Alone. He was used to being alone, even when he was surrounded by people he felt as if he was the only one there. Life had been that way for a while now and he really didn’t care if it didn’t change. Too many times in the past he’d been double crossed, by friends, by women, even by his own family, he didn’t need anyone but himself anymore.

Sometimes he wondered why he’d run, would it have been so bad to get caught? Could he be anymore alone than he already was? The thoughts crept round in his mind like shadows, only half there as the vodka in his glass made it’s way into his mouth, the alcohol dulling his senses and brain functions slightly. He was used to the booze, it’d take him a long time to get happily drunk, and sometimes he cursed the fact that it worked that way.

"Hi" a voice cut through the murk in his mind and he turned his head slightly to look upon the owner of the voice, a girl. A quick glance was all she got from him before he looked away again, back at his glass, as he finished off his latest drink, "You want another drink?" the same voice, the same girl, spoke again, and he looked sideways at her. She was blonde, he noticed, dressed the same as most of the females that inhabited the club on a Saturday night, short skirt and low top, boots and a jacket. She was pleasant enough to look at and she was offering to buy him a drink. He accepted with a nod.

He watched as she smiled and called to the barman, ordered two vodkas as she hopped up onto the stool beside him, just as the drinks arrived on the bar in front of them.

"Cheers" he thanked her, picking up the glass as she did the same.

"You’re welcome" she smiled as she picked up her own drink and watched him knock his back in one, she sipped at her own before placing the glass back on the surface of the bar.

"My name’s Buffy, by the way" she told him, "Buffy Anderson" she smiled, holding out a hand to him.

The man just rolled his eyes, ‘not another one’ he sighed inwardly. He was used to girls buying him drinks, introducing themselves as Candy or Toni or some other such stereotypical blonde name. They liked the look of him, he understood that, in all honesty he liked the look of some of them, but it was all about the drinking, kissing, groping, maybe something more than that with some of them, but it wasn’t real feelings or anything of importance. He just got sick of it, but this bint had bought him a drink and she hadn’t tried to get her hands on his goods yet so she was more bearable than some he’d met.

"I’m Spike" he told her, taking her offered hand and shaking it slightly, before withdrawing it and almost visibly hiding back into his own little world. He was only a little surprised that she didn’t ask why he had such a name, what his real name might be or his last name at least, but some didn’t care, names were unimportant and he was pretty sure most of them lied about theirs.

"You come here often?" Buffy asked next and Spike couldn’t help but laugh. He didn’t mean to offend her or anything but it was the worst line in the history of forever, he was still sober enough to know that. He looked upon her with a questioning gaze and Buffy surprised herself by laughing too. She hadn’t realised until she’d said it, just how lame it really sounded, "I’m sorry" she chuckled, "that was pathetic"

"Yeah" Spike agreed, "but a valid question when you think about it" he conceded, unsure why he was so fast to make her feel less embarrassed, the more he looked at her the more he realised she wasn’t like the other girls that usually came onto him. She didn’t really seem to know what she was doing, less confident and brassy, more shy and easily flustered.

"I come here most nights" Spike told her, "got nowhere else to be" he added, almost bitterly, not looking for her sympathy, just stating the facts.

"What about your wife or girlfriend?" she asked as casually as she could and Spike couldn’t help but smile as he watched her shyly duck her head and hide her face behind her blonde locks, she quite clearly was not the kind of girl that usually went up to blokes in bars and tried to chat them up, but she was giving it her best shot he had to admit.

"You’re not backwards in coming forwards, are you pet?" he smirked and noticed she went even more red that she had previously, "I don’t have a woman" he told her, "not right now anyway, no-one special" the bitterness was back in his voice as he spoke, though he tried to swallow it, it never quite went away.

"Me either" Buffy sighed, "no-one special right now"

Well, that was a given, Spike thought to himself, she’d hardly be talking to him like this if she had some nice tall dark and handsome type to go home to.

"Look luv" he sighed, turning to face her properly for the first time all night, "let me save you some time and effort" he said, deciding she was just too innocent to play around with, "Trust me when I tell you, you don’t want to get to know me, not physically, and definitely not emotionally" he warned her, as he got up from the stool he’d been on for the past two hours, he had booze at home, he didn’t need to get slaughtered in public today.

"What makes you so sure I wouldn’t want to know you?" she asked as he walked behind her and appeared to her other side as he headed for the exit, "You seem decent enough"

He smiled at her willingness to think well of him, despite being given no good reason to, there weren’t enough people like her in the world. If he didn’t know his own destructive self as well as he did, he might have stayed and got to know her better after all.

"You’ve got no idea what I’m capable of luv" he told her with a painful smile on his lips, "not sure I even know myself anymore" he admitted. He made to turn his back upon her again but she called out.

"Maybe I want to find out" she protested, "Maybe that’s my aim tonight"

"Find another target luv" he implored her, turning one final time to look at her, "this ones far too full of past holes...see you around, pet" he added as he made for the door, wondering if he meant it, if he really would see her again. As much as he told her, and himself, to stay away he wondered if it would do any good. She was intriguing as well as intrigued it seemed, making Spike wonder if perhaps they might be of use to each other, despite their differences...his thoughts soon got darker as he remembered what became of the last girl he got close too, and he decided in that moment he wouldn’t see Buffy again.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Not exactly your average day at the office, Buffy sighed as she stood outside the club, straightening her very-unlike-her clothes and running a hand through her blonde hair. This might not be her usual working surroundings but she did have a job to do and do it she would. She walked into the building with as much confidence as she could muster, she had to look the part, had to act it and feel it if she was ever going to convince him. Such a practised liar as he was supposed to be could surely spot one of his own kind far too easily, she had to be better than he was or face the consequences of getting caught.

The man she was looking for sat at one end of the bar, knocking back double vodkas as easy as the water they resembled, and she wondered at how it were possible, but it didn’t matter.

He was, for the most part, exactly as she knew he would be. She’d seen pictures, both photographs and professional sketches. From the neck down he was black as the night itself, wearing a T-shirt, jeans, boots, and leather duster all in that colour. In contrast his skin was pale, and his white blonde hair gleamed like platinum. If he was anyone else...she thought silently to herself, but didn’t allow herself to finish the sentence, not even in her head.

Steeling herself against all kinds of typical female reactions at the sight of such a man, Buffy pulled herself up to her full height and approached the bar. She waited a few feet away til she thought he’d finished his drink, then she made her move.

"Hi" she said as she moved to stand beside him "You want another drink?"

She waited as the man turned and looked at her, blue eyes wandering over her face and then down her body and back up again. What he thought of her mattered, and she realised, in spite of her own better judgement, it mattered not just for the plan but for her. She wanted him to want her anyway, though she wasn’t sure she knew why.

She smiled as he nodded in response to her offer, stupidly ordered two vodkas, knowing damn well she couldn’t drink too much of it without passing out and/or throwing up.

"Cheers" he said as he knocked his own drink back in one, she sipped at her own before putting it back down on the bar.

"You’re welcome" she found herself saying, wondering why her voice came out so quiet, she hadn’t intended for it too, she wasn’t usually so timid, not even in the company of men she didn’t know, and she knew him, despite the fact they’d never met before tonight.

"My name’s Buffy, by the way" she told him, willing him to pay her more attention than he was at present "Buffy Anderson" the lie slipped off her tongue so easily she astonished herself, as she held out her hand for him to shake, for a moment completely unsure as to what his reaction might be, praying it was the one she needed.

"I’m Spike" he replied eventually, shaking the offered hand just briefly before retreating back into his own dark world, she could almost see him doing it.

"You come here often?" she tried to get his attention back on her but she realised she just used the most half-witted and cliched line imaginable to do it, she felt like kicking herself, but she didn’t, just hated herself as she felt the colour rise in her cheeks under the intense blue gaze of Spike’s eyes, "I’m sorry, that was pathetic" she mumbled, hoping she hadn’t just blown the whole night.

