Title : Life’s Full Of Surprises
Author : Ultrawoman
Rating : PG-13
Warning : Mentions character deaths.
Setting : 5 Years post BtVS 7.22 Chosen and AtS 4.22 Home. AU from that point although some references will be based on what I have heard about Season 5 AtS (I have yet to see any of it)
Disclaimer : All AtS and BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon - how lucky is he? He even owns Spike!
Summary : Five years after Sunnydale was destroyed, Buffy is in England, helping to run the new Watchers Council / Slayer Training facility, and life is finally going okay. Then she receives a phone call from LA, and her whole world is turned upside down...
 

"Okay guys, that’s enough for today" Buffy told the room full of young Slayers, as she grabbed a towel from behind her and dabbed some sweat off her body, "You’re all doing really well" she assured the girls who all smiled, grateful of such praise from the Slayer. Several were breathing deeply after their latest training session, whilst others grabbed bottles of water from the chiller at the side of the room.

Buffy moved towards the door and found Giles standing on the other side.

"Lurk much?" she smirked at her father-figure, bringing her bottle of Evian to her lips.

"I was simply observing you, and the class" the man told her, "It still amazes me that you’re no longer the only Slayer, or at least one of two...that there are so many now, it’s just, well, even after these past few years it’s still quite a remarkable concept"

"Didn’t just save the world that day" Buffy nodded, looking back into the room at the young Slayers she was training. They chatted animatedly about today’s lesson and compared kicks and blows, "We changed it too"

"Indeed we did" Giles said quietly, knowing where Buffy’s mind still wandered to, as she thought of that day when the hellmouth swallowed her home town whole. She missed that place, she’d done so much there. Lived, died more than once, done a great deal of growing up, and he’d watched it happen. Not just Buffy, but her friends too, all taking the place of the children of his own that he would never have.

"I still miss it sometimes" the original Slayer sighed as she leaned on the door frame and watched her ‘students’, "All that I teach them, you taught me it there, in a place that doesn’t exist anymore" she practically whispered, turning to look up at the man that had been more of a Dad to her than anyone, including her biological father.

"Be thankful, Buffy" he said, "that we’re still here, and all your friends too. I know it’s not the same, being here in England, its still foreign to you..."

"Giles" Buffy interrupted the Watcher’s ramblings, smiling as he distracedtly polished his glasses, as he always did, "I love it here in England. It’s not Sunnydale, and I wouldn’t want it to be, but it’s home, because you’re here and Dawn and all my friends" she told him as she walked past him and made her way up the stairs to take a shower, "most of my friends" she added softly, out of his ear shot.

"Hey B, how’s tricks?" Faith smiled as she came out of her room on the first floor, stretching her arms and legs out, either preparing for a workout or cooling down from one.

"It’s all good" Buffy told her sister Slayer, half-heartedly. She’d started thinking about Sunnydale again and her mind wasn’t with her body right now. Faith knew it too.

"Me and Rob are hitting the movies later, latest Matrix is playing, you wanna come with?" the brunette asked, almost certain she knew the answer would be know ‘no thanks’, but trying her best to cheer up a girl who’d become like the family she never had and thought perhaps she didn’t deserve.

"I’ll skip it" the blonde smiled at Faith’s attempt to be nice, it was still weird having her be semi-rational and normal, not the same rough and ready girl that had rolled into Sunnydale all those years ago. ‘There’s just no way to forget that place is there?’

"I know you’re trying to help out, but really Faith, third wheel’s not a title I love"

"I gotcha, B. No problem" she nodded and smiled in understanding, giving the blonde a sisterly pat on the back and heading down the stairs. Buffy couldn’t help thinking, as she watched her descend the stairs, that for all the hell and carnage that came out of it, Sunnydale had done a lot of good too. It had brought Faith and Robin together, probably the most unlikely couple, and yet here they were, five years later, as happy as anyone could be.

Buffy headed for her own room, to take that shower she’d originally been heading for. She could wash away the strains of the day, but the thoughts in her head were less simple to remove. Sunnydale meant the hellmouth, pain and destruction, suffering and death, but it also meant vampires. Two in particular were forever burned into her mind and her heart, the only two vampires to ever have a soul.

Salt water mixed into the warm spray from the shower as Buffy cried, even now as she thought of Angel and of Spike. She saw in her mind’s eye, the day she met Angel, their first kiss, their first night together, Angelus and Acathla and the day she’d had to sacrifice him, the day he came back and the day he walked away, and a million other moments she’d spent with him.

