“So, you remember what I told you? Don’t jump on him, and try not to call him Spike. He goes by William now.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Buffy, I haven’t seen him in two years, and I thought he was dead. Of course I’m going to jump on him. What did you expect?”

“I know, but he doesn’t remember who you are. So it might embarrass him, especially since he’s so different from the Spike we used to know.”

The doorbell rang and she shrieked. “Oh my God! It’s him! Spike!” She ran to open the door and threw herself in his arms as soon as he appeared. “Spike! God, I missed you so much!”

The young man walked into the hallway, holding Dawn and laughing. Apparently, he seemed neither embarrassed nor bothered by Dawn’s outburst.

“Dawn, he needs to breathe, you know,” she told her sister, holding back the ‘now’ that was about to slip.

“It’s ok,” William grinned. “It’s not everyday that I have pretty birds jumping on me.”

Dawn gave a pointed look to Buffy. “Well, that does sound exactly like Spike to me.” She turned back to him. “I can’t believe you’re really here. And you’re…different, and yet the same. It’s amazing,” she said, putting her hand on his chest where she could feel his heart beating, until Buffy’s discreet cough reminded her she had to act more carefully. She withdrew her hand with a little laugh. “Sorry. I’ll stop with the touchy-feely before you think I’m a total loony.”

She was always so happy to see him, because when he wasn’t there she had a hard time believing it wasn’t a dream. She had called him that afternoon to ask him if he wanted to come by after his work to see Dawn, and he had accepted immediately. She had to admit that Dawn had been a nice excuse to see him again. Even if hiding the truth from him was momentarily a big issue, she couldn’t bring herself to not see him as often as possible. It was almost a physical need.

He barely had time to nod before Dawn dragged him in the living room and fired questions at him. Buffy arrived with the drinks and sat quietly beside them, listening to his answers. This way she could learn a little bit more about him and his life during the past two years. William had been very lucky to be found by the Clarke’s and they had treated him like their own son. He was amazed and grateful that they had been willing to accept him, a total stranger with no past, into their home. It was obvious he loved and respected them very much, and Buffy thought it was only fair that he finally got the chance to be cared about and treated like he deserved. Even if there were still expressions and attitudes betraying his old self, there was also some sort of thoughtlessness, and a little light in his blue eyes that she had rarely, if not ever, witnessed in him before. Despite the obvious issues and frustrations his memory loss had to rise, he seemed happy.

So she didn’t intervene much, letting her sister catch up with him, at least on the subjects that were ‘catchable’. She knew how much Dawn had suffered from Spike’s absence, especially since they had never had the opportunity to clear things up between them. Or rather, as Dawn honestly admitted, she hadn’t taken the time to talk to him and hear his side of the story.

But now was not the time to talk about that. Buffy had explained to Dawn that she had told William already about their own weird relationship. So if Dawn started to tell him that they had had problems too, the poor guy would probably think he was a lousy jerk who didn’t get along with anyone.

William didn’t stay long, since he was supposed to meet friends for diner. He gave Dawn a heartfelt hug, promising they would get together very soon.

“But just the two of us. I don’t want Buffy in the way,” she joked, with a wink to her sister.

Buffy shook her head. “Giles knows already, but he hasn’t seen William yet.” She turned to him. “Do you think you could come to the school tomorrow afternoon? You could meet Giles. He’s one of our closest friends, and kind of a surrogate father for Dawn and me. You know, the more people you meet…”

He leaned on his bike, apparently not so much in a hurry to leave. “Me too. I need my beauty sleep,” he said with a smile. “Talking about beauty,” he added, raising his hand and taking a blond lock between his fingers, “I don’t get how you can be single.”

She smiled and shrugged. “I can’t say I looked very hard. And…” she hesitated, then opted for complete honesty. What did she have to lose anyway? “I never really got over you,” she confessed, looking in his eyes.

“I had two relationships, both lasted a few weeks. Women are not too keen on dating a guy with no past.”

“That’s their loss,” Buffy whispered. He was still playing with her hair, and unconsciously she had drawn nearer and was now standing very close to him. His eyes were fixated on her mouth, and she felt that same mouth become very dry. “So you never got really attached?” she asked.

“How long have you been working at the library?” she asked again. God, she was turning into a blabbering idiot. Shut up, Buffy.

William stopped, inches from her mouth and smiled. “For almost two years. Are you done with the questions?”

It was very soft at first, almost shy, like two persons who kissed for the first time. His lips were plundering hers, his tongue tasting and his teeth nibbling them before she opened her mouth to let him explore at will. She moaned and pressed her body against his, not even letting air pass between them. One of his hands caught the back of her neck while he placed the other on her lower back. The kiss became suddenly more intense, and he let go of her. They were both panting heavily.

“Wow,” she whispered. “You certainly didn’t forget how to do * that *.”

He smiled tenderly, caressing her cheek. “I was inspired,” he said, and couldn’t resist kissing her again, and Buffy certainly didn’t want him to stop. He kissed her cheek, her jaw and the sensitive spot on her neck. She shivered against him.

“Absolutely not,” she answered, her head dizzy by his scent, and all the memories it brought her. How she wished that this kiss had the same resonance in him…the tenderness of it reminded her of very rare and precious moments, when it hadn’t been about the vampire and the Slayer having rough sex, but just a man and a woman deeply attracted to each other and harboring feelings that couldn’t be let out, but were very much present.

