Chapter 11: Revelations



The next two weeks had passed with Buffy once again doing her best to avoid Spike. It just hurt her too much to see him every day, she kept thinking about the life inside of her, the fact that Spike had helped create it and it made the pain so much worse. She wanted him to be a part of this, but for him to know when he didn’t want to be with her could only make the situation harder. At least if she dealt with it alone she knew she wouldn’t be hurt. The moment she had decided in Willow’s that day that she was going to raise her child, she had determined that she may not have a lot of money ands material things to give her child, but she would give it all the love she could. But, she wouldn’t let herself go through the pain of having her and her child rejected in favour of her mother. Okay, so she didn’t know that Spike would make that choice if he knew, but he had made that choice now. And if she told him, she didn’t want him to decide to be with her simply because she was pregnant and he felt guilty. No, she would manage alone.





Buffy had also been a voiding Drusilla; she stayed over at Willow’s as often as she could. So there had been no real beatings in a while, maybe a slap here and there. Most of the time now it was insults and cutting words. Buffy was just glad that was all, the thought of Dusilla beating her and possibly hurting the baby terrified Buffy, she didn’t even like to think of that ever happening. But thus far she had been lucky. She just hoped her luck would hold up. But she never could be sure where her mother was concerned; she was very unpredictable in that manner. So Buffy kept her fingers crossed and hoped for the best.



Drusilla was still biding her time since her decision to get Buffy back at Christmas. She was trying to find out as much as possible about what was going on, or at least what she suspected to be going on. But she did make a point of rubbing her relationship with Spike in her daughter’s face whenever she could. Although she wasn’t around much anymore, but when she was she could see the jealousy written in her face. And she loved seeing it.



Buffy and Willow sat at their usual table in the cafeteria whispering between themselves about Buffy’s pregnancy. Xander looked on silently, he still had no idea what was going on, only that they had a secret that ha had been left out off. Buffy had contemplated telling him, but at the moment she felt like the fewer people who knew the better. So, for now she wanted to keep it just between her and Willow. Just for a while, until she was ready for other people to know.


Spike didn’t know what to do, he hardly saw Buffy anymore and he knew maybe that was for the best, but when he did see her he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone in his life. He was trying with Drusilla, and he had noticed her becoming increasingly affectionate with him and he did try. But it was hard, being with her and knowing that all he wanted to do was go and be with Buffy. He tortured himself with his decision every day, but he had decided he couldn’t hurt Drusilla; she needed him. He just hated himself for hurting Buffy. And as he walked, that was the thought that plagued his mind.



“So, have you thought about going to a doctor yet?” Willow asked as she walked Buffy home later that afternoon.

“No, I know I have to go I guess I just want to put it off as long as possible.”

“It’ll be okay Buffy, for starters you’re 18, and the doctor can’t tell your mom anything. It’s completely confidential,” Willow was doing here best to reassure her friend. She knew how wary Buffy was about anybody knowing she was pregnant just yet. But she also thought it was the best thing for Buffy to go to the doctor. The sooner the better, in Willow’s mind it was better to get it over with.

“Yeah I know it’s just weird. It’s like; when I go to the doctor it’s official. I mean I know I’m pregnant and I know I want to keep it, it’s just that at the moment it’s still like a dream. When it’s confirmed I have to wake up and face all kinds of realities.”


Willow stopped for a minute to pull Buffy into a hug,

“You know I’ll be there for you, I’m your best friend and if you need me I’m right here,” Willow reminded her as they started walking again at a slow pace.

“Thanks Wills. And I promise, I’ll make that appointment soon.”

“Ok,” Willow smiled.

They walked the rest of the way in friendly silence.



Buffy lay on the bed reading for school, thankfully her mom hadn’t been home when she got in so she had managed to get downstairs easily. Which is where she had been for the past hour. She felt ill, her sickness wasn’t getting any better, and she didn’t bother calling it morning sickness because that wasn’t the only time she got it. She was trying to do homework to try and take her mind off how bad she felt. Unfortunately it wasn’t working, she could tell the contents wanted to make an appearance so she stood up from the bed and ran for the upstairs bathroom.


Drusilla walked in the door as Buffy reached the top of the stairs. She heard Buffy start to throw up, it wasn’t the first time, and she had heard her several times over the last few weeks. She had also heard Buffy and Spike a couple of weeks ago, talking in the basement. She had heard the words Spike had spoken to her, telling her that he loved her and her replying in kind. But she had also heard him tell her that he wouldn’t be with her. And that had only served to make Drusilla even smugger. But it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was wrong with Buffy, and that would be all the proof she needed, an admission of guilt and she could get her own back.


She waited at the bottom of the steps until Buffy came out of the bathroom, she saw her daughter visibly flinch upon seeing her. She gave her a sickly sweet smile and motioned for her to come down stairs, the minute she reached the bottom the smile disappeared and Drusilla grabbed her wrist, her nails digging into the flesh.


Buffy’s eyes widened as her mother’s grip tightened, she kept thinking over and over about what her mother was going to do, but she knew she had to stay alert so she could defend herself and her child if she had to.

“You little slut, what’s wrong with you?”

“N- nothing,” Buffy stammered.

“Liar,” Drusilla screeched, lashing out and slapping her across the face.

“I’m not lying I swear.”

“Yes you are you little bitch,” Drusilla grabbed her by the hair, “you think I don’t know what you’ve been up to? Throwing up all the time, only means one thing when it comes to a whore like you,” Drusilla tugged herd at her hair and brought Buffy to her knees.

“Mom, please stop,” Buffy begged.

“Then tell me, admit tell me you are,” Drusilla commanded

“Ok, ok, I am,” Buffy knew what she meant, “I’m pregnant, now please let me go.”

Drusilla pulled her back up by the hair and punched her in the face, “You whore, who’s the father?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy lied.

Another punch, “Don’t you tell me lies, who?”




Spike heard yelling as he walked up the garden path, he ran up to the door but thought it would be better to enter unnoticed, so he went round to the back door and snuck in. He stood in the doorway and listened, horrified at the sight of Drusilla attacking Buffy, he wondered what she was yelling about and the he heard Buffy say those two words. He was stunned, she had never told him, and as much as he thought he should be hurt by that he was taken over by fear of what Drusilla would do. And the he heard the question,

“Who’s the father?” he watched as Buffy denied knowledge, but he knew. And so when Drusilla demanded once more to be told he walked out of the kitchen, grabbed her wrist pulling her off of Buffy and looking her square in the eye as he answered,

“I am.”
 

Chapter 12: Once Upon A Lifetime



“I am.”

As the words registered in Buffy’s mind she looked up through frightened eyes and saw Spike standing there, having pulled Drusilla away from her. Buffy let out a breath of relief. She watched as Spike let go of Drusilla’s wrist and waited for a reaction, which he got. She leapt at him, scratching at his face, but he was stronger and managed to get hold of her wrists again and hold her away from himself.

“Stop it Dru,” he warned her.

“Why stop me, my Spike? You don’t care what happens to her, after all you chose me,” she reminded him.

“Shut up Dru, you don’t know anything,” he growled

“Oh, but I heard you. I heard you choose me,” she laughed.

“Yeah, well I made a mistake,” he shoved her away, walked over to Buffy and helped her up. He took her by the hand and led her out of the house, leaving the door wide open as he went. He bundled Buffy into his car ignoring Drusilla’s screams and insults as he got in the other side and drove away.




Buffy started blankly out of the window as Spike drove; it wasn’t a long drive, maybe 15 minutes but it seemed to last an eternity. She didn’t look at Spike, she couldn’t. She did think about his saving her though, she would be forever grateful, because she knew that Drusilla was angry enough to hurt her and the baby, seriously. Buffy had feared for her child’s life. She had seen the most evil look in her mother’s eyes.


The words she had spoken however didn’t hurt as much as they used to. She had grown used to them and so she had learned that reaction was what her mom wanted. And reaction always made things worse, and in this case she couldn’t afford to let that happen. So she had told her mother what she wanted to hear, and prayed it would be enough. And she had only realised that it wasn’t when Spike stepped in.


She had wanted to avoid him the last few weeks, but she had never been so happy to see him before as she was then. If he hadn’t shown up she dreaded to think what would have happened. But he had shown up and he had saved her, in some way. Although some things were still unclear in her mind, things that hadn’t completely registered with her. But she had no more time to think about them for now as the car pulled over.

The car pulled up in front of an apartment complex, it wasn’t a very big one but it was nice. Buffy wondered where they were exactly but she didn’t ask. Spike came around to her side and opened the door; he helped her out of the car and put an arm around her as he led her inside.


He wasn’t taking her very far but she was still wobbly on her feet so he decided to take the elevator. He stood with her, keeping a tight grip as they got inside and he hit the button for the third floor. A moment later the doors opened again and Spike led her out and down the hall. He stopped at the door of one of the apartments and removed a key from his pocket. He unlocked the door and held it open, allowing Buffy to enter. He followed behind her and saw Buffy freeze at the sight of a girl in the apartment. He took her hand showing her to a seat, he knelt in front of her and held her hands in his,

“Buffy, it’s ok. This is my friend’s apartment but he’s out of town for a while. That’s his sister, Ali,” he said, motioning to the girl behind him. Buffy was mute but nodded in understanding. “Don’t worry, she’s just checking in on the place. You stay here, I’m gonna speak to her and then me and you can have a chat.”

