"So, when you said fun" William asked nervously, "What exactly did you mean?" he checked as he and Buffy went into the hotel room together. A part of him thought he’d rather not know but to be forewarned was to be forearmed at least.

"I dunno" Buffy shrugged, wandering around the room aimlessly, "I didn’t have a fully mapped out plan, that would negate the fun" she rolled her eyes.

"Of course" William agreed half-heartedly, deliberately going to the opposite side of the room as he took off the leather coat and laid it on the bed.

"Ooh, mini-bar" Buffy exclaimed suddenly, opening up the cabinet and checking out the situation, "There’s more spirit in here than the Sunnydale High Cheerleading squad" she laughed as she pulled various mini bottles out and brought them over to where William sat.

"Thirsty, luv?" he asked with a smile as he counted at least a dozen small bottles.

"No, these aren’t for plain old drinking" she told him with a look and William caught on at last.

"Cos that wouldn’t be fun?" he guessed.

"Hey, you’re learning" Buffy grinned, fetching more bottles til she’d pretty much emptied the cabinet, "You ever play Truth or Dare, Spike?" she asked as she lined them up on the table by the bed.

"Only once" he admitted, "and I was six at the time"
Buffy laughed at his confession, as she finished putting all the alcohol in a line.

"Okay, well this is something me and Faith came up with" she explained, "Not Truth or Dare so much as Truth or Drink"

"I think I understand" Spike nodded half relieved to know she wanted to play instead of ‘play’, and half-panicked because he knew there was a lot he wasn’t particularly comfortable with talking about and he really wasn’t too good at holding his drink either.

"Okay" Buffy smiled almost dangerously as she pulled her legs up and crossed them lotus style. She was going to have some fun with this guy now. She wanted to know him, know everything about him and she was fairly certain this was one way to do it. He might not feel comfortable answering probing questions whilst sober but the more he declined to answer the more he would drink, and under the influence of alcohol people would usually admit all kinds of things that would usually be held back. Buffy knew she could drink a lot more than William before she got too talky, though she doubted he’d ask her anything she wasn’t prepared to answer, he was far too polite.

"Tell you what, I’ll give you a head start" she told him, noting how nervous he looked, "Ask me anything"

"Anything, eh?" William thought about it carefully before going for a question that had been playing on his mind this past half hour, "If I hadn’t have got in trouble at the club, would you have slept with one of those men you were dancing with?" he said, mostly looking down and not at her face. She looked a little stunned but covered well.

"I dunno" she shrugged, really not having expected something like that to be his first question, "I guess. Why didn’t you go with that girl?" she shot back, her gaze intense, "Before, when you didn’t know she had a boyfriend and she wanted it so bad, why didn’t you?" William looked at her for a long moment wondering how she could ask such a question.

"Because I don’t use people" he told her evenly, "and because..." his sentence tailed off and he shook his head as he leant over to the table and picked up the nearest miniature bottle. Buffy watched as he took off the lid and downed the whole thing, coughing just slightly when he was finished.

"You didn’t have to do that" she told him as he threw the bottle onto the bed beside them.

"Didn’t tell you the whole truth, pet" he shrugged, "Rules are rules"

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what he was holding back and planning to ask again later. If he kept drinking like that he’d soon be drunk enough to say anything.

"So tell me, luv, just how many men you reckon you’ve had?" he asked without a hint of embarrassment. That alcohol was clearly kicking in faster than Buffy had anticipated but then he had managed two bourbons at the club before this.

"I don’t exactly keep score" she told him, "Do you?"

"That wasn’t a proper answer" Spike smirked, tossing a bottle to her, "And in answer to yours, luv, no I don’t"

"That wasn’t my question!" she protested, when she finished downing the shot and tossed the bottle down next to his on the bedclothes.

"Too late" Spike argued, "Now where were we... oh yeah, you wanted to have fun, well, so do I. Let’s get to the good stuff already" he smirked. Buffy giggled at the expression. She really liked William, but even more so now in this new Spike persona. The clothes made him look even hotter than usual and the alcohol loosened him up enough to make him more fun. Tonight looked set to be a good time.

"Whose turn is it?" Buffy asked, trying to figure out how the zip on her boot worked and finding it a very difficult task since she seemed to have three legs on her left side all of a sudden, at least it looked that way to her.

"Not a bloody clue, pet" Spike answered from his position laid out flat on his back on the bed, "but you go, ladies first and all that"

"Okay" Buffy nodded, thinking hard about her next question and giggling when she got the perfect one. She leaned back on the bed so she was beside Spike and whispered in his ear.

"How old were you when you lost it?" she asked and Spike looked at her strangely.

"Lost what?" he asked, blinking hard to try to get her face into focus. Buffy rolled her eyes at what she considered to be a stupid question.

"It!" she repeated, "Y’know, your... innocence" she said pointedly, bursting into fits of childish giggles when his eyes went wider than dinner plates.

"Oh" he said, seeming quite startled.

Buffy stopped giggling when he looked away and something occurred to her.

"Spike?" she said, leaning right over him so she could see his face, "Spike, have you never...?"

"I want a drink" came his answer as he managed to pull himself up to a sitting position, almost head butting her in the process but missing by just a fraction of an inch, "Where’ve the bloody bottles gone?" he complained when he found the table empty.

"Er, the bottles are here" Buffy said helpfully, gesturing to the spot on the bed and the trail on the floor, "but they’re all the way empty" she sighed, "Guess that means no more drink, just truth" she pointed out and Spike winced at the implication.

"You’re gonna think I’m an idiot" he said sadly, as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Nooo" Buffy stretched out the world as she scrambled to sit beside him, "You’re a nice guy" she nodded firmly and he snorted.

"Yeah, nice bloody guy" he complained, "Nice bloody guy that never even..." he didn’t have to say it, she already knew and she felt bad for him in one respect and terribly envious in another. He still had his innocence, was probably saving himself for a woman he really loved like fairytales and romance novels.

"I was fifteen" Buffy found herself admitting, not really knowing why.

"I didn’t ask" Spike pointed out, despite the fact the revelation coming as a bit of a shock.

"I know" she confirmed, continuing on with her story anyway, "His name was Parker and I met him at this club. Me and Faith shouldn’t have been there but she easily passed for twenty-one and she made me up to look the same. He was so nice, kept telling me how beautiful I was and how he felt we had this big connection or whatever" she laughed humourlessly at her own stupid behaviour back then, "Faith was sixteen and already a pro, guys were all over her all the time and I so wanted that, to be loved like it seemed she was, so I went with Parker" she shrugged, wishing there were more bottles of alcohol to be had right now, "Faith made it sound like this awesome experience but to be honest it was just awkward and painful and I wondered why anybody bothered at all. Faith laughed when I told her that. I daren’t mention how I cried right after, and how I kept wishing Parker would call me. He never did, and Faith convinced me the next time, the next guy, it’d be better"

"Was it?" Spike found himself asking, though he wasn’t sure why. It was like one of those road traffic accidents that is terribly tragic but you can’t help but look. It was a horrific story really, but somehow he felt the need to ask more.

"I dunno" Buffy shrugged, "I don’t even remember who he was anymore, it just became something I do, like drinking..." her voice trailed away and she fought tears, feeling so ridiculous about it. She wasn’t usually such a sad drunk, she was a happy dancing on the tables type girl when she drank excessive amounts but now, dragging up all her past adventures, it just made her feel wretched and terribly worthless sitting here next to such a wonderful man.

"Buffy..." he said, reaching to put his hand on hers, but she snatched it away and looked off in the opposite direction, seriously wondering about her sanity and why she’d just confessed all that she had.

"I should go" she said eventually, getting off the bed, glad her legs held her relatively steady as she went towards the door, "I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess" she said absently as she left the room and William watched her go with troubled eyes.

She’d been through such a lot, what with her parents dying, being thrown in with her aunt and uncle and terrible influence of a cousin. Used by men, who taught her to be the same, a user. She thought sex was nothing but mindless fun, and love didn’t seem to enter into that or any other aspect of her life. He wondered if since her mother and father’s passing if anyone had even told her they loved her, given her a hug, made the world a little less bad. His life was far from perfect, his father less than great, but he always knew he had Dru, and his uncle Giles, he was never completely alone.

Before he knew where he was he’d stumbled through the bathroom that joined his room to hers, and was tapping on the other door.

"Buffy?" he said cautiously as he came through into the room.

She was lying on the bed still fully clothed, tear tracks marring her pretty face with mascara that’d been dragged along in the flow of salt. She was sleeping peacefully now at least, looked as if she hadn’t a care in the world, but Spike knew different. It must have been the drink that gave him the confidence he realised as he stepped closer to her and carefully pulled himself up onto the bed beside her.

