~*~ Chapter 6 – Confessions ~*~

“Wesley. Hi.”

The former watcher didn’t show any reaction when he saw his former boss/employee standing at his door.

“ Angel.”

“Can I…?” Angel asked with a hand gesture. Wesley stepped aside and Angel went in.

“Honestly, I never expected to see you here again,” said Wesley.

“I need your help.”

Wesley made an ironic smile.

“Oh. Of course.”

“But I also wanted to tell you…I’ve done a lot of thinking, and…well, for me things are clear between us.”

Wesley nodded but Angel couldn’t tell if he was touched or indifferent.

“So why do you need my help for?”

“Connor disappeared. He left, on his own. I need you to check in the prophecy.”

“The Nyazian? Angel, you can’t expect there to be a prophecy each time Connor makes a movement.”

“No, I know. But I want to know if there’s more, something you haven’t translated yet, about his present or his future. Just to be sure he’ll be ok.”

Wesley sighed.

“I think I deciphered the main lines…but there’s still some vague part left. I can’t promise you this will be what you’re looking for.”

“Of course. And who knows, you might unveiled something important.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Wesley said without compromising himself.

“Thanks. Call me anytime. And…if you come by, I know the gang will be happy to see you.”

“I’m not entirely convinced about that. But thanks for saying it.”

Angel opened the door.

“Bye, Wesley. And my greetings to Lilah.”

For the fraction of a second, Wesley flinched.

“Bye, Angel.”

He closed the door and turned around. Lilah appeared at the bedroom door, dressed only in sexy and lacy underwear.

“He knew I was there,” she said with a smile.

“He’s a vampire. He could smell you.”

She made a face.

“And suddenly the mood is ruined,” she said.

Wesley reached for her bra’s delicate fastener.

“I sincerely hope not, dear.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“ I’ve got something to ask you,” Dawn said to Connor while they were walking that night.

It had finally stopped raining early in the evening, and even if the sky was still gray and covered, they had decided to go for their usual walk.

“Me too,” said Connor shyly.

“You first, then.”

They were walking in the park about fifteen minutes away from their apartment, and since the weather wasn’t good, they had plenty of privacy.

“Well,” said Connor, “I went to the market today and I met this guy, Nick. He asked me if I wanted to go with them to the bar tomorrow night.”

“Do you want to go?” asked Dawn.

“I would like to,” he answered, “If that’s ok with you, of course.” he added quickly.

“Sure,” she said, smiling. “Go. Have fun. But be careful with the beer. It can get you very drunk very fast without you knowing it.”

Connor smiled at her. He remembered very well when, a week after he had moved back at the Hyperion, Gunn had taken him out and had made him drink, a lot. Not only had Connor been sick, he also had had a huge hangover. Angel had thought that was really funny.

“So, what did you want to tell me?” he asked.

“Well, see, at the diner, there’s this old lady and she comes everyday. She’s very nice and all and I talked to her about you. And now she wants to meet you,” she finished nervously.

“Ok,” said Connor hesitantly, wondering why she looked so nervous about it.

“Uh…there’s only one little thing,” she added.

They stopped walking and Connor faced her, frowning.

“I…I kind of told her that you were my boyfriend,” she finally said, blushing furiously.

“Your boyfriend?” Connor asked slowly.

Of course he knew what a boyfriend was. Gunn had explained to him the nature of his relationship with Fred and Connor had seen for himself how all over each other they were. He had to admit that he would love to be his wonderful brunette’s boyfriend, but so far he hadn’t dare to bring up the subject. He became suddenly very aware that he was holding her hand, that he had been holding it every night since they started their walks.

“Yes, you know, boy like girl, girl like boy, boy and girl go out together?” Dawn explained, jokingly.

“Is that…Is that how you see me?” he asked, squeezing her hand slightly.

“Yes, sort of,” answered Dawn in a small voice.

So Connor did something he had wanted to do for a while now. He stepped closer to Dawn, and brought his lips to hers. Slowly, he opened his lips and touched Dawn’s with his tongue. Dawn opened her mouth and their tongue began to dance together.

This was totally amazing. She tasted so good. Connor suddenly felt weak in the knees and wondered if Dawn felt the same way. He didn’t want to stop kissing her.

They finally stopped and he brought his forehead against hers.

“Wow,” she said quietly, but visibly happy.

“Wow,” he repeated with a smile.

Dawn felt like she should say something else but she didn’t know what. She was afraid to look like an idiot.

“I…I didn’t know you felt like this about me,” she finally said shyly.

He kissed her again, and this time Dawn encircled Connor’s neck with her arms. She then felt his arms around her, his hands on her back, bringing her closer to his chest. She loved the feel of his mouth on hers. He was so soft, and so much warmer than the first and only guy she had kissed. His hands felt so good on her back…

She suddenly got worried. They were sharing the same apartment, the same spaces, the same bed. But she wasn’t ready for more. She wasn’t ready for sex, and she wondered if he would understand.

