy said frantically, wanting to make sure Tara knew what a ridiculous idea that was. Buffy sighed, “I just…I really REALLY hate Leanna. That’s all. Honest.”


“Uh…huh…,” Tara replied with a smirk on her face, unconvinced.


“I mean what does he see in her anyway??” Buffy suddenly went off ranting.


Tara looked at her sympathetically and put her hand on Buffy’s in a comforting gesture. “I think Spike was really just getting over Drusilla…but don’t tell him I said that...”


Buffy’s thoughts flashed back to the story Spike had told her earlier. And something clicked in her head. Tara and Drusilla’s soul. Tara had been the one who sensed Drusilla’s soul!


“Tara, I need to ask you something. When Drusilla came along, how did you sense her soul? How did you know?” Buffy asked urgently.


Tara was a bit taken aback by the sudden change in subject. “I…um…why do you want to know?”


“I’m just really curious,” Buffy tried to appear less pushy, so Tara would continue.


“Well…Spike brought her to us, and she seemed di-…different from most humans…it was like I could see something radiating out of her essence…I don’t really know how to explain it…” Tara finished hesitantly.


Buffy’s head was reeling. “So you mean you can see my soul too?” Buffy said urgently. If Tara could sense people’s souls, that’s what she must be sensing about Buffy that’s different. Tara could help convince the Scoobies that really she wasn’t evil!


Tara had a perplexed look on her face. She hesitated before replying slowly, “Buffy, you don’t have a soul…”


“No, I really do! I know it sounds ridiculous, but that’s what you’re sensing about me that’s different!” Buffy explained rapidly. “Tara you have to believe me! Look closer, please,” Buffy pleaded with her.


Tara looked closely at Buffy for a long moment, before speaking up, “Buffy, I want to believe you, I do. But if you had a soul, I would have seen it. And you don’t.”


Buffy eyes filled with fear. It couldn’t be true. “No, you’re wrong,” Buffy said in a trembling voice. She knew what she was, how she felt. There was no way she could not have a soul and feel the things she feels – guilt, unselfish love for her mom and Dawn, everything a soul came with.


Tara tried to reach out for her hand to comfort her, “Buffy…” But Buffy pulled away from the table, knocking down the stool she was sitting on. Her strong façade was over – the tears started to cloud her vision as she turned to leave. She saw that Mike was by the front entrance, so she turned and headed for the back door.


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“Perfect,” the female smiled evilly. “I knew that witch was good for something. Perhaps it wasn’t too bad that she came back after all…”


“But do you think you’re dragging this on too long?” asked the male.


“No. I didn’t come back in time so I can fuck it up. They wanted her dead, they will have her dead. But I’m going to enjoy it…,” the female finished, as she smirked once again.


------------------------------------------------------------------------


Buffy rushed out into the alley, with two tears running down each cheek. Her last hope – Tara – had been shattered. She hadn’t found one single clue how to get out of this place.


Then she heard a noise in the alley. Alerting to her sense, she looked around, suddenly scared of a possible vampire wanting to kill her, and there was no one around to help her.


In the far corner, she saw a blonde head, on the ground. Walking closer cautiously, she saw it was Spike, moaning on the ground and clutching his nose.


“Spike?” Buffy ran quickly to his side and kneeled down next to him with a concerned expression. “What happened?”


“The bloody bint hit me…ugh…my nose…” Spike brought himself to a sitting position, leaning against the wall of the alley with his eyes closed.


“Leanna hit you?? Why?” Buffy asked, surprised and yet not expecting any better from Leanna.


Spike opened his eyes, and saw Buffy before him, dressed in that little red halter dress, with the skirt of it riding dangerously high up her thighs from kneeling. He tried to ignore the tightening in his pants. “I told her I think we should take a break,” Spike replied, as he pretended to see if there was blood, not holding her gaze.


“Really!?” Buffy bursted out, “I mean um…oh really? Why what happened?” She tried to cover up her overwhelming sense of joy and relief. Inside she was screaming: ‘The bitch is gone!!’


Spike looked into Buffy’s eyes for a long moment, not sure what to tell her. He finally settled for a safe answer, “I just needed some space.”


“Oh…,” Buffy said in a slightly disappointed tone. She didn’t know what she wanted to hear, but his answer wasn’t it. She quickly masked her disappoint and focused on the part where she was ecstatic that Leanna was finally gone! She obviously didn’t end things well, so Buffy was hoping Leanna was gone for good.


“Well, are you gonna be alright?” Buffy asked, reaching out her fingers to barely touch the top of Spike’s hand.


