Close to You

Description: After Buffy returns from her grave. She and Spike have a very close friendship while trying to deal with their real feelings for each other. Mostly B/S friendship / fuzz.

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy, Spike or any of the other characters mentioned in this fic. I do not own Passions either.

*****

"150, I win, again."

Spike sighed, "As usual, Slayer."

"Face it Spike, you are just not fit for the killing."

"Bollocks, I am too. You are just so tiny it makes it easier for you to move up and down."

"There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to do 151 curl-ups in a minute and a half," Buffy lectured, "You are just going to have to admit that I am better than you."

"Yeah, okay. Sure." Spike rolled his eyes and smiled as he got up from the floor. Buffy laughed and got up as well. It had been six weeks since she had come back and she was still getting used to things. She felt out of place. She hadn't told anyone about her being in heaven, except Spike. Spike. She was glad she had this weird, yet fun, friendship with Spike. She felt at ease with him. He knew all her secrets and she trusted him, she had no clue why. Maybe it was because he loved her, and he would never betray her trust, even though he had no idea that she trusted him. But she did, she trusted him with everything she had inside her. She trusted him to protect her, to protect her family even. She had never felt so safe with anyone, not even Angel.

She could never trust me, Spike thought, I don't even know why she keeps coming around here. Well, he had few ideas why, but he would really never know. As far as he knew, she could never trust him, ever. He would always be a thing to her. Just an evil thing. He had no soul, so she could never love him. The time he spent with her everyday was torture, to be so close to her and not be able to hold her, to comfort her. All he could ever think about when she was around was how much he loved her. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, not with anyone. Even the slightest scent of her made him quiver, and he hated it. To be so close to her, yet so far. He just wanted it to end.

He shook his thoughts away and grabbed a pack of blood from his refrigerator. He ripped open the bag and poured it into a mug.

"Oh god." Buffy made a face and crinkled up her nose. He loved it when she made that face. She reminded him of a little child, so sweet and innocent.

"If your going to be here everyday you are going to have to get used to my post workout feed." He snorted.

"Well, maybe I won't come here anymore then." She announced.

"What?" Spike felt his body tense up. As much as he hated being around her, he loved it also. He wouldn't give up his time he spent around her, even if it did make his cold, undead heart ache.

"Maybe we could find someplace else to workout," She answered, "possibly the training room at the Magic Box? That is, if you can find a way through the sewers to get there."

"Oh, yeah," Spike felt a rush of relief spread through him, "I know a way."

"Uh, good," Buffy replied. She was a little upset at herself for bringing that up. Truth was, she liked being in Spike's crypt. It was a place where she could just get away. There was no reminder of her messed up life. Well, except for the vampire that lived there, but that didn't matter. At the magic box, there were books on demons and all sorts of things. And there were people. People were one of the last things she wanted to be around right now. She didn't feel like she fit in with people, she didn't feel like a part of the people population. Buffy made a face. She had completely confused herself with her last thought. She shook of the look on her face before Spike noticed.

"Uh, Buffy?" Spike questioned.

"What!?" She snapped.

"It's noon. You really should be getting back. Nibblet has a half-day today, remember? You couldn't stop yapping about it yesterday."

"Oh, right. Good, thank you." Buffy was thankful for Spike pulling her out of her trance. " So, patrolling tonight? Is it a go?"

"Yeah pet, I'll be there." Spike answered. He started walking towards the door.

"Good. It should be a hoot and a half." Buffy sarcastically added walking behind him.

Spike raised his eyebrows and smirked at her remark.

"Uh, nevermind." Buffy laughed.

Spike opened the door as she walked by. He could smell her. Even after hours of training and working out she still smelt like roses. He smiled a bit as she left his crypt. She shouted a "bye Spike" and he closed the door. He felt his smile fade as he made his way back to his mug of blood. He took a seat in front of his telly, ready for the events of today's episode of Passions. Buffy rosey scent still lingered on his cold hard seat where she had sat when she arrived that morning. He remembered that way she had sauntered in, her hair up in a messy ponytail. She looked like she had just rolled out of bed, but she was still more beautiful than anybody he had ever seen. He smiled as he remembered her giving him a tight hug when she told him that Anya and Xander were engaged. He never thought she would ever touch him, and he began to tear up all over again. He shook away his tears and stared up at the ceiling. He was not looking forward to tonight.

*****

Part 2:

Dreaming

Two chapters in one day! I have never done that before! Thank you for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters. I don't own Passions or Coyote Ugly either.

*****

"Dawn," Buffy walked in the door to her house and through her keys on a pile of mail on a nearby table, "Dawnie?" Buffy walked halfway up the stairs and called once more. There was no answer, Dawn was obviously not home yet.

Buffy was somewhat relieved that her little sister hadn't arrived home yet. She wanted to be alone for a while. Actually, there was one other person she would rather be with than be alone, but she didn't want to admit it to herself. She sat for a few minutes, taking in all the quiet. She soon turned on the TV and began flipping through the channels. She stumbled across "Passions", and smiled at the thought of Spike sitting in his chair, enthralled in the intensity of his soap opera. She shook the thought from her mind and turned of the television. The last thing she wanted to think about right then was Spike.

She got up off the sofa and went to the bathroom. She turned the water on to the shower and waited for the water to warm up before removing her clothes and getting in.

*****

"God that bloody woman gets on my nerves!" Spike thought as he got up from his seat. Passions was over.

"Go to hell Tabitha, you stupid git." Spike through himself on his bed, depressed by the ending of "Passions". Trying to keep Buffy off his mind, he lay down and closed his eyes. There wasn't much to do at his crypt, so sleeping was his best option. Besides, he would do anything to keep his mind off of Buffy.

*****

Buffy dried herself off and changed into a pair of blue jeans and a nice brown shirt. She decided to let her hair dry on it's own. She just wasn't in the mood to blow dry it. She took a deep breath in and went downstairs to find something to eat.

"I really need to go grocery shopping." She stated to herself as she closed the refrigerator door. She opened a cubbard and took out a box of LIFE cereal. She poured herself a small bowl and sat down to eat. She moved her cereal around awhile before putting a spoonful in her mouth. As soon as she did, the front door burst open. Buffy jumped up out of her seat, but calmed down as soon as she realized it was Dawn.

Dawn! She thought. She looked at the clock and realized that it was 1:12.

"Hi Buffy!" Dawn entered the kitchen with a big smile on her face, carrying a bag.

"Where have you been?" Buffy asked in one of her mad/concerned tones.

"Janice and I went out to get something to eat, then I picked up a movie on the way home." Dawn answered, sounding innocent.

"W-well, I uh, I was very worried" Buffy said, trying to cover up the fact that she didn't even notice Dawn hadn't been home.

"Oh, sorry. Well uh, do you wanna know what movie I got?" Dawn asked, eagerly.

"No, I'm too mad." Buffy answered, still trying to sound mad.

"Aw, I thought that we could watch it together. You know, you and me. Big sis and little sis?"

"M'ok, whatcha get?" Buffy perked up. It had been a while since she had spent some real quality time with Dawn. She was looking forward to it.

"Really?" Dawn asked, sounded excited.

Buffy could tell Dawn felt the say way. Buffy nodded her head yes.

"Oh, good. I got", Dawn slowly pulled the movie out of the bag, "Coyote Ugly!"

Buffy laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, great. A movie about young women dancing on a bar. Did you notice that in the previews they never once showed a scene that was outside the bar?"

"C'mon Buffy. I am sure there is more to it than that. Besides, if we both don't like it, we can sit and make fun of it, like we did when mom would watch her boring shows."

Buffy smiled. "Ok, but next time, let me pick out the movie."

"Deal. Ok, I've got homework."

"And I have got errands to run. What do you want for dinner. Is chicken ok?"

"Uh, actually, I think Willow is gonna make something for us. "

"Oh, ok. See you in a bit Dawn. Love you."

"Mhm, bye" Dawn replied.

Buffy closed the door behind her and left for the store.

*****

He felt her soft warm lips press against his. She was so gentle. They parted for a second, only for him to return the kiss, only this time deeper and more passionate. She tasted like a warm sweet vanilla. He felt her smile and he pulled away. He looked deep into her eyes and saw something he had never seen before.

"I love you." She whispered.

His eyes began to tear as he replied, " I love you too Buffy, always."

She embraced him with a tight hug, her eyes never leaving his. He pressed his lips on her soft warm hair.