They stopped kissing and she looked at the ground, at lost on how to tell him how she felt.

“What’s wrong?” asked Connor, seeing her discomfort.

“Connor, I…I like you, a lot. But…I’m afraid. You know, we share the same bed and all, but…I’m not ready to go further just yet,” she explained. “Do you know what I mean?”

He understood what she was talking about, and the last thing on earth he wanted was to scare her away, especially after what just happened. So the best thing was to follow her lead on it.

“Don’t worry, Dawnie,” he said to her, smiling tenderly. “We’ll do it your way.”

She relaxed visibly and smiled back.

“So, you’re going to come and meet Miss Annigan?”

“Sure. When?”

He was still holding her in his arms.

“Friday morning, before work?”

“Fine.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the end of September, Buffy had moved in her new apartment. With the help of Spike, Clem, and another of their demon friend who owned a van – and Buffy didn’t want to know how he had get it – all of what’s left of her furniture and stuff had been transported to her new place, which was not far from Main street.

Clem and the demon guy had left a little while ago. Spike was still there, installing the TV.

Buffy looked at him. Their relationship had never been so strange. He had been incredibly helpful, but that was it. A good friend. No, friend was even too strong a word. He was just…nice. Treating her like she was any other girl.

She hated it.

“Uh…Isn’t it time for Passions?” she asked, trying a little humor to lighten the mood.

“I guess…not sure. I haven’t watched it recently. Where is your remote control?”

“H…here.”

She gave it to him. Their fingers met. A jolt of electricity ran through her and she withdrew her hand rapidly. He gave her a look but didn’t say anything.

After flipping through the channels to make sure they wwere working, he shut the TV off.

“Alright. All set.”

He stood up, took his leather duster – she had given it back to him a few days ago – but didn’t put it on.

“It’s not too bad, finally,” he said, looking around.

“No, it’s ok,” she admitted, even if she had the feeling she could never get used to this place.

“Ok, Slayer. See you tomorrow.”

“You…you can stay, if you want…I mean, a little longer. It’s still early.”

He looked at her and the expression on his face startled her.

“Really? You’re not afraid I might accidentally touch you again?”

The bitterness in his tone made her heart sank.

“Wh…What?”

“I’m good enough to help you but as soon as I come too close you play the disgusted girl.”

She realized he had taken the wrong way her earlier reaction.

“Spike, it’s not…”

“Spike, it’s not!” he interrupted her, mocking. “Yes it is, Buffy. Be honest, for a change. Deep inside, you wish I wasn’t so helpful so you could hate me again. You wonder how a bloody soulless creature like me can play nice like that.”

That wasn’t entirely wrong. Buffy blushed and Spike closed his eyes for a second. Balls, it still hurt like hell. Why, he wondered for the zillion times, why had he come back? Staying and helping her had been the stupidest, bollocksed idea he ever had. A stake through the heart would have probably been less painful than this.

“God, Buffy…I should have known…”

“I wasn’t disgusted!” she cried. “It…It confused me. I don’t know what to think of all this. I don’t know what to think about you.”

“Oh, it confused you…Poor baby. What do you think * I * feel? Admit it, Buffy. You’d prefer me to be evil, so you could stake me and it would make * your * life less complicated.”

He had thrown his coat on the couch in his anger. Without taking it back, he headed to the door, opened it and then turned to her.

“I love you, Buffy…but you’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met.”

And he walked out, closing the door violently behind him.

Buffy let herself slowly fall to the ground.

What had just happened? He had seemed so indifferent the last few days…she hadn’t suspect the anger and the pain that was boiling beneath the surface..

He was right. She was selfish. She had used him, again. Not as badly as the first time, but once again she had taken what he had offered without ever thinking of giving something back, without wondering what his feelings might be. And of course, she had crushed them. He still loved her.

She shouldn’t have feel so incredibly happy about this but she was. And that explained a lot of things.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She ran to his crypt like she was chased by all the creatures of the Hellmouth.

She was praying that he would still be there, that he hadn’t jump in his car and left already. She entered without knocking. He was there, sitting in his chair.

Her relief was so big it almost choked her.

He stood up.

“You forgot your coat again,” she said, out of breath.

He took it without a word, put it on the arm of the chair. Damn if he wasn’t relieved to see her. She had really turned him into the biggest poofter ever.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t look at her. He leaned on the sarcophagus, waiting for her to go on.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through. You are right, I’ve been horribly selfish. I knew you had feelings but I never took them in consideration. For me, you were a vampire, and I slay them. I didn’t kill you, because you had the chip and you were harmless. So yes, I saw you like that harmless, soulless, evil creature I thought you were. And I was too self-involved in my messed up little existence to see beyond that.”