Gently he pushed her blonde hair off her face and placed a feather-light kiss on her forehead.

"Wish I could make it better, luv" he whispered in the dim light, "Wish I could take back all the suffering you had to go through..." his words trailed away to nothing as he settled down beside her, his body not quite touching hers as his eyes fell shut and sleep claimed him too.

Spike woke to a regular thump in the whole of his head. Partly it was the pain of having drunk so much the night before but he was fairly certain the steady beat was also audible. Music perhaps, he realised as he forced his eyes to open. He was still laying on the bed where he’d fallen asleep a few hours ago but where Buffy once was there was just an empty space.

As Spike replayed the night before in all it’s glory he winced when he realised all that had been said. He’d admitted to his lack of bedroom experience, and though that was nothing to be ashamed of he sort of wished that Buffy didn’t know. In her circle of friends he had no doubt he’d be a laughing stock, making it all the way to nineteen without ever being with a woman that way. Still, Buffy hadn’t laughed at him, she’d just imparted a tale of her own that Spike wished he hadn’t heard. Her cousin Faith was quite clearly a bad influence and her Aunt and Uncle could not be trusted to bring up children properly.

Spike sighed and tried to sit up though his head swam when he did so. He couldn’t recall ever getting drunk before and therefore a hangover was yet another new experience he was having on this trip, though this one he felt he could well do without.

The music came clearer now, apparently from the bathroom to which the door was slightly ajar. Carefully Spike swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood on unsteady feet. He staggered a little towards the door and pushed it open more until he spotted Buffy, her back to him as she tidied up her face in the mirror and brushed her teeth, all the while bobbing along to the music from the radio in the corner.

The fact she was wearing nothing but her underwear and one of Spike’s own shirts did not escape his notice, but it seemed his presence in the doorway did not get her attention at all as she continued with what she was doing.

It was a minute later when she turned around that she saw him there. He was too far over to be reflected in the mirror and she jumped a little when she suddenly realised he was there.

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously, hating herself immediately for sounding more bitchy than she meant to. Spike either didn’t notice her harsh tone or didn’t care right now.

"Watching you Walk Like An Egyptian" he said trying not to smirk as he gestured towards the radio.

"Oh" Buffy almost blushed as she looked anywhere but at him, "My parents used to like it, The Bangles in general, although I think my Mom was all about the music, my Dad just liked the girls" she smiled at the memory as she walked over to the radio and switched it off. Spike’s eyes followed her everywhere and she found it was quite disconcerting. Though usually she liked to attract the attention of any and all men, it was something about the way only he looked at her that made her feel strange, but kind of in a good way.

"Er, I borrowed your shirt" she told him pointlessly, "First thing I could find to change into"

"’S fine, pet" he told her, suddenly feeling as uncomfortable as she looked, "I was, er, just wondering if we had any aspirin or something. Bloody head’s killing me" admitted and Buffy smiled.

"You’re so not used to the drinking" she said as she came towards the door, instead of pushing past him waiting for him to actually move out her way.

When she’d woken up this morning and found him lying beside her, momentarily she’d wondered what had happened. She drank often enough that she lost very little of her memory by the morning and hardly ever had a hangover. His arm had been across her waist, holding her gently when her eyes opened this morning. They were both fully clothed and on top of the covers so her memory wasn’t playing tricks, they hadn’t done anything.

Buffy felt like both laughing and crying when she’d looked over at the sleeping man beside her. She couldn’t remember ever spending the night in the same room as a guy without something happening. All they’d done was talk and sleep, he’d not tried to take advantage of her and she’d not tried anything with him either, and it was... nice.

She was standing by the bed rifling through the contents of her bag when his hand landed on her shoulder and she physically jumped. She turned too fast and he instinctively reached for her so she didn’t fall.

"I’m sorry" he said softly, hands still on her, "I didn’t mean to startle you"

"It’s okay" she breathed, "I... I guess I should get dressed" she said glancing down and up again. His eyes were too blue to look at and his hands on her body felt like fire. If this is what he could do to her with a look and innocent touch... Buffy dare not finish the thought she was having and quickly pulled herself away from him.

"Buffy" he said as she turned and watched her walk across the room, "About last night..."

"What about it?" she asked, as if she didn’t know, "We went out, we got a little drunk, we talked, then we fell asleep"

"We did" he agreed, "but..."

"Spike" she sighed, interrupting him, "Whatever was said yesterday, it can’t be taken back. We just... we won’t talk about it again, deal?" she said hoping to make him feel better as well as herself.

"Deal" he nodded, knowing now that she too remembered everything that had been said and was not especially glad to have shared her secrets either.

"Giles House" Willow chirped a she picked up the phone, "Hello?" she frowned when nobody answered. A moment later then line went dead and she hung up herself, still looking confused.

"Willow?" Wesley said as he approached her, "You okay, sweetheart?"

"Er, yeah" she replied with a slight smile, "Just a weird phonecall. Nobody spoke and then the line went dead"
"A wrong number, I suppose" Wes guessed as he slid his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"Wesley, stop" she giggled, pushing him away half-heartedly as he tried to pull her close and kiss her, "What if Mr Giles saw us?"

"I suspect he’d be quite jealous" Wes smirked, "After all you are the most beautiful woman in the building, and you’re all mine"

"I am" she agreed with a smile, "Yours, I mean, not the other part" she added quickly, blushing the colour of her hair, "Anyway, Giles is a little edgy lately, I don’t wanna get him mad"

"That would have something to do with Buffy, I assume" Wesley said as he walked with his girl down the hall, "I don’t know what his problem is really"

"I think he’s more worried about William" Willow sighed, "Buffy might be kind of a bad influence on him, and he’s real worried Will might turn out like his father"

"Have you never met him?" Wes checked, "His father, I mean"

"No, Ethan Rayne stopped coming here years ago" Willow told him, "Way before I moved here. I’ve heard Mr Giles talk about him though, he’s not a nice guy"

"Well, I doubt very much William has it in him to be anything but a ‘nice guy’" Wesley assured his girlfriend, hugging her close, "He’s hardly the tough type, is he?"

"Ouch" Spike winced as someone slammed their room door shut just as he came out of his own. His head was still banging despite the aspirin he’d taken an hour ago. Buffy smiled as she followed him into the hallway.

"Aaw, poor baby, still suffering?" she asked, stifling a grin.

"You might smirk, pet" Spike said, making a face, "Bloody hurts this does"

"I’m sorry" Buffy apologised, trying to look like she meant it, "I guess it is kind of my fault in a way. I knew you weren’t used to it, I shouldn’t have let you drink so much"

"Newsflash, Buffy" Spike told her, "I can take care of myself, I’m a big boy y’know" he said, though he was touched by her concern. He was also very glad she hadn’t picked up on his accidental double entendre.

They went down to the dining room and got some breakfast, talking a little about neutral subjects as they ate their food and drank coffee.

"So, what’s the plan for today then?" Spike asked as he left a tip on the table for the waitress.

"I dunno" Buffy shrugged, "I was thinking about going out again tonight, if you want to?" she suggested, "Though maybe a different club where that guy you knocked out won’t find you?"

"An excellent plan" Spike smirked as they got up from the table, "Though that doesn’t solve the problem of what we’re going to do with the rest of today. You fancy sight seeing or what?"

"Depends on how good the tour guide is" she said with a smile, glad the awkwardness of earlier was dissipating now.

"Oh, he’s excellent" Spike told her, continuing the joke, "Born and brought up here, knows the place like the back of his hand. So what do you say, pet?" he asked her, holding out a hand, "Wanna see what my town has to offer?"

"Yeah" Buffy nodded, putting her hand in his and grinning, "Show me what you’ve got"

"Giles House" Xander said as he picked up the phone, "Hello?" he frowned when nobody answered. A moment later the line went dead and he hung up, still looking confused, "Weird" he said to himself as he went back to his work.

"Where too next then, luv?" Spike asked as he and Buffy sat by the lake in St James Park with an ice-cream cone each.

"Uh, how about nowhere?" she said slipping off one sandal and inspecting her aching feet for blisters, "My God I don’t think I ever walked so much in my life"

"London’s bigger than you thought, I s’pose" Spike smirked as the blonde leaned back on the bench and shielded her eyes from the bright sun that bounced off the water.

"Bigger" she nodded, "Better too, kinda pretty. Sitting here with the sun and the water, it’s almost like back home"

"You miss it?" Spike asked with interest as he watched her looking at the view.

"A little" Buffy shrugged, "I dunno I thought I’d miss it way more than I do. Being here with you is kind of distracting me" she smiled, as she turned to look at him and found he was much closer than she’d expected.

"That a good thing?" he asked more quietly than he meant to and Buffy found it disturbing but almost in a nice way that she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his.

