A/N: Ok so here's another new story. If you like it please review. I like to know what you think of the stories i write. So plz,plz, plx review.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.


What's Mine is Yours


Chapter 1 - Non-Friendly Situations


She looked in the mirror, surveying the damage. It wasn't too bad
really. Could have been a lot worse. The purple bruise on her cheek
would be easy enough to cover up, as would the one near her lip. The
others she could hide with her clothes. She picked the small round pad
out of her make up bag, dipping it into her powder, she brought it to
her cheek and started softly patting the purple bruise. She watched as
it began to disappear. It took her another fifteen minutes but soon
she could look in the mirror and no ugly, purple marks were invisible.
Now to hide the rest.


She pulled a red long sleeved sweater from her closet. Then a pair of
simple blue jeans. She hurriedly dressed. She rushed around her room
collecting everything she needed for the day. Glancing at the clock,
she grabbed everything in her hands and began shoving them in her bag.
Taking one last look in the mirror to make sure she looked
presentable, she quietly opened her bedroom door. She looked to her
left, seeing her mom's bedroom door still closed, she moved quiet as a
mouse, down the stairs and straight out the door.





At lunch later that day, after managing to barely concentrate on her
classes, Buffy made her way towards her usual table on the quad where
her friend was sitting.

"Hey Wills." she said taking her usual seat.

"Hey Buff, how are you?" Willow said lightly scrunching her eyebrows.

"I'm ok." she answered, but not in a believable way.

Willow gave her a funny look.

"I'm ok!" she repeated, louder this time.

"If you say so." The redhead knew something wasn't right. And she
thought she knew what it was. Buffy had been acting strange for a
while, and Willow was worried about her. But they were best friends,
and Willow was determined to find out what the hell was going on. And
she was going to find out today.

"Hey Buff, I need to go to the bathroom. Come with?"

Buffy nodded "Sure." she stood, carrying her empty lunch bag to the
trashcan. She then turned back to her friend. They walked together in
absolute silence. That wasn't a strange thing for them anymore. But a
few months a go, you could never shut either of them up when they were
together. And they both wanted that back.


Willow marched into the bathroom ahead of Buffy. After checking that
there was nobody else inside, she locked the door. She turned to
Buffy, her resolve face already firmly in place. Someone had to take
the initiative and get to the truth. Willow wasn't usually the kind of
person who took charge. That had always been Buffy. But, on this
occasion it would seem she didn't have any choice but to take control.

"What..." Buffy started, only to be immediately cut off by Willow.

"Buffy, something is going on here. I don't know for sure what but I
have an idea. So you can either tell me, or I will find out for
myself."

"Willow, nothing is wrong." Buffy wiped her clammy hands on the side
of her jeans, something she did when she was nervous and it did not go
unnoticed by Willow. That was it.

"Really? Because I don't believe you. Something is going on Buffy.
You've been different for a while, and that's not because of "nothing"
it's because of something. I want to know what."

"It's nothing," Buffy mumbled again.

"Ok, I guess I'm going to have to find out for myself then." Willow
declared, marching right up to Buffy and grabbing her wrist, noticing
Buffy's wince when she did so. She looked Buffy square in the eye as
she pulled up her sleeve, revealing red handprints and bruises
scattered the length of her arm. Willow gasped when she saw it.

"Buffy, what the, where did these come from?"

Buffy didn't say anything, but Willow saw a lone tear slip from her
friend's eye. And she knew.

"Your mom." she whispered. Buffy, unable to say anything, only nodded
that her friend was correct. Willow was only partly surprised.
Everyone knew that Buffy's mom wasn't a particularly nice person. In
fact, at times she could be downright loony. And they knew she could
be violent, but Willow had never thought the violence had been
directed at Buffy. She couldn't believe how wrong she had been.

"Buffy, how long has this been going on?" Willow as gently as
possible, not wanting to upset her friend further.
Buffy sniffed. "About a year or so. But only really bad for the past
few months."
Willow wrapped her am around Buffy, as a show of comfort.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. I wish you would have told me. But we can sort
this out now. We will, I promise."
Buffy pulled away from Willow, shaking her head forcefully.

"No, Willow. You cannot tell anyone about this. We only have a year of
school left. It'll be ok. But if she finds out people know, it will
only get worse. Please just leave it be" she begged.

"But Buffy, she's hurting you." Willow was desperately trying to get
her friend to see sense.

"I can handle it. Please just promise me you won't say anything, to anyone."

Willow felt close to tears herself by now. She wanted to help Buffy,
and keeping the situation secret wouldn't do that. But Buffy looked so
desperate too. And Willow just couldn't bring herself to disagree with
anything her friend wanted when she saw that on her face. So,
hesitantly she nodded that she would keep the secret.

"Thank you so much." Buffy said as she pulled her friend into a hug.

"I don't like this Buffy."

"I know Wills, but I promise I'll be ok. If things get worse I'll tell
you." Buffy crossed her heart as she said the words.

"You better, because I don't want to see anything bad happen to you."

"It won't, I promise." Buffy then picked up her things. She unlocked
the door. She was almost out the door, she noticed Willow wasn't
following she turned back to her.

"You coming?"

Willow forced herself to smile.

"Yeah," she followed Buffy out, just as the end of lunch bell rung. So
they change the direction they were heading in.

"So, what are you doing after school?" Buffy was trying to lighten the
mood, and take the conversation away from her situation. She knew
Willow wouldn't buy her false cheerfulness. But she also knew, her
friend would go along with it.

"No plans. I was intending maybe stopping in at the Espresso Pump for
a coffee before heading home. You know, with you and Xander."

"Same as normal then." Buffy stated.


Normal, now there was a word. Things that everyone did, that everyone
experience. So, she would keep putting on a happy face and acting like
everything was fine. Yeah, normal, that was what she needed. But also
what she knew she may never have.
 

Chapter 2: Mommy Dearest



Buffy was weary as she arrived back home that afternoon. She could never guess what kind of mood her mother was going to be in, or if she would even be home at all. The uncertainty was one of the things that got to Buffy the most. Because sometimes, just when she thought things were okay, that maybe that would be the day that would pass without a beating or an argument; something always seemed to go wrong. Something happened to screw it all up.





Of course, the uncertainty wasn’t always there. Because there were days when she could tell straight away that it was a bad day. That a beating would come sooner or later. And she was always right. It always happened. She only wondered what kind of day today was going to be.





She opened the door, trying her best to be as quiet as possible, hoping to be able to sneak right upstairs and put off finding out for a little while. But no such luck.

“Buffy” her mother screeched as soon as she crossed the threshold. Buffy cringed at the sound of her mom’s voice. But if she tried to ignore her things would only be worse; so instead of going towards the stairs, she went in the direction of the living room.

“Hey mom” Buffy greeted, trying to pretend that everything was ok.

“You left without saying goodbye this morning”

“Sorry, I overslept” was the mumbled response.

Drusilla came right over to Buffy and grabbed her by the wrists.

“Don’t lie to me. I’m your mother you should respect me. I will not tolerate your disobedience,” she hissed. Buffy winced in pain as her mother’s long sharp fingernails dug into her tender flesh.

“I’m sorry; I won’t do it again,” she promised. Hoping beyond all hope that it would be enough. But she should have know better, it was never enough. Drusilla never loosened her grip

“ You better believe you won’t. Just remember Buffy, that you are my daughter. You do as I say, when I say it. You are an arrogant little bitch who has destroyed my life. I wish I never had you!” The woman’s English accent was more pronounced as she spat the words out. Buffy wanted to cry but she never did. At least not in front of her mother. Sometimes she allowed them to fall later, when she was by herself. But only when she was alone/

“Pleas, let me go” she begged

“You deserve it for lying”

“I didn’t, I swear I didn’t” Buffy cried out.

“Don’t answer back!” Drusilla yelled, slapping Buffy again. But this time, she didn’t stop. She kept slapping, and punching and scratching. And Buffy felt powerless to do anything about it.





