Stealing Time 2

Buffy walked into the Magic Box the next evening. She figured she better tell what was left of the gang, about her little ghostly problem. She saw Anya and Xander sitting at table looking through bridal magazines. Anya was beaming and Xander looked incredibly bored. He looked up and smiled when Buffy walked in.

"Buff! Hey. What's up?" He said just a tad too enthusiastically.

Buffy could tell he was eager for something to talk about besides their upcoming nuptials.

"Not too much. Whatcha' guys doing?"

"Just looking at wedding dresses. Maybe you could help me pick one out?" Anya asked eagerly.

"Sure." Buffy smiled.

Xander noticed the cut on Buffy's neck and frowned.

"What happened to your neck?"

"Got cut. It's no big. It's almost healed." She shrugged.

"Oh."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about something. You see, there's this thing that's sort of after me. I'm not sure what to make of it."

"A thing? What kind of thing?" Xander asked curiously.

"I don't actually know. It's like a ghost or a spirit or something. Remember the freaky demon ghost? It's kind of like that, I think." She explained.

"But we got rid of that, right? Willow said it was just a one time, temporary thing." Xander said confused.

"Yeah, well, it might be something else. I don't know. But this is the second time it's attacked me."

"Why haven't you killed it?" Anya asked.

"Well for starters, I don't know how. It doesn't even have a shape or anything. It's like a black mist. That's kinda why I'm here. I thought maybe you guys could help me research it or something." Buffy said hopefully.

"Oh, sure. Right. Okay." Xander nodded his head.

"Right now? I mean, we were kinda in the middle of something." Anya protested.

"Oh. Well, I guess we could do it another time." Buffy said softly.

"No. It's fine. We can pick out a wedding dress any time, Anya. Buffy needs our help. That's what we do, right? We help." Xander said with a smile.

"Thanks." Buffy smiled. Then she stood up. "I'm gonna go downstairs and get some of the books Giles left behind."

Buffy walked to the basement door and headed down. Anya turned to Xander and groaned.

"Why do we always have to stop what we're doing and help her?" She complained.

"Because. She's our friend. This is what we do. With Giles gone, and Willow doing whatever it is she's doing now, she needs us." Xander explained.

"I don't see why. I mean, this is her job, not ours. Isn't she supposed to be more self sufficient?"

"Give her a break, An. She's still going through some tough stuff." Xander said, growing irritated with his fiancées callousness.

Buffy walked up the basement stairs with an armload of books. She paused at the door when she heard her name come up in their conversation.

"I realize that Buffy is still all bitter and depressed, but what about us? We have lives too, don't we?" Anya said bluntly.

"Come on. I know it's a little annoying doing research and stuff, but it's always been this way."

"Doesn't it bother you? I mean, Giles left because he wanted her to be more self reliant. Shouldn't we follow his lead?" Anya asked.

"I guess. But look, it's just a little research. You don't have to help if you don't want to."

"It's not that Xander. It's just…When are we going to start having a real life? Sometimes I just want to curl up with you and plan our future. I-I don't like always worrying that we won't have one because we're so busy fighting monsters. And it isn't even our job." She told him seriously.

"I know. I feel that way too sometimes." He admitted.

Buffy listened to their conversation and felt her eyes welling with tears. They were right. It wasn't their job. It was hers. She was putting their future in jeopardy every time she asked for their help. She swallowed her sorrow and opened the door loudly, to announce her presence.

"Hey. Did you find the books?" Xander asked with a forced smile.

"Yeah. But listen, I'll just take them with me. I know you guys were busy. I can handle this." Buffy said putting on a brave face.

"Are you sure? I mean, we could still help." Xander offered.

"No. That's alright. This is my job. Not yours." She said softly.

Xander's face fell and he wondered if she had overheard their conversation.

"Buffy…" He started.

"I'll see you guys later. Have fun picking out a dress." Buffy turned and walked out the door with the books clutched under her arm.

Buffy walked down the street slowly. Everything was crumbling. Just like she had always feared. She always knew deep down that she'd end up alone, and she was right. In high school, things were different. She supposed that being young and stupid, her friends found a certain excitement in saving the world from monsters.

But after living it for so long, it was wearing thin for them. They all wanted real lives, and she couldn't blame them. She did too. The only problem was, that she couldn't just quit. She couldn't curl up with her normal boyfriend and plan her future the way Anya wanted to. The way Anya deserved to.

And Willow. Buffy didn't know what to do about her. She had completely gone over the edge with her magic. Buffy knew she should be with her, trying to help her get through her issues. But she had too many issues of her own right now. She couldn't even begin to help Willow, when she couldn't help herself.

Buffy wiped her tears off of her face and walked into her house. Dawn was sitting in the living room with Tara. They stopped talking when she walked in the door.

"Hey Buffy." Dawn said with a smile.

"Hey guys." Buffy said to both of them.

"Um, Dawnie and I were just thinking about going to a movie. You wanna come?" Tara asked, noticing that it looked like Buffy had been crying.

"No. I've got some Slayer stuff to do. You guys go and have fun." Buffy managed a smile.

