Days Like This Keep Me Warm
Disclaimer I don't own any of the characters from Buffy, Joss Whedon and his
good friends do.
Rated: NC-17 for acts of sex and strong language.
Genre: Romance / AU
Characters: Buffy and Spike and some of the others pop up.
Feedback: Yes please, makes a girl feel wanted at outforawalkbitchuk@yahoo.com,
really reviews boost my confidence and criticism helps me improve my work.
Summary: Buffy is a homeless girl who hopelessly follows William around the
streets of a British seaside town, he doesn't realise this though because the
poor man is blind….much Spuffiness [AU]
Authors Note: I will admit that the basic premise if taken from the Charlie
Chaplin movie City Lights in which a blind girl falls for a homeless man, only
I've swapped the genders and the setting and well most other things.. This is a
Spuffy fic because I can't help but love Buffy and Spike, oh Joss Whedon please
somehow make them get together in Angel, pretty please?
One final thing, // means it’s a character's thought. Hope you enjoy. Luv
Louise.
Chapter One: Trying So Hard Just To Speak To You
It was the only thing that kept her going. The rain never seemed to stop in this
town, she had come to realise over the years that the weather in Britain lived
up to its reputation, rain, rain and more rain. She could do without it; her old
umbrella wouldn't survive in the windy conditions and her already her tattered
clothes were soaked through. But she persisted in what she was doing because
like she said, it was the only thing that kept her going.
She waited a few metres away from him as he lingered at the side of the
pavement, his guide dog preparing to lead the way when it was safe, an umbrella
in his free hand sheltered him from the rain. She always worried about him when
he walked around town at the weekends, it always got busy and shoppers didn't
care about getting in people's way and the roads, too many cars that could hurt
him. Only through her own willpower did she stop herself from going over to him
and helping him to the other side of the road. She didn't want to ruin his
clothes, stink them out with her pungent smell, she didn't want to frighten him
by suddenly taking his arm, she didn't want to know what he was really like
because living in a dreamland was so much easier.
He crossed successfully and she breathed a sigh of relief as he continued
walking, stepping into a record shop, smiling. //Yeah he always smiled, he is
happy even though he can't see the world, maybe that's why his happy, not having
to see the reality// she went to follow, she needed to see her William.
How this little obsession had started was like most things by chance. The
problem with this town was that it had no shelters for the homeless, they had to
hide in the doorways of shops at night but during the day they gathered on the
promenade and sat on the benches. Most of the others drank their day away but
Buffy preferred to keep her wits about her, especially if the police turned up,
as they often did, then she could run away quickly and find somewhere safer.
The day she met him though, she had been on her own, she wouldn't call the
others her friends, merely people she stayed with because being in a group at
least gave her a chance to sleep whilst they kept guard. It was worse when she
was alone, she never had a chance to sleep, to dream, to remember her old life
and wonder if she would ever get it back. She guessed what she had done was bad,
well she knew it was. Three years in prison told her this and the fact that her
mother and sister hardly visited proved the point she known ever since she was a
child, Buffy summers was no one special, Buffy Summers is a failure, Buffy
Summer is an embarrassment to her family. Yeah that what she was, and she didn't
want to force herself on her mum, Joyce Summers had made something of her life
and Dawn was busy at school, she had exams coming up, a chance to go to
university.
On her own, sitting on a bench, trying to make a single bar of chocolate last
forever, it for once hadn't been raining, she had been watching the students who
dominated the town having fun on the pebbled beach, as they lapped up the rare
sun and played football, not caring about their studies because being a student
to most of them meant being lazy. Sitting alone, aware that her peace could be
shattered any moment, Buffy had been reading the local paper she had found in
the gutter. She knew she needed a job, but //Hey if it was that easy, why I am
living on the streets? // she had thought to herself. She understood she made
her life worse by living in a place that didn't have many jobs going and if they
did they even went to the students or the locals who could speak bilingually,
why had she chose Wales again? Buffy often asked that question and she had been
just before she set eyes on him, and she knew the answer, she wanted to stay
away from her family, stay away from the consequences of the mistake she made,
she couldn't be in London, it reminded her too much of things, of him, of the
stupid things she done out of a supposed love.
Then the sight of a golden Labrador had broken her melancholy, she loved
animals, but unlike the other people she 'hanged' with she thought it was cruel
to keep a pet if you couldn't look after it. However, she had immediately
realised the dog wasn't a stray because it had fluorescent strips across its
back, forming a type of lead, it was a guide dog. It's owner had sat down next
to Buffy and she couldn't stop herself from staring, it must have been the
cheekbones that done it from her, no really it was the azure eyes, how they
stared into nothingness.
"It’s rude to stare" he had replied not turning to her as his dog sat down in
front of him. Buffy had known she should've left then, because he was right it
was rude and just because he was blind didn't mean she had a right to ogle at
him all day but his accent drew attention to itself. It was a London one, but
mixed with an hint of Welsh that made his words ingrain in her mind and made her
painfully aware of her own voice, she was mixed with a southern England accent,
where she was born, a Californian one where she spent ten years of her life and
now like him a dash of Welsh.
"Sorry" she had muttered and had risen from her seat quickly, soon he would be
able to smell the fact that she never showered and that she had worn her clothes
for months now, from this moment on she knew she was beneath him. he didn't
dress like he had much money himself, but his jeans and faded The Clash t-shirt
was at least clean and he wore a blazer jacket, that made him look somewhat
smart.
Also from that moment she had become fixated, she had left his side but watched
from a distance over these last weeks, she would admit her actions verged on
being a stalker but she would never really approach him again and would never
expect anything from this, she just like to watch. By following him around she
had found out little things about him, he was well liked for one, he was always
being stopped by people, shouting his name, asking how he was, how his dog
Strummer was. And she knew he liked punk music, his t-shirt included The Clash,
The Sex Pistols, The Undertones, The Ramones, Sham 69. She also knew where he
lived, above the record shop he just walked into.
