Hey there, I'm back with a new fic ;o) I had had this idea after seeing 'Chosen', but at that time I wasn't in the mood for a post S7 fic and wanted to try AU (hence Sweet Surrender). So it seems I am in the mood now, and this is it. It's also a crossover with Angel although I don't follow the storyline of S5 at all. Ok, enough blah blah, enjoy the reading (I hope ;o))

You Don't Know Me

Pairing: Buffy/Spike

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Not mine

Spoilers: Btvs S7 and Ats S5 (but not much)

Summary: After the collapse of Sunnydale, Buffy and the gang rebuild their lives in L.A (with a little help from Angel). They are not the only ones…

A/N: Forget what happened in S5 so far, this is going AU. Angel never got the amulet back so Spike is still presumably dusted.

CHAPTER 1

“Hey sister! Rise and shine!”

A groan coming from under the duvet was Dawn’s only response.

“Come on Buffy! It’s 8.30 already.”

Buffy tossed off the cover and glared at Dawn. “Yes, and it’s also my day off, remember?”

“Oops. Sorry. I forgot. I’ll let you sleep then. I just had a favour to ask you."

Buffy lied back on her pillow, sighing. “What?”

Dawn gave her her most charming and repentant smile. “Would you have the time to go to the library for me? I need these books,” she said, shaking a sheet in the air, “But my last class finishes rather late and I need them for this week-end.”

“Isn’t the library open during the week-end?”

This time Dawn looked sheepish. “Yes, but Cristina had that sort-of-a-date tomorrow, and she wanted me to go with her…don’t ask,” she said when Buffy raised an eyebrow. “I know she’s bizarro girl sometimes, but she’s a good friend.”

“She’s nice,” Buffy conceded, “But she sometimes has a weird taste in guys.”

Dawn laughed. “Right, look who’s ta…never mind. So, can you do that for me?”

Buffy smiled. “Leave the list on the kitchen table.”

“Thank you! I’ll see you tonight,” the younger girl said before disappearing.

Buffy decided to stay a little bit longer in bed. It was her day off after all. No need to get up and go train all the little chosen ones.

She frowned upon Dawn’s words. She didn’t have a weird taste in guys. They just had the bad habit to either take off or die on her. She shook her head, chasing away sad memories. But she couldn’t help it. She thought about him most of the time. That last moment they had shared replayed again and again in her head.

It was what he had said that hurt the most. If at least he had died believing he was loved and cared for, but no, she hadn’t succeeded in convincing him. The damages she and the others had done were too deeply rooted. And so, the first and only time she had been truly honest with him and opened her heart, he hadn’t believed her.

That was eating her up. “I miss you,” she whispered in the dark.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Wandering between the bookshelves, Dawns’ list in hand, Buffy finally admitted she needed help. She went to the reception desk and smiled at the young woman behind it.

“Hi. Can someone help me with these books? I guess I’m too blonde to find them,” she joked.

The woman - whose nametag indicated ‘Meg’ - quickly scanned the list. “English literature and archaeology? That’s William’s speciality.” She turned to a young man reorganizing medical books on another shelf. “Jake? Is William around?”

Jake shook his head. “He’s on his break. He should be back in about ten minutes. Do you want me to go get him?”

“If he’s on his break, I don’t want to bother him,” Buffy said hastily.

Meg smiled. “I’ll help you then. Let’s go find those books.”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

William came down from his break, polishing his glasses. “Did I miss something?” he asked Jake.

His colleague smiled. “A hot little blond needing your skills.”

“My…a what?”

With a nod, Jake indicated the young blond woman at the reception desk. William creased his blue eyes and watched her retreating form.

“Do you know her?” Jake asked, seeing the look of concentration on William’s face.

The young man shook his head. “I don’t think so. Then again, how can I know? Maybe I do.”

“Ask Meg for her name. Maybe it’ll ring a bell.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been two years and not a bloody name rings any bleedin’ bell, so don’t see why this one would make a difference, no matter how cute she is.”

“A-ha. You noticed she was cute.”

William smiled. “I may not know who I am, but I remember what a pretty woman looks like, thank you very much.”

Later that evening, while eating in the kitchen with Anna, the image of the blond figure wouldn’t fade from his mind, and not only because she had seemed pretty. He hadn’t even seen her face very well. But the way she moved, the way her long blonde locks were dancing against her back, had stirred something vaguely familiar in him. Unfortunately, too vague to awaken any real remembrance, and enough to create a frustrating feeling, the kind he knew too well since he had lost his memories.