"Are you sure? We were gonna catch that new Brad Pitt movie. I hear he takes his shirt off a lot. Might make you feel better." Dawn offered with a hopeful smile.

"Of course, I'm going for the incredible story telling, not Brad Pitt." Tara added.

Buffy smiled at that and shook her head.

"Thanks, but duty calls."

"Okay. Um, is it alright if I stay at Tara's tonight? The movie kind of gets out late and if you're slaying and stuff…" Dawn asked.

"Sure. Have fun. I'll see you later." Buffy turned and went upstairs.

Dawn turned to Tara and frowned.

"She's always so gloomy. I-I just wish things could be like they were before." She said sadly.

"I know. Me too. I-I think she's getting a little better though." Tara offered sympathetically.

"Yeah. I'm really glad I have you though, Tara. You're kinda like my other big sister." Dawn said sincerely.

"I'm glad I've got you too. I always wanted a little sister." Tara smiled.

Upstairs, Buffy sat on her bed, leafing through the books she'd brought home. She just wasn't interested in reading them. Her mind was elsewhere. Finally, she slammed the books shut and lay down on her back.

She glanced at the clock and noticed that it was only 9:00. She felt tired. She sighed and decided that she may as well just go to sleep. It's not like she had anything else to do. She changed her clothes and tossed the books to the floor.

She climbed into her bed and turned out the light. She was in desperate need of sleep. Her mind had been on overload the past few weeks and she needed some relief. Soon she had drifted off.

She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but it seemed to be only a matter of seconds, when she was jolted awake by a loud noise. Her eyes sprang open and when they did, she saw the ceiling in front of her. Right in front of her. She was floating.

Panic rose in her chest and she reached out to push herself away from ceiling.

"What the hell is going on!" She screamed.

She managed to get herself flipped over, so now her back was to the ceiling and she was staring down at her bed. Light from the moon, streamed in through her window, casting eerie shadows across her walls. One of the shadows appeared to be moving. She focused on that.

The now familiar black mist, snaked its way across her room and traveled up to meet her. It hung, ghostly, in mid air in front of her face. It seemed to be studying her, sizing her up. She batted at it, but her hand merely swatted at empty air.

"Put me down." She said through clenched teeth.

All at once, whatever force that had been pinning her to the ceiling released her. She fell onto the bed face first, and bounced off onto the floor. Before she could get up, unseen hands grabbed her shoulders and hurled her into the opposite wall.

The wind was knocked out of her and she struggled to get to her feet. As she did, the mist encircled her. It felt like a choke hold and she struggled to breathe once again. With ease, she was tossed across the room once more. This time she crashed into her dresser and the mirror shattered.

She got to her feet and stood for a moment facing the broken mirror. In one of the fragments she saw the mist floating behind her broken reflection.

"Don't you see? You're broken. Not whole. Not here. Shattered." The ghostly entity whispered to her.

She whirled around to face her invisible attacker.

"What do you want?" She asked with a shaking voice.

"You." It hissed.

Suddenly, it's grip tightened around her arms and picked her up off her feet. She struggled against it, and she was tossed effortlessly across the room. The sleeve of her nightshirt ripped off her shoulder as she crashed into the wall face first.

She slumped to the floor and felt blood trickling from her newly split lip.

"Soon…" The voice whispered.

She looked up and watched as the mist swirled around like a mini tornado, and disappeared.

She sat on the floor and began to cry. She was tired of this. Tired of all of this. Now she wasn't even safe in her own house. She'd never be safe and never be free. If this thing wanted her so bad, then fine, she thought. He could have her. She was tired of fighting.

As she sat there, with tears in her eyes, she heard a noise. At first, she didn't know what it was and was almost afraid to find out. Then it occurred to her. It was the doorbell, along with someone pounding on her door.

She pulled herself up off the floor and went downstairs. She opened the door and saw Spike standing there looking worried.

"I've been pounding out here for ten minutes." He said frazzled.

She looked at him blankly.

"I was a little busy." She said numbly.

"What the hell happened to you? You like crap." He said taking in her battered appearance.

"Thanks. Feel like it too."

"I was worried. I heard a commotion coming from your room. I knocked, but you didn't answer." He said softly.

"Why didn't you just break in like you used to?" She asked with a sigh.

"Well, I tried. There was some kind of barrier or something. I thought maybe you'd mojo'ed me out of your house again." He said looking at his feet.

She gave him a curious expression and motioned for him to come in. He walked through the door with no problems.

"Nope. No mojo." She said with a sigh.

"Where's Dawn? Is she alright?" He asked curiously.

"She's not here. She's with Tara."

"Oh. Good."

She was acting strangely and Spike was even more concerned than he was before. She walked over to the couch and he followed her. He sat down next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She flinched and he drew it away quickly. She looked at him.

"Sorry. It's just a little sore." She said weakly.

Relieved that it wasn't him she was flinching away from, he gently moved the torn fabric of her shirt aside and saw another gash across her shoulder. He shook his head.

"What happened? Was it the same thing?" He asked gently.