"I am such a stalker" she muttered downheartedly, she leaned against a lamppost
watching him through the window, talking to the owner //I'm being cruel to him,
he can't see me and I'm just perving at him//. She lowered he head in shame, she
spent more time following him than looking for a job not that having a criminal
record helped and //why would anyone employ an homeless girl? //
She pondered this briefly but as always she went back to looking across the road
at him, cursing every car that went past and blocked her view. She knew that the
owner of the shop behind her was watching her, any second now he would come out
and tell her to fuck off, so before he had a chance she quickly crossed the road
and lingered outside the record shop. He was still in there, his dog enjoying
the attention of one of the girls who worked there and William laughing at the
jokes of the man behind the counter, who she think was called Rupert Giles.
//I need to get closer// she decided and took the brave step of walking up to
the door, placing her hand on the handle she stared at the notices. Most of them
were flyers for gigs or singles and albums coming out but she noticed one
underneath the 'no food or drink allowed in this stop' sign. It read
'Shop assistant required, experience not essential but love of independent music
is, enquire within'
For a brief moment Buffy seriously considered applying for it, she didn't have
experience and she loved music, it would be ideal, //shame I spent three years
behind bars// she pushed the stupid notion away from her thoughts be still
decided to go in and browse at the music, just so she could listen to his voice
and catch glimpses of his body and stay away from the rain.
******
"I hope your not giving Strummer any chocolate Willow, its bad from him love"
William joked as his female friend stroked and patted the animal, making baby
noises and fussing over it.
"But he likes chocolate don't you Strummer" she spoke like a child, causing
Rupert to nod his head in disbelief.
"I think the pressure of being a third year has gotten to her" Rupert remarked
turning his attention back to William who handed him a pile of LPs "I swear
pretty soon you will be having to use this place to store your records"
"Its not too cramped up there" William pointed upwards and smiled "You shouldn't
encourage me with all these rarities, if the ceiling caves in I'm putting
responsibility on you"
"Always the same William" Rupert sighed and went out into the back to find the
records that his customer and friend wanted "Are you joining us tonight?"
"What's happening tonight?" He asked, he sensed Willow get off the floor and she
reached for his spare hand, to show him where she stood, making him relax.
"Tara's playing The Bay, she's headlining it" Willow enthused
"I'm definitely there pet" William grinned swinging Willow's hand in his.
"Are you sure? I know you can't take dogs in there" Rupert stated sombrely, he
didn't like to bring the issue of his friend's blindness up but sometimes it
couldn't be avoided.
"I'll be fine, you two will look after me right?" William answered "And I can't
miss a chance of hearing Tara's beautiful voice, you must be a lucky girl
Willow"
"I am, and one who should be doing research for my essay" Willow sighed
releasing her hand from the blond hair man and searching for her coat that laid
behind the counter as Giles came back from storeroom.
"You’re an unnatural student you know, actually doing your work" Giles teased
ringing up the cash register
William turned around as the door opened and the bell above it rang, he wondered
who it was, but seeing as neither Rupert nor Willow had acknowledged them, he
figured it wasn't anyone he knew. It frustrated him though because it meant he
rarely got a chance to met new people away from his circle of friends. If he
couldn't see what they looked like or even tell where they were properly, it
made his life difficult, it made it lonely sometimes but he knew he should be
grateful for many things and his friends were one of them.
"Is Tara going to play any of her own songs tonight?" William enquired, he
reached for his wallet in the back of his jeans and handed it to Rupert. He
trusted him completely with his money, he knew he wouldn't take more than the
records cost. William did it because the condition he was in happened only
recently and he found it difficult to deal with at times, so everyone who was
willing to help he was grateful for.
"You know she won't, she's not confident enough, I've tried speaking to her but"
Willow nodded her head, gathering her bag up from behind the counter.
"I get it, I do, she could sing the national anthem backwards and I be happy
love" William assured her
"There you go William" Rupert stated handing his wallet back and giving him his
bag,
"Cheers" He replied fumbling to put his money away and to hold his bag.
Willow was ready to leave now and went up to her friend hugging him gently "You
better not be getting a thing for my girlfriend William"
"She's safe with me and you know it" He laughed releasing her from the embrace
as she waved Rupert off.
*******
"Erm excuse me Miss but are you planning on buying anything?" Rupert went over
to the woman who had walked into his shop a few minutes ago, she had been
loitering around the vinyl collection but didn't seem too interested in the
music, her clothes were dripping on the floor, where she had taken her sweat top
off and was holding it in her hand.
Buffy froze in her spot she had been perfectly happy listening to their
conversations, grinning to herself at how sweet he sounded and feeling relieved
when this Willow turned out to be a lesbian. Now, however, she was busted and
would have to leave and her day would be ruined.
"Yeah, erm, I was wondering about the vacancy" She found herself say and really
she should be scolding herself for being so stupid but she wasn't. Every second
she had been in this shop she had become increasingly drawn to William and the
chance to work in a place that he liked to hang out in, to have a minimal
opportunity to speak to him, maybe become his friend, oh Buffy would lie as much
as she needed to, she had to get this job, she needed him by her side. She
walked over to the counter with Mr Giles, she was inches away from him, his dog
had started sniffing her jeans and William reached out to find out who was
there.
"I wouldn't work from him love, he treat you like a slave" William teased,
resting his hand on her shoulder, she was definitely a lot shorter than he was,
but he removed his presence from her because he felt a little rude if he had
gone on to touch her face to try and figure out what she looked like.
"Don't pay attention to him, William has nothing better to do all day than to
drive away my customers" Rupert retorted, he had started looking under the
counter for application forms.
"His lying, he loves me really" William stated laughing to himself.
Buffy watched the little exchange between the two, her heart had almost jumped
out of her chest when he had touched her, she was worried he pulled away because
he could smell her. She tried to stay calm as she continued her lie "Oh, yeah
the job, I don't have any experience, I'm just"
"A student, yes I can tell, the grungey look back in fashion then?" Rupert
observed, well its not like he hadn't dealt with people who dressed a lot worse
"I'm just going out back see if I can find a form for you"
"Sure" Buffy tried to sound enthusiastic, she had no idea what she would put on
that form, apart from lie after lie. She leaned herself against the counter, in
theory she could pinch some of the records that laid there, sell them, make some
money, but she didn't want to, just gazing at him was enough, seeing him face to
face made her existence. Today he wasn't wearing his jacket, just a black
t-shirt and she could see the muscles on his upper arms and briefly she gawped
at his lower-body, //He should be made illegal for wearing those jeans, talk
about..// She was interrupted by his question.
