Title : Sweet Surrender

Author : Sophie

Rating : R

Pairing : Buffy/Spike

Disclaimer : Nothing is mine but we have Joss’ permission now.

Feedback : Please ;o)

A HUGE thanks to Yani and Pam for being very efficient beta’s. If this is good, it’s partly thanks to them.

Summary : AU/Fantasy, everybody’s human. Spike’s mom, Joyce, married Buffy’s dad, Giles, twelve years ago. They were raised like brother and sister. Spike has became a famous TV star and is engaged. Buffy stayed in Sunnydale where she works at the high school and dates Riley. Buffy’s feeling for Spike were never the sisterly kind, but she bound them, thinking he could never love her back like she wanted him too.

Unless…

Prologue

Sunnydale, December 2000

Buffy was clinging to Spike. Or was it Spike who was clinging to her? They didn’t know, and to be honest, they didn’t care.

Today, they were burying their mother.

The sun was shining brightly, contrasting almost indecently with the grieving faces of the few people surrounding the coffin.

They had wanted to keep it private, so besides the family, only their closest friends were present. Amongst them, Xander and Willow, Buffy and Spike’s best friends. They had spent most of their childhood at the Giles-Atherton house, and had always considered Joyce and Rupert like their second family.

The coffin was slowly put down in the ground, and Buffy squeezed Spike’s hand. Her own mother had died when she was three, so she barely remembered her. And she had considered Joyce like her mom ever since she had married her father. Even if she didn’t share any blood link with the woman, Buffy’s pain was the same as Spike’s.

Spike let go of her hand to put his arm around her shoulders and place a light kiss on her hair. Then each of them took a flower and threw it in the grave, before slowly going back to the cars.

A small reunion was held afterwards at the house. Buffy and Spike were standing next to each other, receiving the usual condolences.

“I hate those bloody 'appropriate phrases'. And some of those people didn’t even know mum very well,” Spike said, his English accent thicker than usual due to his emotional state.

Buffy gave him a soft smile. “I know. But some of them really meant what they said, you know. Joyce is…was very much appreciated.”

She caught a glimpse of her father talking to an attractive middle-aged woman.

“Look at that,” she told Spike, shaking her head. “Gwendolyn Post is already all over dad. I swear, that woman doesn’t have one bit of decency.”

“She never hid she liked Rupert. Even mum knew it. It was one of their favourite jokes, remember?”

Buffy laughed at the memory before stopping abruptly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Mum told me she wanted us to remember all the nice moments. And we had quite a few, huh, pet?”

The smile came back on the young girl’s face. “We sure did. I’ll go check on dad, ok?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and a hug before going to save her dad from Mrs Post’s clutches.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

A few hours later, all the guests were gone and the house was quiet.

After a quick shower, Buffy went to her father’s study.

“Do you need anything, Daddy?” she asked.

He turned his gaze from the picture of Joyce he was watching. “No, thank you honey. Where’s William?”

“I think he’s downstairs. Will you come down with me?”

He got up and sighed. “No, I think I’ll just go to bed and read a little.”

Buffy smiled and gave her dad a fierce hug. “We’ll be ok,” she told him, trying to convince herself as much as him.

They held on to each other for a minute, and then Giles pulled her away, cleared his throat and started to clean his glasses. “Right. Try to rest a little bit. The last few days have been exhausting.”

Buffy nodded. She wished her father would open up a little bit more. He had never been one for big display of affection, although Buffy had never doubted his love for her. In fact, the only person he had been more open to had been Joyce. Joyce was American but had married an Englishman and lived in England until her divorce. Then she had come back to California with Spike, where she met Giles. Giles was English too, but had been living and working in the US for a long time, even before marrying Buffy’s mom. When she died, he had raised her daughter the best he could, and even if he didn’t say it often, Buffy knew he loved her and was proud of her.

But she didn’t know what he would do now that he had lost Joyce.

She kissed him. “I will, I promise. Good night, daddy.”

“Good night, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead before heading to his room, and Buffy bit back tears. She wished she could do something to ease the pain, but there was nothing to be done and she knew it. But she hated feeling so helpless.

She found Spike in the living room, slumped on the couch with a blanket, staring at the TV screen. The sound was muted.

She took a few minutes to observe him. Even though he was a bit paler than usual, and his face wore the lines of tiredness and sadness due to the recent loss of his mom, he was as gorgeous as ever.

Since Joyce and he had arrived in their lives ten years ago, Buffy had been drawn to him. First as the big brother she thought she would never have - he was four years older. When he was twelve, he left to pursue his studies in England at his father’s request. But he came back every holiday, and always treated Buffy like his little sister, being all nice and protective, and she had always enjoyed it. When he reached the age of 18, William - or Spike, like he wanted to be called from then - had become a very handsome young man.

And Buffy’s feelings had started to change. She was 14, and discovered she had a huge crush on her stepbrother. She had thought then that it would pass with the time, that she would meet other guys and forget about the hotness that was Spike. She had grown up, met and dated other guys. But it hadn’t worked. And now she was 18, and her feelings were still there, confusing and scaring her.

Maybe it would be more reasonable to leave him be and return to her room. Yes, but at the same time he probably needed some comfort, and so did she…

He raised his head and saw her. “Hey. I thought you had gone to bed already.”