"Yeah" Spike agreed with her "but a valid question when you think about it" he shrugged, hands fiddling with the now empty glass on the bar before him, as his mind seemed to weigh up the pros and cons of just one more drink, "I come here most nights" he admitted "got nowhere else to be" he told the bar more than her, she noticed, since he spent more time looking at the surface that his arms leant on than at her face.

"What about your wife or girlfriend?" she tried to sound casual as she asked but she wasn’t really surprised when he seemed to be holding back a laugh. She thought the direct approach would be good but she realised she just sounded like a dork.

"You’re not backwards in coming forwards, are you pet?" he smirked at her, before answering her question, "I don’t have a woman, not right now anyway, no-one special" his voice faded out, the further through his sentence he got, and Buffy felt a little bad for him, despite knowing why he was so alone.

"Me either, no-one special right now" she was glad to not have to lie about that, but also a little sad that it was so true. She had no-one special, it gave her something in common with him and that almost scared her.

"Look, luv" she looked right at him as he began to speak again, "let me save you some time and effort" he said as he hopped off of his stool "Trust me when I tell you, you don’t want to get to know me, not physically, and definitely not emotionally" he told her, as he moved to pass behind the back of her stool. He couldn’t leave yet, she panicked a little, but hid it well.

"What makes you so sure I wouldn’t want to know you?" she asked his back, making him stop but not turn just yet "You seem decent enough" she shrugged as he finally faced her.

"You’ve got no idea what I’m capable of, luv" he told her with a slight smile, she wondered why he’d smile about it, maybe he was proud "not sure I even know anymore" he added as he turned to leave yet again.

"Maybe I want to find out" Buffy found herself saying "Maybe that’s my aim tonight" of course he had no idea just how true her words were now, but she thought she was pretty safe in saying them.

"Find another target, luv" he sighed, looking back one final time, just briefly, "this ones far too full of past holes...see you around, pet" he turned again to leave and she didn’t stop him this time. Buffy couldn’t help but think how tired he looked, so weary for one so young. Twenty five was no age at all, but Spike looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, a burden she needed to convince him to share with her.

As the guy she’d only just met finally strolled away, Buffy let out a breath she was only vaguely aware she’d been holding. Her hands shook slightly as she pulled out her cellphone and speed dialled the familiar number.

"Finn" said a voice on the other end of the line.

"It’s me" Buffy replied in a whispered tone, "it’s not going to be as easy as we thought" she told him, "but I can get him where we want him, just give me time" she said as she looked toward the door Spike had just disappeared through.

"Good job, Summers" came the reply in her ear, "I have every faith in you"

"Thankyou, sir" she nodded before hanging up and smiling to herself.

Let the games begin.

Same old story, here he is again. Drink in his hand and a scowl on his face, already having turned away three prospective shags, because he just can’t handle it tonight. He’s been completely off since four nights ago, or was it five? When he met the girl, the blonde one, Buffy.

She was different, he knew that much, but as to why she’d caught his attention, Spike really couldn’t say. She was average enough in looks, averagely beautiful but still, there were plenty of rivals for her in the club of an evening, tonight included. So why did she cloud his thoughts, just as the alcohol clouded his mind, drowned the memories he didn’t want anymore, for a little while at least.

It was almost nine months, would be exactly when next Thursday came around, but still he saw her, even with his eyes closed, dark hair and dark eyes that wouldn’t shine anymore, not for him or for anyone. Oh God how he hated himself, sometimes wished he could just end it all, but suicide was the cowards way, this way he suffered like he probably should. Suffering for his sins, her sins, everyone’s sins upon his shoulders, at least it felt like that sometimes, so heavy and dark.

"Hey" Spike heard off to the side and despite his thoughts of the blackened past he realised he was smiling just slightly as a light broke through the dark, blonde hair shone beneath electric lights, as she smiled back at him and took a seat, "I was hoping I would see you again" Buffy told him.

"Why?" he asked, without even thinking it through. He was sure he didn’t really want to know, but obviously he was wrong.

"I wanted us to talk" she shrugged, "things didn’t go quite how I planned the other day"

"You mean when I told you to leave me alone?" he smirked at her, knocking back the rest of his drink and putting the glass down in front of himself on the bar. Against his own better judgement, and without waiting for an answer to his question, he asked; "Drink?"

She merely nodded in response and watched him order two more of the same from the barman, such a natural thing for him to do, ordering drink after drink. Spike absently wondered if he used to drink this much, then almost laughed when he realised he couldn’t remember, so the booze was doing a good mind-numbing job after all, just like he wanted it too.

He watched her as she ran her fingers around the glass that he was sure was less fragile than she was. He watched her eyes as they flitted between the surface of the bar, the drink, and him, as if she were looking for something, maybe waiting for something, or trying to find the courage to speak.

"So..." she drew out, obviously the third option was true, Spike realised, there was something she wanted to say to him, maybe ask him, she was just having trouble.

"Spit it out, luv" he prompted her, "I haven’t got all night" which was a lie because he had, and he figured he’d have a better time with her than anybody, but that wasn’t the point right now.

"Tell me about yourself" she said suddenly, looking him right in the eye. Despite her shy and breakable surface, Spike saw fire in those eyes, a real power and strength that she kept inside, he was certain she’d be something incredible to behold when that escaped, when she was angry, or when she wanted something, it would almost be worth making her furious just to see what would happen, or there were other ways to evoke powerful emotions, more interesting ways.

"Don’t think there’s much you’d care to hear, pet" he said after a while, looking away from her gaze that almost had him hypnotised, "Certainly not much I want to tell"

He kept his eyes on his hands and the glass they cradled, maybe if he ignored her she’d go away, though a large part of him, that he found most annoying, nagged at his insides, and made him want her to stay.

"So, you won’t talk to me" Buffy sighed, "Will you dance with me?" she tried.

He smirked at that, she was nothing if not persistent in her attempts for his attention, though why the silly bint wanted anything to do with him was a mystery to the man himself. She was an angel and he was the devil, she offered her heart and he would take her soul, or so the stories said, he wasn’t sure where fiction ended and reality began anymore.

"I don’t dance" he told her more severely than he meant to, everything came out worse than he planned lately.

"You don’t talk, you don’t dance...what do you do?" she pressed, quite determined that he would listen, and it was working, he realised as he almost laughed, it’d been a long time since he’d done that. What was it about this girl?

"Not much that’s of any use" he told her cryptically, "that’s what I do, and yourself?" he asked, raising a scarred eyebrow. She smiled a little, and he could guess why, his question proved he was interested in her, a fact that grated on him because he didn’t consciously want to give a stuff, but he couldn’t help himself somehow.

"If you mean for a job, I’m a waitress" she told him, and he looked at her incredulously, he knew she was worth so much more than serving all day breakfasts and wiping tables. He knew without a doubt she could be anything she wanted to be, so he had to ask;

"Why?"

"Why, what?" came her reply as she looked away from him, he wondered why she couldn’t hold his gaze, why she shied away. The breakable walls closed around the strength within, the power he’d seen before...it seemed maybe she was hiding as much as he was.

"I don’t know" he said absently, in answer to her question, his eyes travelling all over her as if he might see some sign to explain what she was all about.

She was a riddle and a mystery, one minute one thing and one minute another. She was an enigma he would love to solve, written in a code he’d take pleasure in cracking.

Maybe he could, maybe he should, maybe he would if she’d let him, she seemed willing enough and the night was young. He had all the time in the world and nothing to lose anymore.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It had been a few days, she’d deliberately not been around. Buffy knew how this guy worked, read the files over and over til her eyes went wonky and her brain functions seized. She knew him inside out and she knew how intrigued and obsessed he got with puzzles and tricks and things he couldn’t have or couldn’t solve. She needed to be one of those things, needed his attention, fully and completely. He had to trust her, he had to want to tell her what she needed to know without her pushing too hard.