Then there was Spike, who’s original plan had been to kill the Slayer in cold blood, and inside six years things had changed so drastically, that he’d died saving the world for that very same girl.

The water started to run cold and Buffy cursed as she turned it off and hopped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself. She remembered days before the final battle, living with less girls that she did now, but in a regular house where the hot water ran out in half the time and someone was always hungry or complaining they needed the bathroom or whatever.

Now there were dorm rooms, with beds enough for all the girls that stayed at the Slayer Academy, with enough adjoining bathrooms to suffice. One side of the first floor was reserved for staff. Buffy’s room was there, right between the one that belonged to Dawn and the one that Giles resided in. Further down the hall Faith and Wood shared space, Andrew had his own little room, and just recently Willow and Xander had moved in together.

Willow and Xander. The two friends Buffy had made on her first day at Sunnydale High, and were still with her now, all three best friends forever. So much had happened, a great deal had changed between them, and yet things had turned out just as it seemed they should have all those years ago.

When Buffy first met Willow, the red-head had admitted to feelings for Xander, and even when he’d started dating Cordelia and she’d fallen for Oz, there was always something special between those two. Of course when Xander had proposed to Anya and Willow was in love with Tara, it seemed all suspicions of something more between the two best friends were wrong, but following the tragic death of both their girlfriends, the pair found comfort together, slowly discovering the love they still harboured for each other.

They took things slowly, after all their past relationships they’d learnt not to rush headlong into something so important, plus they had to be certain it was right before taking the plunge, neither of them could bear to lose their best friend if the romantic side of things fell apart, but they were so happy now and Buffy loved to see them that way. They deserved it after all the heart-aches they had endured.

Buffy was now dressed and laying back on her bed, flicking through her old photo album, thankful once again they she’d retrieved a few special items before the final battle, just in case.

Here it was, her history in picture form, all her friends and loved ones, laughing and smiling at special occasions and just on ordinary days of fun. So engrossed in her reminiscing was Buffy that she didn’t realise anyone was knocking on her door, till it opened and Dawn walked in.

"Hey" her sister smiled uncertainly, and Buffy was immediately worried.

"Something wrong?" she asked the brunette as she closed the door and walked over to sit on the edge of her sisters bed, facing Buffy.

"That’s what I was gonna ask you" the younger woman admitted, for she was a young woman now, at twenty-three she was far from the child she had been when home had collapsed around them. "Faith said you seemed a little, well, not upset exactly, maybe distracted"

"I told her I’m fine" Buffy assured her sister, "And I really am...I was just thinking is all" she sighed glancing down at the album in her lap. Dawn looked at the page from upside down and smiled at the faces she saw

"That was your birthday" she realised, "Your twenty-first"

"Yeah" Buffy nodded absently, "Seems like a lifetime ago" her voice trailed away as she looked at the photographs, remembering the birthday party that had started out so well, and later ended up with all those present being trapped in the house by a curse! Herself, Willow and Xander were in one photo, another shot had the two couples, Anya and Xander, Willow and Tara. A third was just Buffy, then another of Buffy with Dawn.

"You never knew that I took that, did you?" the brunette half smiled as she pointed to the final photograph on the page. Buffy shook her head lightly, confirming that she didn’t.

There she was leaning back against the wall, Spike in front of her, smirking that special smirk that only he was capable of, and Buffy knew all to well what he might have been saying, only he couldn’t have been, because in the picture she was smiling, a real genuine smile...

"It wasn’t deliberate to get you two in a picture together" Dawn assured her, "It’s just, you were smiling and you looked so happy...you weren’t exactly brimming over with the joy that year" she trailed off and Buffy nodded again, she knew what her sister meant and it had been true. When she’d come back from heaven, earth just seemed like hell. She hated herself and she took it out on the one person who seemed to truly understand what she was going through.

Her and Spike, they’d both been pretty destructive, but there was one thing she particularly regretted damaging. His belief in himself. The First had played it’s part but Buffy had admitted to herself a long time ago that she had a great deal to do with the fact that Spike did not believe in his own worth. She said she loved him in that final moment and he hadn’t believed. Buffy had spent so long shattering his hopes and dreams, that when it came to the end he couldn’t accept the fact she now saw the truth, that she loved him.