She shook her head and sat on the chair next to the couch. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. I’m exhausted, but don’t feel like going to bed. I’m too tired to sleep. Does that make sense?” she asked with a frown.

“Yes it does, miss babble mouth,” he answered with a smile. “So, how come I don’t see an army of boyfriends hanging on your skirt?” he asked.

She shrugged. “They are not exactly banging at the door…and lately, between the studies and Joyce, it was the last thing on my mind.”

Also, it would have worked out better if she had stopped thinking about Spike each time she was kissing one of her boyfriends. She had soon realized it was hopeless.

“That’s good,” he said without thinking.

“It’s good that I don’t have a boyfriend?” she asked with a slight smile.

“No, it’s not what I meant,” he said quickly, looking suddenly troubled. “But you’re still young, you should enjoy it, have fun.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I thought having a boyfriend was part of the having fun?”

She shivered suddenly. She was only wearing a tank top, and hadn’t bothered to bring a sweater before coming down.

“You cold? Come here,” Spike said, patting the place on the couch beside him and raising the blanket.

Pushing aside the little voice in her head that whispered it was not a good idea, she complied and snuggled against him. She needed comfort and so did he. So the confusing feelings would be dealt with later.

They stayed silent for a moment before she said, “It’s gonna be hard without her.”

“Yeah. I try to tell myself that she’s better where she is now, but it doesn’t help much. The last week, she barely even recognized me,” he said, with sadness in his voice.

“I worry about dad. He seems to cope right now, but who knows what’s really going on in his head?”

“You’ll be fine, both of you. You have each other. And I’ll come as often as I can. If there’s anything, you just call me.”

She nodded. “But you can’t leave the show like that.”

“I will if Rupert or you need me.”

She smiled, feeling slightly better. She ran her hand through his peroxide hair, a drastic change he had to make when he got a role in a new TV show a few months ago. “It took me a while to get use to it, but I like it now.”

“Do you watch the show?”

“Sometimes…I’m not much into science-fiction, so a show about a girl chasing vampires and demons…not really my style. But your character is cool.”

He snorted. “Cool? I’m a big bad vampire who killed hundreds of people!”

She pulled away from him. “Talking about the show…when do you have to go back to L.A?”

He sighed. “In two days. But if you need me, I can stay longer,” he said, caressing her cheek.

“No, we’ll be fine. Joyce would want you to go. It’s important for you.”

“Not as much as you are.”

Absently, his hand was still caressing her jaw and her neck. On an impulse, she leaned in and put a soft kiss on his cheek. Their eyes met and she lost herself in the azure depths of his. For a brief instant, their lips found each other’s. It was more a caress than a real kiss, but it was enough to shake them both to the core.

Buffy heard Spike gasp slightly. “Oh God, Buffy…I’m sorry. I…I wasn’t thinking…”

“No, it’s ok,” she managed to say, trying to control the frantic beating of her heart. “I guess…I guess we’re not in our right minds now, considering the circumstances.”

She struggled violently with herself to bite back the tears. There was no way she would cry in front of him.

“Yeah, that’s it. We’re both needing comfort. But still, I shouldn’t have…It was a mistake,” he said.

She got up. Stab me in the stomach, it will be less hurtful, she thought, anger rising. “Well, its time for the mistake to go to bed then,” she said in a harsh tone.

“Buffy, please…” He caught her wrist and she stopped, but didn’t look at him. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Let’s forget about it, ok?”

She took a deep breath. That was so easy for him to say. She didn’t want to forget. And she wanted to know what it meant for him. Strictly nothing, obviously, a little voice said in her head. So it was probably wiser to let it go before he started to wonder why she was making a big deal out of it.

She finally looked at him with a fake smile plastered on her face. “Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

He nodded, not convinced, but didn’t add anything. “Ok. Good night, Buffy.”

“’Night, Spike.”

She went to her room, closed the door and sat on her bed.

She had trouble breathing. Between the loss of her surrogate mom, and her confusing feelings for her stepbrother, she was feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

She lay on her bed, and let escape a little sob, then another. She buried her face in her pillow to muffle her cries.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Spike climbed into his car and waved his hand one last time towards Rupert and Buffy.

Leaving her was both a relief and a heartbreak. He loved her deeply, and without her he wouldn’t know if he‘d be able to overcome his mum’s death, and his guilt for not being there more often. And at the same time, he had a lot of confusing feelings coming from God knows where, and he hated it. The memory of their kiss two days ago was haunting him. And it had not even been a real kiss!

The sign for the L.A highway appeared in front of him, and he stepped on the gas, trying very hard to convince himself he wasn’t running away.

TBC...

Sunnydale, April 2003

“You’ll have to talk to you parents about your brother’s problem, Melissa.”

The young student sitting in front of Buffy made a face. “But he’s going to hate me,” she whined.

“He won’t hate you. He’ll probably be angry for a while, but he will realize sooner or later that you did it for his own good. Believe me. It’s too serious to be hidden from your parents.”

The young girl sighed and got up. “All right. I’ll think about it. Thank you, Miss Giles.”

Buffy smiled. “Anytime. Don’t hesitate to come and see me if there’s anything else.”

Melissa nodded, seemed to take her leave then came back.

“Yes?” Buffy asked.

“Some people say you are Spike Atherton’s sister. Is it true?”