"What do you do at the university?" William questioned, he thought he be polite
to this girl, especially if she ended up working here, he was trying to get a
sense of what she was like.
"History and English" Came her response, thinking of the two subjects she
would've liked to have done if she ever had the opportunity to really go to
university and not just in her phoney world she was creating,
"Really, that's what I did here, does Professor Jones still teach creative
writing?" William smiled brightly at her, remembering his love of university and
how he wished some day he could carry on his passion for writing.
"Sure, yeah" Buffy nodded, realising afterwards that he wouldn't be able to see
her actions, she only agreed with him because she was acting on instinct, on a
need not to screw this up, William was smiling //He is perfection// she decided,
so much of her craved to touch his face, too run her fingers down his
cheekbones, to do so much more to him, she hadn't felt this way for at least
four years and it made her panic, last time she was in love it almost destroyed
her, it led to way she went to prison, why she was homeless now, but also why
she was staring at William, feeling like she loved him. //Don't be so stupid,
you don't even know him//
"Tell him William said hi, he is a great bloke" William replied, he really
should think about visiting his old department again, studying in this town was
the best years of his life, made him forget about the shit that happened later
on, his accident, his ex girlfriend, the depression that followed.
"Yeah sure" Buffy answered, the one thing about him being blind was that he
wouldn't be able to see her blush and act awkward like she did in front of men.
"Don’t say much do you pet?" William commented, she was almost as shy as Tara
was but at least his friend came into her own when she sang. He was used to
mostly chatty types like Anya or Alexander who forever made jokes.
Buffy was saved from her inability to form sentences by the emergence of Mr
Giles from the storage room, handing her a piece of paper “I'm not big on
application forms but got to have some kind of system"
"Thank you" Buffy said softly, she briefly scanned the form and panicked,
//Qualifications, work experience, how about none, I am so fucked//
"Also I would like to see a copy of your CV and two references" Rupert
continued, he wasn't too sure about the girl, she seemed a little frightened and
he was certain she was the cause of a unpleasant odour he could smell, even her
or Strummer but he could see that William had taken a bit of a shine to her, and
he would give her a chance at least.
"Of course" Buffy responded holding the document firmly in her hands //Great
this is getting worse, references? No way, I'm going to have to lie, I need this
job//
"Don't frighten the poor girl away, I can't even see her and I bet she's
shaking" William reached out and touched her arm, she was shivering against him
"In fact she is, don't worry he likes to cover all his bases"
"I see" Buffy spoke more confidently this time; especially as he hadn't removed
his hand from her yet and he was making her kinda feel special. And to think she
had resided herself to never having contact with him, to stalking him forever
and imaging what he was like. She didn't need to anymore; he was like her
idealised version of him was like, sweet, funny, kind, what else would she need
from him? His blindness never bothered her, because in a way it made it easier
for her, he didn't have to see how shabby she looked, or how she watched him all
the time, though from their first meeting she presumed he could tell when people
stared for too long.
"As long as you can tell him who recorded Blank Generation and what year
originally came out he will be happy" William continued, he stroked her arm
slightly, smoothing the skin of its goose pimples and decided he would have to
ask Rupert what she looked liked later on, it was driving him mad, before he
went blind he used to study every little detail of girl, just so he would always
remembered what they looked like if he never saw them again, he never thought
about the irony of that until now //Really won't see them again, quite bloody
literally//
Buffy thought about her answer for a few seconds "Richard Hell and The Voidoids,
in 1976, re-released in 1977" she said confidently.
"Impressive" William nodded and let go off her, sensing she would want to leave
soon.
"Still, when you've filled them out come in and I arrange an interview" Rupert
directed his question to the young woman.
"Thank you Mr Giles" Buffy was grateful to the man for giving her a chance, even
if she would be dishonest to him later on.
"It’s Rupert pet and I'm William Johnstone" He introduced himself, finding her
hand and shaking it.
"Buffy Summers" She declared and took it as her cue to leave, she moved away and
went to the door, beaming at her encounter with him, trying to block out how she
had no chance off getting the position “See ya"
Rupert waited for Buffy to leave the shop before speaking to William "She's a
bit strange that one"
"I think she was fine, she knew her punk, she has my approval" William praised,
he decided to keep his questioning of what she looked like until later on, maybe
after Giles had drank a little alcohol, otherwise he would get suspect at why
William wanted to know. In all honesty he wasn't sure why he was being so
secretive about it //Okay I know why, first new person I've met for ages, first
girl who didn't say anything about my blindness//
"Did you erm notice anything about her, like the smell?" Rupert asked
cautiously, not wishing to come across as rude or anything.
"Ey?" William frowned "I have a cold mate, can't smell a bleeding thing, now do
me a favour and help me up the stairs, I have an afternoon of listening to my
records to do"
*****
Buffy left the shop and wandered down Terrace Road back towards the Promenade,
she would need the help of the others in helping her cheat her way into this
job. It took her a few moments to notice that it wasn't raining anymore //looks
like my day has just got better//
TBC>>>
Chapter Two: Try To Sit Down A Therapy
"I can't believe that life's so complex. When I Just wanna sit here and watch
you undress. I can't believe that life's so complex. When I Just wanna sit here
and watch you undress. This is love this is love that I'm feeling. This is love
this is love that I'm feeling. This is love, love, love, love that I'm feeling"
The lyrics of the song by P. J Harvey filtered though the cramped, muggy venue
that William resided in, listening attentively to Tara's singing, as he sat near
to the small stage with his group of close-knit friends. The biggest problem
about that night, apart from the fact that Strummer wasn't allowed to accompany
him to the gig was the sense of claustrophobia William was suffering from.
It was a condition he had required at the same time that he had become
'inflicted' by his blindness. He hated seeing it as an infliction, but truly at
times it was, an unwanted disease he couldn't get rid off no matter how much he
tried, maybe, just maybe according to the doctors and specialists he saw William
might one day regain his sight but as the months dragged on, he had lost any
hope of that. So yes his claustrophobia and blindness were both a result of his
little time spent in his own personal hell, in his complete and utter nightmare.