"Hey" she said as casually as she could, taking the stool beside him, just like the other night, she noticed they were on the exact same two seats as then "I was hoping I would see you again" she told him as his eyes drank her in. It was discomforting and thrilling at the same time, the way he looked at her, the fact that his eyes were a certain kind of blue that she didn’t have a name for.

"Why?" she heard him ask as she watched his fingers turn his glass around and around on the bar, it didn’t seem he was even aware he was doing it, maybe some kind of nervous twitch she wondered.

"I wanted us to talk" she shrugged "things didn’t go quite how I planned the other day" she told him all too truthfully. He smirked and for a split second she wondered if he knew everything, if he’d been waiting for her to come and talk to him again just so he could deal with her in his own way.

"You mean when I told you to leave me alone?" he asked rhetorically and it didn’t occur to her to answer him, she was far to busy being relieved. He offered her a drink and she absently nodded her acceptance.

‘Was he always like this?’ she wondered as she observed him ordering their drinks from one of the barmen, the most natural of tasks to someone like him. ‘Did the alcohol drive him to it, or did it drive him to the drink?’ She’d find out, that and many other things, if it all went according to plan, and it would, she’d promised herself, and others, that very thing, and as in all things Buffy refused to fail.

"So..." she dragged out, desperate to avoid having to actually drink the vodka he’d bought for her.

"Spit it out, luv" she was prompted, "I haven’t got all night" Spike said with a further smirk, and she no longer wondered at how this man held so much female attention so easily. He was way above average looking, she’d never allowed herself to think that before but she was thinking it now and there was nothing she could do to stop.

For just a moment she was real and serious, a girl in a bar who liked a guy and wanted his attention, but only for a second before she was back to the job in hand. No time for daydreams and fantasies, especially not where he was concerned.

"Tell me about yourself" she said, taking a small sip of her vodka and looking carefully at his body language as he in turn looked upon her. He visibly tensed at her question, just for a moment, if she’d have blinked she would have missed it, but there it was, she was trained to notice things like that.

"Don’t think there’s much you’d care to hear, pet" he said after a while, looking away from her gaze, something that relieved and disappointed her at the same time, half of which she felt guilty for "Certainly not much I want to tell" he added more quietly, and Buffy inwardly cursed. He had to open up to her, she knew there must be a way to make that happen.

"So, you won’t talk to me" she reasoned "Will you dance with me?" she tried, it wouldn’t do much good in making him talk and divulge his secrets, but it would bring them closer, physically, and hopefully that could lead to them being closer emotionally, all he had to do was feel comfortable with her.

"I don’t dance" he said flatly, almost nastily, but she was not offended, she knew better.

"You don’t talk, you don’t dance" she sighed in annoyance, some real, some added for effect "...what do you do?"

Again there was a long silence as he looked at her, and she absently wondered what he thought he saw when he looked into her eyes, when he studied her so carefully. Her mind wandered into dangerous territory as she considered what he might think of her.

"Not much thats of any use that’s what I do" he finally answered her question "and yourself?" he added, finishing off another drink and she couldn’t help the smile that curved her lips. He was at least a little interested in her, and that was all she needed for now, a little would go a long way.

"If you mean for a job, I’m a waitress" she lied as smoothly as before, her fake employment, her fake last name, it had been ingrained into her mind as much as the details of this mans life, it came so easy to her to just re-iterate what she was supposed to be. She was an actor in a play and she’d learnt her lines well, how well did he know his was the question now?

"Why?" she was surprised by that, not entirely sure what he meant and momentarily thrown by the look in his eyes, inquisitive as a child but demanding as the man he was supposed to be. She needed time to process what he meant and come up with an answer.

"Why, what?" she asked lamely and she worried when he was silent, when his eyes covered her completely, burning her from top to toe as his gaze travelled up and down as if he were looking for something he could only find right there in her. Determined not to be outdone she did the same to him and was ashamed to say she liked what she saw, he was more than she realised, every part was gorgeous, and a despicable part of her longed to know if what she couldn’t see was as breathtaking.

"I don’t know" she barely heard him say, neither her question nor his were relevant anymore. There eyes and hearts and souls seemed to speak every word, because despite the fact she knew she shouldn’t, Buffy was thrilled to know there was only her in this whole club that Spike wanted to look at, only her he wanted to pay his attention to.

It was a good sign for the mission, but she had to admit, way down deep inside somewhere, behind the exterior of her job and her act, the neglected woman in her was thrilled just for herself. She was going to have to be careful about this and if she had any sense at all she’d give it all up, let someone else deal with the case, but he was her project to deal with, and he’d be even more than that. As dangerous of a game as it was for her to play, she wanted him to be simply hers.

Spike was almost certain that the hands on the clock behind the bar had a mind of their own. Every night he sat in that same seat, drowning his sorrows and painful memories with wave after wave of crystal clear alcohol, that clock moved as slowly as it were possible to go. There were times when Spike wondered if it stopped altogether, just to taunt him.

Tonight had been so different. Just sitting there, talking to this girl he’d met just once before, being, not comfortable exactly but, less on edge, as they found one or two things they had in common and a whole menagerie of interesting things that they didn’t. The time slipped through his fingers like sand and before he had a chance to check the clock again, the club was emptying out.

How it had gotten so late without him noticing he couldn’t understand at all, and the strange thing was he didn’t remember drinking all that much, and he had certainly laughed more than once. He was unsure whether he should feel guilty or not for that, but the greatest part of his mind was far to occupied with the task of figuring out what it was about this girl that so intrigued him, that he really had little time or inclination to consider anything else.

"I’m closing up now, kids" he heard the clubs owner say to them from behind the bar "time to go home"

"Kids?" Buffy commented with a slight laugh "Long time since I’ve been called that...very long time since it was true" she added almost bitterly. Spike could sympathise with that thought, not that he missed being a child, he’d hardly had the best time growing up but still, to have that innocence back would be a wonderful thing, he was sure.

Suddenly noticing the frown on her face Spike decided not to dwell on his own problems and to at least take a little of the bad feeling away from her.

"Come on now pet, you can’t be that old?" he said, eyeing her as if trying to calculate her years "I’m surprised they even serve you booze without asking for ID" he smirked as she blushed, though part of him wondered when his complimentary side had come to the surface again, he was pretty sure that had disappeared nearly six months ago, when she had...

"Flattery will get you everywhere" Buffy told him with a smirk of her own, despite the fact she was going a pretty shade of dark pink. Spike did not smile at that. To her it was a joke but what it alluded to, he knew all too well what she meant. It took that little spark of fun away, made everything serious again, reminded him of things he’d been fighting so hard to forget.

"Don’t make promises that won’t be kept luv" he said more harshly than perhaps he should have, she hadn’t meant any harm "I learnt that one the hard way" he added sharply.

There was a pause before Buffy spoke again and he knew without looking at her that she wasn’t smiling anymore.

"You can’t keep promises?" she asked, carefully. He shrugged in response as he turned to face her again.

"Don’t know anymore" he admitted "Been a while since I made any"

"Well, how about I make you one" she smiled a smile that illuminated her entire face, like a Christmas tree in a dark room. Without even registering the fact Spike found himself smiling too, her light was so infectious it could even banish a little of his unpenetrable darkness, but just a very little.

"Like what?" he asked, intrigued against his better judgement.

"I promise" Buffy declared, somewhat dramatically, "that I’m not lying when I tell you I had a very nice time tonight and that I’d like to see you again...if you’d like to see me" she ended much more quietly than she’d begun, looking like a little lost child as the bar in front of her seemed to become the most interesting thing in the world. Her hair fell forward and hid her face from his view.

Unable to resist the urge, he reached out a hand to push the blonde strands back behind her ear and she turned her head and smiled a little as he did so.