"I don’t know" she said eventually, "I think..." she wasn’t sure where the sentence was going now she’d begun. It ended up getting no longer as the ice cream from her cone dripped onto her hand, the coldness of it making her jump.

"Oh, damn!" she said, standing up and holding her arm out away from her as melting ice-cream dripped down her hand and wrist.

Spike tried desperately not to laugh but she looked so ridiculous, holding the cone at arms length as if it were a bomb or something.

"It’s not funny!" Buffy protested, though she too had to bite her lip to keep from laughing about it. She walked away a few steps and put the rest of the cone in the trash can. When she turned back she was cursing and studying her top.

"I got it on my clothes too" she complained, and Spike was a little put off by having his attention drawn to her chest, "This is probably ruined"

"Sorry, pet" her friend sighed, throwing away his own half-melted snack too, "’S my fault for suggesting ice-cream when it was this warm, and then being a distraction" he smirked, "Tell you what though, now we have you back on your feet, what say we grab a taxi, I’ll take you somewhere I know you’ll love" he said as they started walking again.

"Okay" she nodded uncertainly as they made their way out of the park.

"Here we are, pet" Spike announced as he and Buffy got out of the cab together, "This is Oxford Street"

"Wow" the blonde said, looking all around, "That’s a lot of big stores, for England anyway"

"And when confronted with such an amount of ‘large stores’" he quoted, "I’m sure you can find use for a fair amount of cash" he said as he dug in his pocket and produced a wallet.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked, the smile falling from her face as she realised what he was doing, "I don’t want your money"

Spike stopped abruptly as he realised he’d offended her, though that hadn’t been his intention at all.

"Buffy, I wasn’t... I wanted to get you a gift of some kind" he explained, sounding so very much like William and not a bit like Spike right now, "I don’t have any idea where to begin in choosing something so I thought you could get something yourself and I could pay for it"

Buffy took a long look at the man before her as they stood their in the middle of the busy street.

"Why?" she asked eventually, "What did I do to earn a gift?"

Spike shook his head, not really understanding her attitude.

"You didn’t ‘earn’ a gift, Buffy" he told her, "I just, I want you to know that I appreciate your, well, friendship I suppose, and... I feel as if you’ve given me so much just by being here, I wanted to give you something...besides it was my fault your top got ruined" he reminded her, not looking at the item he spoke of.

Buffy smiled at that, and at his childish sort of innocence as his eyes went to the ground. He was clearly embarrassed now and she didn’t like to think she had a part in that. He was a really sweet guy and he’d done nothing but be her friend, just like he’d said. Besides she was sure she could find a couple of things down this street he could buy her if he really wanted to. What kind of girl would she be if she turned down free clothes?

"I’m sorry" she said eventually, finding it felt a little strange, those words were so foreign to her, "I didn’t mean to be ungrateful or whatever" she explained, "If you’re all set on getting me a gift then thankyou" she said, leaning in close to him and placing a kiss on his cheek. Though she pulled away again a moment later, she didn’t move enough to put any real distance between them. Inside she was screaming for him to kiss her now, properly and with all the passion he possessed, but that was the whole point about William, he’d never do that, it wasn’t the proper thing to do.

"Er, let’s go shopping then" he said with an awkward smile, backing off fast.

"Yeah" Buffy sighed, forcing a happy look onto her own face too, to cover the disappointment she hated herself for feeling, "Let’s go"

Buffy stood in front of the mirror at the hotel feeling strangely uncomfortable. The top and shoes she wore had been bought for her, gifts from a friend which should be simple enough. Except nobody really ever bought gifts for Buffy, not counting the junk her Aunt and Uncle got her for Christmas and her Birthday, and a few things Faith had admitted to stealing on her behalf. Anything Buffy owned she’d pretty much bought herself and she rarely had enough spare cash to be getting anything fancy.

Despite a small argument she’d allowed Spike to get her a stylish pair of black high-heeled shoes and a fire-engine red top that given the very small amount of material it was made of should not have cost half so much as it did.

Buffy adjusted her short skirt and smirked at her reflection in the glass. She looked good, and she knew it, but a tiny voice in the back of her mind was saying she looked awful. She didn’t know why, at least on the surface she didn’t. Deep down she knew that voice was a mixture of her own opinion and Spike’s influence. It was the way he looked at her when she’d originally picked out this top and said it was the one she wanted if he didn’t mind. He was so used to her wearing revealing clothing, the stunned look in his eyes was barely noticeable and the embarrassment almost invisible. Instead she saw vague disappointment and a little dislike. He didn’t approve of her exhibitionist behaviour, she was sure, and whilst he had agreed to go a little wild, changing his own looks and attitude, she was still too much for him. He wasn’t comfortable when she was over the top in any way and Buffy wondered why it bothered her.

Her behaviour was deliberate to catch attention if she was honest, to show she didn’t care, to hell with the world and everyone in it. Still, that little voice in the back of her mind was telling her to tone down her make-up and put on a different top that covered more skin and she couldn’t help considering it for a moment.

A knock on her door made her mind up for her and she stayed as she was, answering the door and finding Spike waiting on the other side, in that first outfit she’d picked out for him. They matched, both in black and red, almost as if they’d been designed as a pair to be always together. That thought made a strange look appear on Buffy’s face and Spike asked her what was wrong.

"Er, nothing" she smiled, shaking her head, "Just thinkin’ something weird, it’s not important" she laughed it off as stupidity as they set off for the club. Imagining her and Spike being together, like some kind of fairytale was insane. She knew he’d never want her enough to really be with her. Like all guys, her physical appearance made her attractive to him, and despite the fact he was too spineless to try anything, she knew sex appeal was all that made him want to spend time with her, it had to be. What else was there about her to attract anybody’s attention?

Spike was frowning as he and Buffy hailed a cab and were driven to the other side of town, where night-clubs full of flashing lights and booming music beckoned. There was something off about her tonight, she’d hardened against him again. Sometimes when she smiled at him or their eyes inadvertently met across the table, it was as if he could see right into her soul, a beautiful woman inside and out. Other times, like now, she looked right through him as if he wasn’t there, and snapped at the slightest thing, just as hard and sharp as she had been the first day they’d met. He didn’t like her so much this way, not now he knew she could be different. Of all the insane things he knew he was falling for her, despite the fact her moods blew with the wind and she was so incredibly out of his league.

Spike resolved to put all such thoughts to the back of his mind for a while. They were having a night out, it was supposed to be fun apparently. Pushing all his deep notions away, he paid the cab driver what they owed and got out of the car with Buffy. She was through the door of the club before he could blink and seemed desperate to get some alcohol inside her. Spike was less keen but got himself a bourbon and made it last a little longer than those he’d downed so quickly last night. Drunkenness had it’s upsides, but hangovers were just all kinds of bad that he’d rather not experience again any time soon.

Buffy wasn’t paying much attention to what Spike was drinking or anything he was doing in fact. Today she’d come so close to being close to him, actually wishing he would want to be close to her. Sometimes he seemed to like her, sometimes she wondered if he was just hanging around with her because it was better then being alone. Whatever his reasons for spending time with her, they were not the reasons Buffy wished they were. Deep down she was still the little girl that believed in happy ever after endings, but for the most part she was too tough, too experienced and knowing of the world to believe in such things.

Still, hanging around with Spike and getting nowhere was making her feel things she couldn’t handle alone. She needed a man, she needed the kind of physical release she could only get by being with someone in a way she knew she never could be with Spike. The club she sat in now was crawling with guys she’d happily take for a spin and from the way several of them were looking at her, it seemed they wouldn’t decline if she offered.

"I’m gonna dance" she said vaguely to Spike as she hopped down from the bar stool and disappeared amongst the writhing bodies on the dancefloor. As Spike watched her go he didn’t notice immediately that another young woman had taken her place at his side.

"Hey there, sexy" her voice brought him out of his Buffy-induced daze and Spike blinked at the woman before him. She was good looking, he realised, but really nothing special, looking just like all the other sheep that surrounded them both in the club. Spike smirked to himself as he realised that all this exhibitionist behaviour that Buffy and these other people were so fond of seemed to have nothing to do with standing out at all, but more about following a crowd. They were sheep and as much as he appreciated their love of freedom from constraint, he pitied them for their foolishness in really believing they were being themselves. He was fairly certain that many a man and woman that surrounded him were as fake a ‘wild person’ as he himself was.

"You want a drink, pet?" Spike asked the girl beside him, thinking she at least seemed sober enough he shouldn’t get accused to taking advantage of her should she get touchy feely with him.

"That all depends" she told him with a sly smile, "My mother always taught me not to accept things from strangers. I should at least know your name before I accept a drink" she smirked.

"Name’s Spike" he told her with a similar smile, "And you?"