Without waiting for an answer he got up and led Ali away, he took her to the small kitchen area and began talking in a hushed tone

“Look, she’s had a rough day. In fact a rough time for a while and I’m partly to blame for that. So, we’re gonna need a place to crash for a while. We’ll look after the place I promise, but she can’t go home.”

“Why not?” the girl asked.

“I can’t tell you, but Ali, trust me she just can’t.”

“Ok,” Ali agreed, “My brother wouldn’t mind anyway, that is why he gave you a key after all. I’ll just come by during the day to check on things,” she said.

“Thanks.”

“But, I can see you two need to be left alone. So I’ll go, speak to you soon Spike,” she said.

“Thanks pet,” Spike leaned down to give Ali a kiss on the cheek before going back to Buffy and waiting for her to leave.



When she was gone Spike sat beside Buffy and pulled her into a hug. Simply holding her as close as he could, not wanting to let her go. He wondered why he had ever chosen Drusilla in the first place, sure he hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but he hadn’t loved her. And now he didn’t even like her. He was seething with anger that she would dare hurt Buffy, her own daughter. And the woman he loved. After a few minutes her finally let her go and she sat up, when he hugged her she had finally come out of the state of shock she had been in and she sat back up. She turned to face him in her seat, opening her mouth to say something, but Spike beat her

“Is it true?”

“Yes,” she whispered, knowing the question.

“And?” he prompted.

“You were right, it’s yours.”

“How can I be sure?” he didn’t mean to sound cruel, but he was hurt that she had kept it from him. He knew she wasn’t lying though. He had known from the moment he heard her tell Drusilla that it was his child.

Buffy knew too that he didn’t mean to be vicious, simply that he wanted her to reassure him and she had no problem with that, “because I love you. I haven’t been with anyone else since you because I don’t want anyone else. It can only be you.”

He nodded, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was angry and upset,” she admitted, “I felt like I had to do this alone. You chose mom and so I felt like I had to get through it by myself. At least for the time being,” she said softly.

“Ok, I can get that. What are you going to do?”

“I’m keeping it,” she answered immediately.

His face broke into a wide smile, “I was hoping you would say that.”

Buffy laughed as he wrapped his arms around her again, speaking to her “I’m so sorry Buffy, I never should have chosen her. It was you I loved, only you. I want you, forever. Forgive me?” He pulled back without breaking contact and looked into her eyes.

Buffy bit her lip; she wasn’t sure what to do. But deep down she knew what she wanted. He had hurt her but that didn’t stop her from loving him. And she wanted him to be around, she wanted to be a family, so she nodded as she answered, “Yes, I forgive you,” she paused, “but it won’t just jump back to being happy go lucky. You did hurt me Spike and I have to learn to get passed that.”

“I know, but luv, I really am sorry. I love you,”

“I love you too,” she replied.

Spike kissed her, a soft kiss, a kiss meant to express his deep feeling of love for her. Meant to show that he would cherish and adore and be there for her, for as long as she would let him. When they broke apart Spike decided he should get on with the inevitable,

“You have to tell me the full story Buffy.”



Buffy took a deep breath and decided to start from the beginning, “She hasn’t always hit me. She was never the caring mom she made out she was when you were around either. She always resented me, because she was young when she had me. I know it isn’t nice to say but my mom has always been a grade A whore, she brought home a different guy every night ever since I can remember. She had a couple of what she would consider relationships but they never lasted long. Anyway, she never wanted me; I was the result of an unlucky fuck in the back of a club. The guy left and she found out later that she was pregnant. I don’t know why she kept me but she did, anyway, she never hit me when I was younger but she used to call me names and tell me how I ruined her life.

As I got older and was more aware of her activities with men well I got used to it. I just thought that was how it was supposed to be. I’ll admit I was no virgin when we slept together, my mom had been calling me a slut and a whore since I w as 12 and I guess I just started thinking it must be the truth. So I had sex with some guys, not saying I always enjoyed it, but I did it anyway because I thought I should. And I didn’t like it, I felt dirty most of the time.


And then about a year ago, the hitting started. Mom had her newest conquest home for the night and I yelled through the wall for her to keep the noise down. She came into my room and started yelling at me, saying I was supposed to be invisible so he had no idea I was there. And then she slapped me, a couple times,” Buffy paused as the tears started to cascade down her face,

Spike moved over and pulled her onto his lap, holding her close but waiting for her to keep telling her story in her own time. It took her a few minutes to get her tears under control, but she did and then she went on,

“After that it didn’t happen again for a few weeks and I thought maybe it was a one off. But I was wrong, my mom has always been a drinker, and one day I came home and she was drunk, she saw me and just lunged at me, yelling telling me what a whore I was, that I was dirt and she wished I was dead. She beat me up really badly, I had a black eye, and cuts all up my arms and stuff. I cried and that only made her hit harder. She was my mom so I couldn’t hit her back and even if I tried she was stronger than me. The beatings started to happen more frequently, once a week at first. But eventually it was every day. She would wait for me to come home and as soon as I did she would attack. She was vicious.”

Spike was horrified; he couldn’t believe that Dru had done something like that. He had thought she was a descent person, which was why he hadn’t wanted to hurt her. But now as tears sprung to his eyes listening to Buffy tell him about everything Dru had put her through he wanted her to hurt more than anything. Not physically, he would never hurt a woman, but he wanted her to feel that emotional pain that Buffy did. But he was starting to doubt that Drusilla had feelings at all. He allowed a tear to escape and slide down his cheek as he listened,

“This last Christmas, it was the first Christmas I really had. I didn’t really get gifts or anything. Maybe one or two small things but that was it. No Christmas dinner, or tree or decorations. So when I saw what you had done I had never been so happy, nobody had ever cared that much before. And I started falling for you because you were always nice to me since that first day. When I went to go to my bedroom and you were there and it wasn’t my room anymore. I hadn’t decided I wanted to sleep in the basement but I didn’t want to tell you what mom was like because I was afraid of what she would do. But you were nice to me, and I liked that. And then we kissed on Christmas day and I was really happy because finally someone wanted me for me and not because I was easy. So when you said those things to me at the Bronze, it hurt. Everything crashed in around me; everything mom did, what you said and I wanted it to end. That’s why I tried to kill myself. I wanted it all to be over. But you saved my life. The beatings still didn’t stop, because you were with her. But they didn’t hurt so bad, because I knew someone cared. And every time we made love, it mattered a little bit less. Until you ended it. I found out I was pregnant that day. I told you I wanted to tell you something and before I could you said we were over. I couldn’t tell you. All the time I wasn’t around I was with Willow because she knew about everything, and I needed someone to help me. The beating today was the first one in a while. But I want it to be over for good.”

She looked up into Spike’s eyes and saw the tears that were falling from them, she leant in to kiss him and her own tears mingled with his. He held her even tighter than before,

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered. “But I promise it is over now.”

She nodded, “thanks”

“And I promise you, I’m going to be there with you every step of the way. I am so sorry I hurt you. But I’m here now, and I’m never letting you go again.”

“Promise?” she asked.

“I promise,” he said softly as he captured her lips once more.

Chapter 13: Early Mornings part 1



Spike rolled over in bed as he heard Buffy run from the room and to the bathroom, quickly followed by the sound of throwing up. Spike groaned, but he had promised her he would be there with her so he quickly got up and went to the bathroom. This was the third day in a row he had been woken up by Buffy running from the room to be sick. And every morning he had followed her and rubbed her back and looked after her. He would look after her, he had promised and he didn’t regret that for one minute. As he looked on helplessly while she leant over the toilet bowl, he still thought she had never looked more beautiful. Simply because this was a sign of her pregnancy. A sign of the wonderful thing that they had created together, their baby. And so how could she be anything but beautiful in his eyes. When she finally sat up, before she could stand, Spike scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to their room. He lay her carefully on the bed and tucked her in. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her and held her hand, looking at her with love. He kissed her softly on the lips, smiling when he pulled back.

“Morning, sweetheart.”

“Good morning,” Buffy replied brightly.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, hungry.” She flashed him an innocent look before snuggling into the covers, “but I’m too comfortable to get up and cook.”

With a shake of his head Spike stood, “What’s your pleasure, luv?”

“You,” she answered cheekily with a soft giggle, “no, I want pancakes. Oh and eggs and toast and sausage and coffee, oh and lots of syrup on my pancakes.”

“So what, you want me too cook the entire contents of the fridge?” he raised an eyebrow when she pouted at his making fun of her, but he knew she wasn’t really angry. She was just trying to get her way and get to him. It always worked; he went back over to the bed to lean down and kiss her again, “I’m sorry baby, that was mean.”

“It was,” she agreed, but gave him another soft kiss anyway, “now, go cook me breakfast in bed,” she ordered.

With an extravagant bow Spike smiled and left the room.



Spike went to the small kitchen of the apartment. It was a bit of a mess. He had done quite a lot of cooking, but not very much cleaning. But he had a valid reason; he and Buffy had been rather tied- up. Spike tied- up quite literally at one point. But it had been a hell of a lot of fun. Looking at the mess he groaned. There were plates and cups and bowls and cutlery piled in the sink. Pots and pans scattered the counters. There were different ingredients such as pasta and flour sitting next to those from a meal he had made the night before. The place was in all honesty a complete disaster. With a sigh he resigned himself to doing some cleaning before making breakfast.