Drusilla had moved to Sunnydale at 17, she was pregnant not long after. She met a guy a couple of weeks after she arrived and screwed him in the bathroom of a club the night they met. She never saw him again, not that she cared. The only part that she cared at all about was that she ended up saddled with a baby. That didn’t change her ways though. No, Buffy wasn’t deaf. He heard her mom with the different men she brought home every weekend. She’d had a couple of ‘serious’ boyfriends over the years, meaning there were a couple of guys she had sex with more than once. But they never lasted; it was mostly all one-night stands.





Hours later Buffy lay curled up in a ball on her bed. This beating hadn’t been as bad as some of the others. Drusilla had avoided hitting her in the face for a change. But her arms were covered with fresh cuts and bruises. But the emotional pain was worse than any physical pain. The scars on her body disappeared eventually, but the ones in her heart, those would never go away. So many thought were running around inside of her head. The thought that a mother was supposed to love her child. Not beat them and say that they regretted that the child had ever been born. There was supposed to be a bond between a mother and a daughter; and it hurt Buffy that she didn’t have that. It hurt that everywhere she turned she saw a mother and daughter who got on. A mother who cherished her daughter and wanted to spend quality time together, and when she saw them she wished silently that she was that daughter. That it was her mother who took her shopping to the mall, or out for ice cream. That it was her mother who always gave her a kiss goodnight and always told her how much she loved her. But it never was, and deep down she knew that it never would be and that was the thing that hurt more than anything. That her mother would never love her. That her mother would never care like that. It was those thoughts that always brought the tears eventually. And tonight was no different. Tonight, she lay there curled up and tears stained her face. She cried quietly, and in the next room she heard her mom with another of her one- night stands. Because she Drusilla had left just after she had finished beating Buffy. And as Buffy tried to block out the sound, her weeping softly continued.




Chapter 3: Moving



Two weeks had passed since that night. Things hadn’t been great, but they hadn’t been just as bad either. Drusilla hadn’t been around much, she was always busy with her new boy toy, granted a lot of that time was spent in the house in the room next to Buffy, but at least it kept her away from Buffy for a little while. Also, it meant Drusilla wasn’t drinking as much, which helped. But just because there hadn’t really been a beating, didn’t mean that the verbal abuse had stopped. Oh no, that was as bad as ever. Whenever Buffy did see her mother, she was yelled at. She had been called a “whore” and a “bitch” so many times that she had actually started to believe it. After all, why would her own mother say it if it wasn’t true? And they do say like mother, like daughter. And she had slept with a few people, so it must be true. Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself.





Buffy hadn’t spoken to Willow any further about the situation either. Willow had tried to broach the subject several times, but Buffy had brushed her it off. She felt kind of like, if she pushed it far enough under the carpet then she could pretend it wasn’t happening. But it never worked. She still didn’t want to talk about it though. There were a lot of reasons, but mostly she didn’t want her friends to think any different of her. She knew Willow only wanted to help, but for some reason she still couldn’t bring herself to talk to her about it, because of her own fears. She wouldn’t accept any help; even from the person she called her best friend. Something inside just refused to let her. And it wasn’t just fear of her mother. She couldn’t figure out what it was.


So now, it was Friday afternoon, and Buffy, Willow and their other friend Xander were sitting in their usual booth at the pizzeria on Main Street. Xander was still oblivious to what was going on with his friend; he was still acting the same as ever. And in many ways Buffy was grateful, because that was what she wanted. So she sat in the booth at the pizzeria. They were talking about general things. How school had been that week, who had annoyed whom, how much Xander hated the jocks and the cheerleaders. Because Cordelia and Harmony were complete bitches, but Cordelia was still gorgeous and he still wanted her. Buffy was nodding and smiling alone. But she started to zone out. She stopped paying any real attention. She could see their lips moving but she didn’t hear the words that were coming out of them. AT least not at first, she saw Willow say something to Xander and then an exclamation cut right through and she heard those words

“She hit her?”
Buffy was horrified. ‘she told him, she told him, she told him’ those three words ran through her head. Her head snapped round to look at them and shook her head vehemently as she began to ramble on.

“Hit, no, nobody got hit. There was no hitting of any kind. She would never hit. You were wrong, completely totally wrong.”

Xander looked at her like she had grown a second head.

“Buffy, we were talking about a fight today at school. What are you talking about?”

Buffy looked horrified, she looked between her two friends. Before turning and running.





She didn’t stop running until she reached home. And as she ran through the door she didn’t even give thought to whether her mother was home or not. She just took straight for the stairs. However she came to an abrupt stop when she reached her room.

There standing amidst her things, and a lot of things that weren’t hers, was a man with white blonde hair. Dressed all in black, looking around.

“Who are you?” she asked startling him.

“Name’s Spike.”

“Where is my mother?” she asked.

“She had to go out. You must be Buffy.”

Buffy looked stunned, here was this man standing in her room. Why was he in her room?

”What are you doing here?” she exclaimed.

“Oh, I moved in today. I’ve been seeing your mum. And she told me I could use this as like a music room, to store my guitar and things. Because you like to sleep in the basement,” he did look quite bemused by that though. But Buffy couldn’t tell him otherwise.

“Oh yeah.” so this was her mother’s new toy, she thought to herself “Sorry my stuff is still here, haven’t gotten around to moving it or decorating yet. I’ll get it out of your way soon.”


“Don’t worry about it. Say, do you want some hot chocolate?”

Buffy nodded “Sure.”
She turned and waited for him to follow her from the room.


Buffy laughed, the first genuine laugh in a while. Spike seemed like he was a pretty descent guy. But he was sleeping with her mother so she couldn’t be sure. He could be a big sleaze, just like the rest of him.

“Well, I should get my stuff down to the basement.” she told him.

“I’ll help if you want.” he offered.

“Thanks.”

So they went and started moving everything. Her clothes, her wardrobe, her dresser. Everything. Bit by bit everything ended up in the basement, just waiting to be arranged. The only thing that wasn’t moved was the bed, instead she would be sleeping on a cot that was down there. She put on a bright smile as they worked. She wasn’t though, she no longer had a bedroom, instead she had been banished to the basement. But she couldn’t be angry at Spike, he seemed like he was only doing things based on what Drusilla had told him and she really wasn’t surprised that she would do something like that. And although she had managed to push it aside a little, it did hurt. Hurt that her mother cared so little.




Spike looked around the miserable, dingy little basement and wondered why she wanted to stay down here. But instead of just thinking it, he decided to ask her out loud.

“Buffy, why would you want to stay down here?”

Buffy couldn’t look straight at him when she answered.

“Peace, it’s quiet down here. And I usually leave in the morning before mom gets up so I don’t have to worry about waking her.” she said, hoping he would believe her. She was relieved that he seemed to. He simply shrugged, accepting what she said. She jumped when she heard the front door slam and her mom’s voice call out for Spike. He excused himself and went to see her.



Buffy busied herself moving things around, praying her mom wouldn’t come down. But things never went the way she wanted. And about 20 minutes later she heard her mother’s heels clicking on the concrete steps. Buffy immediately turned to face her, knowing it would anger Drusilla if she didn’t.

“Hi mom.” Buffy pasted a fake smile, but her mom never bought it. Drusilla kept what she had to say short, well at least compared to what she normally would say.

“I hope you like your new room. I don’t know how much of this will be staying though. I don’t think there’s enough room. Stay out of my way, and don’t be bringing any of your conquests back here you little whore. And I’m going to be busy with Spike, keep your mitts off. If I could, I would throw you out on the streets, I don’t want you here. But I have to put up with you, for now. But be warned, I wish you were never born. You’ll do well to remember that you do as I say and I can do as I wish. And Spike will not know anything about anything. Or you will be sorry.”


She looked at Buffy with such contempt before turning on her heel and stomping back up the stairs. Buffy stood frozen, watching her go. It was only a matter of moments before her walls crumbled and she sank to her knees, tears wracking her body. And she felt like they would never end.


 

Chapter 4: Time of the year



Buffy lay on her small cot on the basement, pulling her pillow over her head to try and muffle the sounds that her mom and Spike were making. She couldn’t believe it, even in the basement she could still hear them going at it. They were like rabbits, she didn’t think they even took a break sometimes.