"I’d love to see you again, pet" he admitted as his fingers lingered near her cheek, but he knew he could never hurt this girl, not like he’d hurt his last princess. He brought his hand away sharply, and looked down "but if you really knew me, you wouldn’t..."

"Spike" she interrupted, demanding his attention back and getting it immediately, mostly because he was shocked by her outburst "please" she implored him "give me a chance to get to know you. I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone in a long time" she looked surprised at her own words, he noticed, and he had to admit he was too, not just by her own declaration but by the fact he felt the need to agree.

"Me too" he admitted, almost wishing it wasn’t true. It’d be so much easier if he could just walk away and forget about this girl, but she had some hold on him that he couldn’t even begin to explain.

"Then take a chance" she dared him "Live dangerously"

Oh if only she knew how dangerously he had lived, did still in a way.

"Danger often leads to pain" he told her, knowing all too well that it was true, he had experience when it came to both the danger and its painful consequences.

"I’m not afraid" she said, chin tilted upwards "are you?"

"No" he lied, his heart and mind both reminding him he was truly petrified as one screamed and the other beat about ten times faster than was healthy. Taking a risk on his own was one thing, risking this girl’s best interest was quite another.

"Come on guys, move it along" the club owner urged them, and as Spike looked around he realised they were in fact the last two customers left in the room "You must have homes to go to" the older man commented as they nodded and got to their feet. They were quickly ushered out of the main doors. The night air was cold and crisp, but Spike barely noticed as he watched the girl beside him fasten her jacket against the chilling breeze. She smiled when she noticed him watching her and asked;

"Will you walk me home?"

How long had it been, Spike wondered, since he’d last done something so simple and innocent as walk a girl to her door. Too long, was the answer he came up with, as he dared to take her hand in his, that and a simple nod forming the answer to her question.

And did he feel ridiculous? Walking from the club to this girls house in the black of night, holding hands with her like a love-struck teen? Well, yeah, a little bit, but mostly he just felt so strangely at ease.

With no idea of where he was going to, it seemed that having hold of her hand had not been a bad plan and she certainly didn’t seen to mind. All too soon though, her fingers slipped away and he realised that the apartment block they stood before now must be where her home was.

"I’ll see you soon?" she asked shyly as she faced him by the doors.

Inwardly cursing himself for being such a fool, Spike nodded his agreement.

"Same time, same place, suit you?" he checked, never taking his eyes from hers, though he wasn’t completely sure why.

"Next week? It’s a date" she smiled sweetly and his heart almost melted. If walking a girl home felt strange, arranging a date was even more so.

"Yeah, I s’pose it is" he nodded slowly, there faces somehow just inches apart by now.

"Goodnight Spike" she practically whispered, and he felt her words more than heard them. The main thought in his head was the wonder of what might happen if he kissed her right now, but his willpower was stronger than that and he stepped away.

"Goodnight Buffy" he said softly as he turned away, there was no way he was going to break her heart, not for anything in the world, though a part of him truly wished he had kissed her anyway.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Though she knew it was crazy, Buffy had done very little acting the past couple of hours. Her job should require her to lie and be constantly alert, but in the company of this man, who’s real name she knew to be William Blood without him ever having told her, she found the truth was just fine most of the time and that she was as comfortable as she ever could be with anyone.

The time past all too quickly and it was with some concern that she realised she hadn’t gotten anywhere close to the information she needed from him. On the other hand he did seem to be much less snappy and a little more relaxed in her presence and that was a good start.

There were moments when, as guilty as it made her feel, Buffy had to admit she had genuinely smiled and enjoyed herself, and other times when he’d look at her a certain way, sending delicious tingles through her entire being. Right now was one of those times, but the moment was all too quickly broken by the owner of the establishment in which they now sat.

"I’m closing up now, kids" he smiled "time to go home"

Buffy tried not to laugh at the phrasing. If only he knew how far from being kids they really were. What he’d done, what she was doing, so far from the innocence of children.

"Kids? Long time since I’ve been called that..." she commented "very long time since it was true" she looked own sadly at her hands, a part of her wishing it was simply that they were in their teens and out on a date as they probably appeared. If this were such an ordinary night out she wouldn’t feel so bad for the feelings this man evoked in her just by a glance or a word.

"Come on now pet, you can’t be that old" he told her, clearly thinking her sudden silence and frown were about her number of years rather than her real situation that he knew nothing of "I’m surprised they even serve you booze without asking for ID"

"Flattery will get you everywhere" she smirked, without thinking about what she was saying or whom she was saying it to, it just slipped out of her mouth and then it was far too late to take back.

"Don’t make promises that won’t be kept luv" he warned her in a low voice that made her shudder "I learnt that one the hard way"

She knew all about what he had learnt and how, that was why she was here, in this dreadful scenario, finding herself attracted to a man that should be nothing more than a project to her, less than a human being if what he’d supposedly done was true.

"You can’t keep promises?" she asked, not knowing what else to say and determined to keep the conversation flowing.

"Don’t know anymore" came his response, complete with shrug of shoulders "Been a while since I made any" he told her.

"Well, how about I make you one" she said with more confidence than she felt, glad when he asked her what she meant, "I promise" she said matter-of-factly "that I’m not lying when I tell you I had a very nice time tonight and that I’d like to see you again..." she said, losing all her confidence as his blue eyes bored into her "if you’d like to see me" she finished much more quietly than she’d begun, feeling suddenly self-conscious, which was not something she was used to feeling, even around men. There was a long and dreadful pause as she kept her eyes down, hiding slightly behind her hair. Another delightful shiver shot through her as his fingers reached out and moved her hair back behind her ear. A simple gesture, but so carefully and gently done, Buffy marvelled at how such a man could ever have done what she’d been convinced he must have...

"I’d love to see you again, pet" he said softly, before looking away with a slight frown "but if you really knew me, you wouldn’t..."

"Spike" she interrupted him, quite annoyed at his abundance of self-loathing, the one thing she saw in him that seemed to prove his guilt "please, give me a chance to get to know you" she practically begged, for more than one reason if the truth be told "I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone in a long time" she insisted, surprising herself as she realised not a part of that sentence was a lie.

"Me too" he agreed and both her ‘girl on a mission’ half and her ‘lonely single woman’ half were glad to hear it.

"Then take a chance" she implored him, knowing he could not refuse a challenge "Live dangerously"

"Danger often leads to pain" he said from that experience she knew only too well that he had. The conflicting sides within him were what made for the conflicting sides within herself, if only things had stayed clear as they were the first time they’d met...

"I’m not afraid" she lied, tilting her chin towards the ceiling to further convince him as well as herself "are you?" she asked him, knowing he would deny it even if he were.

"No" came the instant answer as she knew it would, their ‘moment’ all too soon interrupted by the club owner again. He urged them to hurry up and leave, which they finally did.

Stopping right outside the front doors and she pulled the zipper right up on her jacket to block out the cold night air that made her shiver in a less pleasant way. When she turned to look at him, she found him staring at her with a slight smile on his lips that she found she was pleased to see.

"Will you walk me home?" she asked, mentally kicking herself before the words were even fully out of her mouth. What was she? Twelve years old? Besides, taking a man that was most probably a dangerous criminal and showing him where she lived? Buffy just could not believe what an idiot she was...but all that melted away as from the corner of her eye she saw him nod and felt him slip his hand around hers.

They walked in almost total silence, the need for words seemed to have vanished as soon as their hands had touched. Far from being an awkwardly quiet situation, Buffy found herself feeling more untroubled and strangely natural than she had felt for a long time.

As they arrived outside the apartment block where she lived, she knew she had to let go and walk away. Her fingers slipped from his and she turned to face him, feeling decidedly like she had in High School after her first big date.

"I’ll see you soon?" she asked, more quietly than she’d intended to, pleased when he nodded in response.