“Best start with the dishes,” he said aloud to himself before heading for the sink and starting to fill it with water.



Buffy wondered where Spike had gotten to, she got out of bed and walked to the living room where she could see Spike in the tiny little kitchen cleaning dishes. It brought a smile to her face; he looked really funny, so domesticated. She half expected him to be wearing rubber gloves. But she liked the fact that he was acting domestic, it gave her thoughts of the future. She could see pictures of herself and Spike in a cute little house with a white picket fence, with their child. Spike pushing her on a swing set in the front yard. It was a beautiful and perfect picture, and something she hoped would be reality. If he life turned out like that, then all the pain will have been worth it. With one last smile she turned and went back to bed and waited for Spike’s return.


Spike put a single rose on the tray along with Buffy’s breakfast. He had gone out yesterday and bought her a large bouquet of roses, but he had plucked one from the vase to give her along with her breakfast. Grinning at a job well done he carefully lifted the tray and carried it to the bedroom. He smiled when he saw her lying still snuggled up. She sat up when she saw him and he crossed the room to carefully place the tray in her lap. He could practically see her mouth watering at the sight of it. She spotted the rose and picked it up, sniffing the sweet smell of the flower. She smiled and thanked him before she began digging into her breakfast.



Spike was still amazed, but glad to that the sickness hadn’t affected her appetite. She constantly wanted to eat. Not that he would complain about that, he wanted a healthy baby and he knew that her eating properly would play a part in that. So when she was hungry, Spike cooked her whatever she wanted.


He watched her as she quickly finished the contents of her plate.

“Thanks,” she said happily when she was done.

“No problem, luv.”

“Coming back to bed?” she asked, patting the space next to her with a hopeful smile on her face. Her eyes lit up at the thought of having Spike lying next to her once more. She had missed him so much in the time since she had found out she was pregnant and Spike broke up with her, to the day he learned the truth and they were together once more. The look of desire in his eyes warmed her heart. She could see his want and his love for her and it only made her love him more. She expected him to be undressed and in bed with her before she even thought about repeating her question, but that didn’t happen. Instead he remained standing in his place by the bed

“As much as I want to, I can’t. I have to go out,” he told her.

“Where?”

“Just out,” he answered

“Out where?” she asked again.

“I’m going to the house,” he told her.

Buffy immediately jumped out of bed shouting “Why? Why are you going back there? Why are you going where she is?”

“Buffy, I have to go,” he said calmly.

“I can’t believe you’re going back to her,” she yelled sitting on the bed as she began to cry, “you promised. You said you loved me. You said you were going to be there.”

“Buffy-“

“No,” she yelled standing up again and slapping him. “I hate you, you promised.” She lifted her fists and started pounding weakly at his chest as he stood there and let her. Eventually too tired to go on, she fell to the floor and whispered, “you promised.”

Spike sat down beside her, wiping his own tears and pulling her close

“Buffy, I’m only going to pick up our things. Some essentials. I promised I would be with you and I meant it. I love you Buffy, I’m not going anywhere.”

Realisation hit Buffy as his words cut through the mist in his mind and she jumped away from him, frantically shaking her head. She had hit him, she was angry and upset and she hit him. Not very hard, but that wasn’t the point. She had promised herself when Drusilla started beating her that she would never hit someone unless it was in self-defence and she had broken that promise. Someone she claimed to love and she had done that. And she had made him cry. She was just like Drusilla, worse because at least Drusilla had never claimed to love her.

“No, no, no. I’m just like her. I don’t want to be like her, I don’t. Never want to be like her,” she was babbling but she didn’t care. She looked at Spike through watery eyes as he moved towards her again. Gently he took her hands in his.

“Who luv? Who are you like?”

“Drusilla,” she spat the name out like it was poison, “I’m just like her.”

“How are you like her?”

“I hurt you,” she answered, “I hit you and you let me. I’m exactly like her.”

“No,” Spike said angrily, looking directly into Buffy’s eyes. “You are nothing like her. You are a good, kind and loving person. She is an evil bitch.”

“But I hit you. What if I hit our child like she hit me? I’ll be a terrible mother.”

Spike was crying along with Buffy again

“No you won’t. You will be a fantastic mother. You will love and care for our child. You will take care of our child and you will be a great mum. You are nothing like her. And you never, ever will be.”

“But-“

“No buts, you won’t be like her. But please, remember that I love you, don’t forget that again.”

“I promise.” She whispered as she crawled onto his lap and kissed him as their tears began to dry.

Chapter 14: Early Mornings Part 2



Buffy gasped Spike’s name as she tumbled over the edge and into ecstasy. She arched her back as he thrust a few more times before he spilled himself within her, her name on his lips as he came. As they both started to come down from their climax he rested his forehead on hers, before slumping on top of her. He held her tight for a moment before rolling off of her and pulling her over to lay on top of him with her head on his chest. She snuggled into him, taking comfort in the fact that he was still there.

After the tears they had both cried they had needed each other more than ever. Their emotions were ruling them and the best way they could express their emotions at that time was to make love. It said everything they felt and it was what they needed. They needed to both lose and find themselves in each other. And neither had ever felt anything so perfect, or experienced anything so full of love before. Spike placed a kiss on top of her head as he held her close, glad that she was still with him. He had been so afraid he would lose her, it was hard to believe that it had all happened only an hour or so ago, but he knew he never wanted to let it happen again.

They lay there like that for about an hour, in complete silence although neither one of them slept. They just wanted to feel that the other was there with them. But in the end, the inevitable couldn’t be put off any longer. Buffy rolled off of Spike and stood up, wrapping herself in the sheet; she gave him a small smile

“I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he said softly.

“Yes there is, I was so afraid but I promise you I will never do that again. I won’t let myself be that way, I’ll never hurt you,” she promised. Her voice was soft but the muddle of emotions was clear. Spike got up and walked over to her and hugged her tight

“I know. I love you.”

“Love you too,” she looked up into his eyes before kissing him. It wasn’t a long kiss, just enough to let him know she meant every word.

When they parted Spike looked at her, he didn’t know how she would react to his next words “I still have to go to the house.”

“I know, I wish you didn’t but I know that you do. I guess I’m just afraid that she’ll be there and what will happen if she is.”

“All that will happen is that I warn her to stay away, I love you. Only you, I’m coming back. I’m only grabbing the necessities and then coming straight back to you.”

“Promise,” the fear and uncertainty in her eyes terrified him. He never wanted to see that look.

“I swear,” he said, kissing her softly once more before pulling away and moving to get dressed.

Buffy watched as she did, she found one of his shirts and pulled it over her head. She noticed the small smile on his face when he saw her wearing it. When he dressed she walked him to the door. Before he got through it she pulled him back inside and kissed him. She was clinging to him, but eventually she let go, she knew she had to. She gave him a soft smile

“I love you. Hurry back.”

She watched as he walked down the corridor to the elevator. When its doors opened and he got inside she closed the door and leaned against it, praying he wouldn’t be gone for long and praying even harder that her mom wouldn’t be at the house when he got there.




Spike had been glad to find the house empty when he had arrived. But he decided not to waste any time in case Drusilla came back so firstly he went down to the basement to gather some of Buffy’s things. He started off by raiding her closet. He had brought a duffel bag and he grabbed as much as he could fit in the bag. It was only a small amount of her clothes but it would be enough for now. When he had gotten the clothes he gathered some school things, he had called her in sick for the next two weeks to give her time to get back to normal but she would have to go back soon and she would need all her things. He added them to the bag. After that he just grabbed a few other things he thought she would want before going upstairs to collect his own things.

He started off in what had been his and Drusilla’s bedroom, grabbing some of his black shirts, jeans and other items of clothing. He added his hair products and his books. Then he went to his music room. As he stood there he recalled the lie he had been told that had made it his music room and his blood boiled from his anger at his ex. But he didn’t have time to waste all day thinking about it so he hurried to shove as many of his CD’s, sheet music and other items as he could in the bag. As he was walking out of the room he picked up his guitar and headed back downstairs. His anger came back when he reached the bottom of the steps just as Drusilla walked through the front door.



After Spike had left Buffy had decided to have a snoop around the apartment. She knew it didn’t belong to him but to his business partner. And who knew Spike had a business partner? Or a business for that matter? But apparently he and Lorne owned a music store together. Spike mostly worked from home dealing with promotions and stuff while Lorne did the day-to-day stuff in the store. But Lorne was out of town for a couple of weeks and Spike was in charge but he had put another employee in charge for a week so that he could spend time with her. But while he was out she was going to have a look around.

She started looking through the drawers, not sure what she was looking for. Nothing in particular really, she was just bored. In one of the drawers she found a photo album, she pulled it out and sat down. Just as she flipped it open the door opened, she looked up expecting to see Spike but saw Lorne’s sister Ali instead.

“Hi,” Ali greeted warmly as she waked over and sat with Buffy.

“Hey,” Buffy replied shyly.

“What you looking at?”

“Oh sorry, I found it in the drawer, Spike had to go out and I thought it would be ok if I had a look,” Buffy blushed felling like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. But Ali just grinned and said

“Sure it is, I know this album. There are a lot of pictures of Spike in here.” The girl took the album from Buffy and flipped it open to the right page and Buffy looked at the pictures of Spike that must be around ten years old.