He finally let go of her, and if the proud part of her didn’t want to say anything, he heart decided otherwise. “Do you really have to go?” she asked, and thankfully there wasn’t too much pleading in her voice.

He contemplated her, and he had that look on his face, the same as so many years ago, when he had been willing to do anything out of pure love for her, even die. And now she knew she mirrored that expression. “I can call my friends…tell them I won’t be able to make it tonight. Is that what you want?” he asked.

“I…” she hesitated, reason rushing back. Maybe this was going too fast. Maybe this would be going nowhere, when he learned or remembered the truth. Maybe she shouldn’t let him in if the unavoidable result would be hurt and heartache for both of them.

Who cared about ‘maybe’? She had been so miserable without him. And now he was back. Would she really let him go, let the past ruin a possibly happy future, without fighting?

He just nodded and pulled out his cell phone. She went back to tell Dawn to not wait for her.

A few minutes later, she sat behind him, holding on tightly. Never intending to let go.

He took her to his apartment, and she was fine with that. Right now she didn’t want to be in a crowded place, or have to share him with other people. Besides, she was ready for anything that might happen.

“Anna and Jim are in San Francisco,” he told her. “Next time I really want them to meet you.”

“Me too,” she said, wandering in the small apartment with curiosity. There was a kitchenette, a small living room, and behind a folding screen a bedroom. It was very cozy and clean. There were a lot of CD’s and tapes next to the television, and she inspected them. Apparently, his taste in music hadn’t changed much either, a lot of punk rock, amongst classical music, and female singers like Norah Jones and Alison Krauss. That was more surprising. Then again, she never really had discussed musical topics with Spike, so how would she know what he used to like?

“What, you don’t tape ‘Passions’ anymore?” she asked him with a teasing smile.

He grinned. “Still watch that one. The reruns, since it’s over.” He frowned. “Only I don’t remember, so it’s like I’m watching it for the first time. Don’t spoil me,” he said, walking to the fridge. “I have eggs, bacon and salad. Fancy an omelette?” he asked.

They started to prepare dinner, brushing each other intentionally and exchanging conniving glances. They knew what was inevitably going to happen, and all those little domestic gestures were just a prelude to much more anticipated and intense activities.

After dinner, they settled comfortably on the couch and she snuggled against him. His hand was caressing her back in a soothing manner, and he kissed her head.

“There must be something in me that remembers you,” he said,” because I’ve known you for just a few days and still this feels so right and natural.”

They stayed like that for a moment, exchanging kisses and caresses, letting the desire build slowly but surely. William was taking his time, giving Buffy the opportunity to change her mind if she wanted to. As for the young woman, she was getting reacquainted with his body, his scent, his hands, his mouth, and all the things she had thought lost to her. All those things constituting her own personal heaven.

“Are you really sure about this?” he asked, panting, and God he hoped she was, because he didn’t think his jeans would hold him any longer. He wanted her so much it hurt.

She nodded frantically, tugging at his shirt. Taking her in his arms, he got up and went to the bedroom, putting her softly, almost reverently, on the bed. He looked at her while unbuttoning her blouse. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against her skin, kissing the path of her collarbone.

Buffy’s breathing was erratic, and she felt like her heart was bursting. He had asked her how she was still single? Of course she was. No other man on earth or in any other dimension could make her feel that way.

The gestures were familiar, yet it was different. Because he was human. Because instead of having sex, they were making love. In fact, this was a first time for both of them, even if their bodies instantly recognized themselves and interlocked perfectly.

In a matter of minutes, they were both naked. William traced her breasts with the lightest of touches. He bit her softly, eliciting a moan. Then he traced a path of kisses along her belly, reaching the juncture of her thighs. She gasped when he tasted her, his skillful tongue driving her over the edge quickly.

William went back to her mouth, kissing her passionately, and she embraced him with her arms and her legs, her little hand searching and reaching his manhood.

“Oh God. Buffy…” he exhaled, opening his eyes and plunging them in hers at the very same time he entered her, sliding into her silken warmth. Feeling like he was finally home.

It didn’t really matter whom he was, as long as he knew where his place was now. With her. Beside her. Inside her.

He had tried to hold it as long as he could, wanting the foreplay to last. But Buffy’s passion and abandoned movements had shattered his resolve.

He stopped for a moment, realizing they were both trembling. She put her hand on his cheek and brought his mouth to hers. It was dark in the room but he could see her green eyes shine with desire and love. They exchanged a languorous kiss before he finally made a move, thrusting slowly at first, then more wildly. He was deep inside her, and each push of his hips pressed him against her most sensitive spot. And she was swept away with him, feeling an intense pleasure rolling inside her like a giant wave. William climaxed almost at the same time, and she gripped him inside as he pulsed within her.

“How could I forget about this?” William wondered, with an amazed expression on his face.

Buffy watched him with the same expression, biting her tongue to repress the three little words coming to her lips. It was too soon. And if he doubted her again, she couldn’t bear it.

They settled under the cover, him on his back and her body spread on his. She couldn’t help but kiss the warm skin of his chest from time to time and listen to his heartbeat.

It had been so long since…well, the last one had been Riley, more than four years ago. After him, there only had been Spike, and he was cold. Well, room temperature, which didn’t mean much when they were in the crypt. But she didn’t care at that time, because she just wanted to feel something.

And now she remembered how nice it was to wake up in a warm embrace. But not any warm embrace. William’s.