He couldn't help but think about it every night, he relieved how he fell to the
ground, that the last face he would ever see was her as she smiled and walked
away, leaving him alone in his world that was turning black, alone and half
dead. When he had finally awoken his universe was black, devoid of images other
than his memories.
Ever since then, his time in that dark corridor had brought with it anxiety and
an irrational fear that overtook him, made his palms become clammy, his
breathing to accelerate and his mind to spin, whenever he spent too much time in
a crowded place. Yet he didn't want to leave just yet, even if the symptoms of
his fear had begun to build within his body. He couldn't leave because his
friend was still performing and he hated being in his flat, he felt too lonely
at night, when Rupert wasn't in the shop.
//And I still haven't asked him about her// he pondered, he was of course
referring to Buffy, he needed to know what she looked like. To take his mind of
the boredom he felt that afternoon he had been conjuring up all the various
possibilities of what this mysterious girl looked like, every little detail. He
liked the fact that she hadn't said the usual line like 'I'm so sorry about your
illness' or fused over him like her was baby or completely incapable of looking
after himself.
//For all I know she could've been pitying me, thinking how sad my life must be,
fuck knows what the bleeding hell she thinks of me, she probably has no opinion
at all, after all we only met once for all but a few minutes. But she let me
touch her, would've let me to feel her face, try and work out if behind her soft
voice is a beautiful woman. Shit I have to stop with this, obsessing over every
girl who ever speaks to me// He shook his head, realising that Tara had finished
her set and he was automatically clapping her performance.
He knew he shouldn't be thinking about Buffy or any other woman, it was playing
with fire, he would get burnt and if his track record with Ms Backstabber was
anything to go by he would end up injured //Take my ability to hear away as well
as see, or maybe they will paralyse me, if I ask nicely/
William was bitter at times, but he often hid his anger for his ex girlfriend
from his true friends and instead created a false persona that made everyone
think that William Johnstone was happy and full of live, forever joking. Yet he
was more like that painting The Sad Clown, smiling on the outside, crying on the
inside. People believe that the inevitable depression that he suffered from
after his 'accident' //Not really an accident, seeing as she fucking set me up//
had only been brief and that he had recovered from both his deteriorating mental
and physical health pretty quickly, all things considered. However, it had
turned out his friends had been wrong, even if they hadn't realised it and still
didn't, two years later. William hadn't recovered at all, he hadn't dealt with
his blindness very well nor had he coped with the circumstances that led to him
losing his sight in the first place. He had been betrayed by someone he loved,
who he had been loyal to and the price of his devotion to her had been a deep
betrayal that was still being felt by William two years since the event.
Thinking about all this shit had turned William's mood from joyful to completely
devoid of any hope. He didn't want to know what this Buffy looked like, she
would only screw him over, he would do himself a big favour if he kept away from
her //Like she would want to be with me anyway, no one wants a bloody handicap
miserable git like me for a boyfriend // Nope he wouldn't bother asking Rupert
nor Willow about her appearance, he instead asked Alexander who was also at his
table to get him a strong whiskey, getting merry was the only way he would be
able to keep his charade up.
****
Even though it was heading towards midnight, she was still sat on the promenade,
Buffy hadn't bothered to find somewhere warmer and safer yet, she was suffering
from a serious conflict of emotions. She was still kinda high from meeting
William face to face, and kept closing her eyes remembering how he touched her
arm and how she wanted so much more and he was just so sweet and perfection was
the only word she though could describe him. She could've spent the whole day
letting her mind wander at what she wanted to do to him, how she wanted to
caress him all over, to show him she wasn't afraid or put of by his blindness,
her mind conjured up images of kissing him or manoeuvring his hands across her
own lithe body. If she could've spent all day thinking of him she would've had.
Yet, as always her life was conflicted, because she had been filling out her
application from for the job she wanted so desperately, it was the only way she
had chance of possibly acting out her fantasies and desires with William. She
knew it was a minuscule chance but sometimes the impossible is the only thing
that keeps people going, gives them hope and her hope was that she would get to
be with him. She had to get the job first and that required lying big time, her
companions hadn't helped very much, other than one of them Maria finding a pen
for her. It was up to Buffy to make up the lies she needed, the rest of them
didn't care one way or the other if she secured a job, their hope had faded a
long time go, they lived on autopilot, just drank, found food and survived.
Buffy had tried her best to tell some truths in her application form, after all
she had passed some exams and she had gone to school to do this. Conveniently
though she hadn't put down the fact that the time between being 18 and 21 had
been spent in prison, instead of travelling around Europe and staring university
as she had written down. Also she had forgotten to mention that her address was
any shop door in this town and suddenly she lived in the Student Village that
the university owned and studied History and English. At first Buffy had felt
bad at lying, it wasn't fair on Rupert Giles or William, but then what was she
meant to do? She had paid for her crimes, for the chaos she had caused and if no
one was going to give her job with her criminal record how was she ever going to
help herself out of her situation? She was one of those people who had slipped
though the net, forgotten about by social services and the benefits agencies,
couldn't go back to her family and as for him, no she couldn't think about the
man she did the crazy things for //He has gone, I loved him but his gone and its
my fault and its his fault and I can't bring him back//
She slumped in her seat, resting her head in her hands and sighing deeply //I
shouldn't be doing this, trying to get William, I don't have the right to forget
about him, Angel would've died for me, he could be watching me now and thinking
I've forgotten about him// She looked upwards, secretively believing that if
their was an afterlife that no matter how noble and kind Angel was he wouldn't
be in heaven, they had both been shoplifters, joy-riders, almost murderers.
Still she looked towards the night sky
"You will always be my first, but William I can't help how I feel about him.