“Something on your mind, dear?” Anna asked with a maternal smile.

He smiled back reassuringly. “No, I’m good. Right as rain. It’s just…there was a young woman at the library today. I didn’t see her very well, but…” He shrugged. “She took some books, which means she’ll bring them back. Maybe I’ll talk to her then.”

Anna stood up and came to hug him. “You’ll get your memories back eventually. Don’t give up. Remember what the doctor said. One person, one word could bring back everything.”

He hugged her back. “I know. And I’ve nothing to complain about, really. You and Jim take such good care of me.”

“That’s not a difficult task, believe me. And I can’t help but wonder if there’s a woman out there worrying about her son.”

A cloud covered William’s face. “Unless my family - if I have one - died in that earthquake. There was nothing left. Nobody left to tell me at least what’s my real name.”

“Well, William suits you just fine. You picked well. And stop worrying. Don’t stay up too late, ok?”

“I promise. Go to bed, I’ll clean the rest,” he offered.

He cleaned up rapidly before preparing himself a cup of coffee that he took back to his small apartment above the garage.

One year ago, Jim and Anna, an old couple, had found him near the giant crater that used to be the town of Sunnydale. They were getting back from visiting friends, and had decided to stop and have a look at it. They had heard about the entire town collapsing on TV; News anchors had said that a massive earthquake had swallowed Sunnydale.

That’s where they had found William, naked, and barely conscious. And without a clue as to who he was, or what he was doing there.

Everyday, William blessed the old couple that had taken care of him and welcomed him into their house like a son. But like Anna, he wondered if somewhere out there family and friends were mourning him, or if he had lost everything and everyone in that earthquake. He was struggling to try to remember something, a name, a face, anything. But his mind was like a blank page, at least concerning his past and identity. He kept hoping he would get everything back someday. The faintest thing that provoked any kind of reaction within his brain was a step forward.

He really hoped the blond woman would be back soon.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Dawn and Cristina were sitting on a bench in the mall, where Cristina was supposed to meet her sort-of-a-date.

“He’s late,” Dawn said. “We’re gonna miss the trailers. That’s my favourite part.”

Cristina sighed. “If they’re not here in five minutes, we’ll just buy our tickets and go.”

Dawn raised an eyebrow. “ ‘They’?”

Cristina gave her an innocent smile. “I didn’t tell you? I told him to bring a friend. So it would be less awkward for you. You won’t feel like the third wheel if something happens. Which I definitely hope, by the way.”

“Great,” Dawn groaned. “With my luck, the friend will be short with greasy hair and…”

She stopped as Cristina stood up to welcome two young men walking towards them.

“…and incredibly handsome,” Dawn finished between her teeth, offering a bright smile to the newcomers, and especially the good-looking brunette now standing in front of her. Brown hair, hazel eyes, and casual smile. * Very * nice, Dawn thought.

Cristina hugged her date, named Jay, who made the introductions. “Cris, Dawn, this is my friend Connor. We’re roommates. Connor, this is Cristina, and Dawn.”

The young man greeted them, throwing an appreciative glance at Dawn.

“So, what do you girls wanna do?” asked Jay.

“We were thinking a movie. Pirates of the Caribbean II just got released.

“Good for me,” Connor said. He had a nice and deep voice. Very, *very * nice, Dawn thought again. Today is definitely my lucky day.

They started to walk to the cinema, Dawn throwing not so much discreet looks at Connor. She didn’t see the man coming her way before she bumped into him.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” she said, trying to regain her balance. “I wasn’t looking.”

“No, it was me. Sorry,” the man said before leaving, obviously in a rush. She just had the time to notice sandy blond hair and blue eyes behind a pair of glasses. Then she registered what he had said - or rather, his voice - and turned around suddenly.

“Hey, wait!”

But he was already gone.

Connor put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

“I…no. I just thought…never mind.” She finished. How many times would she have to repeat to herself that he was gone forever? She smiled to Connor. “It’s nothing, really. Let’s go see Johnny and Orlando,” she joked.

To her great pleasure, Connor’s hand stayed on her shoulder.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

William stopped dead in his tracks. That fragrance…the one that girl was wearing. When he had smelled it the first time, his body had reacted to it rather strongly, and at the same time he had felt like crying like a stupid ponce. He had smelled it several times, trying again to create an image in his mind. With no result, as usual.

Spike gasped. Woah, where did that came from? It was the first time a voice echoed like this in his head in the middle of the day. So far, all he had had were dreams with confusing sounds and blurred faces. But now he had heard a complete sentence, loud and clear. And the voice sounded suspiciously like…

He turned around, went back to where he had bumped into the girl, but she was nowhere in sight.