"Yup. This time in my house." She said shaking her head. Then she looked at him desperately. "Spike, I can't do this. I just can't. I don't care anymore. Whatever this thing is, it wants me. I can't stop it."

"Rubbish. Course you can stop it. That's what you do." He reassured her.

She stood up abruptly and faced him.

"No. It's not what I do. Not any more. I just…I just can't take it anymore." She said as she began to cry.

He stood up and put his arms around her, trying to keep from hurting her. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed.

"I'm tired, Spike. I'm just so tired." She whispered sadly.

"Well, maybe you should just get some sleep." He offered, knowing that she wasn't talking about that kind of tired.

"The last time I tried that, I woke up plastered to the ceiling." She said as she pulled away from him and sat down on the couch.

He wasn't sure what she meant, but he sighed and sat down next to her.

"Look, you aren't a quitter. That's not you. You're stubborn. You're a fighter."

"Not this time."

"Come on. Snap out of it. Channel that inner bitch that I've gotten to know so well. Stop whining and crying and do something." He said firmly.

She looked at him incredulously. She shook her head.

"You really are a complete asshole, you know that? I'm in pain here, and all you can do is tell me to stop whining? Thanks for the pep talk. Now get out!" She said angrily as she stood up.

"No. Listen to me. Whatever this is? It wants you to give up.".

"Well, then I guess its work is done, cause I do. I give up."

He stood to face her.

"Why? Why would you give up now?"

"Because. Why not? All of this is pointless. It keeps telling me that I'm dead. Broken. Shattered. Whatever. It's right. I am. I may be here, but I'm not real. I'm a shell. I'm empty. Don't you see? I don't care. I can't care, because I can't even feel anything!" She shouted at him.

He looked at her with fire in his eyes. He knew he was probably making a huge mistake, one that was bound to be a painful one, but he had to do it. He hauled back punched her across the face. She was stunned and he clutched his head in pain. She added to his pain, as she punched him back.

"Why the hell did you hit me?" She yelled.

"Did it make you mad?" He asked with a small smile as he pushed her away from him. She fell onto the couch, but this time his chip didn't go off. He wasn't trying to hurt her.

"Yes!" She said, as she stood up and hit him again.

He hit her back and almost didn't notice the pain this time. He was too wrapped up in what he was trying to do.

She kicked him in the stomach and he doubled over. He looked up at her with a satisfied grin.

"For someone who claims she can't feel anything, you sure as hell look pissed. Last time I checked, that was a feeling." He told her.

She glared at him and hit him again. He smiled and charged at her. He tackled her to the couch and pinned her arms above her head. She struggled half heartedly against him. He looked down at her.

"You're not dead, so stop acting like you are. You wouldn't let me get away with messing with you, so why should you let this thing get away with it?"

She looked up at him and knew that he was right. She couldn't just curl up into a little ball and play dead. It wasn't her. She glared at him.

"Do you know how much I hate-."

"Me?" He finished for her.

She continued her hard look.

"Do you know how much I hate… that you're always right?" She finished.

Before he could respond, she was kissing him. He loosened his grip on her arms and she wrapped them around his neck, pulling him deeper into her kiss. Her hands traveled under his shirt and she gripped the edge of it tightly. They broke their kiss only long enough for her to yank his shirt over his head.

He smiled at her.

"I thought you said that we weren't doing this anymore?"

"Just shut up." She smirked, as she kissed him again harder.

"I mean, you said it was all out of your system." He prodded her.

"Did I ever tell you that I like you less when you're talking?"

"No."

"Well, I do. So shut up." She grabbed his shoulders and flipped him around. They fell to the floor, with her on top.

She pulled her torn nightshirt over her head and threw it aside. She then returned her lips to his. He grabbed her hips and tossed her over onto her back. In the process, they tipped the coffee table over.

He ran his hands down between her thighs and caressed her through her panties. She moaned at his touch and he smiled. He pulled her panties off slowly, savoring the look of expectation on her face.

He kissed his way down her bare stomach and parted her legs. He snaked his tongue out to taste her sweetness, and felt her gasp with delight. He looked up at her.

"You feel that?" He asked.

"Oh yeah." She sighed contentedly.

"See? You can feel. I bet you can feel all sorts of things." He smiled, as he began licking her again.

She closed her eyes and pushed all thoughts out of her head. She concentrated only on the feeling. That exquisite feeling of bliss. And right now he was the only one who could make her feel that way.

An hour later, they both lay together, tangled on the floor. He'd successfully proved his point yet again. She could feel. She felt quite a lot. And all of it was pretty earth shattering.

She lifted her head off his chest and reached over to the sofa. She grabbed a blanket and pulled it over their bodies. She snuggled in closer to him.

"We really need to stop doing this." She sighed.

"You just can't let it go, can you?" He asked.

"Nope. I need to protest. It makes me feel better." She told him.

He laughed slightly. Her denials were wearing thin, and they both knew it. There was no stopping this thing between them. It had been brewing for years, and once they had given in, there was no going back. He knew that. And he felt like she was starting to realize that too.