Help me be happy Angel, I don't deserve this, I need to prove that I'm not a
failure, you always told me one day we would be happy but you left me, you died
and I'm alone, don't be angry at me for loving someone else" Buffy mumbled
rubbing her eyes, feeling hot salty tears cascade down her grubby face, she
sniffled helplessly, speaking to herself wouldn't change anything but even after
four years of not being with her only boyfriend she missed him at times and
wanted his approval somehow //even though I will never get to be with William
either, I'm only betraying you Angel in my mind, I can never have someone ever
again//
"Hey girl you been talking to yourself again?" A familiar figure approached her
and sat down offering her a swig of his vodka "You get a reputation like the
rest of us"
"I'm fine" Buffy declined the offer of alcohol and turned to the man, he was one
of the nicer of group she was with, Edward, usually let her get on with her own
thing, didn't ask where she went all day //He would tell me to stop stalking
William before the police come after me if he knew//
"What you been doing all night? He asked laying down on the bench, trying to get
himself comfortable
"Nothing" Buffy stated, wiping her eyes on her top, Edward was sweet enough but
he was too out of it to notice she was upset and wanted to be left alone, Buffy
got up to go, she wanted to walk around, clear her head, look at those who
wandered the town with their happy lives, so she could imagine what it would
like to have that happiness and create images of being with William, everything
boiled down to him. However, she could tell she was going to be stopped from
doing what she wanted because the rest of the 'gang' had turned up, stumbling
around, making a racket and Buffy resigned herself to sitting with them for the
rest of the night.
About ten minutes had past since their arrival and Buffy was trying to slip away
from the group without being noticed, but oh no they all wanted to talk and mock
Buffy for seriously thinking she would have a chance of getting a job. //Why do
I even stay with these guys, they don't give a shit about my feelings// she
sulked to herself as Tim continued his little rant.
"Sorry love but why try to better yourself?" Tim asked rhetorically, not giving
a Buffy a chance to respond "None of those bastards will give you a chance, even
if you lied on that, application form thing, they will take one look at you and
know your homeless"
"But they gave me a chance" Buffy croaked, she felt like a small child being
told off by a teacher for thinking she could be an astronaut or something, Tim
was basically telling her not to bother with escaping the nightmare she was in,
like at the age of 22 she should give up and fade away into a life of alcoholism
and freezing to death on the streets like the rest of them. She didn't want to
accept that fate, she couldn't, she had paid for her wrong doings, she had to
prove herself, she had to one day being able to face her mum and sister and make
them proud. //I need to be with William, I need to get this job to be with him,
I can't give up, I can't, life isn't fair but it doesn't mean you can't change
that//
"Just being fake my girl, they will give it to some lazy rich student, whose
daddy pays for everything anyway" Tim complained some of his friends nodded in
agreement as he sat down
"Tim don't be so harsh on the girl" Edward warned "People are allowed to have
their dreams" he turned to Buffy smiling.
"You have to be realistic" Tim rambled on again, and Buffy stared off in front
of her, watching the empty promenade, the two main bars on the seafront didn't
close until 2am, so if she left now she would avoid the barrage of students who
liked to tease her and were usually higher than her current group of tormenters
were.
She got up and reached for her rucksack, that contained a few clothes and the
all important application form, she hadn't figured out what she was going to do
about not having a CV yet but on Monday she would go to the shop again and see
if she could arrange an interview, she wasn't giving up just yet.
"Look Buffy don't leave on account of Tim being his usual thoughtless self"
Edward tried to appease, causing Buffy to look back to him.
"I have things to do, night" she responded, walking backwards for a few metres,
just as she went to turn back around she heard the group burst out laughing and
point towards her //no behind me//
"Woah, send us a postcard card next time mate, have a nice trip" Owen shouted,
laughing harder.
Buffy frowned until she looked towards the road again, her heart stopped for a
few seconds, she recognised the blond hair and the black denim jacket of the man
who had fallen flat down on his face in the middle of the pavement. Immediately
she darted over to him.
"Oi Buffy see if he has any money on him, we can spilt it" Tim ordered, rising
from the bench.
She glowered at them "Fuck you! None of you are getting near him" she declared
continuing her run across the road and towards the figure of William who was
trying to get himself of the pavement but severely struggling.
"William, William" she shrieked as she made it to his side and bent down taking
his arms and helping him rest on his knees "William are you alright?"
*****
He had decided to leave early, because it had become to packed and hot, he
didn't want to bother his friends, who already did too much for him and so had
assured them he would be okay and that he would get a taxi home. He hadn't
intended on getting one though because he knew the streets like the back on his
hand, he had spent three years at university here, when he had perfectly good
sight, he may not have Strummer but his white stick would do the trick.
In all honesty William had began to show his miserable and dejected side, the
alcohol hadn't helped lift his mood and he could tell that Anya in particular
had noticed //she's perceptive that one//. He hadn't wanted to ruin the good
mood everyone else was in, especially Tara who was revealing in the high of just
performing. So he had left and started to walk down the seafront, deciding to
avoid the risk of falling onto the beach but staying on the other side of the
promenade.
What had happened though wasn't a clearing of his head, like he hoped would
occur, despite being outside his claustrophobia and anxiety had decided to peak
now, whilst he was alone in the middle of the night. He knew that thinking of
her, remembering his nightmare wasn't helping and before he could register what
was going on, he had lost his balance on an uneven piece of pavement and he kept
repeating the image of being pushed to the ground of the shouting that had
occurred of seeing her as she walked away, giving him her false concern with her
smile that ingrained in his thoughts.
“Fuck” he cursed feeling increasingly dizzy, extending his stick in an effort to
regain some balance, grabbing out for something to hold onto, he gave into his
situation and crashed onto the cold ground, feeling his face crack.
"William, William" he heard a few moments later, he was unable to move himself
from the position he was in and his self pity washed over him, he truly was a
lost cause //a complete retard//. He felt someone stop in front of him and bend
down, grabbing hold of his arms //oh great being mugged//
"William are you alright?" the voice asked picking him up further and running
her fingers across his face "Its Buffy, Buffy summers, we met before in the
shop, you know the record shop run by Mr Giles, I mean Rupert, you probably
don’t remember me, I'm Buffy, Buffy summers"
She was rambling, speaking incredibly fast because she had no idea what to do,
he had blood trickling from his nose and bits of grit on his skin and she wanted
simply to hug him and tell him he would be alright. She briefly looked over to
where she had previously been sitting, she had ordered none of them had come
over to attempt to steal his wallet and, though they mocked Buffy no idea, they
knew she was strong and would start a fight with them, she had done in the past,
she wouldn’t let any of them harm him.