“Dammit,” he muttered.

Yet a feeling of excitement was growing inside him, as well as the usual frustration, because the thick curtains draped on his mind had opened a few inches before closing again. The sentence didn’t make sense, but none of this really did.

Considering the weird dreams that had plagued him, he sometimes wondered if it would be a good thing to remember who he was.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Dawn found Buffy in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil.

“Hey. You had a nice evening?”

Dawn nodded. “Interesting. I met this cute guy, Connor. Nice. He took my phone number.”

Buffy smiled. “Great. At least one of us is getting a bit of romance in her life. Better you than me, considering my history.”

“Not sure mine is much better,” Dawn joked.

“Want some tea?”

“No, thanks. I’ll go to bed; I have homework to do tomorrow, and since I didn’t do anything today, I’d better get an early start.”

“Ok. Have a good night.”

Dawn hesitated. She knew it was a painful subject, but since last year Buffy and her had built a quite open relationship, and they discussed just about everything. Especially the thing that - still - hurt.

“Buffy…Don’t you have this feeling of…of seeing Spike, sometimes, like in the street or in a shop, even if you know it’s impossible?”

Buffy smiled sadly. “Happens to me all the time. It can be a glimpse of white hair, a black leather coat…and my heart gets all jumpy. Then it breaks all over again when I realize it can’t be.”

“There was this guy, at the mall…I bumped into him. I didn’t see his face clearly, but it was his voice…” she sighed. “Whatever. Each time it reminds me how I wish I had made peace with him before…you know.”

“Believe me, I know,” Buffy said, pouring the now hot water into a mug. Dawn came to her and gave her a comforting hug before heading to her room.

They were living in a two-bedroom apartment, courtesy of Wolfram & Hart - or rather, Angel. When they had arrived in LA, Buffy had sought out Angel for help, at least to find a place to settle down. Angel had provided them an apartment as well as one for Giles. Xander had decided to follow Faith, Robin and Andrew to Cleveland, and he was travelling back and forth between the two cities most of the time. Willow had stayed with Buffy and Dawn for a while, before finally becoming Fred’s roommate. Those two were as thick as thieves, although apparently in a purely platonic way. Willow and Kennedy had broken up a few weeks after arriving in LA, and Kennedy had then decided to follow the others to Cleveland.

Buffy had been kind of reluctant when Angel had helped them financially, but at the same time she didn’t have much choice. And Angel seemed to have enough money to last several lifetimes. Which could be handy in his case. And like he had said, it was only fair that a supposedly ex-evil law firm would help the former Chosen one to build a new life for herself and her family. Buffy wasn’t so sure about the ex-evil part, though, but it was Angel’s business, not hers. Not anymore. She had soon discovered that her cookie was baked, and that he had absolutely nothing to do with it. She hadn’t told him that way, of course - no way was she going to use that stupid metaphor out loud ever again - but she had made him understand that even if she would always love him and that he held a special place in her heart, they didn’t belong together. Surprisingly, Angel had taken it rather well. They were staying friends, as friends as they could ever be. And they didn’t see each other very often. Most of the time, he or Wesley were more in contact with Giles or Willow concerning business stuff.

Giles had finally gotten access to the council funds, and had rebuilt it, as well as a slayer training school. That’s where Buffy was working. Dawn had found a job on the side of her studies, and between the two of them, they had become pretty much financially independent.

And Buffy was happy about it. After leaving Sunnydale, she had wanted a clean slate. She was barely patrolling now, and didn’t deal much with anything evil anymore. There were enough chosen ones out there now to do it for her.

Now all she wanted was a quiet, normal life, which seemed to be the case so far. She had an interesting job, and her best friends and surrogate dad were Dawn and her family. Maybe she could even find a nice guy. Not the man of her dreams, though.

As she had realized too late, that one had died 28 months ago.

TBC...

On Monday, Dawn managed to trick Buffy into going back to the library for her. But the young woman didn’t mind too much since she wanted to get some books for herself. She had much more time to read now, and from time to time liked to plunge herself into some sappy romance novels.

Buffy smiled at the young woman behind the reception desk and went straight to the row that interested her.

William arrived, holding a stack of books. “These were just donated. It’s mostly English History, so I’ll take care of it.”

“As you wish,” Meg said. “What are you doing?” she asked, seeing him disappear under the counter.