"Charlie" she told him, pushing her curly blonde hair over her shoulder, "Mum’s got a thing for old authors and stuff, named my sister Emily after the one that wrote Wuthering Heights, and I copped Charlotte bein’ the sister, but it’s too posh, don’t suit me" she said, picking up the bottle of beer she’d ordered and taking a large swig, "Guessin’ your Mum didn’t christen you Spike either?"

"Your guess’d be right, luv" he agreed, half paying attention to Charlie, half watching Buffy as she gyrated along with two muscley blokes in the middle of the floor, "...know what I mean?" Charlie said as he tuned back into her voice and Spike quickly tried to answer to make it look as of he had been listening, which of course he hadn’t.

"What’s her name?" she asked, realising his problem, "Don’t give me that look" she smiled when he looked like he might deny it, "There’s a woman in your head that you’d rather be with right now than me, yeah?" she checked and Spike sighed.

"Sorry, pet, you’re not wrong" he admitted, downing the rest of his bourbon and ordering another. As Buffy took hold of one of her dancing partners hands and led him across the club floor to the fire exit, Spike suddenly felt like getting very drunk, very fast.

"Bad break up?" Charlie asked, "Cos y’know I don’t mind being rebound girl, if it’d help" she winked. Spike wasn’t sure whether the little laugh she gave meant that was a joke or not but he took it as such so as not to let himself blush.

"Not a break up" he sighed a moment later, "She’s not even mine, I just..."

"Wish she was?" Charlie guessed, "Must be bloody stupid if she’s turned you down. She’s not got a dog and a white stick has she?" she smirked, taking another drink.

"She doesn’t see me for what I am..." Spike explained, "It’s all about appearances with her, attitudes and image... Sometimes I feel like she’s really talking to me, trusts me and everything, then she puts the barriers back up and everything’s a fight and... Sorry, luv" he apologised yet again to the blonde beside him, "Don’t s’pose you expected all this when you sat yourself down there, did you?"

"Maybe not" Charlie agreed, "But that doesn’t mean it’s a nasty surprise to find a nice looking fella that’s also got feelings and a brain" she told him, "Somethin’ tells me you’re here cos she dragged you, or cos you think she’ll like you better all dressed up in your leather and drinkin’ this crap" she said, fingering his glass on the bar, "Maybe she’s not worth the effort"

Spike thought about that and laughed out loud. He barely knew Buffy, in real terms, they’d known each other such a short time, and yet he’d told her things he’d never discussed with anyone else, and he knew for a fact a few things she’d shared had been truths that no-one else had ever heard from her.

"Despite all the things I know about her that I don’t like" he sighed "they’re out-weighed a hundred fold by the things I love about her" he stopped speaking abruptly when he realised the word he’d used there - love.

"You feel that way about her, she must be worth somethin’" Charlie said with a shake of her head, "Makes me wonder though, if she deserves you"

Spike didn’t answer her then, and she followed his eyes across the room as a dishevelled blonde girl and a butch-looking brunette man came from the back alley. There was no mistaking what they’d just done and the pain Charlie saw in Spike’s eyes when she glanced back at him left no doubt in her mind that this girl was the one he wanted.

As she watched, she caught the mystery blonde looking over at Spike. Something wasn’t right about the way she stared at first him and then herself, a sort of surprised shock that he was sitting with another girl perhaps.

"Spike?" Charlie said, eyes still fixed on Buffy. Without waiting for an answer, and certain Buffy was watching, Charlie swung around and put her lips to Spike’s, arms winding round his neck to hold him close as she kissed him with a fiery passion for several moments. When she pulled away and he looked at her with shock, Charlie just glanced over at Buffy and watched the colour drain from her face. She leaned in close to Spike’s ear with a smile on her face.

"Don’t give up on her" she whispered as she got up from her stool and walked away, without glancing back.

Spike watched her go, still trying to process what had happened. The look on Buffy’s face told him she was stunned and not necessarily in a good way by what she’d just seen. Spike wondered vaguely if Charlie could have meant what it seemed like she did, that perhaps she thought Buffy did want him, and she was jealous of the two of them kissing. Spike shook his head as he went back to his drink, tearing his eyes away from the hazel pair that still watched him from the edge of the danceloor. As if Buffy would ever want him like that.

Across the floor, Buffy stood rooted to the spot, stunned to the core by what she had seen. The sight of Spike in a passionate lip lock with some unknown blonde was burned onto her retinas and she was shocked by how much it hurt. There was a nauseous kind of feeling in the pit of her stomach that had started to build when she was up against the back wall of the building with a guy she knew only as Tommy. Now it felt like her insides were being screwed into a ball, as her heart thumped slow and heavy as lead in her chest. Knowing the pain she felt was all down to a man as insignificant as William Rayne should be, made Buffy angry. Angry at him for making her feel this way, and angry at herself for caring.

In a fury she threw herself into the heaving crowd of dancers, hell bent on having a good time on her own, or with any man that caught her eye between now and the early hours.

To Be Continued...

Spike didn’t know how much more of this he could take. It was late Thursday night and for the third evening running he was propping up the bar whilst Buffy spun like a whirling dervish on the dance-floor, gyrating in what he considered an inappropriate manner with any human being that possessed a Y chromosome.

Buffy spent her mornings with her own kind of hangover, which just seemed to make her grouchy more than anything else, and the rest part of the day trying to avoid Spike. When they did spend time together she was distant or just plain bitchy and as much as he’d like to put her in her place and tell her to stop being such a brat, Spike didn’t have the energy to deal with her. This wasn’t how he’d envisaged their relationship going, if you could call it that anyway. He’d thought they were having a friendship at least, even if nothing more ever came out of it. Spike’s problem was, he’d realised he was falling in love with Buffy Summers three days ago, and now nothing made sense.

When he saw her disappear with other men and re-appear later, all rumpled and dishevelled, he knew precisely what had happened, and a small part of him hated the blonde that for the most part he thought he must been in love with. It confused the hell out if him, feeling so mixed up in his emotions for her, and it wasn’t as if he could even tell her with her being so desperate to get away from him all the time.

Tonight was the final straw, Spike realised, as Buffy strutted away from her latest conquest and arrived at the bar to get a drink.

"Havin’ fun, pet?" he asked her and she barely looked at him when she answered that yes, of course she was having a great time.

"More than I can say for myself" he shrugged, emptying his glass and standing up, "I’m going back to the hotel"

"Well, I’m not" Buffy snorted, "It’s way too early yet"

"Suit yourself, luv" Spike told her with a further shrug as he made for the exit.

He couldn’t care anymore, couldn’t let himself. Whatever feelings he thought she might be developing for him were clearly not there or she just wouldn’t act as she was, shagging random fellas every night whilst he got drunk because there was nothing better to do.

When he got back to the hotel, Spike went straight to his room and collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He felt so lost right now, because nothing made sense. Everything was simple before the Summer had rolled around. He was William Rayne, mother deceased, father best left unmentioned. He excelled in his studies and was an all round sensible young man. Now here he was, dressed in black and leather, with hair you could see several miles away, even in the dark. When he rang his Uncle to let him know he and Buffy were okay he mostly lied, and he was so much not himself even his name had changed.

Spike dragged himself up off the bed and looked in the mirror. This wasn’t him, what he saw staring back at him. He wasn’t Spike, he was William, and yet it wasn’t the clothes or the hair that had made the real change. Something inside him had shifted and altered. Buffy had made all the changes, including the one deep inside his heart, and he wished he didn’t feel this way but there was no way to help it.

"Falling in love with the silly bint" he muttered to himself, "Of all people why’d I have to..." he cursed himself, shutting his eyes and turning away from the glass. Staying here wasn’t helping. He and Buffy had managed to be friends of a fashion back at Giles’ House. Being here alone with her was making things happen that he couldn’t deal with and he needed to get out.

The little excursion was over, Spike decided, as he pulled his bags out from under the bed and made sure all his belongings from the bathroom and the bedroom were present. He was just about to change out of his clothes and go to bed, had his T-shirt half off in fact, when the door of the bathroom swung open and Buffy stormed through from her own room.

"Hi" she said, stopping abruptly when she came face to bare chest with him. She’d looked so confident, almost angry when she’d come through the door but as she reached the man she’d come to see, who quickly pulled his top back on, she lost all her bravado, most especially when she noted his neatly packed bags on the floor.

"Hello, luv" Spike said, sitting on the edge of the bed, "You want something? Cos I was thinking of calling it a night, catching some shut eye"

"I was... I wanted to know what your problem was" Buffy snapped more harshly than she should’ve but he was really starting to piss her off now and through no fault of his own she knew that. Still, she couldn’t stand this situation much longer, being trapped with him and knowing being close to him was just not an option. No matter how many other guys she went with nothing seemed to quash the want she had for Spike and it was slowly killing her.