"Sssh pet, I remember who you are, good thing you showed up so quickly" William
responded, of all the people to see him make a fool of himself it was her, the
girl he had been thinking about previously that day, the girl he wanted to
desperately find out what she looked like.
"I was just walking home you see and I saw you stumble, what happened, oh god
are you hurt?" Buffy panicked, helping him up and sitting him down on a small
wall.
"Feels like I've broken my nose love, but I can't really tell" William admitted,
he was embarrassed beyond belief by his current predicament //She must think I'm
so clumsy, damn I don't care what she thinks, she will only get me hurt// he
scorned.
"It’s just bleeding, why are you alone?" Buffy reached into her pocket and found
a old crumpled tissue and gently wiped the traces of red substance away as she
knelt down in front of him, her shyness that had cursed her before had been
overtaken by a need to make sure he was okay, that was all that mattered
“Where's your dog?" she almost slipped up and asked where Strummer was, then he
would get suspect about her.
"Gave him the night off" William tried to explain, it was maddening having this
conversation, he still had no idea what she was like, about from obviously
concerned and on top of this he wanted to both continue this exchange and make
her go away, he felt it hard to trust her but impossible to ask her to leave.
"I don’t get it" Buffy frowned, she turned around and picked up his white
guiding stick, thankfully it wasn't broken, but she didn't understand why he
would use one of these, instead of an guide dog //Does he want to get himself
injured? // She considered.
"Doesn't matter, look I'm fine, I'll be on my way" William pulled himself up,
trying to sense what direction to go in now.
"Erm are you sure, I mean I could…" Buffy paused, how could she put her question
to him without sounding like she wanted to jump on him and devour him whole with
kisses, she needed to sound concerned not obsessed and in a way she was both,
she gently brought his arm on hers.
"What, phone for an ambulance? I'm not on the critical list, I can look after
myself" William snapped pulling his arm away //I do not need to be molly
collided; I can't trust anyone other than my true friends right? //
"I'm sure you can, I," She hesitated, she had turned bright red at being in his
company but wanted to help him so much it would kill her if he rejected her
offer "William this sounds weird shall I walk you home? I know you can look
after yourself but I will worry all night"
William stopped himself from walking away, he was shocked by her declaration,
why would she worry about him, they didn't even know each other? "You would?""
"Yeah sure, please I don’t think you're like a cripple or anything, I've seen
you around town before, you handle yourself very well, for…”
"Someone who's blind" He finished for her, so she was falling into the
stereotype of 99.9% of people he meant, asking about his blindness but William
had to admit that given the current circumstances it would kinda make sense that
she would say something about it and she hadn't uttered the 'I'm so sorry line'
yet. //There's hope for her//
"Yeah, it can't be easy at times" She didn't try to empathise with him because
she couldn't, she understood what it was like to be different, to have people
stare at you but never could she comprehend what it must be like not to be able
to see. //What if his been blind all his life, he wouldn't be able to know what
anything looked like, God that is so awful//
"It isn't, why are you helping again?" he tried to perk up a little, he had to
attempt to be happy or at be least kind to her, she was after all trying to look
after him.
"Because I would hate for anything bad to happen to you" Buffy tenderly answered
//Because if I lose you, I will give up on my life//
"I didn't know people had consciousness these days; guess I was wrong ey pet?"
William smiled wearily as she gave him his stick back and placed his arm on
hers, starting to walk down the road.
"Where is it you live then?" Buffy asked even though she knew too well, but she
had to make out that she wasn’t his stalker, that she was simply being kind
Buffy with no hidden agendas but //By helping him will he want to become
something more? //
"Above Rupert's shop" He replied and Buffy decided she would take the back roads
rather than have to walk past the others, if they said anything about who she
really was, William would never agree to having her take him home.
"Cool" Buffy smiled to herself as she turned the corner heading away from the
seafront //shit I am going to his place, fuck this day is weird//
"Buffy why were you out alone in the middle of the night?" He queried, he knew
it was just gone midnight, not too late but woman really shouldn't risk being
alone //Every town has it crazies//
"Like I said I was walking home" Buffy told him, she looked towards the sky,
like she had before, hoping he was looking out for her and silently thanking him
for helping her find William that day, that night.
TBC>>>>
Characters: Buffy and Spike and some of the others pop
up.
Feedback: Yes please, makes a girl feel wanted at outforawalkbitchuk@yahoo.com,
really reviews boost my confidence and criticism helps me improve my work. Or
review on the site.
Summary: Buffy is a homeless girl who hopelessly follows William around the
streets of a British seaside town, he doesn't realise this though because the
poor man is blind….much Spuffiness [AU]
Authors Note: I will admit that the basic premise if taken from the Charlie
Chaplin movie City Lights in which a blind girl falls for a homeless man, only
I've swapped the genders and the setting and well most other things.. This is a
Spuffy fic because I can't help but love Buffy and Spike, oh Joss Whedon please
somehow make them get together in Angel, pretty please?
Okay, again thanks for all the wonderful reviews, I've created a website to host
my Buffy fictions, which at the moment stand only at two, its pretty basic, I
don’t have any real web skills but if you wanna check it out visit
www.geocities.com/outforawalkbitch/index. I will, I will get this fiction up on
the Spuffy archives; I just need to get around to emailing a beta.
Chapter Three: I Fell In Love With A Sweet Sensation
This had to be a dream, no way could any of today be really happening //I'm
gonna wake up any moment, realise I still don’t know him, end up still stalking
him, my William// She sighed inwardly as she glanced around his living room,
standing in awe at the copious wealth of records he had. Vinyl, CDs and tapes
were all stacked up on one and other on the shelves that covered the walls.
Buffy scanned the names and recognised most of them as British or American punk
bands //He truly does wish it were the 70s//
"Pet are you going to sit down or not, you putting me off guard by pacing around
all the time" he remarked. He had been sitting for a few moments, trying to
figure out what she was doing, he did feel awaked when he couldn't tell what
someone was up to and Buffy well //she doesn't like to talk much// he conceded.