“I left two books by Alfred Tennyson here on Friday. Where the bloody hell are they now?” he muttered under his breath.

Meg laughed at his colourful language. He had been working here for more than one year now, and she still wasn’t used to those weird British expressions he uttered. The accent was cute, though.

The young blond woman who handed her two books distracted her.

“Hi! What’s your name?”

“Buffy Summers.”

Meg quickly scanned the book before giving them back. “Here you are, Miss Summers. Have a nice day.”

“Aha!” A triumphant shout came from underneath the desk. Buffy jumped, slightly surprised.

Meg smiled. “Don’t worry, it’s just my colleague. William, you’re scaring the customers.”

“Sorry,” a muffled voice said.

He finally stood up. “Who did I scare?”

“She’s gone now. So, did you find your books?”

“Yep.” He put the two poem books above the stack. Meg took one. “So, Alfred Tennyson. An English guy who writes poems. Hey! Maybe you’re him,” she joked. “You’re English and you like poetry.”

William chuckled. “Well, since the bloke died 112 years ago, I’m thinking no.”

He didn’t mind when his colleague joked about his memory loss. Better laugh about it than feel depressed and frustrated all the time. That’s probably what would have happened to him if he hadn’t had Jim and Anna’s presence with him.

Meg checked her watch. “I need my dose of caffeine. Can you cover for me a few minutes? You want some coffee?”

“Sure. And no, thanks.”

With Meg gone, he went through the stack of books, sorting them out in smaller piles.

“Excuse me, I forgot to ask…”

He raised his head, smiling at the young woman in front of him. She stopped speaking. “Yes?” he encouraged her, frowning when her pretty face turned a ghostly white. “Miss? Are you alright?”

She was looking at him with a mix of confusion, hope and disbelief. She put her hand on her mouth, breathing in short gasps. Just for the record, William looked behind him. But no, the pretty blonde was looking at him. And he seemed to have a pretty intense effect on her.

Like she * recognized * him.

Oh God.

“Miss,” he pressed her, “Do you know who I am? I know it may sound like a weird question, but…”

He didn’t finish his sentence. She had fainted.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Buffy regained consciousness. She had had another dream about Spike. He looked different - sandy blond hair and glasses - but it was him. She would recognize those blue eyes anywhere.

Sighing, she opened her eyes, and met those very same blue orbs she had dreamt about.

Only it wasn’t a dream.

“Are you ok?”

Same voice. Same accent.

“Who are you?” she asked him in a croaked voice. Her heart was beating furiously.

He seemed disappointed by her question. “To be honest, I was hoping you would tell me.”

“What?” she asked, confused.

“Well, considering your reaction when you saw me…I would love to blame it on my manly charms, but I’m too modest for that. So I assumed you recognized me.”

Buffy sat down. He helped her, and the contact of his hand on her skin made her shiver.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “You bear an extraordinary resemblance to a close friend of mine, but…he died two years ago.”

The disappointment was clearly evident on his face, now. “Oh. I see. It’s just that, well, I don’t remember who I am. You’ve’ heard about amnesia, right? And you’re the first person who seemed to recognize me since…it happened.”

“I’m terribly sorry,” she said.

“I’m sorry to ask you this, but…you’re sure that friend of yours is…dead?”

“I…well, yes, he…”

She hesitated. Truth be told, she hadn’t exactly seen Spike die. But considering the tremendous amount of sunlight coming from the amulet, and the collapse of the town, they had all assumed he had been dusted. Besides, if he had made it, he would have come after them, right? He would have come after her. Unless…

Unless he didn’t remember who he was.

Her mind in a frenzy, Buffy closed her eyes. No. It just couldn’t be. That was impossible. Then again, after living on the Hellmouth for seven years, Buffy knew first hand that when it came to matters of life and death, nothing was impossible.

“My name is Buffy Summers. Does it remind you of anything?”

He shook his head sadly. “No. But I have…a weird feeling when I look at you. But that’s maybe just because I find you attractive.”

She blushed slightly. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, sorry. I forget all about my manners. It’s William. What?” he asked, seeing her eyes grow wide.

“Who called you that way?”

“Myself. I had to pick a name, since I had no identity papers on me. William was the first one that came to mind. Sounded fitting,” he shrugged, before adding, “Don’t tell me I chose the right name?”

Buffy’s eyes swelled with unshed tears. The voice of reason kept telling her it was impossible, but she wouldn’t listen to it anymore. This was too much of a coincidence - and she didn’t believe in coincidence.