"Spike. William, I-"

Spike shot up from his position on his bed. He was breathing heavily. Smart Spike, he thought to himself, I go to sleep to get away from 'er, and then I wind up dreamin' bout 'er. I should have just kept watching the telly. He rolled his eyes and got out of bed, it was almost sunset, which meant patrolling, which meant Buffy, who meant so many different things to him.

He wanted to be with her so badly. He had so many different things he wanted to say to her. He was looking forward to listening to her complain about Dawn, or Giles, or any other member of her damned Scooby gang. He was looking forward to her smile and her beautiful eyes, her soft warm cheeks, which she lightly pressed up against his when she hugged him. He admired everything about her. The only thing he never looked forward to, were the good-byes and goodnights. Those words were getting so much harder to hear every night. Each time one of those words was said, a slight pain shot throughout his body and he felt weak. He used convinced himself that it was all worth it, but now he wasn't sure. No matter how much time he ever spent with her, he could never get want he wanted. He could never have her.

*****

Part 3:

Feeling Free

I know that last time, the Coyote Ugly thing was kinda weird, and believe me, it is not my style at all, but it does play a part. So, keep reading and thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, movies, or shows mentioned in this fic.

****

Buffy walked in the back door after grocery shopping. Willow and Dawn were sitting down to dinner, there was no sign of Tara. She hadn't realized how long she had been out shopping. It was a pretty long time.

"Hey Buffy! Look at you being all Ms.Grocery Lady." Willow greeted her with a friendly smile and Buffy smiled back. "Lets put these groceries over here," Willow placed the bags on the counter, "and sit down and eat. This is my first real cookin meal. Aren't ya proud!?' Willow smiled and Dawn laughed.

"Ok, let me just put the ice cream away."

"Ice cream?" Dawn got up and walked over towards the bag. Buffy pushed her away.

"After dinner." Buffy gave her a glare and she went back to the table.

They all sat down and finished their dinner quickly. Dawn was the first to leave the table as she went upstairs to write in her diary. Buffy cleared Dawn's plate and hers off the table and washed the dishes. Buffy smiled to herself when she realized it was almost time to patrol. She wiped the smile off her face and turned to Willow.

"Great dinner Will. Beats the hotdogs and macaroni and cheese that we have been having for the past few days." Willow smiled and thanked her.

"Hey, Will, where's Tara?"

"Oh, she is over at the magic box with Anya. They have become close lately. It's good for her to have another friend."

"Yeah," Buffy added," I'm glad." Buffy looked at her watch and saw the time. "I gotta go. Off for the big patrol. You know, kick some demon ass."

"Yeah. You uh. are you going with.Spike?" Willow asked quietly.

'Well, yeah. Will, it's not. well, he's not, I-"

"Buffy, I get it. It's ok. It's just that you have been spending a lot of time with him lately."

"Well, he's changed." Buffy tried to defend herself.

"Yeah. He's in love with you. Love changes people. Everything he does, he does for you. A-and he seems like a great friend to you." Willow stated.

"Yeah, I-I really gotta go now." And with that, she left.

*****

Spike had been waiting in the cemetery for quite some time now. He had already staked one vamp, and chased away another. He started to wonder whether or not she would show. It would definitely make those good-byes a whole lot easier. He pulled his stake out of his pocket as he heard something move towards him. As it moved closer, he put his stake away. It was Buffy, he could sense her. She was cold, but smelled so warm.

"Hey." Buffy said to him.

"Hey yourself, your twenty minutes late, luv." Spike said.

"Yeah well, Willow had her cook-a-thon and I had to stay and eat." Buffy told him, "plus, we had a talk." Buffy added. She knew she shouldn't have brought it up, but she needed to.

"Oh yeah? What about." He was always happy to have Buffy talking to him. He loved everything that came out of her mouth.

"Love. How it makes people do things." Buffy looked at Spike, his head was down and his eyes were looking straight into the cold hard dirt beneath him. Buffy took in a deep breath.

"W- we also talked about you and me." she looked up at Spike, who's head had begun moving up. He was looking straight into her eyes, never flinching ".and love." Right after the words had left her mouth, she knew she had made a mistake. She looked down at the ground and moved the dirt in a circle. She was waiting for a reply.

Love. Right, he knew what she meant. That they were talking about him, loving her. How wrong it was, how it made her feel. She didn't love him, he knew it. He tried to tell himself that one day he might have a chance, but he knew he was wrong. He had no chance in hell. He looked up to see her moving her dark shoes in the dirt. He knew that he needed to say something, she was waiting for a reply.

"What do you mean, pet?" He managed to spit out a few words.

"When I said that it makes people do things, I mean good things. Well, what I mean is, uh Willow said that the things you do.well, that you do them for me. Is that true? Looking after Dawn, taking care of her while I was gone. Making small talk with my friends, who I know that you are not too fond of, saving our lives countless times? Do you really do all that for me?" Buffy knew she sounded selfish, and she didn't want it to come out that way. She just needed to know how much he truly loved her, if he would ever leave her. She wouldn't be able to stand losing another person that she cared about.

"Yeah, well, I guess Red was right. I made a promise to you to take care of the little bit. I would never be able to forgive myself if I had broken a promise to you. As for your chums, I-" He let out a sigh of relief as a vamp distracted the two of them.

Buffy battled the vamp for what seemed like an eternity while Spike was trying to figure out what to say to Buffy when this fight was all over. The vamp pushed Buffy so hard she flew back into Spike, who grabbed her tightly by the waist. She jumped up and blocked the vamp with her feet, then kicked hard, sending him flying a few feet back. Spike unwrapped one arm from Buffy's waist, holding on tightly with the other. He grabbed a stake from Buffy's front pocket, and strategically threw it towards the vamp, right through the heart. The vampire turned to dust.

Spike then moved his arm back to it's comfortable position around Buffy's waist. Buffy didn't flinch, which took him by surprise.

"That," Buffy began to speak as she turned around to face Spike, " was excellent." She finished her statement.

She looked up at Spike, he didn't move. Not one muscle in his perfect face even twitched. He didn't smile, he didn't roll his eyes, his face was still.and serious. She looked into his blue, gorgeous, penetrating eyes, which seemed like they go on forever. They were so deep and full of love. She had never noticed how beautiful they were. She smiled, took her hand, and placed on his cheekbone, following the distinctive curves in his face. A soothing feeling come over her. She looked down and saw his arms, still embracing her. She slowly looked up, and gently placed her lips on his.

It lasted only a second, but in that second he felt so alive. A warm feeling spread over his body, feeling her lips on his, holding her tightly. He didn't know if he was dreaming. No, he wasn't, his dreams could have never been like this. She removed her lips from his, and his chest pained. He was afraid of what she might say, maybe take it back. But she didn't, she just smiled.

Spike pulled her closer, and forced his lips on hers. She willingly took in the kiss. She moved her arms around his neck, and he felt himself smile slightly. She held the back of his neck and ran her fingers through is hair, he felt a slight tingle run down his spine. He felt her tongue begin to move towards his mouth, an he willingly opened, letting their tongues dance freely. He could taste her. It was better than anything he had ever imagined. She was so sweet, yet so simple.

She had never felt anything like this before. Something about it felt right. She never wanted this moment to end. His lips were cold, but they filled her with a sense of warmth. Her whole body was shaking, but she didn't care. She was holding and being held in the arms of the man that she lov-

She suddenly broke away from Spike and looked into his eyes. They turned from passion and love, to pain and confusion. She didn't know what to do. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but it felt so right. It was crazy, and that is why she trusted it. She smiled slightly, "Spike." She began to speak softly.

"Yeah, I know," Spike cut her off, "a moment, that's all it was, a moment. A slight lapse in judgment. Heard it before pet. And I know what is coming next. I am a monster, evil, I have no soul. No ability to love, you could never love me. So can we skip it, just this once, and say our good-byes." He felt himself on the verge of tears. Nothing had hurt as bad as this, now all he wanted were their good-byes.

Buffy knew she hurt him by breaking their kiss. He was right though, it was a moment, but not a lapse in judgment. It was a moment of passion, lust, of feelings finally being free without having to worry about the consequences, and she ruined it. One of the greatest moments of her life, and she ruined. She didn't want to make anything worse, so she agreed.

"Fine," As she said it, her bottom lip began to quiver. She turned her back to him before he could see, and she began to walk away. She stopped and turned her head slightly so she could see him out of the corner of her eye. He looked so broken. " but that wasn't what I was going to say."

She didn't know if that was the right thing to do or not, but she didn't care. She felt so awful, for him. She needed to give him something.