“When were those taken?”

“Almost ten years ago, Lorne and Spike went to high school together in LA. This was just before graduation,” she said pointing to a picture of Spike and a cute guy whom she guessed was Lorne sitting in front of a house. There were several others that looked like they had been taken at school. “Spike moved to LA when he was 15 and he and Lorne have been best friends ever since. They moved here a few months ago when they decided to open the store and I came here to go to college. Spike is like a big brother.”

She flipped the page and Buffy smiled at the picture of Spike on graduation day, wearing his cap and gown and holding his diploma with a huge smile on his face, “a lot of people thought he would never make it to that day, thought he was a no user. But he proved them all wrong, he is one of the best people I know, he did good for himself,” Ali saw the proud smile that played on Buffy’s lips.

“He loves you a lot,”

“I love him too,” Buffy replied.

“Good, he deserves to be happy and I can see you make him happy. And any friend of Spike’s is a friend of mine.”

Buffy smiled at her again and leaned back down to continue looking at the pictures.




“Drusilla,” Spike said as he finished descending the steps, his voice full of contempt.

“Spike, I knew you would come back to me. That Buffy, she’s no good. Not good enough for you,” she walked over to him placing her hand on his cheek, “you need someone who can fulfil your needs.”

Spike pulled her hand away, “She fulfils my needs just fine, thank you. Actually better than you ever could, after all I left you for her.”

“But you love me,” Drusilla insisted.

“No, I don’t. I love Buffy, have done since the moment I saw her and you could never compare.”

“You are mine,” she screeched.

“No, I’m hers,” he corrected her.

“She’ll pay for this, I swear. That little whore will be sorry. She’s dirt and she needs to remember it. You will be mine again Spike and she will be sorry she ever tried to take you from me.”

Spike got in her face, angry beyond the telling of it at her words, “You so much as say a bad word to her Dru, and I swear you will regret it. You stay away from her and me.”

“But see, she’s my daughter, I’ll get her back. I’ll tell the police you stole her away.”

Spike couldn’t help but laugh, “won’t work, she’s 18. She’s a legal adult and you have no claim over her. She isn’t coming back here, not now, or ever again. You have my word for it.”

With that Spike pushed past her and walked out, he didn’t want to waste his time on her, he wanted to get back to Buffy. She was the most important thing in his world. But as he got in his car he could still hear Drusilla’s screams of

“That little bitch is going to be sorry. I will make her pay.”

But Spike paid her no mind as he turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the driveway.

Chapter 15: Ultrasounds and Coming Out



In the next month that passed Buffy and Spike had grown closer. Buffy was less afraid of losing Spike than she had been in the beginning and was beginning to realise that he meant it when he said he loved her. He had been great; Buffy was still upset over everything that had happened with her mom but she obviously didn’t miss it. It was nice to be able to wear nice clothes again and to wake up in the morning and not have to sneak out of the house. But her favourite thing was waking up every morning next to Spike. He treated her like a queen and she loved it.

She was into her third month of pregnancy and Spike was becoming more and more excited, already talking about decorating bedrooms and baby names. Buffy loved to see his enthusiasm and the smile that lit up his face whenever the topic came around to their child.

They had started looking around for an apartment of their own, Lorne was due back in a week and they wanted to have moved out by then. They had found a place they liked and were just waiting for everything to be finalised so that they could move in. That only left them with one problem, or more precisely Buffy, and that was her friends. Willow knew about the pregnancy and that her mom hit her but she didn’t know about anything that had happened that day or after it. As far as her friends were concerned she was still living with her mom and Spike was still dating Drusilla. Xander still didn’t know anything. She had to change that. So she had told them to meet her at the gates after school and go to her place where she would talk to them. Spike would be there too.

She had been doing better at school since moving out, she was surprised she got any work done after all, Spike was a permanent distraction and a very welcome one at that. But he also made sure her work got done. Buffy had a free last period, so she did some homework while she waited for final bell so she wouldn’t have much to do over the weekend. She was outside waiting for Willow and Xander when the bell went. They met her by the gate and she smiled as greeting

“You guys ready?”

“You bet,” Xander, grinned his goofy grin and Buffy started leading the way. After ten minutes of walking Willow finally said

“Um Buffy, isn’t your house in a totally different direction?”

“Yeah Buff, I thought we were going to your place,” Xander looked at her with a puzzled face.

“We are,” Buffy answered coming to a stop in front of the apartment building. “I live here, at least for the next week.”

“Huh?” Xander and Willow said together.

“Come on up and I’ll explain everything.”

Buffy led the way inside pressing the button for the elevator and waiting silently for it to arrive. While she waited she thought about what she was going to say when she got up to the apartment and was faced with a tirade of questions from her friends, and she knew it would happen. The elevator dinged and Buffy and the others stepped in. When it stopped on her floor she got out and walked to the door. She looked back at the others with a nervous smile before opening the door, seeing Spike in the kitchen putting some chips in a bowl and getting some cans of coke out of the fridge for their guests, when he saw Buffy he put everything on the counter and came to the door to greet her with a kiss. Buffy saw the looks on her friend’s faces when they parted and wondered when one of them would say something. It took a few moments but she wasn’t surprised when Xander was the first to say something

“Buffy, why are you making out with your mom’s boyfriend?”

With a nervous laugh she took Spike’s hand, “well, you see that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. He isn’t my mom’s boyfriend anymore. He’s my boyfriend.”

Xander looked dumfounded by this new turn of events, Willow although she had known about the previous affair also looked surprised.

“Ok, since when?” Xander asked.

“Ok, this is a bit of a long story, and I think you might want to sit down before I tell it.”

She pointed to the sofa and Spike led her by the hand to the other sitting down beside her so that they were sitting across from Willow and Xander. As soon as he sat down Xander started talking again

“Ok, what is going on? Why are you not living at home? Your mom must be worried sick,” he stopped when he heard Buffy, Spike and Willow scoff at the last statement and that just made him want to know more. What did Willow know that he didn’t?

“Xander, my mom probably cares that I’m not at home but not for the reason you think. She’s probably only bothered about the fact that she no longer has her punching bag around.” She saw the shocked look on his face and she felt sorry for him. He had always thought he mom was a bit nuts but she doubted he had ever suspected anything really bad of her. But instead of starting to run his mouth off like he normally would he didn’t say anything. Buffy was willing to bet that was because of the shock but at least it meant she could continue.

“Remember how weird I had been this past year? Well that was the reason; my mom was drinking and beating me constantly. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to worry you. Willow knew because she figured it out. But I didn’t want to worry anyone and so I didn’t do anything about it. As for Spike, well he moved in and you know sometimes things just happen.”

“Buffy how could you not tell me? I understand that you didn’t want to worry me, but Buffy I’m your best friend too,” the hurt in Xander’s voice was genuine and Buffy was sorry but she couldn’t explain her reasons to him. Because she didn’t really understand them herself.

“I’m sorry, that’s all I can say.”

“Ok, I get that part. But how did you two get together, why did you get together?” Willow asked.

“That’s something else I should tell you. Something neither of you know. Do you remember that night near the end of January when I was supposed to meet you at The Bronze but didn’t show.”

Upon her friends nods she took a breath, Spike squeezed her hand. She needed to tell them this, they were her friends, and they would want to know.

“Well, Spike and I had an argument, but he wasn’t to blame for what I’m about to tell you ok. It was a lot of things.”

“Buffy tell us,” Willow pleaded.

“Ok, well we had an argument and everything just got to me after that. Everything with my mom, I was just so depressed. I was outside the club but I went back home,” she could see the worried looks that her friends wore and so she closed her eyes as she said the next sentence, “I took an overdose. I tried to kill my self.”

She heard the twin gasps and she heard the sobs that escaped Willow. Looking up she could see that Xander was barely holding tears back and Spike’s grip on her hand had tightened considerably.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Willow sniffed

“I’m sorry guys, I just felt so awful I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Is there more?” Xander asked her.

“Yes, Willow knows most of this too. After that happened, Spike found me. He was keeping an eye on me. We had kissed once before and I had totally fallen for him. Anyway, we kind of, well we slept together. We were seeing each other for a while after that. But then it ended. And then we got back together. And I also found out something. Um, I don’t know how to tell you this, I don’t know the right words so I’m just gonna say it. I’m, well I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Xander exclaimed suddenly standing, looking at Spike “you asshole, she’s 18.”

“Yeah and she’s an adult. Legally. Don’t come in here yelling at me for falling in love.”

“Love? For god’s sake, she’s an 18-year-old high school girl, why would you want someone that young? What were you just the first guy that crazy Drusilla wouldn’t put out for?”

“Hey, enough” Buffy screeched above Xander’s shouts. “Look, Xander, I know you’re upset but this isn’t Spike’s fault. I love him, that isn’t changing anytime soon or ever for that matter. Now you can either sit down and let me finish and also leave my boyfriend alone. Or you can go now, which will it be?”

Xander sat down.