The memories of the previous night slowly came back and she smiled. She snuggled closer to him with a sigh of contentment. He tightened his hold around her waist, and kissed her hair. He was awake, too.

The buzz of the alarm clock shattered the peaceful silence, and William turned around to shut it off.

“7 am. I have to be at the library at 8.” He ran his hand caressingly on her back. “You have to work too, right?”

He smiled. “Next time, let’s do this during the week-end, alright? So we can stay in bed all day.”

“Sure I do. I’m just…I’m glad you do. I’ve had some…bad experiences with morning afters.”

“The best kind,” she said, rising to reach his lips. They exchanged a slow kiss. They had made love once more during the night, very languorously. And now, even if it was still early and she hadn’t slept much, Buffy felt relaxed and rejuvenated. “One of us is going to have to find the courage to get up at some point,” she said with a teasing smile.

“It won’t be me,” William growled, his face hidden in her neck. The thing he could do to her with his tongue…she shivered. He definitely hadn’t lost his touch.

The alarm clock went off again and he sighed. “Bloody hell,” he muttered, and she giggled. As much as she loved William, it felt good and familiar to see Spike appear from time to time.

With much reluctance, they finally got up and got dressed in silence, exchanging happy smiles. William drove her back in Anna’s car. When he stopped in front of her building, she leaned into him and gave him a lingering kiss. “Will you come to the school today? To see Giles?”

With one last kiss, she got out of the car, waving her hand at him until the car was out of sight. Still smiling dreamily, she opened the door of her apartment.

“Look who’s back. Seems like your night was much more interesting than mine,” Dawn said with a significant look. Apparently, she had just gotten up.

Buffy’s smile vanished. “You hear that sound? It’s the sound of my pink dream bubble popping brutally. No, I didn’t tell him.”

She went to the kitchen and Dawn followed her. Buffy took two mugs out and Dawn poured the freshly made coffee.

“Buffy, I understand that you’re happy and excited to have him back, I am too…but you’re not gonna hold the truth from him eternally, right? You’re planning on telling him? If he doesn’t remember?”

“Sure, I’ll tell him,” Buffy said, watching the content of her mug and avoiding Dawn’s gaze.

Buffy shivered, this time from cold and uneasiness. Gone was the blissful feeling of the early morning. “Dawn, if I tell him…I’ll lose him again.”

“Maybe you won’t have to. Maybe he’ll remember. It’s just…as long as he doesn’t, you’ll be living a lie. A big one.”

Buffy put her face in her hands. “I know that. I know it too well. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much…it’s a tremendous gift we’ve gotten, this second chance…and it’s about to be totally ruined. I feel so helpless,” she sighed.

Dawn got up and put her arm around Buffy’s shoulders, giving it a small squeeze.

“Buffy, this doesn’t have to end badly. I saw the way he looked at you yesterday…like you are one of the Seven Wonders or something. Whether he’s Spike, William, and whatever dimension or world he’s in, he will always love you. That’s something deeply rooted in him. And in you. It will never go away.”

“What I know is that I’m sure he won’t like to learn it from some book, like I did. It wouldn’t probably have changed much if you had told me directly, I would have freaked out anyway. But I got over it, right?”

Buffy smiled. “In other words, don’t make the same mistakes with him that I did with you.”

“He’s coming to the school today to meet Giles. Maybe this will help. And if it doesn’t, I’ll take him to Angel. After all, he’s his family…sort of. And if this still doesn’t solve anything…then I’ll tell him.”

“Maybe he won’t freak out and will just call the nice men with the white shirts and the shiny ambulance.”

Despite of herself, Buffy laughed. “Thanks, I feel much better now.” Dawn went back to her stool and finished her coffee.

“Nope. Remember that super hottie I met, Connor? I’m taking him to meet Angel, today. And to visit Wolfram & Hart.”

“That’s nice. Aren’t you afraid to meet one of those demons or weirdoes that seem to haunt that place? Or even that green demon, Angel’s friend…what’s his name?”

“Lorne. I love to see him, he’s so funny and nice. But ok, probably hard to explain to Connor.” She shrugged. “I’ll figure something out if it happens. He never said it clearly, but I wonder if he is aware of all that vampire and demon stuff…but is afraid that if he’ll tell me I’ll call the nice men in the white shirts. See? You and him already have something in common.”

“Well bring him here one of these nights, so I can meet him. I’m going to take a shower and go to work.”

Before she left the kitchen, Dawn held her wrist and smiled at her sweetly. “Don’t worry, Buffy. I’m sure everything will sort out. You and Spike, you deserve it more than anyone…it can’t go bad.”

Buffy kissed her. “Thank you. Enjoy your day with Connor, and say hello to Angel for me, okay? Oh, and don’t tell him about William. I’ll tell him myself.”

Dawn and Connor had decided to meet in the lobby of Wolfram & Hart. When she arrived, he kissed her, his lips brushing her cheek a little longer than necessary. For the moment, they were sharing a nice, close friendship, and neither of them wanted to rush things.

The elevator’ doors opened and they stepped into the lobby. Dawn walked to Harmony’s desk, Connor on her trail and observing everything around him with a smile.

“Hi Dawn. I think he is, yes. Hold on.” She pressed the intercom. “Boss, Dawn Summers is here.”

