Chapter 15

William snuck out at 4 in the morning, the city still dark and as always, dangerous. He only had a vague understanding of the real danger that lurked in the shadows, the real monsters that stalked his shadow. But even if he knew, he wouldn’t have cared. After all, he wasn’t out on a pleasure stroll. The memory of the last time he lurked the dark corners of a city dogged his feet. Drusilla had found him then, who would find him this time?

When he had asked Dawn what Buffy would do to him, he honestly hadn’t believed he would die for her too. Not that he minded. He was dying anyway.

He didn’t see the vampires until they were literally sitting on his chest. “Look, Fang! Found ourselves an early morning snack.”

Fang glanced at William without interest. “He’s already been bitten, and look how pale he is.”

“He kinda looks familiar too,” the vampire on William’s chest said. “What should we do with him?”

William closed his eyes, and didn’t even try to struggle. This was what he had been waiting for, and though it had happened much sooner that he had counted on he was ready.

“Kill him, George.”

“But there’s something about him…”

“What the fuck is your problem? Kill the motherfucker and let’s go, or have you forgotten how quickly it gets early this time of year?”

“Hey, I’ve seen more sunrises than you, Fang. Calm the fuck down, I won’t let you fry. Now look at him.”

Fang complied, studying the pale, frightened man’s face. “Why isn’t he struggling? Did you knock him out?”

“No, he’s still awake.”

“He does look familiar, though.”

“I told ya.”

“Look, if it means so much to you, bring him back to the lair with us.”

“I bet he’ll keep us for a few days at least,” George said with satisfaction as he hoisted William over his shoulder.

“At least,” Fang agreed.

~*~

They divided into teams three pairs to comb the city for William, Dawn opting to stay home and wait to see if he came back or anybody called. Buffy teamed up with Giles, Wes with Angel, and Willow with Xander. They were all given an area to inspect and a time to check in by.

Buffy couldn’t remember the last time she had been this torn up and worried. Her life had been so mundane since Sunnydale had been destroyed that the most nerve-wracking decision she had to make was whether or not she should splurge on a manicure once a month.

She knew that if she wanted, she could have him back by that night. The next dawn would greet the two of them, snug in their bed, exhausted from fucking and love making. If she wanted. It was already practically decided, wasn’t it? Isn’t that why William left? Because he could see which way her heart was leaning, what was going on in her head.

Only, if it were that easy, she would have done it by now. If it were that easy, she wouldn’t be frantically looking for William as Dorjan wrote yet another spell. If it were that easy, she wouldn’t be sick with fear and worry. She was used to the size of Los Angeles, it didn’t bother her at all, she didn’t even think about it. Until now. Now LA seemed to be impossibly huge, and finding William would be like finding a needle in a needle stack.

Beside her, Giles was calmly driving up and down the city streets, simultaneously keeping his eye on traffic and looking for William’s slight frame on the sidewalk. Occasionally, he thought he spotted the fragile poet, but he had been wrong.

“How far could he have gotten, Buffy?”

She shrugged. “He’s ill, and he’s weak, and he’s broke. I’d say not far, but there’s no telling who he could have run into, who could have picked him up.”

“Buffy,” Giles said, as delicately as possible, “Have you given him any indication that you would prefer it if he…”

“No,” Buffy sighed. “I’ve been doing my best to keep everything as normal and sane as possible. I didn’t want him to think that I wanted him to go away.”

“Do you?”

“No. Yes. No. I don’t know, Giles. It’s so fucking hard. William is distinct from Spike, and we’re friends now. Our relationship is nothing like I had with Spike, and it’s really comfortable.”

“But?”

“But it’s nothing like I had with Spike,” Buffy sighed. “I can see myself, you know, living with William. Starting a life with him. I haven’t been able to think about it much, but when I do…well, when I do, it’s possible.”

“Are you just using him as a replacement for Spike?”

“No, I could never do that. If I’d try, I’d be greatly disappointed.”

“And if you think of Spike? What kind of future do you see with him?”

“I don’t let myself think about that, Giles. I can’t.”

“Buffy, you had better think of it,” he suggested gently. “His life, and yours, hinges on it.”

“Yeah, turn down this street. He’s been to the mall before; maybe he’ll head this direction. Familiar territory.”

~*~

“I feel like the answer is staring me in the face,” Wes said.

“Yeah? Thought we had everything pretty much figured out.”

“Not really. All we know is that somebody-evil or good we have no idea-is trying to bring back Spike and that William will die. One thing I’m wonder is, what does Buffy’s dreams have to do with this?”

“You think they’re important?”