*****

Part 4:

Right Kind of Wrong

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and characters related to it, or any movies mentioned in this fic.

*****

Spike watched Buffy, not sure what to do or say. He let a tear fall down his cold cheek before wiping it away. He shook away his tears and turned to walk towards his crypt. The pain in his chest and the sting of the air made for a painful walk home. He could still feel Buffy in his arms, still taste her on his lips.

He walked into his crypt and slammed the door. It wasn't before long that he found himself kicking boxes in a fit of anger and confusion. He ran his hands through his hair and sat down on the steps by his door. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't hungry, wasn't tired, and he wasn't in the mood to watch television, so he just sat. and thought. The woman he loved, the woman he could never imagine his life without, the one person in the world that made him feel alive again, had kissed him. She, Buffy, kissed him, Spike. But then she took it all away, but why? After she stopped all he could think to himself was 'why?'. He could feel her passion when kissing him, for a second he knew she wanted him. But now he wasn't sure, he would never be sure. Maybe he made it all up, the passion, desire, lust. Maybe those feelings were never really there and he was blinded by his own love for her.

He smiled. God how he loved her. The way her hair sticks closely to her cheeks when she smiles, her smile all in it's self was perfect. And her deep, green eyes, he had never seen anything as beautiful as her eyes. The way she moved, she seemed so graceful to him. The way she moved her hands when she talked, the way she let out small yet sharp puffs of air while they would do their curl-ups. She was perfect.

He felt. he didn't know what he felt. He didn't know whether he was angry, sad, confused. He didn't feel much of anything at this point. He was ready to forget about what happened and move on, so he could be with Buffy. Anything to be with her.

*****

Buffy pressed her lips together; a taste of Spike still softly lingered there. She felt her eyes well up, but she didn't let a tear fall. She didn't want to worry Dawn. She closed the door behind her and Dawn suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Ready for movie night?"

Buffy smiled. She needed something to take her mind off of Spike, and spending time with Dawn was the perfect remedy. "Yes please." Buffy answered. Dawn grabbed Buffy's arm and pulled her into the living room, seating her at the edge of the sofa.

"I got you a glass of water. I figured you'd be tired from your hot patrol." Dawn smiled.

"Wh-, no. Not hot. Nothing hot worthy," Buffy was taken by surprise, "very cool actually. No hot here." Buffy gave a weak smile. Dawn raised her eyebrows.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm all kinds of fine. Come to think of it, I'm all kinds of great." Buffy reassured her sister.

"Good." Dawn moved closer to her sister and rested her head on her shoulder. She had already fast-forwarded through the commercials and previews and her eyes were now fixed on the television screen.

Buffy looked down at her sister and couldn't help but smile. She hadn't seen much of Dawn lately, and seeing her like this, was a breath of fresh air. She was so quiet and looked so innocent. Buffy loved her sister more than anything in the world, and this time with her was precious. Buffy shifted around on the couch, pulling in her legs and wrapping an arm around Dawn. This night was getting better by the minute.

Not more than thirty minutes into the movie did Buffy look down to see Dawn struggling to keep her eyes open, as was Buffy herself. She picked up the remote and turned down the volume, which made Dawn sit up, trying to act like she was drawn in to the events happening on screen. Within a few minutes though, she reluctantly closed her eyes, Buffy soon followed.

*****

Spike tossed and turned while trying to sleep, but he knew it was no use. He got up and pulled a container of blood out of his fridge and drank it. He decided on watching infomercials. The cheesy acting always gave him a slight smile. He sat in silence for a while before deciding to go off and hunt for vamps, maybe some demons. Anything to pass the time.

****

Buffy woke up about an hour into her sleep. She looked over at Dawn, who was still asleep, and then towards the ending credits of the movie. She turned down the volume so that Dawn wouldn't be disturbed by the music playing.

~You walk in and my strength walks out the door Say my name and I can't fight it anymore Oh I know I should go, but I need your touch just to damn much

Loving you, isn't really something I should do Shouldn't want to spend my time with you, I should try to be strong, but baby you're the right kind of wrong~

Buffy immediately thought back to her and Spike and smiled. She felt warm and safe all over again. She had struggled with what she should do, but she now knew. She would go and see Spike in the morning. She couldn't let the relationship they already had fall apart. It would hurt her too much. She needed to have a relationship with him, even if it wasn't the kind of relationship she wanted.

*****

Part 5:

Forever and Always

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, blah, blah, blah.

Sorry it took longer than usual to get this up. I had writer's block. When I first started writing this I intended it to be a fluff piece, but it kinda evolved into. well, I don't know what. But I am looking forward to writing some fluff pieces soon, so don't fret. I love fluff just as much as the next person. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!!!!!

*****

Spike looked around his empty crypt at his door, down at his watch, then back at his door again. It was 10:54 and Buffy hadn't come. She usual came around 9:00 a.m., but now he wasn't sure if she would ever come again. The thought of that hurt him beyond words.

He didn't know if he had hurt her last night by his harsh assumptions, but he was so used to hearing her say those words that he couldn't imagine her saying anything else. He didn't mean to hurt her, though. He never wanted that. He curled up his hand into a fist. He was so wrapped up in protecting himself that he didn't stop to think of how she would react.

He slowly unwrapped his fist and took an unnecessary deep breath. If she wasn't going to come to him, he would find her. tonight.

*****

Buffy rushed around her house trying to find her other boot. She was in a hurry to see Spike, she stopped and smiled at the thought of him. She shook the thought away, though. She didn't have time to waste. She looked at her clock, 11:00 a.m.

"God," she whispered to herself, "this is not good. Late, never good." She threw on her right boot which was lying by the couch under a table. She stood up and brushed off her pants. She took in a deep breath and headed towards the door. She closed the front door behind her, locked it, and walked towards the cemetery, wearing a big smile.

She didn't waste any time getting to Spike's crypt. When she arrived there, she slowly opened the door, not letting it make any noise. She really didn't want to disturb him if he was preoccupied with other things. She looked around and spotted Spike on the ground doing push-ups. He wasn't wearing his regular black shirt and jeans, but white muscle shirt and black jeans. She let herself laugh a little, not at the shirt, or the push-ups, but the music playing in the background. Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl". She pulled herself together and began to speak.

"Billy Joel? Gee, I would have thought you were more of a Billy Idol vamp." She laughed.

Spike dropped to the ground, but shot up quickly. He dusted off his pants and turned off the music. He looked up to see the most beautiful Buffy standing in the doorway. She looked so radiant with the small beams of sun shaping her body. He was standing in the shade, so the sun didn't seem a noucance. Her hair shined slightly and her eyes sparkled. If he had breath, she would have taken it away. He opened his mouth to reply, but decided to skip their friendly flirtatious banter which usually gave him his "maybe she could love me" theory.

"Yeah, well, what can I say. You caught me." He motioned to her to shut the door and she did. He stepped out of the shadows, passed his chair, and over to the fridge. Buffy followed, not too far behind him. He saw her open her mouth to say something. He felt his stomach become a pool of butterflies. He needed her to speak. Her voice was always soft and graceful, but sometimes the words that came out were so hurtful. He felt the butterflies turn to a burning fear as she began to speak.

"Oh it's not so bad. I kinda have thing for the Go-Go's," she lifted a finger and pointed at him, "now that info, stay's with you until you die. well, again anyway." She smiled.

He couldn't help but laugh a little, and he gave in to her. He replied "Yeah? Fine, I guess I can live with that. As long as my little, uh, Billy Joel thing stays with you until you die. again." He smirked.

"Cheap shot." Buffy told him.

"Well, that's what I do best, pet."

Buffy was surprised at how easily he came around. She kind of had a big speech prepared. It was a little upsetting that she hadn't been able to preach to him about what he meant to her.

"What?" Spike asked.

She knew he had seen an upset look on her face, even though she wasn't aware she had one. She wasn't sure if she should tell him or not, but it was worth a shot.

"Oh, nothin. Just, I kinda had this big speech prepared. I figured you might be all bad and moody. But, surprise for Buffy. That wasn't the case." She managed a weak smile, as his faded completely. She knew she had made the wrong choice.

He didn't know why she brought it up, but now the subject was pretty much out in the open. He had things to say also, and he thought it best to say them.

"Y'know what Slayer? That is bloody typical." He threw out the words faster than he could think them. He saw a look of surprise on her face, but decided to continue anyway.