Their walk home had been fairly quiet, he wanted to ask her questions the usual,
where were you born, family all that but he found it hard to speak to the girl,
even though he couldn't see her, he imagined on their way back to his place that
she wasn't really paying much attention //But why would she? She's just being
helpful, that's all, she will leave any moment, they never want to stay//
"Sorry, erm, shall I get going? Are you settled?" As usual she began to panic,
she should get going, this wasn't her chance to get a warm place for the night,
she had no right to invade his personal space, if anything it made it worse, she
wanted to be with him so much it was making her chest tighten in anguish, she
shouldn't attempt this, she shouldn't bother being his friend. She would always
want more and he would never want that, no there wasn't any point in trying to
get this job //Whoever invented unrequited love should be shot// she considered
but then realised why would anyone invent such a painful thing, no one would
want to be in such heartache over caring for someone, loving someone and never
being able to tell them "Can you like, erm, without sounding patronising, can
you get yourself to bed, or do you need help?"
"And what would you do, undress me?" William retorted raising his eyebrow, he
wished he could see her facial expression, he didn't even know why he said that,
it was pretty provocative and what did he want her to say, yes? //oh shit I
would want her to say yes, fucking hell, why am I flirting with her, I don't
even though what she is like, who she is//
"Erm, I didn’t mean it like that" Buffy blushed //oh shit he does know I've been
following him, oh fucking hell, no, this has to be a nightmare, let me wake up,
please// she begged to herself and stumbled backwards, crashing her back against
the kitchen counter.
"I'm joking love, I'll be fine" William tried to reassure his guest but he could
tell she wanted to leave, he heard her pick her bag up and move towards the door
//I don't want her to go, if she does, she won't come back, I know it and I need
to find out what she's like, who she is//
"Cool, so yeah goodnight you know, have a nice sleep, erm bye" Buffy mumbled,
she was completely disheartened by the last few minutes, she wanted to sleep and
forget about it all, because no matter how much she wished this was a nightmare
she knew it was reality. //All I want to do it make sure his okay, I can't even
get that right//
"Wait, you don’t have to go yet" William pulled himself up, Strummer
automatically followed him as he carefully walked towards where he figured Buffy
to be.
"I don't?" Buffy quizzed and moved closer to him, placing his arm on hers //he
wants me to stay? Why, he should be telling me to leave him in peace, if he knew
what I was like, how I'm nothing he wouldn't want me here//
"Hmm, no go, I don’t want to force you into speaking to me out for some fucked
up sympathy, pity" William shook his head, self loathing gradually built in his
body, working its way through his entire being //I am worthless, she's just
being kind for the sake of it, she wouldn't want someone like me loving her,
every time I'm with someone it messes up, she has a life, she shouldn't bother
with me, I would only hinder her chances of living a normal life. Oh fuck why I
am like this for, thinking about a relationship with a stranger, I must be
lonelier than I know and sore, fuck my face is getting really sore// William
backed away and fumbled to find his seat, when he did sit down he bowed his head
in shame //She must be looking at me disgusted//
"I don’t pity you" Buffy admitted, she really didn't know whether she should sit
down or not, after all his mood kept changing and she found it hard to know when
he was being genuine, she gazed at him as he slumped further into his chair, he
looked tired and drained and his face was swelling up. She decided she had to do
something for him, it was only right and if he didn't want it he could tell her
to fuck off. She turned around and headed to the kitchen "Where do you keep your
first aid kit?" she questioned, placing her bag back down and rummaging through
various draws.
"What?" He frowned, being snapped out of daze, she really was staying //she must
be a saint putting up with me//
"Your face, it's swelling up from where you fell" Buffy explained, all she could
find were various tablets for anxiety and panic attacks and this deepened her
concern for William further //he doesn't deserve this, he is a wonderful person,
why is he hurting? //
"Try the cabinet nearest the fridge" He advised he was still very confused by
this woman, she entered his life only this afternoon and that had been pretty
fleetingly and yet now she was turning into Florence Nightingale, who was this
Buffy Summers? "But pet you don't have to, I didn't ask you to say so you could
become my nurse" //But why did I really ask her to stay, deep down I do want her
to look after me//
"I don't mind" Buffy declared truthfully //If I can just show him I can do
something useful, maybe he could I don't know love me somehow, one day, god I
rather be in his company and never have him then never get to be his friend at
all// She finally found her desired articles in the cupboard William had
directed her to and started picking items up. The smell of the food in the
kitchen began to make her hungry, her stomach growled at her, but even though
she could see plenty of food that she would more than willingly eat she resisted
as strongly as she could //I may lie to him but I'm not stealing from him, he
doesn't deserve that//
Buffy wandered back over to the living room and sat herself down on the coffee
table that resided in front of William and Strummer, she gently tore off stripes
of lint and bathed them in antiseptic lotion before she reached out for his
hands, where he had fallen over, his hands had been gazed and she gently wiped
the grit away, concentrating solely on the job.
"Can I ask a personal question girl?" William winced, whatever she was using was
stinging like crazy but he held back the pain //can't have her thinking I'm a
complete little kid//
"Erm sure" Buffy replied, trying to sound happy, whatever he would ask she was
bound to lie to him, its not like she could really tell him the truth, being in
prison, being homeless were hardly the biggest qualities he would want in a
friend.
"Don't you have a life, friends?" William commented, he found it very odd that
Buffy had been out on the town alone and that she didn't seem to be panicking at
informing her friends where she was at //well it must be well past midnight
now//
"Why do you say that?" Buffy exclaimed a little defensively as she finished
tending to his hands and got up to sit on the edge of his chair //I am so close
to him, so close, god I don’t want this to end//
"Because I don't understand why you didn't flee the moment you helped me into
this place" He conceded, he could sense she was near to him and the self
loathing that had filled his body was giving way to a mixture of intoxicating
excitement and equal fear.
"I, thing is William, I" She stammered nervously, leaning in to wipe his
forehead clean //I could kiss him if I wanted, I could kiss him then run, and at
least I will have that memory to relieve, or I could stay and lie to him again
and again// Before she had a chance to make her decision, William gripped hold
of her hand.