Dawn and Connor walked into the office as Angel stood, smiling at Dawn. “Hey Dawnie. It’s nice to see you. How’s your sis…”

He stopped abruptly, noticing the young man, accompanying her. She didn’t notice his trouble. “Hi Angel. Buffy’s fine. She says hello. Angel, I want you to meet Connor. He goes to UCLA, and is a law student.”

All smile, Connor held his hand. “Good morning, Mr. Angel. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Frozen in place, Angel couldn’t have a coherent thought. This wasn’t happening.

He wasn’t supposed to see his son ever again. That had been the deal. His son, that was now smiling and looking at him like he never had before. With respect and appreciation. A look that Angel had hoped to see during an entire year, but in vain. And now he finally got it.

“Angel, are you ok?” Dawn asked, frowning. The vampire then realized that Connor was still with his hand in the air and started to look slightly uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking Connor’s hand and shaking it, forcing a smile upon his face. He wasn’t prepared for this.

But * who * could be prepared for this? “Nice to meet you, Connor,” he added, wondering briefly why they hadn’t changed his name.

Dawn smiled at him. “I know you have a lot of work, but Connor really wanted to see the inside of Wolfram & Hart.”

Connor walked to the weapons-covered wall, whistling softly. “That’s so cool. I love antiques weapons. Do you use them?”

“With some recalcitrant clients, sometimes, yes,” Angel replied, making it sound like a joke - except it wasn’t. Connor laughed, examining a sword.

Angel swallowed painfully. This was both a nightmare and a wonderful miracle at the same time.

“So, you want to take a tour of the office?” he asked the young man. He couldn’t help but feel proud. This wasn’t the teenager he had known. Connor had turned into a very handsome and confident young man. That barely controlled anger that seemed to inhabit him all the time was gone.

Those last two years, Angel had missed him every day, but he had never doubt he had made the right choice when giving Connor up. Now he had the proof.

He showed the young man around, answering all of his enthusiastic questions. He didn’t know what fate had brought Dawn and Connor together, thus bringing Connor back to him, but he started to think it was more of a miracle than a nightmare. If only he had the slightest chance to be a part of Connor’s life again, whatever small part that may be, he would take it. But he didn’t want to take any risk.

Angel took them to Gunn’s office. He watched closely but Gunn didn’t flinch when he was introduced to Connor. “Gunn is the smart one around here. He’ll answer most of your questions better than I can.”

Connor didn’t let the opportunity pass and started to ask him about all sorts of legal matters. Angel took Dawn aside. “Is the rest of the gang ok?” he asked.

“They are all fine,” she said, biting her tongue. It was hard not to say anything about Spike, but she had promised Buffy. Her sister wanted to tell Angel herself.

“So,” Angel said, “He seems like a nice guy, and smart. Are the two of you dating?”

“You know, it’s funny. The first time I saw him he reminded me a little bit of you. I don’t know why.”

“Or just the fact that he’s tall with brown hair and has a serious look on his face,” she replied teasingly.

Not wanting to go further with the resemblance between Connor and him, he proposed to go on with the tour. They passed by Fred’s lab before returning to Angel’s office. Connor went back to what seemed to be one of his favourite

topics : antique weapons. Angel and him were talking animatedly about fencing and swords.

“I used to fence, but now with college I don’t have much time,” Connor said.

“We have a training room. If you want…I mean, when you have time, you can come here and we can spar,” Angel offered, not sure it was the brightest idea but not caring at all. Seeing Connor’s face brighten was his best reward.

Angel smiled at his obvious joy. This was so easy. Why couldn’t it have been that easy two years ago? The circumstances had been so dreadful. He never had had the chance to talk with Connor, to try and build a father/son relationship. Now that they were strangers, maybe that relationship he had longed for had a chance…ironically.

But he knew the terms of the deal he had made with Lilah. Connor would never know, or remember.

Wesley walked into the office. “Angel, I deciphered half of that parchment you…oh, good morning Dawn. How are you?”

“I’m good, thanks. Wesley, this is Connor, a friend from college. He’s a law student.”

“How do you do?” Wesley shook Connor’s hand, smiling. Like Gunn, and Fred, he didn’t seem to recognize the young man.

Angel took one of his business cards and handed it to Connor. “Here’s my number. Call me anytime, if you want to fence, or…anything. Don’t hesitate.” He tried to restrain the pleading from his voice, and only half succeeded. Fortunately, no one noticed.

Connor looked absolutely ecstatic. “Oh, I will, that’s for sure. You’ll soon get tired of hearing my voice all the time,” he joked.

“Oh, I doubt it,” Angel said, giving him a vigorous handshake. A hug would probably have been very confusing and a little bit too much.

“Well, we’ll let you guys work,” Dawn said. “Thanks for the tour, Angel.”

“He seems like quite a nice young man,” Wesley said. “Is he Dawn’s boyfriend?”

“It’s a matter of time, apparently. They make a cute couple. What did you find out…Wes, what are you doing?”

Wesley looked at him, puzzled. “Scratching my neck. It felt itchy all of a sudden. Why?”

Lilah had told him that neither Connor nor the others would remember. Their memories had been altered definitively. Angel hadn’t liked to play with his friends’ minds like that, but at the time it had seemed the only reasonable option.

So if there were no risks having Connor back in his life…he would definitely try to make things right this time.