"Last time you had a big speech prepared, I believe you told me of how much you can't stand me. But I don't get it. You come 'roun here every day, as happy as a sodding dandelion, " he flinched for a second, not sure of what he had just said, but snapped out of it, "and for what? It doesn't make any sense to me Slayer. It's not like you could stand being around me. Not like you trust me. It's not li-"

"I do trust you." She interrupted. She remembered that she never had really told him how much she really did trust him, and she figured now was as good a time as ever."

"Oh, yeah. As much as you trust a bloody dish rag I suppose."

She laughed a bit, but then remembered what she was telling him. "No." She said fiercely. "I trust you. I know I haven't given you a reason to think so, but it is true. It's crazy, I know, but that is why I trust it. I trust trusting you. Guess I'm just chock-full of trust." She smiled.

Spike looked into her eyes and saw a deep passion. She really did trust him. He never thought it could happen, but he must have done something right.

Buffy watched him walk over towards her. He looked so serious. He leaned down slowly and kissed her forehead. She felt his cold lips on her skin and her knees went weak. All she wanted to do was grab him and kiss him back, but on the lips, but she knew it would have dire consequences. She just looked up at him in his eyes and smiled. She knew how much she appreciated her trust.

His undead heart skipped a cold beat as she smiled back after he kissed her forehead. Whatever he had done to gain her trust, he was going to keep doing it, forever and always.

*****

Part 6:

Surprise Visits, Surprise Kisses

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

*****

"Hey Dawnie," Buffy called up the stairs, "You wanna go out?"

"To one of your boring seminars? No way."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "No, I was thinking more along the lines of Spike's crypt?"

"Really!? Well, in that case," Dawn hopped down the stair all a flutter, "count me in." Buffy smirked at Dawn who just rolled her eyes.

It had been two weeks since Buffy and Spike had kissed, argued, and then made up. Their friendship was even better than before. They would train together a bit, back at Spike's crypt, but mostly spent their time talking. She never would have guessed that he was a funny guy. She remembered the time he made her laugh so hard, for several minutes. He had just sat there and watched her laugh, admiring her every move with a peaceful smile on his perfect face. They also had their little ways of showing each other how much they really cared about one another. Small looks from across the room, a small comforting smile, sometimes maybe a little peck on the cheek, or forehead. Those were her favorites; he was really good at dishing them out. But as great as things were, she thought it now best to take Dawn before something happened between her and Spike. The more and more their skin touched, or hair brushed up against someone' cheek, the more the electricity built. It was becoming unbearable. She had no idea what was stopping her though; part of her didn't want to find out.

"Ok, let's go." Dawn smiled and led the way out the door.

*****

Spike waited anxiously sitting in his chair in front of the television. Buffy would be coming soon, and he looked forward to it more than he could bear. Sometimes it was hard having her around, but most of the time it was amazing. He acted different around her, though, and he knew it. It wasn't a bad different, but it definitely wasn't doing his 'Big Bad' reputation any good. Didn't bother him though, he had had his glory days.

Spike impatiently got up from his chair. Buffy was close, he could sense her. She was warm and soft. He could just imagine her smooth hair smelling of lilac and some other very distinct scent that he couldn't quite place his finger on. It was amazing though, nothing else like it in the world. ]

He heard her open the door and smiled. "Hi Buffy."

"Hey you." She smiled back. He had never noticed how much brighter the room got when she was around.

"Any stories from the deep hell that is Scoobydom? I-, Wait, Nibblet?"

"Hey Spike!" Dawn appeared behind Buffy, glowing with joy. Spike felt himself sink a little. As much as he loved the little bit, he loved being alone with Buffy even more. He ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach and smirked.

"Long time no see Little Bit?"

"Well, y'know, there is school and, well, school." She smiled.

"Y- yeah." He said. He caught a glance at Buffy who was smiling with her hand to her mouth. He shook his head.

"Slayer, should we train?" Spike asked.

"Sounds like a plan." She told him.

"Ok, Nibblet, make yourself at home. The telly is well, right there. If it gives you any trouble, just smack it." He smiled and Dawn laughed.

Buffy watched Spike climb down the ladder, then followed. She felt his arms around her waist as she neared the bottom. She didn't need help getting down, but she let him help anyway. She turned to face him, his eyes locked on hers, arms still around her waist. She smiled a bit, remembering their first kiss. They were almost in the exact same position. She continued to smile, their eyes still locked on each other's. She wasn't exactly sure how long this would go on, so she looked down smiling. As soon as she did, he lifted her chin, smiled, and kissed her. It was soft, but passionate, full of so much love. She felt her knees turn weak. She let everything go, enveloped in his cool touch. His arms gripped her even more tightly and she wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing her fingers to flow freely through his hair. Her heart was pounding. He tasted sweet, not like tobacco or alcohol. It was a light flavor, cold but sweet and it danced around in her mouth as their tongues met.

He felt it. He felt her wanting him, this time he was sure of it. He ran his hands up and through her hair, letting the softness of it caress his fingertips. He tongue was warm and sweet. It was indescribable. This was Buffy. The ways she moved, the ways he tasted. His world was spinning. It was so far from reality. He couldn't concentrate on anything else but-

"Buffy!?" Dawn yelled.

They broke apart suddenly. She was going to kill Dawn for this. She smiled and felt herself blush suddenly.

He rolled his eyes. He was going to kill Dawn for this.

Buffy smiled and felt herself blush suddenly. She looked at Spike who unwillingly motioned her to go. She turned around, but turned back to give him a soft kiss. She smiled and went up the ladder, which she had just climbed down a minute ago.

Spike watched Buffy climb the ladder. He turned around and out of pure happiness kick a wooden crate that was a few feet away. He climbed the ladder a few minutes after Buffy. He arrived upstairs to find Dawn and Buffy arguing.

"And that is why you interrupted me!?"

"Yeesh. Overreact much? You were just training, and with Spike," Spike rolled his eyes as Dawn continued, "nothing different than what you do day after day, after day, after day."

"Uh, no to interrupt, but uh, if you want a dead man's opinion," he glanced a Buffy who laughed a little and continued, "feel free to fill me in luv." Spike told Dawn.

"Ok, I called Buffy up here because Coyote Ugly was on Pay Per View."

"Uh, no offense Bit, but that is pretty stupid. And, what is this "Coyote Ugly" and- hey, I get Pay Per View?" Spike walked over to his television in a trance.

Buffy snickered at his immaturity, then looked back a Dawn, who was rolling her eyes.

"What do you know about it anyway Spike?" Spike looked up a bit from his television, waved his hand in a quick 'forget about it' motion, then started back at his TV. "Whatever, it is not a big deal." Dawn started to walk towards the door.

"Dawn? Wait. What is wrong?" Buffy asked.

"I-it's nothing really. Just, we never really do anything anymore, ever, and I kinda thought of that movie as our movie. It is the first thing we did together in a long time, and I had fun doing it."

"You slept through the whole thing!"

"Yeah, and so did you. I got to rest my head on your shoulder and fall asleep with a movie playing. For the first time in a while, I felt like I had a mother."

Buffy's heart fell and she hugged Dawn. "Ok, listen. How about we go home. And we can go shopping, and oh! We can go to the zoo!" Dawn made a face, but gave in.

Dawn laughed a bit. "Ok."

"Good, just, let's stay away from the hyena cage."

"Why, what happened?"

Buffy put her arm around Dawn and started walking towards the door. "I'll tell you all about it."

Spike watched as the two girls walked past.

"Uh, Buffy?" Spike asked, a bit confused. He didn't know how she was going to react again to him kissing her, but he wanted to find out.

Buffy let Dawn continue walking home, promising to catch up in a few minutes. She walked towards Spike.

"What are w-"

"Shhh," Buffy put her two fingers over his lips, and she felt him tremble. She quickly replaced her fingers with her lips, but only for a second. "I'll be back later."

Spike smiled and watched her leave, only to return to his telly once she was gone. He looked at the door, then at what was on the television.

"This, is going to be interesting." He smiled, and sank down in his chair.

****

Part 7:

The Brunette

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. I do not own a single thing.

*****

"I told you, I don't have time for games." Buffy shoved her stake quickly through the vamp's heart. She looked around and sighed.

"Another night's patrolling complete." She turned her head and began to walk towards Spike's crypt. As she reached the door she took a deep breath in. She had no idea what she was doing. She felt all of these feelings towards Spike, but just couldn't seem to sort them out. Half of her didn't want to. She liked not knowing what to expect next, but the other half just couldn't seem to handle it. She didn't know how he was going to react, either. But she decided to let it run its course. Whatever happens tonight, happens. She opened the door to his crypt, and watched as a mysterious Spike sauntered towards her.

