But Giles couldn’t get to her. He pushed Dawn under the desk and stood guard as he watched Xander wrestle with nothing in the doorway.

* * *

Spike came through the door to see his Slayer being attacked. He thought that maybe he’d watch her fight. She would win, they were only layoft demons. Nothing to demanding, but for some reason every single one of the Slayers attacks and counters was off. Spike threw himself in to lend a hand. After all watching her fight got him going. Watching her lose was not on the agenda. Spike watched as the Slayer fought and still kept missing, it was like she was blind, she didn’t even look straight at him when she had thrown the demon off, just glanced around the room and ran next door. Spike sulked for a second giving a peevish, “Your welcome.” Before a punch to the face brought him back to the present.

Buffy stood in the centre of the Magic Box listening. They seemed to be everywhere and nowhere. She heard the door open and whipped round to see Tara, “Buffy behind you!”

Buffy felt an arm grip her round the throat although she was able to thro it off, “Tara where is it? Can you see it?”

Tara stood in the centre of the room, “Blind Kadria lift your veil give evil form to break my spell.”

Buffy felt a jolt go through her and suddenly she saw them, ugly demons, she ran at one as it knocked Tara to the floor.

Fortunately once Buffy could actually see them they didn’t seem to be up to much. Disposing of them quickly and taking note of Spike’s presence coming in from the back room Buffy turned to Tara. “Care to explain Tara?”

Buffy voice stopped being hard at the tears on Tara’s face. “I’m sorry, I’m s s s so sorry. I was trying to hide. I didn’t want you to see, what I am.”

Willow put her hand on Tara’s arm, “Tara what?

Buffy looked at her in confusion, “What do you mean ‘what you are’?”

Tara’s father stopped forward when Tara didn’t answer, “Demon. The women in our family have demon in them. Her mother had it. That’s where the magic comes from. We came to take her home before. . . well before things like this started happening.”

Buffy laughed internally and caught Spike’s eye seeing a smirk on his face, the guy was a bit late to stop demons attacking. Her attention was regained by Giles quick deduction and explanation, “You cast a spell on us to keep us from seeing your demon side that’s why we couldn’t see our attackers.”

Buffy looked at her sister, as if Dawn didn’t have enough to deal with, “Nearly got us killed.”

Tara took in the looks and stood, “I’ll go. I’m very sorry.”

Willow looked at Buffy in positive panic; practically begging her to stop this from happening, “Wait go? She just did a spell that went wrong it was just a mistake.”

Tara’s father didn’t seem to agree and in fact as far as Buffy could tell, he really wanted to take Tara home, “It’s not the point and it’s not your concern. She belongs with us, we know how to control her problem.”

Willow was now crying as she looked at the blond witch and Buffy felt her heart clench, she couldn’t let this happen to Willow, “Tara look at me. I trusted you more than anyone in my life. Was all that just a lie?”

Tara gripped Willow’s hand, “NO.”

“Do you wanna leave?”

Tara father took a step forward, as did Spike. That guy was giving off a vibe. He wasn’t going anywhere near the Slayer or the Scoobies she seemed to care about so much, “It’s not your decision young lady. . .”

Spike took another step forward, Willow was giving off pain and that was never good with a witch, “I KNOW THAT.” Willow turned back to Tara, “Do you wanna leave?”

Tara crying more steadily now shook her head. But that was not what her father wanted to see, “You’re going to do what’s right Tara. Now I’m taking you out of here before somebody does get killed. The girl belongs with her family I hope that’s clear to the rest of you.”

Buffy made a decision. She trusted Willow, and she did trust Tara. She was not going to let this guy upset either of them anymore, “It is. You want her Mr McLay? You can go ahead and take her. You just gotta go through me.”

Tara looked up in shock. Buffy still wanted to know her after everything that Tara had done? Her father’s face was reflecting equal horror. “What?!”

“You heard me. You want to take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta go through me.”

Dawn went to stand by her sister’s side wit a forceful, “And me.”

Tara cried even harder, “Is this a joke? I’m not going to be threatened by two little girls.”

Dawn glared at him, “You don’t wanna mess with us.”

Buffy fought the urge to smile, “She’s a hair puller.”

Spike stepped forward, until he was behind Buffy, “So why don’t you sod off mate. I don’t thing your taking the chit anywhere.”

Buffy was grateful for Spike’s comment, it showed her that he really would care about something if she did.