“Giles told me that she and Spike had a pretty powerful bond by the time he died.” He glanced at Angel to gauge his reaction, but Angel didn’t give any indication that he was upset at the mention of Spike with Buffy. “Anyway, he could be trying to communicate with her in some way.”

“It’s possible,” Angel admitted.

“If he can communicate with her, it’s possible she can reach him,” Wes suggested.

“You think that’s necessary?”

“I think it is. She’s dreaming about him sometimes twice a night. Always the same theme.”

“Hell.”

“Right. It’s possible that…”

“What?”

“Do you think it’s possible that Spike was in Heaven or some sort of heaven dimension.”

“He was a vampire.”

“Yes, but he had a soul. And he died to save the world. That’s got to tip the karmic balance a bit in his favor.”

“You think saving the world once makes up for all those lives, Wes?”

“From what I’ve gathered from conversations with Giles and Buffy, he did a lot more than just save the world.”

“Let’s say you’re right, and he was in heaven. What’s the point?”

“The point is, he’s not there anymore.”

“You get that from her dreams?”

“I do. It seems the general theme, regardless of the context, is that Spike is being pulled into hell from…”

“Heaven,” Angel finished. “Yeah, I noticed too.”

“I think he’s being pulled to this dimension too, the same way he’s being pulled towards hell.”

“Why back to this dimension?”

“This is where his soul is. I think he’s trying to find his soul, Angel.”

“Do you think he is the one sending the spells to Dorjan?”

Wes shrugged. “I have no idea. It could be him, or it could be an agent of the Powers working on his behalf.”

“Why do you think it’s so important that the Powers have to get involved?”

“I don’t know. Not yet. I have a few suspicions, but it’s hard to figure since I never actually knew Spike. All I have are second hand accounts from you guys, and a few accounts in the Diaries that survived.

“Try to avoid those, the Watchers’ Diaries.”

“Why?”

“When it comes to Spike, they aren’t the least bit accurate.”

“For example?”

“Where do you think he got his nickname?”

“Which one?”

“Both?”

“The Diaries indicated it was from the ruthless way he killed people.”

“Spike was pretty ruthless,” Angel admitted, “But both of those nicknames come from his poetry writing days.”

“I see your point.”

“I’m not happy with the situation, but if you need to know anything about Spike to figure this out, I’ll tell you what I can,” Angel offered.

~*~

They all returned to Buffy’s apartment four hours later, tired and disappointed. Buffy had morphed into General Buffy, and all of them recognized it as the defense mechanism it was. She informed them that she and Angel would patrol the city and look for clues and information, while everybody else continued to research. She didn’t give them a chance to argue.

In the back of her closet was a weapon’s chest-not as finely done or as full as her old one, but it still had the necessary weapons. She pulled out several stakes and a long sword that Giles had given her for Christmas. She pointedly ignored the bed that was still rumpled and unmade, the pile of crumpled up paper that missed the garbage can, the small remnants of William’s short stay.

She thought of asking Dawn to clean it, make the bed, put away his clothes…but that seemed too final, too much like she was putting his affairs in order after his death. She refused to believe that he was gone. She’s lost people before, and she always saved them before they could be taken from her permanently. This wouldn’t be any different.

“Buffy, can I talk to you?” Wes asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Sure, but I’m leaving soon.”

“It’s ok, I only have one question. About Spike.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you think that after Spike was turned, he retained a bit of his soul? I think you’re best suited to answer this question.”

Buffy paused, her gut reaction was Of course not! That’s why he went for a soul! But…but what did she know?

“I think it’s possible,” she answered. “He told me…he told me about his mother.”

“What about his mother?”

“William loves his mum very much. Spike went back to his house after he was turned. She…she was dying of TB and he wanted to ‘save her’.”

“So he turned her?”

Buffy nodded. “He didn’t give me the details, just told me that something went wrong, and he was forced to stake her.”

Wes frowned. “Why did he stake her?”

“Because she wasn’t his mother anymore.”

“But as a vampire, he shouldn’t have cared.”

Buffy shrugged, “Exactly.”

“Thank you for telling me Buffy, I think, I know, this will help.”

She sighed. “I hope something I do helps. I just keep making this mess bigger and bigger.” She pulled herself together, and she was back to General Buffy. “Well talk more when I get back.”

“Hopefully I’ll have something figured out by then.”

After they left, Giles caught Wes’s attention. “I have an idea.”

“Yeah?”

“I think Spike is trying to communicate directly with Buffy.”

Wes nodded, “I think so too. In fact, I was mentioning that very thing to Angel today. I thought that we should try…”

“To communicate with him?”

“Exactly.”

“Get Willow and we’ll start work on this.”