CHAPTER 7

William arrived a few minutes before lunch break. Buffy was still busy with her lesson, training girls surrounding her with all sorts of self-defense strategies so he waited patiently, watching her move. It was funny how such a petite figure could convey such strength. She didn’t look especially fragile, but he could sense a great vulnerability in her.

But maybe he wasn’t sensing it, maybe it was simply because deep inside of him, he knew her. Since last night, a deeply buried part of him had awakened. The part that remembered how easy it was to love her. A feeling of belonging, protectiveness and partnership.

All that rush of emotions was a little overwhelming, but he didn’t care. He needed it.

He wondered how he could need so much someone he had met only a few days ago. In his heart, it made sense. In his head, the idea was bordering on scary. It was probably normal, considering their previous relationship had been quite intense.

Buffy noticed him and waved with a smile before finishing her lesson. “That’s it for this morning, girls. I’ll see you this afternoon.” She intercepted a pretty black-haired girl. “Yani, could you get Mr. Giles for me, please?”

She followed the others in a brouhaha of laughs and talks. William watched them leave. “They are pretty impressive. I wouldn’t want to meet one of them in a dark alley one night.”

She went to him, smiling, and he welcomed her in his arms. They exchanged a passionate kiss.

Her face lit up. “I missed you too. Even if technically it’s only been…” she checked her watch. “…five hours.”

Giles arrived and they separated. William turned to him and held his hand. “Mr. Giles. I’m William Atherton. But I guess you know me already.”

Giles took his hand and shook it slowly. “Indeed I do. It’s…nice to see you again, William.”

Buffy had already told him everything, so Giles was prepared. But even then, it was still a shock to the older man. Of course the former vampire looked slightly different – the hair, the glasses, the sun-kissed complexion. But other things – the blue eyes, the trademark smirk, the casual look, jeans and leather jacket – screamed of Spike. From what Giles had read and heard from Buffy, William was a perfect mix between his former human and vampire self.

He had already started to write about it in the Watcher’s diaries. He had witnessed countless extraordinary things in his career, but this one was a first. At least for him.

Buffy could almost see the wheels turning in Giles’ head and she cleared her throat. She knew he couldn’t help it, but she didn’t like the ‘fascinating specimen to study’ look he had when he was looking at William.

William didn’t seem thrown by it. “I wish I could say the same, sir. As a compatriot, I’m sure we would have a lot of things to talk about.”

Buffy snorted softly. Lots of things indeed. Like how Giles had tried to have him killed while he was distracting her.

“Buffy told me you’ve been having dreams. Did you remember anything else?”

“Not really. Sometimes it feels like a memory…a scent, or an impression of déjà vu…it’s always very vague. So I guess meeting people I used to know is a big help. The first concrete dreams and memories happened after I met Buffy and Dawn.”

“Please call me Giles. Buffy can give you my direct phone number, in case you have questions, or just want to talk.”

“I sure will. It’s nice to know I have friends, especially one from the mother country,” William said with a smile.

“Right.” Giles seemed a little bit embarrassed, and did what he always did in these occasions: cleaning his glasses.

William sent her a regretful look. “Actually no. I already have a date. Tall, cute brunette…goes by the name of Dawn,” he said, avoiding stealthily her playful slap.

“She called me this morning. She said I had no choice since it was my fault she stayed alone all night.”

William had barely finished his sentence when he realized Giles was still standing there. He turned a crimson red, matching the pretty colour on Buffy’s face.

Giles gracefully ignored the comment, smiling. “I wish you a nice day, then, William. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.”

Giles was about to leave when William held him back. “Excuse me, but do you have a son named Randy?”

William shrugged. “The name ‘Randy Giles’ suddenly came to mind. I thought maybe…”

“Randy Giles is not my son. It was a made up name you were given during a…” he looked at Buffy helplessly. “…a role playing game we did once.”

Giles nodded. “That’s certainly encouraging. Buffy, when you’re ready…” he said before leaving.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I didn’t realize what I said until it was too late.”

“Don’t worry. I would have told him eventually. I told you, he’s like my dad. Very protective.”

“Is that why he had such a distant behaviour? I did get the impression he doesn’t like me very much.”

Buffy sighed. “He never approved of our relationship…I tried to make him understand you were a good person, but he had all sorts of prejudices…some of them were reasonable, but still…”

Look who’s talking, Buffy, a little voice said inside her head. “Things are different now. He’ll come around,” she assured him. Of course Giles had been very impressed by Spike’s sacrifice, and there was a form of respect when he talked about the vampire after that, but when it came to Buffy and her feelings, his position had remained unchanged. There had been a certain trust between Angel and him, until Angel had killed Jenny after losing his soul. Giles had never trusted Spike, even with the chip and the soul, and he could never accept Buffy’s involvement with him.

William cleared his throat. “By the way, about last night…we didn’t use any protection. I should have thought about it, but I was rather busy,” he finished, caressing her cheek.

“Oh, good. Not that I wouldn’t, but…I mean, that would probably be a little too rushed.”

She chuckled. “I agree. But no worries. And I haven’t been with anyone else since you. So I should be safe on that side too.”

“Same here. When I was found they ran all kind of blood tests on me and I was clean. I didn’t know who I was, but I was a string healthy bloke,” he joked. “If you prefer, I can buy some condoms for the next time.”

She blushed slightly. That was definitely an unusual and awkward conversation to have with him. She put her arms around his waist and looked at him tenderly. “No. I don’t want anything to come between us.”