"I don’t have a problem as such, pet" he assured her, "I just, I’m bored I s’pose, had enough of hangin’ round here and fancy to go home" he explained, "Reckon we should head back to the house tomorrow" he told her.

Though it was sort of what Buffy wanted to hear, it worried her too. Back at the house there were less people to take her mind off Spike, not that anyone seemed capable of that anyway. Still, at least they wouldn’t be alone every day, trapped in the same small space and everything. A part of her so wanted to tell him how she felt, but Buffy really wasn’t even sure herself. Of course the word love had passed through her brain a couple of times but she’d dismissed it quickly. She’d never been in love, not really, and apart from that family type love she’d had for her parents, Buffy didn’t think she could ever say she’d really loved anyone at all in her whole life. There was no way a guy like William Rayne was going to get under skin, she promised herself. Though she was semi-aware that she might not keep that particular vow, she had another that she was determined not to break.

"We can’t go tomorrow" she said suddenly, "We promised we’d visit Drusilla again and if we don’t go on a Saturday it’ll ruin her routine, right?" she reminded him. Spike frowned at that, feeling a little stunned. Not only had Buffy remembered his sister, she was being thoughtful enough to consider Dru’s feelings over and above his or her own.

"Well, I... I s’pose we could wait one more day before we leave" he conceded, staring at the blonde, head tilting of it’s own accord as he tried to read her expression, tried to figure out where amongst all the anger and apathy had come this tiny piece of compassion and caring for his sibling.

"What? Did I suddenly grow another head or something?" said Buffy, squirming uncomfortably. When he looked at her that way she felt as if Spike could see right into her soul, and though it kind of thrilled her in one way, mostly it just scared her to death. He was unlikely to find anything within her that he would like, she was sure.

"I, er, I was just wondering what I’m gonna do all day tomorrow" Spike lied, shaking his head slightly and looking away.

"Last day of our little trip... You wanna spend it together?" Buffy said, regretting it almost as soon as she’d asked the question.

All this time trying to avoid William had done her no good at all, and had only served to make her want him more. Maybe if they did more of the friend thing like they had been before it’d help. Though she’d probably never tell him, he was a good friend, and she was determined not to screw that up for the sake of, well, screwing.

"Never did quite finish that sight-seeing tour" Spike considered as Buffy sat down next to him, "S’pose we could do that"

"Sounds good" she smiled genuinely.

If they could find away to be friends, if only for the rest of the Summer, Buffy thought she might actually be able to deal. Of course she had no idea that Spike wanted to be so much more than just her friend.

Spike had been quite determined not to go out tonight, if Buffy wanted a final wild experience in London he planned to make her go alone, but they’d had such a great day together, he found when she offered him the chance to go with her he genuinely wanted to.

So far it was okay, she’d stayed at the bar with him and they’d had drinks and talked about all kinds of things, including visiting Drusilla and heading back to Giles’ House. Spike really loved Buffy for caring about his sister, in fact he’d come to realise he just loved Buffy, end of sentence. Telling her, now there was a concept. As much as he’d like her to know that he cared, a part of him was frightened of scaring her off, and the larger part was just plain scared for himself. Feeling this strongly for a girl he’d known such a short time was frightening enough but someone like her, with all the experience she had of the opposite sex and her many trust issues where all humans but most especially men were concerned, it was a lot to take on.

"Y’know I just realised something terrible" Buffy commented, bringing Spike out of his deep and meaningful thoughts, "All these nights we’ve been out and I’ve never seen you dance once!" she told him.

"Not much of a dancer, pet" Spike told her quickly, "’Specially not this kind of... dancing" he said uncertainly as he glanced over at the dancefloor. It just wasn’t dancing, at least he couldn’t see how it was anything other than simulated sex, and if Buffy thought he and she were going to get into that, well then she had another think coming! Though he got embarrassed less often these days, that was one level he was not about to sink too.

Buffy didn’t look impressed by his attitude but she let it go, a grumpy expression on her face until Spike suggested maybe she could find someone else to dance with.

"Not quite understandin’ why nobody’s come over and asked you yet" he said with a look and Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Er, the reason is sitting right here!" she smirked, gesturing at Spike, "You! You are the reason!" she explained, unable to believe he hadn’t realised yet.

"Me?" he frowned, "Why, what am I doing?"

"You don’t have to do anything" Buffy sighed, "Other guys just think that you and me are like, well, together" she explained, "And you look a little tough for anyone to want to fight with you"

"Yeah?" Spike smirked, liking the sound of that and sitting up a little straighter suddenly.

"Totally" Buffy nodded, "I mean, look at you, all with your tough guy coat and your bourbon drinking" she smiled, "Lookin’ very much the manly man there, Mr Rayne" she winked and Spike was caught half way between being full of himself and embarrassed by her comments. The smirk that had found it’s way onto his lips suddenly started to slide away as he caught sight of someone across the room that he’d rather not see.

"Oh bloody hell" he gasped, downing the rest of his drink and hopping down from his stool.

"What’s up?" Buffy frowned, trying to follow his eyeline.

"As tough as I might look, pet, I’m no match for some of the larger blokes in here" he explained as he grabbed her hand and dragged her from her seat, "And that bugger over there is the one I laid out first night we were in town - I think he remembers me"

"Oh God" Buffy found that partially amusing but a little scary too since she’d rather not see Spike get his face smeared across the club floor. She hurried behind him, as they pushed through the writhing bodies that inhabited the club and were glad when they made it out into the fresh air of the night.

"You think he saw us leave?" Buffy asked, gasping a little from the sudden hurrying.

"I dunno" Spike shook his head, looking back, "Don’t fancy takin’ any chances though" he said with a look.

"Me either" Buffy agreed, and with their hands still joined they ran towards the hotel.

"That was truly wild" Buffy laughed as she and Spike fell into his room, both fairly out of breath from the running.

"God, I’m knackered" Spike admitted as he sat down on the edge of the bed with a thump, "Seriously thought I was fitter than that"

"I thought you were gonna pull my arm out the socket" Buffy complained, wincing a little as she put her left hand to her right shoulder and rolled the joint around.

"Sorry ‘bout that, luv" Spike apologised as he got back to his feet and went over to her, "Just didn’t want to lose you in the crowd was all" he told her as his hand followed hers to her shoulder and rubbed it absently.

"Feels better already" she said more softly than she meant to as her eyes and his both shifted from her arm and the pair met each others gaze. Subconsciously he stepped in closer to her, their bodies just inches apart, and Buffy’s breath hitched in her throat as Spike’s lips drifted closer to hers. They were both thinking how insane this was and yet how great it felt as they finally kissed, tentatively at first and then more deeply as their arms wound around each other.

"Buffy" Spike gasped between kisses, "I think I’m falling in love with you"

He was startled to realise that far from echoing his words, laughter had escaped the blonde’s throat, and he pulled back sharply to look at her. He looked incredibly hurt and Buffy put a hand to her face as she backed up a step.

"I didn’t think it was quite as amusing as all that, pet" Spike snapped, feeling deeply wounded by her reaction.

"I’m sorry" she said, though her laughter did not cease and Spike, feeling so much more like William now, seriously doubted that she’d meant the words.

"I suppose I should have expected this from you" he spat, turning away from her. How could he expect a girl like Buffy to actually want him, to take him seriously when he said he loved her. It’d seemed like the thing to do when they’d started kissing the way they had. He wanted her badly, and was so in love with her, telling her as well as showing her how he felt seemed logical, but apparently it was just a big joke to her.

"What did you want me to say?" she snapped back at him, her laughter finally subsiding and anger creeping into her tone, "That I love you too? That we’ll live happily ever after? This is not a fairytale, William" she pointed out.

"I know that" he said, rolling his eyes as he turned back and realised she’d moved several feet away from him, "I’m not completely stupid" he reminded her.

"Well, you just made yourself look that way" she told him a she took a few more steps backwards and fumbled for the door handle behind her back.

"I can’t believe you would..." Spike began, before realising something. Buffy had been really into that kiss he could feel it, and it was only when he said he loved her that she backed off and laughed at him. As she shifted almost nervously near the door, he suddenly understood.

"Oh, now I get it" he smiled slightly, "It scares you, doesn’t it?"

"Me? Scared? Please!" Buffy scoffed, letting go of the door knob and folding her arms across her chest, "There are very few things in this world that scare me, and believe me when I tell you, William, that you are definitely not one of them" she told him firmly, emphasising his name as if it were some sort of insult or perhaps to highlight the lack of strength she believed he possessed.