Impulsively, she put her hand on his face and he closed his eyes at the contact. He put his hand on hers. “That feels good…familiar,” he whispered.

She was still looking at him and now there was awe on her face. She took a deep breath. “What happened to you?”

She pulled her hand back and he almost protested at the loss of contact. “I was found two years ago by a couple, Jim and Anna Clarke. Apparently, I survived some sort of giant earthquake. The entire town had collapsed. They found me a few feet away from the crater. But I have no bleedin’ idea how I got there, if I was living in this town or just passing by at the wrong moment. The town’s name was…”

“Sunnydale,” she finished with him, tears running freely down her cheeks now. “Oh my God,” she said, panting again, feeling on the verge of hyperventilating.

“Hey, don’t pass out on me again. Buffy, am I that guy? Am I your friend?”

She nodded, unable to speak.

“And William is my real name?” he asked, joy written all over his face. Finally! Finally he would get some answers, he was going to know who he was.

“Yes, you picked the right name,” she confirmed.

“Then maybe I’ll start to remember other things! Buffy…God, I have to get back to work. I guess you have things to do too. Can I see you tonight? Please?”

She laughed. She had just gotten him back. The words ‘second chance’ were printed in her mind. There was no way she was letting him out of her sight again. “Can’t you take the afternoon off?”

“No,” he said, regretfully. “There’s two people out sick, and it’s just Meg and me. I can’t leave her by herself.”

She nodded. “I understand. Do you have a pen and paper?”

He wrote down her address. “I can be there by 7. Is that ok?”

“Sure. I…I’ll be waiting,” she said.

He pressed a quick kiss on her cheek. “You’ve just make me the happiest man on earth,” he laughed, echoing words from what seemed to be another lifetime.

Well apparently, it was for him.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

On her way back home, Buffy couldn’t help but have a huge smile plastered on her face. Spike was back. There was of course tons of how’s, why’s and what’s, but for the moment all that mattered was that she had found him again.

He was alive. Really alive.

He had no idea who he was.

Her smile vanished, the full implication of what it meant hitting her.

How was she supposed to tell him he had been a vampire? That he had killed people remorselessly for about 120 years? That they had shared a self-destructive relationship that had ended in a very ugly way? That just when they had started to feel connected and build what promised to be the beginning of something beautiful, he had had to die to save the world.

And to top it all, with his memory was probably gone the knowledge of all things evil and demon-y.

She let herself fall on a bench, feeling defeated. They - whoever they were - couldn’t have brought back Spike ‘normal’ and ready to rekindle their burgeoning relationship. No, it had to happen the hard way, of course. With a big chance that he would never believe her and see her as a loony. Or that she would scar him for life with her horrible vampire tales.

That second chance she just had a glimpse at was doomed before it even started.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Dawn checked her watch. The professor for her last class had called in sick, and she didn’t have to work today, so she had the rest of the afternoon for herself. She felt a little bit guilty for having Buffy going for her to the library again, since she would now have had plenty of time to go herself. Then again, she couldn’t have known.

“Dawn! Wait!”

She turned around and smiled at Connor, jogging towards her.

“Hey,” she greeted him, her heart racing a little faster. She had been attracted to him immediately and fortunately, it seemed to be reciprocated.

“I had planned on calling you today, and hey, here you are,” he said. “Do you have class?”

“No, the professor’s sick. I was about to go home.”

“Would you like for us to get coffee or something? We didn’t get the chance to talk much the other day.”

Her smile widened. “Sure! I mean, that would be nice.”

They walked to a Starbucks mostly frequented by students, and found a table for two. They discussed about their classes, although if Dawn told him what she was studying, she didn’t mention what she destined herself to be - a Watcher. He wouldn’t know what it meant anyway. Connor, on the other hand, talked excitedly about his desire to become a lawyer.

To Dawn, the word ‘lawyer’ was a little bit too related to the horror stories she had heard about Wolfram & Hart before Angel and his gang took charge. And she knew Buffy still had doubts about the fact they were supposedly doing only good things now.

But when she listened to Connor, it was obvious his own ideas of a lawyer were based on the ‘helping people’ kind, and not driven by anything evil or monetary.

So, bringing him right into the belly of ex-Evil Incorporated was probably not the best idea, but… “Angel, the CEO of Wolfram & Hart, is a friend of mine,” she casually mentioned.

His eyes became saucers. “Wolfram & Hart as in the law firm? You know the CEO?”

She nodded. Thank you Angel, she thought. Sorry for using you to attract young handsome males… “He dated my sister a few years ago. They remained friends…sort of. I know some people working there.”