Xander spoke for the first time adding his two cents, “You’re dealing with all of us. Good luck.”

The man on the step seemed to expand with rage, “This is insane you people have no right to interfere with Tara’s affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?”

Buffy squeezed Spike’s hand. No one in the shop could see but he felt it. “We’re family.”

* * *

Tara’s birthday party had been good. Especially once Spike’s punch in the face had clarified, that Tara really wasn’t a demon, it was just a sick and twisted family legend. After much coaxing Spike had agreed to come to the party. Most of the gang actually joined in with the coaxing. Dawn had just been so pleased that he had proven Tara’s non-demony ways that she had started it. Buffy hadn’t said much but she had nodded at him, subtly. Willow seemed in the mood to do anything for him. She had been almost as vehement as Dawn in her asking, insisting that he really should be there after all it was only because of him that they weren’t still dealing with Tara’s parents.

Buffy watched as Tara unwrapped her presents. She couldn’t believe that Dawn had gotten her a broomstick. Oh well. At least Tara had gotten something nice from Buffy. Anya had gotten a shipment in of statues and Giles had sold one of the more elusive ones to her cheap. She could tell that her Watcher was dreading the ex-demon’s response when she fou. . . Buffy thought’s came to a halt at the feel of someone slipping his or her hand into hers. For a second she thought it was Spike and her heart leapt but it was too warm for Spike, she turned around right into the arms of Riley who hugged her. Buffy was shocked. She had been sure that he would still be angry with her. If she had thought that Riley would show up, she would certainly not have invited Spike. “You came.”

Riley rubbed her back, “Of course I came. It’s a big night I didn’t wanna miss it.”

Buffy let herself be kissed and hugged trying to relax into Riley’s touch. Unfortunately, she saw Spike over Riley’s shoulder and saw a flash of hurt before he covered it. Buffy wanted to go and tell him that she was sorry but she couldn’t. She knew that she couldn’t.

* * *

Buffy had lost. She was going to die. She knew it; her time was up. The next Slayer would be called in her place. She had gotten careless; she had slipped up. Now there was a stake, her stake, embedded in her stomach, and she would either bleed to death or the vampire would kill her. In a way, she hoped that it would be the last one; she wanted to die like a slayer. Buffy could feel herself drifting into unconsciousness, as the vampire came towards her, she opened her eyes as the demon reached for her. The next thing she saw was something with black nails grab the thing by the throat, “You get you’re filthy hands away from my Slayer.”

Buffy watched as Spike squeezed until the vampires head came away from its body, “Spike. . . I got careless. . . Help me. . .”

Spike slipped his arm around her back, “Don’t you worry pet I know where we can go.” Lifting her easily, they set off across the cemetery.

* * *

Buffy didn’t know what had happened. She didn’t remember anything past being picked up by Spike. She had buried her face in the leather of his duster and passed out. Why was she in a room filled with black and white candles? Why was she lying on a table? Where was Spike? And why was she not in pain?

Buffy looked down at her shirt. There was blood staining it and a hole straight through it. Lifting it carefully, Buffy looked at her waist. There was not a mark on her. Buffy ran her hand over her abdomen as though to check that it was really hers. As soon as she realised that there was no wound anymore she swung her legs off the table and promptly fell over as a wave of dizziness hit her.

Spike heard the thud and came running, “Buffy? Are you alright pet?”

Buffy tried to focus on Spike’s face, “Spike? Yeah, I think so. Just very, very dizzy. Where am I?”

“Don’t worry pet, you’re still in Sunnydale. There’s a healer, I know who lives here. Don’t worry not of the evil variety.”

Buffy looked at him a little suspiciously, “Then how did you know him?”

Spike smirked at her, “No fooling you is there pet. He’s not evil but he isn’t good either. He’s a peaceful balancing demon. They donate their time to keeping the level between good and evil. With you being the main good in this town, you’re not exactly expendable pet. I asked and he helped. Says he knew you’d be coming and that he would save you.”

Buffy was still not clear, “Did he say why?”

Spike shrugged, he hadn’t really cared why at the time, he had just thought she was going to die. He would have agreed to having his arms and legs cut off if the thing had said he’d help her in exchange, “He mumbled something about the apocalypse. The usual.”

Buffy nodded in understanding, “Another one to prevent huh?”

Spike nodded and helped her to her feet, “You ready to go home pet?”