He stroked her hair gently and she closed her eyes. It felt nice. It felt familiar and safe. She realized that he felt familiar and safe. It made no sense, but it was true. He looked down at her.

"We'll fight this thing that's after you." He felt the need to reassure her.

"Yeah. No giving up for me." She said softly.

"That's right. Nothing is going to mess with my woman and get away with it." He said firmly.

She lifted her head to look at him. She raised her eyebrow.

"Your woman? What are you? A caveman?" She asked.

"What? You are my woman." He said defensively.

"Just because we've had sex a few times, doesn't make me your woman." She said pointedly.

"Then what are you?"

"I'm not your anything."

"Oh please. Will you just give it up already?" He groaned.

"Give what up?"

"This. This act. Face it. We're together. A couple. I'm yours and you're mine." He told her.

"No. This is just…its just…Well, I don't know what this is. But we aren't a couple." She protested.

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"Did I ever tell you that I like you less when you're talking?" He smirked at her.

She couldn't help but smile at that.

"And you think we're a couple? We don't even like each other." She said pointedly.

"We don't have to like each other."

"Oh, that sounds like the basis for a great relationship." She said sarcastically.

"In fact, I've never liked you." He said with a smirk.

"I've never liked you either."

"But I do love you." He added softly.

She was ready with a quick comeback, but it was lost to her now. He loved her. It wasn't like it was a newsflash or anything. But hearing him say it so sincerely, just made everything more real. She couldn't say anything. He picked up on her discomfort and sighed.

"Why don't we get dressed and start trying to figure out what to do about this ghost problem." He said, changing the subject.

"Yeah. Okay." She said, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around her. "I've got some books upstairs."

They both searched for their clothing, and got dressed. Buffy put on her tattered nightshirt and shook her head.

"You know, between you and this ghost, I'm gonna need a whole new wardrobe." She smiled.

He laughed and followed her up the stairs. He was surprised when he saw the condition of her bedroom.

"Looks like you had fun in here." He said wryly.

"Yeah. It was definitely the kind of fun that's not."

She went to her broken dresser and pulled out a tank top and sweatpants. She tossed her ripped nightshirt into the corner and pulled her new clothes on. Spike saw a pile of books lying by the bed and picked them up.

"Are these the books?"

"Yeah. I don't even know if they'll help. But it was all I could find." She shrugged.

"I guess the first thing we need to do, is figure out what this is. Are we thinking ghost? Unholy spirit from the great beyond?"

"I guess."

"Well, that's easy. We'll just do an exorcism." He said with a shrug.

"Right. Let me just pull my exorcism manual out of my pocket." She said dripping with sarcasm.

"What? Do you have a better idea?" He asked defensively.

"No. I'm just saying, do I look like a priest? I don't know how to do an exorcism."

"Well, we'll learn. How hard can it be? A little holy water, some crosses… On second thought, maybe an exorcism isn't really a vampire friendly activity." He said with a frown.

"You think?" She rolled her eyes.

"Well, we figure something out. Have you told Xander and what's her name? Maybe they can help?" He asked.

"No." She said quickly. Then she sighed. "I-I mean, I mentioned it to them, but I don't want to involve them."

"Why not?"

"Because. They have their own stuff going on. The wedding and all that. I don't want to bother them." She tried to explain without getting into details of what she overheard.

"Well, I'm sure they'd want to help. They always seem so eager to jump into the ring."

"Not anymore. Look, this is my job. And it's not like this thing is threatening to end the world. It just wants to end me. There's no sense in bringing anyone else into this." She tried to rationalize.

"Okay. Just thought this was a job for the mighty Scooby gang." He shrugged.

"There is no mighty Scooby gang. Not anymore." She admitted softly.

He looked at her fallen expression and knew there was more behind this than she was telling.

"Did something happen? You have a fight with your friends?"

"No. I mean, Willow and I…Well, you know about that. And Xander and Anya? Let's just say, I know they're sick of this crap. Maybe a little sick of me too." She admitted.

"Sick of you?"

She took a deep breath and let it out. She looked at him.

"I overheard them talking. They want out, Spike. They don't want to do this anymore. I don't blame them. This isn't their fight. It never was. It's mine. In the end, it's always me. Alone. I need to accept that."

He was angry with her friends for abandoning her right when she needed them the most. He just didn't understand the lot of them.

"You aren't alone. You still have me." He said sincerely.

She laughed bitterly.

"I bet you're feeling really smug about that right now."

"What?"

"You were right again. You are the only one I have. Must make you feel pretty good." She said crossing her arms defiantly.

"This isn't about me feeling smug, or being right."

"Isn't it?"

"No. It's about me not leaving you. Don't you get that? Maybe no one else can handle you and your scary little world, but I can. You can try and push me away. You can try and tell yourself you're meant to be alone. But the truth is, you were meant to be with me. And that scares you even more than being alone, doesn't it?" He asked pointedly.

She looked at him and felt tears welling in her eyes. She didn't know what to say. She lowered her gaze and stared at her bare feet.

"Yes. That scares me." She admitted softly.