With a quiet thud, Buffy closed the album and placed it back in the drawer by her bed. She turned to her sister with a fake smile painted on, looking genuine enough that Dawn wouldn’t suspect.

"Why don’t you go out with Faith and Robin, maybe ask Andrew to go with, have some fun" she suggested, lifting her hand and running her fingers down the length of Dawn’s hair as she often did "You need to cram in all the good times fast before those exams of yours"

The brunette nodded that she was right.

Although Dawn lived at the Academy in a room in the staff quarters, she spent most of her time at the local college or the hospital, training to be a doctor. It was useful to have a medical student around the place, since in such a physical environment injuries occurred regularly, though it did help that all the girls had super Slayer healing powers too.

Buffy was soon alone in her room again, as her sister went to find her friends. Beyond the door everything was quiet, and the blonde Slayer realised that she was probably the only staff member currently in her room. The only people she hadn’t seen for a few hours was Willow and Xander and that was because they were at work.

Xander couldn’t get a manual job in the construction sector what with the loss of his eye and everything, so he’d moved into the admin side, designing and such. Willow studied at the local college, having almost finished the courses she’d begun back home, as well as working part time at a book store in town.

Everyone was happy at last. They all had a place in this new institution, and a place in the world as a whole. Even those you weren’t exactly Scoobies like Andrew and Robin Wood had a place. The former-evil geek was head chef and general housekeeper, whilst the past-Slayer’s son worked with Buffy and Faith as training assistant for the girls, and of course he had the ever tricky job of being Faith’s other half.

Still, Buffy was feeling decidedly unsettled. Everything was too perfect, something was bound to go wrong. She knew only too well that when it seemed nothing could go wrong, it always did.

‘Maybe I lived on a hellmouth too long’ she mused, passing her eyes over the clock right before they closed. It was about an hour before dinner would be ready. Buffy figured shutting her eyes for a few minutes wouldn’t do any harm. As much as she loved what she was doing, training Slayers to face the evil that still existed in the world, it was somewhat tiring on occasion, and with the stress of worrying about the fact there was nothing to worry about, she’d quite exhausted herself!

Closing her eyes never helped much, even now, five years since she’d last seen them, two souled vampires still haunted so many of her dreams in one way or another. Today would be no different.

Chapter 2

Buffy woke with a start as someone knocked impatiently on her bedroom door. She sat bolt upright on her bed, sweat and tears pouring down her face as she breathed deeply and reminded herself it was all a horrible dream...only it wasn’t.

She had put that sword through Angel, not Angelus but her darling Angel. She’d sent him to an untold Hell, sacrificed his life to save her world. The fact that he’d returned just weeks later did nothing to quash the guilt and pain Buffy could still feel when she thought too much about that day, or dreamt of it as she just had.

And Spike, he had taken death when it was offered to him, in the most heroic of deeds. He had used an amulet that few could have borne the power of, and let himself be taken from this mortal plain, to save the world. But Buffy knew, selfishly or not, that it was her he had made the real sacrifice for. She was his world, he had told her often enough. He’d died for her.

"Buffy?" a frantic voice called beyond the door, the tapping of a fist on wood audible again in the bedroom.

"Come in, Giles" she said half heartedly, as she ran her hands over her face and back into her hair, hoping she looked at least a little better than she felt "Whats up?"

"Oh, I’m terribly sorry" the man frowned slightly as he came into the room "did I wake you?" he asked, noticing she was sitting up on her bed, rubbing her eyes.

"Kinda" Buffy admitted with a shrug, moving her legs and gesturing for Giles to come and sit "but mostly I’m glad about the wake-age. Major nightmare" she told him.

"Oh dear" Giles sympathised, perching on the edge of the bed, facing his original Slayer, "anything you’d like to talk about?"

"Nah" Buffy shook her head and waved her hand negatively "just badness, y’know, I’m fine now" she shrugged it off, desperate to forget todays dream, along with those similar ones she’d had so many times before "Is dinner ready?" she asked, trying to change the subject and not knowing why else Giles would have come to find her like this.

"Er, I’m not sure actually" he admitted "I came to find you because I just took a telephone call from America...Los Angeles to be specific" he said carefully, watching closely for her reaction to this.

"Angel" was all she said, one word and so quiet Giles barely heard her speak at all.