* * *

Spike had helped Buffy get home. According to him, the magic used to heal her would probably keep her subdued for a couple of hours yet. He tucked her into bed and kissed her forehead. “Night pet, when you get up tomorrow come and see me. We need to have a talk.”

Buffy reached out and grabbed his arm, “Spike. . .” Buffy was obviously half asleep, “Don’t go; stay.”

Spike did not need telling twice. Kicking off his boots and duster her pulled the blinds to and curled his body around hers. He felt her sigh and drift to sleep. He stayed awake for a little while though. He had almost lost her tonight. She had been better than the vampire but she had still nearly died. It was what happened to all Slayers eventually. Spike tightened his arm around her; it wasn’t going to happen to this one.

* * *

At around eight o’clock Spike heard Joyce moving around in the other room. Glancing towards the window and seeing the sun, he realised that he wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere. He slipped out of the bed and sat on the chair by the dressing table. He stilled himself just as she entered. “Mornin’ Joyce.”

Joyce took a second to register the vampire sat in her daughters’ bedroom. “Spike? What are you doing here?”

Spike turned on his acting skills, “Found our little Slayer on patrol last night, got herself hurt. Any way sorted her out and brought her home. Guy I took her to said that she shouldn’t be left alone. Concussion you know.”

Joyce paled, “She got hurt? Was it serious does she need a doctor? Is she okay?”

Spike cursed himself, of course the woman was going to worry, this was her daughter, “Yeah she got hurt, no it wasn’t serious, the guy I took her to is better than a doctor, and yes she’s okay. She just needed someone to stay, and I didn’t want to wake up the house hold.”

Joyce seemed to relax minutely, “Oh. Well in that case thank you. You didn’t have to do it but I still appreciate it. Would you like some coffee?” A twinkle came to the older woman’s eye, “Or some hot chocolate, it’s like night to you isn’t it?”

Spike nodded, “It is that. Unfortunately, I can’t go home suns up.”

“Well come and have some hot chocolate and marshmallows, and I’ll make you up a cot in the basement for you.”

Spike smiled and follow the woman out of the room, she really was nice. He liked the older Summers very much and despite the cot being, well. . . unnecessary he made it up with her and after some hot chocolate, lay down. He might be able to get an hour or two, he didn’t want to risk being caught in Buffy’s room again especially with the little bit around.

Spike felt his throat contract as he thought about last night again. She had almost died. Why had she been alone? Where was the twit she called her boyfriend? God, if he had been there he might have been of some use. Instead she had nearly died. Spike refused to let that happen to her. He wasn’t going to lose her, especially not before he had her. She was still clinging to soldier boy and that concept of a ‘normal life’, she didn’t seem to realise that she was never going to be happy with him. He wouldn’t let her be her. Spike turned over, he had agreed to wait. He almost wished that he hadn’t. Seeing her in the arms of the idiot had hurt, he knew that she had kept her promise though. She hadn’t slept with him. Spike would have been able to tell in a second. She would have to choose soon though; he couldn’t keep this up forever.

* * *

Buffy woke with a jump her hand flying to her stomach. Buffy tried to recall all the details of her nightmare. He hadn’t been able to help her. Why? She didn’t remember. She wasn’t even sure she knew. She sat up and looked around for Spike. For a second she thought that he had gone and left her but she saw his boots on the floor and calmed. Grabbing her robe she headed down stairs.

Looking around she couldn’t see him. After she had been through the whole house, she opened the door to the basement. Taking a step down she saw him lying on a makeshift bed. Smiling to herself, she crept down the stairs. Curling up by his side, she sighed. She liked it here, with him.

* * *

Spike smiled to himself. She had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow. Wrapping an arm around her, he held her tight. God he loved her. He loved her enough to tell her. To risk her disgust and revulsion. He had to tell her about the other Slayers. Maybe he could help her.

* * *

Buffy crept out a few hours later and headed for the Magic Box. She was going to have to tell her Watcher eventually and now was the time. The only person she was dreading telling more than Giles was Xander, he was going to go ballistic. Buffy pushed open the door and called out, “Giles?”

Buffy thought for a second that he wasn’t there and relief washed over her until she saw his head appear from under the counter, “Buffy, good. I wanted to talk to you about maybe improving our training regime. I think we need to try more on concentration.” Giles noticed the look on her face, “Buffy what’s wrong? Did something happen? Is Dawn all right?”