He smiled and pressed a kiss on her hair, her forehead and then on her lips. “I can’t believe I spent the last two years not remembering you existed. And now I can’t even imagine life without you.”

“I know the feeling,” she said, pressing her body against his. Their mouths met again in a lingering kiss.

“Jim and Anna will be back this afternoon. Do you want to come by tonight? I want you to meet them.”

She nodded and he let her go reluctantly. “Have a nice afternoon, pet.” He kissed her one last time before disappearing.

Buffy sighed, torn between happiness and anguish. This was way too good to last.

Buffy walked into Giles' office, and sat down in one of the comfortable chairs in front of his desk. The place was welcoming, with wooden shelves full of books. The sun was coming in through the window, its rays giving a warm luminosity to the place.

He took off his glasses and put them on the desk. “Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked her quietly.

She lowered her head. “No. I don’t. I just know I can’t lose him again.”

“I know that! God, I can already picture that conversation: ‘Hey William, by the way, you were a vampire for 120 years, and you killed hundreds of people, but you made amends and saved the world, so I guess it makes it ok.’ Yeah, that’s going to go well.”

Despite the situation, a small smile crept on Giles’ lips. “Maybe a bit more delicacy would be appropriate.”

Buffy sighed. “There’s no way he can take this right Giles…can you only imagine…? Having him back like this…it’s like a second chance.”

“And no one deserve it more than you and Spike, even I can agree with that. But Buffy, it’s not a second chance if he starts his new life like this. And are you really willing to spend your time lying to him?”

“Of course not. The whole situation is tearing me apart. The only hope I have is for him to remember by himself…and even then I’m scared to imagine his reaction. You’ve seen him Giles. He looks happy. He’s got people who care for him, a job. He’s a normal human being. How can I ruin that?”

“You could be totally selfless and walk out of his life. But…” he added off Buffy’s look, “I guess that was not an option you considered.”

“Does that make me a selfish person?” she asked, feeling slightly ashamed. That option – and Giles was right, she hadn’t considered it – would solve the problem. But Hell would freeze over before it happened. That was the coward’s way to avoid problems. That’s what Angel had done 6 years ago and she had always resented him a little bit for that.

“Not really,” Giles said with a soft smile. “Besides, seeing how William looks at you…it’s much too late. Avoiding each other would make both of you profoundly miserable.”

“I wouldn’t be able to do that, Giles. There has to be a way…I don’t know what to do, or what to say. Where to start.” She put her head in her hand in a defeated gesture.

Giles cleared his throat. “Buffy, have you ever thought that Spike might not remember? That he’s not supposed to regain his memory?”

“I went to see Wesley, yesterday.” Buffy’s eyes grew wide and he added quickly, “I didn’t tell him it was about Spike. I made up some story…you should definitely tell Angel, by the way.”

“Anyway, when you told me the first time, I immediately thought about the Shanshu.”

“Yes. The terms of the prophecy were rather fitting…but it turns out that it concerns Angel, and only him. Wesley went further in the translation and if Angel’s name isn’t specifically mentioned, all signs obviously point to him. So I dropped that theory. The problem is, it is an unprecedented event. I couldn’t find anything, so I had to make my own theory…for what it’s worth.”

“You know that with the Shanshu, Angel will one day become human as a reward for his atonement and fight against evil. But at the same time, he will have to live his life with the memory of what he did. The guilty conscience will never really go away.”

“So I thought, if this resurrection is supposed to be a reward, as it probably is in William’s case, the memory loss makes sense. It is supposed to be a second chance for a redeemed demon, to live a normal life. But how could it be normal if the person has to live with a memory full of evil deeds, mayhem and murders?”

“But William did remember some stuff,” she objected. “About me, Dawn…even you, a few minutes ago.”

“Probably because he was brought in contact with you, which wasn’t supposed to happen.”

She rolled her eyes. “Then whoever brought him back maybe shouldn’t have put him in the same city.”

“I know you don’t like to hear this, Buffy,” Giles said with a half smile, “but Spike’s resurrection had nothing to do with you or where you were. He was brought back where he died, and I guess that whatever Powers did it, their work stopped there. Whatever happens to him afterwards is not their problem anymore.”

Buffy thought about it for a few minutes before a smile crept on her face. “Then that means that Spike and I are bound together. That whatever obstacles we encounter, we always find our way back to each other.”

“I suppose that’s the romantic vision of things, yes. The less romantic part will be when you have to tell him the truth. Because I don’t think you can pursue any kind of relationship with him and lie for much longer.”

The defeated look was back on her face, and Giles’ heart broke for her. She wouldn’t be spared anything.

He got up and went to sit on the chair next to hers. “I know you hope for him to remember. So you don’t have to be the bearer of the truth. But you have to consider the fact that he may never remember anything really concrete before months, even years. At some point, you or Dawn are going to have a slip of the tongue, or it will become simply unbearable.”

“So I have to ruin his second chance at a normal life by telling him the truth. I don’t think he’s going to like me very much after that.”

Her eyes were dry but Giles could hear the tears in her voice. He put his hand on her shoulder. “Buffy, I thought you of all people would have more faith in Spike’s feelings towards you. Even death – yours and his – couldn’t keep you apart. Maybe it won’t end as badly as you think it will.”

She gave him a weak but grateful smile, before hugging him quickly. “Thank you,” she said, and many more words of gratitude and love hung between them but she didn’t need to say them. And here she had thought he wouldn’t understand. Despite the few differences they had had, Giles was the solid and faithful anchor of her life.