Giles sighed. He had several reservations about using that type of magic, but it was clear that Buffy needed to speak with Spike, and needed to do it quickly.

Chapter 16

William was never quite unconscious, though he was close. He was vaguely aware of the vampires that were drinking from him and taunting him. He had long since grown numb to the pain, and he felt rather detached from himself.

The two that dragged him back to the next quickly lost interest in trying to figure out why he looked so familiar. They lost interest in everything except sampling his blood. It tasted wrong but not bad, oddly compelling and repulsive at the same time. All of the vamps in the nest were old enough to have a bit of self-control, so they could savor the intoxicating blood for as long as possible, but the part of William’s brain that was still functional knew the end would be coming soon.

They didn’t have him chained or tied, but he knew he couldn’t escape even if he wanted to. And he didn’t-well, not really. He had hoped that it would faster, that he would be gone already, that the decision would be finalized before Buffy even had to think of it. And instead it was dragging-hours? Days? William didn’t know.

He held on to the thought of her, when the crowded around him and drained him from his neck and his wrist and his legs. He kept her in his mind when they attacked and exposed, defiled and humiliated him to the point that he didn’t even really remember who he was. He remembered her. He remembered that he was doing this for her because anything was worth her happiness, even death.

~*~

“You want me to do what?” Buffy asked.

“We want you to talk to Spike.”

“It’s possible to talk to Spike?”

“We think so,” Wes said. “We think that somehow, there is a communication path opened between you.”

Giles nodded. “It may have something to do with your connection to him, with the soul, with the Powers, or a combination of many things. But we believe your dreams are more than just dreams.”

“When do you want to do this?” Buffy asked.

“We’ve been working on it while you were gone,” Willow informed her. “And we’re pretty close to figuring it out. In fact, I think we could have this ready to go in an hour if Angel and Xander will get our supplies.”

“We’re on it,” Angel said. Neither of the men were particularly fond of each other, but Willow figured they could handle working together long enough to gather a few basic supplies.

“What do you need me to do?” Buffy asked.

“Rest, concentrate, try to stay calm. This will work better if you aren’t agitated and if you are focused.”

“Great. Rest. I can do that.” She looked at her sister, “Dawn, do you mind if I use your room. I can’t…”

Dawn nodded, “It’s not a problem. Just don’t touch my stuff.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Like I would.”

~*~

Xander and Angel traveled to the law firm in silence. Angel drove, Xander clutched the list tightly, the only outward sign of his anger.

“You’re upset?” Angel finally asked.

“Are you just percepto-boy,” Xander said sarcastically.

Angel shrugged and focused his attention on the road. Wasn’t his problem if the boy had a problem.

“Why are you doing this?” Xander finally asked.

“What?”

“Helping bring back Spike.”

“I’m not.”

“Sure looks like it.”

“I’m doing what’s best for Buffy. She needs help right now. That’s what friends do.”

“You’re just friends now?”

“I’d rather be her friend than have her out of my life.”

“Could you ever just be friends? I never could just be friends with Anya…”

“I don’t have much of a choice.”

“But if you could…”

“What is your point, Xander?”

He sighed, “Nothing. I’m just not happy about being sucked into another drama involving Spike.” The words sounded automatic, like there was no hard feelings behind them.

“You hate Spike?”

No answer.

“Do you hate William? Because he’s the one that’s at risk here. William is just an innocent in all of this.”

“William is Spike.”

Angel shook his head. “No. And you know that’s not true.”

“I don’t know him at all.”

“There’s lots of thins you don’t know, Xander.”

“Shut up, Deadboy.”

The exchange lacked the bitterness and sarcasm, all of that hammered out of them by living too much and seeing too much since they met. There just wasn’t any more point in it, and Xander was tired. He just wanted to help his friends and be a good person…he was tired of fighting.

~*~

It only took an hour for Angel and Xander to get the supplies and come back. Buffy was in Dawn’s room, Willow in William’s, gathering her strength and concentrating on the spell. Giles and Wes were still quietly pouring over texts and notes, neither eager to talk about what could happen.

After they had assembled the circle and laid everything out, they called Willow and Buffy into the living room. Willow took her place at the head of the circle, Buffy in the middle.

“Close your eyes Buffy. You will eventually “see” a red line. Follow it. I’ll keep you tethered to this side.”

“What if something goes wrong?”

“We’re all here,” Giles assured her. “We can keep you safe. We need you to ask Spike if he’s responsible for the resurrection spells, and any other information about where he is at and what he needs us to do.”

Buffy swallowed hard and nodded. “What about William? He could still be alive.”

“I’ll look for him,” Xander volunteered.

“I will too,” Angel said, “If you don’t need me here.”