Buffy indicated the chair at the table and her Watcher came and sat down next to her without hesitation. “Giles . . . Dawn is fine.” Buffy didn’t know exactly how to phrase this, “I had an accident last night. I was fighting with a vamp and I had an accident.”

Giles had gone very pale, “What happened?”

“I let my guard down. I slipped up and the thing staked me.” Buffy hesitated blushing furiously, “With my own stake.”

Giles stood and automatically cleaned his glasses, “How did you get away?”

Buffy took a deep breath and closed her eyes, she really did not what to talk about this with her Watcher, “It was Spike, he came along and killed the vamp and helped me.”

Giles worry seemed to turn rather quickly to suspicion, “Were you badly hurt? If so he’d more likely want to kill you than help you.”

“I would have died Giles,” the older man stopped pacing and looked at her in horror. “It wasn’t like it slashed my arm or something. It stabbed me deep in the stomach and I would have died, but . . .”

Before Buffy could continue Giles threw his arms around the tiny Slayer and hugged her, “Thank God he was there. Why didn’t you call me from the hospital? I would have been there straight away.”

Buffy hugged him for a second and then spoke again, “I didn’t go to the hospital.”

Giles went back to looking confused “But weren’t you in need of medical attention?”

Buffy gave a small chuckle, “Just a little. Spike took me to see a guy. He said that the guy was a balancing demon. Whatever kind of demon it was it healed me.”

Giles could see something in Buffy’s face, “Why would Spike choose to help you when you weren’t, I assume, up to offering him payment?”

Buffy took a very deep breath, “Well . . . you have to promise that you wont freak out,” Giles nodded and Buffy tried to calm herself a little, “Well . . . Spike is in love with me.”

Giles sat, or rather collapsed, into his chair in shock. Buffy closed her eyes unconsciously expecting a shouting match to start. If she had wanted one she would have been disappointed. Her watcher seemed to be absolutely paralysed by what she had just told him. It took the older man a few seconds to say anything, “Well . . . Spike? Spike! In love. . . with you? Are you sure? How could . . . This is . . . Oh dear God . . .Vampires can’t feel love.”

Buffy cut her Watcher off, “Look I know that this is kind of weird and I get that. But Spike says that he is in love with he and me has not given me any reason to doubt his sincerity on that account. Saving my life goes right to the top of the list of proof. Vampires might not usually be able to feel love, but none of us can deny that he’s a very unconventional vampire.”

Something in Buffy’s tone stopped Giles, “What are you. .? Are you saying . . . Buffy, do you have feelings for him?”

Buffy cringed; she was trying to phrase it in her head to not sound too bad. Like it or not she was about to tell her Watcher that she ahs feelings for yet another vampire, this time one that didn’t have anything resembling a soul. “I don’t know exactly what I feel but I, yes I do feel something.”

“Buffy he’s a demon. How can you . . .” Giles’ voice trailed off and Buffy knew that he was thinking about Angel, and how that situation had gone.

Buffy stood and paced a little, “I know that this is a lot to absorb. I . . . It’s not like he has a soul to lose. Not that . . .Giles.” Buffy took a breath and knelt in front of her Watcher, her father, “Whatever I feel for Spike, I’m with Riley. I need him. He’s everything I have ever wanted. A normal guy.”

Giles knew that he should say something. He had wanted to talk to Buffy about this for months. Her treatment of Riley. She might need him, but . . . over the past few months Giles had doubted whether or not she truly loved him. Even now. Giles wasn’t sure whether or not to bring it up. Whether Buffy loved the soldier or not, there was no doubt that he loved her, and that Buffy clung to him. What if that was enough? For both of them? Then again, from what Buffy was saying now, it would appear not. Whether Buffy knew it or not, she was pulling away from Riley. Slowly and probably painfully for the boy, but she was pulling away none the less.

* * *

Buffy sat with Spike at the Bronze. She had a feeling that he was trying to work himself up to telling her something. She could tell that he was nervous. This was his fourth beer and his hands were still shaking, “You know there are quite a few American beers that are highly underrated. This unfortunately is not one of them.”

Buffy reached across the table and took one of his hands, “Hello? We didn’t come here to discuss the fine choice of hops. You wanted to talk to me about something. I get the feeling that it’s quite important and that you’re nervous. Don’t be. Just tell me.”