"Wesley, actually" he corrected "and he was rather agitated"

"Is it Angelus again?" was Buffy’s next concern "Because I don’t know if I could..." she trailed off, her dream too fresh in her mind, memories of how Angelus had come forth in Sunnydale because of her, and how she’d had to send her beloved Angel to hell because it was too late by the time his soul was restored.

"It’s not Angelus" Giles assured her "I am certain of that. I must say it is the first thing that crossed my mind, but Wesley does assure me that is not the case"

Buffy sat silently for a moment, trying to think of reasons why she’d be needed in LA so suddenly and why Wesley would be the one to call. She was at a loss.

"Then what’s the sitch?" she asked, frowning a little as swung her legs over the side of the bed to sit beside Giles.

"It seems the staff of Wolfram & Hart are eager for you to visit" he smiled slightly as he explained, in truth he was equally as worried as Buffy about what might be occurring back in California that would require the ultimate Slayer’s power.

"Like for a vacation?" Buffy hoped rather than believed "Cos Slayer-wise I’m not the only one anymore, plenty to choose from that do not have a history of both sleeping with and killing the boss" she added seriously, hoping she could get out of this. Seeing Angel always confused her, that’s why it had been phone calls only for the past few years, it made it easier for her to forget he was there, almost.

"I’m afraid the specifics Wesley gave me were only that you were needed in Los Angeles and at the earliest time possible" Giles sighed, removing his glasses and polishing them with his handkerchief "Beyond that I really can’t tell you"

"Let me get this straight" Buffy said looking a little annoyed "my ex-Watcher-turned-demon-hunter-turned-lawyer, wants me to travel thousands of miles to see people I haven’t seen in almost half a decade and he won’t even tell us why?" the lack of information wasn’t worrying her so much as it was pissing her off now.

"That is rather the long and the short of it, yes" Giles was forced to admit, knowing he hated being short of the facts just as his Slayer did. He knew it was hard for her to see Angel after all that had occurred between them, but it also meant going backwards. Back to the States, to California, to see people that she hadn’t seen for years... "Buffy" he got her attention as he put his hand over hers "I understand it’s still all terribly difficult for you, but it did sound as though this matter was quite important. Even so, going back to California might be just what you need, like you say a vacation" Buffy didn’t look convinced "Well, you could at least use a little sun" he tried, "The British weather is not quite as reliable for that as it is in LA"

"I guess" Buffy admitted with a smile "It’s just so weird that he won’t tell us why they need me there" her frown was reappearing as her mind worried and wondered about what badness might be happening across the Atlantic.

"Well, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s anything to worry yourself over" her father-figure tried to calm her down as she stood up and walked to the window. He could tell when she was agitated, she didn’t keep still "Perhaps it’s a pleasant surprise that they just want to give to you in person" he suggested to her back and watched her nod her head.

"Maybe" Buffy conceded, but truth be told neither she nor Giles were so convinced by his words, and the Slayer couldn’t help but wonder, was this the bad thing to break all the good? Because the way things were right now, all calm and stable, she knew something had to give...

"So? What’d she say?" the one person more frantic than Wesley asked, looking not half as cool and calm as usual, as the other man put down the phone and leant back in his chair behind the desk.

"I wasn’t actually able to speak to Buffy" the Englishman admitted, "Only Giles, but I have no doubt he’ll get her here" he assured Spike, but the vampire was frowning as he paced the office, lit by a shaft of sunlight that permeated through the protective glass of the Wolfram and Hart building.

"What the hell am I gonna say to her Wes?" he sighed, "All this time, she thought I was dead and now with what’s happened these passed few weeks, I dunno where to start" he ended, dropping himself into the chair on the opposite side of the desk to his friend.

"We’re all here, myself, Fred, Gunn, Lorne, we’ll all help" Wesley promised, "It’s been quite an experience for all concerned and we’ll all do our best...but I wish you would have let me told them at least roughly what this visit was for" he complained, "No doubt Buffy will have a hundred frightening scenarios running through her head right now"

Spike shook his head at that.

"Slayer’s averted more apocalypses in her short life than I’ve seen in the whole of my one and a half century existence" he told him, almost annoyed "there’s nothing her imagination can cook up worse than she’s already faced" he got up and headed for the door but Wesley called behind him just as he reached for the handle.