“Thank you. Right where was I? Oh yeah. I’m pregnant, around threemonths. And I’m keeping the baby, before you ask. Spike and I are moving into an apartment of our own next week. This is his friend’s place. And we have the first ultrasound tomorrow. But, what I’m saying is, I’m not going back home. Spike and I are together and it’s going to stay that way. You guys are welcome to come with tomorrow. You would need to probably sit in the waiting room, but at least you would be there. It’s up to you.”

“Well, I wanna go,” Willow, said hugging her friend.

“Thanks,” Buffy said softly.

“Yeah, I’ll go too.”

Buffy smiled at Xander before hugging him. She then went back to sit by Spike. They sat quietly for a moment until Spike feeling awkward by the quiet stood up

“So, anyone want snacks?”


Everything had gone relatively smoothly for the rest of the night. After Willow and Xander left, Buffy and Spike enjoyed some alone time. Or in other words, they enjoyed an early night in bed, without much sleeping being done.

They woke up bright and early the next morning, both excited about their appointment later that morning. They were due for the ultrasound at midday and neither one could wait. Because after today everything would be official, they would see their baby. It would be real and nobody could take it away from them. They spent the morning chatting about everything baby. What they wanted to decorate the room like, what kind of pram they wanted. Anything and everything was the topic and it kept up all the way to the doctor’s. And the whole time, the smile’s never left their faces.

Willow and Xander were already there waiting for them when they arrived. Willow gave Buffy a hug while Xander gave Spike a death stare. But Spike let it wash over him. He wasn’t going to let anything get to him today, he was too happy. So, without letting go of Buffy’s hand he led everyone inside.

They didn’t have to wait long before they were called in; Spike waited patiently while Buffy changed into the gown the doctor gave her. When she was ready she got up on the table and waited. Spike sat right next to her and they spoke softly to each other while waiting. They automatically silenced themselves when the doctor came in, looking at each other in anticipation of seeing their baby for the first time. It may only be a tiny image on a screen but it was their baby.

Buffy lay back, trying to get as comfortable as possible on a bed that was not meant to be comfortable. She slid the gown up slightly, her lower half hidden under the thin sheet. Buffy felt the doctor apply some of the cold gel to her skin; she looked at Spike for a moment until she felt the small want start to glide across her tummy, she and Spike both looked towards the screen. The doctor looked at the screen and smiled, and a moment later Buffy and Spike heard a fast thudding sound, the heartbeat. Spike’s face lit up, it was the most amazing sound he had ever heard.

“There’s one baby,” he heard the doctor say, but was shocked to hear “and there’s the other.”

Buffy and Spike, whose eyes had still been glued to the screen until that point, whipped their heads around to look at the doctor.

“O- other baby?” Buffy stammered.

“Yes,” the doctor said with a smile “congratulations, you’re having twins.”

Buffy looked at Spike tentatively she saw a look of shock be overtaken by a look of awe, he looked back at the screen and whispered,

“Two babies,” he felt Buffy squeeze his hand and looked up at her. “We’re gonna have two babies,” he repeated.

“Yeah,” she smiled and gave him a soft kiss, before lying back down.

Not long after the doctor gave them their ultrasound photographs and they smiled as the went back to meet up with Willow and Xander.

“How’d it go?” Willow asked

“Great, we’re having twins,” Buffy squealed. She knew maybe she should have been a little quieter but she was so happy and excited. She hadn’t been expecting to be told she was going to be a mother of two, but she was happy about the it. She was going to be the kind of mother that her own wasn’t. And she and Spike were going to be a proper family. That was the happiest feeling in the world.

Chapter 16: Shopping and Baby Names


The end of her third month and now the fourth month of Buffy’s pregnancy had gone relatively smoothly. Everyone knew now about her and Spike, and although some people had been assholes most hadn’t known about his relationship with her mom so they were ok. Their only issue was with the age difference. But they didn’t let it get to them. Neither of them had ever felt so in love before. They loved being able to spend their time together, lying on the couch watching a movie or just eating dinner together. They had moved into their new two-bedroom apartment. Spike had decorated it exactly how Buffy had wanted. The living room had been kept simple in cream and pale blue. While their bedroom was in red and black. It was their own home and it really felt like it.


Buffy had started a tradition of meeting Willow every Saturday for shopping. It was something that they had done before all the bad stuff had started happening and Buffy wanted to enjoy being back to normal before the babies were born. So every Saturday at noon, they met and went to the mall. But this Saturday was a bit different because Spike was going with them. This Saturday they were going to pick out some things for the twins and so Spike had wanted to be there. And of course neither Buffy nor Willow had any problem with that. It also made things simpler as Spike drove them to the mall in his Desoto. Xander had been invited along too but had declined on the grounds of having too much homework. But they knew it was because he was still uncomfortable with Buffy’s relationship with Spike. Although he accepted it for the sake of his friendship with Buffy, he tried not to be around Spike if it were possible. He realised that eventually he would have to spend time with him but for now he needed more time.

Buffy and Spike held hands, smiling goofily as they walked through the mall. Willow smiled at how sweet and happy they looked together. She was happy for her friend, she had been through hell and she deserved some happiness. She still thought it was weird that she was in love with her mom’s ex, but he made Buffy happy. There was nothing more important than that. As long as he treated Buffy good, then as far as Willow was concerned she had no problem with the relationship.



Spike and Willow when Buffy let a squeal and ran from them, but when the looked at where she had gone they saw she was standing in front of a baby clothing store, fawning over a tiny white dress. The followed to where she was standing as she mumbled words like

“Oh my god, that is so cute. I love it, we need to buy it.”

Spike rolled his eyes, “Buffy we don’t know what the babies are yet,” he reminded her.

“I know but there can’t be anything wrong in buying one dress. Well two dresses because there are two babies but still, pleas.” She looked up at him hopefully, and then kisses him. She knew that would get her exactly what she wanted.

Spike grumbled about “bloody women,” and being “love’s bitch,” while Buffy and Willow and Buffy entered the store ahead of him laughing heartily at the look on Spike’s face. Still mumbling to himself, Spike followed them inside.


An hour later they were still in the store and Spike Buffy and Willow all had baskets filled with different baby things. Spike had two baskets, full to overflowing with baby suits; sleep suits, tiny socks, bibs, and other items. Buffy had cot sheets and towels and shoes. Basically they had two of everything in the store more or less. Spike knew it would cost him a fortune, but this was for their children and he could see Buffy glow with happiness as she chose exactly what she wanted. So it was worth it. Finally the got to the checkout and paid for everything. When they left the store, Buffy decided it was time to pick the cots. And so on to the next store they went.


Wandering around the furniture store, Buffy gasped in awe at all the cots, and changing tables. Spike loved the way her face lit up as she looked at them. He walked away and began looking at other furniture for the room. When he heard a yelp he spun round, afraid something had happened but then he caught sight of Buffy, standing with wide eyes in front of a crib. He went to join them and put a hand on the small of her back,

“You alright, pet?”

“This is the one Spike, look at it. It’s gorgeous.”

He had to agree, it was a very nice crib. It was a round twinkle star crib. It was a starlight crib with painted middle panels. It was perfect.

“Are you sure this is the one, luv?”

“I’m certain. It’s perfect.”

“Ok, well. We won’t order it today because we have nowhere to put it yet but we will come back in a couple of weeks for it. We can even get all the matching furniture.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she squealed happily, launching herself into his arms and smothering him with kisses. And again Willow watched with a smile.


When they left the furniture store Spike decided he needed a break from the girls. So he gave Buffy a kiss on the cheek and left her and Willow to their own devices. He was going home for a while and had promised to pick her up later. Only he didn’t go home. He watched until Buffy and Willow were safely inside another store and doubled back to the furniture store. He had some things to take care of.

Buffy and Willow chatted animatedly in the food court about all the purchases they had made. Since Spike left they had done some more baby shopping before moving onto the equally as fun Buffy and Willow shopping. Buffy knew that chances were she wouldn’t be able to fit into the clothes she had bough in a months time but she didn’t care. She liked them; she could always wear them after the babies were born.

“All the stuff you got is adorable Buffy. All those little baby suits, they are so tiny and cute. And I still can’t believe you’re having a baby,” Willow smiled.

“I know,” Buffy, said excitedly, “I am so happy. Everything is just going so perfect that sometimes I wonder if maybe it’s not real, but then I wake up in the morning and Spike is there with his hand resting on my belly and I know that it is. And I just feel warm and safe and loved.”

“Oh, Buff that is so great. I’m glad he makes you happy.”

“He really does,” Buffy nodded.

They both smiled.




After picking them up at 5:30 Spike took Willow home before driving himself and Buffy back to their apartment. While she put away all of the day’s purchases he ran her a bubble bath, heavy on the bubbles. While she soaked, Spike whipped up some dinner, nothing fancy, just some pasta and salad. It was ready by the time Buffy emerged dressed in a pair of pyjama pants and a tank top. Spike had dimmed the lights and lit some candles in the living room, giving it a warm, cosy glow. He gave her a kiss as he brought the plates into the living room. Deciding they would eat on the couch for comfort. They ate in relative silence; once in a while one would say something to the other. But mostly they just enjoyed being together. For them, sometimes sitting together in silence was just as good and as nice as talking for hours. But they loved both; they loved talking. They just understood each other. They felt so complete in the presence of the other and they never wanted to not be together. And the both believed that they never would be, at least not if they had anything to do with it.