“That’s fine,” Wes said. “If you find him, don’t call. The phone may disrupt the spell.”

“Right. Gotcha.”

As soon as they left again, Willow told Buffy to close her eyes, and she started the spell. When she started, a blast of pure power was funneled into her body, and her eyes turned pure black. Both Giles and Wes were alarmed, but they didn’t try to stop her. Her voice turned to a monotone, and she dropped her head, the words flowing from her effortlessly in an archaic language.

Her voice raised, but the tone remained steady. Soon she was shouting, supplicating the Powers to give her what she demanded, and as her voice reached a hideous pitch, there was bright white light, and the ex-watchers couldn’t see anything at all.

~*~

Buffy followed the blood red line of light through the pressing darkness. It felt familiar, but it was impossible to tell if there was anything other than the blackness.

“Spike? Are you here?”

“I’m here, Pet.”

“I can’t see you.”

“I know, but I’m right here.”

“Spike, what’s going on?”

“My soul is gone, isn’t it?”

“Oh god, I did this…”

“S’ok pet.”

“Are you sending the spells?”

“I’m not personally sending them, but yeah, they’re because of me. I need to get the soul back, Buffy.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m stuck here without it.”

“Spike, do you want to be resurrected? I’ll do whatever you want me to do, but you have to tell me.”

“I want my soul back.”

“Why?”

“I need it Buffy. I’ve always had a bit of it, and I can’t be me without it. Without it, I can’t go back to where I was.”

“Heaven? I did it, didn’t I? I pull you out of Heaven.”

“Don’t fret, Buffy. You can fix it.”

“How?”

“You don’t have to resurrect me. You can send me back to Heaven.”

“But either way, William has to die right?”

“He was a bloody worthless ponce.”

“No, he’s not Spike. He’s…beautiful.”

She could hear his sigh, almost feel it against her skin. “You don’t have to kill him, Buffy.”

“Then what?”

“Oh! Bollucks!”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I have to go, Slayer. Things will get very bloody complicated if I don’t.”

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“I do love you, you asshole.”

She could hear his smile, “I know.”

Then she was alone in the darkness, and she didn’t know how to get out.

~*~

The life was seeping out of William with the blood, and he knew this was finally it. They weren’t going to stop this time, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He didn’t resist, or struggle against their teeth. He let his body go limp, and when the bloody wrist was pressed against his lips, he didn’t resist that either.

Just as he opened his mouth to accept the blood, an enormous amount of power infused his being. He tensed, his head thrown back as he howled. Then he went limp, and the vampires in the middle of making him their new minion looked at each other, confused.

“What the fuck was that?” Fang demanded.

“I have no fucking clue. Has that ever happened before?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Is he already a vampire?”

“I’ve never see anybody turned that fast.”

“Is he dead then?”

“I feel fine.”

They looked down at the man at their feet, who smirked back up at them. “Haven’t felt this good in a long time. But you know what will make me feel better?” Spike jumped to his feet and grabbed the back of their necks. “Bashing your skulls in.”

The body was weak and fragile, nearly dead, but that didn’t stop Spike. There were at least a dozen vampires in the nest, and he set about dispatching them at an almost fevered pace. He growled and he snarled as he spun around, ducking, dodging, hitting, kicking, ripping their heads off and staking them with whatever weapons he could find.

It felt good to fight again, and he had to admit to himself, nothing could top a bit of violence. As the dust burst in his face and settled around him, he couldn’t help but laugh with an almost insane abandon. It was so easy to take them out, as though they were nothing but mere humans. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, poof poof poof.

No answer.

Come now, William, don’t give me the silent treatment.

Can’t stay.

The final vampire ran before Spike could kill him, and suddenly, the rush was over. No more energy, no more power, nothing. William collapsed to the ground, shaking and crying, bleeding. He gasped for breath and watched the helpless tears fall to the dusty ground.

Chapter 17

William woke up in a pool of his own vomit and blood. Every single inch of his body ached, and it hurt to breathe. It even hurt to blink. But the physical pain paled in comparison to what he felt, before when it was there.

He felt the demon.

He felt the rage.

He felt like he had come home, and he remembered everything that had happened in the past 140 years. Then it was all gone, even the memories, and all he had left was the disconcerting sensation that he was missing something important, something he had before but was now destroyed forever, and a deep, abiding, tragic sense of loss.

And he just couldn’t move. He was alone in the old building, all of the vampires dead or ran away. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the sun peak through a boarded up window. For now, he was safe.