She hadn’t really seen much of Spike since that first day, she was at school during the day and if he and Drusilla weren’t having sex then he was locked away in his music room. However, every time she did see him, even though it was mainly in passing he was nice enough to her. She hadn’t really spoken to him though, it was really just a basic impression. He could be really sarcastic sometimes she had noticed. But he seemed to have a good heart. So she wouldn’t condemn him just because he was seeing her mom, who was a complete bitch.


That was the other thing that got to Buffy. She had been beaten a few times in those weeks, normally when Spike had gone up or was holed up in his room. Drusilla would come down to the basement and pick a fight and then beat Buffy senseless, but as ever Buffy had done pretty well at hiding it. Even from her friends. But she was happy to have a couple of weeks of not having to hide it, because school had broken up for Christmas that afternoon. So Christmas was 3 days away and Buffy hadn’t bought any gifts. The one improvement since Spike moved in was that she actually received an allowance. She had always been given a small amount of money but it wasn’t much. She got more now. So she had save it up and was going to buy gifts tomorrow. If she ever got any sleep that is.

She pulled the pillow off her head and threw it with a groan, turning over on her other side, and trying again to block out the sounds.



She finally got to sleep about 2am, she didn’t think that had been the end of her mother’s activities for the night, but there was enough of a lull to give her time to fall asleep, and she was definitely thankful for that. But she had still woken up when her alarm went off and got herself ready for her day gift shopping at the mall. She moved around her ‘room’ tidying a little. Then she pulled her money out from a shoebox in her small wardrobe where she had stashed it. There was about $500. She had been getting around $50 a week, she thought her mom was trying still to impress Spike and play the caring mother when he was around. But at least she had enough money to buy pretty descent gifts. She had also been saving money over the last few months off the small allowance so she had more than she would normally have done, but she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.


She had a fair idea what she was going to buy everyone. Now she just had to get out of the house without any arguments from her mother. She went upstairs and finished getting all her things together. She put her money in her purse and got ready to go, just as she was going into the hall, Drusilla and Spike came downstairs. Buffy smiled at them

“Morning,” she said as cheerfully as possible

“Morning,” Spike replied

“Good morning sweetheart, sleep well?” Drusilla asked as she kissed Buffy on the cheek. Buffy tried to hide her flinch. This was a new thing, Drusilla always acted this way when Spike was around both of them. Buffy just kept a smile firmly in place and played along with her mother’s act of happy families.

“Where you off to?” Spike asked.

“The mall, I wanted to go pick up some Christmas gifts,” she told him

“Cool,” he said, his English accent thick, “Hey, tell you what, I have some last minute shopping to do myself and your mom has plans this morning, how about I come with you? I’ll drive” he offered.

Buffy nodded, glad of the offer of a ride if nothing else “Sure,” she agreed.

“Ok, let’s go then.” He turned and kissed Drusilla quickly telling her he’d see her later before leading Buffy out, holding the door for her. Neither of them noticed the anger in Drusilla’s eyes.




Buffy laughed, she and Spike had done a lot of their shopping together so far and they were getting along well. She had been right, he could be a descent guy. They had talked about general things, Spike had told her all about his childhood in England. How he was a geek in school and changed his image when he got more into image and basically to give himself more confidence when he started university. He had realised after school that he could be whoever he wanted to be at university. It would be all new people and he could give himself a new identity. But he also told her that although he looked different on the outside and was more confident, he was still the same on the inside. He still had the heart of a poet.


Buffy was filled with admiration for him, he had changed himself for the better but still stayed a nice person. People, he had told her, always had a certain perception of him. And to some extent, yes, he played up to it. He played the role of the bad boy, but he also cared and loved with all he was, and in Buffy’s mind that was amazing.


She had told him about her friends. About how Willow was the person she could always turn to. And she talked about how much she loved her friends and could never be without them. She told him about school, classes and just everyday stuff. But never once did Drusilla come up in the conversation, the subject of her mom just never arose. Not that she minded of course. It was nice to have a day where she wasn’t thinking or worrying about her mom or what she was going to do. And she wasn’t going to do anything to damage the good feeling she had.


She now had only one gift left to buy, Spike’s. She had to get rid of him to give herself a chance to find something nice. After all, he lived with her and he was nice to her. That didn’t happen often with her mom’s boyfriends so she wanted to make an effort.

“Hey Spike, I have to go pick up another couple of gifts, but they’re special, for mom,” she lied “so why don’t we split up for an hour and meet up back here in an hour,” she suggested.

Spike was glad, he had to buy her a gift. He thought it only right, she was his girlfriend’s daughter after all.

“Ok,” he agreed “see you in an hour then pet.”


Buffy nodded, and said goodbye as the went their separate ways.



Buffy browsed the many shelves and displays looking for something. She wasn’t quite sure what. But she would know what it was when she saw it. She kept looking, and looking and finally she spotted it.



Spike smiled and thanked the sales assistant as he accepted the bag holding the gift. He was happy with his purchased, he grinned to himself as he exited the shop and went to meet Buffy.






On Christmas morning Buffy was shook awake. She opened her eyes to see a widely grinning Spike by the side of her bed. Buffy sighed and sat up.

“What do you want?” she mumbled

“It’s Christmas,” he announced, sounding wide-awake and very much like an excited little boy.

“Yeah” Buffy agreed in a voice that asked him to get to the point. Buffy hadn’t had a good Christmas in years so she couldn’t work up the excitement.
“Well, get up lazy bones,” he demanded. Buffy shook her head. “Get up, come on it’s Christmas, you’re supposed to be happy on Christmas.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, she wasn’t happy any other time of year, why should Christmas be any different. But he wasn’t going to give up so she shoved the covers away from herself and got out of bed, grumbling about it being far too early. She followed him upstairs.


A real smile spread on her face when she got there. A tree that had not been there the night before stood proudly in one corner. Gifts sitting neatly under it. And what was better In Buffy’s opinion was that Drusilla was nowhere to be seen. She turned to Spike

“This is great, but when did you do this?”

“After your mum, went to bed last night” he said “I know she said she was never a fan of decorating for Christmas, thinks it’s a waste of time but Christmas isn’t Christmas without a tree.”


“It looks great. But why isn’t mom here?”

“I had a feeling she wouldn’t appreciate being woken up so early, and anyway, I thought that maybe you would appreciate it. Maybe you could have a nice Christmas. I know your mom loves you and every family is different and you guys have just never been big on this holiday I guess. But I thought you should be allowed to experience it anyway.” He told her this, all the while still grinning at her.

Buffy felt her heart swell, it was nice that he wanted to show her what a Christmas like this could be like. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks Spike.”

He shrugged. “It was nothing, I love this kind of Christmas. But your mom won’t be up for a while. What do you say I make breakfast?”

Buffy nodded and ran to the kitchen.



Buffy had just finished her second helping of chocolate chip pancakes when Drusilla came downstairs and into the kitchen. Buffy smiled and Spike kissed her on the cheek, wishing her a merry Christmas.

”Morning luv, now that you’re up we can open the pressies.”

Drusilla smiled stiffly, “Of course. I’m sure Buffy can’t wait to see her gifts, right sweetheart?” Buffy nodded.

“Well the what are we waiting for?” he asked before going straight to the living room. Closely followed by a happy Buffy and an unhappy Drusilla.



Buffy sat on the floor surrounded by her gifts. They were actually good,. There was a pile of clothes that she actually liked, a bunch of cd’s and dvd’s, make- up and toiletries. Like fancy shampoo’s and stuff; and a couple of books. They were much better gifts than she usually got, she knew that Drusilla was playing her part as the loving mother, and she continued to play along. She smiled and thanked her mom.



Spike reached under the tree and pulled out two gifts. One was in a rather large box. He handed them both to Drusilla. Buffy watched with Spike as her mother daintily opened the wrapping of the smaller gift box first. It contained a perfume set, in Drusilla’s favourite scent. She smiled and moved onto the next gift, which Buffy had helped him pick out. It was a long red and black elegant looking dress. Drusilla gushed over it and gave Spike a very passionate kiss, Buffy didn’t know where to look.