"And back later she is." He smiled. He took her warms hands in his and lightly rubbed his cold thumbs across them. She watched as he smiled and brought her hands up to his lips, sweetly planting a kiss on each.

"Mmm." She sighed.

They just stood there for a while, still and content in each other's presence. Smiling and exchanged small facial expressions.

"So, did you have fun with Dawn?" Spike asked, quietly at first, but growing slightly louder. Buffy snapped out of her trance to answer.

"Yeah. We-wait. Did you just call her Dawn?" She was taken by surprise as he said the name clearly. It wasn't one of his little nicknames, but her actual name. It sounded nice when he said it. Sounded genuine, like he truly did care.

"Oh, yeah. Guess I did. Why? Does it bother you?"

"No, I- I kinda like it." She smiled and continued. "We had a lot of fun. I told her some stories from my highschool Slayer days and she told me about some of the things she had going on in her life."

"Oh really? Care to share?"

"No, not really. Girly stuff. But I felt kinda bad about it. I wasn't there to experience it. I felt like I was reading the cliff notes of Dawn's life instead of reading the book along with her. If that makes any sense to you?"

"Yeah, I get it. But you can change it. Don't dwell on all the things that you have missed, instead, concentrate on being there for the Little Bit now, and the things you can still experience together." Spike advised her.

"Wow." She stated emotionless, "you're right. I never knew you were such a Dr.Phil." She joked.

"It's one of my best kept secrets luv." He smirked and watched as she walked towards him. She slid her arms around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. He could feel her heart beating and her heavy chest moving up and down as she inhaled. He had never felt so close to someone, so connected. She looked up and smirked.

"I wonder what you would look like with your hair, well, not so gelled up?" She stated.

He laughed a bit. "Are you picturing it in your head?"

"Yeah." She laughed.

"Good, cause I can promise you, that you will never see it outside of that picture in you mind, pet. I'd have to be on my second deathbed before you or anybody else, especially the members of you sodding Scooby gang, ever saw my hair un-gelled. Or to it's true color" He made a face and walked over to his chair.

"Oh, and what would that be?" She sounded intrigued.

"None of your silly little business." He mocked and sat down in his chair.

"Awww," she sneaked up behind him and ran her fingers down his neck, to his chest, "no fair." She slowly kissed his neck.

He closed his eyes to take in her warm, tender, salacious kisses. He opened his eyes, grabbed her right arm, and swung her onto his lap. She placed his hands on her cheeks and pulled her into a deep, long kiss. He removed his hands from her cheek and wrapped them around her small body. He slowed down and took his lips from hers, and went up her cheek to her ear. She laughed a little and sunk down into his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest. He placed his lips on her blonde, soft hair. Her scent filled him with a sense of comfort and completion. He rested his head on hers and did nothing but smile.

She took a deep breath in, smiling. In his arms she felt safe and secure. At that moment, nothing else existed but them. She had never felt so full. Not with riley, not even with Angel. Spike gave her something neither one of them could, but she didn't know what. All she knew was that this, this was what she wanted. She buried her nose in his chest where her hand once was. He smelled slightly of warm cologne, and a sweet hair gel. There was a very small trace of tobacco clinging to his clothes. But it made it all complete. This was perfect.

"When am I going to see you?" Spike suddenly asked.

Buffy didn't move. "You see me now, unless I've come down with a sudden case of the invisibilities." She laughed at her own joke.

"Not what I mean, Slayer. I mean, not here, under these circumstances. I want to be able to see you for . I don't know. I just, I don't want a time limit that I can be with you. It seems like we have to have rules or something, just-"

"I get it." She told him. "You feel like, like it's kind of like visiting hours. 'No Spikes allowed unless between 9-12:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m.-10:oo p.m.' I kinda feel the same way."

"You do?" He was surprised. He thought that this was the way she wanted it. Restricted access. But he was wrong, and he was relieved.

"Tell ya what. Since you already have an open invitation to our house, stop by anytime. Dawn would love to see you."

"Anytime?" He asked, giving her a chance to take it back.

"Anytime. And, even though you are not to fond of some of my friends, I'll let you know when we have our next big demon research . thingy." She told him.

"Thank you, Buffy."

She was shocked. Buffy, he called her Buffy. She felt something run through her and she smiled.

"Again with the names . I love it." She grabbed him and kissed him suddenly.

"I guess I could get used this." He told her, smirking. He returned her kiss, and then she got up.

"I have to go." She told him, making a small pouty face. He smiled.

"I know. G'night Buffy." He smirked. She kissed him again, then turned to leave.

"Brunette." He looked down at the ground like he should be ashamed of something.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"Bloody hell, my real hair color. C'mon Slayer, you really got to keep up."

She smiled at him, a sweet smile, and then left.

*****

"Dawn, breakfast!" Buffy called. It was 10:30 on a Saturday morning. Buffy usually had Dawn up by 10:00, but seeing as how Spike had made a surprise phone call from a pay phone in the shade somewhere, she decided to let Dawn sleep a little longer while the two talked.

Surprisingly, Dawn had come downstairs, dressed and ready for the day. She smiled at Buffy as she handed her a plate with two pancakes.

"So, we goin anywhere today," Dan asked, "maybe, oh say, Spike's crypt?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. Dawn loved Spike, maybe a little too much, although she could understand why.

"'Fraid not Dawnie. Spike said he had other plans."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "Well, did you notice, when we were there last time, he had regular food in his fridge. Water, a few microwave dinners. Oh, and Cherry Coke."

"Really?" Buffy asked, sounding a bit suspicious.

"Yeah, he must have some human friends we're not aware of. Or some really weird demon friends. Or he has developed some strange eating habits."

"Uh, yeah." Buffy had to tear herself away from her thoughts. Spike had put that stuff there for her, probably after she criticized his snack habits. She smiled. It was the weirdest, smallest, but strangely sweetest sign of a slight commitment. She smiled, but jumped as the front door opened and shut loudly. A slightly smoking Spike ran to the kitchen, before the two girls even had a chance to leave the room.

"G'mornin. Whatcha got cookin. Slayer?"

*****

Part 8:

To Swoon, or Not to Swoon

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, to simply put it.

*****

Dawn and Buffy stared blankly at the smoking figure in front of them. They slowly turned to each other, then back to Spike. They were both wearing the same facial expressions, raised eyebrows, and dropped jaws.

"Oh, don't look so surprised, luv." He said to Buffy, "anytime, remember." He was starting to think she had regretted what she had said.

"I know, but anytime didn't mean burst-into-flame time." She smiled, he just rolled his eyes. She walked up to him and whispered, "But, I am glad you're here." He was relieved. She hadn't forgotten, and as a plus, she was glad to see him. He smiled.

"Spike, I'm glad you came!" Dawn squealed.

"And so is Dawn, I take it." Buffy said to Spike, leaving Dawn to be confused. She brushed it off though.

"I have to go upstairs and brush my teeth, but I will be back down in a few. Maybe we could . . . talk, or something?"

"Sure, Nibblet. Anything for you." He gave her a sincere smile and she blushed a bit, then ran upstairs.

'Gotta love the lil'girl." He laughed.

"Yeah, you do," She smiled, "but she is not a little girl anymore. She is a teenager, a growing teenager. A growing teenager with . . . feelings." She was trying to hint to Spike.

"Wha- oh. Nah. You're just readin into things Slayer, that's all. Me. Dawn. Just. Friends."

"You, yes. Dawn, no." She laughed as Spike tried, but failed, to deny that Dawn had a growing thing for him.

"Well, I guess I am just making the Summers women swoon then." Spike smirked up at Buffy.

"I- I am not swooning." Buffy hesitantly stated.

"Yeah?" Spike slowly moved closer to her, sensing her heart race. He came from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck.

"I can feel you. Your heart, racing. I know what you want Summers."

Buffy closed her eyes, taking in his embrace, his cold lips on her neck, his warm breath cascading down her chest. She sighed a peaceful, content sigh. She quickly opened her eyes, though, realizing she was giving him what he wanted. She changed the subject.

"Yeah, well you . . . "

"What?" He seductively asked.

"You, bought water." She stated.

He stopped kissing her, loosened his grip, and grew a confused look on his face.

"What?" He asked.

"Yeah. Dawn told me. Cherry Coke as well I heard."

"Oh, don't go getting all high and mighty now pet. M'friend Clem happens to be a very big fan of Cherry Coke." He assured her.