"Same time, same place, suit you?" he checked and she congratulated herself on a job well done. He clearly wanted to see her again, liked her enough to want to get to know her better and that was what was required in her mission. What worried her was why she was starting to feel bad about that...

"Next week? It’s a date" she agreed with a smile, realising it really was like a date and not at all how it was suppose to be.

By the time she said goodnight to him their lips were just inches apart and she had no doubt he had noticed too. The stupid, naive little girl that still lived deep inside her longed for him to lean in just that little bit further and kiss her, just once, but it had to be him that did it, not her. She couldn’t make the first move, he had to do that.

"Goodnight, Buffy" she heard him say, disappointment flowing through her as she watched him turn and walk away. The black of his clothes meant he would have disappeared from view all too quickly but that bright blond hair of his was unmistakable even when he was quite a distance from her.

Buffy sighed. She was an idiot, she was naive and stupid, she needed to pull herself together and do her job, she told herself sternly as she climbed the stairs to her apartment...but above all else, she really wished he had kissed her tonight.

Chapter 4

Here they were again, sitting beside each other by the bar of the same club. Spike couldn't believe how panicked he'd been about tonight. He'd actually spent time thinking about his appearance and such before he'd headed out to meet his 'date'. It sounded ridiculous in his own head, that he was on a date after all this time and all that had happened, but it was real and truly happening to him.

He'd arrived early, taken his usual stool and ordered two drinks in preparation for when Buffy arrived. She was just a minute or two behind him and her smile lit up the room when she saw him. There was a warmth that her smile created in Spike's heart that he didn't ever remember feeling before, not even before what had happened...

"Hi" she'd said shyly as she took the stool beside him and he cursed himself as his voice came out almost equally as soft. He had no idea how or why this girl could reduce him into such an idiot poofter, but there was just something about her that he couldn't describe, an essence, a quality, something he'd never seen before in anyone else and knew he never would again.

They started to talk about general things, the weather and the crowd at the club and such, and it was soon just like the night before, comfortable and easy, and like they'd known each other forever. Several hours passed and Spike barely noticed, despite the fact it was one of the only occasions that he could remember spending so long at a bar without leaving completely hammered.

Still it was getting late and the club was starting to empty out. As they finished their latest drinks, the unlikely pair had decided they should probably leave too. As Buffy hopped off her stool, Spike picked up her jacket for her and helped her into it. She turned to smile and thank him, putting her body just a couple of inches from his, and again he had that overwhelming urge to kiss her. Closing his eyes so he did not have to look at hers he reminded her they were supposed to be leaving and he heard a small sigh escape her lips as she turned and headed for the exit. Had she wanted him to kiss her? Spike wondered absently as he followed her out into the night, not as cold and bitter as it had seemed the week before, but by no means warm.

An awkward silence surrounded them as they watched the other patrons of the Bronze disappear towards their own homes. How did one end a date these days? Spike wondered, he knew he shouldn't even think of it as a date, that he did not deserve to find any kind of happiness or have any kind of connection to such a perfect woman as this, but he couldn't help it.

"So..." Buffy dragged out, and Spike knew she was waiting for him to say or do something.

"Er...you want me to walk you home again?" he offered, half of him dreading her answer being negative, the other positive. The first would mean she was about to walk away from him and his heart didn't want that, whilst his head knew that for the sake of his sanity he should never lay eyes on her again. The second would make for a pleasant walk but an awkward moment when they said goodnight...

"How about I walk you home" she smiled a smile that meant it was almost a challenge, he suspected.

"That's...progressive" he smiled back, almost laughing. She was something all right. Every time he thought he'd figured her out she'd say something to surprise him. Of course he knew he was equally as capable of shocking her, but not so pleasantly...

"Just call me Little Miss Modern" she continued to grin as she held out her hand for him to take. Shaking the nasty thoughts from his mind, Spike took her hand in his and squeezed her fingers before leading her to the building in which he lived.

The whole way there he was aware of her eyes, flitting up to look at him every so often. He didn't dare look at her for fear of making eye contact and wanting to surrender to feelings that he knew would only lead to heartache for both of them.

For a man to love a woman was the most natural thing in the world, but he was not a man anymore, he was a monster, and if she knew that...she wouldn't be walking with him like this now, her tiny hand nestled inside his larger one, putting a large amount of trust in him.

He wished, in that moment, beneath the moon and the stars, this beautiful woman walking beside him, having faith in him, he wished more than anything that this could be his life, his real life. He wished they were in love and that he were as innocent and free as she made him feel. He wished he'd have met her oh so many years ago and that they could have had all this happiness he wanted her to have.

He wished for a few moments that he could tell her everything that had happened to him and that she wouldn't run away in disgust. If wishes were horses then beggars would ride, his mother used to say, just one more innocent lost to the other side...

---------------

They soon came to an abrupt halt outside the main doors of his building and Spike snapped out of his haze of thoughts. He looked down at Buffy, this little tiny blonde girl that filled his head and heart so much, and who had done it so fast it made his head spin just to think about it. She smiled and in that split second he made a decision that his better judgement knew was wrong. He didn't let go of her hand and say goodnight. He kept a hold on her fingers and asked;

"You want to come in for a coffee or something?"

For a second she looked uncertain and then she slowly nodded and smiled once more. He let go of her hand, only to open the door for her like a gentleman should. She thanked him as she went into the building and he followed her, wondering what would happen next and if he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life...

It was a strange feeling, Buffy noted, as she made the journey from her home to the Bronze where Spike should be waiting for her by now. She was going on a date, something she did less often than most women of her age. Even in High School dating had not been a major event in her social life, in all honesty she hadn't had much of a social life at all. She was attractive enough, so she'd been told, but the guys that asked her out...they were shallow, it was the only word she could think of to describe them. Any boy she might have liked to know better stayed away from her, afraid of what she might do. She had quite the reputation of violence when it came to those shallow men that chose to hit on her. Her self defence skills were always something she'd taken great pride in. She almost laughed as she wondered at how feminine Spike made her feel, how small and girl-ish but in a protected and sweet kind of way that wasn't patronising or scary in the least.

Suddenly Buffy realised she was at the entrance to the club where the very man she thought of should be waiting. As she came into the building she saw him immediately, on the same seat that he had been every other night. In spite of herself she smiled at the sight of him, thinking of the date like qualities of the evening again, the important job she should be doing slipping momentarily from her mind. It was almost frightening how easily she could forget what he really was, or at least what he was supposed to be. An evil thing, almost soulless and definitely a monster. One look into those baby blue eyes of his, and she just found it so hard to believe.

Taking the stool beside him, she murmured a greeting and thanked him for the drink he'd already got for her. Conversation took a little while to start but was soon in full flow and again Buffy's mind wandered from the point of the evening as they talked of places they'd seen, people they'd known, a whole menagerie of topics.

By the time the clock said it was time to go, Buffy was almost loathed to call it a night, partly because she hadn't got any new and useful information for her case, but also because she just wanted more time with him, more time to bask in the blue of his eyes and the warmth of his smile.

He held out her jacket to her as she stood up, helping her to ease her arms into the sleeves. As she turned to softly thank him, she found herself too close for his comfort, but not for hers. There was fear in his eyes, she saw it all too clearly and she sighed, knowing he did not yet trust her as he must. It was annoying that one moment she thought she was really getting somewhere with this guy and the next she realised he might as well be a million miles away for all the progress she was making. Of course the thing that actually annoyed her more, though she knew it shouldn't, was that in that moment she believed he might actually kiss her, and he didn't.

Outside the air was cold, but less piercing than the week before. An awkward silence hung over the pair as they stood by the exit and looked out into the night, neither knowing what to say or do for the best. All Buffy knew for sure was she didn't want the evening to end like this. She needed him to want to see her again, to want to trust her if he could.

"So..." she drew out the word, prompting him, she hoped not too obviously, that now would be the time to say he liked her or at least that he wanted to arrange another 'date'.