When the pulled apart, Buffy produced her gift to her mom. She handed the smaller box over, and watched her mom unwrap it. She carefully looked at her mother’s reaction to the small silver chain, with the pendant saying mom hanging from it. Spike had advised that it was a nice gift and Buffy wanted to keep up appearances. She could tell Drusilla’s smile was false and forced as she thanked her daughter profusely for such a lovely gift. Buffy smiled “It was nothing.”



She was about to hand Spike his gift but he beat her to it. He handed her a box. Buffy opened it carefully and she beamed when she saw what lay inside. It was a silver necklace, with a cross, the cross was made up of all the different jade stones, along with a small gem of the same jade colours at the end if each strand of the cross. It was absolutely gorgeous.

“Oh my god Spike, this is so beautiful, thank you so much.” She jumped up and threw her arms around him, almost wanting to cry at the thoughtfulness of the gift. Nobody had ever put so much thought into a gift for her.


“Well, you said you liked jade stones.” She had told him that day about how much she loved jade stones and he actually went looking for a gift that contained them and that meant a lot to her.

“I do, I love the gift Spike,” she smiled, and pulled away reaching behind her for her gift, handing it to him.


She was proud of her gift. Spike ripped the paper open and gasped at was inside, it was an original signed vinyl of the Beatles’ Abby Road album.

“Where did you find this?”

“Um, there was a store in the mall that sold rare music memorabilia. I knew you liked the Beatles, because you play their records all the time. So, if you don’t like it-“ she was abruptly cut off.

“Not like it, are you daft, I love it, best gift I ever got. Thank you so much”

“It was nothing,” she blushed repeating his words to her.


Buffy looked over at Drusilla who did not look happy. She had given Spike a watch and some aftershave and some other stuff. She didn’t know what and she had a feeling she didn’t want to.


“Well, time for lunch” Drusilla announced. Spike had also started Christmas lunch before he woke Buffy so it was all about done. Everyone went to the dining room to eat.



The rest of the day passed peacefully enough. But at 7pm Drusilla was ready to go to bed.

“Coming Spike?” she asked

“I was going to watch the movie,” he said looking mildly apologetic.

“Oh,” Drusilla bristled “ok, I’ll see you later” she left without another word. Spike sighed but didn’t go after her. He went back to the living room where Buffy was settled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn.

“Did you have a good day, pet?”

“It was great,” she said truthfully. “I’m glad you like your gift.” She went on shyly.

“I loved it, it was a very thoughtful and wonderful gift.”

“Yours too. I love it, but I don’t have it on yet. Can you?” she questioned. On his nod she reached down to where the box still sat on the floor. She pulled the necklace out and held it out to him. He took it from her and she turned away from him, pulling her hair up. He carefully slipped the chain round her neck and fastened it.

She turned back to him slowly and caught his eye. Her breath hitched in her throat, she had never noticed how blue his eyes were before, and the shone like diamonds. They were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, she realised.


Spike looked at Buffy, he had never noticed how gorgeous she was. Her eyes were like emeralds, and they held so much depth. Amazing.



Without really realizing what they were doing the leaned closer together. And next thing they knew they were kissing. A deep, passionate kiss filled with desire. Tongues duelled. They broke apart but only for a second before their lips met again, but this time in a much more gentle kiss. They took their time to just enjoy it. Suddenly they jumped apart.

“Oh god,” Buffy said jumping from the couch, “I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened.”

“You’re right. I should go.”


“Buffy nodded “could be a good idea.”


She watched him retreat before doing the same, heading for her basement trying not to think of him upstairs with her mother. She wondered why it had happened. She eventually put it down to the fact that she was grateful that he had made so much effort to give her a good Christmas. And it was Christmas, yes, that’s what it was, it was just the time of year. Yet she found herself thankful that she didn’t hear any sounds coming from their room that night.


 

Chapter 5: Death Becomes Her





New Years had come and gone weeks ago. Buffy and Spike had tried to avoid each other as much as possible. Buffy was back at school and Drusilla had a new job. You would think things had gotten better then right? No, if anything, things had gotten worse. Drusilla never hit her in front of Spike, but with her new job, Spike was in bed by the time she came home three nights a week. And so Drusilla always came down to the basement and hit Buffy, beating her black and blue. She took all of her frustrations out on her daughter. And there had been a lot said about Christmas and the gifts Buffy had received from Spike, and the gift Buffy had given to him. Buffy was terrified of what would happen if Drusilla ever found out that they kissed. Things were bad enough as it was, if she knew about that Buffy had no idea what would happen. She only knew that it would not be anything good.



It was nearing the end of January already, only a few days left to go of the first month of the brand new year.Buffy's 18th birthday had been and gone. And she had decided to do something that she hadn’t in a long time. She had arranged to meet Willow and Xander at The Bronze, seeing as it was a Friday and she felt she probably needed a night out to try and forget about things for a little while. She knew that tomorrow everything would be back to normal, but for one night she wanted to be a normal girl. With not a care in the world, just hanging with friends, dancing and trying to have some fun. Down in the basement she searched through her wardrobe for something nice to wear that would keep her bruises well hidden. After examining everything in her closet she picked out a pair of tight leather pants. She also produced a tight black top that sat above her midriff where there were no visible bruises. Most were on her back and arms. It was also very low cut, and it had bell sleeves. She pulled out a pair of pointy toed, high- heeled boots. She put them on and then started work on her hair. She curled it slightly and left it hanging down, she also did her make- up. She did her eyes dark and smoky. And she finished with a red gloss. She checked herself over in the mirror. Pleased with the result, and feeling positive for a change, she lifted her leather jacket and headed for the stairs.




She managed to get out of the house without being seen. Her mom was working tonight but she hadn’t left yet. Buffy was glad when she was out walking along by herself. She felt relaxed and almost happy and it had been a long time since she had felt even remotely like that. It was dark and the stars were sparkling above her. She looked at them as she walked. They were beautiful, and they made the world seem peaceful.



Spike spotted Buffy walking along the street. She was dressed in an extremely sexy outfit. He had tried to keep his distance since Christmas. He hadn’t meant to kiss her, it had just been such a nice day and they got along well and it just happened. He pulled over and got out of his car and ran towards her.




Buffy heard footsteps behind her, she sped up a little. She jumped when someone grabbed her arm and spun around, relieved to see Spike standing there

“God, Spike, you scared me.”

He smirked “Sorry pet, I just saw you walking and wanted to say hey.”

“Well, hey,” she returned.


Spike couldn’t think of anything to say except “Where are you going?”

“The Bronze”

“Dressed like that?” he scoffed.

Buffy looked down suddenly feeling self- conscious “What’s wrong with it?”

“Well nothing except you look like a two bit whore.”

It was slap in the face. She couldn’t believe he had actually said that.


Spike could have hit himself. He didn’t know why he said it, it just came out. And for some reason he just couldn’t shut up

“I mean seriously Buffy, you’re just asking for some guy to drag you out of there and screw you in some alley. Or is that what you want?”

Buffy was numb, she didn’t know if she should shout and be angry or cry. She decided it definitely wouldn’t be cry; she wouldn’t do that in front of him.

“You asshole, get away from me.”


Spike didn’t protest, he turned and walked away.


Buffy stood there, thoughts spinning. Why did he say it? That was what her mom always said and now Spike said it too. It had to be true. And if that was true nobody would ever love her, so what was the point. With that thought Buffy took off running in the direction of home.




She ran to the bathroom, pulling everything out of the cabinet. She found what she was looking for. She took it into her old bedroom and left it there before going downstairs.



Buffy left the envelopes on her small cot before going back upstairs; she looked at the bottle on the table. She opened it and poured out the 50 or so aspirin that were in it. She took a breath, trying to steady her nerves. And then she took a pill, and another and another. And when she had taken 25 or so of the pills that lay on the table, she lay down.