“Yes, it’s true. I’m his stepsister, to be correct.”

“My friends and I adore him, you know, we never miss the show. Do you watch it?”

“I’m not a fan, but my boyfriend is. So I watch with him sometimes.”

“Do you think you could get me an autograph?” the girl asked boldly.

“I can ask him the next time I see him.”

Melissa beamed. “Thanks! You’re so cool! Bye, Miss Giles.”

The phone rang and Buffy waited for Melissa to leave the room before picking it up. “Sunnydale High, Buffy Giles speaking,” she said automatically.

“Hello, pet.”

Her heart leaped in her throat but she quickly controlled herself. “Speak of the devil…hi Spike.”

After his mom’s death, he had taken up the habit of calling her or her dad several times a week, and coming as often as he could. The weeks following the funeral had been very hard for all of them. Buffy and Spike had never spoke again about what had happened between them that night, and their relationship hadn’t suffered from it. Mostly because Buffy had done everything to repress her feelings and tried to see him as her big brother only. And she had managed that rather well lately. Well, most of the time.

“I knew you were talking about me. My nose was itching.”

“In fact it was one of my students. I start to wonder how many of them really come to my office for counseling. They probably hope I’ll spill juicy gossip about you.”

His warm laugh filled her ear through the receiver. “They will be really disappointed then. There’s really nothing juicy going on in my life.”

“It’s not what the tabloids say,” she teased him.

“If you’re talking about that orgy that took place in that hotel room where I trashed everything, it wasn’t really my fault,” he joked.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. How’s the show going?”

“Pretty good. We are 90% sure to be picked up for a third season. Now we are shooting the last episodes.”

In two years, Spike’s show had become a big hit. They had never expected it to have so much success, and it was partly due to the charisma and the charms of its lead actor.

“I’m glad for you. You really deserve it.”

“Now, that’s not why I’m calling. I have next week-end off, and I was thinking about coming back home for two days.”

“Sure, that’ s a good idea,” Buffy said.

She was always happy to see him, even if it was a little bit harder then. When he was around, the butterflies were never leaving her stomach.

“Is Darla coming?” she asked, referring to Spike’s fiancée.

“No. She’s shooting a movie in Vancouver.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, you’ll see Riley then. He’s coming Saturday night.”

“Didn’t you tell me he had asked you to move in with him?”

“Yeah…I’m still thinking about it.”

“How long have you been together now?”

“About 6 months.”

“And you love him?”

She hesitated just a few seconds, but enough for him to notice it. “Sure. Yes, I do. I love him.”

“If you say so...There’s no need to rush things, eh pet?”

“Of course not…dad.”

He chuckled. “I miss you, sweetheart.”

She melted. “I miss you too…even when you’re insufferable. I’ll see you on Saturday then.”

“Alright. Bye.”

She slowly put the receiver back and sighed. There were times where she wondered if she really had succeeded in putting her feelings behind her. She had a nice job as counselor at the high school. She had been lucky to get that job considering she was only 21, but the principal had thought it would be nice for the students to have someone closer to their age to listen to them. And the fact that her dad was the school librarian had helped a little bit as well.

And then there was Riley. The nicest guy a girl could dream of having. He was also the first guy Buffy had kissed without imagining it was Spike. Ok, maybe except that one time…but it was at the beginning and she hadn’t done it afterwards.

She was lucky to have found a charming and loving guy like Riley.

Prince Boring. Willow’s voice resounded in her head. Her best friend had never hid the fact that she found Buffy’s boyfriend less than exciting. Ok, so maybe he was not terribly exciting, Buffy thought, but at least he’s…nice.

She tried to come up with other epithets to describe her boyfriend, but couldn’t find any. Irritated, she pushed the thoughts away. She had to stop comparing him - and all the other men - to Spike. It was not Riley’s fault if he didn’t have those gorgeous blue eyes, beautiful cheekbones and a body to die for…

“Gah!” she exclaimed, putting her forehead on her desk. What had she done to deserve this? Would the day finally come when she would stop pining about a guy who saw her like a sister, and worst, who was engaged to another woman?

A big, fat NO appeared in her head and she sighed again.

“Hey, honey. Ready to go home?”

She raised her head, surprised. Right in front of her desk was standing Prince Bo…Riley. Damn you, Willow.

“Hey,” she said, before frowning. “Were you supposed to pick me up?”

“No, but it’s raining. So I thought you would like a ride home.”

She smiled. When he was so sweet like that, she had no trouble remembering why she loved him. “Thank you, that would be great. It’s really…uh, nice of you,” she said, wincing at her choice of words.

“Anything for my Buffy,” he said, leaning in to kiss her. She kissed him back. Because she loved him. Not because she wanted to get rid of that image of Spike in her head. And it didn’t work anyway.

“Rough day?” he asked, noting her slight lack of enthusiasm and blaming it on tiredness.

“The usual,” she shrugged.

She grabbed her stuff and they ran to the car, which was parked close to the entrance. Once inside, Buffy told him casually, “I got a phone call from Spike. He’s coming home this week-end.”

Riley smiled. “That’s great! The first and only time we met, we barely had time to talk. I would love to get to know him a little better.”

“I knew you were dating me only for my famous stepbrother,” she joked.

“Oh, you have your assets too,” he joked back, giving her a brief kiss.

“Riley, watch out!”