"Er...you want me to walk you home again?" he stumbled over the words, suddenly awkward and with a child-like innocence that surely wouldn't be possible if he were what she'd been told to believe of him.

"How about I walk you home" she offered with a smile. He'd seen where she lived, if she saw his home it made them even, and despite the fact it was so very childish she wanted to have the same advantage on him that he had on her. Of course she'd seen the building where he lived, walked passed it a hundred times knowing it was the address in the file she'd read over and over, but it was different now, he was different. There was a part of her mind that separated the evil man she read of in that file and the one that stood before her now. It was almost impossible to believe that this man was that monster.

"That's...progressive" he smiled back at her, an answer to the question she'd almost forgotten she'd asked as her mind raced with mixed-up thoughts about him.

"Just call me Little Miss Modern" she said, holding out her hand for him to take and praying he didn't see that it shook with a mixture of nerves and excitement.

They walked in silence, his fingers wrapped around hers, making her feel things that shouldn't be possible from just holding a persons hand, but he had something over her, some kind of power. That should have scared her, given what she knew about his past, but it didn't and that was what she couldn't understand...unless she was falling.

'I can't be' she told herself, eyes flicking up to look at him for the briefest second before returning to the ground. How could she allow her heart to be slowly stolen by such a man as this, someone she should loath and despise and...oh, but when he looked at her like that, she couldn't even slightly dislike him, just wanted him to kiss her so badly it was almost physically painful.

There they stood now, outside his apartment block, beneath the light of just the almost full moon and the stars. It was romantic, it was perfect, or it would be if they were different people. Innocent people, young and free and on that date that it felt like it ought to be, but the purity of youth had escaped them both and the night wasn't perfect as it should be. It was tainted, never to be truly clean, but still the haze of the wish hung around in her mind.

"You want to come in for a coffee or something?" Spike mumbled, making her mind freeze and her body tense just for a second. Walking into the lions den. Maybe there were answers to be found in there but his request only served to remind her why she was really here and what he was really supposed to be.

He flinched when her smile fell and she immediately put it back, fake as it was this time as she nodded her head once. She couldn't hurt him, had to make it look as if she trusted him, but no acting was required when he looked into her eyes and smiled back.

'Who could not trust a man like this?' she wondered as he let go of her hand to open the door for her. She thanked him as she slid passed into the building, wondering if she'd done the right thing in accepting his invitation or had she just made the biggest mistake of her life...

'What am I doing?' Spike mentally kicked himself as he opened the door and led Buffy into his apartment. In all honesty, he had no idea why he'd invited her into his home, except for the fact that he just didn't want to have to watch her walk away from him yet. Somehow, everything felt less dark and oppressive when she was around.

He hung his coat on the back of the chair and threw his keys on the table, watched her put her purse down too as she looked around his apartment. She looked thoughtful as she wandered over to the window and looked out, and all he could think about was how beautiful she was just standing there...

"Wow, you have a great view from here" she commented, he heard her from the kitchen, and flicking on the kettle, he came to stand behind her, looking out across the town.

"Higher you go the better it looks" he told her, eyes focused out through the glass, mind floating off to a different place "Sometimes I sit out on the roof, at midnight when its quiet and still, and there's a full moon out" he continued, not noticing that she turned around to face him instead of the window "You can't hear the traffic from up there, don't get the light from the streetlamps. It's just you and the night and the view" he didn't mention what he thought about in that stillness, didn't tell her that his heart felt darker than even the night could be, but then it didn't when she was there...

"Sounds beautiful" she all but whispered and he was suddenly very aware of their position as his eyes shifted down and met hers, their bodies barely an inch or two apart.

"It is..." he replied just as softly "so are you" he added without thinking. Usually every phrase, every word was carefully planned, as was every action, for fear of consequences that he could not control. The past had made him fear himself, but she did not seem to fear him at all. How easy would it be for him to just lean down and kiss those lips that looked so inviting right now. There was a dangerous second when he considered it, but something shifted in her eyes that made him stop.

"Y'know, maybe I should skip the coffee" she said, looking away "it's late" she added as she side-stepped him and walked over to the table to pick up her purse.

"I'm sorry" he said as he turned around too. She looked at him strangely then.

"For what?" she asked and he realised he wasn't really sure what he was apologising for. Was it for what he's almost done with her, or was it for what he'd done to another before?

"Don't know really" he admitted, watching the pattern on the carpet instead of her face "nothing, everything" his voice disappeared completely as his mind went elsewhere, back to a time when words like sorry were even more useless, further back before he really knew what it meant.

"Y'know this is such a guy's apartment" he heard her say and his head shot up fast at the sudden and strange comment. He watched as she put her purse back on the table and proceeded to walk past him into the main part of the room, looking around and taking in the whole place.

"Well, I was a bloke last time I checked luv" he said as casually as he could, inside his mind racing, wishing he knew what was going on in that head of hers, of course it would probably help if he knew what he himself were thinking before he started second-guessing her "Thought you were leaving?" he said cautiously, half frightened that she might actually change her mind and go and half that she really would stay and be a temptation for him.

"I changed my mind" she shrugged her shoulders and smiled a little. She was such a mystery to him, such a strange combination of a woman and a child when she looked at him that way...

"Coffee then?" he checked and she nodded.

"Yes, thankyou" she answered, but he didn't move yet, just stood and watched as she turned from him to look around his home again "Definitely needs a woman's touch in here" she mused, running her hand along the bookshelf beside her, the shelf where the picture used to be...

"I don't like people messing with my stuff" Spike snapped, more than he meant to, but every time he thought he could be normal something served to remind him of why he wasn't.

"That's a very possessive attitude" she commented as she followed him back to the small kitchen.

"Maybe it is" he agreed as he got out the coffee and milk "just the way I am is all"

"So, no-one else ever lived with you?" she asked his back, he could feel her eyes watching his every move from the doorway and he felt a fool for noticing that his hands were shaking "Don't you get lonely?" she pressed, and he wished she'd just let the subject go.

"I like to be alone" he replied softly, turning sharply to add "present company excepted, of course" with a smile that was not at all fake when he looked at her.

"I never lived with anyone either" she shook her head "well, except for my parents when I was a kid obviously" he smiled along with her, coffee momentarily forgotten as he got lost in her eyes and her light laughter.

"Figured you for the type that'd have the perfect set up" he commented "Decent bloke, decent job, and dreams of 2.4 kids and white picket fences" the smile fell from his face as he turned himself back around, hiding his face on the pretext of making the drinks he'd originally intended to.

She used to dream like that, they made plans together of how it might be one day, now he'd never live that way, all rainbows and happy endings, it would never be that way for him, and it was far to late for her.

"Sometimes I dream like that" he heard Buffy answer "but it's not real. Life isn't like that"

"No, it isn't" Spike replied so quietly he barely heard himself as he reached for the cups, his mind wandering back again, to days when he used to dare to dream, days before the darkness settled over his life, before the rose wilted and he got lost amongst the thorns...

There was a crash as china hit tiled flooring and shards skittered across the surface. Buffy screamed in alarm and Spike spun round to look at her with a panicked expression. Her hand covered her chest and she breathed deeply as their eyes met.

"Sorry" she gulped in oxygen "it startled me" she said, almost nervously he noticed and silently he shook his head as he sunk to his knees to pick up the debris.

"Sure it's that?" he asked, looking up at her. She looked like she didn't understand what he meant, but he was sure she must. Leaving the shattered cup behind he got to his feet and advanced on her "Do I make you nervous?"

"A little" her voice wavered as she answered him, and he put himself right in front of her "You want me to be afraid of you?" she asked and he hated that he'd made her even think that for a second. He closed his eyes and sighed, wondering what on earth he thought he was doing.