"I get it you think by becoming my friend, by helping me I will put in a word to
Rupert for you, help you get the job!" He yelled, his panicking and fear had
crashed down on him, he didn't want her to be close it would only mess up, she
would only ruin him, betray him, his body was reacting to the anxiety he had
ever since he lost his sight //I can't trust women, I can't, I've never admitted
it before, but its true, I can't//
"No, no, the job isn't important" Buffy tugged her arm away from his grasp
around her and stood herself up, throwing the lint down on his lap, oh she felt
angry at him, she would be so grateful if someone looked after her just once,
like Angel used to //even if we were in so much trouble he took care of me, I
wanted to do the same for William, I wanted it in return// “I just wanted to
look after you, if you don’t want my help tell me to go and I will and I do have
friends and a life, I was trying to be helpful, I could be at home revising for
exams but I'm not" she rose her voice, trying to draw attention to the last bit
//yeah like I have friends and exams, I shouldn't be angry at him seeing as I'm
hardly telling him the truth, I should go, I should, but I really don't want
to//
"Sorry, really I'm sorry, I'm angry at myself, at my life" He tried to explain
his mixed emotions but he didn’t know what to tell her, he had been living in
such a charade with his friends that facing up to his true self, his bitter mind
that threatened to consume him whole at times "I'm just depressed, mood swings,
tonight I took a trip down memory lane and its got be thinking about things I
want to forget but can't"
"Oh, is that why you collapsed, was it like an anxiety attack, I wasn't snooping
around but I saw your medication" Buffy approached the topic carefully, she
didn't want to pry into his life too much //even though I do want to know
everything about him// she decided to sit down again and chose the coffee table,
in case he decided to flip again //not that I blame him//
"I suffer from claustrophobia, shit I can't believe I'm telling you all my
fucking shit" He ran his hands through his hair //she must think I'm a emotional
freak, a physical wreck// “Love I'm sure you have better things to do"
"No I don't tell me, please, I don’t like to see people upset over things that
aren't their fault you know" Buffy carefully placed her hand on his leg in an
effort to comfort him, she felt slightly happy that he was upset because it
meant he was opening up to her, but then this made her feel guilty //I don’t
really want him to be distressed just so I can look after him, that's just
wrong//
"I'm not upset" William affirmed a little too defensively, but he knew he was
and hated how this complete stranger seemed to know him so well, it made him
want to trust her, but unable to //my stupid body, my mind can't get over what
happened before, but I should give Buffy a chance//
"Trust me I know how to cover up trying to cry so others won't see, and how you
smile so everyone thinks your fine and how you feel so sad inside, its not worth
carrying on but you think maybe it will be okay, that it could change, it has to
right" Buffy let her emotions, her experience of depression and pain and
heartache rush out of her mind, she was telling him basically her own
understanding of what its like to blame yourself for stuff " Do you sometimes
feel that everyone else got your share of luck of good fortune that you missed
out?" she questioned.
William nodded in agreement, it was like she was suffering the same torture as
he was, like she was living a lie like he did //none of my friends really
understand what's going on with me, Buffy knows more// "I do actually, I feel
like too much bullshit has happened to me and I can't stop it and what I'm like,
kind and popular, its all a charade pet, I'm more open to you than my friends
and I don't even know you"
"It's like the sad clown" Buffy mused leaning forward and resting her hand in
his "Happy on the outside, sad in the inside"
He nearly opened him mouth in shock at how she seemed to know what he was
feeling "How? That? I mean can you read minds?"
"I wish I could, it would make everything easier" Buffy smiled to herself, she
felt incredibly natural speaking to him, maybe its because she had been
practicing in her mind, imaginary conversations of how she would talk to him if
she ever got the chance "I'm not saying I can relate to you because I'm not you
know blind but you, your so kind and loving and you may have this charade but
its for the good of your friends and William I hope somehow you get over
whatever is making you depressed"
"And you are you the sad clown, living under a charade?" He quizzed, finding
himself entwine his fingers around hers further //okay so maybe I am developing
feelings for her, its not like I haven't fallen for women quickly before, but
then again that ended in disaster, maybe I should back away from this, even
though I don't want to//
"Kinda, I guess we all are, it's getting on" Buffy glanced at the round clock
that adorned the north facing wall, it read 12.50am, she really should be
finding somewhere to sleep, even if she was having the greatest night of her
life speaking with him //it could change in an instant, he could get angry
again, I could slip up, reveal my true life, I should just keep this moment
perfect//
"I should let you go to bed"
William took a deep breath, his idea to back away from Buffy, to make sure she
could never harm him by never letting her get close wasn’t going to work because
he had really felt like he had found someone who could get inside his mind and
understand his confusion, so he ended up blurting out a request "Do you want to
stay the night?"
"Pardon?" Buffy exclaimed, she had just been preparing to get up, she had been
looking at him one last day wondering if she would get to see him again and
//have I heard him right, did he ask me to stay?//
"I guess you live in the student village, it’s a pretty dangerous time of night”
He began to ramble, when he wanted her to stay it wasn’t in the kind of sense
she had probably taken from it, he well //I don’t like being alone, I thought it
be nice if she was around the morning// “Drunk people are around, I wouldn’t
want you getting hurt, its dangerous, you know pet, really dangerous"
"I don’t know, I mean it’s a nice offer but" Buffy hesitated //but well how can
I refuse him// she gazed to where he sat, he was looking around dazed, and
obviously he was embarrassed by his offer //if only he knew how much this means
to me//
//I have a spare room" William continued //I am digging myself into a hole here,
she’s gonna think I want to shag her or something, like I’m some perving lonely
man who entices young girls, William you are a pillock!//
"That's not it, I mean" Buffy was trying her best to sound like she wasn't
completely desperate but also she was stopping herself from saying //I love you
for this day, for everything you have done for me in the last 12 hours//
"Pet you don’t have to say yes, the offer is there" William steadied himself on
the arm of the chair and got up, he felt like a fool for even asking it, but
something made him want to make sure she was okay, because he had a strong
feeling she wasn’t and well //there’s nothing worse than having no one//
"Okay, yes, thanks" Buffy responded just as he was walking into another room “I
won’t make a sound, I promise”
William didn’t answer, he was kind off shocked she had accepted his offer, he
smiled to himself as he walked into room, he wished he knew what she looked like
as he turned to acknowledge her, all he saw was a familiar blackness.
TBC.>>>>