His attention was quickly brought back to the road, where a car was coming out of their right side. The brake screamed and the two cars screeched to a halt, a few inches from each other.

“Thank God,” Buffy exhaled, her heart pounding in her chest.

Riley turned to her and unfastened his seatbelt. “Are you alright? That stupid jerk!”

Before Buffy could stop him, he was out of the car. “Hey! Who did you suck to get your driving license?” he asked aggressively.

“What? I was coming from your right side! You were the one not paying attention, you idiot!”

With wide eyes, Buffy saw Riley rolling up his sleeves and marching towards the other car. He grabbed the other driver by his collar and almost pulled him out of the window.

“What did you just call me?”

Buffy got out of the car. What the hell was going on with him? “Riley, stop it. Let’s go home.”

“That jerk called me an idiot. I can’t let that pass, Buffy.”

She rolled her eyes. “What are you, five? It’s not worth it, Riley. Just drop it, please. Besides, he was in his right.”

She was getting scared now, because her boyfriend was holding the guy so tightly he seemed to have trouble breathing and was slightly turning red.

“RILEY!” she snapped angrily, and that seemed to do the trick. He let the guy go.

“Don’t cross my path again, understood?”

He walked back to the car and started the engine quickly, barely allowing Buffy to get back inside herself.

They stopped in front of her house a few minutes later. Buffy took her bag, trying to control her shaking. Riley put his hand on her shoulder and she almost shrieked.

“I’m sorry. But that guy was driving like a cretin.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “He was in his right, Riley. It was your fault.”

“Well he should have seen me coming,” he said stubbornly.

“Riley, you scared me. You almost strangled the guy.”

He watched her and finally noticed her shaking and pale face. “I’m sorry, baby. I got a little upset, I admit. But you could have been hurt!”

Yeah, because * you* didn’t watch what you were doing, she thought. But she didn’t dare to say it out loud. She certainly didn’t want to ‘upset’ him more…

“Thanks for bringing me home,” she said, opening the door. She had to get out. She couldn’t stand being near him right now.

“You’re welcome,” he said with a big smile, oblivious to her distress. “Do you want me to come over tonight?”

“Uh…no. I’m going to Willow’s tonight,” she lied.

“OK. Have fun Sweetie. See you tomorrow.”

She closed the door and walked to her front porch on shaky legs. She managed to give him a little wave goodbye before entering the house. He waited for her to get inside before leaving.

Buffy walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water that she drank in one gulp. The scene that had just occurred was replaying in her head. What had suddenly happened to sweet, boring Riley? It was like some demon had possessed him for a minute. She let a nervous laugh escape. To think she had just wished Riley would be a little bit more exciting…that was definitely too much excitement for her.

She was not supposed to go to Willow’s tonight, but now she really hoped her friend was at home.

TBC...

CHAPTER 2

“He what?”

“I swear, Will, the guy was almost choking. And the worst was that he was totally in his right!”

“I can’t believe this. Prince Boring losing control and turning into a villain? That’s the kind of thing that happens in Spike’s TV show.”

“Well at least if he had been possessed by a demon or something that would explain his attitude. But we’re not in a TV show and demons don’t exist.”

“Was it the first time something like that happened?”

Buffy hesitated. “He always had a certain temper…but I never saw him react so violently. Especially about something like that. There was no crash after all. I don’t understand,” she said, shrugging helplessly.

“He wasn’t drunk, right?”

“No, I don’t think so. He barely drinks anyway.”

“Maybe he had a bad day,” Willow offered again.

“He seemed in a good mood when he arrived at the school.”

Willow sighed and got up from the couch where the two girls were slumped and eating ice cream and other stuff that went straight to the hips. “Then I don’t know,” the redhead said, pushing the play button on the CD player. Coldplay’s music filled the room. “But it doesn’t make sense. Here you have Riley Finn, mister Perfect Boyfriend, always nice and sweet…and suddenly turning into some homicidal maniac.”

Buffy laughed. “Ok, maybe ‘homicidal maniac’ is a little bit too strong a word…or two words.”

“You have another one?” Willow asked, raising an eyebrow.

Buffy thought for a minute before her shoulders fell. “No,” she admitted.

“There has to be a reason. Or not. I heard about people behaving normally and then one day, bam! They go ballistic for some stupid reason.”

“Will, if this is your idea of comforting, it’s totally not working.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, with a sheepish smile. “It’s just…you know I was never really fond of him. And I was not joking, there are people who become crazy just like that. I mean, what do you know about him after all?”

“What do you mean?”

“Before he arrived in Sunnydale? What he was doing, where, how…you know, that kind of stuff.”

Buffy smiled slightly.

“I know he’s from Iowa. His dad is a marine so he’s not home often. His mom died when he was young -that’s one of the thing that brought us together- and he lived with his grandparents. He came here last summer, to start a new job as a sports teacher at UC Sunnydale…another thing we have in common. I mean, working in education.”

“I’m sure that’s a fascinating topic to talk about in bed,” Willow said sarcastically.

“We generally don’t talk much in bed,” Buffy said with a pointed look.

Willow made a face. “Yeah, you told me already about Riley’s great performances…I don’t need any more details, thank you.”

“I never gave you any details, you goof.”

“Whatever. But do you know anything about his life in Iowa? Why did he come to California? Don’t they need sports teacher in Iowa?”