When they were done, Buffy offered to wash the dishes, and though Spike objected she wouldn’t take no for an answer. So while she did the washing up he decided to grab a quick shower. By the time he came back dressed in only a pair of sweats, Buffy was curled on the couch with a book.

“Watcha reading luv?” he asked taking a seat beside her on the couch.

Buffy held the book up so that he could see

“Baby names,” he said.

“Yep,” she said with a grin, “I thought we could have a nice night, snuggling on the couch and choosing names.”

“I could thing of something much more fun,” he purred leaning over to her.

“But I want to choose names,” she pouted

“But baby,” he protested

“If we can do choose names now, we can indulge in some of that other fun later,” She promised with a sultry smile.

“Ok,” he agreed with a bright smile. He moved into the corner of the couch and lay back he opened his arms; she scooted over to lie between his legs with the back of her head resting on his chest.


Buffy flipped the pages, “ do you want to start with boys names or girl’s names?” she asked.

“Boys,” he answered purely because they came first in the book.

“‘K,” she answered.

Deciding to start from the beginning she went back to the start of the back and started looking through the names, holding the book so that Spike could see. They lay there just scanning the pages when Buffy spotted a name she liked,

“What about Cameron?” she said.

“I don’t much like it, I just don’t think it sounds right.”

“I think it’s cute, let’s see what it means… crooked nose.”

She heard Spike laugh and frowned, “sorry luv, but it even has a crap meaning.”

“Ok, let’s keep looking then.”

“What about Jordan?” Spike suggested.

“It’s nice. I like the J with your surname. I think it sounds good with Giles, we’ll keep it as a maybe,” Buffy told him. Spike nodded his agreement and went back to looking through the pages of names.

They looked over the pages quietly for the next five minutes, thinking to themselves about what names sounded best. Neither said a word during the process but suddenly they said together

“Joshua”

They smiled, “It is a nice name, and it’s a J,” he said.

“Joshua Giles,” I like that Buffy grinned.

“Me too, pet, me too,” he kissed the top of her head affectionately.

“Don’t we need another boys name, just in- case”

“Well, why don’t we go with Jordan?”

“Yeah,” Buffy smiled, “I like that idea.” She tilted her head back so he could give her a soft kiss. “ok, girl’s names.”

Spike laughed at her excitement as she once again started flipping through the book. Before long the suggestions for names for baby girls were coming one after another without a breath between them, Spike could barely keep up as Buffy excitedly said,

“What about Emily? Or Madison? Or maybe even brook,”

“Buffy, luv, calm down and take a breath,” Spike ordered.

“Ok,” Buffy said her lips curling into a slight pout.

“Now, my opinion on those names is, they’re cute. But I don’t think I like them enough.”

“But they’re so pretty,” Buffy said trying to sway him.

“They are, but we don’t just want pretty. For our children we want perfect.”

He knew she would melt and the smile that covered her face showed him he was right, “well, yeah,” she agreed. “So what names do you think?”

“Well I saw a few nice ones,” he took the book from her and went back a few pages, “I liked Taylor. It’s different and it’s a pretty name.”

“I like it too,” Buffy decided.

“Great, there were another couple. Do you want to go with the J thing for girls too?”

“Yeah, we could at least have a look at J names.” Buffy took the book again and went to the ‘J’ section. She murmured the names as she looked through them,

“Here’s one,” she said, “what about Jordan for a girl too?”

“Well, it is nice but it strikes me as a boys name,” Spike mused.

“Yeah, but it’s different.”

“I suppose,” Spike nodded.
“Well we’ll look at a few more before deciding,” Buffy looked back at the book.

“Jade,” Spike said all of a sudden.

“Huh?”

“The name, for a girl, Jade.”

“Oh I like it that, it’s so cute.” She smiled as she thought of the name in her head and it sounded really cute. “Yeah, I like it. My suggestion for the other is Jessica. I know it’s quite a common name, but doesn’t Jessica Giles just sound so good?” Buffy seemed to disappear into a dream world; broken out of it only when Spike responded

“It does, so I think those are our names, Jade and Jessica for girls,”

“And Jordan and Joshua for boys,” she finished with a happy smile, she leaned over and kissed him, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” he replied, kissing her again more passionately.

“Why don’t we get down to that other fun now?” Buffy whispered.

Spike didn’t answer; he simply lifted her in his arms and carried her to their room, laying her down gently on the bed. He kissed along her collarbone as he lifted her tank top off. He moved his kisses downward, until he reached her breasts. He paid her breasts attention while he slipped her pyjama pants off. When she was completely naked she sat up to slip his sweatpants off. He lay beside her on the bed, at first just kissing and caressing each other gently, until it was too much and they both needed more. Spike shifted so that he was above her, placing himself at he entrance and gently thrusting inside. They took their time, in no hurry for it to end. They met each other’s thrusts and seemed lost in an endless kiss as they moved together. It was like they were home when they were joined together so intimately. They rocked gently, until they found release together. Never breaking their connection, Spike rolled to his back, taking Buffy with him. She lay on his chest as they fell into a deep sleep.

Chapter 17


Buffy couldn’t believe she was in the middle of her 6th month of pregnancy. The time seemed to have flown by. She had quite a large bump now, not as big as most people in their 6th month of pregnancy with twins but her doctor had said that for her size and weight it was fine. So she wasn’t worried. Spike loved to lie at night in bed with his hand on her bump, loved feeling his children kick beneath his hand. And Buffy loved the comfort that these small gestures brought her. It felt perfect.

In the past month and a half, they had done a lot. Buffy had graduated high school. And Spike had been there to cheer her on. It had been a very proud moment. She had decoded to put college off for a year though. Baby wise, they had decorated the babies’ bedroom. The cots had been delivered and the room had been painted in a soft yellow colour. With a mural on one of the walls. The room looked really cute; there was even a rocking chair in one of the corners. It was exactly how Buffy had imagined it looking. She was becoming more and more excited. She still had three months to go but she could hardly wait.

Spike was determined to make her take it easy; he did everything for her. She hardly lifted a finger, but she did enjoy being pampered. It was nice. He was so cute the way he fussed over her, he was perfect. The perfect guy. But he was gone for the day, well most of the day so she was going to spend the day with Willow, just going to the mall. And it was time to leave.



Spike was happy with himself as he drove back from LA. He had been shopping for a gift for Buffy, wanting to show her how special she was and he had found the perfect thing. But in order to go buy it he had to leave early and so ha hadn’t seen her all day. So he was going to make her a nice dinner for when she got back from her day out with Willow. He had missed not spending all day with her, so he was going to make the most of the evening. He hoped she liked what he had bought.


Buffy was surprised when she arrived home about 7pm to find the apartment6 lit by candlelight. It looked beautiful. She saw a smiling Spike come from the kitchen area and walked over to kiss him. She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck,

“Hey you,” she said softly, pulling back.

“Hey yourself,” he replied with another quick kiss.

“I missed you today,” she told him.

“Missed you too, but I made us dinner so we get to have a nice night all to ourselves.”

Buffy grinned happily, she let him take her hand and lead her to the couch. He unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it off, taking it from her to hang on the coat rack while she sat down. She watched him, smiling inwardly at how he was being even sweeter than usual. When he came back over she took his hand to pull him to sit beside her. She snuggled into him, enjoying the warmth of being held by him,

“How long until dinner’s ready?” she asked.

“Ten minutes,” he answered.

“Plenty of time for some snuggling,” she smiled leaning up to plant another kiss on his lips. Pulling away she curled into his side and they sat in silence.


Buffy sat across from Spike at the small table he had set up for them to eat at, he had made her favourite meal of lamb with potatoes and vegetables. It had taken him a while but she enjoyed it so it was worth it. For dessert he had strawberry cheesecake, another of her favourites. Buffy moaned in pleasure as she took the first bit of her dessert. It was deliciously sweet. Spike loved the look on her face. He hardly ate his own because he was enjoying watching her too much. It didn’t take her long to eat it all. When she was done, he cleared her plate and brought her a drink. He was beginning to feel nervous, he wanted to say something but felt awkward saying it at the kitchen table, so he suggested moving back to the couch. When she was sitting comfortably Spike went to retrieve her ‘gift’ but when he came back Buffy noticed he looked incredibly nervous.

“Something wrong?” she asked, her brow furrowed.

“Um, no, I just wanted to say something.”

“Ok, then say it,” she smiled warmly.

Spike patted his jean pocket, ensuring the box was still there and then sat beside her.

“Ok,” she said, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say.

“Ok,” he replied nervously. But he looked into her eyes and looked at her smiling face and his nervousness disappeared.

“You know I love you right?” he asked her.

“Of course, I love you too.”

“Well, I need to tell you how much,” he turned to face her taking both her hands in his, “Buffy I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. The first time I saw you, I knew there was something special about you, and speaking to you, I realised what it is. You are filled with love. Your smile brightens up every room, and it brightens up my life. I feel like I connect with you on every level. When I found out you pregnant, I felt like I had been given the most special gift, even more so because you loved me. I know I made some mistakes and didn’t always do the right thing by you in the beginning, but I want you to know that even though I made those mistakes, I still loved you more than I can say.”