Spike smiled at her, perceptive little chit. He was nervous. She might hate him after tonight. But it didn’t change the fact that he had to tell her. It might help to save her life. “ Wanted to tell you pet. . . about the slayers.”

Buffy frowned slightly, “What do you mean?”

“I mean the two that I killed pet.”

Buffy felt her stomach clench. She didn’t want to know about this. She didn’t want to hear. Not after last night. Didn’t he understand that? “Spike. . . I don’t want to talk about. . . that. It was nearly me last night. I can’t. . . “

Spike took both of her hands in his, “I have to tell you because you have to know. This isn’t something that you can hide from. Last night you slipped up ad made a careless mistake, I know that. But sooner you later you . . .” Spike voice trailed off for a second, “Sooner or later you’ll become like them.”

Buffy didn’t understand, “You mean I’ll die? I know that. But someday, a long time from now please.”

Spike gripped her hands tighter, “I don’t mean you’ll die pet. I mean; you’ll want to.” Buffy looked at him in confusion, but he just ran his thumbs over her hands, “Just listen to me pet. I am begging you.”

Buffy was surprised at the seriousness of his tone, but she could see that this was important to him so she nodded.

* * *

* * *

Buffy felt as though she was going to be sick. She hadn’t wanted to hear this at first in relation to herself. Now she wished she hadn’t heard it because of him. She had known about it all before of course, but. . . the way he told it. . . he had gotten off on it. . . like the vampire almost had last night. Buffy stood and turned, “I. . . I. . . I’m sorry. . . I have to go.”

Buffy turned and ran. But Spike wasn’t done yet. She had to know. He followed her outside.

Spike grabbed Buffy by the shoulders in the alley, “Spike . . . let me go.”

“No Slayer, you have to listen to me.”

Buffy turned around with tears streaming down her face, “Why? I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to hear the details of how you killed my predecessors. I can’t hear this.”

“Buffy, I know that you don’t want to hear this. And I know that after this, you may hate me but it doesn’t matter. I’m not the same person as I was then. I changed when I fell in love with you. I made a decision to change because I wanted to. And the reason I changed was you. I wont be selfish now. I will tell you this . . . even if you stake me afterwards.”

Buffy looked at the love and sincerity in Spike’s eyes. The hands that were holding her now had once killed a Slayer, more than one. But now . . . now he was willing to risk his unlife to tell her this and help her, “Tell me then. Tell me about the second one. How did you kill her?”

Spike took a deep breath, “Well it went like this . . .”

* * *

“Now the first one was all business, the second now she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful, I could’ve danced all night with that one.”

“You think we danced.” Buffy knew the answer. Neither one of them had ever killed the other and it wasn’t as though they hadn’t had opportunities. All that they had ever done was dance.

As though reading her mind Spike said, “That’s all we’ve ever done.”

Buffy stood listening to Spike’s voice as he reported this, there was no emotion in his voice. He picked up a stick from the floor and swung it round. Buffy felt like she was actually in the train car watching him do this. She could almost imagine the Slayer stood there fighting for her life.

Spike swung the stick again and walked around her as though he was stalking her, “You see the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Everyday you wake up and it’s the same bloody question that haunts you, ‘is today the day I die’.”

* * *

“Death is on your heels baby and sooner or later it’s going to catch you. It’s up to each Slayer when. It doesn’t catch you because you get weaker or because vampires get stronger, it happens because part of you wants it. Not just to stop the fear of uncertainty, but because you’re just a little bit in love with it.”

Buffy stood there looking at him, but she wasn’t really seeing him, she was seeing the Slayer poised above Spike, ready to kill him, what had changed? What had been different enough to mean that she didn’t win?

* * *

* * *

What had been different enough to mean that she didn’t win?

As though he was reading her thoughts yet again, Spike answered her unanswered question, “Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace, and part of you is desperate to know ‘what is it like? Where does it lead you? You see, you must see, that’s the secret, not the punches you land or the kicks you defend, she really wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish.”

* * *

* * *

“Even you. The only reason that you last and keep lasting is that you have so many ties to the world. Mum, brat kid sister, Scoobies, they all tie you here. They help to put off . . . the inevitable. Sooner or later, the second you let go of what matters to you, you’ll want it, and the second, the second it happens, something‘ll be there, something’ll slip in. Have itself a good day. You can’t let that happen to you. I can see the way you’re looking at me. I know what you think. But I had to tell you. I had to tell you what I’ve learnt. I will not stand by and watch you get careless again without knowing that I did everything I could to stop it, including risking your hatred. I love you. I love you more than I care about me, so if by you hating me, I save your life so be it.”