“Maybe he has his reasons, like the weather, or…the beaches. I never questioned his motives for coming here. He just told me he had postulate and got the job. End of story.”

“Mmmh…Maybe you could do some research.”

“Yeah well he doesn’t almost choke people to death…”

“Neither does Riley. Uh, except in this case. But I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.”

Looking backwards, Buffy was thinking that maybe she had given too much importance to what had happened. Everyone had the right to get nervous sometimes…ok, Riley had been downright aggressive, but still…she didn’t see any reason to start watching him as a potential serial killer.

Willow didn’t seem convinced though. “If you say so…Still, be careful.”

“I will. And this week-end, I’ve got my famous stepbrother who will protect me if need be.”

Willow’s face brightened. “Spike is coming? Great! I haven’t seen him in ages!”

“Well how about we all go to the beach on Sunday? He will want to see you and Xander.”

“He’d better. Is he coming with Darla?”

“No.”

Buffy had always shared everything with Willow, except her feelings for Spike. She always had known it would be unrequited, and didn’t see the point of having discussions about it. And also because Willow had always considered Spike like Buffy’s brother (and even like her own brother) and she was afraid the red head wouldn’t understand, or worse, would be grossed out.

Now, she sometimes suspected Willow of knowing…but if she did, she never said anything.

“I’ll be glad to see him. Did he meet Riley already?”

“Just once. They didn’t talk much. When I asked Spike, he said that Riley looked…nice. Argh, there is that word again.”

Willow looked at her, confused, and Buffy sighed. “I think he was just being polite.”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“So…anything you can tell me about the last episode?”

Spike cut a small slice of steak and put it in his mouth before looking at Riley.

“Well…the Vampires take over the entire town, the Slayer dies and Hell is unleashed on earth.”

Riley frowned. “Really? That’s kinda…lame, no? And what’s going to happen next season then?”

Spike smirked and Buffy rolled her eyes. “Riley, he’s joking,” she said, glaring at her stepbrother.

The young man made a confused face before smiling. “Oh! Of course. How stupid of me.”

Spike put his knife and fork on his plate. “Sorry mate, I can’t tell you anything. Contracts and all that. The dinner was delicious, Buffy.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

They had just finished dinner and so far the conversation had gone on rather well. Of course Riley had talked mostly about the show, and Spike had nicely complied and answered most of the questions. Buffy wasn’t exactly bored, but she was looking forward to some alone time with Spike.

What? No, no alone time with Spike! It only leads to dangerous thoughts and well buried feelings that don’t need to be digged up.

“Xander and Willow want to see you,” she said, taking the opportunity of a blank in the conversation to change the subject. “I figured we could all go to the beach tomorrow.”

Spike nodded. “Great idea. I miss them. The last time I spoke to Willow it was to confirm my coming to the wedding.”

“You’re coming with Darla?” Buffy asked casually.

“She can’t. She has a guest appearance in a Canadian TV show and will be in Toronto.”

“How did you meet her?” Riley asked.

“She had a small role on my show during the first season…we hooked up rather quickly, and things went naturally from there.”

“Buffy never told me how you got that role…how it started.”

Spike smiled teasingly at Buffy. “Really? And here I thought you were talking about me all the time.”

“In your dreams, maybe,” she replied in the same tone.

“Anyway, I did the acting school bit for two years, but they kicked me out for some stupid reason I don’t even remember. I did some theater plays, then one day my agent heard about a casting for a new show. I thought it would be funny to play a vampire. I was lucky to get the role.”

“I had heard something about you being discovered while walking your dog.”

“That’s not me. That’s my colleague David. He plays the other vampire.”

Buffy got up and started to clear the table.

“Want some help, pet?” Spike asked.

“No, I’m good.”

Spike turned to Riley. “So, Riley…my turn to ask the questions.”

“Uh-ho…this can wait then,” Buffy said, putting the plates back and sitting down with a worried look on her face. Spike had his game face on. The ‘overprotective big brother’ one.

Riley smiled but shifted uneasily in his chair. “Sure, go ahead.”

“Why come all the way to California to be a sports teacher? Don’t they need sports teachers in Iowa?”

Buffy couldn’t believe this. He was exactly quoting Willow. They must have a telepathic connection.

Riley shrugged. “I just received an interesting offer, that’s all. And California was attractive, what with the nice weather and the beaches…”

Buffy looked at him, surprised. “I thought you had postulate for that job?”

“I…yeah, I mean I did and they offered me the job. That’s what I meant.”

Buffy didn’t insist, but her recent conversation with Willow was resonating in her head.

Spike’s gaze went from Riley’s slightly red face, to Buffy’s frowned one. Something there was obviously not right.

“But I’m really glad I came, or I would never have met Buffy,” Riley said, putting his hand on hers and squeezing it. It took her a little effort to smile back, but a big effort not to pull her hand away. Since the car incident, she had trouble with letting Riley touch her.

Spike looked at their joined hands for a minute.

“I hope you have serious intentions only, Riley,” he finally said.

“Gee, Spike! Did your ass get stuck in the 19^{th century?” Buffy asked, stunned.}

But Riley laughed. “It’s alright, Buffy, I understand. I would probably do the same if I had a sister. And I can assure you my intentions are very serious,” he added towards Spike. “I’ve dated several girls before, but Buffy…she’s really special.”