She stopped, taking a gulp of air. He was watching her now, not betraying any emotion, but she could feel he was surprised. He hadn’t expected her to confess like that.

“And I probably whined a little too much, lately. But you must admit, my life sucks for the moment. And being the Slayer…”

“Oh, screw that ‘chosen one’ and all that fucking crap,” he reacted instantly. “Your life is what you make of it. I told you already, if everything goes wrong, start to wonder what * you * did wrong.”

She nodded.

“I know. I realize that now. But how am I…”

She stopped, fighting tears. Oh no, she was not going to cry again. She saw him tense, he hated it when she cried.

“How am I supposed to fix the things…I mean, I don’t even know what went wrong!”

The tears were running freely on her cheeks but she couldn’t help it. She just ignored it.

Spike didn’t want anything more than running to her and taking her in his arms. But she had other things to tell, and nothing on this earth would make him interrupt her. What she had said so far had already made his dead heart burning with hope.

“Don’t think I haven’t seen how you’ve changed. I want…”

She stopped again, looking for her words. She hadn’t prepared any of this, and she knew that what she was about to say would change everything.

“I want to forget last year, Spike. The depression, the mutual abusiveness, the pain. I want to put all this behind me once and for all.”

Oh God, he had been wrong. He had stupidly thought…

“I told you, Slayer, I’m leaving s…”

“No! I don’t want you to leave!”

Confused, he just looked at her, hoping she would get to the point, because that constant switch between hope and despair was destroying him.

“I want to put it all behind me and I want to do it with you.”

He thought he had heard wrong.

“Buffy, what are you…there’s no way we’re going back at whatever we had last year. It’s too destructive for me, and for you. That was the reason you broke up with me in the first place.”

“I know. I don’t want that either.”

“Then what do you want?”

She paused and he waited for her answer, scared like hell at what it might be.

“I want to forget about the Vampire. And the Slayer. And all the rest.”

“What’s left then?”

“You and me. Spike and Buffy. Just…Spike and Buffy.”

He felt the tension in his whole body relax, and thank god there was the sarcophagus behind him to support his suddenly unsteady body.

He nodded slowly.

“I like the sound of that,” he said carefully, still unsure about what was going on.

Like him, Buffy felt suddenly completely exhausted. She wasn’t used to such a display of emotions. She wiped the tears from her face.

“Buffy…what are you saying exactly? You know we can’t be friends. I love you too much for that. Being with you everyday, and not be able to touch you…not be a part of your life…that’s the most horrible torture I’ve ever endured and believe me, I’ve endured a lot of them. So there’s no way I’m going to accept a soddin’ friendship, and I won’t be your lapdog anymore. There’s only one kind of relationship I will accept and it’s the serious kind. Either you take it or leave it.”

Aah, said a little voice in his mind, why do you have to be so direct? She’s never going to…

“I take it.”

This time, he couldn’t hide his surprise. Hell, his tremendous shock.

“What?”

“I take it,” she repeated in a firm voice.

And she had never looked more resolute about anything.

“Ok,” he said, at loss for words. She’s taking it, he thought. She’s taking*me*.

The minute after, she was in his arms. They didn’t kiss. They just hold on to each other like the world was about to end. And they had been through that already, so they knew the feeling.

She cried softly in his chest, drenching his shirt, but the hell if he cared. The Slayer…no, wait, she had said no Slayer anymore…Buffy was there in his arms, where she belonged. He buried his face in her hair, in her neck, and inhaled her intoxicating smell. He tried to repress any sexual feeling. This moment was about tenderness. Finding their way back to each other.

She finally stopped sobbing, and with a tender gesture he brushed the hair away from her face.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Like I’m finally back at home,” she said.

He kissed the top of her head. Damn, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her senselessly and do plenty of non-catholic stuff to her, but this was not the place or the moment.

“And you? How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? I have no bloody fucking idea,” he admitted, and she laughed. God, her laugh…how he had missed it.

He had missed every single particle of her.

“Happy, of course. And scared.”

“Why?”

“Same reasons as you are, love. I don’t know if this will work. I’ll be damned if it doesn’t. I’ve been trying to make you understand how right we are for each other for months now. I would hate to be proven wrong.”

“So, it’s more about your ego, then,” she said with a smile.

“That and the fact that I can’t live without you.”

She put her forehead on his chest and closed her eyes. Reluctantly, he pulled her back.

“You’d better get home, now, baby. You’re exhausted.”

She grimaced.

“Don’t call it home. It’s not home. It’s just a place to live for the moment.”

“You’ll get used to it. But you need to rest. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok. I’ll be home early. I’m not working tomorrow night.”

She wanted so badly to stay here with him, but then things would not stay innocent, and she really wanted a fresh start with him. The shag fest would wait. But shag fest there would be. Oh yeah. And hopefully sooner than later.

She turned back before leaving.