Buffy couldn’t move, she was paralysed. She couldn’t accept it. He was wrong, he had to be wrong. Slayers didn’t develop a death wish, please God they didn’t. Buffy tried to steady her breathing as she ignored the voice in the back of her head. The one whispering, that he wasn’t wrong. The one that said she had felt it herself once or twice. When Angel had died, when he had left and when Giles had betrayed her. And Spike was right; the people she loved had saved her. She needed them. Buffy looked at Spike.

Spike was expecting to feel a stake in his chest. He’d had to tell her. She had come so close to dying, he had come so close to losing her. It didn’t matter if he couldn’t have her in his life anymore; he’d had to save her. He’d had to try. He couldn’t try to explain the repulsion he felt at the very memory of killing something so closely akin to her now. Ever since he fell in love with her he had known that he could live without killing ever again, he didn’t need it. He needed to try to be worthy of her.

What Spike didn’t expect was to feel Buffy’s arms slip around his neck. She was crying as she clung to him. He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist as she sank to the floor. She just sobbed and he held her, telling her how much he loved her as he kissed her neck

Buffy held her finger to her lips as Spike crept over the doorstep. “I have to go and say good night to Mom and then I’ll be in okay. I make sure I make it clear that I’m tired and going to sleep.”

* * *

Spike slipped into her room like a blonde shadow. And she walked noisily into her mom’s room to find her packing a suitcase, “Hey, I put together that grocery list for you.”

Joyce looked up and smiled, “Thanks hon.”

Buffy frowned slightly, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Have you seen my conditioner?”

“Did you look under the sink?” Joyce smiled and slipped out of the room. Something in her mother’s voice was making Buffy uncomfortable, “Are you going somewhere?”

Joyce looked at her daughter, and Buffy read the signs of her mom trying to keep her expression cheerful, “I was hoping to put this off. You know the ‘nothing’ I’ve been dealing with for the past couple of weeks? It might not be ‘nothing’.”

Buffy felt her heart drop to her stomach, “What’s wrong.”

“I’m staying over night at the hospital for observation. I’m getting a CAT scan.” Joyce took in the worry on her daughter’s face, “I’m gonna be fine and the doctors say that even if there is something, it’s still very early if they didn’t see it before. I’m gonna be fine.”

Buffy felt her eyes fill with tears, “I know you will.”

* * *

Buffy slipped next door into her sister’s room. She could tell by the expression on her Dawn’s face that she already knew, “Mom wants us to stay here while she goes for her scan. What do you think?”

Dawn smiled ever so slightly, “What do you think?”

Buffy smiled back a little, “Be ready in ten minutes. She can’t fight both of us.”

* * *

Buffy slipped through her door into the bedroom, “Spike?”

Spike seemed to melt out of the shadows at the back of the room, “I’m here pet.” Buffy started to speak but he cut her off, “Vampire love, I heard it all.”

He moved forward and held her for the second time that night as she cried, this time, Spike was sure that her heart was breaking. “I’m coming with you pet.”

Buffy looked up at him, “You will?”

Spike smiled at her, “Of course. Better not come straight away though.”

Buffy gripped his shirt, “No . . . I need you to come with me.”

Spike stroked her hair, “I’ll be at the hospital by the same time you are, but I think it’s better if we don’t have to explain what I’m doing at your house at this time of night.”

Buffy smiled, “Perhaps not. Meet us there?”

Spike smiled back, “I’ll be there.”

All though she was reluctant to leave, his arms Buffy grabbed some money and headed for the door.

* * *

Dawn was looking at the vampire seated at her side. He hadn’t made anymore to attack either her or her sister and she had to admit, he was kinda cute. He had helped her when Buffy had been wigging out. Buffy was getting something to eat and she was starting to get antsy, “Spike?”

Spike, pulled out of his thoughts of Buffy and Joyce and Dawn took a second to respond, “What nibblet?”

“What is a cat scan exactly?”

Spike fought the urge to try to comfort her somehow. She was so like Buffy. The innocent and young part of Buffy. He didn’t want her to be hurt, he wanted to protect her from hurt, from this, “I don’t really know pet.”