"Dunno" he admitted "Some people are. Maybe you should be" his reply tailed off as he looked down on her again, bright innocent eyes staring back at him, the child behind the woman again "Maybe it'd be best if you just left" he added sadly, turning back and bending down to pick up the broken crockery again. There was silence as he cleared the mess and he knew she was watching him, hadn't moved at all. As he finished the job and turned around to see her standing there still as he knew she was, he opened his mouth to ask her why she hadn't left but her words came out first.

"I thought we were going to have coffee" she said, somewhat sadly he thought.

He shook his head before replying;

"I only had two cups..." it was a poor excuse despite the fact it were true, but he was so afraid of what could happen to her if she got involved with a guy like him. He followed her back to the table where she'd left her purse and then to the door. He opened it for her, looking down at the floor as he waited for her to leave.

"I'm sorry" she practically whispered and he wondered what exactly she was apologising for, whatever it was, he wouldn't let her take the blame.

"It's not your fault pet" he told her without looking up. She slipped out of the door and he closed it behind her with a sigh "it's my fault" he whispered "it's always mine"

- - - - - - - - -

Buffy wondered at her own ability to lie or at least conceal the truth of what she really felt. A million thoughts and feelings were flying through her mind as she crossed the threshold into Spike's apartment. It was not exactly how she pictured it, fairly tidy for a guys apartment but still obviously without feminine influence. He walked towards the kitchen and she wondered if she should follow. Deciding she needed just a moment to breathe she went towards the window and looked out across the town.

"Wow, you have a great view from here" she commented as casually as she could, trying to forget for a moment where she was, in the lion's den. A voice not unlike one of her superior officers told her she could probably do more good from the inside, the belly of the beast, but wouldn't that mean that she'd been swallowed already?

"Higher you go the better it looks" she heard his voice behind her, felt him standing close and she shivered involuntarily as she listened to him talk "Sometimes I sit out on the roof, at night when its quiet and still, you can't hear the traffic from up there, don't get the light from the streetlamps. It's just you and the night and the view" he painted such a pretty picture, put her so at ease, she didn't think about what she was doing by turning around until she came face to face with him, their bodies almost touching.

"Sounds beautiful" she said much more quietly than she intended to, finding it hard to breathe as he looked into her eyes.

"It is...so are you" he all but whispered, and Buffy knew precisely what he was thinking, the same thing she was, it would be so easy for him to kiss her now and a large part of her really wished he'd just take a chance, but he didn't. As disappointed as she was, a part of her was also relived, how deep did she really want to get in with this guy, knowing what she did about him?

"Y'know, maybe I should skip the coffee" she mumbled, eyes shooting down to her shoes "it's late" she added as she pushed past him and grabbed her purse from the table, fully intending to bolt for the door...

"I'm sorry" she heard him say behind her and her hands stilled on the strap of her bag.

"For what?" she asked, not turning yet, heart hammering in her chest as she wondered what he might say, what he might admit. He was silent and she finally looked at him to see why he hadn't answered. She watched him as he stared down at his own shifting feet before finally glancing up at her and giving an answer.

"Don't know really" he shrugged "nothing, everything"

In that moment all she'd worried about evaporated and Buffy remembered why she'd originally agreed to come into this apartment. He wasn't the man from the file back at the office, he wasn't dangerous or criminal. On the outside he was the gorgeous, caring, though slightly mysterious man. On the inside, a frightened little boy.

Leaving her purse on the table, Buffy turned and walked a few steps, taking in the room and its contents.

"Y'know this is such a guy's apartment" she said eventually, managing to smile at him as they finally looked at each other again.

"Well" he said slowly "I was a bloke last time I checked luv"

She smiled genuinely then, glad of the relaxed feeling that came over her and liking the fact it seemed he felt it too.

"Thought you were leaving?" he asked, a scarred eyebrow raised. She shrugged her shoulders and tried to look the picture of innocence.

"I changed my mind" she told him and he accepted her answer with a nod and not a hint of hesitation.

"Coffee then?" he asked and she nodded once, before turning back to survey the room. He was looking at her in that way again, the way that made the word fade out til they were the only two there. The way that made her want him so badly...

"Definitely needs a woman's touch in here" she mused as she looked around, running her hand along a shelf that looked like it needed dusting.

"I don't like people messing with my stuff" he snapped and she jumped a little at the suddenness and severity of his voice.

"That's a very possessive attitude" she commented as she dared to follow him into the kitchen, wondering why his mood has suddenly changed so much. She'd hit a nerve, she knew she should carefully dig deeper.

"Maybe it is" he agreed as she watched him take the coffee from the cupboard and the milk from the refrigerator "just the way I am is all"

"So, no-one else ever lived with you" she pressed, knowing she was treading on thin ice "Don't you get lonely?"

"I like to be alone" she barely heard his answer "present company excepted, of course" he smiled slightly as he turned to look at her.

"I never lived with anyone either" Buffy shrugged, keeping her eyes away from his, "well, except for my parents when I was a kid obviously" she rolled her eyes at how dumb she must have sounded, but she was nervous, unsure whether it was because she was deceiving him or just because she liked him so much.

"Figured you for the type that'd have the perfect set up" she heard him say, daring to look up at him as she realised she couldn't avoid eye contact forever, not if this was all going to go according to plan "Decent bloke, decent job, and dreams of 2.4 kids and white picket fences" he smirked at his own words before his expression grew darker and he turned away from her. She frowned.

"Sometimes I dream like that, but it's not real" she sighed, "Life isn't like that" she felt sick as his grim look served to remind her life would never be that way, especially not with this man.

She was so caught up in her thoughts, so on edge and nervous, when the china cup hit the floor and shattered, the scream had escaped her throat before her brain even engaged. He turned to her with a questioning look as she breathed deeply and tried to stay calm but he looked at her like he was hurt or even angered by her over-reaction.

"Sorry, it startled me" she said quietly, desperate to stop herself from shaking as he walked towards her.

"Sure it's that?" he asked "Do I make you nervous?" his voice was low as he stood right in front of her and her mind argued with itself about whether she should stay or run. If he was what she was suppose to believe he was, she was taking a hell of a risk doing either.

"A little" she admitted with a quiver in her voice "You want me to be afraid of you?" she asked him, not sure which answer she wanted him to give, yes or no.

"Dunno" he said, the piercing blue of his gaze suddenly disappearing behind his eyelids, allowing her to breathe a little easier "Some people are" he told her, as she looked up at him, "maybe you should be"

She realised as he turned and walked back towards the shattered china on the floor, that he really believed she ought to be afraid, and as much as she knew he was right, she couldn't fear him, not really.

"Maybe it'd be best if you just left" he said from his position kneeling on the ground. It hurt that he couldn't even look at her now.

"But I thought we were going to have coffee" she said sadly and he shook his head, explaining that he only had two cups. She didn't question his poor excuse, deciding tonight had been confusing enough. She really needed to get away.

They stood by the front door, her hands fiddling with the strap of her purse as he opened the door for her and waited for her to leave. A part of her really didn't want to walk away.

"I'm sorry" she said, barely above a whisper, not sure precisely what she was apologising for. She didn't even hear him answer her, just heard the door click shut behind her and felt like something inside her lurch painfully at the thought he might be hurting as much as she was right now.

It was a stupid idea, he realised as he arrived outside her building. What exactly was he going to say when he saw her? He wanted to apologise but he didn't know what for. He wanted to tell her the truth but knew he couldn't even begin. He wanted...he just wanted her. He knew if this was kindergarten he'd been pulling her hair and nicking her chocolate biscuit by now, but the innocence of children was so far from him now. As you grow up, emotions grow with you. Love and hate, attraction and revulsion. Things got more complicated, especially when it came to love, possibly the strongest emotion a person could feel, because it brought on a combination of almost every other emotion that existed at one time or other.

With a sigh he told himself to cut it out with the philosophical crap and just face the girl. Only she wasn't just a girl, she was so much more and there was no way he could even begin to figure out how he'd come to the conclusion that she was so special. He barely knew her and yet he felt as if they had been friends forever and always.