"Oh, I see," She said sarcastically, "and I suppose he is a big fan of the microwave dinners as well?"

"Well, see th-"

"Stop," She told him, sliding her body gently up against his, looking into his eyes, "it is very sweet." She kissed him gently and smiled. She heard Dawn coming down the stairs and moved away from Spike. He looked disappointed.

"Ok, ready to talk away."

"Well, Nibblet, I did also come here for some breakfast, so if you wouldn't mind talking and eating at the same time . . . "

"No problem!" Dawn smiled.

"Pancakes Spike?" Buffy asked. Spike made a face. Even though he did like some regular food, he was not too fond of pancakes.

"Got anything else?" Spike asked.

"Yeah!" Dawn hopped up from her stool and went to the fridge. She grabbed a packet of blood and a mug, and handed them both to Spike.

"Ahh," Spike looked at Buffy, "guess I'm not the only one keeping their fridge in stock." Buffy rolled her eyes, and without Dawn seeing, she jokingly poked Spike in his side with the spatula she had been holding. He gave her a glare and she winked.

*****

Buffy walked out into the hallway while Dawn and Spike were still talking. She didn't know Spike could hold a serious conversation for more than a few minutes, but there he was, talking away with Dawn. She had to give him credit; she was not an easy person to talk to. She started up the stairs, then yelled down to Dawn and Spike.

"Uh, I'm gonna go take a quick nap ok?"

"Yeah." They both shouted back to her.

She continued up the stairs to her room. She took off her shoes and lay on her bed. She closed her eyes and immediately thought of Spike, how he held her just then back in the kitchen. God, he held her with such care and intensity. Like nothing mattered in the world but the two of them. He didn't care about being caught, or what others would think. He just took in every moment, unplanned and unrehearsed.

She, on the other hand, was always thinking about what to do next, what her reactions should be. What if she got caught? What would people think? She always needed to think about the consequences. Maybe that was just the Slayer side of her, or maybe it was something else. She didn't really want to share what she and Spike had. They were happy, and she wanted it to stay that way. She didn't want her friends to rip her apart for this. She also just wanted it to be hers. Something she didn't need to share with anybody else. But she could see how it was hurting Spike, though. The look of pain in his eyes when she tore away from him in the kitchen, it was too much for her. As much as she didn't want to admit it, it killed her to hurt Spike, even a little bit. Maybe she could tell Dawn, just maybe . . .

Buffy fell asleep, warm in her thoughts of Spike.

*****

"So, what's with you and Buffy?" Dawn suddenly asked Spike.

"What?" Spike nearly choked.

"You and Buffy, hello? I see the way you look at each other."

"'Fraid you've made up stories in your head Nibblet," it killed him to lie to her, but he knew it was what Buffy wanted, "the Slayer and I are just friends." Dawn wouldn't let it go.

"But you want more? I mean, you love her, we all know that."

"Yeah Nibblet. But, just- hey, why are you asking me this anyway."

"I dunno, makes for interesting conversation. So, why do you love Buffy? I mean, what is the big deal?"

Spike laughed. "To tell you the truth, I don't know. She is everything I am supposed to be against, but I can't seem to pull away from her." Spike looked at Dawn, who seemed very engrossed in what he was saying. "When I see her, it is like the sun is only shining where she is standing. She seems to be everything that is bright and pure and good. She is my light at the end of the tunnel. She is perfect. I could never love anyone the way I have, the way I do, love Buffy." Spiked looked down at the counter, suddenly aware of the tears developing in his eyes. Buffy was everything to him. But in her eyes, he was nothing to her. He knew that, and it killed him.

"Well, that whole uh, sun being where she is thing, that must be good. Y'know, cause of you a-and all the sunlight." Dawn stammered.

"Yeah." Spike said softly.

"I, I gotta go. Janice and I are going to the movies. See ya around?"

"Sure thing, pet." Spike whispered.

"Ok." Dawn looked at him, feeling bad. She kissed him gently on the forehead; he looked up and smiled. He knew that at least one person cared about him.

*****

Buffy woke up at 12:00, still extremely tired.

"Oh, I was only going to sleep for a minute." She mumbled to herself

"Well, some things just don't turn out the way we plan them."

Buffy looked over to see Spike standing by her side. She smiled.

"Listen, uh, Dawn went to the movies with Janice or someone, so I, uh, I'm gonna go. I-"

"No," Buffy grabbed Spikes hand, "stay with me?"

Spike was surprised, but pleased. He gave in to her request. He slid up next to her on her bed, holding her tightly.

Buffy smiled, as his cold body was tight against hers. She smiled and fell asleep, this time, in the warmth of Spike's arms.

*****

Part 9:

A Confession . Of Some Sort

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. I own no one.

*****

Buffy slowly opened her eyes and looked at her watch; 6:43 p.m.

"Mmm," she moaned out of pure relaxation, "Spike?" she mumbled softly.

"Right here, luv." She looked around but didn't see anything. She moved around and felt something.

"Hey, watch it. That's m'leg y'know." Buffy rolled over to see a figure underneath all of her covers. She furrowed her brow and bit, but couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey, it's not funny. Th- there is nothing funny about this." Spike told her.

She laughed harder. "Why are you-- ohhhhh." Buffy saw small rays of sunlight spread over the blankets.

"Maybe I should have shut the blinds before going to sleep?"

"Funny, cause I was thinkin the same thing." Spike said, but Buffy could tell he was smiling. She laughed a bit more and got up to close the blinds. She laid there for a few minutes until--

"Ahh," Buffy was taken by surprise, but started laughing hysterically, "No, stop, I-" She could hardly breath anymore and she slid under the covers to find Spike lightly pinching her sides, lightly enough that it made her laugh.

Spiked cocked his head to the side and smirked. "It seems our Slayer is somewhat ticklish?"

"Pfffft!" Buffy replied.

"You sputtered?" Spike raised an eyebrow.

Buffy giggled a little at his reply, but went on. "I am not."

"Ah, but you are. You can't hide anything from me pet. I know you too well." Spike told her.

Buffy gave in. "Fine, but this too shall go to your second grave." She warned him.

"Oh, is that so? Well, I seem to recall some-"

Buffy rolled over on top of Spike and kissed him passionately. Her whole body was so close to his, she could feel his every move. His hands slid up the sides of her body, his fingertips lightly brushing her clothes, sending a chill up and down her spine. She ran her fingers through his hair, and down his neck. She felt his cold, smooth hands run up under her shirt.

Her skin was smooth. He traced her spine with his fingertips, his other hand dancing around her back. His hand went up and ran through her hair, soft it was. Almost as soft as silk. All the while, neither one of them parted their lips, not even to breath. The moment was perfect.

"Buffy!?" Dawn called up the stairs.

Spike opened his eyes, but to his surprise Buffy's lips were still on his, ignoring the girl calling to her. He slowly closed his eyes and continued.

"Buffy?" Dawn yelled louder, now this was starting to bother him. He gently parted from Buffy who was now breathing heavily, almost panting.

"Buffy, you have to go." Spike managed to spill out the words between breaths.

"Oh God," She moaned, "I know." She caught her breath and rolled over to get out of bed.

"Buf-"

"Coming Dawn!" She was trying not to sound agitated, for Dawn had no idea what was going on. She straightened out her shirt and went down the steps.

"Yeah?" Buffy asked her sister.

"What were you doing up there?" Dawn asked.

"Oh, I, uh, I was getting changed." Buffy told Dawn.

"But, you're wearing the same clothes." Dawn pointed out.

"Oh, yeah. Re-changed, that is. I got a cool shower after Spike left."

"Oh, Spike's gone?" Dawn seemed disappointed.

"Yeah, but he'll be back later. So! What's up?" Dawn began to talk, and Buffy took one last look up the stairs over her shoulder. She saw Spike lurking in a shaded area. She managed to mouth a 'sorry' and just smiled.

*****

Spike watched as the two girls walked away. He let out a sigh of relief, leaned back against a wall, and looked up at the ceiling. He was actually relieved that Dawn had come home when she did. He had a pretty good idea what would have happened if she hadn't come home, and to tell the truth, he wasn't sure that he was ready. Here he was, with the woman he had love for so long, and he didn't feel the time was right. Normally, any man, living or undead, would have taken the opportunity to get the job done, but he just wasn't sure. Something was holding him back. He just loved her too much, she didn't love him though, as far as he knew. He just thought that it seemed, like, he would be using her, although he had no idea why he felt that way.