“You won’t leave, do you?” she asked.

“No.”

“Promise me you won’t.”

“I promise. Now go get home and get some sleep, for evil’s sake. I’ll patrol the next two days so don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks,” she said, and was gone.

Spike stood for a moment in the middle of his crypt. Then he pinched himself. Ouch. No, it wasn’t a dream. A new confidence was growing inside him. She hadn’t talk about love yet, but this time he had no doubt she was willing to try. Seriously.

For a moment, he was tempted to perform that stupid dance he had seen Xander and Willow do once, but he refrained himself. He was not a Nancy-boy.

Oh, and what the hell? Nobody would see him anyway!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hey Connor! Over here!” Nick called when he saw the young man walk into the tavern. “Guys, this is Connor. He works at Roger’s.”

“Hey man,” said a few of the guys gathered around the table.

Nick made the introductions and ordered a beer for Connor.

“Just to let you know, the conversation is about the hottest babe,” said Nick to Connor discreetly.

“Pamela Anderson,” shouted one of the guys. “I would fuck her in a minute.”

“Dude, I heard she has Hepatitis C. I wouldn’t touch her even with a Naked Gun 33 1/3 condom on!”

“I wouldn’t mind having Jennifer Lopez,” said another one. “That one is a babe.”

The conversation went on and on, and even if Connor didn’t know any of these girls or most of the expressions they were using, he was on full learning mode, trying to learn anything that he could.

“And you, Connor, which one would you do?” asked one of the guys, Derek, the same one who had caught the fishes the other day.

“My girlfriend,” he said, smiling, now understanding the expression Derek had used.

“Your girlfriend?” asked one, surprised.

“Nancy boy,” laughed another.

“Wow, she must be a babe,” said a third one.

“Or you’re desperately in love,” said Derek.

Connor smiled, amused, and took another sip of his beer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“So, you’re the young man who stole Dawnie’s heart,” said Miss Annigan, looking at Connor from head to toe.

Connor smiled shyly at Dawn who was standing next to him.

“Come on, kids. Sit down. We have to eat before you go to work!”

Connor and Dawn sat next to each other and looked at the menu. Dawn was pointing out the specials to Connor, telling him what was good.

“You’re so cute!” suddenly said Miss Annigan, laughing gently. “I wish I was your age again.”

Dawn smiled at her.

“What will it be for you?” asked the waitress, visibly bored out of her mind.

They place their order and she walked away.

“Do you see why I like you so much, dear?” asked Miss Annigan, looking at the waitress retreating back. “A smile and a ‘good morning’ would not have killed her.”

Dawn looked at the other waitresses and noticed, for the first time, that none of them were smiling. They all had a grim expression on their faces. And she began to understand a lot of other things too. Most of the girls were complaining about the low tips they were getting and when they had compared, Dawn always came on top of any of them, even without Miss Annigan generous daily contribution. Some girls had complained to Martha that she always got the most paying tables and Martha had done some table reassignments, but still, Dawn came ahead of everybody. When they walked in, some people would even ask at which tables she was working and would sit there to be attended by her.

“See, Dawnie, if this girl would smile just a little, she would get as many tips as you. I know the other girls have been complaining that you got better tips than them. But people like you, sweetheart, they like you because you smile and treat them nicely. People like to see smiling friendly faces.”

Not really knowing what to say, Dawn looked at Connor who smiled sweetly at her.

“And as I can see, you have a very good reason to smile all the time,” added the old lady, looking at Connor knowingly. “So, young man, do you keep Dawn happy?” she asked.

“Uh…I hope so. I try,” he answered.

“Good!”

The waitress walked over to drop their food and they started eating, listening to Miss Annigan’s childhood stories.

~*~ Chapter 7 - Decisions ~*~

Spike did as he said and patrolled alone the two following nights. He came by her place to see if she was ok, but didn’t stay. He didn’t kiss her either. Like he wanted to give her some time to be sure she had made the right decision.

He was acting like a perfect gentleman.

A perfectly annoying gentleman.

So Buffy decided to take matters in her own hands.

That evening he came to see her at the restaurant. It was busy, so she didn’t have much time to talk. When he was about to leave, she asked him,

“Wanna come at my place, tomorrow night? I’m off. We could watch a movie, eat pop corn…fight over the remote control.”

She was acting all casual, like she was proposing a slumber party to her best friend. I only hope it will end without the pajama’s, she thought, and to her great horror felt a traitorous blush.

“Sounds like a good plan. Are you ok?” he asked, intrigued by her sudden red cheeks.

He grinned.

“Count me in, pet. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” she said, watching him leave with the same pinch of regrets as always. There was always that little part of her who was scared he would not come back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Pop corn is ready.”

Buffy went back to the living room where she found Spike staring at a picture of Dawn.

“Spike?”

He turned around, startled.

“What? Oh, good.”