"It’s not me that you’re afraid of, luv" Spike smirked, feeling very cocky all of a sudden as he approached her "it’s what just happened. We kissed, I said I love you, and suddenly you can’t get to the door fast enough" he pointed out as he reached her, "You’re awful jumpy for someone who’s calm"

"That’s bull" Buffy told him, her back flat against the door as he stood right in front of her, blocking her from going anywhere.

"What’s the matter, pet?" he asked, with a tilt of his head, "Afraid I might kiss you again? Scared you might feel something if I did?"

Of course he’d hit the nail right on the head with that comment, and Buffy hated to think he knew her so well that he could tell what she was thinking, why she was acting as she was. She was petrified of feeling something really deep for this guy when it was unlikely she would be anything more than a way for him to lose his innocence. He wouldn’t be the first to say he loved her, just to get his wicked way.

With an angry look that came from pure fear and desperation to cover her true feelings, Buffy put her hands on his chest and pushed Spike back til he tripped on the edge of the bed and landed flat on his back. In moments she was on top of him, kissing him senseless before he had time to process what was happening. When she was forced to break for oxygen she remained on top of him, looking down on him with a glare.

"Still think I’m scared?" she challenged, without giving him chance to answer her, "You want me, Spike, just say the word. I’d take you for a test drive, it’d be my pleasure" she assured him, "but don’t dress it up like something it’s not" she snapped as she finally climbed off him and stormed towards the door.

"You think so little of me?" William called after her as he got to his feet, "You think I’d say I love you just to sleep with you?" he asked, feeling even more hurt by that than he had by her laughing at him before.

Buffy turned back by the door, sparing him once last glance as she answered him.

"You’re a guy aren’t you?" she shrugged, before walking out and letting the door slam shut behind her.

Spike stared dumbly after her, completely stunned by what had just happened. He’d like to be angry at Buffy for saying such things to him, for making him suffer as she was doing, but then he realised for a young girl to have opinions like these, there must be a reason - she’d been hurt so many times too.

Spike had lay awake most of the night thinking about what had happened with Buffy. Of all the reactions he’d anticipated when he told her he loved her, what he got was not at all what he’d expected. It was bad enough when she’d laughed at him, as if it were some kind of ridiculous suggestion that he could ever love her and that she should love him back in turn. What had hurt more was her assumption that despite all they’d shared and all they knew about each other, she would assume that when it came to love and sex he was just another man who wanted to use her. Of course he was not like all the others she had come across, when he said he loved her it wasn’t because he wanted to get her into bed.

Though obviously he’d thought about them getting that close eventually, Spike’s attraction to Buffy was not purely physical. She was as beautiful on the inside as the outside, at least he knew she could be when she let her guard down and showed what he saw to be her true self, kind and compassionate and everything he ever wanted in a woman but didn’t realise it til he met her.

Buffy had been hurt so badly by so many, it was little wonder that new situations led to her lashing out to hide her fear. Whilst she had spoken so strongly, telling him she expected nothing more than a sex-obsessed animal because he was male, Spike wondered if it was as simple as just that or whether she was just afraid as he’d surmised. If she did feel something real for him, as he did for her, and he could only wish such a thing were true, it would make sense for her to react as she had. To be scared was to be weak, or so Buffy seemed to think, and to cover for the fact he had worried her by telling her he loved her, she hurt him.

Spike sighed as he went over it all in his mind again, glad that Buffy wasn’t telepathic or anything since she was sitting right beside him in the car. They were headed down to the hotel near the institution so they could visit Dru, stay over for one night then drive on to Giles’ House. Buffy had not said two words since they left London and the only sounds were the hum of the engine as they went along and the music from the radio that played softly in the background, some pop tune that neither of them really wanted to hear.

With her eyes fixed out of the window, Buffy was in no hurry to look at Spike. She really hadn’t slept at all last night, going over last night in her mind, again and again until it made sense, but it never did. She hated herself right now, and for more than one reason. First for putting herself in this insane situation, second for hurting William, and third for caring that she’d hurt him at all. If she believed in witchcraft she’d say he’d put a spell on her because just with a certain look from Spike these days she wasn’t sure which way was up. When he kissed her last night, Buffy didn’t have words to describe what that felt like, and yet when he’d said he loved her, he’d shattered it all.

Buffy wasn’t certain why she’d laughed about it. Maybe because it had come as so much of a surprise, or maybe because she’d subconsciously been waiting to hear it and never really thought she would. More than both these reasons, Buffy knew the real answer was because she was scared. She was so afraid of the two options that lie before her - either Spike was lying about his feelings for her just to sleep with her, which as crazy as it sounded would break her heart in two, or he meant it when he said he loved her, and somehow that was almost worse.

She could deal with liars and cheats, she’d been doing that for years and Faith had taught her well. If a guy wanted sex, and you liked him enough to play, you went for it. If he spun you a line you just remembered it so you could laugh about how lame it was tomorrow, none of it really meant anything, it was just a good time, but this was different. Spike’s lips on hers was like nothing Buffy could describe, his hands on her body made her shiver and burn for him at the same time, and when he’d said those three little words that should mean the world, she was petrified and reacted the only way she knew how.

Now everything was awkward, and possibly the worst part of the whole situation was that she’d lost a friend out of the deal. Buffy Summers didn’t need friends, at least that’s what she told people, but she was so lonely in her little world of solitude. There was Faith of course but she had precisely three topics of conversation; men, sex, and money, and also Angel but he was way more interested in Buffy’s body than her conversation. Apart from them it was just a long line of males that she used and that used her in kind, until she came to England.

Giles was a nice enough guy, and pretty decent to take her in for the Summer. Even though she’d been pretty bitchy to start off with he’d only ever raised his voice to her once, and then it was only because he was worried for her safety when she dived in a filthy lake! And then there was William, the first person in so many years that Buffy actually felt like she could talk to about anything and everything, and that’s just what she’d done. She knew his life story, he knew hers, and all in a matter of a couple of weeks. Though they made the oddest pair of friends, that was precisely what they were, or at least what they had been until last night. Now Buffy couldn’t ever see a time when things would be okay between them and she looked forward to getting back to Giles’ House where there were plenty of places to hide out of his way. Not that she was usually the run and hide type, she’d stand and fight anything that came at her, but she’d never felt this way before, and until she figured out how to deal with it she’d rather not be around William Rayne.

Her task of avoidance was obviously impossible for now as they shared the minimal space within the car and it seemed whilst Buffy was quite happy to ignore the awkward situation, the over-bearing silence had gotten the better of Spike.

"Buffy, I really think we should talk, pet" he told her with a sigh.

The blonde kept her eyes fixed out of the window.

"I don’t" she snapped, hoping he would just shut up already.

"You know for a young woman who thinks she’s so clever you’re being incredibly childish" he snapped right back, knowing that little insult would definitely get her attention if nothing else - he was quite bored with seeing the side and back of her head every time he spared her a glance.

"Shut your mouth, Spike!" she yelled, "You don’t know anything about me, so don’t think for a second that you do!"

"I know enough" he retorted, eyes flicking between her and the road, "I know you’re not the person you’d like me and the rest of the world to believe you are, and I know I liked you better when the real you started to show"

Buffy looked at him dumbly for a moment before she thought of an answer and voiced it.

"There is no other me" she said, folding her arms over her chest and staring straight ahead out of the windshield instead of the side window now, "This is it, what you see is what you get, and that’s all"

"Then I’m almost glad last night went as it did" Spike told her in a more moderated tone as he pulled into the parking area outside the hotel and unbuckled his seat-belt, "because I’m sure it would have been a great disappointment for the both of us" he said somewhere been sad and nasty as he got out of the car. Buffy was too stunned to follow for a moment and when she did she deliberately stayed a few feet away from Spike. He hardly ever said anything that hurt her, very few people had the ability to cause her pain most especially with simple words. The fact that William Rayne could was only strengthening the argument that she cared more for him than she really ought to.

It was a couple of hours later that Spike drove them both to the institution to see Drusilla. As he turned off the engine in the parking lot, he turned to Buffy before she had a chance to vacate the car.

"When we get in there" he told her, "I don’t want Dru knowing we’ve fallen out, it’ll only upset her" he explained, "You can manage civility until we get out again, can’t you, pet?" he checked, head tilted as he stared at her, "Well of course you can" he nodded absently as he answered his own question, "You’ve already proven to be quite the actress"

Buffy was seething as she got out of the car and they walked up to the doors. She’d love to yell right now, scream and rave and attempt to pull this guy limb from limb, but she wouldn’t, not only because they were about to enter an insane asylum and she’d probably be admitted on sight, but also because feeling any kind of passion towards Spike, even the angry kind, worried her immensely that her feelings might run deeper than she ever thought possible.

As they arrived outside Drusilla’s door and were told they could go in, both Buffy and Spike painted on fake smiles to greet her with. William had quite forgotten how perceptive his sister could be and Buffy had no idea til now.