"But this is different"

"Yeah" Spike admitted, stopping and turning briefly "always is with Buffy, I just hope she’s still as strong as she used to be and not half as beautiful" he said more softly as he opened the door. As he exited the office Wesley heard him add "or this visit of her’s is gonna be the death of me, and the final sort at that"

Buffy stood outside the doors of Wolfram and Hart for several minutes before she dared to go in. The thought of seeing Angel was strange in itself, and the idea that something apocalypse-y might be happening again and she had to deal, well, that just made her feel all the worse. Eventually, taking a deep breath, she went in to face whatever was inside the building, and whatever information the employees might impart to her.

A nice woman behind the reception desk welcomed her, asked her name and invited her to take a seat whilst she told Mr Wyndham-Pryce that she’d arrived. That was the first thing that seemed weird to Buffy. Why had Wes called her? Why not Angel? He hadn’t been mentioned at all, not before she left England or now she was in LA. She sighed as she thought about it, and realised she should know better. She knew only too well how Angel must have felt when she told him she had unidentifiable feelings for Spike. The two vamps could not get along if their un-lives depended on it, and Buffy knew that better than anyone. But after five years, would Angel still be upset about that? ‘This is the king of brooding we’re talking about’ Buffy smiled to herself, ‘Of course he’d still be letting it get to him’

"Excuse me, Miss Summers?" a young woman got the Slayer’s attention back on the third attempt.

"Oh yeah, sorry" she apologised for zoning out and the un-named W&H employee told her it was quite alright and that if she’d just like to follow her she would take her to the room where she would be joined in a moment by Mr Wyndham-Pryce and his associates.

The blonde frowned once again as the young woman made it sound as if Wesley were in charge of the whole thing. She knew he had been at one time, when Angel had gone through a dark-but-not-actually-Angelus patch of his un-life. ‘Oh God’ she thought to herself ‘Giles promised it wasn’t Angelus but what if it’s soulful-but-evil-anyway Angel?!’

She didn’t have time to dwell on the thought as the woman exited the room and Buffy’s ex-Watcher came in.

"Buffy, how wonderful to see you" he greeted her and she stepped forward to give him a friendly hug.

"Great to see you too, Wes" she smiled as they parted, "Gotta tell you I’m kinda confused though"

"Confused?" he frowned and she wondered how he could possibly not understand why she’d be feeling that way.

"Wes, you call up Giles and tell him you need me to come to LA without any what, why, or how thrown in. Just ‘hey Buff, get your Slayer-self over here’ What is this all about?" she asked, slightly frustrated.

"I think that’s my cue for an explanation" said a distinct British voice from the doorway behind her, and Buffy completely froze. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, she could barely breathe. Surely, it couldn’t possibly be...

"Spike?" she breathed as she turned around to look, sure enough coming face to face with a vampire she was certain had dusted five years before.

"Hello luv" he said simply, unsure of what her reaction would be as yet, looking cool as ever and yet panicking on the inside about what she would say or do next.

There they stood, either side of the doorway, as Wesley watched from his position, perched on the edge of the desk, and Fred from hers, behind the vampire. Green eyes took in a familiar body in it’s familiar black attire, above which she found that face she’d seen so many nights in her dreams, but absent was the smirk that usually rested upon it. Still his hair was bleached so blonde it was practically white, and still those blue eyes sparkled and danced with more life than a dead man should possess

At the same time those blue eyes drank in the figure of a woman who was older than she had been the last time he’d seen her, and yet just as beautiful as ever she had been. Her blonde hair hung to her shoulders, framing her currently shocked face, whilst her blouse and pants clung to her showing off her body perfectly.

The room remained silent and moments that seemed to last hours trickled past, three occupants all waiting for the reaction of the fourth.

"How?" the blonde forced out of her mouth that seemed to have forgotten how to form words.

"It’s kind of long story actually" Fred chimed in when it seemed that Spike was equally incapable of speech as Buffy was.

The vampire watched the Slayer with troubled eyes, still wondering what her reaction was going to be and petrified it would not be good. Her gaze had been fixed on him since he’d entered the room, which he knew for a fact, since his had been equally as stuck on her. Suddenly her eyes flickered towards the windows and back. A steady stream on sunlight was lighting up a man she’d only seen in the light of day on one occasion before.

"The sun..." she frowned a little and Wesley jumped in.

"It’s protective glass" he explained, "the entire building has it, it makes the sun’s rays harmless for any creature that has an intolerance to it"

She nodded dumbly, for a fraction of a second she’d thought perhaps it was a human that stood before her now, and in some ways she was glad to be told it wasn’t. That would complicate things more than him still being a vampire, at least she knew how to handle him as a vamp, or at least she had before...now she had no idea what to say or do next and Spike looked to be similarly afflicted.