"Uhh, Dawn, let me show you something that I bought. I uh, oh, right, I put it downstairs." He heard Buffy, and knew she was trying to give him a way to exit.

"Um, okay, I guess." Dawn told her sister. Spike heard the basement door close a few seconds later and slowly crept down the stairs. He walked out the front door, and just as he closed it behind them, he heard the two girls come up.

Spike stood in the shade, waiting for the sun to set. Buffy and Dawn were inside talking; he could hear them slightly.

*****

"Laundry detergent?" Dawn asked Buffy, sounding confused.

"Well, I thought it was new." Buffy told her warily.

"It was half full," Dawn told her.

"Sorry, I have just had a case of the sleepies lately. Tossing and turning at night doesn't help to make a rejuvenated Buffy. I am kinda all over the place."

"So I've noticed," Dawn told her, "Wanna tell me? What is causing all the tossing and turning at night?" Buffy looked up at her with sensitive eyes.

"Dawn . . ."

"I know, I am just a kid. But I am your sister Buffy. I know when you're hurting and confused. We have the same blood remember?" Dawn smiled.

"Yeah," Buffy smiled back, "I just think a lot, at night. I never really have time during the day to think, so I do it at night. Hence the whole, tossing and turning. I think about life. What it would be like to be a normal girl. I, surprisingly, think about love. A-and a, well, I guess you could call him, a-a friend? No, well, I don't know." Buffy seemed very confused now. She was trying to use the right words so she wouldn't give away her relationship with Spike. She wanted to talk about their relationship, without actually talking about him.

"Spike, huh?" Obviously that would never happen. Dawn knew, in a way, about her and Spike. Buffy suddenly found the floor beneath her seemingly interesting.

"Buffy, it's ok. I get it. He is a really, okay, he is a semi ok guy. He loves you, and treats you so well. Me too. He obviously wouldn't hurt your friends; he knows how much it would hurt you. And you know, he would never leave you." Buffy suddenly looked up. That was the one thing she was afraid of, Spike leaving her. Everybody always seemed to leave her. She wouldn't be able to take it if he left. Dawn knew him pretty well, and hearing it from her made Buffy feel reassured. Buffy smiled up at Dawn.

"Do you love him?" Dawn asked.

"Dawn . . . "

"Buffy." Buffy was taken by surprise. The tone in Dawn's voice was strict and the look on her face was stern.

"I - I'm not sure Dawn. He's not really, what you would call 'my type', but I can't seem to turn away from him. I, I just can't . . . " Buffy began to trail off.

"Ok, forget I asked that question. Do you see yourself ever being able to love him?"

"Yes." Buffy firmly answered Dawn with a smile. Just then the two girls hopped out of their seats as they hear a pounding sound at the front door, like someone threw a rock.

*****

"Bloody hell!" Outside Spike lay sprawled out on the ground. He was leaning up against the door listening to the girls' conversation. When he heard that there was a chance that Buffy could ever love him, he lost control and fell into the door, soon falling to the ground afterwards.

"She could love me." He said softly to himself. He lay there smiling, he wasn't sure for how long.

He heard Buffy and Dawn run to the door and wiped the smile off his face into one of discomfort, preparing his cover-up story in his head.

Spike watched as a bewildered Buffy flung open the door. She looked around a but, then looked at the ground making eye contact with Spike.

"Spike?" Buffy asked.

"The one and only." Spike told her laughing a bit, then grabbing the back of his head in pain. He hadn't realized how much it had really hurt. He must have hit his head on something sharp.

"What the hell happened?" Buffy asked Spike, to his surprise, actually sounding concerned. But, then again, she could love him. Spike smiled at the thought.

"What?" Dawn asked.

"Huh?" Spiked looked further up and saw Dawn.

"You were smiling . . . why?" Dawn asked.

"Hmm, oh, it was just a funny story. You see, I-"

"Tell us later, we need to get you some ice." Buffy took Spike by the arm and helped him inside. Buffy locked Spike's arm with hers, and, without even thinking, rubbed his arm in comforting strokes with the other.

*****

Part 10:

A True Confession

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

*****

"So, that's how it happened." Spike finished his story.

"So let me get this straight. You were running to find shade from the sunlight, and without even noticing, you slammed yourself right into our front door.?"

"Uhhhh, yeah." Spike told Buffy.

"No offense Spike," Dawn began "But how stupid are you?" Buffy laughed at Dawn's question, while Spike just scowled.

"Well, no offense to you little bit, but- ow!" Buffy kicked Spike in the ankle, as she sensed he was going to retaliate.

"Be good or you don't get your ice." Buffy scolded him.

"Hey, you said yourself she's not a lil' kid anymore, Slayer." Spike told Buffy.

"Yes, but . . . she is still my sister. And I am not going to put up with you insulting her." Buffy told Spike, in a gentle tone.

"Yeah, well she started it" Spike told Buffy.

"Spike, why are yo-" Both of them stopped what they were doing and looked up at Dawn, who was quietly giggling. Dawn looked up, and noticed that both of them were looking at her.

"And what is so funny?" Buffy asked her sister.

"What? Oh, uh, nothing." Dawn told them, not convincing either one of them.

"Don't you have some place else to be?" Buffy asked her sister.

Dawn glared at Buffy, who glared back. Dawn reluctantly gave in "I guess I have some homework. I'll be upstairs." She told Buffy in a blah tone.

Spike watched Dawn go upstairs then looked back at Buffy. He just watched as she moved gracefully around the kitchen. He looked at her hands as they stroked the countertop. He had never noticed how beautiful they were. Her fingertips lightly brushed the counter, almost as if they were floating, her fingernails gently scraping against the cold hard surface. She walked towards him, holding a bag of ice. He flinched slightly when her arm brushed up against his cheek as she reached to hold the ice to his head. He felt a warm wave of electricity and excitement flow through him, followed by a cool rush as the ice hit his skin. He found himself suddenly nervous. He looked up at Buffy, who was so elegant and graceful.

"You . . . you are so beautiful." He told her, getting more nervous every second. She smiled at him, a genuine smile. She moved her body so she was sitting on his lap, holding the ice to the back of his head, her fingertips dancing slightly through his hair.

He seemed so shaken. She had never seen him like this. She leaned forward and brushed her lips to his, watching as his face grew a smile.

"That's better." She told him. He just smiled, looking deep into her eyes. He leaned up to kiss her, and she pulled him in, embracing the kiss.

Minutes went by, neither of them flinching. Spike never wanted this to end, it was more than perfect. Spike heard a soft noise come from behind, like someone was shifting around. He parted from Buffy, who groaned.

"No," she told him, and pulled him back in.

"But, Dawn . . ." Spike told Buffy between small kisses.

"I told her, she knows." Buffy whispered into Spike' ear. Spike smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and continued to kiss Buffy.

"Buffy? We're home." Both Buffy and Spike opened their eyes.

"Now them, I didn't tell."

Spike nodded his head and they parted. Buffy got up from Spike' lap, leaving a warm feeling on his legs. Spike watched as Tara and Willow entered the kitchen.

"Hey Buffy, Dawn. Oh, hey Spike. Spike?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, Spike came over to discuss business." Buffy, who had busied herself cooking dinner, told Willow.

"Yeah, were going patrollin' later." Spike told Willow, who nodded her head showing that she understood.

Spike caught a glimpse of Dawn, who was just standing over in the corner smirking. Spike tilted his head at Dawn in curiosity. She raised her eyebrows, and he retaliated by sticking out his tongue, Dawn made a face and crossed her arms.

"And how old are you?" Dawn sarcastically asked Spike.

Spike looked right into Dawn's eyes with his own, gentle soft and blue, never flinching. He stared at her until he sensed her becoming uncomfortable. He laughed and decided it was time for him to go.

"Well, I better be off then. I don't want to overstay my welcome." He made small eye contact with Buffy and then left.

*****

Buffy, Willow, and Dawn were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Buffy was washing the dishes while Dawn was putting away the leftovers. Tara and was sitting at the table, while Willow had sneaked off to the living room.

"Hey, did uh, Spike stay the whole day?" Tara asked.

Buffy turned around to see Tara looking in the trash can at the empty pack of blood.

"Oh, no. He just came by this morning. Him and Dawn talked for a while, then he left." Buffy hated lying to her friends, keeping things from them was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.

"Then, uh, w-why was he h-here when we came in?" Tara asked.

"Oh, funny story. I'll tell ya on the way to the Bronze. Oh, by the way," Dawn turned to Buffy, "can I go to the Bronze?"