"Ooh" Dru shivered as if cold as she hugged them both one after the other, "My dear brother and his girl bring the snow and ice in their hearts" she said, looking at them both with wide eyes, "And yet such heat and fire was there, all gone away... flames put out by smoky wisps of fear and..." her breath caught in her throat and Buffy was just about to worry about the dark haired girl when she suddenly burst out laughing.

Spike cracked a smile at the sound of the infectious giggling and even Buffy couldn’t help but grin a little.

"Bloody hell, Dru" her brother commented, "You sound like a hyena in spasm, pet" he laughed.

"But it’s so funny" she exclaimed, still giggling madly as she came towards him, "Look at my dear brother, all dressed up like a real man" she said, holding his hands in hers and spreading their arms wide so she got a proper view of his new clothes.

"Not so sure about that" he sighed, "Different though. You approve, luv?" he checked and she nodded firmly.

"Better" she told him, "Better than butter, on scones for tea" she grinned, her eyes sparkling with real joy that Spike loved to see. He rarely saw such happiness in her, though she smiled it hardly ever reached her eyes, but today it did. It was strange to think that the one day he was out of spirits, she was full of the joys of spring.

"Hello, sister dear" Dru was still smiling as she crossed the room towards Buffy. Spike frowned at that.

"Dru, pet, this is Buffy remember?" he told her, wondering where the whole sister thing was coming from again.

"Hush, William. Bad dog" she shushed him, turning sharply to look at him and then back at Buffy, "He speaks out of turn" she told Buffy solemnly, "He doesn’t understand yet, but he will"

"I’m sure he will" the blonde greed not knowing what else to say, "Er, how are you Dru? Is Miss Edith okay?" she asked, vaguely remembering the name of the doll Drusilla was so fond of and hoping to get the raven-haired girl of the subject of herself and Spike.

"We shall not speak of her" Dru whispered conspiritally, "She is a bad example, I took her cakes away"

"Oh, that’s too bad" Buffy sympathised, looking so genuine, Spike wasn’t entirely sure if she were acting or if she did genuinely care.

It had been her idea to leave London a day later so they could visitor Dru again on the way back to Giles’ House but then last night had proven he didn’t know the girl as well as he thought he had.

The time went on and Drusilla talked animatedly about things she’d been doing, and things she’d dreamt up, like skating on clouds and sliding down rainbows. Buffy took it all as if it made perfect sense, and never once treated Dru like anything other than an ordinary human being, in fact there were times when Spike thought his sister had been right in counting Buffy as sibling, she behaved almost as if she and Drusilla were just that.

"Must you go away so soon?" his sister said sadly as Spike told her they ought to be going, "Princess wanted you to stay longer" she pouted.

"Sorry, luv, but I don’t fancy the hotel tonight and it’s still a fair way try drive back to the house" he explained.

Buffy shot him a look, wondering what the sudden hurry was to get home. She guessed it had something to do with staying in hotels with her in the next room.

The three said their goodbyes, and Drusilla hugged first her brother then her new friend. As she did so she whispered in Buffy’s ear.

"It’s not over, it’s only just beginning" she giggled, winking at the blonde as she went out of the door with a frown on her face.

Though the message was a little cryptic she certainly knew what she hoped it meant, that perhaps Spike’s love for her was real and that if she let herself love him back as part of her so desperately wanted to, it might all be okay. Still, she wasn’t certain enough of her feelings or his to test the theory just yet.

It was raining hard and getting dark when Spike pulled the car into the garage of Giles House. Buffy was out of the car in a flash, collecting her bag from the back seat and planning to make a run for it before Spike or anyone else decided to speak to her. There had been silence again in the car which suited her fine but Buffy wasn’t so sure he would keep his peace now they were home. She was right she realised as she got to the door and he dodged in front, blocking her way.

"Move" she demanded, "Or I’ll make you move"

"Like to see you do that, pet" Spike almost smirked as he looked down on her.

He had no doubt she was a tough little thing but he wasn’t as weak as he looked and last night’s incident in which he’d landed flat on his back when she pushed him was purely because she’d taken him by surprise.

After a moments glaring, Buffy was so determined not to talk to him, she turned and ran out the main entrance of the garage and into the pouring rain. She hurried round the side of the building, hampered a little by her high heeled boots, giving Spike a chance to catch up to her.

They arrived at the main doors together and she thumped on them to be let in. Willow was there in a moment and was stunned to see two black clad blonde’s stumble in as she opened the door.

"Leave me the hell alone, Spike!" Buffy exclaimed only stopping in her big storming away moment when she realised two men were staring at her and Spike like they had a couple of extra heads each.

"William?" Giles gasped at the sight of his nephew complete with black leather coat and bleached blond hair.

"Spike?" Buffy said as she glanced between him and the other man who had locked gazes.

"Father" Spike sneered, eyeing the man with distaste.

"Hello, son" Ethan Rayne grinned, almost evilly, "What, no hug for your old man?"

"Father" Spike sneered, eyeing the man with distaste.

"Hello, son" Ethan Rayne grinned, almost evilly, "What, no hug for your old man?"

Buffy looked first at the strange, grinning man that held his arms wide like he really expected to be embraced by the younger man standing opposite, glaring daggers at him. She couldn’t help but think William had never looked so worthy of a violent nick-name such as Spike as he did right now. She would be less surprised of course if she knew all that Ethan had put his children through.

Drusilla ending up in the institution was down to her father who never cared enough to look after her himself, instead preferring to drink away his money and his sanity. William had always wondered if he’d been a better man before his own dear mother died, but Giles assured him that Ethan Rayne was always wild and boisterous and far more interested in himself than anyone else. Though he had some kind of love for his wife, and even his children to begin with, on her death his life spiralled downwards and out of control.

William was happy enough to spend his time at school and then University, and at Giles House in the Summer and other holidays if he could. He saw little of dear old Dad and he liked it better that way, just as Ethan himself seemed to. The man in question hadn’t been to the mansion in years and so the question that required answering was why was he here now.

"What are you doing here?" Spike asked coldly and Ethan looked him over, an amused expression forming on his face.

"Come to see my dear boy, of course" he explained, "He does look so much like me these days, doesn’t he Giles?" he asked his brother in law, who did not look at all amused.

"Whatever have you done to yourself, William?" he snapped, moving from Ethan’s side to his nephews instead.

"What I wanted to for a change" Spike snapped, not meaning to be so blunt with his uncle but so angry over what had happened with Buffy and now even more so because he was faced with the father he despised and who had treated him badly for so long.

"He’s growing up fast, Rupert" Ethan said as he too came closer to his son, "We all have our rebellious stage you know. Late nights, loose women" the last comment was said as his eyes travelled up and down Buffy’s body. She glared at him, opening her mouth to retaliate against the insult he’d thrown at her, but Spike literally stepped in before she got the chance.

"You leave her alone" he said menacingly, getting in his father’s face.

Whilst a small part of him was screaming he was an idiot and he was about to get pummelled, the over-riding want to tell his father where to shove himself won out. He’d been waiting for this moment for years and suddenly he wasn’t afraid anymore.

"Moderate your tone, son" Ethan advised, "Remember who you’re talking too"

"Oh I remember" Spike assured him, "I remember the stupid sod that sent my sister to an institution because he couldn’t be bothered to help her" he raved, "I remember the wanker that got so drunk he barely knew who I was half the time. I remember crying myself to sleep because my Mum was dead and my father didn’t care and my sister didn’t know what day of the week it was!" he yelled, not stopping even when tears came to his eyes and spilled out down his cheeks, "I remember you’ve done nothing worthwhile for the whole course of my life, and only make it more hellish than it was anyway, because you are an unfeeling, selfish bastard!" as he screamed his final insult, Ethan brought back his fist and hit him square across the jaw.

Spike reeled back but to his credit didn’t fall.

"That is enough!" Giles shouted as the two men glared at each other still.

"Yeah, course it is Giles" Spike agreed, not actually turning away from his father yet, "I just got one more thing I have to say" he admitted, suddenly bringing back his arm and hitting Ethan with such force he fell back against the wall with a thump.

"Spike, don’t!" Buffy called, as he advanced on his father and hit him again. The way he was going he could end up killing Ethan and that’d only make matters worse.

"William, stop, now!" Giles demanded as he came up behind him and dragged him off, "Do not rise to him, now calm down" he urged as he held his arms behind his back.

When he was certain he was calm, Giles let Spike go and he walked a few steps away before turning back to his father briefly.

"I don’t know what you really came here for" he shrugged, "And to be honest I don’t give a toss, but you come near me again and so help me God I won’t be responsible for what I do" he threatened before storming off up the staircase.