“That she is,” Spike agreed, suddenly watching her intensely. She blushed under his gaze.

Riley thought it was because of his compliment. “Yes you are, sweetheart. And of course it’s still a little bit early, but I must admit I think about the future sometime, and you’re always a part of it. You know, I even thought about our wedding, and who knows? Possibly children someday…” he finished with a smile.

Buffy froze in her chair. “Woah there, Riley. You never told me anything about this.”

“No, like I said, it’s probably too early. But I look forward to it.”

He looked at her hopefully, and she looked at Spike, who was watching the exchange with great interest.

“I didn’t mean to talk about this now, but since your brother was asking…”

“He’s not my brother,” Buffy snapped without thinking, irritated by Riley constantly using that word while referring to Spike.

She met Spike’s hurt look and immediately regretted her outburst.

The phone rang. “Excuse-me,” she muttered before going in the kitchen to pick it up. She came back a few seconds later. “Spike, it’s Darla.”

The young man got up and left the room.

“What’s going on, Buffy?” Riley asked with a perplex face.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to snap at you. I must be tired.”

He didn’t buy it, of course. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I was just annoyed by Spike’s questions.”

Riley shrugged. “I didn’t mind. He loves you. I suppose he wants the best for you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Are you sure this has nothing to do with what happened on Thursday? Because since then I feel you’re a little tense…and kinda avoidy.”

“No, it’s not. I…”

She was interrupted by Spike’s return. “How’s Darla?” she asked, hoping Riley wouldn’t insist anymore.

“She’s fine. She comes back Monday night and asked me to pick her up at the airport.”

He was watching her with an interrogative face, but she simply nodded and avoided his look, taking the plates to put it in the kitchen. Buffy, Queen of Avoidance, she thought ironically.

Riley got up. The atmosphere was a little bit uncomfortable.

“Well, I’ve got to go. I have an early start tomorrow.”

“Not spending the day with us, then?” Spike asked, trying to repress a too cheerful tone.

“Unfortunately. I’m going to San Diego with some friends. It was planned long ago.”

“I see. Have a nice day then.”

“Thanks. You too. It was really nice talking to you. I suppose we’ll see each other often,” Riley said, shaking his hand.

Over my dead body, Spike thought. “You bet,” he said with a fake smile.

Riley gave Buffy a quick kiss. “I’ll call you when I come back tomorrow night, ok?”

“Ok.”

He left, and Buffy finished clearing the table, waiting for Spike to say something. The confrontation should be starting any minute now…

“What was that crap about me not being your brother?”

Buffy closed the door of the washing machine and pushed the start button. A low rumble filled the kitchen.

“I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry. What Riley said surprised me…in a bad way.”

“He’s your boyfriend. You told me you loved him. Shouldn’t you be thrilled to hear him talk like that?”

“I suppose…I don’t know.”

He watched her attentively before asking, “What happened on Thursday?”

She sighed. “It was no big, really. We had a little car incident, and Riley got…nervous. He kinda lost it, and I freaked out.”

Spike looked at the door from where Riley had left. “Weird. I didn’t picture him as the violent type.”

“He’s not,” Buffy said quickly.

Spike frowned. “He never hit you, right?”

This time she laughed. “Of course not. Riley would never do that.”

There was another silence. “I don’t like him, Buffy. And he doesn’t make you happy.”

She went back in the living room. She knew there was no use arguing with him about it, yet she said, “Spike, you don’t know anything about my feelings. You come here and get all judgy on my boyfriend, but you have no clue about what’s going on between us.”

She had said that quietly, which had much more effect than if she had yelled.

“Maybe,” he conceded. “But even if I don’t know much, I know you, Buffy. I feel it in my guts. That bloke’s not right for you.”

“Of course. And do you have at least some valid points about that?”

“I can’t exactly put my finger on it but…isn’t he kind of boring?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Oh God. I swear Willow should marry you instead of Xander.”

He smiled. “Well I always had a soft spot for Red.” His face became serious again. “And he bailed on you tonight. As soon as things were a little uncomfortable, he ran away like a bleedin’ coward.”

She knew he was right, but she wouldn’t admit it for the world. Hearing Spike telling her this was only increasing her doubts about Riley and her feelings for him. And she didn’t want to have doubts. She just wanted to pursue a nice relationship with a sweet guy who didn’t remind her of her yummy

soon-to-be married stepbrother.

She sat down on the couch and he kneeled in front of her. “I’m not telling you to ditch the guy, Buffy. But I want to see you happy. And right now you’re not.”

He put a lock of hair behind her ear and she closed her eyes, leaning into the touch of his hand.

“I feel lonely sometimes,” she admitted. “Since Dad met Jenny, he’s not around much…which I understand. I really do. He has the right to have his own life, and after all I’ve got mine, with a nice job, and my friends, and Riley…But sometimes I feel like something’s missing. I wish…I wish your mom were still here. I’ve missed her a lot lately.”

She smiled, trying to chase the gloomy feelings. “But I’m happy when you’re here with me,” she said quietly.

He pulled her in his arms and she closed her eyes. Her heart was beating so fast she was surprised he didn’t feel it. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck and he tightened his hold.

And the atmosphere changed. It was subtle, but they both sensed it.