Dawn voice was starting to shake, “Where do they get the ‘cat’ scan from? I mean do they test it on cats. Or does the machine sortta look like a cat.”

Spike could smell the fear coming off her. She seemed so small. He reached out and slipped an arm around her shoulders. He hadn’t really shown a human platonic affection in over a hundred years. But seeing how frightened she was he didn’t bother with trying to be the big bad. He pulled the small girl towards him and she laid her head on his shoulder, allowing herself to be comforted.

* * *

Buffy smiled as she walked down the corridor Spike was comforting her little sister. The big bad vampire was comforting the Slayer’s sister. And the girl was allowing herself to be comforted. Buffy could see the beginnings of a big brother syndrome in Spike here. It was. . . well it was so sweet.

Buffy handed Spike a can of coke, “Hey you two. You okay?”

Dawn lifted her head sleepily. The girl was exhausted; she hadn’t slept or eaten, “I’m okay.” She spotted the coke, “Please tell me that’s for me. I’m dying over here.”

Spike smiled and handed her the can. Buffy pulled another one out of her bag, “I got plenty. I also got a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich from the canteen. I know they’re you’re favourite Dawn.”

Dawn smiled and shook her head, “I’m really not hungry.”

Buffy wasn’t having any of that, “Don’t even think about it. If you don’t eat it, I’ll take you home for some breakfast. I don’t want to go either, but sick or not, Mom would kill me if I don’t make you eat.”

Spike took the sandwich, “Come on nibblet, you really should.”

Buffy watched as Dawn took the sandwich and ate. Buffy smiled.

* * *

Riley went round to Buffy’s. He was feeling a little bit horny. Time for a visit to the girl friend. They hadn’t actually made love since the day after he had come out of hospital. He didn’t know why. Maybe they had just not got round to it. But Riley was getting the feeling that maybe Buffy was . . . He had been afraid of this. Buffy was going off him. Oh God. He knew that she didn’t love him; she hadn’t ever actually loved him. She had . . .Buffy . . . Riley didn’t know what he was going to do if he couldn’t keep her. He loved her. Riley scanned the house, but he couldn’t see anyone there. Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the magic box. He would keep her please God he would.

* * *

Buffy stood by the door. Her mom was getting her results. Buffy had never been so terrified in all of her life. She would rather go to fight the Master, Angel, and Faith all over again and at the same time than go in there and find out what was happening to her mother. Thank God that Dawn was asleep in the other room. She didn’t want her sister to hear it unprepared if it was bad news. Buffy took a breath and felt two arms slip around her waist. She knew that it was Spike. She leant back for a second into his touch, “I can’t go in there Spike. I just can’t.”

Spike pressed his lips to the column of her throat, “You will Slayer. You know that you have to.”

Buffy shivered and pulled his arms tighter around her, “What if it’s bad news? I don’t know if I can deal with it.”

Spike rubbed her arms, “If it’s bad news pet . . .well, she’ll need you. Do you want her to be in there getting the bad news alone?”

Buffy turned around in his grasp, “You’re right. I don’t want her to be alone. Will you stay with Dawn until I get back, and will. . ?"

“What pet?”

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat, “Don’t go anywhere. I need you okay?”

“Yeah pet. I love you.” Spike kissed her on the forehead.

Buffy turned and taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

* * *

Buffy slipped out of the room. She felt as though her knees were going to collapse beneath her. The world was spinning. She couldn’t seem to stand straight. All the sounds in the room sounded as though they were coming through cotton wool. Buffy felt sick. She leant against the wall and tried to support her weight. Buffy didn’t try to stop the tears that were cascading down her face. She had never cried so much in any twenty-four hours as she had this twenty-four. Buffy felt her knees give and she slid down the wall. Before she hit the floor she felt a pair of arms encircle her. Despite the lack of the leather coat, she knew that the arms belonged to Spike.

“What happened pet?”

Buffy sobbed, “There’s a shadow on the scan. They don’t know what it is. But I know. It’s something bad and she’s going to get sick and I can’t help her and she’s going to get sicker and then she’s going to di . . . “

Spike pressed his lips to hers. Pulling away, he held her tightly, “Don’t even say that. You don’t know that yet. Even the doctors don’t know what’s happening yet. You can’t fall apart yet. Dawn needs you.”