Before long he found himself asking a man on the stairs which apartment was hers. He didn't know the name but guessed from the description which girl he meant and directed him to apartment 20.

Spike knocked on the door, but got to answer. He tried again, though he knew the likelihood of her missing the first attempt was slim. He found himself to be more than a little disappointed when she wasn't there and he sighed aloud just as a kind looking old woman stepped out of her front door directly across the hall.

"She's probably at work dear" she smiled, "Comes and goes quite often" she explained.

"Oh, so you don't know when she might be back?" Spike frowned.

The old lady shook her head slightly before having an idea.

"Here" she smiled, handing him a piece of paper from her pocket. Spike eyed it suspiciously and the woman explained.

"I live alone, sometimes get myself in a fix and I have no-one to call. Bless her heart, the girl gave me her cellphone number, told me to call her whenever I needed a hand"

Spike got his own phone from his pocket and punched in the number from the paper saving it along with Buffy's name.

"Thanks a lot" he smiled as he gave back the paper and turned to leave. The old lady smiled too as she called after him.

"She's a sweet girl, you take care of her"

Spike dare not turn around again, hopelessly wondering if the woman would be so kind if she knew the truth. He was sure she would not.

- - - - - - - - -

Buffy physically jumped as her cellphone started to ring and she fished in her pocket for it. The screen read 'Unknown number' and with a frown she accepted the call and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she said cautiously.

"Buffy" said the voice on the other end of the line, the sound of it making her shiver, "It's me, Spike"

"Oh, hi" she replied, looking nervously at the closed door to the next room where her boss were preparing to talk to her. Cautiously she stood up and walked out of the building. "Er, how did you get my number?" she asked, a little worriedly as she stood outside the police station, speaking quietly as she could without Spike noticing, her heart hammering in her chest as she started to wonder if he knew everything. He could be across the street right now, watching her every move, waiting to...

"I wanted to apologise" he sighed, "I went over to your building, bloke there told me which apartment is yours but you were out. I think I must have looked as disappointed as I felt cos the lady from across the hall gave me your number so I could call you"

Buffy's heart melted at his words, she could just imagine his face as he spoke to her so softly and with such honesty. It should bother her that he had her cellphone number but it didn't. She should be concerned that he knew the exact location of her apartment, but she wasn't. All she really was, was pleased he'd called her. Despite her better judgement she found herself grinning about the fact that he'd wanted to call her up and apologise, though she wondered what he was saying sorry for...

"Luv? You still there?" she heard him ask, suddenly realising she'd been silent too long.

"I'm still here" she told him, glancing at her watch, "but I can't talk long, I have a meeting to go to"

"Waitresses have meetings?" he asked with a frown she could just imagine.

"Er, yeah, staff get-together thing, y'know what I mean" she rambled incoherently, mentally kicking herself for screwing up so badly. Sometimes she felt so comfortable talking to him she just forgot to lie, genuinely forgot that this was the same man that she discussed with work colleagues, calling him a monster and a criminal.

"So I should really go" she added fast, hoping she hadn't just blown the whole thing to hell.

"Oh yeah, well..." there was silence for a second as Buffy waited, holding her breath, wondering what he might say next, "I was wondering if I could see you, later today"

Buffy closed her eyes and exhaled. She really wanted to see him, and her job said that she kind of had to, but she knew if she saw him it could end badly again.

"Sure, we'll meet" she nodded unnecessarily, suddenly glancing up and having a thought, "You know where Weatherly Park is?"

"Yes luv, I know it well" came the reply and she smiled genuinely.

"Then I'll meet you there, the bench by the lake, in a couple of hours?" she tried, mentally calculating that her meeting shouldn't last much longer than a half hour giving her plenty of time to run home and change and still be in the park by two.

"It's a date, pet" he said and she swore he was smiling when he answered her, though of course she couldn't see, "I'll see you there"

"I'll see you" she replied in kind before suddenly yelling, "Oh and Spike!" she was glad when he replied, clearly not having had a chance to hang up yet, "The other night wasn't all your fault...I'm sorry too, that it didn't work out" she said, voice disappearing towards the end of the sentence as she realised just how frighteningly honest she was being.

"Thanks, pet" she heard him whisper, "Bye" and the phone went dead.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy stuffed the phone back in her pocket, adjusted her jacket and pushed the door to the police station open. She went back down the corridor and had just got back into the seat when the office door opened. She internally sighed as her senior officer invited her to join him in the other room, so glad to have made it back before he noticed she was gone. She was supposed to tell Finn everything that happened with her and 'William Blood' as was his given name, but she had missed out certain details. The incident in his apartment, had gone unmentioned, as would this recent phone call. She knew it was stupid, and she was not only jeopardising her job but her very life, messing around like this, but there was nothing she could do to stop herself.

Finn asked her the current status of the case, just as he had last week and the week before that. She handed over some notes she'd made and waited as he scanned through them. She waited for the outburst she knew would come.

"It's been over three weeks since first contact Summers" he complained "you must have more to report by now" he said, throwing the paper down on the desk and pacing the length of the room.

"That's all he's told me so far, sir" she said much more quietly than she would usually speak "if I push it he'll run, you told me that yourself"

"You shouldn't have to push too hard" the officer pointed out to her "just bring up the subject in conversation, over dinner at a nice restaurant or something"

"He hates what you call 'nice' restaurants" she rolled her eyes at that "they make him nervous" she added without thinking, all these little things she knew about him, she started to wonder, did he know this much about her? Had she been as careless with the truth as he was, about these little things that didn't seem important? She shook her head and brought herself back to he present and continued;

"Besides what do you want me to say?" she shrugged, gesturing emphatically as she play acted the scene "Hey Spike, this salmon is great, isn't the weather beautiful, and oh by the way have you murdered anyone in the past year or so?" she ended somewhat angrily at the stupid suggestion, as well as the unwelcome reminder of what she was really dealing with. Riley's face hardened.

"Don't get cocky and sarcastic with me, Summers" he almost yelled, slamming his hand down on the desk right in front of her "I won't take that from you, I'm still your superior"

"Yeah, maybe in terms of the force" she said, voice as sharp as steel and eyes like ice "but in no other way" she eyed him distastefully and he really started to lose his temper.

"You know you're only on this job because you look the part, no other reason" he told her nastily, she was on her feet in a second, hands flat on the table, leaning across as he was.

"Bull!" she yelled back "I got assigned to this job because people higher up in the force than you knew I could do it"

"O'Connor" he scoffed, turning away, knowing he was fighting a losing battle with her. Elizabeth Summers was a hell of a police officer but also a pain in the ass, made worse by the fact he'd wanted her for as long as he'd known her and knew he never stood a chance.

"That's Cheif InspectorO'Connor to you" she snapped, making for the door, but not actually opening it as he snapped back at her.

"And you too, just because he has a thing for you..."

"Don't you dare start with that" he was interrupted as she stormed over and got right up in his face "Angel and I used to be friends, now he's my boss, end of" she stopped when she realised he was less threatened by her actions and apparently more turned on. Shaking her head in frustration, she turned back towards the door. Riley's advances was the last thing she needed right now.

"I've told you everything I know so far" she said from the door, hand on the knob ready to make her getaway "so if you'll excuse me I have a date to get ready for, and if you're so eager to get information on your suspect you won't make me late" she opened the door but didn't quite step out as he called her name behind her, her real first name that was starting to sound unfamiliar to her.

"Elizabeth!"

"What?" she asked with an annoyed sigh.

"Be careful" he half-smiled, looking truly concerned.

She nodded once, knowing that for all the yelling, he really did care what happened to her.

"Always am" she promised as she left the room, knowing it was as big a lie as anything ever had been. She was falling in love with a man she was supposed to be sending to jail. She was doomed.