Buffy and Giles shared a worried glance before the girl sprinted off after the bleached blond. Her God-father called after her to stop so he could talk to her, but she didn’t, she just ran til she caught up with Spike on the landing.

"Hey" she said as she grabbed his arm, but he shrugged her off.

"Piss off, Buffy" he told her sharply, "Just bloody well leave me alone, alright!" he yelled as he continued to stride away. Buffy watched him go, almost growling with frustration. She could hardly believe what had just happened, but she was immensely proud of Spike and planned on telling him so as soon as he would listen. She had no doubt it took a great deal of strength for him to stand up to his father that way. He had told her of various occasions when Ethan had hurt him, mostly emotionally, occasionally physically, but he always clammed up fast and changed the subject at those times.

Buffy was still standing in the same place on the landing, leaning back on the bannister rail when Giles found her.

"Where is William, my dear?" he asked tiredly as he removed his glasses and polished them.

"I don’t know" Buffy shrugged, "I was going to follow him but, he kinda wants to be alone right now"

"I see, yes" Giles nodded, "Understandable I suppose, though I have got rid of Ethan, and I doubt very much he’ll be returning"

"Why was he really here?" the blonde asked him curiously and her God-father seemed to consider the situation before deciding to answer her honestly.

"For money" he admitted, "Ethan Rayne has a less than charming habit of drinking and gambling all of his own funds and then coming to me for more. Usually I give in and let him have what he needs, since I know it would be William that suffered if I did not" he sighed, "When he turned up today I was about to do the same thing when the two of you came through the door and... well, you’re all too aware of what happened next"

"I know he treated him badly when he was a kid" she told Giles, "Spike’s told me..."

"Spike?" Giles echoed with a frown and Buffy realised that he didn’t know about the new name she’d given William.

"Goes better with the image" she shrugged, "Which I’ll bet you don’t like either" she rolled her eyes, suddenly remembering how old and sensible Giles was.

"It’s certainly... different" he admitted, thinking of the black leather and bleached blond look his nephew had adopted, "But his appearance is not my concern at the moment" he shook his head, "I’m much more worried about that outburst downstairs. Whilst I’ll admit Ethan deserved everything William said to him, it is very unlike him to speak so"

"He’s changed" Buffy said thoughtfully as she looked down the corridor in the direction Spike had gone, "I think maybe we both have" she frowned a little as she realised how true it was.

They’d been gone from the house just a week and yet two different people had come into Giles House than had left it those few days ago. Spike looked the most changed of course but Buffy felt different, to such a degree it scared her half to death.

Buffy hadn’t really heard what Giles said to her before he turned and walked away. Her head snapped round and she called behind him when she realised he was leaving. He turned back at the sound of her voice and stared at her confusedly when she said no more for several moments.

"I wondered... I wanted to ask..." Buffy stumbled over what she mean to say before finally saying it, "Have you ever been in love?" she asked, feeling stupid and wishing she hadn’t said anything at all almost as soon as the words left her lips.

"Only once" Giles told her with a half-smile that was almost dreamy as he remembered the lady in question.

"How did you know?" was Buffy’s other question that she felt she might as well ask since she’d already let out the first one.

"I don’t know really" the man admitted with a slight shake of his head, "I think perhaps it was just the little things" he said after a while, "Silly things that they write songs about, my heart speeding up when she walked into the room, and electric currents when our fingers touched, feeling so happy when she laughed and devastated when she cried... Why do you ask?" he frowned slightly as he seemed to zoned back in from some fairytale world from his memory banks.

"No reason really" Buffy lied as she turned away and walked towards her room. He’d given her something to think about that was for sure.

Another night of little sleep, Buffy thought as she checked the clock and realised it was already ten in the morning. She’d have missed breakfast but that didn’t matter, she wasn’t hungry. There was a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and she knew already what it was.

Spike wasn’t happy, last night he’d been so angry and upset and when he wouldn’t talk to her about it, that was when the lead weight had taken up resident in her gut. It wasn’t going to move, not until she’d found him and made him talk to her, made him feel better, she realised as she got up and got dressed. Subsconsciously she was dressing for him, she knew it only when she glanced in the mirror and saw what she’d put on, a skirt that reached her knees and a top that covered both her back and chest as well as her shoulders. Pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail and abandoning her make-up because she simply couldn’t be bothered, Buffy ventured out of her room and faced the row of doors along the landing. Spike could be anywhere on this floor or any other, she could spend all day looking for him and still not find him.

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo" she muttered as she began walking down the corridor, trying to remember what some of the doors had behind them and peering around the edge of a few others. As she stepped back from looking into one particular room she bumped straight into Xander who shrieked like a girl from the shock.

"Oh, hey Buffy, welcome back to Giles House" he smiled when realised it was her, "How was London, you like the sites of the fair city?"

"Er, yeah, I guess" she said, not really caring about the vacation nevermind the answer she gave, "Do you know where Spike is... I mean William" she corrected herself when she realised she’d done it again, used that name no-one knew him by.

"Oh you mean Mr I-Went-To-London-As-A-Geek-And-Came-Back-A-Bad-Ass Guy?" Xander smirked and for a brief second Buffy considered knocking that look of his face.

"I think he looks hot" she admitted, immediately wishing she hadn’t, but so often her mouth ran off without her, she just didn’t think.

"Whatever" Xander shrugged, not loving the blonde’s hostile glare right now, "Er, William is shooting some pool I think, three doors down on the right" he gestured, not getting so much as a thanks as Buffy pushed past him and disappeared down the corridor.

When she reached the door she knew Spike was behind, Buffy suddenly felt ridiculously nervous. Telling herself she was being an idiot she took a deep breath and let herself in, but stopped abruptly just inside the door.

"Oh, it’s you" Spike sighed, leaning over the table to make his next shot, "What can I do for you, pet?" he asked as she stood back up again and watched the ball drop into the pocket.

"I wanted to talk to you" Buffy shrugged, taking in his appearance. He still wore black but the jeans and T-shirt were gone, replaced by smart pants and a buttoned shirt, he still looked gorgeous.

"Yeah, well, no offence, luv" Spike told her, "but I’m really not in the talking mood"

He tore his eyes away from her in order to pot another ball, but he was a little stunned by her appearance. Gone were the revealing almost slutty clothes she seemed to like so much, and in their place almost lady-like apparel that at least bothered to cover those areas that ought to be covered in his opinion. Without her make-up her natural beauty shone through and with her hair back off her face she was pretty as a picture, he thought, though right now he didn’t feel like telling her. He was still hurt by how she’d treated him, and angry about his father. He wanted to be left alone, truth be told, but it seemed like Buffy wasn’t going anywhere as she walked around the table in the opposite direction to that in which he was going. She watched as he made a couple more shots before speaking again.

"This isn’t pool" she thought aloud.

"Did I say it was?" he asked with a raised eye brow before potting another red ball. A couple more red ones still remained, and a multitude of other colours. Off Buffy’s confused look Spike sighed.

"’S called snooker, luv" he told her, "British game, centuries old. Has it similarities to pool but it’s a whole different thing"

"You always play it alone?" she checked, thinking it was unlikely and that it was probably a two person kind of a thing.

"No, it’s a two player game" he smirked, thinking he already knew where she was going with this, "Don’t tell me, you want a go, right?" he asked with a slightly amused expression.

"That okay with you?" she checked, smiling back at him, glad of any glimmer of a grin she could get out if him right now. He sighed as he put down his cue and replaced all the balls where they needed to be.

"Right then" he said when he was happy the table was set-up correctly, "Lesson the first..."

It was a couple of hours later when Buffy really started to get the hang of snooker. She was pretty good at pool back home and the point was very similar, get the balls in the pockets. Though she was good, she wasn’t really good enough and Spike was beating her fairly easily, despite the fact he was helping her quite a lot.

"No, luv" he said as she tried to line up her next shot, "You’re never gonna get it at that angle" he told her with a shake of his head, "Here" he said, coming up behind her and putting her into the right position for the shot. They were ridiculously close and it didn’t occur to them just how close until she took her shot, potted the ball, and turned around grinning at her accomplishment. There were mere millimetres between their bodies and their lips and Buffy so wished Spike would kiss her. A voice in her head, not unlike Faith, screamed at her to just do it herself, kiss him, touch him, make it happen, but she couldn’t do it. For the first time in her life, Buffy didn’t feel like adopting her usual policy of want, take, have that her cousin had drummed into her. She wanted Spike to want her, wanted him to kiss her and love her like he had back in the hotel in London two days ago when she’d been such a scared little fool and rejected him. Now it looked as if it was too late.

"I... I think I’m going to go and see about some lunch" Spike said awkwardly, turning away from Buffy and heading for the door. Though she called after him, he didn’t turn back and she cursed herself for everything going so wrong. It was, after all, mostly her own fault.