Spike had been the other one. He had died, and still had succeeded to find his way back to her.

CHAPTER 8

“Hello Buffy. I’m glad you could come. We’ve heard so much about you!”

Buffy smiled at Anna Clarke, and her smile widened when she heard William groan softly behind her. The Clarke’s welcomed her warmly and she felt instantly at ease.

During dinner, they asked a lot of questions about her sister and her, and of course about William’s past. Buffy tried to answer the best she could, sticking as close as possible to the version she had already given William. It wouldn’t do good to get something wrong.

The more she went on, the more she realized that it had to stop, and very soon. She hated lying to those nice people as much as to William. And the longer she waited, the bigger the lies got.

She looked at William and her heart sank. He was looking at her with such tenderness on his face…she dreaded the moment where that look would turn into one of incomprehension and absolute confusion.

Thanks to the Clarke’s kindness and the delicious meal, she was able to put the problems aside for a while. But when she found herself alone with William in the evening, they came back full force. She was torn between telling him right away and getting done with it once and for all, or postponing it one last time and enjoy a quiet and loving evening with him.

The coward’s way won, and she didn’t say anything.

“Are you ok?” he asked, noticing her nervousness. “You’re all skittish.”

She smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. I guess I was a little nervous about meeting Jim and Anna. No reason, because they are truly adorable.”

He took her in his arms, rubbing her back soothingly. “They are. So what’s the real problem? You’re so tense.” His mouth traced a line of kisses against her jaw and neckline and she closed her eyes, sighing.

“Tension definitely going away,” she smiled.

Their lips joined and she put all her heart into the kiss, pressing her body against his, eliciting a moan of pleasure. They took their time to undress each other, kissing and nibbling every part of flesh being unveiled. His hands were running on her skin, and her name was on his lips, each syllable a declaration of love. They exchanged more fevered kisses, and he lifted her in his arms to put her on the bed.

His fingers searched her womanly softness, and let a gasp of pleasure escape when he reached it. With slow, teasing strokes, he brought her rapidly to ecstasy. He was kissing her the whole time, as if he couldn’t get enough of her lips, and she responded to his mouth and his touch eagerly.

They made love passionately, their bodies instinctively finding the perfect rhythm, until a powerful orgasm engulfed them both. Buffy fought to catch her breath. Her climax had almost been painful by its intensity. With her touches and kisses she tried to confer all the love and devotion she felt for him, hoping against all odds some part of him would remember it when she told him the truth. Hoping he would understand she hadn’t tried to hurt him. She loved him too much for that.

“I love you,” she said, echoing her own thought. She couldn’t hold it anymore. And she didn’t want to think that she experienced that perfect bliss for the last time. It couldn’t be.

He kissed her forehead, caressing her cheek, pulling her comfortably against him. “It’s weird because I don’t remember saying those words to anyone,” he whispered, his mouth against her skin. “But when I think about you they are the first that come to mind.”

They lay entangled, kissing and cuddling, but he fell asleep very quickly. And she was glad he couldn’t hear her silent cries.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Angel’s not in his office right now, can I take a message?” Harmony said in a singing voice to someone on the phone. “Oh wait, here he comes. Hold on a minute, please.”

She pushed on a mute button. “Angel, I have this person who wants to…”

“Not now Harmony. Take the message.”

“Ok. Hello, Mr. Connor? He’s not availab…”

Angel, who was walking towards the lift, came back jogging. “It’s alright, I’ll take it in my office.”

Harmony rolled her eyes. “Make up your mind already,” she muttered.

Angel sat behind his desk and took a deep breath before picking up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Mr. Angel? Hi, it’s Connor. Dawn’s friend. Do you remember me?”

“Sure! How’ve you been?”

“I’m good, thanks. I’m sorry to bother you, but you said I could call, so…”

“No, you did well. I’m glad you did call me.”

“I don’t have classes tomorrow afternoon, so if you’re free I would love to take you up on that sparring proposition.”

“That won’t be any problem. Let me see…is two thirty ok for you?”

“That’s great. And thanks for the offer.”

“I’m glad you called. See you tomorrow, Connor.”

“Bye.”

Angel hung up and contemplated the telephone with a goofy grin on his face. He got up and walked out of his office. “Harmony, cancel all my appointments for tomorrow afternoon please.”

“Really? Because you have that meeting with the L’Fnick clan, and they won’t be very hap…”

“Tell them I’m sorry. I have something very important to do.”

She sighed. “Ok. But if they’re pissed enough to try and take over the world, don’t blame it on me.”

Whistling, he was walking over to Wesley’s office when a voice resonated behind him.

“You sound happy. Is this a bad sign?”

Angel turned around, smiling. “Buffy. I just had some good news. How are you?”

“I’m good.” She hugged him.

“It’s nice to see you here. I don’t often have that pleasure.”

“Well, you know what I think about this place.” Her face became serious. “Angel, I need to talk to you about something rather…unexpected.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Well, I’ve had some of that lately. Shoot, I’m prepared.”

“Spike is alive.”

Shock appeared all over his face. “What?”

“He’s alive. And I mean alive as in human. Heartbeat and all that. He was apparently brought back two years ago, a few days after Sunnydale’s destruction.”

“Two years ago? But how…why didn’t he let us know?”