She put the popcorn on the table before joining him.

“I worry about her, you know,” he said, still watching the pic. “I’m also wondering what she’s doing out there, if she’s ok. And even if I’m scared about the vampires and demons she might encounter, I fear also the humans who could hurt her even more.”

He sat on the couch and she sat next to him.

“I think about it 24/7,” Buffy admitted. “I try to comfort myself by thinking that if something had happened to her, I would know. I would feel it.”

She sighed.

“Then again, I’m not sure I would. So it’s kind of killing me not to know anything.”

She felt a tears rolling down her cheek.

“Oh, shoot!” she exclaimed, grabbing a handkerchief.

“Turning into quite the waterfall, lately, are you?” Spike asked.

“Yeah, this is so annoying. I must be very tired. I cried while watching Dawson’s Creek the other day.”

“That’s normal. I hated it when Pacey and Joey broke up.”

She blew her nose and stood up.

“I need some action,” she said abruptly.

A wide grin spread on his face.

“That’s my girl,” he said.

“I meant patrolling.”

The smile vanished.

“Oh. Right. Of course. Let’s go fight some nasties, then.”

Buffy hid her smile. She had some others actions in mind for later.

They dusted some vamps at the Restfield cemetery and killed a blue demon with green horns and big teeth.

“My, isn’t he ugly,” said Spike, watching the now dead demon lying on the ground.

“Demon and ugly, it’s kind of a pleonasm,” she said with a teasing smile.

“Hey!” Offended, he added “How do you know what pleonasm mean? Did you finally open a dictionary?”

A thin and penetrating rain started to fall.

“I’ll show you the extent of my vocabulary at home,” she said, starting in the road back.

“Good idea. Don’t fancy looking like a drenched kitten.”

He suddenly shivered and sneezed.

“Bless you,” said Buffy automatically, before watching him.

“Spike, did you just…?”

“Sneeze? Hell, yeah.” he said with a shock matching her own.

“Since when do vampires sneeze?”

“Since the day after never. The last time I sneezed was around 1880.”

He snorted.

“I also think I have to blow my nose,” he said, more and more surprised.

“Well, I don’t have any Kleenex,” she said. “ You’ll have to use your sleeve.”

“You’re a pig, Summers.”

Back at the apartment, they dried themselves.

“I don’t know what to think about this,” she said putting the towels in the laundry basket.

“I don’t bloody think anything. I sneezed. End of story.”

“Don’t you want to know why you did? You’re not supposed to. Maybe it means something.”

“Sure. Ooooh, I know,” he said in a spooky voice. “The end of the world is coming!”

She rolled her eyes.

“It’s not funny, Spike. If it happens again, let me know. I’ll call Giles.”

He looked at her like if she had grown two heads.

“You’re kidding, right? You’re not gonna call the Watcher because I sneezed?”

She crossed her arm on her chest and put on her ‘resolve’ face.

“Yes I will.”

He shrugged.

“Suit yourself.”

He sat on the couch and grabbed the abandoned popcorn. Buffy sat next to him and switched the TV on.

What do I do now? She thought, while making herself comfortable against the cushions. The whole sneezing thing didn’t help to install a romantic mood. But if I don’t make a move, he will probably not dare to do it himself. Urgh, that’s so complicated….ooooh, isn’t it that guy who plays Clark Kent in Smallville? He’s so cute…not as cute as Spike, tough. Only Spike is not cute, he’s gorgeous. And that body…mmmm….oh that’s it. I’m just gonna jump his bones and…

“Buffy?”

There was no answer. Spike leaned on the girl next to him. Her eyes were closed. Her breathing was deep. She was sleeping.

Spike smiled tenderly. And, ok, a little bit disappointed. He had hoped this evening would have turned out differently, but the last days had been rich in emotions, for both of them. And to be honest, he was feeling kind of tired too.

He switched the TV off, took her in his arms and put her on the bed. He covered her with the comforter and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

He came back to the living room. It was still raining, and he didn’t feel like walking back to his crypt. He toed off his boots, grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and laid down on the couch. Hearing her breathing a few feet away was the sweetest lullaby ever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Connor, sorry, I’m not ready yet,” said Nick, opening the door.

Nick had asked Connor to go out to the movies that night to check out ‘Monster’s Ball’, the new drama out that week.

Lately, Nick and the guys at the fish store had regularly included Connor in their get-togethers. Connor was always very quiet but friendly, and the guys had taken a liking to him.

“You want a beer or something?”

Connor shook his head negatively.

“Listen, man, I got to take a shower before we go. Please, make yourself comfortable,” said Nick showing the couch to Connor.

Connor sat and Nick disappeared in his bedroom. Connor looked around and a magazine on the coffee table in front of him caught his attention.

There was a naked woman on the cover. Intrigued, Connor flipped through the pages and saw more of them, all naked and in kind of acrobatic positions. One of them was lying on her back, legs wide apart, showing her private parts.