Five years older, and still just as beautiful as the last time he’d seen her, even more so than the picture he held in his mind for so long. The memory had deteriorated with age where the reality had not and he was far more stunned by that than he ever thought he would be. There was a million things he’d planned to say when he finally saw her again, and yet here he was, dumb-struck, a hundred words in his head but not one willing to pass his lips.

"Er, perhaps we should leave you two alone for a moment" Wesley suggested and Fred nodded in agreement, the small problem being that Spike was standing in the only doorway, the only exit to the room. Fred was already out of the room but Wesley’s route was decidedly blocked by the bleached blond vampire.

"Spike" he said, receiving no response til Fred poked him in the back and he turned his head to look at them for a moment.

"What?" he asked, shaking his head as if coming out of some kind of daze.

"If you move out of the way, Fred and I will leave you two alone" Wesley told him, "I think there is something rather important you have to say" he reminded him with a look that conveyed the seriousness and importance of that message Spike must give to the Slayer. It brought the vampire back to Earth with a nasty bump.

"Okay" he nodded once as Wes and Fred left the room, closing the door softly behind them.

When Spike turned back, Buffy had moved to sit on the edge of the desk, but her eyes were still on him.

"How’ve you been, Slayer?" he asked her with a tilt of his head, trying yet again to figure out how she was feeling and what she was thinking.

"Five years Spike" she said almost angrily, "Five years of thinking you were dead, hours of crying over you, and here you were the whole time, and all you can think to say to me is to ask how I’ve been?" she asked incredulously and he looked guiltily at his boots.

"I’m sorry" he said quietly to the floor, "I know it’s not enough but I am sorry" he assured her, finally looking up again "I know I should’ve soddin’ called or written or whatever and it’s not like the thought never crossed my mind but...you had a shot at normal, luv, I didn’t want to screw that up for you"

She shocked him then by starting to laugh, but it wasn’t a ‘this is funny’ kind of laugh, it was a painful one, accompanied by a wash of tears that tumbled down her cheeks.

"Y’know you make such a big deal about being different, and you love to tell everyone how much you and Angel aren’t alike, and yet here you are, telling me how you left me for my own good" she yelled, "You should have let me decide what was right for me, Spike. I told you, a few months before the end, I told you I wasn’t ready for you to leave me"

He hated to see her cry. Of all the tortures he’d endured in his life at the hands of so many, most especially those he’d faced to earn back his soul for her, he’d take every moment of that pain and torment again if only he never had to see her cry like this, it just tore him apart inside.

What made it worse was that he really wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay, but there was always something stopping him. He remembers all too clearly the day of Joyce’s funeral when he should have been there for her, and instead he had to watch from the shade as her friends did their part. By the time night fell Angel arrived, and besides Spike knew if he had managed to go over to her and offer sympathy and comfort he would probably have got a smack in the face for his efforts. She really hadn’t liked him much back then, but now, well, right now he wasn’t sure, but his memories of Joyce’s burial and after it only served to make him think of his grand-sire and the actual point of Buffy being there in LA today.

"Slayer, there hasn’t been a moment since I got back to this plain of existence when I haven’t thought about you. How you might react if I turned up on your doorstep or if I just picked up the phone...for once in my un-life I was trying to the right thing and I honestly am sorry if I messed it all up again" this was not all he needed to say to her but the rest would have to wait. As usual the Great Git was getting in the way of what should have been something special between them but this once Spike would let it go. He was about to make his girl cry even more than she was now and he hated himself so much for that, but it had to be done and he’d agreed to be the one to do it.

"Buffy, luv, I’m not the real reason you’re here" he admitted, glancing between her tear-stained face and the ground, "As usual the centre of attention has to be the other vamp with the soul" he rolled his eyes before closing them and steeling himself against the guilt. He’d felt it a lot lately for making such comments and he hated himself for feeling it, but there it was again.

"Then why am I here?" the girl before him asked, wiping the saltwater from her face with the back of her hand, trying to look unemotional and serious in case this was an important Slayer matter.

"It’s about Angel" Spike said slowly, wondering how he was ever supposed to get through the entire sentence, "he...there was this demon and, he didn’t wait for us to go with him and help, you now how big-headed he can be...the point is..."