She smiled sadly. “He doesn’t remember. Anything…or anyone.”

They had migrated back into Angel’s office and sat down on the sofa. “How did this happen?” Angel asked. Buffy told him about Giles’ theory, and how she had met Spike – now William – totally randomly while going to the library.

“So it’s like the Shanshu, only with a memory swipe,” he said. “It has its upsides, I suppose. Although it must be kinda frustrating.”

“He got used to it. After two years, he’s resigned, even if he hopes to remember. Of course he’s better since I told him a very altered version of his past.” She sighed. “I’m so sick of lying to him.”

Angel nodded. “I understand.” He looked her in the eyes. “I remember what you told me about your feelings for him two years ago. They haven’t changed, apparently.”

She chuckled. “They’re back with a vengeance. And now that he’s human…I can’t help but think of all the possibilities, the future we could…” She stopped, and Angel took her hand.

“Buffy…I don’t know exactly how I feel about Spike’s return. My other prodigal son…or grandson, in this case.”

She frowned. “What?”

“Never mind. I can’t say I was ecstatic when you told me about your relationship with him. Then he sacrificed himself, and you told me everything he had done. Even if I had some trouble believing you, that resurrection, or whatever it is, seems like a good proof he deserved it. If this makes you happy, if Spike…or William is the one you want, I won’t be the one standing in your way, or telling you what to do.”

She looked at him, amazed. “Wow. Maybe this place doesn’t have such an evil influence after all. Or you’re on drugs,” she joked.

He laughed. “No. Things have just been good lately. I enjoy them while they last.”

She smiled, giving him another hug. Even if they weren’t in love anymore, and didn’t see each other very often, the friendship was definitely there and comforting for both of them.

She let him go and stood up. “Spike…William needs to know the truth. I can’t go on with the pretenses. I love him too much. But I need your help.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Can you be there with me when I tell him? You are his family. Except for me, you’re the person who knows him the best. And I’m afraid he won’t believe me, or won’t even listen if I do this alone. And…it will be easier for me too,” she admitted.

“I get that. Don’t worry, I’ll be there. We should decide what we’re going to tell him, or how…”

“Can you come to my place around 6 tomorrow? I’ll ask him to come around 7, it will give us some time to think about the best way to tell him…if there’s a best way to tell that kind of stuff.”

“I’ll be there,” he repeated.

“Thanks. I have to go back, there’s a bunch of slayers in need of training. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

They hugged one last time. “Really Angel, thank you.”

“Anytime.”

At the door, she turned around. “I like that less broody version of you,” she said with a sweet smile.

“Me too,” he said, and when she was gone he added, “I just hope it won’t hit me right in the face.”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Angel had trouble believing Connor would really come to see him, until the young man showed up in the lobby. They shook hands.

“Hey. I hope it’s ok for me to come on a weekday. You must be pretty busy.”

“Don’t worry. I haven’t been training for a while, so it’s a good opportunity for me. Are you ready?”

They took the elevators and Angel led him to a basement floor arranged to serve as a big training room. One of the extremities was full with body building equipments. The other one was empty and destined for wrestling and fencing. After changing in the dressing room, Angel and Connor went to choose amongst an impressive panel of swords.

“En garde,” Angel said in a melodramatic tone, and Connor chuckled. They sparred for some time and Angel realized that his son hadn’t lost his ability to fight. He was still pretty good, and even succeeded in surpassing Angel several times.

They sometimes stopped to drink and chat, Connor telling him about his family and life at college. He looked really radiant and happy. Angel knew he could never tell his son the truth, but being able to talk to him and be the witness of his new life was a miracle in itself. He was immensely grateful for it. And he didn’t want to sound delusional, but maybe they could even become friends. The age difference wasn’t that big anymore. Of course, Connor might one day wonder why Angel didn’t get older. But the vampire would deal with these issues in time. Now he just wanted to enjoy his son’s presence.

The conversation drifted towards Dawn and Angel asked him if they were going out.

Connor smiled and blushed slightly. “Not exactly. But I like her very much, so it will very likely happen soon. I think she likes me too and we definitely have a great friendship.”

“That’s important,” Angel agreed, thinking about his relationship with Cordelia. Not a day passed that he didn’t think about her.

“And you? You have a girlfriend?” Connor asked.

“There was…but she died two years ago. There’s been no one, since.”

“I’m sorry,” Connor said, putting his hand on Angel’s shoulder in a comforting manner. They exchanged a smile.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in that same feeling of complicity and companionship. When it was time for Connor to go, Angel was prompt to assure him he was welcome anytime.

“I had a great time, so if you want to do something…you know, just chill out…when you’re not seeing Dawn, of course,” Angel teased him.

Connor smiled and punched him gently in the shoulder. “It’s a deal. I’ll give you my cell phone number, and we can keep in touch.”

They exchanged a manly hug, and then Connor left, repeating he would call in the next few days.

After he was gone, Angel stayed a few moments in the training room, before remembering he was expected to be at Buffy’s in one hour.

It put a slight damper on his spirits knowing what he would have to do tonight, tell a probably very disbelieving William about his past as a vampire. Since yesterday, he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of relationship he could build with him. After all, they were family. They had hated and loved each other with all their guts. But neither of them could deny the connection, the bond that had always existed between them.

His family was miraculously coming back to him, and even if neither of them remembered anything, Angel decided to give this second chance a good shot.