Buffy watched shocked as he reached into his pocket before moving to the floor on one knee, “and now,” he went on, “I want to make sure that I do right by you for the rest of my life. I want to be there for you and our children. I want to wake up with you beside me. I want our family to go for picnics in the park.” He opened the box, “and I want to be able to introduce you as my wife. Buffy, you’re everything I ever wanted, you and our children, and the one thing I thought I’d never be lucky enough to have. And now that I do, I never want to let it go. Will you marry me?”


Buffy couldn’t believe it, she took in the beautiful ring, it was platinum with a heart shaped diamond. She knew she was crying, she didn’t know why, time seemed to stand still but in reality her answer was instant,

“Yes, of course I will,” she cried happily. She watched as he slipped the ring on her finger before kissing her. He then placed a kiss on her growing bump. He smiled at her with adoration in his eyes. Neither had ever been so happy. She stood up, taking his hand and leading him to their bedroom.




Buffy smiled as she lay in bed the next morning, she looked at the ring wearing a huge smile on her face. She was still trying to take in the events of the previous night. She couldn’t believe he proposed to her. She had dreamed about it, imagined it constantly, but her imagination had never been able to conjure anything as wonderful or as beautiful as his true proposal. She could not have wished for anything more. She sighed happily snuggling into the covers. It was after midday, but Spike had to go out. He hadn’t wanted to but Lorne had needed to speak to him about something at the store and he had to go, but he promised he wouldn’t be long and requested she wait for him in bed. And she was more than happy to comply.

She was beginning to fall into slumber when the shrill ringing of the telephone startled it, grumbling she threw her hand to the bedside table where the phone sat and fumble for the receiver. She grabbed it and brought it to her ear,

“Hello,” she mumbled. She heard loud sobs coming from the other end, “hello?” she repeated.

“B- Buffy?” she heard her mother’s voice ask.

“What do you want? How did you get my number?” Buffy demanded.

“I got it from Willow’s mother I was worried. Buffy sweetheart please, I’m so sorry. You need to come, I had a fall and I may need a doctor. Please come and help me, I’m so sorry for everything,” Drusilla sobbed over the phone.

“Why should I do anything for you?” she snapped.

“I’m your mother, and I want to apologise, Buffy I was messed up. I’m so sorry for everything. But you’re all I have, please.”
Buffy didn’t feel any sympathy for her mom, but at the same time she did need to speak to her. Not to say it was ok, that she was forgiven. But she had to see her, tell her what she thought. And then she really could move on. She could cut Drusilla out of her life completely, so as much as she didn’t want to she found herself agreeing to go over,

“I’ll be there soon,”

“Thank you,” Drusilla wept, merely to be met with a dial tone. As she put the phone down Drusilla smiled, no tears evident on her face. “Silly cow,” she muttered to herself, “told you you would pay.” She went to prepare for her daughter’s visit.






Forty- five minutes later Drusilla watched through the window as Buffy made her way up the path to the front door. She had left it unlocked and when she heard the handle turn she made herself cry again. She was sitting on the couch sobbing into her hands when Buffy entered the living room.


She looked at her mother shaking as she cried, but she couldn’t feel sympathy for her, she did feel pity. But she still didn’t trust her. But she needed to be here, not for Drusilla’s sake but for her own. She stood in front of her mom, but keeping some distance away,

“Mom,” she said tersely.

Drusilla looked up, fake tears dripping down her cheeks, “Buffy, sweetheart,” Drusilla said, trying to sound sincere.

“What did you want me to come here for?” Buffy asked, wanting to get straight to the point.


“To talk, to say I’m sorry, to ask you to come home,” her mom told her.

“Not going to happen,” Buffy assured her, “I’m picking up some things while I’m here and then maybe we can talk.”

“Buffy, I’m your mother this is where you’re supposed to be,” Drusilla said too sharply, making Buffy feel uneasy. But she didn’t allow it to show; instead she turned away,

“I’ll be back shortly, maybe we can talk. But I’m leaving again later,”

As Buffy retreated for the stairs, Drusilla smirked to herself,

“We’ll see about that, darling daughter,” her voice was too faint for Buffy to hear.


While Buffy was in Spike’s old music room packing up his records and stuff that he had left behind, Drusilla was busy downstairs. She locked all of the doors and unplugged the phone, she had been waiting to get Buffy back for months and now she was there all alone, it was too perfect. The bitch would pay, just like Drusilla had assured them she would. She had been furious when she saw the growing bump her daughter was sporting as a result of her pregnancy. To the man that Drusilla had first and still considered to be hers. She couldn’t let Buffy get away with it. As she heard Buffy move around a smile crossed her face, no, Buffy had taken something from her. And now Drusilla would take something from Buffy. Life.



Buffy was surprised when she heard the room door open; she shoved something in her pocket as she turned around to see a smiling Drusilla,

“I think we should have that chat now,”

“Not now mom,” Buffy turned her back.

“Yes now,” Drusilla demanded and then softened her voice. She had to keep her act up a little longer.

Looking at her watch Buffy sighed, “Fine, five minutes and then I’m gone.”

“Ok,” Drusilla took her by the arm and led her to a seat. Sitting across from her Drusilla looked at her daughter, fixed her sad look in place and started her well thought out speech. “Buffy, I know I wasn’t the best mother to you. I made a lot of mistakes, and I am so sorry. I hurt you very badly and I realise that I was wrong.” She forced a single tear to roll down her cheek, “and I want you to know I am truly sorry. I regret it,” Drusilla smile d inwardly at the look on Buffy’s face as she thought silently ‘like hell I do’ but Buffy seemed to buy her story so that was good.

“Anyway,” she continued, “as for Spike, I know you don’t believe it but I love him.”

Buffy scoffed and decided that before she went overboard and Buffy didn’t believe anything else, it was time to start the ball rolling, “and he loves me. I’m sorry Buffy. But he comes here all the time, begging me to take him back. Telling me what a mistake he made, how he doesn’t even believe the babies are his. I know this hurts you, and that’s not what I want,” she lied, “but you have to know.”

Buffy stood up angrily, “Don’t even start Drusilla,” she spat, no longer wanting to call her mom, “you only know I’m having twins because I know you still talk to Willow’s mom. Spike wouldn’t come near you. He loves me, get used to it.” As she tried to push by, Drusilla grabbed her arm, spinning her round,

“You’re mistaken, darling daughter,” Drusilla sneered, “I know because your beloved Spike comes here every night and tells me, while he fucks me into the mattress,” a cruel smirk replaced her previous sad pout.

Buffy shook her head in disgust, “you are so delusional. Want to know how I know this, while he supposedly fucking you into the mattress, he’s at home, in OUR apartment, making love to me. He stopped caring about you long ago. And whether you like it or now, he’s not coming back.”

“Oh yes he is, he’s mine” Drusilla screeched, “You have no claim on him. Nothing that says he won’t come back to me where he belongs.”

“Wanna bet?” Buffy asked holding her hand up so her mother could see the diamond engagement ring he had given her just last night, “tell me this, if he loved you so much, why would he have asked me to marry him? Get a life, I’m leaving to get on with mine.” She pushed past Drusilla heading for the stairs. A moment later, Drusilla chased after her.

“You little bitch,” Drusilla yelled, “who do you think you are? He belongs to me; you can’t have him. For some reason you believe that what’s mine is yours.”

Buffy laughed, “that’s because he is mine. He’s not yours Drusilla, he never was. And he never will be. Get used to it. As for who I am, I’m Buffy Summers, soon to be Buffy Giles, you should get used to that too.”

“You stole him, and it’s time for me to claim him back, you can’t keep him,” Drusilla edged closer to Buffy who tried to back away, growing increasingly worried. She felt at the phone in her pocket, praying Spike would turn up soon. She called him when she was upstairs knowing something had to be going on and he told her he would be there when he could. As Buffy continued to back away she wished he would hurry, she was becoming very scared as Drusilla kept talking in a scary tone of voice,

“You took him from me, and it’s only fair that I get, or take something from you. I want to take life,”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “you’re going to kill me?” Buffy squeaked.

Drusilla laughed, “don’t be silly, I’m not going to kill you,” She looked at Buffy bump and Buffy realised what she meant and before she had a chance to stop it, she felt Drusilla’s hands come in contact with her chest as she began to fall backwards.


Spike barely parked the car before he was running up the path, he turned the handle but the door wasn’t opening. It was locked. With a frustrated sigh he remembered that Buffy had kept her key, in the glove box of the car. She had put it there the day they left. He ran back to the car and started rummaging through the glove box. After what seemed forever he found it underneath a pile of stuff, tapes and the like and sprinted back to the house, leaving the car door lying open. He got the key in the door as quickly as he could, and practically fell through the door. Horror filled him at the sight that greeted him, Buffy tumbling from the top of the stairs, while Drusilla stood at the top. Smiling.



Spike wanted to kill her when eh saw Buffy lying at the bottom of the stairs, he rushed to her side, kneeling and holding her hand,

“Come on baby, wake up,” he pleaded. She was barely conscious. He looked at Drusilla with hate in his eyes

“If anything happens to her I swear-“

“Oh Spike, she was naughty, she deserved it. She tried to take you from me, but it’s me you love, she can’t have you. She had to be punished.”

“You’re crazy Dru,” he growled reaching into his jacket and pulling out his cell phone, “I’m calling the police. And so help me if anything happens to her you’ll be sorry.” He dialled the number and asked for the police and an ambulance, he heard a creak on the stairs, Drusilla ran down and before he could stop her, she was gone.