Wide eyed, Connor made a whistle. He knew women were made differently but he had never saw one before. Why had Gunn never thought of buying him that kind of magazine? That was interesting learning!

His thought drifted to Dawn. She was of course made the same way.

He turned the page again and saw the same woman, with a man’s erected sex inside of her. Ok, that was probably what having sex was like. That was Dawn was not ready for. He imagined himself being inside of Dawn, caressing her and kissing her, and he loved the idea. Just thinking about it was making him swollen.

He turned the pages again and looked at the many pictures, for an educational purpose only, of course.

Nick walked out of the bathroom.

“Ready?”

Connor stood up and they left.

The movie was very dark and serious. Connor didn’t understand some part of it. Why did they want to kill the black guy? Why did the young man kill himself? Why did the father end up with the pretty black woman?

The good thing was that the amount of sex scenes in the movie gave him a better idea of what sex was, but he never thought it was so desperate, or heartless like in the case of the prostitute. He had a hard time imagining doing something like that to his wonderful brunette. No wonder she wasn’t ready…but the woman in the movie had seemed to enjoy it a little.

On his way back home, he couldn’t chase away the scenes from the movie out of his mind. Would he be able to pleasure Dawn? He desperately wished he had Gunn with him right now to talk to, to ask him what to do. But Gunn was miles away, back in L.A.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dawn was uncomfortable. A girl at work had given her the name of this clinic, the kind of place Dawn could go see a doctor with no questions asked.

What the girl hadn’t told her was that most of the clinic’s patients were prostitutes or poor women with loads of children. Even at that early hour, the waiting hall was crowded and very loud.

Dawn had came here right after she had dropped Connor at work. She hadn’t wanted him to know what she was up to, so she had taken her morning off to come here. When she had gotten there, there were already ten people who had signed to see a doctor. She had been there for two hours already and it was now full with waiting patients and running children.

“Dawn S.” called a nurse at the door.

The young girl stood up and followed the nurse down a corridor, away from the noisy crowd.

“Please do sit here. The doctor will be with you in a minute.”

Dawn sat and waited for a moment before a young woman in her early thirties walked in.

“Hi, I’m doctor Williams. What can I do for you, Dawn?”

“I’d like to get the pill,” said Dawn, wishing Buffy was with her. Of course Dawn taking the pill would probably completely freak her out.

“You want the pill?” the doctor asked, taking Dawn’s pulse and her blood pressure.

“Yes.”

“How is your sexual life right now?”

“Uh…non-existent?” answered Dawn, somewhat embarrassed.

The doctor took the blood pressure measures away and looked at her.

“Why do you want the pill, then?”

“Because my boyfriend and I are getting serious,” Dawn said, looking away shyly.

“Dawn,” said the doctor, taking a seat. “You look like a serious young woman and I would hate to see you in any trouble. Does this guy love you?”

“I think so,” answered Dawn, not sure where the doctor was getting at.

“Where did you meet him?” she asked gently.

“On the bus, on my way to Seattle,” she said again, realizing at the same time it might look a bit crazy.

“Does he buy you pretty things?”

Huh ? Dawn thought, totally confused now. The she understood. She thought that Connor might be a pimp! She laughed.

“Oh, I know what you’re thinking. That he’s a pimp, right?”

The doctor sighed sadly.

“Dawn, I see a lot of pretty young women like you coming here for the pill, and I find them back on the streets three months later. I would hate to see you become one of them.”

“Connor is not a pimp,” Dawn said, looking at her hands. “ When I arrived here, a pimp tried to enroll me but Connor saved me from him. We’ve been sharing the same bed for a few weeks now, and not once did he try to force himself on me. We’re not rich, we work hard but we have each other and we’re happy.”

“Then why do you look so sad?”

“Because if I didn’t have him, I might have end up like some of the girls in the waiting room. I know he’s a good man. I just know it.”

The doctor seemed to have come to the same conclusion.

“Well, if you think so…and you’re probably right.”

“How can you tell?” asked Dawn.

“Most girls who are with pimps come in here floating on a cloud, saying how much they are in love and how much their boyfriend is generous and covers them in luxury. You’re not like them. But still, be careful.”

“Ok. But I know he’s right,” insisted Dawn.

“I’ll tell the pharmacy to give you six months of pills. I want to see you back then to make sure the pills are good for you and to do a complete check-up. Is that ok?”

Dawn nodded. Dr Williams wrote something on a medical pad and gave the paper to Dawn.

“Give this to the pharmacy at the front desk, they will take care of you.”

“Thanks,” mumbled Dawn, standing up and leaving.

She went to pay for her appointment and her pills and left the awful clinic behind her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connor had taken a nice warm shower, got dressed and had put his shoes back on. Tonight, he was taking Dawn to a restaurant that his boss had given him a gift certificate for.