She had gotten to know Fred through Willow, and liked her a lot. Too bad the young scientist didn’t prefer girls, because they would really make a cute couple. And she was often in touch with Wesley concerning watcher’ stuff.

“I could take you there, if you want. Show you around, meet Angel. He’s nice.”

“That would be so cool!” He frowned. “I remember hearing some stories about Wolfram & Hart, but it was too weird to be true, I guess.”

“What kind of stories?” Dawn asked nonchalantly.

“Something about some serial killer annihilating all the employees. Remember when we had that big eclipse that lasted several days a couple of years ago? Well, there were some students doing their internships there. Apparently they were killed too. But it’s mostly talks. And since some people even mentioned some kind of zombie things, it’s probably one of those urban legends, you know.”

She smiled. “I’m sure it was. And Angel will fill you in with everything you want to know.”

He laughed. “Oh I hope. The poor guy, I intend to drown him in questions!”

TBC....

At 6.30 that evening, Buffy was pacing relentlessly in her apartment. She was used to having mixed and confused feelings, but this was topping everything else. She couldn’t wait to see Spike…William again, and at the same time she dreaded it. What was she going to tell him? Certainly not the truth. At least not tonight. She would have to discuss it with Giles first. That is, when she finally told him.

The doorbell made her jump and she let out a little squeal. She counted to ten, forcing herself to calm down before opening the door.

“Hi,” he greeted her with a smile, but also a hint of shyness in his voice.

She smiled back. “Please come in,” she told him, noticing the leather jacket and the motorbike helmet. Her smile grew wider. Spike wasn’t buried that deep after all.

“You live alone?” he asked.

“No. My sister Dawn lives with me. She called me earlier to tell me she would be out with a friend. It’s going to be quite a shock when she sees you. Please, sit down,” she said, taking his jacket and repressing the urge to bring it to her nose, instead hanging it in the hall. “Do you want something to drink? I have some white wine,” she proposed.

“White wine is perfect.”

She went to the kitchen and leaned for a minute against the counter, feeling dizzy. The awkwardness of the situation was almost too much to bear. She wanted to cry for having him back, to hold and kiss him, and yet she couldn’t because to him she was a complete stranger. Right now, she was the person who could give him information about his past. That was probably the only reason he was interested in her.

Once he had been her hero, willing to sacrifice himself to save her. Now that she was able and ready to fully love him back, he couldn’t care less about it.

The cruel irony wasn’t lost on her.

With shaky hands, she took two glasses and the bottle and returned to the living room.

“Is this your sister?” he asked, a little pale, showing her a picture of her and Dawn.

“Yes.”

“I saw her…Saturday, at the mall…and I’m pretty sure I heard her voice in my head. It was the first time I had a clear memory of something…but it didn’t help much,” he added with a sad laugh.

“Well, maybe when you meet her it will trigger more memories…you were rather close…before,” she told him softly.

Of all the Scoobies, Dawn had been the closest one to him, at least until the last year in Sunnydale. That could explain why she was the one to initiate the first real memories in him. Even, Buffy had to admit, if she felt hurt that seeing her and talking to her didn’t seem to awaken even a smidgen of remembrance on his part. But, if there was one thing she had learned over the past two years, it was that not everything was about Buffy.

“I have chicken wings for dinner,” she told him, hoping to bring a smile back on his face.

“They are my favourite! How did you…Oh, you mean they were my favourite before?”

She nodded. “See? I’m sure all those memories are not that far away. If you get to meet other people you used to know, like my sister, they will probably come back little by little.”

“And in the meantime, you can tell me what I want to know,” he said with a hopeful smile.

She poured the wine and he sat on the couch while she settled in the chair facing him. “So, uh…where do you want to start?”

“I guess the first obvious question is, do I have family somewhere? Or…did they die in the earthquake?”

“When I met you, your parents had been dead for several years. As far as I know, you have no direct family.”

He nodded. “I went to England, last year, but didn’t find anything. Of course, without any clue, it was nearly impossible to really start somewhere, but I had to try…I probably crossed the whole bloody country.”

“I don’t know much about your family. When we met – that was seven years ago – you were living with…relatives,” she said, for lack of a better word to describe Angel and Drusilla. And that’s what they were after all, even if it was in a weird vampire way.

“Where are they now?”

“One of them is living here in L.A, actually. He’s the CEO of Wolfram& Hart, the law firm. His name is Angel.”