Spike cradled Buffy close, “come on baby wake up,” he begged. He sat like that repeating the words for about ten minutes when he heard her moan in pain, he looked down, her eyes were slowly opening,]

“thank god,” he breathed. “you ok baby?”

“No,” she said in a pained voice, “it hurts,”

“What hurts?”

“Everything” she croaked. They stayed in the same position, the ambulance was taking far too long for Spike liking and he became even more anxious when a more alert Buffy let out a shrill scream.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“The babies, Spike I think something’s wrong.” Buffy was crying as the pains continued to shoot through her.

“What?”

“I felt the pain when I first came to, it’s getting worse, I think something’s wrong.” She clung to Spike as the ambulance finally appeared, they could hear the sirens getting close. It had been about 30 minutes but at least they were almost there now. A few minutes later two paramedics rushed through the door, closely followed by police,

“What happened sir?” the paramedic asked.
“Her mum, pushed her down the stairs and ran. She’s 6 months pregnant. She’s having pains, what’s wrong?” Spike was close to tears himself.

“Well first, we need to get her to a hospital before we can know for sure. But considering what happened, she might be in labour?”

Spike looked at Buffy and her fresh wave of tears, and his own began to fall.

Chapter 18: Labour Pain


Neither Buffy nor Spike had ever been so terrified before. The ride to the hospital in the ambulance seemed to last forever. The journey was never- ending. The longer it took to get there, the less hope Spike held out. Buffy was in agony, she was conscious and during the ride to the hospital the paramedics had guessed at concussion from the fall, she had hit her head hard when she reached the bottom. Buffy had been in tears the whole way there, as had Spike, both terrified at the prospect of something happening to the babies.


And now they were at the hospital, and the fear had only increased. They had been there for an hour or so, and the doctor had seen Buffy. He had agreed with the paramedics about Buffy having a concussion and confirmed that Buffy had gone into labour. He told them that the fall would have caused it; it would have caused the babies to go into distress most likely. Also Buffy had gone into shock at first and that would have played a part. They had tried to give her something to stop the labour, but it hadn’t worked. And the babies were in too much distress, so the doctor gave them the news that the babies would have to be delivered early. Buffy had screamed and Spike had felt his world crumble. The doctor had told them a c- section was the best option at this point and so while the doctor prepared her for surgery, Spike had gone to call Willow and Xander and Lorne, knowing the would want to hear about it. But now that he had done that, he had to go back in. Buffy was in a mess, he had to be her support system; she would need him now more than ever. So wiping at his face, ridding it of tears, he tried to compose himself as best he could before opening the door and going into the room she had been put in.


She was still sobbing her heart out when he went in, it broke his heart. She wore the most devastated look he had ever seen and it would haunt him. The doctor and midwives were gone to prepare so it was just them. She was still in extreme pain but he knew she would be glad to see him. But looking at her he was filled with guilt. If only he had arrived a few minutes earlier, or stayed home that morning it wouldn’t have happened was what he kept telling himself. But knowing she needed him, he pushed it aside and went to her; sitting by the side of her bed he reached out and took her hand.


They remained quiet; they didn’t know what to say. Both afraid to speak. But after not very long, Buffy couldn’t hold it in any longer,

“Why did this happen to me?” she croaked, “Why does God hate me, because he must, because all this bad stuff happens to me. And Spike what are we going to do?”

“Baby, I don’t know. I’m so sorry, I wish I had gotten there sooner I could have stopped her. It’s all my fault, and I’m so sorry. If anything happens to these babies I’ll never forgive myself,” he couldn’t stop it; the tears came again.

“No!” Buffy said as loudly as she could through her own tears, “don’t blame yourself. You tried to get there on time. My mom is a psycho; she must have planned it. But I need you Spike, don’t fall apart on me. I need you too much. Please, I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not here for me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, squeezing her hand tighter.

The doctor chose that moment to come in,

“It’s time,” he told them, “William, you can go and scrub up to go into theatre while we get Buffy ready.”

Spike nodded, kissing Buffy’s hand, “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna be with you all the way ok?”

Buffy gave a slight nod, before letting go of her hold on Spike’s hand, watching as he left the room again.



Buffy squeezed her eyes shut as they wheeled her out of the room, they had given her the local anaesthetic so that she wouldn’t feel anything even though she would be awake. She kept he eyes closed as she was wheeled down the corridor until she felt someone hold her hand. Looking up she saw Spike had joined them, dressed in the blue hospital scrubs he had been given, the little mask covering his mouth. He held her hand tight as the reached the operating theatre.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” he reminded her.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

The doors to then operating theatre opened and it was time.



Buffy couldn’t see what was happening, there was a screen type thing covering her lower half so that she couldn’t see. And while could have watched if he had chosen to, he couldn’t bring himself to. So while the surgery was going on he looked at Buffy, holding eye contact with her at all times. They couldn’t have said how much time had passed, both were just waiting, afraid of what was going to happen and what they were told. Eventually they heard a weak cry, barely audible. Before anything could be said the baby was whipped away, and the doctor kept working. Clinging to each other, they waited until a few minutes later, another small cry was heard. Again the baby was immediately taken away. While the doctors worked on stitching Buffy back up the prayed silently to be told what was going on. Buffy’s tears had never stopped and Spike was barely keeping himself together.


When Buffy was stitched up, and the babies had been in the world for about 30 minutes a midwife finally came to speak to them,
“You have two baby girls,” she gave a small smile.

“Daughters,” Buffy whispered, “how are they?”

“They’re very small. They only weigh a little over a pound each. They are tiny, they’ve been taken and put in incubators. The doctors have to run some checks, I won’t lie. We don’t know which way this will go. But I hope everything turns out okay. For now, you’ll be taken to your room and in a little while someone will come with a wheelchair to take you to see them. Mr Giles, you may be able to see them now for a moment.”

Spike looked at Buffy, “go,” she told him, “then come and tell me what they look like.

“Spike nodded, whispered “I love you,” and allowed himself to be led from the theatre.




Spike looked at the tiny little people in the incubators, his daughters. They were so small. And seeing them hooked up to all those machines, clinging to life was his worst nightmare. These were his children, he had been looking forward to their births and their being a happily family and now an evil woman may take that away from them. And he didn’t know what he would do if that happened. He memorised what they looked like, their faces etched in his mind forever. Wiping at his tears he kisses his fingertips, placing them on the glass of both incubators,

“Daddy loves you,” he said softly before he had to go.



He slipped into Buffy’s room, she finally seemed to have stopped crying, but he knew it wouldn’t last long. Sitting down in the seat by the bed he leaned over to kiss her softly.

“What are they like?” she asked.

“Beautiful,” he told her, “they have my eyes, I noticed that even though they only opened their eyes for a second. They look like their mum, so they’re lucky girls.”

“Howe ill are they?”

“I don’t know exactly. They’re tiny. Hooked up to a bunch of machines. They look so fragile.” He hated having to be the one to tell her but she had to know, they were her daughter’s too, it was her right. And as much as he didn’t want to upset her by telling her everything right now, she had to know. “The doctor’s haven’t said much. It’s touch and go, have to see how everything goes.”

He knew it was going to happen, she burst into tears again and he was quick to join her, “are we going to lose our babies?” she sobbed.
“I don’t know baby, I don’t know.”

“We can’t lose them Spike, I can’t have carried them for six months just to lose them now. I’m a mom Spike, we were going to be happy family, why would anyone want to take that away from us?”

Spike didn’t answer, he just moved onto the bed beside her and held her tight, crying their pain out together.



Buffy had fallen asleep, it was going to be a while before she could go and see the babies, she needed more rest first and the doctor’s wanted to keep running checks for the moment. Spike thought that while she was sleeping he should call their friends, let them know what was happening. But to his surprise, upon entering the waiting area he was ambushed with them all. Xander, Willow, Lorne and Ali were all there, all talking at once, asking what was going on, how Buffy was and the like. When they quietened down Spike answered,

“Buffy’s asleep. She’s upset. They had to do the emergency c- section. We have 2 daughters. They’re in intensive care in incubators. They’re tiny but the most beautiful babies I ever saw.” And when Lorne hugged him he broke down, “and I don’t know what I’m going to do if we lose them.”

Lorne hugged him, Spike had been Buffy’s support and now Lorne was being his. Although Spike had cried all day, he hadn’t let anything out and now he was. When the tears finally subsided he pulled back,

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be, Spike, pal, this is horrible. You have every right to cry, and I’m your best friend, I’m here for you. I pray everything works out,” Lorne said.

“Thanks,” Spike offered a poor imitation of a smile. “I’m gonna go back in, don’t want to be away from Buffy, she won’t see the babies for a while yet. But I want to be with her right now, you guys should go home and I’ll call if anything happens.”

“No way,” his friends chorused.

“We’re staying,” Willow assured him.

“Yeah what she said,” Xander agreed.

“Oh and Spike I called your dad, he’s getting the first plane in,” Lorne said.

“Thanks, I think I’ll be needing him,” he gave a wave to his friends before he turned his back to head back to Buffy.


She was still asleep when he got back, taking his place in the seat by the bed he kissed her head and whispered, “I love you, we’ll get through this together.”

He meant it, because after all, what other choice did they have?

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