Spike pulled into the driveway. He had felt guilty since he had left Buffy earlier. He regretted saying what he said to her. And he felt like he had to apologise. He didn’t know if she would be home but he would go see anyway. When he walked in he went straight to the basement. She wasn’t there. He thought she must have stayed at club and was about to go back upstairs when something on the bed caught his eye. It was 4 envelopes. Addressed to Drusilla, Willow, Xander and one to himself. Now he had a bad feeling. He took his own letter and ripped it open. He felt his mouth go dry as he read it

“Spike,
I know I haven’t known you very long, but in the time I have known you, you seemed like a good guy. Well you did until tonight. I just wanted to thank you for everything. Thanks for such a great Christmas. I hadn’t been that happy in a long time. It meant a lot to me that you cared enough to do that for me. Also, the kiss we shared meant something to me. I just wanted you to know that. But, none of that will matter by the time you get this letter. I have suffered a lot of pain in my life. Things that I have kept to myself because I couldn’t bear people knowing. The pain just got too much. I needed it to stop .I saw a movie once called death becomes her. The movie isn’t relevant just the title. I think death is the right thing for me. It’s the only thing to make it all stop. I just hope you don’t come home early because I don’t want you to stop me from doing this. This world is hell. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. And I don’t want to anymore. So, I decided to take myself out of it. It’s been good knowing you, thanks for being a good guy. Goodbye.
Love,
Buffy”



Without dropping the letter Spike was bounding up the steps. Taking them two at a time. He ran to the living room. Nothing. He went upstairs and went first to the bathroom. He saw the pill bottles scattered everywhere but no Buffy. He looked in every room until he came to his music room. Buffy’s old bedroom. He threw the door open. He saw Buffy lying on the floor, semi- conscious. He saw the few pills that were left. On pure instinct he dropped the letter and ran to her. Picking her up. He carried her to the bathroom, sitting her in front of the toilet bowl. He had to get those pills out of her system, which meant he had to make her sick. It didn’t seem like she had taken them too long ago or she would have been completely unconscious by now. He should be able to clear her system before they did any real damage. At least he hoped so. But first things first was getting her to throw them up first. And there was only one way he could think of to make that happen. He rushed to the kitchen and got a glass of water. He then added salt to it. He took it upstairs and sat it on the floor. He propped Buffy up and brought the glass to her lips. He made her drink as much as she could and swallow. As soon as she did she began to retch and then she threw up. He held her hair back while she did and patted her back. She was throwing up continuously for about fifteen minutes, until there was nothing left to throw up. She slumped forward and began to cry. Spike stood, lifting her up again and carried her downstairs, laying her on her bed. He sat by her side for over an hour as she sobbed. He stayed there until she began to drift off to sleep. He stood up to walk away, but as he did he heard her whisper softly

“Why?”
 

Chapter 6: Everybody Hurts




Spike didn’t stay away too long, the thought of her down in the basement by herself killed him. So after going outside for a smoke, he went back down, sitting on the floor by the side of her bed, not looking at her, staring straight ahead. But he had to be there to make sure she was okay. He remained there until he heard Drusilla’s car pull into the drive when she got home from work. He hurried upstairs then. He went to bed and lay still, until she fell asleep. As soon as he was sure she would not wake up, he got back out of bed and went down to the basement again.


She hadn’t moved an inch in the time he had been gone, she still lay in exactly the same position. He sat back in his place on the floor, facing her this time. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them. He stayed that way for hours, just watching her sleep, making sure she was breathing, that her heat was beating. Making sure she was still there, that he hadn’t lost her. She looked so peaceful and he wondered what had made her want to do such a thing. Had it been what he had said to her earlier? If so then he was a bastard in his own opinion, he hated the thought that he could have hurt her that much. That was the thought that was running through his mind as he finally fell asleep on the floor by her bed hours later.


When Drusilla woke, Spike was gone. Initially not very concerned she got up and leisurely had a shower and got dressed. Fixing her hair and make- up. Then she wandered downstairs, expecting to find him there. But when he wasn’t she figured he must have gone to his music room in the night and fallen asleep there. So she made herself some tea and toast and watched a morning chat show. Looking at the clock she saw she had an hour before she had to be at work, so she would have to leave soon. But as Spike wasn’t down yet she had time to visit her daughter first.



She walked downstairs, smiling a secret smile. But she stopped abruptly when she could see her daughter’s bed and her own lover lying next to it. She was outraged, what the HELL was he doing down here? Why was he in her daughter’s room and not in Drusilla’s bed? She didn’t know, and she didn’t particularly care, because what she did know is that when she found out, Buffy was going to pay. She turned and stormed back upstairs and out of the house, still fuming.



Buffy stirred from her sleep, she felt terrible. Like someone had hit her in the head with a hammer. And she had a sore stomach, the way you always did when you had thrown up quite a lot. She turned to her side and almost yelped when she saw Spike lying on the floor. Why was he there? It took a moment or so but then everything came back to her.


She had wanted it, and he took it from her. And she remembered her whispered question to him the night before, why? Did he want her to live the rest of her life in misery? Did he not realise that she would only do something like that if she really wanted it to end? Did he not realise that it was for her to decide if she wanted to die? And she had wanted to; she had had enough. She was done, she was going and she was happy. She knew that she could keep an eye on the people she loved, watch over them. She knew that they would be okay and he had taken that away from her and she didn’t know why. And she was angry about that, why couldn’t he just leave her alone. She wanted to scream, she wanted to hit something. But she couldn’t, instead she fell to her knees and cried.



Spike was woken by the sound of her sobs. He sat bolt upright as soon as the sound registered and looked around until he saw her sitting in the middle of the floor with her head in her hands. Instinctively he got up and went to her. He knelt by his side and put an arm around her in a gesture of comfort. She instantly pushed him away, looking at him angrily.

“Leave me alone,” se growled.

“Buffy, pet, what’s the matter?” he asked, genuinely confused.

You took it away from me, I begged you not to in the letter but you still did. Spike I wanted to die. I wanted to be free of the burden of this world, but you were too selfish to let that happen. You wanted to look like hero, but what about what I feel? What about what I want? Apparently that doesn’t matter. You have no idea what I have been through, what I go through almost every day. And you didn’t for one second think about the fact that maybe, just maybe, I WAS BETTER OFF DEAD!” she shouted, as tears spilled from her eyes.


Spike looked at her, shell- shocked. He didn’t know what to do. But he had to tell her something. He moved closer to her again, crouching in front of her, only about a foot between them. He didn’t touch her, just started talking quietly

“I wasn’t playing hero, I was saving the life of someone I care about. Someone who I think has an amazing future ahead of them. Maybe you’re right, I didn’t think of the reasons why maybe you were doing it, but frankly I didn’t care what reasons there were. All I wanted was to make sure you lived. That you would still be here when I woke up this morning.”

Buffy looked into his eyes, “you don’t know why, you don’t know how bad it hurts,” she whispered

“Tell me,” he said softly

“I can’t,” she looked at him sadly “Spike I’m so tired.”

He lifted her up and carried her back to bed, he knew she meant emotionally tired, tired of whatever it was that made her want to do this in the first place but that didn’t matter. He sat her down and ran upstairs. When he came back he was carrying his acoustic guitar. She looked at him

“This is the best way I can think of, to let you know I’m here and to help you through,” he told her and began to strum the guitar and sing to her.



When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

He sang the words softy, putting more feeling into them than he ever had before. Because never before had the words been so accurate in his own life. He needed to convey to her that she wasn’t alone.


Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

Buffy listened to him sing the words that rang so true and her tears continued to flow steadily. The words cut her like a knife, they sounded so true and so real in her mind, but did he know that?

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

Spike put the guitar down and started towards her.

Buffy looked up at him.

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Spike came to a stop in front of her and crouched down, taking her hands in his as he looked into her eyes and sang directly to her. Trying to make her see how deep his feelings for her ran.

Buffy felt her heart skip a beat as he clasped her hands; his voice was full of something that she couldn’t determine. But his eyes held nothing but truth, and they held warmth and care.



Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone


Spike finished the song and looked at her, they sat still, completely silent staring into each other’s eyes. Spike knew it was going to happen, so did Buffy. He knew he should do something to stop it, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to. In an instant his lips were on hers. They kissed tenderly, but it was still full of passion. She lay back on the bed.
 

Chapter 7: Bedtime Stories


Buffy sighed contentedly as she rolled over in bed snuggling into Spike. He held her tightly, pulling her lose, his nose buried in her hair. It felt good lying there beside her, he felt content more so than he had in a long time.

Buffy felt safe, wrapped in his embrace she felt like no harm could come to her. She felt as if as long as he was holding her then everything would be alright, she hadn’t felt that way ever before. She had always though thought it would just get worse and worse until she ended up dead. But lying in his arms, everything seemed more optimistic.


She felt Spike place a small kiss on top of her head; she smiled against his bare chest before looking up at him,

“Hey you,” she said softly

“Hi,” he replied in a voice barely above a whisper. He leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips; he pulled away before it could become anything more. They looked at each other for a moment, Spike leaned on his elbow, head down so that he could look straight into her eyes, and he couldn’t remember ever seeing a more beautiful sight. There was a childish innocence mixed in with womanly strength in her and it enchanted him.


As they lay there it occurred to him that he actually knew very little about Buffy, and she knew probably less about him. Deciding they had plenty of time he thought they should remedy that.

“Let’s play a game pet,” he suggested.

She looked up at him, “What kind of game?”

“Well, I ask you a question and you have to answer, then u do the same with me. The question can be anything.”

“And what do I get for answering a question?” she asked flirtatiously.

“Well, that would be one of these,” he told her as he captured her lips again.



Drusilla sat at the bar, a glass of Vodka in her hand. It was her 6th glass so far today. She had been planning how badly she would beat Buffy since she left that moment; she had decided that her daughter needed to be taught a lesson. After all, she was trying to steal her boyfriend or at least that was Drusilla’s excuse. Not that she felt she really needed one, she just thought it was better defence to have one in case Buffy ever told anyone.

She planned to go to the basement later when she knew Spike would ether be in bed or out. She would gladly scratch Buffy’s eyes out if it weren’t for the fact that someone would notice. But her daughter would feel a lot of pain. That much she was sure of, in fact, it would be the worst beating of Buffy’s life. And what Drusilla loved most about it was the fact that Buffy would let it happen and nobody would ever be any the wiser.




“Ok, I’ll start,” Spike said “who is your best friend? Because I the time I’ve been here I’ve never seen one of your friends.”

Buffy sighed before answering “Willow, Willow Rosenberg is my best friend. She is the sweetest girl in the world, she’s really smart and pretty even though she doesn’t realise it. And she’s always there for me.”

Spike smiled, “She sounds nice.”

“She is,” Buffy smiled too “ok, my turn. What age are you? Because I don’t know.”

“I’m 27, I was born August 9th in London.”

“That makes you like 10years older than me. Cool.” She giggled slightly, while Spike thought about it, he was a lot older than her. But as he looked at her, he didn’t care.

“Ok, my turn again, who was your first?”

“Um,” she hesitated “his name was Lucas, we were 15. Don’t ask me why I did it because looking back now I don’t even know. I think I just wanted to feel loved. “

“You think your mum doesn’t love you?” Spike asked surprised.

“I don’t know, you may have noticed that mom and I, well we aren’t exactly close.” Buffy was trying to think of how she could word her answer so that she wouldn’t give anything away, she had been lucky today that he hadn’t seen any bruises. Mostly because her mom hadn’t been around enough the last two weeks to hit her, so all her bruises were gone, she knew though that it wouldn’t stay that way. “So, we don’t really get on, she had me when she was young and I think she feels like she didn’t have any life having to look after me. She’s always been kind of detached.”

Spike could hear the sadness that tainted her sweet voice, he had to admit that Drusilla had never seemed particularly affectionate with Buffy. But she had been nice enough, always gave her a hug in the morning and she was nice enough and spoke to Buffy. However, he had noticed that it never seemed really comfortable. But he had just put it down to the awkward stage that mother’s and daughter’s always seemed to go through when the daughter was a teenager. It had never occurred to him that maybe they had never been close.

“Honestly, I hadn’t,” he admitted “I noticed that you didn’t seem to be the closest of families but I put that down to an awkward teen stage. I’m sorry you guys aren’t close.”

“Don’t be. We never have been. And you know what they say,”

He looked at her, waiting for her to tell him

“You don’t miss what you’ve never had.” She finished, smiling sadly.

He leaned down and kissed her on pure impulse, he could see it affected her more than she admitted.

“Ok, my question,” Buffy chirped pulling away from the kiss “who was your first?”

“Are you going to ask all the same questions I do?” he asked

“Depends on the question,” she said with a naughty glint in her eye.

“Fine,” Spike grumbled making Buffy laugh.

She moved to lean on her elbow looking at him, “alright then, answer. I’m waiting.”

“I was 16 and her name was Marissa, she was in my class at school in London. We weren’t exactly friends, but we were both geeks. Anyway, we were hanging around trying to prove we were cool and we ended up getting drunk and it just happened. It only happened the once.”

Buffy bit her lip trying not to laugh but it didn’t work, she snorted as she broke out into a fit of laughter. Spike glowered at her but she only laughed harder, “I’m sorry, but I just have this mental image of you as a geek, and oh god,”

“ ’S’not funny,” he pouted turning away from her.

Buffy tried to sober up and managed to cool her laughter down to a few giggles, then she moved to lean over him, seeing he was still pouting “aww I’m sorry,” she cooed “I’m sure you were a cute geek.”

“Geeks aren’t cute,” he said

“Some are, and I’m sure you were one of them,” still pouting Spike turned back to face her.

“Really?”

“Really,” she assured him, “I mean there are some very good looking geeks out there, and they are so sweet,” she dragged her finger down the centre of his chest “and look at how sexy you turned out, so sweet and kind and handsome,”

Spike growled and flipped her onto her back, hovering above her “You’re gorgeous,” he told her

“You too,” she said. And he leaned down to kiss her again.
 

Chapter 8: The Test



It had been a little over a month since Buffy and Spike had slept together and Buffy was glad that Drusilla was still none the wiser. She had been so happy that day, she and Spike had spent all day in bed, talking and making love. It had been the best day of her life and she had actually felt herself feeling glad that Spike had saved her life.

It had turned sour later though, after Spike had gone when Drusilla got home. About an hour or so later, Drusilla had come down to the basement and beat here badly. Again all the bruises were mostly on her arms and legs. A few on her back, but all in places where they could be hidden, after all, Drusilla couldn’t exactly have Spike seeing the marks. And Buffy didn’t want him to either; she wanted it all to go away. Even though that had brought her down some, she still felt happier in a long time. Being with Spike had felt so good and right and special. And nothing could take that feeling away from her.

It hurt to watch him go back to her mom, of course it did, but knowing that he cared for her and wanted her took the edge off the hurt. They hadn’t slept together since. But they had shared many kisses. In fact, any time they could get together for a make out session was grabbed. And there had been many. And Buffy didn’t feel a bit guilty; she didn’t see why she should feel guilty about falling for someone. Fine, he was her mom’s boyfriend, but her mom treated her like shit, so she didn’t feel guilty. She wasn’t so sure about Spike though.



She laid her head on her desk, she was sitting through double English but she really didn’t want to be there. She felt really yucky. She had been sick for the past week or so, it was constant. She felt like her stomach was being turned inside out, she had never felt so bad in her life.




Willow watched as Buffy’s head hit the desk, she was worried. She had never seen Buffy look so unwell in all the time she had known her. Even since all the crap with Drusilla had started, even though Buffy’s appearance had gone downhill a little mostly because she had to wear clothes that would hide the bruises, even since then Buffy hadn’t looked this bad. There were days when she didn’t look well because of the stress of it and whatnot but she had never looked ill. But she did today.




Buffy looked up from her desk, she felt very faint. Sitting in the class she felt like she would pass out. She sat for a few moments, her stomach was turning, she kept sitting trying to wish the sickness away but it wasn’t working. She raised her hand,

“Yes Buffy,” the teacher acknowledged her

“May I be excused?” she asked weakly.