"Yeah." Buffy smiled. "Home by eleven though."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure she's home." Tara told Buffy.

"Ok." Buffy watched as the two girls left for the bronze.

"Where are those two going?" Willow emerged from the other room.

"Oh, they're just off for some late-night bronzin'."

"Oh, and they didn't invite me? How rude." Willow sarcastically told Buffy.

"Well, they just left, I'm sure you could catch up." Buffy assured Willow.

"Nah. Too tired. I think I'll just hang here with you. Have some quality Will/Buffy time."

"Ok, sounds like a plan, " Buffy began, "but, I'm kinda on patrol duty in an hour." Buffy sympathetically told Willow.

"I-it's ok. We'll hang till then. Maybe, kinda, talk?" Willow asked.

"Ah, got problems? Well, I'm here, for as long as you need, patrolling or not. I am all ears Buffy." She told Willow. They sat down on the couch, and Willow began to speak.

"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of, well, . . . you. I, I mean it is not a bad thing, no. I, I've just kinda noticed, you seem different lately."

"Different?"

"Oh, no, not bad different. Good different, really good different. You seem to have an extra bounce in your step. It's just, you haven't told me why. So, I'm thinkin, somewhere along the lines of . . . Spike?"

Buffy took in a deep breath. "You too huh?"

"What?"

"Dawn mentioned this to me earlier. Not even a few hours ago. Got a little awkward."

"Oh, well Buffy, if you don't wanna talk about it-"

"No, " Buffy knew that she needed to talk and get her relationship out in the open, at least to the people she was living with. She wanted to talk about it too. After she had seen how happy Dawn was for her, she sort of wanted her friends to know. "go ahead. Ask away."

It was silent for a while. She figured Willow didn't exactly know what to say. Her and Spike together was enough for her to handle. She didn't want Willow to leave her. She didn't want Willow to shut her out. She felt tears forming in her eyes, she couldn't help it.

"Don't shut me out Willow." Buffy pleaded.

"Oh, Buffy no! I wouldn't do that." Willow moved closer to Buffy.

"I can't stand the thought of you not being here." Buffy looked up at Willow who was staring at her with sympathetic eyes. Buffy placed her head on Willow's lap, almost sobbing.

"And you don't have to think about that Buffy. I would never leave you. Why would you even think that?" Willow asked

"Because, I-it's Spike." Buffy sounded confused.

"Yes, it is. Spike, the man who loves you more than anything in the world. The man who took care of your sister when you were, you know, gone. The man who hangs around with your friends even though he does not like them. The man who has saved your life on numerous occasions." Willow was trying to convince Buffy that it was ok to be with Spike.

"Yes, but he is also the monster that has tried to kill me on numerous occasions."

"Buffy, that was all in the past. He has changed so much since then. He cares so much for Dawn, it is more than obvious. He, uh, he has also come around when you weren't here, and he was more than kind. Buffy, he is not the same person. I could never blame you for loving him, and I sure as hell would never leave you for it."

"Loving him?"

"Oh Buffy, I didn't know. I - I wasn't sure. Do you love him?"

"Willow, I- I don't know. I can't figure it out. I have all these feelings stirring inside me, and it is so hard. Everytime I have loved someone, or thought I did, I always wound up loosing them. Angel, Riley, even Parker left, I wouldn't be able to stand it if Spike left me, Willow. I don't know what I would do. I can't even figure it out now. I shouldn't love him, but- "

"I know it is hard Buffy, believe me, I've been there. You just have to follow your heart. Don't think so much about it, just go with it. When your heart know it's right, then you'll know. If you two are meant to be, you'll be. That's why Angel, Riley, and even Parker never worked. It wasn't mean to be. Look at me," Willow took Buffy's face in her hands and looked her right in her eyes, "follow your heart."

Buffy smiled. "You're right, Will. Thank you so much. You helped me realize that I . . . I love Spike." Buffy smiled at the thought.

"Oh Buffy," Willow smiled, "good."

The two hugged for a while, until Buffy knew she had to go.

"Okay, I need to go. I'll be back later. Willow . . . " Buffy turned to face Willow before leaving the house, " . . . thank you."

Willow only smiled and nodded her head, then Buffy left.

*****

Spike stood alone in the cemetery waiting for Buffy, as usual. He had time, though, to think about his relationship with her, whatever their relationship was. He couldn't keep waiting for her to realize her feelings for him. This game was getting to tiring for him. He needed an answer.

Buffy came running up to Spike out of breath. "Vamp gang about a block back. Dusted three one got away."

"Chase after him did you?" Spike asked.

"Nah. Figured he'd show up here sometime soon."

"Ah, got ya." Spike told Buffy.

Spike watched as Buffy slowly walked towards him. She had a certain happiness about her, a sort of sparkle in her eyes.

"How's your head?" Buffy asked, placing her hands gently on the back of Spike's head, brushing his hair lightly.

"Better, now." Spike smiled at her.

Buffy looked up in Spike's eyes, they were so soft and full of love. She knew her eyes showed the same. She stared at him for a few seconds, tracing over every inch of his face with her eyes. She held his face in her hands and kissed him passionately. He held her at the waist, picking her up slightly. She wrapped her legs around his waist and smiled.

Spike smiled and laughed a bit at the sight of his rambunctious Buffy.

"There's something different about you tonight Slayer." Spike told her, wearing a smile on his face.

"Oh yeah? Care to fill me in?" Buffy asked.

"You just seem, happier. Your eyes, they're . . . indescribable. Your full of some raw emotion, I just can't put my finger on it, Slayer." Spike honestly told her. He couldn't tell if she was just really happy, or really drunk.

Buffy loosened her grip from Spike, and put her legs back on the ground. She looked up at him; her eyes locked on his never ending soft blue ones. She held his face softly.

"Maybe it's love." Buffy smiled at Spike, who's expression changed to one of surprise and excitement.

"What?" He asked, dazed.

"Spike, I need to tell you, duck." Buffy shoved Spike's head down as a vamp swung at her. She dodged the punch, returning one of her own. Spike got up and kicked the vamp almost across the cemetery.

"Spike!" Buffy threw a stake at him. Spike went to stake the vamp, but missed. The vamp shoved Spike out of the way into a large tombstone. Buffy ran up behind him, kicking him, sending him tumbling to the ground. She seized her stake from the ground and dusted the vamp.

She ran over to Spike who was curled up next to a tombstone. She took his hand in hers, and slightly stroked his head.

"You okay?" Buffy asked.

"Oh, better than ever, luv." He looked up at Buffy and smiled. She smiled back, warm and tender. He didn't know if what she had said, about love, if it was true. He didn't know if she was proclaiming her love for him, and he wanted to find out. But at the same time, he didn't want to push the subject.

*****

Buffy opened the door to his crypt and helped him in. They sat down together, quietly. There was a strong tension in the room. Spike wanted so bad to talk to her, ask her what she was feeling, but at the same time, he wanted to just let it be. He looked over at her. She was looking up at him, her eyes full of . . . love? He saw it in her eyes, then and there, she loved him. He smiled, leaned forward and brushed her lips, soft at first, but she pulled him into a passionate kiss. Spike shifted gently, moving his hands throughout her hair, brushing her cheek slightly with his fingernails. They parted after minutes, Buffy panting.

"Spike, I need to tell you . . . I, I-"

"I know." Spike whispered to her, "I can see it in your eyes, luv." Spike smiled. She kissed him gently. Spike laid her down on his bed, his body moving on top of hers. Buffy smiled and looked up at him, his deep, blue eyes made her shiver. They kissed, this time with a fiery passion. More passions then they had ever felt before, their true feelings being expressed. Buffy didn't want to open her eyes, for fear that when she did, he would be gone, and that his would all be a dream. Spike parted their lips, a wave of nervousness rushed through her. She felt her whole body become weak. She looked up at Spike whose face was serious yet soft, and smiled.

Buffy slid off his duster, sending a slight wave of heat over his body as her fingers brushed his upper arms. He looked at her gently, feeling the corners of his mouth turn into a grin. He was finally with the woman that he loved, the one he had been waiting for all his life, and he knew she felt the same way. He moved and slowly began to unbutton her shirt.

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed as Spike's cold fingers ran down her chest. He was so full of love for her and she could feel it. She closed her eyes, ready for what was about to happen. She was needed for it to happen, she wanted it to happen. She grabbed Spike's neck and pulled him down towards her. She kissed his ear and whispered.

"I love you . . . "

*****

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