Spike’s embrace was not a brotherly one anymore. His hands were caressing her back slowly, and his face was buried in the silkiness of her hair. Buffy didn’t dare to move, afraid to break the moment. So she just kept her eyes closed, savoring the proximity of his body, the way his hands were wandering in slow motion on her back. He finally broke the embrace, looked at her while gently pulling her hair out of her face. They stayed like this for a while, and for a minute Buffy thought - hoped - that he would kiss her. Their lips were just a few inches from each other. It would be so easy to lean her head and…the memory of what had happened three years ago came up in her head and she gasped slightly in anticipation.

That was enough to break the spell. Spike blinked, seemingly waking up from the same enchantment she had been caught in.

But he didn’t pull away, like she expected. He put a soft kiss on her cheek, saying, “Whenever you need me, I’ll be there for you.”

She smiled “I like it when you go all Bon Jovi on me.”

He smiled back and got up. “Well, if we want to make an early start tomorrow, we’d better go to bed. Sleep well, sweetheart.”

“Yeah…you too.”

Buffy stayed a few more minutes downstairs, wondering what had just happened. Because something had definitely happened. And he had felt it too, of that Buffy was certain. Unless…unless her mind was playing games again and it was just wishful thinking on her part.

As usual…

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

In the bathroom upstairs, Spike stepped into the shower and let the cold water try to soothe his troubled feelings.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Why are you looking at her like that?”

Spike tore his gaze away from Buffy and turned it to Willow. “Like what?”

“With that thoughtful and worried face.”

They were both sitting on the beach, under a parasol, while Buffy and Xander were playing Frisbee a few feet away.

“I’m worried about that bloke she’s dating,” Spike admitted.

“Prince Boring? Yeah, I don’t like him much either.”

Spike shot her an amused glance. “What did you call him?”

“Prince Boring.”

He whistled. “Good one, Red.”

“Isn’t it? I’m kinda proud of it myself,” she said with a goofy smile. “I’m suspecting Buffy’s thinking about him that way too. Even if she doesn’t like it very much. It reminded me the way of your mom reacted the first time you told her you wanted to be called Spike instead of William. I’ll never forget her face.”

Spike chuckled. “And Rupert’s. They said they wouldn’t want to hear that ridiculous nickname in the house ever again. My dad always refused to do it as well. Buffy is the only one who did it…with you and Xand.”

“And now all your fans all over the world,” she joked, before adding more seriously,” Did Buffy tell you what happened with Riley?”

“The car incident? She mentioned it, yeah. What do you think?”

Willow hesitated. “I’m not sure…I never liked Riley very much, and I can’t even explain why. I mean, I’m a sociable girl most of the time, and if I don’t like someone, I generally have a good reason. Like when Cordelia Chase - remember her? That vacuous tramp! For weeks she tried to put her hands on Xander, and it wouldn’t penetrate her thick skull that he was not interested. And that’s absolutely of no interest to you either. So, what I’m saying is, I can’t find any reason. It’s just a gut feeling.”

Spike nodded, watching Buffy again. “I know what you mean.”

“I asked Buffy if she wanted me to do some research about him, but she said no.”

Spike stayed silent for a moment, before asking, “Could you do it though? I would, but with the shooting schedule we work at night mostly and sleep during the day. I literally live like a vampire. Also you have all those Internet facilities which I don’t have a clue about.”

“I’ll see what I can do. I don’t like doing this behind Buffy’s back, but I would feel better if I was sure he’s not some dangerous maniac on the run.”

“Well, if she learns about it, blame it all on me,” Spike offered.

“Ok. I’ll do that. Now enough about Prince Boring. Tell me about the show. How is the season going to end?”

“I thought the script for the ending was all over the Internet?” he said.

“I prefer to hear it from the source.”

He smiled. “All right. You promise not to tell anyone?”

Willow nodded solemnly. “I’ll be as silent as the grave.”

“Ok then. At the end of the last episode, the Slayer was kicked out by her friends, remember? Well, this is what happens next…”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

They came back from the beach rather late, having enjoyed the sunny day as much as possible. Since Spike had moved to L.A, and the three others were working, they didn’t have much time for gatherings anymore. So they appreciated those moments even more.

Buffy went to take a shower before coming down with the intention of starting dinner. She found Spike sitting on the back porch stairs, reading something. All thoughts of dinner forgotten, she sat next to him.

“What are you doing?”

“Learning my lines for the next episode. Could you help me rehearse that passage?”

She took the transcript. “But then I’ll know what’s going to happen,” she pouted.

He raised an eyebrow. “Like you care. You don’t watch the show anyway.”

“Sure I do! Sometimes. Enough to know what’s going on.”

“Really?” he said with a skeptical look on his face.

“Really. Your show is about a girl named Fanny…”

“Faith.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Anyway, she alone will stand against the vampires and the forces of darkness because she’s the Slayer. That part I know by heart cause it’s told by the sexy British guy who plays her Watcher at the beginning of every episode. And it’s getting a bit repetitive if you ask me. So, that girl, Faith, she falls in a love with a vampire with a soul - and hello, isn’t she supposed to slay them? - but they can’t be together because of a stupid curse. They did it once and he lost his soul and tried to kill everyone and destroy the world. So she moves on, kills a lot of baddies, wears tons of different outfits even if she doesn’t seem to have a lot of money, and parties with her friends. And then bam ! You’d think she would know better, but no. She falls in love with another vampire. You. And for some reason I don’t think this is going to end well either.” She turned to him, rather proud of herself. “See? I know the important stuff.”