Buffy couldn’t seem to stop shaking. She lifted her head and kissed Spike. “Spike, I don’t know what to do.”

Spike kissed her back. She clung to his back. Spike took both of her hands, “I’ll help you. We have to go and stay with Dawn and when she wakes up we need to tell her.”

Buffy shook her head, “I don’t think that we should tell her yet.”

Spike shrugged, “She’s not stupid you know pet and from what she was saying before there isn’t much you could tell her that’s worse than what she’s imagining.”

Buffy nodded, “All right. How do I tell her that her mother could be dying?”

Spike gripped her hands, “You don’t. We do.”

* * *

Riley pushed open the door, “Buffy?”

Anya came forward; apparently disappointed that Riley wasn’t a customer, “Buffy’s not here. She called early on and spoke to Giles. Something’s wrong. They have to go to the hospital and do some tests on Joyce. Giles, Willow, or Xander could probably tell you more.”

Riley slipped into the shop and saw Willow and Xander sat at the table, apparently still researching that demon woman, that Buffy had fought a couple of weeks ago. “Hey guys. What’s happening with Mrs Summers?”

Giles came through and thought that it was a sign of Riley’s lack of connection that he was still the only one to call Joyce ‘Mrs Summers’. Even Tara called her by her Christian name. He had told Willow and Xander everything that he had been told by Buffy, everything except the part about Spike going with them. Buffy had told him not to mention that part. She had said that she wanted to tell them herself. One at a time, probably Willow first. She loved them both, but Willow was much more accepting than Xander. . .and over Spike . . .well Buffy was going to need all the acceptance she could get. Buffy said she was still with Riley, but it wasn’t Riley that was at the hospital with her now. It was Spike. She wanted her friends to know about Spike’s feeling for her. She hated keeping anything from them. She was already keeping secrets about Dawn. She didn’t want anymore from them.

But now that Riley was on his . . .That was all they needed, for Riley to go to the hospital and find Spike there. “Buffy and Dawn took their mother to the hospital for a CAT scan. They doctor’s still aren’t sure what’s wrong but they’re trying to find out.”

Riley turned, “I’d better get down there. I don’t want Buffy to be alone.”

Giles spoke quickly, “She’s not alone. The girls are together and they need each other at a time like this.”

“Yeah but Buffy’ll need me too”

Willow picked up a sharp glare from Giles. Why was Giles trying to stop Riley from going? Whatever it was it was probably a hell of a reason. She spotted his appeal for help, “Riley. Don’t you think that the sisters should be together . . .with each other?”

Riley looked at them all like they’d gone crazy, “I’m going.”

Riley walked out of the door.

Giles gestured to the back room and Willow followed, leaving a very confused Xander to shrug and get back to work.

* * *

“Care to fill me in on what that was all about.”

Giles looked at the redhead. “Buffy wants to tell you herself. She told me almost by accident, she said that she wanted to tell you herself.”

A look of horror dawned on Willow’s features, “Is it something bad? Is the world ending? Is her mom bad? Is. . .”

Giles put both of his hands on her shoulders, “Willow. Calm down. It’s nothing like that. It’s a personal issue. Let’s just say that she’s going to need your support. I’m trying to deal with it at the moment, and even though I’m not comfortable with . . . Well we have to trust that Buffy knows what she’s doing.”

* * *

Buffy didn’t know what she was doing. She was just holding Dawn as she cried. As they both cried . . . again. But it was their mom. So they cried.

Spike stood and Buffy shook her head slightly. She didn’t want him to go. But he smiled, “I’ll be back in a bit pet. You girls need a little time to yourselves.”

Spike slipped on his duster and disappeared around the corner. Buffy clung to her sister. The girl didn’t even seem to have heard Spike.

* * *

Buffy couldn’t take her eyes of Dawn. She looked so small, so helpless, so . . . real, so Dawn. Buffy was about to stand up and go look for Spike when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. Lifting her own hand to take hold of his, she found the hand was warm. Riley.

Buffy stood and hugged her boyfriend, “Hey. Sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t know about it until last night and then we just came here.”

Riley felt his stomach clench. She had found the time to call Giles after all. “It’s okay. I understand.” He wrapped his arms around her tiny shoulders and hugged her fiercely. Maybe she was just not thinking clearly, when she didn’t call him, after all she obviously needed him to be here. Needed his support. Well she needed someone anyway and now he was here.

* * *