He had just finished shaving and tried to grab his aftershave but it had rolled over in Dawn’s side of their bathroom cabinet. He slid his door closed and opened Dawn’s.

That’s when he saw it: 6 green tablets of something. He opened one of them and saw neat little rows of yellow and white pills. 8 of them were already missing.

Furious, he took the six tablets and stormed out of the bathroom. He threw them on the table where Dawn was busy reading.

“What the hell is that?” he asked angrily.

“My…my pills,” answered Dawn, uncertain.

“Why? Why do you take these? Why do you need them?”

For the life of her, Dawn couldn’t understand what got him so angry.

“Because I need them!” she answered, beginning to lose her temper. “I don’t want to get pregnant, you know,” she said defiantly.

“If you want to kill yourself, do it without me!” he yelled, and grabbing his coat he stormed out of the apartment, clacking the door behind him.

Incredulously, Dawn just stayed there, watching the door. Killed herself? Where did that come from? she wondered. She could not figure out what she had done to make him believe such a thing.

Still shocked, she stood up, took the pack of pills and put them back in the bathroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Spike opened his eyes, Buffy was sitting beside him. It was still dark in the room.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“6.30 am.”

He noticed she had changed and put on sweatpants and a halter-top.

“Why did you sleep on the couch?” she asked in a soft voice.

“It was still raining, and I was…”

“I mean why didn’t you come lay on the bed with me?”

He looked at her, stunned.

“Buffy, I can’t come into your bed unless you invite me in.”

She gave him a teasing smile.

“Oh, I thought that worked only for houses.”

She laid beside him on the couch, raining small kisses on his jaw and cheek.

“Ok then,” she whispered. “I invite you in.”

Encircling her waist with his arm, he captured her mouth. Their tongue began to dance and Spike let a moan escape.

“God, how I missed you,” he said.

The pressure of his lips suddenly changed, and he was devouring her. Buffy gasped, pressed against him from toe to breasts, his arms locked around her.

He took her top and passed it over her head, then with veneration touched her bare breasts. He let her flesh fill his palm, stroking her incessantly, enjoying her panting breath, full of need. Need of him. He closed his mouth on one pink tip and she let a soft cry escape.

She looked for his mouth again, craving the touch of his lips on her. God, how had she been able to live all these month without his touch?

She cupped his cheek with her hand, relishing in the sight of his handsome face. He smiled at her, the most loving smile she had ever seen.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked her softly, giving her the opportunity to change her mind one last time if she wanted to. But Buffy had never been so sure about anything in her life, so she smiled back and nodded, before reaching for his mouth and kissing him tenderly, erasing once and for all the dreadful memory of their last encounter.

With his fingers, he wandered on her breasts again, then on her belly, reaching her most feminine flesh. He stroked her gently, and mewling noises escaped from Buffy’s throat. Her climax came almost instantly, in huge unbearable waves. She cried out, aching in his arms. He felt her spasms, strong and intense against his hand.

“Oh God…” she said in a breathless tone, feeling her heart getting back slowly to a steady rhythm.

He rained kisses all over her face, her eyelids, her forehead, her cheek and temple, jaw, mouth and neck.

“Buffy…” Spike whispered, just for the pleasure of saying her name, while his hard body came down on hers. He positioned himself between her thighs and slid into her into one fast, fluid motion. Buffy gasped again, stunned by the pleasure and the completion she felt. He moved fast and deep within her and she put her legs around him. She gripped him, letting another wave of intense and mind-blowing pleasure sweep over her. She felt him coming the minute after, bursting inside her.

They slowly fell back to earth, exchanging soft kisses, and Spike whispering sweet nothings to her. The feeling of contentment was overwhelming and Buffy couldn’t stop smiling.

“Was I that good?” he asked with a cocky grin, caressing her cheek.

“Better,” she murmured, still feeling a delicious tingling sensation between her legs.

That man really had magic fingers. And an even more magic…she giggled.

“What?” he asked, happy to see her like that.

“Nothing,” she answered. “Just…I’m glad you came back.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” he teased her, brushing her still wet core.

“Promise me you’ll never leave again.”

“I won’t. I’ll always be there for you. You won’t be able to get rid of me. I’ll be like one of those leeches that you can’t get off you.”

She laughed.

“How appropriate for a vampire. And you’re so good with the romantic visual.”

He got serious again.

“Buffy, I don’t know what the future holds for us. Anything can happen, anytime. But we are together to face it, now.”

She nodded, and kissed him tenderly before saying,

“I love you.”

His face betrayed his shock, just before a huge happy smile spread his lips.

“About time,” he whispered, before adding, “I love you too.”