“Looks like you do. So? Will you help me? Cause I would hate to kill the suspense for you.”

She shrugged. “Nah. I’ll live. Which scene is it?”

“That one. I found Faith in an abandoned house and we have a conversation. Pick from that line, ok?”

“Ok.” She cleared her throat and started to read, “ ‘What are you trying to say?’”

“ ‘I don’t know. I’ll know when I’m done saying it. Something pissed me off, and I just…Unattainable. That’s it.’ “

“ ‘Fine. I’m attainable. I’m an attain-a-thon. May I please just go to sleep?’ “ Buffy raised her head from the script. “God, that girl can be a real bitch sometimes. What do you see in her?”

Spike smiled. “You’ll get it once you’re really in love. May I go on? That monologue is a pain in the ass.”

“Sorry. Go ahead.”

Spike started the monologue and Buffy read along. At some point, she raised her head and met his sapphire eyes. He was looking at her while talking.

“ ‘…I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity what you are. You’re a hell of a woman. You’re the one, Buffy.”

He stopped, but didn’t tear his gaze from hers.

“Faith,” she whispered.

He blinked. “What?”

“You said Buffy. In the script, you’re talking to Faith.”

He looked down on the script, then back at her. “For a moment it felt like I was talking to you,” he said quietly.

Her face betrayed her surprise, and she suddenly realized their faces were very close. His fingers wandered on her face, tracing the outline of her eyebrow, the soft curve of her cheek. She closed her eyes, praying silently for him not to stop. Whatever possessed him to be suddenly so tender, she didn’t want it to stop.

And suddenly, Spike’s lips were on hers. At first it was hesitant, just a butterfly touch, like the first and only kiss they had shared a few years ago. But then the pressure of his mouth became more insistent, and she opened hers to allow him the entrance.

When she felt his tongue searching for hers, she nearly started sobbing.

She didn’t know how long the kiss lasted. It was very tender at first, and was now becoming more intense. His hand, that had been holding her face, was now slowly descending on her shoulder, then sliding under her arm near the soft swell of her breast. She was wearing a light blouse and no bra, and she could feel the burning sensation of his hand through the thin texture. She was dying to feel it on her skin. Boldly, she put her own hand under his t-shirt, her fingers timidly running on his back and his side, before reaching his chest. When she felt him react to her touch, she nearly squealed in delight. Was she really able to make him feel the same wondrous sensations she was experiencing?

Spike’s mouth was now on her jaw and his hand brushed her breast. She gasped, shocked at the sudden wave of pleasure that rush through her. Not really an orgasm yet…but she was definitely close to it. And if Spike’s ragged breath was any clue, the hardness she was feeling through his shorts was the only proof she needed. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. And nothing on this earth would stop them from being together.

The phone rang, brutally shattering her nice illusion.

They pulled away from each other, both panting heavily. The ominous ringing finally penetrated her brain, and she got up, walking into the kitchen on unsteady legs.

“Hello?” She barely recognized her own voice.

“Buffy? Hi sweetheart!”

“Riley. Hi.”

She made a tremendous effort to regain her focus and talk normally to Riley. Her cheeks were flushed and her heart was beating awfully fast. How are you supposed to talk to your boyfriend when you just shared a passionate kiss with another man?

She shortened the conversation. She was feeling guilty. Not because of her kiss with Spike. But precisely because she wasn’t feeling guilty at all. She had kissed another man - hell, she had been ready to let him make love to her right there on the back porch - and she had absolutely no regrets. She would do it again in a heartbeat.

But when she turned to Spike, she knew it wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Reality, in the form of Riley, had just hit them back hard in the face.

Spike didn’t say anything, thankfully. No ‘I’m sorry’ or other nonsense like that. She could see he wasn’t sorry either. But he was feeling guilty.

She knew exactly about what he was thinking. Or rather about who.

Darla.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Two days later, Spike was sitting in his apartment’s kitchen, drinking his morning coffee. I’m such a jerk, he thought. He hadn’t called Buffy yet. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say he was sorry because he wasn’t. Wouldn’t tell her it was a mistake because it didn’t feel like one. That was what was scaring him the most. It had felt so right to kiss her. Never ever had he felt something like that before.

But she was his stepsister, and therefore it was wrong. He had grown up with her. How could he now have those kind of…lusty feelings while thinking about her? She was beautiful. But he met a lot of beautiful women everyday, and didn’t feel the urge to cheat on Darla with them. And that was another problem. He had asked Darla to marry her. Probably not for the right reasons, but that was between Darla and him and he would marry her. He couldn’t have those kind of feelings for Buffy. He had always considered her as a sister.

He would have to talk to Buffy. Explain to her…explain what? He could already see the hurt in her eyes and he couldn’t stand to see her hurt. But that situation between them needed to be resolved.

He heard the front door open and Darla walked into the kitchen, holding a newspaper. She tossed it on the table in front of him.

“Really, Spike, you could have told me you were having an affair with your sister.”

His eyes scanned the front page, one of those trashy papers he avoided like the plague. His eyes grew wide.

“Bloody Hell.”

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