He moved over to her and placed one hand on her shoulder and another under her chin. He lifted her face up to look at him.

"You think I don't know how scary this is? You think I wanted to fall in love with you? I mean, what kind of ridiculous vampire falls in love with a Slayer? It's insane. It's wrong. But it's real. You and I aren't like everyone else. That's what you need to accept." He explained softly.

"What? I need to accept that I'm not like everybody else? I got that part covered." She told him.

"Well, then start embracing it." He told her seriously.

She stared at him, speechless once more. Finally she decided to just change the subject. Things were getting a little too intense. She shoved a book at him and sighed.

"Let's read." She said.

He took it and sat down on the bed. It was obvious that their conversation was now over. She sat down next to him and opened her book. After perusing the texts for over an hour, finally Buffy looked up and groaned.

"I suck at this. I don't even understand any of this junk." She said, tossing her book to the ground.

"It is a little confusing." He admitted.

"Why can't there just be a section on annoying, homicidal, black misty things? My eyes are bleeding from looking at all this."

He looked over at the clock. It was after 2:00am. He closed his book.

"It's late. Why don't you get some sleep?"

"Sleep. Sounds tempting."

"Then do it. I don't think it will come back tonight. I hope." He added.

"Me too."

He stood up and she grabbed his hand.

"Are you leaving?" She asked.

"You want me to stay?"

She looked away from him.

"Yeah." She said softly. She looked up. "I know that if it comes back, there's not really anything you can do. But I'd feel safer, I guess." She admitted.

He smiled at her and sat back down. He took her face in his hands and kissed her softly. She moved away from him and climbed under her rumpled bed covers. He pulled off his shirt and began to unbutton his pants.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"What do you mean? I'm getting ready for bed." He told her.

"Do you have to take all your clothes off?"

"Yes. I sleep nude. Is that a problem?"

"Yeah."

"Why? Afraid you won't get any sleep with my naked manliness next to you?" He asked with a smirk.

"Sort of. Just keep your pants on." She smiled.

He sighed.

"Fine. But it's not very comfortable."

"Deal with it." She told him as she snuggled down under the covers.

He climbed in beside her and put his arm around her. He nuzzled his face into her neck and began kissing her ear softly.

"Stop. We're supposed to be sleeping, remember?" She told him.

"I know." He continued to kiss her.

"Well, then keep your lips away from me. I'm tired."

He stopped kissing her, and ran his hand over her breasts with a smile. She grabbed his hand and pushed it away.

"What? My lips were no where near you." He grinned.

"If you can't contain yourself, you can sleep on the floor." She told him.

"Fine. Sleep. You're no fun." He sighed.

"That's not what you said earlier." She said with a smirk.

He shook his head at her and laughed. Then he rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. She glanced over at him.

"Goodnight." She whispered.

"Goodnight Slayer."

She smiled and snuggled closer to him. She felt his arm go around her shoulder and pull her tightly to him. They lay there for a long while, and Buffy tried to fall asleep. She just couldn't. Her mind was in overdrive, and every time she closed her eyes, she was afraid that when she opened them, she'd be stuck to the ceiling again.

Every now and again, she'd glance up at him, just to see if he was asleep. He appeared to be. It was hard to tell. After an hour, she whispered to him.

"Spike?" No response. "I can't sleep." No response. "Wake up." Nothing.

She sighed and put her head back down on his shoulder. She never dreamed in a million years that she would be here with him. It was unfathomable. But here she was. In his arms. And she was happy. That was the weird part. Spike actually made her happy. It was true that he drove her crazy, and sometimes she wanted to rip his arm off and beat him to death with it. But there were other moments.

Moments when she knew he understood her. And not in the way people usually say that they understood, but they really had no idea. He actually got it. He actually got her. Someone else actually understood this mess she called a life. And he wasn't afraid of what she was and what she had to do. Which was kind of ironic considering she was born to kill him. They were born to kill each other.

He always seemed to know what she needed. Most of the time she didn't even know, but he did. What he said earlier had surprised her and frightened her. Lately, she was thinking that he was the one she was meant to be with. She wasn't sure what that said about her. Or him for that matter. Discovering a kindred spirit in your mortal enemy was unnerving to say the least.

But it happened. She tried to pretend that it was just sex and nothing else. That in itself was bad enough. Somewhere deep down she rationalized that it was better to be just his lover, than it was to actually fall in love with him. It sounded stupid, but she wanted to believe that. She tried to believe that. But she had fallen in love with him anyway and that was terrifying.

She looked up at his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. It was almost impossible to think about what he really was, or the things he'd done. She knew that loving him was probably the biggest mistake she'd ever make. But in the end, it hadn't really been her choice. It hadn't been a choice at all. No one got to choose who they fell in love with. If they did, Spike and her would never have chosen each other. And then maybe neither one of them would have ever found that person to complete themselves the way they completed each other.

She just wasn't sure she could ever let him know what he meant to her. If she did, she knew her whole world would turn upside down. Not that it wasn't already on it's ear, but actually admitting that she loved him, was more than she felt she could deal with. Thinking about her feelings was difficult enough. Actually speaking the words out loud, was unthinkable.