William knew that he wasn’t going to die. Not anymore, not there in the abandoned building. But he wasn’t going to live either if he couldn’t get out of there and find help. Shaking, his stomach rolling, he pushed himself to his knees. He held perfectly still as the world spun and tilted around him. When it finally steadied, he moved his knees one inch, and then another. He couldn’t look up, he had to keep his head down and eyes focused on the floor.

His progress was slow and painstaking, each second stretching into a minute, each minute into an hour. He set a goal for himself, simply trying to follow the track of light that moved slowly across the floor. He had to pause often to catch his breath, and more than once, his legs gave out and he collapsed completely. Each time that happened, it took him longer and longer to get up.

The fifth time William collapsed, he just didn’t have the strength to get up again. He lay there, watching the dust motes dance in front of his eyes, and realized it was vampire dust. Somehow, the thought made him sick. His body wrenched weakly, but there was nothing left in his stomach, not even water.

After he dry heaved, he couldn’t even keep his eyes open. Maybe I really am going to die here like this, he thought, sad but resigned, maybe this really is how it’s meant to end. Was Buffy looking for him? If she were, would she find him in this building? He wasn’t even sure he was still in LA. He wasn’t even sure he wanted her to find him like this. William closed his eyes-just to rest-and passed out instead.

~*~

“What did Spike tell you?” Giles asked when she was finally ready to speak. When they had pulled her from the ether, she was shaking and terrified. She kept muttering that she was lost and Spike was lost and William was lost and everybody was lost.

“He said that he’s looking for his soul. He needs it back.”

“And William has it?”

“Right. He said that he can’t be him without it. I asked him what he wanted me to do.”

“What did he say?”

“He said I didn’t have to resurrect him, I could let him go back to Heaven. But he also said that William doesn’t have to die.”

“Did he expand on that?” Angel asked.

“No, he had to go.”

“Had to go where?”

Buffy shrugged. “He just said that he had to go or else things will get ‘very bloody complicated.’”

“What are we going to do now?” Dawn asked.

“We’re going to look for William.”

~*~

William didn’t wake up again until after dark. Not even a bit of light filtered into the building, and he was completely disoriented. He vaguely recalled the layout of the room, and thought it was possible that if he kept moving in a straight line, he would find the door at some point.

It was worth a shot anyway. It wasn’t like he had any other options. He had no idea if, or when, vampires would return, and he had to keep moving. He pulled himself back to his hands and knees and resumed his painstaking journey.

As he crawled, he thought of his new life, with Buffy, with Dawn. The past few months had been the happiest he had ever known, and for the first time in his life, he felt like he had a chance of fitting in somewhere.

But at the same time, he felt as though he would always be second best to them, and he didn’t want his girls to have to settle. If he thought he could fill the void that Spike had left, take care of them, make them happy, he would remain by their side for eternity. And he wanted that so badly.

He crawled across the floor slowly, sometimes dragging himself by his fingernails. The pain in his body had not reduced, the sense of loss had not diminished, his strength had barely returned. And yet he crawled on, over the dirt and the garbage, the dust and the occasional body.

When he was just about to pass out again, he saw it. A hint of light, peeking from under the door. The door. He had made it across the room, and he could get out. If he could get out, he could find help. The only problem was that he couldn’t reach the door knob, and the door was shut tight.

A small, dry sob wracked his body, and the little bit of determination and hope that had been sustaining withered and died. He couldn’t get out. They would never think to find him there, and he couldn’t get out. William fell on the floor, and stretched out. He let the tension drain from his muscles and felt his body go limp.

For a long time, he didn’t move, just laid there, counting his breaths. He didn’t fall asleep or faint again, but he might as well have, because he didn’t stir at all. Finally, when he felt that he had composed himself and got his frantic, desperate feelings under control, he returned to his hands and knees. He steadied himself, then pushed himself up until he was on his knees, his hands free to turn the knob.

He grasped it, and pulled down with his body weight. The knob turned, and due to his body weight, the door swung open, letting in a gust of fresh air. William, now flat on his stomach, inhaled it deeply, happy to clear his nose and lungs of the stale dead air.

The door opened out to an ally; a dark, garbage strewn ally. There was not a car or another person in sight, but William felt invigorated by the fresh air. If he could make it down the ally to the street, he might be able to flag somebody down. At this point, he was gasping for breath, sucking air into his lungs as hard as he could. He felt like he had just run a marathon at top speed.

He collapsed again.

~*~

“Buffy, we searched this area,” Angel said patiently.

“So we’ll search it again.”

“If we didn’t see him before…”

“Somebody could have dropped him off here, or he could have wondered over here. It doesn’t hurt to look, Angel.”

“Unless we’re wasting time that we could be using to search other parts of the city.”

“Angel, could you trust me, please? I have a feeling.”

Angel shrugged, “I trust you Buffy.”