She settled comfortably against him, resting her head on his shoulder and firmly encircling his waist with one arm. She had no intention of letting him go ever again. Spike brushed a kiss on her forehead, and closed his eyes. Slowly, they both drifted to a peaceful sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connor couldn’t understand the reason why Dawn would take that medicine, or drug or whatever. Then the last thing she had said suddenly popped in his mind. I don’t want to get pregnant, you know.

He was so furious he hadn’t registered the comment. But know it brought back a memory. He remembered once being in a mall with Cordelia, he had seen this woman with a big belly. He had stared at her, wondering how she had become like that.

So, was that the kind of medicine Dawn was taking? Not something awful like Sunny had taken, from which she had died. It was just to prevent her from having a baby.

His mind was rolling with unanswered questions. He didn’t know where to turn but he needed those answers, badly.

He didn’t know how long he walked but he ended up in the park, the same one where he had kissed Dawn for the first time.

On a bench an old man was sitting, and he visibly hadn’t had a bath in a while. He was holding a bottle in a brown paper bag.

Connor sat next to him and debated silently whether or not he should question this perfect stranger about his problem. Considering he would probably never see him again, he gathered his courage and turned to him.

“How do woman get pregnant?” he asked quickly.

The man turned to Connor and slowly looked at him from head to toe. He took a long sip from his bottle then looked at Connor again. He chuckled.

“It’s when you fuck them that they get pregnant,” he answered.

“And women have medicine to prevent it?” asked Connor.

“Yep.”

“And there’s no danger in taking that medicine?”

“Nope.”

“Oh God! What have I done?” wondered Connor with despair.

He stood up and began to walk towards his apartment when he realized something. Why would Dawn need these pills if she was not having sex with somebody? Or was she…? The thought that another man’s hand could touch her delicate body repulsed him, and awoke an anger he had never felt before. He had been so nasty to her, but how could he have known?

When he walked in the apartment a few minutes later, Dawn was lying on the bed, the lights still on, and her eyes red from crying. He sat next to her.

“I’m sorry, Dawn,” he said quietly.

“Why? Why did you get so mad at me?” she asked in a broken voice.

He sighed.

“When I arrived in L.A, from Quor-toth, I met that girl, Sunny. I liked her and helped saving her from evil men. She had taken some medicine from the pocket of one of them. Later that night, she died after taking it. When I saw those pills in your closet, I just…I didn’t think. I got so afraid…I don’t want you to die.”

“You should have asked me, I would have told you they were not drugs.”

There was a short silence.

“Why do you need them?” Connor finally asked. “ Is somebody forcing you to have sex?”

Dawn sat and looked at him.

“No. Nobody’s forcing me to do anything. I got them because…because one day, I…”

She stopped, unsure on how to tell him that someday their relationship would develop and that she would be ready to make love with him. She looked away shyly.

“What, Dawn?” he asked, caressing her cheek softly. “What’s wrong?”

She took an inspiration.

“I got them because one day, I hope you’ll make love to me,” she said so quietly that if Connor didn’t have his enhanced audition, he wouldn’t have heard her.

Making love. Connor’s heart beat a little faster. That, he knew what that meant. And Dawn wanted him to make love to her.

Her piercing blue eyes looked up at him.

“I love you, Connor, and one day, when I’ll be ready, I want to know what love is, and I want to know it with you.”

She loved him.

Connor desperately wanted to tell her he loved her but he couldn’t. He was afraid. The only two things he had loved had died, from a cruel death. Not knowing how to answer her, he looked away, retrieving his hand from her soft cheek.

“Don’t…don’t you love me?” she asked in a trembling voice, tears coming to her eyes again.

“It’s not that,” said Connor, deciding that honesty would be the best policy. “When I was a child, maybe six years old, I had a chali. It’s kind of a hybrid, one of the few animals that live on Quor-toth. Kind of a little dog. I didn’t precisely own it, but I got to tame it and he came to se me everyday, each time I got out. I loved this little animal so much, he was like my best friend, my only friend. One day, somebody found out I was attached to it and killed it, right in front of me, telling me I should never get attached to anything that was not my blood. I was so sad, and I loved it so much…and I love you too, but I’m scared,” he finished, his jaw clenched by the pain he felt in his heart.

He couldn’t tell her that the person who had killed his chali was the only other human on Quor-toth, the man who had raised him, the one he had called father for most of his life. That was the worst. He hadn’t been allowed to love by the very same man he had loved like a father. But his main goal was only to shape Connor into a perfect vengeance weapon, a merciless killer. And finally this man had also been killed, by a crazy woman, all in the name of a senseless vengeance.

“I’m scared somebody will come and take you away from me,” he added.

“Oh, Connor!” said Dawn, crying freely now. She threw herself against his chest, holding him to her with all her strength. Connor’s arms slowly came around her and she could feel him shake from long suppressed sobs.

“I don’t want you to die, Dawn,” he said in a hoarse voice.

“And I don’t intend to. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

TBC...

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