She sighed and put her head back down on his chest. He could never know what she felt. She couldn't allow herself to be vulnerable to him like that. Loving him was frightening and horribly wrong. She tried to tell herself that as long as she never spoke the words, the feelings wouldn't actually be real.

Buffy tried to push all the thoughts out of her head and finally drifted off to sleep. Soon, she began to dream. She found herself walking alone at night. She wasn't exactly sure where she was until she saw it. She looked over and in the distance was a gravestone. Her gravestone. She walked over to it and stared at the words that had been inscribed in the marble.

"It's weird, huh? Looking at that?" A man asked her as he walked out of the shadows.

"Yeah. It is." She said, not taking her eyes off the stone.

"You miss it?" He asked.

"Miss what?" She looked at him.

"Death."

"It was so peaceful." She nodded slowly.

"That's what I hear."

She looked at him quizzically.

"Who are you?"

"A friend."

"Why are you here?" She asked confused.

"To help you. He's coming for you."

"Who is?"

"Death." He said casually.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"You're on borrowed time, Sweetheart. You know you're not supposed to be here, right?"

"My friends, they brought me back."

"Yeah, I know. Didn't even give you a choice, did they?" He asked.

"No. They didn't."

"Sometimes it's good to have a choice." He shrugged.

She looked at him curiously. She wasn't understanding what any of this meant.

"I'm sorry, is there a point to this?" She asked growing impatient.

"Yeah, the point is, that thing that's messing with you? That's Death."

"You mean like the Grim Reaper? The guy with the black hood and the pointy thing?"

"A sickle? That's just a myth." He shrugged. "But, he wants you back. He feels a little cheated, so to speak."

"So what do I do? How can I stop him?"

"There's only one way."

She waited for his response, but got nothing.

"I don't suppose you'd like to tell me what that is?"

"That's the thing. I can't. You need to figure it out on your own." He told her.

"Great. There seems to be a lot of that lately. Let Buffy figure it out for herself. A lot of help you are." She said irritated.

"Well, even if he comes for you, it's not so bad right? You've been there. In fact, you still wish you were there." He told her.

"Sometimes." She admitted.

"Good. Then I guess you don't need me."

He turned around and started to walk away. She called out to him.

"Wait. That's it? You're just walking away?"

"I told you, if you want to stop him, you need to figure out how. You have to wanna figure out how."

"But I-I don't know what to do. It's all so confusing. I'm having a hard enough time being alive again…living…" She trailed off sadly.

"But you're not living. Right now, you're just stealing time."

"Stealing time?"

"The key to this is choices. We all have to make them. Sometimes the choices are simple, sometimes they're not. Sometimes it's easier to crawl into your shell and let others make the choices for you. But that's not the answer." He told her seriously.

"Then what is?"

"Look inside and you'll find it." He said as he placed his hand over her heart.

She stepped back from him and gave him a lost expression.

"The answers are all in there. You can't let fear stop you. If you do, the answers will be lost. And so will you."

Before she could respond to what he had said, he disappeared. With a start, Buffy's eyes opened abruptly. She looked around and saw Spike asleep beside her. She sighed and scooted back over closer to him.

The dream had really shaken her up. It had felt so real and she knew it was trying to tell her something. She just wasn't sure what yet. Choices, stealing time, the answers were inside of her, in her heart…She squeezed her eyes shut.

You can't let fear stop you. If you do, the answers will be lost and so will you… Those words plagued her now. She wanted to think that she didn't know what that meant, but she did. She was hiding and scared. She was afraid to live. She was afraid to love. And by denying herself that, she'd never truly feel alive again. Without love, everyone would be dead inside.

She looked up at Spike and touched his face gently. Then she laid her head back down on his chest. It was all so scary. She knew she had this love inside, but she was too terrified to let it out. But keeping it bottled up was excruciating. She felt a tear fall from her eyes and she took a deep breath.

"I love you, Spike." She whispered softly.

She knew he wouldn't hear her, and that was good. She wasn't ready for him to know that. But just getting the words out, lessened the pain in her heart. She shut her eyes and forced herself back to sleep.

With her words, Spike's eyes sprang open. He stared down at the top of her head. Had she actually said that? Out loud? Maybe he had just been dreaming? No. He was pretty sure he'd actually heard it. Buffy loved him. She had said it. She had said it when she thought he couldn't hear her. But he had heard her. He couldn't contain the large grin that played over his face. He pulled her tighter to him and held her as they drifted back to sleep.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning, Spike woke up first. He glanced over at Buffy, who was now curled up on her side next to him. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. He looked at the clock. It was 9:00am. Too late for him to leave, unless he wanted to catch on fire. Which he didn't.

He put his arm around her and rested his head on her shoulder. He could get used to this. Waking up next to the girl he loved. The girl who loved him back. It was all a little surreal to him. He wondered if he should tell her that he had heard her last night. He wanted to hear her say it again. But he also didn't want to scare her off.

He supposed that it was enough for now to know that she loved him. And to know that she had finally admitted it, even if she did think he was unconscious at the time. He smiled and began placing kisses along her face, to try and wake her up.