He drove the car up and down the city blocks, occasionally cutting through allies if they looked suspicious, or were wide enough for his car. So far, they had found nothing. Not even a hint of him. Buffy was doing the best she could to keep her growing panic at bay, but with every passing hour, she lost hope.

It had nearly been 48 hours since he left. 48 hours in which he could have been attacked by vampires, demons, or humans. 48 hours in which he could have passed out from blood loss or hunger. He could have been hit by a truck and…her mind just kept coming up with more and more awful scenarios. She was a Slayer, she knew first hand the type of horrible things that could happen to him.

“Go down that ally,” she said suddenly.

“What?”

She jerked the steering wheel to the right, “Turn.”

“What? What did you see?”

“Just stop.”

Buffy jumped out of the car before Angel had eve pulled to a full stop. She ran towards the huddled mass of blood and white skin at the end, calling his name. The closer she got, the louder she called. Her insistent voice roused him from his sleep.

“Buffy?” He croaked.

She stopped short, horrified by the image before her. William was naked, and bleeding everywhere. He had horrible bites all over his body, and she could see the gaunt outline of his bones under his too-white skin. She fell to her knees in front of him. “William, William, what happened?”

How did he survive an obvious attack from a whole nest of vampires? How did he manage to get out of the building? Where did his clothes go? Why was he, upon closer inspection, covered in vampire dust?

“Angel!”

Angel took off his coat and covered William, who had started shaking and shivering from the cold.

“He shouldn’t be alive,” he muttered.

“Hospital?”

“I’ll take him back to the firm. Dr. Roberts should be able to take care of him.”

Buffy gently wiped the blood off of his face and mouth, avoiding the wound on his cheek. With the blood gone, she could see the bruises. He’ll never heal from this. He couldn’t even get over one bite, how will he survive dozens.

“William? Can you speak?”

“Him,” he muttered. “I felt him. Inside of me.”

“Felt who, William?”

“It hurts, Buffy.”

“I know, I know. We’re going to get help now, ok?”

Angel bent and lifted William off the ground, grimacing at the rich smell of blood and death that hung around him. And there was another smell…more of a trace, or a signature. Angel couldn’t put his finger on it, but it tickled his memory.

Buffy sat in the back seat of the car, and Angel carefully placed William in the back with her, resting his head on her leg. Buffy stroked his hair and spoke in a low, soothing voice, making promises she didn’t know if she could keep. As she spoke, she ran her hands down his arms and legs and across his ribs, looking for a sign of a break or a fracture. He didn’t appear to have any internal injuries.

Angel kept glancing at the two in the back, horrified by William’s condition. He shouldn’t be alive, and that was it. Angel had killed enough people, maimed, murdered, bled, and tortured enough people to know how much a body can take before it expired. And William should be expired.

“Buffy, how is his breathing?”

“Fine.”

“His heartbeat is slowing.”

“Well then drive faster!” She looked down at him. “Stay with me, ok William? We’re going to take care of you, I promise, you’ll get better.”

William didn’t give any indication that he heard her at all.

~*~

Thirty minutes later, William was safely installed in a hospital bed, blood pumping in his body, and a whole host of healing and protection spells around him. Buffy and Angel were in his office, waiting for the rest of the gang to show up. Buffy refused to leave the building.

“It’s Spike,” Angel announced, breaking the silence.

“What’s Spike?”

“The smell on William.”

“William smelled like Spike? Huh?’

“Everybody has a signature…it’s a type of smell, but it’s hard to explain. Anyway, William has a trace of Spike…”

“Well, that’s hardly surprising is it? Spike started as William, after all.”

Angel shook his head. “No, no everybody is unique.”

“Why would William smell like Spike?”

“How could William survive that much damage and escape?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Spike said he had to go,” Angel reminded her.

“Maybe we can ask William, though he did say…”

“What?”

“William said he could feel him inside.”

“You think he means Spike?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore.”

~*~

“You can’t go in there, Ms. Summers.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“ He needs to rest.”

“I don’t plan on waking him. I just want to be there in case he wakes up.”

Dr. Roberts glance helplessly at Angel, who shrugged in return. “I suggest you just do what she says.”

With a sigh, Dr. Roberts opened the door and allowed Buffy to enter. Angel followed her inside. She grabbed a chair and pulled it over to the bed, and settled in.

“How long you plan on staying here?”

“Until he wakes up.”

“That could be awhile.”

“I’ll wait. I should be here when he wakes up.”

The wait wasn’t as long as she expected. He opened his eyes within the hour, he blue dimmed and dull.

“Hey there,” she said softly.

He looked at her and smiled as much as he could. It looked more like a grimace.