The teacher seeing how unwell she looked nodded that it was ok and before anything further could be said, Buffy rose from her seat and ran from the class with her hand covering her mouth.



Willow watched her run out and only became more worried. She needed to know what was going on.

“Excuse me, may I go and check on Buffy?” Willow requested

The teacher thought for a moment before saying, “well she didn’t look very good so yes, I suppose that would be a good idea. On you go.”


Willow gave the teacher a small smile of thanks as she gathered both her things and Buffy’s and left the class, she had a feeling they wouldn’t be back that period.




Buffy was leaning over the toilet throwing up when she heard the bathroom door creak open. She groaned inwardly hoping that whoever it was would leave quickly. She finished throwing up and leaned back against the stall door, and held her breath waiting for whoever was there to leave. And then she heard her name

“Buffy, I know you’re in here so answer me,” Willow ordered.

Buffy sighed, “I’m ok Wills,” she said through the door.

“You don’t sound ok, Buff, you sound pretty not ok. Buffy you are never sick. Even with how bad things have been for you lately I still have never seen you sick. So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Buffy stood up, she walked out of the stall Andover to Willow, she took one look at Willow and burst into tears,

“Oh god, Willow I don’t know what to do.”



Buffy sat on the edge of the bath, thankful that nobody was home. As soon as Buffy had told Willow the whole story, Buffy had been ushered out of school and home, just a quick pit stop being made on the way. And now she sat waiting, and while she did she thought back to that afternoon, she looked at the timer she had a few minutes to wait.



* Spike kissed her softly, kissing his way down her body as she arched into his touch. She moaned at the sensations he was causing. She wasn’t a virgin but she had never felt this way before. He placed himself at her entrance and pushed gently into her, causing both of them to moan. He took his time, both of them savouring every move and every sensation. She met his every thrust, moaning at the feel of him inside of her. It felt right, they moved at a steady pace until they came together moaning each other’s name. *




Buffy was startled as the timer went off. This was it, now was the time to find out just what the consequences of the best day of her life had been. She took a steadying breath as she picked up the small wand, for a moment she couldn’t bring herself to look at it. But she knew that she had to, so gathering up all her courage she looked down. And again she cried.


She left the bathroom and went down to the basement where Willow was waiting, she handed over the test and sunk to her knees, overcome with tears once again.


Willow looked at the two thin blue lines that said Buffy was pregnant; she kneeled down beside her best friend and put an arm around her.

“Buffy, I’m sure it’ll work out. I am sure that when you tell Spike-“

“Spike,” Buffy cut in “Oh god, Wills how am I going to tell him. He will freak out.”

“Buffy he cares about you. I am sure that he will stand by you.”

Buffy smiled, “yeah I hope so. I love him so much Willow.”

“Well then you have to talk to him.”

“Yeah, mom is working tonight because it’s Friday so I’ll tell him then. Thanks Wills,” Buffy said with a watery smile.

“No problem, Buff.”



Buffy prepared all day for how she was going to break the news to Spike. She had decided to be straight and to the point. To simply get it over with, it was the best way she knew. She wouldn’t be able to tell him if she put it off. So, about 7 o’clock after she heard her mom leave for work she headed upstairs. The same way she had every Friday since that day. Spike was waiting for her in the living room. For some reason he looked just as nervous as she did.

When she went into the living room he greeted her with a kiss, a soft kiss that felt perfect to Buffy. She sat down on the couch and waited for him to sit beside her. He did so and soon they were caught up in a heavy make- out session. Spike was unbuttoning Buffy’s blouse but alarm bells went off in her head and she pulled away. Not only because of the bruises he would see but also because she knew that if she started something now then she would never tell him.

He looked at her curiously.

“We need to talk,” she told him.

“Yeah we do, I was just hoping that we could wait until later.”

“No, we should talk now, Spike I love you,” she said softly.

“I love you too, but there’s something I need to say.”

Buffy felt anxious, she didn’t know if she could wait to tell him it was really starting to make her nervous. But she waited for him to say what he wanted first.


“I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

Spike took in Buffy’s shocked and hurt look. He hated seeing it, but the situation had been eating him up inside. Having to sneak around, he hated. And he cared about Drusilla, he really did. And even though Buffy was 18 and they weren’t doing anything legally wrong he still felt like they shouldn’t be doing what they were doing. She was still so young after all.

“Luv, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you I really do love you. But I care about your mother too. Buffy you are still so young, too young for this. And I just can’t hurt your mother. She is a good person and she means a lot to me. As much as I love you, I don’t want her to end up hurt. And there is almost ten years between us in age, that is a lot. And it just shouldn’t be happening. I’m sorry.”

Buffy held her tears back; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She had been worried about what his reaction to her news would be but she had slowly been coming around to the idea. She could see them as a family, she could see some real happiness in her future and then he had snatched it away. But she wouldn’t cry, she would never let him see her cry, not again. She had opened up to him, leaned on him and he had thrown all that back at her.

“I have to go,” she said standing up.

“Buffy, luv,” he said standing up

“No, Spike,” she said through gritted teeth, “you made your decision and that’s fine. It’s your choice, but I have to go away, and just be away.”

She left the room and then the house, Spike staring after her.

“I love you, pet.”
 

Chapter 9:Feelings and Actions


Willow was startled when she heard the loud knocking at the front door. She had been reading her favourite book completely oblivious to everything. Her parents had gone out for the evening so she was home alone and not expecting any company. She carefully turned down the corner of the page she was reading before setting the book aside and going to answer the door. She scurried downstairs and opened the door and was faced with a cold and crying Buffy. Without uttering a word she ushered her friend inside and up to her room. She sat in silence for a little while, letting Buffy cry. Willow didn’t know what had happened, but she could easily guess that it must have something to do with Spike. And she couldn’t help thinking that if Spike was responsible for the state Buffy was in then she hoped he felt guilty, and she hoped the guilt would eat him up inside. She wished pain on him. Which was unusual for Willow, she rarely wished anything bad on anyone.

Finally about fifteen minutes later Buffy’s sobs began to die down until they eventually ceased completely. She looked at Willow through puffy, red eyes and traces of her black mascara trailing down her cheeks. She smiled weakly

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Willow went to her bedside drawer and took out a small travel pack of tissues. Se took one out and handed it to Buffy “here,” she offered, “You might wanna wipe you eyes.”

Buffy took it gratefully, frowning when she saw it stained with mascara
“Yuck, I must look disgusting,” she complained.

This caused Willow to sigh slightly, trust Buffy to be crying and still be concerned by her appearance.

“You look fine, now tell me what happened,” Willow said.

“Spike broke up with me,” Buffy told her causing a fresh wave of tears “we were kissing on the couch and I think we would have had sex but then I pulled away and-“

“He broke up with you because you wouldn’t sleep with him?” Willow shouted in outrage. “Oh I swear, that man needs his ass kicked. How could he do that?”

Buffy suddenly registered what Willow was saying and rushed to correct her

“No, Wills, no. That’s not why he broke up with me.”

Willow looked at her and sighed, “well good. I would have hated to have to hurt him.”

Buffy gave her friend a small smile, “Thanks, Wills. But no, that’s not the reason.”

“Then why?”

Buffy tried to explain it in the way that would hurt the least. “He said he loved me, but he cared about my mom too. And he couldn’t hurt her. He said that mom and i (may not have the best relationship but she loves me and is a good person. And he said that he just couldn’t hurt her.” She managed to stop the tears from falling. It was hard but she knew that if she started again then she wouldn’t stop. “So, I didn’t tell him about the baby. I’m alone.”

“What are you going to do?” Willow felt like she had to ask.

“I don’t know. Right now, I’m just trying to keep from dying.”

“Oh, Buffy,” Willow moved to hug her friend

“I can’t breath Will, I feel like I can’t breathe.”

Buffy leaned over Willow’s lap. Willow wrapping her arms around her friend, and once again Buffy let the tears overtake her.