After a minute, he felt her begin to stir. She turned around and looked at him with sleepy eyes. He smiled.

"Good morning, Sunshine."

"Ugh. Is it morning already? I feel like I just fell asleep." She groaned.

"It's after nine."

"Well at least I got a few hours in." She yawned.

"It stayed quiet at least. No ghostly disturbances." He told her.

"Yeah. I had the weirdest dream though." She said rubbing her eyes.

"What about?"

"It's not important, but it seemed pretty real at the time. I'm sure it's nothing." She said sleepily.

"I had a dream too. It was a good one." He smiled. Yeah, I dreamt that you said you loved me, only it wasn't a dream, it was real… That's what he wanted to say, but he didn't.

"Well, I'm sure your dream was something sexual and disgusting, so I don't wanna know." She sighed.

"For your information it wasn't about sex at all. Not entirely anyway." He added with a suggestive glance.

She groaned and rolled her eyes. She sat up and looked at the mess around them.

"I guess I should clean this up. God, I hate it when the nasties mess up my house. Why can't they just keep their evil deeds elsewhere?" She sighed.

"I'll help you clean it up."

"Thanks. But first, I think I need a shower. I feel like I look scary. Do I look scary?" She asked with a small smile.

"A little. But I don't frighten easily." He smirked.

"That's a good thing." She got out of bed and almost went to the curtains to open them. She turned around and looked at him. "Guess you don't really want me to open these, huh?"

"Not especially." He grinned.

"I really need to wake up. I'm just gonna take that shower now." She opened the door and headed down the hallway.

He sat in the bed and tried to contemplate what he should do next. She was in the shower. Naked and all wet. It was an image he'd like to see for himself. Maybe she wanted him to follow her? After all, she hadn't told him to stay here. But knowing her, she'd probably get mad at him. He shrugged. She might be mad, but she still loved him. He smiled at that little revelation. Plus, even if she kicked him out, he'd still have the image of her in the shower to take with him. He grinned and jumped out of bed.

He walked down the hallway and heard the water go on in the bathroom. He waited outside for a moment, then pulled his pants off. He opened the door and walked in. He crept over to the shower and opened the curtain. Buffy jumped back and screamed.

"Ahh! You scared the crap out of me!" She yelled as she smacked him hard across the chest.

He couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Sorry."

"God, haven't you seen Psycho? You can't just sneak up on a girl in the shower like that. It's wrong." She said shaking her head.

"What can I say, Baby? I'm evil." He smirked.

"Well, get your evil ass out of here!"

"But I'm feeling a little dirty…" He smirked suggestively.

"You are gross. Get out!"

"But I need a shower too. I seemed to have worked up a sweat last night." He smiled.

"Vampires don't sweat." She pointed out.

He sighed.

"Can I get in or not?" He asked finally.

She gave him a hard look and then she sighed. He looked so enticing just standing there all naked and…well, naked. She relented.

"Fine. Get in."

He shot her a satisfied grin and stepped into the shower. He wrapped his arms around her slick body. She felt his hands rubbing over her soapy skin. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the tingling sensation that went through her body at his touch. She sighed contentedly. Why had she let him come in? Now she couldn't think about anything else but shoving him against the shower wall, and ravaging him until they both screamed.

She turned around and kissed him roughly, as the shower pelted down on both of them. He turned her, so that her back was facing the wall and pressed her up against it. He broke free of their kiss and trailed his tongue down the side of her neck. She moaned and felt his hand slide between her legs.

She gripped his shoulders tightly and began grinding herself against his hand. He brought a fierce kiss to her lips. He ran his hands over her bottom and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist tightly and cried out as she felt him slide into her heat.

Downstairs, the front door opened and Dawn and Tara walked in. They noticed that in the living room, the couch cushions were messed up and the coffee table was tipped over. They both got a look of concern on their faces.

"I wonder what happened here?" Tara asked.

"I-I don't know. I hope Buffy's okay."

They looked towards the upstairs.

"I can hear the shower going. I'm sure she's fine." Tara assured Dawn.

Just then, they heard a loud crash come from above. They looked at each with worry. They made their way up the stairs.

Buffy and Spike had tumbled out of the shower, bringing the shower curtain with them. It turned out that making love in the shower was a little trickier than they had anticipated. At least slipperier. They lay in a pile on the bathroom floor, with the shower curtain tangled around them. Buffy couldn't suppress her laughter. She knew they must have looked ridiculous. Thank God, no one could see them, she thought.

Just then, the bathroom door flew open. Dawn and Tara stood there with a look of concern on their faces.

"Buffy, are you al- Oh my god! What are you doing?" Dawn said, registering what it was she was actually seeing.

"Dawn!" Buffy said, looking up at her mortified.

"Hey Little Bit." Spike said trying to act natural.

Then, Buffy noticed Tara standing behind Dawn with her mouth hanging open.

"Tara?" Buffy asked.

"Hi. Um, Uh, sorry. W-we heard a crash. And the living room was all messed up. W-we were worried. And we just…Oh god." Tara stammered, feeling her face flush with embarrassment.