“How are you feeling?”

“Water?” He whispered.

“Oh, of course.” She quickly poured water into a small cup from the pitcher sitting beside the bed and held it up to his lips. He drank it slowly.

“Was that enough?”

He nodded. “Better.” His voice was slightly stronger.

“William, I want to let you rest, but I need to know what happened to you.”

“They bit me. They were going to kill me, and then…then he killed them.”

“He? Who is he, William?”

“He filled me…I could feel it…”

“William?”

“It was Spike, Buffy. Spike saved me.”

Chapter 18

With a shaking hand, Buffy poured a glass of water. Water spilled down the sides of the cup and onto her shoes. When she brought it to her mouth, more of it got on the front of her shirt than down her throat.

“Are you ok?”

Buffy’s forced smile looked like a grimace of pain. “I’m fine. Water?”

William shook his head. “No, no I’m fine.”

“How do you know?”

William’s brow furrowed. How did he know he was fine? Oh wait. “I…I felt him. I felt him leave, and when he left, it felt like I was being ripped in two.”

Buffy took several deep breaths until she calmed down. “He was actually there?”

William nodded.

“And what did he do?”

“He killed all the vampires.”

Before Buffy could ask another question, Wes entered the room. “Is he awake?”

Buffy stepped aside and allowed Wes to move up to the side of the bed. He studied William carefully, observing each mark, bruise, and bite. Some were small, some were large, but all of them were vicious. William was bandaged in several places where the skin and flesh had been ripped from his body completely. Beside him, the heart monitor beeped calmly, and the various IVs dripped steadily.

“Hello,” William greeted, and the calm, quiet voice coming from the mess on the bed nearly made Wes jump.

“How are you feeling?”

“Numb.”

Wes nodded. He probably had more painkillers in his system that some people see their entire lives. He glanced at Buffy. “Spells?”

Buffy nodded. “He’s covered. He already looks better.”

This is better? “Buffy, can you step out in the hall? We need to talk.”

Buffy nodded. “William, I’ll be right back.”

He shook his head slightly. “Take your time. I’ll be fine.”

As soon as the door shut behind them, Buffy spilled what William had told her. Wes listened raptly, but if he was surprised by her revelation, he didn’t show it. He waited until she was finished before he said anything.

Buffy expected him to say something about Spike, so she was surprised when he said, “It’ll take something drastic for him to heal.”

“I don’t know how we’ll get him to heal. I can’t think of anything drastic enough.”

“Why do you think Spike saved him?”

“I…I don’t know. But I think he took the decision out of my hands.”

“Because he chose to save William?”

“Exactly.”

They lapsed into silence, and Buffy could practically hear the wheels turning in Wes’s head. “I need to go talk to Giles and Angel about it first…but I think I have an idea.”

“What?”

“If Spike was in that room, he wouldn’t be so close to death, would he?”

“No, he’d probably be nearly healed by now.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m not following you.”

“We know that Spike can take over his body, yes? We know that Spike can be channeled into William. So why not take advantage of that?”

Realization dawned on Buffy’s face. “Do you think that’ll work?”

“I intend to find out.”

~*~

Dawn resented the fact that everybody was going out of their way to keep her away from William, and she especially hated the fact that they weren’t giving her opinions any weight. She didn’t appreciate the fact that she was stuck at home, while William was across the city, possibly dying. She busied herself by tidying his room, and when she was done there, she flopped in front of the TV.

Xander was still there. He hadn’t gone home, and she didn’t ask him what he was doing. Buffy probably told him to keep an eye on her, or something equally insulting and stupid. Dawn wondered what Buffy would freak out about when she finally turned 18 and left. The thought temporarily distracted Dawn-what would Buffy do when she left? Buffy had mentioned going to school a few times, but she never made any concrete plans. This troubled Dawn more than she wanted to admit. For the first time she realized just how lost her sister truly was, without a single direction or goal past surviving until Dawn had graduated.

“Hey Dawnie.”

“Hey.”

“Buffy asked me to stay,” he said apologetically.

“That’s fine. But you don’t have to.”

“No, I want to be here in case…”

“In case what?”

Xander shrugged, “Nothing. Nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing, Xander. What were you going to say?”

He sighed. “In case we get some bad news.”

“I didn’t know you cared.”

“I care about you. And I can see that you obviously care about William.”

“I do,” Dawn admitted. “He’s grown on me. Do you think we’re going to get bad news?”

“No. Not with Buffy on it. She wouldn’t let him die. They’ll think of something.”

“When Buffy called she said he looked pretty bad.”

“I imagine he did,” Xander conceded. “But that doesn’t mean he won’t make it. He was out there for a long time. He may look worse than he really is.”

“I guess so.”

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Not really.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“How have you been, Xander?”

“I’ve been good. A little bit lonely though.”

Dawn nodded, but didn’t say anything. It stood to reason that he would be lonely. “You never come over anymore.”

“I guess without pain and terror we kind of grew apart.”

“There was more to the Scooby gang than pain and terror,” Dawn reminded him.

“I know. How about this? When the excitement finally settles down, we’ll have a dinner and a movie night. Just the four of us.”

“Five,” Dawn corrected.

“Just the five of us,” Xander amended.

The phone rang then, screeching in the silence. Dawn dove to answer it. “Hello?”

“Dawn, hey. It’s me. I’m not coming home tonight, and I need you to do me a favor.”

“What? Is William ok?”

“William is…alive. Can you clean his room and wash his sheets?”

“Sure.”

“Make it as clean as possible, ok?”

“No problem. When will you bring him home?”

Buffy sighed. “I don’t know. Soon. We have to do something, to try something…we don’t know if it’ll work.”

“Is he going to be ok?”

“Of course, Dawn,” Buffy soothed. “Of course. We’re just looking into ways to make him get better faster. Is Xander still there?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“Ok.” She silently handed the phone to Xander.

“Hey, Buff.”

“I need to talk to you Xander. So listen up…” As she spoke, Xander’s eyes widened and his hands grew clammy.

~*~

“So how are we going to break this to William?” Willow asked.

“As gently as possible,” Buffy said. “Though I’m not entirely sure what to tell him.”

“The truth,” Giles suggested.

Buffy turned worried eyes to her old watcher. “Are you sure this is going to work?”

“I’m sure,” Giles promised.

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“It’s a chance we’ll have to take,” Wes interjected. “William’s vitals are…”

“I know,” Buffy said softly. “I know. We’re losing him.”

Since William had first opened his eyes, he had grown more and more weak. His pulse was decreasing at a slow, but steady rate. His blood pressure was falling. His breath was coming harder, shallow. He was holding onto consciousness, but just barely. They needed to act fast, and she needed to explain their plan to him as soon as possible.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Angel asked.

Buffy shook her head. “No, I need to explain it to him alone. He doesn’t….”

“I know, Buffy. He trusts you.”

“Right.” She squared her shoulders and walked purposely to his room. “Right.”

He greeted her with a slight nod and a cough when she opened the door. She immediately handed him a glass of water, and he took it gratefully. “How are you feeling?”

William shook his head sadly. He gestured to his throat to indicate that he couldn’t speak. Buffy’s heart twisted. With a gentle hand, she wiped some blood that had soaked through his bandage and began to drip down his neck. More precious blood that he could not afford to lose. The only way to save this body was to kill it…

“William, I need you to listen to me carefully, ok? We think we have an idea of how to heal you, but we can’t do it unless you agree to it.”

He nodded.

“When Spike saved you, your body was stronger, right? So strong that he could kill all those vampires, even though you were badly injured. The reason for that is because when the demon takes over the body, it uses powerful animating magic. This magic can make a weak body strong, and a sick body well. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

He nodded.

“We have a spell…one of the many that we’ve received. This spell will allow us to channel Spike-that is, his demon-into your body.”

William’s eyes widened as the implication of her words set in. He had survived only to be discarded. It was clear from the expression on her face, however, that she thought this was the right thing, and so he held his broken heart in check. He had been so happy to see her again, had tried to hard to get to her again…he didn’t want to leave her. But if this was how it had to be, then he would not fight them. He nodded.

“William, I know what you’re thinking. I’m not getting rid of you, or sending you away. We can bring Spike back long enough to heal your body, to make you strong and well again, and then…”

Her voice caught as she realized the implications. And then he would be gone again. And then she would lose him again. And then she would be alone again. With a deep, shuddering breath, she pushed those thoughts aside. Spike had already made this decision-he saved William. He said William wouldn’t have to die. Buffy wasn’t about to lose him now, the only innocent in this mess.

“And then, he’ll leave, and you’ll be back.”

“No…Buffy.”

“Shhh, don’t try to speak. You aren’t strong enough. We’ve thought about this a lot, William, and we just don’t think you’ll make it any other way.”

“Don’t want…to…hurt you.”

She shook her head. “You won’t hurt me. We’re going to put you to sleep now, William. When you come back, you’ll be as good as new.”

Wes, who had been waiting in the hall, entered the room there armed with several charms that would work for the spell. Buffy gripped William’s hand as Willow entered the room and began to chant.

“Buffy?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Then his eyes were closed, his face lax, and for all the world, he looked like a dead man.

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