"Spit it out, Spike" Buffy snapped, dreading hearing the truth she was just realising, but knowing she’d never completely believe until she heard the words.

"I’m sorry, luv. Angel’s dead"

"I’m sorry luv. Angel’s dead" the words fell from Spike’s lips and Buffy felt like the world stopped turning. She hadn’t seen her first love in five years but she thought of him everyday just as she thought of Spike too.

Before that final battle on the Hellmouth she’d told Angel that maybe one day she could see a future with him. She wasn’t sure how she meant it, if she really meant it at all, but she did love him still, then and now.

During her last visit to LA they hadn’t really mentioned themselves, Buffy had talked mosly about the loss of her home and the loss of Spike, both of which reduced her to tears after just a moments thought back then. Angel had been so undertsnading and kind, and she knew how hard it must have been, thought afterwards how much it must have hurt him to hear about her closeness to his unruly grand-childe.

Now it was all the other way around. Her precious Angel was gone and Spike stood before her, waiting for her to react to the horrible news, hurting because she was and because he knew that even dead Angel would always mean more to her.

"No" was the first word that came from the Slayers mouth, "No, you’re lying" she choked out as tears ran unchecked down her face once again.

"I wouldn’t, pet. Not about this" the vampire assured her with a slight shake of his head. He wasn’t in the least offended to be called a liar, not by her and not about this. When you lose someone, for a while it seems easier to deny it. Maybe if you can say it’s not true enough times it really won’t be. God knows he’d tried it enough after Buffy had dived into Glory’s portal seven years ago now.

"He can’t be..." the blonde girl crumpled before his eyes, from the mighty Slayer to a confused and anguished little girl, drowning in pain and tears with nothing to cling onto. It might have been a while since she’d seen him, but Spike knew Angel meant the world to her and always would, despite the three words she had imparted to him when it seemed his own eternal rest was imminent.

As Spike watched his girl sob and wail, he couldn’t bear to just stand there like a useless idiot whilst she was in pain. She held her face in her hands and cried like she’d never stop as he walked carefully over and reached to put his arms around her.

"Don’t!" she yelled through flood of tears, pushing his hands away from her. It hurt for her to be that way with him, served to remind him of all those times she had let him be physical with her and then knocked him down when he’d tried to just love her. He’d gone crazy because of it, pushed too hard and too far, throw in more guilt than any human could handle and a bucket load of pain and torture and here he was, soul intact, but still driven just as crazy by this woman as ever.

"Please, luv" Spike begged, desperate just to help her, bring her a little comfort when she was hurting so much. Again he moved to put an arm around her and she struggled against him.

He knew as she beat her fists on his chest that this was not the Slayer trying to get rid of him, it was a hurt little girl so angry and upset, needing someone to blame. She was barely hitting him, just frustratedly writhing near him as he finally managed to get close to her. She finally let the violence dissipate and allowed herslef to be held, rocked, comforted.

Buffy was only half aware of what she was doing. Crying, yelling, lashing out. She’d not considered living her life in a world without Angel, not for years. First when she’d sacrificed him to hell to save the world, she’d known him barely two years and during that time he’d been evil for several months, but she loved him and knew she always would.

When he’d come back, she thought that was it, they must be destined to be together, but too much got in the way and he was soon telling her he was going to leave town and not come back. At least that way she knew there was a chance of seeing him again, of one day them being together somehow, but if he was really gone...but wasn’t Spike supposed to be gone? Yet here he was, holding her now, soothing her as she cried for the loss of a man he’d hated so much. It served to remind her just how much she’d missed him, and how much he really loved her.

It was several minutes later when Buffy finally found her voice enough to ask the one question she dreaded the answer too but knew she must ask.

"How?" she said quietly into the fabric of Spike’s shirt, and he was only glad that with her head beneath his, she couldn’t see that he was almost in tears himself. He considered asking her if she was sure she wanted to know, if she thought she could handle it right now, but he knew better than that. For all that her little Scooby club said about him and how he didn’t really know Buffy at all, on some levels he knew her better than anyone. She wanted an explanation now and he had to give it...he only wished he’d never agreed to do this.

"There was a demon" he said slowly, hating how loud and harsh his voice sounded in the silence of the room, "We knew it was coming, had a whole load of brains researching the bugger but looks like the times got calculated wrong or something cos it showed up three days before it should’ve..." he paused, trying to find the easiest way to say what he must and finding it practically impossible to make this any less painful for her, "Someone called, someone who knew there was trouble. Angel didn’t wait for backup just charged out axe in hand to end the suffering, to help the helpless..." his voice almost completely disappeared as he echoed the old slogan of Angel Investigations that was quoted so often even though the gang had been at Wolfram and Hart for half a decade now.

"Tell me exactly what happened, Spike" Buffy said shakily as her head rose from his chest and she looked up into his eyes that threatened to spill as many tears as she herself had already shed, "I have to know"

Swallowing hard and taking an unnecessary deep breath he nodded, agreeing that he would tell her as much as he knew.

"When we realised he’d gone it alone, we went after him, me and Gunn and Wes, a whole section of fighters...I don’t know how long Angel had been fighting that thing, the sight was tragic, there were bodies everywhere, the ones he’d been too late to save..." Spike found he couldn’t look her in the eye as he gave the account of her old lovers death "We rushed in to help, would’ve been okay but...there was debris everywhere, wooden shards...when the thing threw him it was just...it was just unlucky, I s’pose..." his voice disappeared as he dared to look at her once again, more tears threatening to spill from her red rimmed eyes, she looked so desolate and lost. He brought his hand up to her cheek and pushed her hair back from her face, only wishing he could push back the wave of pain from inside of her.

"Does it..." Buffy stumbled over the words she meant to say "Would he have felt it...the pain?" she asked him.

"No, pet" Spike replied in a soft tone he didn’t know he possessed, "It was quick, he wouldn’t have known what was happening until...he wouldn’t have felt much pain" he amended, not knowing for sure if he was even telling the truth.

He’d seen his fellow vampire land on the simple fragment of wood that would be his downfall. He’d seen the look on his face, just for a second as he realsied what had occurred, a mixture of surprise and a strange kind of peace, before he was gone. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

"The demon" Buffy said next, the sheer agony that had been in her eyes before was slowly pushed out by anger, the fire and the darkness that Spike knew lurked deep within her soul. Spike knew she was plotting vengeance so horrific that even Anyanka would have been shocked.

"It’s gone" he said simply, letting up his hold on her finally and turning away. She frowned, not knowing why his mood had changed so suddenly.

"Gone where?" she asked his back "and how?"

"Just gone" came the reply, "Dead and gone...I killed it" he admitted so quietly she barely heard him. Her frown deepened, anger dissipating and concern creeping in, as she walked up behind him and put a hand to his arm. He looked back at her with a questioning look.

"You didn’t hate him, did you?" she asked, realisation dawning in her eyes as he shook his head slightly.

"In a lot of ways he was all I had" he whispered, "the only one to understand what it was like to be what I was and what I am, the closest thing to family..." his voice trailed away as he watched Buffy’s hand slip down his arm, her fingers linking with his, "These past five years, we had to get on together, had to do what we could for the world" he explained, eyes fixed on their joined hands, "We had more in common than I ever thought, the Powers That Be put me here with him, sort of made me take notice of the similarities"

Buffy felt more tears tumble from her eyes as she listened to all the vampire was saying to her. He was right of course, he and Angel did have so much in common. They were tied by blood, by thier love for her, by the fact they were the only two demons to bear the weight of a soul. She hadn’t considered how much things might have changed here in LA whilst she’d been building her new life in England. She’d never realised she might come face to face with a man who had seemingly died to save Sunnydale and the world.

"I wish I’d have known" she whispered, also looking down at her hand entwined with his, "I wish I’d have known you were back, that you were here with Angel"

"Wouldn’t have made a difference luv" he shook his head, "You couldn’t have stopped what happened..."

"I didn’t mean it that way" she interrupted, and he looked up at the very same moment she did, their eyes catching each others, "I just...I would’ve like to have seen you two, getting along" she smiled slightly at the thought and he did the same.

"I wish you’d have been here too" he told her, as they both realised it was all too late. Neither of them was ever going to see Angel again and the loss created such a hole in their lives, such a pain in their hearts. In one movement they both stepped forward, fingers untangling so they could wrap their arms around each other in a tight hug.

Buffy cried openly into Spike’s shoulder as he attempted not to do the same on her, but one or two stray droplets escaped in spite of is best efforts to control the overwhelming feelings that washed over him.

He felt loss, he felt guilt for not doing more, he felt relief and guilty joy at having his Slayer here with him, and he felt incredible fear not knowing what would happen next, and what kind of turn his un-life might take from here.