"Oh, well, I'm fine." Buffy said trying to be calm, despite the fact the she was naked, wet and sprawled on the floor with Spike. She tried to cover their bodies with the shower curtain.

"That's good, cause you know we were worried." Tara said looking away.

"That's great. Can you shut the door now?" Buffy asked, wondering if they were gonna stand there all day gaping at them.

"Yeah. Of course. Dawnie, let's go." Tara said, ushering Dawn out of the doorway, and slamming the door shut quickly.

Buffy scrambled to her feet and shut the shower off. She turned to Spike, who was desperately trying to contain his amusement. He couldn't stop smiling.

"This isn't funny. This is horrifying. Stop smiling!" She shouted at him.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. Did you see the look on Tara's face? I wonder if she's ever seen a naked man before? You know, since she is a lesbian and all that." He wondered aloud.

"Shut up."

Buffy grabbed her robe and glared at him.

"Put something on." She told him.

"Like what? The shower curtain? My pants are in the hallway." He told her.

"Fine. I'll go get them. Whatever you do, don't come out. You've already corrupted my baby sister and my lesbian friend." She told him as she shook her head.

"I corrupted them? What about you? You were naked too. I have a hunch Tara wasn't looking at me." He smirked.

"Oh god. Shut up before I'm forced to kill you."

She opened the bathroom door and peeked her head out. No one was there. She looked down and saw his pants lying by the door. She grabbed them and closed the door again. She tossed his pants at him.

"I don't see why you're mad at me." He told her.

"Because. This was your bright idea. You came in here all Norman Bates. I just wanted to take a shower."

"You were the one who wanted to shag. I recall it was you who started that." He pointed out.

"Oh, and you came in here all naked because you didn't want to shag?" She said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Oh no, I wanted to." He said moving closer to her. "I still do." He said, as he pulled her into his arms.

"You're crazy. Tara and my sister are in the house. Probably downstairs waiting for us."

"So?" He said as he kissed her shoulder.

"Do you ever think about anything else?" She asked, as she began to succumb to his charms.

"No." He kissed her passionately and they slumped down onto the ground together, to successfully finish what they had started.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Tara and Dawn sat downstairs on the couch uncomfortably. They had straightened things up and neither one knew what to say now.

"Maybe I should go?" Tara offered.

"No! Please, don't leave me here alone." Dawn pleaded.

"Right. Okay." Tara nodded her head.

More uncomfortable silence followed. Finally Tara looked at Dawn.

"Is there anything you wanna talk about Dawnie? I-I mean, you know. About stuff?" Tara asked awkwardly.

"You mean about Buffy and Spike boinking in our shower? No. I really don't want to talk about that." Dawn said shaking her head vigorously.

"Well, it was a little shocking. But if you have questions or anything…"

"Tara, I'm fifteen. I know about the birds and bees. I just didn't really expect to see it up close like that. In my shower. But really, I don't need "The Talk" or anything." Dawn said uncomfortably.

"Good. Cause, I wasn't really prepared for that." Tara said quickly.

Finally, Buffy walked down the stairs, completely dressed, with her wet hair in a pony tail. She had made Spike stay upstairs. It was awkward enough, and she was afraid his presence would just make it worse.

"Hey." She said feeling her face turn red.

Dawn and Tara looked up at her.

"I'm really sorry that you guys, you know, had to see that. I-I didn't know you were home yet." Buffy tried to explain.

"Obviously." Dawn muttered under her breath.

Tara looked at both of them and stood up.

"This isn't really my business. I should go home now."

"No. Don't go." Dawn implored her.

Tara looked lost. She didn't know what to do. She had never felt so awkward in all her life.

"Maybe I should talk to Dawn alone." Buffy said.

"Okay." Tara, headed towards the door quickly.

Dawn crossed her arms and refused to look at Buffy. Buffy walked over to her and sat down.

"Look, I'm sorry." Buffy tried to apologize.

"Don't be sorry. It's not like I'm mad or anything." Dawn told her.

"You're not?"

"No. More like mortified, but not mad. It's just, since when do you and Spike, you know, do that sort of thing?" Dawn asked awkwardly.

Buffy sighed and looked away from her.

"Not long."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dawn asked.

"I don't know."

"You know I like him, right? I mean, I'm kinda the only one. Although, I guess you kind of like him too, or you wouldn't have been in the shower with him." Dawn added with the roll of her eyes.

"Yeah, I kind of like him." Buffy smiled.

"You realize that I can never take a shower in there again, don't you?" Dawn said raising her eyebrow.

"What are you getting at?" Buffy asked.

"Well, since Willow and Tara moved out, mom's big old room is kind of empty. It has it's own bathroom." Dawn pointed out innocently.

"Are you trying to get me to give you the master bedroom?"

"I think I deserve it, after you scarred my virgin eyes for life." Dawn said folding her arms defiantly.

Buffy sighed.

"Okay. You can have the big room. Anything else?"

"I'm sure I'll think of something later." Dawn smiled.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *