By: Valkyrie

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns everything. I’m just borrowing them

Summary: Takes place post S7. Buffy gets a surprise when she goes to Angel for help.

Rating: R later, but so far PG.

* * * * * *

Prologue

Two slayers, one light and one dark, stood awestruck inside the lobby of the L.A. offices of Wolfram & Hart, the new home of Angel Investigations. Hundreds of people moved through the building, into and out of the elevators, up and down stairs and escalators, and across the balconies above them. Faith looked up at the glass roof fifteen floors above them, “How does Angel work here? I mean, the whole sun thing is not a good for him.”

“All the windows and glass walls are UV protected for just that purpose. Wouldn’t want the boss all crispy fried, now would we?” Both girls spun around to face the dark haired woman smirking behind them, “You two must be Buffy and Faith, we’ve been expecting you. My name is Lilah Morgan. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to Angel’s office,” she headed towards the bank of elevators across the lobby, leaving the two girls to follow behind. Buffy and Faith looked at each other with raised eyebrows, shrugged and entered the elevator to stand against the back wall while Lilah stood in front facing the mirrored doors. Leaning towards Faith, Buffy whispered, “Expecting us? Even we didn’t know when we would get here.”

“Got me, B,” Faith replied. “Maybe Giles? Don’t wig, its just Angel. No worries.”

“Right, no worries,” Buffy forced a smile. ‘Then why do I feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin?’ Buffy had been on edge ever since the decision to come here. It had been three months since the battle that had killed five potential slayers, Anya, Spike, and the spell that had changed her entire life. That time had been spent finding a new home and base of operations, and looking for all the newly activated slayers within their reach. The coven that had helped them find the potential slayers earlier in the year was now helping them find the girls whom Willow’s spell had officially activated, but it was a huge undertaking. That’s why she and Faith were here in L.A. Giles had decided that it was time to call in some extra help, and since Angel and crew now had access to the power and resources of W&H, they were the best bet. Even still, she was antsy about seeing Angel again. They had come to a somewhat tentative agreement about their relationship, but a lot had changed in the day or two before the battle and the months since. She was no longer the chosen ‘one.’ Dozens of girls around the world now shared her calling, and for the first time in years she could go anywhere she wanted and do anything she chose. It was a daunting thought, and one she planned to fully explore, once they had found all the girls whose lives had been so drastically changed.

Buffy was pulled out of her reverie by the chiming of the elevator. The girls followed Lilah out into a long hallway that ended in double oaken doors to the left and a huge window to the right. They had gone two steps toward the doors when it opened and out stepped a green-skinned demon in the most garish yellow suit Buffy had ever seen.

“Well hey there, sweet cheeks. I was beginning to think you’d forgotten your promise to come back,” he smiled at Faith as he closed the doors behind him. Buffy’s jaw dropped as Faith launched herself at the demon with a cry of, “Lorne!”

“Oh man, this place is unreal! I can’t believe you got Broody out of that musty hotel. I mean, check out the digs. You guys have definitely moved up in the world,” Faith smiled at Lorne and stepped back to include Buffy. “Lorne, Buffy. B, this is Lorne, he works for Angel.”

The petite blonde reached out and hesitantly shook the demon’s hand, “I think I’ve heard of you. Something about singing… and you’re psychic?”

“Close enough, sugar. I can read people’s souls when they sing for me, plus I’ve been known to belt out a song or two myself. And aren’t you just the prettiest thing, Angel cakes wasn’t exaggerating,” Lorne smiled at the girl. “Well, I’ve got a meeting with a new client, but come by my office before you leave, ladies, we’ll have a drink,” with that the loudly dressed demon gave Faith another hug and dropped a kiss on Buffy’s hand before heading to the elevator. Buffy looked at Faith and raised an eyebrow. ‘Angel cakes?’ she mouthed. “I’ll explain Lorne later. He’s well… he’s just Lorne,” Faith responded with a laugh.

Lilah moved past the girls to the doors, and with a grand gesture opened both at the same time, “Angel, you have guests.” Buffy and Faith stepped just inside the doors taking in the dark mahogany décor and the huge wall of glass behind the desk. The desk, which supported Angel as he faced a man whose back was to the open doorway. Angel looked over the man’s shoulder and smiled, “Buffy! Faith! Come in.”

Angel moved past the man who had gone completely still at the vampire’s greeting to the two slayers. As Angel held out his hands to the girls, the man slowly turned his body towards them. Faith’s softly exhaled, “Whoa, shit,” was Buffy’s only warning before the dark haired girl moved aside and Buffy looked straight into a very familiar pair of blue eyes. “Spike?” She whispered, just before the room spun and the last thought she had before the world went black was ‘I’m gonna kill him…’

Angel caught Buffy just before she hit the floor, and Spike looked at the two of them and mumbled, “Well that went well, I think.”

* * * * * *

* * * * * *

Chapter One

Angel and Faith leaned against the desk and watched as Spike paced back and forth, throwing frequent looks at the blonde haired girl still lying unconscious on the couch. His face showed a myriad of emotions from disbelief to fear to affection and back again. Both held their breath when he stopped in front of Buffy, hoping he was finally done making them dizzy, then sighed in frustration when the pacing started up again. Spike, for his part, was utterly discombobulated. He’d been debating for weeks now, whether or not to try and find Buffy. He’d ran through dozens of scenarios in his head, imagining all the possible ways she would react, and how they would handle his return, but the one thing he’d never even dreamed of was her showing up, out of the blue, here. He was thrown, and had no clue what to say… or what he would say that is, if she ever decided to wake up. Just then, as if she had read his mind, her eyes fluttered and she let out a soft moan. Spike froze and stared down at her. Forget clueless, he was downright terrified. Unbeknownst to Spike, Faith had taken Angel’s arm and began pulling him out of the room. Angel tried to pull away, but Faith gave another tug and hissed, “Trust me, I don’t think either of us want to be here for this. It’s not gonna be pretty. I think they deserve to work this out without an audience, and I want you to explain everything to me… NOW.” Angel reluctantly followed her out the door, casting one last worried glance over his shoulder before she yanked him out the doors and pulled them shut behind her.

* * * * * *

Buffy slowly pushed her way through the darkness that engulfed her. Trying to put together the fractured thoughts in her head, she forced herself to focus. ‘Okay, last thing I remember, Faith and I were in Angel’s office. Good Buffy, next? Faith said something and then Spike… Spike! Oh God, Spike was alive and not dusty!’ “Spike!” Buffy’s eyes flew open as she remembered. She tried to get up, and not realizing she was on a couch, managed to promptly fall off and onto the floor, “Owww. Smooth, Summers.”

“Always were the graceful one, Slayer,” Buffy’s tumble had loosened the grip of fear on Spike, and his usual snarky attitude stepped into it’s place. Buffy raised her head and pushed her hair out of her face, lifting her eyes to the deep blue ones laughing down at her. She sat there and stared at the man she had last seen three months ago. He was still the Spike she knew, but there were subtle differences and she drank them in. His hair was a bit longer, only the tips were bleached and it wasn’t slicked back. Instead it fell in soft curls over his ears and forehead. In lieu of his typical all black ensemble, he was decked in khaki cargo pants and a deep green T-shirt with brown Docs to complete the look. Buffy’s gaze roamed over the familiar body and finally came to a stop back on his face. His face still haunted her dreams… the sharp edge of cheekbones and the strong jaw line, softened by full lips and liquid eyes. She could still picture his face as she’d seen him last. The amazement and fear and pain all visible in that one electric moment when she’d held his hand before leaving him behind in that hole to finish what she had started. She pushed herself to her feet and stood before him trying to decide whether to hit him or hug him. Unable to come to a conclusion, she followed her instincts and threw herself into his arms, squeezing him tight. After a few moments, and before he could even react enough to return the embrace she stepped back… and promptly let fly a vicious right hook that connected with his nose.

“OW!!! Bloody hell, Buffy!” Spike held his hand to his nose; pretty sure it was broken… again. He looked up at her from his position on the floor, “Nice to see you too, pet. Though I have to admit, I was hoping for something a little less violent. Then again… should have known better.”

Buffy glared at him for a moment, and then suddenly her face crumbled as she dropped to her knees next to him. She reached out with a shaking hand and ran trembling fingers through his hair and down his cheek. “You’re real… oh God, Spike. I can’t believe…” her words trailed off as she once again threw her arms around him, her whole body shaking. This time Spike responded in kind, pulling her against him and onto his lap.

“Shh, luv… Yeh, I’m real… It’s okay. Ah hell, Buffy… I thought I’d never…” Spike rocked her back and forth trying to keep from acting like a total prat by bawling his eyes out. He couldn’t believe she was really here, in his arms again. He had a million things he wanted to say to her and even more he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t even began to formulate a coherent sentence, so he just sat there and soaked up her presence until both of them collected themselves enough to do something other than shake and cry.

Buffy clutched at Spike as her mind moved at warp speed. He was real, and here and really truly holding her. She wanted to know everything. How, why, how… what had happened in the Hellmouth? She knew there was no way he could have survived the destruction of Sunnydale. He had a lot to explain, but right now all that mattered to her was he was sitting here on the floor, his hands on her back, his face buried against her neck, holding her as if he would never let go. Eventually, whether it was minutes or hours she couldn’t say, their tears and shaking tapered off and Spike stood up with her still in his arms and moved them to the couch. He never loosened his grip on her, and Buffy curled up against his side. She leaned her head back to look up at him and Spike bent his head and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Gathering her strength, she put a few inches of distance between them, but kept contact with him by grabbing his hand and linking their fingers together. She was still half afraid he was going to disappear, or she would wake up and it would all have been a dream.

“So I know Faith is still with us, but what about the rest? The Scoobies, Nibblet…?” Spike spoke first, hoping to put off his explanations until he had a bit of time to work out the words. He waited for her response while he played with the fingers entwined with his.

Buffy took a deep breath, after three months it still hurt to talk about, “Dawn is fine, and so is Giles, Xander, and Willow. Anya… She, she was killed… by a bringer. We didn’t have time to find her before the whole town started to cave. Xander took it hard, we all did but it hit Xander… and Andrew the hardest. She died saving Andrew. Robin took a sword to the stomach… it was touch and go for a while, but he pulled through. We lost Rona a couple days later. Even with her new powers, the wounds were too much. The girls went home to their parents, and the gang and I found a house to rent and have since been trying to find as many new slayers as we can,” Buffy looked up and saw tears in Spike’s eyes.

“Anya didn’t…? Bloody hell. I liked her… she had spunk, plus she was one of the only few of you lot that didn’t treat me like a monster. I feel for the whel…for Xander, I know how it feels to lose someone like that,” Spike closed his eyes and sighed.

“Spike… Oh God, this is weird. I don’t know what to say, or… or how to react. You’re here, but I know you couldn’t have sur…survived that, what happened in Sunnydale. The whole town was destroyed, so how? Why are you here? I mean, you hate Angel. And why didn’t you let us know? Or for that matter, why didn’t Angel?” Buffy’s voice dropped to a whisper as she tried to hold back another bout of tears. Spike clutched at her hand as he took a deep breath. He knew this was gonna be bad, real bad. No matter how many times he had rehearsed this speech in his head, it never sounded right, and he was deathly terrified of her reaction.

“Okay, pet. For one thing, it’s not Angel’s fault. I asked him not to say anything to you or your pals until I was ready. Now, I’ll tell you everything, but promise me you won’t say anything until I’m done. It’s gonna be hard enough to explain without you playing twenty questions, all right?” At her nod, Spike took another deep breath and let it out slowly before meeting her eyes directly, “You’re right, Buffy. I died in Sunnydale. The amulet used my soul to channel sunlight through me and into the cave. Not long after you took off running, I burnt up. Dust. It was painful and slow. Could feel it all the way to the end. But, at the same time it was a good feeling. I knew it was what I was supposed to do, ya know? It’s why I was… why I was there. I think it was all planned, the chip, the soul, everything that happened before had lead up to that moment. Angel, that watcher guy Wesley and I have spent a lot of time tossing that idea around, and we pretty much all came to that same conclusion. Now what happened after is still a blur for me. Angel and Wes have told me what happened from their end, but I don’t remember much until about a week or so after I came back. It was about a month after I dusted. One of the seers here at the firm came to Angel… said he had a vision or some such, and that Angel needed to go back to Sunnydale, or the crater that was Sunnydale. Bloke said that the powers were making a big play and Peaches was the receiver. So, off he went. When he got there all there was was this big crater, and he had no idea what he was looking for. Now this part, even Angel’s not sure about. He says one minute he was looking at the huge hole in the ground and the next he sees Sunnydale all rebuilt and real. He followed his instincts, went to the school. That’s where he found me. I was out cold, so he carried me all the way to the car, and as soon as he started to drive away… poof, no more Sunnydale,” He glanced at Buffy to see if she was still with him. She gestured for him to go on.

Spike disentangled their hands and got up to pace, “Like I said, I don’t remember the first week or so, but after that I came around. Started asking for you, Dawn, Giles, hell even the whelp. Peaches and the brain… Fred’s her name, they told me what they knew about what went down, and I didn’t believe them. I mean, look at me pet. I was hard pressed to believe that whatever that amulet did had somehow destroyed all of Sunnyhell. They told me that you had made it, and that Red’s spell had worked. I wasn’t sure if it had, considering I was caught up in the fight and then the whole sunlight thing. All I cared about was knowing you were alive, and the only thing I wanted to do was find you. I was so wrapped up in that thought that I didn’t even realize what had happened to me. Peaches and I got into a big fight when I tried to leave, he said I wasn’t ready to handle what my life was gonna be like now. I was clueless, completely unaware of all these changes. He said I had been gifted by the powers,” Spike stopped pacing and looked at Buffy.

“Gifted? Spike…?” Buffy looked at him questioningly. He came over and kneeled down in front of her. Reaching for her hand, he looked hard into her eyes, “Buffy, luv… when I held you before, you didn’t notice anything different?” At her confused look, he took her hand and placed it on his chest, “Feel, pet.”

Buffy looked at him, and then dropped her gaze to their hands, his covering hers on his chest. She was so used to not feeling anything that it took a moment for the movement under her palm to register. When it did, she raised her stunned gaze to meet his worried one, “Spike… your heart…”

“It’s beating, Buffy. That’s my gift, the Powers That Be made me human.”

* * * * *

Chapter 2

Angel sat looking at the stunned girl sitting in front of him on the conference table. She was sitting cross-legged, with a slack jawed expression of disbelief on her face.

“So, wait… he’s hum… human? Like living, breathing, mortal human?!? The whole package?” Faith’s eyes crossed as she tried to process everything that Angel had just told her.

“Yeah, to an extent,” Angel replied. At her raised eyebrow, he continued, “He’s still strong, like a vamp. Heals pretty quickly too, but he can still be killed if the wounds are bad enough. At least we think so. Haven’t actually tested that yet. But yeah, he’s human. He can go out in the sun, his heart beats, and no more liquid diet.”

“Whoa shit. I mean, this is unbelievable. Oh man, B’s gonna spaz. Human Spike? Wait until Giles finds out. I can just see him polishing his lenses to nothin’ over this one,” Faith hopped off the table with a grin. “What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall in your office right now. Twenty bucks says she knocked him on his ass before he said a word. Another twenty says he’s screw- uh, forget that part,” Faith stopped her sentence at the confused look on Angel’s face. Two seconds later comprehension dawned in the vampire’s eyes.

“So, there was something going on there. I knew it! Sure… ‘He’s in my heart,’ she said. I should’ve known. And the ‘soul thing,’ and the baking? I knew there was more to it,” Angel threw himself out of the chair and paced to the window still grumbling under his breath.

Faith gave herself a mental slap to the forehead. He didn’t know. ‘Shit! Smooth girl, why not pour some holy water on him while you’re at it?’ She walked over and stood next to Angel and gazed out the window, “Angel… I’m sorry. I figured you knew, I mean between Buffy and Spike, I was sure one of them would have said something by now. ‘Cuz Spike? Not good with the whole keeping his mouth shut thing. I was only around him for a day before he told me. But, from what I gathered since I got to Sunnydale, things were rough for the two of them. All I know is that it started not long after Buffy came back. It didn’t last long, and something happened between them just before Willow went all uber-witch, and he split. Came back all soul having. I know he loved…loves her, and B? I’m not sure. Maybe? She sure as hell defended his ass left and right. Even ripped Giles a new one when he planned this whole ‘Let’s kill Spike’ thing with Robin. But, no matter what Angel, she still loves you. I don’t know, maybe she’s just not in love with you. You were her first love, but her life has changed so much, even before The First. I mean coming back from the dead? That’s gotta mess with you. And listen to me, when did I become a vampire therapist? Hell, Angel. Maybe I’m wrong, but I do know one thing. It’s a thin line between love and hate, happiness and pain. I’ve walked it; hell I’ve lived it, and those two? They eat, sleep and breathe it.”

Angel didn’t say a word, just continued staring out the window. It hurt to hear it, but he knew Faith was right. It had been almost five years since he had left Sunnydale and Buffy behind. He had started a new life in L.A. and she had grown up. She wasn’t the sixteen year old girl he’d loved before. She was a woman. A woman who’d had to make difficult choices and deal with more death and loss than most people see in a lifetime. He still loved her, was still in love with her, and probably always would be. That was a vampire’s nature. But, she was human and human emotions changed. Rationalizing it didn’t make it any easier to swallow. The thought of Buffy and Spike together, in that way, turned his stomach.

“There was a prophecy,” Angel turned his head slightly to look at Faith. She cocked her head in a go-on gesture. “Wes had taken to calling it Shan-Shu. We found it in a scroll we stole from here a few years ago. It was about a vampire with a soul… we always assumed it was about me. Anyway, it said that this souled vampire would help right the balance between good and evil, and stop some apocalypses and as a reward he would regain his humanity. It didn’t say how or when or what would be the determining factor, but it was written… and I was sure it would be me. I was hoping it would happen in enough time for me to have a life with Buffy, ya know? And then, there’s Spike… with a soul and he comes back human and poof, that goal is gone. And now, the two of them…” Angel gestures above him towards his office. “Maybe Wes was right and it’s still a possibility for me too, but I can’t help but think that Spike was the one the scroll was written about. He has my dream… both of them… humanity and Buffy.”

Faith looked at the heartbroken vampire next to her. She didn’t say a word; there was nothing she could say that would help. She reached out and took his hand. Angel squeezed her fingers in return and they stood there looking out at the city fourteen stories below.

* * * * *

Buffy sat dazed feeling Spike’s heart beating under her palm. She began to notice other things too. His chest rose and fell in even breaths, and he was warm. He had even picked up a bit of a tan, so that meant he could go out during the day also. She was thunderstruck. ‘Spike’s human. Human Spike. Oh my God.’ She jerked her hand out from under his and got up. Spike stayed on his knees in front of the couch but turned his head to follow her movements. He didn’t want to push her too much; he knew it would take time for her to process everything. He watched Buffy pace to the window and back where she stopped and looked at him for a moment before turning her back and returning to the window. She stood looking out on the city, her shoulders stiff and her arms crossed in front of her. Leaning forward, she rested her forehead against the glass. ‘How do I deal with this? I don’t know what to say to him. Congratulations? This is too much, and Dawn? Dawn is gonna be wigged, not to mention Giles. I can see it now… a lot of Dear Lords and a half a bottle of scotch. No, make that a whole bottle of scotch, and I might join him. Spike is human, that means…that means he could die.’ She turned slightly, never taking her head off the glass, “You could die? Really die?”

Spike got up slowly and walked over to stand behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and kneaded the tense muscles, “Yeah, pet. But I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon. I kinda like this new life. Lots of things to experience before I bite the dust, pardon the pun. And it’s not like I’m some weakling. I’ve still got my strength, my vampire strength, plus the quick healing bit. That’s a bonus. So barring any unforeseen disasters, which is always a possibility working with Peaches, I’m planning on stickin’ around,” he pulled her around to face him. “Buffy luv, I know this is a lot to handle, but don’t worry ‘bout me. I’ve taken care of myself for a hundred plus years, I’ll be fine.”

Buffy took in his familiar half smile. Reaching up she cupped his cheek and he tilted his face into her hand. She knew she should be happy. Spike was alive and she could still remember the wrenching pain she’d felt in the days following his death. She’d cried herself to sleep for weeks. But now, after three months, she had come to terms with not having Spike in her life again. And of course, as soon as she got comfortable, the powers had to go and throw her another curve ball, “Spike, I… I need time to think. This is too much. I’d just gotten used to you being gone and now… I feel like my head’s gonna explode. I need to be alone… fresh air,” She waved her hand in a gesture toward the window. “Sorry...” She pushed past him and ran out the door. Before he could react she was gone. She paced the small confines of the elevator as it descended to the lobby. ‘Stupid elevator. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. Gotta get out of here.’ Finally the elevator chimed and the doors opened. Buffy bolted through the lobby and out the doors. She took a deep breath and set off to her left. She didn’t know where she was going, all she knew was she needed to think, to process all the implications of what had happened to Spike. Later… later she would come back and they could talk.

Spike stood at the window in Angel’s office and scanned the tiny people on the sidewalk and street below. He saw Buffy fly out the front doors before heading south at a quick pace. He had expected her to bolt. When things were too much for her, she ran. But this time he knew she would be back. ‘Wonder if Lorne’s done with that client of his? I could really use a stiff shot right about now. Actually make that a few…’ With that thought the ex-vampire headed to the elevator intent on getting good and pissed.

* * * * *

* * * * *

Chapter 3

The sun had set on L.A., and Buffy was still wandering aimlessly up and down the streets. She knew she should head back soon. Angel and Faith would be worried. ‘And Spike, mustn’t forget about him. As if I could!’ She’d been out for hours, and she still couldn’t think past three words…Spike. Is. Human. She had thought him getting his soul was a major big, but this? This was huge. She didn’t know what it meant… for him, for her, for them. Before the battle with The First, they had reached some sort of comfortable medium. They had been close, but neither had wanted to go beyond that due the extreme possibility that one of them might not survive. She had hoped, not that she had told anyone, that if they made it through and lived, maybe they could try for more. Maybe be a couple for real. Not the punishing, twisted relationship from the year before, but something true and based on respect and maybe love. It had ripped her heart out to leave him behind in the Hellmouth, knowing he wouldn’t survive. She had told only Dawn about those last moments alone with him. She had poured her heart out to her sister… about telling Spike she loved him, and his denial of her feelings. Dawn had asked her if she meant it. She had thought about it for a long time before answering, “Not like that, not then Dawnie. But now… now, yeah I do.” It had taken losing him for her to understand his importance in her life. And now he was back, and all her emotions were in upheaval. Could she really love him, be with him? Did he even want that anymore? He was human now and he could be with anyone. If so, it was a daunting thought. They could have children, grow old together, have the house and white picket fence thing… all of it. ‘Whoa Buffy. Back it up. No use getting ahead of yourself. You don’t even know what he wants, and here you are planning a life with him.’ A life with Spike. That was a scary thought. But what scared her more was the realization that the idea didn’t sound like a bad one to her. Her stomach was in knots and her head was spinning. She felt like laughing, crying, screaming, or a combination of all three at once.

* * * * *

Spike sat across from Lorne in the fifth floor lounge. In the time he’d known him, Spike had come to like and respect the green-skinned Pylean. Besides their mutual interest in music, Spike could always trust Lorne to be honest with him. The demon was the only one of Angel’s crew who knew the whole sordid history of the Buffy and Spike Escapades. He had gotten right pissed one night and started singing some random song, and Lorne had gotten a glimpse. He had immediately sat Spike down, poured him another two fingers of whiskey and listened as Spike poured out everything. From Druscilla and her dumping him in Brazil all the way up to his dusting in the Hellmouth, the demon had gotten it all. Afterwards, Lorne hadn’t judged, hadn’t told Spike what he thought he should do. He just grabbed another bottle, set it in front of the ex-vampire and said, “On the house, gorgeous. You need it.” Ever since, whenever Spike needed an ear to bend, he sought out Lorne.

“Bloody hell, Lorne. I’m lost. I never expected her to show up here unannounced. Figured I know in advance, have time to make a plan. I feel like I fucked it all up. Maybe I should have gone after her earlier. Just showed up on her doorstep,” Spike rubbed his forehead and stared into his glass.

“I don’t think that would have been a good idea, gorgeous. You’d have likely given the poor girl a stroke. Personally I’m amazed she didn’t have one here. I saw her in the hallway beforehand. I would have warned her, but I thought that was why her and Faith had come. But I can see why you and Angel fell for her. She’s got fire and strength,” Lorne smiled at Spike. “I’d really like to hear her sing. See what’s under that tough shell of hers.”

“A pure heart. She’s got a pure heart. Never known anyone like her, and it scares the piss outta me to think she might walk away again. I don’t know how many more times I can survive her leaving me,” Spike sighed then raised his head to look Lorne in the eye. “I’ve never truly asked for your advice before Lorne, but I’m askin’ now. What should I do?”

Lorne returned Spike’s gaze as he sought an answer. He liked the ex-vampire and wanted him to be happy. But this Buffy was a hard nut to crack. He’d heard stories from Angel, Cordelia, Wes and most recently Spike about how high the walls around her heart were and he knew that it was going to be a hard job for Spike to break them down. But he also knew how strong Spike’s love for this slayer was, and if anyone could do it, it was he. So Lorne gave him the only answer he could, “Don’t give up. You want her Spike, go after her. Every argument she throws up beat it down. You love her? Prove it. Not with words or gifts, but with deeds. Don’t leave her; show her you want to be with her forever. Everyone is different, and you need to figure out what it will take to make her see you’re gonna stay. I can’t say for sure, but from what I sensed from you, I think she feels it too. All I can say is good luck, cause I think you’re going to need it.”

Spike stared hard at Lorne for a few moments, tossed back the remainder of his whiskey, and headed for the door, “If Peaches asks, I went to look for Buffy.”

* * * * *

Spike had spent the whole evening looking for Buffy with no luck. He was beginning to think about heading back to the office and wait. Hell, maybe she was already back. He stood on a street corner and debated. Finally, he decided to head back. The city was too big, and Saturday nights were too busy to really have a chance of finding one petite blonde out of the hundreds walking around. He crossed the street and cut down an alley to get to the next block. As he rounded the corner onto the sidewalk, he saw her. She was sitting on the concrete wall of a café patio with her arms crossed listening to the duo playing for the crowd. As he got closer he saw the tears she wasn’t even bothering to hide as she mouthed the words to the song along with the performers.

The plaintive harmony of the two women singing wrapped itself around Buffy’s heart and squeezed. She had heard them from across the street and crossed over to listen for a moment. When they had started playing a couple of songs by The Indigo Girls, she had taken a seat and stayed. Now, as they sang “Mystery,” Buffy couldn’t help but think of Spike.

Spike slowly walked through the crowd to stand behind Buffy. She was so absorbed in the music that she barely acknowledged when he placed his hands on her waist. But Buffy knew it was Spike, she could sense him as easily now as she could when he was a vampire. She leaned backwards against his chest, reaching back to place his hands more firmly around her waist. He gave her a gentle squeeze and didn’t speak. The two of them sat and listened to the heart-wrenching ballad.

Buffy allowed herself to be surrounded by the atmosphere. The beautiful music coupled with Spike’s arms around her, made her feel like she was in a perfect moment. She could completely lose herself in the fantasy that she was a normal girl out with her love. It would be so easy to forget everything that had happened in the past… forget the pain and the fights, forget the death and the tears, and just exist like this. She was content and… and happy. She didn’t want to go back to her world, she just wanted to stay like this, wrapped up in everything that was perfect about being in Spike’s arms like this. Spike was also lost in the moment. He had never felt more content in all his life or unlife. Just being able to hold Buffy again was enough to make his heart swell to bursting with his love for her. He knew that no matter what happened from here on out, he wasn’t letting her go again.

A smattering of applause broke out as the last chords faded away, and the moment was broken. Spike placed a kiss on Buffy’s hair and stepped back. She turned around on the wall to face him, uncertain of what to say or do. They stared at each other for what seemed like an infinite moment before Spike broke the silence. He stepped up between her knees and leaned in to whisper in her ear, “You said you loved me once before, when you thought I was never coming back, but here I am, and if I have to wait years to hear you say it again, I will.” Buffy shivered at the purr of his voice in her ear, and his words made butterflies come to life in her stomach. She wanted so badly to just say the words. To tell him she loved him and wanted him with her always, but her voice froze. She could kick her insecurities for making this a monumental task. As Spike leaned back to look at her, she opened her mouth but she couldn’t make any words form. She never had been good at the talking thing. Action girl, that was her. So, she did what she was good at, and used actions instead of words.

She wrapped her hand around the back of his head and pulled his lips to hers. She poured all her emotions into the kiss. It was different than any other before. There was no competition, no power struggle, just passion and love and months of pent up loneliness. She melted into him when his arms came around her, slanting her mouth over his to deepen the kiss. Spike groaned as their tongues dueled and she threaded her fingers through his hair, her other hand gripping his hip to pull him closer. God, she’d missed this… this fire that was always there between them. She was lost in his mouth and tongue and hands. She would have happily stayed lost if Spike hadn’t reluctantly pulled away. She whimpered at the loss, but soon became aware of where they were, and the whistles and catcalls directed at them from the café patrons. She blushed and buried her face in Spike’s chest. His low chuckled vibrated against her before he stepped back and lifted her off the wall.

“Come on kitten, let’s get you back before Peaches has an aneurysm. As much fun as that would be to see, I don’t think the crew would be happy ‘bout it,” Spike took her hand as they left the café to go back to W&H. He was ecstatic, but covering well. She may not have conceded to him, but she was close. That kiss had been a good start, and he was already planning his next move in convincing Buffy that they belonged together forever.

* * * * *

* * * * *

Chapter 6

Buffy stared out the limousine window at downtown L.A. She and Angel were on their way to W&H to have their big pow wow about the slayers. She was using the scenery blurring past as a way to avoid Angel and his almost constant staring. It had started at lunch, and if he wasn’t looking directly at her, he was glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, or from under lowered lashes. At first it had been uncomfortable, then changed to merely annoying, and now it was irritating and quickly moving towards infuriating.

“Allright, enough! What’s with the wiggy staring, Angel?” Buffy finally turned to face him in time to catch his startled expression.

“Staring? Was I?” Angel tried to play the innocent, but Buffy was having none of it. Crossing her legs, and then her arms, she glared at him, “Yes you were. You have been since lunch, and don’t play all innocent. It’s working about as well as it did for Angelus. Which is in the realm of not at all. If there’s something on your mind, spit it out already,” Buffy raised her eyebrow and held his gaze until Angel glanced away.

Angel looked down at his hands clasped in his lap and took an unnecessary breath, “Fine, I’m sorry about the staring, I just couldn’t figure out what to say. Listen Buffy, you know how I feel about you. It’s never changed. What has changed is you. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see you as a grown-up,” He raised his hand to stop her protest. “I know you are. Believe me, I know. But sometimes I still think of you as you were before I left Sunnydale. My feelings for you haven’t changed, but what about you? Do you still love me?” Angel raised his eyes to meet her now startled expression.

“Love you? Of course I still love you, Angel. I always have-“

“Love me, yes. But are you still in love with me? If I told you right now, that my soul was permanent and we could be together would you want that?” Buffy opened her mouth to answer, but Angel spoke before she could, “Or would you chose Spike?”

Buffy froze with her mouth still partway open. She blinked once, twice, and slowly closed her mouth. She stared at Angel a moment before trying to speak, “A-Angel…I don’t under-understand. What? Why do you ask?”

“I’m not blind Buffy. Nor am I stupid. Any fool could see Spike loves you. You were all he talked about once he woke up after I found him. You said, in Sunnydale, that he was in your heart. What I’m asking you is do you love him back. I know you were with him last night, I stopped by your room to wake you and your bed hadn’t been slept in. Your life is your own, and I know I have no say in it, but I’d like to think my opinion still matters to you-“

“Of course it does,” Buffy cut in.

“Good, because even though Spike is human now, I still don’t completely trust him. I don’t want you hurt, and I’m truly worried Spike will hurt you,” Angel stopped and gave her a chance to comment.

“Spike would never hurt me. I can’t prove that to you, because it’s a- well, I guess you’d say, a gut instinct. I know it, just like I know he loves me. I…I don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you, but I have to listen to myself on this. Spike is the only person, even before he came back, who ever truly understood me, including you. He protected me when I needed it, and stayed back when I didn’t. He watched over my sister when I was dead, all because of a promise he made before I died. When I came back, he was the only one I could talk to, the only one who understood what I was feeling. Somewhere along the line things went bad. Real bad, but even though he was able to physically hurt me again, he never did. He took everything I threw at him, and some of it was truly horrendous, and never retaliated. One night things went wrong. He lost control for a moment. I won’t go into details, so don’t ask. It’s between him and me, but afterwards he went out and won his soul back. For me, he gave up everything he had been. In the end, in Sunnydale, he sacrificed himself for all of us. I’m alive because of him. Because he was there after Willow brought me back, and because he was willing to give his life so I could walk away from the Hellmouth alive,” Buffy stopped and took a deep breath. She had spoke on instinct, not giving any thought to her words, but she realizes now they’re the truth. Before, even after his soul, she had still focused so much on the bad things between Spike and herself. Like a thunderbolt, the truth struck her right in the heart. She loved Spike. She let that thought replay in her mind and heart for a few moments. She loved Spike. She raised wide, thunderstruck hazel eyes to Angel. He returned her gaze for a moment before giving her a gentle smile, “I figured. I-“

Buffy cut him off, “Angel, I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t be. I’ll admit it’s not what I wanted to hear, but it’s obvious from what you said, that though I might have been what you needed then, Spike is what you need now. I just hope he realizes how lucky he is, because if he doesn’t I’ll pound him into the ground. And if he ever…”

“He won’t. And believe me, he knows if he does, I’ll beat him into the ground,” Buffy smiled at her first love. “I know we need to discuss what Giles wants you to do, but can we wait? I really need…”

“I know. You need to talk to Spike. He should be at the firm with Wesley. Fred said he left the hotel before we came upstairs,” Angel returned her smile.

“Thank you, Angel. I do love you, you know that right?” Buffy reached out to take his hand.

“I know. I love you, too. I just want you to be happy, Buffy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Angel squeezed her hand before letting go as the limo pulled into the covered drive of W&H. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Buffy followed him out of the car and into the building. “Scared shitless, but ready.”

Angel just laughed.

* * * * *

Spike was restless. He was having a bloody hard time concentrating on what Wesley was yammering on about. There was some big demon shindig going on in a few days and the guest list was varied, and very evil. Supposedly the big event was some sort of auctioning off of certain mystical relics along with a few powerful human witches to the highest bidder. It was the witches that had Wesley concerned, at least that’s what Spike had gathered from the long-winded explanation the former watcher was currently giving. Spike once again tuned him out at went back to his daydreams about Buffy and his bed.

“So you see, if these witches…um, Valerie, Tamara, and um, Katarina are sold to any number of demons at this auction, it could mean bad tidings for all of us. These women are under strict control, and-and binding spells. They have no say in the spells their masters would force them to do. We need to rescue these women and preferably before the auction on Saturday,” Wesley looked up and caught Spike staring off into space. “Spike! Did you hear anything I just said?”

Spike jerked his attention away from thoughts of a very naked Buffy, and turned back to the man at the desk, “Uh, yeh. Three witches… binded…get ‘em before Saturday. Got it.”

“Spike,” Wesley sighed. “You have been vacantly staring off into who-knows-where since you got here. Is something the matter?”

“No, mate. Actually for the first time in ages everything is good. I’m sorry about the zoning out, it’s just hard for me to focus right now,” Spike gave Wesley a wry grin.

“I assume this is because Buffy is here. Angel told me you two have spoken. How did she take it?” Wesley was genuinely curious, considering he had no clue as to the depth of the relationship between his former slayer and Spike.

“Better than I had hoped. She was freaked at first. But we uh, talked again last night and uh, worked things out,” Spike had a hard time keeping the smirk off his face as he covered over the true events of the night before. The last thing he needed was for word to get back to Angel before he and Buffy had a chance to figure out what was going to happen with them.

“Well, good. I’m glad things are going you’re way. I truly hated seeing you so depressed before. But still, we must work out a plan for this-“ Wesley cut off at the knock on his office door. Glancing at Spike who just shrugged, Wesley stood up and went to answer. “Buffy,” Wesley smiled at the slayer on the other side of the door. “How are you? Please come in.”

“Hello Wesley, I’m fine. How are you? You look good, I like the lack of tweed,” Buffy reached out to give her former watcher a hug, seeing Spike smiling at her from her vantage over Wesley’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Wes, but actually I need to talk to Spike here.”

“What’s up luv? Something wrong?” Spike was doing everything in his power to not yank her over to him and kiss her senseless.

“No, Spike,” Buffy smiled. “For once, I’m not seeking you out cause something’s wrong. I just need to talk to you. Um, I can wait though. I mean, if you two aren’t done yet,” Buffy glanced between Wes and Spike.

Wesley caught the look in Spike’s eyes and sighed, “No, go ahead. I have a feeling we wouldn’t get much more work done now anyways.”

“Thanks mate! C’mon pet, let’s take a walk,” Spike grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the hall. “Bye Wes…” Buffy waved over her shoulder as they left. Before she could say anything about the distinct possibility of her shoulder being dislocated, Spike had them on the elevator and was kissing her before the doors even closed. Buffy gave in and leaned into his lips. She had been going through withdrawal and from the way Spike was kissing her, she assumed he was too. He backed her against the wall and ran his hands up to cup her breasts. Buffy arched into his hands with a mewl. God, he could completely make her forget where they were when he touched her. When he slid his hands down and back up, this time under her shirt, she decided to stop before they ended up having sex right there in the elevator.

“Spi-er, Spike. Stop,” she pulled her mouth away from his and put her hands on his shoulders. He opened his eyes with a groan of frustration. Buffy smiled at him, “Poor baby, I know. I don’t wanna stop either, but I need to talk to you first. Okay?”

Spike groaned again and dropped his forehead to rest against hers, “Fine pet. But it had better be a bloody quick talk. I’ve had to listen to Wesley yap for two hours and I am in serious need of some Buffy-styled therapy,” he dropped a quick kiss on her lips.

“Promise. Quick talk and then Nurse Buffy to the rescue,” She grinned as the elevator opened onto the lobby. “So, where can we go that’s quiet and no interruptions?”

“There’s a park a couple of blocks away. Lots of benches and little spots surrounded by trees,” Spike answered as he took her hand and headed for the front doors.

“That sounds perfect,” Buffy squeezed his hand and they set off for the park.

* * * * *

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