“I’ll be fine,” Spike replied as both of them continued to hold each other’s gaze.


Spike snapped them out of it, and both of them began to stand up. “I should probably go back inside,” Spike began.


At that, Buffy suddenly remembered her conversation with Tara and the anguish she was feeling before Spike had distracted her. With a pained look, Buffy took a step backwards and said, “I…I need to go…”


“Already? What’s wrong?” Spike asked with furrowed brows.


“I…I’m not feeling well…” Buffy said quietly, beginning to turn away, “I’ll see you later…”


Spike was puzzled at her sudden change of mood and felt a tinge of worry. Not only that, but he was disappointed she was leaving, now that he didn’t have to play peacemaker for Buffy and Leanna. “Buffy,” Spike quickly called.


Buffy paused in her steps and turned to look at him. “Yea?”


He hesitated a moment as Buffy waited for his reply. “You look nice tonight,” Spike said in a softer tone.


His words brought a small smile to her sad face, and she felt a tug in the deep of her stomach. “Thanks,” Buffy replied with a timid smile. Then she turned and rushed out of the alley.


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Buffy didn’t know what to do or where to go. ‘There is NO way I don’t have a soul – Tara must be wrong.’ Her head was swimming in thoughts – everything was completely messed up and she was stuck, with no way out. Not only that, she had let herself actually start to get comfortable here –that scared her more than being chipped and helpless.


She could go back to the crypt or… Buffy suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned towards the other direction. She wanted to see Dawn and her mom.

----

Heading up to the porch, Buffy felt unsure of whether she should be here. It felt so normal to come home, but she knew it wasn’t her home here, and Spike would be angry when he found out she was lurking near ‘his’ family. Standing in front of the door, she hesitated for several minutes.


But then Dawn opened the door, surprising Buffy.


“Buffy!!” Dawn exclaimed. “What are you doing standing out here? In a realllly cute dress that I WISH you would let me borrow…” Dawn said with an amused tone.


Buffy immediately smiled – this felt right and she missed her annoying little sister more than she could imagine. “You are NEVER borrowing this dress, missy. And I came to see if you guys were O.K. Plus, didn’t I promise you I would come visit?”


Dawn’s fake pout turned into a big smile at the fact that Buffy came to visit them and not Spike. She then turned around and yelled, “MOM!!!!!!! BUFFY’S HERE!!”


‘Ok maybe not missing the high-pitched yelling,’ Buffy thought as she flinched.


Joyce immediately came towards the front door, with a delighted smile on her face. “Buffy! I’m glad you came for a visit! We didn’t get a chance to talk last time…You look wonderful by the way.”


Starring at her mom and her sister almost made her forget about Tara’s words. Almost.


“Thanks, I hope I’m not bothering you guys, I just wanted to see how you both were doing,” Buffy smiled a sad smile at them, wishing she could jump inside the house and wrap her arms around them in a hug. Instead, she looked down, looking slightly defeated by the whole situation.


“Mom, can Buffy come in?? Pleaseeeeeee,” Dawn began, as she starred pleadingly into her mother’s eyes.


Buffy interjected quickly, “No, that’s O.K. I can just stay out -”


“Of course she can,” Joyce said as she smiled. Buffy looked up surprised and Joyce continued, “Buffy, I know you can’t hurt us, and I really doubt you would even if you could.”


Buffy hastily assured, “Of course I wouldn’t! I just thought Spike might not be comfortable with it…”


Dawn rolled her eyes as Joyce shot her a look. Turning back to Buffy, Joyce said, “Spike isn’t here, is he? Plus, I get to make the rules in my own house. Come in, Buffy.”


Buffy felt an overwhelming wave of relaxation and comfort. How could they possibly be vampires?? Joyce and Dawn seemed to like her despite the fact that she was “supposed to be on the other side.” ‘…Did mom and Dawn like Spike that much back in the real world?’


Joyce stepped aside to let Buffy in, and Buffy stepped in slowly, as if some barrier might smack her in the face again. When nothing did, she relaxed and scanned the house which appeared pretty much the same.


“We were just about to have a late dessert. Would you like some?”


Buffy was about to reply in earnest, before she realized that they probably had a selection of blood and blood. She crinkled her nose at the thought.


They seemed to know what she was thinking, so Dawn added, “Mom’s making banana splits, of the blood-free variety.”


“Oh yum. I’m in!” Buffy said brightly.


“Make yourself comfortable, it’ll just be a minute or so,” Joyce said warmly as she went into the kitchen. “Dawn, why don’t you come help me get some bowls and spoons?”


Both of them left Buffy in the living room. She walked slowly around the room, inspecting the house for any differences or any signs of ‘vampire!’ It seemed to be completely the same, until she got to the mantel.


On the mantel of the fireplace, there stood two picture frames. One was of Joyce, Spike, and Dawn on the couch, smiling with arms around each other. The other was just of Spike and Dawn outside, with Spike grabbing Dawn from behind and lifting her up in the air like a carefree kid.


Buffy outlined the picture with her fingers, as if she needed to feel that it was real. Never had she seen Spike in that light – she was in awe and she was also a bit jealous. She knew that was her place. Before she could fall back into her trap of wallowing in her own misery, Dawn’s head popped out of the kitchen doorway.


“Splits are ready!” Dawn said in an energetic tone. Dawn caught Buffy outlining the picture of Spike with her fingers, and gave her a roll of the eyes. “Desperate much?” Buffy pulled her hand away and opened her mouth to defend herself, but Dawn just disappeared into the dining room as she popped a whipped cream-covered finger in her mouth.


Buffy reluctantly dropped her urge to go and protest that she WASN’T in love with Spike, and instead followed Dawn, sitting herself down at the table with them. Her eyes brightened at the sight of a triple scoop split decked out in whipped cream for each of them.


“So Buffy, what’s been new lately? You seem troubled these past few days…” Joyce asked, both interested and concerned.


Buffy starred into her banana split, unsure of how to answer her. She knew her mom – it was hard to fool her once she caught on. She shoved a big spoonful of ice cream in her mouth to buy herself some time, and struggled to come up with something to say.


“I guess I’ve been a little down lately,” Buffy started, as she swirled her spoon in her ice cream.


“Why’s that?” Joyce asked calmly.


Buffy hesitated, before replying, “Sometimes…I just feel like everything is going against me, you know?”


“Are you talking about Spike?” Joyce gave her a knowing look.


“No, No, I’m not talking about him. God! Why does everyone think I’m in love with him!?” Buffy finished in an exasperating tone.


Dawn piped up, “Because you-,” but Buffy cut her off.


“Ah! Don’t answer that,” Buffy added hastily.


Joyce smiled before asking in a sympathetic tone, “Is it Leanna? Has she been bothering you a lot lately?”


‘Ugh. Leanna.’ The image brought a rolling of the eyes. Buffy’s head sang at the thought that Leanna was now gone. She wanted to tell them, but her conscience was telling her it was Spike’s business and his place to give the ‘totally fantastic news.’


“Well ok, yea, Leanna always bothers me, but no, not just her,” Buffy continued. She paused, thinking about her soul.


Buffy looked up to Joyce and said with a self-conscious tone, “Do you think of me as a soulless human?” Her eyes were etched with worry and doubt – doubt of the answer she would receive, doubt of the beliefs she had come to base her entire slaying career on.


Joyce, taken aback by the question, took a moment before leaning forward and looking Buffy straight in the eyes, saying, “Buffy, you have always acted like anything but soulless.”


Relieved at Joyce’s answer, and also saddened at the implication that she still had no soul, Buffy gave her a smile. Deciding to change the subject, Buffy broke the serious mood with, “So what’s this I hear about you and a certain fumbling date?” Buffy looked at Joyce with an amused smile, trying to suppress her laughter at the story Dawn had told her a few nights back when walking her home.


Joyce looked caught, and she turned to look at Dawn who was looking sheepish and feigning innocence. After a brief moment, Buffy burst out into laughter, joined by Joyce and Dawn.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Spike didn’t know why, but he felt bothered. Breaking up with Leanna was perhaps the biggest decision of his life, but it surprisingly did not affect him much. He had gone out with her for nearly TWO years, and suddenly ending it should have felt a bit painful or remorseful. Instead, it felt liberating. He knew that their relationship was never as deep in feelings as what he had for Dru, but from the lack of emotions he was having now, he wondered if it went beyond physical at all. Had he fooled himself into thinking Leanna was an essential part of his life?


Then there was Buffy. He had gone from hating her and loathing her, to not so much hating her…or loathing her. Confused would be an understatement. They had called a truce…something they had never done before. Buffy was a lot scarier on a truce than she ever was when she was trying to kill him. At that thought, he desperately tried to ignore the image of Buffy in that little red dress.


Walking back into the Bronze, he scanned the tables for the rest of the gang. They saw him coming, and had surprised looks on their faces.


“Whoa! Spike! You’re back…without Leanna…,” Xander said hesitantly. “Good God, what happened?”


“Is everything ok?” Willow said with a worried look on her face. Spike had never been pulled out of the Bronze by Leanna to go fool around and come back to tell about it.


“I got some news. We’re taking a break,” Spike spit out bluntly.


“Huh? What? Who?” Xander asked confused. He couldn’t believe his ears.


“Don’t be such a drama queen. We’re taking a break. You lot can rejoice now,” Spike finished, seemingly in a bad mood.


“Spike, we wouldn’t be happy if you’re unhappy,” Tara spoke up softly.


“Well I would. Sorry Spike, but Leanna had to go. I applaud you for finally ending our misery,” Anya bluntly interjected.


“Look, I’m not unhappy about our break. I’m the one who asked for it…I just,…I don’t know anymore,” Spike finished with a sigh.

“Is this about Buffy?” Xander asked, suddenly serious.

Spike didn’t reply right away as everyone looked at him, waiting for an answer. “No. It’s about me. And how I don’t know what the hell I felt before and what the hell I feel now.” With a swing of his duster, he was walking out of the Bronze again.


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He headed for home, just wanting to lie back and relax, maybe watch the telly. Approaching the house, he heard a heart beat – a human. Rushing closer, he looked through the window, and saw Buffy sitting there with his mum and nibblet. His initial anger at her presence in his house disintegrated slightly as he watched them all laugh about something, with big smiles on all their faces. He stood there for a minute or two, watching them interact. How could that look so right?


Spike walked up to the door and opened it. He was still very annoyed that they had refused to listen to him and invited Buffy in anyway. What was the point of putting up a de-invite if they were going to keep breaking it? But the overall danger Buffy posed was practically non-existent, and Spike knew it deep down. He just didn’t like the fact of the matter.


Buffy immediately stopped laughing at the sound of a door opening. She tensed, knowing she had been caught. Joyce and Dawn seemed to understand, halting their mood to watch Spike saunter into the dining room, looking very annoyed.


“Well look. It’s a party. Why didn’t I get the invite?” Spike said in an annoyed voice as he raised his brow to look at Buffy who was sitting there in her little red dress with a banana split in front of her and the spoon still in her hand. She was really making it hard to stay mad at her when she looked like that.


“Spike, I…” Buffy began.


Joyce jumped in for the rescue, “Spike, I invited Buffy in. We’re just talking. Don’t make a big deal about it.”


“Yea! What’s the big deal?” Dawn said, suddenly very angry at Spike.


“No, it’s ok guys, I’ll just leave…” Buffy started to get up out of her chair.


Spike almost missed it, but for just a second, he saw the hurt and defeated look flicker in her eyes. He suddenly felt a bit sorry. Sorry and still annoyed – two FANTASTIC mixes.


He sighed and ran his hands through the back of his hair. “No, it’s fine. Stay and finish your ice cream and chat. I know you don’t pose a threat anyway.”


“Why gee thanks…” Buffy muttered.


Spike looked at her with an exasperated expression.


“Right, I’m kidding. I love being harmless. Look at me. I’m a bunny,” Buffy finished with false cheerfulness.


“I don’t think bunnies are red, pet,” Spike continued with an amused stare and uplifted brow.


“AHEM,” Dawn interjected. “This might be the one time I ask you to treat me like a child cuz EW.”


Joyce smirked, and jumped in, “Ok Dawnie, it’s time for bed. The sun’s almost up.” Joyce was pushing an unwilling Dawn toward the stairs, and heading up herself when she turned back to look at them and said, “Play nice, ok?” Joyce smiled and disappeared up the stairway.

Suddenly both uncomfortable, they fidgeted and reluctantly turned back to look at each other.

“Um…I should go,” Buffy began.

“Right,” Spike responded, unsure of what to say.

“Oh and Spike? I’m sorry I let them invite me in. I didn’t mean to put them in danger or anything. I just wanted to make sure they were ok…,” Buffy finished quietly. She really wasn’t use to doing this defending-herself-to-Spike thing. It just sounded weird.

Spike looked her in the eyes and said, “Buffy, they’re not in danger, because they were with you.” The moment he said those words was the first moment he ever admitted that to himself completely. He knew she wouldn’t ever hurt them, but always denied it to some degree. It just took him 2 years and a break-up to find that out.


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She would NOT let them embarrass her like that. Leanna marched through the streets of Sunnydale in a blind fury. ‘Buffy will pay. They all will.’


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