He frowned then shook his head, frustrated. “It’s so annoying to hear all those names and have no clue who they are. You would think I would remember a relative named ‘Angel’,” he joked lightly. “You think he’ll be glad to know I’m alive?”

“Oh, he’ll be thrilled, no doubt.”

“And I guess he’ll update me on the family subject,” William said. “Finally, we’re getting somewhere. So, tell me a little bit more about us.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Us?”

“Yes…we were friends, right? You can tell me a little bit more about our lives, and what all.”

“Ok…uh…where to start?” she said with a nervous laugh. Maybe sticking to the truth as much as possible would be the best option. “Let’s see…we met in high school. I mean, when I was in high school. You came to live with Angel, and I was dating him at the time.”

He raised an eyebrow. “So, his name is Angel and he likes little girls, huh?”

She couldn’t help but smile. “I was a teenager, not a little girl, and he’s not much older than us…not in the strictest sense,” she muttered. “Anyway, at first we didn’t like each other very much. We fought, a lot. Then…things got better and we became friends,” she finished. God, that was the lamest explanation ever. Buffy, Miss Vagueness 2005.

“Things got better? Care to elaborate, love?”

The use of the pet name made her spill her drink. She got a napkin and wiped her chin. “Sorry,” she said. She hated this situation. Having to lie to him that way. The man in front of her looked like Spike, but in a way it wasn’t him. And it wasn’t his past human self either. Then he had one of those facial expressions, or in this case that nickname, and it was like the last two years had never happened. That he had never died and had been here all along.

“You ok?” he asked, noticing a suspicious wetness in her eyes.

“I’m good. Sorry,” she repeated. “What I meant is, after high school, things happened. I lost my mom. Your long-time girlfriend broke up with you. We grew up, and realized there was no point in fighting constantly.”

She didn’t know whether to bring up their relationship or not, then decided against it, at least for now. That would bring up too many painful questions.

“How old am I?” he suddenly asked.

She mad a quick mental calculation. “25,” she told him. If she remembered well, that was his age when he had been turned. Although now he had been human for two years, so… “No, sorry. Let’s make that 27 now.”

“Was I working in Sunnydale?”

Buffy’s mind went blank. What on earth could she say about that one?

“You…I…We were…co-workers. At the high school. As guidance counsellors. Helping others…sometimes saving their lives,” she added with a laugh, as if she was joking. Only not.

Spike hadn’t been working at the high school, but he certainly had been some kind of counselor for many of them. Even when they dismissed his opinion, time would always make him right. And they had been co-workers in some way. And saved countless lives. So that wasn’t too big a lie either.

“How come you weren’t trapped in the earthquake?” he asked.

Ok, on this one she couldn’t escape the big, fat lie. “They had announced important seismic activity. So we left the day before. You were supposed to come with us, but we lost track of each other. And since we didn’t hear from you, we thought…we thought you didn’t make it.”

A bell in the kitchen caught her attention. “Dinner’s ready,” she announced.

He brought the bottle and the glasses to the table while she brought the wings and some salad. While they were eating, the conversation concentrated more on their respective lives, tastes and so on. It helped settle a more comfortable feeling between them. By dinner’s end, Buffy was less stressed.

As they were going back to the living room, he suddenly laughed. “I can’t believe I haven’t ask you about my last name yet,” he told her.

“Oh! That reminds me…Wait.”

She disappeared into one of the rooms before coming back with a duffel bag. She handed it to him. “This is yours. You…gave it to me before the earthquake.”

She had in fact discovered it on the bus when they had arrived in L.A, and had put it with her own stuff.

William smiled and opened it. The first thing he grabbed was a book. “Shakespeare’s sonnets” he read, before opening it. “Property of William Atherton. Atherton. Sounds nice,” he said, examining the book. “This is a very old edition,” he noticed. “Very pricey too. Am I rich?” he asked with a grin.

She laughed slightly. “No, I think it must be some family heirloom.”

While turning over the pages, he found a picture. “Hey, that’s your sister and you, right?”

She took the picture with a fond smile, remembering the day it had been taken. She didn’t know Spike had it though. She turned it over. On the back, the words ‘my girls’ were written. She brought her hand to her mouth, her breath caught in her throat. He took the picture back and read the inscription.

“I really loved you both very much, didn’t I?” he asked softly.

She nodded, unable to stop her tears. “You were the best thing that ever happened to us,” she replied in a whisper. She wiped her wet cheek, not wanting to embarrass him with such an emotional display. Not to mention she was deeply ashamed to have waited so long to tell him that.