Spike sat another beer bottle down on the carpet. He was worried, Buffy had been gone for hours and he hadn’t heard a word from her. He had no idea where she could be, usually she would call to say she wasn’t going to be home but now it was going on midnight and not a word. No Buffy either. Spike could have hit himself for just letting her run off, and he was even angrier that he had been the reason.


He hadn’t meant to hurt her, he really hadn’t. He had rapidly fallen in love with her and wanted nothing more than to be with her but she was so young and he was supposed to be with her mother. And Drusilla cared about him, and he cared about her too. She was loving and kind and he couldn’t bear the thought of breaking her heart. And he just knew that to leave her because he wanted to be with her daughter would be the cruellest way possible to do just that. And no matter how much he loved Buffy, he cared too much about Drusilla to do that, she had become a friend more than anything (well a friend that he had sex with) since everything started with Buffy and he just couldn’t do it.


But at the same time, he wondered if he should have kept things going with Buffy anyway. He knew that it wasn’t fair to her but he wanted her so much, every time he was around her it was like she consumed him. He got lost in her, he felt like he would drown in her. She surrounded him, and he loved that feeling more than anything he had ever felt; but he was brought back to his senses, he had to end it, it was the best for both of them. He looked up expectantly when he heard the front door click open, but instead of Buffy, Drusilla came through the living room door. Spike tried to put on a cheerful face

“Hey, luv, how was work?”

“Very good, the people were so irritating but at least I’m getting paid.” She sat down on the edge of the couch, leaning over to kiss Spike.

Pulling back, Spike placed a kiss on her forehead, “That’s good.”

Drusilla leaned over again, pulling him into another kiss, when he pulled away again she looked at him seductively

“I missed you,”

“Missed you too, baby,” he murmured

“Why don’t you show me how much,” she suggested standing up, taking his hand. He stood and kissed her again, this time it became more passionate. She parted from him, taking his hand and turning she led him up top their room. Spike closed the door behind them, and proceeded to ‘make love’ to her.

 

Chapter 10: Decisions, Decisions.



Buffy woke the next morning curled in a ball on Willow’s bed. She looked down and saw a sleeping bag laid out on the floor, but Willow wasn’t there. Buffy stood up and stretched, wondering when she had fallen asleep and why she was still at Willow’s. After waiting a few minutes to see if Willow would come back Buffy decided to go downstairs and find her. She trudged downstairs and looked into the kitchen where she saw Willow standing by a pan of pancakes.

“Hey Buffy, glad you’re up. Want some breakfast?” Willow asked.

Buffy smiled; “Sure,” she sat down at the breakfast bar where Willow had set a plate down for her.

“What time is it?” she asked.

“Noon,” Willow answered, “you were upset and tired, I figured you needed the sleep.”

“Thanks Wills, but you didn’t have to sleep on the floor. You should have woken me and told me to move.”

“I didn’t mind,” Willow told her, “now eat. You need the energy.”

Buffy started eating, taking just small bites to be safe. The two girls sat in silence while they ate. Buffy finished every bite on her plate. She put the dish in the dishwasher,

“Thanks Willow, that was-“ she stopped talking when she felt that tell- tale turning of her stomach. She mumbled an “oh god” before rushing for the stairs. She hurried to the bathroom, just making it on time. Willow ran upstairs behind her and got to the door just as Buffy threw her breakfast back up. When she was done Buffy turned sheepishly to Willow

“I’m sorry, breakfast was great I swear.”

Willow couldn’t help but laugh, “Don’t worry Buffy. I’m not going to yell just because you were sick after eating my cooking. I never yell at all, or hadn’t you noticed?”

“Thanks,” Buffy got up and gave Willow a hug “you’re the best Wills, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too, and Buffy I’ll help you out, you know. Whatever you decide to do about the baby, I’ll be there for you.”

“I know, thanks. But Willow, I do need to decide what I’m going to do, will you help?” she asked.

“Of course I will,” Willow nodded, putting an arm around her best friend.





Spike went to the top of the basement stairs and looked down. No Buffy. He didn’t have any idea where she was. He had come down hoping that maybe she had come home after he had gone to bed but apparently not. And he was worried that perhaps she had wandered the streets all night. What if something had happened to her? What if she had done something to herself? She had tried once before and there was no doubt in Spike’s mind that she would do it again. And that made his mind up; he grabbed his duster and car keys and was out the door in less than a minute.




Buffy and Willow had spent the last 2 and a half hours discussing her options. They had gone on the internet and looked up information on abortion, adoption, teen pregnancy and being a single parent in your teens. They had printed off around a hundred pages and were now going through it together.


Buffy had already discarded the idea of abortion, saying that she could never kill her child. Even if she was only a few weeks pregnant, in Buffy’s eyes it was still a living being: a human life growing inside of her, and that meant something. She just thought that if she had an abortion she would feel like she was committing a murder and she could never live with herself if she did it.



So she was left with two options: adoption or bringing the baby up herself.

“It says here Buffy that there are a few different ways to go about having your baby adopted. If you do it privately, through an agency you can even choose the family that will adopt it. If you decided to do it then you would know exactly whom your baby was going to. It would be someone that you were sure was going to look after your baby; someone nice and caring that would give your baby everything it could ever need or want.”

Buffy nodded “that sounds pretty cool.”

“Yeah but that could be difficult to do because you would probably have certain fees and stuff to pay. But, there is also state adoption. With that you don’t really have any say. You don’t know who adopts the baby or any of that stuff.”

“I don’t know if I like that. Even the first one; I mean just because I’m 18 and single doesn’t mean that I can’t love my baby. My biggest fear is that I will end up like my mom is with me and treat a child badly. But who’s to say that I would be a bad mom or that somebody else could love this baby more or better than I could just because they’re married or have more money or whatever? The baby might go to a family with more money but that doesn’t necessarily mean better,” Buffy said obviously upset.

“Of course not Buffy. I’m sure you would be an amazing mother. But we’re just looking at your options. You don’t have to decide right now. I just wanted to tell you that you can keep the baby or that if you can find a way to do so then you can have a say if you decide to go with adoption,” Willow said trying to calm her down.


“No you’re right,” Buffy said, “I want to do that.”



Spike got home at about 5:30pm; he had been out looking for Buffy for over five hours. He had searched every street and store in Sunnydale to no avail. He hadn’t seen her anywhere and none of the friends she had were home. So that wasn’t any help at all. She was nowhere to be found.


He sat his duster on the edge of the couch and went to the kitchen to get a beer and calm him a bit. When he was in there he heard a noise coming from the basement. He went over and opened the door that led down there; he looked down and saw Buffy, lying on the bed reading a magazine humming a tune. His heart leapt into his throat when he saw her and he rushed down the steps

“Where the bloody hell have you been?” he demanded when he reached the bottom.

She looked up at him and shrugged “I slept at Willow’s.”

“You should have called,” he told her.

“Why? Were you worried Spike? Did you think I was gonna off myself?” seeing the look on his face she laughed, “Don’t worry Spike, I won’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m sorry Buffy, but just because you were upset-“

“Upset,” she yelled, “No, I was heartbroken. But Spike you broke up with me, so you have no right to know where I was or what I was doing. And you don’t have the right to worry. I’m not you’re concern anymore,” she flipped onto her side looking away from him.

“I meant what I said last night,”

“What that you loved me?” she asked standing up, “well you still dumped me so that’s your problem. I don’t have to tell you ever again where I was, who I was with or what I was doing with them.”

“So, were you even with Willow? Sure you weren’t out spreading your legs for whatever guys came along?” he asked angrily.
Buffy’s eyes filled with tears, “you asshole,” she said in what was only a whisper. He saw the look on her face and immediately regretted his words.

“Buffy, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I love you I do.”

“Are you going to break up with mom then?” she asked him.

“No,” he answered quietly.

“Then it doesn’t matter. I think you should go. I made my decision and you made yours.”

He nodded resigned; he stood up and looked down at her “I do love you Buffy.”

“Yeah, me too.” She watched him walk back upstairs barely containing her tears.


 

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