He squeezed her hand before reaching further in the bag, this time coming up with a black t-shirt, and a pair of jeans in the same colour. He unfolded the jean. “At least I can see if I gained some weight in the last two years,” he joked. He looked in the bag again but there was nothing else. “That’s all? Guess I’m not the materialist kinda guy then.”

She laughed, remembering how he had tried to nick some cash from Giles on multiple occasions, or asked money for so-called information about the Initiative, or the monster-of-the-week they were dealing with.

“You don’t have any pictures of me?” he asked.

She shook her head sadly. “No, but…there’s something…” She got up, went to the shelf with the videos and took one labeled ‘Andrew, 2003’. She put it in the VCR and fast-forwarded to the precise moment. “There,” she said, finding what she had been looking for. She had watched that tape only once. At first she thought it was a ridiculous idea for Andrew to do this, then she had been grateful, because she knew that with it she would have at least a vivid recollection of Spike.

Andrew had filmed Spike in the basement. William’s brows lifted. “Wow. Check out the Billy Idol reject.” As an echo, his voice resonated in the room, this time coming from the TV screen. “I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera, yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off before I rip your throat out and eat…”

“Kinda big with the attitude, huh?”

Buffy nodded, her eyes still on the screen, a tender smile tugging at her lips. “That’s Spike,” she said, before turning to him. “That’s you.”

“Spike? That was my nickname?”

She nodded. “That’s what everyone used to call you.”

He smiled. “What do *you * want to call me?”

“I don’t know. ‘Spike’ is reminiscent of a lot of things…but I like William. And that’s who you are now.”

They exchanged a glance, and Buffy felt butterflies in her stomach at the way he was suddenly looking at her. He shook his head, obviously confused. “Right. Uh…what’s with the hair?” he asked, indicating the TV screen.

“Oh…well, that was part of the look, obviously.”

He nodded. “I remember it looked like that when Jim and Anna found me. I tried to keep it that way, hoping it would help with the memories, but it hurt like hell, so I stopped.”

“I like how it looks now…darker blond. More natural. I have to get use to the glasses, though.”

“Oh, yes,” he chuckled, and removed them in a way that reminded her strangely of Giles. “You mean I didn’t wear them before? Cause I’m totally short-sighted, and I don’t think it came with the amnesia thing.”

She shook her head, thinking fast. “Lenses! Because, uh…the glasses didn’t go well with the bad boy attitude.”

“Obviously,” he said, before getting up. “It’s getting late. I guess you have to work tomorrow, and so do I.”

Buffy didn’t want to see him go, but at the same time she wasn’t sure she could go on with the lies much longer. It was way too emotionally exhausting, especially when all she wanted was to hold, touch and kiss him and she couldn’t do any of these things, and this evening had probably been the most frustrating moment of her entire life.

He went to the hall, grabbed his jacket and put it on. “Buffy…Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel…I feel like you were sometimes holding back tonight. Like you didn’t tell me everything…I mean, of course you can’t tell me everything in a few hours, but…it was like you were scared to tell me some things.”

She met his blue eyes, but there was no accusation there, just concern and kindness. Damn. He was still as perceptive. “I’m sorry. I…you must understand…for two years, I thought I had lost you. Now you’re back, which makes me tremendously happy, you can’t even imagine how much…but you’re not the exact same person, and it’s hard for me too. I just need some time.”

He smiled and put a strand of hair behind her ear, in a very familiar gesture, at least to her. “I understand. And I can be patient.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, taking in the brief brush of his fingers against her cheek. It was difficult to lie all right, but she knew already she couldn’t let a day pass without seeing him. “Do you want us to meet for lunch tomorrow?” she asked.

He seemed relieved, like he had hoped for this but didn’t want to push things. “I’d love that.”

“Ok then. I’ll come to the library around noon, is that ok?”

“Perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Thanks for the diner.”

He took his helmet and the duffel bag and left. Buffy slowly closed the door behind him, putting her forehead against it, listening to the motorbike’s engine starting, until the sound faded away in the distance.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

She didn’t know how much time she stayed against the door in the dark hallway, but the sound of keys in the lock shook her out of her torpor. She took two steps back and the door opened on Dawn.

“Buffy! You scared me.”

“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to. How was your evening?”

“Great! Connor is such a sweetie. And smart too. I promised I would take him to visit Wolfram & Hart.”

“That’s nice,” Buffy replied absently.

“Hey, you ok?” Dawn asked, frowning upon her sister’s pale face.

“I’m not sure…Dawn, something happened…maybe you should sit down for this.”

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